Ari Shaffir - w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

those are real boards peters yeah right take them outside and do some tricks yeah maybe we should no no no don't cross them yeah show them maybe the bodega when we put uh no no put it like right here should we put the uh bodega we could hang up right it might be might be too tall though for camera oh yeah put it on that like pillar yeah there you go we could get rid of the youtube thing who cares about that that's a hundred thousand that's a big fucking deal my kid my kid saw that he was like you got one of those yeah people care about that people give a shit where are we at now have we gone up 280 all right all right do we go on for when's the next one you get a million damn that's tough that's insane a hundred thousand a million i know right big jump guess we're keeping that up yeah i've never seen sale like he's defended anything like that in my life are you fucking kidding me that's a big deal are we recording should we just should we just yeah keep all that in that was kind of stupid all right hey guys can we shit on guy or no yeah so we were supposed to have guy fieri let's not let's not not shit on him but like yeah we're supposed to have guy on but he's gonna we're supposed to have guy fieri on the podcast today yeah and i guess he shook andrew tate's hand and we didn't have him yeah we're going from guy to goy wait no no guy to no goy yes we're having ari shafir on yeah i guess this isn't the email the image rehabilitation pod he's wearing a romper holy shit looking good there he is you're dressed like a pregnant woman what the hell happened hell yeah have you started yeah you're on air god i hope you're wearing underwear you have to drink a beer really quick for him to pee in a bottle oh yeah true what is that what kind of beer is that oh colombian beer looks damn good you know the lime and the beer is a full-on white guy appropriation they don't do that but you know what i'll be damned it works it works i like it there's something about those corona oh you feel like you're on vacation yes yes exactly uh when i was in college we all went down to mexico got pretty wild but the dosekis were a quarter whoa it was a different time yeah i remember her cheap ticket cates used to be like a dollar oh yeah that's right that's right damn that's a like a mexican pbr it kind of hit though yeah they weren't bad a little lime in one of those cans that's true i drank a lot of them yeah that was all right yeah back then you just you'd wake up you'd have diarrhea and then you were back i'm just not a big beer guy yeah i gave it up with my old age it's not my go-to i'd rather have like a whiskey or like a cocktail or something like but beer looks good it looks like a baseball game with a big glass of beer i'm like oh and the sun it's the peeing for me that's the issue oh the peeing yeah you already pee like you already pee a lot without beer or coffee right and then you should you know in this fucking heat you gotta drink some water yeah but yeah beer you know like the shawshank redemption the roof scene with that bucket of gold beers ah man that's heaven but i'm with you hey look at it looks like uh jesus in spring break huh this is wild what's shaking man what is that linen uh i don't know that's nice yeah right feel it a little higher all right higher rub it up yeah you look like a like an old map so you you had a little of the the diarrhea it wasn't yeah it hasn't really stopped i brought i ate some street meat in brazil like day before i left like closing time street meat and it has i have had like lingering two logs since i've been home damn two logs rest just wait sorry ma'am i don't still have a lot of time to think about it i mean i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about all right i guess we're going for it it's summer baby the summer here we're having a heat wave this is so annoying i love it really yeah you can only time you can wear this outfit uh that's true yeah that and coachella i'm in one of those old buildings where they can't switch all the way to ac yet oh they're like no it's not on yet we haven't committed to it's a whole thing warm brutal and climate change it's going back and forth and back and forth it's like a woman yeah and what never changes is landlords yeah we're still gonna do that do the minimum yeah it's just annoying well you guys know all them we have the direct line that's not working i know if we can't get it to work yeah does the phone ring by going oh i missed you guys yeah it's good to have you back there you look like the gay ayatollah or the ayatollah one was gay apparently i heard that i had two lids hey yeah did he throw himself off a roof okay i've made that joke about 900 times i don't know the history so you're right back in uh east village you're back home with a dog and yeah dog's not dog's not here yet dog's still hanging out because i'm in and out so i had to leave her with the fucking sitters oh weird i'm in and out running around the country doing pods like this hell yeah yeah well guy fieri canceled it's time for the playoffs i'm fired up dude one of the best times to be in new york is yankees and now lately did you kind of play off your return around baseball in the playoffs well i first i looked at the hockey standings i said no no rush yeah yeah it turns out no rush at all not doing great the rangers and then um and yeah i mean i'm fired up yeah baseball's back whoo oh you missed this playoffs yankees next playoffs is the best it's the city takes on a different energy i mean who knows when this when's this coming out two weeks all right so hopefully they're not out by now no way are they out no i think we got the hawks if they're out you're doing an ayatollah for sure if they're out i'll welcome it i mean shit no we're taking the hawks down i mean is there any team you're worried about the cell yeah every team the celtics the pistons the pistons in the west past the pistons pistons are fucking tough it's the it's the um what's it called the popular pick to to go nah what look past yeah everyone's going it's the celtics of the knicks i'm like what about the number one seat sleeper and they're tough what does kelsey say about the knicks oh don't show me it's gonna depress me yeah what is that an ai kelsey's like a betting prediction site that knows all they usually get everything right you got quetzalteca that's fucking wild that you found that we heard you that is nuts you've been on an adventure peters went all out for it he's crazy what are we starting with what drink do we start with yes lead the way ari i mean that is bathtub liquor that is a lot of malin like i'm a follow-up my endoscopy friday this will be good for me this one we end with that one okay prebiotics before shots oh let's do it it's a pretty good idea let's do it i mean any shot you take i'll tell you something about that country we've done these i remember ari took one of these at my place once and uh i'm like yeah these help your hangover and then he texts me the next day he's like they didn't do anything i'm like well not if you have 40 drinks sam made pictures that's not cool i know i made pictures and you went out with my boy dan hall from the cellar who is yep pictures of what booze i've already ate pictures and paper plans wow a picture of that a lot of bodega cat was going down look at that it feels like the rock we got our own vial can i tell you something i've learned from this podcast ari looks like it's an aids vial right now why chase the bug you could drink it in the shop it's a little prep um it's the classiest outsider drink you can get is a boulevardier you go for it bartenders go oh yeah coming right up exactly and it's got a little french twang boulevardier uh-huh i try a godfather a lot that's my house drink nice shot we drank at your place once remember um yeah but a lot of times bartenders like i can look that up i'm like don't look it up you're not gonna make it right yeah how about a boulevardier and they're like yes sir hell yeah what is a godfather again what's in the scotch right mm-hmm you know like scotch and soda isn't it just a really no it's uh it's uh what's that maraschino like liquor yeah yeah see that's we don't have that at stumbleman yeah oh yeah not a lot of godfathers but it's uh all right all right that's three in a row oh the guy who plays basketball all right there we go pull up godfather uh drink there sally oh uh it was uh what's the name cocktails and their sierra madres and you're talking about no the godfather drink yeah they make no champagne i'm saying it's a reference in the godfather you're talking about an actual drink oh it was that guy who played the godfather brandon brando his favorite drink oh really they named it the godfather all of south america it's called the godfather it's called the godfather it's called the godfather it's called the padron whoa okay marlon brando look at that the godfather scotch whiskey and amaretto his favorite meal one sound is sexy yeah 12 ribeyes right right it's one to one peter the better it offsets the amaretto but blended they they asked for which is like just that's it it's just scotch and amaretto yeah that's nothing damn it's it's supposed to be blended scotch but when i bring people to my home you're getting single malt hell yeah i uh did shea shea and you oh we have we have disaronno that's different no no that works that's amaretto oh really yeah a little orange peel you got that we have so much citrus but not orange we've got all the stuff for caipirinhas pisco sour caipirinhas okay shit okay we're taking ari's journey seriously okay which one are we doing well the lime and the sugar wow the last place i went this was my outfit for carnival oh wow so i had drank so many caipirinhas during carnival - Nice, so is that what we start with? - Yes. - It takes a while to make, have you already mastered it? Why don't we crack open a few Club Colombias for an appetizer while you make a whatever the hell, a carna nina. The only problem with caipirinha is when you ask for it, you're like on the go. You're like, ah, give me caipirinha. Cool, I'm local. And then it's like 15 minutes away. Are you serious? Why? They make them with care. They cut the limes, start smashing them down. It takes a while. Damn. Do we all want beer? Yeah, we'll start with a beer. We'll start with a beer. It's a touch over. It's a hot day. Yeah, you got that right. Caipirinha is one of the best drinks for taking into the water with you. Ooh. You just get a beach bar. You're like, can I? I'm like, yeah, I don't give a shit. You just take your glass right in there, drink it in the waves. Give us a rundown. Where did you start? Started in Mexico. Thank you. Hey, look at that. We're back, baby. What a time to be alive. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Club Columbia. Wait. Oh, that's lovely. Ooh, that hits. Very nice. Love a brown bottle. Mm-hmm. Dorado. Golden lager. First time I've had one of these. Not this trip. I took Spanish class in 2018 in outside Medellin, Envergado. Mm-hmm. And there are all these pool halls with those no-pocket pool tables. Oh, yeah. Like billiards. And all the old men are playing it. And they shift. They have these scorekeepers up there. And they just twist them with their sticks. It was so cool. And I just sat and watched them and drank some of these. Wow. That was like a long time ago. Were you solo for that one? That was solo. Yeah, I lived with a family. Wow. Whoa. For like two weeks to try to hit it off with their kid. Yeah. No Epstein stuff. No. Just, yeah. It's really open. Do you feel like your blood pressure and all that just went way to cortisol levels? You're out with no phone in the jungle drinking capillaries. Capillaries. Capillaries. Do you keep up with anything going back in America or in news or anything? Okay. Early on, I was keeping up with the Yankees. All right. Because I'm like diehard. And it was like heading to the playoff push. And then I realized after about five days, I'm like, this is taking me out of it. I'm checking like two to three times per game updates. And then I was off news completely. But I'm like, that's the only thing I'll check. And I'm like, this is dragging me back to America mentally. Whoa. So I was like, I'm going to check in. What's 10 days before the playoffs? I'm going to see how they're doing. American news must be so much funnier from like a beach in another country. You're just chilling on like, you know, having a caipirinha. You're like, Trump started shit with the Pope. What the hell? This is crazy. Yeah. Right. You know how I found out about it? Yeah. When I found out about Venezuela, I was on an overnight bus. And I just see like three or four screens. Like, you know, when you look at other people's like phones when you're on like a plane or something. And I'm looking at the screens like, do you consider Maduro a valid leader or like a legitimate leader? I'm like, why is everyone researching that? Uh-oh. He was already gone. And where were you when the bus went? I was headed to Uruguay from Argentina. It was probably somewhere in Argentina. Wow. Damn. Yeah. The Maduro thing was pretty cool. Like, people were fighting me on it. I mean, just how easy it was. In and out. In and out. It was nice to get a smooth W. And I think he thought Iran was going to be smooth as well. And then that was a shit show. I know. I haven't kept up on that one at all. Yeah. That's a whole other thing. Yeah. But then I had some Uruguayan guy, Geronimo. He's like, why is it always America? I get something had to be done. Why always you guys? I'm like, yeah, fair. Totally fair. I'm like, you ain't going to do it, Uruguay. Exactly. You ain't going to do it. You got gay in your name. You go. You do in other parts. Like, other parts of the world, you just say you're American, and they're just pissed. I know. We were in Berlin, and I was with my buddy, and he was trying to get laid at some, like, hipster bar in Berlin. They were like, where are you from? America? They're like, ugh. Yeah. I was like, just say Canada if you want to get your dick sucked tonight, buddy. Just say Canada. Just say Canada tonight. It's not the time to be nationalistic. Right. Although, sometimes it helps. In the 90s, it was cool. Like, I went to England during college to visit a friend, and we went to Brighton, which is a cool. It's like hipster island in England. And I was at a nightclub, and I was like, one beer, please. And girls were like, American. A beer, not an ale? Novelty accent. Yeah. And this voice has never helped me with women. And it was the only time that they were like, hey, nice accent. I like your clit. I'm gay. I don't believe you. Yeah, it worked. Yeah. In small countries, like Southeast Asia shit, they love us. All right. They just know about our music and movies. And that we give more. More than the bill, which they can't comprehend. That's huge. They can't comprehend that. Tipping is big. Yeah. You just do that. I just do that in other countries, even when you're not supposed to, because I'm just used to it. Yeah. But the bill was 10. Why would you give me 12? That doesn't make sense. And you're like, all right, keep it. Like, what? I'm used to it. But would they like our movies, baseball? We got some stuff. Yeah. So I did log back in to check those last week of the playoffs. Okay. Last week of the regular season. Then the playoffs. As soon as they went out, I was like, I'm back out. And then. Right then, I was also hella missing baseball, and I was in Oaxaca. And I was like, oh, they got a baseball team. The Oaxaca Guerreros. I'm like, I'm in. My season ended yesterday. I'm like, fuck. Number two seed. So I started going to playoff games. Oaxaca Guerreros playoff games. Are you just you in the stands, I assume? Yeah. Wow. They don't save seats. They just do sections. And it's so much fun. Come on. Because they go crazy, right? They go crazy. First of all, I was like, I'm not going to eat, because I want to get a hot dog at the game, you know? And they're like. No hot dogs. Burrito plates. Oh, even better. All sorts of new types of food. They just come by with it already made. Like, who wants. Amazing. Yeah. Some 12-year-old girls with signs. I'm like, what are you guys selling? They're like, beers. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. It's so much fun. Wow. Every time they hit our home run, they put this elephant, like, Ganesh mask on them, and then they knight them with a sword. Oh, I love it. It was so much fun. I became a supporter. I'm a Guerrero until I die. See, what's great about those areas is, and what's horrible about those areas, is there's no regulation. Yeah. There's no one coming in going, why is a 12-year-old selling beer? Is that burrito up to code? Oh, yeah. There's none of that, which is awesome. Yeah. But also, you could get a parasite that's plagued you for two weeks. You got it many times. There's also so much. I think we talked about this the other day, but there's so much hometown pride, where you go to a place like Cuba, they just play for their hometown. Yeah. So it's not like, you know, it's like if all the Yankees were just New Yorkers. Yes. I love that. You'd be like, holy shit. He was fucking. So it's so cool. I remember when Clint Frazier was a Yankee, and you're like, this is fucking cool. Yeah. He grew up here. He's a New York kid. Yeah. He has an accent. Jose Alvarado's a Knick. He's a fucking kid from Queens. Right. There's something extra special about that. I don't know. Yeah. When I was in DR, like a few years ago, I went to a game, and Pujols was playing. And he was like, I've been waiting to play for my hometown team for 25 years. I'm retired. I'm playing. It's so funny that they just get the worst version of him now. He's like one of the greatest ever, and they're like, I'll come back when I'm 42 and fat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's what happens, right? I mean, that you still want to play, and you still kind of can play. Yeah. You see some of these guys at old-timers games, and you're like, they can still fucking play. Yeah. Reggie Jackson at some old-timers game I went to. I think it was at Camden Yards. He came out, and he was like, I'll swing. And then missed a few, and then hit three home runs, and the place went nuts, and he rounded the bases. By the way, that was his career anyway. He struck out more than anybody, but he hit bombs. Yeah. Well, people care about their early. Where's Pacquiao from? Philippines. They say in the Philippines, when he's fighting, he's like, I'm going to fight. When he's fighting, the whole city's shut down. Everything is out, except for that fight. I love how much Ari loves baseball, though. He's like a baseball psychopath. That's part of a born-in-New York vibe, but also Jews love baseball. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I think it's just so American, too. I guess it's everything. It's so Latin American now, too, and Japan. Japan loves baseball. But it feels like it's ingrained in American culture, you know? So it's our game. Yeah. The best in terms of people playing for their hometown? Is, you know, state of origin in Australia? No. It's Rugby Sevens, I think. Oh, okay. And it's, so these are the best players in the world. They go off to play in New Zealand. They go play whatever. But Brisbane plays against Sydney, or their states, New South Wales versus Queensland. And they all come home to play for their state. And it's sometimes, these guys are teammates on other teams, and now they're enemies, and they're punching each other. Nice. And the long line is state versus state, mate versus mate. Hey. And you've seen them teammates fully fucking fist fight. It's the best of three. It's the best of three, and it's nuts. Go Maroons. Blues drool. Maroons rule. Oh, I love it. Yeah. I feel like rugby's going to catch on in America at some point. It should. It'd be great. I don't know if we're tough enough. Black people got to start it. Yeah. If black people start rugby, it's on. Interesting. Look, pretty much, black people started doing just like poetry to a beat, and that caught on. Yeah. That's so gay. But they made it cool. Yeah. They made basketball cool. They had to add in shooting each other. Yeah. This is so gay, we got to murder each other, guys. We got to do something, guys. We can't do this. But yeah, yeah. I went to the Rangers game a week ago, and there was a hockey fight, a goalie fight. Oh, my God. It was Sirkin and the guy in the devil hat. That was crazy. It's like once in a lifetime. That's his last, that was his last fight he'll ever do. He retired. No, that was quick. The other guy. Oh, oh, oh. The older guy. But just seeing the two goalies go in the middle, drop gloves, and go at it was awesome. That's like a Chappelle pop-in. You see two goalies, when they look at each other. It was over way shorter than a Chappelle set, for sure. Right. Right. Less smoking. What is this here? This is Mark's wife. Oh, what are you putting this on? My wife is playing hockey in a league now in Jersey. No way. What? No way. That's her as a goalie. I got to say, that's a- They can play hockey? Oh, she grew up playing it. Look at her. Saved. Oh, she saved it. Oh, another one. She's got to hit the tits. She's lost your second baby right there. No offense. That's the least attractive I've ever seen. Another save. It's amazing I got her pregnant. You can get hard for that. She is good at closing her legs. That's true. There you go. They got one in. but those guys were good i mean this is a real league with refs and all this shit i love that dude yeah she's out there i went and visited i was the only guy in the stands like come on that's great that's great just like all women's sports yeah bro i was wearing i so i took with me anything i was like took with me i'm like i gotta be able to like not take it home because the odds of this getting stolen and go up or like losing something stains whatever so i took with me a yankee giveaway nasty nester t-shirt okay he's not in the yankees anymore i'm like i still like it's just the mustache yeah yeah but i'm like so i'll wear it at the baseball game some guys started sending me drinks beer after beer try to send them no no i'm cool then i was like went up to talk to him i was like all right i can afford a fucking two dollar beer you know yeah that's that's the one that's the one there you go sick shirt good pull on the ones and twos yeah anyway i went over there he goes i'm 16 i can't drink he just looked older he was with his mom and he goes i'm a humongous yankee fan he noticed you wearing that and it's just like i'm so stoked have you been to yankee stadium like bro like 50 times oh i went to the world series game he's like no fucking way send me another drink at the end of the game i was like buddy this is yours i just gave it to him and walked home topless hell yeah he was so he goes i couldn't and his mom's like shut up because i can i can he was so happy he was so wow has he heard of the internet i mean he could have bought one instead of spending 48 dollars on beers yeah you just got one but it means a lot of money so i'm like i'm gonna go to the Jeans more from the old man. It's a story. It's a story, yeah. An American Yankee fan gave me this shirt. This has hit the spot. That's a taste. That is a taste. I would like that. We have one. We have one. We have two. Do we have three? Well, that's a two is not enough. Yeah. The rule of threes. Look at that. Wow. Very exciting. Oh, you upscaled it with a toasted lime there. Oh, yeah. You took the jacket off. It smells good. So Cabrinha is Brazilian, right? Cabrinha is Brazilian. Okay. And you can make it with cachaça or vodka. What did you make it with? Cachaça. Nice. That's the right way. If it's Brazilian, there's no pubes in it. That's right. That's right. That's not in the recipe. That hits. Damn. That's so fucking refreshing. Is that like, so what's in a Cabrinha? What is in that? Cachaça. Cachaça. Shit ton of sugar, shit ton of lime. That's why. That's it. It's a shit ton of sugar. It masks it so well. It really does. I had multiple like barfing days. And then going, what the fuck? And then finding other people at the hostel goes, no, they made them stronger there. They put in extra sugar. Yes, their fault. It fucked us all. Not that I'm an adult man puking. It was on them. Boy, that is delightful. Yeah. Damn, that is really good. Right on the beach. Imagine yourself on the beach. That's crazy. With shades on so you can stare at all the butts. Just like light head movements, but staring at butts. And dare I say, Brazilian butts are the pinnacle of- That's why they call them the lift. That's right. That's right. They got the lift. The BBL. The Brazilian butt lift, yeah. Yeah. They got that and the wax. Dude, their bathing suits are shaped different. They won't fit American women. Wow. I feel like we've lost a lot of good influencers to that surgery. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of women have gone down. What do you mean? Just, you know, they're like, oh, TikTok star 30 dead from butt lift. You see a lot of those headlines. Right. It's dangerous. It is, yeah. And then you get a bad job and they put all kinds of, you know, Firestone tires in there and shit. Like, yeah, they got to fill it out. Firestone tires. I think you get some weird couple of, like, old boots. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I think Kim K is getting hers removed. Boots on the mound. She's getting a butt reduction? I heard that. Kim Kardashian or Kim Congdon? Kardashian. Oh. Because it's out now. Yeah. Congdon can't afford that. Butts are out? I guess. I still like a good butt. Jesus. I mean, that's not a good butt, though. That's a large- That's crazy. But Roe Martin's into that. Ample cheek. Yeah. Like, it's a little too big. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little too much. It's ridiculous. I remember meeting one of those women. Like, I saw, like, she was, like, a butt person, and I saw her at a show, and I was like, oh, your butt is, like, it's way too big. Way too big. It looked cool in that photo, but then I saw it, I was like, this is a crime. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. That's silly. That's lunacy. And how do you penetrate that? I mean, how many inches do you need to- You need a running start, I'll tell you that much. That's an only fuck from the front. Yeah. I need a booster dick. If you love missionary, get that implant. I stood in the phone book to fuck her. Right. Exactly. You need assistance. You need, like, the thing you use when you shoot pool when you can't reach. I got to raise my dick on the bridge, yeah. Oh, my God. That is a lot of- Too much ass, dude. Too much ass. Yeah, yeah. You need a fucking vacuum changer where they fucking test to see if stuff falls in an even rate. They're super thin, too, though. Like, you don't need that much ass when you're that- how do you even hold it up? You got to gain some weight to make it look okay. You got to, like, you got to make it look like it's possible. It's killing all the asses. That's true. Maybe that's why asses are going out, the Ozempic. That probably is part of it. I heard the airline industry, because of Ozempic, saved $42 million in fuel costs last year. I heard the same thing. Is that real? People weigh less. They're less to transport. Because they can tell you, hey, your bag's too heavy, but you can't go, hey, Brenda's too heavy. They're 20 pounds across the board off. Wow. Times 200. There you go. Oh, Ari, have you heard about the height holocaust in the MLB? Whoa, boy. First of all, I love a reuse of holocaust. Yeah. That feels like not earned. I feel like you didn't earn holocaust here, but let's see where it's going. The height holocaust in MLB, okay. Yes, because the ABS strike zone thing, every major league baseball player has to measure themselves properly, because the strike zone, it changes. So judges' strike zone just went way bigger? Yes. And people who said that they were 6-1 are actually 5-10. Oh. Oh, they're lying. Yes. Yeah, that sounds a lot like the holocaust. It's a good use of the word there. 6-1, 6 million. I mean, if that was the holocaust. Where they're like, we need your actual heights. You're like, I don't want it. They're like, we're forcing you to, because we're a totalitarian regime. Wouldn't have the same, wouldn't hit as hard. No. Yeah, Jewish baseball players in the holocaust, I'd like to challenge that right there. Can we get a video replay? Yeah. That's so funny. Damn. So what happens? So people who are registered on their baseball card says they're 6-1 or 6-2, they actually have to be accurately measured for this ABS strike zone. Because they've been lying about this for years. Boom. I never understood. I feel like in every sport, in everything. I feel like even like pro wrestling, they'd be like, he's 6'9 and 480 pounds. You'd be like, no, he's not. No, he's not. Parts are known. Parts are known. It's like, no, outside Kansas City. It's just not very well known, but it's known. It's a suburb. Because you'll see, I've seen some of these players in person. I'm like, I'm taller than this dude. Yeah. And he claims he's 6'3. Well, Barkley's thing was like, when he got in, they were like, what? He goes, well, that was with shoes on. Like, even with shoes on, you're not that tall. Really? Barkley's 6'4, and he was like, 6'4, that's a power. 4'4. And he was guarding like 6'10, dude. That's Steph Curry's height. I know. No, he's 6'2. He's 6'3. Yeah, he's like Steph Curry's height, kind of. It's crazy. Barkley was just a fucking ox, dude. He was just built and strong and explosive. All right. I take it back. That's what they say. Yeah, but I think he's 6'3. I'm sorry. I think it's out of June. It was ridiculous. I've looked all these up. You were positive, and I was wrong. There you go, Barkley. With shoes, 6'3. There you go. Wow. Damn, yeah. Club Shea Shea was 6'2. I thought he was going to be huge. You know that's not his name. Nice to meet you, Club Shea Shea. So demeaning. I was just over with my friend the Joe Rogan experience earlier. That's beyond their character name. I was hanging out, and we had a pizza with Barstool. Portnoy. It's still hilarious you did that show. Oh, it was crazy. We drank cognac the whole time. You did the pizza thing with Dave? No. It was Shea Shea. Oh. Yeah, cognac is very good. It's kind of like a Di Serono or whatever. I saw Portnoy in the streets about a year ago, and I was like, oh, let me go say, like I was inside a coffee shop, I saw him, and I was like, let me go say, and then it hit me like, he doesn't know me. Yeah. What am I going to say to him? He might know of you. Hey, I've heard of you. Right. Like, I ate at one of your pizza places once. That is the tough thing when you see, but people do that to you all the time. I know. So then I second guessed him. I was like, don't do that. It won't go well. Good point. But he might know you. He might know. You're very recognizable. Look at this outfit. It's from the side, sure. Yeah. From the front, not as much. Was he eating pizza on the street, or was he just hanging? He was doing something. He had a camera guy with him. Oh, yeah. You don't want to fuck with that shit. It's like a setup scene. But you've got to look. You look like a rabbi at Burning Man. Yeah. You're laughing a little too hard over there. I mean, in South America, when you were in the middle of nowhere, where people were like, who's this fucking weirdo? Yeah. Some of those places. Like, Guatemala is. Say whatever you want about every country. That is the shortest country I've ever been to. Yeah. Really? And if you have a Guatemalan, like, fix-it guy, super, they're tiny. Whoa. Why is that? Mayans. They had to get under those fucking carved doorways. Interesting. So they'd have to duck. Isn't Guatemala known for, like, jungles and volcanoes and stuff? Mm-hmm. That, too. And nannies. Yeah. They nanny. What was the best part of Guatemala? Besides the bathtub. Besides the quetzalteca? Yeah. So I was there a few years ago, not this time, and I went to this northern, northern town. I've heard about. You'll like this. I heard about a schvitz, a very specific schvitz. Love a schvitz. That's just there. Okay. Called a shulch or something like that. Native. And I went to find it. It's some nothing town. There's no shuttles to go there. You gotta take bus after bus after bus to get there. Yeah. And so I'm there. I did it. Market day's the next day. I'm like, let me stay for market. I'm the only white guy for months. Yeah. So they were like. Everyone was talking to me. World Cup was going on. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. And then they love soccer in Latin America. So everywhere I went, it'd be like. electronic store they were like is that Gameplay like come on in absolutely and they loved Messi they were all in an Argentine because they was their representative so I was watching at some burrito place across the street at a pharmacy they had like 20 guys watching and they were looking at me and they were like you're rooting for Netherlands and I'm like no you're from the Netherlands and I'm like I'm not from the Netherlands and I'm like come on dude you're Netherlands you can tell by my voice I'm not from the Netherlands but then I can't tell the difference it's so funny like where do you think I'm from like Australia I'm like do I sound Australian like to us yeah wow so anyway so they're like come watch with us watch the second half over there were you secretly kind of rooting for the Netherlands sort of yes yes I knew sort of for the Netherlands as soon as they invited me in I'm all fucking Argentina yeah and then they won in a shootout like a comeback shootout in overtime and then they sent their kids off to get some quetzalteca they're like we gotta celebrate you're drinking and I'm like hey and you're gonna have it it's ass it's ass it's ass yeah it's like they're Malort kind of yeah do you ever worry like alright I'm blacking out with these strangers in the middle of Guatemala I gotta get home I gotta get back to my tree house or whatever the fuck no I got no home it's fine if they invite me in a hotel in a hostel their place was like this that place was like this three dollar a night hotel yeah with a dog just like poops everywhere but like white like it had it had been there for quite some time with a shower way away that dripped it was so cold I had to get two of those Jesus candles and light them just to heat up my apartment or my little like room yeah holy moly you live an interesting life man it's amazing yeah I'm with Mark it is you're very trusting I mean you're getting black out people are cool I mean there are people are cool most people are cool that's the story the story is not Jordan missed three shots the story is Jordan went 23 of 26 for 57 points ah I see what you're saying people are cool you stay positive people are cool yeah it's not that's not even a rare thing almost always people are cool there's pickpocketing going on it's not just that people become uncool with booze sometimes yeah true yeah not anyone we hang out with anymore because you lose those people you weed them out you drink with the people who you don't want to be you know we all know the people we're talking about the ones who corner you and get dark like a dark cloud where you're like oh boy I gotta get out of this oh yeah so let me tell you another game I played with Quetzalteca I was going to a rivalry game in some city in Guatemala doesn't even matter some nothing town baseball no this is a soccer game got it and so everyone's out there partying before the game there's no booze because it's a rivalry game they don't want fights damn so we're out there then it starts raining everyone crowds in under the awning of bodegas bodega get it now hell yeah and then we start talking to some people you know it's me and like three guys in the house like you guys aren't from here why do you know like we're just gonna check out soccer and we start talking they're like what do you know about the I'm like not much they start teaching us chants stuff like that they go eventually they go you're sitting with us I'm like no no no we couldn't get tickets there because like that's like your home it's right behind the goal and he goes fuck that you're coming in I'm like but our ticket's not there he goes none of that matters but I was like alright we're all getting drunk ahead of time because there's no booze in there and then they start going oh there's booze in there ah boy I'm like what do you mean he goes you just gotta take it in and they taught me something that I'm gonna teach all of you now oh here we go get ready for him to spread his butt cheeks do you have any plastic bags anything small oh you might be onto something I have the bag that the limes came in okay do you have a balloon dump that unless you have something smaller unless you have something smaller that seems bigger that seems bigger do you just shoot this no I can shoot any cocktails like a coke bag yeah it's a shooter okay let me show you something and they have flavored versions of it too alright now when I was at LSU we used to put booze in Ziplocs and line our coats oh really yeah so this is a thing I'm gonna teach you guys that this will get you booze into any place anywhere alright this is exciting hot tip folks this is what they taught us they go okay they're gonna search you but not search you that that well alright let me get ahead of that just a second it's it's not bad the smell is not the worst you're trying it it's gonna be like kerosene I have a little sip right now I don't I don't want it it smells like purine it's like Purell okay yeah it's good for the insides so you pour it into a bag this is what they teach you to do and you just put it in your shirt or something I mean they have smaller bags at the bodegas it's like an IV like a little Capri Sun yeah that could go wrong and then then they have these bags everywhere there you tie it off whatever alright keys to it that's exactly right okay so they go this feels like what your balls feel like oh oh how do you keep it there though it's in your waistband oh TSA is about to get so much worse after this video if they get you what's that gonna feel like women too that's just a cancer yeah just cancer yes you can who's gonna go like this when they're churching you Mark can you frisk him yeah feels like a ball bag yep I'll give it to you and then during the game it's just a slow you pull it out and then you go wow oh so it's like so no sharing they're sharing oh my god oh you couldn't have gotten a pineapple what is happening that was great now pass it around I'm okay I'll try it though there's one pube on there I have shot glasses I mean that's definitely a classier way to do it so I asked the guy so you got one on you now he goes I have 17 on me whoa that's a big ball bag that's a lot of balls yeah so we got into the stadium and he goes hey they're carrying this giant flag in go grab the flag as if you're working with them I mean this is like massive it covers the whole like section yeah so we're like okay he goes just sneak in with them just snuck in with them and then at some point I'm sitting there me and like the three guys and then somebody goes hey hey said something in Spanish like this and I'm like what and he said then he's like I had trouble understanding Spanish especially early on like that and he goes hey you cannot sit here this is not for you and I was like okay and then that guy who invited us was way back goes they're cool they're with us uh huh okay this is quite the lineup we have thank you so you're all good yeah we're all good it was the it was the it was such a fun experience whoa hey mazel tov are we shooting this or are we just taking a sip what are we doing you can take a sip take a sip we got to see what it do whoa oh boy if you get enough of those you can just say you got prostate cancer did you just try some it's ass that's not great I mean it's so I don't hate it I don't hate it I don't hate it nah it's not bad it's got like a hint of like it's got like a hint of a hint of like vegetable oil you know what reminds me of a little bit what's that stuff the Greeks drink ouzo ouzo it's got like a hint of that type of like wood type flavor which I actually don't mind no I don't mind it this is not bad I'm shocked you could get this here it's from Houston, Texas he can find anything that's what the back of the bottle says wow the importers it's not bad what do you guys think over there I didn't try it what do you think Peters it's palatable yeah it's better than vodka alcohol distilled from molasses I got a question Ari when you're in these when you're gone for what were you gone eight months yeah about yeah when you're gone for eight months what do you miss the most about America hey good question that's a great question not drinking out of ball bags dude if you don't think I'm doing that at any sport I go to from now on just to save the money I'm with you forget about dry games they cost a lot oh yeah it's crazy it costs a lot oh Yankee Stadium forget about it I'm getting boozed $28 for a surf side at Yankee Stadium like that's that's robbery whoa 16 ounces do you see that thing that D.L. Hewley posted where he said Netflix didn't kill movie theaters whatever popcorn and movies whatever you're charging for popcorn and movies he said like $6 soda or whatever like alright you haven't been to a movie in a while but he said like it was like those prices kill movies I was like you're not wrong there's some truth to it yeah yeah make it acceptable that's why I like when in Atlanta they're a football stadium they're like we're gonna be affordable like $1 hot dogs $5 beer like they used to be they're like once you're in we want you to have a good time and come back for Falcons games and for like whatever so what did you miss most about so when I there's some stuff I missed and there's some stuff when I got back that I realized oh I had been missing that okay you know miss my dog like I mean like crazy I made so many friends with street dogs ah you were lonely yeah I went so nuts with street dogs found some you give them a couple treats start buying treats couple treats they'll go with you for like a three hour hike and come back you know no worry they're gonna gnarle your leg on the way up they beat to death the bad ones so it's taken care of me for me so when I got back what I really noticed is brushing your teeth with sink water that's big glorious and flushing toilet paper instead of throwing it away what about a tampon what what happens with that yeah what do you do with your tampons in South America well I mean I do what I always do I soak them in alcohol and throw them out of my ass bring them into the game and then slurp on them yeah if you're not boofing you ain't living t-shirt yeah that part was Bobby Kelly says it's only funny he goes it's funny like finally look at that strange just joking Bobby he said it's it's more dangerous to brush your teeth with tap water there than to brush your teeth with toilet water here yeah I believe that you could dip your toothpaste in there and then you'd be like and then brushed it and they're like, you'll be fine. - And that was the whole Seinfeld episode. The toothbrush, it was the girl from Second City, remember that? My wife did all the right things in Mexico. She did one tap water with the toothbrush on accident. She forgot. She was like, oh, that's three drops of tap water. She got Montezuma's revenge. It ruined the whole trip. It's such a funny word for shitting yourself. I know. Who's Montezuma? I don't know. I think he was a Spanish conqueror and they said and he killed a lot of the Aztecs. Yeah. And then they said he said, where's the gold? And they were like, in the middle of the country and they sent in the middle of the country and all of his guys died of dysentery. Whoa. So it was revenge on Montezuma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And not his revenge. Yes. Got it. Damn. Yeah. Grammatically, it's problematic. It's not Montezuma's revenge. Okay, now let's flip it. Yeah. What did you get back to America and go, I missed that shit when I was over there? I gotta be honest and it's, I don't know. It's not it's not you guys. I'm not attacking you guys here. I mean, it's us. Obsessed with politics in an unclassy way. Unclassy? It's just tacky. The amount that we talk about politics here. Yeah. We tried not to do it on air. Yeah, no, you guys are good about it on air for sure. For sure. It's smart not to, but just like just in general. I feel like it's everywhere. So you kind of, unless, yeah, you try to make this escapist as possible. I think that's what people want. That's what they want. At least here. Yeah. But remember when you were in the 90s and somebody brought up Kosovo and you're like, shut up, you nerd. Sarajevo. Hey, they're bombing and whatever. You're like, get out of here, you dweeb. Or back then, you'd be like, I've never heard of that. Yeah. Try to watch Beavis and Butthead. No one had a take already. Yes. Now we have a take on everything. Try to watch Beavis and Butthead is exactly right. Yeah, I try not to weigh in unless I got a good joke. Joke. That's kind of a joke. But you still gotta watch it to write the joke. Totally. So you're still consuming. No, yeah, no, it's a problem. Yeah, but you gotta know what's going on in the world too. I guess. Do you? Yeah. Do you though? Yeah. Why do I know who Scaramucci is? Let me ask you two questions. How is your life different knowing versus not knowing? And how is the world going to change whether you or don't know? I'm not going to change. Nothing I'm going to do is going to change the world regardless. Yeah. It's just, I just want to know stuff. I mean, how are you going to change the world reading a Steinbeck book? Right. No, you're not. It's knowledge. It's good. It's good to, it's good to take things in. That's fair. But Steinbeck is art. He's a brilliant writer. This is a hey, swallow, bloomy. Political discussion by people who have barely researched things. Yeah. I think you could, look, I think you could tune out a lot of the current events, like the scandals and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But there's stuff you should know. There's stuff you should know. But I think people make it their whole personality. I think it's way more, way more important to know what was going to happen with the L train that ended up not happening. We got together. We go, that can't happen. And we changed their fucking plans. Hear, hear. Village. Takes a village. Montezuma's revenge. So what would it be to be grammatically correct? Revenge on Montezuma. There you go. Didn't have the, didn't, we need something catchier, though. Yeah. Fuck Montezuma. I'm double checking my Montezuma facts. All right. But it was, I mean, she was laid up, and I got a look at the toilet at one point, and it was just yellow bubbly liquid. You just hand divorce papers under the door. Okay. She would have been able to sign them. She had no energy. Damn, that sucks. It was bad. Like, she couldn't, I had to help her to the toilet. Retribution. That's love right there. That's love. We always think of love as, like, bullshit, but really, love is taking care of someone when they're fucking struggling, you know? Yeah, I was wiping her hands. You're a good hubby. Mm-hmm. You were wiping her? Well, I would hang her to the front to back or back to front. That's a good question. I hit her with a hose. Who are you? What's your name? I'm Maddie. Maddie, nice to meet you. Are you always here? Sometimes. The other guy went and took off. When we have a guest, when we have a guest who we know wants to have a couple cocktails, it's a good idea. And we don't know what the fuck we're making. I did tell, though, I was like, hey, what I'm asking you to make, that's not a simple pour. You're gonna need someone. Are there other drinks that we planned? I did say get a bow-type type of person. That's perfect. Yeah, let's get another round of a new thing. We've got a Pisco Sour going. Ooh, this is who you were talking about. Okay, this is Peru. Peru? I love a Pisco Sour. It's Peru. So there's a battle going on on who invented the Pisco. Macho Pichu. Macho Pichu. Macho Pichu. It's a fun to say. Macho Pisco. I like it. I like it. I didn't quite understand it at first, but I like it. It's either Chile or it's Peru. And they're both like, fuck them, we have the Pisco. The Pisco's from us. Now, I believe it's clearly Peru. And the reason is, because they think it originates from a city named Pisco. Yeah, they're still, are they both calling it the Pisco? Yeah. End of story. Yeah. End of story. What is a Pisco Sour? It's Pisco Sour and sweet, simple, a little bit of egg white. A little egg white. You can get it in different flavors. I will tell you, get some protein in our day. Blueberry, yeah. Yeah, because I've been to Chile and Argentina. I hiked Patagonia two Novembers ago. Nice. I was just there last November. So what is this, like a rum kind of stuff? It's its own thing. Oh, it's its own thing. It's like Malorts. It's its own thing. Look up what Pisco is. Wait, where'd you go in Patagonia? Where'd you hike? I was there last November. I was there a year after. Yeah, last November. So I found your wallet. The trip was Chile and Argentina. Yeah. We. It's a great brandy. It's supposed to be a longer trip, but we got stuck in the Miami airport for 37 hours. Oh! It's not fun. Peru and Chile both claim its origin. There you go. But we went all the way down to Punta Arenas. It's kind of like the Wright Brothers. Everywhere I go, they have the Wright Brothers. They're like, they're from here. First in flight. I'm like, it's got to be one place. I'm so jealous. Same with Rosa Parks. Everybody claims Rosa Parks. All I wanted to do after being stuck in Miami for 37 hours was see a fucking penguin. I saw the penguins right after they gave birth. It was a bunch of baby penguins. That's so cute. Wow, that's fun. Yeah. The dads would come back with a bunch of grass and put it in there. Yeah. I want to correct the record on Montezuma. I fucked up. He was an Aztec ruler. He was Spanish killed. And this was his revenge on the Spanish. This is his revenge. That makes sense. That makes sense. I bet someone in the comments already beat you to that. Someone who had this diarrhea was like, I looked it up. These are my favorite comments. You don't know anything about Montezuma's revenge. And then, no explanation? No? What should we know? Just, you're wrong. I'm not going to tell you what the real thing is. Okay. Also, if I would remember it, I don't want to be the diarrhea guy. You know? Like, can I just be the conqueror? That's your legacy? Yeah. Can you just make people waste two days of their vacation? Right before he died, he's like, I'll get my revenge. I'll get my revenge. Right. Did you hike Patagonia at all? Because we did Torres del Paine on the Chile side and then Mount Fitzroy on the Torres del Paine. I was in a camper and I parked while camping on a river bank in the middle of nowhere. Torres del Paine was past the river way, way in the distance for two days. You saw a glimpse of it for like ten minutes on day three. Got sunny, opened up, and you just got this most beautiful view you've ever seen in your life. That's fabulous. Now, do you feel when you're out there, you're representing America? Like, do you try to be nice and try to go, hey, I tipped well. I'm cool with everybody. I'm an American. I do notice some American stereotypes. Oh, let's hear it. When you're moved enough, you notice it. Like, you know, when you haven't seen somebody in a while, like, oh, I never realized you're kind of this. Kind of this way. Yes, yes. We are confident where no confidence is warranted. We didn't earn it. We will go into American feminism as stupid feminism. American sports knowledge is stupid sports knowledge. We'll claim we know what Montezuma revenge is without even researching it. We are so fucking confident. Blindly. And just like carry conversations. We're great at a party. Yeah. We bring attitude to a party. Australians bring I'll find the coke in the city. Yeah. You know, and we're louder, too. We're loud. We know what we're doing even if we don't. Why are we so confident? I think it's our most dominant place. That's it. And something about the tea in the harbors. Yeah. And we come from like wealth. The poor people here are are one percenters in other countries. Yeah. We're the white women of countries. We're entitled. We want everything. We're confident. So funny. That's a bit. That's a bit. Dunning Kruger. What is that? It's the dumbest person is the most confident in their beliefs. Ouch. Ronnie Chang had a great bit about it during COVID. And he was like, all these dummies talking about how viruses are spread. Like, you were a D student. You're supposed to shut the fuck up and let the A students talk. Now the D students are all talking. That's funny. Yeah. Some people know how like metal burns during 9-11. Like, you don't know any of this. Shut the fuck up, D student. Yes, that's so true. Dunning Kruger. Cognitive bias with low ability individuals over esterity, their competence. It's true. What's your favorite country that you went to on this one? And what's your favorite South American country? Favorite is Ecuador. I spent six months there during the pandemic. Whoa! Yeah. I went when stuff shut down and I remember a Soder story of he went to the airport to go do the Tempe improv. Okay. And then they called him. They turn around. They shut down. So turn around. Yeah. He was already playing a one-third capacity room. Right. And then he was like, it's like, oh, so he spent $100 to get to the airport. $100 back. Yep. Can't even go. So you're just out $200. Yep. No shows. You didn't call him for spots. And I was like, I don't want to be here for this. This seems like the right time to get away. Yes. So I got away to Ecuador. You and Moneal. What? You and Moneal? No. Didn't he go? No. List. List visited me. Okay. Sorry. Moneal came to me from Machu Picchu. Oh, okay. That's what I saw. I got away. I remember doing an ad read. for you guys i did a uh for my old podcast yeah long live skeptic tank um you had a podcast i recorded ahead of time us in a car and i go he's got a new he's got a new podcast called you had a different title for this one more drink one more drink and it's me in front of a waterfall there was like a pod called one more drink already with like six reviews but we were like let's just not take another name even if they might not exist anymore yeah yeah i mean this way my drunk is way more fun all right and the spirit of this pod was one more drink because of mark and i just being at the cellar and seeing each other you know you used to drink every night and then you see each other once a week because of the road and it turned into one more drink and then we'd be close the ball my core memory of new york stand-up comedy two one is being immediately put on the late show at the cellar and so i'm like oh these are booze bags and i'm in learning how to appreciate a bullet rye on the rocks yeah you know with booze bags and you know and i'm like oh these are booze bags and i'm in learning how to appreciate a bullet rye on lists for no reason um like the next booze bag yeah and then and then the other memory was us being at the old fat black bar which used to be a fucking jam yeah and me and norman just a one one more one more beer one more beer and then all of a sudden you see a light cracking through the wind yeah the windows like oh no but also oh yes yeah you get out and those guys like picking up all the garbage or delivery's going and you're like oh no yeah you feel like a loser but you yeah yeah exactly ask people going to work and you're going to sleep yeah the problem is that the fat black which those you don't know is is like the satellite room of the comedy cellar they just would they used to just be a bar and they wouldn't kick us out no kick us out and free drinks free drinks and the staff would be drinking with us and like do not try to go toe-to-toe with that bar staff no holy shit they'll drink you under the table you got that right but we we try and we'd still leave at like six seven in the morning you win if you fail yeah but man it would it would get wild and fun and we'd still leave at like six seven in the morning you win if you fail and just like it's just if the vibe was right it was hard to leave yeah when they got that new the new cellar they're about to open like does that mean get the bar back and they're like no i'm like well guess who fought for the wall the wall though in there that's me save the show buddy i wish went in there there was since i was came gone it came back there was no wall we couldn't talk at the bar much better show no all right so anyway in ecuador when when i i was like i'm off this is silly uh let me get out of here i've wanted to travel it's time to now so i went to ecuador for got a rented a car and just drove around the country meanwhile during that time you guys schultz uh uh two bears all these guys massively succeeding look tim dylan yeah what up yeah everybody did uh i don't know where when that was that was the old studio that's the old studio i guess we were putting them back where was that look at that hair on that 38th street look at us wearing matching shirts oh yeah it was a flannel day i remember that still have those socks ah i lost those pants drinking that was the boulevardier day i went out drinking one night i woke up with no pants where was this where was this 38th street it's just like a block away wow yeah are you like 12 years younger god damn this is a nicer studio that green is kind of ugly i never really never realized that yeah what were we mose tavern look at these colors these colors are rough oh yeah norman's out i'm out well hey don't make me pull up the picture of you at the uh rogan studio i think they lost that picture i still have it on anyway so that because i was there for six months ecuador is my favorite for sure i have a soft spot in my heart they qualify for the world cup this year hey what about ecuador is so great though the people the the food what kind of food is that i don't even know what ecuador is not that much specific to ecuador besides encebollado they have a specific type of ceviche but it's just the freshest fish and it's like there's no real tourism board so it's just like everything you find is magical oh i can see that so you whip out a two at a place they use the american dollar oh really yeah and it's just cheap as shit everything's cheap see that's the thing i did your podcast before you left and i was like are you worried about money you're gonna be gone for eight months you're gonna run out of money because you're not working and you said the amount i'm saving on this apartment alone is gonna pay for the whole trip i could not i could not spend six thousand dollars in a month in in south america that's crazy come on even where you what were you staying there hostels mostly yeah so so get a private you don't tell anybody else but you get a private and it's like 70 bucks damn um or dorms for like 15 if there's no privates available which is fine it's fine you're not in them that's crazy that fucking i'd have no memory of that that was a crazy night he drank me under the table to ari's credit you got up after an hour of sleep we all left you and got out to eat and you got up and did the show later i didn't do the show but i was up enough for it okay i met up i was like let me get some tacos i saw rogan i was like got up and i went over to the rogan's like pool room and he's in there with like four high-level pro professionals of pool uh-huh but i'm like what anyway hi he goes hey buddy and then they drove me home yeah you guys are trying to get me up like come on i'm like buddy i've been drunk before leave me yes i want to be on the floor yes we've all been drunk i know it's raining i know because you tried to go toe-to-toe with shane with yeah and shane's got a lot of weight on you shane also is a bully to the point he's got thank you well he does have a lot of weight got a lot of weight on you and he does this he's been conditioning himself to drink bud lights for the past 12 years it's literally the equivalent of me bullying a girl on a date with like have another yeah it's the same level of bully it's the same yes between your weight difference uh guys it's been a while since we talked about this all right let's do this that takes a while to make this one i'm sorry thank you so much man the day before we were all talking i was like i'm gonna go toe-to-toe with you tomorrow it goes really actually maybe not maybe maybe one for two he goes so you're immediately being out all right hold on hold on let me get my no shane will monitor your drinks he will monitor and i hate the monitoring well i'm opening for him this weekend and i heard he quit boozing so we shall see i'll i'll get him going again i got rogan going again nice iq bar this 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What are we going to start doing? As the weather's gets warmer you start opening windows spending more time outside and that's when the bugs start showing up again these fucking bugs cunts pesty is a simple way to deal with it before hey there's a lot of like difficulty i need a simple i need a simplified kit what i need something simple you need like a customized kit you mean well something you need with like a sprayer pesticide gloves and instructions i need instructions for a few minutes yeah well this is right for you this well hold on now what grade is this is the same as like professionals use it's professional grade treatment used by pest control companies but you can apply it yourself okay i love this shit i use it all the time i i give it to mark's kid what is like a thousand dollars it's it's cheap as shit it's 35 bucks of treatment what the fuck man it gets bugs out of your house pesty go to pesty.com might be drunk for an extra 10 off your order that's p-e-s-t-e-t-i-e p-e-s-t-i-e.com might be drunk i love that sam was like i'm not really drinking much lately for like a month i had to take a minute off wait wait wait what i did take a minute off starting a business or launching something online can feel overwhelming especially when you're trying to manage everything at once shopify is a platform that brings all of that into one place used by millions of businesses and it handles a significant break into this podcast ad read for a second yes come come by ari what's up i at ari shiver.com i do use shopify it's huge yeah it's not i didn't use it because i got in this podcast today i've been using it and ari's got big fake tits so he knows what he's talking about look at those jiggle shopify includes tools that help you write product descriptions approve product images and stream the content on your phone streamline your workflow you can also create an email and social campaigns to reach customers and grow your audience yeah yeah sure sure that's all great and narrow but can it handle like shippings and returns and shit it sure can ari what sign up now for your one dollar per month trial at shopify.com slash drunk go to shopify.com slash drunk shopify.com slash drunk that might be number one that is frothy and delicious great so the grape liqueur great job thank you this would feel good against your ball bag what is this what is the staple of cusco the the jewel of latin america this is a staple there and it's just like they're shockingly strong you also can get them just straight high level pisco over rocks and stuff like like rum and dominican republic is like nicer and just pisco straight is really good yeah but people mostly do pisco sours that's their drink now i get why they're fighting over this this is delightful this is really fucking good i added a splash of pineapple to just make it how does this compare ari to like a chilean or whatever peruvian right there yeah sorry right there no if i got this at a bar cusco i'm like great thank you this is awesome thank you yeah what would that be at a bar 14 cents i mean yeah like three dollars nice when you were in argentina or chile was the currency rate constantly changing because when i was went each it was like per shop they would be doing the math bolivia was that interesting so bolivia was was um it was seven to one but they're like you are dumb if you try to go to a bank and get seven to one that's dumb because the actual street currency was between 11 and 14 to one whoa yeah wow that's crazy our i went with a guide for all the hiking and we were like oh where can we exchange our bills and they're like no no keep it american keep it american every single shop is going to be different and sure enough it was we would go into one restaurant be like okay how much does this cost they'd be like one second then they'd get out a calculator and do yeah and they go like this and turn it show it and then you'd go to and you're like oh i think i know what the conversion rate is i think it's this and then you'd go to a different shop it's a massive difference it's a massive difference for a hundred bucks how far it'll go it'll go two extra days if you just get the right place now you're exotic over there where the lady's going hey who's this hunk of jew uh uh my hair what's left of my hair would get touched a that's the telltale sign yeah um little beard play yeah no it wasn't as much as i would have loved but it was all right yeah the locals are like what are you yeah i'm trying to think when i went to deep jungle and stuff more action from the street dog it wasn't like it wasn't like cambodia or thailand where they see you as a way out right right yeah um there they're really like oh i could latch on to you yeah really bro like how they two ways in in cambodia or thailand they can get you on the hook one i'm here i'm moving you to back to the states sure tucson oh my god what a better life classic what did you say tucson yeah some oh really oh well that was my example of the dumbest city i could think of and the second level is just send me 500 bucks twice a year for my kids i'm having trouble okay and they have like eight of those guys on the hook oh how you been i i you know i'm doing great you know i'm having a little trouble my kid needs bracelets i consider ghosting her if i get back i mean these old men are like right 500 bucks nothing on your day you know they do that twice a year okay and they think like i'm still gonna fuck her again when i get there so those are the two ways they get you on the hook there but that's they really see that as like you as an out yeah latin america they're not maybe columbia yeah i could see that now are there nightclubs like what do you do at night depends where okay columbia is one of the most world medellin is one of the most worldly cities in the world oh i didn't know that it's so high level it's so cool the food the the beat that like the the artsy you know like bars you know when you go to like a cool like east village bar yeah that's that's that's everywhere in columbia oh i didn't know that i just know the blow capital you know about oh we did have a fun time what's a toot park toot park toot toot nope oh prosta ah really yeah what's what's happening there it's prostitutes but like what's the scene like what's it look like so it's a nice park okay it's mostly mostly um if i find out where it is you'll you'll see it toot park it's mostly cement but a little some trees and shit and you just go see the prostitutes cops are there they don't care it's legal yeah and we just bought like lucy's crushes and just sat and smoked and watched these toots get picked up wow it's so fun it's like this zoo for adults what it's like the zoo for adults it's a medellin it's a medellin yeah sorry yeah it's so fun to watch and you see most guys just go up trying to talk because they want to talk themselves into actually paying for it yeah they don't just go how much they go what's your name how do these prostitutes look are they are they attractive or no good question sam you're question champ charlie rose baby yeah i'm that drunk um the mixture between like uh you could never score one two to like just girl next door like a regular girl that's still pretty pretty good range you're not getting a salicus no all right yeah because you always hear about these patrice in a tube top would be pretty rough oh god oh you always hear about the patrice o'neill and norton would always go to brazil to get hookers back in the day and what is that how who's that guy that's the guy from spin doctors i was trying to do oh that's fun oh i was like wait i was like i'm wearing that hat now oh so one or two princes kneel right in front of you he's been to peru clearly yes hold on what's up oh reversible that's right brody that's alpaca oh yeah damn salicus in a dress i'm like just make it quick come on it's like my dick it's a fucking good picture brother yeah that is good guys i honestly here's what i missed my friends i mean i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie yeah a lot of times i was in a bar or not hikes hikes were different people but in a bar and stuff like that i'd be like damn like you guys specifically you two would have like fuck if i could just like say come down you'd love these places yeah i hear you because you can't really connect with this you don't have the same inside jokes and you don't know the same jokes like oh you guys would make fun of these guys with me right do you get lonely at all yeah yeah there's moments of extreme extreme like like soul crushing loneliness but there's just moments but see that's when i would go to the phone i'd be like oh what's he up to let me look at his insta or what's this guy up to you don't even bring a phone i took that ability away from me good for you you just didn't have a no i got a phone got a new number with no none of my contacts none of my emails no nothing and so if i had to look up a flight or a bus or whatever i could do it on the phone or if i met somebody i'd be like yeah let's i'll talk to you tomorrow let's do it yeah but yeah did you get a little too chummy with some guys where you're like what are you tomorrow and some guys like hey well i'm leaving tomorrow get off me yeah a couple times i got too lonely and clingy with dudes it was funny it's like yeah i got i got i got like leery with dudes yeah i need companionship yeah i've been there yeah i had that in college i just went to college without knowing people and i was like what are you guys doing they're like oh uh something else yeah exactly where's else yeah well you're starting from scratch starting from scratch it felt good it's kind of like norm saying we lost all his money you know clean i'm like i've gotta bring something to the table norm is so zen though you just piss away a shitload of your maybe your whole life's money yeah and then you're just like it's good yeah like that's crazy to me crazy but that's i'm sure there was a moment where he wasn't like right away it wasn't like this is good it was like probably came to terms with that totally yeah but so there is something though that i that i realized like look i'm a whatever i am as a comedian i'm somewhere i'm not the best i'm not the worst yeah i'm somewhere but i'm a professional new york comedian hell yeah raised in la perfected new york i'm so much funnier than a norm core person in guatemala right it's not it's it's no question yes you know if brian scalabrini was just playing pick up hoops in cambodia he would dominate like who's this fucking i love when he does that white mamba yeah and it's just like so it's like my weapon is humor and you're like oh i'm i'm actually really funny compared to the whole world of course you're the one percent yeah so that part was kind of cool i could bring something to the table but there's a language barrier there's a culture barrier yeah so you gotta you gotta figure out what they laugh at because you know we've all had jokes in the middle of nowhere where you're like this is funny and people are like shut up shut up who are you yeah so you gotta find their thing yeah find out something to reference yeah yeah you know you're like oh did a lot of pisco what are you gay you know or whatever like hey is that what is that a ball bag or is that a drink you know that piece going before the show he was he wrote it at a time yeah so are you there trying to write this shit not trying to write at all you're not trying to write at all no but did you write by just by being there do you just have like a notepad every once in a while like i have a notepad for like why journaled that's cool like i want to keep track of all the stuff i tried every day and sometimes we like fall behind five days and like i catch up like what did i do just like bed to breakfast and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god yeah um the other way um just so i can remember names and places and stuff kind of what being a comic is is journaling is you're just like this happened to me today can i make this yeah into a thing yeah but yeah um i'll i'll write from that later yeah like i have the stuff so it'll start to come out you'll reread and be like oh this is kind of funny yeah i've done it before and then i'll like start like let me do a story about this and then it'll be like let me go back to my old south southeast asia and find about some bus in vietnam like oh right that guy was there yes i forgot about that part and then that goes into it i do that with my phone i'm like looking over old photos oh wow 2016 i was this i did this yeah oh that's right the whole place i forgot i went to i went to a gay bathhouse what was that wait i blew three dudes and took a spit roast that was crazy i remember the blowing not the spit roast this is terrible on the last pot i talked about and my friend who was there with me goes hey i have photos from that that weekend i was like oh my god send them to me so he sent me the photos wow donkey show the bar it's just me like arm and arm with some crazy fat latina i have no memory of this i don't remember the shirt i'm wearing i don't i didn't know half the guys on the trip wow insane wow after college you're so much freer then oh completely you're just kind of taking that credo and you just made it your thing now i guess yeah honestly guys there's no way you were freer in college look at you right now good point you're very free yeah when your life flashed before your eyes it's gonna be long and weird speaking of long and weird what uh yeah are you ever gonna do like a a one-man show type thing not one man show but like maybe some kind of special just like hear all the places i've been and and that's a good idea it could be kind of a fun because not many people have just shut off like you like off the grid yeah i'm trying to i'm trying to run it i'm trying to run it i'm trying to run it i'm trying to write a book of short stories about there we go put the journal in there that's a wreck for me by the way is just read short stories like fucking you'll be shocked you can tackle it it's like it's episode of like love death and robots but like i can handle seven minutes let's load it up i'll try to read one a day i'll just like let me just bang out one thing a day commit to it even if it takes you three days to read a short story you're like i can war and peace like dude nah no well some of the really dense stuff and then some of the stuff you think is going to be dense is not that dense you're like this is pretty readable you know and then sometimes i'll just buy like i'll just go to like the strand or go to some random bookstore and i was like i never read this play i should read this play play you read play i like dialogue so yeah i'll just burn through like some sam shepherd or fucking tennessee williams or something and i'm like i fucking love this shit yeah it's all dialogue now do you ever read it and go i hate this like you're halfway through you go i never hate it sometimes i'm like this doesn't resonate with me but there's always like at least something where you're like oh that was a fucking great line yeah sometimes it's really experimental i read this one called uh the bar tokyo uh tokyo hotel it's tennessee williams and it's fucking weird as shit but it's i i dug it it was it was they say it's like a later life i like weird i like make attempt and there's some lines that we were like this is a failing marriage and it's sad and it's like an artist who's not a good artist anymore i like random going into one act play in two scenes yeah it was cool i mean tennessee williams is like the man yeah he's a man so if you want to try something weird it's like well mark is an alcoholic oh mark is an alcoholic it's actually his last name is norman too it was weird and he was trying to do a podcast i don't know can we get another uh peace go sour wait wait do we have anything else to drink uh mezcal oh make one more for the road yeah mescalita there's mexico you don't have that with his documentaries i can watch any documentary and love it it could be a documentary about fashion it could be a documentary about like gay sex in the 80s in new york it'd be a doc i love a doc i love every one i'm with you man because you learned something like yes we were talking about it's alice's favorite doc paris is burning great i mean fucking no that shit will break your heart yeah unbelievable really new york drag queens and i was the 80s it was yeah but a lot of them got the shit kicked out of them and like a lot of drugs tough chicks you know there's a book about one of the drag queens back then oh fuck it all that i know everything about it what's her name uh the woman uh extravaganza the one who was killed in and uh at the carter hotel no she's still alive she wrote a book oh okay sorry but it was all about that time getting beat up all the time for just being them it's crazy what they used to have to go and they're scrappy as fuck they're really amazing they're like it's it's a sad it's a sad thing yeah the uh the uh the lady boys in in thailand if you pick on one you don't understand it's like what are those small dinosaurs from jurassic park oh the little but they all come in droves yes yes that's how they are and so like you pick on one i can beat up this place like this is like trans yeah like dude it's not one trans yeah it's trans is bees yeah coming at you and they all come up and they all know muay thai so you're fucked muay thai is a scary one dude before they went fully the other way they were like we trained beaten with elbows i looked for the trans one once and uh she was the spitter okay okay from jurassic park all right apparently there's beef there between the trans and the lady boys oh really they don't like each other oh transforms versus decepticon i got a lot of heat for a special i called them trans i called lady boys and somebody's like that's fucking bullshit they're trans how dare you call them i'm like i'm following their lead yeah they call themselves lady boys you want me to not well respect their decisions and i guess that's they're different things yes yes some people call themselves edward too i mean you could say it i've been saying it all right i refuse to let it go uh yeah i said cross dresser and i got yelled at and i was like i don't know what is it like i got a drag queen what happened what happened uh what's what was eddie azar transvestite what happened to them eddie's trans though now i think he's joined by suzy yeah what happened to transvestites yeah well transvestite is just i think women's clothes right they got enveloped but what so where are you never here i mean byron gnome is technically a transvestite right yep oh the yeah that's not even clothes that's body so what's that what's that what's when i want your skin yeah hannibal lecter hannibal yeah put the lotion in the basket yeah can i go piss real quick and come back yeah i broke the seal uh do you believe in that i do no i believe in breaking the seal all right go pee i believe in high fiber the hanging curveball the small of a woman's back the novels of susan sontag overrated crap don't pee on that plastic bag on your balls by the way bull Durham dude oh yeah fucking great that's what that's from yeah yeah small of a woman's back that's a great flick great movie back when you can make a baseball comedy dude you know what i uh who wrote that which i don't know bull Durham i love that movie great movie that's one of my favorites susan sarandon had some real sex appeal yeah and it's just a cool movie it's like i love movies about the minors yes because it's all you know what it is it's about love of the game it's like being like a road comic or something yes you're just a fucking dog you do that because you love it i love yeah i don't get a clip of sam saying he loves movies about minors uh so this is crazy ron shelton that's who it was i just keep going i'm like because they do it for the love of the game they do it because they love it they're young they're hungry dirty the other options didn't work out so the minors were their only choice a lot of runaways you know they had hard parenting that is a great fucking movie great oh look the guy did he did whitewoods Batman can't jump, tin cup. And Bull Durham. Ting Cup is like a little forgotten gem, too. It's a fun one, man. Rene Russo was just cooking in the 90s. Hell yeah. Every fucking movie. So good. Thomas Crown Affair. Major League. Major League. Get Shorty. Oh, boy. She was very milfy. Yeah. She's still got it. Still got it. She's great, yeah. Yeah, good for her. I'm a fan. Oh, yeah. Dude, I re-watched Out of the Past for like the 12th time this week. Mitchum, it's my favorite fucking movie. There you go. It's like the best movie ever. I got to re-watch it. I haven't seen it in 10 years. Re-watch it's the best. My favorite line ever. She's the femme fatale. She goes, you're like a leaf that flows from one gutter to the next. Oh, that's great. Cool. It's so good. I made a woman watch it, and she was dreading it, and she was like, it's one of the best movies I've ever seen. Hey, women hate black and white. She made me watch Panic in Needle Park right before. She made you watch it? Yeah, I'd never seen it. Oh, what'd you think? It's good, but it's two hours of heroin. Yeah, yeah, sure. Upper West Side heroin. It was good, for sure, but I'm just like, come on, man. This is a fucking. I like the ending a lot. Yeah. Not a ton happens in that movie. I watched it, too, and I was like, come on. For heroin, this is slow. I don't know why. I can handle a movie about a gambling addict, but something about a drug addict really just is like, ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the Nirvana doc when it's- Montage of heck. Yeah, when it's like Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love with the fucking baby screaming, and they're on drugs, I'm like, I hate this shit. I'm with you. You're pieces of shit. It's not- It's gross. I don't like it. I don't fucking like it. I'm with you. It's hard for me to watch. Oh, my God. Oh, here we go. Hey, Noam. Wow. Noam Corman. All right. It's just me. You're getting hotter. Did you get a surgery out there in Guatemala? A lot of- Medellin. That was a plastic surgery. What's going on, Mark? I noticed you're more interested in my stories now. Right, yeah. I noticed you guys are laughing at my stories a lot more. This is fucking crazy. You would not have made it out of here. You would not have made it out of Ecuador with that fucking top. Jew Paul. Good to have you back. All right. This Pisco Sour is hitting. Now, where the hell are you going to go next? You've already conquered the hills of Oaxaca. Where have you never been that you're like, I got to go here? Well, I got to go back to Nicaragua. I got turned away. What? What happened? They saw your act? I took a two and a half- Sorry. They saw Jew. I got turned away from Jew's out on Netflix right now. They picked it up. Oh, is that right? Wow. Perfect timing. Everybody's loving you guys. Yeah. I actually told them we're going to put it out in August. I was like, hey guys, if what I'm hearing is true. Yeah, they're like, Kanye sold out two shows. We'll take it this month. We've got to even things out. Now's the time. But I, what was I talking about? Nipple pit. Nicaragua. Two and a half hour bus from a boat from fucking El Salvador. And then I get there. Everyone, they stamp everybody and they go like, Ari, can you come with me? Oh, okay. Like, close the door behind you. I'm like, what? Close the door behind you. And they start grilling me. They're against journalists there. Can't have any journalism, like any stuff on your, like LinkedIn, if it's journalism classes. You're not a journalist. I know. You have a journal. So the more they search, the more it looked like I might be one. I've been on CNN. You know, I've been on CNN. I've been on CNN. I've been on the Wall Street Journal, like, podcast. I've been on, like, you know. Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson. I've been on Rogue. Is he a journalist? Right. At some point, three hours they're grilling me. Yeah. Taking calls from the Capitol. And eventually they go, I'm really sorry, buddy. You can't come in today. So what do you do in that situation? Three hour boat back to this port town in El Salvador. Then the guy, the boat carrier's like, what? And I'm like, they got turned away. He goes, I'm really sorry, man. I'm like, can you get back to the Capitol? He goes, I'll get, give me five more bucks. I'll get you back to the Capitol. Damn. Four hours to the Capitol. Here's the best thing about not having a schedule. You just roll with it. That's true. I was going to go scuba diving, go to some cigar factories, do some fun stuff in Nicaragua. All right. Plan has changed. I did have two days of hostel paid for. You're not going to get a refund in, like, Managua or whatever. But then, like, and then, like, oh, where do I want to go? So I'm like, fuck it. Medellin. Yeah. I flew from San Salvador to Medellin. Had a blast for 10 days. And. And Medellin. And I wasn't going to go to Columbia. I went to Columbia. Whoa. There's something fun about not having a playbook. Bro, it's the best. If you go to a bar, you're like, let's all go to this bar. And there's a line around the block. You don't go, shit. You just go, how about that place? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's some, let's just do that. Living by the seat of your pants. Even when you, when a flight gets fucked and it gets canceled and you're like, fuck, I'm stuck in this city for a night. You go from being like, fuck, to like, I wonder what I'm going to do tonight. I'm in Chicago. Yeah, right. What can I do? And then like, man, there's something fucking magical about just hitting like a hotel bar, ordering like a fucking steak tartare, getting a couple of whiskeys on the rocks and you're just lit up and you're just like, I feel fucking great. Yeah. I got the whole city as your oyster. The best one of those. And you're going on like a little adventure. It's fun. Yeah. The best one of those we ever did was, um, were you there at Bonnaroo? You were. Yes. Me and Big Jay. I think I was there the year after you guys. Oh, okay. So we're all there. On the way back, there's hurricanes or whatever. So early fights went on. They went off. Later flights got delayed. Jay got off. And he goes, yeah, my flight's taking off. They go, oh, my flight's being delayed. It might get canceled. And he goes, what are you going to do? And I go, this is from Nashville. And I go, I'm going to call Rafi May. He's going to invite me over to barbecue. Oh, how about that? I'm almost positive. And I was, he was like, really? I'm like, I mean, I'll be okay. And I call. I was like, hey, my flight's delayed. He's like, man, come over. I got the egg going. You got to get over here. The green egg. Yeah. And we went over there. Barbecue. Just ate barbecue and watched the induction for Green Day into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, that's cool. And just had a blast. I got to call that guy over my fucking phone call. Damn, yeah, that is pretty great. If you can roll with stuff, it just makes your life. Here, here. If you're not locked into your expectations. You're allowed to have a moment of like, fuck. But then after that moment, you roll with it. You got to spin it. Give me 10 seconds to go, damn it. I will say Mark is so good at that shit. I think I'm pretty good with it, too. We had a setback with our movie today, and we both didn't panic. We both were just like, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. And we both completely, I mean, you get the fuck out of the system, but then you're kind of like, we're going to pivot. We're going to figure it out. And that attitude in life is like, it's so fucking essential. Oh, yeah. The fact that it could be worse is actually a real thing. It could be a lot worse. That's true. I don't know how, I'm not going to tell you names. What are we doing? Which one is this? This is a Mezcalita. This is just for the, one for the road. I don't even know what this is. One for the road. Based on the One for the Road podcast. So the Margarita is like low class in Mexico. Okay. The Mezcalita. It's just a Mezcal Margarita. Way better, I think. Way better. Smokier. Everything better with Mezcal. I love a Mezcal Negroni, too. Here, here. Woo, smoky. Oh, my God. Very nice. You're on fire. Thank you. Oh, my God. What's your name, Mandy? Margarita? Maddie. Maddie. Maddie. That's salt on the rim. Fuck. Taheen. Taheen. I love that. Taheen. Now, let me just say this. Side note. I kind of like the no journalist idea. Fuck journalists. Let us do our thing and quit documenting everything. I don't want to answer questions. Yeah, I don't want to. You need some journalists. I know. I'm just saying. I'm going to push back on this one. I like a place that doesn't have it. Let's have one place without it. Yeah, let's have Trump with no journalism. That's a good idea. Well, this is Nicaragua I'm talking here. Okay, but I'm saying that. I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all system. We need journalists. But, hey, if we can have one place without it, fuck it. Let's party there. I hear you. I hear you. You're not wrong. Yeah, I would have loved to have gone. Like a new Amsterdam type thing? Yeah, yeah. Give me one spot with no journalists. That would be the answer to the question. That would be a place I want to go. That's what I'm saying. There's going to be a lot of beheadings in this place. Yeah, yeah. Well, what's Nicaragua's thing? Soccer? No. I'm not having journalists. No drones also. Can't take a drone in with you. Okay, great. I hate drones. They search back only for drones. Like, you're good. Sandboarding. Ooh. Down in volcanoes. How about that? Cigars. Top two in the world. Okay. Nicaragua, they're number two after Cuba? No, Cuba's three. Ooh. What's number one? DR. DR or Nicaragua. DR over Cuba? Cuba went to shit. Really? China bought most of the brands. I don't know nothing about cigars. No, it's normal. I don't know. They bought most of the brands, slashed their quality. So, yeah, volcanoes, scuba diving in the, what is it, the corn? Oh, cool. Okay. I don't know. I'm not, I don't know. Oh, I was there for three hours. You're talking of the tourism and you're like, I wasn't allowed in. I was there for three hours. I fed a street dog and then I went home. Okay. They got poetry. Maybe, maybe this place thinks. They got poetry. They got handcrafts. Boo. Oh, I did hear about a comedian. So, I'm being interrogated by this guy. And the guy's like, okay. Then he hangs up the phone with Managua, with the Capitol. And now he's just like, I'm not, I'm not in charge of this. Yeah. I'm just like taking stuff from them. So, now we're talking in between the phone rings back again. Ask him how much he charges for tickets. How many people does he play for? Stuff like that. Okay. But in between, we're just talking. And he goes, I'm asking about foods to eat. What I should, I think I'm still getting in. And I'm like, yeah, are there any like Nicaraguan comedians? He goes, yeah. There's one guy. Uh-huh. J.R. And I go, is he like, I still got my, is he like a sketch guy or is he an actor? An actual stand-up. There. Thank you. Good question. Actual stand-up. Is that him? He only plays. Yep. J.R. He plays in Nicaragua. He's big. Four point. Wait. 4.3 million subscribers. Holy hell. This guy's big time. Wow. How many people live in Nicaragua? 4.3 million? That's all of them. Four? That's all of them. He's got them all. Wow. Wait, does he have any stand-up clips? I haven't seen any stand-up either. No. All right. He's a funny. He seems to be a catch-me-nick actor. Damn it. Damn it. Stand-up's hard. Damn it. Yeah. All right. Well, shout out to. Oh, Bad Bunny. 3.2 million views. Oh, JR's in a Bad Bunny video? Wow. This guy's big. No, he's doing a Bad Bunny song, I think. Oh, he's making fun. Crazy. Wow. He can't leave there. It's my hard. Well, I didn't read the rest. That's what you get with no journalists, by the way. It's my hard what? It's very hard. What did he say? Es mi duro? He said, yeah. Yeah, I get it. He said, yeah. I don't want nothing to understand. I don't know. Is that where it is? Hey, I think we're off. It's pretty good. Yeah, it got better. Nice. All right. Well, hey. Good on you, JR. Guys, I missed you guys. I missed you, man. I was really happy when I saw you at the cellar the other night. And then again in the park. Playing basketball. That was fun, man. Well, you give me hope because I have all this fear of not being relevant. If I don't post a clip, people are going to forget about me. If we miss a week with the pod, it's all over. You went for eight months. You came back with a vengeance with this storytelling show. And it's like nothing. Nothing has changed, really. Nothing's changed. The last time I went to 2017, I went to Southeast Asia for four and a half months. I remember that. Yeah. And Joe lists. You know, there's like conversations where like stuck in your brain is. He goes, aren't you afraid of like falling behind? And I'm like, well, I have a special going to come out when I get back. And I have my storytelling show that's not happening. And it didn't work out. But nothing can be predicted on that. What do you mean it didn't work out? They replaced me when I said, I want to sell my special. Oh, I see. Yeah. But that hadn't been done. It hadn't been done yet. Yeah, I got it. It was waiting for me. And I was like, these are going great. We can take time off. I have an idea that comedians in this day and age are putting out more than they're taking in to an unsustainable levels. You're right. So we're constantly. This is once a week here. Sure. You have a second podcast. Okay. Sure. It's more and more put out. What are we taking in to draw from? I think there's a real problem. I think you can. I think it's a real problem where we're like, I got to do something this week. I'm like, do you have anything to say? I'm like, no. Yeah. Well, then that's not going to be good. Right. And I don't have stuff to talk about. We're bad at it. It's the truth. I mean, we got to step it up with it. Just meeting you at the park for basketball. Like, yes. No, I do that stuff. I like to just shoot a ball around just like. Especially in my neighborhood at Tompkins. It was like. I love it. Perfect. Dude, I'm like three minutes away. I'll meet you. Yeah, but. Yeah? We run our own business here. No one's going to do it if we don't do it. So I kind of have that fear. Like, there's no one. Okay, but you also got to have. If you're on Friends. I'm old, but this is my example of successful sitcom. Yeah. Number one in the world. Big show. 22 weeks on, 30 weeks off. And NBC decided that for them. If we had to decide for ourselves, if they had to decide for themselves, they're not taking 30 weeks off. They're getting the $3 million an episode for 52 weeks. Yeah. And I'm not saying take off. I'm just saying. Take off. Take in. You're right. We used to take more in because we were less busy. When we were open micers, we were struck. When I moved to New York, you guys were all barely doing stuff, and we were out doing things, making memories. Making memories. Well, there was less. No more like, I got to get up for a podcast tomorrow. There was less to do. I mean, it was an easier time. I mean, Chris Rock has said this many times about young comedians. Even LeBron had an off season. Yeah. Take a break. Take some time off. He's right. We do. Mountainhead? The guy went off on a boat for a while. Well, you need inspiration. You need stories. I'm thinking about that sometimes. I close my last couple of specials on stories. I'm like, I need more stories. And you don't get them by just fucking going to the same bar every night and getting shit faced. You got to go on some adventures, and you're going on adventures. And that actually is. It's inspiring. You're right. I actually asked Sam to be in my storytelling show, The End. I think. It's correct if I'm wrong. You're like, bro, I can't. I do have a story. I have a. I'm closing my hour. I can't speak. I can't spare it. I can't spare this for you. I can't spare my closer. Yeah, because it's a close. I want to do your storytelling show. I've done the live ones. You've done the live ones. But I. To me, they're all the same. Live ones and tape ones are all the same. But yeah, I arc an hour a certain way where I like to have short jokes up top, a couple short stories, and I like to have a long story at the end. And I can't give up this long story I'm closing on. What I needed was to give you a year's notice. And I used to do that, but this is not happening. We're like, hey, don't make this your closer. Yep. Save it for me. Yeah. If it ever comes back, please, you have to do it. I will. Yeah, you got to do it. You're one of the storytellers in New York. Am I? No. When I asked you the first time to do it live, you were like, it's not really my thing. No. Yeah. No. How many times have you done it? The White Knight, all that stuff. I got a few. I got a few. I've done the live one a bunch, and I've done. Well, I gave Mark some shit. This is not happening twice. I think Mark is such a good storyteller, and Mark doesn't think he's a good storyteller. He does not think he's good. It annoys me. It's so funny. No, no, no. It annoys me because. I can tell it to you guys. No, no, no. Hold on. You're so scared for a silence. Yes. Yes. And storytelling's about building tension. Yes. And you want like, bam, bam, bam. But you're not going to let a story not be super funny. So it's going to naturally just have a shitload of punchlines. That's why comedians are better at it. You can't not. You can't go 40 minutes. But if you just embrace the silence and have that. Because it's even bigger tension release at the Big Pop when you embrace that. But you hate it so much. But I think it's like, oh, man, I want to see the Mark Norman, like a 12-minute Mark Norman story. 12 minutes. It's going to be punchy as fuck. That's what we got at the end. That's 12 minutes. Oh, really? That's the kind of thing I had. You know, like. You've got another one in the can that I told you, like, you've got to save that for another time. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've talked about, like, Jim Jefferies has those stories where you're like, the muscular dystrophy brothel story. That's like a 25-minute bit. Is it that long? Yes. Wow. But it's. It's so punchy. All the end morales is one story sometimes. Yeah. And you're like. But at the end, you're just like. Before they even say, that's it for me, thank you, you're just like. Oh, yeah. You know you've completed a journey with them. But here's the thing about stories nobody brings up. Yeah. Is I can punch up a story, but the ending of a story. It's so important. That is so hard. That takes a whole turn. Sometimes you need the ending first, because. And then you can just take liberties. But, you know, Ryan Hamilton, another friend of ours, has. Yeah, he's got the bus. He's got, like, a story. It might be a 30, 40-minute story. Oh, he did it on my show in Salt Lake. Oh, wow. I'm pretty sure. Did I get that? I might be conflating memories, but, like. Yeah. I was like, hey, you're in town to do your fucking whatever. You know, re-virgining or whatever the fuck those Mormons do. I was like, come do my show. It's okay. I was there doing it. We've done the Salt Lake ones. Yeah, a couple times. For ski trips. Had a blast. And it was like. Did he ever do one? No, not when I was there. Maybe I'm thinking. He was there. Yeah. Doing something else. He does, like, 30 minutes just about getting hit by a bus. Yeah. It's incredible. It takes you on a trip. It was like. It's so. You're there from contact to healing. Yeah. And even if you're not laughing, you're just like this, like. You're like that. It's like. Yeah, they're fun. They're fun. In this next hour, I'm doing a story. I think you should. It's a good closer. Because it's also. You know, it's an energy shift, too. It's like. And that's with check drops. You don't do clubs anymore. I think. Exactly. But check drops are like, this is the right time for it. That's why I started doing stories, is because I was like, I need something to hold them. But, you know, you listen to an old Dangerfield album, and he's doing bit, bit, bit, and that's why he'd go into crowd work, just to mix up the rhythm, so it would become less predictable. But I think a story serves the same thing. So I love one. But it's a punchy story. Yeah. Here's the thing. Edinburgh, those are like UK and Australia comics. They do stories. How do I say this without being rude? Boring? That's with being rude. Oh. No, but I know what you're saying. Yeah. Self-indulgence? Americans are like, well, I can't. So one time, when I was at the Improv Lab doing this, before they even had a name, we were doing the shows, and John Reap was doing it. And John Reap was a killer. Great person, too. Great guy. And he was like, dude, after like 30 or 40 seconds, I was like, I gotta make a funny face or something. This is like. Yeah, yeah. Tough. I haven't gotten a laugh. I'm used to getting laughs every 10 seconds. Yes. So you're like, but American stand-ups will just naturally punch it up. You have to, out of survival. Big J told a story. He's on the Hall of Fame of this show. He told a story about seeing a fight outside the comedy cellar. The fight itself, the story itself, was 98 seconds before the cops came and took him away. I think I was with J that night, by the way. And it was like a 15-minute story. Yeah. Wow. On his descriptions. Where they choked the guy out or whatever? Three women. Oh, different time. And he's just a good storyteller. He's making it last longer than the actual details. And it had an ending? He's the best. He's a great storyteller. Okay, okay. Him, Ali. He, Burt, Diaz, and Miss Pat, and Sean Patton. Those are the top. Oh, yeah. Sean Patton's got some fucking crazy stories. Yeah. And he tells them so well. And his show just got fucking canceled on FX. I know. It was a good show. Go YouTube some Sean Patton stories on YouTube. Funny guy. He's phenomenal. The Cuban story on This Is Not Happening. Oh, yeah. That was a great one. The fake gay bashing in New Orleans. Yeah, he's a natural. That was a good show on FX. The English teacher. Great show. I really liked it, man. Oh. I had something to say. I'm pissed that got canceled. Yeah, Sean rules. Sean was, he shined in that, man. He really shined in that role. Also, what a good drinker. Oh, my God. The best. The best drinker. I had Cross on. You guys have had him on, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I farted on him. Not as good a drinker. No, no. But I remember asking him, like, hey, Sean, he opens for you and stuff. He's like, yeah. I was like, what a good drinker. He's like, bro. Oh, yeah. He doesn't, like, press you like DeRosa, like that fucking head pig. Shots, shots. Yeah. DeRosa's happy to be at a funeral because we have to take the shot with him. Right, right. Hey, what do you think of this? I have a new subject change. Okay. You know when people are like, you want to do shots? You're like, no. And you're like, you know, we're all in our 30s now. We know who we are. I've already told you to laugh and do hard. It's not the shots. It's what you really want to do is have people turn it up. Yeah. Right. So how about this? Go, hey, guys, can you guys all turn it up 15%? I like that. And then it's like, you know what? I got half a beer. I'm going to chug this and get another one. I love turn it up. Turn it up 15%. Yeah. Not shots. Not shots. I'll barf and go home. I'll black out. We're all adults. We know our limits. I know our limits. So I don't like the whole, like, catch up. It's like, bro, you're going to like me better at this level. I'm drinking. I know where I'm at. Right. But also, this is embarrassing that we're adults and we still hang out with people that pressure us like this. DeRosa. DeRosa. No adult should be hanging out with someone who's like, catch up, pussy. That's like fucking college shit. Catch up, pussy. What? Who the fuck are you? That's a horrible flavor. Catch up, pussy. I'm like, oh, fuck. But back to the relevance thing. Yeah. Because you were gone for eight months. Yeah. Last year, I went to Australia. Good memory. UK. And I did a whole run somewhere else. Do you feel like you're missing out? Yes. Wow. I was gone for a month. I was gone for a couple weeks. Three weeks, maybe. And I felt the same way. Where? Where? All over Europe. It was great. I had a great time. This is the craziest thing to me. I had a great time, too. But I was like. Can I just ground you guys for a second? The second week, you start itching. You're doing a European tour. I know. It's so high level. It's something we could not have imagined. That's a good point. Doing when we were starting. I'm having so much fun doing it, too. So much fun. You're in Berlin in a nightclub at 7 a.m. Yeah. Still doing drugs. You're going to lose it. It's just me. But we're doing a European tour, and we're feeling like, am I missing out? You know how a sagalo would fucking cut himself to be where we are? That's his new closer, actually. And we're thinking we're doing something wrong. It's messed up. Yeah. Yeah. We're doing it right. You're right. I don't feel regret. I'm actually doing another Euro tour in a few months, and I'm so pumped. I'm just going to random places I've never been because I want to go to them. We'll plug it at the end. I mean, let's fucking plug it. Let's do some plugs. Shit. We've been on for almost two hours, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. What do I got? Well, I got L.A. coming up with Liszt, Jordan Jensen. Dude, Liszt has been the prettiest city in the world. And Rachel Feinstein. Yeah, I'd say so. Dynasty Theater. Okay. Oh. Bro, wait. What's Athena? Verona. Greece. Athens, it's supposed to say. But, yeah, Verona, New York, Turning Stone Casino, June 6th. Then we got Lisbon, August 30th. Pause, pause, pause. Greece, September 2nd. No, no, pause, pause. What's up? We're going to do the plugs, so I'm going to stop in a minute. Stop me. What's up? Okay. Here's what you're doing right. August is 31 days. Okay, great. When you're doing a European tour, you want to have Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays off. I'm getting to Lisbon early. Okay. Lisbon early. Oh, good. Wait. Go back up. Go back up some. Great. Get to Lisbon hella early. Yeah. Leave the next day. Get to Athens. It's one of the most underrated cities in the world. I love Athens. It's so punk rock. It's so fucking cool. The outdoor theaters are so fun. Outdoor movie theaters, you can see a black and white film noir in a language you can't understand with Greek subtitles, and you follow along somehow, drinking booze, smoking rolly cigarettes in an outdoor theater. Hell, yeah. You'll smoke a cigarette. Yeah, we got a, I love a drunk cig. What the hell is Grad Zagreb? Zagreb. I'm not sure. Croatia. That's Croatia. We got Hungary, Budapest, and Hungary. We got Croatia. Warsaw, going to the camps. Yeah. Vienna. I heard Poland's awesome. Warsaw. Dude, this is a great. Helsinki, Stockholm, and Copenhagen. Helsinki's not great. This is a great fucking tour. I haven't been to some of them. I haven't been to Stockholm, Copenhagen. I haven't done Finland. I haven't done Vienna. Vienna, I really just want to go. I've never done Copenhagen. I just want to go where Orson Welles and the third man goes on that fucking train. Gives that speech. Like, look at them. They're all like ants, you know? Would you miss any of them if they died, you know? Wow. Sweden is so pretty. You're going to love Sweden. And the girls are not bad. They're pretty attractive. That is right up your alley. That is a Jews type, by the way. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Yeah. Would you have hidden us in the Holocaust? Who knows? Yeah. But I'm willing to. I'd hide in your pussy. Yeah, I would. Wait, forget that. Are you a Jew? Sure, sure, sure. Jew is on Netflix. No, no, no. Go to the end. Yeah. There we go. The end. The end of the story telling. Mark Norman's in it. Me and Mark Norman are in the same episode. Hey. Oh, shit. I'm honored. An episode called, hold on, Not All Heroes Wear Capes. Go down, go down some, go down some, go down some. Boom. Boom. There it is. Me, you, and Duncan. Me, you, and Duncan. Oh, I miss Duncan, man. He's a good dude. Good guy. He's one of the best dudes in comics. He's honestly the most creative guy in comedy. Easter egg at the end of that. Duncan does the theme song at the end of that. Now, you worked with me pretty hands-on with this story. Do you do that with everybody? Yes. Oh, wow. That's a lot of work. Because we were back and forth. I think we should talk about this, change that, take that out. I do a thing where I'm like, I'm trying not to overstate. I've produced a few things now for my friends. Yeah. Sal, AJ, Adrian, where it's not like producing. I got to think of another title. It is. Hold their hand. It's more than that. It's how producing should be. It's like, hey, what's your material? What are you closing on? Why? Okay, here's the things. You have 10 bits. I want you to get these. But isn't that what producing should be? It should be. That's why I'm still calling myself a producer. But I'm like, get those 8, 9, 10 bits. I want you to get those to 4, 5, 6. So work on those only. Your 1, 2, 3 are great. They're done. Get those up. Work on those only. Why are you closing on this? What are you trying to say in your thing? It's like a director, sort of. Like a theater director. Sure. Yeah, I want to go hands-on. Doug Smith, for his story, that's not happening? Guys, look up that story. Doug Smith, the subway hero. Dude, I went to New York Comedy Club 40 times to watch his story. Wow. I'm like, shit, I got 20 minutes. I'll come down, watch you, and then go back to the stand. Pull it out. It's got like 5 million views or something. It's one of the most incredible stories. Turn him into a headliner. Doug's a great dude, and he's very, very funny. Doug Smith, this is not happening. Yeah. Yeah, I want to go heads-on, hands-on. It's an incredible story. It's an incredible story already, so you just got to get to it. Yes. Stabbed in the face. And he knew this would be his ticket, and he put all the work into it. Yeah, he was willing to go. Him, Louis Katz that year. Yeah, Louis Katz. Yeah, we're like, let me just not just say it. Let me tell it right. Yes, yes. I mean, it's punched up. The ending's amazing. It moves. God, she doesn't look like this anymore. Lower it a little bit, or go scroll down. I just want to see the views on this thing. 6.2 million people. Wow. That's incredible. It deserves it. I sent it to my mom. And it's like, it's not ending right, man. You haven't made yourself this, so it's like, okay. But you're not changing details. You're changing how you say it. Yeah. You're not lying. You're just like, what do I end? Do I learn something at the end? You learn 20 things. Which one do you want to say? Yeah. It helps to have a person help you take a step back and be like, yeah, what is this? Yeah, so I'm not some producer. I'm a comedian. So I'm going to help you as a comedian, who also has a vested interest in making your story the best it can be. Yes. And that's what I did with the end. Yeah. I talked to everybody. I was like, what's your, I actually got accused, I'm not going to say who, of helping a woman with her story on This Is Not Happening. And she goes, you're a misogynist because you were trying to help a woman along with the story, not men. I'm like, bro, I help everyone? Yeah. That's crazy to call me misogynist for trying to help you. Yeah. That's not what misogynists do. Yeah, right. You think this is a misogynist? Anyway, the end is the real way out. You can get me and Mark's episode for $5.99. Hell yeah. Are you going to be on the road at all? I'm at the Netflix festival May 7th, doing The End. I'll see you there. Yeah? Yeah, I'll be there. Who's on? You got any spoilers? Oh. I'm doing a show May 7th. What time? 945. Where? Dynasty. I think it's Dynasty. Your own hour? No, it's with a few other people. That's a good room. Where is it? It's a comedy store. Oh, come on. I might have to do an old story, but I'll do an old story. Do an old story. What do you mean? Do you record her? Oh, boy. Maybe. Fuck, I don't know. Nobody's seen his stuff. Mark, hey, Sam. Do my show. Okay, I'll do it. I'll do a story. I got a story for you. We got a booking. I'll do it. I'm in. Let me just be selfish here. Check out Pushing Boulder. I got a markumentary on, it's me building up to the special. All bombing, green room at the Dallas Improv for 10 sold out shows, and I'm working out a new special that you've seen on Netflix, so there you go. Nice. It's on YouTube. Pushing Boulder. Yeah. But the end is available right now. Yes. You will have to pay for it. The money is going. It's also $6, guys. Come on. $6. For all these guys? Look at that. Okay. Tom Segura, Ned Bargatze. These are the headliners. Ned Bargatze, you're headlining your episode. Mark Norman, Dan Soder, Shane Gillis. Wow. Roy Wood, and then these are the Hall of Famers of the show. Oakerson, Sadiq, Miss Pat, List. Kelly, Boy Body Boy Face. I'm in for the I'm in for LA though alright okay go to orishafir.com to get that and wait hold on I was gonna say something about it uh oh the money is going the money's going to the comedians unlike most shows I've decided to cut the comedians in to a profit margin of this show so if you're like I don't want Tom Segura to get the money guys are you fucking you can bleep this out I think Tom needs more money retarded I do do you think this would allow the money to go to someone else the money's going to me and the comedians thank you every purchase you make of of episode five of the end puts two dollars in the pocket of Mark Norman so even if you go just to see Shane I'm still getting a penny he's still getting a penny yeah so you can get all of them five wait seven for the price of five at orishafir.com right now or you can get one individual one for five for six bucks $5.99 but get them spread them it's me taking my show back hell yeah corporate overlords have you gotten an influx of money already have you seen so I mean we're two weeks out but oh okay but in the pre-sales alone we've gotten 70% of the budget back oh my lord and we were expecting like 10% of that to come that's amazing that's amazing that's awesome it's our fucking world hell yeah they should be honored to work with us yeah yeah you hear that Amazon Prime it's all up dude it's we gotta do it ourselves we have to Mark and I talking about this today this is all it this is the people that did it ourselves Mark and I had a lot to talk about this is it we this movie you're making your movies together this is your second movie you're making alone that's true we're doing it ourselves we're the talent here here you think anyone's coming to see the fucking LA Lakers they're coming to see LeBron I don't know what that had to do with any of this but I'm with you fuck the Lakers fuck the Lakers he needs the Lakers we don't let's go Knicks no one's going like oh I want to see the comedy sellers tonight you come to see fucking who's all one the comedians no that's not true the sellers pay people they respect us they give us free drinks I love the sellers they know where their money's buttered on come on guys I'm a little drunk the Cappy Barrel talk one more drink best podcast on the planet one more drink hottest new podcast in the New York Times did I do this tits you guys want some water we should before we leave probably get some fuck fucking decrepit fucking Montezuma's Revenge water let us all get diarrhea from this we also have Yerba Mate if we want to stay on would you call me Sherba alright hey I'll be in Raleigh good night it's almost sold out and LA Comedy Fest we got Bill Burr on the live show so that'll be fun wow shit with the Tuesdays oh wow that's cool so we'll get yelled at for an hour and then I'm in Ontario Nouveau Brunswick Spokane Washington wow Philadelphia that's sold out and Milwaukee at the Improv Irvine, California that's a big room Tempe, Arizona Royal Oak Mish we added a show Cleveland at Hilarity's great club Seattle at Emerald City never been checking it out I'm back in the club so I gotta work out the story side splitters side splitters baby can I tell you a story about side splitters please and then we'll get the hell out of here but the Hamptons in San Francisco do you guys not like doing your content during your plugs or do you like doing I don't give a shit hit me okay side splitters Tampa I was always I was Tampa I was always for no reason really improv guy the old side splitters owners was such a wreck to my agent Bobby was like don't we're not doing that I have great times with Bobby though oh yeah and anyway so then one time I was like Greg Fitzsimmons like I'm gonna be in Tampa and he goes oh side splitters I'm like no the improv he goes oh man I'm like that's an honest reaction yeah what do you mean he goes no it's side splitters I got COVID in between Orlando and Tampa that's where you get it 100% Orlando talking out with Steve Simone he's in between so I was like let me do two weeks in a row hang out with him had to cancel so I owed him one and then my friend Mark Norman yeah hey thank you nailed it got hitched got engaged and we were gonna do a fucking bachelor party and so we had to have a show pay for the bachelor party me Mark my friend it's you I can say the real I see a bunch of comedians lists Bert Joe List Bert Kreischer these by the way I got the Berts on right now favorite show I've ever had literally just broke on the fucking cab over here I'm taking these to 20 countries best show I've ever had just broke I'm heartbroken that sucks he can fix them and I went to Brian BT at side splitters hey can we do a show they go you can do three shows you can have 100% of the door I want you here hell yeah and I'm like and I went did the shows bunch of n-words are dropped I had a blast and I go I'm done with the improv I'm a side splitters guy forever so and they were like we don't want to work with you after all those n-words you can see Mark Norman at side splitters in July that was a great weekend too we did it we did it we went tuna fishing we went remember DeRosa showed we were at a bar and DeRosa showed up with out of nowhere with a train first DeRosa was like I can't come I was like what the fuck he goes I gotta do reshoots for some fucking YouTube show I was like and I like you know when you go too far with somebody and you're like I shouldn't but I'm so I was so angry that he wasn't gonna come to this bachelor party that I was like you're a piece of shit friend you're all in the wrong place you fucking suck meanwhile he was planning on coming the whole time and surprising us so we went fishing and then he comes out at the bar with a tray full you guys ordered shots yeah no and it was him and we're like that waiter's ugly oh my god DeRosa holy shit why does he have no chin and no will to live and then we did a bunch of well he bought a bunch of blow and a guy did it that we didn't know and he went to the hospital good times cancer brought a friend cancer brought a friend that no one liked at a bachelor party there's no plus ones at a bachelor party he was a plus one that's a life story he was but yeah so the guy we didn't like did too much blow and went to the hospital they tested this coke and it came up with that squiggly line like maybe maybe not and they go Ari what do you think I'm like I don't know and then they go we're gonna do it anyway Ari for the tits I still can't get used to the tits it's pretty hot it's like confusing me I think you should take me seriously and if you don't take me seriously then we have a real problem I like that the sunglasses are in the tits not in the shirt that's what I like oh I didn't even notice that yeah look at that Tampa Florida Mark Norman check him out at Mark Norm punchup.com slash Mark hell yeah buy some bodega cat whiskey Tampa Florida get some bodega whiskey my favorite whiskey in the world I'm actually bringing this bottle do you have an extra bottle I can bring it we'll give you a bottle Nashville, Tennessee Zany's one of the greatest clubs in the country Pittsburgh, PA Regina, Saskatoon nice Calgary the last stop wrong club Minneapolis, Minnesota Acme Denver the Calvary legitimately the best every time Joe Rogan goes hey the comedy comedy mothership is the best club I'm like no I mean dude to his face I'll go it's the comedy works Denver baby he loves it too though he did a special there fair point Madison, Wisconsin Charleston, South Carolina Port LaRocca Austin, Texas alright we got it we got it we're not even in the summer yet alright we love you guys thank you so much we'll see you next week hell yeah guys fucking fun Sunday's the day for my next offender a bit of Pivorecki no more the beer juice close I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post and I get down in the same way up on the roof like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way I'm out to lunch we might be true I want to date with Rawls Carty says Rawls? Rocca asks this is the love story of real hinge couple Carty and Rocca written and read by me Nicola Dinan listen to the free audio book now