Ask, Tell, Confess: Guys, We Bleached Our Bholes

♪ Ask until we can feel it ♪ (upbeat music) (laughing) - Hello, friends. We are back in full effect at the kitchen counter for Ask, Tell, Confange. - Shh. - Thank you guys for tuning in. We'll be back in our studio next week. - Yeah. - So you guys only have to. Actually, you guys said you loved the kitchen counter and then some of you guys were like, "I missed the old set." - A lot of people really thought this was more personable. - I got it. - Yeah, I know. It's giving, it's giving Shane and Matt. - I get it. - Yeah. - What did you say we needed to clear up this week? I forget. - Oh, we were off season. - Yeah. - I was like, you guys just stopped doing Ask, Tell, Confange. We were off season. - Yeah. - Yeah, sometimes we have to take a break in between and kind of switch it up. - We're also not gonna do long breaks anymore though. I think that's what people are confused about. We used to take like an entire month off. Now we're just gonna sprinkle them through the year. So it's more consistent. - Yeah. - Well, that and also we gotta make sure that you guys yearn for us. - Oh, we do love when y'all yearn for us. - We do love when y'all yearn for us. So here we are back with another Ask, Tell, Confess. And what is today's topic? - Today's topic. - Today's topic. - It's late at night here by the night. - If you wanna know your guys' worst date slash hookup. And you guys submitted some really good ones on that. - Yeah, man. - If you want to submit to Ask, Tell, Confess, go over to our Instagram. They will be on the screen right now. Jason insert everyone's Instagrams over us right here. - We're done here. - And yeah, that's how you submit just DM us. Or we sometimes ask in our stories. So we ask, you guys tell, and then we confess on here. - All right, I'm ready to kick it off 'cause I got some good ones. - Oh, okay. - All right, I think this person wants to say anonymous, but she said, he was hitting it from behind and told me to arch my back. I arched it up like a hunchback. (laughing) - What the heck? - And he says, no, the other way. She said, I'm still traumatized 13 years later. Needless to say, it was my first time doing doggy. - I feel like a cat. - No, no, no, no. - That's crazy. - It was a tailbone. - She was all tailbone. (laughing) - And the fact that the dude, the fact that the dude was like, no, the other way. (laughing) - How do you not stop in that moment and lose me? - No, I would leave. I would only, I'd be like, bent over, calling my uber. (laughing) - So when you go that opposite way, it's like, bro, stop. - Yeah, it's funny. - So that was the one I wanted to kick it off - Oh my God. - Yeah. - That was good. - No, that was good. - No, I got a good chuckle a few times. I got a good one. (laughing) - 'Cause that's something fucking really good. - We would do. - We would do. (laughing) - Tosh your shoulders forward. Oh my God, dude. - You're so good. - This was a really short one. - We cannot film. - Like what? - No, no. - Every time we film late at night, this fucking happens, dude. You're not gonna look at you. - I go. - Go. (laughing) - All right. - Wait, okay, this one's short and sweet. - Okay, go. - Give me two seconds. - Not looking. - Puked in a guy's mouth at a bonfire while Alan Jackson chatting Hootie was playing. - Romantic. - I kinda like it. - Did he swallow it or what? - Did he spit her swallow? - Which one was he? - I don't know. (laughing) - During the verse record. - You guys see, that's probably me. - You guys see, was it during the, it gets hotter than a Hootie? Hootie? 'Cause that would be memorable. - That's the way you know it, y'all. - Damn. That's a hard, that's a hard pick. - That's a really hard pick. - Oh, yeah. - I can, you know what, if someone, I don't know. I don't wanna talk about puking in mouths. I'll throw up right now. - I puked on, never mind. All right. - Who's next? (laughing) - Who's next? - I got one. - All right, go, go. - Well mine. - Mine have locked and loaded, baby. I got like, seven. - No, all right. - All right, this one also wants to be anonymous. Went to this guy's house for the first time. Ended up being a nice fifth wheel trailer. No biggie, not in common for the area I live in. - Yeah, what? - Kinda hot. - That was my world rocked for him to proceed to wanna talk and cuddle. And he tells me about how he's always wanted to kill a person. I sent my location to my sister so fast, as I'm trying to get dressed, he puts on a gun holster that goes around his shoulders as if to hide it under a jacket. It has a 45 in it. He was butt ass naked, by the way. He then proceeds to do the helicopter while still wearing the gun and holster. We done. - The helicopter? - We dumped him last week. (laughing) - Everything was hot. - He was like, "I like off there." - Oh, he's like, "I literally was gonna ask for his number." - Like, everything was hot. - You guys thought that was hot? I thought she's about to get killed. - Yeah. - No, but then he starts fucking swinging his dick around. - No, no, no, no. - No, no, no. - I don't swing the dick. - I'm like, "Elephant trunk." Like, nobody wants to see that. - Guys, I was really into it. - I'm actually into it. - You guys want me to find the video? I have a video of him doing it. - Oh, I'm doing it. - Literally put it in the chat. - I'm interested. - And it's in slow-mo. - Oh, even worse. - So, you can see like his thighs. - I think I've ever done, like, go. - Like, go. - A helicopter? - Yeah. - Absolutely. - Why do men like do it? - Right. - It's like, I don't know. - No, I would do that. - I know, I feel like the back-and-forth is harder than the helicopter. - Yeah, back-and-forth, like, let him hit thigh. - Should I let him hit thigh? - I do that a lot. - Exactly. - Or like, let him have a nail. - It's a sound. - It's a good, the sound is great. - But when you're like, trying to get it in a certain-- - Like, Elvira does her titties? - Yeah. - Like, no, nobody wants to fucking see that. - Yeah, what is the thing about the helicopter? - A helicopter's cool, but the thigh hit, that sounds cooler. - Yeah. - I like to call that the dingle hopper. - The dingle hopper? - Yes. I like to-- I gave it a nickname long years ago. - In years ago. - It was crazy. All right, here we go, guys. I got one. I hooked up with this girl in Hollywood once, and she was so adamant about me doing Coke with her, which I didn't do. She wanted me to put Coke on my dick and hit it from the back while actually punching her in the head. I was like, you mean like, be a little rough, right? She said, no, I literally want you to get me high and hit me in the back of the head. Needless to say, I did 0% of that. 0% of that, and that was from our good friend, Boko Wahaid, our little baby. - Yeah. - Yeah. - No way. - Yes. - That's insane. - I don't know about cocaine going inside of a vagina. That's, listen, I've done some crazy shit. That's a yeasty-beasty waiting to happen. - Yeah, I feel like your pH is going to be very awful. - Ooh. - That's like-- - It's going to get burned. - Right, yeah. - I mean, but is this the same thing as putting it in your butthole, though? Like the immediate high? - Well, that's a different high. And that feels great. - I feel like, wouldn't that be the same? - Don't do it at home, kids. I don't know, because I've never done it in my vagina. - Can you guys tell us if you've ever blown Coke into your vagina? - I don't think she wanted it on his hog. - Yeah, I don't know. - Inside of it. - I don't think someone's gonna have that inside of them. - And would not like dry you out because of all the chemicals. I don't know. I can't even think about doing drugs. It grosses me out now, but I've done a lot of weird shit and never done that. - Remember the dare program? Let's bring that back. - Yeah. (laughs) - I've got Ron and Riddle Fee. - What was that? - George Dare. He was fucking part of the dare program. - I don't remember this. - Oh, I don't remember George. - I'm not even a vagus. - I didn't remember the teacher. - George Dare. - No. - No, he was a real person. I thought Dare was a stood for. - Yeah. - No, he was a real person that represented his dare. - What did he say? - Drugs, abuse, are really extra. - No, it was. - A drug abuse resistance education. - Oh, guys. (laughs) - Who really paid attention to Dare? - No, he's not. - I did. - I just made it up. - I was really expensive. - And Mimi was going along with you, dude. - I'm going off each other. - Yeah, I was against it. I was like, that is not what it means. I actually have a shirt. That's a crop top that says, "Dare, drug resistance education." - Yes, he is. - I remember the word. - Wait, yeah, drug resistance. - Yeah, I wore the ribbon. - No, I wore the ribbon. - Drugs. - Dare. - Drugs. - Awareness. - Awareness, resistance. - Education. - Yeah, there we go. - Wait. - That's drugs, oh really? - Awareness, resistance, violence, violence, violence, violence. - My baby daddy and me were in the middle of a breakup sleeping separately. We were drunk. I was in my room and I woke up to my finger being moved around and it felt like it was being shoved into food. But when I woke up, his drunk ass had my whole finger in his asshole all the way up to the knuckle. - Yeah. - Moning so heavily. Like, I had to wrap my head around it. The finger was never the same. I tried not to make him feel bad because I knew he was gay, but I threw up as soon as my drunk ass woke up and realized what was happening. - I would just like the record to reflect just because you like fingers at the wazoo does not mean that you're gay, but obviously she knew something about him. - She found porn on his computer. - Yes. - And he was into gay porn. - Yes, so. - But his friend could have sent him that joke. - Okay, but can we not brush Pat by the fact that she said she thought her finger was in food? - Yeah, that means it went. - It was like, what the fuck? Was she like moving around the mouth of a bread? Like what was she literally like going up against a tear? - No, but also like no consent. - That's what I'm saying. - She's a few people's fingers that are asleep in your bubble. - You don't do anything in someone's asleep. - Yeah, that's right. - And you guys are in different roads. - Yeah, so he literally snuck in. Pull his pants down, took her finger and said, "Yeah." (laughs) - That guy's not an adjunct. - He's like flipped up a side down trying to do shit. - What if we just backed into it? - Just put your finger out and just-- (laughs) - Sorry, actually she had nails too. - Oh, okay. - Hi, my name is Nail. - I sent you one. - No, I sent you one. - Nail, I also sent you one. - Okay, thank you. - How do you clean your finger after that? What if it's under your nail? - You get rid of the entire nail. - Oh, I thought you meant finger. - I would have cut it off. - Yeah, my finger? - Yeah. - To the bone. - To the bone. - Just strip it. - Just if I can take that knuckle off. - Yeah, to the knuckle. - Stump. (laughs) - Stump it up buddy. - Ah, don't stomp. - Don't stomp. - Okay. - All right go, Jaime. - Ready for it? - Yeah, we're ready. - Had no idea I got my period. Great start. We were in the dark for like an hour and it was a blood bath. I left and never spoke to him again. And he was a professional hockey player at the time. - Ha. - She put that in there. (laughs) - Yeah. I was like 19. We never even had sex. It was just a finger blast and BJs. Even worse, LOL. Anonymous. - Oh my god. - Oh my goodness. - Nice. - I don't know why guys are scared of blood. I get it. When I'm on my period the first two days, I don't wanna be touched 'cause I'm like, it feels like an ax wound. But other than that. (laughs) - It's fucking crazy. - Other than ax wound. - I turned it to Brucey, dude. - How do you feel about blood? - That's Brucey. - It's Brucey. - America's psycho? - No. - Oh, stop. - Stop. - What? - This is shark who smells blood. - Oh my god. - It's like a blood? - I don't like it. I'm just saying if I'm in the mood and Bruce got me hot and bothered, I'm going in. - You're fucking no matter what. - I'm getting in there. - I just can't bring myself to do it the first two days. Day three, it's on and cracking. I'm ready. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, like let's go. - But for day one and two, no. - I don't want to subject them to that. It's fucking jellyfish, just red jellyfish falling out of you. - Oh, I thought-- - When Clark comes out on a-- - No. - Okay, wait, that's what I was literally about to say. - Yeah. - So what? Okay, when I was younger, I had snuck into this guy's house. Oh my god, Mom, don't watch this. Mom, Susan, Susan, don't watch this one. Skip over this part. I snuck into this guy's house and it was like his uncle's house. So we went in like the spare bedroom and we were doing it. And I didn't know my period had started. But it was like the heaviest period ever. Bro, antique, like, it was like one of those antique rooms that were set up and we did it on like-- - On the surface. - Bro, white sheets, fuck that thing up. It was cloddy. - White? - Yeah. - Oh, man, that's so rough. I'm a short and sweet one. - Go ahead, baby. - All right. Hooked up with this guy and a booger fell in my titty. I kicked him out immediately and cried for a minute and then blocked him on everything. - Aw. - What? - That's embarrassing. He should have manned up and like-- - Guys, I don't like that. - Figured it out or something. - I knew he was going to hate that one, bro. I think I might throw up. - Rip. - Was like a shower booger or like a booger? - Stop it! - Like a booger that's been the real thing. - Like a swimming booger? - No, I'm gonna say probably a shower booger 'cause it's stuck. - I've been traumatized by boogers for about a decade. - I hooked up with this guy. Oh my God. He asked me to touch his nipples and that was my assignment and I shouldn't forget it. They were incredibly long and stopped. - Oh. - And he was so, and it was weird. He was playing with my nipples and told me he paid attention to the left side more because it was closer to my heart and asked me if I wanted his BBC. But it was only a B.C. Please don't post my name. - You got it. - You got it. - Love it. - Okay, do you think it's nipples for stretch? - It's under that long weird nipples. I'm not fucking 'em. - Okay. - Do you think he was stretching them and that's where they were so long? - I don't know. - Sometimes my nipples get puffy. - Yeah, but there's nipples between puffy and long. - Puffy and long. Like that's, I think that's my one no. Like if I see a nipple with long nipples, I can't. - Like little fucking like darts? - Stop, no. - No. - You can't do it. - Like the ice that comes, it's not like a pellet. - No, it's like a pellet ice, you know what I'm talking about? - The ice that are like little logs. - Oh yeah. - Let me see your nipple, he goes, he's shy. - Oh, show us. - Show us. - We need to see. - Pull up your shirt. - Pull up your shirt, let the lady see. - It's a tiny nipple time, yeah. - You're a good nipple. - Can I, wait, can we wax the little hair? - We said a wax Dylan's, we said a good. - You okay? - Do Dylan's lower back, too. - Wax party. - Wax party. - Oh, speaking about holes. - Yeah, how's your going? - Oh, so let's have a conversation guys. - Can we smell that? - It's hot, it's hot. - No, I'm scared. - He's getting his chocolate. - He walked off. - I'm just going to get Hyman, roll that beautiful bean footage and put that clipper right here. - Can we bleach our assholes on the podcast? - I'll have to put my asshole on it. - I'll put it back together. - Well, I guess what I just said, guys, I have slathered some medical bleach on my asshole. As we speak, right now, we have gloves. - Yes. - I'm just going to tell the truth, let me do it in our shot, a full video the other day. - Didn't like the coloring. (laughing) Didn't like the coloring at all. - Didn't like the shade. (laughing) - We're bleaching our butt holes, Chad. - Right now? - Yeah. - I'm gonna put gloves on if we don't draw your skin like that. - Me, too. A little, little guys. - Okay. - You're doing it right now? - Yeah. I'm just eating mango. - So I haven't checked, I've only done it once, but I'll check tonight and I'll get back to you guys. - No, I'll check tonight and I'll get back to you guys. - Thanks. (laughing) - But yeah, you know, sometimes a girl needs the bleacher butt hole. It just, it has to happen. - It has to happen. - It has to happen. - Oh yeah, I'm having surgery tomorrow, guys. - It's gonna be a photo. - I will. - Put it on my story. - Having another surgery, you guys. - Yeah, so I'm having another surgery tomorrow and hopefully I have a pretty butt hole going in. - Did it burn? - No, it didn't burn at all and I didn't feel anything. - Was it wet? - I will say guys, she was sitting right here, so be careful when you put your food down. - But also, I talked Moe into it and I had her bend over and I put a glove on and I rubbed some on her little brown hole. - I bet you show, show me it. - Huh? - Moe. - Moe. - We just saw you. - Moe? - How's your butt hole look today? - Can I see it? - Show us your butt hole. - Oh, let's see. - Moe, man. - Sorry, that was a weird start. - I'm so sorry. - I thought it was Moe. So sorry. - Oh, thank you so much, thank you. - Thank you so much, thank you. - Oops, we should not be filming. So yeah, I'll report back next week and let you guys know how my butt hole looks when we're back in studio. - Mm-hmm. - I'm excited about it. - I got catfish when I went to go meet up with the Tinder hook up, just trying to get it in. When he opened the door, he was five inches shorter than me. It was too late to turn around and I felt bad to just leave. - I felt bad. - Things went on, he went to hit it from the back. - In the middle of that. - He said, hold on, he went to his closet and proceeds to put on his platform Air Force ones. And instantly I said, nope. (laughing) - That just kept getting worse and worse. - You were gonna say he was gonna grab a stool. - That's what I thought about that stool came out of the wall. - That's what I thought it was gonna be. - I was going for step stool. - Platform shooting. - I thought it was that stand on his Chippy toes. - You thought I did that in the Air Force ones. - Yeah, and his calves probably hurt, so he went ahead and put a. - Yo, for real, what if you look down and you just see like, on like, he looks like he's doing top raises. - That's what I'm saying, I think that's what's happening. Your calves probably got tired. - She said, he said, nope, he said. - No, nope. - Next. - It wouldn't let me type the whole story. My son was at his dad, so I had a guy over that I met on POF. - Plenty of footage. - Okay, guys, thank you for clarifying. We had an okay night, sex was just all right, in the morning when he went to leave, he gave me a huge, wait, he gave me a. - Stop. - Got that jersey? - No, don't, that was not. (laughing) - He said, here is your my eyes, got big. I was like, my fault. Sex was just all right. In the morning, when he went to leave, he gave me a hug, and I felt something in his pocket. He had stolen my son's body wash. So weird. - What the fuck? - I can't. - That's what you get for banging somebody off a POF, dude. - He stole my money. - He stole my money. - He stole my money. - I thought he was like, you know, the SpongeBob one. - Still a little bubble bubble. - The more you know, the like, fish. - I've stolen some weird shit from people. I was young and went to a house party and stole somebody's retinae. (laughing) I get that, that's expensive. - Yeah. - I stole a retinae because I had pimples. - Have you ever stole food from someone's house? - Fucking funny. - No. - Wait, food? - Yeah, I didn't steal food from someone's house. - No. - No. - I went to the pepper shanker restaurant. - I went to a restaurant. - I went to a buddy's house and someone stole the meat out of the freezer. (laughing) - I get it. - What? - That's crazy. - That's crazy. - The meat out of the freezer, bro. And then I saw meme about it the other day. And I remembered about it. I was like, damn. - It's crazy. - Apparently that's not the only person who does it. - Have you have people coming over that you're stealing fucking meat out of the freezer? Like you can't trust nobody. - No. - That's great. - The frozen goods. - What if it was a good try tip? - It could have been like a sirloin or something. - Sirloin, though. - Shit. - Goodbye. - Deer meat. - Deer meat's good. - Deer meat's fire. - Deer brother. - No. - What does brother mean? - It just like tastes earthy. - But like, what does that mean? - Taste earth. - Like what's the flavor of earth? - Taste like a fucking animal. - I was like, do I taste like? - That's a Midwest thing. Same with duck. - So touched. - Picked a girl up and she got in my car. We went to the drive and then started fucking. And all of a sudden I felt witness running down my leg. Thought she's squirted, but then it smelled like shit. - God. - She's straight sharded all over the car as well as my legs. You gotta like, man. Some of you guys are loose booties. - There's a look. (laughing) - Okay. I'm just gonna say it because I wish I could bear down and fucking shit on somebody's leg, dude. Instead, I have to fucking go through a hole, fucking rigth up. - Moroll. (laughing) - It's big shit. (laughing) - To get along with him. - To get along with him. - Yeah, I'm like, where am I gonna hold this tight? There's no way that I'm fucking just shitting on somebody's leg land, I never know. - I did get a lot of poop stories, but I felt like we were overdoing it on the pooping on people, so I went with the puking, but, you know, there got a lot of pooping. - I, I reeled it into that. - I had an old genie fan. - I had a star one too, but. - Yeah, the star one. No, yeah, I definitely had one about a sex club. - Ooh. - Some dude just shatter over the wall. - I love that. - Shatter, yeah. - Well, yeah. - Shatter. (laughing) - And on that note, we will see you guys next week back in studio. Love you. - Bye. - Love you, bye bye. (upbeat music)