Argh You Garbage? w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Whoa! New York City, New York, the Army of Garbage Tour is coming home to the Big Apple, baby! Round up the squad in all the tri-state area, Long Island, I'm looking at you! Come on out and see the boys! Yes, November 13th, we're going to be at Gotham Comedy Club, we're doing two shows, these will sell out very fast, so get your tickets and we'll see you there, areyougarbage.com, love ya! Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast, this is Are You Garbage? It's that little show where you sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if you're to be classy, or if you're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you. On a beautiful day, we're out back here with Tooties. On the high seas. She just made a big decision in life. She has switched over her McDonald's order to a Filet-O-Fish and a Strawberry Fanta. Sweet. More on that later. My co-host is coming at you from across the table, it's what we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, just the way we like it. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, thanks a lot, Black Ale. That's your pirate name. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, for the audio listener, H. Foley is currently wearing an eye patch. I did not stutter or misspeak there. He has on an eye patch. I do. Not a prescribed one. The one we just got off CVS. Yes, because you wouldn't let me wear sunglasses on the thing, because you're worried that people would think I'm on drugs, which I understand. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not worried about that. I know that would have happened. I just did not want to deal with that with you. Reading those comments. I just bought myself two weeks and not going to therapy. Shout out to the motherfuckers. First of all, thanks for tuning in. Corneal abrasion. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. The boys are climbing the freaking charts. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. So I show you garbage, you go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. Give me juicy, hard feelings. Whew. Got a corneal abrasion. Uh-huh. Across my eye. How'd that happen? I don't know. No idea? No idea. Can we get the reasons for a corneal? The eye doctor did not give you any reason? Well, I had slept with my contacts a couple weeks ago, but wore a condom. Watch your camera. Hello? Luke! Hiya. And I got a little scratch. You know, that happens sometimes. It went away. I've been using a lot of Lumify, which they say, is not really that great for certain people. Because your eye gets addicted to it. Slept with the fan on me pretty close to the bed two nights ago. It's not the fan, guy. You've been complaining about this since we were in California. It just got worse. Yeah. And then when I woke up yesterday morning, it was excruciating. Went to a CityMD, or sorry, an urgent care in Brooklyn. Talk about that more on Patreon. And he thought there was a contact in there. So, he was digging around in my eye. And turns out, that wasn't the best move. Knuckle deep in you. They're not doctors over there, too. You know that. Nurse practitioners. It's crazy. You are in no position to shit on anybody professionally at the moment. I'm here. We're working. You're batting five for five on corneal abrasion causes. Yeah. Oh, there you go. Foreign objects and debris. Uh-huh. Physical trauma and accidental pokes. Emotional trauma. Contact lens complications. Forceful eye rubbing, which you do a lot of. Underlying eye and medical conditions. Yes. And all around mental retardation. Something my stratera can't fix. Yeah, so that's where we're at. So, this is day one, theoretically. How long are you going to milk this for? A couple weeks. It's fucking 23rd. A goddamn corneal abrasion. I told you about T. Fucking Mondami screwed me. That is a very Sopranos-esque ailment. Well, T, you know he's got the corneal abrasion. He hasn't been the same since the corneal abrasion. And the sciatica. Yeah. Well, you know, we're happy to have you here. Thanks, pal. Stay. Thanks. Hey, look me in the eye when you do that, okay? Hey, how you doing? Yesterday was excruciating pain. Mm-hmm. Today, it's at like a seven or an eight. Mm-hmm. What are you humming? I'm humming at usually six and a half. It's like I have bees in my brain, Doc. I'm a pretty good singer with the optometrist. I'm sure this is going to go for a while. Sweet guy, Dr. Newman, Upper East Side. How you doing? He goes, so what seems to be the problem? Now, my eye looks like I got a maraschino cherry in it. Sat on my nuts. What the fuck do you think the problem is, Doc? I got my ankles killing me. Missed. That's why you need the first. Anywho. Yeah. Mm-hmm. A very good lesson on recovery. Sitting in the discomfort. There's nothing I can do. So I had to sit in the discomfort. Good kind of manifestation, personification, as you know. Great. Yeah. Happy to hear. Yeah. Well, you know, we wish you a speedy recovery. What am I, going on vacation or something? You're wishing me well like I'm retiring. I'm going to fucking see you tomorrow, and you're buying me lunch. You sure about that? I don't know. I don't know where you think you're going. Wish us a speedy recovery. What? Yeah. No. Wish you a speedy recovery. Guy, we've done this show 700 times, I think, including Patreon. I've never sat across from you with an eyepatch. So this is in par for the course. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. I should probably spend the weekend down at the summer house and fucking. You know, the country home to recover. You got one of those? Is that Paddy's? No. Sorry about your place. You closed the pool up for. Talking about your place. Yeah. You got that lumber going on. Mm-hmm. Nice rolling fire. I tried. I bought an eyepatch one time as a kid. We were hanging out. I was probably seven or eight. Uh-huh. I was at a, we rode our bikes too far from like where I lived. Like this is when like we weren't allowed on main streets. It was like stay in the neighborhood. But maybe you can cross the main street into another neighborhood. Mm-hmm. Or something. But like you're not, if there's no, you know, there was no sidewalks. But it was like, you know, you don't, uh, don't ride on the main street. Sure. Especially a couple of fucking hairpin turns we had them. Right. And this is, this is early 90s. This is before like. Turn signals and shit like that. Yeah, like, you know, this was still, there was no like, uh. They'd hit and run you. Yeah, for sure, dude. This is, the DUI, Dewey laws were a little lax at the time. And you're not going to den up a fucking 96 fucking. No, Steve. You're a bumper. Yeah. You're, I'm fucking pinging off that thing. Bounce your huffy, right? Right into the woods. Because, you know, I remember when they started putting like, you know, they started putting like shoulders on bigger turn, like on sharper turn. They started widening lanes and stuff like that. Yeah. And also putting those circle mirrors up so you could see on cut like. Yeah. That cut, that was all before that. Pussify in the country. Yeah, this was fucking, this is a, this is a wish and a prayer going into a fucking, going into a hard. Dead man's curve. Dog leg left. Decided. Um, and we did, we, we rode to a, we rode to a soup, a shopping center. It was too far away. And as a big. What were you getting? Were you getting there? What? What were you getting at the shopping center? Uh, genuinely. Yeah. Candy, candy cigarettes. I swear to God, we go to party land. You fat little bastard. And get, and get, they get the cigars. This is when they had the gum cigs too. Love them. That blew the powder out. Oh, love that. A couple of those after, after your mom breaking your balls all day. Blow off a little steam. Making out with Susie Rothschild, laying in bed. We went to, uh, we went to a stop by the Rite Aid for something. You know, I don't know. Just, well, let's go in here. And, uh. Just looking for shit to do. Just looking for shit. Summer day. My mom's at work. I just got to be back by fucking five or something. It's, it's 1130. I got, I got five hours to kill. I never walked into one of those places confidently as a child. Where? Just like three, three or four kids walking into it. Right. Rite Aid. Yeah. I always felt like we were being watched. Well, this was the, this was the first time that like I was ever in a Rite Aid by myself. So I'm like, I can just kind of get anything in here. You know what I mean? What do you mean? I bought an eye patch. It was, they were, it was an impulse buy. Like at the thing. I'm like, yeah, throw in one of these. We were buying like Snickers or something. You got that in a Walker. I'm like, oh, this will be funny. And I put it on while trying to ride my bike. And I didn't realize the depth perception. Fuck. And I was on second street bike in front of the car. The Wawa. And I almost took a fucking, almost took a dive. I almost stepped in front of a bus this morning. Yeah. Before the eye patch. Didn't get it till I got here. Pull the old Ryan Hamilton. Thought about it yesterday. What? Jump in front of a bus? Yeah. Sweet. That was a pretty bad pain. Uh-huh. Well, lucky now. Yeah. That was up on Park Avenue though. Can't kill yourself on Park Avenue. Yeah. That's what you do. Jam up the rich guy's day. You like that 1%? Yeah. Point zero zero one percent. Good luck getting that off the sidewalk. that's a lot of gook is it me or is that a lot of skin that's high cholesterol blood that's not gonna come out that's already set you gotta hit that with a little turpentine before you stain the sidewalk hope you got a lot of dawn what the hell's going on we'll talk about it on hard feel I got a lot going on here I'm managing a lot of stuff stuff's going on I'm getting fucking I got stuff I got this tree you guys got me bent oh is that the house in the burbs got me bent over a fucking barrel at the moment we'll get into it anywho we got a guy starting a family episode on our hands guys we're like the god damn post office rain slate eye patch we show up and do the fucking job out here embarrassing myself I kinda already did that this is the most responsible thing I've ever seen you do take care of a problem and show up to work yeah isn't that crazy yeah that's kinda the hand we're dealt I haven't had to do that in a while what like show up to work no thought of uh like I was in just going to the doctor like for like something on an emergency basis that doesn't seem responsible to me that's like you have no choice you know what I mean I was dying yeah I was worried about not getting this episode up I said oh boy if I can the suits are going to be up in a while I said oh boy I said oh boy I said oh boy they're going to be all over us there is no suits have no fear the bug man is a rare day of recording a rare day this is going out tonight ooh hot and fresh you want to know a little behind the curtain so we're going to we're recording this we're going to fucking give it to shark right away shark's a shark shark's going to cut it and then we're such just idiots we can't upload from here so he's going to have to go home and upload right because the internet's so bad here that he won't so shark's going to cut it shark you're taking one for the team here guy I'll buy you din din it's a work it's a work and dinner it's a walk what are you talking about um we got a gastron family episode on our hands guys as you know when you join the old patrione we will answer your garbage question on the air on top of getting up if you join the $10 love you get two episodes a week that hard feelings get that hard feelings jeez a real feel ooh scandalous over the last several months a soap opera if you will uh huh isn't there always somebody with a soap opera with an eye patch and a soap opera there usually is yeah yeah your Foley's twin brother Charles Bennington yes I'm Foley's twin brother you just put it on the other side I worked with that guy no I worked with the guy who was his stand-in where Rock Lobster remember Rock Lobster what do you mean the song Rock Lobster that wasn't Rock Lobster on Delaware Ave Red Lobster no I think it was Rock Lob look oh yeah the dance club down here I've been down Delaware Ave I've been down here I think it was I think it was called Rock Lobster oh you were right about that I was right about most stuff in your life but you were what the thing that the voiceover had to do to do the Philly accent you you know you're for the listener Dan would appreciate it your your your Philly accent isn't great ironically I don't have one I know isn't great I was born in Wilkes-Barre uh huh Brad in Bluebell like all good pirates a E-R a G-R welcome to the E-R-U garbage we sailed up to Susquehanna blood of 72 Hurricane Agnes how's your mom got a new vibrator boogush land Patty Patty look at your boy you haven't seen him in a while this is what this is what he's devolved to Mommy that's what I need what I need my mommy I've been telling you to go home and fucking kiss that blood on the lip now I can't see I'm not taking a train let's say unless I pay for it town cars and everything no you should get listen you've been living outside your means you should your bus is what for whatever reason a bus is the only way you can get to Philadelphia that's how you should get to Philadelphia amen baby and I've been living like that lately I don't know licking my wounds you know not licking my wounds learning my lessons digging back in man you are full of shit digging back in living lesson you told me you were about to jump in front of a bus yesterday crazy thing is I'm not okay having fun with this no I'm having a great time with it okay yeah yep let's see if we get into some questions god damn escape from Ian's basement over here you've been thinking about that for a while I haven't I've been sitting on it I've been sitting there staring I can see you feel you staring at me trying to love a line fucking fart Russell over here what's the Chinatown one that he was in eh I fucked that up okay doesn't like a riff you look good today thanks bud I have one blurry eye mmhmm man thanks for explaining the zingers you look good today too bud thanks buddy uh huh I look good in a collared shirt like this I was gonna that's so funny is that right no you think so that was my first walk in I was gonna trash you on it oh you don't like it you don't like it yeah very retail-y looks like you should be working at fucking Gennardi's or something sure you throw a name tag over that left breast I asked you where the tooth what aisle the toothpicks are chasing you and Stutsky out of my store get out of here fat little bastard or making fun of you guy comes in here every day you got one eye you fat bastard can't hit what you can't see you're bumping into shit come here you fucking fall over a bunch of stovetop stuffing uh huh cab it's talking about ultra sleep pads ultra ultra ultra I tell you this there's nothing worse than having a bad night's sleep oy vey there's nothing worse than not being able to get to sleep you're tossing you're turning you're laying in bed you got your phone you got your this all these things stimulating your brain that keeps you awake wouldn't it be nice if there was something that could help you sleep in a nice way yes and that's where ultra sleep pouches come in let's go the idea behind this is genius everyone uses pouches for increased focus energy but ultra took that idea and flipped the script on it uh huh uh that's why they're innovators over there uh these are pouches that help you wind down fall asleep and more importantly stay asleep and the thing is they use six clean research backed ingredients they got melatonin and a couple of things I can't really pronounce cause I'm not the sharpest it's got L-theanine in there L-theanine magnesium chamomile passionflower lemon balm extracts to support sleep maintenance that's nice reduce nervous restlessness and reduce night time awakenings they were nice enough to send us some good folks over to the ultra I take them all and I'm all in on them on the road it's easy cause you're on somewhere else I'm different the time zones whatever shut the machine down shut down and keep it down nice calm lower the shoulders relax and keep me under it's very very nice uh ultra sleep pouches deliver better deeper sleep with properly dosed and natural ingredients new customers can use the code garbage to get 15% off at takeultra.com that's takeultra.com for 50% off with the code garbage and after you purchase you're gonna ask how you heard about them please support the show and tell them the boys sent ya tell them the boys sent ya now kid what do you know about underdog ooh love that underdog all natural safe comfortable reliable t-shirts what are t-shirts made out of polyesters in there bullshit plastic hey you're walking around wearing a god damn old water bottle yeah I know do yourself a favor get over to underdog get a little hemp in there all natural fibers good on the skin feels good and you're not you're not getting those microplastics in ya yes I have microplastics kippy no good for ya yes the guys over there at underdog are obsessed with building the best cleanest blank tee on the market not a whole clothing line just one blank tee done right they're not spreading their focus all around it's boom sharpened in there it's 51% hemp for durability 31% bamboo for breathability 18% organic cotton for comfort zero polyester zero P F A's just natural fibers built to last listen you're not they sent me one I'm hooked I was like you know what let me try this feels great I was a little skeptical passed the field test oh did it pass the field test baby I didn't know I was a hemp man but I'm a 50 hey anytime you see me in the streets grab me I'm 51% hemp shout out to the good folks at underdog for fleecing for lacing your boy up Luke's 99% hemp for a limited time only our listeners are getting up to 30% off at underdog.com hachimachi I didn't realize that 30% off at underdog.com that's U-N-D-R-D-O-G dot com for up to 30% off after you purchase they're gonna ask you how you heard about them please support the show and tell them the boy sent you do it oh yeah um alright let's see here this one's from I like my squeaks this is a $10 trash here never have one read shout out to you mhm how do we feel about public school teachers eating the public school lunch instead of packing their own I haven't paid for lunch in almost 10 years I'm fuck yeah I don't know why I'm gonna explain it uh I feel there should be some sort of how do I say this that's like a uh I mean obviously I think school lunches probably have changed I don't know the caliber of this school the level of you know but there's something to like a teacher has other options that like you shouldn't be I view I view school as like you're like an inmate and you get what you get what we're giving you type thing you know mhm you should there should be some sort of elevated thing you don't eat with us you eat in your own place you should be eating others not what we're eating. Does that make sense? I always assumed and thought, and I could be misremembering, that my middle school, the teacher's lounge had a separate cafeteria. They had a little something in there, but I could be wrong. I feel like they didn't eat the same food that we ate. I would see them in line with us sometimes. Yeah, the bozos who, like, mom dropped them off at work and stuff like that. Yeah, I mean, you know, if you look back, some of them were pretty young kids. Yeah. In their 20s. Pack your lunch from home. Listen, I don't think you lose all authority. If you're waiting in line behind me, and I'm like, oh, what are you getting, Mr. Jenkins? You want that slice of pizza? And I fucking take it and then flex on you? Kiss your girl? Sure. You shouldn't. Can't be in there like, more tater tots, please. Yeah, the warden's not having lunch with fucking cell block C, you know what I mean? It's like, there's a fucking, you see what I'm saying? You can't wait in line with a bunch of kids. The eyepatch works for a warden, too. Maybe. Yeah. Even though I got one eye, boys, I still see everything in my prison. Got your other in a jar. Right here. I'll leave it on my desk. I'm going to leave my good eye here. The muskrat that took it hanging above my chair. Yeah, I think that's what it is to me. I go, I lose all respect. I mean, it's not even necessarily the food. I just lose respect for you. I've sat, they've stood behind me. And like, you're eating this. Same plate of popcorn chicken. Who the fuck are you? Fat little kid judging a fucking grown man. With your candy cigarette. He don't give a shit what you think. He should. He'll still turn your fucking lights out. I'm about to be a bitch in third period. Yeah, and he'll fucking kick your fat little ass out. Yeah, because he can't handle the real feel. Yeah, right. He can't handle the heat. He could have you crying in three seconds. That's how you should. He's a goddamn adult. Yeah, well, there you go. Listen, you can't. He gives a fucking. You think. I think it's. Listen, you're in school. No, you're not. You're at work. That's the problem. You're at work. It's all a thing. No. I know some of the school systems out there are rough. I get that. But if you're lucky enough to have, you know, I mean, our cafeteria ladies were moms, stuff like that. Cafeteria ladies are different. No, no. I'm just saying. They care. They got to be working. They can't be eating with the kids. They care. So even though, like, you know, with Cisco food or whatever the hell, you know, they put some love into it. But, you know what I'm saying? It's for everybody. That's what I'm. I. He's asking me and I don't. I think it's. There's the shop teacher ain't doing it. The tough teacher, cool teachers that you respect aren't doing it. I never seen them eat lunch. No shit. That's why. Yeah. You're not going to sit there eating a fucking bologna sandwich cut diagonally like a shmendrick fucking eating one Frito at a time. Trying to trade your fucking. Yeah, dude. This is. Your vanilla pudding for something. You've been. You've been to a fucking public school recently. It's like the fucking. Weird if I was. It's like the fucking Thunderdome. My sister just switched out of fucking public school because there was like. She's like, there was just fistfights every day. No one's going to. No one's going to listen to Mr. Fucking Johnson. Okay. That's all I'm saying. I got you. And I think, too, like. I'm a little hungry, though, so I like. Yeah, I got you. The idea of a school lunch right now is very cozy. Yeah, I knew that was going to be. I got that. That's your take. Nostalgic. Yes, for sure. Yeah. But it's also like. It's not like super adult lunch food either, I feel. No, I give it. It's like. Get a fucking Chipotle. Have a salad. Yeah. Or to fucking bring something from. I don't know. I just find it weird that it's like. I'm going to do this slice of pizza in the tater tots. It's like. I love that. And a chocolate milk. Let's go. You get no respect in school. Yeah. What are you talking about? I don't want your fucking respect. Yeah. Punk. As a teacher, you need it. The Dempsey kid. Oh, fucking rich boy son, huh? Can't put on any weight there, can you, skin and bones? Huh? Mr. Foley, what happened to your eye? I got stabbed in a bar fight. Fighting over your mother. How about that, punk? How are you going to finish those Doritos? How about I pull your pants out and everybody see a little pecker? Yeah, that won't get you in trouble at a fucking school. Jam me up. I went for the kill. You killed yourself in the process. This guy's doing a top. Pulled on your pants. You got a huge hog. What the fuck? Somebody come get this freak. Clearly, he's an adult dressed. Dressed as a young boy. Let's get you back to the circus. He's got a fucking bush full of pubes. I got a little eye patch on my wiener. All right, let's see yours. No, get out of here. He makes you want to go eye for eye. Huh? Dude, for that? Woo-wee. Oh, God. All right. This one, this is in school, too. This is from Big Daddy Fatty. $10 drawing here. Running to own. Never have one read. Have yous ever picked up side work from one of your teachers in high school? That's crazy. I used to go over her house and teach her how to use the computer. That I'll give you. That's all loss of respect. She paid me in cash and one time an NFL blanket. I respect that more for some reason. I don't know. There's obviously a very weird dynamic between students and teachers. I don't want to see teachers outside of school. Yeah. It's weird. That, and then even in there, there is this like, I never got the students who were like close to the teachers. I mean, like, I got like a gym teacher with like, that would like dick around with you and have fun. That would like break balls with you or whatever. That was like fun. Going over to a teacher's house. That's crazy. My mom wouldn't let that happen. Yeah. Had enough of that with the. Jesus. Okay. Moving on for me once I, uh, yeah, I didn't like, I didn't, are there anything with the teacher? I didn't, I didn't fuck with even, uh, I had a very, like you, you guys do you, we do us, we meet here. Me and my boy Dawson were very close to our defensive coordinator in high school. Um, after you made it, I don't know why that sounds like very military military. I don't know why. It just means. I gotcha. I was thinking you would think it was more NFL, our defensive coordinator. I did not. Assistant coach. Yeah. Uh, coach Kramer. He's the best. Um, he, uh, we painted, we painted a room in his house in one summer, but this was after our senior year after we had graduated. Yeah. That's that. That's um, I'm okay with. But I will say this one time I saw our, uh, our head football coach, this was also in the summer after my senior year. Um, but it was weird, uh, tough guy, small, tough guy, you know, fucking chew your face off kind of guy. Um, and then when I was working at toll brothers at blue belt country club, that's a little, at the little thing out front. Mm-hmm. Two companies. That's like when I was working at the gap over there by the Midas. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? Brothers was a developer. Dickhead. Yeah. What's a blue belt country club have to do with that? They built that. Okay. The country club. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And they had homes on there too. Gotcha. Built the homes on the country. Carriage homes. Mm-hmm. Townhouses. Hey, number two, zip it. Will you? Side patches are making me stupid. Um, him and his wife came to look at some places and they pulled up in like a little red convertible. He had like a shirt like this on and shorts and like his arm around his wife. I don't know. It was like, it looked at the couple in, uh, uh, outrun the game. You know what I'm talking about? A little red car. Had to broaden it. And the guy was driving. He had sunglasses on. No. You never played outrun? I don't think so. Or what is it? Driving USA? Whatever the fuck it is. That was different. That was cruising USA. Cruising USA. That's what I'm talking about. I did my best work in the tunnels. It's from 1986. Yeah. What the fuck, guy? What? Can't hear you cause the strap was over my ear. Anyway. Got potatoes growing in there. Um. It takes it away. Yeah. I'm done. I told you this. I saw, I'm dead set on this. I saw my. That guy was my sixth grade teacher, Mr. Leukitz. I saw him painting the house one day and I confronted him in school. I said, hey, I saw you. Oh yeah, that's right. He said it wasn't him. And he goes, it wasn't me. I'm like, you fucking. Hey, Leukitz. I fucking talked to you. It's me, guy. Yep. Leukitz sounds like one of Kramer's friends. I know, right? Uh. Yeah. Ed, I, listen. Um. I never had any relationship. I had good teachers and we got along with and stuff like that. But the. I think like, yeah. I think my sister had. That's threatened, I think. My sister had really good relationships with the, with the, you know, she was like, but she did like the trips. What trips? My sister like took kids to like, you know, Europe and stuff. What do you mean took? Oh, oh, oh, oh. As a teacher. Like, as like, she was like the head of the whatever club. Yeah. So like, they got like really, I don't want to close. I never did any of that stuff. But like, you know, they bonded more than I, I also didn't want to fucking talk to like hang with my, oh, you want to break balls and that's cool. You had a couple that were cool. But that's it. I'm not like. Like, really, I don't want to close, but, like, you know, they bonded more than I. I also didn't want to fucking talk to, like, hang with my teeth. You want to break balls, and that's cool. But that's it. I'm not, like, I don't want to get to know me. I never did trips like that. I wasn't paying for that. That was always an instant day off for me. Yeah. Even when they went to New York, I didn't go. We didn't do shit. Yeah, they took a bus up to New York. It sounded funny as shit. The kid who didn't go is always just. They always came in with some lie. Yeah. Wearing an eye patch. It's a corneal abrasion, T. Hey, we went to the movies. Yeah, okay. I was fighting a shark, and he scratched my eye, so I can't go to France with you guys. You were a tough guy. look kid huh what do you mean you know what i mean you know damn well what i mean what a tough look kid didn't look good what what yeah you heard me yeah my hair was all up i probably had something like this or a sty or something like that dirty sweatpants on hiding your little boner looking like a little stinger going yeah patty sent me just getting hard too young and like that oh it's getting spicy down there i did i got hard too young the age police and i remember i rubbed my wiener on the linoleum floor in the basement of our house and now lucky girl i knew it was naughty but i did it anyway and i know i didn't want anybody to see me uh-huh which i should have done it at the family party then get some prime your creeps look away what a boy does with him is his him and his linoleum floors his business trying to make love to this floor over here uh-huh yeah look at you look at me a lot of discoveries things are going great yeah no well yeah uh-huh if i can get red beard off my back huh whoa red papers are very famous pirate i would have been a pirate for sure fucking slicing throats and fucking backstabbing each other right oh yeah that's my game would have been not to be trusted the pirate a bunch of gold pieces thailand chicks forget where you buried your treasure it was right over here somewhere i spent i spent a half an hour ripping my room apart this morning looking for these yeah they're in the bathroom i do that shit a lot what like i'll put something down and then i'll lose it i know yeah but guy i didn't just get adhd they say that's what i think i think what the the outfit i think i think it's the black pants give the retail vibe i think you'll blue jeans and i think it's a you're a completely different guy in the blue jeans i think just a note that's okay yeah black jeans are big in brooklyn you just haven't rolled up with my white socks those are black socks oh yeah i've been black my white shoes i mean i just kick coffee on kevin's phone that'll be a conversation around race time too she showing black socks is a tough look too is it yeah it should be white yeah no here's the thing i've just switched to white because i'm a young cool kid but here's the thing he's a he's a you know he's a style uh yeah but you're trying and you're a 50 year old guy with an eye patch and but you're bragging about if you just say i'm bragging about the eye patch no you can if you want i think the i think the idea you're this is this is the this is why i think you were a tough hang a tough kid tough look kid you just have stuff your clothes and that's fine i also just have clothes they're utilitarian i have jeans i have socks i have sneakers i have black t-shirts i got a dickie's jacket i got a whatever jacket you just have stuff as well but then you brag that it's cool and then get mad when people say it's not cool i'm not mad i'm just making you're not happy about it that captain dickhead over here a little rich i'm just making the point that whatever's in style luke's gonna say is in style for all we know in six months next fall but you said black socks are back in and then i'm a trendsetter and he won't give me the credit see but you won't give me the credit yeah okay uh-huh i'm just trying to you just he's a cosmo girl uh-huh but you're trying to he's still trying to yeah that's the you're chasing i'm not chasing i'm leading now you rolled my own style i blend i blend the style you're the you're the best dressed guy at genardi's uh i'm actually closed you're closing your lane the lights off that means i'm taking my 15 minute break okay slightly autistic yelling at you whoa i know that guy too well those snack wells aren't low fat by the way that was you what do you mean you're projecting projecting what i could use a what's the second time you use projecting today i'm learning a lot of words like that these days haven't learned how to use them yet yeah i just used to throw them at you yeah unreal expectations sure uh they're getting mad for not not not getting it sure yeah things like that but projection that was probably you like what your day what no i was describing one guy that i know did me no you didn't close your lane to go so include no oh you didn't you'd wait you'd wait up for the next customer like one of the mcdonald's brothers what do you mean you would always take somebody if they were in line you wouldn't say hey we're closed i mean if it was like some a rich housewife with a 300 order going and i'm going yo toots i gotta catch a heater and drop a deuce everything doesn't revolve around you honey yeah oh well a lot of times we would tap out someone would just come and tap you out love to tap if you were close if listen if you're closing a lane you're through a rut there's there's no like real you can't close a lane with a line they do now they don't have the same integrity that you guys had back in the day you know i remember you'd walk into a ginardi's every it'd look like a goddamn horse race every light would be lit up yeah back there getting it done with a bagger uh-huh with a bagger yeah that's crazy you know what's nuts as a bagger started out as a bagger well docked there's not even a bagger doesn't even exist no a bat and listen if you were in if you were a cashier this is the country's going as my mom would say hell in a handbasket don't get her started on the current events that are happening in the geopolitical realm okay okay i got an earful of it at from the boot and ambler this weekend i haven't seen she was up she was upset about people like they were in the building it was great i said are you talking about the table behind us what are you talking about um if you were slow right let's say it was if you see if you can pick up on that i can't work your register sir i'm only a bagger i do the carts too cartmaster slob over here uh i put them all together in one long train and then i push them up against the wall uh-huh sometimes the high school kids make fun of me because i got an ipad now they got the god uh anywho but uh if you were slow like say i say i was in lane four and he's uh if you were slow like say i say i was in lane four and he was in lane five and i had well somebody and he didn't have any he would come out and bag for you bagging was a service given to the customer complimentary then when you come up here i don't know if everywhere does it but the key foods it's not up here it's just no but it's over i know but the 90s are gone the the key foods i used to go to once like 190 in st nick yeah talk about the that's al barrio buddy that is it you're in it and uh you might as well be in santo domingo up there and they had old dominican dude domingo what's the address you had old dominican dudes they were like retired they would just do it for tips you hit them with a buck or two they bag your groceries for you nice now it's sharp guys probably wear a shirt like this yeah collared shirt they come in they they put their they put their cologne on their work yeah they're they're working and they're very nice real neat uh hit on your girlfriend right in front of your eyes um makes you feel good but now nobody bags ever nope and like i go i'll bag and they go what huh i go i'll bag yeah yeah i get back we were a society yeah wait very true we were once cool could be again can't be like cooking who who don't like cooking now what do you know about hexclad i know very much about hexa because i own hexclad it's right there in your kitchen right now yes probably grilled some cook some eggs this morning did some scrambies for me my wife the baby that's i trust hexclad with my family well i was gonna ask you that hexclad i made the egg stick to it all that stuff tough getting it off buddy you couldn't get eggs to stick to this thing with superglue in the world do yourself a favor hexclad the only pots and pans you should be using in your home safe reliable durable non-stick yes you get a good text design the best thing about a good sear nice here got solid heat control easy cleanup and listen there's no baby in your pants when you're trying to get food off the you know when you're if you're in the kitchen like i am like a line grease i got that i got the headband on i'm flipping i'm flat these are ordained these aren't this ain't porcelain baby we're talking heavy metal here we're clanging flip i do the flip i'm flopping yeah uh they're fantastic listen i'm a big fan i i believe i bought them before they even became as a sponsor because i heard about them on another show i said listen i mean they're all the rage they're listen they're it they're top they make they make bozo cooks like me feel like i know what i'm doing just to get to say what do you gotta get the hexclad uh yeah people come out oh they're nice hexclad bozo uh hex like 12 get out of my kitchen quarter hexclad's 12-piece set is a strong pick if you're cooking more than one thing at a time you have enough range to handle the main dish the side dishes the sauces and big batches without counterfeiting. Constantly stopping to wash and reuse the same pan halfway through. There you go. Don't go into football season with cookware that makes game day meals harder than they need to be. Upgrade your kitchen with Hexclad and make cooking, hosting, and cleanup even easier all season long for a limited time. Our listeners get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to hexclad.com slash garbage. Support our show and check them out. Hexclad, H-E-X-C-L-A-D dot com slash forward slash garbage. And make sure to let them know the boy sent you. Kip, let's talk about Cash App. Cash App! Cash App is starting to make what we call moves. Power moves. Now, you know that's the safest, easiest way to send and receive money. They watch your back, but they're not grilling you with this and that. They look out for you. They don't make a big deal about it. Sure. Now they got the Cash App Savings. They got Cash App Banking. Cash App Banking. Do savings over there. You get the card over there. 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Shout out to other banking institutions, not Cash App. If you overdraft unexpectedly, there are no hidden fees. You can also unlock higher borrow limits. I like the sound of that. And customized personal cash back offers every Friday at places you love to shop. The work's already done for you, dog. New Cash App customers. New Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use the code CASHAPP10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Download the Cash App today and make your money work for you. Visit our link in the bio. Do it. Do it. All right. Let's see here. This one is from TootieFick. $10 extra for Guacafoli. This is funny. I'm in the market for a fence and them shits ain't cheap. I need a ruling. Is chain link garbage? Yes. I mean, listen. I mean, obviously. Luke, can you see why fences are so expensive? They're like, it's crazy. They're like $15,000 for a wooden fence. It's like nuts. That's nuts. You got all that lumber down there. Chop that up into a fucking fence and we can make some fucking money. They're saying it's about $15 to $60 per linear foot. So it's, I mean. Installed. Yeah, like, yeah. $60 a linear foot? Yeah, so just a foot. A foot. That's crazy. That's nuts. So let's just say, let's just say your backyard is a hundred. I mean, it's a hundred. Yeah. Just say it's 50 feet. 50 by 50 by 50. You'd have to do three sides. That's 3,000 a side? Twice the legal minute. Patty got national average. That's nine grand. National average is 1,800 to 4,800. Patty got the, it was. It's that, it's that plastic shit. It's nice, but it's that plastic shit. Oh, that stuff's like the privacy fence or no. Kinda. Yeah. At least they still, like, I can't go skinny dipping in the pool. Uh-huh. But yeah, it's not chain link. Now, when you get in the pool, do you jump in or walk the plank? I don't walk my own plank, dumbass. I make you do it. You would. Yeah, no. Hey, you'd make me. I'd go swimming. You wouldn't be diving off of that thing into the water? You're crazy. You're a little on and off of the boy. Shark-infested waters. No. How you gonna swim? You got one leg and no eye. Plus all that heavy. That's what we call chum. Plus all that heavy wool. That shit ain't drying. Those guys didn't have a suit? Fucking throw on a chubbies or something? You know? They probably just bare-backed it. Oh, yeah, for sure. Limp noodles and hairy. Weird. Wait, I had a point. Patty had some Russian guy do it. Under the table. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And she still got banged up pretty hard. It's crazy. I don't know why. I listen. Here's my take on as a new homeowner trying to figure stuff out. I think the chain link is fine. New stuff is okay. Even if it's lower quality. It's new. You got. And listen, they make chain link now. It's not gonna be. You're thinking like an old rusty fucking curved in. It's been people, you know. It's got spider webs on it and shit. It's gotta make sure the dog can't get under it. Yeah. A new thing. Any kind of new fence. I think you're okay. Those like new ballparks where they have like the nice like black kind of chain link with the plastic kind of around it. Yeah, that's all right. I think. What new ballparks? Like new kids like park. They'll have like the chain link, but it's covered with like a plastic coat. Like a black rubber or something like that. That's probably. They'd probably bang you out for that. Yeah, but it's probably less than the wood. Wood will get you. Wood's gonna get you. They say wood might be one of the rarest things in the universe. In the universe. Yeah. They've never seen the wood anywhere else except for our planet. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The universe. Yeah. I would say it's probably not the rarest thing on the planet, though. I think. No, no, no. Not on the planet. Yeah. I don't give a fuck about the. I don't give a fuck about the universe. Right. I mean, you set that up like it's the currency of the future. Wood? Yeah. No, they say salt. That's end times. Oh, you just saw that. Tick tock. What tick tock? Yeah, you did. I don't want. I don't. Somebody. What? I don't have tick tock and I haven't been on my phone like that. OK. I don't have Instagram. You laid in bed all day yesterday and then watched. I wasn't in bed all day yesterday. I was back and forth between appointments with eye doctors. And then. OK. When I got settled in at night, I writhed in pain for about an hour and a half and then fell asleep. Sweet. Yeah. Well, I stand corrected, my friend. Yes. Take that. To the bank. OK. To the plank. No, there was like this. There's a. Yeah. It was like the most valuable thing. It's been every war has actually been fought over. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. Back in the day. Yeah. Watch that video. Yeah. The video. I know what you're talking about. I see that. I didn't learn this at Harvard. I learned it on fucking, you know, shorts or something. Yeah. And, you know, high school, whatever. Yeah. Salt was big. Huge. And we went back there with a fucking couple of pounds of salt. We fucking run the joint. They kill you. No, they wouldn't. We go. I'm charging for this. Yeah. Right. Bring a fucking. You probably do it all. Get high on your own supply. All fucking. You'd be fucking. You'd all be. You'd be preserved from the inside out. No, dude. Go back with a fucking long gun. Fucking plenty of ammo. They think we're fucking God. Mm hmm. Or with all the chicks. Yeah. That's what you want. Salt. Smelly salt pussy. That's what I. That's what I want to do. I want to go back in time. We go to like Indonesia or something. Is that where your head's at? You go back in time and try to get some. Fuck. And pussy. No. First of all, you'd be the biggest person they ever saw. I'd go back in time. I wouldn't go fucking to the future. They think you smell. Okay. God. What's this? Okay. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't go to the. So do you work at a grocery store? You're wearing that. Yeah. A lot of guys in the future work at grocery stores. It's really cool. It's actually a government. It's kind of like a new fighter pilot. Um, I, uh, I wouldn't go to the future. My dollar is useless. I go back in time. Shove it on that wood. You got a door, a flame log. I go back in time. Ancient Egypt seemed nice. Oh, you couldn't cut it. What do you mean? If I'd be rich guy, I'd have all that salt. David did. Plus I'd have the long gun. They would skin you. The thunder stick. You would skin me. Uh, I mean, what are you going to, you know, you gotta keep all, you gotta have much, you gotta keep all the fucking, you gotta open your eye. What? What? What? What? What? You can't have two closed eyes when I'm talking to you. Like an old boxer. Um. I forget what I was going to say. You gotta keep all the gunpowder, the bullets. You lose stuff left and right. I got no gunpowder. I got a fucking bunch of magazines. You gonna carry them around? I'll bring a, all you need is a couple. You shoot that once, fucking everybody. Popular history says an ounce of salt was worth an ounce of gold. Fuck. Fuck. I really blew it. I could have been a salt millionaire, Kippy. No, you couldn't have. Yeah, I could have. They didn't have blow back then. Yeah, you'd be doing the fucking, the devil's yam-yam or something. A little bit of fucking. See if they had drugs in ancient Egypt. Yeah, opium and shit. Opium? Yeah. They had licking toads. They were doing all sorts of freaky shit back then. Had to do something to pass the time. Still had booze. Yeah, hooch. Yeah, you'd be freebasing hooch or something like that. Yeah. That was like vinegar wine, whatever they had back then. You ever see some of that shit the Romans drank and ate? Ugh. No. They had to cut it with water. Yeah. They had cut waters back then? This one's great. This is from Jam Dup. What a name. Jam Dup. Didn't even put that together. Jam Dup. Jam, J-A-M, Dup, D-U-P-P. This is a $10 homie. Is it garbage to make a sandwich with the dinner rolls at a wedding reception? Dude, if anybody gets the show it's this guy first of all home run name jammed up home run is it garbage to me ah it is and i've done it it is i don't know if i've ever done absolutely you can't take a little you can't be doing that a little mini swedish meatball fucking slice a little roll in half throw that in the middle i think it depends it depends on the size of the roll that's a big bangers the little square jones whatever now whatever i'm asking yeah if you're at a nice affair they're not gonna have fucking hamburger rolls i'm gonna be kaisers i wish they did no shit shout out to a kaiser roll a poppy seeded kaiser roll i don't like them um yeah i don't uh yeah you gotta find a quiet corner yeah you gotta be you can't be at a table with mixed company you so what do you do for a living as you're making fucking roast beef sliders or something like that honey you give me a little bit of mail um yeah you can't do that it's got if you're with your whole family i'm with it and if it's a little less uh less of a this is just my personal don't want to be embarrassed this is shameful for my end i'm all about making sammies have at it i would feel a little ashamed at a higher class event if it's if you're serving you if you're getting served i would say no if it's from chafing dish like a buffet style then i think the rules are a little more lax and it depends at what table you're at sure i'll give you that i'm still doing it and the size of the roll for sure yeah i still say do it because the bigger the roll is the less messy it is i feel you know what i mean the smaller it is it's it doesn't hold as much but that's what i would say here's more of a sandwich you're making which i'm okay with that you're cutting it in half quick little hawaiian roll like you just bang that out they don't hold to me though yeah i get they don't i like those kings hawaiian i mean if you're at a wedding serving kings hawaiian got bigger problems you gotta go they're in the bag you gotta go put money in the meter they're in the bag yeah um yeah that's uh i would say i'd say no but also hey live your truth you know what i mean what do i know the hell do i even know um this one's just this is just uh we've had this name before she crab poop home run ten dollar dickwad here buddy i don't know if i'm sure we have but is it garbage to call microwaving something nuking it oh yeah that's just that's a staple but i you have i never really thought about it nuking like you nuked them yeah you know what i mean like it's not it's nuclear uh i know science kevin sure i never i never thought about microwave now is that clean or is that not clean what do you mean you know what i fall out i always thought it was bad but then people i don't know microwaving stuff no not like like actual nuclear reactors yeah is that clean is that good for the environment very clean it's very the waste is like a big problem though because it it stays radioactive for a long time you're telling me huh so where to house it is a problem however they have uh they have new ones that they could that they could throw in that um are self-sustaining and almost indestructible you know yeah no i know that's news to me yeah that's good human error is usually the biggest flaw in that sure yeah but uh yeah we should all be we should all be nuclear waste we know nuclear power endless power yeah what do you smash atoms together real bad or something like that yeah smash atoms a deionizer deionizer i don't get the smell of it you're deionizing uh all right this one's from andrew murphy good irish name ah mr murphy andrew murphy you know the murphys from down there delaware have they live right next to rock lobster this fall i'm voting for andrew murphy i went back to see denise the midterm i was midterm tell me she has the flags in her yard no no no no what are they called the the signs oh man but uh i just did bucks in general obviously there's a see if you can find the documentary there's a documentary i think on bucks county bucks county politics yes because it's like such a battleground and ryan goes the scoochies but there's it doesn't want you to know the five-part pbs docu-series and dude like there's there's people apparently it's like real crazy like no one's showing it or it's getting like blacklisted it's like it's a dicey the director did rain man and diner oh no shit of them yeah barry levinson barry levinson there you go you know i'll talk to him see if we get you were impressed that i knew that weren't you no yeah a movie from the 70s no that's that's in your fucking wheelhouse the 80s and 90s whatever thanks pal love barry levinson what else did he do he was he acted in something or wrote something he was all he was in rain man he played the doctor on rain man at the uh place that doesn't often stay sleepers good morning vietnam sleepers we were just talking about sleepers um anywho but those signs are all out there and i love a good apparently there is some guy who you know voted to give himself a raise and raise it's like dude it's like real dirtbag smear tactics and i'm all about crazy this is joe jenkins he's he slapped your mother those commercials are wild i know it's just i feel like it's even more and in bucks specifically kevin ryan thinks he's too good to eat a school lunch i'm not but with the children i'm teaching i am he smokes candied cigarettes and rides his bike across the street when he shouldn't this fall vote for h foley i'm h foley and i approve this message fucking bury you uh-huh how we run for office you should run for office no run anywhere right who wins what see who wins and what comptroller yeah i always want to be i don't know what they do i mean listen i would just they're on the take i know that hill god comptrollers that's where the bread gets buttered i mean you'd be cooked in a half a second i would just make the fucking amex episode public what that's content for comedy purposes your honor this is smear campaign but mr ryan so he can get in with his mondami politics i would just sit there and just read the statements from june july and august this man's a terrorist trace his roots he was born in afghanistan h foley says he he injured his eye in active duty you're dressed like a fucking you're dressed like colin pal five-star general h foley you got a hook for a hand when you shut down a hundred fighter jets you know how to run for public office kevin ryan has a small penis and his wife is unsatisfied for for a real war hero turns out that's the worst case of pink eye ah thank you for me this is my submarine i'm over on the intrepid you got those you got the shark photoshop and stuff for you real bad oh geez louis um yeah this is a home run this is from burnt oil uh are you garbage if your two-year-old has more teeth than you do i'm 31 that's jammed up dude uh that's a really good one because they had two teeth are flying in and if you're in your 30s and you've you haven't lived great they start you know i see how you can meet in the middle i could use a bozo or a homie that works that does invisalign here in the new york new york area you have dental do i thought i didn't have eye i think we have everything i don't know everything we have everything i just went to a doctor nadine yeah nadine just took the baby to i still want the invisalign guy hit me up love you not on instagram invisalign for you hit me up on twitter and wait hold on invisalign for you that's right get some fucking caps too so why are you gonna invisalign the cat i mean you gotta get your priority you're currently wearing an eye patch and dress like you work at a supermarket bragging about black socks and you want to get invisalign you got a point they put an air freshener in a hoopty first i take the caribbean then i get everything all that banana money a banana republic what does that mean economies based on bananas yeah or just like i don't know specifically but those countries wait that's why they call it banana why do they call those clothes i think it was from the 70s just a good name it was a banana it's all banana republic it's a you know what's a banana court or what's it called kangaroo kangaroo court i think that was from wasn't that from a trial yeah from a tv show right no that's captain kangaroo that's what i'm thinking of yeah my arch nemesis was he a lawyer or something no i don't know what he was where's kangaroo court come from uh he was a captain i think it was steamship or something i don't know i was always a little sketch on him uh 1841 there was like a article about an article yeah it seems like an article my patch is itchy we have four more episodes to do today it's all right i'm here for you Bozos and homies Kevin Ryan's not He wanted to call out today Who called out yesterday I had a Sermatic injury Traumatic injury As long as the kids are safe That's all that matters Sure You have eye care You didn't pay for this I did out of pocket Yes I did I mean that's your fault $20,000 They charged me That's weird You like that number don't you I enjoy it Can't really see you right now But I assume you're making Sometimes a snide face I wasn't I was smiling Because it's funny I think Okay Talk to me baby Let's see here This one's fine Never thought about this This is from 3Digita SAT score Great name $10 homie Never had one read Yous ever have your trunk And your hood open At the same time Bonus points If it wasn't in your driveway You're probably jammed the fuck up That's so true You're Getting something out of the trunk To help you Or you're showing off your car To Bob's big boy Which I respect that Yeah But why are you showing off the trunk Trunks are cool Of those old cars Maybe if you got If you got something Okay Maybe you got the engine back there You got some subwoofers back there You got some subbies going That's the sound Of the 2020 hitting in the trunk Shout out to Cottonmouth Kings You don't know Cottonmouth Kings Of course I know them Yeah you fucking weed head I thought Cottonmouth Kings Was the name of a band That's the sound Of the 50s What a hitting in the trunk That shit dropped When I was in 7th grade Good And that's all I wanted to be Me and the boys Were gonna be the next Cottonmouth Kings Splitting a dime bag I thought I thought they were They won the cannabis cup In Amsterdam That's what we would say Oh really What about your weed The cannabis cup was like Yeah And dude this is You know Remember someone Who got their hands On a High Times magazine Shit My boy was on the cover Of High Times Yeah What'd he do Uh he's Crude as a sticky icky He was a very high up Military guy Or like Oh I know what you're Talking about Yeah Assassin level stuff And he came back And uh Was a big He's a big advocate For it for PTSD So yeah I ended up on the It's pretty sick It's a pretty sick Cover of the photo too He's got like the helmet It's in like black He's got a helmet on He's like fucking Ripping a dude's Wait the helmet Like the Like the battle helmet Oh The reason I thought It was a skateboard helmet I don't know why Why would they put him In his skate Who is he Bob Burnquist Who's Bob Burnquist That's the deep cut Is he a skateboarder No Oddly enough He's an accountant He's a controller Um Let's see here We got time for one Friggin more Hit me Um Um This one's just fun We'll get on a fun Silly note This is from Roddy Uh Sixteen dollar Aussie dollar mate Is that what they're called Australian dollars No Yeah Really Australian dollars Well yeah It's USD United States We just call them Dollar I'll give you a little USD AUD AUD yeah See what I said Give me a little D I'll give you a little USD Uh huh What's that mean My penis Uh huh Is it USD Yeah USD Ubiquitous Small thicc Unidentifiable Small Dingleberry You say that Who said that I can't see I can feel you I can feel you Looking at me Uh This thing's itchy Yeah What do you know You never worn a patch I just told you I have What as a little kid For a couple minutes What are you talking about Sorry I never wore one As a fifty year old This is a military issue You know what's crazy You're at the age Where that might not bounce Back You might just be Eye patch guy You know what I mean You get to an age In a health limit Where like You fall Or you hurt your knee You just gotta Like you know I mean what kind of Fucking dickhead Says that To a guy Who makes his living Whose life's work Is in front of the camera So what do you need A second eye for What are you talking about Asshole Who the fuck's gonna Cast me as a fucking First of all I gotta work as a pirate You don't make your living As an actor I hate to I hate to break it to you In front of the camera Yeah here It's fine here It's funny here Is it not funny Are we not laughing I really It would only enhance All the characters You play Yeah You could be in the next Austin Bowers reboot Bowers Austin Bowers It's a spin off Barry Levinson's That's some High level comedy That's pretty good Austin Bowers Good day mate He's Australian What was I just friggin doing You said you had a little Humdinger for us Yeah we didn't get the I'm sorry we didn't get the We didn't get the Andrew Murphy's Murphy That's why I'm voting for Murphy That's why this fall I'm voting for Andrew Murphy Also outside Philadelphia New York's kind of the same It's all Irish in a town It's mostly Irish guys You know what I mean That's why I wrote Your vote bro Flanagan Is it classy If I only buy coffee That has the word Arabica on it Is it classy If I have no idea What it means Dude When Arabica beans hit Denise Thought she Was the Sultan of Brunei It was crazy It was nuts In King Sullivan's mind Arabica I got It's got the Arabica Yeah I don't know what it is Find it That's ISIS That's what I think It's Middle Eastern right Shout out to It ain't from Jersey I know that Make a good cup of coffee Over there They just That's all brand Arabica beans Yeah it's It's all bullshit But Arabian The bean is called that Because European botanists And traders Mistakenly linked the plant To the Arabian Peninsula Where's it from Ethiopia Ooh Very nice Make a good cup of coffee Over there Yeah they do That's where that Strong That's where that lemur Eats the beans And then shits them out Yeah I'd like to get my hands on that I'd like a cup of Joe Fuck yeah I'd like a nice cup of coffee You're a little too into it Yeah Give me a scat cup Stat Put it in my eye Put it in my other eye Yeah I had a latte the other day That was Didn't drink it First time ever Didn't drink it Eh I'm not doing it Eh Mm-hmm From a very Reputable Establishment In my neighborhood too Cousin Ian would be Very upset Wow You've really You know You've really Become hoity Turning your nose up To a latte Because it's not up To your standards Brooklyn guy I can tell by the black socks Yeah Mm-hmm And my lo-fi records In my room Mm-hmm A lot of Sonic Youth I'm listening to I've seen that room Ain't nothing youthful About it, guy You should see it now It looks like it was Tossed by the fucking Alphabet boys That's what I saw And it didn't look great Because I couldn't find this I just fucking Served a no-knock I ripped the place apart Uh-huh Freaking out Where was it? In my pocket It was in the bathroom Isn't that crazy? Of the neighbor's house I don't know God All right We gotta wrap it up, gang Gang, we love you to death Yeah Kippy, I love you I love you, too, bud Lukey, I love you And, uh, you know what? Well, I'll tell you what We'll see you in three days Peace Tammy regularly hauls stuff To her kids at college That's why she shops At BJ's Wholesale Club Saving up to 25% off Grocery store prices Beef jerky Microwave meals Laundry pods Even they can't screw up Have you met my kids? And with BJ's gas She gets there for less They call me the road warrior This is your home Road warrior mom Home of the save Home of the save Join for just $20 At BJ's.com Slash mesquite And save 10 cents per gallon For six months Open soon Limited time offer New members only BJ's Home of the save