Ari Matti Goes To Barcelona, Spain | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Good morning, Trippers. Welcome to a brand new episode of You Be Trippin'. The sun is as light as my spirits. A bit cloudy. Today we've got Ari Matti back on today's episode. He is probably, maybe the most returning guest of this podcast. He's a great traveler. In stand-up comedy, he's one of the best in terms of travel. He's also absolutely hilarious. And today, he's going to be talking about Barcelona. Guys, if you want to support the show, there's no better way to do it than click subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. If you're on Spotify, hit the subscribe button right now so you'll be notified of new episodes coming out all the time. And if you're on YouTube, do the same thing. Click the like button, leave a comment. It's the best way to support this show and it's the best way for you to be notified when new episodes come out. But right now, look no further than Ari Matti, Barcelona. Let's start. That is an Eastern European or like poor country like Cuba. I saw like just a thrown out like baby stroller. Some guy's like fixing the wheels. And it's like, well, you can't get a new baby stroller. So like. I'll just make this one work. Yeah. That's that straw. No, no, I'll figure it out. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's travel show, yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's you'll be tripping, yeah. Okay, so. Yeah, let's talk about all that stuff. This is a good idea. It's a good one for it because it's like a setup of it. I do like types of travel. Uh-huh. Something that's just like. Like. Melania Vayntrub. She did like. And who's the big Irish comic? Older. Colin. Tommy. Tommy Tiernan. Tommy Tiernan. So those two went for like aid work stuff, which is like a type of travel too. Yeah. Oh. You know, sometimes it's like. Or musical travel. Like I'm going to go see Queens of the Stone Age in Sweden. So like it's a reason to go do something. And then one of them is you just get the last flight back after COVID. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I have. I have. Yeah. And so that's where you're set. And I've heard all these stories and you've heard all these stories. Yeah. Uh-huh. And then we can get to you. But like my favorite couple was. One was like this guy missed the last flight out of Vietnam. Uh-huh. And he just didn't get there. And he's like, fuck. Well, they were like, hey, we got about three days left to get back if you're going to get back. And then it's like one day left and then he just didn't get it. And he goes, fuck. What the fuck am I going to do? And then it hit him. He's like, oh, I'm in Vietnam. I'm going to live on $12 a day in Vietnam. Yeah. He's like, oh, my God. This is the best possible place to be. So funny, dude. Yeah. One of Bert's employees got stuck in Turks and Caicos. Whoa. No tourists. Yeah. Just him. Uh-huh. This chick. Uh-huh. And another chick. And they started having threesomes every night. And like free diving in a place that should be overrun with tourists because it's so beautiful. And he's like, it's just ours for two months. Are we already recording? Yeah, I think so. Should we? Yeah. Yeah. They're running. Everyone's eating in the booth. What about you? What have you heard about? Well, like a great one like that. Oh, so. Oh, well, I had a dear friend, Andrew Packer. He's a Canadian comedian. Uh-huh. He was with his. Fudge Packer. I got him. Okay. Great one. He was in Indonesia on one of the islands. And you know Indonesia ran like a crazy dictator. He was on the island. He proposed to his girlfriend on the island. Okay. And then COVID came full lockdown. He was on an island for eight months because they shut it down so much that they were like, you ain't going nowhere. And same thing. First week panic sets in with the fuck you're calling upon. We can't get home. And then you realize I'm on this and all the tourists are gone. So every time I, you know, I'm going to get to know people. And at the time I'm in Estonia, I'm not going back to Canada. I stand up is dying. And I'm stressed. Everyone's stressed. You know, we can't even record podcast, no live events. And then I check in with him and he's like, yeah, I learned how to get a coconut. You know, like I took a class. How do I get a coconut? Wow. And it's a real crazy like way to test your relationship to you're on this fucking island. But same thing. Free diving every day. And then at some point he started doing like open mics with the same because there were like 18 other foreigners. And he goes, let me entertain you. Yeah. So like he started doing like a weekly open mic. Where he recaps what the fuck is going on with COVID. Oh, what a way to get like some like some sets. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Some crazy. Just to get this off my chest. The same comedic way. And then other people. What do you got for us today? Yeah. Yeah. And it was crazy. Yeah. During COVID, it was like crazy how some people got stuck. Some people, like you said before recording, move back with their parents. Yeah, I moved back with my parents. I love that. And it was like, we're talking about it. It's not, it's not a COVID thing. It's just COVID set it to this place where you can be like, what was it like as an adult? As an adult living with my parents for three months. And we're actually really getting to know them as an adult. Forget why I got there. Yeah. You know what I mean? If I decided to do that right now, it'd still be the same experience. And we'd go on walks every day because you couldn't go to anything. It was all perfect. And then there was the time, I remember when things slowly started opening up. You started hearing stories about what's happening. Then all the backpacker communities start talking, you know, where to go. Because yeah, Indonesia, Thailand, they were so strict with the, you know, in Thailand, they were like caning people off the street. Whoa. You know? so that's like too much you know yeah but people found their little pockets and in europe i don't know about you but as soon as i heard you can get a vaccine to travel again i was like first in line because i knew as soon as i started not a lot of people doing it i was like oh fuck now it's exclusive get me on that plane oh yeah no one at the airport no one at the airport is great middle seat forget it's wide open your whole dude i would fly in empty airplanes for a bit it was the best it was the best yeah because it's funny how as soon as something like money can do that too you know when you make enough money it's not it's it's like uh it's like in texas there's barton springs you know yeah i love it i love it yeah i live right next to it there's the paid side and there's the free side uh-huh i go to the paid side just to have a filter and there's a little more space yeah they tell people to put their blue five bucks exactly it's only five bucks and they act a little more human just a little yeah and i love that just to show you what a better life it is if you keep on mexicans yeah and as soon as it's true i mean the other side the free side they're with their dogs the dogs all the dogs are in the water they're taking a shit they're all getting the algae poisoning yeah but then sometimes you'll be on the paid side you look over the you look over the fence yeah sometimes it is a little more fun they're having fun they're having fun they're having a good time yeah you look over the fence and you're like maybe i should go over there like nah yeah you could just go over there but you're like nah yeah it's a great a french comedian used to have a joke about how it was such a funny joke about like climbing a mountain how he goes mountain when you climb a mountain the whole time you're at the bottom you're like man i wish i was up there and then when you get up there you look down and you're like man it's so beautiful down there nice it's pretty fucking deep dude yeah it's a very deep like i like that and it's like just like everything is like that you know when you get to a point then you always look back and you're like man it was beautiful back there Welcome to You Be Trippin', everybody. It's a travel podcast. Welcome to We Might Be Traveling. We Might Be Traveling. We might be drunk on this, on the episode here. We talk about stuff. But every week we go to different places, different trip people took. So if you've listened before, you know what it is. It's not a, what's the word where everything's correct? Punctual. Nah. Anyway. But wait, we talk about a place now. And my guest today is the Estonian assassin. You're beginning to look more and more like a shaman every day. It's crazy. You like this? You're almost, yeah, totally complete. Handmade, that shirt. Handmade. Misha, designer. Fucking made it for me. He went into a manic depressive state and I came out with a free shirt. I love how some people go into manic depressive state, they make a nice shirt, and some people drown their kids. Isn't this wild hand painted? It's so fucking crazy. It's so specific. I told you I can't wear jeans like this too and I'm like, I can't pull it. Danny could pull those off. Danny Brown could pull those off. We met through Danny. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay, yeah. Anyway, everybody, please subscribe wherever you're watching and listening. Get those numbers up so you get reminded also of new episodes coming out. But today, Ari Matty, a comedian in Austin that I met before anyone probably in America. Yeah. In America, for sure. Definitely in the Austin scene. Definitely. Met in. Not Phnom Penh, Siem Reap or Phnom Penh? Siem Reap. Siem Reap, yeah. Siem Reap, yeah. A city most people haven't even heard of in Cambodia. Is the guest today. What's up, Ari? What's up? So what are we going to talk about today? Spain and how you got locked in there? Yeah, I was thinking. Well, we were talking before about that, how COVID, it created a new parameter for traveling. Yeah. It's like. Like I thought about this, you know, if like. If like. 9-11s happened around the world, like a coordinated attack and air. Commercial air travel had to be taken down for like a year just to revamp the whole system because it's so dangerous now and they would have to like close down airspace. You know how they did with that volcano in Iceland? You know, in Europe, that was like. It was like three weeks. I was in a high school though, so it didn't really bother my life. But I always. I think my next step in traveling is I want to take a boat. Boat travel. Because, you know, that would disappear with. If you can't fly. you gotta do the boat what's wrong this is lukewarm hey niana You can help me out. What needs to be hot? Dude, you're such a shaman. It's crazy. Yeah, this is not hot. Yeah, take another sip. Get it hotter. Thank you. Thank you. That seemed rude. Get it hotter. Boat travel would be cool. Yeah, I mean, that's like. I met an Italian. You know how you meet these certain travelers when you're out and you're like, you're doing it way better than me and I'm looking up to you right now. That's what I've. I have a few friends of mine who've done the full. I think it takes about 13 months to do the full around the world. There's a certain. If you hit lots of. Yeah, there's a certain place that. There's certain ports that they go through. It's like a known thing that the community does. And the way you experience the world, you know, because air travel is such a new thing for us as a culture. When you land, you don't feel like you're in the country yet. No, 100% not. Because every airport's about the same. And it's like magic, you know. It's like a portal. You don't feel connected to the land you're traveling through. Commercial air travel has been around like. There's going to be Mrs. Fields, even if you're Medellin. Species-wise? Yeah. I think we're literally like the second generation to commercially, comfortably, constantly travel or for work. Maybe third generation. Maybe, right? Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For work, yeah. Yeah. Maybe third, probably second. So it's such a new thing. But when you're on a boat and you're reaching. You're on a shore after weeks on the ocean, that's a feeling that's in our DNA for thousands of years. Right. Discovering. That's. The odyssey, right? And you're using the elements to go around the world, the globe. You're on the globe. You're not using this magical bullshit portal. I'm just now getting this memory of being in Indonesia and going to an island. Flores, I think. And it's an overnight whatever. You got to sleep with your head on this backpack. Because you're like, I don't want anybody to steal it. On the fishing boat or whatever. It's a ferry, but it's like. Yeah. But it's like whatever. And it's like they're going to steal it and like trying to get some overnight. And then you're in the morning, you're talking to the backpackers and whatever. And then you see the land finally. Wow. And that's just a one day. But you're like, it's coming. We're about to be on Flores Island. Yeah. And you have to use wind, all that shit. And you're so disconnected. And also, you know, it's not like. It's a magic traveling with a backpack and all that. But imagine if you have a base, with all your drugs, all your shit, like on the boat. Oh, wow. So you have your own base all the time. You know, you have your little space. Yeah, a bottle of whiskey. And you're so secluded. There could be a fucking volcano, 9-11, canceled, COVID. You're on the boat. Yeah, there was another one I heard about where people were like sailing. Oh, yeah. And when COVID happened, and they get back four weeks later, everyone's like, can't dock yet. Like, oh, why? Yeah. Well, the outbreak. Like, outbreak of what? And you're like, oh, you just didn't get any of the anger. The way you experience a city when you're like, let's say you're on the boat and you get to fucking. You come to a port. You come to a port. Which is different. You just step off. And I love those. You get your bag and you walk into the city. I love that. That, trains and buses too. You're like in the city and now like, here I am. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So this Italian girl, she was on a boat later. That's where I met her, on Flores Island. We just took a trip to Komodo and stuff. And she was learning, she was learning Bahasa. She was trying to get words. And I was like, what are you doing? She goes, yeah, I'm going to, I'm trying to learn the language here. I'm like, Bahasa? Yeah. That's great. You don't speak it anywhere else. Thank you, dear. And like, she's like, yeah, everywhere I go, I learn some language. So she got on a transatlantic boat. She's like, I'll volunteer for food and then I get to sail across the Atlantic. Uh-huh. Helped this guy. It was like eight people on the boat. And it was like, yeah, I'll just like cook meals. Sailing, right? Yeah, sailing. Sailing. Now that's awesome. And you have to be a part, you know, to do those trips because during COVID, of course, I started looking into it. They've commercialized it too. You know, you don't need to, I can't be the guy, like my friends, they have boats. They know that shit. I don't know that much. So I can't go. So you can do these packages, but you still have to be part of the crew and be trained. That's cool. Because shit might go down. That's really cool. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's awesome. I was thinking that's, but. So why are we bringing that up? I sidetracked you. We were talking about how traveling, how something happens in the world and you need to adapt, you know, to that. How did this get to Barcelona? Was there a connection there? That I went to Barcelona during COVID. You did? From where? From Estonia? From Estonia. So you were in Estonia for how long then? I think I was like maybe like eight months of the first COVID. And then I went to Barcelona and then I went back when Estonia started opening up and you could do shows again. Oh, hey guys. This is the point in the podcast where I break in to let you know about what the guest is doing. And he's on the road. Ari Matty's on the road. You should check him out at arimatty.com. Providence, Houston, Sacramento. The Comedy Store in Los Angeles. Eugene, St. Louis. Tulsa, Wichita, Kansas City, Indianapolis. And now here's two big shows. Minneapolis to the Pantages and Chicago with the Vic. Those are called tester shows where his agents, his Jews, are testing to see if he's big enough to support a theater run. So go get tickets right now to Minneapolis to the Pantages or Chicago with the Vic for Ari Matty. I hope he fails because I hope he's back in clubs. It's the best. The best way to watch stand-up comedy is at clubs. That's what I'll be doing when I go tour. Also check him out on Instagram at arimattycomedy on Instagram. For myself, I've got nothing to promote except this, guys. I did a test. I did a four-week test where I demonetized myself on YouTube because I heard your complaints. I heard you guys saying that there's too many ads that YouTube was putting in. So I said, okay, I'm demonetizing. Let's test it. Let's see if you guys can throw in a couple bucks and it can make up close to the amount that I was making on YouTube revenue. I didn't. First of all, those of you who donated, I made over $350 in four weeks. Thank you very much. I appreciate your support. And YouTube lost revenue. I lost over $4,000. It was around $4,500. So that's over a year. That's one-fifth of my salary. So fuck off. The ads are going back in. Dude, I even went in there. YouTube goes, okay, you're demonetizing? We'll throw ads back in anyway. You can't go around us. We had to painstakingly go in there. Wait, Chris. Had to painstakingly go in there, remove every single one that they put back in and still I lost $4,500 in a month. So yeah, they're going back in. But guys, if you're looking for a way to watch this podcast that's seamless and it's ad-free, Spotify. That's what I figured out. It's not YouTube. YouTube's fine. The best way to watch it is Spotify. You can watch at home and you get in your car and it instantly just keeps playing. You can watch it work, go back to work, then it starts playing on video again. Guys, Spotify's the way to watch this podcast. It's the best, most seamless way Click right there, subscribe, and it'll alert you when I have new episodes, which is every week. I watch the Tottenham podcast every week and it tells me there's a new one, I get it, and I listen to it. This is video. You can watch video on there. It's Spotify, guys. But right now it's Barcelona. On Spotify or YouTube, it's your choice. But if you want to hear ads that YouTube puts in, go to YouTube and if you don't, go to Spotify. It's up to you. All right, Ari and Matty, Barcelona, let's go. By the way, sidetracking, now that I'm living in London closer with time, I want to head over to Estonia. Either give me some tips or come with. Bro, bro, bro, bro. I was there two months this summer. I bought this shirt for $1 on the island. Wow, what a fight. That's a $50 shirt here. More. 100%. I'm a fashionista. It's cocktail time. And I went to this, you know what I want to get back into too is festivals. Somehow with comedy and all that, the grind and all that, it just faded away from me Get back into it. Do some drugs. Get back into it. Oh, bro. I went to this one, Island Sound in Estonia. It's the most magical. It's around midsummer. So it's like. Light till 10 p.m., 11? No, it's all light. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. At midsummer in July, that week, the sun don't go down for us. Wow. Yeah, so it's. Oh, really? You're that high up? Mm-hmm. And you can go to these motherfucking parties all night. And then I went to this festival, Island Sound, and it's such a beautiful festival. It's on a little island in Estonia. It's got pictures, yeah. And it's called Orisara, or Island Sound. But you need to say Island Sound, not Island. You need to say I-land Sound. I know, it's all fucked up. Okay. It's the rapist, therapist. It's like that. It's a little joke. Helping people. Yeah. And it's open. And what I hate about festivals, I used to be a little traumatized by festivals because a lot of festivals, they do this thing where they look at it, look at it, look at it. Look, you're out on this like sound. And then we burn. You see that big thing burning? Every year, they burn a big fucking. Next year is 10-year anniversary of the festival, by the way. It's one of the. Look at this. And every year, they burn something. But you see that statue for four days. So you like watch it. There's like different. It's like a beautiful thing. And then the last day, we burn it down. What kind of music is here? Bum, bum, bum. Okay. And it's like eight different stages. It's crazy. You know, bush doof? No. What's bush doof? Bush doof is you get out into the bush. It's an Australian term for festivals. And you go doof, doof, doof, doof. So it's like that. Australians are so fucking stupid. Bush doofs. I see men kissing on the dance floor. You see that? What? You see that? Men kissing. No. He's like, you betrayed me. I'll never forgive you. Oh, maybe he's backstabbing. He's like, I'm going to kill you. As soon as mom's dead, I'm going to get you on a fishing boat and end you. And you see, it's by the water too. There's saunas, there's rituals, there's yoga, there's stretching, there's. there's food there's uh everything what time of year is this like oh it's mid-july 21st right around it's absolutely incredible i'm going you have to i'm going no no it's literally like the best festival you've ever been at i swear to god really and i've been to a lot and this one the vibes that that guy hit that guy who runs it pop he's a full-on lunatic of vibes the things he'll do to create vibes really oh it's crazy niana um go online and get to find zolo's credit card and get two tickets right actually get the whole staff get the whole yeah yeah someone distract zolo and then the other person get in there get his yeah use uh you all have to get vip tickets it's part of the divorce settlement yeah it's part of the settlement we're just trying to recover everybody has to go and do ketamine on an island yeah just so we can move forward as a studio we have to get a full reset by the way ketamine now yeah i'm not a snorting guy i've never been i hate that visual i hate how it looks i hate how it feels i hate all that i've never done it so i don't know how it feels but i just don't like but now they do ketamine with a nose spray bro spray interesting is my life normal or do i want to make it rick and morty he never talked like this before that i love it and we're in a cartoon my friend we're snort molly by mistake you just think everyone's doing blow yeah like oh so i'm like ow like what the fuck are you doing who's snort small i'm like i don't know it looked browner than i thought damn um and it's an open area of which which i know burning man gets a bad rap but i'm also interested in going one year just to experience it fully and i know it gets a bad rap but who gives a fuck um and i love that yeah duncan i know harland is a huge um i almost went with duncan once i was in his camp but then well man um and uh i land sound a lot of festivals what they do is they close you with these little fucking borders down you know like this little calendar yeah these little gates yeah you feel like you're sheep and herd you feel like you're heard you know but over there because it's so open you always have a place to go there's a forest stage that's so cool on the pier you can wander off have your own experience like i'm on mushrooms i don't want to be around the cokers dude on day three we still have a place to go we still have a place to go we still have a place to go we still have a place to go we still have a place to go we still kept finding new stages to go to in the woods that bob had 26 oh fuck anyway you found new stages yeah the exploring of some of these is so fun so fun i know it's so literally beautiful and then the burn yeah fire is a big thing for estonians so we burn a lot of shit down why it just feels so good it feels like you're leaving something in the past one time one time when uh you know about what ecuadorian new year one of the traditions tell me you get you take a mannequin pretty much it's like whatever put clothes on them stuff with hay you take your regrets or i forgot a researcher guy or people you want to forgive that you don't want to like because it's bothering you now you write their names down or the stuff you want to forgive yourself sure that's allowed okay you stuff that in a pocket um and you don't tell me you burn it and then jump over it at midnight three times we jump over the fire too really jumping over fire it's a big fucking thing uh man but i really like that you know what i might tell the organizer bob this idea and we might do that yeah that's a great idea i knew we can throw that in the how about we throw that in the fire the new year also midsommar kind of is the new year july 22nd is for the for the fucking you know spirits and shit that's when it starts day starts getting shorter now um wow dude i did it once at sal's here at the new year's party and i did it with sal and i really i made it myself and then i was like nobody wanted to go so i'm out there with myself jumping it um doing it and then i'm like watching it for a second and then the police showed up like we got a call someone's being burned alive and i was like oh yeah we saw him they ran away it's a ritual yeah it's me in the past you fucking pig um now i'm just you with your shirt there like relax it's me it's you get down get the fuck down hey it's a new year tonight's the actual new year if you think about the spirit yeah so i like that a lot yeah yeah we're very like with fire too i gotta go to estonia you really put it in my head so beautiful and you take a sauna every day there's a big communal sauna that fits 90 people there and then there's a small one and you can swim like everywhere at any point in the party you can jump into the water and it's totally acceptable there's so many points to swim you can just get a little refresh wow yeah can you look up can you look up uh a dude full penetration on another dude it's my comfort no thanks okay um wow yeah okay tell you what side note after i get back from estonia if you don't go with me or even if you do interview me about estonia yeah yeah well oh we have to maybe we can do that episode there yes yeah we should do that yeah you should come we should take you to all the estonian traditions into the bog we take you into the bog the bog the bog love it that's a place to get rid of next time girlfriend exactly yeah nothing sounds like it yeah all right so but so you're in you're in estonia whatever and then what we do uh as a tradition is we go to the bog and you dress your ex-girlfriend while she's knocked the fuck out you dress her in your clothes and you put a little note in her pocket and you forgive yourself and you let her it's not a real thing it's a real thing it's not a real thing you let your ex-girlfriend die in the bog and you jump over three times stomp on her get her down there yeah um it's like tradition so you headed to spain in the middle of it you're like fuck it yeah so that's where places were opening up uh slowly slowly and people were moving towards barcelona and then there was that what's that other fucking i'm blanking madrid yeah i was blanking out that's a big one and you know in spain even when the regulations took place like they had to close the bars at 10 p.m then you were like spain that's why you open yeah i know so so they would always say we're closing we're closing we're closing you know and then it's like 9 55 then it's like 9 58 we're closing we're closing and then what they do is they leave everybody inside they close the doors for five minutes so it looks closed outside and they open them up again oh and even the police would come there they'd be like what are we doing what are we doing and then my first uh just when i went there for a few months um i was there maybe all together like maybe eight months or something the first weekend i went out i was at a bar and there was you know it was 50 capacity so you have to keep what what how many feet don't ever do that again i saw spark i saw specs flying onto the microphone this is a pizza last night yeah uh so there was like what was it in america 16 feet or how was the distance yeah yeah six feet six feet yeah so it was one meter 1.9 meters so it was one meter meters are way better and don't ever disrespect again i agree yeah meters make sense and your country is broken i agree yeah yeah real sign of that we couldn't get the metrics the most easy thing to wrap your head around they're like now yeah i love when people say no no no you guys rule uh with the feet and inches and fucking who says that everybody says that everybody says kilometers are stupid so why do you say a car goes zero to 60 and we say zero to the round 100 because of the king because everything makes sense yeah anyway anyway this is this is one of the worst podcasts i've ever done i agree with you it's embarrassing me and you have an adhd i fully set my temperature i'm like i'm doing celsius i'm learning it fuck off yeah oh no no i'm learning what it actually feels like to be 22 outside you know when it's uh boiling in celsius 100 you know what it's like to be freezing zero yeah zero what is it fahrenheit uh 17.7 32 oh yeah sure eat a dick yeah zero it's dramatic death occurs hide your toes you lose them under zero it's 31 that's not effective we're it's it's 31 it sounds a lot 31's a hot day in london um all right sorry i heard did here also madrid was like we're not doing any of the regulations and they became the party capital of europe well yeah so both barcelona and madrid were slowly that's what's what's happening here but party capital during that time half the hippies didn't want to get shot that's a great thing about hippie community they didn't want to get the vaccine shot i'm i'm conservative to be a hippie what do you mean if i can be free yeah fire me up i also like yeah put the chip in so i can be a hippie but they also got to the point where like we don't have to worry about the virus there and they go really any virus like oh no aids you have to worry about way more way because you guys are all fucking yeah it's called it fuck the condom uh yeah so then uh my first weekend there in a bar in barcelona and these eight chicks come in i've never seen this happen they're all hot spanish chicks i've never seen this happen that they immediately because i'm the only foreigner at the bar yeah during covid so everyone's already intrigued you know what the fuck's happening with that muppet accent you have you must have been king your accent is also like kind of foolish that's not true yeah dude in london when people go you have to go to the thing like oh how'd you go you sound so fucking stupid i hate british by the way you didn't know what you sound like british people always have to sound so british they don't always the fuck out of me like me and my friend sander we were in london one time and we heard this lady go by she was on her phone and she goes well i haven't heard from jason in a while she literally said you know like i know what you're doing yeah you're being extra british right now if you or your child spent years growing up on social media and experienced serious mental health struggles you should hear this recently a jury ordered meta and youtube to pay millions for their role in designing and promoting addictive platforms they knew their apps could contribute to anxiety depression and body image issues but did not share those risks while prioritizing profits the recent historic verdict underscores the consequences of those decisions now morgan and morgan is stepping up to hold these platforms accountable for the harm they caused click the link in my bio to take a short quiz you may be entitled to a potential recovery of over one thousand dollars you ever get the doldrums at work you know where you can't even concentrate i know when i was working and it's been quite a while because i took the difficult way out i became a stand-up comedian where my add can really work for me back then at work i was thinking how can i leave this world and just go travel the world and what will i tell my boss when i leave obviously the in the desk in the desk is one of the most classic but you can do better and you start thinking like how do i embarrass you how do i dox you maybe in the desk these are things that would get you through the day and with coffee sometimes you get really creative fast and then you crash and you can't think of ways to get in the back of your boss that's where mud water comes in it's their original blend it's got cacao chai turmeric and functional mushrooms like spicy hot cocoa warm grounding and actually satisfying and you don't get the doldrums you don't get the crash mud water is a coffee alternative made with mushrooms and adaptogens it's about one-seventh the caffeine of coffee so you get the focus of energy without the jitters crash or anxiety and then you could tell your boss hey i've actually been talking to your mom and she's disappointed in you but then you think because it's all daydream based actually i should call his mom i should talk to him i didn't say hey i'm planning a surprise party i'm going to call my mom i should talk to him i say hey i'm planning a surprise party i'm going to tell your boss hey i've actually been talking to your mom and she's disappointed in you but then you think because she's disappointed in you but then you think because i should talk to him i say hey i'm planning a surprise party for the boss what do you can what do you tell me about him i'm trying to make an embarrassing thing and then you're like oh i actually can get really good details and really embarrassing in front of the rest of the company the two weeks i'm gonna ruin this guy's life that's where that's where mud water gets you coffee can't do that are you ready to make the switch to cleaner energy well go to mudwater.com trippin and grab the starter kit use code trippin you'll get 43 off the frother alone is worth it that's right percent off with code trippin at mudwtr.com after you purchase they're gonna ask you how you found out about them please show your support and let them know we sent you that's t-r-i-p-p-i-n that's the code let's get back to the episode so anyway so these eight chicks they come up to me they're like hola hola hola como estas como estas como estas and i use the phone to talk you know because they speak no english so then i find out they work at the local hospital yeah and because of covid it's so over bodies are everywhere they're flying these old bodies you know spanish people they're like italians they all live together and that's the covet is the worst virus you can get because i'm kissing grandma three times a day yeah those people yeah oh yeah in estonia did nothing because i don't even want to see my grandma i haven't seen her for two years i won't now as soon as covet was like don't come and see me i'm like perfect didn't plan to you're right anyway yeah we're not close with our grandmas we're like nobody got infected but in italy i kiss every grandma three times so so in spain same thing they're so they're all tell them try to tell a spanish person one meter distance they're literally like i might as well move from another to another country i'm gonna be near you you're gonna breathe on me i need it i need another man's breath on my body that's spanish yeah so so then during the day it was all bodies everyone's grandma and grandpa they would put they would use gymnasiums for the bodies you know because there's so many fucking bodies just they're working in that so as we were saying the party culture start and spain started also thinking like spanish people like they had enough they're like i'm i can't siesta all day every day i i'm not holding back yeah and those eight chicks they work at working as nurses 23 hour days all that they quit on the spot on that day from the hospital and then their friends the ambulance driver the guys came to the party it ended up being 40 people from the same hospital they all quit that day they said keep the money fuck the money we're out that rules and they said how do they feel like they said literally like you're denzel washington and you throw a match behind your back wow and like they need you now when the thing in the hospital that and you jump in the car that's how they felt wow because they said fuck you we're out that's cool smash no no not even close super i'm trying to bring back did you smash i hate that yeah i don't know did you smash somebody ask any if i'm allowed to bring that back i'm trying to bring back did you taste the flower oh oh bro that sounds like a billionaire in epstein island did you taste the innocent flower oh she just got it she didn't get it at first like what flat oh your pussy is a beautiful flower is what i'm trying to say i'm not gonna smash yeah we got that it's disgusting i i dirty so you want to smash do that did that taco need hot sauce my dear god um i had a chick one time tell me she has chlamydia by sending me a koala emoji you know how much of a whore you have to be that you're making stds funny with emojis she really said big trouble you should get yourself checked out turns out i caught a case of and then three koalas koalas yeah chlamydia really is like the i'll let you off with the warning of stds oh chlamydia is like an sms yeah yeah i'm gonna write your number down but you go yeah like when you get when you get when you turn positive at chlamydia even the hospital they don't even call you they just send you a text like yo yo come in whenever you want yeah yeah if you're not tonight don't worry about it but sometime this week we should see you it's like it's like americans you call gonorrhea the clap right it's crazy how slutty of a culture you have to be that you're hyphenating stds i say it too much we don't want to say gonorrhea it's like too much gonorrhea sounds like a you know like a medieval like i lose a foot but the clap dude that's baby girl who doesn't yeah oh no stress what'd you get into in barcelona in barcelona so i mean imagine one of the biggest metropoles of the in the world yeah all empty whoa bicycles these bike rent guys they would literally tell me a dollar a day please just take a bicycle i'm starving over here because it's huge tourist destinations these crazy hotels crazy uh the apartment i got super nice you rent an apartment yeah fully like state i was like maybe um uh i did like a month in hotels and then i i almost bought enough because i didn't know what's gonna happen in colin i almost literally bought an apartment it's so cheap in barcelona it still is wow barcelona is still pretty cheap but during that time i mean oh my god so then i started i started getting into road by road cycling i bought like a road bicycle and just what went around all day yeah yeah and then you can take trains in spain so i went to all around i went to girona it's like one of the most beautiful places to ride your bike where's girona what's what's there it's near the dali museum yes i think so yes and it's near um i can't remember the big city that it's close to yeah but it's beautiful architecture and genoa genoa no something else yeah but not far from barcelona yeah it's like maybe two hours or something so and then yeah then i started riding my bicycle there it was funny i running into other travels that during covet like we're looking at to do what is it what is it what is it what is it what is it i guess it's near barcelona nearest to barcelona where's madrid way over left huh yeah okay so it is barcelona yeah oh yeah i and i rode the bike from barcelona to tarragona no way that's as far as maybe but i slept on the way i can't remember where i slept somewhere on the way did you have money at this point like enough to get by or were you there i was falling out but like uh because it was so cheap during that time yeah but yeah so my friends one of my friends got stuck in ireland one of my friends got stuck in nepal what he was just in nepal during covet and they didn't need it that what's that big walk in nepal the big one one in spain too you know that one the camino de santiago yeah yeah that one but then there's one in nepal what is that one like a multi-day hike like a week or something like yeah okay and my friend joseph green is a comedian very funny from australia he was there and uh he had a our adhds don't match up like it's really bad one of us needs to drive the car we're both in the back seat it's wild booth we might have to lean on you here try to keep us focused the great himalaya trail three to five months to complete the full route oh so he did maybe like oh Oh, Annapurna. What's Annapurna? It wasn't this. He didn't take. The Annapurna circuit. He did this one. Well, a lot of people, you do like a week of it. Exactly. You don't do the whole thing. Maybe a month. I might be disrespecting him. He might have actually. He's a crazy motherfucker. He might have actually done this. But I remember him mentioning that Annapurna. And he had a point there. He needs to. Maybe he's a great guest to have one time. Yeah. He had an experience there where he was. Of course. I mean, there's no. He didn't see people for days. So not to talk about reception, you know. And he had a point where he was like crossing the mountain. He was like on the mountainside. And they warned him that when he's on that side of the mountain that time of the year, when the sun goes down below zero, you're like, it's over. Below 32 Fahrenheit, you know. It's big, big trouble. Wow. If you don't make it. Wow. So he reaches a place where there are people. And they tell him, you should stay overnight. You know. And he's like, he looks at the map. He's like, it's a six-hour hike to the next spot. Ah, I got it. Three hours in, he realizes, oh, boy. You know, when you see the sun moving a lot quicker. Because when the sun starts going down, you know how quickly it moves. And when you're hiking and you see the sun, you're like, you start going from we're having a good time, I'm lost, to shit, we got to find our way out of here. Exactly. So he's walking. So he's walking. He's walking. And he realizes, too far to go back. Ahead is four hours. And he goes, okay. And he sees the sun. He says, and then your toes get into the shade, you know, because the sun starts setting. And he said, he literally, when the shadow got to his ankles, he felt his toes freeze. And he was steaming hot before in the open sun. And he's starting to panic. So sun goes down. He has a little light. And it's pitch black. Only the stars are out. That's the only light he has. There's some illumination from the sun. And it gets so cold. And it keeps getting colder and colder. And he starts crying. And literally, because he's realizing, I'm going to die. Because it's so far. And he sees like a light in a tent. And he reaches the tent. And when the tent opens up, it's like four Americans or something who are also like hikers. And he falls on his knees and he like cries for an hour because he thought he's going to die. And they're all like, what? What the fuck are you doing? And they were settled in for the night. Yeah. They were like, what the fuck are you doing? And he just stays the night with them. And then he ended up traveling with them for a few days just to hold together. Wow. Did he fudge back with them? That's Andrew Packer. He's Joseph Green. It's a different guy. Hey, dude. I'm a judge. Yeah. So I don't even know what the point of the story was. But what were we talking about? Oh, so he got stuck in Nepal during COVID. So yeah, it was fun that how all these people, you know, all the backpackers, like they found their little stuck out or they're like, hey, it's coming back. Let me go do something. I went to Ecuador six months. I was like, I don't want to go to the airport. Have to tell them to turn around because Arizona shut down. I'm like, I'm going to skip all this. Yeah. And it's interesting, you know, to like, even for me, it's going to Estonia for this trip. I, you know, in comedy, it's like the grind is so constant. Yeah. That you totally forget who you are as a person. Sometimes like who you are outside of comedy. Yeah. So I went to Estonia. I was there for two months and I didn't even think of stand up. And that was really hard for me. You know, you get those thoughts. I'm sure when you went on this trip, you had those thoughts, right? The business is moving forward and whatever. Well, everybody went on YouTube and started getting, becoming millionaires. I was having a blast. I was in the Amazon. I got back. I definitely fell way behind. It's crazy. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. But it's like, yeah. Then I got to tell myself like, you're doing it right, but you can't compare. You are doing. I started muting all my friends as they're playing theaters and arenas. I started. I can't see this every day. I made a decision. I'm happy with it. But I, this is also cool. I know. Right. So I just like, I don't want to unfollow you, but I can't be seeing you bragging. And they're at the mountaintop feeling how lucky they are to be there. But they're looking down at the bottom at you being like, remember how nice it was to be there. Yeah. Well, me and Tom Segura's always have this. This guy used to own this studio where, where he would be like jealous of me moving to New York. And I'd be jealous of him for having specials done. Um, but yeah, it's like, um, other than Barcelona. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. What'd you get into then? What'd you do? What all'd you do? So thank you. Remember how we were talking about like sailing, how you feel connected to the elements and the earth and the ground through traveling like that. Now, the land version of that, of course, which is huge. Spain. I'm sure in Mexico, I'm sure in California, rich people do that. But in Spain, there's a whole community of backpackers that get it by a horse. What? Yeah. Yeah. What? Backpackers? No. Well, actually, I just know two guys, but they've told me stories that there are other people. They rented or bought a fucking horse. I think now there's, you can also get the luxury just like with sailing. You can get a package that they, that they, uh, donkeys are actually great with heat too. So that is an investment. All right. So then, uh, they do like horses, you know? Yeah. And, uh, me with my bicycle, I still felt when I was, when I was on the road with my bicycle, you're fusing your body. Like when you see a hill, you see a hill, uh, when you cross it with a motorcycle, with a car, by using gas, same thing with the plane, it's teleporting. Yeah. You see. You see the RPMs go up. That's about it. But when you see a hill ahead of you, a big mountain with a bicycle, not an e-bike, full on bicycle, and you use your body, sometimes the bicycle breaks down, you have to change a chain, you have to change the tire, you're on the side of the road in the heat, but when you can get through that, you earn that view. I spent 4,000 calories and so much energy and to get to the top, to get to the, I earned this view. Yeah. And the way the view hits you then. And you know what the reward is? The view and the going down. Now you're doing 60 miles an hour on this bicycle, no helmet, shirtless with a backpack. If I fuck up, I don't have health insurance, I'm in Barcelona, my friends don't even know I'm on this hill, reception is bad, and I don't even have a SIM card at the time. I didn't even get that. The Wi-Fi's at the hotel. Fuck it. If I crash, it's over for me. I'll just bleed to death on this. I haven't seen a car. And no one's going by. And nobody's going by. And even if they are, it'll be hours. But it's so fun. You're right. It's the earning something. You earn. Or hiking to a temple or something. It's not just seeing it. It's like getting over that hill to get to it. You earn. Yeah. And that's how hiking and climbing mountains works, of course, too. But it was too slow for me. Hiking was too slow. The bicycle is the perfect balance. Interesting, yeah. And you're like, and you know, you're literally, you're burning the calories and you're, because if you stop halfway through, it kills you, so you're fucking sweating in the sun, and then you get to the top. Get to the top. And you don't look at the map. Some guys put them on the fancy bicycle. They put the map. I didn't like that. I used that for a little, because then you'd stop missing turns and all that. But I don't like that because, again, I stopped using my brain. Yeah, you look down too much instead of up and like, oh, there's the turn. Yeah, and I love the mystery of how long is this going? And then you take another turn and you're like, it still keeps going. And sometimes there's a car going next to a little Fiat that's on gear one and it's revving. And they look at you like, holy shit. Because they want to tell you, bro, it's a long way still. I don't think you know this. Yeah. But then you go and you're like, how fucking far? And then you eventually, you reach the top and now you have options where to go down. You know, what's the other? Or it just evens out enough and then you're like, okay. It just evens out enough. And then finally, you might see the ocean, coastline. So that's beautiful. And I just love that way of traveling. It was like so. I saw people in Patagonia. I rented a camper. I rented a camper van and I'm going and sometimes it's raining and you see these people on bicycles. And you're like, god damn, dude. Skip the day. And everybody talks about e-bikes and motorcycles and all that. But bicycle, if it breaks, every part that could break down, I had a solution in my backpack. You could fix it? Yeah, of course. I mean, you have to learn. There's so many things will happen. So many, you'll blow out so many tires. The chains will break. The fucking gears will break. There's so much shit. And in a backpack, in about an extra two kilograms, you can actually have a whole thing to fix it. If you have an e-bike motor, if you have anything that's motoric, electronic. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. As I told you before, I was on an e-bike. I took an e-bike in Barcelona because my legs were shot. So one day I rented an e-bike. I went on top of this mountain. They told me that battery is good for 100 kilometers, 20 kilometers down. I mean, I'm 230 pounds of shit. Maybe for them, it's 100 kilometers. For me, it was 30. And the battery started to run out. And then it rained. And something sizzled. Something happened. And now I have a 50-pound bicycle. It took me four hours to get back. And my legs were shot. Yeah, this slob of shit. And I was like, never again. Did you stop when you were biking around Spain? Did you stop and get like local foods? Wine, wine. Because after the climb, I mean, I look at the map, of course. I open Google. sometimes just to conserve my energy. and maybe i need to sleep somewhere so i would look at google maps and when i discovered that all the hills have been climbed today yeah a little vina yeah four or five glasses of red wine pasta you can eat all the carbs by the way during when you're traveling by bicycle you can literally eat seven snickers bars and a pasta you'll feel all the energy you want because you're using all of that your body's burning so many calories so you can eat and drink whatever the fuck you want you can just have eight beers and you're feeling more replenished than ever damn and then you go down the hill all fucked up maybe a little spray dude maybe we're in a little cartoon dude that when i was doing the austrian the one of the eight days on the austrian hike the austrian italy border and it was like you finally find your hoot and you get in there and you're like beer please and it hits you the wheat in there hits you so good yeah in another country do you make any friends in in spain when you were there and that's what i love about the culture too they're super super i mean oh actually can i also have one i didn't know you smoke i didn't even see that yeah i started last time here and then i have a pouches hey well you can get what's left in there there's some weed in there too i know we're like all over the place but um so so when i got when i was little riding with my bicycles i met these guys they had a whore they literally they it was in gerona i think it was like a restaurant in the middle of a fucking road and they were like and it's two guys they pull up with a fucking uh with two horses but they look like young like me they have backpack in the back they have the ospreys they got the shit you're just horsing around horsing around and then they start telling me about like you know we start i start talking about how yeah how good it felt because we both came over we're like one of the mountains there it was so beautiful and i said yeah i came over with my bicycle it was so hard you know and i said but i but i earned it that same same conversation we had yeah and then they're like um yeah but and then they start telling me imagine traveling with a horse who you as we were talking about plane travel has been around 60 years horses when you get on a horse that dna connection you have with that animal that goes back till fucking whatever time wow and the the longer you're on the road with this horse the more his moods line up with your moods i mean it's a full connection that you have to the ground to the earth and you have to feed this animal and yourself with food the fuel is the same there's no gasoline you you need to feed this animal and you need to use him to feed you as well so it's a full symbiosis of of fucking that would be fun and shit and you're just like putting a stable for the night well yeah and there's of course issues they might fucking run away there's different uh characters with horses and then they recommended me this book in the old west there was a death penalty for stealing someone's horse because you're like you're killing them if you if you take their horse you're killing them of course um uh do you know that's how mongol i read this book um it was a book about fucking um camels but there was a chapter about horses did you know that's how the mongolians ruled the world right well how horses because they could fire enough arrows off the side that was also part of it but just by using a stable of horses you can literally run the world and in that book it also described that imagine if apocalypse comes yeah uh whatever people say my apocalypse car the vehicle with the spikes and i got the gun on top the gun needs bullets the car needs fuel the tires need changing the motor needs maintenance this is all these are all things that are gonna run out you know these are all things that are like but if you have a stable of horses and a stable where you can reproduce and shit yeah yeah it could be zombies yeah it could be yeah few whatever that's new generations of cars they're making cars are making cars cars are making cars transportation is making and the stable grows you can grow it you can sell the horses you can use them you can rent the horses you're running the yeah if you live in seattle you get fucked by one i mean their pussy is i've heard you know no they fuck you you can get that too that's a mr hands guy mr hands yeah mr hands remember when he was coming he in that video he he when the when the horse cock like penetrated his lungs and like separated his heart from his fucking body because it was so big and it like ruptured his ribs yeah when he was that sound yeah he must have i mean he must have you literally come into a kaleidoscope is how happy he was if you love horse cock and a horse cock kills you by splitting you in half yeah the feeling of exhilaration hey guys in the booth can you don't put it on here yeah barcelona but can you guys watch the mr hands video just for yourselves so barcelona yeah tell us more about spain so um so the mongolians you know yeah yeah they could rule the world because they could get they could get reinforcements at any distance like within days and they would ride the horses they would ride them so crazy that they would uh because they didn't want to stop they would slit with a with a knife they would slit an artery on the horse and suck that blood for nutrition the rider what and just keep fucking riding your fucking arrows you're sucking this artery these mongolians are crazy dude and and in that book also did you know that there's this uh one specific part of the desert i wish i could say sahara or the name of the desert that to this day no wheel no technology can cross except this certain camel whose legs move in a certain way that it can hold weight on the sand wow and whatever other technology has been invented it can unless a plane of course yeah but whatever is on the on the land it can't cross uh unless you have this camel and in that book that guy he went to research that one camel i think it's called the mongolian sand camel or something and it's still like it was uh in the threat of extinction maybe like 20 years ago yeah and all these like villagers would be so fucked because they literally can't cross any other way all right spain spain what'd you get into who'd you were there did you get laid at all yes nice nice who where'd you meet him i don't know where'd you meet him them where'd you meet them and um i met the girl i wasn't even a joke i made i met the girl in estonia and she came out to meet you she's a spanish girl but she moved back and then we met up there and we did it for a while you i i don't know why we broke up but i have a suspicion because you fucked your sister your brother uh that's real that's like i don't know if i can get over this we were staying in an apartment in barcelona it was like a short-term two-week apartment it had one of those bathrooms that was the sliding door you know the sliding door and it's glass so you can see the silhouette of me taking a shit and you know that's that's what i always hate about you know in the fancy hotels that's not and also there's a little sliver of open so the smell gets out everything it was horror and for two weeks so he kept shitting downstairs at the mcdonald's yeah been there because i told her i just want to smoke a cigarette outside i just kept going taking dumps in the mcdonald's but then one morning was real bad we ate tapas all night and salami and shit so it's a big dump and i can feel the shit near my hole already you know it's like ready turtling and i've been and i've been carrying this shit around for like eight hours at least plus sleep you know like i felt the shit coming previous night but then i banged her and fell asleep with the turd already ready and i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna be in my ass i've been i've been transporting this little turd this little turd is doing the tour de france on the bike and we oh yeah and we rode the e-bikes and we were sitting on the bicycle when the asshole is a little exposed i could feel almost the turd on my bike seat but i didn't find an appropriate place to shit so so i had this turd in my ass so so i banged her and uh the whole time i'm banging her i'm trying not to like move too much because and i fall asleep and i need to go to the bathroom as soon as possible and i try not to wake her so i go in the bathroom because the new turd from my belly is already pressing that the next train is coming in and the previous one hasn't departed so we need to get it moving the conductor is stressing the fuck out this is a great metaphor for israel into palestine so i go behind the gay shot or this fucking yeah yeah and i close the light and whatever so my silhouette doesn't you can you can't tell i'm taking a shit i was thinking about actually being near the sink and maybe shitting in my hand and throwing it in the bowl just so i can make a play like i'm just washing my hands for a long time so i'm on the as soon as I come out of the toilet. you have the time you're flush too because i hear her waking up so you have the time you're flush so what i do is as soon as the turd lands in the water i flush it on but now there's more shit and the paper is there too there's more shit coming the big log has been dissipated but the smell is leaking out so i put in a piece of paper first to make my third to catch it so the splash isn't so vocal like a blanket the third it's like a burn victim from a house put that down in the water yeah you put it so it catches it yeah soft landing it's like a what in the house a burn victim like you know when a burn victim exits the house and they put the blanket over him oh yeah okay yeah okay great ba ba ba ba shit shit shit more shit and then it's like a few logs and then the diarrhea it's like different consistencies the diarrhea was the next one in line but the previous you third was a nice one but the top of salami diarrhea is coming and i'm like and you know when you're spreading your ass cheeks by the way the design of a toilet bowl needs to be revamped how it's a subwoofer who designed it into a subwoofer to because it's literally it needs to be the opposite it needs to go like this so it fucking holds it holds the sound it's it's a subwoofer and ba ba ba diarrhea diarrhea and i lean forward and i hold my balls because i'm trying to make it quietly but then the shit the diarrhea hits the you know when it hits the vip balcony like the part where the water doesn't even go yeah yeah what the fuck you gotta wipe that off by hand i know yeah oh fuck so i go to the sink now after i do my all my dirty business i close the lid to keep the smell i close the lid i go and wash my hands i need to wait for the secondary flush i try to act as if i go back to pee or something so the flush makes sense because i already used my flush so the secret is out i am maybe taking a shit but i hear her waking up now i hear her like walking around so i've washed my hands to bed lady i know go with the fuck so i wash my hands and i hear her walking around when i hear her walking around i open the door i slide it open she wants to take a pee immediately oh no she goes into the bathroom and as the door locks i remember i forgot the cleanup it's oh no with the vip balcony spray it's all there and i hear her open up the bowl and it's like silent because she sees what happened and she flushes it she needs to flush it twice and i hear her cleaning my shit off the vip oh no and then taking a pee and girls can't pee it down so the men have the privilege to pee that off there so and we were so new into dating each other that we didn't really address it either so it was an awkward morning and then we go for breakfast and man and i could see her thinking man this guy's kind of like an animal huh so then the diarrhea still continues throughout the day and i have to throughout the day when we go to these cafes i go to the bathroom a lot i'm having a full-blown i need to be like at home like shivering that that sort of diarrhea i'm having so then we eat pizza bad move yeah bad move but get some rice i'm hoping no no but i'm hoping this gluten will make a nice turd again a nice solid turd i need to okay work through this diarrhea the next log is prepared for departure but we're on a beach watching the sun go down it's like romantic but i feel i need to take a shit the bathroom is so far we're on a beach what are you thinking about right now i know yeah i can literally drop this log bitch how specialist is with you how specialist is with you so i'm like oh my amor um and i tell her let's take a swim dude no so i can so i can drop the log in the water right that's i mean literally there's no bathroom in sight eta three minutes you know when your asshole tells you you have 90 seconds maybe i can't promise and you know when your sphincter muscle is cramping because you've been hold all day i've been working my sphincter all day i'm holding in diarrhea and shit so it's like getting lactic acid is building up in my sphincter muscle because i've been working it out so hard and it's starting to cramp you ever have a cramp you know it's like the oh my god so we so we go in the water and this bitch keeps on trying to kiss me and like be lovely in the water and i'm trying to push her into the waves let nature take you away so i go so far into the ocean where i feel an undercurrent dragging me into the open water because i'm so far from her and what i realized is i can't take a shit with my feet not touching so i needed to go closer to shore and i'm gassing the fuck out and i'm dropping a few logs as i'm swimming like a few plop plop plop and i i took my pants down so my asshole is showing so i'm like swimming and the logs are dropping but she's like behind the waves she's in the shallow end but when you shit in water the logs they keep touching my body no no literally i don't know if you ever shat in water it literally so then i touch my feet and i take the big log and the big log comes to the front touches my balls and it comes right up right up near me like dances with me and she's right at the shallow end and the turds keep on going toward and she wants to kiss me and i'm like kicking her away the turd is like right here she's like maybe one meter and i'm like trying to kick her away like i'm trying to make jokes like stay away stay away and then i see one of my logs like maybe one of the four like a tiny little pebble i see right like right near her to this day after that day we still dm it's been years after that day we we've never seen each other again and i don't know if she saw that log that was floating near her or not but i have suspicions because and the morning was rough that whole day was rough for our relationship and she's such a lovely spanish girl and she was like so romantic and i think i it was like too much what what a crazy answer to did you smash but yeah i remember the feeling the log is like my own log like just you've got your own gravity yeah and then i'm like trying to wash in case i have shit all over me because it's like it's like mr hanky you know from south park leaving stuff uh so i that's my only spanish girlfriend i've had she's an angel but her the the way she looked at me changed throughout the day i'm not sure if she saw the log or not maybe she was just offended that i kept kicking her away i can see that too i'm trying to be romantic you're kicking me for no reason you're like there is a reason yeah hold on i need a second okay when did you decide to leave and go back to estonia when estonia was open up i could do stand up again stand up in spain spanish people don't get it have you ever watched spanish stand-up no i would i would go to these gigs in barcelona and all these spanish people that speak english they'd be in the crowd and then after the gig they're all like why are you so angry because stand up you know especially in america it comes from the underground the rebellion the you know lenny bruce richard prior they talk about shit that they're angry about louis ck all all these comedians all all the comedians we love they always talk about the the shit they hate and it's like the crowd we're against the system we're against the fucking normality all that but spanish people spanish stand-up is all like i met a beautiful lady and we kissed and then they're like oh my god it's such a beautiful day they don't do you know they don't do therapy either they don't do any of that shit wow it's probably too much bravado can't also be self-deprecating i don't really know and they're like what like i would talk shit about spain on stage trying to be funny and they'll be like it's a beautiful uh place i met a romanian guy in uh amsterdam we were talking at a bar uh-huh and he was came up i'm a comedian he's like okay he goes and then he was talking about the romanian which is not true but the romanian stance on stand-up he goes it's like no i don't like it because people go like you know hey i'll fuck your mother that's what you guys do you go i'll fuck your mother no i fuck your mother i don't like it because people go like you know hey i'll fuck your mother that's what you guys do i fuck your mother i've never said that to an audience member second of all what the fuck are you talking about you're watching joey ds the whole time dog i fuck your mother yeah it was a different culture so it was really hard to do stand-up terrier to to like relate to that audience yeah it's tough to relate sometimes to the whole vibes going in and that whole yeah i need to go back to my fucking i've seen it i've been in london for two months i've seen six american comics while i've been there uh-huh five have done trans jokes i've seen 70 to 90 london comics yeah zero have done trans jokes and you're like they don't care about the stuff we care about i've also never seen an american do a joke about pakistanis and they're ripe with it yeah oh yeah you gotta bring up pakistanis you gotta bring it up it's elephant in the room yeah it's the camel in the room yeah but also british stand-up don't you find it's like i don't know how many clever quips can i take right all right in it i don't know i haven't done enough sets to know let's do another clever quip yeah they're so tell me about how you used to want to fuck your sister back in the day like that's what i wanted that's american stand-up you know yeah yeah like dark um um what else do we not know about spain while you were there it's the worst spanish i mean it's pretty it's the worst side it's the worst podcast i've ever done in my life you know beautiful beaches while you're shitting in it um but that's always like um as a backpacker it was a culture like there oh my god i mean they just party their ass off nobody when when the cafe opens at 8 a.m that don't mean jack shit julio is coming at one if he wants to oh but also closing time same thing you could be there 9 15 and the sign says closes at seven but the owners are on a vibe it's a vibe google map says hours i'm like those are those are estimations it's a vibe it's a vibe siesta siesta all day every day oh yeah just like we don't but if you want to get shit done like you need to sign a document or something yeah forget about it then that ain't never happening yeah that ain't never happening i talked to a guy in um myanmar who's he was working in spain and he goes yeah we had a english guy come run the department uh-huh and he was so taken with the idea of siesta that he's like yeah no we gotta take off from one to three every day and everyone else like dude can we just get our work done and get out here at five i don't want yeah i don't want to get here 7 45 because you had to do what you think spanish culture is yeah every meeting doesn't have to be like so do you see any like flamenco or any of that dance shit yeah and then the bull music did the bull stuff yeah uh the running of the bull uh then there's the festival you did it you went to it well what'd you do it wasn't on the way of the bull i was on the balcony drinking coffee watching it from afar what did it look like it's crazy and i think it's like i don't think they do that anymore i might have said like one of the last ones no they still do the running of the bull they might not do bull fighting yeah oh bull fighting their last arena is in uh madrid i did want to see that one how was it i mean yeah they killed the bull how was the feeling really good i went to some dog fights somewhere in new orleans actually not intentionally they were just doing it but it was like black people love that dog he was black people yeah they love that and i just saw some cock fighting in east timor oh and that was the that was fun and high people love coffee and at some point you're like actually this is hitting me wrong now but for the most part it was like it was fine bull fighting i don't know if i'd feel really bad or if i just be like it's sport it's a little traumatic but uh i mean it's just to see part of that culture are kids there yeah wow cool they don't go interesting those are spanish kids but yeah but spanish people they're on a one time i was in a bar and uh it was uh uh it's an island near tenerife it's like so anyway uh my flight from the airport that was on the coast was leaving the next day and i missed the last ferry and i'm getting fucked up at this bar just trying to be like okay whatever the fuck and i bring up the fact to a random guy i bring it up that i missed my boat he stands up in the book he stands up in the bar he goes in spanish you know i don't know what the fuck he's saying but i can only kind of understand that he's yelling like he's like hey anybody he's like anybody got a boat and then one guy one guy in the back like raises his hand and he's like i got a little boat he goes he needs to get to the he needs to get to the coast this is like a 40 minute boat ride or something then with this random guy i step on his boat and we drink cerveza and he just drops me off and he waves and he's by what i mean it's like a vibe just like you're cool or whatever yeah yeah you gotta go you gotta go damn and he's like i wanted to ride my bike i wanted to ride my boat anyway and the guy spoke english that helped me but the guy with the boat he didn't speak anything so he was just and he was talking to me in spanish for 40 minutes and i don't just nodding at him yeah yeah just not city is that the best when you're somehow like i am connecting a bit i know you don't understand me and it's a riff language it's a riff language i don't know how to say complicated but if i say complicado it's about to go down you know what i'm saying you know like yeah so it's like you can kind of like have fun with it you know i'd like you to do occasional words so like complicated or interesting yeah yeah yeah i got that one yeah i love saying uh you know like do you understand what it means like no what they hate is when you go donde estas biblioteca you know that's like a hacky because everybody says that they're like or they'll tell you it's over there you're like well i don't want it yeah i don't really want it yeah is there anything you wish you would have done in spain that you never got to um let me think let me think let me think let me think well i don't know i don't know i don't know uh i would like to do that fucking the hike the long one you called yeah me too committed santiago yeah because it's all about wine and shit and it's all about fun and there's a lot of people you can meet on the road so we did an episode an early episode of this with jasmine shaw this photographer she did it she met tons of people drank and then you know in spain there's huge hippie communities like in the mountains like huge hippie communities i wish i could name them but it's like ginormous i mean hippie communities where literally they grow weed they sleep in tents and old houses and fucking wow and there's like thousands of people in those small hillside communities and they get taken over because it's like national national park or whatever you're not even supposed to live live there but the communities so are so big that the cops are all corrupt because they get they just come down like once a week and they call ahead they call ahead they're like tomorrow we're gonna come in the radio so just so you know get rid of the but leave us a little weed leave us just because we want a little weed too so they come down and they raid you there's like three big communities there that people go and there's like a lots of strict rules in some of them one of them is like strictly no internet no phone no calls no nothing you go down to the town and you call the fucking wow that would be fun yeah it would be like really rejuvenating and they really uh like shine during covid like those communities because you already set up for it yeah you already set up damn nice what are the running the bulls like so you're on a balcony just looking at it all yeah i was looking at it yeah it's just people running first yeah then all the bull like well tourists get there too yeah yeah and they shave i know they say they shave down the horn and whatever who gives a fuck yeah people will fly so one guy got hit bad it was crazy you ever see what's his name who's lost his friend from newcastle kai humphries kai humphries you ever see the picture of him you got to look up kai humphries uh running of the bulls he he we did an old skeptic tank r.i.p about it but but um the one you cried the one i cried yeah you cried on it many times i listened to an episode of you crying in noosa beach in australia how you were crying about getting passed at the comedy store oh yeah that's what mitzi died i did like all over australia talking about mitzi kai humphries there look at him you cried so much that's him yeah so he trained with this other guy um not elliot i forget who but and then he goes okay i'll get ready he goes we just got a good night's sleep spent all night drinking and he goes as soon as they start like let's run he goes we got to get real close to them though he goes okay i don't know if there's a good idea but okay he goes they start running goes immediately my legs just turned to jelly and i just fell yeah and my buddy looks back like what the fuck are you doing and he goes that oh god that's him yeah bro it doesn't matter it doesn't matter if the horns are shaved down yeah you're dead trampled what's he holding his hand that's the one i went to that's in my tree right pamplona yeah yeah that's the one i went to there's he was on the cover of the local newspaper pretty much saying in spanish idiot tourist almost dies damn and the horn the bulls hoof missed him like it was like grazed his ear the one i saw what they did they told me that they did differently too sometimes they release multiple bulls like that but yeah one of my one was like one then another then another oh interesting so there's like different runnings oh like carnivals um all right well this was cool one of the worst podcasts i've ever done in my life probably a top seven of worst it was literally one of the worst definitely wasn't focused still funny though i know it's so crazy yeah a great sex story from spain it's like every time i do this podcast with you there's so much stuff i know i want to talk about that when you just say barcelona ah it's like such a big chapter that from shitting in the water with a turd floating around my sweet carolina's face to the bulls to the drinking to the cycling there's so much you know but i'm happy that you by the way i'm so happy that you went to london to do i know you did a legion of skanks for a bit uh-huh when did it start to turn again what i mean like during the podcast when you were doing legion then you started having thoughts of going again or oh that was always a work okay i asked lou i asked louis gomez i was like because he was like dave left they were about to do the first episode bobby kelly started a rumor because he took over for big motor on bonfire so he goes i'm taking over for that just to make the audience really angry wow and i texted lewis i was like hey let me sit in it because there's rumors like who's going to take over and i know they were talking about me a lot i was like let me sit in the chair for the first episode it was me or it should be me or bobby because he was like did the control and get everybody worried yeah and me they think might so let and lewis is like when are you leaving for london i'm like like 10 weeks go sit in all 10 weeks and everyone thought it was a scam like we just acted like it was always like big j was like hi big jokers welcome legions as always on my right is already shafir um you know yeah three for life and then um and then and then they were like no this is fake this is fake and by about week four or five we're like well i mean he sure seems like he's there every week i had to lie to everyone in austin because they all got big mouths so they're like you're not moving to london anymore goes wow i got a new creative opportunity i kind of have to explore that i didn't expect you know and then and then and i mean edgar was like you lied to my face though i wasn't even on stage i'm like i don't know you might have yapped um i like that and then and then week like 10 i was like guys i'm sorry i got an announcement to make i'm going i have to go to london i'm moving so you've been there for two months you're doing stand-up already top secret yeah just pretty much just outside of town did you move to hackney he's trying to get yes in but yeah that's what i was saying yeah that's the hackney market the market rules dalton dalton is the best yeah and then the craziest uh are you near the ferry well not the ferry but the boats the boats the long boats um the canals the canals yeah the canals are great have you opened up uh the have you uh opened up a dam yet you know you can do that yourself really because you know there's those dams the uh not the dance but the elevator yeah you know that no you know yourself yeah yeah yeah you can just i do want to get like a floater like a kayak and just kind of go down one day and do that like an ordinary tube like they do in missouri and just like um no it's only only the long big boats are allowed there okay but i mean the dam you can open it up for somebody you can help that's cool and then you can ask for lifts there i've done that so many times all day i just get high and then i open up the dam for like a lady only a lady and uh then i step onto the boat of the lady that's cool she takes me down the yeah no dalton is the best part of hackney and hacking is the best part of london yeah it's the most like the east village i was i was getting off the bus once late night and dalton's still open late everyone else kind of closed early and i'm off and somebody goes um uh looks at me he's like hey do you have a podcast and i was like yeah and they go um oh i think i've listened to it's really good i was like oh thanks and they go um hey the pronouns like you and i was like what because the pronouns dig you and i was like thanks yeah i felt nice yeah i think they do yeah yeah you have that shaman thing about you that's right the pronouns like me too i think so at least um because i'm gay yeah that's right hey i don't care if you got a your dick as long as you shave it you like shaving no i don't know i really i'm not gonna send anything back it's like hard to tell an american girl sometimes what do you mean because i know feminism and all that you know so i'm dating this girl with her legs right now she's like a hardcore feminist yeah but the sex is amazing because she hates joe rogan and i talk about joe rogan every time i'm with her so she's yeah so she's like rage me i bring up elon musk all the time she has a t-shirt elon musk sucks but she works for tesla very ironic wow they all do of course they do they have no more i'd rather must than your musk but liberal is the best liberal is the best when you when you're like uh associated with a conservative like conservative i think conservative dick is the best but also they can't believe they're with you exactly i don't know and nobody them like she's like half lesbian too so she's always been with purple hair lesbians and they're all like talking about feelings and they light up a candle and they eat each other they don't really eat the they just like they just like taste blow on it they just yeah yeah little because they don't want to be too crude and then all the liberal guys that she's they're all like oh you need a pillow but you know she wants to get gorilla exactly she wants to be face down because she's actually you know the liberal girl still needs to get every once in a while and there's nothing like a conservative guy bang well suppose every every trans woman i know is like i want to get manhandled yes yeah i don't want to feel like anything other than a light dainty woman but a conservative woman is also not the best combination because she wants to talk too much about her rights and get harder yeah yeah exactly it's too scary this lady and they want to be on top and they're like good boy and then once you it's like hey it's too much yeah that's like a non-political woman but she has hairy legs and i'm trying to like wean her off it yeah but it's like hard you know because then i talk about her rights and all that and like oh you know but it's really empowering to women just have shaved legs but do you want to last time we went out i kind of told her like listen this needs to go like we need it we need like listen if you don't shave your legs i get the on your chest or i need one of those i don't think i'm liking it it's bargaining let me tell you as a jew how to bargain you ask for more than what you want so they can work you down oh i like that yeah to get to this hey please don't i'm going to share something with you i please don't kink shame me i don't think that would be your thing i want to in your chest and she's like what like okay i can say how about we just shave your legs i guess i like that yeah and i like i like the word kink shaming like i'm putting it on you yeah right turn it on turn the table on her my friend like my friend i have a friend comedian he likes really young girls and i mean really young girls yeah and then he always goes don't kink shame me and i'm like but he always goes don't kink shame me that's why i should do my friends who love fat chicks um anyway ari two questions travel tip i think you had one we've had some yeah also there's one episode that hasn't been released you know that no yes there is one episode of mine that hasn't been released get on chris my flower which about what we did one about visas we've done about we've done three yeah one isn't released no way yes you guys really this up don't tell me it's gone because that was i think the only one that we did something good did visas we did some country maybe thailand or something this is our fourth no we always do good ones it does sound familiar this isn't our third this does seem like our fourth it is our fourth there's one missing i think you might have just missed it we put it up no i know oh no no and then when i got back when i was about to go to um it's latin america that came out yes the one before that visas no there's one before that that's missing thailand china nope that was that was the column something's missing guys you really up it was our only good one where our conversation was linear oh well we'll look into it you're gonna have to embarrass somebody with the editing on this one um all right oh wait wait but okay what question oh what's what place do you want to go that you haven't been same as i told you last time where you went now south america you need to give me like good recommendations i'll give it all to you but let's do estonia together okay let's do like something okay we need to like focus i'm going to set in um yeah i'm going to set in um in england till at least the end of the year and then in like maybe late winter early spring or something like that we're still cold up there yeah or that festival maybe we go in the summertime we gotta go to that yeah so but uh but don't light up i gotta go we gotta do another one well you can light up do whatever you want yeah i can do it outside what about like the boat and uh the the horse does that inspire you at all or no boating for sure horsing seems like actually more work a lot yeah no it scares me too but yeah it's just exciting to know that people do that yeah yeah a lot of horse riding in latin america just like people casually riding horses to work i love that yeah those latin american cowboys god on like cobblestone streets too they go from dirt to the streets and they're you ever ride a horse yeah it feels incredible doesn't it yeah it's like crazy you play musical chairs on horse when you go to horse camp as a upper middle class jew do it circles do some musical stops you have to get get off lead your horse to one less chair than there are people and then if you cry because you got um let out they just they go and they put another chair in for you jews um ari thank you thank you i really uh i'm proud yeah when i find a place i'm gonna have a second bedroom so come visit me in london we'll do spots 100 okay and i love that you're doing like you're like my only beacon of like people doing things differently you know oh yeah because i know it it's tough to go to like london for just to so funny a lot of you do a lot of the comics here like i don't get it i'm like i mean i could keep explaining it to you but i don't know i don't think you're ever going to get it they'll get it at the end of the road yeah maybe when they're all divorced and plastic surgeon out yeah with this london thing they're all like giving me these reasons and it hit me i'm like hey these are all the same reasons you gave me not to move to new york exactly all right guys thank you very much please subscribe ari maddie i'll i'll list this tour dates right now um okay thank you thanks guys i get it yeah i guess this is it you're still eating holy oh my god what a pig it's been like an hour and 20 minutes girl what the well that's the episode everybody did you enjoy it i did it is so hard to wrangle ari maddie into a specific thank you by the way for everybody in the booth for trying to get him back to barcelona we i mean covered the trip sort of but it's so hard to wrangle that guy he's the number one re in comedy and i'm willing to pass that buck it's the only buck i'm willing to pass speaking of that please subscribe wherever you're watching listening help me make some more money on YouTube by the way if you don't know I did do an experiment where I mentioned this last week where I oh buddy that's cool let me see Wow that's so cool alright bro so proud of himself sorry out in the wild I did the experiment I took all the ads off my YouTube to see if it's worth it if people did donations like super thanks at the bottom of the page and I lost in the end I figured it out finally over four thousand dollars so that's never gonna happen again so if you're on YouTube premium you'll see no difference whatsoever if you're on Spotify and watching that no difference whatsoever if you're on YouTube and not a premium subscriber you're gonna see ads come back in because I'm not giving up fucking 20 percent 15 to 20 percent of my income so you guys don't have to see ads so enjoy those ads what else what else I have to tell you by the way can I let you know this I do have to cover this about re Maddie what he said about another episode but first if you found a box of Tim Tams on top of a trashcan in a park like this in fact this park and they were unopened unopened Tim Tams would you eat them follow-up question would you judge me that I did eat them okay because they were found out on a garbage can they were unopened there's no way to test it you couldn't test to see like a bag of chips we can actually test to see if they're like you know still got the vacuum seal Tim Tams you can't do that but Tim Tams are so good and they were the choco minty kind I put him in the freezer for two days to kill off any germs I did eat them and they were delicious sorry I am Who I am today's episode was produced by your mom's house Network was edited by Alan Kathy I should say this I'll get to it now re Maddie was right there was an episode that I misplaced about Thailand it's actually a great episode it's actually a great episode so I'm gonna wait like four six weeks maybe six weeks I'll put it out November 2nd but we got a bunch of new ones coming so you want to subscribe small-brained Americans coming back in October Christina Bozinski on curses Kyrgyzstan Michael malice got a country music star just a ton of good ones got those Tim Tams are good number one export now that fucking the crocodile hunters dead I'd say number one export also I got to tell you all the submissions are in for the trip around the world by the you be trippin patreon if you want to subscribe to it maybe we'll do another one I think we should do another one another trip around the world but first we'll do this one I've narrowed it down to four people I'll tell you next week kind of why I chose them well they were I'll tell you right now they were all able to I'm doing this carefully cuz I don't want to create any fucking influencers they're all able to take off they all have a love of travel and they all want the free trip so they're kind of exactly me no job no no fucking boss want to get out there and be seen and willing to stay in shitty hostels live like a Jew cinema on the phone for just this one don't forget to go see Ari Matty on the road check him out by the way tell him you've heard him on the podcast I'll be more likely to come back he's already likely to come back you fucking rules that guy's a good one good egg he's gonna be a Providence Houston Sacramento Los Angeles to the Comedy Store Eugene st. Louis the two theater tester gigs Minneapolis to the Pantages Chicago with a Vic some of those myself they worked out pretty well did a bunch of theaters it depends what I'm doing with I like theaters I like both Ari does too Tulsa Wichita Kansas City Indianapolis go to all of his tour dates look at that check she's gonna get right in there she's looking at it she's looking at it she wants to keep walking keep walking mind your business lady oh she wanted to steal that go to did all of us reach out to my Instagram Ari Matty comedy all of his tour dates Ari Matty guys that's it until next week I believe we should we do next week let me tell you who I have coming up files you know drive drive here's we got coming up you be tripping guests oh we got good okay Christina P Michael Malice got one on Israel Parker McCollum on Switzerland O'Neal and me dude that's a that's that's a one year okay one about me about Egypt Somaliland El Salvador oh we've got a bunch of good ones you want to subscribe okay that's it till next week to subscribe okay that's it till next week to subscribe okay that's it till next week adios no that's the only say that didn't adios no that's the only say that didn't adios no that's the only say that didn't like Argentina no they may be seen in like Argentina no they may be seen in like Argentina no they may be seen in Spain hasta luego