Ask, Tell, Confess: Wait Until You Hear Who She Hooked Up With

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Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chimed.com/disclosures for details. Ask until we're confirmed. Hello, friends. Welcome to another Ask Teller. That actually hurts my fucking chin to try to get my five chins right now. You poor thing. It's self-inflicted, so I can't feel sorry for myself, but. And I also can't open my mouth as big. I noticed in this week's. Last week's episode, when I talk, I kind of have like a. You know, because I can't open my mouth as much to talk. You were like stiff. It's like my teeth are dragging. I'm trying to talk. Smalled with their bottom mouth. And she smiled with her bottom teeth. Oh God. I felt so weird. What a weird sensation. Well, welcome back. How's everybody doing? We're doing. Yeah. For the past 10 years on my Instagram, that's how Ask Tell Confess was created. Was I literally have always put up a question box and had people submit their. Like, you know, their asks, their tells, or their confesses. And I started doing this like 10 years ago and then we decided to make it a clip on the podcast. Every Sunday, I looked forward to this series on your stories. Because it was so wild while people were willing to tell you. But looking back now that I do it on my stories, do you feel the same that do you think people genuinely don't know that you can see who submits it? Yeah, I'm not sure. Because some of the shit that people submit out, or they just feel safe. And they don't care. They know we're not going to like out them, you know. Like the other day, I put something up and this person, I didn't even realize it before I put it up. Because I was like, oh, wait, I can't keep that up. That could become a fucking headline. I admitted that like this big. I don't even know what to call. Can we believe this? Dude, who invented. Who did. His wife. They submitted a tell. And it was them saying, you know. Led me on and told me that he wasn't married and he lied to me, or something like that. And so I had put that up and I was like, well, this sounds like a conversation you need to have with his wife. Because I was like, sticking up for her. But at the same time, I was like, oh fuck, I sometimes I forget where we are in life. And I was like, God, that could create so many problems. So I just took a little. And who knows if that's true, because I know now. Yeah, exactly. And I hate that we have to doubt people and their stories. But it's like, what's being done to us right now is like, true. You know, you never know. And people need cold hard facts. But unfortunately, people don't need cold hard facts to believe things. They believe little excerpts of like, it's insane to me. But yeah, so we. I've done Ask Tell Confess for the past 10 years. We've had some of the craziest confessions. And so this week, we brought it back old school and we asked Instagram, you know, to Ask Tell Confess. And you guys fucking delivered. I have so many. So many. Yeah, they're kind of like, you know, some were short, some were long. So we'll try to get through as many as we can. But let's dive in and let's get into it. You want to kick it off, memes? Sure. Okay. So some people ended up DM me. I mean, their stories because they weren't long and I let them know like, hey, if you can't fit it in the question box, just DM me. And this person sent me this. I'm going to keep her anonymous. It says, I have a confession I dated a guy years ago that lost a super bowl bet and got pepper sprayed with police grade mace. Well, later that night, he was going down on me and a few minutes in, my little lady was burning. Literally on fire. I started to freak out the thought of the mace lingering in his skin and then transferring to me had never even crossed my mind until it was too late. Thankfully, my girl made a full recovery and my taste in men has gotten slightly better. But I was pretty worried there for the first couple days. She got pepper spray on her puss. Yeah. Damn. Pepper spray puss is like one of the worst titles of this Ask Tell Confess. Yes. Pepper spray puss. Like how on earth do you even get that out of your vagina? I can't imagine because I isn't it like an oil and it soaks into your skin and like it's supposed to like not come off for like a long time. That's horrific. Yeah. That's really. That's really. I believe in pepper sprayed like once, let not direct. Hey, what the fuck? Wait, what? Not directly. I was at a hookah bar. This is like 2016. That checks. And it was the like room next to us, but there was a window into the room I was in. And I started. I was always like the DJ in the room that everyone would be able to change. I was fucking a hookah bar as this. I was going to be on DJs. It's no longer there anymore, but I was on the ox all the time. Like I just had the ox. I wasn't like DJ chill. Right, right. No, I know. That's what I'm saying. No one ever knew it was me and I would love when people would be like, this is a far out song. I'd be in the corner like, that's me. But anyway, I was playing music and then I started coughing. And I was like, this is embarrassing. I feel like I'm choking. And no one else was coughing. And like, you know when you're like really like choking and you're like, you're trying to be cool. Yeah. You keep swallowing. I was trying to do that just keep trying to like, chug water and stuff. I'm like, what the fuck is happening? Then I noticed someone across the room started coughing. And then someone else started coughing. And I was like, what's going on? I was like, okay, it's not just me. And then all of a sudden like someone ran in and said everyone like, get out. And then like I went through that room. And it was like for me to be gagging like a room away. I couldn't imagine that in my vagina. Okay, the way my fucking OCD is set up. If I'm in a hookah bar smoking and I start coughing and then the person across from me starts coughing. And then that person, we're OD and on fentanyl. She said I wouldn't know. Not me. I would have literally freaked. I don't even think I knew what that was back then. I just, I had no, I thought I was getting sick. I kept running out of my aveno makeup remover wipes. And I couldn't figure out what the fuck was happening. Finally, in conversation with my husband about the grocery list, we figured out that he thought they were baby wipes and was using them on his ass. It was funny but also disturbing. Hi, I'm Dr. Mary Claire Haver, board certified OB/GYN and menopause specialist. My podcast, Unpost, is the place for bold, unfiltered conversations about what it really takes for women to thrive in the second half of life. Every week I sit down with medical experts and leading voices to talk about the health issues that matter most. Because unpost isn't just about the years you live, but how well you live them. Listen and follow Unpost with me, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, wherever you get your podcasts. I didn't get that. He was using aveno makeup remover wipes on his ass. On his ass. I didn't hear the aveno part first. But would that make your butthole hurt? I would assume it would sting. A makeup remover, yeah. Oh, but I mean, you can use it on your face. Why would it hurt your butthole? If it's fucking hurt in your butthole, don't use it on your face. Well, it's good you're putting it on a hole that kind of like irritates it, I think. But here's the thing. I don't like, I already don't like fucking makeup wipes. I think they're gross. I think if you use makeup wipes over washing your face, you are dirtball. Like soap. And I'm calling you out, sweetie. I'm calling you out. It's good. Dude, soap and water, bitch, soap and water, okay? You can use a makeup wipe first, but then wash your face. I use a balm now. I got her into a whole skin care routine. Yeah. I'm proud of you. But you, that's deertay. Okay. If you're not using a fucking soap and water, that'd be like washing your vagina with just a baby wipe. It's disgusting. It's gross. You would walk around smelling like fucking hoot and nanny juice all day long. There's no way. But it works basically in the shower with like therapy. Yes. But if you go home and you just like if you go home from having a night out and you only fucking makeup wipe your face and then get into bed. That's me. Dirtball. Okay. Well, I've done that some nights out. I didn't feel like a question. - I get it every now and then being drunk and like going home and like, but if that's like your regular routine. - I also don't wear makeup every single day. - No, yeah. - I wear makeup very rarely, so I hate wearing makeup. - So do I, the older I get, I don't want it on me. - I like when it's on me, but I don't like putting it on. - Makeup irritates you though. You get like such a runny nose. I kind of feel like you're allergic to makeup a little bit. - I am. - And your eyes start to burn and they get blurry. - I was just telling Lisa, my trainer, 'cause we were talking about how I- - But your eyes burn, I didn't know this. - I went to get my lashes done. Did I tell you guys about this whole experience that I had? - I did. - Okay. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So I'm trying to embrace the natural look and I just don't think the natural look wants to embrace me. - So I get it. - Me taking off my eyelashes. - Absolutely not. - I've only had my lashes done twice in my entire life. The first time the girl put them on, I looked like I had eyebrows on my eyelashes. Like it was, I look like Bert and Ernie. Like it was- - She went into the kitchen and got kitchen scissors and was holding her lashes out and cutting them. I walked in on you doing that. - Yeah. - That was the most barbaric thing I've seen you do. - No, that, no. - I shaved my own pussy. - Yeah, I was gonna do some other things, but still. - But then I go to get my eyelashes done this time and the lady fought me on what I wanted. And finally I didn't fight with her anymore. I was like, you know what? The sky is fucking green. Whatever you say. So I let her put the lashes on that she wanted to put on me. I faced him, Haley, when I was walking out. Go ahead, Haley, tell him what she saw. - Nothing. (laughs) - I saw it. - And they're already all off. They're already all off. I literally think I have like one or two. - It took me going like this. - I couldn't see now. - When you walked in that day. - It was like you put mascara on the outer corners of your lashes. - Yeah, it was the most horrific thing. So I just don't think, I think I'm just destined to always have to wear a vogue and make up. And like, you know, but I am going to get another fat transfer underneath my eyes. And maybe once I do that, then I can just go bare-buck nature. - You're not going to see. - No, I won't. - No, I will not. - I like to pretend. - It's okay. - I'll go and dream. - This one says, this is a confession a few years ago. I was really horny. So I got on one of those apps where you can find old cougars in your area. - Hey, wait. - What fucking app is that? - Did you get it too? - Yes, yes. - Oh my gosh, stop it. - What? - I don't know what app. - Yeah, we need to shout out for the app, okay? 'Cause like, this isn't, okay, so. - I either want to get on it or-- - Purchase some of it. - I'm just kidding. - I know I'm so sorry, I found the lady. We hit it off, I met her. We hooked up a few times. We even made a video. - Damn, cougars are horny. - Well eventually, it cooled down and we lost contact. Two months later, I met an amazing woman. We hit it off and I fell in love. And we ended up together. After two months, after two months, I was finally meeting her parents. I walked in and she introduced me to her mom first. And I almost fainted. It was her, the woman I hooked up with. She looked at me and I could tell she knew very well. Then she introduced me to her dad. And for the first time, I realized that that woman was wearing a wedding ring. I survived, though, through dinner. Then went home, pulled up the old video. Sure enough, it was her. I couldn't believe it. So three months later, I proposed to her daughter and we got married. Me and her mom have never talked about it and she gave us her blessing on the wedding day. I guess my wife and the dad will never know. Oh no. Everyone at home right now is looking at their husbands. Like, oh no, was it you? Yeah, damn, that was fucking juicy. - That was crazy. - That was crazy. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when those two locked guys walking into that house. The tension. - No one else feels tension. - Do you still like the mom? - Yeah, like I need, like, oh my gosh. Okay, so first and foremost, hot in the beginning. Okay, like little turned on. Love that you guys hit it off and had a consensual fling to mom. Obviously this is not her first rodeo. Okay, if she's on an app getting banged out by younger dudes, mom's in it to win it. Three, I do not think that you should not tell your wife. I think that is horrible. One, your secrets keep you sick to it's, I know it would like tear up the whole family, but at the same time, it's like that woman, your wife, deserves to know. And if you can keep that from her, what else can you keep from her? - What if she finds the video? - Oh, 'cause you know he saved it. - Really? 'Cause he said he would not come back and look. - So you've had that video for a hot minute. What if she finds it? - I would delete that for one. - Is it in the cloud or some VHS? Like what's going on? - I'm like, I'm like really wondering how does, you know? - The hidden folder maybe, I don't know. Everyone is literally in their husband's phones right now in the hands of the folder looking for their mom. - You gotta tell her, dude. You gotta tell her, man. That's just, I mean, maybe wait 'til after the mom passes. I don't know. It's kind of morbid. - I don't know. - Maybe kind of worse. - Yeah, it was then she would never get closure. And it's not like he did it while he was with his wife. - Exactly. But also the, you know, the dad. - So did the daughter never show the mom? Here's the guy I'm dating or did vice versa? - Probably not. - The mom never, like, you know? Like, or did the dude not see a picture of her and her mom be like, I've seen her before. - No, I didn't know. I don't know. I think if my husband came to me and was like, hey dude, I gotta tell you something. It's been really weighing on my heart. I fucked your mom. We weren't together. It was before I had even met you. - I couldn't look at either of them this year. - Yeah, it was a rest of my life. - What if they have kids together? And he's a granny, fucker. Grandma, fucker? Like, you want grandma, fucker as grandma? - He's clearly a gulf. - I mean, she's probably hot. And obviously the daughter has the same energy as the mom. - Yeah, he's got a type. - Yeah, he's definitely got a type. - It's been great going public. - And it wasn't a one, it wasn't a one-time thing. - No, it wasn't. I know for you guys to end up making a video. - Yeah, you guys were close. - Have we explored the idea that maybe he did it on purpose? - Okay. This is taking a turn for the worst. (laughing) - We could sit here and fuck in. - We're just talking about not spreading lies and we're over here. - Yeah, creating a whole scenario. - Sit here and create second false allegations all day long. But. - Yeah, it's okay. Here's my submission for Astel Confess. I was dating this guy for about six months. Nice guy. Unbeknownst to me, he had been cheating on me the whole time via anal fisting on a site called Fet Life. I was unfamiliar with this site at the time when all of this went down. This was like a year ago. My friend found his profile on Facebook dating in his bio, which I also didn't know he had sadly. Reference to his BDSM stuff and what he was looking for, which was referenced into the Fet Life thing. So we looked onto that site. She said, "Hey girl, isn't this your boyfriend?" Sure was. For the next five minutes, me and the girlfriend went down the rabbit hole, easily found him on the site. And he had been looking for anal fisting people from this site. - He wanted to get fisted or he wanted to put his fist in a noose. (laughing) I don't know. We found him in a local meetup group looking for, oh, here we go. We found out him in a local meetup group looking to host to do this after he got off of work. We didn't live together and he got off work at 1 a.m. So I would have no way of knowing when I confronted him, he admitted it and we ended things immediately. What I also find interesting is that our relationship was very vanilla. None of this, BDSM inserts ever came up and he seemed really normal. He was a good boyfriend, so I would have never thought. - Yeah. Somebody probably shamed him at an early age for a kink that he had. And so he had to mask being a normal person in a relationship and then have his kinky, separate fantasy legs. - In the closet type thing. - He, uh, damn dude, getting fisted is rough, man. - She said it was stupid. - I can't even poop. I couldn't imagine getting fisted in my butthole, especially right now with my fucking hemorrhoid, God. Clifford. - Clifford. Clifford. - My name is Clifford. - Okay. - Yeah. Slopped on my baby's father's, hold on. Kelly said, "Slopped on my baby's father while I was in the shower." I felt something before. So my crazy ass put my phone on voice record and caught it all. This was like 15 years ago. And somebody in the comments had got their asses. She said, "And I did." And then she said, "The crazy part was he tried to deny it for two hours afterwards." - I'm confused. - Okay, so she had a feeling that there was something going on between her and her friend and her baby daddy. And before she went in the shower, she set her phone in the room and hit voice record and caught him getting a snob slobbed by her. [BLANK_AUDIO] - And he tried it and I read that in her perspective. - Yeah. - I thought she just recorded her, okay, got it. - Yeah, yeah. - The amount of people who submitted their friends sleeping with their baby dad. - That was like all of them. - They're husbands, they're boyfriends, they're bet, like every single one crazy. I don't think I've ever done that. I think I can honestly say, I've never done that to somebody. Like I think really hard hold on. - Nope, just brothers. - Yeah. - No, I never slept with anybody as like baby daddy or their significant other. It never made me feel good. Oh well, that was unintentional though. So I didn't know the girl. I didn't know the girl. But I was in like, when I was with my ex and I write about it in the book. I didn't know about his girlfriend until after we had already been together. So yeah, it's always been unintentional. I've never pursued any of my friends, one's 'cause I've never found any of them attractive and I would never do that. But two, it's just like, I would feel terrible, you know, going after a friend's slap, getting sloppy seconds. Like I'm too alpha for that too. There's no way. I would never do that. - Hey, did it. - Hey, did it. - Hey, hey, so a really messed up situation here. When I was 16, I met a neighbor guy. He was two years older than me and we started hooking up. It was a short summer fling. Never seen him again myself. Only heard rumors around town about him 'cause he was a manor. That's four or 15 years later, my mother, she's 20 years older than me, said, "I've been seeing a guy who's younger. His name is Destin." Of course my brain goes to, of course my brain goes to this guy back in the day. I asked her to show me his Facebook picture and it was him. I told my mom, like, "Dude, I fucked with him back in the day and I was so grossed out. Two months went by and my mom ended up getting herpes from him, so gross and no worries, I'm clean." Mom got the herp, the gift that keeps on giving. - Damn. - Yeah. Mom got the old herpy, syphilade. - Didn't you tell me Shrimp had herpes? - Yeah, dude. I'm fucking so tired of TikTok ruining foods for me, dude. Ruining. Shrimp have herpes on them. - Hope you know that next time. - Yeah. - I hope you like your shrimp, I'm sorry. - Have you ever looked on the inside of a strawberry? Yeah. You'll never eat those again, too. If you fucking look, it's black. And then you, we ruined fucking bananas for me. Go ahead and tell everybody at home what you told me about freaking bananas. Like, what can we eat, bro? So you're supposed to cut the very end of bananas off because that's where Nats lay their, like fruit flies lay their eggs, so that's why it's always, it's always smushy. That's why you get fruit flies. Because they lay their eggs in the very end. - You ruined salmon for me. - Yeah. - Oh, I ruined salmon for you. - Yeah, I'm gonna have a video you showed me with the worm in it. - Read my words in my life and good times. Let me tell you. Everybody keeps telling me, wow, you really didn't hold back. And you said, oh, if you only knew. - I'm like, actually, they took out a lot of stuff, but there might be a book, too. If this one does good enough, maybe I'll write a part, do. All right, who's gonna kick this off? Please don't ever do that with your eyebrows again. - Don't ever do that with your eyebrows. - What? - I know it wasn't me, but I have Botox. (laughing) - Oh, man, I don't ever do that again. - What'd you do? - What'd you do? - Bro. (laughing) - Oh my god, I had to look away for a moment. It was bad, dude. - What is it? - You have to wait until her face completely relaxes for her to do it again. - Yes, I am. (laughing) - She looked like Bert from Burton Ernie, dude. It was like, she made her eyebrows twerk. - Oh my god, it was crazy. - Like not to leave it, bro. - I don't know what she did, bro. - I don't know what she did, but holy shit. (laughing) - Anyway. - We use Shopify for our [email protected]. And one thing I've learned from running an online store is that you definitely don't have to be an e-commerce expert to get started. I think a lot of people get intimidated by the website side of starting a business. But Shopify makes that part so much easier. One of my favorite things is having everything in one place when you're running a business. You already have a million things going on. So the last thing you want is for managing your storefront to be one more thing to stress about. Shopify makes it easy to get your store launched, manage it, and actually focus on selling. They also have pre-built themes and an AI site builder that can help you create a professional looking storefront without having to build a website from scratch. And if a friend asks me about starting a store before the holidays, I tell them don't wait until Black Friday. Get it launched. Learn what works for you and have everything ready before that holiday traffic starts coming in. If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday, go to Shopify.com/bunny to start your free trial. That Shopify.com/bunny in an i.e. Go to Shopify.com/bunny today to hear your first. (bell dings)