Are friendship breakups worse than heartbreak? | Ep3 | The Girls are Talking

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Describe the website or prototype you're picturing, attach your design system, and it comes back in your own design language, ready to edit right on the canvas. It works with your files and the tools you already use, like Gmail and Slack. And whether you're debugging code at midnight, building a financial model, or strategizing your next business move, Claude extends your thinking to tackle the problems that matter. For problems worth solving, get started with Claude at claude.ai/solve. That's claude.ai/solve. And check out Claude Pro, which includes access to all of the features mentioned in today's episode. claude.ai/solve. I jumped off the stage and I gave Simon Cowell a lap dance. I'm not involved. Yes, I did. If I was to write down most friendship issues, you will find the root is always going to be jealousy, I promise you. That damn table was just over £22,000. Thank you. What does A stand for? Accountability. Period. That person sold that table for five. Let's go. for five grand. Let's go, let's go. Give me the address. Five girls and five takes on hot topics. From life, love, money, and all the messy bits in between. We don't always have the same opinions. But that's the fun part, isn't it? But what we do agree on is keeping it so for real. So listen up, because. The girls are talking. They are. What's up, people? This is The Girls Are Talking. The show where no topics are off-limits and no two opinions are the same. I'm Keisha B with the T, joined by my lovely co-hosts. I'm Tara. I keep it cute, but I keep it hood. No, dingbat, listen. I'm Abby Lee Miller. Just kidding, it's Isra. Yeah. Realestiva out. Hi, I'm Camille. I might make the hits, but my opinions hit hardale. They do. I'm Sharifa, a.k.a. Big Betty Princess. A.k.a. the largest Betty in South London and the surrounding areas. Woo! Yeah! So today we're going to be discussing friendship breakups, crazy purchases, and our childhood crushes. Do we, mama? So, girls, it is Halloween season, and I can see that some of us are dressed up, some of us not so much. So I want to kind of know, what are you wearing? Isra, what are you wearing? I'm wearing couture, Abby Lee Miller. Listen, dingbat. Get your finger. Get your finger out of my face. And who is she? She is the owner of Abby Lee Miller Dance Company and the star of Dance Mums. Cool. Very abusive lady, by the way. Very abusive lady. But hilarious. With big bazonkas. Big titties. Pam, what are you wearing? Today I've come as your guardian angel to protect you from all the trash that's in the world. Oh, okay. So, Sharifa, I can see you've changed your hair colour today. You're no longer blonde. You've got the red hair going on. Yes, I am. So, for those who can't see you, describe what else has happened. What has changed? What are you wearing? Okay, so I'm wearing an inflatable costume. It's basically my ex holding on to me, sucking the life out of me, being a bit of a beg, not letting go. I'm tired, so I'm kind of just chilling there. But your ex is actually the Grim Reaper. Yeah. He's holding on to your back. That's him. If you are audio listening, you can't see, but Sharifa's legs aren't actually her real legs. So, it's like he's blown up there, flailing around. It's a good thing I'm sitting next to you. We've got an angel and the Grim Reaper sitting next to each other. I think this is the perfect positioning today. I agree. Great. And I'm wearing what it could be confusing for people to see me because they could think that I'm literally beetroot. But I am wearing the colours of beetroot, but I'm actually not. This is literally just me, leggings and a shiny. But it's giving beetroot baddie. Beetroot baddie. Beetroot baddie. But I'm dressed as myself. I'm not in costume because I love the Lord, but that's not to say that if you love the Lord, you won't dress up for Halloween. True, absolutely not. Because I'm going to be honest. Can I be real? Yeah, be real, be real. My mum would not let me trick or treat. She was like, you're not chasing after Obia. We're not doing that. I don't know if you're from a Jamaican household. You don't chase after Obia. Who's Obia? Like demons, judge, bad juju. You got him on your back, girl. Bad juju. Him, him, Sharifa, him. Who's that? Attached. He's chasing after me. He's attached to me. But for me, genuinely, I just feel like I've never been able to be a part of it in the way that I grew up. I wanted to trick or treat, but I don't think you should really trick or treat in SE15. We stay away from that. Back in the day, do you get what I'm saying? Because people were just doing up badness. Like it was just badness. Basically what I'm trying to say, yeah, I'm in the world. I'm not of it. And that's fine. And that's my conviction. And there's some people that are, they do follow God or they do have religion and they choose to do Halloween. Do what you want. I'm not saying follow me, but for me, judging is against Christianity. Sharifa hates judgment. Yes, I don't like judgment. She really does. Neither do I. I think what you just said there is amazing because you're bringing your insight into it, but you're not making other people feel like they do it. I don't think I like you. You do what you want. And personally, I am of the stance of I am godly. I believe in God. God is my right hand. I'm just always I need that. But I also like to dress up. Yeah. So it's just a sure excuse. Yeah, I just want to talk to Major Wigs. But also I do like the fact that I'm bringing some angelic light to what we're doing. If I'm going to dress up, it's usually quite considered and it's usually like, let me spread the gospel as I dress up. You're reforming the holiday. I'm reforming. She's reforming. I like that. So, girls, I've got a question for you. Who has been watching the reboot of A Different World? I have not. I don't even know what that is. Can I just set this up? So I didn't watch the original. Is this a Tyler Perry film? I don't believe it is. Tyler Perry, no. It is a series, but it used to come on in the 90s. And basically it was about, just for those who don't know, it was about a historically black college and it kind of follows the story. So even though it had like comedic moments, they talked about HIV. They talked about racial issues. Yeah. And, you know, yeah. And like sexual disease, diseases and things like that. So it was really it was like one of those innovative, moving. Shows which was so influential at that time. So anyway, the reboot is pretty much following the like some of their children because now they're in college as well. And I got through eight episodes. And was it all because of a certain somebody on that show? There's a guy on it who's been going viral recently and his name is Cornell Young, the fourth, I believe. Now, at first we were kind of talking about this because we saw the photo and all of us was like, Tara's already given the face, right? I think it's a bad way to be called a Cornell. So if he's not your type, who is your type growing up? Who is your childhood crush? Can I go first? Guys, you are not going to believe me. It better be your husband because you've all been together since. No, no, no. I'm sorry, babe. I'm so sorry. It's not you. I tried, Adrian. So my thing before was before. Okay. I've been through seasons. So before it was like a dark skinned brother, like just dark skin. Okay. My crush. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm sorry. My teenage crush was Nick Lachey. Who's that? Oh, yes. From 98 Degrees. Nick Lachey. Love is Blind. Oh my God. Yeah, he's on the show. Yeah, Nick Lachey. I get that. Nick Lachey. Oh, him. Yeah. Nick Lachey? He was in Saved by the Bell. No. No. But he's Love and Blind, the host. Yeah. Him and his wife. I would have never had you down as that. Nick Lachey. Guys, I went to a performing arts school full time and there was three black people or two black people. That's so true. It was like blonde hair curtains. Tyree was so interesting for that. You know when the man had the curtains? She had blonde layers. No, but hold on. A little bit of acne. A little bit of redness. Yeah, that was my type. No, but my thing is based, there's like 30 men in Boston sipping an IPA that look like Nick Lachey right now. No. Yeah. No. Wait. So, Isra, who was yours? Oh, girl, I had a lot. Who do you want to get into? Give us one. Who? So, in terms of our generation, I loved Alex Pettyfer. He was the guy from Wildchild, blonde boy. I don't know Alex Pettyfer. Who's that? He's a white, blonde boy from Wildchild. What's Wildchild? Pettyfat. Pettyfar. Pettyfar. So, I'll get him up, but- Pettyfar. Pettyfar. Pettyfar. Pettyfar. I grew up in one of them households where there was no kids TV, like I'm watching what my parents are watching. Yeah. So, that meant young Tom Selleck, rawr. Young Denzel, rawr. Young Richard Gere, crazy. Young Denzel, yeah. Young Harrison Ford. And young Denzel was like universal. Anyone could see Denzel and be like, oh my God. Oh my gosh. Denzel could get it from anyone. Doesn't matter where you're from, which culture you're from, Denzel was that guy. My crush was the thong. song man cisco let me tell you and guess what i would say when i when he put the tattoo around the navel with the button piercing the sun i was gone with the wind you're so sorry and can i also just say i had this so i was like a big like when i used to speak things it used to just happen so when i was younger i remember we did i think it was like a party in the park or something yeah and we heard and this was at the height of his career so i was probably about 16 and i heard he was going to be there i got ready early that day and then i remember i got in the lift of the hotel that we were all getting ready and i just took it up and down for hours just waiting because i knew in my gut that cisco was going to come into the lift and guess what he did he did yes he did what did you do i can't even laugh the door opened and then he said and then he walked in with his crew and i was walking out and i went hi and he was like hello beautiful and i want to tell you it made my day it made my day my year because i was the kid who had posters on their walls and my mom thank you mommy really allowed me to like make my room my own so i had posters on my ceiling and literally there was no more wallpaper like there what's your one yeah what's your one cam what's your one my celebrity crush yeah was i can't wait to hear this not the sip jay book from oh okay of course the classic by the way central crush that every girl wait wait wait back then or still sick because he still looks good i mean back then or still sick because he still looks good i mean back then or still sick because he still looks good i mean I mean, I haven't actually caught up on what he looks like now. And this is obviously before Tommy. Tommy, I love you. You will always be my forever crush. But before I met Tommy, Jay Boog. Check out BTK's new video. They all look amazing. I just feel like you could not get. As a young black girly, okay, seeing four guys that look like that, it's just unreal. I think that's why all the girls just lost it. And they're really handsome. We lost our minds. They're so fine. You had Amari, you had Jay Boog. Little Fizz. Little Fizz. Raspi. And he can dance as well. Yeah, they can all dance. And they used to take their little tops off and do their little dance moves. And they're in dance films. Yeah. Did you watch Cartoon Network? Yes. Yeah. And did you ever see a show called Dexter's Laboratory? Yeah, Dexter's Laboratory. I did fancy Dexter's personality. He was evil. He was just a bit autistic, man. But baby, baby, we're talking about like, what was your. I'm sorry. What was your. He had a laboratory. I was like, he's going to be something in the future. I knew that from eight. Anyone human or anyone on the. Human. Oh, okay. Looks-wise, I fancied. I thought they were the same person. Yeah. Like Bow Wow and Little Romeo. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I love them. And when he was in Honey and he hit that. Hey, hey, hey. I can't with Amanda. Oh, my goodness. I used to have fantasies, yeah. And I went through an awkward stage as a kid. I think I'm still coming out of here. But I had. My front teeth fell out. And naturally. Okay, okay. But mine was like. I've always been a few milestones later with the development thing. Okay, okay. Tits, everything, yeah. So my teeth fell out. Everybody had their adult teeth. And they took like three years to grow. They took three years to grow in. So slow. No teeth. Then my mum was like, don't let anyone touch your hair. Because I had. You saw the picture. I had loads of hair. But I loved people touching my hair. So I let everyone touch my hair. I only went and caught head lice. Can't believe I've just said that. Oh, my God. Caught head lice. My mum was like, absolutely not. Because she had dreads. She was like, you're not giving that to me. Shaved. Now, I've got no hair. But I'm a schoolgirl with no teeth. With no teeth and no hair. No hair. My eyesight. I need glasses. I just choose to not wear it because of trauma. And I used to have fantasies. Do you know the ball pool in Peckham? Yeah. The what? That was my place. I loved the ball pool. I only went like once a year. Okay. Where it's like a pool with balls. And like kids can like. Jump in and like. Yeah. That I'd be in the ball pool, yeah. And there was like a part in the ball pool where it was all dark. And like it was a random like little tunnel you went through in the ball pool. And it was like dark. And I was like, bow wow little Romeo. Because I thought they were the same person. He's going to come and be like, you know, you've got no teeth. And you've got no hair. And you've got. You've got glasses. But I think you're beautiful. And I was like, thank you, bow wow slash little Romeo. And then we made out. Guys, I have a serious question. Yeah. Who is your one? Hear me out. Like, they might not be conventionally attractive. They could be a cartoon. They could be whatever. Oh, I've got one. Easy. Simon Cowell. Okay. I mean, listen, you're not that far away. You want to show me? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I will tell him you've said this. Do you know what? I'll post the message. And while you say that to me, you can remind him of the lap dance. I gave him. I gave him at a corporate show during Push the Button. Yes, I did. You can't just drop that on that stage. Yes, I did. I jumped off that stage. You can't just say that. I'm not involved. Yes, I did. So, speaking about growing out of things. Yep. Have you guys ever had a friendship breakup that's worse than a breakup with, like, a partner? Oh, Lord, yes. Yes. It's loss. Yeah. It hurts. Yeah. Friendship breakups hurt so much more because you're like, this person, you're expected to know you inside out. Yeah. It's like the deepest, deepest, deepest wound you can experience because I do feel like with romantic relationships, you can kind of move on and be like, okay, F you, whatever, like, no, no, no, no, you cheated, whatever, bye. With friendships, it's like this person has been there for you and you were crying. They know your parents. They've seen you looking at your words. Yeah. You've told them every secret imaginable. Yeah. They're sometimes even closer to you sometimes than your partner. Literally. So, when they hurt you. Oh, my gosh, it hurts. So, I have a best friend called Amanda and throughout our friendship, we have had maybe four moments where we've had, like, big arguments, big, like, fallouts and stuff, but because we love each other so much, we always come back to the table and we go, right, what did I say? What did you say? And also, I like to surround myself with people who are accountable. Yeah. Oh, please. Oh, my God. Like, for me, I actually don't, I don't know what that feels like to be in a circle of friends to where you don't. Someone's like, Kim. Like, you could have landed that better because it's not too above me to apologize. So, I love it if I need to, if I need to apologize to you or if I need to, just so we can move forward. Do you know what I mean? There's nothing worse than when you go to someone and just explain your emotions to them and they want to gaslight or make you feel like you're wrong or not just acknowledge what you're saying. But this is what I mean, whereas when you have, like, a true friend, I think the one thing that we've established with me and Amanda is that we actually just love each other and we're actually real friends. And we would never do anything to hurt each other. You could have your moments or whatever, but really, there is an actual sisterhood. So, I feel like when you fall out with someone, there's a meme that says if you fall out over something, like, small, like, I haven't stolen from you, I didn't get with your man, you know what I mean, anything like that, then it wasn't that you, they were never your real friend. Whatever you thought was friendship, maybe it was a one-way street. But I do feel like a lot of friendships, especially with females, because there is a difference. Sometimes when I see how boys have friendships, they're much more stress-free a lot of the time. That's, yeah. Girls can't seem to take, I find, different, you know, developments in your life or, like, when you might be wanting to do something different or you might not have any, whatever it might be. I do find that friendship issues tend to come, I don't want to say it, but kind of out of jealousy. This is what I tend to hear a lot, is, like, the common thread is, this friend became very jealous of this friend and then started moving mad. And I don't know why that's always an issue. Like, why can't you just be happy for your friend? Shout out to Leona Lewis, because she was the first girl. She was one of my really good friends, and she was the first person that introduced me to a friendship group of just really lovely. Leona Lewis, you won the X Factor. Yeah. With really lovely. But she was the first person that actually, if I'm honest, she introduced me to her friendship circle. And when I saw that friendship circle and I saw how they supported each other, because I had friends who never even, like, really was like, oh, happy birthday. I would treat everyone else on my birthday. Yeah, no, no. I wouldn't ever get a birthday card or anything like that. And then I saw them doing it for her and just being, like, really sweet girls. And so I actually had to, when I say fake it till I make it, because if you've not grown in an environment where you don't see your aunties gossiping and there is not that sisterhood, my mum's got a lot of sisters, I won't go into the details of their relationship, but I feel like they could be closer, you know? And for me, if I didn't really see that, then my work colleagues became my sisters or my friends. So I had to really cultivate those relationships. And with being around Leona, I was like, yo, you've got some really nice friends. Then her best friends became my best friends over the last 18 years. I love her. And that's over a span of, like, 18 years. So I do think you have to be conscious of, like, when it's time to exit. Do you know what? I feel like I wish I listened to my mum. Because. Your mum's so sweet, by the way. Do you think my mum is cute? Yeah, I was being a little bit of a stalker on mine, yeah? She's been in love with you. And I saw a video of your mum, and she's a baddie. She's a baddie. She's so cute. How old is your mum? She's a baddie. We two are like sisters. I don't know if I'm shocked because you're a baddie, but I was like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my mum. Yeah, she's a pretty face, slim waist, everything. With wisdom. With wisdom. Slim waist, accurate. So my mum, I used to think, like, she's trying to control my life. But she really wasn't. And I would bring people around to her, and my mum would be like, my spirit don't take to her. And they know straight away. My spirit don't take to her. I swear, my mum was a bad woman, but she was right about a couple of people. But can I tell you, I've learnt the hard way. Yeah. And my mum has never been wrong. They're never wrong. All the friendship breakups I've had, my mum warned me first. They're never wrong. And do you know what? It's the most painful thing. I feel like with friendship breakups, obviously me and Adrian have broken up a few times in our relationship, but I'm like, you're a man. Have you? It's fine, yeah. For how long? The longest. Remember, she knew I'd been with him for a long time, and she'd tell him to go on. Yeah. You know, I remember she'd tell him to go on. Go on about your business. She'd make him wait. Go on. She'd make him wait for 10 years, and I'm going to work with my friends. And pray over her. You know, I hear it. But I feel like friendship breakups, that, like, breaks your heart. Like, even just thinking about it, I can feel my chest paving. You saw me through everything. You know all my stuff. secrets the worst thing is when they start saying things about you that never happened oh my god and it's like oh you really are just trying to yeah escape accountability and accountability is the biggest thing with my girls yeah our group it's small but mighty yeah small but mighty yeah we hold each other accountable my friend she'll be like sorry you need to watch your tone i'll be like shut up who you talking to she's like no respectfully you need to watch your tone and you trust her because she's your girl and i think like what you were saying earlier i know your heart so if i've if you say something to me i know you're not saying it to hurt me yeah i know you're saying it because you love me yeah so maybe let me just check myself real quick accountability is so important yeah it just makes me sad because i do feel like i'm not gonna get emotional i do just feel like i've been so generous in the past oh thank you baby i've been so generous in the past with friends yeah and it's always the same thing like i just feel like i kept getting hurt yeah and i kept like always give like i'm that person i will give you anything you want anything you need i am there to give it to you whether it's my time whether it's financial whatever emotional i will be there for you and i just feel like i don't know why for some reason i just didn't with certain friendships it never came back it never came back and it really stings when you think about it and you can actually remember all the things that they've done just like that i can i can see i can feel it yeah and to just move on from it and watch them now live their lives and obviously you know they're not even my mom always says to me cam just remember they're not even thinking about you when you're here stressing this person's not even thinking about you by the way that doesn't help either because i actually want you to be thinking about me and actually readjust and be like did i actually hurt this person's feelings and like really work out within yourself like do you feel like you've done oh you've got new friends i know i love you do you know what i love honestly hugging the angel the grim reaper hugging the angel y'all did the impossible yeah i don't think that's why though i've loved just spending so much time with you guys because i've never met just instantly i've never met a group of girls who were just so lovely when you meet girls for the first time yeah you know what's also hard i feel like when your heart's been broken before you're even more scared to go into another friendship yeah so that's always been my hard thing like i build these bricks and i'm like no one ain't getting in here and my friend keisha will be like you know tara to have a relationship with her imagine there's a castle and outside the castle you've got a moat but there's alligators in the moat and then you've got like barbed electric wire and then you get in front of that and then you've got like an army with assault rifles so you get through all of that you get to the castle that's tara's heart and then when you open the door like i've made it there's a flame breathing dragon yeah at the front like what do you want to do here and that's when you get into my heart i don't get that like i have to peel all these layers of onion layers and do all of this but i feel like that's what's when i came into this project i was like i can't be the way that i normally am which is really guarded so like are we at the moat stage you guys no i think yeah like i think you've got over the barbed wire you've got over the sword but i feel like you have to you can either allow situations to break you or to build you yeah if that makes sense and being around you girls like it's actually really beautiful like when i walked in this one i was like oh my god i know i was so happy to see but i feel like what the one thing i'm a bit of a loner now i ain't got no friends no you do no we do no because i think i think what it is it's so lonely though i don't know what we do it's lonely so it's just nice to meet nice friends i don't feel like i'm alone i don't feel like i'm alone i don't feel like i'm like i meet friends very often do you know what i mean yeah i think i think what it is is that we're all like we're all that bredrin that's been done dirty we've all been the done dirty one and the thing is with like friendship breakups that i remember the maddest friendship breakup that i had swear to god 17 years down the gutter on my birthday it was mad bredrin's for 17 years and i still have love and if she watches this still got love and respect for you but respectfully what do we say um but what's it called i remember the breakup was so mad i remember just being and i said this verbally i was like you have taken all the trauma that i've ever shared with you and we almost used it like a playbook and done every single thing that that person has done to and that that is the killer it's because you just never expect it or do you so i'm gonna i'm gonna be completely honest so i lost a really close friend like when i'm saying lost her we broke up like two years we lost you but i i do want to like speak to what you're saying because when you say you know it came as a surprise once our relationship so it was like over maybe like over 12 years and we briefly worked together and we never really had any sort of thing within the friendship but during our friendship there were signs that maybe i missed that other people maybe pulled me aside and was just like actually once the working relationship was done i personally felt like that's when i was sort of dismissed okay and so but for me um even even while yeah but i feel like it's the way that she handled the situation um it was just interesting to see because i looked back and i was like well actually such and such told me about this told me about this and maybe i'd seen a few things myself because i just felt that there wasn't any care or consideration about yes the friendship and the journey we really should have been like forget this work situation let's have a conversation because that's what i really wanted to do and i think that's what i really wanted to do and i think because i loved her so much and i think especially because in those two years my dad had died and i was grieving i was in a really really dark place and yeah and i was cheers to fall savings at whole foods market home of higher ingredient standards this halloween share chocolates and candies made without that spooky high fructose corn syrup throwing a party make it easy with a berry chantilly cake ready to cook pizza no antibiotics ever chicken wings and sushi made fresh daily fall gatherings never tasted better save through november 3rd at whole foods market sometimes we all need an extra help in hand especially with a tricky business problem you've been putting off claude is an ai for just that it's the collaborator that understands your entire workflow and thinks with you not for you and claude isn't just for quick questions hand it a whole task like turning a folder or scattered notes into a report and it does the work and hands back something finished that you've never done before so i think it's a great thing you can open and edit claude can now draft a dock or deck right in front of you and claude design now lives right inside claude describe the website or prototype you're picturing attach your design system and it comes back in your own design language ready to edit right on the canvas it works with your files and the tools you already use like gmail and slack and whether you're debugging code at midnight building a financial model or strategizing your next business move claude extends your thinking to tackle the problems at matter for problems worth solving get started with claude at claude.ai slash solve that's claude.ai slash solve and check out claude pro which includes access to all of the features mentioned in today's episode claude.ai slash solve really like grieving a lot of things and i definitely then take accountability for my personality probably being a bit like a touchy or whatever it was but again anyone who truly loves you second whilst you were grieving yeah what was happening so yeah how can you take no yeah so it was it was a lot you have no genuinely the biggest heart because if i'm grieving i ain't thinking about you right now we're not talking about your dog yeah for real well it was yeah it came to yeah it was should we roll up i do feel like we will ride it all no we will ride it all yeah i would you girls too i think you know when you were saying you know when you were saying also like are you are you the angel devil are we all right over there the besties so yeah the touching on these friends when you're not telling me this is why i write right revenge bangers every song i've had i'm telling you that i've gone to number one it's because i'm writing about sharifa's gonna say i'm writing can we get in the studio can you read my mind the end of the pain i feel i feel like maybe because i'm an empath because of my job right because the minute someone tells me a story my job is to write this into a hit song so i'm very connected when people tell me things and it hurts me so when they're telling me these stories i'm actually like boiling inside because i just don't understand especially meeting you and seeing how kind you all are yeah i don't understand how people can treat you like i do want to know though did you see signs absolutely i got a lot of trauma though we can make a lot of money together we can't get into that but you know when hello and what and what were the signs but you know how yeah you know when you were like oh you'd usually do see signs i remember i was so blindsided by it and then i spoke to another close one of my friends at the time and she was like but you've been telling me for a year that this is like this has been right or you felt a way about this so you felt a way about that and it was never was never like i was like insulting or talking bad about my brethren that me and her are no longer friends with but there might be something that was really frustrating me and i wanted my brethren to do better and i was like i've tried talking to her and she's like putting it down or whatever and i don't really know how you know when you talk to your friends i don't know how to approach it with this friend and so when i spoke to that friend and i was like look i remember i was abroad and me and this friend had been living in the middle of the indian ocean for two or three days and i was in the middle of the indian ocean on an island by myself like your story is always mad dramatic mad brad it ain't a flippin scum top is it this is ridiculous what are you doing in thailand Do you know what I mean? So anyway, I'm in this place, I remember calling my friend, I was really, really upset about it. And she was like, well, there's been signs for the last year, but I think where, again, when we're talking about romantic relationships, if you cheat on me or you raise, even if you raise your voice at me, let alone raise a hand, all of that, I'm gone, I'm out. That's a violation, we're gone. But when it's the brethren, I'm not saying that the brethren did that to me. No, yeah. But I remember seeing these things that if in a romantic relationship was going on, I'd be like, that ain't running. Why do we do that though? That's so true. Because I think it's the context of I've known you 17 years. So I've gone, you're mental this, you're family that, you're situation this, I know that this, and I'm filling in the blanks. And every time I try to have a conversation with you, we're not having this conversation, so I'm having to fill in the blanks. So that's what it was. And then I think it felt like I was blindsided at the time, but it's literally only in the last, bear in mind, this happened like a year and a half ago. It's only in the last six months I've mentally recovered. But they say it takes half the time that you know someone to get over them. They do say that at least. I got another seven years. It takes a long time. I had a long, long, long friendship, like my whole life, a school friend. And honestly, even now sometimes, I get like a jittery feeling of the pain sometimes of not having her in my life anymore. Just when you remember, or you know, your memory will come up on your iPhone or something you did 10 years ago. And even now having a family and thinking, you know, I always remember speaking to her about the lives we would have and our kids together. And it's just the way life goes. But I do feel like friendships can recover from. No, not this one. Nah. Wait, wait, wait. Not this one. Not that one. And not my one either. But the reason why is because I had a friend and my friend, you know, we didn't speak really for like maybe like three or four years. And there wasn't like a big fallout, but it was like we just sort of distanced ourselves. But we were very close. But now she's back around again. And I believe it was partly because of the relationship that she was in. And so now that she's out of that relationship, I'm not here to judge. I'm here like open arms. And when she's ready to kind of like speak to me about stuff, which she does. And I think that those friendships, because what I judge is that in between the time we weren't speaking, there was no bitchiness. There was no sharing of each other's secrets, things like that. And I think it's what you do in the healing phase that can bring you back together. But if in that healing stage, there is no accountability, there is no. But also I do think every time you spin the block, whether it's a relationship or a friendship, you still got to be careful because spinning the block, it's gone. You're going to be reminded as to why you left the block in the first place. Have you ever been the villain of a friendship story? No, I'm an angel. I love that. Not villain. Maybe villain is too harsh of a word. But were you ever the wrong person? Because the reason why I'm asking is because I have been the wrong person before. Oh, tell us what you did. What did you do? I mean, every episode I'm like, I was the villain. I was the villain. Yeah, I didn't want my marriage. Not yet. So basically, I love you, baby. I love you, Adrian. You're my everything. But I was. I have one of my closest friends, Keisha. Not me. And by the way, I keep calling Keisha by accident because I'm calling the other Keisha. So when I want to speak to you, I call the other one and she's like, hey, Taz. And I'm like, no, wrong one. Sorry. I was at a friend's house. It was all of the girls. We were all chilling. We were all in the kitchen. And I was irritated. I was the problem. I was 100% the problem. You know when you're just overwhelmed, overstimulated, there's too much noise, everything's going on. And Keisha kept doing things like. Too much noise. Too much noise. Honestly. That's all much noise. Too much noise. And I was just so overstimulated. And she's like a fixer. So she'll be like, guys, have you put the food in? Guys, we need to do this. That's me. And I sat there and I was like this. And she left the room. And this is a bit snaky of me. And I'm actually not a snake. I was like, well, she just. Shut up. Yeah? She. All I had was, sorry. Not she had. I went, yeah, shut up. I was like. Just shut up. I doubled down. Rather than just saying sorry. And do you know, I was so. It's overstimulated. When I get overstimulated, like, I don't. Like, sometimes, even when we're getting ready in the green room, I'll come out here and do my edges and be like, let me just do my edges a little bit. Too loud. They're too loud. But I'm fine. But, and I was like, yeah, just shut. Too much noise. Stop talking. Just stop talking. Like, it's too much. I was like, you're doing too much. But the thing with me and Keisha, me and Keisha both rode. So Keisha's like, what did you say? I'm like, what did you say? What did you say? It's like a rap battle. That's what it was. This to me sounds like. You know when you see, like, two dogs in the park, just. Yeah, yeah. Like, it doesn't mean. But it wasn't like sisters. No. But I say this all to say that the next day, I pulled up and I was like, Keisha, I am so sorry. Like, I am. Yeah, that's what we like. Accountability. What is that? Capital A. Accountability. I feel like I have a villain story. Okay, tell me. I don't know how you guys feel. Okay. So when I was, like, 14 years old, right? This is how long someone wants to keep a grudge for, by the way, and it wasn't me. So when I was 14, we were all talking about all the things we wanted to do when we were younger. And some people were saying they wanted to become, whatever, a footballer, blah, blah, blah. Mine was obviously a singer. And my friend at the time. And dear, and dear, dear. And my friend wanted to become a hairstylist. So she was like, I want to do hair. And I said, oh, my gosh, that would be amazing. And you can also, like, buy, like, a salon. And become the manager, and blah, blah, blah. And at the time, she said, yeah. Now, for years after that, there were certain times where I just felt that there was, like, this energy towards me where I'd be, like, left out. So even though I was, like, famous or whatever, and on the road and touring, when I would come back, I'd want to connect to my friends, and I'd be sort of, like, left out in certain social circles. Or there were just, like, moments where I just felt like, in our 20s at this point, she was, like, a bit funny with me. One day, we have a heart-to-heart, and she tells me that the words that I said back then deflated her. And made her feel like just being a hairdresser wasn't good enough. And that I put this, like, sort of, like, pressure on her to. Get a salon? Yeah, because for her, she was like, I just want to be a hairstylist. But when you said, and this, and this, and this, it just made her feel all those years that there was sort of an expectation. The one thing I will say is. This is her problem. I'm not going to. But I'm a very introspective person. So here's my thing. I think the one thing about myself that I've had to really learn is that I'm quite hard. I've been hard on myself, and I've been a perfectionist when, you know. I'm broken out of that now, thankfully. But there was, like, sort of, like, a really. That's not good enough. You need to do it again. And I would sometimes impose that on other people. You know, honestly, ask some of the Sugar Babies members. They would tell you that it was very much. But it comes from a good place. But it'd be like, no, no, no, oh, that's not. We need to do it again. We can do more than this, but it rubs off differently depending on how you grow up. In my household, reaching for the stars was a positive thing. But in other people's household, maybe not so much. Whatever the situation is. Well, she's saying that you saying to her having a salon was belittling her. Yeah, she felt like what she wanted to do, which is just hair, was not good enough. She just wanted to have an issue with you. Do you think so? Oh, no, no, can I feel it? So that's why I was. You're saying to her that, oh, my gosh, with hair, you can do this and have a dream. I don't understand how that is happening. She held that against me. The issue is something else. But there's nothing like having friends that speak life into you. Where I am now, obviously, I give it all to God. That's why I. I am where I am now, career-wise, period. But you see, my friends, they spoke life into me. They were like, Taz, you can do it. One of my friends bought me a tripod. One of my other friends was like, buy this software. Like, Tara, you can do this. You can take it to the limit. That's what friendship is, speaking life into people. So, no, you're not the bloody villain. You know when Camille said jealousy, and you almost went, really? I think sometimes we need to understand that there is, like, a wider definition to jealousy, right? So it couldn't necessarily be that she's jealous because she wants what you have, because she wanted to be a stylist. She didn't want to be a singer. But what it is is that she's seen that you've gone, you're from the same area, you've gotten up, you've gotten the motion in the ocean, you're flowing, you're doing what you want to do, and what she needs to do is. But she's getting upset because she understands that if she applied that same level of. Like, if she applied the same level of motion to her life, she'd be in the same place, but she's forced to have to look at herself to go, actually, maybe I am inadequate. Let me tell you this, babe. I lost. Obviously, I used to be twice my weight. I lost 12 stone. It's about 8.5 kg if you do the kg thing. I lost a bag of friends when I lost weight, babe, because I was the fat friend, because I was the traumatised friend. I was the ugly friend. I was the friend that didn't get manned. I was the friend that didn't listen. Actually, to be fair, I did my thing, babe. Oh, my God. You're off the clean! Because the face was tea. I was a friend that filled a slot in a lot of people's lives, and when I was no longer that person, a lot of people couldn't hack it. It didn't serve them. Yeah. And it made them go, oh, wait a second, because if she's done it, and I know all the shit that. If she's done it, and I know all the things that she's been through, I'm going to force her to sort my life out as well. So they. And one friend. They can't handle it. Yeah, loved. One friend that I stopped being friends with, I realised that all of her friends around her were charity cases. She just liked. Oh, my God. She liked that feeling of. Made her feel good. Yes. You're going through it. Let me look after you. Oh, your mummy hates you. I love you. You ain't got the money. I do. She's one of. Some people live for it. So based on our experiences, do you guys feel like it's a good thing to kind of ghost a friend without any explanation? Yeah. Well, they're not my friends, so I'll ghost them. Okay, as a neurodivergent person, I think it's very jarring. Like, just use your flipping words and say, I don't want to speak to you. Do you think you're my only friend? It's okay. I'll say it. Cool. Okay, goodbye. Yeah. Don't be confusing. Like, just say it. Give me a high five with this one here, because. High five me, babe. High five me. - I agree. - It's awesome. Have you done something and then they're grossing? Or is it that you don't even know what you've done and then they're grossing? So that's two different things, right? If I don't know what I've done, I'm not a flipping mind reader. I miss a lot of cues, even though I like to pretend like I don't, but I do. So just flip it, open your lips and say it. My friends, they will say, Sharifa, you did this, this. I'll be like, oh, I didn't realise. Okay, sorry. But yeah, if somebody has done something, because I've been in situations where I've been like, I didn't like that you did that because I will just say it because I don't play this. I will tell you, I didn't like this, I didn't like that. Now, if you've done it again and again and again, you might have a bit of ADHD. Okay, I'll allow it once, depending on what it is. Yeah, case by case. But yeah, after a while, if I'm like, oh, you actually just don't give a shit that I've said this, then ghosting, I think, is fine. But like, ghosting, and I don't even know what I've done to you, oh, leave me alone because this friendship's not going to last anyway. I hear that. I'll ghost like a weaponised incompetence situation, you know? Like, so weaponised. Weaponised incompetence, if you don't know what it is, is basically when you pretend like you don't know when you really know what to do, but you act like you don't know to do the whole, oh, I don't know, and I had a situation with a friend that was always like, oh, but I just didn't know. Oh, but I just didn't realise. And I'm like, what I'm telling you, what we're arguing about, the point of contention is a basic moral dilemma that we've all been faced with since childhood. You can't tell me that you didn't know. That is when I'll ghost you. Gone. I'm not trying to do this fucking thing. I hate when people do it and play innocent. And they sometimes even play the victim. Because you're the one that's vocal and is saying something and then they want to, like, cry. Oh, yeah. The tears thing, I can't. I hate a victim, man. I'll stare at you like this whilst you cry. No, because I'll bang you and then you'll actually cry. So based on what we know about friendships, guys, especially the highs and the lows, what do we think we can do to nurture our friendships? Communicate. Please. Don't get salty. Don't get stale. Communicate. And also forgive easily. Yeah. Forgive easily. Because I think that we all know that the people, who love us, and, you know, we all know who are actually decent human beings. Not too much. Listen, I don't believe in this forgive and forget. I'm not doing either of those. Wrap it up. Yeah. Sorry, man. Okay, so each to their own, though. Yes. For me in my life, I have to be able to recover quite quickly. Also, as well, I work with girls. That's all I do every day. And so if you think about these friendships, like, I've known Mitya since I was eight years old. I've known Siobhan since I was 13. So if you think about the lifespan of a friendship, then working friendships, you have to be able to recover quickly. Because for one, in my world, I'm going to see you every single day. I'm going to have to work with you. So, you know, if you're working with, you know, decent human beings and you love and respect each other, I think at this point we see each other as sort of family. Yeah. So it doesn't feel like as defensive, I guess, maybe. But yeah, I would say just in general, communication, like you guys have said. Yeah. And just like, really trying your hardest, like not to be on a defense, but try and hear what the person's saying. Because that's another thing. We don't listen. We like listen to respond. But actually, what's the person? Come from like a place of empathy. Like, what are you actually trying to say? Like, have I actually acknowledged? Maybe you've hurt someone's feelings. Maybe you disregard it. And that works both ways. I definitely think 100%. I'm learning as I'm getting older. I actually, everyone always says, we always say honesty and transparency. But I actually think one of the most important things about you know, how to conduct yourself in a relationship is conflict resolution. I really do believe this because I can be accountable and acknowledge what you're saying, but then how do we move? Move faster. Yeah. So I feel like being able to resolve a conflict with your friend and then you guys being in sync with that is just a beautiful thing. So I think we're pretty much all in the same space. I feel like we're all saying the same thing, which is, I guess, accountability, apologies, conflict resolution. We're all the same girlies. Amazing. And that's why the girls are talking. Oh, yeah. Are you bringing it back? That's it. Yeah. Girls, before we go, I want to know, what is the most reckless, crazy thing you've purchased and was it worth it? I, okay, for me, it was a Lamborghini Aventador SVJ. Come on. Wait, wait one second. You was mumbling. Can't relate. Say that with your chest. Come on, are you going to piss me off? She's so relatable. You even got a Lambo yellow behind you. You've got, that's that yellow that they've reserved for the Lamborghini. I was going to say some shit, like a Ryanair flight or some crap like that. No, guys, guys, it wasn't intentional, okay. It was because. She said it wasn't intentional. No, honestly, I knew nothing about cars. I met my husband. He's car obsessed and he was kind of teaching me that, you know, with cars, you can make a lot of money, which I didn't know. I had no idea that cars were appreciated in this way. Please, can you just actually repeat it? Directly look into the camera and repeat what it was. Look in the camera. A Lamborghini Aventador SVJ, which unfortunately was crashed last weekend and is now written off, which is why I do say I do feel like now. Oh, my God, that was it was a reckless purchase, but it's gone now. However, luckily there was money in the car, so we'll be okay. But I do feel like at the time buying that car, we were like and I was like, oh, my God, what the hell am I doing? Like, should I do this? Because I knew nothing about cars. I really don't get your face. I'm so excited. I'm grabbing my tits. Lamborghini. So that's my one. That is definitely my one. Yeah, I've lived a lived experience, I have to say. Once upon a time, there was a girl called Keisha Buchanan who walked into Harrods to buy a table. And when I when I went to go and buy the table, I people recognized me from from the sugar babes and was like, oh, my God, let's get some pictures. So he hyped me up with the pictures behind the desk. I was taking pictures. And then I thought I'd chosen the best. So I bought the table. Yeah. And to be honest with you. So the table, it was advertised as like 10K. Now, can I just be honest with you? 10K for a table is mad. Let's go. Lamborghinis and tables. No, no, no. No, but for a table, babe, I'm driving. It's mad, but it was right. A table. It was mad. So what ends up happening, I take pictures by the table. And you know what? You tried to cloud me. You tried to shame me. They made me take pictures by the table and I'm smiling. So I get to the desk, right? And then they go, oh, you know, I'm like, oh, so when can it be? Delivered. And they said, oh, when you put the rest, that was just a deposit. So the deposit was the 10 with the 10K. Lord have mercy. Obviously, at this point, yeah, I'm taking the pictures in it. So I can't say I can't go back. I couldn't at the time. And I just went along with it. And then they said, and also as well, the chairs. And so you should have sat down. But they said the table was real marble and only three people owned it in the world. And then there was this under bit that was like marble-y as well. I did not know, guys. So you know how like when I started making money. So my first house I bought when I was like 18 years old. And I, my, basically instead of buying like handbags and shoes, I was someone who would drive down the road and go, that's a nice front door. I'll have that. I was that girl. But I didn't realize that I was creating. Me too, actually. No, but I didn't know that I was. So for me, I would be like, you know how? Other girls, hair and makeup and stuff. I'd be like, that lampshade. Yeah. No, that's like really smart. But I didn't know that. That's not the story of young artists and rappers. Well, that damn table, that damn table was just over 22,000 pounds. I ended up buying the, I can see everyone in the room gasping. I ended up buying it, getting it delivered to the house. Oh, we're not going to go there with the chairs. But that's a graduate salary. How much was one chair? How much was the chairs? So the chairs were 1,500 each. How many chairs did you get? This table was a table for, I want to be like, it was 16. Now, can I just say something? I come from a family. What's a math? 16 chairs in 1,500. No, no, wait, listen. Mathematical one. You're cracking me up. I come from a family where it's just my mom had me and my brother. 20 croquet on just the chairs. But what ended up happening, in my defense, I was in a relationship. You see what I'm saying? The things that you do. Not that my boyfriend at the time told me to get it, but he came from a big family. So I was just thinking, our Christmas is together. We're going to have kids. That's so sweet. Everything else, Israel's face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. You're disgusting. Yeah. So the deposit and the chairs was 34K. You know, yeah. So, but what happened was, it then comes to me, but I can't go back because I've taken all these pictures now. And then what made it even worse is I was always leaving Harrods. There were paps outside and then announced that I was at Harrods. So I just felt this, like, pressure. Now I wouldn't care less. This isn't now. I'd be like, nah, I'm not doing it. But back then, you know, you're young and I felt pressured. So that was the most stupidest thing. And I'm going to tell you something. All of you guys right now. Where's the table and chairs? Years later, okay, I was in a relationship and that person sold that table for. I hate this part. Let's go. For five grand. Wrap it up. For five grand. Let's go. For how much? For five grand, it's okay. The whole set. Let's go. Give me his address. When you go for an address. He sold it. Sorry, Keisha, please look down the main camera down there. I'm going to look down the main camera. Tell them how much he sold it for. Five K. Yeah. And I didn't get the money for it. The moral of the story is this. Save your coins. Don't do silly purchases. And it's okay for you to be like, you know what? This is too expensive for me. I'm going to go down to IKEA. It's classy. Period. It's a classy thing to do. So, girls, what are you taking? What's the one thing you're taking from today's episode? I've got one. Go on then. This is so Niki because I'm not even like this, but I think - I think I found another sisterhood. - Oh! I'm not gangster anymore I really do Guys let's just gum fingers as a response to her Do you know what I mean to level it out Say less Cara What's your one thing My one thing that I've taken Is that I'll take you with me When I need to go furniture shopping Or you will not I will not take No I will I need a 40 grand diner table I would never do that I've taken that it is important Just write your hands I've taken that maybe My next reckless purchase is Giant bill There we go I'm going to go get these done permanently Sharifa what's yours What are you taking My takeaway today is that I don't know if this is a takeaway But I feel A lot more comfortable Not that I wasn't never uncomfortable But I'm like oh I can just be like my complete self Like in my weird costume And that's okay Because I feel like sometimes when I'm around New friendship groups Or just new groups of women Sometimes I'm like oh I should mask I should like be careful Because I don't want to offend anyone They don't know me yet so they don't know my intentions So I can be a bit reserved Whereas today I've genuinely felt like Oh actually I can just be myself It's calm I thought you camped I thought you camped I feel like what I've taken Which is actually so comforting to know Is that we've all had such Horrible things happen with friendships Because when it happens to you You can feel so alone It feels like you're the only one in the world That's gone through it And it's so nice to know That we're all still standing And having like conviction in ourselves As people And having self worth Because a lot of the time that can get stripped When you have a friend that does that to you So I feel very comforted to know That we're all okay And also I'm comforted to know As you said You can find new friendships Because I thought I was going to be Just kind of isolated and alone for a long time But no No We have always got a new friendship around the corner But yeah I'm really happy about that Yeah and I would just sum it up by saying I feel like just pretty much everything you guys said Compiled into one I love the short part Honestly I love you guys so much You guys are so cute We are a family Like a giant tree Like a geisha Thanks guys for watching Make sure you guys follow us on Instagram and TikTok At Girls Are Talking Official And make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel And get at us in the comments And let us know why friendship breakups are so hard Tune in next week with the same girls In the same seats With the same chaos Because The Girls Are Talking Sometimes we all need an extra helping hand Especially with a tricky business problem You've been putting off Claude is the AI for just that It's the collaborator that understands your entire workflow And thinks with you Not for you And Claude isn't just for quick questions Handed a whole task Like turning a folder of scattered notes into a report And it does the work And hands back something finished that you can open and edit Claude can now draft a doc or deck right in front of you And Claude Design now lives right inside Claude Describe the website or prototype you're picturing Attach your design system And it comes back in your own design language Ready to edit right on the canvas It works with your files and the tools you already use Like Gmail and Slack And whether you're debugging code at midnight Building a financial model Or strategizing your next business move Claude extends your thinking to tackle the problems that matter For problems worth solving Get started with Claude At claude.ai slash solve That's claude.ai slash solve And check out Claude Pro Which includes access to all of Claude's products And all of the features mentioned in today's episode claude.ai slash solve The Hubble Space Telescope was designed to peer deeper into the universe than ever before Unlocking some of its greatest secrets But after launch, a devastating flaw emerged A significant spherical aberration appears to be present in the optics National disaster Hubble launch with flawed mirror The BBC Space Podcast 30 Minutes is telling the inside story Of how NASA and NASA's space mission Rescued Hubble The future of space astronomy depends on it From the BBC World Service 13 Minutes Trouble with Hubble Listen now on BBC.com The BBC app Or wherever you get your BBC podcasts