An Unfiltered Conversation about Postpartum

- We had someone take a photo of our placenta and I was actually a fan. - And look at my progression, now I'm eating it. (laughing) - The thing that shocked me the most was the way that my organs just fell into that cavity whenever I would get out of bed. And be like, "Oh, whoa, I'm gonna throw up." That was a crazy feeling. - It's like you're going down an elevator, but it's just your inside. (laughing) - I took three showers a day post-partum. - Because you got the sweat, you got the blood, you got the blood. - The sweat. - And you got the tears. Don't forget the tears. (upbeat music) - Welcome back to Always Here. - We're your host, Abby Howard. - Abby Howard. - Happy Friday. - Welcome to the weekend, ladies. - I love Fridays. - Yeah, they're good energy. - They're good energy. - I started doing this thing with CJ where I take him to get a donut. - Every Friday? - Yeah. - It was sweet. - Caleb was like, "Maybe we shouldn't do that every Friday." - Yeah. - It's like a donut, it seems a little crazy and I was like, "Well, it's for the childrens." - For the childrens. - It's for the childrens. - Where are you getting them from? - Just Bosa. - Guess what I got today. - What? - Sobley. - How? - What? - You guys. - Did you get a chair? - Well, wait, listen. - Wait, did you get up a five a.m.? - No, I'm so trapped. - I'm so sorry. But listen, how this just happened? It just was pure, just luck. - Were they not sold out? - No, we were not sold out today. - We went to the splash pad and it's right across. And apparently people line up, okay. So if you guys don't know, there's this bakery that absolutely blew up close to where we live. - Yeah. It's called Sobley Blancere. - Okay, wow. And Abby and Adi are the ones that like, am I wrong? - Yeah, I was getting mad. - And Caleb, and Caleb, everyone's been talking about it. And it's just been a craze. Like people will literally line up at 4 a.m. - Yeah, for about six weeks. I feel like it's been like that. - It hasn't stopped. - Back down, there was still a line. We got there at 10, 30 or whatever it was. - Wow. - And I just looked across and the line was like, they were like shutting down the queue and I was like, I was gonna ask if they, and they let me in and then they completely shut it off. And they counted everybody and they're like, we have seven items left and there's seven people in line so everyone can have one. Like it's like, they limit everything. It's like that high of demand. I said, Matt, why was it that I felt like the luckiest person in the world that I got to buy a $10 cookie. - So I was wondering what cookies were like? Which is what I wanted to try. - Oh, I wanted to taste. - I want everything else. - It's like the cookie. - Well, that's what's left. - Yeah. - But I'm not like the hugest pastry. Like I like pastries, but I was like, I love a cookie. And it's a huge cookie. And when I tell you that seven people split this cookie because we all wanted to try it. - Aww. - Are you shared your cookie with everybody? - I did, I shared it with everyone. - I was so good. - It was so nice. - With the other friend of mine. - Yeah. - There was only cookies left. - Oh. - So you didn't share your cookie to people online? - No. - You're sharing it with the girlfriend. - I share it with my friend. - I thought everyone would do what they were on their own. - I should have gone to the splash pad. - Dang. - It was very special. - Was it good? - It was really, it was so buttery. - Was it worth that? - Was it worth that? - Like there's something green on it. - It's peanut butter and milk chocolate or something like that. It's very fancy. And I will tell you, almost a seventh was like almost enough. - Yeah, it's very rich. Like the most buttery cookie. Like you pick the cookie up, it's like oil all around. - Really? - Because it's so buttery, but you can tell it's good stuff. - I thought it was divine. - Okay. - Yeah. - I don't know that I would wait hours for it, but I think that if I was a grandma and retired, I would. - Had your time. - Kill when I were joking on Father's Day, 'cause he was waking up super early to on Father's Day had to go let his crew out. So let his crew out. - I'm telling the doll, I'm sorry. He had to go help his crew out, help his crew out. - Okay, at four in the morning and I was like on Father's Day, maybe you just get in line for Sabley on your Father's Day and get me some pictures. - He didn't do it? - No, no. But we thought we were joking about it. - You were serious. - Now I was gonna be like, "If you do, if you do." - If you do it. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, I felt, I felt so lucky. - Yeah, there's some likes, amazing. - I did something really embarrassing the other day. - What? - Unchanging the subject. - I was at a mom's gymnastics thing, and there's another girl there who did Instagram. And she's bigger. She is almost a million followers. My friend that I was with was like, I follow her on Instagram. Oh my gosh, I was like, you should go tell her that you follow her and just say hi. Like that always means so much to people. Say things. And she actually came over to me and goes, "Do I know you from somewhere?" And I was like, "Oh, mostly from my family." My father gets so embarrassing that I said that. And then she was like, "Oh, no, I don't think that." And I was like, "Oh." And then I got worse. I named her off to go, "Maybe from my brother and sister." (laughing) She's like, "No, you never heard of that." - Actually, do we get a church together? Or something? - I was like, "I don't know Rosy's here." (laughing) - You're like, "I don't do anything else." (laughing) - I texted Caleb out there. I was like, "That was so horrible." (laughing) And she was really nice. I took her for like an hour. - She was someone else that does social media. - Yes. - Well, that's why you were so nice. - That's why she was like, "Maybe she's on the internet." But then I was just so embarrassed. I'm like, "I just big dog this girl "and be super weird about you." - And she has a million followers? - Yeah, almost. (laughing) - Yeah, she's way bigger than me. (laughing) - I was like, "Oh my gosh, she was horrible." - I felt really stinky inside about it, but. - Stinky. - I think she was reposted. - So yeah, I'm so curious who it is. - Her page is really cute. I want you to look her up. Abby Flake is her name. Her name's also Abby. - I was like, "You're like, "That's probably it." (laughing) - I'm like, "You really heard of me, Abby, how are you?" (laughing) - I was so embarrassed saying it. - I know, I can't believe I acted like that, but I just thought. - That happened at Kid's Gymnastics thing as well. Yesterday, this lady comes up. But kind of in a different way. She waved across super big to me at the gym. And I was like, "Hey, you know, I just went back "and then she'd come all the way over with her baby "on her." And she was like, "Hi!" And I was like, "Hi!" And then I could already tell that she recognized you. - Well, no, I couldn't figure out what was happening. I think she was expecting me to say something. And then I was like, "Wait, I actually don't know you." - Yeah, yeah. - And then she was like, "You're my ward." And I was like, "No." - And then she's like, "Well, did we go to high school together?" And then she kept trying, and she kept trying thing after thing. And I was like, "Oh, make me say that." - I know, she was like, "Shoot." - And so I kept, I was like, "I don't know." And she was like, "Well, did you, oh, she said, "Do you work at the hospital?" - Oh. - And I was like, "She's trying to figure out what she knows." - But it was like four things. I was like, "No." And I was like, "Do I say it?" - Yeah, what'd you say? - I was like, "To be, 'cause she kept trying." I was like, "This lady is relentless." (laughing) So nice. And then I was finally like, I was like, "To be fair." I was like, "Me and my husband do social media." Like, so maybe you just recognize from scrolling. - That's a good way to say it. - And like, and then she was like, (laughing) - And I was like, "All right." - Perfect. Well, it was really good talking. - I was like, "I think guaranteed I'd never, don't make me say it." - It's not our word. (laughing) - It's not our word. - Oh my gosh, it's really funny. - Anyway, we are here to share the hope in the heart, with heart and humor. - I actually have a serious hope. - What? - What's a serious hope? - Yeah. - All right, serious her off it. I'm gonna drop it. It actually is shifting gears and now I'm gonna be lashing, but it was actually, I'm proud of myself, okay? So I started therapy like a year ago. Okay. Oh my gosh, it's been literally over just over a year ago. - Off and on. - And I was like, okay, when I go in, I like had something else that brought me in. And then I was like, okay, my set, I want to say that goal was like kind of achieved. I was like, okay, my secondary goal was like, really want to focus on anger management and like emotional regulation, which those two things are like kind of tied together. I think it's really important in therapy to have goals. I will say, because sometimes I feel like I could just go in and just like, especially woman to woman, just chat. And it's like, wait, I want to have like a purpose for this. - Sure. - And so that was my goal. I was like, I don't know how long that'll take, how it works. It was specifically for like my marriage, because I feel like I could, I kind of had this under wraps and like every other, like no one else could inside that out of me. And it's not him, it was just me, like I had no regulation there. And Matt literally said to me, like, not last night with the night before. He was like, hey, I just like was thinking today. He was like, you aren't angry anymore. He's like, you don't like it angry. And he's like, you've been like, he's like, there's been some things. I feel like you should have been, like I just expected a different reaction from you and you didn't do it. And I was like, that felt so good to hear. It felt so good to hear because I felt it. - Yeah. - And I didn't like, I didn't wanna be like, okay, I could have gotten angry there. - It's been like eight months and I literally haven't like gone crazy. So how do you feel like? - Wow. - They felt really good to have that like validation to like that that happened. And I genuinely don't feel inside me anymore. Like I thought it was one of those things that I'd always just be like angry. And then I just have to like, excuse myself, decompress and then like, enter back into the conversation. But it's like, no, like literally, I just don't even feel that like anger anymore. And I noticed that a long time ago, like in myself, but then for that to also be like something that he noticed too, felt like the final like, this doesn't mean that I won't ever struggle with it. I don't think, but like a major win. - Yeah. - And I didn't think that that was possible. And I feel like that's a lot of, I don't know. That was like something I was like, I'll just always have to just try to manage that. and like me. bustle through and fight against that. But I don't feel that way. Like I feel like I just genuinely don't feel like that angry anymore. - That's amazing. - Yeah, that's really amazing. - I know, I felt really good at it. I was like, thank you so much for saying that. - That's cool. - Yeah. - It's like fun to go back and tell your therapist. - Oh yeah, I haven't been in a while, so send her an email. - Send her an email? - She did a good job. - Was it that you give you specific things in the moment to help you like-- - That's how it started. - Yeah. - And sometimes I was like, that didn't work. Or like things like that. So it started with like tools like in the moment, basically to just like slow that impulse, because I feel like for me like, it was like just a reactionary thing. And then I like couldn't like even in the moment then I was like, I, well actually here's how it worked. It was like an impulse thing. And then I would fight for a while. And then I would be like, wait, I'm not even, like I would realize it, but it took a long time. Then I would react and then immediately be like, wait, that was messed up. And then like that moment came sooner. And then I'd be like, hey, can I try that again? And then, and then I would feel it. And then I would take a break and come back. And then it just like kept, there was like a whole progression of it. And it's not like something that I like constantly had in the forefront of my mind, but I think that's the whole point. That's why it was hard to fix. - Yeah. - Because it was just like an impulse thing. - Wow. - That's so exciting. - Yeah. - That's awesome. I know you've been working on being less of a rage monster. - I know we used to joke about that sometimes. You know, and now it's like, oh, so good to hear. It's in my, it's in my DNA. (laughs) - I mean, I wasn't gonna put it on blind. (laughs) - That's such a win. I'm proud of you. - Thank you. - What's your hope? - I feel like I'm getting my pink back a little bit. - Yes. - I mean, when you hear my heart, you'd be like, is she? But if you don't know the term getting your pink back, like after a flamingo gives birth, I'd never really was like super moved by this. I do think it's cool, but a flamingo gives birth, sheds all their white feathers. And then as they go along, their pink starts to come back. Like, right? Isn't that true? - They shed their feathers. - I don't know. - They lose their pink, or they turn white. - They lose their feathers. - But I don't know if they're feathers. - Yeah. - Okay, so the flamingos, they turn pink again. - They lose. - Yeah. - They're just in the middle. - I don't know. - Which I don't say that lightly. I always make this joke. This might be a bad joke. We can cut this out. This is a bad joke. I tell Caleb, I'm like, I tried it and didn't stick with me. Like, depression in me just don't really go hand in hand. Okay. Okay. It's that stupid. But I normally just like have a very, go with the flow optimistic perspective on life. But last week, I just felt really down. Like, super low-motivation, state of late scrolling, just didn't want to go to bed. Just nothing was fun that I did. I was like, there was just not a lot of excitement and anything. And I told Caleb, I was like, I think I pegged what I feel. I'm not teary or weepy. I'm just sad. Like, low. I just felt really sad all week. But I looked it up. It's been about three weeks. I think since I stopped nursing. And that's when the peak hormone shift is. Which I assumed it was probably related to being done breastfeeding. Which I think made me feel a lot better in that. And I already thought I'd come out of it. But there was like a solid week there, where I was like really down. That's scary. Yeah. I think it's a long time to feel low like that. Yes, I'm pretty not self-aware. So I didn't really know it in the moment. But then like, after four days, I was like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I was actually telling them, like, I was talking to Caleb. Because I was like, he was like, the magician was amazing. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, you didn't think it was amazing. And then Toy Story 5, I was like, it was fine. Like, everything that was really amazing and fun was like not that exciting to me. I know. Not to dog in the magician. Because I loved him. He was amazing. But I just was like-- No, that's the thing about it though. Like, it just kind of-- I know it turns the color out of everything. It takes color out of everything. That's how it felt. Yeah. But I feel back. Okay. Yeah. I think it shifted. But I just googled it and it was really-- I know. If it comes back. I will. I've never felt that before. Maybe it can start. You know when I felt that? Postpartum. Postpartum. We're talking about today, but I think we have a few things to talk about first. Did you guys have fun with the magician? I did. I was like a little bit stressed. Like when you're hosting, you're like, I just want everyone to like-- Have fun. Have fun. I was stressed I think wouldn't be able to hear him. Oh, I heard him fine. Okay, good. And I saw the back a lot with Vivian. I was thinking I was back to her. Yeah, great. And the kids, I was like, they're so young for it, but yeah. We brought a magician to our house and not just any magician. It was actually Nate Burgetti's dad. Yeah. Who we had seen perform on Valentine's Day actually of this year. And just a little backstory. I took it upon myself to move my dad's birthday because his birthday is on this baby's due date. Yeah. And I was like, officially, you can't have August 11 anymore. Right, of course. And also my other son's birthday is August 10th. So I was like, you can't do the day before. And we're actually, in fact, let's move it completely because there's just so much going on. Right, right. And so we did it big, but my dad's also very introverted. So we didn't tell him that it was a birthday party for him. And we also didn't put on the invites or anything like that. He still called him out. And I was like, oh no. He doesn't know how serious it is that you cannot acknowledge him. And so you got to bring money attention. I literally remember growing up. Like when I'd go to friends houses and like their dad would talk to me. I would literally be like, why is I running for a long time? I couldn't peg that. I was like, why am I creeped out by other people's dads? I was like, I'm not creeped out. I'm just so unaware of this type of interaction. Blake would not do that either. I'm thinking about like, I like ever talking to someone else is like teenage girl. Like, Braille's teenage girlfriends. You wouldn't be there. You'd be in a different room. That was like my dad. And I was like, what's your dad doing here? He's literally just like in the kitchen. In his own house. That's existing. That was literally like hide. So funny. Unless they're like a really close friend. Yeah. So no, I think yet a good time. I asked him. I was like, you swear it wasn't too much because he got a little involved in the show. There's a lot of interaction. Oh, it's great. Like crowd work in Stephen Bargette's magic show. And he's hilarious too. Yeah. And I thought it was so funny though. After the magic show. We had a ton of kids there that I think a lot of it went way over their head. Because they're all so little. But all the dads, am I just gravitated towards him? They're like, tell me every more magic. And then I started talking to all their wives. They're like, yes, they like, they love magic. Talk about their husbands. Yeah, they do. I feel like Caleb was really into the magic. Caleb was really into magic. A lot of our friends. It was fun. It was fun. It was fun. I wanted to go after two and see more. But I just thought I had to watch the children's. Yes, he did fall off the swing. Yeah, he did. Exactly. So I was like, you know, I'll just hear from the second hand saying it. But it was, I didn't realize that I'd actually never seen a magician before. I didn't realize it was like a full thing. Like he was a comedian and entertainer. Like it was, I mean, in the crowd. It was 45 minutes of service. And then talk. It was very impressive. When I saw him perform, I said, I cried. I laughed. And my jaw hit the floor. Because he is magic was so cool. He's hilarious. He did like a mini sermon at one point. Like based on his life experience too. And it was just like soulful circle. I was like, what just happened? Well, we need to bring it to our house. Yeah, that's cool. And it was a nice guy. That was a good party idea. Thank you. I was blessed. I was like, Matt, thank you for putting up with all my shenanigans. Because I just remember just being like, hey, Matt, I got this idea. He was like, okay, okay. And then I think that day, who was like, oh my gosh, I have to move all the furniture out of this house. Right. And that was a big task. I know. And I was like, I can't believe it. I'm sorry. Luckily Blake showed up. Yeah, I can't believe it was supposed to be there. Can't believe it was supposed to be there. And then can knock it off his job. Well, Matt called him 30 minutes after he was supposed to be here. He was like, right. I'm in Scottsdale. Were you at? Scottsdale. Are you okay? Oh my god. Oh my god. Up. I don't know. Like, can't believe it was confused why he was asking where he was. No problem. Blake was there. Blake is actually pretty, Mr. Reliah will honestly. That's good. Yeah. If I told him to be there, he'll be there. He will be there. Perfect. Yeah. I said, hey, will you please help your sister tomorrow? That was nice. And sweet. I'm glad. I just killed both of them. - About me, I've done a lot afterwards. It was a great time. - It was so great. We have a weekend full of shenanigans, too, so. - So it was my quintessentennial, you guys. - There are so many shenanigans coming up. We're throwing a party for Val, all American Val. - All American Val. - What do you say the thing about? - I have to say, I'm so sorry if I, for the confusion that happened on my Instagram story. This is only for a few people, but I reshared a story from the gym and it was like Abby and Val are crushing it. It's not our Val, like this Val is another Val. - And awesome. - I got so many messages that are like, "Be Val!" And they're like, "The legend!" And like sending all these things and I was like, "Oh, I love this Val, too." But not the Val that we've been referring to. And so I was like, "I wonder if she's gotten any weird." - That's not the other Val. - But like unexpected messages. 'Cause she, I don't even think she knows anything. She's like, "What are we talking about the podcast?" (laughing) She's like, "Who? Who's Abby?" - I know, that's great. - Yeah. - Wow, that's crazy. That's crazy. - Um, I do have a quick while, that's crazy. Have you heard of the Cocoa Donut 250? Have you heard of it? - No. - Say that one more time. - Cocoa Donut 250, have you heard of a Hannah? - Easy native. - It's a foot race, well, wait a minute, let me refresh this. It's a marathon, 250 miles. And they run all through, it's, you're right, it's nine marathons. And they run through Arizona, like up in Watson Lake and Prescott, they go to Sedona, and they're running up and down mountains. - In the summer? - They just did it. This past, no, I mean, that's when it popped up. It's probably in the spring, but they have to pack for weather. Like, and they're literally running to the top of mountains. They only take naps, they don't sleep for five days to finish this. The girl, a girl won, and she broke the course record out of all these like many women. She broke the course record and it was female, which is really cool. She did it in 56 hours. She didn't sleep for 56 hours. - If you were to tell me Abby, guess how long a really fast person would take to do 250 miles, I would really know either. - No idea, with 56 hours. - But I keep getting every year, apparently. Every year I've gotten this guy's vlog on TikTok of it, and he's an older gentleman, and he's really like high energy, and he'll be like, oh, it's gonna get weird tonight. The hallucinations are starting, and he's literally hallucinating while he runs, and his hallucination was like being chased by a bunch of rolling police like just really crazy stuff, because he's so tired. - So tired, they don't sleep, and they're running. He fell asleep on the phone running. Yeah, pretty crazy stuff. Coco dono 250. - They have a different, they run in a different speed. - Very different mammal. - They totally different. - Completely different mammal. - Totally, this was this guy's sixth one. - How much do you think it is to register for that one? - I bet it's a lot. - Why? It shouldn't be, I think you're gonna get $1,500. - The cheapest is 1995, so. - Cheapest, but yeah. - The tiers. - So that's until August 31st. - Oh, okay. - And then if you sign up by the end of February, it's $2,045, and then at the end of April, it is $2,090. - No, I believe it's expensive, because probably not that many people do it, and then that's 250 miles that they have to make a course, and then they have aid stations with food for all of them, and then they probably have first aid. And so there's a lot that probably goes into it. They have like some sleep stations. They had, he got a massage at one point. So they're different things that they offer along the course, but you would have to pay me a lot more than $2,000. I do that. You'd have to pay me $2,000,000 to do that. (laughing) - $2,000? - I'd probably do it. - I would surely try. (laughing) There was a lot given a shot. - There was a shot. - Blake started running, I don't know if I told you guys that. He started on Monday too. He's gonna do a marathon at the end of the year. - He should just sign him up for the cold-go-dono. (laughing) - No, he said he's gonna do a marathon in December 12th. And I said, "What if I'm not going to be in the world?" - Wow, a full? - Yeah. Doesn't want to do a half. - Yeah, I said, "What if I'm in labor?" - Makes him run faster. - Well, he should do it. That's a great goal. - He said, all of us who keep doubting that he can do a full marathon by then-- - He's a bat. - He's pushing him. - He's a bat runner. - Oh, shoot. (laughing) - He said, "How?" - He said, "How?" - My dad and him running. I don't think he could do a 5K. - He did one today. - Okay. - 10 and a half mile pace. - Well, that's more. We used to do it. (laughing) - So he's doing it 'cause he hates running. - Yeah. - But hey, he's gone up and worked out every single day this morning. - That's amazing. - As in running work, lifting weights. - That's great. - I swear, that just made me think-- - There's something in postpartum, and I know he's a male, but postbaby, where you just, I'm ready to do hard things. - I did as Spartan, I think about this. Three months after having august. - That was a C-section. - Yeah, you asked if I wanted to do it and said, "I am not there yet." - I felt fine to do it. - And I actually was just thinking about that because our friends had a three-month-old, and I was like, wow, wow, I'm crazy. - Well, no, 'cause I just remember, you can feel really good at that point. - Yeah, you can. - But everyone's experience is so different. - Yeah, you can, it's just, you feel still like weak in some areas. - Would you do one? Would you do one? - Of all? - No, Spartan. - Yeah, I would do one. - We should do one next spring. - Spartan looks good. - I think Hyrox is, I was asked to do a Hyrox, and I was like, "Yes, 'cause I love it." Like, I'm like, that feels fun. 'Cause it's partners. - Yeah. - But I feel like Spartans have to be more fun. - You just do so many cool things. - Yeah. - It's like, it's so fun. - Yeah, it's more, 'cause the Hyrox probably is just like running and jungling. - When I saw one, I was like, "That doesn't look fun fun at all." - No, and it's inside. - Like, there's rope climbs, there's like, - You're job-ready. - You're fun. - You're going through mud, like, it is really fun. I would totally do that. - Let's do it. - Okay, let's do it. - There's one in November, probably. - I can't do it. - And in February. - I can't do that one. - We can do it. - I'll come to you guys on. - We should do it only here. - We should do it in this spring. - We got our bandanas. - Oh, we can do it. - Oh, don't do it what I can't do it. - Shoot, you're right, honey. - Guys, please. Can I do it? Will they allow me to run? - I can't do the obstacle. - Could you do it right there? - You just do the penalty for every obstacle. - Wow. - That is fun. - I couldn't do it three of them last time. The monkey bars are really, really hard. - I can't think of trying that. - No, it's though, my hand is literally, they're thick monkey bars. - That's one of the things. It's a ring. The ring monkey bars and then regular monkey bars. - Ooh. - They were a lot easier when you were a kid. - Trust. - Yeah, I believe that. - I didn't do really good at those. - What kind of mentioned it? Do you want me to do a hard things postpartum? We mentioned it a couple times. Depression. Hard stuff. Sorry, I can't be serious. Postpartum. That's what we're talking about today. - Yeah. - I thought this has been a highly requested episode. - Okay. - We're talking about our experiences postpartum. We both had, I've had two, I've had three. You're gonna have your fourth. Addy, you've had one. You're gonna have your second. So just postpartum in general, just how hard it is. Things that were hard, things that we thought were easy. Overall our experience. - Yeah. What would you say just to start off the conversation is harder for you guys, like physical struggles after postpartum or mental struggles? - I've had both. CJ was physical. I thought emotionally I felt fine. Vivian, I thought emotionally it was harder for me. - Really? Okay, Addy, how are you? - Mine was physical the first time. It's only been only done one. Mostly because I swear I broke my tailbone and I had a million hemorrhoids. So I couldn't move or sit comfortably. But I had to walk me up the stairs when we got home from, like, people are dancing at the hospital, not me. - Okay, but you also live on the third floor. - That's a lot of stairs. - I know, but I couldn't walk up the stairs straight. I had to turn sideways. - Yeah, that's weird. - It was weird for an Addy. - I had a little bit, I had a little bit tailbone issues. So mine was physical. (laughs) - Why did I do that to you? Let's shem out. - That's unusual. I feel like the tailbone. - Yeah. - I don't know what the headbone is. - What happened to you, too? - No, I have the weirdest tailbone ever, but it's never bothered me. - It's never bothered me. - Okay, postpartum. Mine is always mental, always. I feel like I felt really physically good every time, which is, I think, I don't know. I don't really know why. I got lucky. - No, I think every person's so different, you're very strong. Physically, like, very strong. You were strong going into both pregnancies. I wasn't very strong going into students pregnancy. - I think that made a big difference. I mean, I just ran and then during that pregnancy, I worked out a little bit, but it was light. I just, I wasn't in, I was at burn. - I remember every time, like, wanting to do more than they were clearing me to do. So then when people were like, I'm clear, but there's no way I can do that. I just, I'm not thinking, I totally believe them. But I'm just, like, that was at my experience. - Yeah. - And so, yeah, I think that just goes to say that postpartum can look so many different ways. And even going into this, like, next season, about to be postpartum again, I think more than ever, I'm like, it, it's gonna be what it's gonna be. Like, I, I can go in with, like, expectations, but I just know that whenever I do that, I just end up getting humbled really quick. - Yeah. - So, I'm like, we'll just see what happens. - I went in so cocky to Vivians. I was like, it's gonna be easy. I already know how to do the baby stuff, not a big deal. And then I felt I was emotionally rocked a little bit. - Yeah. - And with CJ, I think, you know, I had a pretty hard labor with him. And so, that really threw me for a loop physically. I mean, I can slightly recap it, but went in and do this for three days, got to the push stage, pushed for three and a half hours, went in for an urgency section. I don't think it was an emergency. I think it was just urgent. - Well, you got an infection? - I did, I got an infection. His heart started to drop. But they gave me, like, 30 minutes while they, like, prepped everything. It wasn't like they took me out. - Yeah, I remember, I was feeling surprised by that. I was like, get a run. Yeah, I thought so. (laughs) 'Cause the medicine was, I don't have to go into it, but it was painful. And then I went in, hemorrhaged. I lost half of my blood volume. They should have gave me a blood transfusion to this day. My sister was like, "I can't believe they didn't." And then, she did it in the NICU. So it was just a really, really, really hard recovery. And I remember feeling, and a lot of pain for a while. And just like my energy was so low, I had no strength in my body for a couple weeks, it felt like. - Mm-hmm. - So that was really hard physically. And I think the challenges after a C-section, like, you know, it's hard to sit up in bed at night and we didn't have a good bed. And I didn't lead our setup wasn't the best. And I just wasn't prepared in our home, even to accommodate some of those things I needed. Like probably need to sleep in a recliner. And, you know, some stuff. But I just remember physically being like, "Whoa, I got rocked." - Mm-hmm. - But I think that's what made the switch in my brain. And now I feel really like obsessive about never feeling weak again like that. - Mm-hmm. - Like it kind of triggered something in me, a fear response. - Yeah, seriously. - I better get it freaking together 'cause I never want to feel like that again. - Right. - We actually met with a doula last week and me and Matt met with a doula in our house. And she, well, this is funny. She started off by saying like, "Hey, when it comes to birth," which obviously like, I feel like your birth experience really shapes your postpartum experience. - Totally agree. - Or it can. Sometimes, not always the case, but a lot of times it does. And she was like, "I want you to start, Matt," like if you were to think of one word, like when you think about birth, like, what would you say? And he was like, "Trump up." (laughing) - Dude. - And I was like, oh, she was like, that is the answer I almost always get from the husband. She's like, "No, I mean, what would you say?" And she wasn't like trying to be like, she wasn't setting me up for any certain answer. But I was like, "Game day." And she was like, "See, this is more typical of what I experienced." 'Cause we do have that like hormone boost and like all those things that the dads don't give. But they're like, they see it all, they remember it all. Where we have like that type of amnesia or whatever you want to call it. But so that kind of just like, set up my thought of like, wow, it's such, postpartum is such a team experience. I feel like if you like have, if you're going through it with a spouse or a partner, like that just shapes everything too. But it was funny 'cause also during that she asked me, she was like, "What questions do you have for me?" And I was like, sitting there thinking I was like, I feel like having like done this before. I was like, okay, I feel like I've collected every birth experience. I have induction, vaginal delivery. And then a scheduled C section, I was like, I don't have like a thought frame reference for emergency C section, which I feel like duels aren't really necessarily, that's like their worst case scenario I would say. - Sure, yeah, it's like their last. - And I was like, can you kind of just walk me through what to expect if this ends in an emergency C section? 'Cause I like, in my head, I actually realized, I was like, if I were to put percentages, I'd think zero percent. And that's not realistic. - Right. - And so I was like, please give me a frame for like what this could look like. And she kind of walked me through that. But yeah, I think a lot of my confidence going into postpartum is related to my confidence going into birth, which is not necessarily founded. - So I'm like, this is shaky territory - Right. - Starting this all on. - So I'm like, oh boy. - I just texted Blake to ask him the same question, 'cause I'm curious what he would say. Like it's one word to describe. He said, quick. And then he said, scary. - For labor. - I said from our birth experience. From my birth experience. - Oh yeah. - So interesting. - Well, she's also speaking of Blake, that he made part of our birth plan for Matt to catch the baby. And so I asked Blake, Blake, Addy's husband, my brother. I was like, Blake, would you ever catch the baby? Like during a delivery? And he's like, first off the bat. He was like, yeah. He was, I actually think I'm more of a by the shoulder guy. (laughing) - Actually, I said, did you like look at all? Like, surely he was a little bad, but like, no. - Look at it. (laughing) - No, I don't really know. That's open. I had the mirror and Caleb was like, wow. (laughing) Matt's very curious, too. - I think Caleb watched the C-section, too. - Yeah, Matt watched the whole thing. - All of it. - I'm glad they're not sweet. - I wanted him, too, though. And I don't really know why, but I did. I was like, I'm not, I don't wanna see it. I need you to see it. - Yeah, I definitely was gonna panic if I saw that. By insights. - Well, I actually kinda saw it in the way, in the reflection. - Shoot. - Throw me up. Throw up. (laughing) - I think they give you some medication to give you no anxiety or something. - I asked for that. It didn't work. I said, I think I might have a panic attack. It's just like, I can't give you anything until they cut you open. I was like, oh, so then maybe I didn't have any. - Or they can't give you anything until after the baby's out. - So maybe I did not have anything. - I was like, well, I need it before that. I just closed my eyes. - There's no way Blake would look at the C-section. Not a chance in the whole room. - No, I wouldn't want to. - Yeah. - I was just oddly calm. So what did she say about the emergency? Did she give you good expectations? - She's like, well, honestly, it'll happen really, really quick. - Yeah. - Like, she's like, you'll just, and then it'll be similar to your schedules. I mean, I know what a C-section is. She's like, but you'll know really quickly if you're gonna have to switch gears into that. So it's basically like, you'll just switch gears from your vaginal delivery frame of reference to your C-section. - A hard transition. - Yeah. And I was like, all right, well, I'll just, I know myself, I'll just process that all about four weeks later. - Did you feel like a difference between your postpartum's? - They were pretty similar. - Similar. - Yeah. - And I feel like for me, always day two is when crap hits a fan. - It's interesting with your second, you can pick up patterns, which is helpful for your subsequent. - Yeah, I think that is good. You're gonna go for more than two. - Yeah. - Then you can know what's a pattern of what was just a fluke for me. Like day two is really bad. I feel like a cage animal both time. Okay, so with my first, I was getting out of the hospital that day. My second, since I had a C-section, I was still in the hospital. And I was losing my mind. I'm not even kidding you guys. Just like tears every second. Like my eyes were swollen shut from crying so hard. I felt like, just, I felt crazy. And I just remember this is so sweet and sad. My parents came in. They're like so excited. They thought I would be like so happy. And they're like, and you can just see their face. And as soon as they open the door, they're like, and they don't even look out our baby at all. I was crying thing about this. My dad sat on the bed. He didn't say anything. He just started rubbing my back. - That's really sweet. And I was just like, what's wrong with me? Like I just didn't know what was wrong. Because I was like, all I want is to be a mom. And all like, I'd not even eat in pain. I was just like, which I was kind of in pain. But I wasn't even thinking about that. And then I was just like, oh, mess. I don't know how to describe it. Other than I literally just felt like a rabid animal. - Sure. - And I felt like that about time. So I'm like, what do we do? Well, here's what we do. I actually talked to the duo about it. - That's good. - And she's like, it's gonna be so much better. She's like, you just need to do a polisinta encapsulation. How fast is the turnaround on that? - I don't know, hopefully very soon. - Nobody takes many hours for three hydrated. - Wait a minute. You wanna see something for three hours? - To dehydrate it, I think. - That's good. - But I don't, I was presented three hours. - Okay, I would've thought it'd been like three days, you know? I guess we're not leaving it on the air. - She doesn't have her kitchen. - I was presented with Vivian, the option from a company to do it. - Same. - And I didn't do it because the, you know, the polisinta has a lot of hormone estrogen in it. Is that right? - She don't have to make milk. Oh, she's ready. - That's her kitchen. - Same. - And that's the polisinta. - And that's the one's polisinta. - Wow. I mean, it couldn't be me, but I'm glad there are people out there that do that. You know? - She said my husband does want her to find another place. - Yeah. - She's really cute. - Oh my gosh, she's good. (laughing) She, that's such a happy picture. - She loves it. - She loves it. - She loves it. - No, that's like what you want. You want people that are so passionate about their job. And I remember reading about it. Like, it takes the estrogen sometimes from your milk, but you're such an oversupplyer, that's probably not gonna be an issue. - What, it takes, oh, she said it helps your milk supply. - Really? - Well, there's just, I think, conflicting stuff on this. - Well, I don't know if any of, I actually, I think it's all, go ahead and say that. I don't know if any of this is evidence-based. - Right. - But, but try and see if it works. - She was like, I really think, she's like, what's your postpartum like? I'm like, so messy, so messy mentally. I was like, physically, I feel pretty fine. Mentally, it's so messy. And she's like, you will, you need to eat your placenta. - Wow, I mean, she has probably a lot of research. I mean, she's probably done a lot. Yeah, she's, she really believes in this. And so, basically, I was presented with this, with both births before. Like, and I was like, with my first two kids, I was like, no, I don't. I actually, we had someone take a photo of our placenta, and I was actually offended. I was like, don't take a picture of that organ. - I literally was going through our births counter. I was like, oh, why would you slip that in there? But it's so, like, I was actually offended. And look at my progression. Now I'm eating it. - Eating it. (laughing) - I love my placenta. - That's, we love you. (laughing) When I saw a professional photo of my placenta, I was really like, oh, and now I'm like, our friend, fix my impression. Her friend, Jordyn, she was like, when it came out, they were like-- Like, this is the healthiest placenta I've ever seen. She's like, yep, 150 grams of protein a day. Like, she was like, you know, Jordan, she's, she knew why. Yeah, she was like, she worked for that. She worked for that. Yeah, she was like, I'm taking care of that placenta. I don't really think I had any comments on my placenta. They're probably like, this girl's eating crap. So funny. So, yeah, it's crazy. Well, they're gonna say, we have to bring her own cooler for it, disposable with ice. I think the hospital probably will provide ice. I wouldn't assume that. They have a million ice makers on the floor and people that take their placenta's home all the time. Oh, okay. You should clear. She's like, that'll be the problem. That will be the censure for why I can't do it. No ice. You gotta put that puppy on it. Here's the baddest thing that's gonna be the problem. Is that you're relying on this, on this to help with your range of postpartum. And then it's like, the placenta, it melts. It melts. It doesn't get, yeah. It melts. It just makes it worse. That will be the thing that sets me off. It's all good. It's match responsibility to get it in the cooler I believe. Uh-huh. And then our duo will take it from there. Oh, okay. She'll take it from the hospital and then she can probably help him. That's true. But I remember with Ogi, they were like, do you want to have your placenta? I was like, well, what would I do with it? And she's like, she didn't say eat it. She said some people make art with it. But I think they do do that because we do that. I was like, I had laughed. And then I was like, beautiful. I'm sure, I mean, I could imagine that it would be. It just sounds so funny. Are? Yeah. That'll be my fourth birthday. That'll be my fourth kid. I'm like, we're from the Congress to buy it to eating it to literally making art. You put it in a shadow box. You put it in the cart. Like a little, like, that's not what my photo looked like. Oh, I get it, that's close into art. Oh, so it kind of looks like a jellyfish or a tree. Check out that in my house after my fourth kid. Would you see a little tree or jellyfish? Look at this. That's the progression. That's the progression, right there. I mean, yeah, honestly, this point's like, we'll never say no to nothing. I can't have a hard fist on nothing these days. I keep changing my hands open. Wherever my feet lead me, Lord. Take me where I must go. Basically, she's going to dehydrate it and put into pills and then I'll take those pills. Well, I'm excited to hear if it's a good improvement. Because I had a lot of anxiety after Vivian that I wasn't expecting. So this is helpful for you. I'll never say never. Never say never. I mean, here's the thing. I can do a pill. Yeah, you don't have to think about it. I can do a pill. Just follow that sucker. Let it do what you need to do. Yeah, so you're already taking so many things. I was like, I just throw that one in there. Throw that one in the body. I'm in that. I'm so nervous. So much. So perfect. I'd be broke and go. I think something I'm curious to talk about is the different stages throughout postpartum. Like four months, I had a dip. And then six months, I felt amazing. And now nine months, stopping nursing, I have a dip again, like the waves of postpartum. I think we originally think about postpartum which is those first six weeks, but that whole year to 18 months after birth. So do you remember, and you're either of your experiences, like a certain month milestone point where you're like, oh, that was really hard or is hard every time, or I didn't expect that month to be hard versus others. I forget. I literally forget. I feel like I found two after six months. I feel like, actually, I will say, I feel like four months with both times, with both kids, was really hard. Do you feel like I was three or four months? I had a hard four months too. I wonder what that is. I feel like I hit a high, honestly, at six weeks. I remember feeling really good at six weeks. And then I was like, we're done. And then I think at four months, I was like, oh. Like, yeah, I felt knocked on my butt again. But then I don't remember anything beyond that. So what did you think? I thought four months was really hard. 'Cause again, you kind of get that, like a false confidence before you're like, I'm feeling good again. I'm feeling like myself. Like we're getting the handle on things. And then at four months, I remember with Vivian feeling really like, oh, I remember recognizing that I felt anxious. So it took me four months to realize that's what I was feeling inside. But then I remember thinking, like, I'm far enough away from birth where I'm assuming I should be better. But then I'm feeling really anxious in like, I'm struggling a lot. And I think I was then also hard on myself because I was mad at myself for still struggling too. Like, I didn't know if that felt like it. - And what did you say? - I'm wondering too, because all of us had babies July, August, September. So that means four months does go around the holiday season, which, and into new years. Which I feel like new years always is a fresh year. It's time to start fresh. And you're like, I don't feel like it makes me sad. - I don't feel fresh. I don't feel ready to start. Like, I don't want to do this right now. Like, I don't feel like I'm ready for that. My format, I feel like I'm trying to think. - I think I knew sleep training was on the horizon. I was like, oh, when we get to five months. And then for some reason, four months was so hard because maybe I knew that was like, on the horizon for us, and what our story was going to look like with her sleep. And I think that was the hardest. I felt so exhausted. - I felt so exhausted. - Yeah it is, it hit. - It hit at that four months. Before then, I was like, this is fine. I'm just in the routine. - Right. - In that four months, I was like, oh shoot. - I can't do it anymore. So when I started, I was like, like, wake up and give her a bottle. Like I need one more, like hours of sleep together. Like I can't, I can't break it up. - Yes. - Like he's got to do it. - So maybe it's not hormones, maybe it's sleep. - I think that's when the sleep hit me. - I think I was really scared about the sleep deprivation before, because I was like, I just am such a rock sleeper. Like I don't know how. If I wake up to pee in the middle of the night, my next day was ruined before kids, you know? Like I was like, I have to get, I would just sleep all the time. And I think that is maybe like a positive. If you were worried about that. Oh my gosh, those first three months, you don't even think about it. Like you're tired, obviously. But there is something inside of you. You're just like, oh yeah, I can do it. - Yeah. - And it's just a shift for sure. Which I think that's like your biological. - It's totally biological. But yeah, around four months, which both my baby started sleeping through the night at four months. But it probably is just like a, yeah, the sleep catches up too. - I feel like I hit a really big win though at six months, both times. - I did too. - Like six months, I was kind of like, yeehaw. - Yeah, yeah. - That's when I got really hit with like, let's make another baby. - Yeah, okay, I didn't get here with that. But I did get the yeehaw. The brain fog lifted, especially this time around, I noticed it. I think because of the podcast, I'm like, I'm trying to form sentences and thoughts a lot. And that was the first, you know, what, three months of this podcast. I was like, I remember crying to kill. I was like, I don't think I'm making a single thought. Like, I don't think anything I'm saying makes sense. I don't have anything to add. I just felt so insecure. And like, my brain was not working. And then at six months, I was like, hello, I can think, I feel amazing. - Six months is a win. - Yeah. - Did you feel like that too, Adi? - Yeah, I felt like six months is when like, Brea was fully sleeping through the night. Every single night. So I'm sleeping better. She's in a more of a routine now with naps. It's not just like, we'll see what happens today. You're starting to introduce more food. Like, it's just, I think it was good for me too. That's it. And then I had a baby when she turned seven months. Or got pregnant when she turned seven months. - So you had the urge, you're like, - I didn't have the urge. - It's real. - I feel like the first six months, I'm so terrified. I'm like, I just got, I'm just done being pregnant. Like, I'm free. But then, not that I'd six months. It wasn't that I felt, oh, I want to have a baby. I just felt, okay, if I get pregnant now, I wouldn't be, that's horrified. But I didn't have the urge to like, have a baby. - But you guys were like, no, put a baby in me. - It was interesting too, because I was like that. I was like, now you need to be pregnant now again. And then once I got pregnant, I was like, - Oh. - Here we go again. (laughing) - That logical side of it wasn't working. It was just like, I need to be pregnant again. - Totally. - And then we're gonna have another baby and do it all again. - Yeah. - It's always worth it. - Yeah. - I will say, back to my reference, my rage against my dog I talked about last time. You just, I feel like my thoughts are just not logical when I'm postpartum, especially those first six months. Like I'm just not rationally thinking. - Was your anxiety like more so related to the baby? - No. - Oh. - No, I didn't have any anxiety about Vivian. - Oh, okay. - I felt fine. I was very confident in what I was doing with her. And that's where I felt like, I think, I mean, we took on the podcast that was new. And also it was quarter four of our work. So it's super busy work-wise. I just didn't feel like I had a handle on anything. I didn't have a grip on taking care of my children. I didn't have a grip on work. I, and Caleb was working a ton. I just felt like I had no problem. - You had a lot on her limiters of how to handle my life at all. I felt very confident with taking care of Vivian. Did not feel confident with taking care of CJ, which made me feel sad. Yeah, thankfully my mom was there for eight weeks, but yeah. Your anxiety and rage was geared towards Lewis. - It did come out on the dog, yeah. I'm sorry to my neighbors, probably her B.L. I think I'll be, I love people on the internet not gonna like hearing that, but it's just, yeah, sad. - Poor guy. - Yeah, he's a trooper. - He's a trooper. - Yeah. - He probably didn't even notice. He's such a happy dog. - Yeah. - He's like, huh? (laughing) He's like, I just ate her whole sandwich off the counter. I'm gonna have them look good. - Oh, I see that would be really sad. - Yes. - Oh, that was something I didn't expect. I didn't expect to be more hungry. post-partum and breastfeeding, then I was when I was pregnant. - I was not expecting that. - I did not expect that. - Yeah. - Which I feel like the distinction for me is like pregnancy hunger was like, I need food right now, but then I'd eat, and then I'd be like, satiated pretty quickly. Like I was surprised by like the, now and the third trimester. Second trimester I could really eat so much. But then with breastfeeding, I literally remember like my plate would be like, bowl of like, dance food. - Yeah, dance. - Yeah. - And I would eat it all, and I'd be like, more. - Like I was so hungry. The hunger in thirst when you're early breastfeeding is-- - Ooh, the thirst. - I didn't feel it as much like, you know, after six, four, six months. - Yeah. - Those first months of breastfeeding I was literally like, so totally, yeah, it's hilarious. - It was like I couldn't fill my stomach. - Never, it's never full, never. - But when you look up like how many extra calories you actually do need? - Okay, the doctor, I asked the doctor that, and I was like like a thousand, she was like, no, 300, I was like, who wants to fight? - No, I saw like three. - Like 350 to 500, is what I saw. - Okay. - It probably just depends. - I like wanting to fight my doctor. I was like, don't say that. When I'm literally eating six hell things of dinner. - And that's the thing I didn't want snacks. I wanted meals. - Meals, yeah. - Pregnancy I wanted snacks. But it was just a totally different, it's hard to explain. You can't know until you know. But like, it's just a totally different type of hunger. And I've seen people talk about them before, and I was like, I relate to that literally something. - No, that's just an animal. - Did you guys get the sundown scaries? I get that every time. - I got the sundown scaries. - Oh, I felt anxious every morning. But I felt great after like nap time. - Nope. Soon as the sundown started to set, I was really like, the mornings felt like really, I just felt like I couldn't handle the mornings. - My sundown scaries were actually in pregnancy. - Really? - Third trimester. Going to sleep to try sleep. - Yeah, I definitely every time I was like. - That's why I still take a half a unison because I get that. Because I just get so uncomfortable and then I wake up and I can't go back to sleep 'cause he's going crazy. - Last night, I had a Braxton Hick. - What? (laughs) - I don't think that's what that boy is. - And that had to be a disaster. - Well, I looked it up. It said that could be what it was. I mean, you could say that. - At 15? - 15 weeks. - That's crazy. - I still feel out of my sleep and then I felt my stomach was really hard. And that's why I was like, that is what it says it's kids more normal in the, not more normal, but with consecutive pregnancies 'cause your body just like knows what that is. - It's hard to get out of you. - No, it's fine. Don't tell me that's not what it is 'cause then I'll get free. - No, okay. - It woke me up out of my sleep. - Wow, that's a bit of a pressure. - That's a bit of a pressure. - Of it and then I felt my belly. Sorry, that just made me think of that. I don't know what it was. - That is crazy. - That sundown scaries sleeping. Sorry, I don't know. - I don't know the gas for you. - I feel like I just remembered. Both times like a specific night where I remember just like recognizing as what it was and it was usually like seven days after birth when I would start to notice that like cycle of like, I remember just like nursing alone in my room at that point. And so I went with Augie. I was like, I need everyone in my bedroom at that time. You guys, I have a video, it's really sweet. You guys, I need so much help postpartum. I just have to say this because I am a basket case and other people handle it so well. And I am amazed by them. And I don't want them to struggle like this. But like for me, I was like, no, I need everyone to help because I'm just like, feel so frazzled. But there's a video of me sitting in the chair and nursing in our bedroom, like Matt and I's room. And then both my parents and Matt's parents are sitting on the bed and on the ground watching Shark Tank ring for me. - Oh. - It was so sweet. - And I was like, wow, we have so much, like so much sweet, we both surrounding us. 'Cause for me, I was like, me and Matt together, like we got the baby. Like we can do, we can do this, even with two. But I was like mentally, like I wanted, like I just needed a little bit, like I had a lot more support than just Matt and I. Especially with one of us, like at all times, honestly both of us needing to take care of the kids. It was nice to have like the parents like taking care of me. And I just that video of them watching Shark Tank with me at like 6 p.m. in our room was so sweet. And like I just, those moments, like I really remember because it's just a feeling that I didn't, I'd never had until then, like except for, I remembered when I was going through it. I remember one other time that I felt like this and it was literally when I was in the fifth grade. I had a summer where I struggled with insomnia. Did you know this? - No, I never heard this. - So I had insomnia like pretty bad. Like, I mean for months. I would say like I think it was probably at least two months. And I like, we went to the doctor, everyone was trying to evaluate like why I literally would not sleep. Like and I wanted to sleep so bad, but I would stay up all night for, I mean, like this was over the summer, thank goodness. Like months. And so we went to the doctor and they're like trying to find any reason to like cause your grandparents are moving or it's because you're going to a new school. And I was like, nothing they were saying, like my mom would like ask me like she genuinely wanted to figure out if I was struggling with anxiety or something. And I remember just being like, I don't think I have a thought like that in my head. I couldn't, I didn't know what was going on. But then my mom, she, cause the doctors wanted to give me like a bunch of sleep medication. My mom was like, well, let's just pause on that. And then she gave me a pill and she was like, this is a sleeping medication. Tonight you will fall asleep right away because she's like, this is really strong stuff. And it was a frickin' tic-tac, a tic-tac. - Wow, that's a big deal. - But guess what? That night fell right to sleep. - Really? - A swallow tic-tac, tic-tacs. (laughing) For, I don't even wanna, I don't even know how long. - How smart. - So did it almost because you knew what mental, you couldn't sleep because you were, you just told yourself you would be able to sleep. - So yeah, so then what would happen? I think I had like, maybe one night of really bad sleep, which anyone can have. But then the next night when the sun started to set, I started to get really, really anxious that the same thing was gonna happen for like, I mean, that's the thing about anxiety. It's not necessarily logical. - No, it's not. - And so I was like, I didn't need to feel that way. I was a kid in summertime. Like, what do you have to get up for? What do you need a great night's rest for? Like, anything like that. I just remember feeling that way. And so, like, I remember feeling that way every single night. Like, my stomach would hurt. I didn't wanna eat dinner. Like, I didn't want to even like, I would just be so worried about what was gonna happen that night. And it was just some feeling that I just couldn't, I'd never had before. And then I remember after having my first, I was like, this is the same way I felt. Like, just so anxious about nighttime and like, going to bed. And that, like, even, it would connect with dinner. And then I also, at that point, I would remember feeling really down too. Like, both of those things were happening at the same time. - Yeah. - And so, I feel like that was like my experience with baby blues. I feel like by six weeks, both times, it was pretty much over with. - Yeah. - But it is one of those things where I'm like, I don't wanna, I obviously don't wanna feel that way. And I don't, and my brain, I'm like, it's all gonna be okay. Even if I have a sleepless night, like, we've navigated that before. Like, it's just illogical and it just hits you. And yeah, kind of like, have you ever heard people, they have like that let down anxiety. They feel depressed or sad, right? When they're let down happens. - Yeah, when they're breastfeeding. - I never felt that, but I believe that I fully. - It's a weird feeling. - I feel like it happened. - I just remember feeling so out of control. Like, I was like, oh, I don't wanna feel that way. - Yeah, for sure. - Did you guys feel like it was easier to ask for help the second time with your second kid, more than your first, or did it change? - It was harder for me, really. - Because I was like, I've done this before. And like, I should, I don't know why. I put different expectations on myself with the second, having gone through it before. - What about you having a. - I thought like I was more able. I don't think I had an issue accepting help either times. I think I was, I knew how to better place my help, where I needed it. Like, I needed help around the house. Which is like my life, things fell overwhelming. And so I knew like, hey, can you please do the laundry? To like my mom or Teresa when they would stay. Like, I felt like more confident in asking for the things I needed help in. And instead of just like letting the dick go on and just hoping that people would help us in. So I think I probably felt a little better about that. - Yeah, I definitely didn't want to ask for help the first time around, like my mom was there. And I was like, she would spend the night a couple nights in case we needed her in the middle of the night. And I'm like, I have to know how to do this myself. And so I would never ask for help. 'Cause I'm like, I need to figure out how to be a mom by myself, 'cause you're not gonna be here forever. Like to help me. And this time around, I'm like, I know how to do it. So you can help me. Like, I don't need, I don't have that same anxiety around needing to be able to do it on my own. You know you'll be capable. - Yeah. - Totally. - No matter who's there, what it's going on. Like, I'll figure it out. - For sure. - Well, that's the thing. I remember feeling really nervous. My mom was there for eight weeks. And people kept asking me, like, what do you need to push by? I was like, you just need your mom there for you forever. - But my mom finally left. I had to figure it out. And it was really good to do that. Like, it helped my confidence a lot. And you figure out, like, you're like, oh, I can do it. I can figure it out and make it work. But yeah. - I told my mom she left at the worst time because she stayed for six weeks. And then I was going back to work. And I'm like, mom. - Now what do I do? - You leave when I have to start work? - Yeah. - I've got me there late. - Come her two weeks. - Come with me. - She's staying for a long, longer time. - You guys made a good point. I feel like I should have, both times, really should have done a better job of asking for help with life things. And not. - I don't need help with the baby things. - Yeah, I just, I don't know why I felt so bad asking. Actually, yeah. I just felt bad asking for help with the laundry. And stuff. - I don't want to. - Me too, I didn't. - See, the thing is, my mom wouldn't ask anyone else. My mom would do it, but I would not ask you to fold my laundry or anything. - I would ask, I would ask you guys to fold my laundry. - I will do it. - I know, that's what I'm gonna do it, but I would ask you maybe to unload the dishwasher. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think you loaded my dishwasher one time when you were over. Like, I'm like, that's nice, but I don't know, my laundry, I'm like, you don't know what you're doing. - You always need to send me a list of chores. I'll come over and do 'em. Because I think that's really the thing, and like with my mom and Teresa, I knew they wanted to help, but I think sometimes too, when your parent is coming in or your in-laws are coming in, like they're also in a new environment. They're in your home, like they don't know always what your routines and systems are. And so when I felt like I was like, oh, John, can you do this, or Teresa, can you do this, mom, can you do this, dad, can you do this? I think it gave them an ease, because then they were like, I know where she needs to help, and they confidently handled that. So I don't know, I feel like that came with the second, not with the first. I feel like that Segway is really nicely into talking about boundaries with family after having a baby, because Adi showed us this TikTok, and it kind of sparked a thought, how should we show that? Or we can just talk about it. - We can just talk about it. - There was a TikTok that went viral. You wanna describe it? - Yeah, it was a group chat. So there's this thing on TikTok where you're showing your group chat and the audio, like it's this like yelling version of it reading the text. - That's AI? - Yeah, certainly. - Was that someone being like, no. - No, it's not a person out there, for sure. - They really committed this. - So it was just reading through these texts of this couple that just had a baby, and it seemed like in the group chat, it is the husband and the wife, the mom of each of them, and then their best friend, is in this group chat. And they had just, the husband said a text and said, hey, we're home from the hospital, but we're not ready for visitors. We'll let you know when we are. Both mom, they're like, okay, we're on our way over. We have dinner, we're ready to see you guys when you're ready. And they're like, no, please no visitors right now. And they're like, we're coming. Let us in, they get there. They're like, why is my door code not working? Let me in, let me in. - We changed it. - I can hear my grandbaby crying. Let me in, I can get them to sleep. And they're like, no, we're trying to get them to sleep. And they're like, let me help, put them to sleep. And they're like, no, go away. And then the friends advocating for them in the chat, but it was an interesting conversation around boundaries with family members and friends starting this season. - Do you first of all think that video is real? I don't know. Do you think someone would actually do that? - Yeah, I'm a little, I'm for sure I think that was real. I bet people would do that. So I don't know, I feel like I have mixed feelings on that. Like for me, personally, they certainly cross the line with the parents saying, hey, we don't want visitors right now, and then to physically show up. - They're so wrong. - That's so wrong. - That's so wrong. - That's not okay. And it's not even like, they weren't like, we don't want to see you for weeks. They're like, they said not right now. - Yeah. - Which I'm like, that is so valid. - That's fair. - But like Adi, you've said it so well before. Like when you have a baby, this obviously comes with so much nuance because it depends on what your family looks like. Like if your family is people that would take advantage of this or they're super barring or super inappropriate with like the things that they would say or insensitive, then that definitely changes things. But I'm talking about like within our family, like a healthy family dynamic, you know, with everyday, you know, typical challenges, of course. But that baby that you had is not just your daughter. That baby is also a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter. Like all these other things. And so I do think when a baby's introduced, like it is something for the whole family. - Yeah, let the grandma's in. - Let the grandma's in. - Oh my gosh. - And I don't know. I think that that's a touching area. And I think each family has to navigate that. And I think what could be really hard, I'm so thankful that this isn't the situation we are in. But if you have to have different boundaries with different sides of the family. - That would be hard. - That would be really hard. - That would be hard, yeah. And so we're coming, we're talking from like a very, we have a great scenario here. But I think I do talk to a lot of friends and they're like, oh no, no, I don't want anyone around. And they're like, they have great families. And it's just like, oh, but like let people love your baby and like help your baby. And let them come celebrate your baby for a night and then let them leave. You know? - Yeah, it doesn't have to be forever, it doesn't have to be long. - No, but I think yeah, it's sometimes I think, especially on the internet, I feel like there's this narrative of like this hyper, no one comes near my baby. Don't touch my baby, don't kiss my baby. Don't hold my baby. - It's an amazing thing too. - It totally is. And I'm like, I think it's actually, that's just harder on the mom. - Yeah. - And the dad, like that's just way more pressure. Like if you can have people come in your home and help you and just be excited for you and like, also get you as a tunnel vision of like the pain that you're maybe feeling and the hard things you're feeling and let them come in and talk to you and make you feel like a normal person and hold your baby or not, that's a great thing. So, I don't know, sometimes I see things online. I'm like, that's just such an unhealthy mindset. - I dropped off from me last week first, when I had a baby and when I went in, they had friends over there too and they had a little kid like that they brought, that wasn't their kid. So it was like their friends and their daughter came, that was young and I was like, this is really sweet. Like they weren't there to like even, to really, as far as I know, do anything except for to keep them company. And I think that is a really important aspect, especially for someone like me, that struggles the most with mental health after, like pregnant or after like having a baby. And so that is a shame, but maybe they wanted other people over instead of the moms? - Yeah, I mean, I get, these moms didn't seem like the worst to literally, so I'm not saying these people were wrong, but I just think, in general, I feel like the conversation online is really like big wall. - Nobody comes in. - Nobody come in. - Yeah. - And I just think that's like, don't fall. - If you have good, you know, good systems around you, don't feel like you have to put a wall up. - Yeah, I say embarrassment. - Like your people in. - And your people in. - Yeah. - And obviously people want things that are different. Like if you see a lot of people say, I wanna hold the baby and I want everyone to do everything else. Or sometimes maybe some are like, I just wanna minute, like to not hold the baby and do something that feels normal. Like I can see both sides, you just don't need to compare your experience post-partum to other people's boundaries. Like if what you have to create that yourself, and like I'm saying this is someone that has created more strict boundaries with our third, but that was simply because of myself. Like whenever we would have people overnight after having babies, I was putting on myself. I need to take care of everyone. Like I need to make sure that the house is clean for them and that there's some food for them. And it's like no one was putting that on me. - Yeah. - But for me, I don't know that I could switch that off easily. So we just said no overnight guest for a month. - Yeah. - And that is like me putting out more about it. Like we'll see them during the day, we'll see, like, and I'm sure they're welcome to come to the hospital too. That was great. I mean even just with us, we had a guest room, but I think my mom, well I'm not in love to stay with us. It was great, it was like two or three weeks after, but my mom stayed in a, she had an apartment, but she stayed in a hotel to the other times. And it's good to, I think, have that family time alone too. So it's good to have them over during the day, but it's good to also have like a break from your help at times. - Yeah, 'cause you feel like you're taking care of a baby and then you're like, I need to take care, like, I don't know. It was just like I thought, something I was putting on myself, but definitely want to see everyone during the day. - For sure. - And yeah. - Well we'll hang out on during the night. That's perfect. - For sure. - My friend Morgan did this when she was postpartum, and I thought this was a brilliant idea, 'cause they had family come and stay with them. She just set up a, she's like, I want my family there but I don't want to be around them. Like I know for myself, I just, I'll need space. I'm an introvert, I want to go collect by myself. I want a nurse in private. Like I won't want to be around them. So she set up like a little in her bedroom. She set up a TV, they moved a TV in there, a whole, like, mini-friend situation, food carts. So that when she needed to get away with the baby, and if she just wanted to take the baby away, she could and just go be alone. - Gab doing that. - Yeah, and it's great. - I think that was soggy too. - That was a great idea. - It made it really nice, especially because I feel like, even if you've breastfed before, you're like, you and that baby are starting that journey from square one, essentially. Even though you've done it before, you're still working out how that works as a team. And for me, I'm like, I need to be naked for at least. - Oh, at least six weeks. - Oh, I was naked for so long. - I was naked for so long. - I'm like, I was like, oh wait, I can like keep it wrong. - Yeah, no, I'm breastfeeding. - No, when that was even lost, you got the baby here and the hawk on the other. - No, I'm naked. - I'm naked. - I'm curious about that too is I felt like there were times where I would go do that. I'd go back to my room to like breastfeed or like friends were over different things. And then they would end up leaving while I'm back breastfeeding because they're like, well, maybe we can just be done for the night. And I'm like, I just need to, I just had to go do this. I didn't want you to leave yet. - Maybe just sit. - Don't leave until I come back. - Yeah, expectations clear. Or the other way around of being like, I'm going to go nurse. - See you later. - I'm ready for them to leave. - Oh yeah. - And like let your husband. - I think if there's like different scenarios like that too. And I think we talked about it too before with like, if you're going to like drop off food or something for them, it's the expectation is always to drop it off unless they do. - Yeah, I think I might have messed that up last night. - I totally messed that up. - Oh, when? - When I brought, I think, yeah, they didn't know me. - Oh, and you stayed at the same time. - You used to wear that. - No, they, I stayed for like five minutes [BLANK_AUDIO] - I feel myself being like, get out of here. (laughing) - I just want, I even would do closest friends. I feel like to not be hurt if they're like, just not right now. 'Cause a lot of the times I was breastfeeding when people drop off meals and I'm like, I don't want you to come in right now, I'm sorry. I just can't, I can't do it. - I would just text people and be like, hey, can you just leave it, like open the door? - Yeah, that's when I did after a miscarriage. I said, leave it at the front door. But then if I wanted people to bring it in, then I just, you can set it up on the meal train. - By the way, if you guys have never used meal train, like it is amazing website that you can like, have everyone that in your life, friends, family, that wants to help like, basically serve you through giving you a meal, post partum. - That's the best way. - Or after a meal. - Or after a loss. - Did they not have an app? - No, it's just an issue. - No, it needs to be an app. - It needs to be an app. - It needs to be an app, that is a good point. Just any time, I mean, I think this would be great if you're going through any type of grief or also, just like maybe you had a surgery or you had a baby, there's so many different reasons. And it's great, everyone will just sign up there and say like what they're bringing or what night they're taking over for dinner. And it's great, you can put on there, when to drop it off. And also like. - All the instructions. - Dietary, the restrictions, how many people that they would like to serve, like things like that. - It's awesome. - It's amazing, would you use it? - I have 50 billion times. - This is like, if someone has a baby, you're going through anything. - Or gazillion times. - And it's great. But yeah, on there you can say, leave it at the door. If you're like, I can almost assume that I'm not going to want to see them, then you can just say, leave it at the door six o'clock. But then, maybe you could say that, or there if you know who's coming, you can just say, hey, actually bring it on. Come on inside, we're having a good night. - Yeah, if you have time, feel free to stay for 30 minutes. - I'm wearing clothes right now, so you can just come on in. - But I would tell people that, I'm like, oh yeah, it's a good, like if you want to stay for 15 minutes, 20 minutes. I always kind of put a cap on it. - That's right, for sure. - I know what things it's rude. Everyone does assuming that it's like a tradition time. - I had a really good friend that I was dropping the food off for, and I don't know why. I just dropped it off and I left, and she goes, I wanted to see you. I was like, oh, sorry, I was just, expectations weren't clear. I bought a coffee at next year. I was like, I won't leave. - I'll come back and say, I told him. - He was like, I would have brought him out to see you if you were in a rush or so. - I would say that's the gift if we have on here. Like, what are things that you can do to support your friends or family postpartum? I think just asking clarifying questions, like, do you want me to stay? Do you want me to leave a meal when you're over, like, oh, are you like, people hold the baby or not? Like, just asking, not assuming. I think just those things are really caring, and also kind of what gives them way, it kind of helps them ease. - Because can be awkward, 'cause you're like, okay, like, maybe they don't want me to hold the baby or maybe, I don't know. - Yeah, it's like, are you guys letting people hold the baby? If not, it's no big deal. - Yeah. - Just asking, you know, it's like, I think it's just kind. - Yeah. - And it's not weird, it's never rude, and never being offended by it. Food is the best. - Food, seriously. And I also think, like, there's a time period to ask, like, if it's like the day before, it's like, I have no idea how I'm gonna feel the next day. - Right. - You know, like, every minute by minute is different. I would say like, three hours before. - Yeah, three to even one hour, just right before you're like, hey, I'm about to head out, gauging how the night's going to drop it off. I would just always say like, I was planning on dropping it off, but if like, I have a couple of minutes, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Other things to bring a postpartum mom. I honestly think that it's great to always just shoot a text and just be like, hey, what do you need right now? Actually, you, that is something that I feel confused by. People don't like it when you say, "What do you need?" - What do you need? - Why? - Sometimes I feel that actually. - Like, it's like a tab. - Decision prowess is like coming to the team. - Oh, okay. - Like if you go over to someone's house, like to drop food off or you're going to see the baby, you see a need, you meet the need. - Yeah. - Yeah, they'd be like, do you want me to do your dishes right now? You just do it. - Yeah. - I like that. - Because sometimes, yeah, it's like the overwhelming of the questions or making them feel put out to like, give you, to help you help them. Sometimes it feels a little overwhelming. I felt that at times actually. - Like, I'm more so as thinking like, "Oh, I'm going to the grocery store." Like, what do you need? - Oh, that's not it. - I feel like you should ask what they need. 'Cause maybe they want, they need something specific. For me, I was like, I need more nipple shields. - Yeah, I think it's more so. - It's also like the generic question. Like, whatever you need, just let me know. It's like, that's actually not helpful. Like, we're not gonna reach out. - I do feel like, when you're saying that one of like, do you need anything? I feel, I've always put in, I'm running by the store, like just anyway, even if you're not. Because it does make me feel like, if you weren't gonna go to the store, I don't wanna keep. - I don't make an extra trip for me. - No, I don't make an extra trip for me, but I was gonna run by the store, do you need anything? - Maybe for me. - That way. - Yeah, that makes sense. But then I'm like, with a task, what are tasks that were like helpful for you guys when people did post-partum dishes, laundry? - Yeah. And honestly, I didn't expect my friends to do those things, just like my family and people that were like close, you know, helping. I thought it was really helpful when you brought bread. You brought like protein bites, like little quick snack things were really helpful. - Oh. - Snacks were desserts when you bring in a dinner and bring in a dessert. - Definitely, bring a dessert. And like, I didn't do this for my recent friend that had a baby. I was mad, I just ran out of time, but like the lactation balls, little quick things for breakfast is really helpful. - I always think quick things for breakfast is good. - So helpful. Also, not bringing like a dish for them to clean, like a top word that they can use or disposable. Don't bring like something they have to return back to 'cause that's really overwhelming. Which obviously sometimes it just happens. - Let your lights, I feel like it's something that I would sometimes bring. - And then yeah, while you're there, if you see like a bunch of bottles in the sink or dishes in the sink, just like put them in the dishwasher and unload their dishwasher form, just things that are like really easy that maybe are like on their feet tasks. - It might be weird to like grab their vacuum and cleaner, but I mean, take a trash out. - Definitely take the trash. - I feel like if there's not a lot of people that are staying for a meal 'cause those are mostly family members. Like you guys would bring dinner and then you'd, it's with us. Like you eat dinner with us and then you'd help clean and stuff like that. - Yeah. - If you're sharing a meal. - I take my friend's son to the park when she was postpartum. - I feel like that would be really nice for me to postpartum is like a friend coming over and then just like, you're taking Brioff a little bit or just like playing with her, like giving Brioff some one-on-one attention. - That is. - I would really love. - Yeah, something that I started doing. If they have other kids in the house, which most of our friends are now on like, baby two, three, I would bring stuff for the older kids because I remember that feeling of like, when you, I think I brought C.J. Magnetyle's. - That was really cute. - Because I remember that feeling of just like, gosh, like everything I'm giving is just one kid right now just 'cause their needs are so great and that'll balance out so soon, but like in that beginning, that guilt can really, that guilt can really get you. - Yeah, you did. I texted you crying. I was so sad and you had the hand-footed mouth and you brought them back to text. - That's so sweet. - We never talked about the postpartum sweats. - Oh my gosh, I forgot about that. - That's one of those things that you can only know until you go through it 'cause I'm not, okay, don't get me wrong. I will sweat during a workout but I wouldn't say I'm like the sweatiest person in the world. Put the sweat that came out of me in the night after having. - You ring it off your chest. - Like I was like soaking. I remember being cold because I would get up to nurse and I'm wet and sometimes I was like, I'm freezing cold. - It cold, soft guard, yeah. - The first night you're like, - Uh-huh, what is that? - What is that? - Why is my hair wet? - It took like a week for them to take in my hair. - Yeah, my hair was wet. - Soaked wet. - 'Cause it doesn't waste you up, but you don't feel it when you're sleeping. You don't feel hot or anything like that. But you just wake up in your wet. - I remember having a puddle in my neck. - You're like right here. - It was a puddle. And I was like, oh my gosh. - So many showers. - I took three showers a day postpartum. - Because you got the sweat. - You got the blood, you got the blood. - You got the tears. - Don't forget the tears. - The milk, the milk, I remember being like, I need to get this off me, it will spoil. And then you get out of the shower and the milk's just coming out of you. Just dripping onto the floor. - I cannot believe that's about to happen again. That is so crazy. - But you just get, I mean, honestly, but I'm in it. I'm like, this isn't as bad as I thought, I remember. And then you get out of it. And you're like, that was crazy. (laughing) - No, I remember actually like talking about like, having a vaginal over in a C-section over. I remember after having a C-section, I was really scared to shower. Because of like the matte, massive incision and like the tape and stuff. And I remember after showering, I was like so intentionally avoiding the mirror because I was like, I can't see that. I'm not afraid of my body, but I can't see that wound. And then I did and it was like black. - Yeah, it is. - Because they used glue that is like, and they put staples in mine. - Mine didn't, I just got stitches. - I had like 11 staples in my belly. - Right. Mine is like divots all around. - They just kind of went on here. - What went on here? (laughing) Kills, like it's probably just scored to you. I'm like, I have no idea. - Wait, like still? - Yeah, like I have two like dimples on each side. - Oh. - It's like sucked back. I just remember if you had a C-section, this was crazy and eventually does come back. But for like at least eight months, Kills would pinch my skin under my belly button. Zero sensation. Like we would play a game, I would close my eyes and I'd be like, okay let me guess when you're touching me. I would never know. Do you remember that numbness? - Not at all. - 'Cause they cut all the nerves. - For how long? - At least eight months. I felt like completely. - Eight months. - I don't know. - Completely numb. - I was completely numb and tingly. - Under your belly button? - It was from my belly button. - No. - To the scar. - No, mine was like just on it. It was numb. - That's freaky. - It was so freaky. - It came back though. - Ah! - It just took a long time. - That's freaky. No, I think with the C-section, the things that, the thing that shocked me, to me the most postpartum versus vaginal delivery was the way that my organs just fell into that cavity whenever I would get out of bed because you don't have the ab muscles or the I don't know why I didn't experience it after the first delivery. Second one when they that that whole wear augustum reside would literally just I remember turning over bed and be like and getting out of bed it was like I actually didn't I didn't feel that with CJ I thought that was Vivian and I remember it because I was like oh whoa I'm gonna throw up that was a crazy feeling like it's like it's like you're going down of down elevator but it's just your insides I feel like it suppresses some of that that's a good idea I should do that I know that's a good thing I usually I thought I was like for like looks like I didn't realize it's like no because I don't need to wear that it's because my organs feel like they're just floating in my body yeah I'm actually just flapping around everywhere I also I didn't expect the driving to be painful in the car after C-section the bumps I remember driving the pediatrician okay isn't that so crazy you have to take the baby and newborn baby next day I had to take the baby when I got the hospital that's cool and all the bumps and so many speed bumps I'm talking about your C-section I'm talking about my tailbone I'm sitting on a donut in the car buckled in no one tells you about that have your support person drives low that's all I got for putting the phone away I have a thing for a C-section for sure where for me the ice packs helped so much yeah they did I didn't even think about like that helped more than pain reliever pills like having ice the freedom arms one was really good find a different brand but they still cancel yeah yeah I don't know perfect you find another one let me know but I'll probably whip it out again if I have emergency six we'll tell no one no that thing was great because you just strapped on and then you can change out the ice pack I slept with it on and if I woke up in the night I would change the ice pack out and get a fresh one so nice we're transitioning to patreon we have a few fun things to talk about over there we talked about our husbands views of postpartum and then misconceptions about postpartum so if you want to hear that join our patreon it's five dollars a month it's so fun we have a book club over there like our full-fledged book club with a riveting comment section and our always hungry segment where you guys are dropping some bomb recipes I love the camaraderie there and what else we have over there episode chats it's a lot of fun stuff we do a lot of polls and questions so definitely make sure to check out our patreon let's do voice mails we love hearing from you guys this is our ask Abby's segment roll the roll the voice mails oh and the voice mails ask ask Abby hi Abby Abby Abby I just wondering what is the best habit that you have that you wish you could break mine would be biting my mouth thank y'all that's a fun question obviously late but I'm gonna think of something a little bit more unique I feel like you guys can tell me better my bad habits and can you think of one for me I interrupt people oh that's a good one that's always afterwards that I realize like when I'm at home I'm like pretty sure you know something I think I'm bad at is asking people questions about themselves sometimes I don't know that's a habit but speaking about like conversations like I think back and I'm like they ask me about myself and I didn't ask a single question about them I feel like some conversations are that way it's all focused on one person it ends up being that way and that's like okay and then sometimes it's all the other way sometimes there are conversations I've been trying to effort more to think about like questions that are people which is so unlike you because I feel like I don't really overthink interactions that much but now that was something I was like I don't know that that's a habit but that was something I was like noticing I was like people are asking about me and I was asking about them in return I feel like you're really good at follow up questions though like we were like I don't know you just try and get all the info a lot of times I'm like he told me something I'm like there's definitely a follow-up question to that I've never been in a conversation we thought she didn't care to hear about what I had to say yeah no I've never thought that but it's good I mean I think about that too sometimes especially when I think it is people's like sometimes it's easier for people to ask the questions than not talk about themselves and so what I'm in a conversation where someone's asking me a lot of questions I have to remind myself oh and what do you think about that or I thought about habit and never take out the trash I never will do that and my head I'm like back I can I can do a lot of things but I can't do that I'll just I'll literally squish that stuff down or even I'll put it in a grocery sack next to trash I'm like I'm not taking that out my bad habit I wait I'm kind of in charge of picking up Lewis poop I wait until it's like how did you get that one now it's Matt's duty I don't know I just sit down because I'll usually do it before people come over or something it's my my hip bad habit is just wait until the last minute to do it and it gets yeah it's like full sacks his you know it's they're heavy he's a massive dog so just imagine the old stuff they're pretty good my bad habit is not replying to text messages unless they're work or like that's a good one not even family but I'm like I don't really respond my there's some people have it not responding in group text I never respond I'm not usually don't even read it group text got to work on that I know which ones do you specifically bigger happy family oh yeah I don't respond often usually I read it way later and then it feels weird to respond like so much I never respond in my family group chat I send stuff a lot I never respond yeah I feel like I just read text so much later a lot of times I'm just like the conversations over I don't respond to my I'm talking about information oh sorry I couldn't be me was there information I missed recently uh yeah just I not recently recently but like vacation stuff with Tahoe oh yeah I was responding okay it's not intentional I'm just like oh it's harmless really I think it's because I get overwhelmed with decisions hi Adi Abby and Abby I'm Hannah in our Charlotte and we're sisters in high school and best friend so we were just wondering what's one of your favorite memories with your siblings as kids we love your podcast so much and look forward to it every Friday bye I would cry and we didn't have family dinner so I didn't tell you guys no but I don't mind that name Brooklyn nope is it a be name yep Brooklyn was a good guess because I know that they like to name Brooks what if it's Brooks I know I wish it could be Brooks or Brooklyn Blake won't let it be okay Britney we gotta stop no okay no they kids favorite I love that I feel like they like plan that out exactly that was really cute they would take turns favorite memory as a kid all there's so many good ones with your siblings my siblings honestly I just loved going to Disney even just the drive to Disney was so memorable Blake and I would sleep in the same bed before a trip because we're so excited like we both couldn't fall asleep so we just sleep together and then our dad would come in because he was also so excited and couldn't sleep at like four in the morning we'd start the road trip and Blake and I had a whole like all our movies we knew the order when watching movies and like we just had so much fun like with like just road tripping to Disney and then at Disney we had so much fun like that's why I love it so much honestly it's literally not Disney it's just the nostalgia behind like such good family memories they are growing up and all surrounding it like it all felt so eventful like we would always just talk about like the silly things too like in the car like I was so hot and Florida that our crowns melted and like we just remember like all these like a few things so it was everything about it was so memorable totally yet I have great memories like that too just like the little things I think if I were the first things that came to mind I had an individual one for each of my sisters my older sister she was five years old she is five years older than me and I remember she was trying to sneak me into I was in sixth grade and she was working and sneaking me into her schools seventh and eighth grade mixer nope because she was like putting it on so she was gonna sneak me at even though it's underage and I come downstairs dressed for this boy girl mixer in baggy basketball shorts and a big old t-shirt and she was like turn your butt around right now and we're gonna go get ready and she straightened my hair and picked out a cute outfit for me and pull a little makeup on me and she did it was the first time my hair had ever been flattering and she clamped my ear and pulled it with the pattern scarred me so just like cute older sister it just felt like a movie really fun and then Sophie and I my younger sister she's three and a half years younger we were like oh my gosh we just the craziest stupidest stuff as a kid we used to just make up the goof we would play Kim possible in my parents living room and I would always be she go and she'd be impossible and then we would like flip like so many things like that just remember just playing and we have so many stories about writing her but I mean just everything that's cute yeah I was really close both my sisters love them too mine is like we had an abrupt above ground pool like I think my parents got a new one every summer. - Oh my gosh. - And so, that was a commitment. - Yeah, you know, I surely maybe they reused it, but I don't know. But swimming in the pool with them is really fun. And we had a trampoline. We played lots of games on our trampoline. We've been doing that, and we played princesses. We have a really long staircase in our house, so we would walk down like princesses down the staircase. So I remember that. And then I remember like every Friday night, we would do, we would get red box movies, and my dad would pick it out. And it was always some talking animal movie that we would watch to just animate a character. - That's cute. - That just unlocked a memory. I used to give, when I got my first digital camera, I used to give Sophie my younger sister the craziest, like the craziest makeup put her in these insane outfits, and they would just make her go to the photoshoots or around the house in public. And then I get the pictures printed. (laughs) - You're like, "I need these dots." - But in these, okay, last one. - Hi, it's Lily. I love your guys' podcast. I was just wondering what you do to keep your trip busy when you're taking a shower? - Oh. - Because it's hard to take a shower when your kids are always walking in. And I just need some fun tips for that. - I didn't think so reckless today. I don't know if I should say that I did this on the podcast. - I'm gonna do it when you do it. - I'm gonna wait. - I had a shower after the gym before I came here. And so I turned to the house alarm on to outside doors could go open. And I gave it in a bottle and I left her in the living room 'cause I know it's like pretty baby proof. And I just left CJ in her out there and went and showered. Is that pretty reckless? - No. - What else do I do? - I don't know, I just left the baby out there with the two-year-old in charge, like, is that bad? (laughs) - I was like, he bought it in the shower and I was like, "Where are we going?" I don't know if it's like something I would. I've only done that one time. That's the first time I done it. - Usually I put it in. - What else do you do? - If it was a baby I put her in the bass now. I put her in her crib. I put CJ in his crib for a long time until he could climb out. I put her in her, like, standing toys. But CJ now, he's old enough for I can kind of leave Malo. Usually he sits on my bed, why shower? - Yeah, well, I just like came down to the show today so I could shower. - Why didn't I think of that? - I just turned on Daniel Tiger. - Yeah, that's a good one. - So I could shower. And let me tell you, they don't move. - No, they don't. (laughing) - Maybe not moving there as well. - I do that on the weekends, yeah. - I don't know if they're good. - They're good. - And I shower when she naps. - When they were babies I would just put them in a balancer outside the shower. I mean, that was always so stressful if they started crying. I remember that. - Yeah, I did do that. I like, I have it open just a little bit. She could see me. - Yeah. - Sometimes, I probably, if she was awake and I needed a shower, probably just put her in the bathroom to crawl around. - Yeah, that's right. - I did that too. And I remember just, my, everything coming out from my, out of my pocket. - She can't open the bathroom to her. - And I was like, (screaming) - Yeah. - She can't do that yet, so. - Yeah. You just, you do what you can. (laughing) - It's really scary. - You just try to contain them as much as you can. - That is literally one of the hardest parts that you don't think about. That and going to the public restroom when you have a baby or two. - Yeah, obviously, but I just don't. I just don't go to the bathroom. Well, I just try to hold it. I won't, but CJ, when I was pregnant, he was old enough to where he would stand there and not touch things. But with the baby, it's very hard. - It's a six-year-old. - I don't go. I feel like I gotta go sometimes. - I would leave her strapped, too. - Keep 'em in the dinner? - Yeah. - Just try and get my-- - I keep mine in the duna. - Yeah, you're like-- - Make sure all my straps are lifted. - Oh my gosh. When she would come in the bathroom now, like she'll crawl in the bathroom while I'm trying to go to the bathroom and crawl up on my legs. And I'm like, this isn't sanitary at all. - Oh, isn't it just good for her? - Yeah. (laughing) - So gross. - It'll look continuous. - That's it for voicemails for today. - That's a good question. - If you wanna call in and also leave a voicemail, we'd love to hear from you. Our number is 602-456-9690. It'll also be in the description. - Fun. - Last thing we got is always hungry. - I have to look at the recipe. - Okay, let's hear it. - It's so easy, too. Everything is pre-made. And this, which is really against what I stand for really. But, ice cream cake, cookie ice cream cake that we made was absolutely delicious. It's like, I would say it tastes just like the DQ ice cream cake. - Really? - But every element of it is pre-made and it's so easy. Like, all of our friends really, this is so good. So I'll link it. The recipe, it's super simple. But you basically just, it's a cookie base with ice cream. And you could swap out like the flavor of cookie dough and the type of ice cream you use. But we use Ben and Jerry's milk and cookies ice cream. - Yeah. - And then chocolate chip nestly cookies in the bottom. And then hot fudge, cool whip, which it was unexpected. But when it cool whip is frozen, it is a great texture. - Yeah, it is. - Many chocolate chips and then chips of hoi cookies on top. But you could swap all those ingredients out. But if you need to prep it and it has to sit in the freezer for a really long time. - Yeah. - Once it solidifies altogether, it is so good. Now I just wanna try a bunch of combinations. Like a mint chocolate one would be so good with Oreos, like those mint Oreo things or-- - What did you assemble it in? - In a springform pan. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, but you could also just use-- - I sit in the air. (laughs) - I'm sorry. - Is it just dripping? You know, it's just like-- - No, no, no. Springform pan, or like even just, you could probably just use a cake pan. - And just flip it out. - No, I wouldn't be able to flip it out. - It is, it is kind of-- - It's raw ice. - That's my criticism. It is literally like breaking concrete. Try to get it out of there. - It's worth every minute of effort. - That ice cream sandwich we had in-- - So how do I think about it? - What a loss. - It's not from the baked bear. Ooh, that was way better than it should have been. - That hurt my stomach so bad. - Oh, I felt fantastic. - No bad thing to be found. - My recipe is Maple Glazed Salmon Bites. I've always been my salmon the same way, just like really herbie and very good. But I kind of want to mix it up. And so last time I made samples and I used this recipe, it was a very simple, just literally mixed up in a bowl poured over any bacon. And yeah, it was delicious. - I love that. - A sweet little flavor, put over rice and I made some lemon roasted brussel sprouts with it. It's really good. - Yum. - Yeah. - What are we doing right here? - If you're still listening, you guys, this is a big day for me actually. And why I'm holding off to the very end 'cause I'm so nervous. But if you're still here, then maybe you like us enough. (laughing) - But it's safe to say, I have launched my first ever product and it is a mascara. Bismill beauty and a special shout out to Addy for being literally logistics coordinator extraordinaire. I mean, there's been, it's like crazy to think they let anyone do these types of things. I'm like, we are just out here just mom and pop in this, really, like, trying to pull this together. Now, granted, we have a team and help, but when it really comes down to the studs of it all, it's like, wow, this is on us. And so that's why it's kind of scary too. - But it's out there. I personally really believe in this product. I really, really do. And I have used it myself for a very long time now. Lots of testing and logistics went into this and it's here now, which is crazy. Get it while you can. And yeah, we'll just see what comes of this. I cannot wait. - I got mascara for all y'all, so. - Oh, I'm so proud of you, Abba. - Thank you. It's really crazy. - I'm really proud of you. This has been years in the making. Years of dreaming, testing, innovating. - Yeah. Road bump. - Venturing the brand. - So many bumps. - So many bumps. - So many bumps. - For both you, Matt, Addy. Like, you guys have been working your tails off and I'm just proud of you. - Thank you. - And I can't wait. - And today's gonna be amazing. I know it's gonna be so amazing. - So amazing. - So we can't wait to celebrate you. - Yes. - Thank you. - Yes. - It's here. So we'll put a link to it. And I'm really excited to hear you guys speak back. - And. - This is our beauty. - That's what I'm really proud of. - This is really wild. I'm sick to my stomach. Thanks guys. I really appreciate it in advance. Like, thank you to anyone that is able to even just follow the page or purchase one for yourself even. It really means a lot. - Well, there's nothing that you do have a, really. - Thank you. - And I feel like even just when it comes to like your job, you never take sponsorships or anything that you don't fully believe in. And I just know that this product is something that you're, like if you're putting your name on it, you fully believe in this. - I do. - And so, I can't wait for it. - I can't wait for it to try it. - I know. It's real. - It's here. - You can buy it. - Woohoo. - Crazy. - So crazy. - I think that's all we got. - Review. - Oh, okay, perfect. Let me read it. I was looking at a list of things. This is really sweet. Jade and E left a five-star review and said, best podcast. I look forward to listening every single week. I'm a long-time listener of Unplanned Matt and Abby's YouTube. And this is also amazing. You all are so entertaining, encouraging, and of course hilarious. Best to listen to while cooking, cleaning, or even just rotting in bed. I love you guys. Thank you so much. - Thank you, Jaden. - It means a lot reading your guys' reviews and seeing them. I was actually looking, Spotify is almost over 3,000 reviews. - Wow. - And I think Apple maybe just hit 1,000, which is insane. So thank you guys for taking the time to hit the five stars, to write an encouragement to us. It just, I mean, it means so much. And it's helpful for other people too, obviously, that we're trying to find the show. So we are so grateful. - Yes, seriously. Thank you so much. - All right, on that note, remember we're always here. (upbeat music)