Are We Getting a Divorce?

Should we get a divorce? Are we madly in love? Are we kind of in love? Do we just barely stand each other? Is complicated feelings after almost 30 years of being with each other and then having all American kids who question our partnership every day? I don't know the answer myself. I wish I could tell you, oh my God, we're madly in love. Or I wish I could tell you, I hate him, I can't stand him, he's a bad guy. The truth is messy, the truth is tricky and the truth is somewhere in the middle. And we got really serious and down and dirty in this episode that you're not going to want to miss, tune in now. Hello, Namaste. This is the ZanaGuard family podcast and four guards are in the house. You're going to learn why the fifth one should not be here for this episode. We're going to talk about whether or not my husband and I should get divorced. No, don't laugh because the kids are always stressed out about how much we fight. The kids don't fully understand the relationship we have and it's confusing for the kids and then it's confusing for us because they think we should be in love all the time. But 28 years into marriage, we all know that that's not going to happen. So we're going to get right into it. And who of you is the most confused about our situation? Well, I want to say something before we jump into it. Yeah. Just so that viewers know, this is a very serious and like often talked about topic for us within the family. This isn't just an episode we're making just because we want to make an episode or to have like some sort of clickbait thumbnail slash title. This is a very authentic topic. Yeah, we got a dinner last night and we talked about it. We got a coffee this morning and we talked about it. And it's been a topic that you've brought up a lot, mom. Yeah. To us. Yeah. So what do you think? I mean, I told you, it's complicated. I mean, he's not a bad guy. Okay. So that's the start. But that's like the bar. So he's above the bar. But everybody is above below the bar. You guys like it's not going to be like, oh my god, he's a world's most incredible man. Like he's a good guy, but he's got his issues. I've got my issues. He has very, very more issues. But he's got a lot of issues and we're all getting old. Him and I are both getting old in America together. And it's scary. I don't want to be alone. All by single friends tell me that it's dismal out there. There's that point of you. And you know, we do know each other a little bit. Like I don't know. I don't know how to give you guys that big romantic love that you guys think you're used to seeing. And I don't know how many people actually live it. Like what do you see with all your other friends? Here's your assay first. I think we're really discussing whether or not you're going to be with someone. You have to put aside all of the other antics, all of the other. What are your friends saying? All of the other. What would it look like if you weren't together? And you really have to ask yourself the most important question, which I don't want to jump around but get right to it, which is how much love do you have for him and how much love does he have for you? Nobody has loved bridge. It's 28 years now. So if there's no love, no, I mean there is enough love to go around is what it is. What does that even mean? We love the home we built. We kind of like you guys. But if you don't have love for each other, then you should not be a married couple. But then nobody will be a married couple. Nobody is a married couple. And there are married couples who love each other. And yes, it is true over time. Chemically, people do fall in love very, very often. The divorce rate is really high in America. I mean in other countries, people see together for other reasons. But if you don't have love for people, you shouldn't be in a marriage. I also think it's not that simple. That's what I'm trying to say to you. You tend to think you're in love or you're not in love. Love itself is a very complicated, graded emotion. It's not in or out. It's not black and white like that. I think it's almost, maybe I'm very naive to this, of course. I'm 20 years old, so I have a lot less perspective on this. But from my angle, it comes down to the what are the feelings you feel to this person. And let's not take away love, let's talk about what love means. If it came down to you like being with him for the next 20 years of a life, and it's just you two in this house alone, there's no kids, nobody else, would you be happy being with that person? If you had to go on a vacation with him tomorrow, and you guys hung out, it was just you two. We went on dates every night. You walked in the beach just you two for the next two weeks in Miami, Florida. Would you be happy? Hold on, that's also the best case scenario. Would you be happy just staying in like every- That's the minimum to be in. That's the minimum to be in a really. If you cannot see yourself with your partner walking on the beach alone for a beach straight or hanging out in a resort for a beach straight, and you can't say yes to that confidently, what does that mean? That's what love is, right? That's an essential to love. And if you don't have that, I don't understand how you can mean a couple. At that point, you can say we're best friends. We have a lot of loyalty towards each other. I would have this back if somebody put a gun to his head or my head. I would choose his life. Sure, but if you don't want to spend every second with that person or you're not comfortable with the idea of going on a vacation where you would be the most happy with that person, what does that mean? So let me ask you, if you had to go on a vacation to Miami, Florida at the most beautiful four seasons resort, and it was just you two. You stood out breakfast, lunch, dinner, walked in the beach together. Would you want to do that? No. Why not? Because I want to work. I love my work. I don't want to be with anybody that much. That's the truth. I don't know, but I don't want to, I don't, that doesn't mean I don't like him, but like that's too much time. I don't, like I don't like going on girl's trips for that same reason. Like I would enjoy one day with the girls on a beach somewhere. But the second day I would be like, I want to get back to Miami. One day. Would you want to do one day just you two at the beach? He hates the beach. Okay. He hates the beach. He hates the other season. So I choose the beach example. What do you guys like? I don't know. I mean we would walk around a big town somewhere. We would walk around London or Paris somewhere. But then I get resentful because he always picks things that he likes. I just think that if you had to name three things that he's adding to your life right now, what would those three things be? Why are you laughing? I'm laughing. No, he's a good guy. No, he's a good guy. He's a good person. He's a good person. Is not important to you. He is. But we know he is. Okay, that's one reason that you give two more. That's not even a reason. Okay, but let me be a reason. Let it be a reason. Let it be a reason. What are the two other ways that he's adding to your life? I mean he knows my history. I know his. We built a life together. That also is not a reason. I don't know what reason is. Okay, let me help you. Is he supportive? Does he bring meals for you when you get home? He doesn't even, when you are around him, are you happy? I don't know. I don't understand. Forget even what Vera's saying. Yeah, he says, "Are you smile when you're with him?" I'm like, "Bridge, that is not how life works." I'm smiling all the time. You're making every excuse. I'm answering the question. It's with the question, "Are you happy?" I'm happy because without him, I'm happy. I mean, I'm like, "I'm trapped in the business of making people happy." He's okay. He's fine. I'm not unhappy. Are you unhappy? I'm not unhappy. Last night when he came to that room. I mean, I was a little upset because he was irritating me about something and he irritates me a lot. I don't know, but is that a reason to leave somebody? A reason to not be in a couple. If you are not happy, I'm not even going to say extreme, because in my opinion, you should be extremely happy to be with a person. Oh my God. We haven't been extremely happy in our whole lives and we should not have been together this many years. That's not true. When you first started, all the stories I hear, you guys were so happy, you were so adventurous. When you wrote the chapter, the fan favorite chapter of your book, the fan favorite, number one favorite chapter was a chapter of when you and dad met each other in New York City for the first time. It was such a beautiful, real story. It wasn't fake. It was real story of how you guys were so adventurous. You did so many fun things. You had so much fun. You broke all of your golden rules or whatever. That's beautiful. That's how it should be in my opinion and maybe it fills out over time. Maybe it doesn't work out the way it showed or where the way we all hope it does. But you have to be honest with yourself about that. And if you're not happy, if when you come home, you're not thinking and you see that person and you're upset and you're ready to scream at them and you're ready to watch it. He watches a lot of TV and it's very, very irritating. Everything he does is there. What is it like? What is it like? What is it like? He obviously worked for all these years and he obviously had a great career and has a great career now, right? But if the only thing I see is that he's at home, he's on a bed and he's like watching TV and scrolling and all. At some point, it's not interesting anymore. I feel without a doubt that I work 10 times harder than he does. And that is a problem. And that's a scary problem because I'm getting old in a country that is unforgivingly difficult on old people. This country is not as low countries designed for old people, but this one in particular has nothing. So I'm terrified all the time. I'm working harder than I've ever worked in my whole life to try to establish a base for this family for myself for you guys. And he just sits there and he'll be like, oh, markets closed at 4 o'clock. Now for six hours, I'm going to watch Korean drama on my bed. Mom, is there anybody? It's very irritating. But is that grounds to leave somebody? I have a question for you. Just for girls and dad for a second. Do you believe to believe that there's anybody in your life that works as hard as you do, and do you think that that's a necessity for the person you're with to work as hard as you do? - I think you guys work hard, and I think that Joya works very hard, you work very hard, you, when I ask you to, and for your own school, you work very hard. I don't know, but for me to be working this hard, and to watch him just sit there, it is a problem. It's a problem, and I'm not gonna do that. - It sounds like mom has the egg. - And it's, you know what I mean? Does that not sound like what happened? It sounds like she literally got the egg. - I don't know. Do you know what the egg is? - I know what it is. I know everything. But I don't know if this is qualified, but what I would like, I can't take it. I'm 51, I'm on the road constantly. I'm working hard. I don't know how he just sits there, and he's like, okay, are you here? Are you there? He's almost indifferent. And none of this is to me and I wish he cared more because I don't even care anymore if he cares anymore. - Well, when you talk to him-- - It's a problem in itself. - I think one thing about you, Mom, is you're in, you're in a category now of business fame and life that most people can't comprehend. Would you say that's true? - I guess. - It is true. - I don't think about it. - But like, forget the fame and all that. - No, no, no, no, forget the fame. Can I just take a second? There are very few people that are gonna be able to relate to your problem. - That's specifically what I want you to stop saying. Because I'll tell you, every mother who's working hard right now for her kids relates to me. That's why I have the fame. It may feel like it's the fame but it's not. I know a million 50 something women who are working harder than they've ever worked. They're watching their husbands get comfortable with watching the women work hard. And the men have just become comfortable. They're like, "All right, you do it." You know what? I'm happy. You know what your dad told me the other day that he loves being a parent now. Now, now, when you guys are adults and he's like, he's like older than-- - You did, dad. - I don't know. I'm not justifying any of his behavior. - Let me just say something here. Just because I want to make my stance clear. And I don't know if this is a really disrespectful for a kid to say or how adults receive this. I'm very new to this whole world of adults and how they relate to each other. But I personally believe based off my own understanding of love and relationships that her and my dad should get divorced. - Wow. - That is the honest truth. And I told this to her. - You don't believe that. - I told this to her many times. I told this to the siblings. I've said it in front of both of them. - That is a dad. - I'm making this as clear as I possibly can. I'm not saying this to the audience because he's not here. I've said it in front of everybody. I truly believe, according to what I believe about love and relationships, that they're not a match for each other at this current moment. - Just a quick reminder. Watch on Spotify. Spotify premium viewers get fewer commercial breaks. How great is that? But bridge life is more than this current moment. I mean, there is almost 30 years of history. There's another who knows how many years-- - But you haven't named anything about what he does today that makes you happy. - I agree. You know, you know, Ugui says yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is the present. - Today is a gift. - Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. - Yes, but I shortened it for the purpose of the podcast. Whatever. Today is a gift and that's why this is a part of it. - Boy, I mean, what do you think? I'm gonna go out and find a man and just be like, "Oh my God, I'm gonna give it a try." - But you're gonna tell another guy. - I'm gonna tell the rest of it. It's about you right now with how you feel. - And when you guys are in the same room together, it's honestly becoming and sufferable for that three of us. And it's kids, because every second one of you guys says something, I'm scared the other one is gonna lash at the other one. - Honestly, that's a good point. I do think-- - No. - No, it's a good point. It definitely feels like-- It actually feels like the only times you guys cooperate or when we film family podcast episodes. - No. - And even-- - We're doing a lot of episodes. - Yeah, like the last episode we shot, I was worried about if we were gonna make it through the episode. - I was saying this whole situation has put me of all people in the most awkward situation ever. And I really hope that there's some other parents out there or kids watching that can relate to me. Because what I'll say is that this-- Everyone, it's very evident now that mom is the clear. She's the reason that we're as financially stable as we are, which we're not fully, which is just the complete truth. And as much as I wanna just completely side with mom, I am still 14 and I have such a sustainable relationship with dad beyond any money or anything. And just on a personal, human love level. So when it comes to picking sides, it kind of puts me in a weird scenario because as much as you completely are the reason that this family is able to bundle together, like I still feel love for him as a person. Even though they're adults, they're more, even if it weren't for either of you guys, they could still survive on their own. So it's just really weird, like all that scenario for me, because I don't really know what to do. - Well hold on, do you guys feel the way that he does? - No. - You don't. - Yeah. - I don't. - What about you, is it? - I don't. - You don't. - But dad also developed much more of a relationship with Veer than he ever did in the end of the bridge. - What do you mean? - Like when dad had a second act in life where he, when Veer was little, acted more like a parent than he'd ever did with me in the end of the bridge, for sure. So he definitely has a different relationship with Veer than we, us. - That's what makes this clear to the audience is another thing. Nothing we're saying now, we are not uncomfortable saying in front of my father. Like we will say that we use this in front of him and we have for a lot of this as well. - I just think it's hard because your loyalty knows no bounds. I think because you experience when you are little, what it's like to not have loyalty in your life. And so you just are like so what, you're so loyal to your team, you're so loyal to like your family, your loyalty actually is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. And I think with dad, it's so hard because you guys, I don't think enjoy each other's company at all. Or I don't think you enjoy his company. I just don't. Like I think if you guys went to dinner together, it would be really weird. - I can't take the laziness. I really can't. I feel like I'm carrying the lion's share of the burden. I feel like I am just, I have so much resentment that when he had time to build his career, he didn't worry about a single thing. And when it came time for me to build my career, I had to worry about everything and him and his career. I mean, it's like, it's exhausting. It's actually exhausting. Now is that exhaustion grounds for leaving somebody who's otherwise like a somewhat decent person and whatever, I don't know. I don't know. - Can you try a couple's therapy? - I would remember, oh my God. Oh my God. - I mean, that's what a lot of Mary couples do. - Mary couple's therapy is just delaying the object. I don't know a single couple that went through couples therapy. - Yeah, fat. - But you know. If we literally wanted to do that, - I'd be doing it right now. You have no idea. - We both my friends openly talk about it. The couples therapy thing is like a golden bonanza for the therapist. Because it's like, get 'em all, get the housekeeper, get the building door man, get 'em all. Because you know what? Everybody's got a perspective. And then it's like literally every couple that I know that broke up went through the therapy and came out even eating each other. - Oh my God. - That's like, well that's passing as heck. I mean, the idea of it then beats a stretch. I mean, and now all the therapists of America are gonna flame me and that's fine. They all act like no one needs clients. 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Yeah, I did have success from a therapist. Regardless, I don't know what the threshold is to say to somebody, "I don't want to live with you anymore," and honestly, the truth is, even unraveling this whole life is intimidating. Why does the threshold have to be, we have to get a divorce? What if it just comes down to separating lifestyles? What does that mean? Like, just not living with them anymore. Or just being as separated as you possibly can? I mean, that's the same thing as a divorce, it just doesn't have papers in it. Exactly, and it would take away the whole, like, the whole financial part of it. Yeah, but that's an issue. Well, that's the other thing is the business, like, it's a huge business side, but I really don't think you should make this decision according to how business relates to it. Me too. I really don't think you should, but if that being said, we're in a very unique circumstance of how business is so interrelated into how we live as a family. And like, this is a family podcast with a dad and a mom. So it's very, very complicated about that. And I really, really struggle trying to find reason through that. But I really don't think that your logic of being in a relationship with him should depend on that. And I don't think it does for him, by the way. I don't think he would stay with you just because of the business. He wouldn't. Yeah, he would not. What do you think he wants? I think, do I mean, you're completely honest? Yeah, be honest. I think he wants a divorce too. But how did you come to that conclusion? Because if you were a dinner once, and he said, if you were my financial stable, a divorce would make sense. But you see how he will not do the work even for that. You see that? Yes, I understand. Did you see that? Did you see that? That even that? And by the way, I'm not alone. I think 90% of divorces in America are filed for by the woman. What the man does is make the woman's life so unbearable that she has to file. So he doesn't have to do any work. All he has to do is sign off on the paper. Yeah. I wouldn't think sad at all if you guys got a divorce. I think there's this really crazy idea that like, if your parents' marriage ends, then your life is so-- I mean, I can't imagine what it's like to actually go through it, because I haven't gone through it. But what I imagine is that-- And you're also going through it as an adult. You're also going through it right now. Yeah. I mean, this is the part that all the kids talk about is like the hard part is when your parents pick her and they're deciding, but they can't pick her out. Like, this is the core of what makes it difficult for kids. I will be honest. Like, in fierce position, sorry, I don't want to come out. Yeah, no. In fierce position, this is probably like the moment that he'll recollect as they're like, hard part about the whole divorce is what's happening right now. And for the last couple of weeks and what's going to happen in the next couple of weeks. What I will say is I don't know if I would have been so eager to go full-time with mom if this situation with dad was resolved. Like, as in this situation with dad, which has been an earthquake situation for a long time, where it felt like he was unable to take care of mom's needs emotionally or anything, was very severe to the point where when I was trying to decide what my next move was going to be that factored in a lot into I'm going to work full-time with mom. Now, it ended up being the best decision for my career, too. I mean, I'm learning so much and we're building such an incredible thing together. But it is definitely top of mind, for sure. And it is already affecting all the family day. And I feel bad because I don't want our life to be a burden on your life. Like, I want you to go and do whatever it is that you want to do, whether you're working with me or not. I want you guys to go and live your lives and have your relationships and all that. I don't know what the right move is. I also want to say that I don't want to make it sound like we're pooping on dad too much. He also just to speak a little bit on his behalf. Like, he also is capable and deserving of a very nice life. He deserves to find somebody. If you guys do split up, he also deserves to find a new wife. If he sees that potential the same way you deserve to find a new husband, then brings them happiness. And it's not one side of it is like, my mom just thinks he's a lazy bum. That's not true. You wouldn't say that's true. He's not a lazy bum. Like, he has put in a lot of work for the last couple of years to create a life and to support her dreams financially. And then also maybe now he's not as capable as he used to be. But he's still somebody who has done a lot and is trying to rebuild himself. He's getting out of a very tough stage of his life. He also has the right to find somebody else as well. It's not just one side of it. I mean, what's your biggest fear? I mean, my fear is getting old alone in America. And not alone like, oh, I hope I'm with him. I don't, honestly, I'm not believe, not do I believe now, that he will be very helpful when I get old here. So that is, it's not, oh, at least I have him, it's not that. But I just don't think he would care, I'm being honest. I think he is a caring guy. But the guys, I think, in general give up very quickly. I have friends who've literally divorced their wives when they got diagnosed with cancer. The men have just been like, I can't deal with this. That is a reality. And so I'm very aware of it. I don't live in this lala land where it's like, oh, we've been together 30 years, he's going to be thick and thin, has not been my experience for everybody. That's not to say nobody comes through. So before you guys get mad at me, I'm not saying this about your families or your parents or whatever, because there are people who come through. But there are equal amounts of people who just give up. And if I had to bet, I think my husband would give up. But so I am afraid of getting old. And at the only protection I know to create for myself is to make money. I don't know what else to do. I can't create a family besides you guys. I don't want to be a burden on you guys. That's a fact. I don't want to be calling you guys when you guys are married and have kids and all. For money or for emotional support or for any of it. That's why I've thrown myself into my work so aggressively. Because at least I'm building something for myself. Like after 25 years of not having built anything for myself, I found myself at crossroads. I mean, what have I built for myself? Nothing. You guys will grow up and go on to live your lives as you showed. He is going to go on. Even if he doesn't go on and find another person, he is perfectly content sitting in his bed and doing nothing. He's perfectly content watching 8 hours of TV. And like, I come and go. I mean, I'm telling you the truth. Last weekend, I was in the North Pole. There was multiple airplanes each way and back for a one day job. And on my way back, I needed something to be picked up from Midtown, 15 minutes from home. And I called him on my way back from the airport, after having been in the airport for like 9, 10 hours and multiple flights. I said, can you go and pick this thing up from Midtown? And he's like, it's too cold. Did he really say that? Yeah. And he's perfectly content watching me grind. He's perfectly content watching me do the hard work. I just don't think he has the supportive spouse in the background. Wait, I was just. Just to step in here. I don't actually think it's that. I just don't think he has it in him. He just doesn't have. I'm not just defying anything. I just don't think he has anything in the tank, to be honest. And I think you have a lot in the tank. You're like constantly. You know, I always say you have the mind of an 18-year-old in the sense of vision and boldness and ferocity and all those things. I think, in fact, you've changed a lot as a human being. And not in a bad way. But I think you both have changed a lot. And I think that seems to happen a lot in marriages, right? Like, people change. It's decades. How can you not. You know, and sometimes you grow into. Would it impact you guys one way or another if we got separated or we stayed together? I think we're going to say the same thing. I was going to say it should only impact fear. That's what I was going to say. Oh, I was going to say that I think what would impact us the most is this in-between zone lasting for a very long time. Wouldn't you say that. Yeah, I agree. I think that the most impactful thing right now is the fact that I don't even know because sometimes we have these conversations and then it seems like, oh my gosh, okay, they're, you know, they're going to separate and we're going to figure out what the next steps are. But then it gets very serious and then we stop talking about it for months and then all of a sudden it gets very serious again. So I think that constant back and forth is very contagious. Yeah, it's terrible. Because then I also don't know what my role is supposed to be. In, like, being supportive. I don't even know what, like, what I would do. I probably would not change my life now. I don't want to be honest. What do you mean? Like, I don't understand why would my life change if you guys don't do it? Like, I would be as supportive as I possibly could be to both you and dad. But, like, my personal life and, like, my ambition, my goals, like, everything, it would really, really remain the same. And also, you mentioned a lot about being lonely, but me, Veer and Nendidi and you, like, we have all agreed that we will live in some sort of complex or some sort of, like, community living center. With our producers. I know you'll live in, like, some sort of life somewhere. I know you guys say that, but let me tell you, when your new love interest is joined in, it won't be that easy. But you know what would be easy is when you live in a beautiful house and you tell your spouse, "Hey, we should live in this beautiful house." It has these beautiful energy. And there's green juice in the morning. And then people are going to say, "Oh, you know what? That seems like a great idea." At that point, I actually don't even think you would matter. I think what matters is the place that we live in is so amazing. In the lifestyle, yeah. The lifestyle is so amazing. Well, apparently everyone wants to live an amazing life. Yeah, that's the day-to-day life. It only cares about, like, the. We don't have to live in the same apartment. You know what I mean? Like, we can. No, you and I can. Me and you can. I'm saying with mom, we don't have to live in the same apartment. We can just live in the same, like, building or even if we live two blocks away, we'd see each other all the time. I think what makes me sad about this situation, to be honest with you, is I feel like you've earned. You've earned, like, the ability to walk into your space. I feel like, yes, this is my space and I love my space. And I feel like in this house and in our apartment, which you spend the most amount of time in, 'cause it's also half of an office, it's half of a podcast studio, you're super uncomfortable. Like, I feel like you've been uncomfortable for actually years. And you've only started to vocalize that recently, but the fact that you go to the North Pole and you come home and you don't feel like, yes. This is awesome, I'm home. And instead feel, oh my gosh, I can't wait to go to the next trip. That's concerning. I definitely don't feel like, yes, anything. Like, he's in the other room, he's watching TV while I was out there grinding. There's nothing to be happy about. Just him saying, I've worked out in my life. Like, guess what? We still have to work hard. Like, what is the point of hammering on in the past? What is the point? He did work hard in the past. And he has to continue to work hard. Like, there is no way to get around that. - But now, but now, take your own adviciting consideration. And it's like, what's the point of keep hammering in the past, but you keep mentioning the US have built something for the last 30 years. But what is the point of hammering about how well you guys did at the beginning or how well you guys created something beautiful? Like, it's not about the past anymore. It's about how are you feeling today? And what do you see for the future? If you said right now, bridge, I see us working really well in the next 20 years, I know this couple of months and maybe the next year will be difficult, but I really do believe there's a, what is it, the goal at the end of the rainbow? I would be like, you know what, I believe in you. Well, let's try to make this work. But because you don't, I know you don't believe that because it's just there's, it's deeper than just business. It's deeper than just laziness. Maybe it's deeper than that. And you keep trying to, I feel like that's like your scapegoat is saying he's just lazy, but it's deeper than that. It really is. And it's complicated. There's different emotions that come to play. There's stress, there's nervousness. Like, all these things come together. But we want to support you in the best way we could, we need you to be honest, and we need you to really, really like think about the fact that of where you guys are right now, where you guys will be in the future. Because that's going to, you know, lying about that, or not lying about that, but being trying to confuse that situation more than it already is, is what's going to impact the people around you the most. If we were in this situation, and you heard us describe what you described to us, what advice would you give? I would tell you to leave. Yeah. You would have not wanted to live a single day of your life in a sub-optimal situation. Brow, I, yeah. But that's your life. You guys are born and raised here, that the right to that happiness is yours. It's not something that we have believed that is ingrained for us. We're learning to embrace it. And it's just not something that we've seen anybody around us do. That's not true. You've had a lot of friends recently. I think there's this new wave of Indian women. I actually think that in the generation above you, I never saw anything happen, like in terms of divorce or separation. It seems like, it seems like in yours, you guys, like, I know several of your friends who have separated or divorced, and actually even remarried, had new kids. I mean, we met someone yesterday who just had a new fiance after, like, how many years? We see people all the time. Yeah. It's definitely not true that it's not a thing and that's happening right now. Now will any guy there be able to handle who you are? I don't even want that. No, I'm clear about that. I have no interest in another person. And none, what's it? It seemed like you were very inspired by your friend Amy Polar's story of how she described that in her life, like, she really enjoyed actually being single. She's now with someone, I think, right? But yeah. Yeah, but I have a lot of very successful friends now who don't want a partner for full time. They don't want to live in somebody's house. They don't want everybody living in their house. Watching people live that life has opened my mind up to the possibility that that could be-- Yeah. Because I have no interest in none whatsoever in another person. I'm not like, they are men who express interest in me, believe it or not, even though I'm a mother of three and married. Wait, I totally get it. You're gorgeous and you're brilliant. I've seen it. Guys, I've seen men. I mean, I get it. But I shut it down immediately because I, personally, I'm not doing this ever to myself again. And you're never doing marriage yourself again? No. You're never doing dating? No. I'm not interested. I'm obsessed with my work and I'm really loving it. So in that world, whether I'm with him or not, it doesn't really make a difference, you know? What? What are you guys talking about trying to find that? I mean, now you want to join the episode. We asked you to join when you-- I've heard my name being taken. Well, you're part of the podcast. What are you doing now? Oh, my God, he's trying to-- Are you seriously going to join the episode now? I'm just a viewer. I'm not joining. Well, somebody tell him what the topic is. We're talking about whether you and mom should get divorced or not. Oh, my God. And you're talking about it without the means-- We invited you. We invited you. And it makes you feel better. I spoke on your behalf a lot. So did I. We all did. Actually, we were spoke the most. I did not speak on his behalf. I was the only one in my entire recollection of this. No, we all did. All right, this is just too hard to talk about. OK, yeah, wait. She's getting your mic if you want it. No, I don't want to put a speaker topic like this. OK, I'll wait. No, it's fine. OK. Well, anyways. Wait, I don't even know how we where we go from this. It's too lazy. Did you see that? Even this topic, he's like, whatever you guys decide. I think that's just nervousness. Wait, I think so. I think that's nervousness. There's nothing to be nervous about. He has a mind of his own. He can say whatever you want. I think that's like nervousness. No, what nervousness is that? This is crazy. I'm actually walking into a room with four people. Like, imagine I walked into the room right now. And I just saw four of you guys speaking to a camera with two lights and a producer. I thought whether I should be in a relationship or not. Would you not be like, OK, let me tell you my point of view? I would, but I would be like, I would definitely be taking a back for a second. He should have sat there and offered his point of view. This is not nervousness. He is lazy. I'm telling you, right now, if you said mom and you are getting divorced, you would be like, OK. Well, mom and you are getting divorced. There's, I just think there's apathy. You guys are experiencing severe apathy, I don't know. OK, can you speak? What does that mean? Apathy means when you just don't feel anything. It's like sexuality. No, no, it's like when you stop fighting with someone, that means that you actually don't love them anymore, usually, because you don't care enough to fight with them. And there are some people that toxicly fight until the end of time. That's its own issue, where you get addicted to fighting. That's the kind of mom and dad situation. No, we don't fight at all anymore. They don't fight anymore. You guys don't talk anymore, but you guys don't talk anymore. Yeah, because that's what she's saying. That's what she's saying. I'm saying that when someone really fights with you-- again, I want to say something because it's important. There are some relationships that are built only on fighting and that's its own toxic category we're not talking about. I'm talking about-- when you argue, mom and I bicker all the time because we love each other so much. And-- or I love her, and I'm on her waiting list. And so we fight a lot, but that's out of love. Like, we want to make each other better and figure it out. You and Bridge are literally constantly bickering. Like, constantly bickering. That's what little animals do is. They bicker with each other, and it's really cute and fun. And so-- and that's why we made this podcast just to show that we're literally bickering constantly but are navigating a modern family. Hopefully you guys get something out of this for your own families. But I don't know what just happened. I don't know. I think if I-- He came and went is what happened. If I was married to someone, and I heard that that was happening, I would want that person to fight for the situation. He doesn't want to fight for this marriage either. Right? That's been the issue the whole time. He never fought for anything. Why would he fight for this? Yeah. In his life, the things that have worked out well have come to him fairly effortlessly. And the minute he had to put up a fight, he's out. Say it, Bridge. I don't say anything. No, I'm just saying it's a little-- It's a little interesting idea to bring that up when he's not here. But we offered him a seat. Don't say-- No, no, no, no. Both of you know what would be really nervous to join a podcast. Nobody is talking behind anybody's back. He is fully welcome. I'll sit everything. If I look at the Indian dad's I know in my life, he might genuinely be the only one I've met who would be able to even start a podcast like this with his family or join a conversation like this with his family. And even though he didn't, the fact that he does this, I will say the Indian dad's I know, I can't think of a single one that would. No, yeah. Like, you should at least give him that. If you don't give him anything else, that's fine. I agree. Oh, it's fine. And I'll give him that. He also-- You don't give him that, though. Yeah. She said that to me multiple times. And I'm saying we should continue to give. Like, that's a-- But again, it's something that we built and he walks into. That's what I'm saying. It's just not fun to be with somebody who's like, well, if you make it easy, I'll walk into it. I think it's his negativity. It's like a fire hose of negativity and a fire hose of like, well, if it's hard, I'm out. Like, I deal with hard all the time. Even him building his business, it's like a monumental amount of mental drain that I have to go through every day reminding him that he has to fight to get business. Do you think business just comes to me? Do you think the whole of America is just waiting for an Indian immigrant mom, comic, who has an accent and wears wear clothes? Every day, I'm out there fighting to get business. And every day, I take losses on my shoulders. in and I get up the next day and I fight and when you fight that hard to be around somebody who's just going to be like well if it's hard I'm not doing it I don't know I don't know where we go from here but this has been our episode of a messy life situation I honestly don't think we are the only family that are going through some version of this dynamic that's why we filmed it I don't think we're the only couple that are going through this I don't think you guys are the only children who are going through these feelings and complicated as they are we want to put it out there so you can talk to your kids about this your kids can talk to each other about this and put the feelings out in the open because until those feelings out in the open there will be no resolution I would have a resolution we don't have a resolution everything we said we're willing to say in front of him he comes he goes you're watching it all go down in real time I don't know 10 years from now we might be happily married or we might be fully separated with other people with I don't know we might all be dead as we end every episode with a round of good grades with guards so too we are going to end this episode with a round of good grades with guard with each guard gives another guard a win an a grade for the winning moment of the episode so who wants to go first I'm giving my a grade to fear what he has soldered by actually being close to the dad as well as obviously being very close with mom who is our mother there and is obsessed with all three of us is very challenging and he deserves his flowers for it I'm going to echo that give my a grade to fear as well I think that he's in the most complicated position out of all of us and he's maintained his composure very very well even though you don't have to yeah I'll give it to I'll give it to buy it I'm just gonna give it to all you guys because I feel like each of you guys had a separate reason for why I want to give it to you I'm going to give it to buy it and dd because I think that they did a very good job of making sure that this was a productive conversation rather than just a stay a one where we kind of repeat the same things like the he's a good guy whatever which you can easily become and I hope other families take that as um and a role model for how it she should be trying to have these difficult conversations and from mom obviously for the way that she's just you know like it's it's tough to be in that position and if I'm sure if dad was here I he would do his best to do the same but she's just I mean she it's difficult to open up about these things that like it's 30 years of history which none of us both of you guys aren't even 30 years old yet so imagine a whole nice man times one and a half that much history to you know unpack and try to make the most out of so I'll just give it to all of you guys for that those reasons wow and I will give my acre to all three kids because it's a complicated topic but they bring it up all the time because they want to see me and him happy either together or individually and and they're not afraid to tackle it like there's no fear you heard in real time on camera all the things that they're thinking and saying in fact they encouraged me to film this episode because they think they're not the only kids feeling these things that there are millions of other kids who have parents who are like in this in between phase of marriage where you don't love the person but you don't hate the person but you built the life but then you're scared of the future so many complicated emotions I'm really proud of the fact that my kids can sit there and talk to me about it and talk to us about it and put it on camera for the world to be a better place someday so this was a slightly emotional complicated episode sorry about that we will be back to making fun of things next week as per usual and please like share and subscribe this episode in particular with somebody who you think might benefit from having this conversation at all they may be in a very loving marriage but the kids might be dying to say something to them the kids might be in a in a terrible marriage and the parents are trying to say something to them whatever their point of view is please share this episode we are so excited to be your digital family until we meet again everybody say bye