Armchair Anonymous: Spas

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to our chair anonymous. I'm Daniel Shepherd. And I'm joined by Lily Padman. And today we're gonna hear crazy stories about Spaz. Spaz. These are fun. Spaz is a broad word. It could mean in a hot tub as well. We didn't get any of those. We didn't. And I buck up against that. People do refer to a hot tub sometimes as the spawn. I don't know why. I don't know. And it won't be revealed in this episode. But please enjoy crazy spa stories. All times. Come and go. Good times. Take them slow. My life. I had a mo. But one thing you gotta know I'm gonna keep on shining. Hello, cat. You're in a sound dampening cubicle. It seems I am. Are you at work? I am. And we'll look far to the country. Are you? I am in Charlotte, North Carolina. Oh, what a beautiful area. Are you from Charlotte? I'm from Eastern North Carolina originally moved out to New England for a little bit. But North Carolina is just so beautiful. The weather's great. The people are nice. So I've been back for about 20 years. Wow. Wow. Have you been out to Emerald Island? I grew up about an hour away. Yeah, we did it all the time for like senior skip day. Okay, wonderful. Okay. So cat, you have a spa story. I do. So I'm gonna set the scene a little bit got married in 2009 actually on Halloween. The schedule just happened that way. My husband fiance now has been had a five day weekend. So got married, have time to take a quick little honeymoon. I'd also been laid off from my job about three months prior and the Friday before you're getting married. I got a job offer. So I was scheduled to start on Wednesday, all the things for two. It is time. Yeah, and also like real crunch time. A lot happening. Remember, this is also 2009. So the great recession. All that. Yeah. We decided just to take a long weekend up to a really nice hotel spa. Play. So I'm not going to say the name of it because I don't want to get anybody in trouble. And we really love it. So and I want it to be able to get back. Yeah, you got to protect it. So they have a really nice spa. I had never been to a spa this caliber before we were celebrating. So I booked my husband and I bodes a 90 minute massage separately, not a couple of massage. I had had massages before I've had female and male masseuses before didn't really carry their way. So I gave my husband a female masseuse and I said, you know, I'll take whoever's available. Well, when the gentleman came to retrieve me. Let's just say he was not bad looking. Oh, my God. Tall, blonde, swimmer's body, shoulders. Of course he was fully clothed, but you could just tell that he was there. And I want to back up to I had had a mini little panic attack right before maybe a month before the wedding. So my doctor prescribed me some very mild Xanax. And I wound up not taking any, but come massage. I'm like, you know what? I want to fully relax. This is all over. You know, I have a job. We're married. All of the good things are happening. So I think I even took like half of one. I don't even know what dosage it was. So laying there and I'm just fully into the massage. And I start to notice that the sheet is falling a little bit. How are you in your back? Are you a stomach at this point? I don't remember how I started. I'm assuming I started on my back because I ended on my stomach. Oh, interesting, which is different reverse reverse back. It's literally reverse back. But there's some side big brace. Oh, okay. And then when you say this sheet was falling, you mean like off the side or like falling down? I felt like it was a little low. When I turned over to my stomach, I thought it was maybe showing the little top of my butt crown. Okay, sure. Yeah, yeah. Didn't care. I was all for it. I mean, this is the norm for a spa like this. You know, they're highly trained professionals. Things are going great. And I'm feeling it. I'm here for it. Right at the end. Like I said, it was about a 90 minute massage. So I'd say probably about a minute 87, a hand slips under my hip. And I get a happy ending. Stop it. Wait. Are you serious? Oh, my heavens. Wow. Now, okay, there's so much here. This is incredible. And Monica's going to need the name of the resort. Oh, this is so old. Hold on. Hold on. You can't say that. Of course I can say that. You didn't pay for that. Did you? Well, I did tip him extra after. Okay. Wow. So you were faced down and he's slid his hand under there. So that's exciting. That's the only reason I remember that I ended on my stomach was because of that. So he leaves the room and lets me get dressed to put my robe on. And when I open the door, he's standing outside. And we start walking down the hall. And I remember coming from the other direction is my husband and his missus. And I remember him saying, Oh, and here comes your husband to meet you. And I remember thinking, you dirty bird. Oh, my God. Did you tell your husband? Okay. This is the honeymoon, by the way. I know. This is so little. Yes, I've had a lot of next door. My husband and I meet like a dark room. There's a fireplace by this time. It's November 2nd in the mountains of North Carolina. So it's a beautiful fall day, but it is chilly. They have fireplaces burning. So we sit there, typically on our cucumber water. And I'm like, so how is your massage? And he said, Oh, it was great. How is yours? I said, it was good. I said, did she do anything different? Right. And he said, well, she gave me a scout massage. That was really nice. Oh, so innocent. He's like, Oh, yeah, something did happen. They're fewer minutes. And we're like, Okay, let's go get our bathing suits on. They have a really nice grotto pool area outside. They have actually, if I recall, it's like a donut shaped pool that's heated with a fireplace in the middle. So you're really just meant to lean on the side and drink a beverage. So by the time I get out there, he's sitting in a lounge chair and he has a bottle of champagne and some shots. So I get a glass and a shot, and I'm holding them and this whole time I've been debating how to approach this. So I was like, I have something I need to tell you. And he looks at me. He's like, Oh, God, are you pregnant? Maybe. Maybe alcohol beverages. No, like no, but I did just get a happy ending. Oh, my God, I just said it. He looks at me and he sort of looks away. And he looks at me again. He's like, Why didn't I get one? I was like, I can't help you there. You need to bookmark. Yeah, I don't know. I said, Are you upset? And he said, Well, was there penetration? I said, No, there wasn't. He said, then good for you. Oh, God, I said, so you're not mad. He said, absolutely not. I said, because I want to tell everybody. And he said, you should have knew right then of the many reasons why I married. Wow, that is wild. I want a little more detail, only for comfortable. Sure. Absolutely. Of what constitutes a happy ending. He robbed her until she or got. Yes. Oh my God. How does he have the confidence? Someone could definitely be like, This is so inappropriate. I'm getting you fired right now. Like, how does he know? I don't know. I know, but this is like, I have told this story. I mean, I was at a party one time and like of some acquaintances and a random girl came up to me and we were talking about this facility. And she said, Oh, did you hear about the girl that got the happy ending? I said, that was me. Oh, but I have another friend starting the story too. And she started talking to her friends because she used to live in that area. And apparently I was not the first rumor has it. There had been a complaint, which does surprise me because of the caliber. Let's attempt to weed into it a little bit. It's a dangerous. This is dangerous. Let's start with if you don't want that terrible. That's an assault. Yeah, I just want to be clear for anyone who finds this. Yes. If you don't want that, that's an assault. That's right. But you want to do. Right. Right. So, but when you agree in this situation, this is wonderful. I think it ended up wonderful because it all worked out. But there are so many ways this could have gone absolutely horribly. If she didn't want it, if the husband, if this caused a huge issue with her brand new husband. An annulment. I know a lot of men that would not be okay with this. Yeah, very high risk. But I think that's why I'm so excited about it because it's very high risk. But it worked out perfectly. I agree. Did it occurred to you like, I'd like to come back and see this massage therapist. Well, I guess in this case, we could say masseuse, right? They don't like when you say masseuse because there's a sexual implication. But in this case, maybe we can say it. But at any rate, did you think like checked a box or something on that? Yeah, was it? Do you think you said any cute, like when they say, do you want you to lift this? Yeah, hot rocks. And then it's like, there was like an extra box that you checked. And I don't mean to victim blame. No one's a victim here. I think I was giving the green light vibes. I was not shutting down, I was not tensing up. It was 80 minutes of solid for play. Oh, okay. Post the experience. A minute 90. Did you get self conscious at the end or nervous to see him in the hallway? Or were you fine? No, that's why I brought up the Xanax because I had taken that half. So I do remember most of it, but the inhibition was just non-existent. Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. This is great. You're really nervous one. I think understandably understandably. So especially at this specific place, that is just shocking. I wonder if it's happening with the female. No, I don't. massage therapist. Well, it does happen places. I'm sure there's a lot of, but they're generally not nice spots. Exactly. Okay, back to you. Did you make a mental note like, huh? Swing through here again and get him. He's probably not there anymore, but I think of one time experience and it doesn't need to be repeated. That's why it happened to you. You can take a quarter of a Xanax. You're not abusing anything. You're not going to now abuse this. That's why the universe gave it to you. Well, if you go back, that's going to be an issue with the husband. Because that is like you know what you're doing. Every trip. Yeah. Like where should we go for the summer? I was thinking that massage. Wow. What can I really love that one? Yeah, it's very heartwarming. Good. Thank you. And I love your husband. To me too. He's great. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah. Yeah. Big time. Thank you for having me. This was so exciting. I listen to you guys every Friday on my way home from work. This is how I relax from the week. And I look forward to it every Friday afternoon. Oh, so delighted we got to meet you. All right. Take care. Bye. Bye. Mary. Hi. Nice to meet you. How are you? Good. Do we have you in your living room? Where are you? I am at my husband's office, honestly. He has to help me do everything and so I couldn't do this. Which is ironic that this is what the story is about is a super supportive husband. So how long have you been married? We just celebrated our 30th anniversary in September. Oh my goodness. So long. That's so exciting. Congratulations. Did you meet in high school? We did. In what part of the country? In Idaho. Oh, I'm going there tomorrow morning. Oh, that'll be fun. Okay. So you have a spa story? Yes. This story takes place in 2008. There's about a very supportive husband who will do anything to help me succeed at business. And so we owned a salon and spa together. And I also worked at a dermatologist office or a metty spa twice a week. So on Mondays and Fridays, I worked there and I mostly did laser hair removal. And then I worked at my shop, Brad helped me run like most of the business. And I was like, I need to take more waxing classes because when I do eyebrow waxes and stuff like that, but I thought I need to do more about body hair removal because I liked it so much at the dermatologist office. And I thought if I ever move over and just want to do it at my shop, I really like unwanted hair. I want to provide that service. So we searched all over for a class. And I found a three day class that was in Wisconsin. So the thing that maybe you want to take this class is that she seemed like I will tell you what products to use, what machine reading by. It was like her 20 years experience condensed down to these three days. And so all the cliff notes, I guess of everything you'd need to know. My husband and my little boy, he was about one years old at the time. Well, you had your hands full, an outside job, a business in a one year old. So we go to Wisconsin. And the very first day of class, we go over like which products to use and people are allergic to this. Mary, can I quickly ask you, where were you taking classes in this person's home? Oh, at her studio, she was a doctor, like a clinic. So the first day of class, and there's about 20 people in the class. And it goes really well. But by the end of the class, she said, I have some bad news. But unfortunately, our male model for the bikini wax is not going to be able to attend. And this was all going to be hands on for the next two days. So I was like, oh, that's a bummer. And everyone just kind of showed their shoulders, like, oh, well, I feel like I already got my money's worth out of it. So I go to dinner that night with my husband and my son, you know, ton of how great the class was. And then I was like, and unfortunately the male model's not going to come. And then I looked at it and like, wait, do you want to be the model? He was like, no. So we had this entire conversation about I don't think that we'll even put the service on our menu when we get home. And I thought, oh, that's fair. I totally agree. Yeah. So I go to class the next day. And I'm telling the girls my new friends about, I wish my husband would have said, yeah, that would have been fun. But unfortunately, and they're like, oh, yeah, mine wouldn't either. There's no way. But everyone was just super disciplined. They're like, well, keep working on them. I'm like, okay, I'll see what I can do or whatever. That was all the second day. And we did like men's chests and legs and ears and nostrils and all kinds of body. But the last day was going to be focused on just the bikini area. Genitals. Yes. So we did all morning females. We had to do each other. Oh, wow. Why is it intonement? Yeah. And I forgot to mention to them the last day I told Brad, I was like, if you want to come, we're going to start the male at 3 30 last chance to show all my new friends your penis. Well, would there be like a sock over it or something? That's why this class is so important to me because it is an etiquette of like how to have people have their dignity and still get in there and get your work done. And that's what I was most curious about. Of course. How do you handle it? Literally. That's where the story goes. Oh, anyway. 3 30 comes. And Brad does walk in the door. Oh, Brad is here up. Mary, did you notice Brad had taken a shower and combed his hair and so it was his best present himself. Well, when he walked in, he mostly just looked sheepish and then my little boy, the receptionist was so kind to just kind of watch him. And part of the training to us to say, this is what you need to do to get prepared. You're going to go in this room, unrobed from the waist down and then be on your knees first. Kind of facing the opposite way. And then I'll knock on the door and come in and the entire class gets to come back in. Just to be clear, he's on all fours naked. Yes. Holy shit. Okay. This is extreme. We're going to start with the anus. That's the easiest part. Just FYI. Yes. For the practitioner. No, for the receiver. The butt is the easiest and least painful part. I believe that. I'm just talking more of the emotional ride of like presenting your anus when you're first. That to me sounds really hard. And honestly, one thing we always tell people if the anxiety had before the treatment starts is when you're the most anxious. I think once the technician comes into the room and you start working, it feels so much better. Not to compare it to this experience that I'm having right now, but it's like I was worrying just before when to start it's better. So the very first position is on your hands and knees and then the instructor teaches us that when someone's nervous, they're a little bit more like a cat, like nervous and their butt cheeks are closed, which is fine, especially on a male of where we want to do the buttocks first, which women it's not as big of a deal. We just kind of started off with doing the strip wax on the buttocks, which is like when you use the muslin paper and then you have to pull it off that way. And then when you go to more delicate areas, then you'd use hard wax. Okay. So the next position, as she shows the difference between when the client wants to kind of leave the table and like move forward, but you have to push their hips back and like keep them at the end of the table for you so you can have the closest access and you need to get in there. So you just really kind of pull their hips towards you, but then you push on their back, they're lower back to really make their butt cheeks split out. Yeah. There's all these girls all the way around the whole table watching him and she'd push on the back and his bum cheeks would open up and close and his head was just down kept having this like experience of like, I'm just a student and then I'd be like, wait, that's my husband. Yeah. I mean, had you even seen it that close? Yeah, exactly. Examined it. Did you ever gotten bred up on a table and just positioned his hips and lower back into his ass hole? Open and close and his butt cheeks like a shutters. Wow. Docs, I thought you would appreciate that because I think when you're in the movie or something, when you're like, oh, I'm so worried about my anus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they all saw it for sure because they covered it with a sheet afterwards. Then the very next thing is to do the scrotum. And I didn't know this, but you really want a flat surface and the skin has to be really tight. So you just push up with the balls with like a piece like, you know, and pull down, but they can't let go. So then you have to reach over with one hand to grab this wax. That's really like tapping and just lay it like buttering toast. And he's still on all fours for this? Yes. Okay, quick question. And I'm just going to try to do it as appropriately as possible as I can imagine, but I feel like there's a high degree of risk with him becoming around. I mean, strangers, but tugging and pulling on your testicles could definitely activate things. Right. I think that's a major question that everyone asks, but they're like, for some reason, and Brad said this story goes, "I was so worried that that happened." but it is like the furthest thing from your mind. And then she did say that the instructor was like, I've never experienced this ever in my career because if you touch people correctly and you're doing it so professionally, I guess, then it's a different experience. But if some weird quirky guys do happen to come in, then you could just say, this is not the service that we're rendering and just be done. But then everybody in the class was the most curious about this part because up to this point, it's really similar to doing a female. So everyone just had to come up and push on the testicles and pull down on the scrotum. - Oh my God! - Everyone's getting in there. - Is he laughing? - What's his demeanor? - This is so serious. - He's just a good student. Like whatever they told him to do, he'd just adjust and do, then after everything kind of cleaned up from the back because the more you clean up from the back, then the easier it will be to do the front. So then it is like, okay, Brad, go ahead and roll over. From Brad's perspective now, this is when he got the most nervous because I think at before he had his head down, you just kind of don't think of it much about it. You don't even realize how many people are there. It wasn't, I rolled over, then I saw all these faces and he was like, I just kept staring at the ceiling and didn't know what to do with his hand. - This is where it really comes into keeping the dignity or the privacy. So you could cover with the towel. And I found it was really helpful to have them help you hold everything over to the right, and put your leg up like a tinkerbell. So you could do the inner thigh first and work over. But the way she taught you, and this was important to learn about you, just would grab the penis head and pull it and then grab the, scroll it like a. - Go opposite directions. - That's hard, that's two hands and then how are you putting the wax on? - So you guys, did you really do a number on 'em? Did you take it all away? - Yeah, all gone, yeah. - Yeah. - And how old was Brad? - About 30, 31. - Well, that's a great age for this, I feel like. - That is wild. - Yeah. - Good for him. - He really is a supportive husband. No wonder you made it 30 years. - Yeah. - The post game chat. - Between Brad and I? - Yeah, yeah. - It was just wild. I just was like, thank you so much. Like you were just awesome. And he was like, if men knew how clean it feels, and it's so easier to wipe, but he is clean-shaving, he shapes his legs. At the time, we did a lot of bicycling, is cycling, and he still keeps his leg shaved and his arm shaved and his chest trim. So I think he prefers no hair anyway. - He was a dolphin. - Yeah. So has he kept up this wax? - We did wax for a long time, but now he just shakes. - Wow, Mary, I love it, there's a lot of counterintuitive stuff, like a cute couple from Idaho going to a cute town in Wisconsin to do this. - I know. - Yeah, someone's gotta do it. - Oh, Mary, this is delightful. - Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. I've been a fan for a long time, and love it. So thank you for making it so easy. - Thanks for listening. - Bye. - All right, take care. - Bye. You know, when they do the butt, hi, and when they do the butt, hello. Let's start with what fake name we want. - I'm gonna go by Julia. I have to say of the fact, I am not ashamed of this story, but I have three daughters, and they are very embarrassed that I'd be telling you. - Oh, great. - Well, we love that someone's embarrassed. - As the father of a couple daughters, I know. Anytime we go to the school, there's like a full, they go through me inch by inch to make sure I'm not gonna embarrass them. - Oh yeah. - Can you tell us vaguely where in the country you are? - Yeah, I'm outside Boston. - Oh, okay, wonderful. Julia, you have a spa story. - So this story took place summer of 2007. My boyfriend will call him John and I. We're in our late 20s, and he had a cousin who was getting married in California. So the story takes place on the west coast. Since we are coming from Boston, we decided to take a couple days, drive up the coast before heading out to one country. So we got into San Francisco pretty early in the day, so our hotel room wasn't ready, and we decided to spend a couple of hours just exploring the city. Eventually we got hungry, and we found a little Italian restaurant without our seeding. So we sat down, the sun was shining, ordered some wine, got some pasta, really just full-blown vacation mode. So after lunch, I realized this was probably gonna be my last chance to get my nails done before the wedding, and there were a couple days of events. So we find a little nail salon, I walk in, and the place is totally empty. It's the middle of the day. Only the people who are working there were there. I sit down to get my nails done, and John Leach, he's gonna go explore the neighborhood. And everything's going great. I have a little buzz on from the wine. I'm really enjoying myself, and then the polish comes out. - Okay. - And I notice, feel a little bit off. My fingers are feeling tingly. My vision is kind of starting to close in. - Oh, fuck, yeah. And everything's feeling just a little bit hazy. So I've fainted a couple of times before, and I knew the drill. I felt this feeling before. But if I could just take a couple deep breaths, I was gonna get through it. Everything would be back to normal. You could go back to my manicure. - Do you have low blood pressure? - I think that's probably the case. It's only taking deep breaths, but it's not working. This feeling is not passing. And the woman who's doing my nails, she's getting worried. I'm not looking good. Someone comes over and starts massaging my shoulders. This isn't going well. - Okay, everyone, it's visible that you're losing your faculties. - Yeah. And at this point, another feeling hits. And that's what I'm gonna throw up. - Oh, no. - And I'm not thinking clearly, but I did clock that there was a bathroom about 10 steps behind me. And all I could think was I really didn't want to throw up all over this nice women's workstation. So I was gonna try to make it to the bathroom. So I turned to make a run for it. And I made it about eight steps. - Oh, yeah. - You're the only guest in there where they're more. - I'm the only guest in there. - Oh, thank goodness. - Okay, that helps. - I remember reaching for the door handle and then the next vision I have, I'm staring at the ceiling and there are four women staring at me. - Oh, no. - So you have booted and then kind of passed out. - Oh, God. - I'm on the floor. - What the heck happened? - Man, everything was going so good. The line at one, the tailion. You never get food poisoning from a tailion. That's where it knocked back. - Really? - Right there. (upbeat music) - You just confused. I have no idea what's just happened. Why am I looking at the ceiling? So I sit up and I start scanning for clues. And the first thing I notice is it looks like someone took a plate of pasta and just threw it at me. - Oh, no. - Oh, you're covered. - It's all over my dress. It's on the side of my face. It's in my hair. It's all the way through my nasal cavity, which I found out later. - Sure. - I've had that a bunch. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You always have to learn how to throw up so that doesn't happen. - Yeah. It was inside my ear. It was everywhere. - Oh, fuck. - The next thing I notice is that I'm also soaking wet. And this was very confusing until I realized that when I passed out, I not only throw up, I also emptied my bladder and I was lying. - Oh, my God. - Oh my God. - Were they screaming? - Was it hectic? - At that moment, I was mortified. And so I jumped up. And the first thing I did, I looked to the back of the salon and there was a woman on the phone. I'm guessing with 911 and she looked terrified. - Yeah, that's so scary for that. They're just trying to paint nails. - What's going on in your body? - I know. - I peed. - The next thing I did is I turned to the front of the salon and I noticed that John is standing in the doorway. And he's just baffled by this cry I'm seeing. He walked into it. - Oh, he dropped you off and you're happy and excited to do your nails. He took a trolley ride. He comes back around the ground covered in your filth. He must have thought you were jumped or something. (laughing) - It was gay as well. But I did not want to get into ambulance. All I wanted to do was leave. I was apologizing to these nice women for destroying their salon and we took off. - You took off, okay. - So you didn't get any nail polish? - Oh no. But now I'm on the streets of San Francisco just covered in urine and throw out. - Oh God. - This is horrible. - Did you figure out what happened? - What the fuck happened to you? - I have no idea. It's never happened since. I went to the doctor and they did all sorts of tests on me. They told me I had low blood sugar and that's about it. - Which is nuts 'cause you had a belly full of pasta and wine, your blood sugar should have. - You should have been an insulin issue. - They want to get you out of it. - Yeah. Maybe you were allergic to the polish. - Oh. (laughing) - I would have thought, you know, had you not been with your boyfriend that you got roofied. It sounds like you're in there, you had a buzz. Now you're like really intoxicated. - You still could have maybe whoever served you the wine. - Oh, what would their plan have been? - Now I gotta get rid of John. (laughing) - They didn't think it through. - Oh, that's horrible. - Well, I have to say the cherry on top was that our hotel room wasn't ready, but John's parents were the hotel close by, so we went there and I took a shower in their hotel room. Which I'm somewhat grateful for, but it was also the most humbling part of the whole thing. - Yeah. - I would not wanna do that. - John called his parents. He's like, well, I gotta get Julia off the streets. That your room opened? How was the wedding? Was it fun? - It was lovely. - Did you have anxiety that it was gonna happen again? I would have anxiety for the rest of my life that that would happen again. - I just laughed about it. I thought it was hilarious. I think I was talking about it at the wedding. - All right. - Oh, that's great. That's the perfect attitude. It does remind me sometimes your body just fucking betrays you. I was on the beach one. time with Aaron and Santa Barbara. We didn't yet live there. I think we were on a road trip. And I went out swimming and then I came in and I laid on my towel and I put my shirt on. And then I started to get really kind of my vision was closing and I was feeling very wobbly. And then I tried to take my shirt off because I was getting kind of sweaty. And midway through taking my shirt off, I completely ran out of any energy. And I was like trapped in my shirt and then I just kind of fell back and Aaron was talking to me and my vision went away. And then I just was in this like paralytic state for like five minutes in my head. I'm getting really afraid. I'm dying. And then it passed. And I'm like, I don't know. I had a bunch of oil on my heels from like being out in the ocean. There's a bunch of oil rigs. I'm like, is somebody get enough oil in yet? I get bit. Yeah. And then yeah, and then I was freaked out every time I went to the beach for like a year. Like, am I just going to do like what's going on? It's so scary. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm sorry that happened. And I'm sorry to get your manicure. I know. Can I share one final gratitude with you? Yes, of course. I was very much looking forward to sharing with you how grateful I am for you talking about your dyslexia. So openly. Oh, I am now married to John. And we have three beautiful girls together. Who of them are dyslexic? And even though I know how incredibly smart and hardworking they are, it's just so hard to watch their confidence get shaken because of this stigma attached to it. So I'm incredibly grateful. You are such a model of someone who is so smart, has such a beautiful perspective on the world and is so creative. And you also had a really hard time learning how to read. Well, thank you. How old are they? They are 13, 11 and just turned 10. And is the 13-year-old have it? Nope. It's the two younger ones. Okay. I'll just say my own experience and my experience with one of my daughters is it weirdly passes like it clicks. You finally absorb all writing and totality as opposed to syllable by syllable. So I would just be optimistic for me around 13. It clicked. Yeah, they got there. My middle daughter, she is a lover of books now. Oh, great, great. Well, it's lovely meeting you. Give our love to them. And thanks for saying that. That was very nice. Thank you so much. It was so nice meeting you both. All right. Have a wonderful time. Get out to the Cape. All right. Thanks so much. Bye. It's a nerdy to say get out to the Cape, probably. I didn't even understand what she's embossed. I don't mean I keep calm. Okay. Yeah. It wasn't nerdy. It was nice. It was earnest. It was earnest. Sometimes earnest is nerdy. The Venn diagram there does have a big overlap. But that's all right. Yeah. Hello, Sarah. Look at that shirt. Oh, oh my god. It's so cute. Thank you. And when do we have the exact same sleeve? When you went backwards, it looked very similar. Very similar. Very similar. I've got lots of tattoos. We're going by the fake name Sarah, but can you tell us where in the world you are roughly? I am in my closet right now in Vancouver Island in Canada. Western Canada. Oh, we get a lot of Vancouver Island listeners. Yeah, we love that. You guys should all get together and throw a party. Yeah. A regatta would be my pick. Would love that. If you agreed to come to the party, I would love to throw a party. Okay, great. We are dying to see Vancouver. Oh, it's glory. Arguably the bus pay some Canada. It's hard, man. You guys have some real gems. You've got that whole Ontario, Muscoca Lake thing. You've got Montreal. You've got Prince Edward's Island. You got a lot. You got BAMP. You got a lot to choose from. I agree. Okay, so you have a spa story. This took place about 15 years ago. I was in my early 20s and I had just started my aesthetics career and I was working in my first job. Can you tell us what the curriculum is if someone wants to become an anesthetician? I'm always curious about this. What is the training? So there's a program that you do, which actually is less and less becoming popular, but there's a program. I think it was about 11 months. You learn all about the skin, how it works, your biology, basic body stuff, and then you go into how to perform services on people. So like officials, body waxing, massage, like all sorts of things like that. Okay, okay, great. I'm a trained esthetician. I was working in a day spa. So there was a room in the back of a hair salon. And I had just given my two-week notice to move on to a different salon. So it's very common in the industry that someone who is going to take over your position would come in and do a working interview. So they would perform a service. Someone would overlook it. They would decide if you were competent for the job. So it's like a little trial of the person replacing you? Totally. And looking back, I don't know why like the new girl who wasn't going to be in the company anymore was signing off on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, sure, whatever. So we had this woman. She was about the same as I was. She comes in. We get an introduction. We go into the back room. I'm getting a brisley in wax. I should say that. Oh, she's going to do it on you. Oh, I thought you were watching. There's a lot of, we already talked to an anesthetician. She went to a workshop and yeah, all the students wax each other. Well, because I probably can't wax like regular. But it is interesting to do it with your cohort. Yeah, she's going to perform a brisley in wax on me. So for those of you who don't know, brisley in wax is commonly you take all of your hair off front to back like vulva butthole everything. So I go into the room with her. She's a stranger to me. I take off all of my clothing from my waist down off and get on a massage type table bed. I lay back. I spread my legs out in a frog position. So at this point, I have like labia to the wind. Really quick. Do you attempt at all to assess whether she is full of shit or knows before you lay down? Like do you ask her any questions or no? That wasn't really my job. And also most people wouldn't lie about being able to do something and then immediately show that they can't do it. I wouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. She waxes the top part of the brisley in. So like the pubic bone. She does a great job on that. I have no qualms. We're having a conversation. She applies the wax in between my labia majora labia menorah puts the strip on, pulls it off. And when you get wax, obviously it doesn't feel great, but I don't feel any excessive pain. It's just annoying for like 20 minutes and then you're done. pulls the strip off and all of a sudden she kind of powers in the corner, bends over. And she's like, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm like, what's going on? I look down, blood. Okay. Sarah, really quick. Really quick. How has it done wrong and right? You put it all on. You put the paper down. You give it a yank. You put the wax on with the hair. So you're going with the direction of the hair, then you put a fabric strip down, press it on there, and then you're going to hold the skin very tight and pull against the hair. And you're not going to like rip it off. You want to gently kind of pull it off enough force that the hair is going to come out without breaking. Well, she didn't do that. So she I think put the wax on too thick. So there's a lot of grip on it. Oh, and then she didn't hold the skin tight enough and she just pulled straight out. This is my biggest fear. I'm always worried. They're going to just like show me. She's having a moment. I'm like, babe, you got to go get my coworker right now. Like, I need to talk to somebody who's in charge. So she goes and gets my coworker slash friend at the time. She comes in and she takes one look at me and she's like, you need to seek medical attention. Like something's up. Oh, so I'm like, great. Awesome. I love this for me. So I grab a handful of hot and rounds, throw them in my knee undies, put my pants on, penguin walk out of this day spot. What's the pain level? More shock. Like, I was in pain, but I think I was like making the pain up. Like, I was like, oh, yeah, this is bad. But really, I was like, oh, my gosh, I just need to go over. So I'm in a mall. So I had to then penguin walk through this mall across the parking lot, across four lanes of traffic to a walk in doctor clinic. And I walk in. It's a young male doctor. He's like, what's the nature of your visit? I'm like, I have evolved a wound at this point. So this is when I start to get panic. Same thing, take my clothes off, lay me down on the table because there was a male doctor working on me. They had to have a female in the room. So they had a female nurse come in. And I'm deathly scared of needles. He lays me down. He's like, I have to freeze the area. And I don't really know at this point how bad it is. So I'm holding onto this nurse's hands so tight. I'm like, oh, my God, freaking out. He's like, you have to get stitches. In my head, I'm like, I'm never having sex again. I'm ruined my body. Like, I don't know anyone that's giving birth. So the nurse just squeezes my hand a couple times. And she's like, this is what they're made for. You're good. Everything's going to be fine. And I was like, okay, thank you for that. After he's done, he's like, okay, I have to let you know, I gave you seven stitches. And the wound was two centimeters wide. So like three quarters of an inch. He almost ripped my lip off of me, essentially. Oh, my God. Monica. Oh, it's like a C section. I'm supposed to be on a museum. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. So I obviously didn't go back to work. Didn't ever go back to that job. I go home that night with a Perry bottle. I just moved in with my boyfriend at the time, my ex-boyfriend at the time. And I'm like, hey, how's it going? Like, Frankenstein over here. I need your help with this. She's so embarrassed. So then I call my mom and my mom just bursts out laughing. She's like, how? Like laughing at me. I hear my dad in the background. Like, what's going on? My mom immediately tells my dad. Look, I don't want my dad to know, right? Sure. The next day, my brother had a baseball game. And I shot to the baseball game. My dad is holding one of those little doughnuts, like. Oh! Oh! For people with hemorrhoids. Yes! For the whole last game, he says, yeah, very sweet. It's such a dad thing to do. Yeah, go buy something. Oh, I'll buy something. Oh, go to the hardware store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye. He's asking customer service. My daughter recently lost her menorah and/or majorah. I'm not sure which one is with. Do you have like a cabbie's best friend or a hemorrhoid seat? Oh. Wait, what was the moment like when he handed it to you? It was so awkward. It's like my aunt and my uncle there. You're also calling attention at a baseball game. You have something going on annually or vaginally. Yeah, I was like, you could just say like, oh, it's just 'cause it's a uncomfortable seat. I'm really sensitive to wooden benches. Oh, god. Did you like sue her? No, and I just wanted to forget it. I honestly thought I was like ruined for life. And now, you know, I've been in the business for a long time. I have my own chop and stuff. And I'm like, oh, yeah, they are made for that. You can't tell. Everyone looks the same. Everyone looks different. It just is what it is. Did you inquire as to whether they did hire her? I think they did hire her. Stop it. And you know what, I wonder if she thinks about me. I bet she does every time she's doing that on somebody. I hope she does. Well, you know, she was mortified. I mean, as an anesthetician, it has to be the very top night mirror. That's the show. What I say, an anesthetician, what you need it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really sorry that happened. You know, the comp is like every time you hear one of these stories, I know what's going on. Every time I hear that a guy puts something in his urethra. I think those are the, that's the comp. I know. I think that's so interesting because we also have your urethra using yours is so much tinier. Well, ours is hanging out of our body by inches and it's still so tiny. You never hear a stories of women getting anything in their urethra, but we're constantly interviewing these nurses and the guys are putting like test tubes in their urethra. Oh, that's there is. Yeah. Well, we know some women will not in their urethra. You're right. Ooh. Ooh. Well, you really have taken it in stride. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's made you even more likeable. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so happy to meet you guys. My friend Sarah and I call it our podcast. Oh. So that was my little shout out. Shout out Sarah. Shout out Sarah. Shout out Sarah. Shout out Sarah. Shout out Sarah. Well, it's so nice meeting you and give our love to real Sarah. All right. Take care. Bye. Take care guys. Bye. I wanted to say something earlier. I forgot. Okay. So it's interesting that when the men have to do the butt wax that they have to get on all fours because they don't do that for women or because the butt cheeks. Yeah. You're just getting your anus, your perineum, you know, they're not doing your butt cheeks at large, correct? That's true. Huh. Should I show up at one of these places and just be like, take it all off? You should try it. All right. I love you. I love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? I'm going to have a theme song. Oh. Okay. Great. We don't have a theme song for this new show so here I go, go, go, we're going to ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries we'll get some suggestions. I'm a fire rindish, I'm a fire rindish. Enjoy.