Arsenio Hall

Hi, my name is Arsenio Hall, and I feel relieved about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hey, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Sona, did you finish your string cheese? I did not! I still have it! Sona, I look over, I'm about to start, and Sona has string cheese hanging out her mouth, and she's shaking her head like, Don't go yet! Don't go yet! You hit it so fast, Noel! You hit, you jammed it under the table! Yeah, I did. I'm holding it. Okay, well, be proud of your string cheese, you know? There you go. There we go. Yeah, how is it? Is it good string cheese? It is good. Thank you for having it in the fridge. I didn't know we had string cheese. You don't do the grocery shopping? I used to, and then about a week ago, I thought maybe I shouldn't do it anymore. I would always be rushing out just before guests were here. Al Pacino's almost here. I've got to go to the market! He likes his provolone! The market? The market. That's right. I said the market. That's like where people in a fairy tale. In a fairy tale go shopping. Papa Bear's down at the market with Goldilocks. Sona, good to see you. Good to see you too, boss. And we're also joined, of course, Matt Gourley is out. He's on paternity leave, and we're very happy for him. But David Hopping's sitting in with us. Hello. Yeah. I'm here. Wow, you light up a room. All right. Listen, you had that coming. You know you did. I know. No, you're a fantastic fellow. Hey, thanks. Yeah, and you're about to move into a new apartment. I am. I'm very happy for you. Yeah, thank you. But you made the mistake of showing me a video of your apartment, and all I've done is give you a hard time. I was excited. We were together whenever I got the email that we got approved, and I was like, oh, here's the new apartment. And ever since then, I've regretted everything in my life. Because I used anything I saw in the apartment. It's very nice. Yeah. It's two floors. It's got two balconies. And I started to go after him like, oh, two floors, huh? What am I paying you? Oh, God. You've got two balconies? I don't have two balconies. And so, and he said. Anytime you open up to me as a friend, I quickly use it against you. Yeah. Yes. You know what? I don't want to speak anymore about our trivial matters, because I am over the moon about today's guest. Very excited. This is a guy who I have a lot of respect for. I have a lot of respect for him. And we have worked in a similar profession. And we have a lot of things, I think, in common. And I. I just. I've always heard he's a lovely guy. And I'm so excited that we get to chat. So let's get right into it. My guest today is an actor. He's a comedian. He's a talk show host who now has a new book. And I've read this book, and it's great. It's titled Arsenio, A Memoir. I am just. Well, this isn't a job. This is just a really fun thing I get to do. Arsenio Hall, welcome. Thank you so much for having me on the show. Thank you for having me on the show. Relieved. Relieved. Why relieved? See, I should have prepared. Okay. Being totally honest, if you have to take it out, take it out. Last night, me and Howie Mandel arrived in Beverly Hills to do a benefit for abused animals with Jay Leno. Yeah, yeah. So because this is last night, about 8 o'clock, and I am thinking, get to bed, get up tomorrow, and I'm looking at Jay in this green room, and I don't keep up with all white folks' business. Well, guess what? I do. I only keep up on white folks' business. But I do remember that you all had friction. Water under the bridge. Yeah, yeah. And you know, Jay is. Your friends are laughing. But I thought about it, and I'm like, wow, I hope Conan doesn't hate me, you know, because. What? No, because, you know, Jay is like a big brother to me. Sure, yeah. And we fought, too, me and Jay. We're like Cain and Abel. We're brothers, but we have almost. Which one gets killed? He does. He does. I'm the better fighter. Jesus Christ. No, no, no, no. I honestly, I'm just. This is going to sound. This is going to sound so corny, but I am so happy with my life, and I get to do the things I want to do, and I honestly don't think about any of that stuff. I really don't. And I don't know about white folks' business. I honestly don't know what happened, but I do remember there was something. I was breastfeeding back in that era, you know? You just had a baby. You are a medical miracle. How did you. You're actually lactating right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, listen, I so want you just to be a happy person in the world, because I was telling Adam today that I don't know when I've had a guest. I mean, I filled my book with things I want to talk to you about. I read your book, your memoir. It's fantastic. It's great. I mean, really great. And you have such a unique story, and you're so honest in this book about everything about how you were feeling. And one of the first things you address in the book is you say, I want to write this book because I want to clear up some misconceptions. And one of the misconceptions about you is there are people out there that think you're a recluse. And you are not a recluse, you know? You might be hanging out with the wrong people, but you're not a recluse. And I'm talking about Howie Mandel. No, but. No, but Arsenio, you. You wrote this book to sort of tell your story, and it's a crazy story. It's a fantastic story. Yeah, there are a lot of things that I'm sure people will read and say, that couldn't have happened. I mean, he was a magician. Johnny was a magician, so he thought, I'll do. He was outside a park after playing basketball with Mark Jackson, and he saw Muhammad Ali doing a magic trick with a Kleenex, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sometimes it sounds amazing and hard to believe. But I think I've just been blessed with an incredible life, which is why I was so cool going home after quitting the show and chilling. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, first of all, you and I both know what these shows take. And then you were dealing with a lot of stuff that I never had to deal with. So I take my experience, which I thought was really difficult. And I love the job, as you did, but it's difficult. It's draining. It takes everything you've got. And then I think, okay, but Arsenio is dealing with a whole other layer that I didn't have to deal with. I mean, you've got. When you're doing your show, and we'll get there, because I want to do a little of your origin story, but I want to get to, you know, it's 1989, and people forget that your show starts in 1989. And even though that sounds like it's the modern era, there's still stuff happening in 1989. And you're getting network notes. Like, don't say brother so much on the show, you know? Don't go into the audience too much, because there are a lot of Black folks in the audience. You're getting notes like that. I think about that calculation, you dealing with that kind of stuff on top of everything that I know about. And I think that's an achievement, to be present for all that and keep your spirits up and do a great job. Yeah. And, you know, my desire. My desire was to do the show and put people in the mix that weren't in the mix. You know, when I was a kid, I would watch The Tonight Show or, I don't know, Dinah Shore. You also watched a lot of daytime. You watched Merv Griffin. Oh, yeah. And it really is. And Mike Douglas. And you know what? There's a lot of young people who don't know those people. Those were guys that had talk shows in the daytime, and they had a certain kind of energy that I think. You brought, consciously or unconsciously, into late night, which is, you didn't have a desk, because those guys didn't have a desk. You. And by the way, when I took over, Joan Rivers had a desk, and my producer, you know, my dream weaver, she made me get rid of it, because she came to see me do stand-up one night, and she says, I don't want anything in front of you, in case you want to stand up, in case you want to move forward. And it will create who we are. Yes. You know. You, I mean. You know, I mean, this is Marla Kell-Brown, is that right? Mm-hmm. Who, you're a really good friend, and your producer, the two of you had this mission in mind, which is, and I just want to take people back for a second, because we're talking about it, we might as well talk about it now, and then we can get to the other stuff. I remember when your show came on, people can forget how revolutionary that was. You came out, and you were doing a show that was completely different from anything that was going on. Yeah. And in all fairness, you talked about. Daytime energy. Mm-hmm. There was a lot of things that I picked up, things on my hard drive from my childhood. There were times when I remember a specific day looking and seeing this new rapper that I knew about, but the public didn't quite know about yet. And his name was Fat Joe. And he was with a friend who was on the show that day. And I remember thinking Ed Sullivan used to have Diana Ross stand up. So the mass public didn't know who he was, but my audience needs to know. And that is what I thought my job was. And I was like, you know, I didn't say it like over there in section B. Yeah, you know, I didn't do it that way. But I said, yo, Fat Joe, stand up, take a bow. And that was from my childhood seeing Ed Sullivan say, Diana Ross, take a bow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Horrible Sullivan. But, you know, I didn't know that was Sullivan. Yeah. I know. I thought it was the guy. He's doing Merv again. Yeah. Or someone struggling with a neuromuscular disease. That's what I was getting. He's not had a problem with it this week. But I think the thing that I always really admired about you and to this day is that at a time when everyone thought these late night talk shows are this certain kind of thing, you came along and you said, I'm going to do what's right for me, what feels comfortable for me. Now, that sounds like an easy thing to do. I remember the one of the first times I met Johnny Carson and he gave me advice. He said, just be. Be yourself. Until he saw who I was. And he said, have you got anyone else you can be? But, but, but it sounds like an easy thing to do. It's one of the hardest things to do in the world. And you came along and you and your producer, Marla, and you're like, this is what the set's going to look like. There's going to be no desk. We're not doing that. This is going to be a party. This is going to be everything that I've wanted my whole life. Because in your book, you detail. You detail that even as a kid, you're pretending to be Johnny Carson. You're pretending to be a talk show host. You, you know, Oprah would say you manifested this. And you really did. I mean, it's pretty incredible. Doing a talk show in my basement, the ghetto of Cleveland. I'm also a magician. That is a recipe for getting your ass whipped every day. Every day you walk to school, you're going to get your ass beat. You know, give me a quarter, but do a trick with it first, motherfucker. You know, that was my life. They hit you and three pigeons fall out of your sleeve. Absolutely. That's so fantastic. No, you were, I mean, we're going to just jump around because that's the kind of interview this is going to be. We're going to jump all over the place, but. This is going to be a jazz interview. Jazz interview. And everyone loves jazz. You, you go in, you go in with the things that you wanted to do. And you, you did them right away. You were completely yourself. And it was a phenomenon. I mean, the show was, it's all anybody was talking about. It was a big hit. And one of the things that people forget because TV is so different now, it's not even called TV anymore. It's just, there's entertainment everywhere on all these different platforms. Back then it was next to impossible to crack into one of these shows. You do. And you say, I'm going to do this completely my way. And I remember the guests. I mean, these were not people you ever saw on television. And these are the people you saw that they weren't making me turn down. Like I was having Ice Cube stop by the studio and say, yo, dog, look at this and tell me what you think, you know, and it would be him performing with NWA. And I'm like, I can't even say the title. Yeah. You know, niggas with attitude. And I went to Paramount. I tried to get them on. So, so there were people. You didn't see, um, because early on because you couldn't get them on. Well, yeah. Paramount wouldn't let me put, um, NWA on. Eventually I brought Ice Cube on and Dre on and, and easy on separately after they broke up. But in the beginning, Paramount would just say, no, after the show took off, I would push harder and say like, like I went through the same type of meeting when Ice-T came up with Cop Killer. And I'm like, I want to do. I want to do Ice-T and I want to let him explain this whole thing he's going through right now with this album. And, um, they said no. And I said, no, we're doing this one. I stopped letting them say no. Yeah. Uh, because I had a little bit of power and I'm like, I got to do this. Otherwise I'm Merv. Yeah. You got to get the power first, you know, and you got the power and you start to exercise it. And I'm just going to, cause this blows my mind. I was, again, I love the book, but your guests. Well, how am I? Ali, Jesse Jackson, Miles Davis, um, Michael Jackson, biggest star, one of the biggest stars in the history of the world. Uh, you got Mike Tyson, Whitney Houston, Maya Angelou, and she was so nervous. Is this true that you guys, she wanted backstage, she needed a little something to calm her down. Yeah. And, um, I think we were at this point where our green room wasn't supposed to have liquor in it cause something had gone wrong. And, uh, she knocked them. My door. And she says, hi baby, can we talk for a minute? And she comes inside and, um, I offer her a drink of what I have. Cause somebody, a talent coordinator had told me, you know, my Maya wants just a little toddy to relax her. And it became a tradition whenever she came on the show, you know, me and Maya went in and had a little sip together. It relaxed us. I'm just curious. It was a brown liquor. I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was probably that stuff in the purple bag. You know, it's that brown stuff. I think that's what I had. Crown Royal. Crown Royal. Yeah. Crown Royal. Yeah. I did that, but it was cough syrup. What? And it wasn't Maya Angelou. It was Al Roker. Oh, wow. That's a party. I was working a different thing, you know, but you had these people on, you had this music on and there was, I mean, I remember nights where it was, you know, it was, you know, it was a party. It was an event. I remembered, uh, I could be making this up, but I seem to remember a night where like Eddie Murphy's there and, you know, Eddie's the biggest thing on the planet. You know, I think Michael Jackson comes by and you're looking at. Oh, you know, back in the day, um, I used to host the MTV awards. Yeah. And like, I think I did it for three years, but one of those years, Michael couldn't come to the MTV awards. So we made a deal that the award he was getting would be given to him on. My show the next week. Wow. And, uh, there was also an award in the film world for Eddie. So I'm like, let's see if Eddie will come and Michael and Eddie can kiss each other's ass. You know, no, um, uh, Michael and Eddie. Okay. I tune in for that. Michael and Eddie can each give the other an award. And that's how we did it. Uh, Michael said, Eddie is the best comedian in the history of, you know, and Michael gave. And Eddie is like, yeah, oh, it's Mike. So this one is for you. And, you know, and Eddie gave him and it was the best segment ever. So especially when me and me and Eddie are out there and, and Michael walks out. Yeah. We knew he was walking out and it fucked us up. You know, it's like, no, but that was an event. People talk about everyone's trying to make events happen on TV. And I think they're fewer and farther between. They don't happen that often. But you, uh, come along at this moment. This is just unprecedented. This is unprecedented. And you brought all of these entertainers that meant so much to you. Uh, and you, you bring them, you're, you're so true to what you want to do that. You start getting it from both sides. You get white people saying, or white, you know, it's a network note. I think sometimes they wouldn't, it's not a network. No, I shouldn't say that. It's too black. The show is too black. And you're too black. Okay. Was that a thing that was actually said to you? Oh yeah. We, we talk in meetings. Nobody could text back then because it hadn't been invented. Yeah. And, uh, they would not only tell me you're too black, but they would give me examples of what I shouldn't do. And, um, you know, you, you mentioned one earlier, stop calling everybody brother, but that was an interesting meeting because I went over to an executive's office and they said, I was listening to the show because executives would have monitors on watching everything. And the executive said to me, stop calling your guests brother. And I said, what do you mean? I said, tonight I'm listening to the show and all I hear is brother, this and brother that, and that sounds like it's not inclusive to your larger audience. And what they didn't do was pay attention to who I was talking to because I was calling Mark Wahlberg brother. He was with Marky Mark and the funky bunch. And so what they learned with me is, yeah, there are a lot of things I'm doing that maybe need. To be ironed out or changed, but pay attention because I call everybody brother. And some of this stuff, if Mr. Rogers was on, you'd say, Hey, yeah, me and Mr. Rogers had identical jackets that we picked out for the show one night. And I'm like, brother Rogers, but you know, that's, you get that. Okay. Which people would probably, and one more thing, and you're the hardest part. The hardest part is when black people come back. They come at you. you with bars and spit like when ice cube was mad he found something that rhymed with arsenio you know and released a track you know people ask me uh yeah you know when you now i'm thinking when you make strice and mad it's not as much a problem yeah you know yeah yeah but but ice cube that motherfucker was that's what i want to talk about you know people ask me if i like the bicentennial i hate it and i hate arsenio it was some shit like that it wasn't his best rhyme um but you know that's that's the point i'm making is that you yes you're getting uh you're getting these notes from white people saying it's too black but you're also at the same time getting flack from the black community saying it's not black enough yeah and you get some flack from you know spike lee and you get some flack from some other people who say this hasn't gone far enough and or what why is ed asner on before me excuse me why this is the black show right yeah i thought things would be different why the fuck is ed asner coming out before me on the black show too yeah you know and it was rough it was because i have a flaw in my personality i love to please i love to make people i know what you're talking about i want them to go home you know sometimes you just can't make everyone happy but i tried for six years well this is the thing is that you're in this bind because um you can't make everybody happy you just can't all the time spike lee was angry because i simply couldn't give him the day he wanted you know sometimes when you're rolling out a movie if the movie opens tonight back in the day movie opens tonight in the theaters spike wants to be that friday night guest also knowing you know he's going to be a and this is just an example also knowing say for instance that more people might watch on a friday because they don't have to work on a saturday and sometimes numbers on a friday are better than monday but he had a specific day he wanted and we were already booked with our first guest out and uh and he got angry at me yeah and um you know and and that stuff happens every day back then you you build up a thick callus on your heart because you get attacked every day by somebody for something okay that i don't believe because you strike me with a gun and i'm like okay i'm i think we there are some similarities between us i think that i try to pretend things don't hurt me but they do and i know you and everyone knows you to be a really decent good person i think that it did really bother you probably to get it hurts because you're so trying to make everyone happy with this show yeah and then suddenly you're thinking okay i accept that there's a white executive who doesn't understand but i i would i would think spike lee executive you say uh i want to do two numbers with bobby brown and they'll say the model and uh and you realize your struggle is you're gonna go straight uphill it's gonna be hard you know going back your origin story your dad was a preacher and very charismatic performing preacher and you're looking up admiring this guy and you talk in your book about how it meant the world to you to try and please him and that you're still trying to do that to this day you go through and i know what you're talking about because my parents are very loving i i wanted attention from them i wanted to make them laugh and that is kind of the chemistry behind everything you do and here i am all these years later and they're gone but i do think there's still part of me that's trying to win them over and so there's so many things in your book where i go like oh my god i understand my dad's a microbiologist he's not a preacher yeah but it's the same thing did he want you in the family business uh he i kind of think he wanted all of us to get into one of us to be a doctor and then he quickly saw these idiots i don't want them operating on me so uh he was happy that i got into comedy well but i mean my dad wanted me to be a preacher so bad conan that he would bring me holding my hand into the pulpit on a sunday morning and sit me down next to his guest pastor or assistant pastor and so my life was watching the congregation and watching my dad from the back as a matter of fact in coming to america when i told john landis about the director my background john landis the director yeah of coming to america he created these shots when the preacher's on stage at the black awareness pageant he created these shots that were really me describing to him my experience watching people yes lord that's what i saw i saw that lady i saw my dad from the back you know well you know i i was again we're jumping around but i love this because i have it in my notes like coming to america this is how my stand-up is but no it's just like miles davis on some kind of fentanyl yeah you know it's like but this i like he leaves the stage and then he leans back in i'm sorry but no but this is this is this is how it's going to be because this is the best way um but i have coming to america like 75 exclamation points because yeah eddie's great in that film you are so good in that movie that is such a great performance and i remember when you were the preacher and i didn't know that your dad was a preacher and i didn't know that your dad was a preacher and then i read in the in your book that of course you could play that part but i think you channeled your dad and my mother was a male barber so i was able to uh channel that to the barbershop i mean and and i also didn't know that you made coming to america while you're waiting to kind of hear about whether or not you're going to get your own show and there's this downtime and that's when you and eddie who were friends at the time and he brought you in and suddenly you're making this that's some project before you start your big show yeah and they turned coming to america down we we went and pitched it at paramount and they said no thank you and we were like give us some notes what should we do and they were like we're not sure but you know it's a fish out of water we've seen this a billion times and coming to america at that time didn't have the barbershop it didn't have the preacher didn't have eddie as the old jewish man yeah it was a guy named ned tannin i who eventually gave us notes and he said everybody wants to see eddie do characters again everybody misses snl yeah how about if the people you meet in america are played by eddie and i was sitting there saying uh could i get y'all a drink and uh and it's eddie that said hey i saw arsenio do stand up on this hbo thing and uh he does this thing about jesse jackson i know he can do a great preacher and we can come up with some barbers and eddie came up with with uh the specific characters and i just uh sat there shaking because i'm like i gotta do characters with eddie murphy that's like saying you know uh check jordan you know yeah lock that motherfucker down whoa so so i was a nervous wreck sure going into coming you know what it's you're great you're great it really holds up and um this i need to explain to people because i don't know if people understand the trajectory because it's really fascinating there's a whole part of your book i think people should read because it's really lovely about you as a kid you take up magic um we also have something else in common i was a different kid as you can imagine and you're a you were a different kid we both had names no one had ever heard before yes so you're arsenio i'm conan i don't know if you have the same thing but my dad didn't even know about conan the barbarian that wasn't a big thing when i was growing up it wasn't like a known thing yet so people used to get really hung up on my name and i'm a strange kid with like a giant pompadour and they're like what is what is this conan guy and i swear to god sometimes if they give you a name like that it makes you become something interesting it's a weird theory but you're a you're a one-name celebrity even when you're a kid you're arsenio yeah and people must have thought what the hell is an arsenio yes yes because our no there are no arsenios yeah anywhere you know there never has been an ars we've done a national manhunt for an i did something like that like a few years ago and they're like 18 of them now worldwide and a lot of them were born around sure the talk show was on but back in the day you in cleveland and you at the basketball court in the ghetto of cleveland and people are picking up and it's like uh i got a boy uh let me have no neck tyrone you with us arsenio and you're and you're there in a magician's hat yeah yeah let's let's be arsenio's got in a magician's hat yes and you're like well look what i can do i'm like this motherfucker with a cape dunking on people you know and you and and people need to know you were you were really serious about you were really serious about the magic, and you took the magic pretty far. good and you were getting up on stage and you were getting on TV shows as a magician. I mean, people don't know that you were a, uh, the real deal. They flew me to New York. The first time I ever left Cleveland, they flew me to New York to do a PBS show. And, uh, and I did my vanishing candelabra, which was, uh, something I'd never done on television. So you're, you're, you're that guy. And then at one point someone sees you do your act and you, of course, funny is in your bones. You were being funny in between the, the, the, the, the tricks you were doing or the illusions you were doing. And someone said more of that, but the comedy, you should be doing the comedy hurt my feelings though. Cause, cause back then my soul is, you know, I'd had dinner with Harry Blackstone jr. Yeah. You know, I, my soul was that of a magician. And when this guy, Hank Moore, in Ypsilanti, Michigan, uh, says to me, you should get rid of the magic. And do you know what a standup comic is? You should be a standup comic. Cause I would take tricks. Like I had a trick where you tie two handkerchiefs together. We call them silks. And, uh, and I put the handkerchiefs in your shirt and then I'd take another silk, which by the way, this became what Ali was doing in front of the playground. When you saw him, you saw him. Yeah. So, so I do this, this silk disappears. And it appears between the two that are put down here in your shirt. But what I would do is I would do the trick twice. The first time I'd get a, a lady from the audience, I put the two silks in her shirt. And when I first pull them out, her bra comes out in between two silks and I'm 10. You were canceled at 10. Wow. That's hard to do. And now you can't even, you can't even touch a lady's, you know, so, so this guy was saying you're making adults laugh. And I, I re I remember when, and then I do the trick again. I make it happen correctly. The silk appears in the middle. And I remember Tony Lipford, a little girl who lived in my building. When I went to, uh, New York to do this and went to Colin, Michigan to do the convention, she would let me use this training bra. And it was important because my mother's bra and all my aunt's bras, they were like parachutes. They were huge. You know, I had, you know, my, my, my aunt Mabel, she never had a bank account. She used to have $400 and a Kleenex at church. You pull the bra, $30,000 in quarters go flying and two people die from suffocation. But Tony Lipford loaned me a little training bra because we were the same age. And it was one of those bras that almost has no cup. Yeah. You know, and that, that was easy to use and make that trick work. So someone sees you, you start doing standup and, um, this is when your life takes a major change because you're doing standup. You're getting really good. By the way, in Cleveland, uh, while I'm watching TV one night, uh, my grandmother's in Cleveland at the house I'm living in. I'm in Kent at Kent state. I'm watching TV and I see a street, you know, how they interrupt the news. I see a street and it's on fire and these houses are burning. And one of them looks like a house at the corner of my grandmother's street. And I realized the whole neighborhood's going up. That's my grandmother's house. I jump in the car and I drive from Kent state to Cleveland. My house burns down that night. And that's where all the magic equipment was. So, so I was forced to get funny and get more bras. It's like, but it's like divine intervention again. It's like, okay, I'm going to be a standup and you start to get to the point where you could get potentially a booking on the show tonight show with Johnny Carson, but their bookers like, yeah, you're not a Johnny guy. You're not a Johnny guy, which, um, you know, is now sounds ridiculous and insane. But I get it. The show had a distinct personality. You know, you have a stationality. Uh, I wasn't surprised when I saw Dion Cole on your show, you have a stationality that that's very specific to your brand of humor and, and, and, and your demographic and everything. And for me, I got that Bobby Kelton and Argus Hamilton. Uh, those were Johnny guys. Those are the gatekeepers. Yeah. Yeah. And Johnny liked them. Tom Dreesen had done, you know, 4,000 tonight show appearances. Right. And, uh, I waited for Joan to go on one Monday and I knew I was probably more. Joan guy. And I got on the first time with Joan and then got to sit with Johnny when I, uh, coming to America, coming to America. So to instruct everyone who doesn't know this interesting thing happens. Joan Rivers is a frequent guest on Johnny Carson's tonight show. She gets offered her own show. She does. It causes a major feud with Carson because he does not like that. She's on Fox. She does a show. It implodes. It doesn't work. It comes apart, but you had gone on that show. Yeah. As a standup, you had been successful on that show. And then when Joan leaves, they need someone to kind of, this thing's still on. They got 11 weeks with just a set and Joan leaves. She's not coming back. I think Edgar, her husband killed himself. He did. Yeah. So, so that ship had sailed and they went through a lot of guys, letting them have the show for one night from Wally Cox to Malcolm Jamal Warner to Suzanne Summers. Cause I remember Suzanne Summers, did very good. And in the end, they were choosing between me and Suzanne Summers. Wow. That's so, so you come on and then they more or less say, Hey, Arsenio, you're really good at this. Why don't you just, this show is ending, but why don't you take over till it ends? Now, here's the thing you don't know that show ends. And there's kind of a feeling like, wow, that Arsenio guy did really well. He's going to come back. Okay. And here's the thing you don't know. There's a replacement show after Joan's show. Wilton North. The Wilton North. I do know this now. Okay. So the Wilton North report gets announced. This guy is going to put on a show. There's no host for it yet, but they get some writers before they even have the host, which is kind of unheard of. And I get this call and my writing partner and I go in and we get offered jobs to write. We need work. We haven't worked in a bit. So we say, sure, we'll do it. We don't know what this is. Who are the hosts? They said, we don't know yet. We're going to find them. And so one of the first meetings we had, you were still, I think, finishing up your show. And we were just having an early introductory meeting. I leave and I heard there's, and I go, is there anything to eat around here? And they go, yeah, there's a snack room in there. I go into the snack room and I see you and you were at the refrigerator getting something. And I said, oh, I knew who you were. I'm like, that's, that's the guy who's been, you know, you weren't holding down the fort. You were holding down the fort. And I was like, oh, hey. And you were so nice to me. You were like, oh, hey, you were very gracious. And you were like, I am so glad this story goes like that. Excuse me, white meat. Well, you did call me white meat, but you were very nice about it. You were like, you are really white meat. Yeah. And then, um, no, but I remembered you being really nice. And I went back to the room and I went, oh, I, I, cause I was, you know, super young and there's a guy who's been on TV for a couple of weeks and I knew I recognized you. And that's funny. So we, we work on that show. We're way behind the scenes. It implodes. It doesn't work out. Two DJs from Northwest, right? San Diego, San Diego. There were two DJs from San Diego and they, they hired them and it wasn't their fault. It was just a weird, you got to start with the person. You got to start with the person. You can't talk show. Uh, you all know, cause you work for Conan, but, but that guy is the engine. You can take a body of a car. We've seen this done. I saw Jay Leno. Um, I don't apologize. I, you know, I saw your problem. That's not my problem. I, I know this guy who's a mechanic and, uh, he put, he put a helicopter engine in a truck. Sure. Yeah. It ran different than a Chevy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The motor. Yeah. We're the motor. So this mechanic, he was like, he was like, yeah, yeah. I'm going to take it out. Helicopter engine. Put it in a Chevy, Chevy Chevette. Why are you doing that? You don't know. It just seems like it's going to cost a lot of money and waste a lot of time. So I thought maybe I'd do it. But anyway, whatever this guy's name is, he's, he's having fun. That's the important thing. This is what I was afraid of. This is whatever. Oh my. Uh, but, um, so this is, this could be my favorite episode ever. Seriously. And I have this man to thank. But, but, but, but, you know, so I met you then they decide, okay, uh, this, this Arsenio kid has something and Paramount, you get the syndication deal and your show starts. And here's the thing people have to remember. Cause I remember this very well. Your show started, I think at the very beginning of 1989, like early January. Yeah. I wanted to get away from the September. That's when they make cluster. That's when they make everyone. That's when I had to go September 13th. That's when a lot of shows start. You, you show up at it's like second week of 1989. And it is a smash immediately. And here's the thing that's really interesting. You talk in your book about your ratings were huge. I think you were second to Johnny that first week. But what you had is you had 35 and younger. Your demo was through the roof. And what's interesting is that was good news for you then. But what you couldn't possibly know is today to have a demo like that, that means you're on the air for the rest of your life. The demo is more important than how many people are watching you. And I think you existed at a time for advertising because, you know, now, I mean, for a chunk of my career, it's the demo that saved me. It wasn't that everyone in America wanted to see me. It's the young people who buy things wanted to see me. And that's what made a difference and saved me. I think that you were in a much more difficult time than I was. Where you had a great demo and then you're also expected to get everyone in the country watching you, which is complicated. Do you know what I mean? I mean, first of all, you were I just think that that was a challenge you had that it's impossible. No show can pull off today. No show can do that. You know, even even when you deal with the world of comedy, I had an audience that was loving when I bring on a new guy like Chris Tucker. Yep. But if you like Chris Tucker, you probably don't like Argus Hamilton. You know, it's a different thing. Yeah. And for me to be a different show every night is very complicated. Yeah. Yeah. It was tough to balance. And they were telling me, especially around the time when Johnny was about to leave, they were telling me, if you do the right show, you can inherit the king's kingdom. Right. They'll come here when Johnny leaves because we don't even know what they're going to do and who they're going to replace him with. That was all a mystery. So they were really pressing me at that time because like like I would get a call from Michael Bivens of New Edition. Yeah. And Michael Bivens would say, I just signed four guys out of Philly called Boys to Men. And I'm not finished with the album yet, but I would love to tell them that when we finish, they're coming on your show and it'll inspire them and everything. I said, even better than that, Mike, bring them next week. And I've always wanted to put the Temptations on because I used to tour with them. That's right. They were my heroes. Yeah. I want to put Boys to Men and the Temptations all together. Like I want to have 40 niggas doing choreography, you know, and so so let's have the Temptations and Boys to Men. And it's a beautiful line of men performing the old, the new. Yeah. Boys to Men's idol, my idols and and stuff like that. Paramount was like, you're not going to get Johnny's audience doing this. Right. You know, and so they wanted me to change my persona. I remember one time them saying, could you get rid of the earrings? You know, but that happened. And by the way, that's not a black thing. I've seen producers tell Howie Mandel to take off his earrings, you know, or or make them smaller or whatever. That's just what they think the culture in America wants to see. Yeah. And I would have like a nice jacket, but my jeans would be ripped, you know? Yeah. And they were like, there's no reason to have your jeans ripped. You know, one time I carved Adidas stripes in the side of my head. Because that was happening then. Not for y'all, but. Yeah. Yeah. David, what did you have carved in the side of your head? The lyrics from Frozen. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go around his head. It's really cool. He was in a different culture than the Midwest. But you can imagine when you do something like that, they're like, yo. Yeah. No, no, no, no. But here's the thing there. They forget. This idea that you have to get everybody into the tent is incorrect. If you want to be ruthlessly yourself, which you understood, and it's always been my credo, you got to do your thing. And if it doesn't work for you or if it doesn't feel authentic, it's your job not to do it. But you are doing television at a time when you're at the forefront of a lot of this, you know? I mean, there are a lot of people who the first time they saw, I mean, a black person with their own show. And it's a late night show, which is, it's just unheard of. So you're the first person doing that. And the first is hard. You know what I mean? And you must have so many people that have come up to you over the years and said like, no, I grew up watching you. And I saw whatever my values, what I like reflected back at me. And that's massive. Yeah. I get enough love in the streets that I never have to work again, man. And you forget you, you, you forget. Somebody reminded me in Vegas, I go to see Bruno Mars and the dude backstage says, I remember when you put him on and I forget things like that. Bruno Mars was like an embryo, you know? I mean, he was born on your show. You delivered him. Oh, he was performing and slipped in some placenta when he did this one. But you know what? He made it look cool. Oh yeah. He slid all the way across the stage. That's Bruno. But, but you know, his, his, his dad and the people around him were kind of secretive about his actual age, but I think he was like five, you know, and I still have people come up and say, dude, and, and the cool thing also is they're not always black. Sometimes it's a white dude. Who's a lawyer who says we used to stay in and watch you. Then we'd go out on a Saturday night back East. Well, here's the thing you knew. What I could tell is something, authentic and new is happening here. And that has nothing to do with race. That has nothing to do with, this is just someone who knows what he wants to do and has a vision and is expressing himself and bringing all these different people in. And it wasn't just, I mean, you have people like Prince, you have all these incredible performers come on who weren't doing other, other shows, but Madonna is coming on people that don't do these shows. Are showing up on Robert De Niro. That was his first talk show. Yeah. I knew I could get him though. Cause I had a lot of black women on the staff. And I said, if he's going to do a show, it's going to be this show. I got a lot of sisters named Tuki on the staff, you know? And at the same time, at the same time, while I love Tuki, Hey, we got it. Where's my Tuki? Where's Tuki? At the same time, while this is going on and I'm experiencing this, this, this life, I'm leaving the lot, you know, and there are other people on the lot, like Ted Danson doing cheers or Mary Hart doing entertainment tonight. I leave the lot one night and the guards ask if they can search my car because some instruments from my show, stage 29, the posse, the band, some instruments we're supposed to search all the cars leaving the lot tonight. And of course, that's when I become black. You know, that's when I get too black because you were the host of the most successful show. And, and, and don't get me wrong. I'm sure Mike Douglas steals, you know, from time to time when he was here on earth, but, uh, but it was just, sometimes you're going through stuff and that's the straw. That broke the camel's back in, in a moment. And I did things that I should not have done, but I was like, you're not searching my motherfucking car. Did you search Ted Danson's car? You're not searching my fucking car. Um, I'm a part owner in my show and the instruments that were stolen, that's money out of my pocket, motherfucker. I don't steal my own shit. And they give me that shit free. If you want a E3 or a clavinet, you know how many bass guitars I have at home and fenders just, we're sending you another jazz and a precision in the man, you know? So it was just absurd. And, uh, me and this guy that I was rolling with, we break the gate, you know, the gate that goes up and down. We broke that motherfucker off that those, those are not very strong. Those gates, they need I think everyone's on your side on this thing, but, but yeah, so, so I, I got in a lot of trouble for, uh, the, the problems at the gate that night, but, but I was just, you got it. That's insane. Yeah. You know, but Lucy saw Haney call me the next day and she's like, come over and let's talk about what happened at the gate last night. But, uh, I was, I was pissed and I didn't handle it right. And if a young comic asked me for advice, I'd say, you know, don't get into it with the guards and don't break the gate off. If they say you can't leave, you know, but I was like, you're going to hold me. You're not, it's not going to happen. You're not, you're not searching my car and you're not keeping me here. I thought it was amazing doing your show and the LA riots. Start. And I lived in LA then. And it was, uh, that was, I think I was working on the Simpsons when the LA, right. I was working on the Simpsons and we're on the second floor working on the Simpsons and we can tell things are, it's the, you know, the air is the office. Uh, we were on the Fox lot. Cause you could look, you could go on the roof of some of those buildings and see smoke. That's what happened is we started to hear, you know, we heard about the verdict. We hear that, that there's violence breaking out. And of course, whoever was running the show at the time was like, well, we got. they get this you know what does marge say next we don't know what marge says next and some of us are thinking um can we just go check the tv hold on let's just does homer speak here i think it should be marge's line and then someone went out to get make a cup of water or something and was standing on the balcony and saw just all this smoke yeah and now at some point we're all watching tv and we see reginald denny dragged out of a concrete truck he's he's he's dragged out of a truck and hit her over the head blocks cinder blocks yeah and it was you know it it uh so i jumped in my car at simpsons and i drive back to my apartment because the the guy said let's let's figure out that marge line later everybody go home and so it was a very strange upsetting obviously uh time and you were advised well you can't do your show yeah and you said i'm doing my show and you had very strong reasons for why you thought it's important for me to do my show right now which were but but yet by the way as as an ep i understood where they were coming from they were talking about insurance they were talking about somebody getting hurt yep um you know i got what they were saying but i also got that this ain't the time to shut up and dribble yeah you know this is a time for an entertainer to use his vehicle in some way and i understood at that point i thought maybe this is the night i booked somebody like fair kind or i i gotta book somebody that can reach the brothers out in the street because i think we're about to tear up our own neighborhoods yeah and um obviously everybody thought that would distract from what i'm trying to do and what's going on and it would be bigger than the riots and i said oh yeah yeah no i get that and so we got tom bradley mm-hmm sean pin popped by uh send bad everybody and then i invited two like two people and i said like 200 members of first day and me my church so i put my church they signed waivers and everybody sat in the audience and we did the show that night which a billion things are going through my mind because i also remember tom uh uh tom bradley sean pin brought a guy with him and paramount sent a lawyer out to say the guy with sean pin we can't talk to him so don't go over there and to this day i i okay okay i had so much on my mind to this day i wonder who that guy was and i said okay okay i had so much on my mind to this day i wonder who that guy was and i said and it's also interesting because from ice cube to minister farrakhan uh i look now at what you guys are going through and being told what to do what not to do who to book with colbert and who not to book and trump wasn't in my mix but it's funny because i never thought to publicly talk about me being censored yeah or publicly talk about them not letting me have someone that i want to have because politically that person is wrong or whatever um i also remember when i booked bill clinton i grew up thinking that you always bring the other side and i thought that was a law but i guess it's changed or it's vacillated a little bit these days but i remember putting an offer out to mr bush yeah you know because i wanted both of them but he can't play saxophone he can't play saxophone i mean talk about another thing that's in history books bill clinton with the with the ray bands playing saxophone my ray bands and my tie yeah on your show that hadn't happened on your show that hadn't happened on your show that hadn't happened you know i mean all these things were happening that were resonating you know throughout the country i mean that's a moment that's going to endure and the thing i'm thinking about is your instinct about have the other side i think you had this idea of let's open up the house invite everybody in and see what happens and if you lead with goodwill and that's the because you were always about goodwill if we lead with goodwill and we get everyone together in a room i don't understand and to me that's that's a nice sentiment and sometimes now people get so locked into being angry about everything that we're not inviting the other people in yeah i remember having the first openly gay stand-up comic on a young lady named leah delaria who went on to do oranges and new black she's great she's terrific she walked out she's i'm a big bike you know and i'm like whoa i know paramount will be over later after the show to talk to me they're no longer worried about the gate yeah what the hell was that yeah it was so so it was it was tough it was a tough time because they didn't want any of that they wanted me to just cool out dude and wait for johnny to leave yeah now one of the things that i didn't know is that you decide you do this for six years which is a real stretch these are hard shows and you're doing it as i said you're you're carrying a heavier backpack than um certainly than myself and and other hosts or a different backpack because i i don't i i also don't like to put myself in a position where oh it's tougher for me everybody has some burden to bear that's fair i'll give you that that's fair but i reading your book i'm not going to give you that i'm not going to give you your story and and seeing what it is that you were dealing with um i have crazy respect i'll put it that way thank you crazy respect for what you did and that you always kept it like i say the emphasis on goodwill and let's try it you know that spirit of let's get boys to men and the temptations and see what happens that's a beautiful thing what i didn't know is that you start to burn out you're like i think i've got to stop doing this i've got to stop doing this i i need to put this down and you go to paramount and you write them a letter and you say i'm going to leave and they they say okay well don't say anything about it yet and they sit on the letter and they don't they tell you you can't tell anybody right so you keep doing your job but you have every intention of leaving and then they announce that they're ending it which is in i don't have another word it's just a shitty thing to do uh yeah i i don't think they realize how important truth is in the long run you know in that moment it's like haha we beat you but they don't realize i'm a human being i'm a person with a legacy and i want to inspire people to know not just black kids but to know dream and you can win and i want my story to reflect the truth of what that journey was like and what that ending was like i've seen two books my son is involved with a bookstore in lemert park and uh you know i raised him right he could have done it in beverly hills but he's doing it in beverly hills and he's doing it in beverly hills and he's doing it in beverly hills and lemert park and doing a lot of business over there and one day he shows me two books that are about me and it's one of the times when i said i gotta write a book i just didn't know how to go about it because i realized i don't even know these books exist or who these authors are um we tried to search one of the authors and it's not even a real name it was written under an alias and i'm like she didn't even want me to know she was telling this stuff about me you know so i i really wanted to leave a book on this earth that i wrote about me and it's also it's really important people to know that you were like this now needs to end and i want to end it and go out on on my note and then i put the letter in the book oh it's there yes and it's remember when you used to fax things and it was on that kind of paper that like a like a cocaine dollar bill rolls back up after remember that do i know do i know it was that kind of that old hard paper and it doesn't last well and that that creates a misconception that oh um because you know uh um you you know very publicly disagreed with a lot of the things that farrakhan was saying and rightfully so but you wanted to confront him about those things and talk about it and of course that got everybody freaked out and so there was this perception that paramount was saying because you talked to farrakhan right your show has to go when you had sent them a letter long before saying i'm ending this show yeah and and they told me they said let's get together with a publicist let's decide the way to position this and how to send out back then we would send out a press release you know now you tweet yeah or you do snapchat so they don't have it next month you know i didn't quit what the fuck y'all talking about show me yeah show me where i quit i want receipts but they they kind of fucked me up it was like a relationship that um that's how these things tend to end i have to tell you these really these these talk shows yeah they tend to end that way you've kind of been through yours with the network yeah you go through this stuff but and then they have more power and more ink than us so they're always but then you realize that you know i think like you i've always tried to take the attitude i was i was really lucky just very lucky person yeah that easily could not have come my way and i think i'm a hard worker and i think i have some ability but mostly it's a lot of luck and it's people need to hear that yeah and it's not just talent yeah i saw prince uh get booed when he first hit i think he was opening for the rolling stones nobody had more talent than prince but it's luck and timing that goes with that talent i know a lot of talented people funny people great musicians that are struggling yeah and and trust me i've made it a life's mission to say you can maximize your chance of getting luck by working really hard and by being a pleasant person to work with. But this book also makes it clear that you were working so hard and you had all these different arcs before we got to know you. And I mean, I didn't know anything about the magician stuff. It made me want to cancel this book. You know what I love too that's in the book? The time that you're outside a comedy club and you don't know Eddie Murphy that long. You guys are just, and you're like hanging out by a parking meter outside the comedy club. Hadn't met him at all. Yeah. And Keenan Wayans is going to introduce us. Yeah. And you're chatting with him and you confess to him that you spent a lot of your career as a magician and then he confesses to you that he was a ventriloquist. What? Yes. And here's another crazy part. I talk about this in the book. There's a night, and you'll relate to this. This is just for me and you right here. You ever ask the guest that question and they've decided that what their pre-interview had in it or whatever their publicist told you, they don't want to talk about that? Yep. So I say to my friend, because I know this is a great area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know that he, you know, at home, I know we've smoked a joint at some point and he's done senior winces. Yeah, yeah. You know. I know I've seen the shit. Yeah, sure he has. Right? Yeah. And that shit is funny. And this guy could afford a dummy. Yeah, yeah. But instead, lipstick right here. You know. And so I say to him, and I know I can lay back because this is going to be two minutes. And I say, so you were a ventriloquist. And that motherfucker says, no. Oh, no. Oh. Mm-mm. Yes. And moves like this. But you were a magician. Yeah, yeah. And we go from there. And I couldn't believe he bagged me like that. But he didn't want to do that shit. Yeah, yeah. You know, he didn't want to talk about me. But recently, I've kind of been exonerated from the house of lies because he did a documentary recently. Yes, that's right. Yeah, and in the documentary, motherfucker decides to tell the truth. You know? But bear law on TV. I mean, in that moment, he left you hanging. Oh, man. And you have no idea. I didn't feel exonerated until recently when he's on his little documentary. Yep. And he's got a Richard Pryor and a Bill Cosby ventriloquist dummy. And he said, this is the way I've been. And he's like, I don't know why this motherfucker put people to sleep. And he's doing this. And I'm like, yes, yes. I told you, motherfucker. He was a ventriloquist. A ventriloquist. Lying bastard. You know? That's when you're yelling at your TV at three in the morning. Yes, yes. They have to take you away. Oh, yes. My woman puts me in another room. Let me go. Let me go. Ah! Oh, that was a good one. What's a better episode than this episode? I don't know. This is fun. No, you've had some fun stuff. Yeah, yeah. Guess what? I don't know. I don't know. This is just insane. We gotta, I mean, we gotta do a part two, some time. We really do. Yes. How long have we been in here? Hour and five minutes. This is much more than we do. It's usually like 40 minutes. I wish stand-up would go like that. Yeah, but you know what? We gotta, we just gotta do a part two, some time. I just wanna make sure, you gotta get this book, Arsenio, a memoir, because it's beautiful. It's really funny. It's an incredible story. And even if they don't read, get the book. Get the book, because you can, you can, if you've got a table that's uneven in your home, you can get it. Yes. Yeah. Or the microwave, you want it to sit on something, sturdy. Or I, I hate to quote other comics, because sometimes that can be perceived as stealing. But I love Chris Rock's take on books. You know, it's like, hide your money, because that's the last place a nigga gonna look. You know? You know? So get the book and put something in it to hide. Yeah. It is, I was so excited today for you to, to come in. And I'll tell you this too. I have so many friends, so many writers of mine, people I know who are stand-ups. They've worked with you. They've bumped into you. Universally, everybody says you are unfailingly nice person. You're a really good person. And that means the world to me too. Except that guard at Paramount. Oh, come on. I think, I'm on your side on that one. I try to, I try to treat people the way God would want me to treat people. And I know that sounds corny, but no, it doesn't. It doesn't. Okay. You know, but that's where I'm from. That's who I am. And I try. I've fallen short in my life many times. But when I came up, nobody says good things about Cosby anymore. But I remember a time when you could pop by Cosby's dressing room in Atlantic City or in Vegas. And I've had Jerry Seinfeld agree with this. He would sit and talk to you for four hours, give you advice. We'd have conversations. Richard Pryor. I remember one time I opened for Chaka Khan at the Universal Amphitheater. And I was so proud to tell Richard I got a gig, you know. And we're at the comedy store. Richard's working on his special. And he says, I'd like to come to that. And I say, really? I can leave you tickets? And I leave him and his guy, Rashawn, his body man, two tickets. And Richard comes early and watches me. And then when Chaka comes on stage, once you get started, Richard gets up and comes in back. And I know he loved Chaka Khan on the show. A couple levels. You know, not just music. He's a renaissance man. And a coxswain. And he loved him some Chaka. But he came backstage to tell me, you did a great job. That was wonderful. And that's the greatest moment of my life. That Richard took the time to come to the amphitheater and then got up and came backstage after the opening act left the stage. So I try to treat young comics and young entertainers that I meet the way they are. The way the legends taught me. The way the legends treated me. I remember having Quincy Jones come to watch me at the Roxy. The next day he calls me, has me come to the studio and I sit with him while he masters something called Off the Wall. Oh, wow. That we didn't even know. And he's going, he's like, listen to this. This is Sheila E. hitting different solar bottles with different levels of water in it. And it makes different noise. And it's ding, ding, ding. Ba-da-ding. Ding, ding, ding. And he just plays that part. And I think it was the beginning to don't stop till you get it. But sitting there and he said, yeah, man, Michael coming back, man. He coming back hard. And then he played a song. He says, you're from Ohio, right? This is the first time I've ever met him. You're from Ohio, right? And I'm like, yeah, John Levy told me you're from Ohio. Let me play you something else. He plays a song called Find 100 Ways. And he says, this is just a scratch track by a guy who's letting me hear how it can sound. And I said, what's his name? He said, his name is James Ingram. He's from Ohio. He's from where you're from. And I'm saying, let him sing it, you know? And he says, yeah, yeah. This is my first day with the demo. And he puts on his album Find 100 Ways and Just Once and allows the guy on the scratch track, the demo, James Ingram to sing it. And James becomes a huge star. Those kind of moments are incredible blessings. And all I can do in fairness is try to return them every time I get the opportunity with a young man or young woman. I always hear you do that You do that relentlessly and with great kindness. And Arsenio, we're going to have to do a part two at some point because you have, there's so much more to talk about. There really is. You've got so many great stories. like they say in our business, we get off script. This was not a script. This was me loving the book and then talking to you about it. I appreciate it. And being really excited that you're here and fanboying a lot. So that's me being me. I'm a fan. You remember I came up to you. Were you outside the Four Seasons Hotel? And you came up to me and I was like, Arsenio walked up to me. It was so nice to me. Yeah. And it's always that way. You're above the crowd wherever you are. You know, there's a lot of little guys with uniforms running around. I'm like, look at Conan above all the uniforms. How are you? I didn't realize you were that tall. No one does. I have the personality of a very small man. Yeah. But in the paint. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The paint. Arsenio, please come back. OK, because people are going to love this episode and we got to keep it going. OK, thanks for letting me come. Are you kidding? Thank you. This he looks like one new kids on the block. You know, there's a there's a dude and new kids on the block who look like you. My sisters love new kids on the box. You look like his son because he's by 50. But I think he's 80. Yeah. But you look like the son of one of new and one of Mark Wahlberg's guys. Anyway, but I hope we're off the air at this point. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate. Talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.