Listen, nobody wants to give their money away to ridiculous bank fees. It's your money. You shouldn't have to pay somebody just to keep it in an account. That's why I like what time is doing. There are no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, and no minimum balance fees. You can also get 5% cash back on your time card in a category you choose, like gas or groceries, while building credit through your everyday spending with no credit check. And if you're ever in a pinch, spot me lets you overdraft up to $200 fee free. To me, banking should make managing your money easier, not nickel and dime you every chance it gets. So, if you're tired of ridiculous fees, time is definitely worth checking out. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chimed.com/bunny. That's chimed.com/bunny. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes. Chime is a FinTech, not a bank. Banking services and chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chimed.com/disclosures for details. Hello, friends. Welcome back to another. How's everybody doing, man? It has. It has been a week. It has been a fucking week, dude. Holy shit balls. And it is done. Finay over. The week is over. Mimi's over there holding their fucking titties. Mimi's got some new titties. I haven't even revealed my titties yet. I think you should show everybody yours. Yeah. They look so good. Yeah. Come on. They look like Franken-Title. No, they don't. Yours looks so good. No, I'll reveal them next time. Matt Matthews is in the studio right now. Do we have a microphone for him in case he wants to give any ad-libs? Just give him a microphone ad-lib. So let's get down to it. What was the topic today for us? We want to know everyone's family secrets. Yeah. Worse or you have craziest family secret that was dropped at a holiday. Yeah. No, I just got the thing. I wasn't dropped out of the holiday. It was just family secrets. Damn. I had a holiday on there. So maybe I shouldn't have done that. Oh, what did you get some good ones? I think a little spiciness. All right, who wants to go first? You go ahead. Oh, hey. This person said in my grandma's small town in Arkansas, a lady found out her husband was cheating on her, but he did not know that she knew the one night she decided to dress sexy and cook dinner to get him going to then lead him to the bedroom for what he thought was a good time. She blindfolded him and took him to the bed to handcuff him and tie him up. Then proceeded to start to get to get it on as nothing was wrong and proceeded to put a curling iron up his ass. She plugged it in and turned it all the way up and then walked out and left him alone. He was so badly burnt by the time someone found him that he had to have reconstruction surgery on his ass and inside. He's still alive and she served her time not saying people deserve pain, but damn she was creative. I heard about a pimp in Vegas doing that to somebody. That's crazy. That's going crazy. You have to be next level insane to be able to physically hurt somebody like that. I mean, a fucking curling iron up the ass. That's why they have the tag on it that says for external use only. Oh, you think it is not supposed to be in your asshole. That's crazy. No, that's that's but also like, did he not complain that you're putting it up there in the first place? Well, his hands were tied so she might I don't know what if he liked that and then he didn't know. I mean, as soon as it's hot going in. Oh, she turned out to be one second inside of him. Maybe they were just freaky. I don't know. No, I feel like I feel like hand cuffing was the reason he even got up there. Ah, that makes sense. I feel like you got to be one weird bitch to fucking want to harm somebody that bad. Like I've had men cheat on me before and I've never in my life wanted to. I wouldn't have thought about leaving them with a curling iron just fucking burning their rectum. Like that's crazy. The fact that he left him though, I turned it on and left. Do you think it sizzled? Yeah. All his little balls have the balls moist. Oh, it's like when you just probably like melted on to it. I think you know when you like cook the pieces of like beef. Salon. Salon. Yeah, on the rock. I know exactly what you're talking about on the rock. I wonder what his butthole looks like now probably like a piece of like cooked tuna. Right? You know how it goes from being red? Yeah, it's definitely super dark. Are like when girls bleach their butthole too much, it could start so that I could piece the chicken. But that I don't know. Oh, you know what that is? It's very interesting. Yeah, like when girls give that one a goog. When girls bleach their butthole, it looks like a piece of like boiled chicken after a while. Like because they're doing it so much. Like shredded chicken or? Yeah, possibly. Yep, yep, even you like that texture. Hi, I'm Dr. Mary Claire Haver, board certified OB/GYN and menopause specialist. My podcast, Unpost, is the place for bold, unfiltered conversations about what it really takes for women to thrive in the second half of life. Every week I sit down with medical experts and leading voices to talk about the health issues that matter most. Because unpost isn't just about the years you live, but how well you live them. Listen and follow Unpost with me, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, wherever you get your podcasts. Do I bleach my white hair? Oh, hey, I'll know. Oh, you got a ground-round brown. Stop it, stop it, come on. Oh, my God. Why should I be brown? I'm just pink. Is it pink? I bet it is because you're a little firecrotch underneath there. No, I'm not. I'm not a ginger bitch. How many more times do I tell you this? I'm always, she's called a ginger-over-chance you get. I can see it. That little strawberry. He does. You have a little bit of redener. You got a lot of like. What about your awkwardness? Yeah, she's great. She's good. She's nice. She's purring again. Go ahead and do me. Wait, I saw this funny, yes. I took the other day and the girl was talking about how she got like a reconstructive surgery. And they pulled her so tight upwards that now she pees out straight. Yes, she said she has to like lean down into the toilet because they pulled her so tight that her vagina now just pees out like. Damn, where the hell does she go? That's a lawsuit. That's fucked up. Imagine that. That's the first time you go to pee. How does she have sex then? Not down. Does he got a like. maybe angle her? She's like making out with his chest when he's on top. She has to like just scooch on up in here. Scooch is in there. Yeah, just let me scooch on up in here. Damn, dude. I feel bad for her. Not making fun of you sister. No, I feel bad. Yeah, that's crazy. I'm never getting surgery done on my fucking shit like that. Alright, this one says that. My 80 year old grandma is convinced that she's talking to Elon Musk. She's given this person $15,000 and has forced my grandpa to move out. And even sent several naked pictures to this man. How old is she? She's 80. Damn. When Elon hacked into her eye cloud with information that she gave him, he sent her naked pictures out to everyone in Grandpa's contact list. Family, his friends, everyone. He also hacked her bank account with information that she gave him, began running money in and out of her account. She is now banned from having her bank account. Just recently, the cops had escort her home after walking around a local grocery store for four hours waiting for Elon to come pick her up. We had her tested for dementia in all timers and it came back completely clean. She's just batshit crazy. Damn. For like just renewed her driver's license, too. 100%. Okay. Yeah, poor grandma. I mean, well, she shouldn't be fucking talking to strangers on the internet and giving. I don't understand that. You know, like there's a lot of people who get scammed because of us. You know what? The bunny's jumping on the trampoline got me. So I might be that when I'm older. She's after AI all the time, bro. As well as the shit. You reposted that one. The bunny's jumping on the tramp. You remember that one? I don't remember. I repost a lot of shit. You guys don't look at my reposts. No, that's what I love. Don't look at mine. I actually don't look at mine. I repost more than I post, so. Yeah. For sure. I love it. I love it. My mom used to work in banking for like her whole life and the amount of people who would get scammed is insane. They'd be coming in and they're like, why is my whole bank account drained? And she would go down the wormhole. And they're like, well, did you talk to someone on the phone for 20 minutes? Thank you for all your. Yeah, you're like your routing number. I did. Yeah, they said they were going to. They were going to rush for me. Invest for me. Yeah. No, it happens so much. Thank you. All right. This one's a little long, but here we go. Hooked up with this guy. I've had a crush on since high school. So well over 13 years. Great sex. I'm talking porn star status. Amazing night. Five hours of fun. Bro, five hours of fun. Five hours. Tag me out. Dude, that's too long. That's too long. No. I'm going to snack. Just have one pussy. The dog. You can't. At that point. And that one. And that one. And then it just swells up like a baseball glove. And you can't get anything in there the next day. It just gets all swollen.
- Terrible. - Ain't when that happened, sir. - I love it. (laughing) Anyways, couldn't have been more stoked. He leaves in the morning and looking back at the bed after taking my shower. What do I see? Skids, baby, skids. Not just a little boop-like skids. - Just my ex. - Hours and hours. I'm so OCD, I said to myself, oh my fucking God, you're kidding me, what's the odds? Bleached it all. He comes over a few days later and, okay. If you're finding to fucking big old skid marks, you're gonna fucking circle back, was the sex that good? - Okay, bunny. (laughing) - Be time to know who you're fucking lie. - Oh my God. Anyways, bleached it all. He comes over a few days later and we get to business again. And I'm thinking maybe it was a one-off. Hopefully, nope. Skid marks on the white fucking sheets again. On the newly chloroxed everything. Marking his damn territory without permission. Genuinely, don't know if he even noticed. But damn, dude, I'm about to tell this dude, he's just gotta do better. How do I say it nicely? - You don't. - Cut 'em to the bathroom. - That's what I did. - You're just fucking dooky butt. - He's not wiping. Apparently he's not wiping. - Or maybe he's pushing too hard and he has a loose butthole. He might like it in the ass though. And that should get a little too loose. And he's just spraying the sheets. - He's not wiping. He's not wiping. That's all that boils down to dude. It's like not wiping. - Okay, but also, how do we get to the point that where you're just scooting your ass across the sheets? - What's happening? - Well, there was this one time. I mean, you guys remember shitter, the client that I had that I made like hella money off of that one night. And we were doing hella drugs and cocaine. And I'm telling you, every time he would scooch forward to do a line, he would literally leave a skid mark. So we call him, his nickname was shitter because he lit, by the time we left those white hotel sheets we're literally just had brown streaks all in him dude. It was, he paid us a lot of money, okay. So that's why we stayed, but. - I'm upset. I don't like that. - Listen guys, you gotta, you have to wash your asses. Please. - How many have you ever left shit? - Baby wipes. No, I'm so scared about that kind of thing. - Skid. - Well, I think I was also when I was a kid probably shamed for it a little bit, you know? - Did you leave skid marks? - Yeah, well, you know when you have the tidy whiteies, it's just bound to happen. And I think someone called it out when I was, you know, no school. - Oh, you got trauma. - Yeah, so I'm like, I'll freaking jump in the shower if I have to. - I mean, but it's, I think every man, every man should carry around dude wipes or baby wipes. - 100%. - Yeah. - Yeah, there's no, it's 2026. There's no excuse for you to have a fucking dirty asshole. - No. - Period. - Sprayed down. - What milk? - Have you ever farted a wet fart? - Yeah. - And did it go on your pants? - No. - No. - No, I shit on myself one. (laughing) - But I've never like had a shit on yourself when a skid mark was not the same thing. - Oh yeah, shit myself, you had guys. I have any there. - You've never shook yourself? - No. I know. - I wish I could be a part of that club. - I shit myself last week. - Yeah, you did. - She goes. - She goes. - You guys wanna see it? - We all say shit. - No. (laughing) - No, that's not what we don't. - No, that's what we don't say every other. - She would show us. She's showing us photos of it in the toilet. - Ah, yeah. - Hey, that one was very impressive though. The LA one? - Yeah. - It's burned in my body. - I haven't had one like that since. - This one goes, it's a nice color. - Yeah. - I said that new. - Like that since. I don't know what got into me out there. It must have been the LA food. But we're going to LA next week too, guys. - I can't wait. - I think we haven't been in so long. - If you see me running down the street, streaking, no, you didn't. I'm about to turn the fuck up in LA, guys. So just so everybody is aware. - That's where I'm turning the fuck up at. - I can't wait, guys. - It's gonna be so fun. - I thought we'll do it all. - We'll get that out. - Yeah. - Sweep it. - I thought that out. - Yeah, it's hard to spot. - Yeah, let's go, please. - We don't need TMZ showing up there. - Fuck no. - Shout out though to Harvey Levin because that's your back. - I fucking love that, man, dude. I can't wait to give him a hug when I meet him. Like, he always has my back and everything. - They did a live the other day. - Oh, wait, on the live, on the live. - On the live. - Bro, like, he dead ass had bunnies back. So hard in that entire conversation. Go him. - No, he's awesome, dude. You know, honestly, TMZ's always been nice to me, so I'd like to keep it that way. - They're our friends. - Yeah. - We think. (laughing) - It was my aunt Uncle's wedding day. My step, great grandmother's boyfriend at the time. Mind you, they're in their late 70s and I was 17. He had gotten way too drunk and I walk into the cocktail party and this sick fuck pulls me in for a hug and then it tends to shove his tongue in my mouth. I had my lips sealed shut and he for a good 10 seconds just tries wiggling that tongue in my mouth. - Excuse me. - I completely blacked out, did not know how to react and if I could go back, I'd slap the shit out of him. Why didn't you? I had a fucking bam. - Oh, bro, I would have been a family not so. - No, the family not so. - I would have fucked out. - Was she not tell of the family? The theme is family secrets. - I know, but if somebody is trying to fucking stick their tongue down here, like you need to tell the family and what he was dating grandma. - She might have been scared. I don't know, she was 17. - Oh my God, that's terrible. - 17, man. - Old man breath smells like yours. - Yeah, like geratol and blackened gum disease. - Yep. - Yeah. - Don't. - Yeah, man. If somebody is trying to fucking give me a fucking denture kiss, I'm not, you're getting punched in your fight tongue as wild. - Yeah. Fighting. - No, that's crazy. - This one says, my cousins has been found out at Thanksgiving that she took our other cousin, secretly to prom, because neither had a date and no one knew they were related. They did the deed at an after party claiming they had to prove that it wasn't a pity date. Cousin's brother was the one who told he only knew 'cause he snuck into that party. It only knew because he snuck into that party. All my pain pills are in on it. I feel like they just kicked out. (laughing) - He was when he stuttered in front of your friend. He said everything just slowed down. - Wow, just get up and leave. It all just came right now. Needless to say, they're no longer together and we don't see that part of the family any longer. - You know how many amount of cousins fuck each other? - Oh, that was all my DMs. - It's crazy. - A lot of incest. - Matt, you're from Alabama. Have you ever fucked a cousin? (laughing) - Bitch. - I don't know how you're fucking. - I've never fucked a cousin that I know of. - No, why are we fucking so many cousins? - I don't know, man. - I did get a lot of DMs that said, like either they married a cousin. - Mine were all in bread. - Yeah, a lot of it in bread. - Our cousins are all cousins related? Or-- - No. - Only like-- - No. - It's versus related to my cousins. - It's not related to my cousins. - 'Cause my mom's adopted. - Yeah, no. - Would you fuck a cousin? - No. - Would you fuck a step brother? - No. - No. - Maybe. - I mean. - What? (laughing) - I saw it all the time. - He's really serious. - I have watched those short drama reels on TikTok and some of them are hot step brothers. I mean, we're not blood. - Hotline. (laughing) - But A, step brother, that's hot? - All you have to see for me was the relationship with real fresh. - Yeah. - Not a family, our parents have been married for like 10,000 years. - No, no, no. - No, no. - It's like as soon as we meet. - 'Cause it happened to me to be out. - I can't watch those points. I can't watch like that. - I don't mean that the mom, the other. - Yeah, that's a little weird. - Are you lying, Haley, is that the show you watch? - Yeah, me either. (laughing) - Is that the porn you watch? - No. - I thought you watched it. - I get 80s porn. - Yeah. - Do she loves vintage porn? - She loves 80s porn, like, bush, flowers, like the fucking- - Not even the trees, I like that- - Hold on. - The dream filter, where everything's like- (laughing) - Blurry. - Blurry, like that's what we know, man. - Blurry, yeah. - We just talked about this, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's a fucked up. - I know, they're, why are they making it hard for everybody to just have a little bit of pleasure in their life, you know? - All right, one, two, three, so family birthday barbecue, sister-in-law slurs out after a few too many, stop correcting her, she isn't even your daughter. To my brother, in front of the entire family, the daughter was 12. DNA test came back, as Mory said, and the test proved you are not the father. (gasps) - That's how you find out. - Damn. - That's terrible to do that in front of the kid too. That's dysfunctional. - That's messy as hell. There's a lot of messiness in my DMs about this. - It was a lot. - Yeah, it was also, it was either in bread or-- - Finding out. - And there's like, I like a lot of evil females. And like, ladies, I'm normally on your side, but some of y'all are fucking crazy. - I read one, I didn't end up screenshotting it, but like, she literally named it after her affair that she had. - Oh, that too. - Did you get that one yet? - She named the baby after her affair, and then convinced the dad who was in prison that it was his. - Wow. - Were they having conical visits? - No, he had just gone. She got pregnant around that time. - Oh, I'm pregnant, but it could have been one or the other. So she named it after the other. - That's crazy. - I know, and the kid ended up telling him. - Which is retryflin. - Yeah, they do. There's some.
- Oh, he's getting, okay. - Little pirate, dirty pirate hookers running around. - So here's a little backstory. My mom passed away and my father remarried twice after that. The second one was an absolute awful woman. She was a liar, manipulative, and over the years, she successfully drove a wedge between my father and all of his children. One summer, we were all at our camp hanging out. My father's wife wanted a drink, so my brother-in-law offered to make it for her. After he made it, he reached in his pants and pulled out some pubes. Put it in her drink and stirred it around with his finger. My siblings and I were all aware of this, so we sat and watched her drink down the whole thing. It's what he pubes here is and all. Yes, for another one, after that, claiming that it was so good. So this day, no one outside of our family knows that that happened. - Dude, I don't care who you are. You know when you have a pub in your throat. - How do you not feel it's like sticks in your throat? - It's like they don't go down. It's literally like just the curliest cue. - Did you get one caught in your teeth? - Probably, I've had a lot of shit on my mouth. - Yeah, no, I don't know how she didn't fucking-- - Save your pubes. (laughing) - A cue. - Why is it caught in your teeth? - I just had one time a caught caught in my teeth. - That's wild. (laughing) - That's different. - Yeah. - You got a very deep, you know, so I had blowjob for schedule. I didn't know that time. I don't know how I even beat it. - Not you guys scheduling blows all the time. - You can't just put it in your account whenever. - What do you put it on Google Calendar? Like, how does that work? - That was my question. That was my question. - Just thank you so much. - It's about at 7.35 p.m. - No, she's whenever the kids aren't, you know, hanging out. - Marching everywhere. - My kids, you ready to have a kid, Matt? - Fuck. (laughing) - I had a great uncle that took a guy's eyeball out with a spoon because of a bad horse deal. - What the hell? - We all spoon in the eye trick. - What trick is that? - What do you do with that eye trick? - It's like an old cowboy trick. - You know about this trick, huh? - You know about this trick? - No, but I can envision it. - I just think-- - That sounds like something that would have been done like during the doc holiday. - Wild West. - Yeah, it's like a very bar type. - I just stick it in as I and scoop it out and snap. - You got to be a real weirdo to be able to do that, dude. - Did he just just hang there? - Depends on how much he can sever it. - I don't know. - Oh, I envisioned it. - I thought they are attached. - They are. - I was wondering if he popped out the eyeball that it just hanged. - And then he might have just ripped it off. (laughing) - That might be one of those old wives' tales that gets passed down in families, you know? And it's like, really, he punched the guy in the eye, but then by the time it got to the great, great granddaughter, it was like-- - It was like he's-- (laughing) - Exactly. - That's wild. (laughing) - I made it. - I made you got one. - Sure, I got one right here. - Give us one and then we're out of here. We got shit to do. I got to take Matt to go see the new compound. We got the little cows and the donkeys moved this week. - How are the donkeys at it? - Oh, they are so weird. - They were so-- - They just walked out there and they acted like they didn't even know who I was. - Oh, yeah. - They gave us shit. - We're probably gonna crawl them a little bit to get them off some of that fresh hay. - He said, sorry, we have new grass. - Yeah. - They were like-- - They were all a room who does, like they did not care. - They're gonna go out tomorrow and put them in a smaller pin. - Why? - There's too much fresh grass for them. You don't want them to founder? - Yeah. - It's all cut down, but still, it's a lot of grass. - Yeah. - I know, I would cry. - I would be hell of a drunk off that grass. - That's what they are right now. - Ah. - They lived good when I was a kid. - Me is with his present martinis. (laughing) - It's like a girl with a big present martinis. - It would be her dream. - I get it, I may. - All right. My seemingly healthy 40 something year old cousin died in November. It was a shock to the whole family. He was living in Las Vegas with his girlfriend at the time and she claimed she had no idea how he died and told our family to stop asking because it doesn't matter how he died. Immediate red flag. Why wouldn't his family want to know the cause of his sudden unexpected death? We're thinking this bitch murdered him. We're literally accusing her of murder. Finally, my cousin, his brother, is able to get a report from the coroner's office. He died jacking off. Bro had an auto erotic asphyxiation. - Autor erotic asphyxiation. - Damn. I don't even say half the word and you knew what it was. - Yeah. - All right, only me and my mom and his brother know his real cause of death. Everyone else thinks he overdoses her, his brother's request. - Yeah. - Did you have a famous singer? - The lead singer of NXS died. He was literally hanging himself in the closet and was jacking off. - To get hard, right? - Well, I mean, not to get hard, but sometimes when you come it makes, like when you get choked, it's like so hot because it makes you come harder because you're being choked because you're lack of air. So that's people just get addicted to that high and they chase it. - So he was strangling himself and then? - Yeah, I mean, we don't know what he was doing. She could have been doing it too. - Oh, maybe that's why. - Yeah. - She doesn't want everyone to know. - She was choked and nailed. - Yeah, that's cool. - That's a heavy secret. - That is a heavy secret to have, yeah. Well, are we gonna film another Ask Tell Confess before we go to LA? - We'll hop to the beginning of next week. - You guys leave comments below. Let us know what topics you want us to cover in next week's Ask Tell Confess and we'll pick one from the YouTube comments. And if we use yours, we'll shout out your user name also. - Yeah. - Yeah, love you guys. See you next week. Bye. - We use Shopify for our
[email protected]. And one thing I've learned from running an online store is that you definitely don't have to be an e-commerce expert to get started. I think a lot of people get intimidated by the website side of starting a business, but Shopify makes that part so much easier. One of my favorite things is having everything in one place when you're running a business. You already have a million things going on. So the last thing you want is for managing your storefront to be one more thing to stress about. Shopify makes it easy to get your store launched, manage it, and actually focus on selling. They also have pre-built themes and an AI site builder that can help you create a professional looking storefront without having to build a website from scratch. And if a friend asks me about starting a store before the holidays, I tell them, don't wait until Black Friday. Get it launched. Learn what works for you and have everything ready before that holiday traffic starts coming in. If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday, go to Shopify.com/bunny to start your free trial. That Shopify.com/bu and an ie. Go to Shopify.com/bunny today to hear your first.
PodcastTranscript AI