Anything Goes (Part 4)

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Police are on the way. Using smart AI cameras, live US-based agents help deter intruders in under 30 seconds. Don't just record a break-in. Stop it from ever happening. Plan starting around a dollar a day. Right now, get 70% off your new system with professional monitoring at SimpliSafe.com slash Spotify. 30 seconds response time requires monitoring plan with outdoor protection starting at $49.99 a month. Visit SimpliSafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information. Good evening, gentlemen. Hello, listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable, this episode. Mugging Mark jetsets, blows off the boys, then talks robot talk. Wagtastic Wade gets dismissed by James, mistaken for a situagenarian. Shaved, sued by Disney, and street snorkels. Booming Head Bob describes doggy drug fisting. Chides concrete constructs, slams soda. And carpet bombs proliferating penguins. From flatulence maxing to dorking wives. Yes, it's time for Anything Goes, part four. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hi, welcome to Distractable. The show where you're going to laugh and laugh and laugh because of these two funny gentlemen right here and sometimes me. This one's named Bob. No, that, or I guess this one's named Wade. And that one's named Bob. Very funny. Eh? Yeah, yeah. And don't forget about our editors. Editors make them laugh. Ah, fart noises never get old. Good one, boys. Good one, good one, good one. It was okay. Over here judging farts. Who are you to judge farts? Are you the host? Seriously, are you the host? Who's hosting? I don't know. That is a good name for an episode. We judge each other's farts. That's such a good name. God. Brings me back to the fart genie. There's no other level to it either. It's just judging each other's farts. That's a tough one. I think that one has to have homework, right? I feel like you have to record every fart you do for like a week or a month or something. And then we bring them in so we can talk about it. That's a tough one, but I feel like that'd be worth it. Have you seen the TikTok about the guy who was trying to fart max? No. What's he like eating beans and stuff? Oh man, he was eating so much more than beans. What does it mean to fart max? Is that a phrase? Well, the video is like, he's like, and now welcome to episode 39 of fart maxing. I've got some super kimchi here along with some fiber and some pickle juice and some high starch beans for maximum volume. Oh, extra fart beans. Yeah. And then he got some spicy peppers in there. I was like, I think this is going to be the greatest concoction I've ever had. And it just turns to him on the toilet being like, I am in the most pain I've ever been in my life. Fart max failed. I'll get them next time, boys. I kind of hate that. Yeah. I'm glad my algorithm didn't think that I was super into that because I only saw two of his videos. Well, now that we've mentioned it, it definitely will show up. That sounds like a much funnier version of the, have you seen the day 300 of spraying dog medicine on my hands until I can punch through brick walls guy? I forgot about that. Yeah. What happened to him? Is he? He's like still going. He's over a year. It's awful. Literally he does it. And his hands sound like they're made of, God, I don't even know somehow glass or something. That's horrific. Why would you want that? He reached a point where his hands are so calloused that like they give off, they have like constant static charge. So if he just holds his hand near rice, he can like levitate rice because his hands are so fucking, his hands just like are infinitely statically charged because he's just fucking shoving them in buckets of rice. 24/7. Oh man. That's really funny. Wait. You need to spend either way more or way less time on the internet. You're not seeing the right stuff. I think the answer's more to see that, but I'm going to go with less cause I don't know that I want to. There's nothing wrong. Look, it's concerning because I wouldn't want it and I don't know who's ever going to let that man touch them in the rest of his life, but it's fascinating that this guy is so dead set on having literal hands of steel. He could beat Superman in a hand toughness competition. Presumably. Oddly specific. A bunch of nerds just raced into the comment section to tell me how stupid that was, but I bet he could do it. I bet he could do it. I bet he could. I mean, he's obviously gaining superpowers right now. Just hands, nothing beyond hands. The rest of him is totally normal, but his hands, you don't want to let him touch you. You don't want to let him get ahold of you. What is in the dog medicine? That's what makes me confused. So I don't know what it's made of, but it's for dogs. You have like, I don't know if it's damage to their pads of their feet. It's stuff to toughen up the pads of their feet, right? Oh, for the pat, right. That makes more sense. You spray it on dog's feet. If they have like a wound on their pad or if they have like soft pads and they need to be tougher for walking outside or whatever, like right, right. Okay. It's, it's for that. So it's literally for like toughening skin of no fucking idea what it's made of. Why doesn't he just wear gloves? Cause then his hands aren't covered in dog medicine. What are gloves by him? Yeah. Think before you talk. This guy, why don't we even invite him to this? I'm giving you a minus zero points. Why go for dog pads? Why not like bug exoskeletons? Exoskeletons, eh? Yeah, they're like hanging out with James. Bugs, bug exoskeletons. I feel like every time he's brought up lately, I get a lump in my throat. Lumped in with the, eh, Wade really is like a two or three year old. Dude, we went to dinner the other night. Oh yeah. We don't have to. God. That was so funny. We really don't have to relive that. What happened? I want to hear about that. James has always sort of known Wade as Molly's husband. He crushes on her hard. He loves Molly. And then we're like, and this is Wade. And he like, yeah, yeah. Hey. And like keeps talking to Molly. He's become increasingly dismissive towards Wade the longer they've known each other. We were out at a restaurant and we were getting ready to leave, I think. And so everyone was standing up and sort of making our way out. And I was like, James, say goodbye to everybody. Like, you know, give him a hug or whatever. And he ran around and was like, bye, bye, and got everyone except Wade. And then he's standing right in front of Wade and I'm like, hey buddy, did you forget anybody? Like, did you, did you say goodbye to everyone? And he looks up at Wade directly. Looks right at me. Regards him and is like, no. and walks away it was brutal man he thought about it he was like i don't owe that guy shit see ya that's very funny it was so funny when he first started saying goodbyes molly and i were standing right next to bob and james cuts right across in front of me to go to molly to say bye to her first he like puts you out of the way almost he was like don't touch me i gotta talk to molly i am an obstacle in between one of his many love interests that's that's fair i'm giving you a pity point just for that way thanks he needs it man it's tough out here hey you need that yeah it's it's real tough uh how is your life though well pre-prepared for a couple more pitties i finally went to see a doctor and uh had an ekg done because i was having those heart palpitations ekg came back clean which was nice that's always good and then they put me on a heart monitor for 48 hours so i was wearing a heart monitor which i thought would be really disruptive and annoying it actually didn't really bother me at all other than the fact i couldn't shower or bathe with it which was kind of gross but otherwise didn't really bother me but i turned that in before we went to dinner uh over the weekend i turned that in on sunday no one's called me no one said a thing so i i'm guessing i'm okay or they lost it or something if it was bad news they would have called you right away definitely you're totally fine well let me rewind to getting the heart monitor okay so i go see my normal like family doctor and he's like all right we're gonna do an akg i'll just do some normal tests and you seem fine but you know just to be safe he gave me a prescription to something i figured it was called just in case i needed it probably should have looked into that more i've got some medicine i should probably be taking that's yeah you might want to learn about that but go on molly wasn't there to tell me it was important so i forgot about my bad uh but then he's like let's get you on a heart monitor for a couple of days just to see what's going on so i had to go to a hospital to get the heart monitor they didn't do it there they scheduled me an appointment to go to the hospital i walked in with molly and the doctor had been like yeah it's gonna be really quick they're just gonna put a couple of like sensors on you you'll carry the heart monitor around it'll be easy you shouldn't be a quick appointment whatever then they'll have you drop it off cool so we go to the hospital and i check in and they send me to another place where i check in again make sure i'm in the right spot double checked in molly and i sit down and the lady comes back right away and calls my name it's like oh man so fast there's no people waiting but they wanted me first this is excellent and uh molly starts to go back with me because after the uh i forgot to ask questions about my medicine debacle she's like i will be with you every step of the way from this point on so she goes to go with me and the lady that calls my name is like patient only you have to wait here and the look molly gave i thought the lady was going to die on the spot but she held firm and made me go back by myself and i was like well they're just putting on a heart monitor how this it's gonna be fine like whatever they take me back to a room it's a big room i was like man there's a there's a large room for a simple thing but okay that's fine is there an audience in the rafters is there like a circle room it's an operating theater there's three other nurses in the room oh good and they start striking up a conversation with me they're like this is your name your birthday oh happy early birthday it's like oh thank you they're like i'm april 4th because my birthday is april 3rd like i'm april 4th i'm april 5th it's like that's weird we all i'm three four five and they're all like oh we're just we're excited to have you here and i was like great why are there so many of you for this are you so excited and why are you excited i've never seen a free like you before wow yeah it's like i'm just here for a heart monitor but i've hey everyone yep i like chatting with people there's people i got an audience i'm happy and they sit me down keep asking me some questions and they're like all right well this is gonna be pretty simple procedure take about 45 minutes or so and i was like procedure 45 minutes these are words that don't sound like putting on a heart monitor come to find out they were going to be doing some like super stress tests or something and the only reason they figured out that i wasn't the supposed recipient is i guess they finally saw through the gray and the bald and realized i wasn't 78 years old but for the first however many minutes i guess i convinced them i like that part of the conversation was about your birthday too you sure was so they were thinking about that and they in their head they were like man he looks great wow it was born in the 50s wow they had my name right too so they must have had the right cover sheet but the wrong back sheet or something i don't know but they had they had a good mixture of correct and very there's a deaf 90 year old in the waiting room named wade just saying they'll call me any second now oh is this what performs the test yeah you take this you go home and we'll call you in a couple of days i really thought i was getting more done than this doctor said there would be more nurses to talk to always always love attention yeah same you're all the same so anyway when they figured out that i was the wrong patient this is like 10 15 minutes in another nurse comes she's like hey come with me sorry we really know what we're doing here today i promise it's just it's a little hectic and i'm like okay good so can i have my wife come back they take you to another room with a huge machine that says anal probulator and they're like all right lay down face down wait a minute which weight are you oh shit it was wade day at the hospital i should have known we scheduled by name i always tell them that's a terrible plan they had the lady that came back and got me she apologized for the mix-up i was like can my wife come back and she's like this will be too fast no you don't need her and i was like man she takes me to the equivalent of a broom closet this is a much smaller room there is barely sitting room in this one and i've really missed the nice big stress test room but this room felt a lot more apt for the very minor just get out that happened and then she was upset i've got like i'm not a super hairy person but i do have a little bit of hair on my chest and she was like i was hoping you'd be one of the hairless ones and i was like excuse me she's like well i forgot my hair my razor give me a second i was like okay so then she leaves and then she comes back with like a little handheld like a razor and just like all right that'll be good enough but she was very upset that i had any amount of body hair i guess i was supposed to be a olympic swimmer when i came in but i wasn't quite prepared she looked at your head and was like i really hope it carries down so yeah i felt shamed this guy hates hair i felt very shamed for having any amount of chest hair but then she put the i think it was like five sensors on pressed a couple on this beeper thing put it in my pocket and she's like all right here's a paper write down when you have any issues write down the time here's where you return it i'll circle it okay fun i walked out and i i molly looked like that girl from willy wonka who ate the blue candy was like swelling into like red rage over time she was very unhappy oh okay not she wasn't like swelling up she was a human blueberry well blues i guess the wrong color she was turning red with rage is what i'm trying to say i just did it wrong you know wrong color wrong fruit wrong movie probably but okay i walked out and i was like look i've got the and i i mean she looked like her eyes were about to shoot lasers because one i was a lot faster than 45 minutes but she thought she's gonna sit out there for 45 minutes too she was there to go with me and she kind of had a hectic morning to make sure she could go to the appointment just to be shoved in the waiting room and then i started telling her about the mistakes and how like oh yeah i could go to the subway and she was like you could have definitely come back to that one oh i should have never said those words because man oh man we got out quickly and it was probably for the best because uh she was not a happy camper with being dismissed by the people that took me to the wrong room and all she's like i need to go make sure the right things happen no we've got him we're gonna go do the stress test on your 78 year old husband i the context could not be more different but man uh do i feel that rage about not being allowed back in the room it was during mandy's pregnancy which it was during like covid so everything was weird and it was it's a different context because i understand that they have rules about like oh let's make sure let's give the woman a chance to be separate from the man who's accompanying her to make sure that like if she has a problem she can talk to us because that is like that's a reality that's fine but man every fucking time we did anything because mandy had like a doctor's visit or more a week during her pregnancy and every time i'd be anxious today because you're gonna jab a needle into our our fetus baby in her belly and they're like no you wait out here like okay thanks great i'm glad this isn't stressful for anyone i'm sure my wife will love handling this by herself i fucking hate that again totally different context and i understand generally but oh my god i hate that so much especially because like for this one molly didn't have to go with you she wanted to go with you she was trying to like help or you know just make then for them to be like oh you you were not allowed like okay yeah they just missed her like i mean they were very like just like no you'll wait here yeah well they do it they must do it a hundred times a day because every even at the maternity doctor they were just like you can't come in get out here like i was an idiot and i should have known that i'm like this is my first time ever doing any of this so i why would i know that okay no i have i feel that very deeply whatever that rage molly felt that's the worst but it's fine they didn't not only almost did the wrong thing for you very close but yeah no not quite they got you good enough which is what i look for in my medical procedures yeah love good enough whenever i go to the doctor i'm like hey i got this lump i don't really want you to put too much effort out but could you take a good enough look at it that i'll probably be fine and i really appreciate it it's all my insurance will cover well they did good enough and then of course i had the best least stressful no palpitation weekend ever and then i turned that thing in sunday and then yesterday my chest was just we're sitting watching a movie while they were just watching a movie and all of a sudden my chest was like remember me asshole i was like fucking fly and again another like two hour episode she just manufactured it i don't know what it would be but you should have sought out experiences to like stress yourself out so when you take it off and turn it in you're just like god what a weekend they'll have to believe me i didn't know watching a movie would trigger i don't know like maybe i was warm like my cat was sitting on my lap was it a scary movie no it to be honest it was a few good like tom cruise movie from the 90s very yeah it's not very scary at all very mild courtroom drama like i would say it might have been because you were sitting down because that can have a pretty heavy effect on heart symptoms like that but i find it hard to imagine context in which i think you'd be standing up so i feel like that's your natural state of being well one of my mistakes i did go on a walk on saturday and it was a nice warm day i got like halfway into this walk like 20 30 minutes into this walk and i like for whatever reason i was like oh my god i'm gonna i had like a i don't know cartoon flashback of like reading the paper me holding the paper and it's like try to avoid activities that may cause you to sweat and it's a hot kind of humid day and i'm halfway into this walk starting to like drip sweat from my bald head i was like oh no i was like i gotta walk back i just like look and there's this hill and then the hill grew as i looked at it and i just was like real slow walking back like kind of standing in the shade for a i'm a little surprised you didn't just lay down in the shade and call molly to come pick you up i'm not a quitter i was gonna make it back hey getting picked up and being brought back counts as making it back i'm pretty sure i don't know i that doesn't sound like finishing the walk whoa whoa whoa finishing the walk is not what we were talking about making it back home safely is what we were talking about but anyway that's it as of right now i still occasionally have a little chest burp fluttery feelings no pain everyone just keeps asking how the pain is it's like if i had to give it a number it'd be like a one or a two there's not really pain it's just like i kind of noticed that it feels like my chest drank a lot of soda and is burping in the wrong organs oh it's nothing oh nothing at all no pain just burping into my spleen just you know random gas pockets going into my liver it's it's like a weird fluttery fluttery like i don't feel i don't know my pancreas is jumping today but you know it's not that bad whatever but i'm alive for now so that's good we're all alive for now that's the promise thanks joker i don't know why i was i heard problem coming out of your mouth at the end of that one i thought he was gonna say that's the problem all right all right all right enough fun now's the time not for fun i was having so much between being blown off by james and wearing a heart monitor i can't wait for the less fun oh you get about to be blown off by me because i was struggling excuse me i'm gonna blow you off so good oh man i hope that's not a markiplier promise we'll both we'll take turns blowing you off yeah exactly guys my heart can't take this so as a matter of fact i was traveling internationally and that's my excuse for not coming up with the perfectest crime which is something that i made a very bold proclamation that i would have ready and it would be like it's gonna be the perfectest crime this is where it would be awesome if i suddenly said just kidding and unleashed the perfectest crime upon you and then like informational packets would be hand delivered to you in your office doors and so get ready for anything goes party i even thought about doing that other episode where it's like we the the opposite of the one i did before but i'm going to save that because um now that we're doing weekly there are more opportunities for things to have happened in the wider world uh you know international events and whatnot gaming news of various types that have occurred horrible upsets that have uh plagued society that are being put to the forefront it's time to break it all out because boy howdy i couldn't figure the rest of uh the perfectest crime out again i was traveling internationally i i did a i did a flight out to thailand and and that's a 20-hour journey and then did it right back stayed one day and turned right back around that's a lot of flying for one day yeah and you'd think if i was up on a plane i would be able to just like brainstorm and think in there right you know i'm not gonna be able to do that i'm not gonna be able to do that i'm not gonna be able to do that trapped in a room with nothing but your thoughts and a writing utensil you're right and i sure did i know that sounds rough but i have to do the same thing this week only it's eight hours and i'm driving and it's nationally not internationally i'm traveling nationally and i'm traveling less but it's basically the same internet not internationally internationally internationally in a side of a nation yeah not outer national international just to give you guys some more time to get up and go and do some more things and i'm driving and i'm driving and i'm driving and i'm you know there's a little delivery robots that prowl the streets that fall off the curb and go please help me up please help me up and nobody helps them because they're like fuck you we're a little robot i haven't heard that uh so i always thought those things were like little and weak and and they could barely drive just in the past few weeks those little delivery robots have smashed through bus shelters twice yikes they've smashed through bus shelters twice they've smashed through the glass of a bus shelter just what do these things look like hold on they look like very large remote controlled coolers yeah yeah they're not like car sized or anything but that is stronger i would i would have thought they'd be little pushovers i would it seems bad that they could cause that much damage you want to see a video of it i have one yeah yeah it was a joke but i there was a whole i think it was a npr journalist who did a whole piece on this place in england and he was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry which was one of the first cities to implement this sort of like delivery robot scheme as as like a city-wide service kind of thing and literally she she has a she did a very long like journalistic look at it and there she had all these clips of them like falling over or getting stuck and being like hello i am stuck please pull me out of this mud but like being really like kind of funny but kind of obnoxious and none of them destroyed anything yeah well the uprising has been so beware that's not good yeah check this out oh no bro does he realize oh he blinks god i hate that if they're gonna have a blink they should have to do like a little like he's an animal like he's all blink blink and just carries on so i'm i'm hoping that this isn't like because you never know these days with like ai videos and whatnot because there's a little bit of a jump there but it seems like it's not it does have a weird sort of jump and it's real it's got a ton of aliasing so it's pretty hard to tell this honestly looks like it could be like otr in cincinnati do you know where this is some like st louis this is chicago chicago okay it looks like some midwest city oh they ripped off cincinnati to begin with so it's right that sounds right yeah that that tracks uh but anyway so that was one of two incidences so watch out for those they're not going to get you on the road if you're not going to get on the road if you're not going to get on the road if you're not going to get on the road if you're not going to get on the road i have also seen videos of those things getting absolutely fucking demolished in crosswalks because they do have to they cross roads and they follow they follow the rules of the crosswalk without any of the human intuition that keeps humans alive and there are plenty of clips of people just not stopping and turning right on red and just like because they they're little guys and they don't destroy cars cars destroy them and i will say this i will never order from one because i'd be embarrassed to meet it outside has anyone you guys or in the audience ever ordered from one of these things i think the only context i can imagine that and then see this is the thing too is i was a lazy college kid but i have seen that these are popular in like college towns where it's like you can order you order some food or you order some something from a convenience store type place and it brings it like brings it to your dorm because you live because you know that's big business there's however many hundreds of kids all living in one building so it makes sense for them to but even still even in college i was such a lazy college kid i could still walk up the street to go to the gas station or walk down the other way to go to the kroger or whatever like it wasn't that wasn't that hard and it would be very embarrassing also this is specific but the place the hall that mark and i lived in our freshman year of college do you remember the big fucking steps from calhoun street down to to get into sit all oh yeah yeah the the two levels down there i just love the image of one of those things getting to the top of those and to just be like starting a business can seem like a daunting task unless you have a partner like shopify they have the tools you need to start and grow your business from designing a website to marketing to selling and beyond shopify can help with everything you need there's a reason millions of companies like mattel heinz and all birds continue to trust and use them with shopify on your side turn your big business idea into sign up for your one dollar per month trial at shopify.com special offer like all the way down trying to get to the dorm uc would not be an ideal campus for those things no every 50 feet there's another stairs up or down or steep hill or yeah well they've got the torque for hills apparently yeah i mean they could just plow right through one of the walls there now some of uc's buildings they could probably get through the walls those are some old buildings in some spots do you see they're tearing down the old cement sadness tower whatever that crowley whatever that one was called oh no why it looked like a soviet prison it's like the largest single poor concrete structure yeah something like that it was an expensive and huge pain in the ass to take down i did hear that it was insanely expensive just to remove that building it is full of concrete it is one big slab that thing probably doesn't want to come apart they're just like the wheels of progress i don't know they're getting rid of it so they can build some new building that'll look horrific or be really stupid in 30 years i don't know yeah i think it was honestly as much as it's been really difficult to remove i think it was so old that it was like parts of it were uninhabitable because it was no longer like it was no longer watertight and there were literal there were like areas that were just quarantined off because they were flooding or every time it rained it blew whatever ring so as much as it's hard to take down it's i think it was also just a really old shithole because it's just an old building but hard to fix potholes on a building and it's hard to rewire something like that probably i've never seen a concrete patio slab last for more than a decade i have a hard time imagining why a concrete patio slab lasts for more than a decade i have a hard time imagining why a concrete patio slab lasts for more than a decade i have a hard time imagining why a concrete building was ever a good idea but so it goes hey you know dams can last but you know whatever that's true now we're getting into the real competition so anything goes guys entertain the audience at home they are yearning yearning for the comedy they were promised it oh that's what we're supposed to be i've been doing this whole time oh should i flip to see who goes first oh i suppose head bob tails wade well usually it's the other way but i'm gonna switch it up this time whoa oh head bob that's me i'm head bob bob Actually, you go now, even though we technically offered up the Cincinnati thing. Hey, I got good news. I love good news. Sora is shutting down or has been shut down. Right. This is the sign. The bubble is bursting. I don't know. I'm verging on a Trump impression there. But if you don't know, OpenAI has many services. And OpenAI is the company that runs ChatGPT. One of the things they had that was terrible to behold and shocking to look at was a service that would generate videos from text prompts. So you can make a video of Will Smith eating spaghetti, so on and so forth. Service was called Sora, and it has been or is imminently will be shutting down. The reasons for this are not as victorious as I might have hoped. But still, you know what? I feel like it's a win for society. This is probably the. Biggest, most widely known AI product that I think I've seen going offline because it's not. I mean, the reason it's not good, it's because it's not profitable, but it's not like they had an epiphany and they were like, oh, this isn't good for people, is it? Oh, we are sort of stealing copyrighted works to they don't give a shit. They have not come around on any of those issues, but it's shut down because probably speculation is that OpenAI is looking to do an IPO. An initial. Public offering essentially to become a publicly traded company. It's what you do to, to then have, you know, be on the stock exchange basically. And when you do that as a company, you have to open your books to the public. You have to open, or at least to investors, you have to open up your books and people have to look at how much money you're making, how much money you're spending. Are you a profitable company? Apparently, while the results of it were pretty crazy, techno, technically speaking, and pretty terrifying, humanly speaking, apparently it was costing them something like. $15 million a day just to run the compute power required to run Sora as a service, which just, again, generates short video clips from words. So you just tell it what you want. I want a video of a person wearing a trench coat, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it generates video, whatever. But $15 million a day, I can tell you, I don't think consumers are paying 15 million plus dollars a day. To get videos that they can post on their Facebook page so that their grandma will like it or vice versa. Yeah, because it was such a money burning garbage fire, they were like, let's shut that down so that investors will actually maybe invest. But anyway, I just feel like that's generally a victory for human entities. You man, what's that word? Human entity. Human entities. I'm a human man. And that's a victory for us. Human in entities. Human and human. I think this rides on the coattails. Not if, wait, unless you were going to say something about the Disney thing. Of the Disney thing. Okay, no. Okay. The Disney thing. So this is simultaneously coming along the legs of OpenAI had a Disney deal for like a billion dollars. It was like, Disney was like, yeah, you can use all of our property to train your AI. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was a week or two later, Disney was like, we're getting out of the deal. I can't imagine why. I'm not sure. I don't know the terms, but also I'm like, who at Disney thought it was a good idea? Like, yeah. Who allowed that? Disney is so protective typically of their stuff that that's wild. They were like, yeah, use it. Yeah. Well, who would do something bad with an AI product? It's only used for good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. See how it's making the world better all around us? It's so good. They just didn't like the AI Diz Hub. The what? I think he's going for a mashup of Pornhub and Disney. And they called it AI. AI Diz Hub. I totally came with you on that journey and I do. Thank you. I respect how accurate that is because a hundred percent, the first query that they had, someone was like, oh, they have Disney IP in the video generation thing. Naked Elsa sucking on. Immediately. The absolute first thing that someone typed in was something horrific with some Disney property. A hundred percent. Olaf's nose, but it's actually a penis. Olaf sex robot. Dildo nose. Help me step snowman. I'm melting. And then we got sued by Disney. Yeah, it's on the way. Allegedly, allegedly, we're being allegedly sued by Disney. No, no. Allegedly all the things we said before. Oh yes. Allegedly that stuff I said. Yup. Yup. Yup. Anyway, who I gave you a point for AI Diz Hub. So it's on the record that that was your idea. Wade. That's Wade's idea. Yup. Yeah. That was at the Wade's point. Wade's idea. That's. That's just go after him. Just go after him. Wade invented that. That's why it's an LLC for limited liability company. How quickly can someone change their name? You just switch with that old guy. That's true. That guy's like, I got the wrong test. I'm being sued by Disney. This is a terrible week. FBI kicks down your office door, like you're under arrest. And you're just like, what? Oh, you must be looking for that younger Wade. Oh, look, I don't have any hair. Look how old I am. Ooh. I must be a guru. A guru. I thought you said a ghoul. A ghoul. Yes, I must be a ghoul. Ooh. A ghoul. Fear me. Ooh. All right. All right. Fun time's over for you, Bob. You've gotten enough points. Not nearly. Wade, your turn. Let's turn the globe a little bit. We're going to Johannesburg, right? Over in South Africa. There's a mayoral candidate who's really trying hard to get the city to root for her, vote for her, and by doing so, she decided to go snorkeling. It's a big campaign. Vote for me. But do you know why it's effective? Because where she went snorkeling was just like an average city street where they've had a water leak for years that they haven't fixed. So she went snorkeling in this big pool of just pissing out water that's been wasted for how many years? What? I don't know how long it's been. Apparently a very long time. Did she put some chlorine tablets in first? Based on the pictures, it certainly doesn't look like it. She did look for fish in the muddy, gross-looking water, but I don't think she found any. Oh, I think I got one. Ah, another turd. Ah, damn it. I'll find it down. This place is known as the City of Gold, apparently. The pool has been there for about three years. They call it a pool of water. Oh, God. And it looks like just mounds of dirt with, like, a house across the street. And there's, like, water kind of. Maybe it's just water she's splashing out. It's got this really shitty little, like, do-not-cross tape line to keep people out. Half-collapsed. And then this picture. Hold on, maybe I should share the picture. There's a single boot in the background. A little good boot. A single boot. There you go. See her splashing. There's the little tape line. And there's the boot. There's a boot. There's a boot. There's just a boot. I forgot the whole she's-running-from-air thing. This is just some random. All right. She's running-from-air. Via AP News, which is all my comedy news. I always take it from them. That's really gross. I'm sure there's only good stuff in that hole. Is she in the lead? No clue. This was the event. The article just came out a few days ago, so I'm not sure that they've had any kind of election since that. All right. Okay. Well, that's horrifying. Well done. I'll give you a point. Don't know why I did, but I'll give you one. Okay. All right, Bob, back to you. Did you guys know that penguins fuck? Yeah. I have a loose idea of it. Wait, do they lay eggs? They do lay eggs. I'm going to blow your mind about birds if you want to go down that path. I don't know the details of it, but I was just trying to make this article sound exciting. Guys, I figured out who's causing global warming. Oh, man. Everyone is all up in arms that it's corporations. It's spewing carbon monoxide and other greenhouse gases and record unprecedented levels and blah, blah, blah. They're mewing? They're mewing to carbon gases? I said spewing. Oh, spewing. I heard mewing. Okay, never mind. Anyway, it's not them, guys. It's penguins. Specifically, king penguins that live in a sub-Antarctic island chain have found a 40% increase. And their breeding success rate, thanks to warming temperatures, the change in climate has allowed their breeding to begin almost a month earlier than it normally does. And this has increased their breeding success rate, which has increased their proliferation as a species. It's 20,000 king penguins that live in a sub-Antarctic island chain. They're doing this so that they can more effectively bang each other. They're doing this so that they can make new generations of penguins. It's just science. Okay, and so they're fucking so much that it's causing global warming? Oh, no, they're just causing all of the extra emissions and stuff and oil. Oh, so they're making it happen so that they can have more babies. They were concerned about the great king penguin replacement theory, so they're just dominating the world and doing whatever. They have to do so that their species may prevail. Humans be damned. Humans and other inferior species, really. of the rest of us it's these penguins guys it's definitely not corporations or anything like that it's definitely not humanity it's these penguins because i can tell you what climate change is not helping humans have any extra sex we got that we're pretty much maxed out on that sex maxing yeah we're sex maxed but these king these king penguins have figured out that causing climate change will i mean a 40 increase in sex 40 that's pretty good imagine imagine everyone out there imagine think about it a lot it's these penguins guys it's a serious issue and i think we really need to address it by which i mean we should probably carpet bomb these penguins out of existence that'll probably solve all our problems i've been on social media too long my first thought was how many people are going to be like whenever you said 40 more sex imagine they're gonna be like well 40 more of zero still zero where are you on social media that's populated by all of our parents you know twitter set to only dads who tweet mode bunch of just sad like oh man a lot more sex multiplying my amount of sex it's still zero wade's only social media is just r slash divorce dads is that a subreddit i'm going there right now a hundred percent is it's gotta be uh that sounds like something real i'm sure it's a happy fun place got 10 000 weekly oh man it's people asking for help oh that's not funny it's supposed to be funny come on reddit i didn't expect it to be funny who would have thought it would be funny oh man it's talking a lot about child support christians all right listen i wasn't looking for actual divorced dads who are look i was thinking we've talked about him before uh graham barrett on tick tock and how he opens packs of divorce dad cards that's what i was thinking r slash divorce dads would be all right where's the funny one r slash divorce comedians real divorce dads or i don't know whatever it is no just just divorce comedians well isn't that just all of them oh maybe look if brian regan can't make it work i don't know who can still haven't seen that guy hear good things from you too he is probably one of the defining stand-ups who shaped the type of jokes that i make on a daily basis so yeah same you have all you have him to thank for all of this you're welcome maybe that's why i haven't watched he's going to be in ridgefield connecticut connecticut what happened to both connecticut he's going to be in connecticut and connecticut i saw ct and i was like god i hope this is connecticut he's going to be in ridgefield ct i rolled gambled and i made it i mean your other options were what california and colorado look i don't know how many sea states there are you guys sing the little song look it's actually texas it's the commonwealth of texas come on get with it common texas how about common texas you know 1580 bct before common texas so they keep time down there that was a sweet calendar joke thanks man all right cool how many points is that worth you oh man a million and a half me just took the lead all right wade keep it going wait whose turn yeah it's wade all right listen we talked about some horny penguins what about horny steel pipes because there's a pipe in japan that grew 32 feet overnight and nobody knows how wait what a giant underground pipe rose 10 meters out of a construction site overnight and everyone was like who did who did this as of the release of this information which was a couple weeks ago no one knew why it happened is this in tokyo no in osaka in osaka there was a steel pipe trying to figure out how wide the pipe it looks like a bridge support this is a big pipe something happened that caused it to rise 32 feet out of the ground and everyone was like man they did some they did some work last night show me the pipe you see this pipe you see this pipe right here oh what the apparently this part was like down here and it just whoop overnight this isn't just like a pipe going horizontally this is a pie this is a pipe that looks like i don't even know what to equate this to a tunnel it's like it's like the willy wonka elevator just the thing that is around the elevator holster you know the holster yeah yeah the elevator holster yeah yeah yeah it came up out of the ground i think they're just leaving one important piece of information out of this article that makes it all make sense when it came up out of the ground it happened overnight so not a lot of people were around but when it came up from emanating from all around but also from nowhere was just this classic sound that just went oh that would have been a much better description of what it is and then and then an italian guy jumped out of it is this a big promotional stunt for the super mario galaxy movie super mario 2. chris pratt's gonna come climbing out of the pipe any minute now uh hey guys it's me mario wahoo hey luigi you like you know it's a high you're high jumper wow brother or it's much more serious and all people from italy are evacuating to japan via this pipe right now osaka is the new rome a tan italian guy climbs up out of the pipe it goes ah adios mio but an italian help me we will trade you our pizza for oh some i tried some pizza for hibachi hibachi sounds really bad we will trade you our pizza for oh some i tried some pizza for hibachi hibachi sounds really good right now if you guys want to go hibachi let's go after this recording please oh can we record videos at hibachi can we just do an episode that's just our reaction to hibachi just a camera set up and and we're just like the the flame or whatever and we're just like have you seen that video of like it's a bunch of guys just that threw like a molotov down a long big empty pipe and so it's some kind of mesh on top so the some of her standing over in somewhere and they're filming down and you see it go down way way far super far down just falling for like five six seconds straight and then it hits the bottom and like this wall of flame comes up and all the guys are just like just like naturally just because it just comes out as a human thing just oh it just it was very monkey-like that's a hundred percent how i would react if i was standing over that when it happened i'm not a no judgment whatsoever i get that yeah just uh it's just something like that reminds me that oh yeah we came from apes oh would they drop it like a propane pipe like why why is it a big boom it must have been like a big dig hole from a who knows what yeah had some gas in the but it was wasn't a good idea i assure you this especially standing over it sounds awesome what are you talking about i know from history of growing up that molotovs were never a good idea but it was a good idea because it was a good idea because it was a good idea because i had some friends that were like i don't want to have to start a campfire what if and then it always went downhill from there yeah there's a lot of awesome bad ideas great name for an episode too we should definitely do awesome bad ideas we should give out awards for them maybe name them after some classical scientists of some sort all right awesome bad ideas i'm calling that for a few trips and that's great that's great oh i didn't realize you were dibsing that i'm dibsing it all right well well one if you one of you beat me to the punch i'm not gonna be too upset i won't remember unless it's the next episode i don't remember what the the thing that i'm supposed to do the opposite of the thing that i did before you know i don't remember that i don't know what you just said i don't either i found a new sport for us to participate in it's not what it sounds like it's called the wife carrying race we all have those now and i'm pretty sure our wives would let us carry them and i'm pretty sure they would encourage us to race while doing it i'm pretty sure our wives would let us carry them and i'm pretty sure they would encourage us to race while doing it yes they would yeah if you win the race you get a barrel of ale i mean where do we sign up this sounds pretty awesome all you have to do is go to yes this is a real place dorking in surrey which is in england if you go to dorking on the right sunday of the year you can participate in the wife carrying race it's a real place it's not too terribly far outside of london from the my quick glance at a map that i took a minute ago this is not how i expected them to be carried i look about a picture of this yeah i know it's it's not about aesthetics it's about efficiency mark it's inglorious it's about sending a message i don't know what the message is like a dog chasing a car i guess it it wait are you looking up at the picture of this oh i see it yeah yeah yeah that's i guess that's efficient you know the more i think about it i'm more like yeah i guess be a lot more awkward if they flipped her around the other way so for listeners and also because i'm not sharing the picture anyway the picture is of a guy sort of standing pretty upright and his wife is like face down over his shoulders and his head is like between her legs so her legs are out in front of him and he's holding her legs and then she her top of her body is hanging down his back kind of like a backpack but then she's grabbing around so she's holding on to her own legs and sort of like helping him carry and balance it's effective i think the worst part of this is it's a quick race but the woman has to be basically upside down the whole time you must get a terrible head rush if he stops all of a sudden she's going to break her nose how hard do you think his ass is i don't know based on carrying and running probably pretty firm i don't think this picture is of the winning couple but the winners this year were two finnish i think it's finnish right yes two finnish people timu tuvinen tovinen tovinen oh man no chance any hata lenin lenin zero percent chance those are right both finish apparently a finished couple in one minute and 45 seconds which is pretty fast it's not a very long race we could do distance racing i feel like i'd be better at distance racing i'm not really a sprinter you know no one is disadvantaged at this there's no height advantages there's i feel like we would all be on pretty good footing i mean if anyone's a disadvantage to me because i probably i would say i'm in the worst shape of us in terms of just like running ability i actually don't know you've been walking every day right i swear i have not done any cardio at all because if i do any cardio at all i am dead for the rest of the day i i go up a hill and i'm out of breath it's truly terrible and i need to fix that i hear if you go up enough hills it gets easier okay and you need to listen to kate bush while you do it i don't get that one but i'm sure it's funny that's that stupid what's that from stranger things well that's where it's known from i don't know oh if i only could kate bush i'd be running up that hill i get you okay yeah say it god we had an episode where i got critiqued for saying god so many times do it i didn't get critiqued who critiqued god did god critique you god got halfway through episode was like i can't man i'm gonna skip this one is this asshole gonna keep doing callbacks this whole time i've listened to every other episode i'm gonna skip this one i can't do it anymore it's fucking guy and neither is my son jesus pack up we're going home i'm gonna confuse him with another weight at the hospital just to show him who's boss all that bitch let there be 10 weights of varying ages at this extra visit let everyone for the rest of his life think that he's 78 years old and people say old testament god isn't the real one i knew it all right wait do you have one more to close it out did you know in new zealand you can't own a gun before 18 you can't possess marijuana or distribute marijuana unless it's medical but apparently if you're a dumb teenager you can accidentally donate your gun and marijuana to charity so there were two teenagers in new zealand that were apparently getting their car fixed and uh they had a backpack full of goodies that they actually left right outside of a charity donation center so whenever someone saw the backpack they're like oh someone donated a backpack and they went to go through the backpack and found a lot of weed an air pistol i don't know what that means but i don't know what that means but i don't know what what else was in the bag uh uh uh some other in there whatever too i think money i think there's a bag of money and like the person who found the bag and found all this stuff was like i don't think we can put this up in our charity place so i'm just gonna call the police uh the teens came back later very upset they were very agitated that they left all of their weed gun and money apparently at the charity donation center i don't think it ended well for them if i had to guess i don't know the full result but uh how old were they i don't know if it gives their exact age i just get teenage i think they're under 18. but they're in new zealand so that means a day older than us but younger not great a day older than us but they spin the other way when you punch them yes what that's funny that's that that's where the boy that is that's a hemisphere joke right there baby yeah uh good one there good one yeah i think because they're they're under 18 i think that a lot of the details are probably sealed or whatever because they're juvenile what's the gun law in in new zealand my only knowledge about it is that it's fairly strict and i believe an air pistol is not necessarily like a not like an airsoft gun but it does shoot like uh well it shoots with air it's air propulsion but it does shoot like bullets still not like plastic bbs or or even metal bbs like it shoots bullet shaped projectiles potentially but i'm not 100 sure and i believe new zealand has very strict laws about gun ownership and registration and stuff but i don't actually know for sure i would imagine so it says that people under 18 can't possess air pistols without a license and adult supervision so oh they also found a police scanner in their bags they had a police scanner drugs money air pistol oh okay this is a criminal duo i mean these guys just wanted to be cops they were like oh we'll listen to the police scanner and we'll have this weapon just for safety and they must have listened in and beat the drug bust and apprehended the drug dealers and they were gonna take all that stuff to the i'm sure that's what was happening heroes they're heroes and they were hanging outside of a charity so you know they're good people yeah what kind of criminal hangs out outside a charity shop that's cop activity right there yeah that's copic that's hero activity actually and i know what they're doing air rifles i knew could be powerful there's a video called an air rifle that's more powerful than a firearm and i was like there's no way there's a video called an air rifle that's more powerful than a firearm and i was like there's no way there's no way and then i see him shooting it on the this metal target is like it's a 72 caliber air rifle i don't even know what that means but i know it's big 70 yeah wait does that mean it's bigger than a 50 caliber like sniper rifle because those are those are big yeah 0.72 inches so i guess a caliber is like that's what that is that's like a small artillery shell oh you should see the ones that shoot artillery shells air till nice thanks thank you i'm so scared you're gonna beat me to the joke because i was like air tillery just wait for bob to give me a to give me an in i'll give you a give me another pity point hey pity win is still a win all right i'll go air tillery okay okay i got you buddy all right we're gonna wrap that up there well done boys and boys uh bob uh you got dog handman dog hand medicine dog hand medicine man that's right dog hand man that's what it is all right you got wade dismisser anal probulator goodbye crosley tower soar is shutting down yay global warming from penguins mario pipe wife carrying race hemisphere joke yeah got that hemisphere point you got a total of nine points there wade now do we count this interrupting point i don't know if the episode started maybe did i interrupt again do i get a point for that no it was a minus point it was a point oh no i didn't rewind yeah no i think wade's right i think it counts i think he's on something there all right well i guess it's in there so that's a minus one on the interruption oh i fell for it you got minus zero for think about what you've done i don't remember what that was that could be a lot of things man this was this one started off real rough for you didn't it it sure did but you got the james pity point which negates the interrupting thing so we're gonna go from your ekg champion molly didn't tell me it was important was hoping you'd be one of the hairless ones yeah she was ai dishub which your lawsuit is in the mail snorkel in poop water japan pipe italian evacuation tube very funny and new zealand and air tillery it's nine to nine oh oh that include my minus one yes that did i shouldn't have let you have that air tillery point the air tillery really got you there i shouldn't let me have that minus one if only all right well he'll spin it i'll go to the viewers we'll get one spin and then it'll be a tie oh i have to do that i'm just sitting here like i can't wait for mark to pull the wheels up right right right that's my thing i do that we've gotten rusty only doing one episode a week i know after how much we were recording for two a week especially when like mark was like oh i'm gonna be bathing in blood for the next three weeks so we'll have to get ahead doing one a week feels like i don't see you guys for like months at a time yeah but lots to catch up on is great yeah it's fun even though we've actually been doing games and still spending time recording i told you i was going to talk about something before we hit record that i didn't even talk about and now i'm not gonna are a saver for next time if you don't win all right the total number of spins shall be oh two two of them would you like to add sir made the judge make this face made the judge make the mark face we're not gonna remember what is the mark face also just so it's on recording i'm gonna slowly scroll this list because i didn't notice and i don't know if it's always been like this but i i click this shuffle button every time we spin the wheel just to mix them up the other button in this pair of buttons is clear all the real cost of a break-in isn't your valuables it's the feeling that your home stopped being safe simply safe keeps danger away from your family with three layers of protection one smart ai cameras and live us-based agents help stop intruders before they break in two we sound the alarm at points of entry three our agents request emergency response plans starting around a dollar a day right now get 70 off your new system with professional monitoring slash spotify outdoor deterrence plans start at 49.99 a month visit simplysafe.com licenses for alarm license information oh god with one click i could just stop hovering over no no no no no anyway so i'm just gonna get this on video i'm just gonna scroll this list that's good that's good yeah i'm sure nothing bad will ever happen we're on 101 entries and i've still never accidentally clicked the button that deletes all of the entries but i'm sure it'll be fine editors just save that for us somewhere because it sounds like we won't still know where it is but save that for us all right two spins it is i can't see anything oh it's the one you just said hey wade you made me make that face because of the poop water that was literally hey that's good no have we ever had the days at edition come up i don't think so that was a less than one percent chance of that happening way back in the beginning when we had less uh entries i think it happened but it's been a long time well bob here comes your point a point for bob and a tie for mark a point for bob and a tie for mark come on wheel oh lie points don't count we don't have any lie points does that mean we re-spin or does that mean it's useless i forget how we've done this in the past i'm good for a re-spin i feel like if it doesn't apply which this doesn't there are no lie points bob and i would have taken the win well i guess doesn't count move on we have a winner you most personal attacks i got attacked the most i don't know who it's yeah but is this to the attacker or attackee i don't feel like i lobbed a lot of personal attacks but i do feel like wade got picked on a little bit in this episode so i'm confused so bob you have a point for wade dismisser i'd say james made the most personal attacks but either way wade was getting attacked i think this usually goes to the person who does the attacking okay if it does then that would be to bob and it would be a tie but you're the judge so you get to the i guess you rule how you want it to go i mean i think the word of law here applies to most personal attacks meaning that they did the most which would be bob for having wade dismisser there so i think i have to call that a tie my son did that i get credit for that that's true given that he's half your dna therefore half you is still worth one whole point though right yep yep yep it sure is okay i thought you were about to lead that into and so it's one half of a point and yeah i could convolute this to get out of the wheel but i'm gonna does that mean we have to do the winner wheel spin yeah brave mark is feeling brave that is and for certain my head says it's at 23 i haven't written down it's 23 so plus two percent so at a solid 25 i think we add after don't we we add after yeah so 23 of 360 is 82.8 83 that somehow looks a lot more reasonable than 87 did now it's more like what i thought it was gonna be let's throw down gentlemen the wheel of fate oh my god it was it was not even close and then it was like actually back to one man's show what the fuck oh i thought that was a man all right that's brutal well bob good luck i'm not even gonna be in town to help write it that's not good i'm the worst at writing these things oh well the bob mark show that's okay i'll write my own show yeah mark you write your own one man show i'll write my own show you get you i'll get me it resets to six percent then is that the deal yes it resets to six i could have been completely arbitrary in my judging of those previous wheel spins i feel like this is my entirely my own fault nobody wins well i guess wait does this count as a me win or not yeah i think it's nobody wins yeah nobody wins or both of you guys win i can't remember whoever does that in the subreddit tell us tell us how we do our own shit please tell us how this show works god we need to print out bible constant like little bible size constitutional pocket constitution yeah i it's it's a living constitution by which i mean i don't remember uh anyway uh congratulations guys you somehow uh did it i think you did it you did it you both did it we did it is this a good thing that we that had happened mutual neutral speech neutrally assured destruction wait your speech first uh mark listen great episode it was weird from the start i knew things were weird last week whenever my heart was acting up and james dismissed me it only makes sense we'd have a weird ending on this episode so prepare yourselves for not weird but just one man's show i guess well done i'll be okay i'm fine that don't ignore the fact that i missed the mute button there for a solid 10 seconds i'm fine everything's whatever face you were doing i was like is this a bit or is he dying i know that's just the face i make when it feels like i'm about to cough up my tongue oh i don't like that neutral speech uh non-loser speech we'll call it honestly i feel a little bad i feel like the winner's wheel is always a gamble and mark was very fair in his point judgments and was very didn't didn't do like i do and weasel out of things and make sure he doesn't have to deal with the wheel but it's because the wheel should have been in his favor and he really just he really just got it right on there but you're a trooper and an honest man and probably more honest than i've ever been on this show so you have to respect it but i have to feel a little bad because you didn't deserve it but we don't all get what we deserve do we no we do not i think but hey next week i'm gonna get something aren't you yeah i yes it'll probably be good probably probably either that or we'll forget yeah i'm gonna text five minutes before and be like hey i'm gonna be late and also who's hosting oh fuck no no that sounds right it does all right thank you everybody so much for listening and or watching to this uh podcast be sure to follow the podcast for more episodes you do that by clicking the follow button wherever that is and also click the follow button on these lovely gentlemen it's in the middle of their faces if you can't find it then you need to update your device because there's important security enhancements that you probably need have a good day listen to more distractible podcast out shaq here what's it like to buy a car from carvana 100 online and get it delivered to your door let me tell you your car is here mr shaq thank you mr carvana guy can't wait to take it for a spin only the best for you mr shaq hey have you always been so big tall and handsome not always i was six ten once seven days delivered or returned mr shaq not that i would you never do no i never do so buy your car today on carvana delivery fees may apply see our seven day return policy at carvana.com starting a business can seem like a daunting task unless you have a partner like shopify they have the tools you need to start and grow your business from designing a website to 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