Angry Cops Ruins Brandon's Political Career | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 236

I'm Brandon Herrera, and I get to say everything that real Brandon Herrera can't say on the trails. Oh, I hate this bit already. There's two of them. You boxing with the Kung Fu handlebars, be so much more cool. See my quick move. I thoroughly expect to get shot if I get caught in somebody's f***ing house. Just like I almost shot Connor last night, and that would have been perfectly justified. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous, Brandon. His hair is f***ing fabulous. Don't know, a dark, dope disposition. There's a fat electrician, look at the unsubscribe. If you've never heard of them, they have a cult following inside the US military, and they're available on almost every US base all over the globe. Now, the original echelon came in a 12-ounce canon, it had 300 milligrams of caffeine, and it was basically pre-workout, and all the flavors were spicy. I mean, this one's literally mango reaper. I'm not exaggerating. This shit is literally banned in Canada. And it's great, but it's not great for everybody in every situation, and that's what we're looking for, was an energy drink that you could just drink, and not have your teeth start itching. So when unsubscribe podcasts bought in, we created the unsubscribe line. None of these flavors are spicy, and the first two flavors were rolling out, are atomic cola and cherry lime landmine, which we may or may not have selected, exclusively based on how well they tasted mixed with other things. These are 16-ounce cans instead of 12. Each one has a hundred milligrams of caffeine, and it is one of, if not the cleanest energy drink on the market. You read the other ingredient category on most energy drinks, and it's like 30 words that you can't even begin to pronounce. But on echelon, it's literally carbonated water, fulphuric acid, natural flavors, sucralose, that's it. Zero sugar, five calories, and the best part is, we added hydration in there with that small ingredient list. You're also getting sodium, magnesium, and potassium, so you're actually getting an energy drink that doesn't dehydrate the ever-living shit out of you, and give you a headache a couple hours later. So if you're at a military base, go check it out. It should be at the PX. If you're not, you can pick it up at drink echelon.com, and use code unsub, you're going to save 10%. And with your guys' help, hopefully, these will be in gas station soon, and that'll be easy for everybody. Yeah. F-stop. F-stop. Shutter. Three, two, one. Yeah. Oh, Cody, you're up. You all ready to get this fuck? It's gonna be a difficult one. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Unscribed Podcast. I'm joined today by Eli Double Tap, fat electrician. JD Delay, angry comps, brim her, myself, don't an operator. Thank you so much for being here. This is a chaos podcast. That's only 20% more words than you normally have to say. Oh, shit. Hey, that's enough from you, Cody. Poncho, Poncho, Poncho, Poncho, Poncho, Poncho, Poncho, Poncho. Do that. That's a lot of testosterone at this table. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, the taco meets out. Everyone is sponsored by Poncho. Oh, yeah, we are. Well, I mean, the podcast is, I'm not sponsored by him. I just like their fucking shirts. Wait, is the podcast sponsored by Poncho? Yes, yeah. I did this ironically. But now we can talk about Poncho. No, which hopefully you can insert that ad here. I forgot. Oh, you have. I have a present. Oh, fuck me. This went so well last time. Do you remember the last time this fucking happened? Audio semios. Look at this guy. There we go. Look at this sex machini. Don't I? Brandon? Who is it? Hi, everyone. Hi, everyone. I'm Brandon Herrera. And I get to say everything that real Brandon Herrera can't say on the trail. You're like, oh, I hate this man already. I'm not Brandon Herrera. You're like the key in pill, the Obama, like the one that has to say that they are Brandon. I'm not Brandon Herrera's anger interpreter. I'm just a man named not Brandon Herrera. With this camera set up, am I going to be in the frame with him when he does this? Yes, talk me. Welcome to my fucking world. I'm not getting a pardon now. I give you the best presence real Brandon. Weeks, weeks. I bought one poncho shirt and I was like, I know I must do, but will I be strong enough? You bought the ponchos, grew the beard. You're like, I know what I have to do. I hate it. So where's your red? The red glasses. Cody handed those really quick. It's uncanny. Now put those ones on. Yeah, put no rich. Rich needs the gold glasses. Can you give me the gold ones? Because that is a brand, the Tony Stark glasses. What are these ones? Sure. Thank you, Brandon. Thank you, Brandon. The best body double. What's your campaign? Tell me what you're running for. No, you're not a body double yet. Let me see. Yeah, you'll work out. It's cold in here. Can we talk about who you're running against? Not Brandon Herrera. And I'm running against Tony Gonzalez, a man who moans when he wipes. I'm actually Brandon Herrera and I unironically had no idea this bit was going to happen. That's right, Brandon Herrera. Who's my best friend? You're like a kid with your wings. He could do like no object permanence. Coat is in the corner. With an erection, like technically this isn't cheating. There's two of them. You know, twin dude is going to go, he's like, bye, he's like, no, no. Stay and keep the outfit on. Brandon, come with me. No, I'll do it. The twin brother thing on the internet hasn't been good lately. Ever since the island boys started making only fan shit together. Thank you for reminding me that happened. Is very welcome, editor zoom in on Cody's forehead and cut to the scene from Austin Powers plants. Twins, basil, twins. Dude, there's so many cool buttholes here. That shit don't look good on paper. Okay, so as you do the mic shit fuck you, I saw that. This is what real Brandon Herrera and not real Brandon Herrera do whenever we're nervous. It's a nice stim. So we got two amazing gifts, like two fucking amazing, a lot of amazing gifts. But these two, this one was probably the best reaction. So yesterday we did the pepper box unboxing of the first time we did our PO box. And as soon as this one was opened up, we were like, holy shit. Someone sent us their grandpa's like war skull. Everyone was like, oh, yeah, we went shit. Oh, we got marks on the back. Nobody kills there. Look at your finger. Jeremy show who's at the skull? Jeremy, Jeremy Billy. Yeah, Jeremy sent a skull, Billy sent us a helmet. But we thought that was real for long, long enough for me to start googling the legal ramifications of keeping it. I'll put a new shit like this, this paint job. Yeah, show the camera. Show the camera how detailed it is at like the base of the skull. In the bottom like it is. Like it looks real. That looks real. Yeah, that's why when they handed it to me, I was like, should I be holding this right now? And it didn't help in the letter he started with, hey, my grandpa took this from Man King or something like this. You can see some of the layer lines if you look really closely now. But like on first glance, you would never know. Also, how excited we were to receive a human skull. Most people were like, oh, my God. We started screaming. There's tally marks on it and there's tally marks on the back of it. And that was the moment I realized, man, I've got great friends. This is the friend group I want to be a part of. As soon as we picked it up, we're like, should we be recording this right now? It is not an actual skull. It's 3D printed and it's really good. It's really good. If it was real and none of us or we were never going to put footage of that on the internet, we would have had to wrestle or draw straws for who was going to keep it. Well, I was talking to Eli after it. And I'm like, Eli, we both seen corpses before. Like, you were infantry. I didn't police things. I'm like, that look fucking real, dude. The other part, because you guys had it first, and we were just kind of handing it down the line. So I didn't get to feel it yet. But I was already looking at all the painting on it. And all the painting is accurate. He had some homework on it because it's like, the emblem on the forehead is the second marine division. That's the second marine raiders. And then the side says Gung Ho, which is their slogan, because they were founded by Carlson Evans, who like learned all his warfare stuff from guerrilla fighters in China. And he's the one that popularized Gung Ho in the English language, because it means work together. I already find your historical segments to be very interesting. They are much more interesting when you're holding a skull. To be or not to be the paint job is historically accurate. My favorite picture is the, remember the female sitting there looking at the skull that like heard her suitor sent her? You know what I'm talking about? Jamie, bring that picture up. She's just sitting there looking at it. That's a real thing. They would boil fucking skulls. trophy skulls like that was it to their spouses a real thing in the Pacific back when she was. I'm drawn. I know it was a thing where you would like send your sweetheart the skull of another guy that you killed as a war trophy. That's romantic. I would just gush. When did we know wrong? I'm just saying there's a direct correlation between the rise of jody and when we quit sending skulls home. There's two, does anybody know any guy owning human remains in Texas because I know it's illegal in Oregon. I was in jail with a dude who was in there for a lawful possession of human remains. Well, what was the story on that? Okay, so this dude was in there for three counts of a lawful possession of human remains. They found him with three different fingers and they ended up only they reduced it to just two charges because two of the fingers matched when they got to DNA back. The third one didn't match, so he got two felony charges for it, but he refused to tell them anything about it. Who they were. They didn't. Well, that's the shady part. Yeah. Yeah, he would not tell them. And he was a, he was a. They're mine. Fuck off. He's a classic meth cook and a meth dealer. So I'm assuming that it was a collection sort of thing. Their mind. Off is a wild statement to police about finding human body parts. Yeah. Yeah. We've heard of the Supreme Court case finders keepers. And you know, I always thought that the skull was real when we first saw it because it was so small, I figured it had to be Asian. Your, your honor. My client clearly does not fall into the provision of losers leopards and finders keepers would exonerate him of any wrongdoing. Of course. I love. You know my favorite Supreme Court case is when you pull into your drive. Anyway, obviously you're at home base. So you can't be arrested if you have to say allie allie oxen free though. Yeah. If you don't say those words specifically, then you can still be arrested. Yeah. But I'm home. Why are you pulling me over? Mm-hmm. I made it. This is my safe space. Yeah. So can you do it? Well, I speed chase and peel into your driveway. Absolutely. That's a grand theft auto if you pull into the garage. The Supreme Court case is allie allie allie oxen free. Yeah. Sick. I've committed a lot of murders. But because I keep wrapping my card, different colors. Nobody's caught me. It's a good tip, not bread in Herrera. Mm-hmm. A vote for murder is a vote for bread in Herrera. That-- no. [LAUGHTER] Jamie cut that out. Oh my god. Oh my god. I knew I would hate this bit immediately. Me too. That's why I love it. I'm like, oh, Rich has a gift. Oh. What's that? Beware Greeks giving-- bringing gifts. That's true. There's that, but-- You do look quite Greek right now. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Doesn't feel like it. I want to be you. I'm going to wear your skin. I'm going to put your makeup on. If you don't let me do it, I'm going to wear-- I'm going to wear a skin like a cold in Los Angeles. Or in the ring. In the ring? In the ring. I'm literally going to be alive. He likes struggle to stay in character there, too. You're joking, right? No. In real life? Or in the ring? No, in real life. You hear the two scariest looking fucking people. What did we do? Yeah, what did I do? It's like you guys make math and run illegal, like, one person. I look like I run, please. You ride in a 1% of motorcycle club. I mean, I'm not going to say I haven't had-- Called the house, but I'm going to cook math in several years now. My favorite part is sitting down at-- we go out to our breakfast and then we come do the podcast. Sitting down at breakfast. What the poor little waiters look at us? And they're like, what did these guys do? We got you guys. And then-- Well, we're both running for Congress. Why are we here at 10 o'clock in the day? It doesn't count that we all pull up in different cars. And Brandon has a cyber truck. And you've got your jacked up truck and everything. So you pull up in all these nice vehicles. And we look like complete degenerates. And you're wearing your drug dealer glasses. And then we order high-biscuits teas. And they're like, oh, this is clearly-- That was also the funniest picture. I took it you guys, Emma sent you. You have it. JD, have I showed you that picture? No. I took a picture of you guys. It's total hashtag girl moment. You guys are influencing. Oh, you got a sack in that. I feel like you felt bad hitting getting the arm loop. It was the sweetest thing. I was just trying to have a good time with my constituents. We had just gotten many pennies together. Well, he can't vote. We're going to a poetry read. No, he's a Democrat, he can vote. I said, well, oh, there you go, that's fair. Hey, Nick can't vote here. You just can't vote. I can vote. Really? Yeah, absolutely. Did that get restored? Yeah, so it depends on where you live. It's funny how constitutional rights depend on where you live. Wild. But in the state of Oregon, I have full voting rights. No shit. And the state of Florida, it's once you get off paper. A lot of people think felons can't vote nationwide. But most states have either a path to restoration or you automatically get restored once you get off of paper. So I think there's two states that let you vote while you're incarcerated. I know there were a couple of states like Virginia was trying to do it. It was kind of like as a plea to get more voters. It's like restoration of voting rights for felons and stuff like that. At the time, it was like a political manipulation. So I knew that that was possibly a thing, but I thought most places didn't. I'm not for sale, but I will vote for whoever the fucker stores my gun rights right now. I got you, gee. [LAUGHTER] But you have a vote for-- For instance, because I don't trust his vote for Brendan Herrera. On ironically, I do have a take about that that pisses a lot of people off. Let's hear it. My whole thing was-- because people-- oh, would you want-- you want felons to be able to own guns? Mike, listen. First of all, I think there's a massive differentiation between non-violent felon and violent felon. If you shot a guy while robbing a liquor store, this is a completely different conversation than tax fraud. Yeah. I feel like that's fairly reasonable. But on top of that, even when it comes to violent felons, if you are considered so much of a danger to society that they feel like you can never be trusted with a weapon for the rest of your fucking life, why did we let you back into society? I feel the same way. My other question is, what did she do that she deserved that violent felony? Please take that wig off. [LAUGHTER] Right? People are need to ask these questions to give them their guns right away. What was she wearing? In the words of detective high, what was she wearing? Obviously, not body armor. Good thing he's not here to find his weapon. Like, oh, damn, Nick. Here's the thing, though, is-- No, Brandon disappears. When I was an active criminal-- Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good. All of your favorite NBA players are black. I mean, back. I mean, both were right. I'm just waiting for Kay to code you to say it. [LAUGHTER] Back in the installs, any car? Draft King Sports Book, an official sports betting partner of the NBA. It's the place to bet when those NBA stars this season. New customers just bet five bucks and get three months of NBA league pass. What's that? Good fine, home. Boards. I don't know, but you're also going to win $300 if your bet wins in free bets. Payton, phone spets? Correct. Now, [bleep] something I do understand. You can't say that word. Understand? Download the Draft King Sports Book app and use code unsub. That's code unsub. Bet five bucks and get three months of league pass. Plus, get $300 in bonus bets if your bet wins. Family problem would call 1-800 gambler. In New York, call 877-8. Opiny? What? Hope, New York. Hope, NY? Opiny. Opiny. Brandon just said, "openy." Not hope, New York. It's spelled H-O-P-E-N-Y. So much better. Or text "openy" or 6-7, 3-6-9. A Connecticut help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-8789-7777 or visit ccpg. Or somebody else, take over, I'm having a stroke. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill, Casino, and Resort, and Kansas, pass through. What? Yeah. Pass through per waitress tax may apply in Illinois. God damn. This is one sentence. 21 plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive bonus bets, which expires in seven days. Minimum odds required. NBA lead pass auto-renews in Tol Kansas. Additional turns at dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer. You can't win big if you don't bet big. Sunzoo said that. When I was an active criminal, I always packed a pistol. I had a pistol on me all the-- I've got one of the charges to prove it. And most of my high-speed chases-- I've been in 11 high-speed chases. Most of the time, it was because I can't get caught with this fucking gun and this amount of dope. So I'm just trying to get that out the window and have the cops not see me throw it out the window. If I can turn the corner, get rid of that shit. I don't care about going to jail for a stolen car and a fucking high-speed chase. I'm with that shit. What a sentence. Now that I'm in recovery-- I bet J.V. has the coolest parades ever. I haven't owned it since I've had any recovery. Now that I'm law abiding, when I was a criminal too, I'd loved the idea of gun control. Law-biting citizens can't have guns 'cause I'm still gonna have it. At that, I don't want an even playing field. You're literally proof from the other side. Yeah, absolutely. And that's why I'm all about restoring gun rights for violence. A vote for Brandon Herrera gets me a pistol. I want more guns than this man's hands. Brandon Herrera. Brandon's like, why? Why does Rich-- why? You know, here I was naive enough to think that my friends were going to help make this easier for me. Oh, you should see how hard we're going to fuck Tony. Yeah. Yeah, if you-- You this already? - That's where the support comes from, bro. - You and Tony are in a cage fight, but you're locked in the ring with us. - We should see the size of the strap-on I bought for Tony. - We're all gonna have Valentines and not able to own firearms after this. (laughing) - Damn. - Damn. - I think he's going for different rules on the internet. - A vote for make a politician scared is a vote for Brendan Herrera. - Well, we legitimately had a hat that said that it was make politicians afraid again. - Yeah, that's something happened, what happened? - So that was the crazy part 'cause in the context of why we made the hat in a shirt, that was something I genuinely believed in, but it was in a metaphorical sense of like, make them afraid for their job. - Or those are job, yeah. - That was the whole point. It's like, make them afraid of, you know, for their positions so that they vote correctly, entire point in my first run. - Well, did something happen that might have put a wrench in that? - Yeah. - It happened in July last year. - The fourth of July? And we still know nothing about the shooter, weird. - That's really crazy. - You don't say, - That kid who's like, what's the chip, pull up his IMBD, he was in a black rock commercial? - Yeah, I believe he was. - He had a cool shirt too. - I won't say his name 'cause again, fuck these people. - Oh God, I'm sure, yeah. - Oh, the demo wrench shirt. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And the number two was demolition. - He was demolitioning. - He's not a non-substant. - How about you, did that brand in Herrera shirt? - Nothing came out against him. - No, we know nothing about that guy. - We know he was in a black rock commercial. - We know his name and he was in a black rock commercial. - And he likes it. - Fish sticks. (laughing) - Huh, I didn't know any of that, that's wild. - Bones. - Bones, bones, bones, bones. - Oh God, look at how male nurse that guy is. - Oh, I was a fish. (laughing) - I heard there was an incident with some chicken vendors that happened yesterday on a cruise ship. - Do what? - There was an incident on a cruise ship over chicken tenders speaking of delicious fried foods. - Yeah, there was a huge brawl that happened over a lack of chicken tenders. - Understandable. - Yeah. - It is like that sometimes. - Axe of violence for fried chicken is definitely a thing. - All right, you know, and I'm really upset with the Asian community in doing that fight. - How dare they? - It was definitely them. It would not be any other group. And you know, and I hope that we can all heal from that. - I love how everyone, you are the active duty police officer, and you're the one who's comments on social media actually have a career. - I know. - I'm just saying, I love fried foods, and I'm sure that the Asian people that did that are very, sorry. (laughing) - Am I wrong? Was it some other group of people? - Speaking of which, I am very excited that we might have the actual Roof Korean coming on the channel. - Oh, that's gonna be awesome. - Yeah, 'cause we're talking about doing the day-wool, the day-wool rifle that was used. Of course, it's the famous picture right on the rooftop and the LA riots from the actual Roof Korean. And we invited him on the channel. You started talking with him. We invited him on, and he's down. - Wasn't, didn't he post a video a couple months ago where he was like walking down the sidewalk, and he had like one of those fairly large, Yeti, like drinking vessels, and it has like the little handle on the screw in lid. And he had like three fingers through it, and he was walking. And like some protestor went up and grabbed him, and he just went, "WAM!" and clocked him with it. You saw like the Yeti handle break off, and it was dented. - Did he really? - He posted the video. I thought it was him. I don't know if he was just reposting the video of somebody else, but like when I first caught it at a glance, I thought it was him that did it. - Whoever did it was fucking baller as hell. They try to take his echelon. - You can dent a f***ing Yeti on a liberal skull? - He did. - If a protestor comes up and assaults you, they're no longer protesting. They're assaulting a f***ing bystander. - Well, that's life. If someone assaults you, you can hit them back. - That's-- - It's all your protestor? Oh, in that case, do what you want all the time, yeah. - I got called a racist, 'cause I put out a shirt that says, "You loot, we shoot." Which is a very famous Florida thing. Like, DeSantis will come out before natural disasters. Grady Judd comes out before natural disasters and says, "Hey, if this hurricane hits and you break into people's houses, they have the right to shoot you." This is a "You loot, we shoot" state. And so I put a alligator head on this bitch. - You guys tell me, is it a little like a play? The caption is mostly peaceful water bottle. - Mostly peaceful water bottle. - Oh, looks like him. - Oh, like that's him. Boom! - Ooh! - He's stuffed two of them. - Turn the volume up. - He's some f***. - Oh! - Yeah, that sound. - I'm gonna play that thunk again. I'm pretty sure that sound is one of the drum sounds in a slipknot song. - He's some f***. - Here it comes. - No! - No! - We need to edit that into like Phil Collins. - Dude, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. - I don't see it. - I don't see it. - I can feel it hitting my skull tonight. - Well, that goes into what we're talking about. We talk about sometimes. Like there's so many young men out there who have never been bonked in the face before. - Oh, damn it. - By the time you turn 18, you need to have been punched in the face. - I think that it should be mandatory. - Can both for Brandon Herrera as a vote for getting punched in the man-pleaser before you turn 18, gentlemen. - Punching Juveniles is pro Brandon Herrera. - Have we? - God damn it. - Have we considered, if you just started sending out mailers that you're gonna abolish cycling in district 23? - We, I have a story. - Yeah. - They have the right to travel. - For one, as a congressman, you can't do that just like district to district. So that's more like state legislature where you do it in Texas. I know that's a very boring answer. But we did talk to a state legislator at one point about making laws a little bit more lenient against cyclists for some very specific things because my God. - Are you a cyclist or the people that hit 'em with their cars? - Oh, those people. (laughing) - The heroes of the story. - Well, 'cause here's my problem. How many times have you rounded a corner, especially up in like the hill country and shit like that? And there's a cluster of cyclists in the middle of the fucking road where like if you're going the speed limit on that road, it is very hard to slow down in time. - As somebody that doesn't live here, if you've never been to Texas, it is dark as (bleep) here at night. There is, like if you get off the main highway, there is no street lights and like I'm from the Midwest, so all the roads are cement colored and here they're black. So it is dark, dark out. If you're fucking cycling at dusk or night, like it's not, by the time I see you, even if I am paying attention, it might be too late. Or in the direction of the sun or something like that. - Right, it's scary, I would never do it. - Right. - Well, they put their little flashers sometimes, like they don't do it all the time. They put their little flashers on the back of their bikes, but yeah, when I'm coming around a curve, I have to slam on my (bleep) brakes and I'm like, holy shit, almost killed a man. - Yeah. And the speed limits here are great. We've talked about the speed limits here before. It's like, there's residential neighborhoods and shit where it's like 30 foot driveways and the speed limit is 55 miles an hour on a road that does this. West Texas is basically the auto bond on the highways. If you're, like the speed limit is like 80 miles an hour and if you're going 80, you'll get nasty looks. - 85, I think it's the- - 'Cause there's nothing. It's just empty fucking- - Well, we went out to drive planes for crime. - Well, we went out to drive tanks, headed out there and Oklahoma are the only two places I've seen 85 mile an hour speed limit. - Yeah, it's hot. - Literally, 85 miles an hour. - Which means 10 and then you have to do 10 over that just to be going the speed limit. Like what's the point of even having eye speed chase with that type of a speed limit, bro, there's- - That's just called traffic. - Yeah, that's crazy. - Yeah, you, when you first came out and visited, you were going 80 and the cops like, "Whoa." - Yeah, I was like, "Oh, shit, a cop's coming, it passed me." (laughing) "Oh my God, I'm going nine over, flew past me." And looked at me like, "Oh, it's a fucking idiot." - Which is, it's kind of a fucking necessity though, 'cause out there, there's like, there's miles and miles between even an exit. Like it's just nothing, it is flat and empty. - Desert. - Yeah, that's why when I go and become your congressman, I'm going to allow people to go as fast as they want with at least one alcoholic beverage in their car. - That's not true. - Also, band cyclists, Bren. - I'm also going to allow people to hit cyclists with the proper brush guards and taxes. That's how I'm gonna keep this state tax free by taxing bumper guards for cyclists. - Reminder, Richard High is not on the ballot. - "Real Brennan Herrera supports this amount." No, not real, not real Brennan Herrera supports this message. (laughing) - I love Richard Boyd and Florida. But if you guys see how many times that dude has been hit on his bike, he's an avid cyclist. He's been hit three times. The last time a girl was just texting while driving and there was, right here is the bike path, then here's the road and he's in the road and she smashed him, bro, and then drove off. - And yet he still hasn't learned. - No, I think he's still, I'm pretty sure he's still doing. She's in prison for like forever, bro, but yeah. - That wig has to be getting hot. - You see him on your shirt? - It's very itchy. (laughing) - Cyclists don't go to heaven, yes! - I forgot to put on the hairnet and is directly against my scalp. I'm pretty sure this is China mites all over it. You know, Richard would have been in that skull. - Richard has a spestus boy, isn't he? - I heard Johnny Gonzalez is an avid biker and he even shaves his legs so that he can go faster. - This is true. - We were talking about this this morning. I did a video recently about a dude named Gary Peacuck. - And I'm sorry, what was his last name? - Peacuck? - It's Peacuck. - Oh, okay. - I was like, "I'm unfortunate." - Although for Tony Gonzalez is a vote for Peacuck's. This little teenager, like gives him the right away, pulls around him, but he follows the teenager back to the skit, like the teenager was one of the skate park. He follows the teenager back to the skate park and he like closes the teenager's door and like holds him in there. And he's like, you didn't get me. He had enough room to pass. You didn't give me enough room to pass. It's like, it was, it's a crazier shit. Like, he called the cops. Thinking he was, yeah, he calls 911, the peacock dude does. And he's like, you need to come here right now. He didn't give me enough room to pass. And his wow, 'cause the teenagers really chill about it. He's just like, yeah, yeah. Like what the fuck are you so mad about, man? I don't think he even did anything. Cranky. He didn't do anything wrong. He called the old man Cranky. Yeah, he's such a slur for people over 60. Like, oh, you're cranky, my favorite. Is this is why your kids don't come to Thanksgiving. Ooh. Well, the old man, he was wearing like the tights and he had this giant ass helmet on his $4,000 probably bike. They ticketed him, the police did. Yeah, they, yeah, they tickets him. Thank God, dude. I can be in a gig. If he held the door shut, he should be charged with kidnapping in my opinion. No, we were just talking about that this morning. So what we were talking about is like, it should be false imprisonment. In District 23, you'll be allowed to abduct and hold people against them. No, no, no. No. No. Not real Brandon Herrera. No, it proves this message. I'm done. It's more bicyclists. Did nobody pass fourth grade Civic says to where you think a Congressman's jurisdiction is? I've never driven a Civic. I made our kid made for not real Brandon Herrera. Sure. I'm always blown away by like the comment section on videos like that because there's one the other day where there's like road rage and this dude like pulls up and cuts his dude off and slams on the brakes in the middle of the road and like forces him to stop his car and gets out and starts storming towards his truck. And this guy pulls a gun out, doesn't get out of the car, but sticks the gun out the window says, get the fuck back in your car right now and the dude like, and goes and gets back in his car and fucks off. And the whole comment section is like, wow, you think it's appropriate to just pull a gun on somebody? Yes. Yes. Yes. What? That's the best out. What do you want him to do? Get out and do get out with the guy and one of them smacks their head on the concrete and fucking dies. Like a completely diffused the entire situation. So I don't realize how fast you can die in my, I get hit in the jaw. I get knocked out. My head slams against the concrete and the fucking dead. I think this person is wrong and they just died. That's happening multiple times. That's a big thing that's been going on online for a while now too is if someone breaks into your house, should you be able to shoot them? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Fuck yes. If somebody's attempting to break into your house, you should be able to open my door. Boo, boo, boo. That's. Well, people like to argue too, they say, is my life worth more than your property? Like, yes. My property is worth more than your fucking life. That's the property. That's the property is worth. You asked that question to yourself before you broke into my house and you decided my shit was worth your life. Yes. That's a new thing, not a new thing. On top of that, my property is worth more than the life of somebody that would endanger me and my family to take my property. I assume, if you come in my house, you're trying to kill my wife and my dog and I will make you dead for that. So, this is like on Twitter right now, I was reading it this morning. There's a dude in Canada that's getting, going through court right now, getting charged with murder because he shot someone that broke into his house and they're saying, well, he was just there to steal stuff. How would you know that? No, that's the big deal. You need to do that risk. You need to determine what his intent, like, I don't have time to psychoanalyze some dude that just woke me up by breaking the fucking window, like, I'm assuming the worst. Yeah. Like, fuck off. Well, you're talking about Canada and they had a press release to leave your key fob outside your house so that people can just take your car so they don't end up hurting you or you having to hurt them too. No. If I wake up in the middle of the night and you are in my fucking house, sorry, your life is now on the table, just like I almost shot Connor last night and that would have been perfectly justified. Absolutely. That's why in District 23, you're going to shoot anybody in your house, regardless of if they're there legally or not, shooting people in your house should be everybody's right. No. Not me or Brandon, however. God bless America. God. I live alone. Fuck. So on the left side, if you did accidentally shoot him, there's like a zero percent chance you were getting a head shot. We have two people with law enforcement expertise here. That's because it's Conor's given the fingers. District 23, we are only going to make seven and a quarter hats and larger people with time your heads aren't real people. They could go back to Indiana or wherever they came from in their busted Jeep Wranglers or Ford focuses or Rangers. Also, District 23 will take over Canada when I'm elected. I will say that is literally polar opposite side of the country. Could not get farther away. Yes, but it will be District 23 and a half and no voting rights for Canadians. I'm not real Brandon Herrera and I support this message. Canada will host his fourth be known as Cold Texas. Yes. We already named them Snow Mexicans, the Frostbucks. We will drop off banjos and Garth Brooks just to wean them into our way of life. Oh my God, it's the perfect jeans, right? I can leave. Brandon, get on their shoulders up your big boy. Try the perfect jeans out his earmuffs, Brandon, how perfect are they? Feels like the perfect jeans. They're so flexible. I'm fat. I can actually do squats on them. Usually as an issue, I'm not kidding. I'm picturing you do doing squats in the gym with these jeans. I could. They are like Ely's just magging on the audience right now. Then make my dick talk. Now you're watching the ad and pants season is almost here. It's always pants season if you're a f*cking adult. It's August in Texas. We're all wearing f*cking jeans. The perfect jeans. That's right. Today we're talking about the perfect jean. Brandon, how'd my jeans fill on your neck? Feels like I need to talk to HR, but they were comfortable, right? Absolutely. Brandon, the perfect jean, it's actually perfect, it's real denim, but not the heavy stuff. I just like how they finally say that we can say f*ck your khakis, which works great, pretty much everywhere except for Boston, I'm sure. Just means the valet is quitting. For a limited time, our listeners get 15% off their first order plus free shipping at theperfectjean.nyc. Or Google the perfect jean and use code unsub15 to get 15% off. It's finally time to stop crushing your balls and wear comfortable jeans by going to theperfectjean.nyc. Our listeners get 15% off their first order plus free shipping. It's lighter, softer, stretchier, and it's not a sex toy. Not with that attitude. I used that one, and again, that's free returns, free exchanges when you use code unsub15 to check out. That's 15% off at checkout for the perfect jeans. Connor loves perfect jeans. He does. They fit it really nice. Oh, pants. JD, what were you saying? So, from a criminal's perspective, I want to know if you guys have ever heard this. I need you for a second, Rachel. Sit that beautiful aspect down for one second. Sexual harassment will be allowed in District 23. Yes. Dark Brandon. Sit back down. Dark Brandon. I'm not black. From a criminal's experience, if somebody breaks in your house during the day, they're probably there to steal your shit. If somebody breaks in your house at night, they're probably there for you, not your shit. That makes sense. Most criminals, so most states, it's an elevated charge if it's an occupied dwelling. Yes. So, like, a lot of criminals worst fear is that they break into a house while they think nobody's home, and then all of a sudden it's like this elevated felony where they can do 15 years instead of like three years for breaking in trying to steal a flat screen TV or whatever dastardly shit they're doing. And somebody's asleep in the house and they wake up and it's like, oh, now it's a 15-year charge. Have you guys ever heard that statement? No. No, but it makes a complete sense. In New York state, it doesn't matter if there's somebody that's in the residence or not, you're still breaking into a dwelling. The dwelling is what makes that a felony, not that not the individual. Did I read you incorrectly? Did I hear that incorrectly here? Is it a higher felony for it's an occupied dwelling? No. But I will say this when it comes out over the air instead of, hey, there's a burglary in progress. Well, they'll say it's a burglary in progress, but they could also say it's a home invasion. Yeah, I think in South Carolina where I police, it's a higher thing because it's a home invasion if people are occupying the dwelling at the time. Yeah, it's considered like a violent crime if there's somebody there, at least in Oregon. It becomes a measure 11. So that's like a mandatory 70 to 90 months day for day, no good time, no earned time. Damn. I know Texas at night is when you have pretty much open rain to shoot them. Inner out is switched from daytime to nighttime, I think even in the front yard, right? I believe so. I mean, I mean, you shoot them in your yard. Fucking yard at night in Texas. In district 20, you can shoot them in every yard. The cartilage, if they're in your cartilage, that's what they call the front yard. And there's bone density you have to do with this. That's what I was thinking. That's how it is. That's the right for Texas. I think in Texas, you can just shoot people. It's a really good term. I'd like to do it here. I want to move here. Cartilage is like the adjacent thing connected to your house that's still like your property or whatever. It's like Castle Doctrine, expand that to it's within my moat. No, that's the worst part. There are some states in the United States where you have a duty to retreat out of your residents. It's fucking crazy. If you run out of your house, if there's an option for you to get out of your house, you have to do that. Even if it's a window, in some instances, you're supposed to attempt to. New York State is one of those duty to retreat states. So you're supposed to attempt if you can. I'm not. I've got, hey, you broke in my house. There's all my, there's weapons in the home. Where I got all this sort of not if they're locked up. And there's also my property like my wife. So I will shoot you. (laughing) - What's fucking crazy though is if you have, let's say you have two kids in the house or something on the opposite side. And you have homeboy breaks in in the middle, master bedroom, kids bedroom. - Are you supposed to retreat? - God damn it. - In district 23, you're absolutely allowed to shoot felons when they are in between you and your loved ones. So yeah, that would be, actually, yeah. - Yeah, that would be sad. - That's the person you sent so far like, all right. - Way to go, dark Brandon. - Let's go. - Put that in the middle of the vent diagram. Brandon and dark Brandon, get along. As the only felon at the table, I thoroughly expect to get shot if I get caught in somebody's house. - Oh God, please come over. - Oh. (laughing) - I don't think it works if you invite the felon. - Not in district 23. (laughing) - Oh man, I just want another state side kill. (laughing) - Another one. (laughing) - All right, influencer. - Have you killed anyone's state side? - He's influenced him. - That you can talk about on the internet? - All right, he did. - Oh, okay. Officer involved shooting? - No, now he's decided to check out. - Oh nice. - Excellent. - Yeah, he did the self-scan. - I love it. If you run on this, I'm moving a fuck, I'm buying a house here so that I can fucking vote for you. If we can get disposal boxes. - Do you know how many Disney adults are gonna be over some Texas guy's shoulder? - And you're like, "Where do I put 'em?" - Oh yeah. - Dude, the shirt you were wearing on the podcast the other day was like that. Rose, it was like kill your local. And like the guy on the ground, he was wearing a fucking Disney shirt. - Yeah, that was Angel sent that to me. - What a wild. - That you don't have their merch shirts. - What a wild flex. - Yes. - Coated. - It's processing and Cody said, he's like. - Some people try to defend the stuff sometimes. It's like, "What an odd thing to say." - It's a crazy self-report. - What a fucked up way to say, "Check my hard drive. Put me in the wood chipper." - And we have politicians through this day who still like try to defend those people online. Like what do they call them? Minor attracted people. Minor attracted persons. - Dude, the Roblox videos insane. - I didn't realize it was that bad until pop-a-meets video on it. Holy shit. - There replies to that. Dude, it just keeps getting worse and worse every day. It gets more fucked up. And this started way before Schlepp. It just got Schlepp got it big. But they sued Ruben Sims. They tried to. He beat them. - The CEO's responses is what's fucking wild. When they decided it'd be a good idea to open up a dating app inside the children's game that's accused of. - Oh yeah. - That's their new thing. Their new plan. They're trying to get a dating app going in Roblox. The thing that's marketed as a children's game is just heavily criticized for having. - Half of all children under 16 play Roblox right now in the United States. - Do they have ID verification on this app? - No. - No, God no. - No, absolutely. That would be on Constitution, and it would ruin their profit margins. They can't do that. - Did you watch the pop-a-meet one yet? - I haven't seen any of this yet. I've been off the internet for a while. Like in that regard. The board is what is wild and the statements they release. They're like, well, we have talked with the board and our numbers are fine, so we don't see the issue here. They just go directly off the numbers. - The numbers are fine. - They only care about their margins and they put that for it. That is their public facing forward image, is that? And they state that. It is fucking. - Well, I had people in my comments who are like, "Damn, don't it. It's not talking about shootings right now." He's going after this because it's a serious issue. - Consider that now. Two lists I'm interested in running on. The Epstein list and the Roblox list. 'Cause what the fuck is it all about? - Actively, that CEO is actively creating an army of Luigi Mangione's at the moment. Every word that comes out of his mouth, people are like, "Hmm, I have a unibrow." - Dude, where are some of the statements? - It was the statements that really. - It's crazy. They're so fucking out of pocket that they tried to sue a YouTuber that was like, I think 19 at the time and he's just got like 1.1 million and he was just exposing what's going on on Roblox and they sued him to stop him and he beat their ass in court with they're an $89 billion corporation and this little YouTuber won. He's a gangster, I fucking love her. - Yeah, 89 billion. - Yeah. - They were running, oh, the tax. Did you see their tax problem, too? - He had that claimed as a small business. (laughing) - 89 billion. - Compared to who? - Russia. - With a B? - Yeah, billions. - How many countries have a smaller GDP than 90 billion? - That's awesome. - He says, you have Roblox. You have a dollar currency system in your game. You are not a small business at all. - And those are using those Roblox to pay kids their meeting on the app, to meet them on snap and send them child. - Yeah. - Then they're using those pictures to secstort the kids into doing more and more disgusting and grotesque things like with their younger siblings and household pets. The stories that are coming out of what's happened on Roblox is mind boggling. - And what are their preventative measures? Like, what are they doing about this? - No, so thanks. - How'd he go? - No, that's the thing. So I think we talked about it shortly on one of the podcasts we had the other day. They have like separate like chat rooms set up where some of them are a simulator for going into a public restroom with a grown man. And there's like, you have all these YouTubers who are exposing that. And it's like, if I can find this as someone who just started a new account, why can't the Roblox security team or whatever the fuck they have running over there? Why can't they go in there and just delete all these rooms, delete the IP addresses of everyone who's in those rooms immediately? - I would say not only would I delete them, but I turn over the people involved to the vet. - Now watch, watch. - There's just a pair of people exposing it. - Watch. - This is Moni, a former Roblox employees choosing shareholder interests over children's safety. And when asked about their approach to child safety, he said, quote, you have to make a decision, right? You can keep your player safe, but then there'll be less of them on the platform. Or you just let them do what they want to do. And then the numbers all look good and the investors will be happy. - Jesus fucking Christ. - That is a Roblox statement. - That is what we like to call just downright evil behavior. - The fuck? - Thank you, Hunter. - Bro, 85 billion, you ready for this? Out of 196 countries, only 68 make about 100 billion and over. So 128 countries, Roblox makes more GDP than 128 countries. - And they're total. Would they, they had like a 2.5 billion player, like active, or what now? - 2.5 billion players in the game. - It's several million a day. - Active players. - What was the country that just banned them? So there's been a few that have tried to or have banned. 380 million monthly active with a total 85 million daily, daily, 85 million. - Yep. Like I was saying earlier, half of all kids under 16 play Roblox in the United States. - That is wild. - And then they're just like, "Eh, we don't care. "Let them do what they want." - China, Turkey, if you're marketing as a children's tank, why would you even allow a car? - Fucking guitar and Kuwait banned them, but we've just got them chilling over here. - They also banned women's rights. So I mean, maybe they're on a roll. - Why would you even allow something called public shower or public restroom simulator on a children's table? - Why would you allow escape to Epstein's Island or daily party room on there? - If not on there? - Yeah. - If they're aware that this sort of activity is happening on their platform, why would they not be actively working with? Yeah. Why would they not be actively working with? Don't hurt the skull. Why would they not be actively working with the FBI to try to make sure these people are caught so their platform's safe? - I mean, the margins, right? I'm not gonna lie. - Margin's on, can't be that fucking good. - That's what, that's what I mean. - Aside from a fucking politely evil perspective of thinking that that matters. - What if they know that they're, and therefore they charge them more for stuff. And they're making more money off of, escape to Epstein's Island. - The picture is literally Epstein chasing a screaming child through what looks like hell. - Technically, that's not a child. It's a Roblox person. We don't know what age they are. All right, it could be a 5,000 year old dragon girl. - God, what is that called? - Lollie, do that. - Lollie shit. - Lollie something. - Disgusting. - Lollie's kid. - District 23 will take away perfect, or not perfect. Pervy anime. - Well, that was a 14. - That was a, yeah. - Richard, do you have anything to tell us? - I really like Tannicle. (laughing) - Tell you on the barrow, my ghost, bad pillow. - Does it smell like you? - Yes. - Do you feel that cooling technology? - It's definitely not a hot pillow. - I gotta get out of here. - Here's me, my pillow. - Everyone, they have to sleep here. You guys have your own houses in your own pillows. Quit touching it. - All right, real question. Can the gang do a pillow fight? - Not with these, a fucking heavy pillow fight. - A slow motion pillow fight. - No, they're heavy, it'll hurt. - Are they really? - Yes, they're premium. - Dude, that would actually suck. - Actually, I don't think I'd want to get smacked with that. - I'm swinging it hard, okay? - Your son, you walk up and just tee off on your kid. - By smacking with this, you're gonna be a ghost. (laughing) And get this, they're built to last with a 20 year warranty and they have a three month free trial period. - What do they do with all the used mattresses that get returned? - Not black lights. (laughs) - They have a complete sleep setup. - For spooky sex, though. - Ghost bed has it all, adjustable bases, sheets, pillows, and full bundles to upgrade your whole bed. - With over 20 years of sleep expertise. - Which is really amateur hour. I've been sleeping for at least 30 years. - Family owned and handcrafted in the USA. - In Canada. - You. - Canada. - Interested by thousands of happy sleepers. - Like Cody. Brandon. (laughs) - Do you care? - And Nick. - Yep. - They have over 60,000 five star reviews. And you get an extra 10% off when you use code unsubscribe at checkout. - Hello, it goes bed.com/unsubscribe to get started. - That's cosped.com/unsubscribe. - Use the code unsubscribe to sleep better and stay cooler. - What'd you guys go do last night? - I introduced JD to JT. - Oh, nice. - Very nice. - JT is over there cooking stuff for you guys. - Can you Caleb? Now there's another one in our large tattooed man. - Giant tattooed man, the largest of the boys with the sweetest of the voices. - I forgot his name today when I was telling the story in Nick's car and I called him Cupid. And I was just like, that seems super appropriate. Just for how sweet his voice is and how big he is. To just imagine him with like, tiny, tiny wings just floating around. - Oh man, and you guys should hang out. You guys want tiny one? - Hey, just Caleb and Ty. - Remember Ty was with a bow? - He really is the nicest guy. - No, he's one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. But god damn, is he not a scary view of being? If a boulder from the never-ending story people, it like got up, it was just like, "How do you want to lift everything?" It's gonna be like, "Caleb?" (laughing) - I feel like, 'cause you guys, JD, Nick and Caleb all together, just like the Viking, like Jack's tattooed guys. - Yeah, but we don't look like the TV show Vikings. We look like the Vikings from how to train your dragon. - Like, like, you guys should all start a podcast. There's not enough of those guys who look like that. - You guys look like the army reservists that are like, too little hell of a brother. (laughing) - That's another one. My buddy Nate, Valhalla VFT, he's big red beard tattooed lethal. - Yeah, there's not enough bearded white guys doing podcasts these days. - This is true. - We need way more. - We need shit so many more. - Oh, you know, I really count. - No, no. - Brown person, brown person. - That's a good brown person beard though. But that's because he has some east on you up hand in him. - My eight, this is all I can grow. This is like eight years in the work. - I think that's the Asian DNA. - Yeah, a hundred percent. - You know, we get you some stem cell therapy for that. If you just rub it on your face, you grow that. - You grow up the stem cell on your face? - Yeah, that's right. - So we use the long-through handlers. - I can see how long I can get this. - Get the Kung Fu handlebars. - He's crying. - He's crying the babies in half. - Just stoke. - I'd be crying, baby. - You boxing with the Kung Fu handlebars. - Man. - He's so much more cool. (laughing) - Honestly. - From my quick move, he's like, what? - Eli, Eli for the bit. You have to get the fucking. - He's just grow these. - Yes. - I'll try. - Yes. - Do you remember the South Park episode? Heck, man. When they were talking about stem cells. - Yes. - Oh yeah. - And he's cracking the babies. - Who was it? - He's like salarping them up. - Who was it? - Reeves. - Superman. - Yeah. Christopher Reeves. - Yeah, you got to crack them and just grow them. - Was that the one where Cartman at 37 aborted fetuses in his backyard? - Yeah, probably. - Is that the episode where he tried to clone the del taco? - Yes, with stem cells. - Yeah, I didn't even know that part. I don't remember that part. - Has anybody watched the new South Park ones? They're like, I'll shit non-Trump. - Yes. - I've seen like bad reviews for 'em, but it's all like super right-leaning like pod, like accounts on Twitter. - Right. - So I'm really like grain assault. It's probably still funny. I just haven't had time to watch it. - Polaris. - They're very equal on that. They've been very transparent. They make fun of everyone equal. - Yeah. - I wouldn't say equally, but they do make fun of both. Like, it's definitely more left-leaning, which is like it's fine. - Did they ever shit on our last president for falling down and just like being a geriatrician? - Yeah, really? - No, like I even tried to look for it. I was like, damn, shit, I'm a bitch. - Yeah, I don't think they ever actually directly did Biden, but they definitely have made fun of the whole culture and all of that, you know what I'm saying? They just didn't go specifically as hard as they're going on Trump, JD Vance. I mean, there's definitely a fire in their ass about that. And the end of the first episode of the season where they get an AI Trump, and they're doing, they part of the thing is Trump sued them, right? Because they said something bad about him, and he just runs around suing everybody with his tiny penis out and trying to fucking Satan in the ass. And so he sued South Park. They have to pay him like $3.5 million and make 50 pro Trump ads. So they end with a pro Trump ad where he's walking through the desert, and it's like Donald Trump walks through the desert for all Americans and our freedom. And he's ripping his clothes off to least butt naked. And then he falls down of exhaustion and his penis pops up and starts talking to him. And it's like a finger with googly eyes, but it's super graphic. It was an amazing fucking scene. I have not seen any of that. I guess my biggest problem with it is that for the clips that I've seen at least, I thought the JD Vance thing was pretty funny. JD Vance thought it was funny. And I thought it was good. And Charlie Kirk leaned into it immediately, which is what you have to do because South Park are fucking bullies, bro. They are bullies, and they bully pretty much everybody. And if you let them know that they're hurting your feelings, they're gonna hurt your feelings more like Kristie Nome. She freaked out about what they did. - You had a green amplify. - Yeah, it's like any spot in life that men we've been through like in prison. If someone knows you're hurting their feelings, like you can keep hurting their feelings. You gotta lean into that shit. - Yeah, you can't ever let your feelings get hurt. - No, if you show them that they're hurting your feelings, we are gonna come harder. - It's a little bit of weakness. - Yeah, Vance clearly media trained enough to go, that shit was funny. Charlie Kirk changed his profile picture to the picture that they made of him. And I'm sure they're done with him. Kristie Nome, they ended that episode, that last episode with like five minutes of Kristie Nome in a pet shop just shooting dogs in the face. Like brutally executing dogs, like every few minutes in that episode. - In reality, it should have been the. - It should have been the last ATF director. - Oh, yeah. - Something we can agree on. - That was third agreement of the episode. - Well, I'm sad, well, I'm sad, yes. - My biggest complaint is that from the bits that I've seen, so I feel like this has been true about South Park for a while now. It's just not funny. Like I used to, I remember like South Park was so fucking funny when I was growing up. And now like the more I watch of it, I feel like they're just phoning it in. - The technology farms like felt flat. - Yeah. - But they also admitted that it felt flat because when they decided to bring Stan Marsh and Tally like out of that element, they set fire to the entire farm. And Tally and Stan Marsh are looking at each other and or Randy Marsh are looking at each other. And they're like, well, that didn't really take, did it? Now we tried. Yeah, felt flat on his face. - Yeah. - Which is a meta joke about how the integrity farms didn't really show up. - That wasn't funny. - I miss like one of my favorite episodes ever was where they were shoving food up their ass to poop it out their mouth. - That was so good. - The turkey. - I didn't see that. - Yeah, the fitness, it was the way to lose weight. Cartman glue really pushed me. - They had them fucking, what's your dick that went to jail? - Oh, yeah. Martha Stewart. - Yeah. Martha Stewart was like, here's how you base your turkey to shove it up your ass. And like, that's what South Park was always supposed to be. Just like juvenile humor. That we could sit down late at night and be like, yeah, this is kind of funny. Like dumb poopoo peepee humor. And like even, even recently they've done funnier stuff where like, like said, they do attack both sides. Like not equally, I would not say equally, but they do go after like, for example, the Disney stuff with what's Kathleen Kennedy. - Oh yeah. - Like put a chicken and make it gay. - Make it lame and gay. - Put a chicken in and make it suck. - Like, that was funny. Like, that was the first South Park I've watched in a while. - That was the old way through. - That was the only Queenie, Miss Kennedy. Put a chicken in and make your lame and gay. - You want them to do what with your lame and gay? - Put a chicken in and make your lame and gay. - I haven't watched much of anything really on the cartoons. I used to watch more family guy. I haven't watched The Simpsons in decades. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, that you were, I haven't like in probably like five, six years. - The Simpsons get a lot less funny when everything they did 10 years prior starts coming true. - Yeah. - Those conspiracies go wild. - They're nuts. It's a lot of stuff that they guessed right. - A lot of it's fake though. If you ever look at like the dates, it's usually stuff that they parodied after it happened and some redditor changes the date it was released to before. - It's a real better, yeah. - Unless that's the Mandela thing. - Redditors aren't people. - No. - Just like cyclists. - Do we make reddit four times? - Unless you're on the unsubscribe reddit, in that case, we're very proud of how you're doing with the fitness challenge. - You are crushing it. - And Buffalo Public Schools. - Yeah, great job with that. - Excellent. - Reddit did a great job with that. - You guys are savages. - All of y'all for good. - For the greatest thing ever. - Same here for good. - You're rushing the fitness challenge. - A vote for Brandon Herrera as a vote for holding public officials accountable. - Thank you, Dark Brandon. - 34 times. - Do you say something terrible? (laughing) - No. (laughing) - You're in frame with Brandon. - It got more damage. - No. - It got wholesome and my goal was gone. Say something awful you're like don't do not do the wholesome shit. I will have to box into that. I want a box today Branding a box today theoretically How I feel once we're done with this. Oh, you're talking to me or him you two fake brain dark Brandon dark Brandon You gotta keep the wig. Yeah, I'm not gonna go and get my wig knocked off How box? Yes, I forget how bad or good I am at it. It's been a long time. It's a wall box yesterday Me Eli Calvin then. Yeah, there's only four and then we all we all did rounds against each other Maybe the first time I've had to I started bouncing and I caught myself. I was like, oh, I'm actually I Am actually very serious right now. I don't not want to get hit right now I have to start playing you put it perfectly playing chess. Yeah, I've been playing chess in a long time with boxing So it's like okay Nick homeboys quick homeboys very very quick do not like very very fat He's not supposed to be quick and the size that he is. It's fucking daunting. It's terrifying. Yeah, it's like a jet pack on him never mind You said no, no, I want to know. I don't want to know. It's a jet pack on a whale. Yeah, that was the least offensive thing you said all podcasts I was gonna say something else. Oh I slipped inside Nice and district 23 you're allowed to slip inside your friends Usually I By going like bully He was the first one I hit a wall and I was like, oh, oh, oh he weighs more than me. I have to retreat I'm gonna get punched right now. Just catch a fish right here Dude you missed out. How hard do you punch and sparring? Is it like 60% or? You just kind of go over for the quick one to be like I got you I want you to know that I could have hit you really hard. Yeah, we just fuck around with each other when we do Our stuff which Nick your terrifying fuck you by the way You guys keep putting it like like me and Brandon play around with each other But you put like the last two times we've done the boxing thing you put me in the ring with you who you're a terrifying man and then Clean god damn it clean used to be a natural fighter. Yeah, who was a MMA fighter? He has the best cardio of anyone I've ever fucking ran into It's just kind of terrifying. He would he would spend half the round fighting from like an aggressive lean Yeah, he's very good at angles That's very annoying very You're like god dang it and he would he would way longer reach than me clean was laughing at me the entire time It was it was a fun bossing experience. I haven't done it in years. It's a dude Best best exercise you will get. It's fun. It should yeah for sure died yesterday Calvin keeps wanting to take people down Calvin did really good for not boxing much I was very surprised. I was like oh, you're comfortable fighting because you don't shy away from getting punched Where you're like ah, but you kept eye contact and you throw on back. I was like I'm shit. Okay. This is proper You're not doing that oh Turn away It's smooth sack summer. Oh damn right. 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So if you want to look good feel good and do good grab the TCS ball hero bundle Well supplies last get 15% off your entire order by using the code unsub at man scape dot com Visit man scape dot com slash TCS to learn more about how to check yourself or make a donation to T.C. Society today help save Lines and balls Tram your pubes God dammit smooth sack summer Shit, I got a question for you guys. We're talking about we don't watch South Park. We don't watch Simpson's much anymore Where do you guys watch in these days? Documentaries. Oh, you know you watch documentaries That's called work Nick Well, in your leisurely time, you know like once you put you you got your two kids now Your wife you at the end of the night when you're just like chillin. What do you watch now? There is no leisurely time. I'm watching the kids or I'm watching the documentaries because I'm working I did watch Love Island with Hannah all the way through. Yeah, I would consider that leisure time Yeah, that was how it's not work. I'll put it that way. If you're married, I highly recommend it. It's fantastic Because what wasn't the one that you were saying like they're putting out episodes like daily yeah It like that just from like a creator standpoint when you watch it because I I think their upload schedule was Monday through Thursday and hour long episode And it was like They start airing the episodes while they're still on set Filming so like they're filming new shit and you're voting on the next the same day Whatever unfolds on the next episode is like kind of you're you're gonna find out the results tomorrow So I don't understand how they're voting system like they have like what's what they have like different things on the phone Like you can vote who goes off the island America's favorite at least favorite couple. What's the yeah? What's the premise of love island? The premises they take like 15 horrors that are men and 15 horrors that are women and they put them on an island And if they can find true love in America buys it they win a hundred thousand dollars So it's less than a beast It's like literally a bunch of Hollywood people were sitting around in a boardroom and are like what if we did survivor But instead of doing like athletic challenges or like moderately torturing people We just had the challenges where they had to make out with each other and dry hump each other the entire time and at the end If you win you get 60 grand after taxes just split between the two of you. Yes Correct it's wild It's like the real reason they do it is because a lot of the people that are like The more popular people in the show are now like mega famous like there's a couple of girls and guys that were on This love island show that now have millions of subscribers on Instagram and shit and it's like they're getting like makeup deals and Clothing brand deals and all kinds of like they're gonna They make way more money after the fact if they're popular on the show make sense. This is wild New episodes dropping Tuesday through Sunday 6 p.m. They air six days a week on peacock and With a one-to-two-day delay so they are filming editing kicking it out the next fucking day And that's that's not that's not like what we do where it's like one or two of us on camera with one or two cameras There's like 50 cameras trying to articulate a story of everything that's going on between 30 different people 15 couples Yeah, yeah, however many it is. Yeah, 50 whatever it's lesser more depending on the episode But it's like the cameras all the life because it is all the rooms are I'm assuming half cameras. Yeah All the rooms are bugged even the bedrooms and the bathrooms and everything everything has a camera and like They're like they all have to sleep in the same room and you have to sleep with the person you're coupled up with and like some of them Like they don't actually get along. They were just coupled up with the game They're just like that's your side of the bed. This is mine some of the time they're making out and cuddling and then some of them this is just like Right throughout the blankets moving underneath like you figure out what's going on like every room has cameras also the producers of that have a heavy fucking way in on what they're doing because We we've had friends who have done stuff like that and like they have told us that the producers will just throw like a Molotov cocktail into the room like not It's a lot of like just throwing really cool. Yeah, that'd be cool shit. Just throwing something into the room or like telling to do a certain thing. It's like just to create more drama. This is getting boring. Fireball. I mean, that would be awesome. The other part that's funny for me is like There's a bit multiple times where the producers just come in at night and are like you need to pack your shit and get out. We found something that you put on Facebook five years ago. One girl got kicked out. I think you'll have to bore this maybe. Not a white girl. I don't know what ethnicity she was but she definitely was not white and she had like a snapchat live that somebody had Screen recorded. It was like something that auto deleted and she was doing her makeup and she said I just got Botox in my cheeks and it's Swollen right now so my eyes look. And like she didn't know that that was a racial slur and then they found that video and in the middle of the night pack your shit. You're gone and To rock a show and this is a lot of years. That's not even hard races. Do we allow that? Is that hard racism software? I don't think so. Like agents are awesome. Hard, awesome. Yeah. I don't know. Agents are some of the most racist people I've ever been in my life. So I think you can I think you I'm still surprised they just kicked a bitch off for that's always the most terrifying part of if you think you did something on the internet and it's It's gone. - No, it's not. - Well, the other part is like, I could make this show so much better. I was like, I need you to get a 30 year old married guy that was like in the military and one for the females as well where like they have a life coach 'cause some of the decisions they make are just dog shit. Like, it'll be like, they're on Love Island. They're on Love Island, but it's like one, you know, broccoli haired, you know, pretty boy. And he's got two girls that are just faunting over him. And I'm not shitting you. It was one of the girls refused to do the make out challenges and you could kiss her on the cheek. And they did like the reveal all moment where they're like, how many people have you slept with? How many people have you sent nudes to? She had been with one boyfriend for seven years that she slept with. That was it. She'd never sent a nude, never done any of this other stuff. And then girl B that's faunting over him has slept with like 32 dudes and sent too many nudes to count. And he's like, I'm gonna pick the whore, actually. That's the one I wanna go, man. - You know who we need now. I'm gonna think of it after you said that. You know who we need on Love Island? You need to have Justin Governell on and tell him it's just naked and afraid again. - He just shows up right for naked and afraid and it's fucking Love Island. - He has a satchel on. - Yeah, he's wearing nothing but a satchel. He's like, I'm ready to survive in the wilderness for a month. - He's like, oh great, we get close. Awesome, dude, dude, awesome. - And I think bang the whore. - Yeah. - He still does the same thing. - I know, immediately Justin would do. (laughing) - How many needs did you send? - Come here. - Yeah. - Ew, one. - Cross. (laughing) - Challenge accepted. - I love Justin so. - Justin's like a quagmire in real life. I don't think, what? - Giggity, he's like giggity, giggity. - All right. - Yeah. - Horses, what? Respect women, huh? (laughing) - How many seasons have you watched? I just watched the newest season with her. It's like I was just like sitting on the couch, like on Reddit, the shit posting while it's playing in the best of like, I'm like half cognizant throughout the entire show. But it's always like, oh yeah. Yeah, she's crazy, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, the episode's over, let's go have sex. - I feel like this is so much more interesting than this shit I'm watching. I'm just like, crime shit, mafia shit, and sci-fi. - Yeah. - I feel like a bunch of whores. - It's complete brain rot, but because the only thing I watch besides that is I have a fuck, I need a notepad. What date was that? - No. - World War II, blah, blah. It's just like, it's just like, ha, ha, ha, stupid. (laughing) It's really nice to be able to do that. - You're like, man, these people are real. This is wild. - Well, the other thing is like. - Real quote unquote. - They have herpes out breaks and it's like all of them have gone source by like week two. It's hilarious. If you look, oh yeah, they run that shit back. - You're taking a bunch of sluts from Instagram that want to be famous and put them in a house and telling them to make out with each other as a challenge on the show. - And they have a whole lot of herpes out breaks. - Oh yeah, like they're all running around with cold sores and shit, and I mean, they're trying to cover it up makeup. You can see it. - Oh, I got some violent washerpes simplex too. - Fuck. - Yeah, and then they'll bring a one girl on. She's like, finally confesses. I'm a mom, which whatever, that's fine. But then- - Oh, the guys are gonna be, ew. - Well, so like some of the guys were, but then like, my whole question is like, okay, where's the kid? - Great question. - She's like, I'm a son of a makeup. - I was like, I'm not talking about dick, but like, did you really just leave your kid alone for two months to go on whore island for a chance to win 30 grand? - In the background, there's just a duffel bag that's for like, wrangling around. - It's too much a wild chance to win 30 grand. - It's a wild one. - What the fuck? - Oh, reality TV pays. Garbage, we've had President discuss this. They walk away with like $100 a day. A lot of the times. - Yeah. - It's a very bad pay. And it is for the chance to get rich. Also, exactly. Take, well, he's four weeks old. He can take care of himself. It's like 30 grand, you had a rich. - Do you think they're gonna bring the kid on the show for like, added drama? - And then like, the same girl that was the mom ended up sleeping with two guys on the show. Like at the bedtime scenes, she's the one where you just see the pumping on the computer. And it's like. - You need the brother or sister? - Was it Chinese finger? - We gotta grow this family. - How you gonna do that to your kid? - Well, she's not doing it to a kid. She's doing it to another man. - Right, but like, that would be a deal. - Yeah, that would be a deal. - That's gonna be a high school one day and be like. - In District 23, we wanna allow that. - None of that. - In District 23, we won't, you don't do that. Not here. - Well, I don't think you can go stay home. - All right. - I got nothing. - Yeah, not about that here. - Okay, how do we create a reality show? 'Cause obviously, they're making millions of dollars. - Step one, horse. - Horse, we have to have a horse on it. - Well, they all basically married at this point? - We're not gonna participate in it. You just do it the same highway. - Well, like fish tank? - Fish tank is the perfect example of. - Oh, I know how to do it. I can make a bajillion dollars on a reality TV show. I just need the budget to get it started. - Also, Sam keeps getting kicked out of his house though. - I like the idea of a bajillion dollars. - Literally, all you need to do, 'cause Survivor did it. And then they are like, oh shit, we have to change this right now. Survivor did an episode of Survivor where it was men versus women. - Yeah. - And I'm not shitting you. - You're 15 minutes into the first episodes. The dudes have fire and are cooking fish. - Yeah, and they're celebrating. - And the winner. - And the winner. - You're probably crying in the rain. And they're like, okay, we need to mix this up now. And then they were, first, the women have a shrimp cap. - The dudes are having a fucking blast. Like this is a vacation. - Oh, what fire with fish? (laughing) The women were empowered for all the 14 and a half minutes. And then they were begging for Patriarchy. - They were empowered on the boat ride there. And that's about when it's done. - The dudes were catching the fish. And they're like, yeah, we got so much food. We got to do with it. - But here's the thing. - We do some variation of a show like Survivor. And then you just take two very, not politically, but like polarized groups of people. It could be Democrats versus Republicans. It could be Vikings fans versus Packers fans. It could be literally anything where it's just a group of people that don't get along. - Pound cities versus Jews. (laughing) Oh, God. I think it'd be great. - What was the first one? - Oh, well, that's already happening. - Oh, is it? - Well, I mean, it's making great TV. I don't know what the internet goes. - Oh, numbers. - And the guy numbers. - Everybody's talking about it. - I was gonna say I talk all the time about like, how the, there's the LA group of content creators. And then we have like our San Antonio group of content creators. Like Texas versus Los Angeles. - Austin versus San Antonio. - Yeah, even that. - I was just wondering what they were. - I do not go when invited to LA. I always come when invited to San Antonio. Like LA. - The games are replaying. - Like me and Brandon and Eli talk about it all the time. You gotta pay us a lot of money to go to LA. - Yeah, exactly. - Second you landed and I fucking hate that airport. I hate just garbage. What games are we playing in this hypothetical version? - One of them needs to be boxing. - Oh, it's a game. - This is a reality show. - How do you get voted off? - I was thinking the survival thing. - Each person has it when they get voted off. They have to save the n-word and get canceled. - Oh. (laughing) - Oh, that is what you are trying. You're damned. - Yeah. - No social media for all of you. - Even if you don't say it, we'll bleep it out and post and make it look like you said it. - Yeah. - That's why you don't make money off social media afterwards. - No, that's 100%. You are giving all 100%. - You have been voted off the internet. - Alex Rosen can't play. He's got a cheat code. (laughing) - Yeah, just saying it, you hand out passes. (laughing) - Yeah, you go ahead. - They're not having you. (laughing) - Yeah, exactly. - You woke up, I mean. (laughing) - It's gonna be hosted by a black guy. They'll be like, "You are invited to the cookout." (laughing) - The last person that doesn't get it, say the word. - Say it. - What did they call that? What was that big brother where they just had like the thing of immunity or some shit? - Yeah, a survivor that you can find immunity idols that are here and there and you can win them or whatever, except it's in word passes. - I'm loving this game. (laughing) - It's just a little really good about finding mine early in the game. Cody Fineswan is just, he just says it immediately and throws it away. (laughing) - He flies off the island. - He's got the quits levitating. His toes were fairly on the ground. - Like Mary Poppins. (laughing) - There's people like bargaining with like the producer. I can't say the inward. Can I just say that Michael Brown didn't have his hands up? Can I say that? - Can I say that okay? Can I say that like 13% of the population commits so certain percentage of it? Can I say that? Anything but that please. Please, I can explain everything else away. (laughing) - Nope, you've got to say it. All right, Pewdie, you have to say it again. - I know what I have to do. I just don't know if I have this track to do it. - Who would be a YouTuber that we'd love to see the N word? - Watch. - That's a straw. - I do. - Nevermind. - He already did. - Oh my god, she's, I'm shocked. Surprise is not canceled by the way he's talking about. - Can you hear that? - He said that banging noise. That's the ladder being pulled up behind you. (laughing) How'd you get up there? Don't worry about it. - Damn, I only started my YouTube career because of you. And you're up there now. - Good news is, what do you find? Yeah, it's West. We can't we can't play this no Play what? Hard to get The video for 799 a month actually you can oh Oh It's a source object. It's a little sensitive like her piece Okay, so we talked about we got this asian skull what about what a Billy Billy sent us that one Billy oh fuck I didn't wear the shirt we got a born to math we could put up the shirt right here editor and you can buy it It's on your brandy. I was like Billy actually made us you can't do math it's only for the amount of shirts We got the crayons on there and everything It's a full metal spectrum one dude. He got the Thomas the train pen the puzzle piece pen everything. It's identical the font I Don't know if that's real, but it's fucking perfect looks good. Do Billy. Thank you so much It's gonna be in the background of our podcast. No Eli's gonna wear it and we're gonna see if it's actually ballistic graded That's not ballistic graded. Yeah, they stop it with Asian jokes I have I have a a Vietnam era helmet. I could actually bring in the real helmet and you could wrap it with the real stuff Yeah, K-pop. No, that's not for a K-pop. That's a Vietnam era helmet. Yeah, I don't really listen to K-pop I do my favorite song is finger bang bang you into my life self-park reference See I'm out of any of those it's an old one that that is an old oh Christian band, right? Yeah They it's the little rings. It's not it's not the Christian. Yeah, it's the It's when they just become a little boy band and yeah, but it wasn't a Christian band because they have to have the rings The purity ring episode purity ring isn't Christian bands purity ring is when the Jonas Brothers and Disney go on and he starts to try and start like get a handy from his girlfriend The Mickey Mouse is like Those are like your olds. Oh Got them t-shirts The shit they get away with is why I'll do that that's two people I would love to sit down with one day It's mastone and trade Barker. You just like pick their brains about some of the shit that they did over the years one of the Quarter got to work with them like on what they built their Their deep fake movie they did so Matt and trade did it and Matt and trade did a deep fake movies. Let me get the actual I'm this is the first time hearing of this Parker deep So they did an entire deep fake movies sassy jay sassy justice Just so it's a web series created by a trade Parker mastone. It was so good that none of us had heard Yeah, what a great web series. What a eight? I mean a lot of people didn't hear about it and it's still an eight on IMDB Well, that's good dear God, but This is 2020 and Niko and Sam are one of the few people that are doing AI face changing deepfix right so they actually reached out to them like hey Can you work on this for us and they sat down did everything together and filmed it together? They did all the Deepfix showing them what to do how to do it. They got to work with him like Every fucking day for four months or something like that. That's cool. Yeah, I was one time. I was really Fred sassy. Yeah, they're doing like they're literally doing a movie with Kendrick Lamar No, which I'm really Intrigue to see what that's gonna be sassy justice. He's just gonna go to Toronto and went I'm just gonna show Drake in a cage It's crazy the people that are getting catfished by deepfix celebrities and they're literally sending them snapchats Like did you guys see what happened with the runny rad key situation with Tommy Lee's wife? I only heard a little bit about it but go on so like I guess Tommy Lee's wife thought she was talking to runny rad key on His snapchat like two followers or 60 followers and two posts or something and she'd been going back and forth with them for a while And her and Tommy Lee were fighting and she literally showed up at a house that she thought was his one night And I guess he had sent some like deep fake Actual videos, so she really thought that it was runny rad key and like she's like messaging him I'm here outside of the house and it's like not his house It's not him. He had no idea But Tommy Lee like hits Ronnie up and some messages and he's like man What are you fucking with my wife for and he's like dog? I've not like I love you. I grew up listening to you. You're one of my favorite people I'm not with your wife and he's like no fuck this. She was thoroughly convinced that she was having an affair with Ronnie rad key Is this the woman on TikTok? Yes. Yes, she said I decided that she was gonna stop doing tick tock Mary Tommy Lee a divorce her husband And then she'd on him she'd on Tommy Lee with Ronnie rad key That is how the story goes. Yes, what a dumb bitch I didn't want to say it Did you hear about the the Disney lawsuit going on right now about They were at Disneyland like a family and the wife had a severe food allergy So yeah, yes, it was in it was in Disney World is in Disney Springs Like this little like Irish pub restaurant or whatever the one with the Disney plus. Yeah thing Because they they signed up for like a free trial the Disney plus Well, go on what happened to the wife first. Yeah, well when she had an allergic reaction to like food that she was promised that you know There wouldn't be what it would be or whatever. Yeah, yeah, she ended up she died. Yes Like the wife died and then I want to say they wanted something very reasonable. It was like 50,000 It was only 50,000 which I thought was weird like you were under shooting it here, bro. You lost your wife Yeah, especially for something that was very demonstrably their fault Mm-hmm. Yes, and apparently the reason their defense was they signed up for a free trial of Disney plus and in the terms and conditions of the free trial of Disney plus is You're not allowed to sue Disney for anything ever It had to go to it wasn't that they weren't like completely liability free It's like they had to go to an arbitration or something instead of like a court That's what I think I think that was the that was the breakdown, which is still fucking evil Why do you think he only asked 50 grand? What did she do? Was eight shellfish. Clearly, but yeah, but like why was that like if I love my life? I'd be like 10 million dollars. This guy was like 50 grand pay for the expenses. Thanks for saving me I think it was literally just like on the car facts How is you in a suit they took your wife? Your wife is worth more than 50 grand for fuck's sake I think he just wanted to to cover like funeral expenses and yeah, that makes a very reasonable. Super It's their fault because they told they had a specific meal for it. That's the thing It's like yes, she is allergic to peanuts or yeah, fished and then they served it anyways, and then she died That's right back and they like double-checked with the server like they they to my understanding the way it was presented They did everything right. Yes, and that's the hard part where it's like how do you return with like I just want 50 grand. Yeah, well, he probably only want a 50 grand because she was also allergic to penis Yeah, if you kill my you'll person If you get like if my wife died, I'll fuck it. There's a mash cas incident happened in Disney World If you kill my wife, I don't care where it's that everything becomes a target rich environment L-shaped ambush Can I just say wouldn't it be absolutely wonderful to do like an L-shaped ambush with each other? It's just like the male fantasy it is just to like be like hey guys China attacked us. What? Yeah, and Mexico's with them. No way. All right. All right boys dips on the saw shift us. Oh my look at rich and Nick. They are oh God. They're doing so good on this ambush if and pause you guys good We're good high five. We need to am it. Who are we sending trout run it? Cuz you're thin you're lean you're very hard to hit You're gonna be a runner blade just don't cry in the stairwell when which is rich is getting stabbed by a German Yes, I hope if anybody ever invades America It's a demographic of people where their gear is gonna fit me because that was it's not gonna happen I know I'm gonna be a thing we discussed this yesterday with trout bro. We're heads are too big starring people don't have a full fridge, but okay It's the worst part. You could take two. That's what I have to get like four of their chest plates and just make chainmail Gonna be the ogre And Civilized to collect ears bro. I'm on an Echolus Chinaman you just have like eight eight fucking Chinese sappy plates across the front of your body, you're like, could have just left Taiwan alone. Nick's literally bored and just like, you shouldn't have came here, Link, long like, oh, Mr. Nick, I'm so sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. But you took out my dope teeth, you paid some real cool things on my head, it's quite nice of you. And imagine I'm slicing that all through you, Nick. I'm like, Cody, what are you doing? Don't worry about me. I don't understand why you got a bash hole and back of my skull and put your ding dong inside. That's very rude to my country. Like, Nick needs his skulls. I couldn't even imagine because there's no rules of war at that point. No. If you had got it, it was dry. Exactly. Trust me, I know how fucked. I don't fucking care what one would be. I've said everybody explained to Eli what war is like. Yes, please. Tell me what is war. Yeah, you got the metal. I'm sorry. I've always said, if anybody ever invaded America, the biggest issue would be the hour government trying to convince Rednext to not taxidermy these things. Yeah. Do you know how great? It's funny. They sent Rednext to war and the Pacific and they did things like this. Y'all ever seen a Chinese jackalope? The parachutes start following and the town just gets over like the tornado siren loud speakers telling everybody the bag limit not to take cover so we allowed for we need enough to go around. If we're going to sigh up a group of people and like play music to freak them out before we hit them, what song are you guys going to pick? All right. You first, what song would you play over a loudspeaker to like psych out an enemy? It's raining. It's raining. Oh, it's fucking dangerous. That's scary. I'm a Barbie girl. Ew, gross. You know that song by what was her name Carly Rae Jefferson that Friday, Friday, we're back of black. Yes, we're back of black. Thank you. Minus all the things. Minus toe through the tulips by Tiny Tim because it's eerie. Oh, it's eerie. Party in the USA. Good one. Yeah. That's like I know. I would go hard. Yeah. I'm waiting for somebody to do something heavy metal. No, I would go metal. Like I'm thinking welcome to the young lover to prevail. Yeah, slaughter to prevail. I was going to be like slaughter. Yeah. So you know what's about to happen. Leave to don't shit. That would be fucking cool. I take it back. I want to fill columns. In the air. No, no, no, no, no, no. Boom. And the ambush starts right at the boom. Oh, my God. That's going to run. Do you cover fire and tracers? I can't feed it. I can't feed it. I can't feed it. Boom, boom. The pewdie. Oh, so great. The ptsd which a man is going to have. They're telling their new soldiers coming in what you have to look out for. You invented us. It's not going to be PTSD. You're not going home. You hear these songs. Fucking run. Just run. The enemy is for life because we gave a rich the ox. They're like all the white women had aggressive pit bulls coming after. They said they were friendly, but it was not the owner. I'm not into fucking dudes, but invade America. I might make an exception. Dude, I mean, I'm not going to lie. The content. Yeah. You got a generation of men who are raised on the global war on terrorism. Yeah. That's all that America has known. At least when we were younger. You're still in it. You're still doing the RME thing. I'm just waiting for the next generation war. So then I can be like, I think you're a boy. You just got like a couple million angry dudes. Like Jim. Yeah. Alcohol. Yeah. And our wives. And our wives. The other thing that I think about is like obviously not me, but like you and Eli and all the dudes that were actually over there, like I'm sure at some point in your deployment, somebody tried to kill you or you saw something where you're like, shit, that's a really good idea. That was clever. And then you just have that bag of tricks in your bag of tricks now. I hate for IEDs. Oh, yeah. A types of ambushes, setups, anything. I do. I still hate a majority of the things that almost got me killed was dumb military decisions. Those are some of the things that got me saved was I was just like, this doesn't make sense. Can we change this? Yeah. And we literally did a 180 in the middle of a street, quarter of a mile down that street that we were going to go hit. The next convoy, like the guys lost their legs. And I was like, oh, that would have been me. But instead of going across the city and a star, I was like, why don't we just go in a circle? They're like, oh, that's a good idea. Rich or high. Crazy concept. Private high. That's a good idea. But IEDs, we can have some fun with those. Oh my God. All the drones. Oh, yeah. Like I'm going to say, do you know how many, like everybody has a rifle that can poke somebody at 300 meters. Like everybody. Yes. Like you're not safe anywhere. You get 300 meters within a building, any building, and that American's like easy pickings. And we got big ass guns, like a 7, 6, 2, AK that shittily made was the worst thing we were coming up against. If you're looking at like, do you think Chinese team armor is going to stop a 9 mil? No. I mean, like the 3, 3, 8 Lapuas. That is, that is a very funny thought that like the PLA is going to fucking war with contracted body armor that doesn't even meet their own specs, because it was literally from the wish.com factory. Yes. You could see that happen. We need to throw bodies at them. We have one billion people. America's like, we've got 37 trillion rounds. I think they're okay. Are you guys going to bring aircraft into this? Because you can only get so far at the Rockies, you know. Eli, actually, we're going to be level with planes just shooting them. Eli, you like Metal Gear? Have the M82A2. And then you're just going down the list to check off those on your firearms. We're unlocking kill streaks. Yes. I was like, they don't think I'm not going to have a side bunker beside my house where I poison all the food. Yes. That's what I'm talking about. You know how many of them are going to be like, oh Pepsi, this is great. I think they're rushing now. This is great. It's still delicious. How come it is, it is fizz is gone. Oh, whatever. Arsenic injected into every can. What are you doing poisoning the meat? What? No, don't use the, don't use freezer B. You know all that fat and all you said over here, fuckers? Yeah. Come get this food. Do you know how many like sock puppet episodes I would have with like dead heads just like with their jaws? So we're like, well, what'd you do wrong thereling Wong? Well, I defeated America from the sound. I thought it would be a good idea. We're thirsty. Some of the content from YouTube would be out of control. On today's episode of Brandon Herrera, we're loading Benadryl into a shotgun. PLA versus a hat man. Round one. It just fell in his trip. You get hat man. I just have three PLA soldiers just in a fucking pen. Do you know how much fun it would be until Sean Gunning? He's able to speak again. We just have a soundproof basement with like two dudes in there and just constantly playing the same Miley Cyrus song of party in the USA. That's just like the experience of a normal dad in 2017. Yeah, but normal to them is not normal to us. Normal to us is not normal to them. Rich, I'm super glad we're actually good people. This isn't normal for yourself. That invasion comes. Rich says, oh, it's rain in minorities. I had to watch before it. It's not racist to go back to where you came from if you're shooting invaders. I had to watch US soldiers dying before I deployed. It was just part of like desensitizing training. Oh, they made you kill your buddy. That's weird. This is what they would play to soldiers of why not to get captured. Who fucks this exact statements? They'd be like, and that's why run. Shoot yourself. Do not get captured by any American. Who does this just? Who did that to you? You didn't have to do that? No, it's fucking retarded. That's the worst thing you could do. Oh, yeah, we had to watch a lot of that. What? Hold up. What element of you made your division? Did it? You retaliated? Brigade. Brigade? Yeah. Your brigade commander is a fucking retar. You never had to do. No, that's a dumbest shit ever. Are you kidding me? That is. You're so proud. You're like, yeah, we desensitize you. No. No. Yes, my God. That's such a horrible decision before you put young men in battle. No, so, so, Rich. Guess what? I never did when I was doing patrols. Got captured. I stayed still. Say it works. I would never stay still because that was the one thing they're like, watch what happens when you stay still. I mean, anyone in the pause, they'd hold position and not move. And then it'd train, boom, shoot them, and they're like, this is why you continue, if you're pulling security, if you're pulling guard, if you're moving, Bob, we've moved, continued to change positions, like, do not stand still. Even when you're in vertical superiority, if you're behind a 50 cow, move your fucking head. They're showing you like videos from the enemy of like soldiers dying unfortunately, but it's because okay, okay And what do you think was like straight up torture scenes of them like torturing America? Oh no, no none of that I'm like, I'm like, I'm the Taliban. This is an American soldier and I'm pulling out his eyes. You see what happens if you don't wash your feet in the field? And I'm like, what? No? No? From a tactical aspect of, you see how he stayed still? That's how they were trained on him. Unfortunately, that American died. Don't do that. Okay, that's different. It's very different than before. That's how I was like, wait, hold on. I think we're here. I was like, that psycho was just showing Americans getting gutted on the plains of Iraq and being like, you see what'll happen? If you don't check in with your battle body every five minutes, drink water. Who will? I feel like that's a proven method though, like, in school when you're going through sex ed and they want you to like, wrap it up. They show you pictures of like Lindsey Lohan's infected with all that shit on it. And you know what I'm saying? And if you get a DUI to correct that, you go to a class and they make you look at all these pictures of like decapitated kids and weird shit that happened from driving that. That's what they would show me as a young sailor, like don't buy a motorcycle because we would have young sailors like take a jigsaw or something and just slam it into a fucking building. They showed that. They showed that my motorcycle safety course. Like the guitars for Mastodon last night died on his motorcycle. Really? Yeah, last night. Oh, fuck. 51 years old. That I'm saying I didn't realize they did that with the Navy. The motorcycle thing like just don't get a fucking motorcycle. That's what they would tell us. Yeah, show. Yeah, they would show us like the like the gnarliest Rex ever. We have made you to reckless and fearless to be on one of these things with two wheels because you're you're given young men like money. They've never had in their life. You know, even though it wasn't a lot of money, but it's like you have enough to buy like a jigsaw or like some shit like that. We all watch Tron legacy growing up. I thought yeah, it's like don't do that. And you're the most testosterone you're ever going to be in at that point of your life. Yeah, you're a 21 year old jacked kid who has a couple a couple hundred dollars a month, like you might want to buy a motorcycle. So I agree with you with that, but but also like I think they were good on your point because like if someone slid into my house and a foreign country, I would take you down to the basement and no one would ever see you again. I'm excited for the pepper box movie that we eventually make on a hypothetical scenario of yellow dawn. Is that what it's going to be called because I love that name. It's a working title. It's more like Yero Don. And by the way, speaking of what you said, I'm pretty sure that you can't buy any jigsers after the Civil War. So they're like, are you still trying to keep your career as a police officer? I'm homeless. Fucking heard that. I'm having a lot of fun talking about US invasion with you all. Question. Yes. I did like some of the things like the tactics that like Russia used when it was like taking prisoners out and like put him in Wagner group. How effective, like legitimately, because can they be trusted or would they be able to get the job done or would they just do the wrong thing? If hold on, if we gave like a bunch of like people that were arrested for like math and violent felonies, more math. And we're like, here's like a pistol with like five rounds in it. You got to go behind enemy lines and get your own guns and stuff. But you can do it everyone. I'm going to tell you right now at any point while I was incarcerated, if they would have been like, yo, we want to send you to war, I would have been like, fucking sign me. Are you kidding me? There are a lot of patriotic dudes that are locked up. So it would seem like people would be mad at the government about that shit or some not. All those dudes in there are super patriotic. They would love the chance to go and kill any stuff, bro. You just point and they'll shoot, bro. So get them in there. And if you give them meth, they're, I mean, they're probably going to be some butt. But they're definitely going to kill shit too. I was going to say what a retarded thing to do. Like, oh, yeah, if they gave you meth, like, yeah, of course, they're going to do that. Oh, yeah, we did that quite a lot. Yeah, not only in the United States, but, you know, not the Germany and everyone. Like super soldiers. That was just like a thing. You got issued that like with your green beans and toothpaste. Yeah. Here's your pans of Shokalata. Enjoy the next three days of not sleep. Best, best videos is watching those soldiers do we count. Yeah, they're like, pupils are like that big climbing a tree. Oh my fuck, we're in Paris. Yeah, exactly. And it doesn't even just have to know my animals. You might also just strap the pedophiles to like the outside of tanks and use them as human shields. I like this. Maybe catapult. Well, the drop them out of drones and just drop them on top of people from such a high distance that they splat. No, we have to use them. The, we use this like anti mine detection. Hmm, perfect. Yeah. We're just like, hey guys. Walk through this fucking God forsaken desert French for a legion. So they take a lot of criminals and it's how you can just have a new start, one of my buddies. He was part of that before 9/11 kicked off. He was in the French for a legion. Now he was a good, like, perfect, really smart, intelligent. He just wanted to learn French and joined the French for a legion to do that. Because the big thing about the French for a legion is you can just go in and have a new identity. Yes. So I knew a Navy diver buddy that did that. He, he was prior or after Navy? No, like he, he was prior Navy. He was bored. And so he joined the French for a legion. But he was telling me that like you get a new social security number, you get a new name, you can start over because I'll take anyone and make them cannon fodder basically. And he knows they're like, hey, okay, what's your name? He gave his actual name and like, what's your name though? It's like this, like, oh, yeah, you, okay, it's here. Chartered, I know a dude in Miami who'll do that for 600 bucks. Well, they're like, he used to be that guy. And like, here you go, here's your stuff. He was a comms guy. But when they deployed to, this is Africa and Mogadishu. And they had one attack and ID exploded on one of their vehicles. And then immediately because the majority all fucking criminals, they're like, oh, okay. The local populace just blew us up and didn't tell us, okay, they rounded up the kids fucking strap them on the side of the vehicles. And then they strapped all the kids around their vehicles, drove around in a patrol and then drove back, dropped the kids off. And then that never got attacked a single time after that. They were like, and that's when you have the issue of criminals doing it because they're like, oh, they blew us up this one time. So we took care of it. And then no one attacked us after that. They learned the lesson. She's a stupid dude. French for a legion. There's what's right. And there's what's effective. Yeah. That's, yeah. Eno's was like, it is a fucking wild story because you are five years. You have to sign up minimum. You are there six days a week and you have to learn how to speak French to it. That was a big one. Yep. You have to learn how to speak French. You mean in other countries to participate in certain things, you actually have to adapt to their culture and learn their language? We're JD. We're JD. That's crazy as fuck. That's how the oddest thing I've ever heard. Racist. I want my battle buddies to click their tongues and speak in Gaelic. Hearts are hearts are hearts are hearts are hearts speak in gate. What was that like? What were you doing? Like, click tongues speak in Gaelic. Same thing. Yeah. Why do you have to attack show like that, dude? Wait, I think Dave's the only one that knows Gaelic. Dave, you know Gaelic, right? How do you say, "Hey, how you doing?" Uh, David, king, queen, and a little dude? Oh, king, queen. That's very nice. Yeah. Dave, I didn't know you knew Gaelic. Yeah. So, you used to be an angel. Well, it's watching you work. Kind of cool. Because it's not too. It's even Lomba Lava. I mean, it's not too. I mean, you, I love my bed. All of those things are true. We should. I'm sorry. We got that. And District 23 will allow you to learn. I'm sorry. We should. I'm sorry. We got that. How you would have loved your bed? Just requiring people to pass a basic citizenship test where you learn how to actually use our roads and understand the road signs and not, you know, take a 180 degree turn in the middle of a street and kill a family of three. The crazy part about that video was this lack of a reaction to that. It's completely desensitized. Huh. I didn't like, didn't give a shit. Yeah, that guy seemed like 80 people fall off trains and get, like, delimmed. He did not. There was that sign that one picture of there is a sign that says do not turn around, like right there too. Yeah. He said, map. Just cut it. Cut a bitch real quick on a. Freeway. What? What is it? Rich torso decapitation. That's what happened to that entire family of three. Oh, we just call it dead. Yeah. I like that, that's a very, I hear conflict like that's it's true. It's a very good name for it, but I didn't know. I don't know. I never heard that term. They slid under the truck and so like their torsos were like, yeah, from Twain from here up. Yeah. It was done. I heard like, de-gloving and like, demasking, but I'm not sure demasking what's up. Your face gets ripped off. Yeah. All right. Just like what happened. that's what's going on. Horrible. Yeah, and that horrible incident with those two actors Joshua Volta and Both were demasked God, that is such a good movie to really is I've never seen you've never seen face-off No, Scientology makes really good actors. I understand the premise like I that one I get but do you think we could do that with Eli and like one of the Asian Captures that we get when they invade America, oh we send and then we send Eli back to their lines. Yes, with like a best Part like you're not gonna love the next party there. Yeah, that's what we use the For oh, but we could just tell him he's the only get like 99 pristine tacos when he dies and goes We need more tape his eyes aren't squinty enough Speaking of all to you're John Travolta is trying to leave Scientology. I Yeah, you can try to I don't know I think he tried he said something about leaving I think they released a sex tape of him and a bunch of miners or something. I don't know what the fuck But he said something about leaving Scientology. I thought maybe you guys would have I'm just thinking of a guy going into Tom Cruise's office Like Travolta's gone. I'll be outside So with how much money they've both donated and the way Scientology works. They're supposed to have superpowers I think one of them's invisibility and one of them shooting fireballs. Well, Tom Cruise has an age So he's definitely got one of something if you guys looked into Scientology at all. Are you fucking with us right now? No Scientology's weird as and I'm not like I didn't want to talk about it while I was on Probation out of Florida because they literally own clear water. Yeah, and they have so much pull and sway that like any time Anything with Scientology would come up. I'd be like really want to talk some shit But my freedom But like you're being legitimate with the superpowers. Yeah, no like legitimately once you reach a certain level and the way to ascend To these levels is by giving them fucking money This South Park episode does a fantastic job. Yeah, I was with the chef Yep, oh and Lord Xenu yep, they only in the lives in a mountain and they're just flashing on this green This is actually what they believe this is actually So look just because you've never seen Tom Cruise shoot fireballs out of his hands doesn't it? What? Evidence doesn't mean evidence of absence. Yeah, I don't know that he can't and I've never seen an obscene touch a child Jesus Boom roasted. Yeah, so are we gonna get that list? I Fucking hope so that was the one thing I've always been transparent on from day one They're like well just because there's certain Republicans that like no, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a Right left whatever Brandon. I think you both need to come clear and just let everybody know that we only took one right on the jet And it was just because we were with our family you can speak for yourself And always sunny. Yeah, I was there for the jet skis. We need to make a song Implication is in good. Yes. No, I just I don't give a fuck who's on the list Like I and I understand that there's not like some Excel spreadsheet that he kept that just like Oh, here's everybody who's ever child. I don't know. I think I know our shit They're absolutely is a log of people that like showed up and you're just like there's like a little Stink like a like an anime character that says like they did something to somebody Well, maybe I just have it. I want to see all that has it. I guarantee you fucking somebody has it Yeah, I didn't mean to see I a and massage probably have that part of the reason why it's probably not getting released is because the people who did have it and the people who knew about it Yeah, dude. Did you guys see that they actually released the paperwork the FBI Cooperation and confidential informant paperwork for Epstein when he got that case in Florida Like it look basically dropped. Yeah, like like it just recently came out or maybe it was out before and I'm just Finding out about it, but like I had the paperwork in my phone I'm like holy shit. He was absolutely cooperating with the FBI and he got like this sweet deal that gave immunity to people that are Unnamed That's crazy. I've never seen anything like that before Alexa. Who was just laying Maxwell's father? Yeah, yeah What did he do for a living? Alexa, what did you? Elaine Maxwell's father do for a living Elaine Maxwell's father is robots on my personal What did he do for a living Alexa? All right, then keep your secrets And District 23 will make Alexa tell us what his late Maxwell's father did is a living so Confirmed a solid agent and he made textbooks for school kids in the United States. Yeah. Yeah. Our curriculums that our kids learn from came from him I think on that fucking joke you can end the podcast Bye everyone. I was joined today by Eli double tap fat electrician JD delay Dark Brandon. Yes angry cops Brandon Herrer myself don't an operator. Thank you so much for being here We love you. Have a great day You