Are your needs being met?

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the DIY podcast. This is your host with the most Garrett J. White and I hear with my queen who has changed her clothes into that high school classic movie Mean girls. No, it's just a cute little pleated Prada skirt. It's cute. I was getting aware of my new my new I got I went shopping I know you did I Really proud of myself. No, I wasn't even an attempt to slow-bought at all I didn't spend as much as it looked and I have not bought any designer things since we went to Dubai. So Anyways, I brought these really cute like even about any designer since the bottom no Sense essence April no May, June July August four months so proud of myself. Do you know what the code is? Do I know real raw realm of results translated into stop fucking lying? I've shopped everybody designer. I have shopped You're not bought any I have not bought any fancy shoes You bought me a pair of cute like Louis Vuitton slides of the mall one on one of our date nights And then when we went to Vegas, you bought me that cute banana bag So we did buy some designer. I said I personally have not purchased myself anything designer for four months Okay, but I have gone shopping, but anyways. Yeah, so I bought myself a few a couple of cute things and I'm gonna buy a couple cute dresses for We're going to Greece next weekend. Yeah, so here we are all right So we got giant Apache helicopters doing flight patterns in front of her home This is why I feel safe in Orange County right here We have police helicopters above our house constantly. We have sheriff all over the place We have motorcycle copy gives me tickets when I ride my e-bike with my kids He's a dick and then we've got the Apache helicopters protecting our freedoms Right here and he's like running their drills. Yeah, they're running drills right here in front of her house Look at them. They're they're fine huge ass Apache helicopters Are they running drills because we're close to the maybe base thing? No, they're running drills because we're close to war War of the sexes all right, so let's look at this. I play a topic. We do have a topic is marriage actually Supposed to be the way that we play You left our last podcast sounding like we're you made it sound like we're dabbling into an open relationship. We did you did I was like there's a cliffhanger. Oh, are we are? No, we are not okay. God. I was just checking Probably just had to make sure I was you are you last night you asked me a question you were like Yeah, and I was like no Anyways, we We this is a topic that's actually quite Spicy because we look at this here's a question. I'll start off with can a In a marriage the expectation is that a person's needs are being met fully and wholly by their partner, right? This is like the the current origin of marriage in the last hundred hundred and fifty years Proud of hundred and hundred fifty years ago. It's not that people weren't a love. It's that people didn't get married for love People got married for convenience and they got married even like now we know people right now got married just to give visas Yeah, there's two different relationships. I can think of what that's the case What's that you got a kind of like that person? Yeah, but I'm saying like the lot of like marriage was like very different It was much more survival tactical You know, he was even like reading some books about this in the past like the Viking culture But don't you think we have evolved as humans? Why would we stay in like anything about Kings and Queens when like the King had like his You know hundreds of women. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm thinking about but that's I'm saying like all the many men We should go back to that like there's our cement that if they wanted hundreds of women they could yeah But what level is that not fulfilling? I don't know. I just saying like marriage is actually as a as a contract The way that we say getting married for love is really only the last hundred hundred fifty years Prior to that for thousands of years people weren't getting married for love right they're getting married for a whole bunch of reasons convenience That's why there was a range marriages Yeah, and like also they there's a there's a stud there's come to studies out right now and books I'm reading that say that women have been naturally like can naturally move on from one man to another man Much easier than a guy can move on That women actually are built to move on faster and a lot of that's primal from back in the day because they died in the war Well, because women like in wars like ones group would take over the other group and take all their women Yeah, so they may not get killed and they'd have to adjust It's like either you go be with these new guys or you die So I think there's a lot a lot of that I how many women do you think stay in marriage just because they are worried about not being a Provide for themselves in their kids. Oh for sure so many women say in that they're like They don't even entertain the option. They're like oh that'd be too scary especially I was like thinking the other day. I'm like okay if I'm married to a super producer and I don't work even though I don't I say this lightly because I can promise you being a stay-a-home mom is hard as fuck is so hard in ways more harder than building a brand But I say this meaning like I forgot where I was gonna go. No, you're saying being home I'm being safe and then being in a relationship with snow bueno, but you're staying because you're safe Oh, yeah, so you're saying in this because there's this piece of you that don't value yourself as that Mother role as that seeing that value. So you're immediately like what do I have to offer? I just have to keep my mouth shut because I have all the safety and security and ultimately even if you're not happy You're thinking I have all the safety and security for myself and my children So you're like I would rather just die inside and and not give up this safety and security because I don't see anything that I could value Or like if I got divorced I'm just the especially when you get older you're like I'm in my forties and now I've got like you know four kids Who's gonna want me? Yeah, but I I mean I don't think that for myself But I can imagine like if you were to stay at home mom and you there's that thought that goes to your mind that's like Okay, like I don't provide anything it or how am I gonna provide what if I don't find a guy and now I've got these kids You know, so there's like a lot of like lack of belief in oneself and so they stay in these marriages by choice and are trapped Based on the safety and security which women want But at what point is that so painful that you're like screw it I'll let go of all the safety and security because my soul is dying inside which a lot of women do you see women you are we know Several couples where you're like you guys have five kids and now the sudden you just went fucking wild and now you gave it all up And you're at the bars every night and you're like whoa, I did not see that happening There's a couple of levels where things have turned you know, it's interesting all of them went the path of open relationships That's like how all of them started they started this place of let's see if we can I don't even know if it's rekindle but I think a lot of younger because they're too scared to let go fully So they're like well, let's just test the waters over here But then I'm still have some safety and security to me that super weak That's like I don't believe in myself enough. I'm not willing to take a risk on myself I'm not willing to gamble on my own so I'm just gonna play half-ass inside of a relationship and go test the waters over here How's that even safe? You ready? You're gonna okay? Do you believe if I was a complete asshole lost my mind And to worship that you would find another quality man. Yes. I know I would okay. See if I have a response now ask me a sand question I know you would too. I would not find a quality man. I'm not gay. Well, I love you. I'm a quality woman Yes, I will find her you value yourself and I value myself. Okay, so in this relationship based off of wanting to be yes Okay, so think about this if you are not at the highest value as an individual Then at some level you are trapped in the relationship. You know why I didn't do it you when I found out you had an emotional fair After two kids is because I didn't believe in myself. Yeah, I stayed in the relationship for my kids If I had an emotional fair right now and I was out dinner and holding hands and walking through the park with another woman You'd be okay. No, absolutely not. What would you do? I'd be like it's been fun. See you later And that's why because you value yourself right but that back then he were young. Yeah, I was dumb as fuck I mean what the fuck was I thinking? That's the only reason I was like out of my mind. That's 15 years ago I found myself so in that moment of when this happened with us. I was like I will never be in this situation again And so for me, I was like I'm gonna start my brand because I don't want the man to have this control over me where if like things are going sideways I can't provide for myself and I also don't want to be in a situation where if we get divorced I got to go find my next sugar daddy because I'm that dependent on somebody to make money for me because I don't believe in myself enough to do it So this is a hard one. This is a hard sticky slope because I didn't want to be I never wanted to be a producer I literally was comfortable doing hair as a hobby. I charge hardly nothing even though it's always very good at it I wanted to just be taken care of and loved and be a wife and do hair as a hobby. I wonder if I know I'm gonna show up then If that's how you would have stayed. I think you probably would have I think that some of I forced you into your mask You for sure did because I wasn't providing the things we talked about last episode right But I also am very grateful for that. I know that sounds crazy But the woman I feel I am today Couldn't this the certainty I have like just physically who I am I had to go through a lot of stuff to have this certainty Yeah, otherwise because I'm very introverted. I'm very shy I could barely get in a group setting when I first started my brand and like talked to their hair says I was always so nervous and I have met some other like very Successful men and their wives are who I would have showed up as when I'm like dude she can't even hold a little conversation She's in her ugly sweater over there and she's married to this like uber powerful man And then you wonder why he's like not he's not attracted to her at the same level because he's grown And but he's like I can't leave her because she's the mom of my kids and I feel so bad But I really want her to grow well. He doesn't want to push her into her masculine right so I look at it as I'm like If if I hadn't have gone through what I did building my brand putting myself out there You know going on to have two more children the fitness and things like that. I wouldn't be this person. I'd be this 40-year-old Person, you know, you see people that just don't grow. Yeah, I would just spend some way I mean I've grown a little bit But I've just kind of been kind of stuck in the same little thing A ta-da-da-da-da. Yeah, like I think you're like a lot of our like like, think about like a lot of our sisters and brothers. And you're like, you're like, they're all kind of doing a lot of things. They don't understand, should they've been doing for a long time? For like 20 years. Yeah. So look at this. We were raising religion. We left religion. We were raised. I was raising in poverty, like no money wealth was not a conversation. I left and broke poverty box. You left to the, I'm going to be a kept woman, became a producer box. Like we've gone down the path of like, shattering the education box with our kids. We don't believe in education. The same. So I'm saying is that is the marriage box, a box that's going to blow up, statistically proven, like it's less effect like this being a successful marriage is as difficult as being successful as an entrepreneur. I don't think ours would have had the success it even has today had I not, at some level, been pushed into my masculine because I wouldn't be at your level. Yeah. If you kept growing and like the man you are today, you wouldn't have even considered dating 15 years ago Danielle. Maybe when she's free, cute. Maybe I would have. Actually, she probably went, she's cute. Yeah. And you probably would have been a really attracted to the feminine soft version of me. But I don't, I mean, I don't know. I mean, Liz, we can't go back on what it has been, but as we look at all I'm saying is, what have we also done? I mean, how many times you've shattered the sexual box for years of woman? You don't go from, I need all the blind shut and North Face jackets to stripping for me in our bedroom. Like that, that's a massive shatter. Like even like couples will tear those couples on and the guys can't even believe it. Because they're married to women who are missionary style sex in the bedroom. They've been married to these women for 20 plus years. And it's like maybe occasionally in the shower, but the idea of a woman having the confidence, turn on music, put on lingerie, put on the heels, dance for her man in their bedroom. Like that is like, that's it. You're unicorn. Like I said, I was uncomfortable for me, but I found a lot of power in it. It was almost like I was like, I own this man. Like, I was like, I was easily owned and I was ready to be able to do it. He likes it. He's like, she's powerful. I like this. Yes. So the flip side goes for a guy going the other direction. Like there's just, there's so many things like this is the question of like see like, take somebody. If you had, if you had, if we go back and say you would have sex with 50 guys, you've been with 50 different men. You'd have all these variety points of experience and exposure, right? If I had had sex with 50 women, I'd have all these variety points and exposure and we didn't even come closer to those numbers at all. Like not even close. Our children have more experiences with multiple people than us. And we are sitting here in the space trying to recreate ourselves inside of a container in which the only person who gets to practice being the next version of us, like I'd only I get to experience this new version of being with a woman because you died and were reborning to something else. Otherwise if you were the North Face jacket, all the blinds down clear the neighborhood and now we can have sex girl, my giggle that girl was cute and amazing because she was so terrified of herself sexually. But if I was who I am today and I met HIPPA, hippie, Garrett, Barefoot, I'm never even considering it. Of course. I mean, no, like I was at my level. Of course. I think that guys, successful guys can date down, if that makes sense. Like not in looks, but they can date down like intellectually. And women can date down on physicality. Oh, you think women are more turned on by their mind? No, because women value safety and security and being seen more than they're like a super shredded six back. Yeah. Elon Musk, Elon Musk said Australia's like, he's like no woman in the history of the world has chosen six pack over six cars. Exactly. He's like, gentlemen, go work harder. Get out of the gym. All right, guys, a little bit of an interrupt really quickly. If you are loving this podcast and you're sharing it with your friends, I would encourage you also to check out my education page. I'm Danielle Kay White, the creator of Natural Beaded Road Hairi Sentience. So if you're a hairstylist or you're looking to find an artist that offers NBR hairi sentience, go ahead and visit nbr.education. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. Like if you lined up two guys and you're like, this guy has an A-pack and a Ferrari, but he lives in this apartment. And then you're like, this guy, not horrible looking way more successful. I'm like, for sure, that guy. Yeah. And that's probably what I'm saying. So guys will date down intellectually and women will date down on looks. Is that what? How does that work over time? Like play it forward. I'm 58. You're 51. Yeah. Like the game changes for us in different ways and 10 years. Like as me, as I keep getting older, my range still stays open. At 51, you could probably date a 28 year old boy and a 38 year old and a 48 year old. What I'm saying is like, there's like at some point, like the game. That's what's hard for women is we get. Well, it's if flips for women, definitely. I mean, I disagree and I agree. Like there, I find like super successful and like Sam in my 50s, I get and I'm super successful. I guarantee I could get me a little 30 year old if I wanted. Oh, for sure. But I think money plays that dictation. So if you're an older woman who gets divorced and you're 50 and you have no cash, like you're going to do, you're going to date surf for Bob. Yeah. You're not surf or Bob. It's point. Those are your options because you're not a high valued woman. Now, don't say that would disrespect, but it's you didn't believe in yourself. You have nothing to offer this man. And now you're old. You're not, you're not 28 years old anymore. So you're going to go with surf or Bob. Bill Bella check was the coach for the Patriots. He's 72 years old and he's married to a 26 year old. And she's pregnant with his baby. How did he get it up? He just gives you 70s. Does music get hard on? Okay. There's plenty of dudes in our 70s. Fucking. That's good. But that's the thing I'm talking about. He's 72. Bill Bella check. Super Bowl champion like, I don't know, eight times. Fucking legend in the football world. He's married to a 26 year old who's pregnant with his baby. So I'm saying he's there, but you're not going to hear the story the other way, which is a 72 year old woman who was amazing producer who's with a 26 year old boy. She doesn't want to. She values the intellect more than she does that 23 years. She's like, I can't hang. That's what I said. So even if you're older, you're like, you can only, you can't date a dumb or guy than you. It's really, I've talked to my son, my single friends. And they're like, he was, he was great until I realized he's just not that smart. So this is. Again, the rain, the desire of even when they're older is still the same as it was younger. Guys don't get us. So then we have to find somebody who's like older. Then there's people like they both older. They both have success. And I'm sure that they, there's in situations when they get together. There's that one guy that spoke at click funnels. And I was like, wow, his wife's older. Like I was so surprised. Yeah, that was a surprise. I was at age or a few years older because I'm like, he's uber successful. He's not bad. We're used to seeing guys like that. And so I'm like that something happened and I guarantee he, he liked just from talking to him for a second backstage. I was like, that's not a guy that wants to date a 23 year old. He's bored with that conversation in three seconds. And he even shared the story on stage. I go, he liked this older woman because she challenged him and he's never had that. And he's like, what the hell? I can get all the 28 year old pussy that I want. And he's like, on all of a sudden, this woman who's like, I don't put up your shit. He's like, well, that's new. How do I catch this one? Isn't it crazy? It's even a dialogue now. I mean, if you went back like when I was young, like you, you didn't see late 20 somethings and with 50 somethings, the gap they, it's getting so ridiculous. It's like gross. It's like gross though. Like, it's just gross. Why do you think this is happening? Like what's happening to all the girls and then what's happening to all the women in the middle? That's what I'm saying. I swear to God, there's going to be the biggest, there's going to be feminism is going to blow up on itself with what it is driven, which is driven women to be hunt. I'm a boss bitch. I'm this, and now they're in their 40s. They have no men because the men are like, why would I, why would I be with you? Because guys are thinking they want to be challenged, but they don't want to fight. Yeah. And if you're at that point, I can have like doding happy 30 year old or I can have bitchy, I got an opinion and tons of fucking rules. 48 year old. Why am I hanging out with 40 year retro? I hate to bring out. I'm all money while I hang out there with them. I hate to bring up another couple we know that recently got divorced, but it's yeah, it's like it would be hard when you date somebody with scars. We hard to be married to somebody, although there's connection. There's too much too many scars. I'm telling you, we're going to have a tidal wave of single, miserable women. They're the we've ever had. But what do you say about the mom? What do you say about the mom? What do you say about the single? Okay, but what do you say about the women who are like in miserable marriages and they were like the mom for like five years and they're finally like, I'm out with the guys. I've been engaged miserable from married miserable to single miserable. I don't know. At least married miserable has kids. Single miserable has cats half from a hairless. I'm just like, it's a weird thing. Think about it. Like even at some of the conference we went to, how many I would be interested? See how many girls at the conference you went to that are over 40 are single. Like they're powerful boss bitches. The main girl's single. She's 42. I don't know if she's single. I think she she's single. She's single. She's single. Well, the main girl that runs parents. She's single. I don't know. She's not kids. I know. But and she's my age. But the thing that's crazy that I give myself kudos to you is I'm married. I have four children and I consider myself pretty successful for a woman. So I'm like, I don't know how that. Successful as a human. I'm like, yeah, I don't have. I don't like compare myself to women. I'm like, yeah, I'm successful as a human. There you go. But I think that's where I just think it's I'm watching it. And it's it's wild to watch what's I don't know the dinette. That's why that people have this idea. I'm gonna get divorced and it's just gonna be. better. So have you ever ran into anyone who successfully doesn't open marriage relationship? I mean, I know your best friends. My best friend has an open relationship but besides those two, nope. I've seen people start down that path and then they get divorced. So I I'm not saying it is the answer. I'm saying I can see why people think it's the answer. Because it's a but of it's a weird thing and you know you know I've talked about it. I think you have the ability to physically have sex with other people and move forward and be fine. Yeah. I emotionally connect to everyone. Like I don't think I can do it. I know. That's what scares me about you is like I end up having nine women. You you emotionally open up. Well, this is why the like emotional affair happened so many years ago is because you emotionally open up to people and if that woman's in a painful space in her relationship or marriage and all of a sudden she feels seen. No, not only that but she's like challenge accepted. She will then go out of her way to hunt you down and you don't even know it's happening. You're like I just feel sorry for her and I'm gonna be her savior and like I just was helping her and then all of a sudden she like came on to me and I'm a man and all of a sudden we're you know. So that's a that's where I get like like okay babe like I I wouldn't say it's in the back of my mind but I don't think you notice that about you like I'll see women that are like fan grilling over you and I'm like bitch move. Well I'm gonna listen. There's a lot of there's a long that same lines as women couples having three sums like all things you're going on I I just think that cross the board for me I am so emotionally connected to humans I can't emotionally unplug from him. Right but what I'm telling you is does it actually connect with somebody. But if you notice a woman that's like kind of crossing the line do you shut that energy down. No I just vital right in I'm like come on my wife's not home yet but should we home later just come back where she's here. No because you're a coach and you have to like almost open that up a little bit. No I open up intimacy. My proud challenge was before all of my medicine work and before dealing with some of my sexual abuse of kid I could not create a distinction between sex intimacy and love. So I can love another woman. I can intimacy with another woman without having the without following through on any sexual desire or even shutting down sexual desire. So I can be coaching and be intimate with somebody's hurting. Shut down the sexual desire. No I can shut down the sexual desire. And I can be intimate whereas in the past if my intimacy and my love and sexuality were all the same thing. Yeah. So it was very difficult because why had to just isolate myself composing a woman for a decade. I've noticed that from you because like even I've been in the room when you're like training women and there's nothing sexual about it but there's an intimacy about it. And it's interesting that's a very powerful thing that's a compliment to you because I notice when I'm talking to men in general they immediately kind of like it's almost like they can't even look me in the eyes which is respectful and I like it but it's it's you have the power eyes though. No but they're I notice they're shutting down their section. Yes they're sex and energy but then it gets weird and they don't even want to talk and I'm like that's because they can barely maintain themselves. I'm telling you with your eyes your eyes are like super power. I I don't disagree. I don't know. I think I have the ability to like really connect with people with my eyes. You 100% do that's why opening up like and most guys can't handle because guy because people can look at you and feel seen by your soul when you look at them with your eyes. I can say that's why I don't talk much. I just look at people and I send them. Listen I watch you I watch you look at women men etc and I watch all of them all of them. I watch straight women now all of a sudden things are less mean because they look at you. I think I think it's important. I do know I do it. It's not even a sexual thing it's like just the superpower. When sometimes when people are hurting there's a lot of there's a lot of value like if you just show that you care and like even if you like put your hands on your shoulders and you're like how are you and you look them dead in the eyes like means really melt a person all of a sudden they're like oh my god like all you did is stop put your hand on my shoulder and ask hey how are you and you like slow them down for a second they're like oh thank you like thank you for like and a lot of times they just start crying in your life. I think what what if what if what if everybody's actually dying for and the reason why sex is gone so crazy is because people want to be seen and because people aren't being seen in the marriage there's not being seen in relationships they think that having sex is being seen. Yeah yeah. Only to find out that inevitably every time that sex is not equal being seen. Right. Everybody wants to be seen for who they are truthfully. And I think there's just people in this I think there's people in like many individuals in life who can separate having sex with someone and not have it be intimate and can be intimate with some and not have sex. And I think even in my world though like sex is such an intimate thing for me. The idea like I just can't I can't see it like there's there's plenty of couples like right now that I'm it's like amazing to me the number of couples I'm meeting who are having three sums or an open relationships that I didn't expect to see to hear that from them and then I'll hear that from them like wasn't expecting that. And I don't I can see why in some levels their the principles behind why they're trying to do this. Yeah yeah. At the same time as a guy who I am as emotionally as emotional as I am I just couldn't do any of it. I know you couldn't I couldn't fucking do it. You've been asked me you're like could you do this? I'm like yeah probably like I'm open to it. And then but I was like but I worry about you like you would it would like I think it would mess you up a little bit. It's not a little bit a lot of it. I think it would confuse all my feelings. Yeah because you're so like I just love I love my name. Yeah I love our long guy I love my car wash guy. I'm not going to say me but somebody I like my like the girls' office I just like I got her style. Yeah you love everybody. Yeah I'm very closed off like yeah I don't give people my energy like I'm like even like when I'm working out or anything like that I I'm like I wear my hat I'm like you don't get my energy my energy is very sacred only people who get my energy are people I love and care about. Well that's why I think that you get a sex without giving energy I don't even know if I can't. I feel like I have to give energy like I anything I'm doing I mean you can't go to the gym and work out and I'm saying high five and everybody. So the people so there's people who are like that like there are a lot of people are able to like separate physicality. Yeah because I've heard people say well it's just a fleshy thing I'm like the fuck is it me? It's a shame. Or like I heard people say well as long as it's a we thing like if we're all in it together and I'm like you're okay but but then I'm like what if the we thing like you're okay with this and this and that was cool. No. Well that was one of the couples when I did two like they went and they started going to strip club and then they won they got a girlfriend with the two of them and then the guy started hanging out with the girl by himself and then they got that all fucked up and then they got divorced. Yeah. I don't know I think it's all crazy and these are stuff you just not going to talk about at church. Just not having this at the local couples church conference weekend. So do you think it's the answer for some people to have open relationships? I don't know. Maybe it's not right for you. I don't think judging others that do have an association. Yeah some judging a lot of humans I do a lot of judgment every day I'm a judgment or a shame but what I am saying is it I know some couples who have pulled it off and they're doing fine it appears. Now are they us? No. Are they in the dining and stuff? Do I believe that a family? The people who are pulling it off do not have four or five kids together. Do you think do you think you're so against it because you actually want it? Maybe that's it. Maybe next episode when you invite my girlfriend on. What? Maybe we need to take applications for our girlfriend. No we're definitely not doing that. Please don't announce that on a podcast. We've already got our dog girlfriend her name's Coco. We invited her to our bed. She shared the bed with us for two weeks. She is a total bitch. She pisses on everything. Oh God. She's now been banned from her bedroom. Yeah. For not not only is she a cock blocker. She's literally a pisser. She literally woke up when there was Pia and my pillow I was like, okay, we're done with that. So she's kicked it. Some backwards twisted porn video somewhere, people piss on each other and that's disgusting. We're wrapping it up because I got to go ahead and do a says call. This is like a real, we got no value for you. You feel like a three-semester. It's not, no, here's the deal. These are conversations that are fucking happening everywhere right now. This is a conversation that comes up behind closed doors in rooms of my men that comes up way more than people think and this is not coming up from some outside the box psychopaths. I'm talking about very controlled, very wealthy, very committed men to their wives that I am watching this undercurrent of conversation starting to open up because men and women cannot find these pieces with each other. They're struggling to put it together. But can you get intimacy other than just like hoogie nap with somebody else? Can you get seen without like always being from your husband? I do believe you can't. I think you have to. Absolutely. I go to the gym and let boys get you. Why do I think I get dressed up? I don't like the attention I like to be seen. I go to the bathroom every time we go on a restaurant and I get three compliments on my outfit. I like being seen by women or men. I'm like, "I know. I all guys and girls do." But it feels, it feels like my bucket. I mean, you do it too, but then everybody wants to feel seen at some level. So I just think that if you need to feel seen, like, exactly by somebody else, then that's like a question you should have inside of your relationship because being seen that way is it ultimately going to fuck you up. And if you've been married with somebody for so long and then you're like, "We're going to try this box out." And never leave from what we've seen. It never works out. Like I said, the only couple you know. There's no coming back from it. The only couple we know that has done is because they started their relationship that way. Yeah. So it's like, you know, that was the foundation of relationship. And both individuals had came from a very open lifestyle, singly. Yeah. So as single people, the very open, these were not people who were every couple we know who was Christian origin, who went down this path and were going to an open relationship. It did not work out. It did not work out. 100% of them. We just had another one recently. He is now have all the children. She is now only able, like, because what's happened, one of the two goes fucking crazy. Yeah, yeah. They go off the deep. and like they unleash all of this frustration from decades. - And then I think too, then it's like, how do you repair that? You're like, you're a wife just went out and like fuck 20 guys and you like-- - I can't see that. Like, in my world as a man for me, like the thought, it probably diminishes the value in that woman. - For me, it does. For me like, I sit and think there's situations where I've talked to guys, like dudes that I have met inside of different worlds of warrior whose wives have gone out and had sex with something they were in an open relationship. And I was talking about the guy literally three weeks ago and he was like, my wife cheated on me, cheated on me. I said, "Oh, can we stop the tape for a second?" I said, "Okay, run this back for me." Didn't you tell me you cheated? How many women have you slept with? It was like nine women he slept with, right? Over the past like 10 years. - Oh, whether or he-- - Yeah, and finally she was so pissed that she went and had a relationship with another guy and then came home and said, "I'm divorcing you, I met another guy." And he is like, anguish of his soul, loss, and I was like, "Keybro, hold up, hold up." Run this by me again. You have been with almost 10 other vaginas in the past eight years that are not your wife and she found out about them. And then she went with one guy and that one penis in that vagina is now breaking you. And he's like, "Yeah, guys take it totally different. A man, for whatever reason, a man penetrating another woman." - It's not a big deal. - It's like a work trip. - It's a quarter. - She didn't mean anything to eat. - When somebody else is, the thought of the penis and somebody else's cock and you just tends me into a fucking rage. - Yeah. - I want to murder death kill somebody. I think there's nothing about like my brain can't compute with it. And some people are like, "Oh, you're not open." I was like, "Yeah, I'm not open." I ain't gonna try to be open. - But wait, that happens a lot in culture. I would say two were the guys, it's okay if the guy cheats, but then if the girl cheats, it's like the end. - But it's even like this. Why is it weird? The thought of like, like, we were talking about this, you were a guy in guy culture. Guys like, "Hey, what if your wife was with another woman?" And most guys, 90% of guys are like, "It's like that." - I don't know why, but it doesn't seem as bad. It's like, "Yeah." But then you say, "You would never go the other way." It's like, "Hey, how would you feel about your husband like taking it in the ass from the neighbor?" It's not ever gonna fucking line up. You're not going, "God, that's really attractive." I like that. - Yeah. - That's where you're feeling the other way. - And then why, yeah, that's not. - 'Cause that's ever fucking happening. - But I think that's like a double standard. - It's a completely double standard. - And then it's like a guy that's like, "You know, I had to leave her, she cheated on me." But he's like, "Well, I'm a lot of cheap 'cause I'm the producer." - This is what's, but this is the whole frame. It's just, this is the dynamic we're all in, it marriages is weird fucking cocktail, then ad porn and all of the shit on social media, all the sexuality everywhere. And we wonder why people are, it's like an epidemic of sexual chaos right now in marriage. And people are just in the kids coming up. - Really? - Oh my God, lifetime fitness is one giant fuck fast. - My lifetime fitness, oh my God. And then this bar I went to in Scottsdale, I was like, I'm looking at like some of my daughter's age and then like a seven- - It is a giant fuck fast everywhere. - It is getting so wildly gross. And I am telling you what we are doing in our marriage and relationship. - We're gonna show people I do it. - We are gonna, we are gonna restore the foundation of families and marriage. And I don't like when I say this out loud because then I have to get over my own ego and really work on the marriage with you. But ultimately that's what I want even as a powerful producing woman. - That's what we've been doing. - So what we're doing. - So we're having a hard conversation that you guys want to have but you can't. And now we're giving you permission to do it. We're getting topics out on the table that if we don't fucking talk about them, our marriages are divorced, our marriages are going to chaos. On top of this. - Well the world is. - Our kids are fucked. - Yeah. - You think that we're in chaos. Go talk to your teenagers about shit. - Yeah, everything's okay. - Go look at everything's okay. - Everything going on for them sexually. Just consider the reason we've got to address these topics now and put a fucking like sutra up the wound in our relationships is because all of our children are watching this chaos. And they're coming down a pathway of sexual confusion at the highest level. We now have gender confusion on top of, I'm 19 different identifiers. Plus everything's okay in a generation where blow jobs are less intimate than making out. It's like what the fuck is happening? And our boys are being bombarded with pornography. Girls are becoming only fan girls are being thinking that show my body. It's just like, this is, you can't avoid this shit. - We gotta put a shit. - So we don't talk about it. Who's gonna talk, you gonna talk about a church on Sunday? - Am I? - Does it happen in church on Sunday? But it's happened on the day of the Y-Block case, basically church. - We've got it. We've had a lot of, we've been to this podcast for a while and we do have some fun guests coming on. It's been fun to hear other people's stories and it's been fun to just hear, we're not alone and the more people start talking about it, it will start to shift and change things and keep marriages together. So you guys, stay in the fight. But you have to both stay in the fight. Otherwise, it's gonna fall apart. - Amen. So listen a couple things for you real quick. In the spirit of all this open relationship and three sums and conversation, we do run a weekly Bible study that you might really be interested in. And if this at all has scared you away, wouldn't come. I'd go hang out with Joe Lostin. But if it doesn't, you might want to check it out because we have a real conversation with real men going after real results every single week using the Bible. Check it out, worrymen'sbiblestudy.com. Also, Danielle always has amazing things going on over at the Danielle K. White website as well as her social media pages.