Are Your Boundaries Killing Your Love Life (and Social Life)?

I feel for people who are like, I'm optimizing everything. I'm wellness-routineing everything. I'm boundering everything and I'm not happy. (upbeat music) This podcast is a dear media production. Hi guys. - Hi guys. - Welcome back to their episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back. First day of fall, ish. The internet says it's the 22nd. And I just am the 21st. First day of the season, Garlie. I don't wanna fuck around, what day is it? It's the 21st. It's June 21st, September 21st, December 21st. (laughs) March, March 21st. - Yeah, that's it. Also, I thought the first day of fall was September 8th. So, you know what I got a little extra. I thought the day after Labor Day summer's over. I didn't know. - Yeah, that's unofficial. I feel like we do this every year. We do this every year and summer has been royal day to Labor Day. I don't know, September 9th. I'm like, we should break out the Halloween decorations. Like, it's Thanksgiving. Basically, it's Christmas, September 9th. - Yeah, that is how I also see it. Shoshank started asking me, can we put the pumpkins out in July? And I said, we have to wait until after the late for day. We have these like, wire pumpkins. I don't know, they're still not out though. So, he was just playing with me because they're still in the garage. But I was like, after Labor Day, and he really good at carving pumpkins. - You remind me, I feel like this is a BS skill he has. - I'm glad you asked because it is a part of our story. Like, we did car pumpkins our first October together in 2023. - I thought so. - And we went to the pumpkin patch the next year. It's also like around his birthday. But he likes it in theory and he does an okay job, but I wouldn't say it's like a talent of his. He's not gonna do some intricate, crazy pumpkin, but he's good enough. - I'd say he's intermediate. - I'd say he's not beginner and he's not advanced. - It feels like a skill he would have. Like intricate pumpkin carving. - The first year we did car pumpkins, we carved two, and then we were gonna do a third, and then we just painted it. - That's where you gotta do your paint it, or you buy those fucking stencils. Those all just seem like good idea until you're like halfway into it. It's like painting your own house. It's like, I could do this. And then you get into it. You're like, I don't wanna do this. - I like to paint a pumpkin. - Yeah, I think it's fun. - You paint like silver paint, paint it gold. - Much easier. - I mean, I live in a building now. What am I gonna do with pumpkins? - You could pull it outside your door. - Actually, there's so many kids here. There's like a thousand kids on my floor. Do you think for Halloween, I have to open my door and do like New York City, Halloween candy? - Well, listen, more cover, I won't get to it, you guys, but I'll let you know what it's like. - That would be cute, but you should get ahead of it, and find out if that's the thing your building does. - I'm gonna leave town. I feel like that's. - Actually, I will be out of town. Thank God, I actually will be out of town. So, we're thinking. - Oh yeah. Rainigreenburg.com for her tour tickets. All right, well, we've a lot of stuff to get into. We'll just thank our partners real quick, and then we'll get into it. Thank you to Skims, get our favorite cotton pieces at skims.com/gge, and NUME. Start a G-L-P-1 program for $39 and have it delivered in as little as seven days at NUME.com. At BetterHelp, get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/gge. And the secret lives of Mormon wives, season five, watched the only season of the original Hulu series now, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ for bundle subscribers. And thank you to HungryRoot, get 40% off your first box, and a free item in every box at HungryRoot.com/gge with code gge, and ladder, get a free seven day trial and $10 off your first month at ladder.fit/gge. And Cody is here with us. It just wants to be on my love. So, you guys probably saw him on Thursday as well, but he is back for his first Monday episode. - Cuteie. - Look at him, could you just die? - No, I love him. - I love so much. I don't know what to do. - Maybe you keep him. (laughing) - Maybe I'm really struggling with it. (laughing) - Maybe you keep him. Right, I really, I know you would fall in love with this dog, but it's fine, I thought it's not your truth, but I just know you would. - He's just-- - How would I even get him? - Well, I'll bring him. - So you're gonna bring him across the country to me? - I gotta do that. - No, you can't, like transport a foster. I don't think, I was thinking to asking. (laughing) So as we record, I am in New York, and I will have just been in Boston for the weekend, and we will have went to the Dermot Kennedy concert, which is just one of our favorite artists. Our wedding song was Dermot Kennedy. Our first dance was to a song called Blossom. We weren't able to see him last year, just with like the tour, with the wedding, all the things. So we were so excited to see him and see him in Boston, which just feels really special. So I'm sure that was amazing, and then be in New York this week, and we will be recording and running around and doing stuff, and then I will be in Delaware this weekend with my family. And today, as we record, it was Jay's first day of school. My nephew, I can't believe it. He's starting like a little preschool, and he got his little haircut. His first day of school fit, I'm just dying. So I'm excited to be there, and I can't wait to sit down and talk to him about school. Like his first week of school, I can't wait. No, I was like, "Should I come with her?" And just to see Jay and Aaron. You can't. You know, I've had some separation anxiety lately. You know, I just don't like being away from you. You've been hanging out with people without me. I don't like it. You have been. Yeah, I know, but I like-- You have been doing stuff. I keep happening, and I'm like, I hate that I'm telling these stories without you. Like, I think we are so fun to tag tape a story. I mean, we've done this for a decade, we're storytellers, like, there is nothing I love more than tag teaming gossip stories with you, and I don't get to do it all the time. I know. So just a lot has happened this summer, and we'll recap the highs, not so much the lows, that people in our life don't really all know about. So you had to really recap with Andrew Colin recently, and I was just so jealous, because he's just so fun in that type of situation and his reactions. And I wish I could have been there with you. And then Rob, I got to be with him yesterday. We had this brunch, and Rayna literally he didn't know anything from the summer. He is one of my best friends, and I just miss him as a friend. He's traveling all over. He's busy with work. He's got two kids. And so we are in communication, texting always, but not like, here's what's been happening in our lives. Let's sit down. Let's have some drinks. Rob had four glasses of wine. Of course he did. Of course he did. Of course he did. No one could drink more than this guy. Say three roses. This is the person who introduced me to Rosé in 2011. Three roses, and then he ended with the red. I mean, I don't understand what it's like to be like that. I'm envious of people that can just drink that much and then go about their day. I mean, also, he's like a rugby player. He's like six, five. So he's a little bigger than I am. But two glasses. It's lights out for me, baby. I had two mimosas, but yeah, it was fun. So we'll talk about some stuff from the summer as we get into it. Well, I had the best summer, but what's going on with you? Nothing. (laughing) Okay, that's it. We'll see you next week. (laughing) Nothing's going on. That is so funny on a podcast. What's going on with you? Nothing. Hey, did we forget we were recording? Did you forget we pressed for this moment before on what you were going to talk about? I forgot this is in a voice note. I just forgot that I had to tell you guys it's up with me. Well, last week I told you guys about staying at the four seasons. So right now I'd like to tell you about going to the U.S. Open. And I had the craziest experience yesterday at the U.S. Open. I experienced the Gen Z stare for the first time, actually. And have you experienced this in real life? Well, we talked about what I went to a restaurant and the hostess did not really understand what I was there for. It was a Gen Z stare. Oh, I don't know if she could have been a young millennial. I don't know what she was. She looked late 20s, 20s, 27, 28. But we talked about how she just kind of, yeah, there was a stare. There was just a refusal to communicate and do her job, I guess, but it was funny. You know, I wasn't like dragging her. I was like, this is a funny interaction to have when you roll up to a restaurant. And the hostess doesn't seem to understand why you're there. Like, yes. If you guys look up TikToks about the Gen Z stare, it's always like a millennial, just like begging for niceness from a Gen Z employee and it's like, just this very funny standoff of like everyone's acting crazy and like, I thought it was a joke. I didn't really think this existed in the wild. I forgot about the hostess situation and you didn't call it the Gen Z stare, but that's what it was. And I finally experienced it yesterday. So I was at the US Open. I wore these shoes that were so painful. They sliced the back of my feet open and the front of my feet. And I was like bleeding from both of my feet. And I was like, I feel sick from how much pain I'm in. Like, I will do anything. And then I was like, oh, yeah, there's like grounds outside of the stadium and there's all these stores. And I was like, I'll find the cheapest pair of shoes I can find up by hair flip flops, whatever. So a lot of night went down to one of the shoe stores, like on the grounds and I see this pair of slides. I'm like, great. I'll just buy these. They're cheap. And I grabbed the employee with the store employee and I'm like, hey, do you have these in a six? And she just looks at me and goes, I don't know. And I was like, is there a way to find out? And she's like, that's the smallest size, probably. And I was holding like a 10. And I was like, okay. So I pointed the next cheapest thing. I'm like, do you have this in a six? And she goes, I'm not sure. And I was like, okay, situations are like, I'm truly like, am I on-candered camera? Like, is it, am I being filmed? Because how could this be real life? like in Schuster, they always have that thing in their hand. Did they like it? like check, so I go, could you check? And she goes, what size are you? And I was like, a six. And she's like, okay. But what size do you want me to grab? And I was like, a women's six. And she walks away, she's gone for three minutes. She comes back, actually, I promise you I'm making this up. If a lot of how'd it been standing next to me, I would have thought I hallucinated it 'cause I was so drunk. She goes, what size are you typically? And what? I'm like, I have since said six three times. So I've attended to her. So I said, I'm a woman's six. And she goes, okay. So she walks away. She comes back, she's like, we don't have it. And I go, I realize I'm holding a size six, which means they do have a size six in the store. And I go, this is a size six. So do you just have the other one of these? And I'll buy this and she'll buy the sample. I would have to ask a manager. (laughing) And I was like, so can you look, I don't, am I hallucinating here? Like I have said my size four times now. And I was like, this isn't like outside of the realm of like what you normally ask people for at a shoe store. Like there's a display and you tell people with size and then they go to get the size and they either have it or they don't. Someone say that's your one job. It's that's it, it's just that. You're working the floor at the shoe store, some would say, that is your main responsibility. (laughing) Like I didn't know I needed to shepherd somebody through like when they said like I'd have to ask a manager like I didn't know that I had to like do the extra work of being like, but could you? No it's so funny when the energy is the audacity of you to request something of me. Like I was so stupid. Yeah. Also it's funny 'cause like I just wanted to buy these shoes. Like if I owned the shoe store and I was like this person is actively getting in the way of selling these shoes. Like yeah, I was like I could just leave here I guess but I'll keep asking questions. It's just it's so jarring when it happens. And if you guys, if this happens to you and let us know where it happened, a friend of mine told me it happened to for the other day like I find these interactions so funny 'cause you feel so stupid. You feel so dumb but you're not doing anything wrong and do anything wrong. I was nice and kind. I was asking normal questions. Did you get the shoes? Yeah they're great. I finally got the shoes. This was like a 10 minute back and forth to figure out if could I just like get a size six of slides? I think sometimes when I interact with Gen Z sales associates I overcompensate with my energy. And that's yeah, of course. But I usually do whittemover. Like at the Vibral, the Kiff store in the Hamptons. Those girls behind the counter were due just did not want to fuck with work that day and I get it. They're probably standing there gossiping, recapping their night and we come in. Questions are being asked. They had to go get me so many sizes. And then they were like happy to do it. They went and got a bunch of sizes. But every time I needed another size they really was kind of a little bit of, do I have to? Energy. And then I did like spend a lot of money. And then when I bought that little Prada bag that was really inexpensive. I think 'cause it had been generally used. It was at Vibral. It's like I said they have Vibral and Kiff women like did this little pop up in the Hamptons. And now I sound like Reyna. I'm just like you know what I was like in the Hamptons at the Vibral. And so it was so much less expensive than retail price and you didn't like it but it's bright yellow and I love it and it's this little tiny bag. And they loved that I bought it. And one of them at the end of me paying she was like about the bag. She was like I hate to watch her leave but I love to watch her go and I laughed. I was like okay. We have some jokes. It was like a very funny, which is also funny if they make commission like even funnier like I hate to watch her leave. Yeah. So I won them over but then I'm like am I spending a lot of money to impress them? 'Cause you start over-commensating. I started this literally spiraling. I was like I'm so sorry like I'll go to the stock room. I'll get the shoes. Honestly like can I talk to your manager? Like I'll just ask them if it's okay to take these shoes. Like I don't wanna bother you at work at your shoe store. I'm so sorry. I'm telling you this is I feel like this is the point. They're like if we just don't do anything they will eventually leave or do it for us. They won't go for themselves so badly. And this will be a music for us. We'll tell our friends later that we held a straight face while they humiliated themselves. It's funny that their goal could be to try to get us to over-commit say. Like they're like if we just keep treating them like this they'll start to get a little uppity. Like you know, it's funny 'cause like you know that you can make people do it sometimes. So we are having one of my best friends, one of your friends, one of my best friends on the show in a couple of weeks Emily. And I always like laugh 'cause I'm like I know that you will get so anxious about quiet space in a conversation that you will fill the space. So I always say to her like when we're around people and I don't want to talk I just get quiet and I know she'll take care of it 'cause her anxiety will take over and she'll feel funny. She'll pick up the emotional labor. Yeah, she's like fuck you right now. I know you're doing this. Okay, so and you met somebody that you was open? I met this kid. This man is not the kid. So I was seeing somebody and I am not anymore and I will address that later. Oh, not right now. I mean I guess I could have just addressed right now. I mean I was seeing somebody throughout the summer. He is carrying this episode on fire. And honestly, I'm not even really that hungover. I guess I was like I'm gonna talk about this later. It's like why we're here? Why don't we just talk about this now? What's that for? Yeah. That is so cute. I don't think we can table that for now. Just to be the rest of the episode later. Why was I, we always wanna like update you guys keep you in the loop. I'm not gonna talk too much about it. If I was dating 70s, really wonderful. He's like the most wonderful person. It was a personality mismatch and we decided to go our separate ways. And it was really nice to have like a relationship for the time being that just made me feel like calm and appreciated and he's just like a really nice, wonderful person and it's not gonna work out but there's like no hard feelings and that's it. You know, we had an amicable conversation and that's that. Mm-hmm. Yes, so this guy that I met yesterday. So that's, and that is that. That's that. I mean I just, I couldn't even possibly think of like one negative or like it's just not everybody's for everybody and it's like amicable. And I like, I mean anybody who ends up with this guy is like so lucky. It really was like a summer romance. I don't even wanna say flying 'cause I think there were real feelings there. But it's what it is, you know, Labor Day came around and knew season. Right, I brought the hammer down. No, I'm just kidding. No, he's really wonderful. And you know, maybe kind of at a later date, we'll talk about this in a broader scope of just like how tough it is for something to end. That's good. That's right, to people that are really good people and there's no fighting and the sex is good. And you're just like, what are we doing? And it's just not the right person. People were like, wait, that sounds amazing. Yeah, I mean, we never had like one conflict. It wasn't like, it's easy to end relationships when you like hate the person. I mean, what a gift. But yeah, I think it's a broader topic. We'll talk about that at another date. Okay. So our friend Alana and I went to the men's finals game and our friend Hank was there. Salt Hank in New York City, if you guys have had the sandwiches, but he was like, I'm in this suite. Anyways, he was there with some friends. And this guy starts talking to me and he's like, very cute. And we talked for like a long time and I'm trying to figure out how old he is 'cause he looked like pretty young. But like, I couldn't figure out. There was no like tells in terms of like, I've lived in this place for X amount of years. Like, I've been doing this job for six years. No Gen Zs are so charming. Like, couldn't have been more charming. He was so cute and wonderful to talk to. He was asking me all these questions, which had like such a fun day. He was just like standing with me for the whole time. And then we all like drank a lot. We were like, we need to eat. So like, we went out to dinner afterwards, me and him and Hank and his girlfriend and Alana, we went to this like fun place in Queens. And then I asked Hank like, just like, like I, he like went to the bathroom, whatever. And I was like, Hank, hold, let's see. No, no, no, no. 21. Did Raina know he's not? No, he's not. I think he was one years old. Shut your mouth. I was like, she's gonna say 23 or 24. 21, 21, is he in college? He'd like be your son. He just got out of college. And I was sitting there, he might be Jen Alpha. I don't know what they're doing. I think he just graduated in May. I mean, he just graduated. And I am like, I am 20 years older than this person. Yeah, it does hit different. It's crazy. And it's like washing over me that men do this all the time. I was like, this feels, yeah. This feels predatory. Like I could literally be his mom. It wouldn't even be that crazy. I don't think it feels predatory. And I'm sure he was flirting with you and it would have been totally fine. Oh, he was super flirting with me. So then we are going up, going to leave. And like, I need to see a picture 'cause arch all you guys wondering like Raina, there must have been signs. There must have been signs in the way this guy looked. How, did you think he was like 28? I thought 25 or 26. He's looks really okay. And you were like, fuck it. But I was like, all right, that's legal. That's pretty legal. Okay, do you want me to send you a photo of him now? Yes, yes, so I can be the judge. He's so cute, actually. Oh my God. I can't even run a car. (laughs) Raina is fucking Greenberg. Are you serious? Cute, right? He's so cute, but he looks like a child. And you know what, I never want to hear again. I never want to hear you say shit to me about the shows I like to watch. That are about high school and early 20s. Because this looks like every guy on all those shows. And if you watch those shows, you would know. If you watch the summer, I would turn pretty. If you watch sterling point, then you would know that that's what they look like. You don't understand, 'cause you're not in the culture. And anyone who watches these shows would understand that that's a fresh 21 year old. (laughs) He is giving Shalamei ask. I mean, he was fresh out the box, but I was like, "Baby, he's fresh out the room." - He's also fresh out the bar. He can only barely drink. Also, Hank is 32 or 33, and I was like, he's probably closer in age to Hank. I didn't think he was like 11 years younger than Hank is. - Well, right, that's so true. Like, 'cause when we first met Hank, which was seven years ago, he was like a young baby. - He grew up. - So at the end of the night, Hank and his girlfriend are gonna stay at the restaurant for a little bit. A lot of them had to go back to Brooklyn, and I was like, "I'm gonna go back to the city," and he was like, "Can I hop in the car with you?" And I was like, "Yeah, sure." (laughing) And they're already here. He was like, "I'll just get out in front of your place," and just like, "Walk." 'Cause I was like, "Do you want me to drop you somewhere?" And he's like, "No, don't worry about it." And he was like, "I have to take the sex." And we pulled up in front of the sex, and I was like, "Do you want me to have the car pull over?" And he's like, "No, it's okay. We can just go to your place." And we like, "Pull it up in front of my house, and like, got out," and no, this is nothing crazy is gonna happen. We just, we got out of the car, and I was like, there was a moment where he was like, "So what do you do for the rest of the night?" And I was like, "Nothing." And he was just like, "Okay, have a good night." We hugged, and he like, laughed. But like, for a moment, I was like, "Could I do this?" (laughing) You know what? I think you are the problem. You just end up things with a full adult, a homeowner, a man with a great career. And you're like, "Should I make out with this 21-year-old on this car?" (laughing) The point is that I didn't, I didn't, okay, across my mind, I didn't do it. Okay, he came on to me, and I didn't do anything, 'cause that's what they all say. Well, what were you wearing? No, we all know. A little set of stress. This is where I'm wearing tight, tennis, stress. But when I realized how young 21 is, it just washed over me, I was a literal child, and how old do I seem to you? When I was 21, people that were 30 were so fucking old, it was, I was like, "How could you get that old?" That's crazy. How could anybody be that old? It really is so crazy, but times have changed. And I like this, maybe he's got an older lady kink. I don't think I've talked to a 21-year-old in a social setting for a long period of time in ages. And what was the last time I had a long form conversation with somebody that age? Yeah, this is no shade. It's just very young, because you really haven't been out in the world. Like, I talk about this 23-year-old and my special, and I was 40, I was 39. Yeah, okay, oh, so 20s and 30s wasn't that bad. But, yeah, I guess it felt different than if I was 43. He was 23, like a full 20 years. So yeah, 39, 23. But he had a job, but like he'd been working in finance for a couple of years, like it's still very young, and we did not think he was that young. At he was so tall, he just looked like he'd been out in the world. Like a 21 is just so crazy. And I just also think what I was like a 21. Yeah, anyway, we are going to talk about some of this today. It was just really such a relevant intro with talking about just Gen Z and age differences and the way people party and socialize in the world and everything. But we just kind of wanted to recap the summer a little bit. I feel like this summer was a pretty good run because it started so strong in June with the NICS and all that excitement. And then you moved to New York and I was in New York a bunch around the NICS and the World Cup. And that was just so, so fun. And then we took this trip. And then I feel like we had our travel chunk of the summer with going to France and going to Dewey and a couple other things we did. And then I really stayed in LA all of August and just really enjoyed it. And I feel like I'd been gone so much. And every weekend we were here in August, we did really nothing crazy. But just had really fun weekends and enjoyed LA went to a bunch of new restaurants and shows and did all kinds of stuff. And for me, I did experience the loss of my friend. And it made the summer really feel like a roller coaster because there was all these highs. And then I was also spent days to cry. And it couldn't get on bed and feeling guilty for having fun and having that type of feeling. And there was a lot of compartmentalizing that I did with just, he can't let this take over your brain all day every day and going and doing the celebration of life for her. And it was a roller coaster in that way. It just highs and lows. But this fun and the social stuff that we did was I feel like one of my favorites, I don't know. We just had a good time when we had a good time. And there was some drama. And I just feel like there was drama around me a lot that I feel like I wasn't at the center of. And I kind of, I feel like there was moments where we were helping friends navigate different things going on in their life and stepping up for them and trying our best to just be there for people when they were going through stuff and not get to involved, not let it drag us down. And that was a theme in the summer, too. And maybe some friendships that were recalibrated. And I don't know. I look back on the summer, just it was a lot. I don't know. It felt like a lot. It was just really high highs, a low, low personal low, drama, chaos, fun. It was so little crazy. It was, I think, my craziest summer and my favorite summer that I've had in memory, especially for you. I really feel like my favorite part of the summer was how much time I got to spend with you. And I've lived here for three months now. And I really was worried in April and May, what is our life going to look like? What's our friendship going to look like? What's our business going to look like? You and I have never separated ever. And I was just like, what does this do to our friendship? What does this mean that we have separate lives? And you're a limb on my body. What does that look like? And I spent more time with you than I've ever spent with you. I traveled more with you. And it's just like, it was my favorite thing of the summer. We had so much fun together. We got to just be friends. And not have to just be business partners and co-workers. We just spent so much time being friends. And I think when you work with somebody so closely all the time, you can forget sometimes that the core of all of that is your friendship. And you and I just got to have fun and be friends. And I feel like we bonded over other people's crazy behavior so much. And we just went so many times. I feel like closer to you than like I ever have. And I'm just like on a friendship level. It's just been really nice. I feel the same way. It really was like that. And we don't need to get all the logistics of the way that we run this business and record and all that kind of stuff. But it's just like we had to kind of make a point to be together and record, get it done, whether it was virtual or in the studio that we were running by the hour. And that was that. And so I feel like we really were able to schedule work time in a way that we haven't before. And the lines always get so blurred. And then on the rest of the time, just be friends and travel. And it just-- it really is crazy because people have been asking me about how is it working and without rena. And I'm like, I have not missed her a day. It just don't even-- and I think there was a point where I was like, it's going to be a while before we see each other again. But then you came here. And when you were here, I feel like it was like we really have a strong run going where it's like every other week. And so it has been really nice. And yeah, I just, I obviously feel like our friendship is better than ever. And it's just-- I've had some stuff I've really leaned on you about this summer, stuff I don't really talk to anyone else about. And thankful for you and our friendship. And I see this continuing. I think it wasn't just for the summer. I'm like, have plans to come to New York. You have plans to come here. And then I don't know what's going to get cold there. Maybe you'll spend more time here. I think we've figured it out for now for the next couple quarters. Yeah, we're going to be good for a couple quarters. And you know, listen, it was great. We went to a lot of places. I checked some stuff off the bucket list in terms of travel. I got a boyfriend. I got a boyfriend. [LAUGHTER] I hope that I'll she's going to enter a Cuba era. But it was really nice also to just remember that there are really wonderful men in the world that will treat you well, that will show up for you, that will be consistent, that will be honest, that just cheer for you. And like, he was all those things. And it's just nice to remember that those people still exist. And not everybody's going to be for you. Just you're not going to the same temperament as somebody always, but like, I think it's just nice to remember there are like great people in the world. Because we like shit on men, not you. And I'd be like, globally, we all shit on men so much. And how terrible everybody's behavior's gotten. But like, there are people that will think the world of you and you should hold out for those people. They are not in New York at LA. Unfortunately, they are in other cities. You do. You could lock to find them elsewhere. And I will stand on business forever with that. Oh, yeah, they're not here. This is how they are. I'm so sorry, you guys. If you live in New York in LA, no. Actually, there are not good guys. But we can suggest other cities where they might live. Maybe Austin, maybe Nashville, maybe Denver. I mean, true. Anywhere else besides New York in LA, yeah. Go somewhere else. Yeah. You don't have to move there. You just have to go get them. I did it. Raina tried it. It was what we got. You don't see that. You're life, ladies. We're not saying that. I mean, I love a long distance relationship. Not seeing everybody all the time. Oh, it is the perfect balance between self-care and boundaries and being a relationship. So while we're happy this summer, there's something I wanted to talk about. And I think it's just like a time when we're all thinking about our body as a lot, you know? And like, how do we feel in our body? It's like, you know, clothing is skimpy. You just think about it a lot in the summer. And at least I do. So I wanted to talk about my GLP1 usage. And I've alluded to it a little bit on the show before. And I think that if you look back at old clips, I've clearly lost weight. And I've been on and off to GLP1.com. ones a few times throughout the years. And my experience has been really positive, to be honest. I haven't had a lot of negatives. I can't speak to other people's experiences. I'm not a doctor. But my experience has been really positive. And it's not just that when you take them, you're less hungry, which also is a benefit if you want to lose weight. But I know a lot of people say the food noise is in that, but it has been a real problem psychologically my whole life is just thinking about food constantly. And one thing that GEOPY ones does is help you manage that food noise. And again, I've had a really positive experience with it. It helped me to eat a little bit less. But when you think about long-term GEOPY one use, I think a lot of people's question is, can I stay on this forever? How do I ever get off of this? And I think some programs that you do for GEOPY ones sort of lack that, but I've gotten them from different places over the years. But I had never really found anything that helped you with diet plans and eating. And this is the long-term strategy for feeling and being healthy until I found Noom. So I'll tell you guys a little bit about Noom and if you're curious. So Noom helps people lose weight and keep it off. So Noom is the leading behavioral change company. It combines GEOPY ones to kickstart your weight loss with healthy habits to help you keep it off, even if you stop the meds. So your goal might be to lose a little bit of weight, but then make this a sustainable thing in your life so that if you do want to get off GEOPY ones one day, that you know what to eat, how to exercise, and how to kind of think about food. And Noom has always said there's psychology-based. It's science-backed programs. It pairs GEOPY ones with behavioral changes, daily lessons, and food logging to support weight loss that lasts. So when I signed up for it, you immediately get an email. There's an app that you can log into. And there's so much help in terms of understanding and managing food noise and feeling confident, making food choices without overthinking every menu at him or every bite. And what GEOPY ones were able to help me do is manage the amount that I ate. But that doesn't fix the long-term habits. I think the goal is to have a better relationship with food, not just to have no relationship with food. And it was nice to take a break psychologically from thinking about food all the time, but they're gonna help you to find movement you genuinely enjoy, navigate happy hours, vacations, brunches, date nights. I mean, so much of life revolves around food. And I didn't want to feel like I couldn't enjoy myself on vacation or at dinner because I just didn't have an appetite and didn't want to eat. And they'll help you also figure out your personalized weight loss plan and they have expert coaches that support you through the journey. And just incorporate habits and mind shifts or routines that build around just like a healthier life. - Yeah, I just, I think that is like so important. Is like people start this and it changes the way that they've been looking at, thinking about approaching food, maybe their whole lives. So you need support surrounding it. You might not, but I think some people do. And I think that's like their goal is to offer that. And I mean, to your point, yeah, I think that I've obviously been on this journey with you and it hasn't felt like you go to dinner and you're not enjoying yourself or, you know, I think some of your habits have changed for the better and you have said you don't eat a bag of pretzels at night, you know, in your bed, you know, there's like a little things like that. But I like that they offer that support and how to like manage it in all areas of your life. And it's not just like, here's this drug and figure it out. - Yes, and I feel like GLP ones were so like the Wild West a couple years ago where like all these people are prescribing it, but a lot of people's fear in my fear was like, if I want to get off of this one day, again, I'm not a doctor. You don't have to get off of it. But if I want to get off of this one day and have a sustainable relationship with food and exercise like, how do I do that? And Numa's the only people that are doing this that I've ever seen. I love what they're doing and simply put Numa's design for like real life, helping people stay on track, even when life gets kind of busy. And you can lean into your progress in terms of just like driving towards perfection. The Numa GLP one program starts with $39 and medication can be delivered to your door and as little as seven days. Initial one month subscriptions from $39 plus tax and $99 plus tax per month thereafter. Cost of the medication not included. Final pricing depends upon program selection. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications and the visual results may vary. Okay, I am going to tell you guys about ladder. So I really love to work out at home. Like I will go out and do a workout class once to twice a week, but other than that, I absolutely love my outdoor space at my house. Nothing makes me happier than going out there and doing a workout class. And I really do love what ladder offers. And I think that it's great to be able to do something at home and get a workout in that feels like you could have gone to the gym with a personal trainer. So ladder is an expert strength training plan. It's not just a content library. So you are going to get a new plan every week that builds on the last, that's where the name comes from the workouts connect each week progresses from the one before through structured training blocks. But if you want to just go in and take a workout, you can do that too. They're not forcing you into any sort of routine, but that really is how it's supposed to work. And it feels like having a coach right there with you any sort of training style. So you want Pilates to strength, body building, you want to lift heavy, you want to lift light, you want to focus on your glutes. I really love that kettlebells, pre and postnatal. And again, you can take this to the gym too. You can do this at home or you can take it with you and go do it at the gym when you have all the equipment there. I'm looking right now on the strength workouts. There's Hillary Duff's tour workout with dumbbells. So if you want, she looked amazing. So I love that. I really love the glute workouts. I really am always on a butt journey. So ladder also now includes a nutrition tracking and no extra cost. There's a community behind it. There's a group chat. We love that. Your team has a group chat where your coach answers questions and members motivate each other. So that's really nice too, because sometimes you're doing stuff so although you still want that sense of community, it costs less than $1 per day. And again, it's a structured workout plan not just like random exercises. So we love the plan part of all of it and it feels like you have a personal trainer for the cost. So we just love the ladder app. You can remove the guest work with ladder and get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout. No thinking, everything planned for you. If you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit/gge and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan. Use our link and get a free seven day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month if you join. And I'm telling you guys about the secret lives of Mormon wives season five. You know this is one of our absolute favorite shows. We have been talking about it for years. Season five is out now. You can binge the entire thing. I want to say I binge it over two days, but honestly, it was one and we are just obsessed with it. As you know, this is the women of mom talk. They started four years ago. They start out by making TikToks and then life started pulling them in all these different directions. And you're seeing where their career goes. This season, Whitney is on Broadway in Chicago. And they're all these group dynamics, all their relationships. We have Taylor Frankie Paul and everything she is going through and Jesse and Macy and Michaela and Layla and seeing where the group stands. When they all come back together, you have heard all the rumors, but now it is time to see what's actually going on. If these women can still trust each other, are there any friendships left? Will mom talk survive this? Is always the question. So we are just obsessed. This season is incredible. So you can watch the all new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers, terms apply. And let's get into our topic. So it's really interesting. I feel like you and I just talk about this sort of like, in pieces here and there, just about like, all the therapy advice that's out there in the world and how it's made everybody boundary up like crazy. And they're just being like so much advice out there in the world. And like, what do you even listen to? And if we just like boundary ourselves out of like having relationships at all. And we came across this advice column in the cut and a letter or somebody had sent into the cut and email, if you will. It's called, "My boundaries are killing my love life." And this is sort of twofold and we'll give you the high notes. But are your wellness routines and just your general life routine boundering you out of relationships? And is all this therapy speak boundering you out of it? And Ashley and I have had some like interesting talks about like what our 20s and early 30s were like and just how much the world has changed. And this isn't just like a Gen Z thing. I mean, it's everybody. It's all of us and how different the world is than when I was younger. Yeah, and we have a few of those disclaimers. This isn't Gen Z versus millennial. This is a millennial quote unquote problem too. And it also doesn't have to be a problem. If you're happy and you're at home and you're a routine and you're an introvert and that's how you want to live your life and you're genuinely happy, then that's great. And stick to that. I think that if you're like I'm too shy, I'm too anxious to go out and meet people in the wild and date and I prefer to use dating apps, that's what they're made for. You do you. So it's just like we wanted to do this episode for people who feel like maybe they aren't totally content with their lives and wondering if they can live with some more excitement and socializing and spontaneity. But if you're like, I don't want that, then stop listening. It's just kind of like I feel for people who are like I optimized like I was told. I'm optimizing everything. And I feel like I don't have the community I want and I don't have a love life. And like did I over-correct? And I also just want to say before we get into it, I think that like the word boundary can be misused. And you can do whatever. You can think it can be interchangeable. Like a boundary is like I'm not saying you did. I'm saying like even in some of the comments on this article in the cut where like let's guys everything's on a boundary, but like boundary, you know, you can't treat me like that. I won't be attending this family gathering. I won't be responding to working emails after seven. Like those are boundaries. Not like I have to go to Pilates Monday, Wednesday and Friday. That's a routine or a regiment. And so I just think we may use them interchangeably throughout this episode just a heads up. But I think we know the difference between a boundary and a routine, but they can go together. You know, they can be like, this is my way I live my life and I'm not really willing to stray from it. And then that kind of gets into the world where it's a boundary. So I did just wanna say that. - Yeah, obviously I think that we've overused the word boundary and we've overbounded it. Obviously, but I was thinking like, you know, we've always done this podcast since like day one, like build a life you're really proud of, like hobbies and interests and goals and routines and friends, and like a partner will be just kind of the cake on top of that. But like, I think the question is like, how have we gone too far? - Yeah. - Have we walled off other people? And if you're like, what I really want is romantic partnership. Have you walled that out of your life? There's plenty of people that don't care about it. I think I might need romantic partnership a little less than the average person. And I'm not complaining about being single. I mean, obviously I just had a boyfriend and no. I'm quite wondering. But I think we've always said that, but I think some people are like, okay, I did all the things I was told, but I don't have like you said, the community around me that I want. And you know, it's interesting 'cause like, when I was in my 20s and you're in your 20s, like a routine, a routine would never have occurred to me in my entire life. I didn't even wash my makeup off before I went to bed. Not a chance in hell. I never thought like, should I not stay out for these six drinks because I have to go to work tomorrow or I have to work out tomorrow. Like if I didn't go out on a saturday night, trying to create a web of lies to explain that to my friends, I couldn't even imagine it. - Raina, we did have routines and it was getting drunk every weekend. We stayed pretty strict to our routines. Like we prioritized partying. We didn't know boundaries with work, optimizing. What the fuck did that even mean? Like we did hustle, we did party. We did shop to work hungover as fuck. Like it did suck. We were underpaid, it was stressful. It was chaotic. I felt like shit, I looked like shit. I could have been healthier. I could have had more balance. I could have had more wellness. But I regret nothing. And I was able to figure it out and find success. And that's just how I was built. And I'm not even saying I'd recommend that. But like our generation really did prioritize, not everybody, but the people we know, we surround ourselves with really did prioritize partying and socializing and hustling. And we did somehow do it all. And it was toxic at times for sure. It's so toxic. So this is not advocate for drinking. Like I think that we just need to find more places to socialize today. It doesn't have to be like, we're not, not drinking is great. It's great for you physically and mentally. And I think we have a lot of information about alcohol. We also did not have back then. I certainly wouldn't have been accessing it. Whatever. Everything's going to kill you before alcohol is. But yeah. I one night was like out with some friends. And I had a work trip the next morning to be at the airport at 7 a.m. And I could have gone home. But instead I stayed for eight drinks. I slept for one hour and then went to the airport. I was throwing up on the plane. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to make a good decision for myself. Because I had to go home, do my skincare, get eight hours and wake up from fresh. And we have the stories and we have the friends. And these things bonded us. I saw this TikTok or thread or whatever it was about Bachelorette's Gen Z versus Millennial. And this is not everybody, by the way. But it was just like some Gen Z girl talking about hearing the lore of Millennial Bachelorette and how it's like crazy blackouts and hookups and crazy stories staying around talking about Dix and penis straws and all that stuff. And like these girls came in and they like rented the Airbnb or whatever and they immediately came in and started sharing all their traumas and did yoga the next morning. And it's like, that sounds terrible. For a Bachelorette party, that's not what I want. I love to sit around an organ trauma bond also and also do yoga too. But like I feel just so lucky of the way we grew up and having those experiences with the way that we had that type of culture, especially surrounding milestones like Bachelorats and whatnot. And you and I want to validate all day long that like this is just a different world today for Millennial's Gen Z and everybody. Like you and I could like go out, fuck up, recover and the world wouldn't find out about it. Like Gen Z has grown up in a world and we are living in a world now there's like this possibility that like the worst 15 seconds of your life, the drunkest, craziest wildest will be used as content for millions of people. Like I understand like the genuine fear, I have a fear of it, of course I do. You know, there's like this constant feedback loop and judgment and everything that you do is like cringed and everybody has like an opinion about what you're doing, what you're wearing, who you're talking to, how you act and it's just, it's like constant. And on top of that like wellness has become this status symbol too, which I don't know if that's a bad thing or not, but like social media in general has glamorized wellness. And so it's like, but if I don't do those things, this is something wrong with me. And am I cringed if I'm not doing the matches in the skincare routine and the yoga? And I think there's just so much different about the world and maybe over corrected on wellness and also demonized drinking. Like let's not do that either. Like yeah, like heavy, problematic drinking shirt. But like let's not demonize the people that want to go out and drink still and party and be hungover. This is one thing I love about tanks. Tinks is a fucking baddie, uber successful, fashion girl, all the things gorgeous, really doing it. And she's like, I'm hungover, I got wasted last night. It's refreshing because she's really still doing it. But I always give grace to to Gen Z. They just grew up differently. Social media, of course, the less safe world, fully going to school in a whole school shooting era, which we're still in, COVID, Trump, AI, all of the things, like I can't even begin to pretend that I would be the same person if I was a Gen Z. Like let's be so for real. And we talk about some of the Gen Z women that we've gotten to know that have worked for us, namely Bella and Tessa. And I just have all the respect in the world for them. In terms of what we see and like a stereotype, they are not that and they're built different and they went out and had so much fun and really grabbed life by the balls and dated a ton. We just love the way that they live their life and we know they're not the only ones. So we do know that there are younger generation girls in their 20s are still going out and doing that and thriving. And like having fun and they're really happy. Neither of them had this like a crippling anxiety that way they dated. I mean, Bella just got engaged. We love to see it. And we just love that they, I don't know, they felt like they weren't crippled by the way that they grew up, which I think would be easy to do. And you can't rewrite history and change the generation that you grew up in and the world that you grew up in. But you can certainly try at any point to live a little looser life, less regimented, less boundary, all the things. Gen Z or millennial or Gen X or whatever you are. And this is easy to get into this routine. I mean, someone might fall into this type of life in their 50s and be like, I don't want to live like this. I want to get out more and experience more life and find somebody or get married again or find new friends, all of that. But the article I wanted to cite a couple things. I mean, she writes it in and she says, my calendar is color coded. My mornings are optimized. My weekends are full of all this self-actualizing stuff. The run club, pottery class, all this stuff. And she's just worried that she is protecting it too much. I say no to after work drink or random invite to go out because it's not in the calendar. I'm embedded in a certain time every night to ensure I get enough hours of sleep. And I monitor those hours with my ore ring. Like there's some sort of test I'm trying to pass. And she said this, she ran into a guy. He tried to strike up a conversation and instead of leaning into it, I realized I was thinking always gonna make me late to the farmer's market, which is like a nice thing to go to but you don't have to be there on time or even go at all. And she's replaying and encounter like that and other ones. And she said her entire friend group is like this. They're all accomplished women. They could be millennial who say they want a date yet none of them are actually dating. They get dinner booked three weeks out naturally and it's the same conversation. And every time nobody's meeting anyone. Nobody has a time. We've all the same advice about protecting our peace and holding our boundaries and we followed it by the book. We've turned our lives into these beautiful airtight fortresses. And this really stuck out to me. She said these boundaries were supposed to shield us from being confused and strung along or from the guy who doesn't text you back for days each time. And it's true, I think boundaries have saved us from many heartbreaks and wasted efforts. But I worry now that we're almost too protected to fall in love with the very least to have an unexpected meet, cute and flirt. I don't want us to look back on this time in our lives and not have stories to tell because we were so focused on being productive and safe. And I remember, I think this is the end of 2019. And I used this metaphor that I felt like I was in this snow globe of perfection and my life was perfect and everything, which is before COVID. And everything was so wonderful and we had the best year ever and I had the best friends ever in our career was thriving. And I lived in New York City and everything was so perfect and I did not want a guy to come in and smash the glass or fuck things up in any way. And I was like, I don't want to date. And that was okay at that time. And we've talked about this too. It's like you can decide that those moments for yourself, like I am living this type of life right now and I don't want to be bothered. But when it goes up on for months for years for a really long time and then you really are unhappy and you've gone too far, then you need to make some changes. But like I really do understand that feeling of like, this is great and I don't want to be bothered and I feel like you have felt like that at a lot of times and it didn't stop you from meeting someone and dating him this summer. You know, like I would say you were in that headspace last year, earlier this year, off and on where you're like, I don't want to be bothered. - You can run the tape. I've said this a million times on the show. So I don't want to be contradictory. There's been so many times in the show. I've said like my life is really great and I have these like incredible friends. I don't need to run the list. But like I have a life I really love and like I don't want you to come in here and mess it up or like why would I get up off the couch at the end of the day after I've worked and I've like done things that are good for my body. and I've talked to my friends, and I called my father, and like, why would I go meet a stranger I'm exhausted? Like, I am so guilty of it. I've been guilty of this, you know, for years, but I want different things in life. First of all, I don't want children. So the drive towards finding somebody, there's not a time clock on me. So like, I adhere to like a different set of standards for myself, and I think I haven't felt a huge deficit in my life without romance, but if I did, I would have to break the glass, so to speak of what you said. Like, I think that dating is inherently scary, and being in the gray area with somebody is scary, and I think it fucks up your routine, just having somebody in your life fucks up your routine. Do you want some life? It's gonna fuck your routine up. It is, and I validate that people want to like, feel good and work out, get in hours to sleep. I know that exact feeling of like, I have to get to the Farber's Market before these two vendors like sell out of this thing that I buy every week, and like, I can see myself like running out of there, and sometimes I'm just like, why? Like, I always joke, I'm like, not the fun friend. I always go to bed early. I never want to go to the next place, but like, when I say yes, I always enjoy it, and I'm in spaces where I like me, actually, the guy that I met who I was dating, I almost skipped the trip where we met him. I was like, I don't need to go to this. Yeah, we weren't gonna let you skip that trip, but you did try. Try, try, try. But like, saying yes to things is important, and when I do, I'm like, really excited about it, and I think it like, introduced me to people I would have never met, and it puts me in spaces that I would have never been in, and I just don't wanna be contradictory to what I've said, 'cause many times on the show, I've said like, I don't wanna be bothered, and like, that's a real feeling. But if you want to find romantic connection, you have to be bothered, you just have to. Yeah, and again, like, I guess my point is like, you can kind of ebb and flow, and you can take a pause from dating if you're feeling exhausted by it, but the advice columnist says, it sounds like you haven't just boundaries yourself out of dating, you've boundaries yourself out of living, and out of pleasure, and out of the friction of life, that's uncomfortable, but worth it. And it's not all about dating and finding somebody and centering men, it's just even having fun nights out with the girls, or these core memories of those nights. And listen, sometimes you say yes to a thing, and you go out and you stay out on night, it sucks. And you're like, I wish I'd never left the house, but if you live like that, you're never gonna have the good moments, too. And her advice was just to start small, to take baby steps towards full on ferrality, put it in the counter that you'll have a chaos night with a particular spontaneous friend, and say yes to a last minute invitation. Like, I do think these things can start with baby steps. I mean, maybe you need a vacation. If that's something that you can afford, you have the time off to really let loose, like a trip, especially a slutty trip, can really be a reset. We had Alyssa, our friend, on years ago, who talked about this vacation. She took really unlocks something in her, and she found her husband. The second she got back, I think she matched with them on hinge when she was on the trip. Like it just made her feel really free and good about herself and confident. And so I think it's just clocking it. The person who wrote this in, and anyone else is feeling that way, if you are recognizing this, you're already on the right path. The next time you just wanna rush off to the farmer's market or you get a last minute invitation, you're like, oh, how about I have Pilates in the morning or whatever, like just think about it, just think about doing something a little bit differently, every once in a while, and making those like small changes, and going out on a weeknight. I mean, that's another thing we wanted to cite was this Instagram post from the Every Girl, who said we used to go out on Tuesdays, what happened to the death of the casual weeknight hang. Which just, you know, it's like, go off for a drink on a Tuesday and you say like, you'll be tired tomorrow or you have groceries at home or you have Pilates in the next morning. So you stay in and it says, we accidentally made hanging out on a Tuesday, feel irresponsible. So what really replaced happy hour, crunchy wellness routines, meal prepping, sleep goals, protein goals, not wanting to drink laundry, hobbies, work from home, and they gave some stats as well. Even the stats say that we've become more boring. Gen Z millennials drive 41% of all US wellness spending, Americans spend 50% less time at parties than they did 20 years ago. We spend just 35 minutes a day socializing, adults under 35 are drinking less than ever, 72% to 62% in two decades. So it dropped 10% and 35% of workers now work from home making afterwork plans less spontaneous. Which that makes sense. Like we didn't work from home back in our day either, like that. I had a few times where I did, I probably still prioritize my party. But I understand too that if you're working from home all day, then you really do have to like, go out. But we found this post really interesting. So the work thing is such a difference between like how life was. I mean, I just, I was already out in my 20s. I didn't have to like, go out. It was easier. You know, and I want to validate that. I was dressed, I'd make up on, I was at the office, I was around people my age and it was just natural and normal to like, go out and socialize. And I think about all the times that I want to just like stay at home because I love my home. I have decided to be a wonderful and comfy and getting enough sleep is so important to me and not waking up with a hangover is so important to me. But like, even this weekend, like I did a bunch of stuff that I was like, I don't want to go do this. But then I did it. And I was like, I connected with people. I had great conversations. Like, I'm not having any new experiences in this apartment. I'm watching the same TV shows. I masturbate and go to sleep. Like, I'm not living life. I feel good in the morning and that's great. But to me, like, life is lived in those tiny moments when I actually leave the house. And it's important to me to like have stories and have things to talk about. I think it just makes you a more resilient, interesting person in general. Nothing interesting happens to me here. I'm not becoming more interesting or dynamic in this house at all in this house. Yeah. Listen, I certainly don't drink as much as I used to. I don't want to feel bad, you know, I hate it. And so I understand that too. This wasn't really something I care much about when I was younger. I didn't get as bad hangovers. And I was like, I just dealt with them differently. But I understand you don't want to feel bad. You don't want to feel these things. And so it doesn't all have to be about drinking, you know, it can just be about like leaving the house. And it doesn't have to be expensive. You know, there was a lot of pushback on that post of money or lack thereof, which obviously is a huge part of the conversation. And I do understand empathizing. If you can't do a thing because you truly can't afford it, that's fine. This does not always go to an expensive dinner on a Tuesday. Maybe that's not in the cards. And I didn't really take that as the takeaway from this post. I think that we're talking more about the sentiment of I don't want to be tired or I have a workout. It's just skipping anything spontaneous with your friends because you have to stick to your routine. And I want to say, I really do empathize with having a job that you feel overworked and underpaid and tired. And I had a job like that in my 20s where I was like, I have to work all the time. I don't love this job. And I'm not making money. That's the worst because you're like, I'm not having fun at work. And I'm annoyed that I'm even here. But this is where I spend all my time. And I can't go to the mall this weekend and blow off some steam. And I can't afford this fancy dinner without overdrafting my account, I mean, I still probably went. But, you know, like I was irresponsible. But it's just like, it sucks. And so I just want to validate that. And people aren't making enough money to live these days. And so I do get it. But the answer is not just to stay in and beer recluse. I mean, you can go to trivia and get a couple of pictures of cheap beer. You can host people at your house. You can go to the park on a nice day. I've never been to the park in New York City on a beautiful day and not met people at the picnic next to us. Like, stuff is just getting outside sometimes. Like, that's it. - I think actually probably my never one social activity is taking walks. Do you know what walks I take with our friends? That's like, that's the activity. - Yeah. - And I really, we both do one of reality. How fucking expensive everything is. I mean, even in the last couple of years, I have noticed just like the price of menu items, the price of flights, hotels, just everything. And then you add in this like extra pressure of like social media and this like desire to like look really great. And so you have to spend more money on outfits and on makeup and skincare routines. And it has gotten so expensive to walk out the door 'cause you wanna like look a certain way. And I don't know the answer to that is just like I go out looking ugly all the time. You guys, who cares? You know, just like spend less and go out looking ugly. But I understand that things have cost it a lot more, but you don't have to go out and drink and do all this stuff. I mean, Emily and I sat on her couch on Saturday night and we walked and got ice cream and then went back to her house. We had a drink and it was just like a nice sober night with one of my best friends and I'm like so glad that I went out and did that connected with somebody, you know? Yeah, can you go out to dinner and sit at the bar with your friend and try to people watch or meet new people or whatever and for the cost of the Pilates class? Probably how much these workout classes cost. You know, like if you feel like you have no money to spend directly at all, that's understandable. But are your priorities out of whack? How much are you spending on workout classes? If you belong to Equinox and you don't have a social life and you're not dating, stop wanting Equinox and spend money growing out and getting drunk and I'm just kidding. But it's just like, think about where you want to just like be out in the world and I can't stress enough that it's not necessarily all about drinking. But if you are in the house doom scrolling, go get a coffee with a friend or alone. Like go to a coffee shop and sit there and be in the world 'cause it will make you feel better than being at home alone on your phone or being a home alone meal prepping. I think we're just like so much like, I don't want to disturb my peace. That's what everybody's like, boundary it up. I don't want to disturb my peace. And I think you have to accept some like very low stakes discomfort and maybe it is just like staying out for that extra hour in the evening or skipping the workout class or just like, doing something to break your routine. I know it's annoying, but like I wrote down this quote, like I want to find a life that is well lived and not just well managed. And hmm, oh, I love that. Thank you. I wanna like-- I want to look back and feel like I did all these things and I didn't just spend my life trying to like, balance it up and feel physically good. Those things are very important to Ashley and I, especially as I get older, I'm just not out. Totally. But like, I want to look back and be like, I had so much fun this weekend. I did all these things. I saw these people connected with all these people. It doesn't have to be drinking. Like, I mean, we have demonized drinking and partying and I've been seeing all these TikToks that make me laugh like the Gen Z party girl renaissance and it's so funny that like we have to like give permission to people to go out and party and it's sad. It is. If you guys want to go out and party, like, join them and if you don't want to do that don't demonize it because it's nice those experiences. I just like, I was walking Emily's on Saturday night and I walked all through the West Village and then the East Village and I just saw so many girls out, just like packed into a table, just looking beautiful, just perfume everywhere and like, I just thought like, man, it is so wonderful to like be that age and be out in the world and like slam like eight girls into a booth that fits for and just like share all these stories and make mistakes and wake up the next morning and you're on the group chat talking shit about it. I feel like nostalgic for how beautiful those times are with your friends. It's like important to do them totally. And I think that correcting on the binge drinking culture that we had is still good. Yeah. Like, we were like blacking out and I don't recommend it. You know, like, I think that this happy place could be really healthy for a lot of people who are of a certain age. You know, you're 20s, you're early 30s. I mean, I don't drink a ton now in my 40s. But like, I think there need to be a little bit of of correction and we've over corrected and let's meet back in the middle where you're going out and you're having a good time. Again, don't drink if you don't want to. But it's not what we did because that wasn't healthy either. We had fun, but I don't remember a lot of those nights. I was always getting injured, broke my foot, didn't have health insurance. Actually, I left my phone in a cab like the other day, which I couldn't keep. I couldn't keep a phone for six months. I mean, it was so bad. I got through them. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It was a nightmare. Well, a lot of this stuff was traumatizing. I think we're glamourizing a little bit, but you know, we survived it. Okay. Well, let's just take a quick break and then we will pick it back up. All right. I'm telling you guys about truly the only bras that I wear, the only pajamas that I wear, and that's skims. I mean, I just love what they're doing and their cotton fabrics are the best I wear all of their pajamas, but they have these cotton jerseys you fold over pants that Ashlyn I love and you compare them with these cotton rib tanks and the quality is so fantastic. I don't know what they're doing over there at skims, but like it holds up when I like wash it time and time and time again. It's unbelievably soft. I've had some of this stuff for years and I love that they're constantly like creating new styles. There are ton of colors to choose from and there's ton of sizes. So they're very inclusive and everything when it comes to sizing, which is really important and there's a lot to choose from. And truly like when it comes to cotton basics, nothing beats skims. I just love what they got going on at the t-shirt. So anything like cotton jersey, fabric, fantastic, and this is really good gift, I think, for people. So like, if you're ever wondering like, I mean, Ashlyn I like took a trip with a friend where like what should we get her? And I was like pajamas. Like it's just such a nice gift to get somebody or it's nipping in other. Everything feels great. It's only bras I wear truly and you guys can shop skims, cotton, and all of our favorite pieces at skims.com. If you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you, select podcast in the survey, be sure to select our show and the drop down menu that follows. Yeah, those fold over pants with the rib tank. I have like gray, pink, and black set to wear around the house, which I'll let you all those colors. Okay. Well, I'm telling you guys about hungry root. Listen, we still want you to be making food at home and staying healthy some nights of the week. And that is where hungry root comes in. It makes it so easy to eat healthy and have your groceries delivered to your homes. You don't have to go out and make a bunch of trips to the grocery store. So we just really love it. And this is great as we head back into the fall, back to school, maybe summer was a little chaotic. Like we were mentioning and now you do want to get back in a little bit more of routine, especially with what you're eating. So I have been doing a lot of high protein. I love like a protein, like ground beef with like a sweet potato, like the cottage cheese, the avocado, the hot honey, like that bowl. So I love meals like that. And just we've been doing a lot of bowls around the house and I love their meats. I think that quality meat is so important, especially in this day and age, no one where it comes from and no one you can trust it. So I really love to get the meat and the chicken and the fish and also the vegetables are really great too. The snacks, hunger root keeps getting more personalized by learning your tastes and dietary needs over time. It knows what you actually want and keeps you're finding what you get. And there are over 50,000 chef crafted recipes. Many are ready in just 15 minutes and the variety never gets old. There's always something new to try. So we just love it. Again, there's all these recipes. They're going to send you everything. You can make them. They're super, super easy. If you want, you can get more complicated ones as well. And this is just really going to help your eating get consistent, staying healthy, no better time than to try this out for the fall. You are going to love hunger root as much as we do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first quarter plus a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com/gge and use code gge. That's hungryroot.com/gge code gge to get 40% off your first box. A free item of your choice for life. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. So think about if you could wake up tomorrow and make one thing better, what would it be? And this episode is perfect for that because it is just like, what are tiny routines I can change in my life to just feel better? Obviously, if you want to talk about socializing or your romantic life, therapy can really, really help you sus out these things. Better is a feeling to find value and for BetterHelp, it's a BetterHelp therapist who really gets you. Maybe focus on global, emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over 100 countries. It's progress and it's getting better at whatever you want it to be. Maybe you want to be more present with your friends or your kids. Maybe you want to shop less online. Maybe you want to figure out how to work your routine into also dating. So how can I get better at, I want to work out and be good at my actual job and I want to sleep well. But I also want to like, date and I want to figure out how to like, cut through the noise of all this advice that you get online about dating and where your boundaries should be and therapy can really help with that. You can sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/GGE. That's BetterHelpHELP.com/GGE. You know what I do want to say is when we talk about the drinking and the way the culture is shifted is the good news is if you aren't into drinking and you don't want to, there are so many other options that we did not have. Like that really was what you went out and did. Like I didn't know anyone in a run club. You know, like I didn't know there was sober bars. Like there was nothing like that. So I feel like I didn't know anybody that was sober, even sober curious back in my 20s really. But that's so much more prevalent today and there's so many more social activities to do. The don't evolve drinking. Yeah. So it's just like you can leave the house and do all these things and socialize and date and everything with more options. You want to qualify this as a couple of times episode, but like obviously we're not advocates for like getting hammered, drunk and belly out and so many of our friends don't drink. I mean, we have more sober friends than ever, but it doesn't stop me from being around them and we will have an episode with a friend of ours who has gotten sober and she will talk all about like what that's been like to you know learn how to socialize in spaces where either people are drinking and she doesn't want to or just finding other alternative activities. I think the world fortunately is now built to have more activities that don't include that. I mean, that is something I miss about living in California. I mean, it's just really optimized for outdoor activities and just less drinking in general like when you're out like every time you go out, there's a mocktail menu, you know, and which I do think mocktail should be less expensive sometimes they're not. And it just seems like it really caters to that audience, which is nice. Hi Greg. I think the other part of this is that like not only have we like boundary it up with like our routines, it's just that there's, we've talked about this before. There's so much noise on the internet about what you should do in dating and every single person with access to like a chat GPT script is on the internet yelling at you like you should do this and draw this boundary and if he says this, then you do this and I am bothered by it because I think it is making every single person be so nervous about what is going to happen and you just sort of forget the human aspect of dating like people are just human and they're going to make mistakes and you can't boundary up all the time and actually and I could not advocate more for you guys to be treated well and with dignity and to feel safe all the time. But like outside of that, I was watching this TikTok and this girl was like, so I had this really good date the other night. He was awesome. And for our second date, we were making plans and at 7 p.m., I was like, okay, so when are you going to send a car? And he was like, I wasn't going to send a car and I canceled the date on him. And now I'm having a wonderful night at home with my skincare and my glass of wine alone. And I thought like, okay, I mean, if that's what brings you joy, then that's great. Is that rage bait? I hate this advice of like, people, I mean, I've always hated this advice to people, oh, you money. And if you want your boundary to be, that every time you want a date with somebody, they have to send an Uber. I mean, you're welcome to do whatever you want. But I hated this advice of like, I met this person who was a nice person that I liked and because they didn't spend enough money, maybe they were going to pay for the whole date. Maybe they were going to Uber you back home. They probably were. It's crazy advice. And I think so much of it's also contradictory. And I have a friend that's like dealing with this guy right now and she's like, I like everything about him. But I don't hear from that. He's just not a good tech star. And like, I will text him and I won't hear back for like eight hours and every piece of advice on the internet. It's like, he doesn't like you. God, him up. And he doesn't check in with you every single day all day long, fuck that guy. And she was like, I feel that I'm inundated with all this advice that says he doesn't like me. And all of his other behavior says he really likes me a lot and he values me and she was like, I'm a smart adult and even I like get stuck in the noise of all this. So I think it's just. hard to push through that noise. Yeah, and it's so much of that, again, a lot of it's been written with AI and it lacks nuance completely. So there is that. And we're gonna talk about this next week with Calty and I just think, like, you gotta marry the guy that checks the boxes, most of them treats you a certain type of way. But if you're just dating, like, I don't know. Sometimes it's not that deep. You really don't wanna date people that make you feel bad about yourself. But sometimes you can let them get away with a little bit of bad behavior and you wanna get later, have a good night out. I don't know. I just think it's like, again, I'm not advocating for giving your time and energy to shitty people. But it's just like, I do think there's a world in which we all can just relax a little bit. You know, and maybe everyone is not checking every husband box, but they're not terrible and making you feel terrible about yourself. And you can have fun. - Yeah, I think that we're constantly, and I'm guilty of it too. I think all people are guilty of it. You wanna date and you're constantly looking for every red flag and every deal breaker. And you're like, okay, clocked this one hour in and so I'm not gonna go out in a second time. And it's like, life is more nuanced than that. You kinda don't always know like why somebody acts a certain way. And there are certain things that are like a no-go. For me, if somebody says all my acts are crazy, I mean, you kinda just know that that's the way that they see everybody that they date. And that could be a problem. You know, I think we're always like, I don't wanna get hurt. So let me collect every single piece of information and clue. And I do think it is just kind of walled us off from just letting people just be people a little bit. Like, I can't imagine what it is, but I'm sure that I do things to piss people off. And that gives somebody the egg on a date. And like, I would like the grace of somebody just getting below the surface a little bit more before writing me off entirely. Like, I don't know. I mean, I think that people might be like, I want my person to have a specific relationship with their family. I want them to have a good relationship with both of their parents. And I worry about telling people that I don't have a relationship with my mother on a first date because like, what that says about me. But they have no idea why I don't have a relationship with my mother and why that might be and how hard that's been for me. And it's so deep and nuanced. And I think that that's just a small example. But like, we write people off for a lot of things and it's not necessarily what you think it is, I guess. Totally. Yes, there should be some deal breakers. I mean, I think someone should respect your time. I think there are basic manners of dating. And I also think racism, misogyny, all those things, maybe a criminal record depends on what the crime is. Certain things like that. Like, you can really call those deal breakers, but that's the over-iccing. I think we talked about that with Amy Chan at length. And you could go back and listen to that episode from a few months ago at this point. And I just think that's really important to remember. And you wrote something in our outline that I really like that being out in the world and having some of this friction makes you resilient. And when you leave the house, you run the risk of having an awkward conversation. When you make plans, especially when you make new friends, you run the risk of those plans falling apart. When you date, you run the risk of being rejected. There's always these risks that you might have to leave the house and be out in the world and be vulnerable and open yourself up to new people and figure stuff out. And you could get hurt or get rejected. But those are what creates resiliency and confidence in yourself and life experience. Yeah, I agree. And I think you and I have had so many weird, awkward, funny, insane experiences. And I'm proud to have those, even though in the moment, I'm like, what the fuck? Because it's something I'm going to talk to my friends about. It's just, I don't know, I could joy from it. I'm not doing things for the plot, but like, not anymore. I also want to fuck that 21-year-old. But you're still time. But like, I love all the experiences you and I have had. Like, I would have never tried to stand up at 40 years old if I was terrified to walk up the door. Just all these things. And also, when you meet people, they've never been through anything. You're just like, ew, what am I going to talk to you about? Yeah, and I think, you know, people just want to stay in a controlled environment at all times. And I mean, if you really have crippling anxiety every time you leave the house, of course, that's understandable. I think Liz Moody is a great resource for that. We had our own podcast, and she had, is it a Gora Fobia? Like, she couldn't leave the house. And I really love her content. I mean, we've mentioned Tinks. We have mentioned Amy Chan. And Liz Moody is someone that I would really recommend consuming her content. I think she puts out some of the best content on the internet, her podcast, her social media posts, and that she does have anxiety. And she does feel terrified to do things. And she talks about common struggles and ever-any-long-term relationship and marriage, and how she works through those things and challenges herself, and I think those things are very important, especially coming from someone who's like, I couldn't leave the house, because it was so debilitating, and here's how far I've come. And I guess, like, a final sentiment I just wanted to say was when your life gets too regimented, you run the risk of being able to let someone into it. And I think about this with men and women. We've talked about guys on this podcast for years that too strict of a gym routine or a diet, or even every weekend, they have to do something the same. Every Saturday, they have to watch football day. They have to golf every day. That strictness that doesn't allow for the spontaneity, and you have to be so regimented is just not what I want. And it might work for some people, and those two people might come together and have a beautiful relationship. But it's like, I guess this also boils down to be the type of person you want to date. And so if you find yourself being like, I don't want to date someone that has that too regimented, and I won't be able to fit into their life, don't be that person either. I love that sentiment. And I think if you're worried, I think I have walled everything off to the point that I can't find my way back. You can. I worried about that a little bit myself. I mean, I did really worry about it. And I was talking about the guy I was dating, and I said to him, it's nice, his shit was just all over my place. And I was trying to work while he was here. And our play-ons were crazy. We were going to meet a lot of people. And I was like, I said, it's nice to remember that I can enjoy those moments, actually. I worried a little bit that I need my house to be a very specific amount of clean. And I need to do things at the exact same time every day. And I remembered that I can be comfortable breaking those routines and letting somebody in, and that's a nice feeling. Even if you're like, I think I've walled everything off. You haven't. And it's never too late to just make little changes. Yeah, no one's going to come arrest you, because you didn't follow your morning routine. I mean, I think it was Cat Cohen. I think she was on, maybe, less cultureistas. And her thing, her, I don't think so, honey, was just a routine at all. That sounds so boring. Why would you start your day like that? Why would you start your day doing the same thing every day? And I'm not saying I totally agree by it. We do, I love the take. I love the take. Then it was just like, ew, what do you mean? You don't just let the day take you where it wants to take you. You only live once. And that reminds me that we did crowdsource you guys, and we wanted to just share a few things from our audience. We did ask, do you feel like your boundaries and/or routine are stopping you from having fun, meeting people, dating, et cetera? And we got a lot of responses. I mean, people just saying, yes, like the anxiety of not having my laundry done or a house clean before Monday. And, you know, someone said, kind of echoed the same thing of like, especially on a Sunday, trying to get my life together for the week. You know what, thing great, don't even go out on a Sunday. I think Sunday's going to be very fun. But like, then don't do that. You know, like if you were like, if I'm not locked in on a Sunday, it ruins my whole week, then don't ruin your whole week. Go out on a Tuesday or Wednesday. But can I tell you, like this morning, I had this whole plan for my Monday morning. And I was going to like, go. And I was going to like, drop my clothing off the tailor to get alteration done. I was going to like, have breakfast in this place across the street that I like. And I was going to work on our episode at Soho House. And like, I was just going to do all these things. And like, I had to not drink. And I had to go to bed in order to do that. And instead, I stayed out really late last night and had a drink a ton. And I had the best time. Like, and I didn't wake up and do those things this morning. And you know what, I lived, like, it's hard for me to talk myself out of it. 'Cause like, I make this plan. I'm excited I have my little plan. But like, I didn't get my jeans altered this morning. And like, you know what, my life still went on. And I-- Yes. And nobody used to do. No one ever used to do. And I get the bedtime thing. I need sleep, too. But like, there has been times when I have not gotten nearly enough sleep, just a few hours. And the night before we're so fun, I'm running on a dreidel in the next morning. You know, like, that shit keeps you going. Fun times can account for lack of sleep. Someone wrote, no, but recently I started to make it a point to have at least one to two fun week night plans. And I can confirm life is better. I really like that. Someone wrote, no, I finally feel fucking peace. And go off. Like, right. You feel peace and contentment and happiness. We support you. Whatever you're doing, 100%. I just, I don't really want to get to my end of my week and just feel like, I don't do anything, but listen, sometimes I do want to get through three days and not talk to anybody or see anybody. And that is what brings me peace. And I need to reset. Like, you and I have different types of social batteries. Like, you would be out socializing seven days a week. Like, you just love me around people. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't, like, if there's been too many nights where we just like, cook dinner and watch something, I don't like it. And I'm like, we got to go do something. If I'm not, Shashank is not like that. Like, he'll go either way. He will go out every night of the week or he'll stay home every night of the week. Like, he's really go with the flow like that. But I just can't do it. A few others, someone wrote, "Absolutely, I'm worried. I'm becoming too comfortable being alone in my routine." But it's like the fact that you even took the time to write in and acknowledge it is the first step. And like, I have hope for you. And then someone wrote, "Sometimes I forget that I'm here once and maybe loosening up the routine of life." Like, that's what it is. You know? Yeah. only live once, we are all gonna die in 10 years, thanks to AI, and why not have some fun, you know? (laughs) Lure's in the grip. Well, we support whatever's gonna bring you guys peace, but if you feel like your routine is giving you more anxiety, then you know, go out, get drunk, do something crazy, make some mistakes, don't get drunk, but like make some plans, you know, and just like forget about this therapy speak, and what you should be doing, people shaming you for not partying, just go out and have fun and enjoy your life. Yeah, be with your friends, date or not, but don't sit at home and do a scrawl, because it's only gonna make your life worse. So thank you guys, for listing, of course, girlsgottaeat.com is our website, girlsgottaeatpodcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess on Instagram and TikTok, rena is rena.creenberg, rena greenberg.com, you know, get some friends and go to her shows this fall. If you have knock on tickets, this is such a fun outing, and most of them are on the weeknights. So this is my challenge. If you have knock on tickets, one friend, two friends, three friends, four friends, whoever it is, get tickets to see rena, and have fun on a fucking weeknight. rena greenberg.com. Seven p.m. shows. Seven p.m. shows, you guys. I would like to be out on a weeknight after this, you know? I go to dinner by 8.45. You guys are gonna have the best night, and maybe go to late dinner after, go grab a drink after, can you imagine? Not a Wednesday. You can watch a full video on Spotify and YouTube, share this episode with a friend, be safe, but have fun out there, you guys, and we will see you Thursday. Have a good week, guys. Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)