Armchair Anonymous: Out of Hand Lie

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman. Today we have lies that got out of hand. They sure did. Things just get wild in life. Why don't you tell one lie, boy? The floodgates are open. Please enjoy lies that got out of hand. We get support from Quince. Okay. Can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts and Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language. Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14 karat gold in Italian leather, full on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget. It's the dream. 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Email campaigns, scheduling analytics, all under one roof. No code, no patchwork of random tools. And honestly, the thing I keep coming back to is how low the barrier is. If you've got something you've been building quietly and you're ready for people to use, Squarespace makes that leap feel a lot less dramatic. Head to squarespace.com slash DAX for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. area near charlotte okay are you in the nascar racing business i am not but that's the neighborhood though yeah who is yes yes very close and are you close to any lakes you got some lakes around there don't you yeah lake norman it's huge like man-made houses and structures still underneath and are you born and bred there or have you relocated there relocated 21 years ago from southeast Virginia. So like Virginia Beach area. Oh, nice. We just had someone on who's grew up in Virginia Beach. We did. We did. She's not out yet. So it's a surprise. Easter egg. First of all, I just want to say we've all told some lies that have gotten out of hand. So I want you to feel like you're in very good company before you embark on this story. Yes. And we appreciate your honesty. Yes. It's very brave to talk about a lie that got out of hand. It happened a really long time ago. So I felt comfortable telling you guys. Okay. 26 years ago. Last five-year stretch in Virginia. So it took place there when I was a senior in high school. And so I don't know if either of you guys experienced when you played your rival high school in football. The week leading up to it, we called it Hell Week. We called it Spirit Week. Yeah. Interesting. We were ruthless. Think eggs, toilet paper, maybe your school field got vandalized. And Jamie, these were pranks you would pull on the opposing team? Yeah. Churchland Truckers versus Western Branch Bruins, for anyone who's listening. Shout out. The Truckers. That was a team, the Truckers? That was my high school. Do you have a stab at why that came to be? Before, you know, a lot of people came to inhabit the area, it was fields and truckers would drive through. Great mascot, let me tell you. Is it a semi-truck with like a smiley face on it? No smiley face, but yes, it was a semi. That's an interesting mascot. Up until my senior year, I was always the passenger in the car, which was always fun. I'm hanging out the window throwing the eggs. But for some reason, I got it in my mind my senior year, like I wanted to be the driver. It was a rite of passage, maybe. I don't know. Hindsight, terrible idea. So a group of us, we meet over at a friend's house. We divide and conquer cars and who's going to go where. So I'm driving in my 91 Honda Accord. Nice, nice. And we go into this neighborhood, and to our surprise, there's a group of guys from the opposing team, like their high school, out in the yard. They've got eggs. We're throwing back and forth. I'm driving, of course, safely, not throwing anything, but people are hanging out on my sunroof. They're sitting on the edge of the window, throwing over the car. Dukes of Hazzard style, yeah. Yeah, it was fun. We're kind of giddy, adrenaline's rushing. And your car's at all girls, or are there girls and boys? Girls and boys. There was a guy sitting up front with me, so he was the one hanging out of the sunroof. So we're like, all right, great, score. First house done. What else can we do? Well, we obviously didn't do our research with the neighborhood, and so didn't realize that as we drove in, we were driving into a dead end. Oh, oopsies. And so we were going to have to turn around and drive right back by that same house with all those guys. They've got eggs. We've got eggs. We're fine. Well, I guess they were either mad or ready. But when we came back by the second time, they threw bricks at my car. Oh, okay. What? They really escalated it. Zero to 100. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, we're talking teenagers, right? We're talking hell week. No, there are rules. There are unwritten rules. That's insane. You know, we're going this way. So one hit the passenger side and then one hit the windshield. And because, you know, the glass is tempered, it didn't shatter, but it spider cracked everywhere. And then there was a brick imprint, like, right up my face. Yeah, yeah. You could have died. I know. It was crazy. The kid that was sitting up front, he, like, ducks down, knocks the side mirror off. Your car's completely demolished in a matter of five seconds. Yes. Interior, exterior. And, like, I remember my foot on the gas was just shaking so bad. I was like, I cannot believe this happened. Obviously, we're done for the night. So I don't remember the drive back, but we somehow made it back to like our rendezvous point. And I go in the house and I go in the bathroom and I have like shards of glass in my hair. I have like little nicks on my face. What am I going to tell my parents? I did not instigate this. This isn't my fault. They will kill me. You did technically instigate it. You did not deserve it. But no, this is my monologue to them. OK, OK, OK. Also, I don't think you did. They were already there. They had their eggs. They were coming for you. So quick timeout, saved by the bell style. My dad, raging alcoholic, he was a lovely man. But when he drank, he was not very nice. And one time I had tried to back out of my driveway with my mom parked behind me. And I clipped her car. And he was so pissed. He threw like a hot tea bag at me. What? Okay. You're getting so many things thrown at you in this life. Yeah. Yeah. But she's not even out of high school yet. And I was like, I can't tell my parents what really happened. So one of the girls that was with me, I feel like this is important to mention. She was older than me, like almost four years. And she lived across the street from me forever. So my parents knew her really well. And in my mind, if she's with me and she's helping tell whatever story we concoct, it's going to make it more believable. So we come up with this plan that we were in one of our neighborhoods and we were just going about our business. We had to make sure we got our turns right. We were just delivering eggs, Mom. Yeah, I was dropping off a dozen for someone to bake a cake. I don't know. But we told them as we were turning, a caravan, I remember using that word, a caravan of cars comes by and just starts pelting us with stuff. Plausible. We didn't do anything. We were just turning, trying to get to where we were going, and they came by. My parents, they believed it. They took it. They were mad. They couldn't believe the state of the car. They got a lot of work they got to fix. And then they decide they're going to call the cops. And I'm like, oh, okay. So I remember sitting in my room with my friend and I'm like, we got to do this again. We have to tell the cops the same story. She's like, stick to the facts. Stick to the facts. We got it. Stick to the fabricated facts. This is what happens. And so I remember the cops coming, giving them the same spiel. I think they said, you know, yeah, we'll look into it. Obviously, they found nothing. Now, obviously, they're asking you to describe cars. It was dark. Oh, great. Eight or nine. Yeah. Looked like a bunch of guys. Things were being thrown you couldn't see. So cops leave, go to bed, go to school the next day. Crazy enough, that same house got another car, a friend of mine's. But, you know, we're like, laugh it off. Everyone survives. All's well that ends well. Great. But then I get home from school that day, and I learned that my mom called the news, the local news. Oh, no. Things are really, really getting out of control quickly. So they ask her, hey, can you take the car to the scene of the crime? Oh, no. And so she drives it to this road where all this stuff happens. Uh-huh. And there's no bricks on the ground or broken glass or eggshells. Yeah, someone's really scrubbed it up nicely. She got my friend to come with her and sit in the driver's seat of the car. And you know, like, when you want to remain anonymous on camera, they, like, blur your face. Yeah. So she used the busted glass to blur her face to stay anonymous and told this story to the newscaster. And so they were on news that night at, like, the 5 o'clock news telling this fake story about what happened to her daughter's car. Oh, God. It makes you wonder how much shit you're. What you're seeing is fake. Like, it's a lie that got out of control. Because I will say, I do see stuff semi-often on the news where I go, that doesn't make any sense what they just said. You know, like, the eyewitness. Yeah, but eyewitnesses are often unreliable, but they're not lying. It's their memory. Who knows? You know, you can see everything. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding. That's a reference to a movie. That no one hears except me. So does it make it to broadcast? Do you get to sit in your living room and watch this? Did you guys. Did you guys tape it? No, and I thought about looking up on the news site if they had archives. I was like, there's no way they have that from 26 years ago. The lowest priority story of the night. And were you, like, walking through the house like, God, I just. Yeah, it's crazy. Who were they? You know, like. Oh, yeah, were you hamming it up? Yeah. Kind of playing your role? No. Okay. Okay. I gotta say, after the cops and the news, I might be laying in bed going like, my goodness, what's next? What else will mom think of? Like, someone went to jail because of this, and it was a random. Oh, wrong question. Wrongly incarcerated. Wrongly accused. And then I have to come clean. Would you? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. And did you ever tell your parents the truth? I told my mom at some point, and I remember her saying something like, I knew something wasn't right with that story. Once I got there with the news crew, I was like, does this make any sense? That does remind me, though, I had a friend who rear-ended me at a stoplight. We were horsing around. He rear-ended me. And then he told his. He told his dad that someone backed into him at the mall. And so he took the car up to the mall, and the dad said, okay, well, stay there. I'm going to come take pictures and whatnot for the insurance. And his dad was smart, and he was a mechanic. And sure enough, he got there, and he's like, so weird that these people that rear-ended you took the time to pick up all the broken glass from the taillight. It was very, very considerate of them. Uh-oh. Do you want to tell me what really happened here? Busted. Yeah, you got to think of these details. No, did the. Did the second group. Because obviously, had someone just called the cops, eggs versus bricks, those boys would have been in trouble. That's why these lies are tricky, because it's like, you could have just told the truth, which is like, look, we were just doing a silly prank, and then they threw bricks at us. Right. No, my dad would not have cared. Really? I would have been in so much trouble. Oh, no. Okay, well, then. But I think with my girlfriend, her parents weren't as strict, so they probably told the truth. I know exactly what your dad would have said. He would have said. He would have said, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. We don't know if he'd say that exactly. I don't even think it was popular then yet, 26 years ago. Yeah, I don't think he would have said that. But that would have been the sentiment. Like, you're going to go throw eggs. You better be ready for anything. Sounds like the sentiment might have been, you're in big, big, big, big trouble for me. You're in hot, hot water. Yeah. Well, Jamie, I really love it. It's also so innocent. Did you guys win that big matchup? I don't remember. Yeah. I have a feeling you didn't. Yeah, I think I don't think you did. Probably not. Yeah, given the. The truckers. Well, how the pranks went. I'd be scared of them. Well, thank you so much for telling us that. Thank you, guys. That's so nice to meet you. You too. Bye, Jamie. Bye. If people want to watch, they can see that I have Pantone Zabar's cup, mug. And I would just like. Oh, my goodness. Hi. Oh, hello. Sorry to interrupt you. It's okay. She was doing a sales pitch for a color. No. Oh, sorry. But if Pantone or Zabar's would like to sponsor us, that would be great. High-class sponsors there. Exactly. So, this is a public plea. Look at your hat. Now, that's the kind of sponsor I want. Diet Coke. Oh, that's right. Yeah. You know, I wore it for you. I just got it yesterday. Oh, wow. Oh, you got it yesterday? Where did you pick that up? My friend Molly got it for me for my birthday. And are you a D.C. junkie like me? Absolutely. Every day. I have to have one. They're so crisp, aren't they? They're so beautiful. Do you think she rush shipped it so that you could have it for this recording? She didn't know anything about it. Whoa, Sim. Oh, exactly. And I'm wearing the original ABR marine layer. With the man riding the penis and testicles mic and recorder. That's the OG. That's the first drawing. That's vintage. So, Liz, other than inside of a tent or teepee, where are you? I am in my home in Connecticut. How close to New York? Are you up? No. Closer to Massachusetts. Okay. So, it's from New York. So, it's freaking beautiful. Are the leaves on fire? Yeah, they're gorgeous. Jealous. Oh, wow. Okay. So, you told a lie and it got away from you. Yes. Can I just add really quick? You look like a fanning. Like, you could be the third fanning. Oh. Oh, my gosh. I could see that. That is such a compliment. I'm very fair-skinned. Well, the whole package and the sweet smile and the spirit. Oh, my gosh. This is truly a dream come true. So, I can't even believe I'm here right now. So, let me just take that in. Okay. And then lies. You know, people could be lying in this prompt. Like, it could be a meta. A hat on a hat. A hat on a hat. Meta. A Diet Coke hat on a hat. On a Pantone K-Bar. Zazabars. What is it? Zabars. And they're never going to. Oh, is that that cake we ate? Yes. Okay. You loved it. You couldn't stop eating it. Now, you're in. Now, you have to have it. That's a sponsor. You loved it. You at first said, I don't want this looks dry. I did. I did. I did. They look like sand. And then I turn around and you're shoving it in your mouth. I was. Every time you turned your hat, I crammed it in my greedy little mouth. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. We're pirating your story. Truly. I can't believe it. So, yes. Just give you some background information. Yeah. Give us all of it. I am a speech pathologist and I work for the public schools in Massachusetts. Well, really quick. The irony of being in Massachusetts as a speech therapist. I would imagine the first semester is just saying that fucking name of that state. I can't say and I don't think I have a speech pathology. Yeah. Very complicated name. Thankfully, my kids don't have to really say it that much. So we're good. Mass, you know, it's kind of what it goes by for the locals. So I, as a speech pathologist in my district, have to go to multiple different schools. And so often the office that I'm given at a particular school is shared by other itinerant workers. On any given day, I could have an office full. Colleagues or I could be there by myself. On this particular day, I was under the assumption that I was going to be alone in my office. I kind of knew the schedules of my other colleagues and I thought, OK, nobody's going to come in on this day. The other thing to know about me at this time of my life is that I had a real energy drink consumption. OK, great. You were banging back. What was your brand? Monster? Yeah. Yeah. OK. The low carb blue monster. It's like 30 ounces in a can or so. Big boy. Yeah. Big boy. I really liked him. We get support from no bull. The holidays can get hectic. You finally hit a post-summer routine and suddenly you're on hosting duty every week. That's when you really need to ground yourself. Exactly. And that's why I keep my training routine through the holidays. It's the whole no bull idea. There's a no bullshit training brand. It's a brand built around consistency, honesty, and just putting in the work. It's not about adding more pressure to an already packed schedule. It's about having the gear and the habits to move through the season your way. My personal favorite, all three of the shoes are fantastic. The Outwork, the Outwork Flex, and the Drive 2. I like the Drive 2 because it's a hybrid. 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Bye. so they didn't always agree with me gastrointestinal and would that result in gas or honus or a combo a combo okay okay okay great on this day well we'll get it so i go into my office working away hold up my computer excited finish my can of monster energy drink and within a few minutes i'm starting to feel my tummy rumbling and i think to myself you know what this is probably going to escalate to something but for now i just need to like relieve some pressure okay absolutely yeah let out a little too yeah okay and as soon as it exits my body and hits my nose i know that it's a problem yeah you're in trouble yeah it's a problem it's filled up the space very quickly but i don't care i'm there by myself yeah all the better and i don't want to open a window it's february in new england i'm not trying to get freezing it's my own brand who cares right yeah it's time to save her i just keep working every few minutes relieve some pressure little two here we go keep working away right so i'm basically hot boxing my office oh would i be right to guess it's a small office like cinder block walls type situation exactly it's an old shower room off the gym it's very small and yeah just hot boxing away not even thinking twice about it oh no oh no no the door to my office open and my colleague who's not supposed to be there on this day comes in to pick some material no this is the nightmare of all nightmares because also you've really lost perspective on how bad it smells in there because you have been desensitized so like whatever level you thought it was at it's probably 3x that it's almost worse than shitting your pants in some ways i mean i would have left if i shit my pants right here i'm like i'm just farting yeah this is too detailed and granular but those cinder block walls like have that shiny paint on them i'm just thinking this there's no porousness to the room it's just like you're basically farting in a ziploc bag is the point i'm trying to make monica the heater is going oh baby oh my god hot fart hot fart i'm surprised the person i walked in didn't dry heat yeah exactly or pass out okay let's get to her reaction yeah she walks in her face just distorts and disgust right away and she's just like oh my god what is that smell oh she blasted it she couldn't even help herself well she probably thought there's no way it came from you it was so bad natural gas leak so bad right so before i can even come up with an excuse she goes there's a dead animal in here oh oh my god as bad as i don't want to smell i kind of want to smell this no i'm good so i can know wow and like to be fair there had been dead animals in this office there's a dead animal in here wait we gotta okay so what did you say yeah i mean it just tells you about the state of the room right i mean it's like it's it's bad yeah and so i mean this is where the lie happens i can't what am i gonna do be like no it's my fart right absolutely not it's just not an option no not an option so i'm just like oh yeah it does kind of smell in here i guess that's so weird thinking should just move on you know what i mean like let's just move on and open some doors and we're fine no she starts looking for the animal she wants to stay in the cabinets she's like trying to find where the smell is coming yeah to get the animal out i want to hire this person i mean who has this kind of dedication if i walked into space like if i walked into this space and i was like oh my god there's a dead animal in here i would be like looking because we have to get rid of it right that's yeah but this is our work spot imagine you walk into someone else's office and you almost puke because it smells so bad you're like i mean i gotta find this source of this smell that's her office too yeah this is her it's our office okay okay okay and i think she's frustrated because she's like this has happened before like what the hell we have another dead it's a not again situation right and so she's looking away and i'm sitting there and i'm like well i can't let this poor woman look for this dead animal by herself so i get up and i start looking for it yeah i'm like where is it i'm like oh my gosh i know i can smell it over here oh i'm just really committing so at this point i should have gone to the bathroom several minutes ago right now i'm really on the verge of an unauthorized evacuation oh fuck so like just as the smell is dissipating i can't hold it in i'm just basically leaking out another while she's in there looking for the animals it's like a laurel and hardy sketch kind of it's just renewed her conviction that there is something oh yeah no it's over here i smell it she's on all fours it's so humiliating but also thank god she's not thinking that it's me i don't know so she's so concerned about this situation that she decides to bring in a professional basically and goes and gets the custodian and she's like come on you got to come in here and she forces this poor man to stand in the middle of our office and take deep whiffs oh oh my god liz really quick you have a little bit of honus has come out you're saying no no no okay more gas yeah okay more gas it's just like i should have gone and now it's like a real problem okay yeah yeah did you consider saying like this smells making me feel nauseous i'm gonna go to the bathroom yeah i feel like i might be sick like i might this smell is giving me diarrhea it's so weird it's giving me diarrhea it's giving me like the same smell out of my butt and then the girl do you think this animal is in my car i'm gonna come with you to the bathroom that's so weird the smell is in here too i think it must have been in my coffee how did it get in here oh yeah there's dead animals all over this whole building this place is covered head to toe and dead animals this poor custodian comes in and is forced to just take deep whiffs i thought once he was done that everything was going to be done and we didn't have to think about it anymore and then i come in the next day and apparently she had gone to the principal oh no ran it up the flagpole ran it up even further because she was so distraught by what the experience was and the principal then took it to facilities and facilities was like well you know we're just gonna have to redo this whole space because this is dead animal thing stop it's a recurring issue and she must have described it in such a way that caused such concern yeah yeah we got a health risk they blew up the entire they razed the school the gym was already getting redone and so we were like right on the gym so i think they're just like let's just take this out too but you know wow wow lie about your farts and then you'll get a new office i think it was great wow you advise it that is so good did that cause you to change your consumption of the beverage at all or no i mean no yeah wow i was more conscientious about my farts were you able to get to the bathroom yeah i mean that was not a choice that i had to go yeah so once all the kids were in their classrooms and stuff i kind of took my time this is so stressful oh my god it's made me feel like i have an upset tummy did it do that to you at all okay that's such nice mirror neurons yeah i feel like a lot of warmth in my lower gi he always says i have hypochondria but it pops up well i just feel like warm in my lower gi now hypochondria okay well liz what a beautiful story that was oh my god yeah it was elegant yeah i really enjoyed it thank you all right take care bye bye hello hello is this stephanie this is stephanie are you at a law office it kind of looks like it but it's actually a murphy bed in my parents house oh wow it really looks like you're in a conference room with wood paneled walls thank you yeah it's very inviting and where is the parents house what state they live in hot springs arkansas and are you from there no i am actually from michigan ding ding ding where central michigan so i live in jackson with my husband and our two kids home of the prison that's right the world's largest walled prison or something does it have that distinction yeah it does there's just a giant prison that you know i don't know why you'd want that distinction but yes very famous for a prison okay where did this lie take place very close by in lansing michigan so i'm gonna take you guys on a journey of a lie that just went crazy oh wonderful so nearly 15 years ago or so when i was working in lansing i had a co-worker that called into work dead wait how does one call in dead oh i didn't even yeah i didn't even think about that wait what so years ago i had worked with a man named andre and i think it's important for the story to know that andre wasn't really like a blend-in person so he was this big guy he was six four he was 300 pounds he's this big personality and so we worked for what i'll just say is a really large nationwide advertising company and we were hired in to start on the digital advertising wing of the company but this was 15 years ago so this was pre-influencer this is when facebook and instagram were just starting ads and it was when we couldn't quite do fbi level of investigation about people that we can now do today. Right. Background wise. Yeah. Like just look it on your phone and you can find 20 years. It was a different time. Yeah. And so we were all hired in around the same time to be on this digital part of the company. And so Andre had supposedly come to us as the former head of social media for Barack Obama. Oh, OK. That's a large claim. Very. But it was like 2012 and social media for a president was still not what it is today. And so you couldn't just look it up. We believed him because when he came into the office and set up his desk, he had a picture of himself with Michelle Obama. Oh, wow. OK. Over time, we all got really close. Like our digital team got close and Andre got close with my husband. Can I ask quickly, was he good at his job? We'll get to that. Oh, OK. OK. OK. OK. He was charming and charismatic as a person. So you believed he was good at his job. OK. Great. But we all gradually got close. And so we met Andre's two children. We met his boyfriend and we got so close that he lived in Lansing, but he came to Jackson and helped us move from one house to another. And he came to my house for my birthday and cooked for me. Wow. OK. So sweet man. Yes. Very sweet. Fantastic cook. But after a few months of working together, a flag started popping up here and there. So the first one was there was a night he called me at 10 p.m. and he was really, really upset because he said our boss, Ed, had called one of his advertising clients. And it was supposedly Andre's biggest client. And he was really, really upset that Ed had called him. And I could not understand for the life of me why he was so upset. I'm like. Why are you so mad that he's calling? He's your boss. But that was like the first little like something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Oh. But then over the next few months, Andre started having a weird string of bad luck. So at one point he said his kids got really, really sick and he didn't have money to go see the doctor or something. So he asked me for money and I gave him money to go see the doctor with his kids. Have you met the kids? Yeah. There were two of them. One was like a middle schooler and one was like five or six or something. So like a little bit of an age gap. Soon after that, his father passed away and his father was an army colonel or general or like something really high up. And so because he was so high up in the army, he was going to be buried at Arlington Cemetery because he had passed away. So all of the work came together and gave him money and cards because his father passed away. And it was this huge, huge loss. And then there were like a string of other things that happened that I can't remember. But I just remember like a bad thing happened. Work came together to help him. Eventually, his luck seemed to be getting better. And so one day he came into work and asked us to all go in the basement. And we went into the basement and sitting on a table was a three layer vanilla cake from the White House. What? He told us all the White House wanted to thank us for our cake. Yeah. And then he told us all the White House wanted to thank us for our cake. And then he told us all the White House wanted to thank us was like, this is the biggest account we've ever landed. This is going to be amazing. And so on the day that everybody was supposed to fly out, we all come into the office and eight o'clock, no Andre. Our boss gets a call from Andre's friend and the person on the other line says, you know, I have some really, really bad news. Andre was in Indiana and he was driving to this and he was in a really bad car accident. We don't think he's going to make it. It looks really, really bad. Send any money. Right? It's like he just needs this amount to live. Doctors think 18. $1,500 might fix it. So my boss gets everyone together because we're close. She has everyone sit down and says, I just got a call from, you know, this person and Andre was in this terrible car accident and it sounds like he's going to die. And then Bill in the back stands up and Bill says, what? I just saw him walking down the street. Oh no, Bill, Bill busted him. Good job for Bill. Whistleblower. Bill busted him. Because Andre, he is six foot four, 300 pounds. He stood out. Oh my God. But we ended up contacting the boyfriend we had met and it turns out almost everything was a lie. So his dad is still alive. He's not in Arlington Cemetery. I don't know who those children were. They weren't his children. Oh my Lord. I wonder if he was like a big brother in the boys and girls club. I hope not. Because he's a crazy person. He's a crazy person. Well. We don't want that. People are complicated. Maybe he's a good big brother, but a bad employee. I know. Cause he kept saying my sons, my sons. And I was like, well, okay. Like, why would I not believe you? But to your question, it turns out he had never worked a single account ever. He would just go out and pretend he did. So he just lied for months. Oh my Lord. And then obviously, I guess we can infer the cake wasn't from the White House. You were waiting to find out more info. I didn't even hear about that. There's still a question mark on that. Now you're pretty sure. Fuck. I know. Wow. And then he lived in the same town? We would see him walking around. Oh my God. And did anyone ever confront him or say hi? Hi, Andre. Glad you pulled through. I'm so glad you made it. After that, I distanced myself. But every once in a while, like I'll see that he looks at my LinkedIn or something. This sounds like a mental health crisis a little bit. Like a bipolar maybe or something. Well, I, you know, there are a lot of people that are pathological liars. It's one of the conditions I can least find purchasing, you know, like when I tried to empathize or imagine. For me, the amount of stress of spinning a lie and then on top of a lie, like just to me, I can't imagine why you would do it. It feels like a very stressful way to live. They must get a high off of it or something. When I think you're on to something, because I wanted to have empathy there, but we did find out that like earlier on. On 10, 15 years before that, he did have a pretty bad personal trauma. And so we think that like that trauma probably led him to kind of disconnect and create this alternate something. You could see where someone's like, I want this life. The only way I can have this life is to lie to get it. I mean, I guess I can understand that as an approach to getting what you want. I'm not condoning it or saying I would. No, I know. But when I try to understand the motivation, I guess that's what I most want to be able to understand. Well, yeah, they want the things they were saying they have. Right. And assuming that, I mean, again, God, everything points back to this movie. Oh. But yeah, that's sad. I think it is. And I had that empathy part, but then I was also like, I get it. That's bad, but I got to move on, man. Oh, of course. Like this is not cool. No, you need your boundaries around a person like that for sure. Oh, well, Stephanie, what a. That's crazy. It is. Poor Andre. Yeah. I mean, I hope he got himself to a therapist. Something. Maybe on some medication. Yeah, certainly. Maybe we're doing better. I'm optimistic. I hope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you at the same company still? No, I ended up shifting to another one. I work in healthcare analytics for a company in Michigan and. I love it. Wonderful. Well, it's so nice to meet you, Stephanie. Yeah. Yeah, thank you for having me. Bye, guys. Bye, take care. Nice to meet you, too. Bye. Hi. Hi. Hello. Now, here's my question. Which fake name would you like? And then I have to tell you who you look like. Yeah, you look like a few people. Okay. It might be a long list. I love that. I'll let you guys pick. Charlotte. I like Charlotte. That's good. That's a beautiful name. Yeah. All right, what are you going to say? I have a specific thing that's really current. Oh, mine's not. Well, I feel. Okay. I feel like you look like Cobie Smulders. Do you know her? No, I don't. She was on How I Met Your Mother and a very good actress. And I think you, ding, ding, ding, look like Kobe Bryant. God. Look him up. Now, I'm watching Physical 100. Italy with my children and there's a contestant on there that you look just like okay so both of these are not helpful in any way yeah just like Jane Wickland from SNL have you gotten that oh Jane Wickland wow no I haven't I just did this haircut it's a really good cut like an hour ago thank you like a few weeks ago it's very cute it is and a great sweater thank you middle part Bob you guys am I saying the right words middle part Bob yeah Bob though misleading it is a Bob but what's the thing they call it now like a lob back to Kobe Bryant yeah great at the lob it was a Bob and now it's a lob because it's whatever this is so not the point I think it is though Charlotte yeah okay Charlotte where are you I am in DC if you said Charlotte North Carolina now I would fart because I'm really glad you didn't then you I've been like wavering back and forth of how much detail to share because I think I'm most nervous about like sharing this story on a big platform but I will say I have ties to Gwinnett County oh oh girl do we know each other maybe I know you this story is somewhere in that area well Charlotte very easy for you to change a couple names right exactly I've practiced a few times to avoid you know yeah we cut things we save people if they say something that we realize could be trouble for them I will just say this we've done I don't know how many I keep losing track but I think 300 plus of these and no one's ever gotten in trouble yeah but still but we respect the if you've killed someone omit that I guess no tell us okay yeah tell us the thing that's funny is I got the email at work and I was like oh my god and I work in like a totally corporate environment and so it's like my manager my director I've told them and I was like oh no now you're gonna know the story now oh but that's okay all these stories we think that people will not like us for they end up liking us more for vulnerability are we ready to jump in yeah okay great so it is my freshman year at college it's 2015 it's winter and I'm back on campus it's a Friday night and something that we have done earlier that day is me and my very good friend we have picked up her friend who lives in Miami and he's coming up for the weekend and he's gonna have like the classic college experience super exciting is he college age or is he a high schooler he's the same age as us he's just in Miami it doesn't go to Miami University he just lives there so we're in the dorm we're drinking having a good time one thing leads to another and we decide that we have to go to the planetarium that night sure and so we have enough time to get there it's like 40 minutes away and there's six of us and so we all pile into my car and again we've been drinking so we deem Marco friend from Miami that he's gonna drop just landed right he's gonna know how to get there of course we bring drinks with us because you can't hit the road without some open containers we bring like tequila bottles we bring beer bottles glass only for whatever reason and then on top of that like if we're going to the planetarium like we have to smoke because what are we doing yeah I am weed you mean obviously yes yes yes marijuana and so the fashion that we are smoking again at 19 years old we bring like a DIY like grab bong okay okay so it's a big contraption yeah I don't know where everyone's fitting is this a van these six people in a rolling bar and a gravity bomb there's a lot of accoutrement for this trip packed in there yeah about how many minutes it's to pack the car yeah I wasn't even gonna mention it but we didn't have enough seats for everyone yeah okay of course I mean at this point we lapped up yeah yeah yeah and it's 40 minutes away from the planetarium so we bring like a DIY like grab bong okay so it's a big contraption safety third safety third yeah okay it's like a three-strikes throughout so I think like the point I'm trying to make is like we're basically hot boxing smoke everywhere any sort of flying under the radar is not happening here but for whatever reason and we know we're running late we're like we got to be considerate so we call the museum and we're like hey we're running late but we really want to come can you let us in we're college kids and they were thrilled okay and we basically get in for free oh can I ask quickly is it a laser show at the planetarium that night or what kind of show is it I could not even you don't even know it was normal it was stars oh okay I mean I didn't I didn't see the show okay spoiler can I real quick poke a big hole this is not the quintessential college experience going to the planetarium this is an interesting choice so I actually talked to him yesterday and he was like why the hell did we go to the planetarium like I was so excited to like go to a frat party walk the quad go downtown yeah no it was not great we get there one of the six people she's like I'm not feeling so good I don't think I can make it inside I'm just gonna stay in your car I'm like absolutely not because you're gonna puke you're gonna pass out like I'm thinking of every wrong thing you need to come in with us we'll make sure you're okay so the show starts we like recline lights dim and she is not okay oh she's fleeing to the projectionist and then she like flees out of view and so I'm following pretty closely after her and I turn the corner and it's just like worth noting the room I enter is like a 1970s 1980s file cabinet like it is like a museum exhibit itself like nothing has touched this room in like 40 years it has like these IBM computers like floor to ceiling I don't know what this place is it has like a desk like papers filed high dust everywhere essentially she's also puked everywhere inside of this office yeah okay okay so there's people got over all of the antique computers everything oh no everywhere so essentially I do like a hard u-turn and I go back to the show and I'm like two friends I need help we need backup things are not going well you're very on top of it for being drunk and stoned I just want to applaud that as much as we know you've made some bad decisions you're also pretty on top of it yeah that is very college look I think I was like oh no and I was very aware that we had traveled in my car and I was like okay so I get two more friends two girls they come back with me she's getting worse no color she's a kind of like limp I can't figure it out but then she starts telling a story that it's an allergic reaction oh she's like it's allergic reaction we went to dinner I think it was an ingredient and it's like quite the story and I'm like we didn't go to dinner oh oh boy I'm like what are you talking about and she wasn't even with us the whole night so I was like maybe this did happen but then she says I need an epi pin oh that sends the panic from zero to 100 yeah so basically it's pretty clear they're calling 9-1-1 oh my okay this is now employees of the planetarium are going to call 9-1-1 yeah there's six of us so I take the last two friends it's not with her and I say you're coming with me we need to start thinking about like an exit strategy we need to go to my car and like clean house right we need to read the evidence we need to read the evidence we need to read the evidence at this point the show is like ending so we're in the parking lot imagine a scene of college kids chucking like liquor bottles over a fence like near the dumpster because I couldn't put it in the dumpster I was like yeah it'd be so obvious I don't know what's on the other side of the fence not my problem but there's like families coming out and it's just like such a nightmare I'm like how do these people not know like we have to read I tell Marco I said hey it's your job to drive laps I don't know where you got to go but you're rolling the windows down and you're just airing this car out like and he's like I don't know I just flew here and I was like go like honestly maybe don't even come back I don't know you're really panicking at this point yeah panic you're a general who doesn't have a plan and then I guess then you're like Marco go like take the car do we say we uber got dropped well they didn't have uber then exactly yeah so they got dropped off taxis church man so I go back inside the ems is there and they're like we can't find anything wrong nothing's wrong your vitals are stable like everything's normal and I'm off to the side like yeah like obviously you're not gonna find anything wrong yeah so it reaches a point that we are long past the show ending the ems and the staff are just not super friendly anymore and they're kind of like all right what's the deal they're pulling us aside they're like separating us they're like how do you know her how long have you known her what's happening like we need to figure out if you guys are like bsing us like did she take something like this is your chance to tell us they must think she's on acid people take acid and go to the planetarium I mean that's probably what they're trying to figure out that's fair I think like at 19 years old I was like we did nothing I don't know her I hate her I don't know her but I know I don't like her we just found her like on the way we don't share the same values she sounds like a buzzkill like if you were having a good time sounds like she could really ruin a good time oh she should have stayed in the car I know although you guys she would have fucking wandered into a field you'd have been looking for a lovely person by the way yeah we love her 19 years old right so essentially we hold the line we say nothing and then they're like all right has she been out of the country and we're like you know what she has she had just started that spring semester because that fall she had been in africa oh and so we were like she just got back from africa that's why we don't know her that well her puke was like a very deep colored red because she had been drinking red wine and so like africa 2014 2015 like red ebola oh ebola yeah then there was like a hot second that they really thought it was called cdc the staff I think I watched the color drain from their face it was like a ghost this is out of hand yeah and honestly how did we move off the EpiPen I don't know so they all decide it's not Ebola they think about it for a minute and then they decide no it's not Ebola we went through a lot of different diagnoses in that room but we reach a point that they're like okay you're free to go home like she's declined an ambulance we have exhausted everything and you guys just go home so I'm like all right Marco circle back up we're all cleared to go police didn't come like EMS left the entire museum staff has now exited the building with us okay we have two friends one on each side of this incapacitated friend basically dragging her and the staff is like bye with their shoulder to shoulder like farewell like giving us like a real like Disney oral exit okay a send-off and we're like yeah we're like bye bye bye yeah we gotta go and I didn't want them to see how many people were piling into this car as you noted so I was like everyone just like fall into the car just get in we put her in the front seat and we drive off and it was just like silence of just like we did it and naturally you would think that's where the story ends but what happens is is this friend we'll call her Kristen I haven't heard anything from Kristen since she had said I don't feel well so these are the first words we're really hearing from her okay okay so she's in the front seat we're all in the back seat and she puts her hand up on the driver's side on ref turns around with real like muscle clarity and intention and says with a smile I did good didn't I guys what like a psychopath wait what what does that mean we were in like a state of disbelief and we were like what you did terribly she's like well I couldn't tell him I was fucked up so I and we were like so you did what yeah I'm finally understanding what she did what which she goes into this room she pukes everywhere the staff finds her she goes oh fuck I'm gonna be in trouble for drinking right act like I'm having some kind of allergic reaction anaphylactic shock whatever I need an epi pen I don't know what she was gonna do if they brought an epi pen although she would survive it's just a veteran I get it I get it it was a terrible tactical decision but at least I understand the logic she thought she was saving everyone from getting busted for being drunk underage but she should have told charlotte I'm gonna have a large reaction and then do it zero indication because the whole time me and the two friends were like hey what's up you know a wink and nothing just so that's what she was proud method acting yeah she's like even you guys got fooled what if she goes her real name is jennifer lawrence oh my god that was so cool kristin is actually jennifer lawrence wow wow and you guys all remain friends her time after yeah I think I like needed a b after that yeah I was gonna say I would have stayed friends but it would definitely inform my decision whether or not I was gonna party with this person no I don't want to get fucked up with them they're a goddamn train wreck well she never went that hard again like obviously I played a role because like we were hot boxing like that's not even a choice participation sure sure you know yeah yeah yeah she just got so high and that is a lot but she's a great person all the people in the story are great I'm sure a number of people will piece two and two together at home so I really want to put that disclaimer out there that 19 might be like peak bad decision making oh yeah that's why they send you away to that school so you can go make a bunch of terrible decisions that's why I think schools that are sort of insular are the way to go because if you let a 19 year old out into the city well that's what's nuts about NYU or any of the other schools that are sort of insular are the way to go or Columbia even USC or fucking USC yeah if you start wandering around I don't think colleges should be like that definitely don't give me a car you know don't give me a car that I can go on highways I feel extremely bad for Marco he's like this is what I do every day I'm always dealing with this in Miami did he sleep with anyone on the trip no oh wow oh well Charlotte lovely meeting you it was great meeting you guys you'd say I would have partied with you because you were on it you were fucked up and on it yeah you were too responsible I mean I slipped up trust me the fear of God was put in me that night I've changed some ways after that but I'm fun time yeah you seem that's obvious with a lob all right be well all right take care bye oh I want to be in high school or not high school college well either I would take either I think it's scarier when you're in high school to spelling and then parents and parent I mean parents are still sometimes involved in college mistakes but when you're 19 you get into trouble they don't call your parents you might choose to call your parents but it's like you go to jail like that like if they're 17 and they're at the fucking planetarium it's true they're like let me call you I just knew a lot of people that got MIPs you did yeah and and so parents were generally involved in those MIPs a lot of RIP MIPs a lot of MIPs with Georgia State University I don't know if you've heard of Georgia State University I don't remember Georgia at that time all right all right love you love you do you want to sing a tune or something we don't have a theme song oh okay great we don't have a theme song for this new show so here I go go go we're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries we'll get some suggestions on the flyer rindish on the flyer rindish enjoy Thank you.