anxiety, being paralysed by choice and confidence: big sister advice | Ep. 76

Hello everybody, welcome back. Happy Monday and I hope you have a nice week this week and a great weekend. Thank you for tuning in. Today's episode is going to be a big sister advice. I think it's been a few episodes since I've done one of these and I aim to do one like once a month-ish because there's some of my favourite to record and they always seem to get the most listens. So hopefully this is interesting. If you are new around here, which maybe you are maybe you're not. Basically I just ask on Instagram, I don't even know why I'm explaining it's literally exactly what it says on the 10. Just ask on Instagram if there are any dilemmas or small topics that you want me to talk about. For example last week I did a whole topic on influencing and influencing industry but sometimes there are topics that don't like fill a full episode or like a really specific and sometimes I just want to talk for like 10 minutes about something. So that's kind of why I love these episodes. It's just like lots of different bits and pieces. And yeah, thank you very much for the feedback on last week's episode. I did kind of feel like a bit vulnerable for those things because I was like oh my god, this is like not that I was like digging into people but it's kind of I don't know. It's not like I'm the first person to say anything like any means but I just felt like my position is like it's just a bit of confusing and a bit weird when it comes to like influencing because I feel like I've been in the position where I am doing influencing like quite a lot and I'm posting like all the time I've also had the position of being solely somebody who like consumes content and I've also had the position where upwinds during like fourth year and my gap here and stuff where I was barely posting and I kind of was like back on the other side and yeah. So I don't know, lots of different sides but hopefully I don't know hopefully you found it an interesting one. I actually have a little recommendation for you today because this week I have been listening to a new podcast which is very rare for me and it's less of like a traditional podcast where it's like an episode every week and also this recommendation is very outdated like this came out maybe like a year ago. It's just as interesting now as a year ago but I definitely, I mean you probably, a lot of you have probably already listened to it but the podcast is I'm not a monster, it's a BBC sounds podcast, it's unsportifying everything and I listened to both season one and season two and I thought it was like insane, so well done, I've never listened to a podcast with that sort of production so yeah it was really really cool. If you are looking for something that's like very gripping and like moreish, also obviously very interesting, I would highly recommend it's called I'm Not a Monster and there's two seasons and it's essentially a journalist covering, it's kind of like a documentary but in a podcast and both seasons follow a different person and the journalist like the guy who speaks in the podcast is trying to figure out why these people end up as members of ISIS and yeah I just thought it was really interesting. The reason I had about it actually is because the producer, not the guy that speaks but the other person that like produces it is actually coming to my, you need to do a guest lecture. I'm doing a course at the moment on forced migration and refugees so obviously very relevant to that topic and he's coming to talk to us like to my class topic and like about the experience of like podcasting and migration, journalism, etc. and I saw that he was going to be I guess lecture and I was like oh maybe I'll give that podcast a listen like I have a couple podcasts that I love, Safi and Wang obviously and then to be honest they're my only podcasts I absolutely love and then I have a few others that I like listen to here and there like I love Eminy's podcast, I sometimes listen to what we said, Jordan Teresa's podcast like yeah those are some of my favorites but I don't actually have that many time like super loyal to so I was like hey I'll give this a go and I literally binge these episodes it was actually perfect because last weekend I went to Bristol which I'll go over quickly in a minute but I binge listened to it on the coach on the way there and then the coach on the way back and like when I'm walking to the gym when I'm at the gym I'm walking back from the gym like walking to uni etc I've just been listening to it for the full I think for around like a week I started it like literally nine days ago and I've listened to both seasons and yeah I really really recommend just something like a little bit different that I personally also only really listen to like like you can tell from the podcast that I recommend it people where it's like someone like me who either has a platform on another social media or just started on podcasting but are like quote regular people you know and like it's very chatty conversational whereas this podcast has so much production and like interviews and yeah obviously like a much harder hitting topic than the podcast I normally listen to and yeah just thought it was really good so I'm excited to go to hit the talk now because it was one of those things where I was like oh maybe I should listen to this thing because it's coming to me to talk at the uni like I should probably listen and then I listen and I was like wait this is amazing and I wish there was more series and like more to hear because I just thought I just thought it's so good so last weekend I went to Bristol found cheap a cheap hotel and like cheap coach tickets so it was so fun I really love Bristol I have been before I went actually for the uni open day in like 2017 and then I also went two years ago a year and a half ago where no wait coming up to three years ago I was going to be like it was in 2021 but that's obviously three years ago now crazy so yeah like two and a half three years ago where my friends from school and I loved it then and I loved it again it really reminds me of Edinburgh just like a small city with a lot of really nice architecture and there's a lot of different areas with like very different vibes so to and Edinburgh there's more of like an overarching essence to the city but for example Clifton Village we went to and to me that's just like Stockbridge like a very affluent like rich area with like really nice bakeries and like coffee shops and you know that sort of thing like little knick knack shops and literally Stockbridge and Edinburgh is just like that yeah I really loved it it may be miss Edinburgh but it's hard because in one hand it's like it makes me miss it and then on the other hand on the other hand I know that it was exciting because I'd not really been to Bristol a lot whereas I towards the end of Edinburgh I kind of felt like I'd like done everything and obviously there's always more to do but I'm really enjoying living in London at the moment and just being like overwhelmed with choice of weekend activities or like evening activities and there's just so much on and yeah I think it's like such a privilege to have access to all of that so yeah bit of both we went to a really nice restaurant called Suk Kitchen I think it was like Middle East in food oh my god it was delicious it was a bit more expensive I think I spent like £30 or like £25 which typically I would say people spend so much money on eating out in London but I tend to limit myself to like £15 from me all out I used to have a rule of £10 for eating out when I was like in school because that was more doable then but yeah I don't normally go to like restaurants where you have to spend like 20 quid or 25 quid and I feel like they're coming more common and as I'm getting older and people have more money as well I feel like I'm getting invited to those more but I really do prefer to not spend like loads because I don't really feel like it is much better however this restaurant was amazing Suk Kitchen I can't remember what the area was called but it was we got a bus it was like a little bit out of the centre but you could definitely walk but it was like dark and rainy so got the bus yeah I had a really nice time we also did a walking tour which focused on like the a lot of the street art and also quite a bit on like the slave trade and the statues that were taken down or like pulled down during 2020 and that sort of thing which was really interesting because obviously you've seen it all like on social media but not actually I don't know seen the actual places and stuff so that was really interesting and yeah then we walked around like Clifton Village like I said had a little look at the bridge we went up Cabot Tower which had really cool like 360 views of the city I did really like that but you can't see the bridge very well and I kind of wanted to see the bridge more because I was kept being told like go up there you can see like 360 degrees of the city and I got up there and I was like okay yeah I can see 360 degrees of the city by I wanted to see the bridge properly okay you can't really see it like as well as obviously from like the park right by it so I went that off to satisfy my bridge craving yeah if you're not from the UK actually only like 19% of you guys are Bristol is a city like a few we got the bus because it's cheaper than getting the train and it took like two and a half three hours together and yes just a city like to the a little bit north and west of London but it's not it's not it's not north by any means kind of like near Wales so yeah that's What I did last weekend, this weekend I've had such a chill one like big lions really chill because I went to Bristol last weekend which was really fun and like it's always nice to do something especially in January because I came out a bit boring, life in general and just a bit like meh but the coach we got was at 9.30 and then the second day we had to check out at like 10 I think or 10 or 11 and so neither day I know 11 isn't like I know that's not early but both days we left I think at like half-term and I feel like both days I got up earlier than I normally would on a weekend I don't know normally I'd have to like turn on one day of the weekend and like lounge a bit whereas because we had to check out I was like got up got ready and left so this weekend was very pleased to just be like relaxing chillin to the max and yeah this week for me has been not so bad actually these first few weeks of union have actually not been so intense which has been really welcome to because obviously I had to start the term off the back of my previous course exams so it was pretty bad out going into this term and these first two weeks I've had like a decent amount to do but not you know endless and I've kind of just taken that and ran with it like yeah I don't want to I'm not gonna like burn myself out even farther when right now I can't chill less tiny bit this week and next week I'm definitely gonna have more work so just gotta take the wins where you can I guess okay we're gonna head on to Instagram and find some question is so this person says different paths oh sorry they actually have a part one the more I've travelled the less secure I become in the life I'm leading because of how many different paths my life could take places people I'm paralyzed by the choice so I assume you've read the bell jar because like the way you've written this is like as if you've just literally finished that chapter with the fig tree analogy if you've not read it basically it's just a little analogy you look up at the victory there's like so many figs they all look amazing there's like so many to choose from you don't even know which one looks the best they all look so good and then you're like oh you sit there thinking I don't know which one I'm not sure I'm not sure and you wait and wait and decide and decide and then suddenly they will sort of turn to like shriveled up the figs and like they've all gone off and they're a bit moldy and shriveled and like the paralyzed the feeling of being paralyzed actually held you back from picking any of the figs and now you're in a position where there are no figs left because the choice paralyzed you it's not actually quite present thought and I have felt like this at points I think when you're like 18 and you've just finished school you maybe know a few people in their 20s and you've seen like a few options for like what your life could be but then the older you got and like this person said the more they've traveled you just see more and more options like and obviously it's a privilege to feel like you have so many choices in life and like you have so many roots you could go down but if you do feel like that it can then be difficult to pick what feels right for you and I think the older I get even though like I don't know I think in general like obviously you can't do everything or anything because of like the constraints of life but I do think that the older I've gotten the more I've realized just how many options there are like you see certain people you know go off and do this thing in this country or get their corporate job in London or like move to a rural area in England and like have a like slow life you just see so many options and I think social media makes this so much worse because not only now can you see the people that you know the what they've chosen to do with that life but you could also see the thousands and potentially millions of people online you're scrolling on TikTok I don't even want to know how many TikToks individually you see in like a month if you spend like an hour on there a day I literally like that makes me feel sick because you see so many even in like one minute and yeah we just see so many different options for a life and it's like options in terms of I think oh like this person lives here with this job and you know it's like I think I can just do that straight away but there's options for things to work towards and yeah it can be paralyzing I think my advice is just at the moment I'm in a phase where I live in London London is really cool there's so much to do here but I would say it's not the most I wouldn't say it's the easiest city to live in it's really expensive so you kind of feel like a lot more constrained than you would living in a more affordable place and there's a lot of frictions because it's quite a big city you know it's like sometimes takes you an hour to get places and you know somebody who lives you know two tubes away and sometimes the friction like means that you don't end up seeing people as much or yeah I don't know I just think it's it's a bit of a harsh city also there's not that much nature like there's good green spaces but you do like for for where I live I wouldn't be able to walk to one in like 15 minutes or anything like I'd have to it feels more of like an I don't know just like exercise to actually access green space and it might like walk to uni and back I wouldn't come across any so I just think in general it's not like the easiest place to live obviously I'm hugely lucky to live here but right now I'm just seeing it as like this is the stage I'm in right now this is the phase like and I think I'd have gotten older as well I'm seeing that you could have one phase and then literally change your mind and go completely into another one like I was in the phase of like school for so long and then I went straight to uni and that phase was so different where I was living away from home living in another country and like you know studying in like a different way and then I was like okay no I'm gonna do a gap here I did all this traveling like I had some time at home and I was in much more like a slow phase where I wasn't like I didn't have a massive to-do list every day and then this year I'm living in a pretty like harsh city and I do feel like I'm really really busy like I have a lot of you and you want to do and I also like because I'm not living at home anymore and back to doing like all my household tasks again whereas I felt when you live with your family you can split them up so I wouldn't do you know all the cleaning or like all the cleaning cooking laundry etc like we would like split things up more whereas when you live with flatmates you're kind of doing everything for yourself or that's what like I kind of do here I just think there's time to live like different phases and the worst thing ever obviously as the analogy goes would be to not pick anything and to just be paralyzed by the choice so I'm trying to just pick an option see how it goes I never don't like it can change like can do something different and even if you can't you know quit your job and move to Australia I do think you can make some adjustments where whether that be like when you're you know lease ends you move to a flat with people that you like more or you move to an area that's closer to a park or you know just like even like random stuff I try to like just see it as like this is just the phase for this year because I see so many people that I know traveling and you know in general their day-to-day looks better than mine like because I spend so much time just studying and at a desk but I don't think it means that you know I had that once I can have it again and I'm also working towards something right now and I know that I'm gonna be really grateful for this qualification and for like the knowledge that I've acquired I also find my degree really interesting which helps but I think there's just phases because I thought for a long time I was like why would I ever obviously money is the reason but like why would I ever get a job why would I not just like go traveling and like I didn't do bits and bobs and you know not really like work on my like quote career but I see now that like because that's something that I do want like I want to like develop in that way and then in other phases I don't I don't want that as much and I want to focus more on like self-growth in like other ways so yeah I know exactly what you mean and I think this is part of being like young and hopefully you can like see through time because I think as I'm like I'm gonna be 24 in like a month and I know that's young obviously but I think the difference between like being 20 and being 24 is like I know that time like time passes and it passes quickly but it doesn't like disappear into the abyss like I've been able to do so much with that time so I think that there is opportunity to like try lots of different avenues in your life which is such a privilege so okay tips on maintaining a healthy work life balance when you're a people please are starting a new job okay I actually maybe I shouldn't have picked this because I don't have like a full-time job I think my advice in general with things like this is always to have access in some way to like the bigger picture whether that's like seeing friends a few times a week or being like like volunteering somewhere where you get like, I think it's just about being part of different groups. If you live on your own and you go to work and then you come home, you're on your own, you go to work, you come home, you're on your, et cetera. So much easier to get lost in like the abyss of just needing to do the most at work and, you know, 'cause that's your whole life, it's really easy to like make it even more into your whole life and be a real people, please own work to whatever hours they want and not have a sense of like context, I guess, if that makes sense. Like, I think for me, if I'm like struggling at uni with, you know, I feel like I've got so much work to do, I've got so much pressure and I really need to like spend more time and I've got this meeting with this teacher tomorrow and I really want to do like, so much work before it, et cetera. I think firstly it's like, it's good in a sense, but there is obviously a limit. And I'd say my advice on like, not exceeding the limit is to just spend time with other groups. So whether that's like your part of like a football team or something and you go there and hang out with them and you hear about other people's jobs or other people's lives. You see your friends again, you hear about what they've been up to, you see your family. If you like, volunteer somewhere, you like hang out with other people with different experiences to you. And I think it, you just speak, you realize that it doesn't matter really that much, like it's not the end of the world if you stay one hour extra at your job. I think a lot of people in work feel like it's their whole life and it shouldn't be and like it isn't. And just accessing these other groups and like seeing other people and getting outside of the bubble. I think just brings you back down to earth a bit and it's a bit like, well why? Like if I want to stay an extra and do more work for this project, obviously that's great. Like it's good to be a hard worker. But you know, on the other side of the coin, I probably assume you aren't really paid enough to be working overtime, like are you getting paid to work overtime? And is it fair that you're having to work more than like you wanted to? So yeah, my advice is just to like enjoy your time with like other groups and bring you back down to earth a bit. So you realize that it's not everything, you know? Oh my god, this person says they're going on a first date in an hour, any tips. That's crazy. Okay, I actually have never really gone on a, I've never gone on a first date where I didn't know the past then. So I don't have specific advice. Well, obviously I don't know your situation. My advice for a first date is obviously for really planned the day. So I guess whatever you're doing, I think it's like, just see it as like something fun. Like you're going or whatever you're doing, like you're getting a coffee, getting a drink, going to the cinema maybe, or those cinema was a bit of a shit first date. So that's basically like, let's not hang out. I don't know, going for dinner, whatever. Just see it as like, oh, I'm going to try a new restaurant or a try a new cafe or like, oh, I love that drink. I'm going to go get that. And then just see what happens. I really don't think there's any point putting loads of pressure. I would say my tip is maybe like, be yourself, but I think if it's like a good match, you'll naturally feel like you can be yourself. So I don't think you need to like force that, like just go and see how hanging out with that person makes you feel or doesn't make you feel and yeah, just like have fun. Could be good. Could be nothing, which is also fun. How to build up confidence to reach your goals, such as completing a degree and feeling like you deserve it. I really need you to tell me the answer to this one. How to build up your confidence to reach your goals. I think this is so important and I spoke about this. I think in a previous podcast where I feel like if I set myself loads of new resolutions and then I don't do them, it just like hurts my confidence because I think there's something to be said for, you know, reach for the star or reach for the moon if you miss your fall against the star or whatever. Like, you know, aim high and if you don't get quite there, that's okay, because you still tried, which I think is completely true. But I do think at the same time I sometimes find that I give myself overwhelming goals or like an overwhelming to do list and then I don't complete it. And then I feel like a failure where it's like, I guess what I should work on is learning that that doesn't make you a failure. But if you consistently try to do something and aren't disciplined enough to do it, I'm doing that, not your confidence because teaching yourself every day that you don't believe in yourself and you can't do it. Like if you make a goal to wake up at seven every day, and every single night you go to bed saying, I'm going to wake up at seven tomorrow. And then every day you snooze your alarm. You're teaching yourself every single day that you can make a promise to yourself. And, you know, not even like 10 hours later, you don't, you don't like hold the promise, you don't like stand up to the promise that you made. And when that promises to yourself, I think it kind of damages yourself a steam a little bit. So I think like confident, like building confidence to reach goals has like, there's two sides to the story because you need to be confident to go for the goal, but you also don't want to set goals that are inevitably not going to happen. Like if you make 50 new years resolutions or super extreme, you're obviously not going to do them. And even if you do want, I think it's easy to them feel like a failure because you didn't do them all. So I think it's about the type of goal you're setting, the way you're setting the goal and just like your attitude around it. Disappear as like the hardest aspect of this because most goals you're not going to actually want to do everything that you need to to get there every single day. Otherwise, you would just do it, you know, it wouldn't really be a goal if you just naturally wanted to do it. Like, for example, if you every day naturally, I don't even know. And actually want to watch 10 TikToks. And then, you know, you do it. It's like, hey, was that really a goal because it was so easy to do. Like you didn't have to use any discipline because he just naturally did that. So I think most goals require discipline. And yeah, I guess break it down so you can do like smaller chunks, like smaller steps. So if you want to like have a certain job, for example, like, break down the steps. So maybe that even if it's like this week, all you're going to do is like start. Like even this month, maybe you're going to read a book that is about that industry and get to know it a little bit better. And then next month, maybe you're going to email four people and ask them like about their work in the industry and whether you could have a call with them, that's all thing. So like, break it down so that your confidence is like for each task, doesn't need to be as big and you can build your way up. How to cope with rejection and then in brackets, they've put masters programs or opportunities. Rejection, it sucks. What of the hardest feelings, I think, and it's a feeling of like what could have been because like he said, if you get rejected from a master's program or a uni or a job or even rejection from like a flat rejection from a partner or a friend, it's like in your mind, you have a certain like, envisionment of how something's going to go. You're going to live in this flat with this job and you're going to date this person, friends with that person, you know, et cetera. And that's what you think is going to happen and what you want to happen. So when you're rejected from something, it's hard because it's like a physical barrier to the life that even vision for yourself. And what's difficult is that you often can't overcome that is then like if you're rejected from a certain program, you can't do it. Like you, I'm not saying you can't get through it. Obviously you can, but it's not like something you can work on as such. Like you can't go to that degree. And you can always reapply, like apply somewhere else and there's always like more opportunities. But rejection sucks because it's just like a barrier to what you want your life to be. Like if you've applied to something, you're obviously in some part of you, wants that to be real. So it is really weird when you're rejected from something and it means you don't get to do it. I'm trying to give an example from my life. I applied to do a year abroad in New York, which would have been so cool. I actually can't even cope with how cool that would have been. And my friend actually, they at Edinburgh, they have like one spot per year for someone to go to this university in New York. It's Columbia. And yeah, they have one spot per year. My friend actually in the year below did it in higher. And it sounded amazing. Like she literally loved it so much. And yeah, in first year, I had been super keen. Like even before I went to Edinburgh, I actually picked Edinburgh partly because they had a year abroad program. My other top choice was Bristol, like I was talking about earlier and they didn't have a year abroad for the degree I was doing. And that was ultimately one of the reasons why I chose Edinburgh. Yeah, in first year, I found out about this New York year abroad, second year. I was like researched it way more than it really application and like all this stuff I applied. And then I didn't get it. And the irony of it all is that nobody actually went on the year abroad because it was COVID. I. My year abroad would have started September 2020, so the university had to approve everything like months in advance to be 100%. Even the people that went the year after me, it was very touch and go like whether they were going to get to go. Yeah, so the fact that I didn't get it is like it's kind of an interesting phenomenon because it was a big reduction. Well, I was like upset, I wasn't like devastated. I hadn't envisioned how cool it would be, but I knew there was only one spot and I knew just like how competitive it would be and like I hadn't got the highest grade in first year, so I knew that it would going to be a long shot. Yeah, I just thought it's so interesting then when the opportunity then fell through like whoever did get that year abroad didn't get to go either. And I just think there's something so interesting about that. Like it's not good for me that no one went. It's actually bad because I then ended up reapplying and getting the Barcelona opportunity, which then I didn't get to do obviously because of COVID. But yeah, it's just so interesting, I think how that whole thing worked out. But anyway, yeah, I remember feeling like just a little bit like frustrated because I thought it would be really cool and I felt like I could make a really cool life there and like I looked at the courses I could study and yeah, I did know I studied economics, so obviously New York is like a huge financial city and like being that like a huge part of my application was like it would be such a cool place to study economics and the university was really cool. It was in like a, I don't think all your classes were part of it, but it was like part of like the Barnard, like the women's college, which would have been really, really cool. And just in general it was like a cool opportunity. In the end though, honestly it's hard because you know how people say rejection is redirection, it is kind of true in this instance. I don't think that that's always true and I also don't think that's the particularly helpful thing to say to somebody the second they've been rejected, but it's interesting because I obviously got rejected, then reapplied, got a different one, then nobody got to go on their year abroad. And then I now look back and I think if I had gone on a year abroad, there are so many of my closest people in my life I would never have met because I then ended up living flatmates who I lived with, I moved in with Neve who I didn't even know, I'd never even heard her name before I moved into that flat. And that flat was a last minute thing because we thought we were going on a year abroad so we hadn't sorted accommodation for third year. So then when we had to like quickly move in, it was like new people were in my life and just the people I spent the most time with were people that I would never have met, I've had gone on the year abroad, like I really do believe that, like I wouldn't have met them because I would have just come back in fourth year and remained friends with my previous friends, maybe I would have made new friends but it's very unlikely I would have met these specific people. And now I look at my life and I'm like I literally couldn't envision my life if I had gone on the year abroad regardless of whether it was New York or Barcelona, like I can't envision what that would have been. And I just find that so weird and crazy, so I know it's really really difficult and I think give yourself some time to like mourn the loss of the life you envisioned and the things that you wanted for yourself because I think that's so fair, valid, you don't have to like pick yourself up and carry on like two seconds later. But everything that I have been rejected from or like things that haven't necessarily gone the way I hoped, I do look back and think, that did give me another opportunity. If you get this person said, rejected from a master's programme, you'll either do a other master's or you'll do something else and then I do think often you look back and you think I can't imagine not having done that different degree or done that other opportunity. So yeah, but it is so hard and so I think give yourself time. Oh my god, how to deal with anxious mornings. This is so relatable. I am so much more anxious in the morning than in the evening. In the morning, the idea of getting on like a packed tube or presenting in a class or I don't even know like just having a class in general is so anxiety and choosing and overwhelming. But the idea of doing it at like 4pm is fine. I don't know why, I often don't get the tube in the morning because I don't really have to but I don't like being in the packed and closed space. It just makes me feel very anxious. But I would never care about getting it in the evening. I don't know why. I really relate to this. Anxiousness in the morning. I think it's attached to your sleep and the night before if you've got something in the morning you feel super anxious. Whereas if I had something on, I had a big interview for example and it was at 9am. I would be shitting it the night before. I like have an awful sleep. I'm super anxious all night. Wake up really anxious. Like, but if the interview is at like 4pm say, I'm anxious the night before but I kind of, there's a level of stress that's like taken away because you don't have to wake up early. You don't need to worry about being late because you're so much time. You know, you can deal with stuff in the morning and sort yourself out in the morning. So I think it is a little bit different. So yeah, I do really agree. The morning's can be anxiety and losing, which is a bit shit because there is a morning every day. So yeah. My advice is I have a lot of playlists on my phone called Sleepy and I originally made it actually for sleepiness. Like if I'm on a plane or something, I'm feeling sleepy and I want only like sleepy music on. But I started using it. I don't remember when I started doing this but sometimes I'm listening to like a podcast or listening to different different music and stuff and I start feeling really anxious and I just started switching to like my sleepy playlist where it wasn't like overwhelming music in my ear and I'm trying to like tune into the like calm music instead of tuning into like my surroundings and like enjoying that and using that to like calm myself down. So really recommending something like that. Also I'm looking into those loop ear plugs. Yeah, ear plugs where you can put them in and you can still, people use them at concerts a lot so you can still hear the music but the like, I don't know like the cheering of the crowd and stuff isn't as overwhelming. But I've had that a lot of people use those when they feel anxious as well so I'm interested in those maybe because I think for me it's sometimes like so it's just a lot of own, it's just overwhelming and I just need to like dull down the senses a little bit. Other things in the morning that helped me are waking up earlier than you need to. For me it makes everything so much worse if I'm like brushing out the door and I wake up and I like have to get up straight away and then I'm like really quickly doing everything if I give myself extra time in the morning to relax and not rush through everything and yeah that always really helps. I also leave for things early so that I'm just, I don't have that stress of being late for something. I normally get to uni. All my classes at the moment actually are like a little bit later in the day like 11 or in the afternoon so I normally get to uni early anyway but even when I had for example a 10 a.m class I would normally just get there at half nine and whether I did work or like even just like listen to a podcast or like why don't my phone or something I really like that because it meant that while I was commuting I didn't have the added stress of being late and I didn't, I didn't have that like walking in feeling late sort of feeling so that's good. I also think often when I feel anxious in the morning it makes me like not want to eat breakfast because I'm like it's just another thing to do I don't want another thing on the task list I just need to get out the door like let's just be quick but I don't like how that feels because you know an hour later when I've arrived at uni on time and my you know like fight or flight system has calmed down and I'm like sat in my class and I've actually realized that there was nothing to be anxious about and everything's fine then I'm like starving and I kind of ruin not room but like it messes up the rest of my day so if I know I have something on where I might feel extra anxious to be honest I do actually feel anxious most mornings but putting that aside if I have like something I know I'll feel extra anxious for like last week when I went to Bristol I felt quite anxious because of that coach that I had at nine thirty just because it's early didn't want to miss it I don't know I know the way but it's not like I don't go to the coach station often so I don't particularly know the route I didn't know we didn't have to reserve seats so I was also kind of like do I need to be early to like wait in the queue early to make sure we get a seat together like just random stuff like that and my trick my tip food wise is to prep something the night before so I just made overnight oats so you can do it the night before and you don't have to do anything in the morning and then in the morning you just take it out the fridge you can either eat it or I just take it normally with me and then when I arrive early to the coach station or to uni or to the interview or something and I'm waiting around the corner that's when I eat my breakfast and like have a little bit more zen because sometimes yeah I find that like when I'm trying to leave I just need to leave and I'm stressed because I'm still in the house and eating something just feels so low down on my priority list but the second I'm like soothed. Like for example when I got on the coach and I wasn't late and everything was fine, I was then like okay wait like I was stressed for no reason and I'm also starving because I didn't eat anything and I'm packing anything because it was such a rush. So yeah I like to meal prep breakfast and overnight oats is my favourite for that. Okay that's everything I have for today's episodes, lots of random bits which I hope you've enjoyed and yeah just as always thank you so much for listening. Hopefully big things coming for the podcast, I have a meeting tomorrow with my management and hopefully going to discuss I don't know I might bring up some stuff about the merch, who knows, I don't know I would love to do it and I've seen a couple people message saying that they would be up for it which is crazy to me that anyone's up for it but yeah I want to say a couple of literally mean like two people so I don't know if it's feasible but hopefully I can make that happen because I think that's a big goal for this year. So yeah thank you so so much for listening, have a lovely week and I'll see you next Monday, bye bye.