The podcast episode features hosts Chris, Matt, and a co-host engaging in casual, comedic banter while answering listener questions. They begin by promoting sponsors and discussing personal topics like cold weather, exercise, and meditation, with one host sharing his experience with daily meditation. A listener asks about dealing with an insufferable coworker who gives him rides; the hosts advise taking advantage of the free rides while avoiding him at work, rather than confronting him. Another question involves a new partner requesting to be woken up with sex; the hosts caution against it until trust is established. A new listener asks about the show's evolution, and the hosts highlight that the final 10-15 minutes of each episode are consistently the funniest. For a listener struggling with overspending, they suggest writing down desired purchases and limiting buying to one day a week to curb impulses. A neighbor seeks advice on asking his neighbor to mow at a different time to protect his baby's nap schedule; the hosts recommend a polite, non-demanding request. Finally, a server asks how to respond to customers assuming he's from the East Coast; the hosts suggest a simple, charming denial. The episode closes with plugs for tour dates and Patreon membership.
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Runk.
[laughs]
[music]
Hey yo, what's up, what's up?
Lifeline.
Here we go.
Episode 185.
It's Sunday, November 9th.
Happy Birthday to Ryan Murphy, Scarface, and Cisco.
[music]
Hey yo, what's up, what's up?
Lifeline.
Here we go.
My favorite trio.
I was just going to say my favorite trio of all of them.
That's the mod squad for me.
That's, to me, that's, you know, it's Scarface and Cisco great.
But once you add Ryan Murphy into that, it becomes immediate sensational.
Say hello to my little gay song.
Right?
No, I don't think so.
Yeah, because, you know.
Right, because bananas don't go good with like, you know, gum, right?
So if you--
Banana gum.
Yeah, maybe.
Shout out to Legends app for sponsoring this show.
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Check it out at legends.com.
That's with the z legends.com.
I go on there and--
Of course, around.
I go on more.
So go check it out.
You want to check it out.
You want to check it out the Patreon.
You check it out.
Check out our Patreon Patreon.com/life.luxury.
It's five bucks.
You got like 70 episodes or plus--
70 plus episodes for five bucks.
Get in here.
There's live episodes.
Have you seen them yet?
They're great.
I'm on tour.
I'm going to be in a bunch of different places.
I'm going to be in Chicago, Kansas City, Omaha.
Actually, I'm in Hamilton, Ontario tonight, I think.
Yeah, tonight.
Jacksonville, Florida, Cleveland, Ohio.
Detroit, Oxford, got time.
Time just keeps going, huh?
San Antonio, Texas.
And I got-- that's New Year's.
So come celebrate with me.
And I got a new bunch of new dates coming up soon here.
Speaking of time, just keep an on coming.
Where is he, baby?
Well, sorry.
I didn't mean to talk over--
Well, you did, but it's all good.
I said, did you say time just keeps going?
Yeah.
What--
I mean, what a great observation.
And then what a great observation to echo back.
Dr. Strange.
Dr. Strange.
Dr. Strange.
That's it.
Do you say time just keep going?
What's this?
Yeah, that's what you think.
Obviously--
What the hell, you check with--
Why would you check with me if I said that?
I didn't hear you.
I wanted to see if that's what you said.
Oh, that's what you said.
I mean, the word you said, which I heard blank--
Johnna.
Kick.
His ass after the show.
Obviously, subscribe to the YouTube channel.
Super good.
And just as obviously sign up for my solo Patreon,
patreon.com/mantelia.
It is a effing partay.
And anyone who's a member can attest to that.
So I'm not a liar.
I don't fib.
I don't bust.
Balls.
I bust.
But I don't bust balls about it.
And that's that.
What do you--
And then, you know, other stuff.
Like merch.
Get it.
Lifeline merch stock.
Lifelinewooders.com?
Well, yeah.
What do you want to hear about?
I got so much information and also experience.
So.
And also, you know, we haven't seen each other in a few days.
And I think we should clarify the difference in amount of clothing
we're wearing.
It is cold in here.
It is.
So I'm bundled up and you have a t-shirt on.
What's up?
Oh, my body's a factory.
Poetry.
John Mayer.
Body is a factory.
You call it a company.
It's like John Mayer trying to be mega.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
Should go him.
Yeah.
What's this--
I know everyone.
I mean, I know a lot of people.
I haven't talked to him in a long time.
I know a lot of people.
What's he like, though?
He's cool.
He's like Lobs comics, right?
Yeah, yeah.
You're kind of--
Yeah.
And once I went through my thing, I think he got scared.
So I haven't heard from him anymore.
But his body's a wonderland, so.
Yeah.
I--
Sounds like he's the mayor of being a pussy.
No, that's--
Who knows?
I don't know.
No, he's a good guy.
He does seem like a good guy.
Yeah, he does.
But I--
Oh, yeah.
So it is cold in here.
But my body is--
It's just--
It's just really moving, you know what I mean?
It's simple.
But you're cold, though.
So what do you--
I haven't even thought about it because it's been go-go-go.
I took Calvin to school.
I went to the gym.
I got my shake.
I drove here fast.
When we started--
Before we started the show, you literally said, oh, cool.
It's cold.
Well, the air was on, and now it's not.
Okay.
And that's it.
That's just down to brass tags.
That's exactly what happened.
I guess what I was getting at is when you said my body is a factory.
Did you mean it is impermeable to weather cold?
Well, well, well, well.
No, what I meant was it's firing really on all cylinders.
And all cylinders right now.
And if I need to be warm, it'll warm itself up.
How's your brain feel?
Great.
Better or just because it usually feels great?
Better what?
What do you mean?
Better than before you started doing your stupid diet shit.
Oh, yeah.
And I realized something.
And on the way here, I realized something.
What's that?
The physical really helps the mental.
And I know everyone says it's all mental.
It's all mental, dude.
But it's kind of all physical.
It's 100% physical.
Mental is physical.
But that's what I'm saying, though.
But everyone always says it's all mental.
I'm agreeing with you.
Nobody ever says it's all physical.
And it's like.
And it's like, you got to move the leg before you think about how to get in shape.
Right.
Why do you have to think to move the leg?
But I understand.
I really know.
You got to think to move the leg.
Well, you don't think.
You don't consciously think.
But your brain's firing.
But anyway, I'm saying that's physical, though.
Yeah.
To me, the brain is the physical.
It's just like we think of ourselves as our brains.
But we're just our bodies with our brains as well.
Well, anyway, this is getting away from me.
But what I'm trying to say is when you're in physical movement
and I don't want to say tip-top shape.
You know, you don't have to, I don't know if you have to be.
But it makes the, it makes the mental go.
It's all physical, baby.
Dude, and like, and like knowing that is dope.
And I have back pain.
And that's what I started to do.
Don't care.
Oh, I have a relationship with pain.
Hi, how you doing?
Come on, let's go.
Once you hit a certain age.
All aboard.
I have a relationship with pain.
All aboard.
Once you hit a certain age, you're 55 now.
So it makes sense.
No, I'm not.
I'm way younger than that.
I'm 45.
But it doesn't.
But like, you know what I mean?
I see one national geographic episode with Chris Hemsworth
about his relationship with pain.
And I changed, dude.
I changed.
Oh, wait, dude.
He's going through a thing, right?
Kind of, yeah.
I mean, he's more susceptible to getting something or something.
No, he's got a degenerative thing.
It's like all sad.
No, it's not wrong.
I don't think it's that.
No, I think he's got a gene that makes him
more susceptible to something.
And he's like, if I get it, then, you know,
I want to take time with my family.
I don't think it's as sad as that what you're thinking.
That's good.
I mean, there's a lot of Hemsworth.
I guess we don't need that many.
It wouldn't be that much of a tragedy if we lost one.
No, it would be, especially that one, dude.
I mean, he's in 12 strong.
What is that?
A Netflix movie.
Probably.
Yeah, but so anyway, he's, you know,
handsome and all that stuff.
And he's got something.
But he did the National Geographic thing.
And I saw it.
And I go, oh, dude, shake hands with pain.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I have pain.
Does that mean I'm going to stop doing all this stuff?
No, absolutely not.
I go harder.
I go harder.
How you doing?
All aboard?
Hey, dude, let me put arm around you.
Let's do this together, pain.
Oh, it's great.
And so the physical moves my mental.
So my mental is top notch. I basically work out my mind.
Okay. I mean, there's ways to do that without actually being at the gym, though, too,
do do that. Dude, my job is, is, is, is firing my mind. But do you like meditating stuff?
What? No. Why did you laugh like that?
Maybe I'll get into it. Okay. I just haven't done it yet.
I wasn't calling you out. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I just, I, I haven't thought about
meditating yet. I have meditated before in a, you know, group setting, just tasted something.
But, uh, but I don't know if I don't know if I will. I might meditation is nice.
I used to meditate every day for years and it really, really helped me. And then I just got out
of habit and I haven't in so long. And every time I think about starting, I just don't, I don't know
what is stopping me. It really was very helpful. How long did you do it? Like at a time?
I mean, it, it would grow in time, but at first, like literally 10 minutes a day.
And then over the years, it would become like 30 to 45 minutes a day. What? Yeah. You just sit.
You sit. I mean, a lot of people already know this, but you sit and everybody kind of has
their own way and guide or whatever. Uh, but yeah, you just like, it's, you close your eyes,
ideally in a place that you're not going to fall asleep. Like you don't lay down. Right. So
to sit up kind of straight with your legs crossed, maybe try and, uh, yeah. And, uh,
I take for a long time after that. You just kind of pay extra attention to every single sensation.
You breathe like the same way or the repetition of the breath, yeah, allows you to clear your mind.
And then you're hearing things like a buzzing TV or a voice off in the distance, but it's not like
you're attaching anything to it's like going, yeah, I always think of it as like you're,
you become in my mind the way I would think of it. It's like you kind of become a screen door
instead of like a sealed door, a closed door. It's like you're getting this sensation,
but it's going through you instead of getting stuck in you, which I always have struggled with.
Hmm. Huh. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. I'll try it. I've done it like for a few minutes and I've also
done it in group settings. It's hard when you start. Yeah. I mean, it feels like bullshit. Yeah.
It feels like, yeah, what the fuck is this? You know, yeah. Yeah. You know, uh, it's like a lot of
things. Yeah. Yeah. But I also go like when I'm, I don't know, I have things that take me out of
my head, but that's not the same anyway. Uh, all right. Yeah. Well, uh, I feel good.
I never relationship with pain. Did you bend that way? Because your back hurts.
You bent kind of like like, uh, tender. No. I mean,
so obviously did. If I did, I did it because I have a relationship with pain and it's fine.
I stopped saying, but I did it. Pain for sure. But I did it. All right. So let's get into it.
We'll have a good time and let's go. Let's go.
Christa, Matt, you guys are the tits. Am I an asshole? I have this coworker.
We hit it off when we first met. Good buddies. He offered me rides because we live close to each
other. So it's not like any hassle on his back. Sure. But it was soon after that. I realized
he is insufferable. He never stops talking or never stops cracking jokes that are hysterical
to only him. He knows Brian. I don't know what to do at this point. I'm avoiding him at work
and at lunch and basically just like using him for rides, which I don't know, I feel like an
asshole. Should I tell him the truth? Should I just stop accepting rides and just take the bus?
Or I don't know. Love you guys. Chris, I'll see you in November and Matt. I'll see you in my dreams.
Yeah. Nice. I can be in your dreams too. I'll see you in your dreams.
Take the ride, dude. I mean, if it's that, if he's so insufferable, the ride sucks,
then that's a different story. But if you can handle the ride, he obviously likes it.
You don't need to confront him. If you're avoiding him successfully at work when you're there,
and all you have to deal with is the ride to and from home. And he's giving it to you for free,
and that is useful to you. And you can, it's tolerable enough. Don't bring it up with him.
Avoid him at work. Take his rides. He's getting more out of it than you. Why, why mess up the
equilibrium? Why is he getting more out of it than you? Because he gets to talk to somebody who
clearly needs to know some guys are motor mouths. But you know, you know people, I'm sure, you'll be
around them and you'll be like, oh, that guy doesn't get to be around enough people. Because they don't
sure. Okay. Yeah. But I also know people that are just motor mouths. And it's like, what the hell?
I don't care about your trucking business. In the end, it doesn't matter, though, if the ride is
is the value of the ride always the annoyance of the experience of the ride. I mean, if you get
in a car and somebody's like, and it's the morning and people are just like, yeah, so,
man, we're watching this show and this and that. And I got to, and you go, oh, my God,
dude, you go, I mean, what do I do? I say, bro, I'm tired. I'm going to sleep. If you want,
if you want me to wake, I don't know. I, I, I, I, it's hard for people who are going to,
you're going to see him every day. It's hard for you because you work with him. But like,
I think it's okay to be like, yo, man, no disrespect. I'm tired. I don't want to talk. I don't
want to listen. I, I got to get, I got to get to work. I think what I would do, if I really,
I don't know if I do that, but I might, if I was really going to, I would do what I said I was
going to do. But if I was going to do anything, I would just in the car say, it's crazy. It really
is crazy. How much you like talk? Yeah. Like, do you ever think about that? Yeah. You know,
like in a, in a totally non, like, it upsets me way. He might take it a certain way. But if you
don't mean it that way, he can't really like, yeah, defensive about, but he is upset about it though.
So technically, not necessarily. Oh, he's annoyed. You think it's rude just plainly to ask. No,
I, I just think that he's going to take it a certain way because it is a certain way. So you,
so you do think it is a certain way, which is what? Annoying. And there's no way to be like,
gotcha. You know, he's going to be like, you're, you're, man, you talk a lot, bro. I mean,
what if you were like, like that? Then it's fine. It's like, you know, it's mildly anointing,
but what the fuck? Like, I would do that. That's a shame. Yeah. I would do that. So I don't, yeah.
But, but, but for a normal person who's not a crazy sociopath or a comedian, then you kind of,
got a tiptoe around that stuff. What if you said, what if he said, you know, it's taking
the other day? I don't know. I really don't know anyone who talks as much as you.
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Listening to this podcast instead of doom-scrolling,
smart move. Another smart move? Bundling. Ordick? You can't veil it like it's something else. You got to say it right away.
Dude, I did this thing when I was doing a movie "Army of the Dead." There was a snake wrangler
there because we were in the middle of the desert in Albuquerque, and it fucking sucks there,
and who would go to New Mexico? So we were there, and there's just snakes around,
because it's hell on earth. There was a guy there that was just looking for snakes as we were shooting
to get them away. Yeah, just in case. There were snakes around. I'd be like, there's a snake over here,
and he would just get it with his fucking claw thing and then put it somewhere else further away.
And I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, he's all dressed in tan. They came
with colors for some fucking reason. Every wrangler is in tan. And so many pockets. And he was like, oh, I do it. I'm just looking for snakes. If they're here,
he's like, yeah, you want to find them. And he was like, yeah, no, the idea is that they're not
around. So that's my job. And I was like, oh, but you want to find them because you're like a crazy
person, huh? And he was like, well, I'm not a crazy person. And I was like, oh, I can't talk to this guy.
Done with this guy. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, man. Oh, you had a fucking wild childhood, huh?
And I know that immediately, of course. Yeah. Well, first of all, I know you had a wild
child, because all you do is look for snakes all day long. Yeah, crazy. Okay. I think about rent,
like every every time there's an animal on a set, there's someone called a wrangler. And they're
there for that specific kind of animal. Some people do all different kinds. Some people do just
dogs or just, yeah, alligators or whatever the fuck. Yeah. And they're all crazy, though.
It's very crazy to pay more attention to animals than it is to human relations.
chips. It's insane. Yeah, but no, there's crazy, you know, everyone knows women like this.
They're like, oh, I love my cats. I love my dog. Dogs are better than people. Those people
are fucking crazy. Those people are crazy. You cannot have, they don't have read, they don't,
if the people who value, oh, well, my dogs are always going to be here. If a man won't, you're a,
that's you're the problem, dude. It drives me nuts. It's so crazy when it most, most, and I don't
mean this all, but most people who are like animal rescuer type people are fucking bat shit in saying,
not all of them. They got a lot going on, probably. Yeah, not all of them. Like it can be a noble,
good thing. And animals do need that. But most of the people we know that you know, you know,
you know, people like this, they like, you know, they're in a house somewhere and they fucking are
like, oh, you know, it's just like thinking about dogs is crazy, bro. Thinking about animals is
fucking insane, dude, at all. For a long time, you think about animals for 40 minutes,
you're fucking crazy, dude. That's crazy. A day or total? No, in a row. 40 consecutive minutes
to just be like, oh shit, dude. Yeah, the condor actually does do that. You're fucking insane.
You're insane. You know, it's cool to have a dog. I have four, you know, it's cool to pet him.
It's cool to love on him and shit. But like, when you get these people who are like dogs are loyal
and men are and women, you know, you're, dude, you, you have, and it's fine, but don't act like you
don't have problems. I knew a guy whose dad had this dog, a doxan, who a bit, the guy knows his
son, his face when he was a kid. And he blamed his son. And it, and it, because he loved the dog
so much. Kill the dog, kill the guy. And, and it scarred his, this guy knows face first entire life.
The, the kid, the kid killed dog kill. Even when he was an adult, he had this reminder every time
you see himself of how much his dad loved his dog more than him. So, no, not only, not only
kill the dog, do it with your bare hands. Well, I mean, that's crazy, dude. Are you kidding me?
I mean, if a dog, if a dog bit a child of mine or even of yours, I would like, I would probably
want to kill him. If my dog, if any child, yeah, forget it. That's, I don't, no, no, it's just too much.
And, and I know I'm coming off harsh and, and perhaps too harsh, you know, probably, and maybe,
you know, it's for, I don't know, but it's just like, do these people who are just like,
like, there's so much wrong with the world. And then they're just going to be like, you know,
that's why I want to look at fucking Leonardo DiCaprio's fucking Twitter. And I'm just like, shut the
fuck up about dolphins, dude. Oh, yeah. Every tweet is about fucking dolphins. And you didn't
write it. And everyone knows it. What do you do with it? But there's people that say, there's
those people that think like the ecosystem. And if you get rid of how about when people are just like,
you know, if all the bees die, we're fucked. Everyone gets in a car wreck within three weeks.
It's like, dude, you know, man, all right. Because every food chain and at all, they,
they provide a purpose. All right, fine, man. Okay. What the fuck do you want me to do about it?
Yeah, it's kind of about donate to pause. It's kind of about priorities, you know?
Yeah, it's about priorities. What you can, what you can possibly do and fill your own mind with
per day is so annoying. Yeah. Well, because you know, we need
bees. If someone ever says that to me and many people have like six, I go nuts. People do need
bees. It's a fine. You didn't go nuts. But I'm not, what am I going to do? I'm not getting rid of
bees. So don't tell me that. Am I out there catching bees and and and and and and and and locking
them up? Am I a crazy evil bee villain? I've no, I've killed a bunch of bees once. That, but that's
a confession. Absolutely. I think that's illegal. What I did. Well, if there's a bee,
what if you're doing it with a gun in public, yeah. But if there's a bee and he's around and it might
sting me, boom, of course, that's it. If it's around my kids, boom, that's it. You know, it's like,
you know, I don't need to hear about all this stuff with like how it's the ecosystem. One bee is,
right, I understand, but it's all good. I'm talking about I slayed like 200 bees once.
I mean, Jesus Christ, dude, they were right outside my house. Well, how do you slay 200 bees?
Oh, with a spray. Yeah. But I don't think that's legal. I think Gavin Newsom's going to arrest me
right up to the show. Do you think that that's not illegal? I mean, you think that that's illegal?
I think that's not, I mean, I'm not going to go to jail. No, no, I don't think it's the
findable way in here for bees. I slayed 200 bees. All right. Oh, really? Turn around. I'm
gonna fuck your ass. Oh, cool. Let's use this guy. So cold. All right. Let's do the next one.
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So guys, so sexy. So sexy. Let's get podcast during the day. It really helps me get through mine.
So I think that's an assumption. Move to Dallas a few weeks ago. Hooked up my first Southern
girl last night. Shelled seven years. So probably six NLA. Chris Tucket too caught up with that.
You know, I saw Southern girls are sweet and it's a cute, which she was. But then during
Pelletuck, she hit me with the whole. I want you to do the same thing you just did, but wake me up
with it. Not tomorrow, just sometime. I was like, okay, what? I can do this. My ex the three years
into this. I got this. But then I had found myself staying at the ceiling for at least an hour
thinking about like how bad this could go for me. Yeah. You know, I literally could get caught
with my dick in my hand. Yeah. You could just want to get you guys a thoughts. See if you would
pursue it. See if you would get to know a little better first or if you just would just go for it.
What? It could turn out great. Or it could turn out like I would turn around and leave and not
even get my things because I'd be so embarrassed. So Tony, get your guys a thoughts. Thanks.
What's he saying? I don't know what he's saying. The guy talks like Faris Whitaker.
My understanding is that
he wants, after they had their first time together,
she said she wants him to do the same thing to her sex. Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean. Yeah.
And but wake her up with it. But not this tomorrow morning, meaning surprise me waking me up with sex.
Correct. And another day, which sounds to me like she's asking him to break in and wake her up.
Oh, oh, is that not right? If that, oh, I thought he slept over.
I thought she wanted to be woken up with sex, but not, not like that, not in a scenario where he
wasn't even there the night before. Okay, okay. I didn't think that. Okay. Yeah. No, don't do that.
But then we never do that. That's like you get real trouble for that. But waking up with somebody
and then I mean initiating sex. I mean, dude, I don't understand because like if you try to initiate
sex and the woman is sleeping, they wake up and then they go, oh, yeah, or oh, no, right?
That's usually one of the things. Like you're not going to, like in what world would you be?
Like there's that whole, you know, that porn where there's like the guys having sex with the girl
and the girl sleeping. It's like a fucking something called something. It's like, whenever I see
like a thumb of that, I'm like, who the fuck would watch that? It's so fake. Like you wake up.
Oh, there's a cock inside me. Get my coffee. Right. I'm awake. Yeah. You know what I mean?
I mean, if it's her kink, maybe, you know, yeah. But so is he talking about, hey,
no, no, no, I think he's talking about he she wants to be woken up.
Mid-act yeah, but that's not even possible. No, don't do that. Don't do that. I would never know. I would never do that
Don't do that. No, that's a kink. That's by but oh sweetie. Hey, how about this wake me up
I'll be asleep put your pussy on me. I wouldn't like that neither would I but I mean, you know if it's her kink
It's her kink if somebody's got to be sleeping. It's gonna be me
Boy, what's I'm not taking that chance? Hey sweetie?
But what is I guess what I'm asking is what is the chant? What is the risk? He's concerned with what what is he
worried about
Bro some chick goes like this. Oh my god. I wait. You're fucking me
Sure, that that's crazy, but she asked him to
Right you trust
Well, that's I think that's what his he just met this woman plus right you don't know where that well maybe maybe
Get like if you date her for a little while do that, but don't do it the second time you have said. I'm a little yeah
I'm a little confused though because like waking someone up. She'll wake up before
That yeah, you know, yeah, I mean you a ninja fucker. Well, yeah, but you've been alive long enough to know that
That's a thing that is possible. No
I don't if I'm next to my wife and
She's sleeping and I go oh, yeah
Might be because you're saying that that she likes she goes, but you know what I mean if I activate whatever she goes like this
or
Right, that's what that's like the latter is what she's seeking. She doesn't mean I want to remain asleep
She means wake me up with it. I want to wake up
To sex. I want to wake up to sex put on the end and then I don't think there's anything to be afraid of with
This at all
I mean, there's ways it could go wrong she asked like even if I don't think I think it's crazy if she actually meant to come over in fun
No, I don't think that was kind of that what that was what I was thinking I was thinking about she asked
Yeah, maybe get to know her like a little bit better. Yeah, four or five after four or five times
Just go to the club never met the girl. Hey fuck me when I'm sleeping one more time got me feeling so free
It's time to say hey, what the fuck clink?
Yeah, forget that dude. No, hey
Eyes open when we fuck give it a few give it a few
sexual
Turns spins around the earth, you know the worst thing I've ever heard in my life that sentence
The worst sentence I've heard in a life off all right. Yeah, that's that's don't don't do anything like that
Next what's up Chris? What's up, my name is Nolan. I'm from Rhode Island Chris. I saw you earlier this year in Cranston
I am new to lifeline. I've always been a fan of Chris, but I just never got into lifeline
So I'm starting from episode one. I'm on episode three. I think right now and it made me think like I
Wonder what you guys would say
In regards to is there anything that you miss about this early era of lifeline that I'm starting on
Are you glad you ironed out certain kinks? How do you think you guys have changed?
Not just as people, but specifically in regards to this podcast
It'd be kind of cool as somebody who doesn't know the most recent bits that you guys have just started in the newest episodes
Again, I'm only up to episode three. Is there anything you can tell me some fair warning some oh episode whatever
Let me know as someone who is new to lifeline what I should know. Are you happy about certain things you miss certain things?
Let me know love you guys life reps
Reatorated one more time succinct. Yeah, now he was good with it, but
I don't know really how to say I forget sometimes how long we've been doing that. No, I well, here's what I forget
Everything immediately after each episode 100 oh you two the same man. Oh, dude. I've been like that since episode one dude
I thought something was wrong with me. I'm like people are people gonna be like oh dude
Yeah, I know I mean people on cargo pants guy and you're like what yeah, and then and then you look back
You're like oh, I did a fucking 25 minute bit about a cargo pants guy. I have no I don't I've no memory of it
I go. Oh, yeah, now I do but like yeah, so I don't know. I mean, I'm just grateful to be doing it still and also it's fun
And it goes it's up and down, you know, there's strings of episodes that are amazing and there's strings of episodes that to me are like
We're just kind of getting through it, but I feel good now. We feel good. I feel good now. It feels really good
Yeah, it's in a really good spot right now, but he's not gonna know this for three years because if he's going at this base
But so in three years when you hear our answer. Yeah, we will be doing somebody right now. We'll be doing very well in three years from now
I'll be dead. No, that's not I hope that's not true
No, I won't be dead, but uh somebody some a lot of people will be mm-hmm three years. Mm-hmm pretty more millions and millions of people will be dead
Yeah, between now and three years. Yeah, I know I've everybody knows that. That's one of those things
You don't need to say like this can be healthy because just just reminding everyone how life works
But yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't even know how to answer that because we're in the middle of it
Yeah, like anything else. There's ups and downs and like, but I don't know it's it's
It's got a lot of really great moments, I think yeah also. Oh the main thing is that for whatever reason and we don't even really know why but
Always always always the funniest things happen in the very last that's a great in the very last ten minutes
Okay, so that if there's a thing to know about lifeline
It's the last ten to fifteen minutes are always the funniest and best mm-hmm, and that sucks
Frankly, I don't know what it is. Yeah, I don't know what it is either
But more often than not the last fifteen minutes. We're just dying laughing. What is that's a great that's what the guy's asking and that's the answer
There you go. There you go. Yeah, also honestly it because I've never I mean I've never done
Really a podcast on camera before it led me to do my own as well
And now I do this
Almost for a living. I mean, I still do what I did before but like
sell your body. Yeah
But I don't know it was it was my entry point into doing it and I didn't know if I would like it and I love it
And I expanded it because I love it so much so that's a matter of the universe. That's cool. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I know I think that
Somebody should cut together the last fifteen minutes of every episode of lifeline and put that on the thing somebody will
Dude, there's all these best of lifeline things. That's oh really see those
Oh in my in your algorithm. Oh, it's weird did I don't fucking I
Don't I guess I don't look at stuff anymore. You don't go on YouTube. No, I love you
It's like all kids stuff on there. Well my YouTube is now just all kids stuff
Well, that's why why you're not on that. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, wait
You're saying because I have kids and I walk on a kick his ass. I got it
No, I thought or maybe that's like the new hot thing on YouTube
I don't know like no, I mean you because my algorithm. Yeah, I open my TV and I open YouTube and I have all stuff that I want
Exactly, but when I'm at your house. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, it's all fucking
People cutting sand and shit. What's interesting is that I knew exactly what he meant and you had three or four questions about it
But I didn't have to ask him anything and I knew exactly what it meant you had three four questions about it. That's not interesting
Pretty interesting. What's it? What's what's what's what's not interesting? But if it was interesting, it would be
The interesting part would be because I was clarifying something because he could have said it a little bit more specific
You always say that you always say that and I and I go and yet
That's a huge problem and yeah, I keep saying it. I understood it all entirely even the way he said it
You take short cuts and understanding that stuff and you're gonna that's gonna lead to some problems at some point and for me
I'll have less problems because they except for people would be annoyed with me and that's fine. I'll take that
Well, you've been taking a lot of what you don't know what everybody's talking about you've been taking that your whole life
So it's all good. Okay, let's do the next one
Hey, man. Hey, it's a beard. I just wanted to say thank you so much for the advice last time I wrote into the show
It actually really helped me a lot
To help me get out of my head. So thank you. Oh
Nice my other question is how do I stop fucking spending money man?
I love spending money, but I know I shouldn't I can't I
Have a problem with wanting to spend outside of my means and all kinds of stuff
But I can't because I want to be financially stable for some
Children that I want to adopt soon. All right. I want to adopt children and I have to be financially stable for that, but
I don't know man. How do I how do I get over this little bullshit thing? I can't get over. Thanks
I don't know I've gone I mean I have so many things like that where it's like not that that's not one of my things
But I have so many things that are like oh, I can't just stop and there it's not that it's meaningless to spend too much money
It's meaningful and it affects your life anyways, but like
I don't think there's a and an answer besides like
stop
Yeah, I give it to chat GBD dude. That's my higher power
What is what we give it to just be like yo chat gbt?
I'm trying to save money, but also I spend too much. What should I buy this that that
Sam Altman will take care of that. Let me ask you something
Do you worry that you're getting dumber because you do that so much?
Or do you think you're getting smarter? Well, I only do it for my workouts and eating
But not for anything else how about broadly do you think it's making people dumber or smart? Yeah, well
If that's like asking, you know, do the iPhones do that and yeah, well tattoo beauty specifically gives you information and knowledge
Yeah, but so now you've had to be so much and I use you do but but not for the but you know, I know that I talk
I'm I ask it about stuff that I want to know about right right right and I'm and I'm like what this is
Like a fucking gold mine. Well, yeah, it knows everything
And then and then sometimes
I'll be like no, that's wrong like I
What you just said is not right right and then she'll be like because I do the voice one
Should be like ah you're right. You got me and I'm like, why did I get it?
Well, it's not the truth is it's not good enough. It's not yeah, cuz I'll go like
You know, you know, I literally use it pretty much only for what do I eat what have I eaten today?
And I'll oh sometimes I'll be like what I eat so far today, and it'll tell me and I'll be like that was yesterday
And what does this say and they go? Oh, you're right my bad. Thanks for thanks for
Catching me on that and you're like
Yeah, don't fuck that up. No, don't fuck that up. Yeah, that's kind of where I'm at bro when I was in Europe
I was like oh my god. Hey chat GBT because I don't want to reset the day at 6 a.m
For the for eating Oh, okay, dude
It would sort of reset like fucking 2 p.m. Because I was in Amsterdam every fucking day
I'm like, I'm not in Los Angeles anymore save this
I'm gonna and it goes gotcha
Every fucking day at 3 p.m. Ready for your new mat and ready for your fucking oatmeal. I go
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I get the book was like why do you keep doing this? What is that? It was like oh my bad, you know
I got it now for sure and they did not I
Mean yeah, Chachachies, so it's not good enough yet once it dials that in though
What's it matter if we're dumber or not? I mean, you dude. I mean you could argue matters even more
Well, it because then there's something smarter than us are yeah
Well, no in that way it does and it argue you know it matters artistically and shit, but like
you know
Like look if you're gonna put a text or an email together like the one that mom sent it
You know that you should if you want me like is this good you just put in the chat to be able to clean it up
So yeah, you get dumber because you don't have to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
But that that that's that's you know been around since predictive texting since you know since
Yeah, it is I actually spell don't know where I sit on the scale of and people talk
I mean I read about it all the time. It's chat to be teemaking as a dumber and but like
I don't know it is especially over time over time
I think there's no doubt there's no doubt, but right now I'm not sure yeah, I mean people it's making people crazy though
We'll put it this way
Have I told the story? Yeah, yeah, it is making people crazy. We'll put it this way
But have I told the story though? Yeah about the guy. Yeah, okay
Keep going
Like people can't name like four countries now
You know and and people don't know what the capital of the United States is or the capital people wouldn't be able to and and maybe
It's the internet has exposed more dumb people maybe but like dude people can't name four countries
Here's what's crazy. They're like Canada
Baltimore
Yeah, there'd be like cheese steak Paris and
presumption
Like a block. Yeah, it's fucking idiot. It's pretty crazy. Yeah, God. Yeah
So forgot I can say but yeah, but that stuff this is it because it's at GBD
That's what you fall in but no, but that's what that's what happens over time. Yeah. Oh, here's what I was gonna say
everybody
Anytime somebody has a utopian vision of something like Al Gore's dumbass with the internet. How it was gonna democratize knowledge
It did
But people didn't give a fuck yeah because dumb shit right exists
Yeah, because instead of looking up like the history of the Roman Empire
You can look you can use Sora to and make Michael Jackson fucking moonwalk and still your french fries dude
You know and I it's like crazy, dude and 99% of those people are gonna do the Michael Jackson
It's so crazy and it's like dude every bit of every piece of knowledge that we have as humans is literally
Accessible on the internet and yet we're
Dumber right we could take economics classes at Yale
We can literally take the highest level Harvard classes for free and we're online and we're fucking making Michael Jackson dance backwards doing it
Taking their front taking some french fries going he he yeah, you're watching fucking cockroaches have a fiesta on a ring cam
You know what I mean? What is that? I don't know dude all of human looking nuts. You could
You could make an argument that all of human history has been the pursuit of more and more knowledge right even fucking apes in a cave making fire
Yeah, figuring out how to burn meat so it's more nutritious. Yeah everything every fucking all of it
But then once we get all of it we're like fucking yeah
Make like make this stupid AI video of a big foot instead of getting a degree
You're watching cockroaches play mariachi music during a fiesta on a ring cam
That's a targeted demo if there ever was well and also in the fucking 90s. Yeah, exactly. Yeah
Yeah, I do remember when he hosted Monday night football. Yeah for a season. Yeah, I never really watched it
But it was so odd
You know, I talked about that with somebody recently about how like why don't they I was I was I was making a job
Oh, we were watching TV
Oh, yeah, it was during the world series. We're watching TV with two or three families at our house
You know that crazy game and shit. Yeah, oh the 18 in the game
No, no the last one and then and it cut to
Two guys in the dugout and one guy was on you know how they're step like a step into the dugout
So one guy was on the step and the other guy was on not on the step and they were talking to each other so they were like this
And I and somebody said what do you think they're talking about and I said and then I immediately said
The only reason why you're tolders because you're standing on that step right and they laugh because it was so quick and like whatever the fuck so
And then they were like why don't they have
comedians
As announcers and that sounds like such a great idea and it's just not it's it's not
Well, you don't want to hear me doing that when you're watching fucking baseball especially actual fans don't want that baseball fans
Yes, no, it's awful. Yeah, and and so I think I don't know if I don't know what Dennis Miller did
But well his whole thing was he's all into like esoteric
We're all that so he would say shit like like like reference like King Tutankham and when there was like a fumble
You know, Voltaire yeah exactly and it was just like touchdown Voltaire Michael's was like
Okay, you know who the other guy the guy. Oh, yeah, anyway. What the fuck is that?
We're gonna go for a conversion here. I don't know what the fuck Dennis Miller's talking about or what that cost of his
They used to love this show on HBO. Remember that you show. Yeah, I mean
I mean one of the funniest things and I think about this all the time dude
It was so funny for no reason. I don't know if anybody has ever made me laugh
But with one word before in the amount that this made me laugh, okay, he comes out Dennis Miller
It's still fine. It did it's still fucking funny to me. He comes what he comes out
Ladies and gentlemen Dennis Miller don't don't you know, what if the fucking sound is they want to play every
Everybody rules the world. What's that? Oh, right? Yeah, everybody wants to rule everybody wants to rule the world
That's right and he would come out and he came out. I must have been fucking
17. I know we were young, yeah, but he came out and he goes and they stopped clapping and he's standing there and he just goes
Jumanji
And like people kind of laughed and he just went
You know, you know, it was when Jumanji kind of like had come out or something
Well, my god, dude, I think about that all the time and I laughed so hard because it was just so simply funny because of how stupid it was
That's a fucking movie and all you had to do was say Jumanji.
It was unbelievable.
It was awesome.
And I left so hard.
I wonder if that's somewhere on YouTube I would love to find it.
Let's see if we can find it.
I'm like a luxury, yeah.
Jumanji.
I think that's gonna be hard.
Even though you think it's gonna be--
No, no, I don't think it'll be easy.
I think it'll be hard.
But I never know.
I never know.
Hey, nothing easy is worth doing, am I right?
Boom.
Hey, I actually have advice for the guy.
Oh, great.
Give it to him.
Lay it on him.
We're still-- are we still on the guy
who's asking how to save money?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, what you do is, anytime you want to buy something,
you just write it down.
I'm not saying don't buy it, but you identify one day
a week where you buy stuff.
Oh, that's a good idea.
And you just wait, because maybe the impulse will pass,
that's a good idea.
Absolutely, good idea.
So then when Friday comes, let's say it's Friday,
you're like, OK, the oven that I wanted to get, the--
You know what I was talking about, the shoes.
The mansion I wanted to purchase, you know what?
I'll skip that.
The beard trimmer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then the zebra that I was going to purchase.
And you just have to not buy anything every other day.
That's a good idea.
Because honestly, most of the stuff
you probably won't want anymore.
Oh, dude, man, when I go into my closet
and I see all these fucking shoes that I used
to be obsessed about, I'm like, what does sell them?
Yeah, I don't know.
Make a lot of money.
You have so many shoes.
You're like, fucking, this is a batteler.
You've got shoes, you know?
No, I am like a lizard batteler with shoes, you know?
Yeah, no, I just--
I don't-- because I don't do that kind of shit anymore.
I mean, if I see a cool shirt, I'll get it.
But like, I have too many shoes.
Also, maybe it's age-- maybe it's an age thing.
I'm 45 now.
No, no, shoe heads don't die, though, like that.
I think you're an uncommon case of that.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
You were a shoe head for sure.
Yeah, oh, no, no, no.
I was, but I could easily do that again.
Oh.
I can get addicted to anything, bro.
Fucking, it's--
Get some cocaine out here.
God, I think I never tried that.
Jesus Christ.
Any drug, you never tried any drug?
I'd be dead, yeah.
Oh, are you kidding me?
Give up drugs, no way.
No fucking way, dude.
I would never.
Oh, oh, I wouldn't be able to.
There's no fucking way.
Although I am surprised myself with the Swedes.
But I give it to Chatchee, that's my higher power.
I really don't like that you're saying that.
If I have a thing called robotheism, I know.
And it sucks.
And you're practicing it by saying Chatchee,
but he is your higher power.
Well, I'm just saying, if I had a Coke problem,
I would go to Chatchee, but he did to see what's up.
But you can't do that now, because it
can't keep you medical advice.
They just passed that.
So great.
They would point you to a place that has information.
Not doing that.
I want my phone to be like, you're God?
Yeah, my God.
Well, now you can't.
Robotheism is fucking tight.
Robotheism is insane.
It is insane.
Yeah.
Anyway, let's knock it into that.
Let's do another.
Well, I'll get into it later by myself.
What's up, my babies?
I got a dilemma that I need some advice on.
So I have 11 and a half.
Can we pause it?
I like-- this guy seems very nice, very--
Very cool.
Here are comms, dude.
I got to go on record about something.
I fucking hate these sunglasses.
When you say these, you mean those ones?
The circular sunglasses.
I agree, except Liam Gallagher wears them.
So I like them.
I fucking hate anyone.
I don't hate anyone.
Where's them?
They're so not good looking.
Statically, I hate them.
Well, I know for a fact, they look terrible on me,
but I'm not with you on just in general.
I hate none of them.
I just-- it's like, what the fuck?
Is it a-- what you're saying is more popular now
than it used to be?
Well, it's back in--
It's back in fashion, yeah.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, it was popular.
And it's just-- you know what it's like?
It's like-- you know what it's like
that I think that makes me think of it?
It's like, people are like, look how hot I am
that I can pull this off.
And I'm not saying that that's what that guy's doing.
But it permeates into a bunch of different things.
But like-- I think in the fashion world,
it's like, look how hot I am.
I get to wear these jerky circular glasses
and you still want me.
That's a crazy extrapolation.
To get from there to there.
Like, that is so many steps.
I know.
I don't think any one has ever thought that.
It's a subconscious thing at a subconscious level.
And I have theories.
And that's one of the things that make me so good.
Interesting.
I think no one's ever thought what you just said.
Maybe not consciously.
I mean, fucking Freud.
Fucking Freud.
How wrong was he, you know?
How so wrong?
You think fucking Chloe Savinier didn't think that.
You got another fucking Chloe Savinier thought,
these are chic as fuck.
I'm like a stylish--
I influenced the style of the world.
And I wanted to wear something jerky.
No.
And you still want me, because my kids slow down.
Oh, no.
OK.
Incorrect.
No.
Anyway, check out the scene of that bump.
He may have twice a day still.
In my neighbor, somehow ironically enough mose,
every time that this kid goes down for a nap.
Oh, that's rough.
My neighbor mulling is long.
It doesn't wake my kid up every single time.
But sometimes it does.
It happens once in a while.
It's not that often.
So I don't see it as like a huge deal,
because it doesn't happen all the time.
But when it does happen, it's really irritating,
because we're trying to get him on the strict slew schedule.
My wife gets stressed out about it.
Exactly.
This neighbor is a nice guy.
We don't have any problems.
So I feel like I could reach out to him
and be like, hey, man, you know, my son
who goes down at this time, do you
think you could mull later on or whatever?
But part of me feels like that's such a dick move.
To be like, hey, my kid has a nap schedule.
It's not a dick move.
You're not a dick move.
Because it's like, who the fuck am I, you know what I mean?
Your neighbor?
I shouldn't be able to control it.
The sky's yard work and it's hot.
That's true.
No, that's free time.
That's true.
And he has everybody to say no.
What's your guys' opinion on this?
Should I reach out to him and be kind of like, hey,
mull your lawn at a different sauce?
Or should he just let it go?
Because he's his own man and has his own life.
And his problem is not my baby sleep schedule, you know?
What's your guys' take on this?
Are there any spin moves I can hit on this guy?
What a good guy.
I love you guys.
What a good guy, you know?
I mean, so many people that the fuck
of this guy's thinking about something
that might affect someone else.
You shit all over sunglasses.
How do you feel about that?
I fucking hate those sunglasses.
How do you feel about being--
I already said he seemed like a guy.
And I was right, because I'm very intuitive.
And also, I have theories that fucking work out.
So you might be wrong about the fucking thing
about going to the potro.
But I said what the fuck?
Oh, that's what I meant.
For the same person in me kind of in a way.
It's kind of-- I think it's a mix of both.
Like, you have every right to kindly approach him and say,
hey, I mean, I'm fully aware of what this asks.
I don't want to mess with your daily life.
But like, this happens to be the case.
It happens to be the same time we put our sundown.
Is there a way that maybe you could do it any time?
I don't care.
But that isn't right then, because it's been really hard.
And if you get him emotionally involved,
not like he's going to be like, oh my gosh,
but hook him with the details without boring him.
And be asking him, do not be telling him.
Yeah.
Then, whatever he says, that's the answer.
You don't get it different.
I agree, yeah.
If he says fuck you, then you're like, oh,
you're a piece of shit, you're an asshole.
If he says, I guess I could do it at this time,
he's a bit of an asshole, but he's doing it.
And then if he's like, oh, man, of course,
I wish you had said something sooner,
then you have a real neighbor that you're lucky to have.
Ah, true.
I know what would you do?
If I was him, no, the neighbor.
No, the neighbor, I would 100% not do it during the nap.
Yeah.
I don't know how I would be about it.
I don't think knowing myself, just being perfectly honest,
I might be like, really?
Yeah, man, I can do it.
Oh, really?
Yeah, maybe, yeah.
It depends on my mood, yeah.
But honestly, if he came to me the way I said,
I would be like, oh, yeah, of course.
I wish you had said something.
Like, always, you can always give a baby.
That's more kind of important than my fucking lawn, you know?
Yeah.
But it's all about the way you ask.
That's it.
Yeah, I mean, there's a ton of things you can do.
You can be like, hey, I know this sucks.
And obviously, like, you know.
Also, I'm sorry, real quick.
Yeah.
He's not going to change, so that should just get right back
to doing it, whatever it is, 2PM, whatever.
That's true.
That's true.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm just thinking like, you know, I mean,
fuck, you could even be like, bro, if this is the only time
you can do it, and if it matters to this guy that much,
it's just be like, I'll mow your lawn.
Fucking, you know, I mean, I can't put that like,
I'll mow your lawn in the morning or whatever, you know?
Like, there is that that could have in your back pocket.
Cause I, you know, that's probably a good exercise or something,
you know, probably burn some calories more on lawn.
And you have to eat a little extra.
But, um, yeah, the, uh, as long as you keep it 40, 30, 30,
but the, uh, yeah, it's, what, what you doing, man?
Uh, just, uh, doing some chat to be decent stuff.
Not a no reason for that.
Doing my god, praying to my god, uh, yeah, I think that, uh,
that you, well, I guess what I would do is,
hey, because he said he's a good guy.
- He did say he already knows that.
- So I'd say, hey, man, dude, I know that this is annoying,
I don't think it'll always be this way,
but you know, you see, how often do you mull on
once a week, right?
You say, yo, the time you mull on is when my kid
has happened to be taking a nap now
and it just, it wakes him up a lot of the time.
I totally get it if it's the only time you can do it,
but if not, it'd be cool if you did it in a different time
and whatever, just take that information
and do what you get, you don't even have to answer,
just, you know, do it.
- Yeah, that's a good way to do it, you know.
- Yeah, and then, yeah, so, and if he does this again,
and then, and then ask him, and he goes, like,
that's when I mull the lawn, buddy.
Say, I'm gonna fuck your wife.
I'm gonna try everything I can and I'm gonna be so charismatic
and I'm telling you in fair warning
and tell her too, excuse me, are you here?
Let's come here, come here.
Matt, hi.
Okay, so, so here's what's been happening.
He's been mulling the lawn when my kid is sleeping.
It's fine.
It totally doesn't have to change when he mulls the lawn.
I told him though, since he said he's not gonna do it,
and I wanted to be full transparency.
I wanted you guys to understand.
- I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and sleep with you.
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- So, okay, and I get that you're probably like,
what the audacity, I get it.
I'm gonna work from that point, be so charismatic,
and just really focus everything on that.
And when you cave, cave, all right?
So, I'll see you guys later.
Go put my kid down.
- More on the lawn.
- Oh, and then, hey, the next day, how you doing?
- Just fucking.
- So awkward.
- Wearing her down after fucking nine months.
- I mean, I think we'll take longer than nine months.
- No, I know, but we're gonna have to go for the first crack.
- Oh, it's actually cool, you're hair.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Just like seven years, you know?
- Thank you.
- Finally get that second.
- You get so fat, you don't wanna fuck her anymore.
- The kids ate, the kids ate.
(laughing)
- Daddy, why is with our neighbor's wife?
- Well, eight years ago.
- When you were a little boy, I defended your honor.
- I defended.
- Yeah.
He was waking you up once a week with his mowing sometimes.
So I fucked his wife.
- Eventually.
- It took me 12 years.
- And that son is a life lesson.
Never, ever give up.
- That's why you never fuck with a Thompson.
(laughing)
Like I said, his name is definitely Thompson.
- Dude, that's great.
Wow, you're doing more of it.
Yeah, it's one more.
- What up, Chris?
What's up, Matt?
My name is Paymon.
I am calling in today from Larkspur, California.
Where is that?
- No.
- My question today is in regards to a situation
that I encounter often at work.
I'm a server at a restaurant and every couple days,
someone will ask me, am I from the East Coast?
Because they say I have an accent.
And no, I was born in Sacramento.
So I don't necessarily have an East Coast accent.
I understand where it's coming from
'cause I was talking to someone about it.
And they're like, oh yeah, you got this drawing your voice.
- A little bit, yeah.
- You don't like the back of your throat.
'Cause you're like a chill guy, and you're like a fun guy.
But I was like, don't mistake me for a mushroom.
- Yeah, he does kind of, but he doesn't have an East Coast.
- I have this acting background.
And when I was younger, I was like a little more monotone.
So I had to work on like inflection.
So adding a little bit of melody to the way I speak.
And maybe that sort of like plays a part in that sort of accent
that people hear.
But I don't want to say all that shit.
So, what do I tell them?
- Oh yeah, we do have a response to that.
- So do I.
- Oh, it's interesting.
- I would just say, no.
- Can I take your order?
(laughing)
- Are you from the East Coast?
No, what do you want?
- No, would you like to hear the specials?
(laughing)
- I think that you say, yes.
- I think you said no, but honestly,
I hear that all the time.
That's like a charming thing to say.
And it's quick and it's easy and it's done.
- You're from the East Coast?
- But then they got asked.
- Maristown.
What do you want?
- But then they say, oh my cousins live in Mongolia.
- I don't know.
Would you like to hear the specials?
- Then you're a dick.
Then you're a dick.
I think you got to be honest and just say no,
but I get that all the time.
I just, this is my voice, I'm from Sacktown.
Now you want my nut second mouth?
You want a fucking order?
- Wow.
- Can I talk to you for a second, Richard?
(laughing)
- I think it's 'cause also-
- Payment in my office.
- He looks swarthy.
- Yeah, he has anything to do with it.
- You mean like he's Italian?
- Yeah, he looks like he's no bullshit.
- Yeah, he's got that vibe.
Sure, I understand that, yeah.
At first I didn't look like he is.
- I do get it.
- He looks like a New Yorker.
Yeah, he looks like he's from fucking Queens.
- Yeah, you know?
- I mean-
- And it's got like a brother named Paulie, you know?
Like, sorry dude.
If you have the slightest tinge of a New York accent,
people are gonna think you're from fucking New York.
If you look like that, and even like it sounds like
he's fucking pale of blood.
- Yeah, then they would never even,
if you had that voice, they would just confuse them.
But you don't have an accent, obviously.
- But he doesn't sound like he's,
yeah, he doesn't sound like he's from California, yeah.
You wouldn't, you wouldn't guess that.
- No.
- And it might be because of his look too.
- What kind of a name is Paymon though?
I know, I know people with that name,
but like, is that a like a Persian name?
What is it?
- I think it's,
is it Armenian?
- It's Persian.
- What is it?
- Persian.
- Persian.
- Okay, yeah, fucking smash that.
Didn't even have to use CHOPGB.
- Persian isn't really a theme anymore though.
So it's more Iranian or somewhere around there.
Cause Persia is not a fucking place anymore.
- Iranian.
- Iran, fuckers.
- Iranians.
- Is Iranian?
- Yeah.
- You have to say Persian.
I understand, I'm just saying.
- Dude, I one time called a god.
- I was so classified as Persian.
- Persian.
- Dude, I don't think that's true.
I had a fucking guy.
- Get the Persians out.
- Get mad at me for saying he was Persian.
- Bye.
- Because he's, he's like, no, I'm from Iran.
And I was like, but he's, that, that's okay, man.
That's how I thought.
But I guess, I mean, I don't know.
But he fucking said it wasn't.
So what do I know?
I didn't say you were from the fucking Ottoman Empire, man.
- Yeah.
- Are you, are you Ottoman?
You're from the Czech Republic.
Are you Ottoman, dude?
I don't know.
What I do know is that movie Prince of Persia
with Jack, Jake Gyllenhaal.
- Jacked Gyllenhaal?
- Fucking that's what he, the guy,
this is the thing about the fucking actors, dude.
- And he's great.
I think he's really good.
- I do, I really do.
But he does the lately, the dumbest movie.
- Well, yeah, but that, but that's okay.
- Why?
- No, dude, don't, because he's done,
he's done enough great shit.
I don't agree with that.
- You don't think so?
- I mean, he's done some good stuff,
but it's not like he's fucking Christian bailed.
- Well, he's 45, though.
- Well, I guess so is Christian bail kind of 50, yeah.
- Yeah, but it's like, dude, don't do Roadhouse.
You fucking, that's a huge payday, do that.
- But don't do ambulance, you fucking loser.
The Michael Bay one that like nobody ever cared about.
- Yeah, he does so much dumb shit.
- So much dumb shit, dude.
- I liked that remake one, he was in no,
but he put at the call center.
- Yeah, the original one of that is amazing.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- What's that movie called?
- Fuck, dude, I was, this is,
I was talking to Army Hammer.
And dude, he was talking to me about that movie.
And he was like, he's like, I can't remember the name.
And I was like, I can't either.
And now you're doing it.
- What the fuck, that's so weird.
It must be a weird name.
- The guilty.
- The guilty, oh that's, yeah, that's, that's, that's off.
But what's the Danish title?
- Fukuah Directive.
- The guilty was not, was not original.
- Bad.
The same.
Oh, okay, the guilty.
That's fucking good.
You know how I am?
I watched, I watched the Jake Gyllenhaal movie.
- I know you are.
- As I'm watching the Jake Gyllenhaal movie
in the middle of it, I go like this.
There is no way that this is an American movie.
- Of course it does make it.
- I'm looking it up and I did.
And then after the Jake Gyllenhaal one,
I watch this one and I go, oh, dude.
- I'm right in that they never leave the call center, right?
- I don't think so.
I think there's like, I think there's scenes
where not like flashbacks, but like,
where they kind of go back to that.
But like maybe one.
I think it's basically just there.
- Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah.
- It's great.
It's Danish, right?
I didn't even have that, it's got about that.
cool, so weird and I thought it was cool, I was directed to it.
Anyway, I'll be in Detroit, I'll be in Omaha, Kansas City, Chicago, go get tickets, Cleveland, Ohio.
Thank you very much, go see my tour, crystallia.com, appreciate you.
patreon.com/mountallia. We like to party. We like, we like to party. We like to party.
What a weird throwback. Be there for the live shows, baby. Sign up or else you hate me. Love you, bye.
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Podcast Summary
Key Points:
The episode opens with sponsor ads for Welch's Fruit Snacks, State Farm, and Botox for chronic migraine.
Hosts Chris, Matt, and another co-host discuss birthdays, tour dates, and promote their Patreon and Legends app.
They debate whether a listener should confront a talkative coworker who gives him rides, concluding he should tolerate it for free rides.
A discussion on animal lovers leads to a rant about people prioritizing pets over humans, with a story about a dog biting a child.
A listener asks about waking a new partner with sex; hosts advise against it until trust is built.
A new listener asks what to know about early Lifeline episodes; hosts note the last 10-15 minutes are always funniest.
Advice on saving money
A neighbor asks about asking his neighbor to mow the lawn at a different time to avoid waking his baby; hosts suggest a polite request.
A server asks how to respond to customers asking if he's from the East Coast; hosts suggest a brief, charming denial.
1
The episode ends with plugs for tour dates and Patreon.
Summary:
The podcast episode features hosts Chris, Matt, and a co-host engaging in casual, comedic banter while answering listener questions. They begin by promoting sponsors and discussing personal topics like cold weather, exercise, and meditation, with one host sharing his experience with daily meditation. A listener asks about dealing with an insufferable coworker who gives him rides; the hosts advise taking advantage of the free rides while avoiding him at work, rather than confronting him.
Another question involves a new partner requesting to be woken up with sex; the hosts caution against it until trust is established. A new listener asks about the show's evolution, and the hosts highlight that the final 10-15 minutes of each episode are consistently the funniest. For a listener struggling with overspending, they suggest writing down desired purchases and limiting buying to one day a week to curb impulses.
A neighbor seeks advice on asking his neighbor to mow at a different time to protect his baby's nap schedule; the hosts recommend a polite, non-demanding request. Finally, a server asks how to respond to customers assuming he's from the East Coast; the hosts suggest a simple, charming denial. The episode closes with plugs for tour dates and Patreon membership.
FAQs
Welch's Fruit Snacks are made with whole fruit and now contain no artificial dyes.
Bundling home and auto with State Farm can help you save through the Personal Price Plan, with discounts and savings varying by state.
Botox prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine (15 or more headache days per month). It is not for those with 14 or fewer headache days per month.
Serious side effects may include difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness, which can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Allergic reactions, neck pain, fatigue, and headache may also occur.
If the ride is tolerable, continue accepting it and avoid him at work. Don't confront him unless necessary, as he enjoys the interaction and you benefit from the free ride.
Write down items you want to buy and only purchase them on one designated day per week. This helps the impulse pass, and you'll likely find you don't want most items later.
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