Are You Garbage (H. Foley & Kevin Ryan)

This episode is sponsored by Helix Sleep. If you go to helixsleep.com, you take their sleep quiz. It takes like a minute. Are you a back sleeper? Are you a back or side sleeper? Side. Same? Funny you ask, okay? Thanks. Because I used to be a side sleeper all my life, but the last three weeks, both my sides hurt. I forced to sleep on my back, and I never could, and I'm doing it now. And the only reason I'm doing it now is because I'm on a Helix mattress. Also, I've told you about this. Are you putting a pillow under your legs? No. I'm telling you, Dad. Put pillows under your legs. It puts pressure off your lower back. I love Helix mattresses. They will mail the mattress to you. Aunt Lauren has one. Right. Teddy got one. Teddy got one. We got one here and in the guest room. We got one here and the guest room. People are loving their Helix. Mark, if you want to try one at your place, you get a 120-day money-back guarantee. Go to helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off site-wide. 20% site-wide. That's helixsleep.com slash TISO. helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off site-wide. You know what I mean. What's the site? Do it. Helix Sleep. Helixsleep.com slash TISO for 20% off the site. Hey. Look at this. It's a long time no see. Where you're here. I'm going to be there. I put you there. Sure. I'm going to be either one, but I'm just picturing here. And you're going to be over here. Where's the booby traps? If I sit on this couch and it's Kate, I'm going to be upset. Or really happy. What's going on, Alvin? What are you doing? I feel like we're going to get hit with a flashbang or something like that. Hey, Budzo. Hey, buddy. You've lost some weight. I have. Oh! Okay. Put my feet up. Hey, man. Welcome to the studio. This is nice. This is very nice. I have holes in my socks. Sometimes I have holes in my socks. I'm all black socks. Yeah. Just a little bit of the heel. The dog gets me. I got a dog who chews my socks. Gentlemen. Yes. We got drinks. We got caffeinated. We got non-caffeinated. We got room temp. We got cold. I'm dying. Tell me you got a sugar-free Red Bull or something similar. The caffeine drinks I have are magic. Mine's. Instead of waiting until the end, why don't you tell the audience what's going on? What's up, everybody? It's motherfucking Kevin Ryan. And your boy H-Fizzle, y'all. Hey, hey, hey, Fizzle, y'all. From RU Golf and Shit. We got that special sauce coming out September 13th. September 13th, 13th. Check it out on our YouTube page. If you're not signed up, go over there and hit that subscribe button, bitch. You like comedy, motherfucker? Then tune in. Rick Lashley is hijacking us, keeping us here, and making us do ads, and making us do a bunch of weird stuff. And my family's watching this. Please come and get us. Go to YouTube. Type in RU Garbage. Comedy special. Check it the fuck out. Yeah. Do it. Gang, we got a brand new special out right now called American Garbage. It's all RU Garbage. We play it with the crowd. It's me and Kevin on stage together. It's very fun. We filmed it in Tampa. Florida, the home of Garbage. Yes. At Science Quitters Comedy Club. We filmed all around. The audience members are characters. It's a fantastic time. Do yourself a favor. Go over to our YouTube page and watch the special. If you're not signed up on our YouTube page, subscribe. And also, if you like what you see, we're on tour right now. The Army of Garbage tour is on sale on our website. We're going to be in Chicago, San Jose, San Diego, Appleton, Tacoma. Tickets are going to go fast. So get on board. Get on board if you want to hang. We're doing weekends, baby. Weekends. It's stand-up. Me and the big dog each do stand-up. And then we play AYG with the crowd. It's a chance for you to get to ask your garbage question. Special guest, Alvin the dog. Oh, dick-doggy-dog. In certain markets. Dick-doggy-dog. Boys, we're about ready to go. I thought we were filming. What? We stood with goddamn plugs. This is all just blocking. Where's my stand-in? What the hell, Glassman? This is Hollywood. Let's go. Yeah. Time is money. Time is money. We're recording, guys. I just meant, like, now we're going to, that was. We're settled. Now, we're going into the theme music. Mm-hmm. Scoot-doo. Blubbity-blue. Scoot-dee. Oh, yeah. A lot of people come on this podcast and they're like, hey, do we need the headphones? And I always go, whatever you're comfortable with. But when it's more than two people, I like headphones. Sure. Here's why. We might be talking. He might be going, we wouldn't hear it. Yeah. Buddy, we're all headphones all the time. We'll make an exception for a very few. Like a Stamos. A Stamos. But most of the good pros will go. Data analysis. We have a bozo in the room. Identified. Identified. We wouldn't hear that if we're. Yeah, that would have slipped under the rug. Data analysis. We have a cute little doggy in the room. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. To explore coverage, visit aspcapetinsurance.com slash TISO. That's aspcapetinsurance.com slash TISO. Again, that's aspcapetinsurance.com slash TISO. This episode is sponsored by Factor Meals. Let's eat real. Head to factormeals.com slash TISO50off. And use code TISO50off to get 50% off. And one free breakfast item per box for one year. All supplies last until October 31st, 2026. That's code TISO50off at factormeals.com. TISO50off at factormeals.com. See website for more details. Ricky's on the loose has only two more dates scheduled for this year. I'm in Tacoma, Washington this month, the 15th through the 17th. In November, I'm in Salt Lake City, the 13th and the 14th. If you want to find out when I'm coming to your city, sign up for my email list. Go to rickglassman.com slash tour. Only going to email you if I'm coming within 50 miles of your city. So you have first at bat to come to a show. I'm adding new dates more for this year and early next year soon. rickglassman.com slash tour. Identified. So you guys were- Folks, I'm acting. You guys were telling me about some guests that don't want to wear headphones. Well, they'll just go- Spill the beans. I don't even know really. What I'm trying to say is most people will go- So they'll go- Most professionals- Yul Brenner was a real dick about it. Yul Brenner from Major League? Yul Brenner. You know Yul Brenner? That's the guy from Major League. That's the Hollywood guy. He's not in Major League. Yes, he is. He's supposed to be in Major League. Isn't he? Doesn't he play- Yul Brenner played Daddy Warbucks. I don't know, man. Was Yul Brenner in Major League? It's your mom. It says Joe Brenner. How do you spell his name? Yul? Y-U-L? What is it? Like Christmas time? No. Y-C-K. Y-C-K? Number nine. No. I don't know. That's how you spell rock in Billy Madison. Just tell the thing. R-O-C-K. Let me tell you something. Can I tell you something? Glassman? Take a dog. Rick? Yes. I would take Elvin. I'd put a little bit of salt and pepper on his belly, and then a little bit of olive oil, and put him in the oven until he's nice and crispy. Nope. We wouldn't let you do it. Antisemitic. That took a weird turn. Antisemitic. I'd make him nice and crispy, and then I'd eat him. I'd eat his belly, and I'd have a little bit of hoisin sauce. He's got the perfect amount of underbite. Yeah, he could. Just a little bit to let you go. Last time we met, you were in New York. You were in a very nice hotel. That's right. We were in New York, and I was in a hotel. You were in a hotel? And I ordered some coffee. Yes. It was a bit of a scruff-off, if I remember. I'm allowed to say that. My mom's half scruff-off. On her dad's side, obviously. Yeah. I'm all scruff-off. And a little bit of Italian. How much weight did you lose? 120 pounds so far. Let's clap it up for that, everybody. Oh, shut up. What the fuck? Dude, he doesn't let me be nice to him. They were going to fire me if I didn't lose the weight. Who's they? Him. He's the president of our company. He was going to fire me. Like Vegas showgirl shit. What's the name of your company? He made me lose the weight. There has to be a president of the company for legal purposes. Hey, do you want me to give you a paper towel? To what? Put out my gum? Yeah. You don't like that, do you? Do I like that? The chomping of the gum? No. Buddy, I'm ready to call the episode. I know you. You know what? I wouldn't hate. Out of principle, I wouldn't fucking hate it. I know you don't like it. You've got gum, but you're not chewing it, huh? I don't have gum. Please. Whoa, hey. Please. None of this fucking. This is witch trial shit, okay? No accusation. I know. You said you have gum, but you're not chewing it. I said you have gum, but you're not chewing it, right? I don't know. He doesn't have any gum in. That's a lot of inflection. Now the dog's all tense. This is all, man. You're freaking out, Alvin. It bothered you downstairs when I was standing next to you looking for a hug, and you noticed that I was chewing gum. It bothered you. Triggered you, I would assume. I didn't notice consciously. That's crazy. I'm telling you the truth. I was just staring at your body. I'm like, look at this. Where does this go? Right there. That's going to freak you out. On the wood? I'll put that in your pocket. Yeah, that's fine. Or in the cushion? No, we'll put it there. There you go. Thank you. I'm sorry about that. I apologize to the Glassmanites out there for chewing. I think that the Take Your Shoes Off audience per capita probably has the highest percentage of misophonia. What do you guys think? In the comments, let us know. What's misophonia? I don't know, but it's a class action lawsuit if you got it. Me and Rick are linked up today. Oh, yeah. The headphones. I'm in. I'm the odd man out. Misophonia is when you're sensitive to certain sounds. Right. Chewing is near the top of the list, if not number one. You're talking to me. - Hey. - Hey. - Knock it off with that. touching them it's not touching i mean yeah one it's touching how'd you lose the weight uh took zep bound well i've you know food addiction addiction all around was that a glp one yeah glp one um just to take that away and then started walking more eating less um the big two yeah the big two hey you believe that exercising more and eating less i had no idea um food addiction is a real thing man yeah oh yeah i'm addicted to everything um i especially you i have a food addiction and macaroon buddy i'm a cone okay i have a food addiction um but uh it doesn't affect me in a visual way the same it does for some people but i don't know you mean irish people um heavier people oh heavier people isn't that what you say give me my gum back i feel like heavy heavy is to fat as little person is to midget is that right i don't know if we can talk about that no i'm what no heavy is to big boned fat men are on the table still what are we doing here fat men and italians it's open season you trash italians you can make fun of italians they're dirty dirty people oh but you're not saying that italian people are fat a lot of them are they happen to be are italian people more fat than non-italian people no yes ones that live with their mother are it's a lot of talking to you gino my barber he's a good guy wow can i say hey what's up to him on the show yeah hey gino it's hank i'm over at rick glassman's place with my buddy kevin denham dan and alvin every time i'm with you guys i'm reminded about something that i didn't forget i just don't think about it how special you guys are oh you guys are so funny and you're so good together thank you we were yeah till you lost the weight yeah you look good he looks a bigger man he's a chubby chaser did you did uh did did you get inspired from by health or uh uh for longevity to get inspired from how you were feeling in the moment oh no they told me i had to lose weight yeah they yeah my bosses him and our producer did they just start telling you this no oh you know right so why are you listening now um see we need a rick and we need a rick every month to kind of calibrate the money was was threatened in my face how so and what said they would take it away no it wasn't yes it was no it wasn't and he talked to each other and be serious because i want to hear the truth and then be silly you hurt my feelings and we don't communicate well anymore and to be honest with you our sex life is in the tubes yeah uh yeah no i um why this time i i i was i got cleaned up i you know i was doing uh nefarious things nefarious things i don't know how pg this podcast did set it up kind of start that for you set it up weren't you in there i was in that movie yeah yeah oh do you mean when i started using when i my hollywood lifestyle i just watched it for the first time really and it's great it's a great movie yeah it's really good coincidentally i'm in it for three seconds by the way uh but it's a viral moment that's a good thing that shows up a lot on like tiktok and stuff for really uh yeah that that moment shows up a bit it's glenn powell so it didn't yeah before he was a star zoe deutsch who i had on the podcast a month or so after i watched that movie coincidentally did she remember me uh we didn't talk about you yikes awkward you want to call her yeah let's see she knows she's not gonna fucking know me i would also like to ask rick's opinion on uh our last glenn powell interaction to see what he would have preferred you know what get him on the phone can you you can't get glenn powell on the phone you're not that dialed in can i tell you something you're not that jewish get out of here say him but you're not that jewish um we uh he he saw he saw me at a show at the largo and followed me and we were messaging shows at lark he hates the name and then uh he said he would do the podcast i love this dog he's like perfect i love i want to get a little dog i have a pitbull right now well my girlfriend has a pitbull so pretty much means i have a pitbull you want to beat me you know i have a pitbull no you don't yes i do he's just trying you're just absorbing my life chinese restaurant i used to huh you're outclassmen uncle hank's in that's right tables are turned kid you're gonna be my stunt double in a couple of weeks for what i don't know i can't do stunts i can't do them either i have to do i have to show my butt on camera tomorrow hot whoa you got a good body let's do a little preview you should be shaking that thing everywhere i am i'm self-conscious about my butt are you looking at it a lot you got to be you got to be getting glances you're just you're just going into this blind is it a sexy what do you mean going into a blind what do you want me to do i don't have you been checking it out more is what i'm saying have you been looking at your ass i knew you were going to do this for a month in advance uh i did i did a lot of butt exercises uh in amsterdam nice three days of being sore and the butt exercise capital of the world b-e-c-o-t-w what doctor did you see over there schmendelman see schmendelman over there he's good he's good alvin i'm killing it but then i'm like what am i gonna do you know how much is my bucket uh well is it a sex scene no no it's it's a comedy scene post-sex nice where i'm i'm now downstairs and the dad is down there and i show my butt um i love it i love this now do you know you're a hollywood you know insider what do you how do they how do they block the front because that would be my main concern right so i don't care about the back but the front is the vip section nobody in there and the heat at 115. i'd get out of a hot tub i told um it's uh bill lawrence to show i don't know if you know who that is but no uh i told him that i would rather i know a gary lawrence uh i told he's he's co-creator created uh scrubs cougar town never heard of it spin city uh shrinking are these tv shows or movies ted lasso now rooster i'm a will arnett man uh bad monkey that last one you made up everybody no that's what the audience is going to say once my butt makes it on screen that guy's a real baboon uh so i went in for the fitting yesterday and i i said how do they fit your butt i said to him i would rather show my penis in my butt i really like you got a nice piece you got a good cut i have i i i think you see my penis you're like this guy's a star you see my butt and it's like what is it you know this guy my mom but not everybody listen even if you're you're you're a good looking guy as we've always said so good body athletic i appreciate it handsome um self-described nice piece nobody's butt looks good you know his butt looks good kevin costner in the eighties i thought you were going to compliment me right there kevin has good legs i bet you glenn powell has a good looking butt i bet you he does that kid's a looker um a little extra cash for that for the for no are you getting me no they said they get a butt double but i i'm embarrassed but i have a butt double because like that's it feels like a lie no you should you're crazy first of all cut this and get a butt double some guy with a killer ass you got all these chicks like if it was a killer ass if it was a really strong guy's ass and people knew it wasn't my like i think it would be funny like terry crews to do it yeah it's a it's a very naked gun move hitting them sorry freak dude you're tapping next to my ear take a ceracle will you this guy um so anyway to go back what is the diaper so so they gave me a whole bunch of stuff you got it i'll try it on i haven't tried them on you i got to find which one i like that oh this is see that's how connected he is i have to do this in the in on the street before i shot it i feel like james they send it to your house i did it yesterday at the fitting i'm like who's your management who are you with i don't see that yeah they don't say it these these powerful guys what's going on uh this has nothing to do with representation this is just how it works there's like an intimacy coordinator oh and they gave so they have these like there's different sizes medium extra large and large and i said is this for the size of my butt or the size of my is this one of the size of my waist or the size of my penis she said i don't know i would use the extra large extra large if it's for my penis uh-huh uh medium or large large if it's for my waist use the xl uh and then there's this one cover oh why don't we all try these on and see what we like i would love that honestly yeah this one's for you and this one's for kevin is that a butt thing or is that i don't know how these work uh i think it i think it basically like cradles your penis it's like a jock strap kind of probably yeah but you're not supposed to see the because yeah the strap or whatever yeah i love a jock strap can i tell you that some sort of tape i love how he thinks you're still i yeah i yeah that's funny nothing what's the matter uh-oh what's that free coupon uh visitor pass for what warner brothers to try on my penis oh i mean i can't yeah you're just bragging now you're flexing on us is george clooney gonna come out of the bathroom now with an espresso huh yeah we're just a couple of low-level guys do a podcast we're working man's guys glassman all right salt to the earth people do the living and dying in this a lot of denim okay not you and your hollywood fat cats over at dantanas having uh brad pitt calamari hiding your wieners in weird ways we ate there last night dantanas last night he was against it i said you're gonna love it we loved it we're dantana's guys are we dantana's guys or what let's talk about food addiction all right because i got it and it causes inflammation and trouble sleeping ah inflammation in where your esophagus joints huh you struck me as a crones guy i could see you with - With Crohn's. - No. - Because he's Jewish? - No, I don't think so. don't know i i get blood work a lot okay does that come up in blood work i don't know everything comes up in blood work no not everything yeah i thought when i was at my fattest they took my blood looked at the vial and was like oh yeah what's that the ragu oh um and she could tell by looking at it she's like this is gonna be bad i think i was looking at you i know i was looking she was like how thick it is and how dark it is she's like this is you're not you're not gonna make but that that didn't make you want to lose weight it was him saying he's gonna take your money away let's not get that fucking narrative out there no no no i um i just got to the point you know what i mean i got to the point with uh my addictions and alcohol and um uh yeah just stopped and you know got on glp1 to take away that it was yeah it was a put we were pushing him for a glow up baby oh for a long time to engage you know when someone's that big and we spend that much time you know when someone's that big and we spend that much time you're touring yeah you're going around the fucking country and but you've been telling him that for years he wants to return i've been there while you told him and we don't even know he wants to return on his investments acting lessons singing lessons dancing lessons you've been taking acting singing and no he's been paying them for me wants to make me a big star let me hear something fly me to the moon just the jews let me play that's anti-semitic no it's not no it's not that's inclusive inclusive now oh no your thought process now only the jews just so he can locate you and then who knows what he was that plan i'm being honest with you i thought he was trying to give the jews a chance to fly me to the moon hey there ladies and gentlemen rick glassman tell me what it's like to sing on jupiter and mars in other words please be true yes in other words please i don't know please jesus christ you you know what i do i snap on the downbeats and people tell me it's wrong but like i know i'm doing it there is no wrong in music that's what i've learned there's no wrong in music gerard butler that's right gerard butler told you that no but gerard butler was a big fan of miles davis so he would always quote him miles davis has the greatest song title of all time and i always say it best song title it never even entered my mind the name of one of his songs huh how about that we'll be right back just 30 seconds yeah you guys gonna catch a game this weekend can you go to the dodgers games you like baseball no basketball i know you like basketball you're fucking you hoop i don't care about any i just don't i used to we got 15 seconds i used to uh like watch people just like dribble shoot shoot put that ball in the hoop loop and now i'm like give me some food and let me jerk off yeah not necessarily in that order not too much food you jerk off first then uh yeah yeah no i was the other way around really that's a food addiction probably turned you on sicko huh no the thought of having myself on myself while i'm eating is a little uh not great what do you mean thought of oh wait wait wait just to be clear the reason you eat before you masturbate is because you come on yourself i don't and you don't want to eat with your cum on your belly is that what you're doing you come on your stomach man this this show moves but quick these allegations you just said i don't like eating with myself on myself what else could that mean and that's not yourself that's your children theoretically that's not yourself it's a piece of yourself a part of you i don't know what point i'm i gotta make and or argue here uh why do you tie me to them i i do not necessarily time them out that way but the thought of masturbating and then going to make a sandwich you make you you make the sandwich you set it on the table that's crazy this is a bit we gotta cut this we got a goddamn tour coming you're cutting out too many videos you're cutting out too many videos you're cutting out too many videos of material that i gotta clean up and i don't have wait what does that mean because a bit i mean it's jerking off with the sandwich and on your hands it's one of your punch lines sure okay well then let's change i wasn't doing that but let's change it to a slice of pizza then the idea on here thank you the hard z really gets a laugh really cracks them open then i'm making a gyro and i got myself all over myself the idea no i don't know does that make sense though no nothing okay well let me ask you this if you want to and listen we're friends we're partners here it's you it's you and i against it just feels like a fucking sandbag no no no feels like you guys colluded against me first of all he kicked out luke which i don't want to get into crazy but you know he as i was saying he would be sitting in that corner right there you made it sound like he was going to be sitting around the wall you mean your dining room table what i was you don't like him i don't like him either you don't want it no no you don't like luke you don't like glassman i don't know i'm just trying to chime in i don't like luke you didn't want another tall i love glassman you didn't want another tall thin good-looking guy in here right in the casting room yeah i know how it is you're like too smart hollywood yeah i don't like anybody else in here if they're not even even macon is mic'd up if you're not on camera and or at least mic'd up i don't like it because then they're in here if we can't acknowledge them it's a distraction and if we do the audience is in privy to it so just by default i've had some high like big big big stars you love show business big stars in here that i say no to their managers no to the publicists i respect that unless they could be on camera nice oh luke would have been on camera and mic'd up call him up no no we're moving on we're moving past us he's not available right now yeah okay he's on another project he's at the starbucks down the street playing man in the bathroom alvin i'm sorry i woke up alvin with that bad not much what's new with you yeah how are you how are you you know it's a lot of us we're checking in with you okay um let's talk a little bit more about you yeah please and then you could ask me some questions power move i like it this guy's dancing these guys keeps you fucking guessing so are you garbage yes sir i've heard of it it started off with finding out if people are garbage or not and it's turned into what i think is one of the most overrated board games but great podcasts thank you yeah card game card game card you think it's overrated we'll be on sale very soon all right got a new edition coming out new edition coming out yes now this is because people have already gone through all the questions you want to have new questions trivial pursuit comes up with new questions yeah we just like to keep them going you know what i mean people want people get the first edition they get second oh my god in the second edition do people ever bring cards for you guys to sign of course that's like don't do it that impacts the cigarettes are like the two main things so um i do cards uh like trading cards here could you see them over there you could take a look at some of them grab them over there would you h foley you want me to am i allowed to touch it yeah do you see them you could pull them out and look through some of them and uh we uh there's not gonna be a mousetrap in there or something is there no no no no way a black mamba get you we turn uh guests into heroes and and make trinkets i'm a magic the gathering collector like comic books i did not know that very cool and um scott heppern who's an illustrator he's incredible uh he does uh a lot of the marvel comics modok throw up we'll throw up some pictures i've seen some of these yeah i tried to do a modok show didn't they i'm not mistaken i think they are doing one and then i thought it was i thought it came and went seth rogan right not the one that i know these are very cool uh so i would love now that you guys are a big part of this universe if we uh turn you into some uh some some heroes i would be great what characters do you guys identify with i'd like to make you as a team i'm very i don't know man i i'm not a superhero we'll figure it out gotcha who i want to be the beyonder you don't like that do you i don't know the beyonder what is are you insane macklemore what's he talking about that's pretty good you know that you you don't like yeah i thought you were a marvel guy no no i'm a magic the gathering guy but i like marvel stuff i like i want to be shrinkter i don't know you're a go what's the guy's name behind it goji gun what's it goji gun no gung ho ugo goku is that what it is what's the fireball one fireball i mean that's a blanket statement but you think you're thinking of the kamehameha king kamehameha you got a raw deal that broad are you talking about that i don't know no no dragon ball z is what i'm thinking of yes that's dragon ball z oh it is yeah what's his name goku goku huh irish i think he's i think he's japanese look at these hey no one i really think chinese japanese dirty knees look at these yeah sounds racist but i think that's more racial but what were you looking at these what was the these i think it was about big boobs like chinese japanese dirty knees but look at these i don't know i also remember there was one where there was people that were chinese they played jokes and they peed in your cokes yeah that was a big thing yeah what was that how did that kind of that was memes before before social media yeah that's a good way to describe it they were verbal memes passed around from village to village like when classroom maryland manson took out a rib so he could suck his own d is that true and then richard gear with the gerbil was that didn't happen that was an urban legend i don't know about that one they do it a lot with different people like they said a newscaster in philly did it too that oh that's i got i got on good credit that that's that's not true nobody's doing that you're not people put gerbils up there but i think that was a thing no come on in the late 90s no yeah it's like covid it's all bullshit that's why i wear a mask people uh really loved hamsters and gerbils in the 90s yeah no but as pets well gross i had hamsters you did yeah yeah me too wow my sister's names my sister had one i had uh me and my brother had gerbils my my gerbil was a peanut what's the difference between a hamster and a gerbil i only got 20 bucks uh i don't know probably the same one's a more of a A mouse. They're both different species, but both rodents. Probably cousins on their mother's side. One lives in the city, and one lives in the floorboards of your home. Please tell me the difference between a gerbil and a hamster, but do so in the form of a stand-up routine. And an Irish accent. Are you using AI? I'm texting my dad. Oh. And AI is bad news. I've been trying to understand the difference between a hamster and a gerbil, because they're clearly different animals. Your dad writes quick. People who own gerbils get very upset if you call it a hamster. Oh, no, no. That's a gerbil. Okay. Sorry. I didn't realize I'm mistaken a marine for a Navy SEAL. They're both tiny rodents living in a plastic condo next to a wheel. But apparently, there are differences. First of all, hamsters are chunkier. A hamster looks like a gerbil that just got divorced. He's put on a little weight. He stopped grooming. He's eating alone at 2 a.m. Henry? A gerbil has this long tail. Very athletic looking. Sleek. A hamster, basically. Dude, this is. Shh. This is really long. Stretch, stretch, stretch. This is really long. Your phone wrote this? That's better than the thing I got. We're done. We're cooked. We're cooked, man. But they don't have the delivery and the showmanship. They can't do Fly Me to the Moon? No. On cue? Then harmonize? So you'd say that you're a hamster and you're a gerbil? I think I would say that. Size-wise, friendliness. I'm a little more. You know, a little more on edge. He does go straight for the butthole. High five. No, we're going to need that cut. Really? Yes. Nobody was putting gerbils and stuff in their butt. That has to be cut. Come on, man. It's funny. It's a joke. No. I have a wife and a child. That has to be cut. No, you know what? Leave it in. Nope. Cut it. All right, bring it back. Big man says cut it. Cut it. No. Hi, Take Your Shoes Off audience. We were nominated for a few Signal Awards again this year, and we could use your help voting for the listeners. First choice. Rick, where would I go to do that? Go to rickglassman.com, and there is a button for each of the four links for you to vote. Sign up to vote. It takes a second, but you have to sign up. You just give an email address. You could give a bootleg email address, but it does help the podcast. Thanks for supporting. Thanks for voting. And as always, have yourself a wonderful rest of the day. Hi. I'm talking to my podcast audience about Factor Meals, and I wanted to know if you've had any recently and what your thoughts might be. Oh, actually, I just got a box yesterday. And you know how I feel about it. That's why I called you. Or what you want becomes completely ready. All you do is put it in the microwave for two minutes. It's perfect. There is no waste. You think you're going to want more because it's the biggest portion, but it fills you up beyond words. It's as good as any restaurant, gourmet restaurant. The food is amazing, and I love it. And it's just so easy, and you're done. And you just throw your thing away. And you've washed your dish, and you haven't made a mess in your kitchen. And it's, oh, Ricky, it's the best thing you ever did for me. I love it. With over 175 banned ingredients, every Factor Meal is designed around what supports a healthier lifestyle and nothing that doesn't. You know, I could actually just go out right now and show you the box that it came in. It comes in with ice packs. You have to show me. I'm not even in the same place as you right now. What are you going to show me? I love you. I love you. Thank you for calling. That's Tyso 50 off. Tyso 50 off. Love you, baby. Love you. Love you. Let's eat real. Head to factormeals.com slash Tyso 50 off. And use code Tyso 50 off to get 50% off. That's code Tyso 50 off at factormeals.com. Tyso 50 off at factormeals.com. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. Hi, Casey. Hey, Rick. Not much. How are you? Or sorry, I'm just a little nervous, I guess. I'm really in my head right now, man. What do you need? I guess if I knew what I needed, it would be a lot easier. That's why I think it might be best if I had somebody to talk to, not to tell me what to do, but to help me understand what I need. To therapize. No. Do you need a bass? Oh, to take a walk. Therapy is something that I've been doing for quite some time. And the reason I love it so much, and the reason I keep talking to my audience about it, is because I truly believe it has made me a better communicator, easier to soothe my own emotions, and just all around, giving me more tools that I could use for my relationships, both with other people and myself. How long have you been in therapy? I actually met my therapist through BetterHelp, and it's been good to just talk out my feelings. You know, sometimes you just need to vent. You need to just talk out your feelings. Yeah. Sometimes taking a walk might not be enough. You just actually need to discuss your feelings. If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with, with more than 125 health plan networks, and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the U.S.? You could still get 10% off your first month. Visit betterhelp.com slash TISO to explore your payment options. That's betterhelp.com slash T-Y-S-O. Casey, if you ever had your own pet, you know they run on their own logic, right? It's crazy. Jump first, think later, ask questions, never. It's part of what makes me happy. It's part of what makes them so lovable. But it's also how you end up with surprise vet visits you didn't see coming. That's why ASPCA Pet Health Insurance helps cover eligible vet expenses. So when those moments happen, you could focus on getting the pet the care they may need instead of stressing over the cost. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program offers customizable accident and illness plans that can fit your budget, your lifestyle, and even your pet's particular quirks. Because let's be honest, vet bills can add up fast. ASPCA Pet Health Insurance has been around for almost 30 years and has covered over 1 million pets. And when it's time to submit a claim, it's easy. Just use their app and receive reimbursement for eligible vet bills directly into your bank account so you can get back to focusing on what really matters, To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash TISO. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency. The ASPCA is not an issuer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. What's up, guys? This is Casey Abrams, a.k.a. Casey Basie. You might know me from Scoop D. Oh, yeah. That is the voice of the Take Your Shoes Off podcast theme. Check this out. And I am very happy to have my album out now, Hashtag Jazz, which Rick is holding right now. It's super awesome. For your consideration right now, very cool for a Grammy. Yes, yes, it's for your consideration and it is up for Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album. I would encourage you to take a listen to it. It's a very fun album. It's hashtag. It means it's modern. It's jazz. It means it's traditional. And it's all of the things. How do people listen? They can listen on Spotify, they can get an album from me, and check out that CD. Check out just what it looks like. It's smiley. Yes, it's going to make you happy. You got me smiling again. That's one of the songs. You should check it out. It's really fun. It's got some big people on it. Hayley Reinhart's on it. Ooh, friend of the pod. Yeah, pod it up. Pepperoni dreams, they take me high Mushroom moons in the midnight sky Crust below And stars above I'm in a forever pizza love Number two on the album. Congratulations on For Your Consideration. Thank you so much, Rick. Thanks for having me. Scoop do. Side. Same? Funny you ask, okay? Thanks. I forced to sleep on my back, and I never, never could, and I'm doing it now. No. I'm telling you, Dad, put pillows under your legs. Aunt Lauren has one. Right. Teddy got one. Teddy got one. 20% site-wide. What's the site? Do it. Puppety blue. Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. The only difference between the two are. Wait, I'm sorry. Can you start from the top? Boys will be boys and girls will be girls. What is the difference? Bigger brains. Ladies, I'm kidding. Oh, I thought you were saying that the ladies had the bigger brains. Come on, Ray. That's exactly what I was saying. Don't you think that if women ran the world, there would be less war? Except that time with the mom. I'm kidding. This guy's a pisser. But I thought he's good, huh? Shit. Your buddy of mine. My uncle Ben wrote that joke. Yeah, sure. 100%. Somebody switch it up. I don't care who does it. Kids, dogs, whatever. What do you mean? Switch it up a little bit. You're saying you don't care if dogs were running the world? I don't care who's doing it, but these bozos that are doing it now are jamming it all up. yeah you know you know what i would like but if everyone just like that all the the people that were in charge got in a room together and said hey guys let's just try to just chill like let's just let's just like try to chill like they have done that and they got together they said hey guys let's make a little cash fuck these people they're all working together but you gotta put it on camera you gotta do it on camera oh i don't think they're gonna do that huh do you want the nefarious deeds that you do put on camera like what i don't know i was picking my nose in first class the other day and if it wasn't for that delta one thing i would have been done digging i'm putting my butt on camera you know there should be uh a man and a woman you ready uber driver told us this the other day so yeah uh you're gonna butcher i think i don't remember it it takes six men to bury a man it only takes one woman to put him in the grave for all the darker than that armenian guy he had how's the marriage going huh you like driving how did he how do you think it goes well it was the same i thought no that's exactly how it goes okay oh who do you think stronger men or women oh you're right i fucked it up who's stronger men or women uh women emotionally right because it takes six men to bury a man takes one woman to put him in the grave which i like because a woman could destroy you if you love her when a man loves a woman right good voice so singing thank you let me hear you sing for like like no we're not doing that why take it from the top hank you know what song i haven't listened to a lot um leave me out my golden fucking guy he thinks we're a duo that uh lord here on song i am not the only traveler i can't do it good whatever who has not repaid his debts or something like that right i don't know i've been searching for trail to follow again great song lead me back to the night we met yeah i had all of you some of you none of you that's so good i had all of you some of you and then none of you whatever i had all of you some of you i had all of you most of you some of you none of you let's get our uber driver on the phone to clear this up their old bed we're having a good time having fun good to see you in a minute it's been a minute you come back out to the coast i was just there for a little bit new york in the fall um in june we could walk through central park together down writer's row you could work on your book quiet dinners in the east village it's over kevin i did a couple of shows they just like that i get them skinny i get them healthy and he fucking leaves me at the door you know the problem is give me you think you did it he thinks he engineered it but it's me up there singing those songs sure you don't you don't care about winning if other people are scoring unless you get the assist interesting hmm are you garbage i gotta push back on that this guy's running the whole show i don't know why you're taking it seriously this is the genius behind the operation because i feel like i've been i've been separated and i gotta defend you because we're boys give me a pound i love you this is my guy no we're talking shit about sweet and sour i am sorry yeah that's right it's good to see him finally speaking nice about his pal right best friend in the whole wide world to be the batman to do it my best friend in the whole wide world you think you think you fucking saved my life really save my life guy turn the camera on he fucking ice shit save my life hollywood's changed this guy for sure hollywood is it really from set it up do you think what yeah have you been like since set it up you do you feel like i i would like to can i ask i think that hollywood insider the me yeah okay i stink that's what that's what we're laughing at we he glenn pay was in that scene with glenn pow right i want to know how you because i think i misstepped in this interaction with glenn pow then when we met glenn powell again okay so i do the scene um i think it was one night uh july 2018 something like that long time 2017 something like that um so then 2023 we're in a green room at a concert with glenn powell what's the luke combs show we had interviewed luke combs at his in his dressing room at the met stadium cool where were the giants play he had done the soundtrack for twister so he brought them out on stage twister to the about the cast of twister twister twisters too it's twisters twisters yeah uh multiple twisters uh multiple uh so then we're talking to glenn powell he's not really sure who we are he thinks we're like part of the staff or not just like the crew or whatever he's got on old jeans a cowboy cowboyed out looking great the whole cast is there they're hanging it's a great time sexuality it's being super nice so it's something we're all just chatting because we're like the first ones in there at the after party you know what i mean hold on let me back this up we're standing there by the bar okay him and the rest of the cast walk in they walk right up to us okay and we were the only people we were the only people in the room they start talking so they chug beers on stage with luke combs okay that's one of the things that that luke does at the shows unbelievable perform by the way this guy killed it for like two hours straight he's the best better than shane gillis what do you mean shane gillis does music no but i'm saying a shane gillis show or luke combs show there's nobody better than gillie and i'll tell you that right now apples and oranges yeah shout out to gillie shout out to luke we're all the dogs philly squad hey man i gotta tell you something well i think he is the best comic out there 100 100 i think he's so funny and uh the best and uh shout out to mccuckster mccuckster i loved your i saw the clip the other day of you and mccusker you you would try you trying to express why you like mccuckster like their comedy oh i found out about you because of shane um i think you're so funny and you both have a certain similar cadence of things obviously you're friends that's what happens but you just my fat-bodied brothers and sisters i don't even know how to explain it but the way you said it is so well also so wholesome it's so it's such a it's like what i'm getting is along with everything saying i'm so attracted to the way you guys talk and that was one of the do you know how to define what that my fat-bodied brothers and sisters it's like you've thought about this and you're an ally you're being silly and you mean it and you're making fun it's i don't know what that is yeah it's just fun yeah there's such you guys are so likable thank you while also being bros yeah you know it's a it's a fucking great pocket you did a very good job you agree with it for comedy that is yeah i'm more of their comedy but like you're all you know just all what do you mean what do you mean what do i mean you say you're more of their comedy i i'm i really don't know what you're talking about i don't know what you're talking about i don't know what you mean yeah more of like maybe like you were saying it's like i'm you can probably you know say it better than me but it was more of like it's kind of offensive but inclusive at the same time or a little more rough around the edges yeah it's it's also being fun and silly yeah it's it's with an understanding it's it's boys being boys without the fear that they have and with the trust for the people receiving them that it's all for it's all fun man 100 they're just so likable 100 the best yeah yeah and you're saying you're like that a little more like that than i think you are like that i think you're a little more just not you know you're more zany per se or so for lack of a better word i don't know i didn't i say i say a lot that's i find that weird do you think that's how i was identifying that that wasn't but uh sure there you go that's good you guys are a bunch of i mean like i talk like that sure that's great i don't know my friends but i don't call it though you know when he said whatever i said woe to let's bleep that as if he said something really bad um and after his own no don't do that no don't do it where are you just the guy in amsterdam it's ai man come on i didn't say whoa whoa whoa no hey do it come on do it oh my god rick how dare you say that say what i didn't say anything yes you did zoom them in i'll send you a thousand dollars cash kevin get your venmo how's that cash i guess that's cash it's just as good again by glassman um but yeah you guys are philly boys we're philly boys we're philly boys yeah i'll be there in two weeks excellent where are you going yet say it helium helium there's two of them helium and punchline the uh there's two shows no there's two what's the one where there's two of them helium helium yeah it's helium i'm doing the helium multiple heliums around the country i'm doing the downtown one i think i did one helium a couple years ago what and now i'm doing a different helium you thinking of denver are you gonna be in denver no in philadelphia i think helium has like a more of a smaller room like a more showcase they book another room there's two heliums isn't there no not in philly i there i think they own a i think they have a second smaller room is that right i believe so well i think i did the smaller room last time okay and i really liked it now you're downtown uh no it's downtown yeah nice it's not downtown there is no downtown in philly yeah there is no there's not where's downtown center city is downtown that's not downtown if you live in the northeast you say i'm going to to downtown to center city yeah you also shoot up fentanyl and shit like that so let's not get into northeast philly where's where's the place where it looks like it's a train station but it's and there's like a market inside. - Ready terminal market, yeah. - And then you can get some Philly cheese steaks. I don't eat cheese. But I like to get them there. That's fine. And I feel like people, when you order a Philly cheesesteak with no cheese, they like, look at this. Kielbasa man? Are you a kielbasa man? No. I let people live. I let people do their own thing. Basas are just like everybody else. All basas belong, you know. So you're anti-kielbasa? I am anti-kielbasa. Hold her basa, though. I killed a basa on my way here. Why? Looked at me the wrong way? It was the Uber driver. I ate that. Do you like kielbasa? I don't even know what it is. The only thing I know about kielbasa is, like, it looks like a big penis. And I think in private parts, the Howard Stern movie. You think that looks like a penis? In private parts, the Howard Stern movie. Yeah. She puts a, she deposed a kielbasa. Ah, she does. Yeah. W-A-N-B-C. Yeah, in front of, wow, what was that news anchor's name? That was the most embarrassing thing. Oh, I did a little acting myself. Summerstock. Summerstock. Yeah. I love when you say Summerstock. There's some Summerstock. That's where I heard about Summerstock. Summerstock experience. Yeah. What else? What did I want to say to you? You guys didn't finish the Luke Combs story. Oh, man, this guy's good. Can I talk to you outside for a second? Good thing he's mic'd up. Showing me up on camera? Us up on camera? What, uh. No, go ahead. We have a question for you. So, it's all of us. We're sitting there. And now, I would think Foley would want to connect with him on an actor level. He thought we were roadies because when they shotgun beers, they came over to us and they said, does he do that all the time? And we're like, how the hell would we know? We're not roadies for him. I was like. I was like, we're comedians. We do a podcast called Are You Garbage? And we just interviewed Luke. And he's like, oh, yeah, I've heard of you guys. He probably did not. Somebody had media training. He said, talk to my manager. Now, if you were in that situation and you had done a scene with the actor, would you want your friend to go, you guys actually worked together in Set It Up? Or would you want that to not be. Let me tell you what happened instead. They thought I was going to be a douche and say. Who's they? No, we thought you were going to freak out. Yeah. And be like, why the fuck would you bring that up? No, they made it. No, stop. They made a bet to see if I was. They being who? It was more than Kevin? Kevin and the rest of the crew. I think my wife was there as well. And Kevin's wife. They all made a bet to see if I was going to be. Sorry, I didn't hear you. Go back three seconds. They all said that I was going to. They all said to themselves, I guarantee if Foley says, oh, we work together. They had a bet on it. And you know this. You know this. After the fact. Yes, of course. So what we do is instead of like being supportive of each other, we make fun of each other and let the other one burn. Which I respect. You guys are so downtown Philly. Center city, dude. Center city. This guy doesn't get cheese on his cheesesteak. What a dickhead. They're running out of time for that. Sorry. I apologize. Whoa, dude. Take it easy. I know. What the fuck? You better put these in. Whoa. Whoa. That's how big it is. Hello, Rick. Hold on. Can we get some more room? Room tone, please. Anybody hold for room tone? Burning all cylinders now, Richard. He walked up and I said, good to see you. They interpreted it as good to see you again. So they still made fun of me, even though I didn't look like a douche and say, oh, yeah, we worked together and did it up. Which he wouldn't remember. He wouldn't remember. He had just done Top Gun. None of it matters, man. What do you think? I'm stressing it. I'm not stressing it. You're fucking giving a shit. You seem a little tense. One pound knows me. I'm saying it doesn't matter if you did say, hey, we worked together on set it up. Yeah, we can't do that. We're from downtown Philly. We don't do that. Center city. Especially from the suburbs. I think it's I think when people when people like, hey, nice to meet you. Actually, we met blah, blah, blah. Sometimes could be like, what do you want from me? Annoying if they're like, you know, we actually met if they're like being accusatory. But to acknowledge and understand this person might not remember, but to bring something up as a form of connection. Like if he's from Philadelphia. You'd be like, I'm from Philly. Well, why did you have to say that? Just to connect. The first thing I ever did was a professor. Hold on. Go ahead. I thought he should have. I just. Wait, what were you going to say? Room done. Hit it. The first thing that I ever did was the Gaffigan show. And I just got cast as an actor. Jim Gaffigan show. I was on set with him all day. I didn't even tell him I was a comedian, which I was hosting a New York comedy club at the time, you know. And probably six months later, he walked in a New York comedy club to do a spot, saw me hosting. I was like, what? But you're a comedian. I actually got inspired working for you six months ago. He's like, why? He's like, why didn't you say something? I'm like, I don't know. I want to be a fucking douche. I want to be a comedian too. So this is I. Hold on. Holy heck. This guy's got a dude. That was it. All right, go ahead. Now I'm done. Me too. Cut it. Print it. Plug the special. Let's get the fuck out of here. Alvin, get the car. What were you saying? I wanted him. I wanted him. Wait. Fucking mother. Look at these guys know how to get my goat. Okay, bleep that. No, my mom's a goat. Bleep that. Bleep that. What? My mom's a bitch. I wanted him to connect with you because that is a moment where you go, oh, she's not. I love you, Patty. Bleep it. I love you. Keep it. What do you do for a living, guy? I work on a couple of podcasts. A couple of podcasts. Nice. You got a Benson Boone thing going on. Did you know that? I've heard that. Can you backflip? No. F***. Keep it. Yeah, fucking keep it. Demonetization. Different hairstyle, obviously. Yeah, this one's f***ing Vietnam-like. Nothing on that? Shane Gillis would never do that. Do what? Whatever you did. I didn't do anything. I should not tell a story about my friend blowing it with a Glenn Powell ring. Yeah. So, that's awesome, guys. And we're back. What would you have done? I guess that's what he's doing. I guess I didn't want to do it because I didn't want him to go, why the f*** would you do it? I wouldn't. I'd be like, thanks. But what's that going to get? I don't know. But would you want a friend to bring that up or would you rather have it maybe happen more naturally? I don't. I think if I wanted somebody to know something, I wouldn't need a friend to bring it up unless it was about me having a crush on a girl and I was too scared to tell her. So, I asked a friend to give her a note. That's pretty much the only. Very classman. See that? I'm sorry. That's a type A guy. I like that. My first girlfriend was from somebody told the girl that I liked that I liked her. And then she's like, really? I remember because she thought I was like a slow person, literally like a slow person because it was in the chemistry class. You don't need to explain. We got it. Yeah. And I thought you were this whole time. I thought that's. Not that there's anything wrong with that. What's with all the ramps and double railings downstairs? Really? Okay. That's what we're doing? Fine. So. I didn't really get it. Jesus, that was rude. What do you mean? I don't know. Slow. I don't think you get it either. Cut that. Please. Another thousand. Cut that. This episode is going to be 22 minutes. 30 with commercials. Obviously. Mid-roll guy. If you're looking for just the right flooring, you need choices. And at Marshall Carpet One, you'll see. You'll certainly find them. So anyway, yeah, I think it'd be cool to be like, Hey, Glenn, you know, I don't know if you remember this. You probably won't because I was so it was so I'm Jesus. I'm nervous. I'm a roadie. I'm a roadie. I wasn't set it up. I was the guy that the scene. It doesn't it's nice to meet you. It doesn't matter. I'm a roadie. I'm a roadie. I don't know what to do. Make it even weirder. We actually had sex. I don't know if you remember me. It's always nice to meet a fan. Well, I was the delivery guy and I said it up. Yeah, you were awesome. Congratulations. Everything. It's fucking amazing. Well, people who are in the middle of rising, even when they're already high up, like, well, they're still going like this. You don't want to say congratulations on your success. Really? I didn't know that. No, because they don't. I've done that. So you're forcing them to be like, congratulations. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Instead of congratulating on their success, which is just acknowledging something you've noticed in a superficial sense, tell them something that you like. By the way, I love the delivery driver and set it up. Yeah, I set it up. This is my romcom is my favorite genre of movie I set up is really one of my favorite romcoms. And there's a scene where like the first time you and Zoe's character were like, you know, where you're like, oh, the will they won't they? This is the won't they? I don't remember. There's a delivery thing. And like, am I saying this? Yeah. And you say, you say, it's probably nice to me. There was a delivery thing and and like it was her meal, but you had cash and he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that scene. I just identify with it and see if he goes, oh, my gosh, that you and if it wasn't you, then that was me. A piece of shit. Yeah. You're trying to tell me you don't remember your fucking scumbag. But now you do. Yes. Get me a Top Gun, too. Three. Three. Oh, yeah. Do it in post. Also have a picture and picture of that scene while I'm saying that. Please stop. I will tell you this about your friend. Zoe Deutsch got ice cream, a fancy ice cream truck to come to the set. I think I you know, it sucks. You'll relate to this. He can't hear you. Just hold. I know. I got there the last day of filming. That was the last day of filming. The last day of food. Zoe Deutsch got an ice cream truck. for the last day of filming, and you couldn't have it. - No, I could, of course. They were very welcoming, but I didn't feel right taking any because I wasn't on it. When you get there towards the end of a production, you are fucking. You don't got the sweatshirt that says. It's all paid for. Huh? The truck, all the ice cream on it is paid for. I know. I know it's free ice cream. I'm saying how you might be able to relate when you're in The Odd Man Out when you get to a production. You go to the truck. No. You mingle. You get to meet the people. Buddy, it's. Hit them, Rick. I'm a hired gun at that point. I'm not part of the cast. They're all hired guns. No. They're a family at that point. No. They've worked together for three weeks. You think the movie was three weeks? I don't know. This guy, what was your first day in Hollywood? Shoot quick. Let's say I have a big spread. You guys are coming over, right? You didn't. I'm starving, by the way. Can I get you something else to eat or drink? What, more water? I got some gum over here. Blueberries? Some of the best blueberries I've ever had. Not this particular batch, but this brand. I get them from Air One. No. Hey, what's with that? Hey, man. Business is good. How much. Hollywood. What's that set you back? That's $18. I don't look at prices. That's crazy. I just, once a month, I call my credit card and it's stolen. Ooh, I like that. That's a good move. So is mine. But I get to keep the rewards points, so I'm literally printing money. I love that. Well, that was $18. And that's just regular water. No, it's $3.99. No, it's not. No, there's no way. $3.99. No way. Okay. Nothing at Air One is $3.99. Not buying it. Yeah. The $2.50 gift card. The gift certificate for the pastry bar is $3.99. Is that what you're doing? You'll get that on your way home. You'll get that joke. And if you don't get that joke on the way home, you're the pastry bar. I'm surprised you don't have reverse osmosis water in here. I have regular osmosis and I just drink it through my ass. I see you have the air doctor. You got the filter. Yeah. I like that. You see the filter or you just assume it's in there? There's no way you'd be running that without a filter. There's a huge. I would. There's a big trend of people get them and just plug them in. And the filter's actual. The filter's actually in plastic. Have you ever opened that up? I replaced the filter recently. I actually don't. Not a lot of people know that. I only run it with certain guests. I'm being serious. You had the dishwasher on when we walked in. Yeah. Is it because we smell? It's because you might. Really? You think we smell? I honestly think of all the people I've ever podcasted with, you're the grossest. You're the grossest. Really? Yeah. We're going to need that cut. Well, Rick Glassman, you're right. What did he win? New Guy Luke, come on in. No. I don't really think you guys are the grossest. No. My taint has a shelf life of like a carnival goldfish. Yeah, it's bad. Your taint? Like, you don't know what a taint is? No, I don't understand what a taint is. I don't understand what having a shelf life means. Like, it gets musty quick. It starts to, yes. It's like blue cheese. Have you ever tried putting Vaseline with essential oils in there? No, but I've seen that. Really? I just made that up. No, what are you talking about? I made it up. No, people do that. Vaseline with essential oils? Yes, they melt it down. Melt it? Yeah, they melt it. You can't melt that. Yes, you can. Melt what? Steel doesn't burn, man. I'm an insider. I'm a truther, dog. Sorry, please. Thank you. As I was saying, you guys are disgusting, and that's why I have the air doctor on. We actually smell good. Well, and I quit smoking, so we smell good. Oh, you said people sign cigarettes a lot because you guys are known for smoking. Heater boys. Yeah. Yeah. Big heater, guys. Enjoy a cigarette. Smoke a f***, right, mate? Leap that. No. That's what they call cigarettes in Britain. Hello. Annette. So what are you staying? I was just in the UK. Were you? I saw that. Yeah. I did Edinburgh. I did the Fringe Festival. That's Scotland. I just did five days. That's Scotland. I drove up to Inverness for a couple of days. That's Italy. Nope. Home of. Wales. Home of. William Wallace. Home of. F***. Oh, hold on. John Chaplin. Nebula's character in Guardians of the Galaxy, as well as the Avengers. Nerd alert. Karen Gillan. Who? Karen Gillan. She does the voice of the. I know who she is. Of the. Bart Simpson. On the tour. Amazing actor and beautiful. The voice. A lot better looking than that Glenn Powell. Yeah, right. Glennie, I'm kidding. Is that Puff the Magic Girl? Who is that? This is Nessie. I bought it on. I did the tour. The Nessie tour. Loch Ness. Loch Ness. And she is one of the voice. There's a guy and a girl voice. How do you get that work? It's her hometown. She's a big old celeb. Loch Ness girls? Loch Ness girls are the craziest. And I. Cut that. I went by myself and I. I took all these beautiful pictures of scenery, but what am I going to do with this? And I didn't want to take selfies. So I started doing something I do when I'm at Disneyland, which is, hey, let me take pictures with random groups. You see people taking big pictures. Let me get in there. You bother people. I don't think so. You ruin people's vacations. Yeah. Look at these pictures. Does it look like you're bothered? I've seen them. Anybody can fake a smile, Rick. Really? Why don't you give it a try? Yeah, I can tell that's real. I've been trying to work on my smile. I'm actually furious. Can I see your smile in a picture? Wow, you got good teeth for it. Kevin? I chipped my tooth at Amsterdam. I hit my tooth on the microphone. I actually saw a piece of the tooth. Look at it. It's a viral moment. You got good dental? Yeah, of course he's got good dental. He's got the air doctor here. What am I talking about? That's good. The air doctor probably does teeth. Then I went to Amsterdam. Nothing on that. Then I went to Dublin and then London. And boys, I'm not selling tickets like you guys are. We're not doing that. And I'm not playing huge venues. They're like between 150 and 250 probably. That's good. That's great. I sold out every show. I saw. Amazing. I couldn't believe it. We couldn't do that in London. Yeah. No. Really? It's such an American show. It's based in the American middle class. Are you rubbish? Hello. That would be the tour if we went there. It's kind of like instead of Shark Tank, The Lion's Den. If you guys had Are You Rubbish? Shark Tank and The Lion's Den. The Lion's Den is the British version. Which is the original version of The Shark Tank. Oh, really? Like their Mars bars doesn't have nuts in it? Like that's the kind of thing? You know that? Their Mars bars doesn't have nuts in it. It's just a fucking Milky Way. Do you believe that shit? Yeah. That's why they came over. If I got a Mars bar and it didn't have any almonds in it, I'd freak the fuck out. I wouldn't know what was going on. And the nougats on the top instead of the bottom. Eat it upside down like I do with my osmosis water. No, then I have to eat it with that screen looking thing on the bottom of the candy bar. I like to see the waves of chocolate as I enjoy my treat. Yeah. Listen, I don't have that, but I have things that I prefer. Like what? Honey with almost every savory meal. I can't tell. I think he's being serious. I'm right there with you. Well, give me an example of like what you really do. You put honey on steak? Yeah. You drizzle it on steak. You're not talking about hot honey. Oh, yeah. Yes. I mean, it doesn't have to, but I'll usually ask for hot sauce and honey. I like that. If they don't have hot sauce, they go, we don't have hot sauce. We have Tabasco. I'm like, okay. Yeah, that's hot sauce. Do most places have honey like that? Most places have honey. Yeah, you have to have honey. It's not just the steak, although, yes, I put on steak, but I love it. I love it with potatoes. So like on my fries, so a lot of times I'll be eating stuff. This girl wouldn't date you, huh? But I want to have, which girl are we talking? I know you're making a joke. What girl are you talking about? The girl in high school. Oh, no, we dated. Oh, you did? Yeah, that was my first girlfriend. I love to be able to have a bite of everything on the plate. So like I like to take a fry, dip it in a little bit of honey, a little slice of steak, you know, some greens or whatever, and I put it all in one bite so I can. Oh, yeah, we do the same thing. But I want to try everything individually first. Yeah. I understand. McDonald's used to do honey. Do they still do honey? Everyone does honey. Honey on nuggets when I was a kid. I still love it. It's so good. They're still doing that? Did you used to do the Wendy's nuggets in the Frosties? Of course. Yeah, fries and milkshakes. Yeah, so savory and sweet is a real thing. It's a big thing. So a chicken sandwich. I love honey. I love it. I like that. That's very good. You ever make your own honey mustard at the house with honey and Dijon mustard? Don't eat mustard. Is that all it is? You don't eat mustard. You're Jewish. I'm very particular with my condiments. I do have a. I do have a certain sauce that is my favorite, and I actually. Rickey sauce? Something you make up? Rickey sauce. Two parts Gatorade. It used to be like an In-N-Out burger was my edible spoon for the sauce. Equal parts barbecue, preferably a smoky barbecue, but barbecue sauce and honey. Honey barbecue sauce is like a sweet barbecue sauce. I'm talking equal parts, so it's like. A molasses. Yes. Then a fair amount of a hot sauce. I like a sriracha type of hot sauce. And then a lot of Montreux. Montreal seasoning. Oh, we are big Montreal seasoning. Remember when that hit? Big, huge. That hit like thriller, Montreal steak sauce. What do you mean? Montreal steak seasoning, that hit at like the mid-2000s in our area. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Mix that up. Change of game. And then it's just that sauce. That sauce is the entree. Great. And everything you dip in it is the side. I like how you said use it as a spoon. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that way about waffles. I like a waffle, but like it's a vehicle for my syrup and berries. Yes. No, I don't do them. You don't do berries. I like blueberry pancakes because it breaks up the pancakes. So, speaking of showbiz, a lot of times there's a breakfast catering. I don't eat breakfast usually. I eat late at night. I don't eat very early. Okay. But sometimes it's like, oh, it's just fun. You know, they have this stuff. What do you do here? And any breakfast paste, like a waffle, a French toast, and a pancake, which to me is like baseball, football, basketball. Like those are the big three, at least around here. When you have a side dish, you don't eat it. fruit, which may sound obvious, you don't don't need syrup. It's like slicing up some pineapples and putting it like with your French toast. I don't know where you found this guy. I love syrup. Every time I go to Canada, I get some duty-free, you know, the little maple, the little maple leaves syrup things. Oh yeah, I know. I didn't even realize it. Yeah. The tax-free, the little things, because I like to have my breakfast things and I like to have a little pour it out, out of the glass. It's fancy, but I'm just saying fruit is a sweetener and we could start doing that more. Not in downtown Philly. Center City. Let me ask you this. As a child, young man. As I consider myself. Yes. 28. Just turned 30. Hey, congratulations. A couple months ago. Yeah. Thank you. Happy birthday. What are you? Aquarius? Pisces. Leo. Leo. Huh. Jesus. Oh my God. He went there. When you were a kid, did you like. Leave that. Did you like natural syrup or real syrup? I'm so glad he can't hear me right now. Hey. Hey. When I was a kid, natural syrup wasn't as understood as it is now. Yeah. I'm 50. It's like motor oil. But my favorite meal. Uh-huh. Pizza. For breakfast and for lunch and dinner was Burger King and the French toast sticks and that syrup. Oh my God. Oh my God. So good. Oh, and that syrup. And that wasn't real syrup. I love a French toast stick. Dude. Burger King's breakfast is, oh my, I forgot about, is so underrated. There are some French toasts out there that are like fancy French toasts and they're, they're, they're flash fried. Yes. Most French toast is abysmal at, at, at restaurants. French toast is either bad or great. Yeah. Waffle is the safest choice. Pancake to me is the best, but has the shortest shelf life. You gotta get it. You gotta get it. You gotta eat it in the kitchen. Yeah. Yes, it is. Needs a little right guard on it. A little Vaseline. As you're going downtown. And I ain't talking about Philly. Um, yeah, I agree with a hundred percent. Um, waffle with fruit. Now I'm listening. Well, waffle with fruit. It's kind of like bugles on your fingers. Does that make sense? You can put little raspberries in each hole. That's it. No, it's good. That's a, that's a good reference. I like this guy. This guy's good. Oh, did you like, do you know what I'm talking? About? Yeah. Which fingers I call them. Hmm. Which fingers are bugles still around? Yeah. No. At preexisting condition. If we lived in the same place, if you guys lived here, or if I lived in New York, you are a pair of guys that I would really want to be friends. We're not friends, but like your guys that I would be like, I would want to like, hang out. I would say, I would say, Hey, could I, I would, I wouldn't, I, and I would invite myself to things with you guys. And I would say, well, you would, well, if you'd say, I could take a no so easily. Yeah. Okay. Can we break the fourth wall for a second? Yeah. And be totally serious. Yeah. Kevin will back me up on this. I won't even look at him. You would be sick of me in about two weeks. That's a long shelf life. I'm not saying I'd want to room with you. I'm saying that like, well, put it this way. Like, Hey, you guys, are you guys getting food? I'm hungry. Like I would want to meet you guys. They're going to sit there and watch you make them fucking Ricky's magic sauce. You would like the way I eat. And let me tell you something else that I think. Do you guys have any mouthwash? You guys would like to see the way I order. I do. You would not like the way he eats. That's a problem. Oh yeah. That would be like last night we were at Dan Tanny's sharing. We got a sponsorship. We have to say it five times. Dan Tanny's. We got free pie. We didn't have dessert. You rushed us out of there. I've been eating less dessert. He was freaking out. He was freaking out. We had to get out of here. They can move just sometimes, you know, um, there's a lot of boot. There's a little bit too triggering of a situation. Situations. I, I, I felt it as well. Boy. Yeah. What, what do you mean? What happened? I'm not drinking sober. So this guy, the waiter comes over, he's got a, a Peroni that was about 33 degrees. Tell me what that means. It's a, it's a cold beer. It's a cold Italian. You like ice cold beer? Uh, I don't really drink. He was holding a train. Why don't you say, Hey, I'm sober. No, he was just next to me to drink it. There were just, it was the vibe in Dan Tanny's is too tempting. It's a place where we would get fucked up. How long have you been sober? Uh, I had a drink in the car. I slipped on an ice cube in my hotel. I did actually. And I'm going to sue. Um, so, uh, you had to get out of there because the temptation door and it was, I just, I get, I, it's some, I just get, you know, I was just, I saw him being antsy and it was, and it was just like, I just wrap it up. We don't need, we don't need to wrap it up was like to go boxes. No, no. Just the way the waiter was leaving. He comes over and he's like, guys, I'm taking off. And he actually, you just give us a check. Luke was very upset because he likes, his sweets after dinner. Yeah. I spilled water on Luke, went outside and hit my vape. I, no, I spilled water on Luke, but he was, it was like out of a, it was like out of a movie. Is he great? He takes the fall for me. He was getting up and it was like, he had tucked the fucking tablecloth into his shirt. So he starts pulling the tablecloth and he don't, he don't see that. It's like, wait, who put their, he didn't put it in there, but it's like a cartoon character. I move like Beethoven. It's, it's a lot. The dog, not the composer. The composer. Yeah. Beethoven was a composer. Um, I know. So I, the, the red wine. Can I say something that made me think of, uh, when, when I was growing up, uh, Paul Newman was the lemonade guy and he had Italian, he had Italian dressing too. Newman's own. I then found out he was an actor. Oh, me too. Are you kidding me? No. Wow. So I'm just saying the Beethoven thing made me think of that. In fact, when I first started this podcast for the first few years, I'm saying, I'm saying, uh, I knew the composer first, but if you didn't, it would, and that's as crazy as that would be able to like, I thought Paul Newman was a lemonade guy. And when I first started this podcast, I used to do intros all the time. And I would say, Hey guys, thanks so much. If you're, you know, if you're listening to this at home, take your shoes off and pour yourself a glass of Newman's own. And I just Newman's own was always like, that was when I was growing up. I thought that was the best, unless you're going to a carnival and they're like muddling the orange, the lemons there and throwing them some sugar. Newman's own was, it used to be my favorite lemonade. That's what the lemonade you got as a kid. Yeah. Wow. Is that high? Is that classy? Yeah. We didn't. What kind of lemonade did you do? We traded lemonade. If we got it, we got sun tea, which was unsweetened iced tea that you was in a glass jar that my mom, like a glass thing that she would leave it on the back deck while she went to work. That's nice. The chicken was defrosting in the sink. No, it's stunk. When I was a kid, sugar, my, my, my special things that I would get, uh, were drinks and it would be my mom would, I think it was, I don't remember the number, but it was maybe either five or 10 snapples a month. But like when she would go get a snack, like, and it was Kiwi, uh, Kiwi strawberry snap. And it was the glass jars, a way that they would pop. The downfall of snapple was switching to plastics and you go ahead and I'll tell him, I'll give a fuck. You fucked up and he's not going to let me, but Burger King is a sore subject of me as well. Who's he? Kevin. No, please explain. Did I do this on bad friends? Yes. Or he did on with you. I've done it on every podcast we've ever done. And that's why. So listen, you can cut that. I don't know. Obviously if somebody brings up Burger King, were you just on bad friends or whiskey? Both. Both. Ooh, congratulations. Love that. And my co-star Bobby Lee. Um, uh, what was I talking about? Burger King. Yeah. You don't know. These guys are weird. I didn't hear you. I'm sorry. I took the microphone away. Um, our country, the United States of America. Okay. Is always its coolest in December, January, February. Now when two things happen, when Burger King is on top and his Burger King is popular and Pepsi is popular. Our country has always been the coolest in those moments in the last 50 years, mid eighties, mid eighties. That's more, I'm thinking maybe kind of like June, July, June, July. No, no, no. It's coolest December, January, February, and it's mid eighties, June, July. What? Yeah. This guy's bonkos dude. Oh, weather, weather, weather. Oh my God. I can't think of stuff like that. Where do you come up with your material? I honestly have so much stuff prepared. And then when it comes up, I'm like, Oh, I could use it here. It'll sound like improv. I love that. I do that all the time too. That's say you guys are on stage. You individually doing standup, not your bullshit with your, Hey guys, not the American garbage comedy special. We're here promoting on YouTube right now. And, uh, print that you're doing an hour, right? No. What? What's this guy? What is this? The cat skills and that is the YouTube Tik TOK generation. 30 seconds sets, cut it, print it, clip it. Hashtag. He goes out and does 30 seconds. I came out and do 30 seconds. Then an AI video of what presidents used to eat and then Kippy again. All right. What do I do? Do I not ask my question? Please. No, please. Could you hear me? Yeah. Only on the left side. Then, uh, and they give you, and they say, when would you like a light? Do you say I don't want one or do you tell him when you want it? Two minutes. Well, last tour, I didn't, I didn't need one. Cause I was getting off a little early. Um, that's not true. I no refunds. Sorry. I didn't mean to yell. No, I, I, I, I, you're, you're so special. What? So special. Yeah. I did bad on the SATs. What about it? I really mean it I think I said this last time you guys were on I love you guys love you too buddy you don't know me at all you should hang out if you ever move to New York you think I'm just some loser with a big dick and a good attitude wait you're not your name is Rick Glassman right so do you ask for a light always I mean they'll come up and say what do you want what do you want your light at two minutes I mean on the tour on an hour set on the tour we do we don't do hours we do half hours oh you never do an hour we tour together got it so it's like we're usually doing half hours I'll usually get it lit I think we usually get it lit at like 18 or 20 just to kind of know where we're at and if they I'm usually in the green room by then hey man when they give the light do you go like this you have to yeah that is when comics don't do that as a I hosted for five years in New York Comedy Club when comics don't do that it drives me up a fucking wall I think it depends who's doing it or somebody's been doing comedy for 20 years is that the light no it's a fucking traffic sign but for the people fuck that sucked cut it cut it for people that are audio only when you get the light you like almost like you're saying hello to somebody in an elevator yeah you acknowledge the fact that you saw the light I don't like to do that why sorry oh Foley hates this I'm not gonna tell you no tell me I was gonna tell you even if you didn't ask why well I'll tell you what you come into my comedy club buddy but you know what I'll tell you beforehand what when would you like a light I say at 40 minutes I wouldn't let you anyway and I say and had the light up if you had the light up for like no more than four or five seconds I'll if I don't see it don't worry about it I'm timing myself then you're good cause I don't like when I see the light and it's up there for a while and I have to go like this to me that acknowledgement means that the audience is seeing me acknowledge something outside of being present and I I just think that's I think that's takes him out of it I think it's not unprofessional but I think it takes away from the best fourth wall from the performance yeah I agree listen first of all I would never let you I know you know what you're doing well okay this guy knows how to land I was hosting we also time ourselves yeah so yeah usually I think over the last two years we don't use a light you know what else some clubs will have a clock on the stage or in the back which I love very rarely do they have it it's either a clock or it counts it counts down I like that I don't like a countdown the clock freaks me out the time of day sucks cause then I'm doing math unless I start exactly at 8pm and I go fuck was it 8.02 tonight or was it 8.02 last night I have a clock I don't remember tell me have it just count up I agree count up I get the down as a little fucking anxiety bomb you know no that's not what it is red wire blue wire the reason I don't like a countdown is because once it goes to zero am I over one minute or twelve minutes that's what I'm saying what do you do like show like you're you're in you're in the city you're in Los Angeles what do you do at showcases 15.20 and what are they like yet and is it is it the comic lighting you or is it like a booth lighting you no it's usually the club it's like the light in the back of the room gotcha I don't care about it that way because I'll when it's 15.20 I'm not working on a particular 15.20 minute set so once I see the light I'm like oh I'll just wrap it up I can wrap this up do one more quick bit or whatever but when I'm doing an hour I like at least 20 minutes cause I know cause my closer's 20 minutes what and if when I don't get to that until there's 50 like I'm at 50 I'm like oh I can't do it so I then I then just like go do other stuff and I've been saying like sometimes I'll say like hey guys I some places you have to be you have to keep like I was just doing shows at Fringe you have to do 60 minutes there's no openers and you can't go over so I would say things like I can't I don't have time to do my closer which sucks cause it's the best it's the best joke I love this joke and you guys can't see this joke and I'm sorry and I think people think I know people think have told me that I'm just joking but it's the truth but what do you do what do you do if you can't do your closer so my last two jokes both of them can be closers gotcha is there I don't know the bit obviously is there like a 10 minute version of it you can can you now you know what obviously it won't be the same but I'm just saying I don't have a 10 minute version of anything anymore I don't know how people do 10 minute sets I I have I've never I've only played I've only performed at the cellar when like in the in the room where the bar or the lounge or whatever yeah Bobby Kelly Norman Morel who else said Gaffigan I'm sure there's other people Shafir they all said hey we'll get you in there you have to have a 5 minute tape I could give you an hour tape I could give you a 20 minute tape I can't do a 5 minute tape I don't think I submitted a 5 minute tape that's what they said she said I don't know I think I gave a 20 minute tape and just said watch the first 5 minutes I think I wrote a letter to whom it may concern did you? yeah I bomb often I never even tried I never even tried I just like I don't have anything to send I gotta think for you you're a bit of you know you're particular as well how do you like the light what do you like sometimes they give you the flashlight like the comics light and they give you the flashlight in the room do you like that? did you ever get that? as opposed to like a subtle red light in the back yeah like sometimes it's the comics light and it's like I'll just like what he did when I was reading my dad's joke yeah like this is a light of like you don't need the full fucking thing on or they'll do this and you're like that's a light and then everybody's like what the hell is there a UFO landing here? I like a foghorn yeah I don't know can you plug the laughter in in post? we've been doing that I don't mind whatever light it is as long as you don't keep it up there and I don't have to go gotcha or call me late for dinner I don't mind I don't get it but I know what you're saying but I'll tell you this much boys stand up man what about it? I love it you do that's good that's great I love it I've been doing it since 2007 and I always thought I would I always thought like I'll figure this out and the past couple years I love it that's great and I love touring and what I was saying before is how flattered I am and how cool it is that like I'm able to all over the UK and Europe and like not the biggest venues but enough to where people are coming out because of this stuff yeah and you know what else I like? people because I don't really post clips so people have no idea what my stand up is yeah and we've had that as well because you got right popular you know your notoriety from the podcast not the stand up yeah which we've been doing you know stand up a lot longer yeah but nobody cared because I think I'm not mostly for acting maybe and poetry and music you know do you think you're known more for acting than for stand up? yeah for sure known more for causing trouble hey I'm the voice guy no I'm kidding I know man funny stuff dude well thanks for having me this guy's a real fucking knee slapper you know what I mean? I'll show my way out stuff I will say you keep saying the side of the venue and it's like I don't mean in a self deprecating way I'm saying in a way where it's like this is all new this is new for me being able to sell tickets like that is new for me so like seeing these even in these small venues I'm saying I'm like whoa this feels cool I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have have like you know selling out theaters where so many people like I don't know we couldn't imagine either tickets still available and a lot of women these days prefer a smaller venue it's really not about the venue it's how you do it isn't it like how like you use the venue how you use it yeah I think so right how you use the light but like people like wanting to come out like there were people in London I did six shows and there were people that couldn't get in all the shows that's awesome and like I would see them on the street and stuff and like I'm sorry to bother you and I'm like I don't get bothered that much where you need to apologize hey what's the deal Ricky we couldn't get in the seat of jail we stayed at the pub they wouldn't let us in yeah I think it's cool yeah it's amazing you're the coolest I don't know man I never thought I was the coolest I always thought I was just like just a loser with a great attitude but now that's a fucking that's a comedy special name this is the movie loser with a great attitude I'm clicking that he thought he was a loser with a great attitude then he took off his glasses and fake mustache Rick Glassman is weird looking weird looking this summer on Tubi yes you guys never do an hour huh no no we've done it we tore together play are you garbage that shit's all antiquated it's old news yeah i was gonna show you a picture of a turkey burger my girlfriend made doesn't that look great those fries were uh frozen no she hand cuts them crinkle cut no i oh yeah let me see those you're telling me carol or rida cut that i didn't get it they make the i didn't get the carol thing alvin come here see you wonder why i do drugs come here which i don't anymore for for for people listening to this or friends of mine that i can maybe have a little advice toward also could you it's not that big we don't have to get up but will you tell me i've been looking i know i'm sorry sorry that's what i told you i'm like that's okay what happened at tantana's um why why are you sleeping why are you able to do it now able to do what now are you able to stop the drugs now like i know you said he's asking and money but like there was no money this is well my money we're kidding but please i really want to know why why where did the strength and desire come from now take your headphones off i didn't stop i'm still i really want i really want to know um my life had become unmanageable i could you give details could you get details jesus christ oprah what the fuck i have there's is this a harpo production there's probably slime going on me while i'm saying this you're probably running the credits right now and it's all bleeped out i'm gonna pour my goddamn heart out i want to know what this for personal reasons and i i mean i'd like to hear this i would like to hear what it is you know uh i realized this i didn't this or i tried this and we're like there's got to be something there was some insight i realized this i didn't this or i tried this and we're like there's got to be something there was some i realized that i had no control over it i was sick of myself did you not know that two years ago no it wasn't that bad it wasn't that bad i was going through uh um a divorce and the failing of a of a you know an important relationship that i had with my with my wife um what she wouldn't make her own fries very good i'm just trying to put a little talk about carol rida no carol right is my new girlfriend this is betty crocker more like betty no suck my cocker huh that's funny man funny's funny huh the kid's good even sober call me glenn was there some okay so uh were you were you doing the drugs to be funnier oh i was doing the drugs to escape my my sadness yes yes that's what i was doing okay and that became unmanageable and i was because you because there wasn't enough drugs i just from what what would usually be you know doing it socially um for most of my life would be one night and then it became four five six just not being able to stop until every cent that i had was gone did he hide it did he hide it from you yeah not well not yeah not well he didn't want you to know towards the ends the crash that's towards the ends the crash he didn't want to yeah no no it was even any sort of inkling or suspect that like suspicion of it it was not it was no was it anything in particular the drinking as well coke all of it was there something well for me what do you mean to be honest the drinking was just it was yeah it was the time it was the time it was the time title way it was the wake of whatever he was doing in his personal it was his personal life really bled into which is tough because the personal life kind of fuels the podcast and all that stuff uh yeah it just became was he late was he not showing up yeah what the fuck is this what's the goddamn hit bees i came in i thought we were gonna fucking be zany yeah uh do you want to talk about something different no i'm joking yeah um because this is cool you look so much better thank you you're just as funny thank you and i don't know if you're happier he's funnier i don't know if we've ever podcasted while you were under an influence yeah for sure really yeah when you came to the hotel at 1 p.m you were on coke no but that was the remnant like it was in the cycle of it for sure in i couldn't tell you specifically right i don't remember that far back and i never planned that far ahead it's a clean slate dog who said that james dean bogart paul newman the lemonade mogul yes i think all that money went to charity too a lot of it did rick all i have to say to you is i was born when she kissed me i died when she left me and i lived for a while while she loved me henry bogart who framed roger rabbit yes it was actually burger king yeah oh you were talking about burger king you were gonna say something and then you didn't what was it that you say on every podcast that i don't know that i told you yeah burger king burger and pepsi and america is the coolest do you agree or disagree i haven't made the observation facts on it i haven't got time mcconaughey's got facts during whiskey and burger king was never bigger than mcdonald's not bigger money wise popular they were killing it they were having a moment a moment a moment but that's like unquantifiable no it's not what the fuck is this look at where burger king is this is second time you took a shot at me at this on this podcast it's usually always gonna grow i said i was gonna take the bus i bet you burger king was bigger uh relative to fast food 20 years ago than it is now but pepsico has been bigger than coke since they uh merged with frito but you're talking about pepsico not pepsi yeah big difference no pepsi has always been the underdog when the underdogs win in this country things are better they drop and there's been moments months weeks whatever maybe not quantifiable whatever the fuck that means yeah it's kind of commie yeah shut up there's been moments me no him i'm just being mean to him for comic purposes god damn it thank god i thought he'd never leave this fucking guy in the questions what are you fucking date line jesus fucking christ bringing up our fucking dirty laundry you were singing like a goddamn canary he takes he gets it out of me i don't know i should be back i can't i can't stop thinking about that hoggy hey what are you guys talking about um pepsi yeah yeah holy heck he's good he's fucking good was that it all the time what the heck hey pepsi is the choice of a new generation hey pepsi is the choice of a new generation hey pepsi is the choice of a new generation hey rick angel what the hell is happening here rick angel mind freak yeah mustache freak podcast freak rick glassman watch this whoa that's a dildo that's a big dildo that's my penis i don't know what that is boys will be boys what'd you say nothing you guys i like boys will be boys you're running with this yeah really i like that yeah i also really like um sometimes when you're running with it you come to the end of the road and that's when boys will be men that's right although we've gone to the end of the road no i can't let go it's unnatural it's you belong to me i belong to you i belong to you some people could do it you know you guys are quadruple threat heart attack quadruple bypass god damn it my ltds are high huh but not my blts how's your agop my agop bop nbop you know me it's a little hip-hop i don't know it's pretty bad yikes whoa his mo is bad has it been low-key you know me it's a little hip-hop i don't know it's pretty bad yikes whoa his mo is bad has it been low-key low-key period hate it on lightweight period hate it on lightweight period hate it on lightweight you got the bops no wheels and no you got the bops no wheels and no you got the bops no wheels and no keys no boats no snowmobiles and no keys no boats no snowmobiles and no keys no boats no snowmobiles and no skis madamees i could finally afford to skis madamees i could finally afford to skis madamees i could finally afford to have my family with groceries have my family with groceries have my family with groceries me and my old man are getting up me and my old man are getting up me and my old man are getting up every night full of tracks every night full of tracks every night full of tracks wall full of plaques so these hoes don't wall full of plaques so these hoes don't wall full of plaques so these hoes don't love you said i'll keep that in mind love you said i'll keep that in mind love you said i'll keep that in mind what's your favorite body part on a man what's your favorite body part on a man what's your favorite body part on a man penis favorite body part on a woman penis favorite body part on a woman penis favorite body part on a woman penis the butthole what do you get when penis the butthole what do you get when penis the butthole what do you get when you put a man's penis in a woman's you put a man's penis in a woman's you put a man's penis in a woman's butthole butthole butthole sin sin um a goddamn good wednesday night at the folio's all right i don't know but i guess baby it took you one beat longer than it needed to uh-huh and which i think makes it funnier because instead of you just saying that's you on a wednesday night but if i was on drugs i would have got there in 12 seconds and that's what we should be doing is 12 seconds faster yes 12 seconds is faster than what you just did is 14.5 seconds no it's not a beat is that's 14.5 seconds it's like christopher nolan you it's it's slower to you than it is to me oh i've been waiting years maybe that's because you're closer to the black hole whoa his belly button my belly button smells a lot have you tried vaseline tea tree oil no no i love tea tree oil you know what i miss too witch hazel can we bring that back i used to use that all the time the band no it's blue oyster cult witch hazel it's like an alcohol yeah what's the song what's the song that i like i'm thinking of blues travelers right yeah wait i don't know if it was witch hazel but it's something like that that's sister hazel sister hazel yeah yeah it was very blues travelers yeah yeah but it took a long long time that's sister hazel yeah that's a great song i like the wall because i'm trying there's been time so confused it was one guy than a fat guy playing like the bass acoustic or something like that you guys like music jeez this guy's a real fun date you guys do stuff all right boys yeah want to get started let's do it let's call it yeah let's just fucking call it it's not gonna happen this one didn't get in the air you know what i mean i think we fucking tried i think this got delayed we were waiting on a part i think this should be the last podcast of all podcasts it's not gonna get any better than this this right here are you in the same room what's this no i don't agree i don't want to i don't want i don't agree with that can we not put this out let's put it on a paywall yeah do the thing that uh what's his name john malkovich is doing he filmed the movie he's gonna release it in a hundred years oh right i wouldn't want to eat that popcorn a little chewy see that's why we love it each other. no matter what we can always laugh we can always laugh we can Ken that's what brings us closer together that's right that's what keeps us bringing back inclusive we can't quit each other baby we can't quit each other so at the end of every podcast I ask a couple of questions that fans submitted and first one is Pringles or Doritos interesting Doritos of course let me finish the question to shove up your ass oh Pringles we're gonna get a bag up there I feel like Doritos are easy to put up your ass because you kind of like you start smaller and it gets bigger over time the bag or the Dorito bags the bag would be almost impossible I don't know who you're hanging out with it's easier to get a Pringles container up your butt than a bag of Doritos Henry Winkler once said that he did we saw him one time at the Kennedy Awards we saw him at Brentwood Market Brentwood Market he likes a chicken tender he does I love Henry Winkler yeah you know what I was thinking about the other day I don't know why and it just popped into my head when he passes how sad I'm gonna be when you pop into your head when he passes like it popped into my head like when Henry Winkler dies I'm gonna be very sad because when I think back he the Fonz that's why you got into comedy isn't it huh isn't the Fonz why you got into comedy no it was Potsy Jody and Chachi I'm dating myself well at least somebody is no I'm joking around the dinners are expensive I'm joking around I'm joking around yeah the Fonz is Fonz and Henry Winkler and Robin Williams is like when I kind of turned on like you know I remember watching them together you know what they both have in common something similar to what you guys do when you're on the road now that you're sober happy days oh yes yeah but that's what he started doing there are times I've been confused who's this Hozier no I thought it was the song that what Witch Hazel how's it go again oh there's been times I'm so confused now my road leads to you it's hard to say what it is I see have you guys ever seen Willow yes I think Blues Travelers is in that wait Willow with Tom Cruise Willow with with Warwick Davis oh Glenn Powell I'm thinking of what am I thinking of Legend I don't know is Blues Travelers in the movie Willow that would be they would have been in high school no Blues Travelers is not in the movie Willow there you go oh you know what it is you might be thinking of a different film nah man AI's really going to take over someday hot job for those data centers speaking of data center that was I was messaging my dad oh it's a data center god this data center D-A-D-D-A alright alright is it still running you want to plug again yeah we got the the brand new special that's out right now on our YouTube page American Garbage we ask the audience I ask the audience to head on over there watch at least two minutes and if you don't like it I'm sorry guys I can't force them to watch it but leave some comments let them know that Glassman sent ya we want people to know that Take Your Shoes Off is a big presence in the podcast game of course it is are you garbaged up the homies and bozos they do that and I love to see that so if you're fans it's very much appreciated everything's fine everything's fine alright good to see ya theme music bye oh what Doritos or Pringles what do you like better Doritos Pringles that's a stupid question theme music blubbity blue scoop deep oh yeah hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee