Ari Shaffir's Epic Journey: I'm Baaaack w/ Guest Host Tom Segura | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Previously on UB tripping, we're back. We're back to R.A. Squared. I'm planning this backpacking trip. A boom! Then they're fucking up the whole forest service. Get them! Uh, uh, please don't. What of these is a squirting one and one is not? Just makes me know I want to have sex. They're so scared of trans people. So we don't really have the angry in word. And I'm like, "You're not black!" Pussies like pizza. It's a nighttime activity. We'll give you the cheese, it's crazy. Do it! Fuck it, do it! So that's my trip. And now for the exciting conclusion of UB tripping. Part two in a week or two or three. Not everybody. Yeah. Alright, should we roll? Yeah, let's go for it. Let's try this twice, alright. Alright, everybody. Welcome to the UB tripping. I am now back from my trip. I've got an episode here. First, me and my friend have an announcement. We have an announcement. We're going to talk a lot about your trip, actually. I'm going to be interviewed today. But you, at one point, you had a show on Comedy Central and then you didn't have a show. Then I did not have it. But it was always like, it was so many comics favorite thing was you had an authentic storytelling show, right? And everybody loved doing it because it wasn't like a standard like, "Hey, come do a set." It was like, "Come tell a story about something." Yeah, go into something in a weird, cool way. Yeah, and like, you could see how the cool thing is that that concept would make people kind of go like, "Wait a minute, don't do my set." And you're like, "No, don't." Don't at all. You can milk it. You can go longer. You can just get up there and tell it. And the stories would be about any number of things, like it could be about a crazy ex-girlfriend, how you grew up, a travel thing, a crime, a love, a heartbreak. You did one at the improv, I think, about drugging yourself with GHB and wanting to go to the hospital. And then I was like, you need, we're going to be doing this on TV. You need to be doing that on YouTube. And it was like, just like, tell the story. That's what it was, it was just tell the story. And then I've adopted that philosophy for doing stand-up, I'm just going to tell a story. Mostly stories. Mostly stories, but anyways, you did that and then, like I said, then you didn't have your show. And everybody still always loved doing that show. And then you were like, "I want to bring that concept back." And we talked about, you're like, "I want to actually shoot it." And so. We were doing it again as a live show called "Arisher's Rename Story" telling show. That's right. And that was spite name. You know, we'd do it in clubs and different. And then you were like, "I want to actually do it as like a shoot it, make the thing that people can watch again." So today, we're letting people know that your show, the end, is, it's ready to go. It's on pre-sale starting today, March 23rd at YMH Studios. Seven episodes. Seven apps. And then can you bring up that graphic for us? This is the lineup. Look at your lineup. You want to just read who's on this? I mean, it's pretty great. Tom Sagura. That was probably taken two weeks ago when you were 40 pounds heavier. I'm way fatter when we shot it. I know. And you were still thinner than me. Dude, I saw the old ones. I'm like, "What? A piece of shit. It's round. A piece of shit, what?" I know. But Shane Gillis, Dan Soder, Mark The Heat Normand, Nate Bergatzi, Tony Hinchcliffe, Miss Pat. She's now Mrs. Pat. She's now Mrs. Pat. No, she's Miss Pat. Alisa Deek, Big J, Roy Wood Jr., Joe List, Steph Tola of Robert Kelly, Jordan Jensen, Steve Simone, hero from the show before, Jim Brewer, Colin Tirol, Sarah Tola Mosh, Sam Tallet, Jessica Reed, Krista Stefano, and Duncan Trussel. Bro. So this, that line up, I know, I saw this graph because I was obviously there for the shoot for most of the sets, but I'm like, seeing it in one thing, I'm like, the line up you pulled is. Everybody wanted to do it. It's not. I talked to Shane a long time ago, like a couple years ago, and we did a live show. I think it's the Ryman. And it was like, "Oh yeah, the audience is still here for this." It was like a huge thing. And then it was like, we used to do it like 100 theaters. And it was like, and Shane's like, "Dude, when I start comedy, like, I wanted to do this show." And then it went away, and I was like, "Fuck, I guess I'll just do a renaissance dead." But. That's. I guess what it means to work out in another way. But yeah, the line up is crazy. The stories are amazing. It's a full, like, so many different styles of telling stories, so many different topics. And it drops April 16th, YMage Studios. Just before Hitler's birthday. Oh, well, that was an arranged. And it is my birthday, by the way. April 16th. April 16th, yeah. So it was like, we wanted to go like, "Tom's birthday, Hitler's birthday. We wanted to be all together." You get a discount if you order the pre-sale, right, for the full season. Full season generally is $29.99, and then you could get individual episodes for $5.99. But for this. No individual episodes. But it's $24.99. $24.99. So it's $5.99 off if you get it on the pre-sale. So you get the whole season plus as a pre-lude, a prologue, pre-lude, I forget now. A prologue, bonus prologue that you'd get for free if you buy the season, or if you buy any individual episode later, except for Nate's episode, because prologue is disgusting. And we can't do that to his family. Can't do that to his family. Yeah. Yeah. But you get that if you order the pre-sale. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So here's the cool thing, from the time this show starting and going away, till now, I've just been fucking off doing drugs, and you've been succeeding, building a fucking empire. And so as a habitual co-tail writer, I was like, oh my, many wealthy friends that I said, put your Rolex down for a second, I got something to ask. Yeah. And you were like, yeah, let's do it. Let me take it off. Okay. Yeah, let's do it. It's caviar diarrhea, and then absolutely, let's make it happen. Well, this was a fucking no brainer, dude. We were so excited to do this, and seeing how it turned out, it turned out amazing, dude. Dude, it looks so fucking cool. It looks great. Everybody kills. The stories are fucking awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. It was a legit hole in my heart for about seven years. I could tell. And then this was ending now. Now, you made up. You made up for your ex. You guys are going to have kids. Yeah. It's great. If you want to, for bonus, you can get me fucking a DVD of this show. Okay. Um, 26.99, you can really. Now that that's out of the way, we are doing a little bit of trading places today, though. Normally, you sit and ask somebody about a travel, a trip that they've taken somewhere with stories. You have, are somebody that amongst your friends, we're always like, this fucking lunatic is just like off the grid again, right? Like, one time you had like a special come out. And then you're like, we're like, oh, you're specials out. So now like you'll do press and kind of like drive up interest in your next tour. And we're like, so where are you? You're like, I'm going to Vietnam. Oh, yeah. Okay. And then like nobody could get a hold of you. Yeah. I know off grid it. You really off grid. It is kind of cool. You are like the hundred Thompson of our little world. You know what I mean? Like, you're the guy who's like, now I live adventures, man. And the rest of us are like, I don't understand how to do this. I try to get out there. Honestly, I'll tell you something. When I moved to New York, you were like, I wish I could do that. Yeah. And I was like, you can. But you're like, no, no, I got a wife and I got, I have to okay with her shirt, family's there. It is. Yeah. And then like, I can't. And so I decided I was like, I'm going to be this like single guy, but I can't just be playing Xbox all day. Yeah. I got to be living my life to make Tom Sigour and jealous. Yeah, yeah, you do. Yeah. Okay. Cool. I mean, this late, this thing is also full of full of jealousy of what you just did. So you have, you picked different parts of the world than you, you've explored. You did do Asia. Southeast Asia for four or five months in 2017. It's the duration that always makes us go like, what? Yeah. Because you know, for me, I'm like, three weeks would be crazy to do it. And then when you're like, this one, I'm like, wait, how long do you go? You go seven months. Yeah. You just been done for seven months. Yeah. Do this come something to your freedom level after about 14 days, 10 to 14 days, it's 12 days maybe where you're like, I'm not even, I don't have an anchor in the old world. Yeah. And now it's like, I'm really. Yeah. Yeah. I always notice that like, when I go on vacation, my basically my vac, like real vacations are like the, you know, the winner of the Christmas New Year's time and then summer. Like I try to do a longer one. A longer one. And I noticed about personally about vacation is that if I'm on vacation, that first week does not count as vacation. Yeah. It really just feels like you're still, you're bought, you're like your nervous system hasn't gone into like that, that downshift into like, oh, I noticed it starts to happen in the week too where you're like, oh, well, I can now get relaxed. Get relaxed. Yeah. It doesn't happen for the first week. It really doesn't. It's still coming from like, I gotta do everything. I gotta do all this stuff. I think Fran Lieberwitz, Annie Lieberwitz, the photographer. So Americans, Germans, and Japanese take hella pictures when they travel because they are like I have to accomplish something So I'll be the one who like gets everything down so I can prepare it for later Yeah, and then other people like I'm just here the the pictures for all the time. Yeah, I know I'm talking about this and the too many pictures is unnerving It's because phones became so easy to do it with yeah, like I like taking I bring a camera with me and actually take Photos like that. What do you like the Lindsey thing? Nice. It's a Lindsey thing I bring a 35 and a 50 and you know, I just kind of no, I just like I I feel like you I don't know you put like a little more Thought into it. Yeah, then when you just like pop up pop up up up up up up You know, especially if you're bringing your your film camera because then you're just like I had someone on the pod Oh, but one of the first guests Jasmine shocked is that she's a photographer. Yeah, the character austral not the kind of austral What's the france to Spain? I know it's like a 30-day hike a 30 day france through Spain to like a yeah I would ever but she's a photographer and she's like I'm not taking my digital camera. I'm making Film and I'm like this one has to count. That's cool. Yeah, I like that. Yeah So seven months as a as a like let's start broadly. Okay Where where did you go picked south of me that in America? So you're like I want to explore Latin America. Yeah, which is weird because I mean these are the two continents, right? Right see it, but really their continent starts up here. Mm-hmm when the language changes right so That's what I did. I started I didn't want to skip straight to a fucking Venezuela so you were you started in Mexico so the Mexico and I took my Rolf Pots as travel writer He probably has a book up here somewhere He has a thing that like when you're doing long-term travel is like he says get me to a beach Change your like whatever. I usually prefer the other way. I got to a big city where I know what big cities are like Yeah, but then it's it's like Rengoon or it's like a different but at least I know what a big city is on street lights and whatever so this time I did that though went to a beach and I said I'm not leaving here until I feel disconnected Mm-hmm. I just kept re-upping at the place. I was staying until about 10 days and I was like yeah, I feel relaxed now I stopped checking even sports scores. You just were like I'm in. Yeah, I was checking the Yankee scores I'm like this is pulling me back to America So I was like I'll clock back in about a week before the playoff see if there was just saying that to someone that Whenever you go abroad you don't have to go that far when you leave the country and you realize How quickly you're like, oh, yeah, I lost track of sports scores news like all the things that because you realize Other countries are like yeah, that's not important to us what's important to us is this fucking cricket match Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then and our Luke news that's affecting us and it is a great way if you're actually looking to unplug if you can leave the country It's a total game changer like I when I've been like people could do it I think even couples were like well, I have to like get a fucking burner phone Yeah, so you and your chick can like talk or whatever and then just do that but leave everyone else away It's kind of great. I just did Julian Edelman's podcast, you know, the page is the page of one of our greatest. Yeah, that's right Yeah, yeah, Sandy co-facts to Julian. I mean he's no one in between on your Mount Rushmore Yeah, I was a non-owner of a team. Oh my god. He's doing it. It's really doing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah But we were talking and we did this thing where we were taught we picked a game to talk about so we talked about the Game you've seen well, we talked about a national the national championship game FSU of Virginia Tech back in 99 2000. No, it was in it was January 2000 or February 2000. Okay. No January Where'd he play? He went to like a small school at Kent State or something, but we just talked about one that's his podcast You're talking about one game. Okay, we're talking about that game. Oh, I know what I was I realized that I was like Oh, I put it together that I was home and then I went to study abroad that that year it was January 2000 when I went abroad And I was telling him how like I remember I watched that game at home and that I was in Madrid, right? I went to Madrid and It was the first time in my life at that point where at one point It was must have been end of January beginning February That it was like a Monday morning and I'm going to class talking to somebody and they're like, oh, you see the Super Bowl And I was like, when was the Super Bowl? And they were like yesterday. I was like yesterday was a Super Bowl Because I was and I was like, I've never missed the Super Bowl, you know, and I was like, how was it? They're like it was fucking amazing. I was like, I was like open it was about one - because I was like, you know There was no like promos about it. Yeah, nobody was talking about it. It's not in your purview. It just goes away Bro, can I just tell you right now? I do not know who was in or won the Super Bowl this year. Really? Yeah, it was the antlers I remember who the teams were In the league. Okay, all right You would have been it would have been fun to have you chime in on the half-time Super Bowl as you were in Latin America Because that's all anybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was incredible I did hear bad bunny did it. Oh, dude. They love bad bunny down there every time They were like how you should learn Spanish better and I was like how'd you learn English so well like music and I was like Okay, I'll listen like bad bunny like no, you get bad words from that. Yeah, yeah He's a foul mouth. Yeah, yeah Also, you'd learn to talk like a like a fucking Puerto Rican from the outskirts That's not what you want. Yeah, people would be like where the fuck do you learn Spanish, dude? Welcome to the end everybody. It's a story telling show me in my comedian friends We're all telling true and really terrible stories into a top where he's face while face some time Grateful every STD horrible. I'm gonna fuck you up an amazing story. We just got started I'm gonna stop the terrorist It's gonna kill us all Actually do well, you don't fucking talk to me How did I get here? I always did this happen. That's a good question You guys are just on the show That was the cool thing too is so so South East Asia. It's a new new language everywhere you go So you're starting over you learn your 10 words. Please. Thank you. Hello bathroom food, you know what I want to three But you went into this because you've always liked Spanish you know you've been no I took it right before I met you guys for a Sober October with Rogan I came back from Columbia. That's right, and I had zero Spanish went there for two weeks Came back with a touch. Yeah, and then but since then having you yeah I've been trying to a lingo. I've taken some trips. How did this seven months affected? I was pretty good I mean, I was going to like doctors in Spanish. Wow. I wasn't I couldn't probably get a car repaired in Spanish, but like You know enough where you're like you could say this You know, and it's like that's not quite right, but close enough. Yeah, it's man your manager managing. Yeah, so it's like you know that you know You say dente, but it's like no, it's the end day whatever you know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, I like an Italian guy there. They're like I get it Yeah Yeah, and it was like country to country didn't start over So I'm because did you visit on in these seven months 10? Yeah started southern Mexico. Okay, so then when I got finally got relaxed I went into wahaka. I got another thing to tell you in between off air, but Went into a Haka by the way I Was like oh Mexican baseball the Guerrero's have a game, but I looked and I'm like their season just ended fuck Oh shit, they're in the playoffs. So I was missing the Yankees and I just adopted the Guerrero's as my team. That was just your squad. Yeah This kid it was great. It was so fun first of all torrential rain So everyone just buries themselves into like downstairs and they're all singing and it's singing their fucking rally songs and then it comes out They know I was like I'm not gonna eat cuz I want to get a hotdog and then they're like we don't have what we have burritos We have Mondongo we have fucking all these crazy 12-year-olds going beer beer and I'm like lady you're fucking a child They're just like I'm on beer run and they go run get you a beer and they must look at you like look at this fucking fugitive, dude Yeah, no way It's fucking Epstein's cousin I didn't have as I shaved it all you did on the flight down. I stopped and I got upgraded I'm trying to think when do you look juer with her without that full beard the beard helps it does yeah, if I could get these oh, no That's oh yeah Wow Let me tell you about Epstein Oh, what's Epstein? All right, let's not a country, but yeah, yeah, yeah, okay Anyway, it's up to the girls game. I had with me. I brought a lot of shit I was like I'm not bringing this back. I'm gonna accept that this will probably not come home with me so nothing dear Okay, you know, and one of them was a nasty nester Yankees give away shirt. He's no longer than Yankees So I'm like it's a cool shirt. She's got his mustache, but I'll like whatever. I'll wear it to the baseball game This kids are sending me beers He was like and I was like oh big so I was like and then I was like send him a beer and he goes no No, no, and then I was like then he sent me another beer and I was like that and then I went over to him was like what And I was like first of the kids 16 me look like a fucking 40. They live grizzled down there. Yeah, it goes I'm a huge Yankee fan. I see that nasty nester shirt I just want to and is there with his mom. I thought it was a hot lady. She was but like his mom They sent me like two more bears. I'm loaded and at some point I'm like Buddy this shirt's yours and I just like took it off and gave it to him and he was like no fucking way really Yeah, yeah, I couldn't find a better home for it than that Yeah, yeah, that's cool. And then I just we all left after a win a playoff win and I'm just shirtless Yeah, fucking miss missing bird passes like dead dogs. Yeah. Yeah So wait what happened. You say something in mohaka or out of the house was great food is so so Wasn't loving it went to someplace Heather told me about mohaka. That's really good like Mexico has the best food you love their food. They do it right. Yeah, I want to see a movie hour of disappearance But that witch lady. Mm-hmm. They could call it something different here. We talk about weapons weapons Yes, by the way, they called it hour of disappearance in Mexico That's a better name Our disappearance the hour of disappearance for that movie. Yeah Anyway, bro Yeah, bird if you're watching Their concession game is so far beyond ours Really at the theater. Okay, first of all popcorn multiple flavors, which you can get a divider Great already. What do you got Doritos popcorn? It's Doritos flavored popcorn with Doritos crumpled up Doritos in it You can do the same with Cheetos kettle corn butter cheese and then they had this thing like we went with the whole group of people and we went to Oh boy Is that whole thing gonna fall on them? No I just want to grow filter you know when you when you when you're talking about Mexico. Yeah, and like three days ago I'm just scrolling and I see this and I laugh So I watched this thing 45 to 50 times. Okay. I sent it to every Spanish-speaking relative and friend of mine It had me crying and it's it's in Mexico and I think you should be able to fall. Can you will it play with sound? Okay No, man, but what are you saying? Yeah, well, I'll be right there. Yeah Mexico dude for I so I sent this to one of my cousins. What what did you say? I think I got that right I'm gonna get the knife. Oh, yeah, I was translating that he was telling me he was like my cousin He so my cousin is from Lima, but he moved to Mexico. Yeah, and he was we were I was setting I send this video He was like holy shit like we were laughing. He was like that guy the guy filming. He's like is so crazy He's like cuz down here people will fuck you up and there will be like in the right neighborhood He's like there's no repercussions like that guy just kill him It's like why would they call them put it if you play again? We'll just talk it for people listening This is like I'll press pause as we go along. So So right there he's like he's like give me a one of those beans right there He calls me a bitch a berro, which is like you fucking dog, right? So the guy's like He puts it down, right and then he's like he's like he went at me One of the the next one he's like that I'm Maria's and then he goes Play it for me Now he's got the surface He called it to Pera Madre which is like like son of a bitch like son of your of your bitch mother bitch, yeah, right? That's what he turns like the guy's getting it still and he's like What's my job? He's like I own this business, right? You just say right? So then he's like what the fuck man? It's a little it's a little that was him talking just now right now the guy who put Down the counter say it's like pay the way We'll go side it out like he's telling him like that's a little much, right? He's like what the fuck man? Like why are you why are you talking like that? Like he literally says a little accelerated, right? Oh, but so then the guy is like what okay, so then he goes Right there he goes why equal to put a madre which is son of your whore mother Yeah, right and now the guys like looking for his knife, right? He's no longer looking for kids like hold up He's grab he's gonna grab it He looks around and he's like hold on. Oh, there's my hot sauce in this shot. It's so perfect Yeah, no mom is yeah, then now he's like what the fuck man like for real why are you talking like that and the best is that the guy filming goes But what am I saying? What am I doing wrong Press play Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he goes to the kiss Yeah, well, so he's totally gas landing him and then he goes okay like Out of the way like now I'm gonna speak nice to you, right because the guy's like no for real like what the fuck man And then he tells them like Why did they say my mother like put that shit away is what he's telling him for the knife right after this? Mende muna lata to pitchy viejo pendejo For one last thing and he calls him an old fuck, right and then he grabbed the yeah, he grabbed the knife he grabbed something And he's like I'm coming around I think he was grabbing what he asked for and then as the cuz he was like This made me laugh so god damn Okay, we can take it out But yeah, it's a fun thing about languages, right? Yeah, you're like oh, yeah, yeah, and then some people will like show you shit like this Yeah, they'd be like they'd like like what are you laughing at and I try to keep up with like what they're saying? But they'd be like yeah, we got a different algorithm. Yeah, yeah mine has I have a lot of the stuff That's what a max of your language and your disgusting displays of humanity. Yeah. Yeah, it's a nice mix right guys Today's episode of you be tripping is brought to you by cheers. You know as you get older even drinking responsibly can Leave you feeling well less than 100% and try man. Just try drinking with Joe De Rosa You can't do it. He's a pig Joe De Rosa's a pig. You can't keep up with him. I used to come close and It's getting harder and harder and that Oh, that's why I'm obsessed with cheers with store. It gets me back at my feet like nothing We all know alcohol can dehydrate you but what about it's affecting your brain your liver And when you're drinking with Joe De Rosa a pig like that straight up point farm. Well all that stuff's gonna be exacerbated So I use cheers. It's on my little secret. I don't tell them about it No, why I need to recover so I call them that I say it's like hey, what are you doing? Let's go probably I can't handle it. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Oh, Joe. I'm back in my feet with cheers Yeah, it's the old Ari you think you can bury me. I bury you pig. Oh, I bury you Same right out way better morning with cheers for a limited time my listeners are getting 20% off their entire order But using code trippin at cheers health.com Just head to cheers health.com and use code trippin for 20% off after the purchase is gonna ask you where you heard about them Please support my show and tell them that you'd be trippin sent you guys the reality is this it cheers is a it's an age for if you're Dracking you're gonna feel 50% better or they're giving your money back that's the bottom line all that stuff about Joe Derosa while true. He is a pig doesn't really affect the ad rate It just helps you get back into feet way better the next day. There's a whole bunch of reasons for it, but that's the bottom line so Use a performance to handle like that. Okay back to the episode about like crazy trip Okay, so I want to get to can you tell me broadly first the 10 countries. Yeah, Mexico. Mm-hmm mostly land borders Mexico into Guatemala. Mm-hmm, and then we're like gotta We had to cross over near there like the the ruins and stuff over there. We've got them all up like here. Mm-hmm You get like a like hey, do you have transport which I think that's gonna be like a bus It's going to Guatemala. Yeah, and it's just some guy who picks you up and you're in the back of his car For like five hours they get to the Guatemala border somebody else takes you from there to the town and it's like $30 Crazy. Yeah, how much cash do you bring on a trip like this? I Brought I think probably 10 grand In cash. No, no into an account. Oh, into an account. Can I show you the best picture I saw at the Guatemalan Mexico border? Yeah You guys have this have far back to go away way back This was hanging out at on the border of Mexico. Mm-hmm Wait, tell me tell me something first. What what's the full list? Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador Nicaragua got turned away Had to take the boat back to El Salvador two and a half hours That was a mess and then and then Rolled with it went to Medellín Colombia Colombia, Colombia, then Peru, then bus to Bolivia, over Titi Kaka, into Chile, quick jump over to Sao Paulo and Rio to go see Oasis, back to Chile, to go to Patagonia, to Argentina. Chile, no, it starts in Chile, it's Patagonia, yeah, and then in Argentina, back to Chile, and then into Argentina to go to the tip-tip, and then back to Chile because of the tip-tip, it is further, is Porto Williams, it's like the southernmost town of the world, and then no, and then Uruguay. Oh, that's 11. Really? Yeah. And then Brazil, oh, we did Brazil. Yeah, we did Brazil. And then back to Brazil. 11? Oh, yeah, I'm not counting Nicaragua. I was there for hours. Okay. You why did you get turned away? They bring me into an office. So at first they go, they go, everybody, you stamp out, this captain's boat captain in Nicaragua and El Salvador hold me some dark stories about the gangs. Like, Rio Nicaragua? Yeah, no, in El Salvador. Oh, yeah. She goes, everybody I met in El Salvador was like, this idea you have about like, oh, they're just arresting anyone with a tattoo, it's like, that's great, whoop, it's not a tattoo, it's a tattoo of every cop I've killed. I get their badge number tattooed on me. Every loved one I've raped, I get their name tattooed. It was like beyond, it's not a, we needed to crack down on crime. It's like, we've lost our country. So they all love that leader. They love that guy. Fuck. Yeah. So everybody would turn. I remember and Guatemala was sitting there like, well, what Trump? They were always like, what about Trump? And I didn't want to talk about it. Yeah. And I go, you know, how's your guy? And they go, my guy sucks. He's the fucking worst. Yeah. He doesn't do shit on crime and then they just turn it on them. But I'll solve it though. They love their guy. They love him. So this guy told me that in this border town. He's new, right? Yeah. Isn't he kind of young? Doesn't take a salary. And they're like, he could be a tyrant, it could turn it. And they're like, what's the worst? Wasn't he the one who just a few weeks ago was like, man, Mexico, they don't fucking regulate. They've lost their territories. It's insane. Isn't that him? The guy who did that speech? It's possible. Yeah. Which is great. He called a meeting in Congress one day and he goes, I want to like balance the books to tell what you've done with, you know, bring your books and we're going to show what you've done like paying road shit like that. And then, and then he goes, open up your books further. I want to see if you took any money from gangs. And if you did, you went to jail that day. Wow. Congressman and senators. Right there. Left Congress in handcuffs. To jail. Wow. Anyway, actually, I'm not going to tell you the story. Okay. It's too dark. Okay. Great. Yeah. One by one, they stamp everybody. They go, uh, R.E. Shaffer. Yeah. Like I come with me. And then I'm like, did anybody go into the building? And I was just playing with a street dog. Yeah. I got a lot of treats and I was just fucked with street dogs. Yeah. I loved it. And then, and then they go close the door behind you. And I was like, okay. What? They start asking me questions. Well, you sure are a lot of Instagram followers and I was like, really Tom says I don't have enough. I got a buckle down. And then they go, uh, yeah, what's going on? What do you do? Are you a journalist? I'm like, no. Like do you take a journalism class? Is it in college? I'm like, hilarious. No drones allowed. No journalists allowed in Nicaragua. And I guess they do. No journalists are allowed. People get turned away if they have, um, if they have even a journalism class on like they're linked in or anything or used to be, but is that why they got you? No, it just, it registered where they kept calling them an agro like, what's going on with this guy? Ask me a question. But did you tell them I'm a comedian? Yeah. You know, I've been in charge for tickets. Real questions. What are you doing here? Where, which cigar plantation? Where you like, well, my new thing, the end is coming out on my image studios April 16th. They just kept researching me and I honestly, I guess if you look long enough, like I've been on CNN and MSNBC. Oh, right. I feel like that's enough. Yeah. Rogans are kind of a journalist. They'd be like, you know, so they go eventually like, you can't come today. I'm really sorry. You got to turn back. Wow. Yeah. How would you, would you ever even look at emails or anything or never? Okay. I started a new email address. Yeah. I dropped my phone number. I said, end that. And I got to do it. Oh, that's why I got a text from a number. I'm like, who is this phone? Oh, right. Okay. Bounce back. Whatever. And I just got a new email address. Just talked to Neonah pretty much. They give me the ads with a pod. That's the only thing I want to be in contact. And you just record them like in a tent? Yeah. Really? I mean, kind of. Beautiful scenery. If I find a beautiful scenery, I've like, I'll do it here. Okay, I'm going to, I'm going to come here tomorrow without like, you know, a bunch of like Spotify and like. How would you send them? Will you send them WhatsApp or Google Drive? Google Drive. Did it on my iPhone? I had an iPhone just for the camera for this. No shit. Yeah. First of all, also, I got to say, and not just because it's in front of you, those guys helped me, the YMH crew, helped me live this dream. Really? Taking care of everything. And I'm like, from the ad team to Neonah to Chris and as long as it was like, I know this is going to be harder for you guys. This is not normal. Yeah. Roll with me on this because I really want to get lost and they all, they were like, sure. That's awesome. Yeah. They're great. You guys are good. Um, sweet. Tell you what, I'll just put it in. Okay. So this I saw at the, at the border, at the border to Mexico, you got to like, look at what it shows. It's just sleeping. We'll put it up. Yeah. Yeah, he's half in the bag for sure, for sure, sleeping Mexican with that Trump 2824 shirt on. That's hilarious. Yeah. 45 and 47 letting people know two terms. That's crazy. Yeah. So it was just place to place to place. Yeah. Um, Medellin was, it's got a little trouble. Medellin. What kind of trouble? Some, I'll tell them some drug dealer got to like, Gangie on me. Gangie on you? Kind of fucked with my like, psyche a little bit. This was like, hold on. Let me go. This is somebody you're buying drugs from? Yeah. Okay. And Medellin got safe 15 years ago. Okay. And then now, like, Commune 13 went from like, the most dangerous place where like Carol G is from. They had like four PM curfews. Kids had a sprint home from school before the shooting started. Jesus. And now it's Vegas. It's like crazy. It's so different. But what happened with this particular guy? So now the gangs are kind of like, well, people aren't on guard. Let's like make money now on this guy. So anyone who enters into their world, meaning prostitution or drugs, they're like, we can now do whatever. I went to a touristy part of town, somebody's like, we, I was like, yes, actually, I do, you can get weed. It's yeah. Motah or both. Whatever. It's like, it's generally easy to find you. Find somebody making jewelry and just ask him, you know, those guys selling the shit they make at worst. They're like, hold up here. I'll find the guy. Anyway, so he was like 500 and I was like, zero, that's, that's a crazy price. You just hit me with. I was like 200. But right, it should have been like 80 and I should have led with 50. Yeah. So he's like 200. Out of my mouth, I was like, fuck. I think I was like 400. I'm like, 200. I'm like, literally, I already went too high and he goes fine. And then he like gives it to me. I'm going back to my buddies got the cash. I didn't have cash on me. I was like, give me 200 and some other little fucking guy, 400 more. And I was like, no, what? Who are you? He's like, pretty much that guy's boss. He goes 400 more. I was like, no, it's 200. We had a deal. Bro, 400 more. 400 more. Yeah. I was like, no way. Zero chance. Like, I had a deal. And he's like, it's 400 more. Don't fuck with me. That's the fucking price. Just like a tough little kid. Kind of like Fitzimans if he was a fucking Mexican gang. And then I was like, doesn't take it back. I don't want to go. That's not possible. And he goes, and I'm like, dude, no. And so I don't know if you know rock in a hard place or Jew in a fucking bargain. I'm like, those are two forces that aren't going to give. And so he's like, yeah, 400 more. I was like, no way. And I was like, dude, no, we had a deal. And he goes, this is Medellin. This is drugs, dude. I'm going to follow you home and your friends. And I'm going to do terrible shit to you. Don't fuck with me. And I'm still the fucking, I could fear my grandfather's that don't get more money. And then eventually one of the guys from the group starts fucking cursing at him in Spanish. This is like a small chick, he's like, fuck you, piece of shit. But they whole fucking whatever. And he was like, eventually he's like, I've never really been yelled at. He's like, fine, 50. And then we're like, I was like, it's good enough. And I was like, fine, fine. But it fucked with me for the next few weeks. That 50 is still hidden with you though. You're just like my god. I just got kind of scared for the next few weeks. Well, yeah, because somebody, yeah, I'm not as safe as I thought I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the threat doesn't feel good. Yeah. Yeah. The rest of the night was all fucked. I'd say one time, this has nothing to do with this, but it reminds me, one time a friend of mine. Also, one of your tribe, Abe, he was driving, I feel like he forget if he was in LA or another part of the country. But anyway, he was driving a car with like a banged up door. And he said a guy was like, hey man, I can fix that for you, right? And he was like, really? Like smooth it out, buff it out, make it like good as new, right? And he wasn't known. I don't know. It was one of mine? No, no, no. Abe was one of yours. Okay. But the guy was like, yeah dude, like it'll look like I've got that brand new. Yeah. And so Abe's like, yeah, all right. So he goes, you know, the guy works on it for like whatever. They got real hours. That's right. That's wrong. Yeah. And of course, the guy had offered to do it for like 50 bucks, right? Yeah. So anyways, he goes, he goes and he looks at it. He's like, man, that looks like shit. That's. That's not good. He's like, I'm not paying for that. And the guy's like, well, I did the best I could. He goes, yeah, that's not what-- That wasn't the arrangement, right? And the guy goes, either you're going to give me 50 bucks or I'm going to take it from you. And the guy was, and Abe's a small guy was like, really? He's like, I don't want to have to, but I will. And he was like, all right, he just gave me the 50 bucks. And he was like, yeah, I was like, yeah, dude, people don't fix your door for 50 bucks. He's like, well, you know. Yeah. But it's scary, and he got scared. What are you just robbing me? He got scared. This isn't a bargain that you beat me on. Yours is a little different because it involved. But mine also was like, you already got me good. I know. $200 for $50, like, it's already pretty, wasn't it? It was like five grams. And those five grams in Latin America always ends up being about three and a half. They don't measure in front of you. That's how you, when I bought weed in Lima. No. So I was there. I didn't even have a story for you. And I was like, cousin of mine. And I had a friend in American friend with me. He was like, we want to get some weed. He was like, all right, so we go to the campus. We go to one of the university campuses. He's like, I know a guy. And so I'm like, yeah, I just want to get like a little bit of weed, you know, like me and my friend are going to smoke a joint. So whatever. So my cousin's like, I'm talk to the guy. And the guy's like, you have like 20 bucks. I was like, 20 bucks. Yeah. What's that going to get me, you know? Here's 20. God gives me a bag like this. It's L.A. prices. You can't use L.A. prices. I was like, this is 20 bucks. And I fucking take that. And I was like, bro, I was telling my cousin. I was like, no, this is a crazy amount to get for 20 bucks. He was like, really? I could cut you as a-- Yeah, in Lima, in Peru. Wow. And I was like, OK. But the weed looked weird. You know, it didn't look like-- But it was fake weed, yeah. Bro, I smoked that. And like, I got the chills. And I'm like hearing things. And I'm like, fucking, is this-- Do you hear those trains? And like, I was like, huh, I was like, bro, I'm fucking blue. Wow. I don't know what I smoked. I have no idea what it was. Bro, I got the same shit in Ecuador. When I went to Ecuador, not this-- the before, we couldn't find weed. It was right after COVID, too. So it was like, nobody wanted to talk to you. If you say people smoking, they didn't want to like, hey, don't come up. Yeah. It's like hard COVID time. But when we found something, they're like, yeah, 30 grams for $30. And I was like, what? And I was like, well, it's got to be shit. And I was seeing lines. Oh, my god. I was like, this is not-- I'm not-- this is not a weed high right now. Yeah. I somebody said, like, they just piss on it if it's that kind of weed. You smoke piss and weed. Really? Yeah. Which I'm like, do that more. Do it more. It worked. And the funny thing is my friend, he was like not having the same experience as me. And then the second night, he smoked again. And he got it. And he was like, fucking like, what is happening right now? Yeah. It's supposed to be dirt weed. Yeah. So it was non-GMOs. It was the room. That was melting out, too. So rules so much, like-- What happened to you in Peru? So-- Went through, let's see. Started in northern Peru, surfed where the fucking surfing started on these old fishing boats. Yeah, they have these weird fishing boats where they'd surf in. And that's kind of like the birthplace of surfing. Is it really? Yeah. I didn't know that. With these tips and stuff. [SIRENS] The Berkresher Dillens by Free Waters, wherever you go, they go with you. Get 'em. I actually don't know. Asperger, Bernos. Bernos, Bernacanum. And they just kind of worked my way down, and then got to Lima. And we were going to do one splurge. I was going to eat this like-- I had a friend who's like, I'll get you. My aunt is like a foodie. She's like, there's a high-level Michelin restaurant there. That's in Feral. Yes. I mean, get your reservations, and you're going to go to that. I went two years ago. I mean, you spend like seven hours there. It's crazy. They take you on a tour of the kitchen. It won number one in the world. Yeah. So here's a three-day period. So I went to Gamara Market. So you go to Lima Lot? A lot, no, I used to go a lot. OK. The last time I went was in 23, I think, 22 or 23. And Peru is very-- it's the beginning of the upscale Latino. Chile and Argentina is the most. That's what you desperately want to be. And then Chile and then Brazil and Uruguay are like different things, completely. Oh, it has a lot of whites. Uruguay is a lot of-- Uruguay is like Argentina. Yeah. It's like Austria, Germany, and then Brazil really is so in the country. Yeah, for sure. And that really-- but Peru starts it. So you have like that. You have like Central and you have like the super cool high-level coffee shops of the couple neighborhoods right over that bridge. And then you have these markets, like the Gamara Market, where I heard there was a witch market. So you know how the markets are all like bustling and crazy. And they have these like areas. Well, like this is all plumbing stuff. 20 straight stores of plumbing. And then 20 straight stores of raw meat. And then 20 straight stores of-- they don't separate. Terrible businessmen. But like-- so they had a witch market that I heard about. And I wanted to go see it. And so we-- a bunch of people from the host who went down there. And the chicks all wanted to get their tarot red. And it's people with like dried newt hanging up and all the fucking tarot cards and everything. And I was like, I got to do some promo stuff for UB Trippin. I got to be like, this week, Tom Rhodes is on there. This week, Tom, for Instagram. So I went off. Came back like 20 minutes later, found everybody else. And they go, we got a story for you. And I go, what? They go, we were getting our tarot's red. The guy stops in the middle of the reading. Looked at one of the girls who I had fucked like three days before. But she was cool. And she wasn't like, whatever. Who you had? Yes. And she goes-- and he goes, hey, there's a man that you had sex with, that you've been with. He has a curse on him. And he needs to get a black, gooey treatment to lift the curse. OK. Anything you're thinking now, I've thought up. I was not with him when they went into the tarot place. I had left them before. There was no signs of this happening. And there's like 50 witches in which stores. They went in. I met them decent part away back where the food is. And the guy said he kept-- and they're like, OK, yeah. I was with a guy a few days ago. And he is around. He's like, yeah. He does a little-- He's cursed. Blackheart. Yeah. He wasn't trying to sell them on anything. He was saying this got-- find him. He needs this treatment. He's got a curse on him. And then they kept doing the tarot. And then he stopped again. He was like, hey, I got to be serious again. That guy needs help. So I found them. And they told me. And I was like, that's hilarious. OK. And they were walking. I was like, you know what I want to do when I saw some other witch like reading-- You went to a different one. A different one. That's probably a 10-minute walk away. OK. And I was like, I'm going to get my cocoa leaves red. $4. This is fun. And I was like, hey, can I get my cocoa leaves red? And they were like, yeah, you want tarot? I'm like, no, let's do cocoa leaves. This is fun. And she starts throwing down like cocoa leaves and looking at it and throwing it down. And then she's like, hey, she goes, hey, what do you want to know? I didn't know it was even that. And I thought about the end. And I was like, well, I've got this big project coming. How is it going to-- is that going to work out? And she goes, it's not going to go like you think it will. But it's going to be very successful. So I'm like, OK. And then she goes-- and hey, buddy, you got a curse on you. Really? She goes, yeah, it's a bad one. And you need a black Kui treatment. Kui is guinea pig. It's like an Indian dish. That's amazing. But she goes, you need to get that done. And I was like, it's a beyond a coincidence now. So I'm like, all right. But now it's like 50 bucks instead of four. Because we've got to kill a fucking guinea pig for this. And so I was like, well, let me think about it. But then I was like, you know, just for the experience. I want to budget because it's a long term. And I gave up all work. So let me think. And I want to go eat inside the gammara market, you are safe. Outside-- and I've been a couple times-- cab drivers won't let you out unless you're right by the entrance to the door. They're like, it's too dangerous out here for locals and whatever I like. Wow. But I was like, it's fine, it's daytime. Went out, came back. On the way back, the market kind of pushes out. And it keeps going. It's bustling. All these markets are bustling in Latin America. And so I'm old lady. stopped in front of me. It's like do something and I was like oh shit because it's all and I was like people are now behind me pushing and I was like they're gonna run me over and I'm like wait I'm not running over a fucking old lady and I'm pushing and I'm like fuck fuck and then eventually they get tired of waiting and they just kind of push past me like barely move past the old lady. It's like oh it's too so then back into the gamaar market I was like I'm gonna do it and so she's like okay let's do it and she gives you this this this this guinea pig this alive guinea pig and she goes I'm gonna put it in your bosom we don't have the stuff right now I'll show you later I'm gonna put stuff in pictures and it's inside that she takes this like kind of a shawl or something with like Andy and like art and she goes and she goes make it like a swath like you're holding a baby and hold that inside your chest so this guinea pig clawing at my chest inside and she goes you got to pet it you got to pet it to calm it down I've got scratch marks all over everywhere so I'm holding this guinea pig inside me and right then some guy comes up from the street and he goes hey hey hey I saw what happened out there with with the bustling whatever she goes that you were rubbed and I was like what they go yeah that that was a team I saw that happen that old lady that guy who pushed behind you that's if you had anything your back pocket it's gone and I was like and I only had stuff in my front pocket and I was like whoa it was just the thing they saw they clocked me from a block they'll like do the thing I mean I said who you and then they just went for you yeah they'd push them they were like pushing at my pot luckily I had I it's not like I don't keep in some of my back pocket but wow I just didn't that day so I'm holding this in there and she goes okay here's what we got to do now after about two two or three hours of holding it in two or three hours yeah yeah and she's talking to me and I'm like where did you learn witchcraft from my mom and me and my sister I'm a lose and I'm a lose too and we learned it from my mom we're Bolivians we're refugees from Bolivia and I was like going to Machu Picchu and say like I've been we've been many times we crossed over Machu Picchu to get here and and she's like okay and she goes and so then after it she goes okay so now take out this guinea pig and it's like and and she puts this like juice on me that's like this like stuff and she's like putting your hands smell it and then she does all this stuff she takes like these like leaves but she leaves puts a juice on there and she says I thought she said like keep this with you like but she was saying my Spanish was so so by that she was she was pretty much saying take it and then she starts whipping me whipping my bare chest with this fucking juice on on on these like branches yeah I was like take this and I was like yeah I can take it with mainly there was like no take it and then just I was like ah fuck fuck fuck she had all these weird fucking symbols two two swords that she would go like that on my chest my back she would like what's your name what's your last name what's your father's name open your hands when I say that she repeated my dad's name over and over again and then she rubbed the she was like so this guinea pig depending on how bad the curse is will live or not but it's going to take your curse from you if it's not that powerful it'll be fine and she starts squealing she's rubbing it on my head she's going all over and then and then it's just dead it just died yeah she's rubbing it on me and it died this is a bad curse she goes this curse is bad and I said did this happen in late January of 2019 right around when a beloved Laker died because I think I know when I got this curse and she said no I don't know when you got it but she said this curse was not meant for you you stepped in it it seems like a very arey thing what the step the stepping step in the curse yeah holy fuck so anyway so she goes okay that's bad no meat today no coffee tomorrow uh you got to come back tomorrow we got to do another one she goes this one's it was a talk it's a big one and my sister's going to be here tomorrow and we can we can do this together I thought about it and I said yeah she goes you need another kui treatment and you need a frog treatment and you need to read your egg so she goes I can do the egg right now let's see she cracked an egg in water all these like tendrils come out she goes these are jealous eyes on you um these and these first of all real or not it was so fucking cool yeah it's cool so I was like okay she goes no meat tomorrow no meat today um you can't have meat tomorrow and I was like hey I I have reservations that are really expensive restaurant and there's going to be meat and this is a once in a trip thing to eat at this restaurant a top restaurant in the world can we do this in two days she goes yeah absolutely go eat your meat yeah come back in two days came back in two days another frog in a bag in my chest another black and he picked a much bigger one does the whole same thing frog died pretty quick Jesus yeah but that was because it was in a plastic bag okay for about the guinea pig guinea pig state alive was much calmer was a big one I knew how to swathe it and like calm it and stuff the first one tried to get out through my to my arm and you know I had this like medine jersey which was I was fine as shit in my pocket like little guinea pig pellets like it was just pooping and shit yeah anyway so then this one whatever she goes okay we got it she goes let's discover more and and she did my egg reading she got the frog said something about the frog trucks at the fucking garbage unceremoniously then she's like let's find this does the same thing with the swords with the with the bead and stuff and like hits me with a take it I'm like all right a right hold on um and then he said it was fucking wild and then she said let's rub it let's find out where this was and she's rubbing the big give me a score like and then she goes to my left leg and it starts really fucking freaking out yeah she goes weird and then she goes to my right leg and then she goes he dead and she goes that's where you step then your right leg Jesus yeah and then she cuts it open with a razor cuts the the skin of the guinea pig open with a razor and this thing pops out where the belly button with the just skin like peeled away skin where now it's just like in between skin and like yeah just pops out like that she goes that's there it took it it took it you're good she goes I'm gonna give you some charms I want you to keep these with you for about a year um they'll protect you and I'm gonna take a picture of you and I mean my sister are gonna pray over it on her table because you seem cool it's you have to you do you believe all this I don't know no no I mean maybe no I don't know but it's like but she goes you're good now here's the curses lift it wasn't meant for you don't worry about it but I mean if anything it's a cool it's worth just the let's go story I would look at someone else doing it I watched two guinea pigs die it was awesome I don't think anybody eating those you can't eat this one yeah and then yeah no coffee no no so you did it you follow the instructions yeah yeah for a day it was like sure okay that's wild let me ask you I had this question even in the lobby how do you think about packing for something like a trip like this that's an excellent question that's a legit question that anyone going for more than whatever everything's got to be multipurpose explain that what does multipurpose mean these shoes I I had these before like these won't work so I left them here in America and I just picked them up again I need shoes that could be good for hiking but dark enough color or I could wear to a restaurant okay you know I mean if I went out somewhere nice same with like the pants yeah so it's like you can't jeans or too heavy so I can have one pair of jeans because I don't mind jeans I like them but not not too they're too heavy you're gonna be this was different the Southeast Asia was one climate this was many and he's gets cold yeah yeah and then I was chasing the sun I was it was a solstice the solstice trip so I went to to Barrow Alaska for the summer solstice 24 hours of sunlight you did June 21st yeah six all while polar bear and then I was at the tip of so I was here June 21st here December 21st how was being at the tip at the bottom there warmer no actually that was warmer not 24 hours of sunlight because that's higher up than this is low yeah it was very cool very cool yeah and I took some rocks from the ocean here how how's Patagonia is that amazing I sent pictures to Neonah she was like what's going on I was like here just as I'm driving I got a camper van yeah and just drove around the camper van I'll just take a picture through the windshield because that's a magazine cover yeah it's gorgeous and then you get to the Argentinian side in his hell and then back into how because it's all desert and high winds the driving is crazy you also did did you go to Carnival I finished a carnival how was that so fun is it is a party right it's just like it's a party what I found out was well I'll get back to packing the second yeah yeah yeah sorry when I found out was when I was like I'm thinking because I'm I'm kind of come back around now I'm going to launch my show the end available right now at ymhstudios.com $25 help me realize my dream also get something amazing I was like I'll come back I think February 2nd or I was like oh it's been six months I feel good it's time to get back but I was like fuck I'm here just out of Uruguay and Carnival is in like two weeks I'm like I got to stay for this yeah celebrate this trip so in Uruguay I'm out of Brazilian ladies like with thinking of going to Rio she goes fuck Rio that's not the one to go to that's commercial that's all VIP areas and fucking upsells yeah yeah there's five other Carnival's that are amazing she goes Salvador's number one The CFA number two The CFA oh Linda is like it's like the real like local block parties with like these puppets and like it's crazy So that's when I picked It's just partying everyone's in a good mood everyone's part learn how to dance freebo dancing Yeah following these bands around it everyone's just people are making out like you pass by Yeah, yeah, that's a gay area and they are wild I Mean full talk like you're talking with your friend like Grab your nipple Anyway, so then we're gonna like that. I was saying you can end up by just saying that they fucking live Brazil's the gayest country I've ever been to really yeah, yeah, the gays are the gays the gays are the gays There's just too many of not too many I should repeat that so many of them You know people say that about your car into So Okay, wait, wait, so for packing we get multi-purpose We get cubes at your friend cube. Yeah, cubes are amazing. They shrink stuff down Yes, so you go like this you put them in the thing and then there's another zipper and it just compacts everything So it got everything heavier, but you could fit stuff in okay? You can't buy anything. There's no space Every time I had a pack to move it was like a fucking 40-minute process of getting everything I know the puzzle here the big packing. Who was at the bottom then my shoes this way with my burnt flip flops Opposite push that way and then like and then like the toiletries are right the top It's just like it's a mess every time to mess, but if you buy a shirt you got a dump a shirt There's just no space. Yeah So it's two pairs of shoes and flip flops and then you bring cable chargers things like that So because this was a bit different than Southeast Asia. I brought Some stuff if I needed to film If I met somebody then I wanted to film a podcast with them. You bring an iPad or a laptop to no laptop Okay, did all my editing for the end before I left finished it and said I'm leaving this here and I was like worked really hard Did not have to bring that laptop. Yeah wait alone, but also connection. Yeah So I just brought so any was like we talked about it. He got me the coolest fucking I'm telling you got you have hired some great people. Yeah He was like all right. You want to go remote We had a thing that feeds right into an iPhone and we talked about it He was like you don't want to do a three-camera thing not out there. You don't want to carry around two more iPhones Do one everyone understand you're in the middle of nowhere. You're getting a just a double Yeah, you know, okay fine. So I had one Phone camera that I didn't use as a phone until I dropped this in real dire real water Real that it was like there's a moment when you drop your phone into something gross We like and this was the worst and I'm like I got to get it. It was like no And then stopped working pretty fast Yeah, so I only brought that and like a charger for it. Do you look back on this trip and have a like Favorite place. Is there a favorite place? It was like favorite place per country. Yeah, yeah, so I did a Walking tour of Santa Marta or somewhere in El Salvador with this guy who had left and come back and he was like I can show you the sights whatever and he stopped and he goes hey you guys I can show you all the sights on supposed to show you or you can ask me real questions We go to a coffee shop where I know nobody listens. You got to be real shit and we're all like yeah the real shit one Yeah, it was so interesting. He was like look around. There's no men between 20 and 40 here I was sent to Guatemala and came back all my friends are in jail or dead. I Left at 12. They're all gone Wow, he goes there's no men but we are the lost generation and I was like how is that for you? He goes I fuck constantly now I'm the only one good perspective. Oh great perspective Did you have most dangerous place of all this? I'll solve it or super safe Medine getting stories later of a lot of people at hostels getting robbed or their friends getting robbed in Medine I realized like I got lucky got lucky with that guy. Yeah Did you have a best meal Like of all central was up there. Yeah, but The Mexico food you loved you said there's a guy in Lima who runs up like an Airbnb who used to work at a At maybe central somewhere else and goes. I don't want to do that anymore. It just likes to travel and He's like, but I want to have communal meals here and He would make these like super high-end. No, sorry. Kusko. It was Kusko. Yeah Meals and it was so cool and you meet other travelers. There's a hostel in Guatemala where they have communal dinners And so it's like right this table go this table go and everyone just talks about places you've been and everyone meets Meet's up on the idea of travel and then people at that place in in a Guadalupe like Bolivia's the spot When you meet people like that do people ever go like oh, you're already severe. Okay. Yeah, okay Couple things once in a while. Yes, and What a weapon that was for social really I ran those places. Oh once they were like once they realized that a couple of them And then they would tell the rest it'd be like let's go policies. We're drinking. Oh, and it was all cool people They're all out traveling for a while. It's not somebody bother me. What I thought what I'm having dinner with my dad You know, yeah, it's like all doing the same stuff. We're in we're in Fuck whatever that town is in Peru where it's all like it's like desert and then it's like unawasus Maybe it doesn't matter. I'll bleep that out anyway And these Australians are there and one guy from New Zealand recognize me and he goes what's your name? I'm like, you know what the fuck my name is? Yeah, what are you doing here? I might heard there a And you're one you're like come drink with us. Yeah, so Australians are also a weapon at a hostel Yeah, you find an Australian hang and so I saw these two and they're from I think Brisbane and they were like you've ever been I was like and I just know certain references like Like a state of origin. I was like, yeah, Maroon's rule blues drool and Louis what the fucking carrot cartoon? Uh-huh. Yeah, you go big les go state of origin and blue and then it's like you're in and Then every time I saw them get up to leave and I was like, I know what you fucking Australians are doing and then I followed them in and I just kicked the door open And they're like, what I'm like, you give me some of that blow right now So we're doing fucking rails in the desert. Jesus Christ these guys hiked up this desert and they're doing rails the whole way up These fucking Australians rule so hard. So that was a weapon. Here's the other cool thing. Hmm. Yeah, it was like I got to This Louis cats like that's my favorite there were a couple people Simon sent on me about a place because that's my favorite city in the world And then Louis cast one way like that's my favorite city in the world Bleep out the name of that and then um and then So I get there and then one guy recognizing this kid Ben or Vegas and he goes I put my shit down I'm always like nervous socially around strangers and he goes oh, hey What are you doing here? But cool enough and goes well we're all going out to this outdoor concert. You want to come? I was like yes, yeah, and I'm out socializing within 25 minutes We're out watching the fucking Beyonce of Brazil. So it's like a bitch. It's a good like It's a lubricant. Yeah, yeah, it's like a lubricant. So there's that But then there's also these times where people who don't know you at all and it comes up like what do you do? What are you you're familiar? What are you doing in New York? And I try to avoid it usually like I hang out with friends like see movies get high walk around They'll usually drop up and then sometimes people persist. Yeah, like but no, what do you do for work? And so Like I'm a stand-up comedian bro You know sometimes you're just like oh what am I doing? This is like a tough the reaction you get from a stranger Doesn't know you at all. Yeah, they're like What What do you mean? Yeah, that's a hobby. I'm like no, it's my job and like What that's the coolest thing I've ever heard and you just do that in New York like and all over the country and the world You you make a living how well you like decades look at you sometimes they will like and they're like no you actually do this Yeah, and I'm like yeah, and it just kind of reinvigorates you I'm like yeah We have the coolest job in the fucking world. Can you I don't know if I can I wanted to show you this I forgot to send this to you. I was flying home. Yeah. Oh here we go. I don't know if you can see it This is the guy sitting next to me. Yeah And that's what's on his no way. Yeah, he's watching my special special special. Yeah, that's crazy, but also notice He's dead asleep. He's asleep. Yeah, he couldn't just let that go. I was like that's a good moment. You're like no, that's not what I showed you. I I did I took that photo and then I look and then he would come up and then he would like I'd watch him and he go That's cool. He finished years then he put on Jordans Jensen's yeah, wow nice. I was like, hey, look at me man Story check out most stories first. It's a it's a it's a five special arc start now Um, it's a favorite place is tough because it's like there were so many cool places the town that Simon's who told me about was like I went there for two days. Stay for 10. Yeah, the town that Louie Caslan about went for like three days stay for two weeks Did you go to an Uruguay? Did you go to put on a list there? Or did you go to like Montevideo? Montevideo first Cool town, but it was kind of deserted because it was summer and everyone's at the beach. Yeah, it was at the beach They have the story of this of Che Guevara talking to the leader of of And Cascio talking to the leader of Uruguay. So we want to start a revolution there And there's a beloved leader who actually died while I was. there I think or maybe there maybe it was his day I don't remember exactly an old leader and then he goes I don't know revolutionary work here or not but I will tell you it won't work in the summer because everyone's at the beach that's hilarious yeah and it was kind of deserted and then I went to this so I started a list of recommendations that anyone I met any liftee from Argentina at a ski left and I was like what's a cool spot then they go like oh Buenos Aires I'm like no no what's a bar that you know about yeah and like oh okay or a hike or something and I would mark it on google maps saying some liftee from fucking sugar bowl telling about this place some whatever the very first one I got was outside the cell of this uruguay guy because I know a beach with there's no electricity and you just go there and just decompress and I was like okay it was a first recommendation I got it was so fucking cool that's cool see lines everywhere and just like hippie man that place ruled okay I'm gonna ask you this don't don't think just give me your first response okay hottest chicks Brazil okay the butts dude the butts aren't even shaped the same way they're just I think bathing suits that you get here wouldn't work there too many and then they're playing soccer you know that soccer game where everyone's in a circle keeping it up they're fucking nines yeah they just testing it pop it up doing it like I don't know it's over your over your shoulder like no that's potential just taking it back perfectly yeah I'm just trying to fucking jerk out of them yeah oh my god um all right uh I gotta run oh fuck okay but this is um this is probably a two-parter you should do another yeah maybe yeah yeah there's a lot to yeah maybe from here um it ruled though it was such a good way to get lost I do listen yeah I I am jealous if I got sick I'm like I know I was supposed to go today I'll go in today yeah the pace with which you can do that I think that would make anybody kind of jealous to be honest the way that that you've done this and continue to do it do you have you marked where the next adventure will be like if you're gonna do a multi-month thing I mean I've so Asia's been calling me again for so long but the stands actually are kind of interesting the good in the bad yeah and then like uh Julio Galerati the comic travels all these Afghanistan all these places really gets his hands dirty and it finds out it's not as bad as you think I'm not trying that but like Tajikistan shit like that might be cool Mongolia roads is always telling me to go but there are also some places here that were like what they have a festival they throw fireballs at each other you gotta go I miss that so then I'm like I started a calendar list approved got that fighting one too where it's like it's um you I forget it's one of it's in the andy somewhere yeah one of the smaller places where it's like the way they start the new year is you have to leave your grievances from last year behind so you you hand a hand combat the person who you have a problem with they just they just fight yeah and then they're like all right now it's like a celebration and Ecuador they have something similar but they burn effigy or something they stick yeah we in real clothes they stick your your I I've done it since then every year for five six years you stick your I want to forgive this person or get him out of my brain you put him in that pocket you light up the effigy and then it just goes dude outside Sal's place once and I got really stuffed it with straw and stuff and I was like you guys want to go do it everyone's like no and I was like so I went out there myself and you got to jump over it at midnight three times but it it's a five foot two doll that we lit on fire it's that nylon and the cops came pretty quickly yeah calls were like they're burning someone alive yeah yeah and then they come say what the fuck I'm like I I know I saw some guys and she kind of chased him away yeah and they're cool all right cool let's put that on all right I'll do another part of this guys in like in a little bit I'll get someone else because O'Neill came to Visamy Ryan O'Neill and we went to Machu Picchu together you like it yeah it's incredible Jacob Aura we listened in Patagonia I listened to like the motorcyclist and the cool thing was he was naming cities that I've now been to yeah Abankai Peru no one had been there I stopped there for a night to like get used to the altitude and I'm like really get like I know all these places referencing and he talked about Kusko as like the gem of the it's amazing it's amazing and Machu Picchu's mind blowing three times wow yeah yeah yeah I think every time you go you're like yeah you're up there you can't believe that it's built in the mountain you're like what do you mean how do they do how do they do that all the things too when but they go here's how they did like oh did you talk to someone like you it's all you're guessing dude yeah the ink architecture it was like so check over our talks about it where he's like they'd be an earthquake all the christian shit they put on top but fell the ink a shit remained and then they'd like rebuild the christian shit on top earthquake that's all false the ink a shit stays so me and O'Neill doing a whole episode about Machu Picchu down the road because we got into some adventures too but first of all when I'm coming back some things that have hit me one is that I mean is like the level of capitalism I didn't realize was like oh my god it's creating me and then the certain joys of like not having to like press my lips down in the shower to close them all right for fear of a drop getting in there yes I mean brushing with sink water is like I remember the emphasis they used to tell me was like when I would go down just spend like I suspend my summers in Lima and I'll be like you know 13 14 they're like remember no ice no ice yeah see yellow see yellow me and body Kelly went to Cuba yeah there's the only phrase I taught him seeing yellow but no this trip no how was Cuba awesome but we had a hurricane that knocked out power for three days oh yeah that'll fuck up a trip but also fun when the power came out gone as a dancing yeah yeah but coming back and trying to re-imiliate myself into like certain things are just like like the mothership green room like there's too much political talk in this room I can't handle this it's not even I agree or disagree I'm like I don't like the subject yeah yeah it's too much um but just like did you write stand-up thoughts down unfortunately and sadly I didn't think about stand-up after about a week is that all sort of but also I've done it in Southeast Asia I realized the first time and I was like it's gonna happen again here if I'm not around clubs I don't think about it but now you're back into it and so now I'm taking all this stuff instead of trying to like transpose it instantly I'm like let it simmer yeah simmer and now it's like let it come out I'm not even back on stage it I'm like let me figure out what I want to talk about um but also I'm I'm I don't know what I'm into until I realize you're like honestly this is gonna sound so gay just seeing your face like it was like there's a level of joy that I'm like that's a friend that I just haven't seen let's get to see you too but yeah and I'm my part of me was like where's the rest of them yeah yeah and then like you just like yeah you see certain people like oh it's fun it's fun to see your friends dude and all the the emails I have to return that shit is all gone and it's all fresh and you just get to your emotions you know Bart lost like like a thousand pounds no zero chance he did he's been yeah doing the shots yeah let me ask you a question how does it feel to do this and get full sentences out it's a blast wow cool cool it's really cool you mean you mean to not do therapy sessions as a podcast and how are you feeling today we'll get right back to it we're just gonna give a pad of paper but like if you have a thought just write down the time with Timmy and then listen yeah yeah yeah yeah oh because we're doing I was when I did travel channel because I wanted to get to your thing in a second when I was in Brazil you're like I thought I did this trip I'll do a second part of this with with Ari Maddie and and maybe Tony too but like Tony's on the show one more time on the show first of all thank you very much Tom your special came and went you're one of the few emails I found because I knew them and I was like I I don't know what I was looking up yeah put out your episode or something and I was like oh no I looked at like if you've played here at all yeah or if you were in Latin I think that's what it was I was looking if you're in Latin America I was like maybe I'll meet up with you yeah yeah and then it was like I'm taping a special next week I was like what so I got your email and I was like hey good luck that's right yeah yeah yeah um but gone the special came and went and now we're oh yeah what's your name of your special teacher yes please watch out on Netflix please thank you one more time and then and then bad thoughts season two it's coming it's coming out I can say that we wrapped and we're in post it's coming out soon when okay okay okay see someone was so fucking funny and I was talking to someone about it and it was like this is Tom Segura's happy place this kind of humor it's exactly you it's not making jokes at a sponsoring that's fine too but like this is exactly like as dark and and retarded as you want to get yeah yeah it's unwritten un held back and and I think this this new season is a is a step up really yeah yeah yeah yeah more comfortable now you know your show right after one this by the way is um I wanted to show you I do play an Argentine guy in this in one of them that's an Argentine guy yeah yeah that's a goucho yeah yeah oh Argentina that's um I have uh - Oh, yeah, I'm not going, and that's his Cuban wife. - You chick, yeah. - For beating each other up. - Yeah. (laughing) - I did pick up this with Virginia, and I can't let it go. - I could tell. - I cannot let it go. I haven't had coffee in a month and a half. - Yeah, that's good. - And somebody said I'm like, "Ooh, okay, just strangers." Noice. - All right. - The end. - The end. - Is presale now? - Tell your friends, it's out of April 16th, but presale now. Own it for a year, I think. Stream it for a year. For 2499, the lineup is fucking crazy. Thank you for doing it. Thank you for putting it together. - I'm so happy to do it. - I legitimately could not have done this without you. - Dude, I'm so happy that what we got to do this, I think you had an amazing people to do it. The product, like what it is, is incredible. - And one thing I love too, when I used to do this, not happening, is eventually it was my guys. It was every year as my guys. I got them all mushrooms one year. I bought pounds of mushrooms and divvy them up. And the safety person was, I was like, "Hey, do you do mushrooms?" 'Cause I know what you're doing, you can't do this in front of me. And I was like, "Fair." But having all the YMH guys do stuff was like, it really was a family thing. - It's a family thing. - Which I just like making stuff with people better, but everybody fucking killed. The stories, people like really tried hard. And it was like, it was so cool. - You got a great. - Episode one is called "Natorious." It's you, me, and Column Terrell. - Yeah. - You guys are gonna love Column's story. There's, there's, yeah, they're all just like, we have Sam Town stories. Oh, just all of them, Jordans. - Incredible. - Yeah. - Incredible lineup, like I said, it looks amazing. The stories are great. - And we're going director, you guys, to the fans. - Yeah, we went around. - Around all of it. I told Zonkin what we were doing, it was the new model. - Yeah, he's right. It's gonna be by the way. You're gonna see more of this in TV, film, everything. - Just the new model. Like, well, she goes straight to the guys. And then there's no notes. There's no, and not a single, no. When we started this not happening on YouTube, there was a Kingsley, was the guy, person in charge, but the YouTube was like, do what you want. And so she goes, these have stories have to be about two minutes. And we were like, no, 20. And she was like, well, I don't know. Speed at Kingsley, and she was like, all right. And luckily, she didn't put her foot down. - Yeah. - And this has the same thing we did in our way. - Stories that people just tell the story they want to tell. - Some of it's like, bad things. - Yeah. - It's exciting. - Your story was illegal. - Yeah, I almost got in a lot of trouble. - Yeah. - So, yeah, anyway. The end, get it right now at a discount and get the whole season 24 and wait. - 14, 20. - Yeah, that's fucking, all right. That might be too much of a discount, actually. - Oh boy. You're gonna have these guys get it. - We might have to, wait, 25, let's see. - And now you guys get to be the guy meditating and go like, you're already fucking said. - Yeah. - It's 350 an episode. That's kind of retarded. All right, well, all right, whatever. - That is what it is, man. It's out there now. Congratulations. - Thank you. - Welcome back. - Thank you. - America, baby. - America. - But I love you. Say hi to the wife. - Love you too. - Yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause you're dead. - Oh, yeah. (laughing)