An Unfiltered Conversation about Postpartum

Olen Shannon Maldonado, käsintehtyjä artesaanitua teitä myyvän jauiilahjakaupan perustaja. Valitsin Shopify-koska-alustoja testatessani totesin sen ehdottomasti yhdeksi helpokäyttöisimmistä alustoista. Minulla oli tärkeää pohtia kehittymistämme tulevaisuudessa. Kaikki myyntiin tarvittavat työkaluut, kuten varaston suunnittelu ovat kätevästi dashboardissä. Aloita ilmainen kokeilu Shopify piste komsi vustolla. Kuten varaston suunnittelu on kätevästi kokeilu, kuten varaston suunnittelu on kätevästi. Kuten varaston suunnittelu on kätevästi kokeilu, kuten varaston suunnittelu on kätevästi kokeilu, kuten varaston suunnittelu on kätevästi kokeilu. Kokeilu on kätevästi kokeilu. in the conversation but it's like no like literally I just don't even feel that like anger anymore and I noticed that a long time ago like in myself but then for that to also be like something that he noticed too felt like the final like this doesn't mean that I won't ever struggle with it I don't think but like a major win yeah and I didn't think that was possible and I feel like that's a lot of I don't know that was like something I was like I'll just always have to just try to manage that and like muscle through and fight against that but I don't feel that way like I feel like I just genuinely don't feel like that anger anymore that's amazing yeah that's really amazing I know I felt really good I was like thank you so much for saying that that's cool yeah you it's like like fun to go back and play your therapist oh yeah I haven't been in a while so send your email was it that you give you specific things in the moment to help you like that's how it started uh-huh that's how it started and sometimes I was like that didn't work yeah or like things like that was so it started with like tools like in the moment basically to just like slow that impulse because I feel like for me like it was like just a reactionary thing and then I like couldn't like even in the moment then I was like I well actually here's how it worked it was like an impulse thing and then I would fight for a while and then I would be like wait I'm not even like I would realize it but it took a long time then I would react and then immediately be like wait that was messed up and then like that that moment came sooner and then I'd be like hey can I try that again and then low and then I would feel it and then I would take a break and come back and then it just like kept there was like a whole progression of it and it's not like something that I like constantly had in the forefront of my mind but I think that's the whole point is that's why it was hard to fix yeah because it was just like a impulse thing wow yeah that's so exciting yeah that's awesome I know you've been working on being less of a rage monster I know we used to joke about that sometimes you know and now it's like oh so good to hear it's in my yeah it's in my DNA I mean I wasn't gonna put them up like that's such a win I'm proud of you thank you what's your hope I feel like I'm getting my pink back a little bit yes I mean when you hear my hearty be like is she but if you don't know the term getting your pink back like after a flamingo gives birth I'd never really was like super moved by this I do think it's cool but I feel like a mingo gives birth sheds all their white feathers and then as they go long their pink starts to come back like right isn't that true they shed their feathers yeah they lose their pink or they turn white I think they lose their feathers but I don't know if they're feathers yeah okay so the flamingos they turn pink feathers yeah they're just in the middle they pour so much energy and nutrients into their offspring that their feathers can lose their vibrant color and turn gray or faded well over time that a lot more than that that's why it's moving over time with rest that's why in nourishment their pink colors return well she that makes more sense than it they don't lose all that's really never super moved by this but well now I might shed a tear I think it gives so much to their babies yeah there's all their hair okay yeah my cat I lose my hair well that's beautiful and then it comes back pink comes back so I feel like my pink is coming back and that's been fun you're you look nutrient dense thank you if you look rested yeah I'm rested my skin is like starting to come back to it's normal you're glowing I can't think of words today but my skin is coming back to its normal self my hair is growing back back in the gym feeling strong laid out yesterday getting lots of sunshine oh I know it's just been great okay well what's your heart is I've been a little depressed as you laugh that was really depressed last week which I don't say that lightly I always make this joke this might be a bad joke we can cut this out this is a bad joke but I tell Caleb I'm like I tried it and didn't stick with me like depression in me just don't really go hand in hand okay okay it's that stupid but I'm normally just like have a very go with the flow optimistic perspective on life but last week I just fought really down like super low mode like no motivation stayed up late scrolling just didn't want to go to bed just nothing was fun that I did I was like there was just not a lot of excitement and anything and I told Caleb I was like I think I pegged what I feel I'm not teary or weepy I'm just sad like low I just felt really sad all week and when I looked it up it's been about three weeks I think since I stopped nursing and that's when the peak hormone shift is which I assumed it was probably related to being done breastfeeding which I think made me feel a lot better in that and I already think I've come out of it but there was like a solid week there where I was like really down that's scary yeah because a long time to feel low like that yes I'm pretty not self-aware so I didn't really know it in the moment but then like after four days I was like wait a minute wait a minute I was actually telling them like I was talking to kill because I was like he was like that magician was amazing and I was like yeah and he was like you didn't think it was amazing I was like yeah and then toy story five I was like it was fine like everything that was really amazing and fun was like not that exciting to me I know not to dog in the magician because I loved him he was amazing but I would just just know that's the thing about it though like it just kind of like turns the color out of every takes the color of everything that's how it felt yeah but I feel back okay yeah I think it shifted but I just googled it and it was really intense if it comes back I will I've never felt that before maybe it can start you know when I felt that postpartum but we're talking about today but I think we have a few things to talk about first this show is sponsored by BetterHelp we talk about mental health more openly now but asking for help can still feel hard and BetterHelp's latest research confirms that they're 2026 state of stigma report surveyed 2000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise yet 74% say society discourages people from actually doing so and what's great about BetterHelp is that they make therapy accessible wherever you are whether online or through the app I recently shared a win I had in therapy one of my goals was working on anger management and emotional regulation and through having the help of a good therapist that I could meet with regularly I feel like I've had a major win in that area I don't even feel nearly as angry and I think that my family is benefiting because of that and that's really what motivated me personally to seek therapy more than anything was becoming a mom and having people that I just always want to show up as the best version of myself for and BetterHelp is an amazing entry point for that totally and finding the right therapist I can help you teach you the tools and help you just grow in those areas it's also really important and BetterHelp has a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience in industry leading match fulfillment rate means BetterHelp typically gets it right the first time but if you're not happy with your match switching to a different therapist at any time from their tailored Rex is very simple don't let sigma stand in the way of support start therapy with BetterHelp sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/always that's better H-E-L-P.com/always Did you guys have fun with the magician? I did I was like a little bit stressed like when you're hosting you're like oh I just want everyone to like have fun have fun I was stressed that they wouldn't be able to hear him oh I heard fine okay good and I saw the back a lot of the day I was fine I was coming back to yeah great and the kids I was like they're so young for it but yeah we brought a magician to our house and not just any magician it was actually Nate Bergett's dad who we had seen perform on Valentine's Day actually of this year and just a little backstory I took it upon myself to move my dad's birthday because his birthday is on this baby's due date and I was like officially you can't have August 11th anymore right of course and also my other son's birthday is August 10th so I was like he can't do the day before and we're actually in fact let's move it completely because there's just so much going on right and so we did it big but my dad's also very um introverted so he didn't tell him that it was a birthday party for him and we also didn't put on the invites or anything like that he still called him out and I was like oh no he doesn't know how serious it is that you cannot acknowledge him. I literally remember growing up like uh when I'd go to friends houses and like their dad would talk to me I literally be like why is I running for a long time I couldn't peg that I was like why am I creeped out by other people's dads and I was like I'm not creeped out I just am so unaware of this type of interaction. Blake would not do that either I'm thinking about Blake I like ever talking to someone else is like teenage girl like Braille's teenage girlfriends ever you wouldn't be there he'd be in a different room. That was like my dad when I was like what you're done doing here. He's literally just like in his own house. That was literally like hide. Unless they're like a really close friend. Yeah so um no I think yet a good time I asked him afterwards I was like you swear it wasn't too much because he got a little involved in the show there's a lot of interaction. Oh it's great. Like crowd work in Stephen Bargette's magic show and he's hilarious too. Yeah and um I thought it was so funny though after the magic show we had a ton of kids there that I think a lot of it went way over their head because they're all so little but um all the dads have just gravitated towards the and they're like, "Tell me everything." - That was more magic, more magic. - And then I started talking to all their wives. They're like, "Yes, they like, they love magic." - Talk about their husbands. - Yeah, they do. (laughing) - I feel like Caleb would be really into this. - Caleb was really into magic, a lot of our friends. It was fun. - It was fun. - I wanted to go after two and see more, but I just thought I had to watch the children's. - Yes, he did fall off the swing. - Yeah, he did, exactly. So I was like, you know, I'll just hear from it for a second and saying it. But it was, I didn't realize that I'd actually never seen a magician before. I didn't realize it was like a full thing. Like he was a comedian and entertainer. Like it was, I mean, in the crowd. - It was so, it was 45 minutes of. - Yes, and then talk, I was, it was very impressive. - When I saw him perform, I said I cried. I laughed and my jaw hit the floor because his magic was so cool. He's hilarious. But then also he did like a mini sermon at one point, like based on his life experience too. And it was just like, so full circle. I was like, "What just happened?" - I was like, "We need to bring him to our house." - Yeah, that's cool. - And he was a nice guy. - That was a good party idea. - Thank you, I was blessed. - I was like, Matt, thank you for putting up with all of my shenanigans. I just remember just being like, "Hey, Matt, I got this idea." And he was like, "Okay, okay." And then I think that day, who was like, "Oh my gosh, I have to move all the furniture out of this house." - Right, and that was a big task. - I know. And I was like, "Kill both of them hang in there." - That was scary. - Luckily Blake showed up. - Yeah, I was supposed to be there. I think if I was supposed to be there, then Kill could knock it off, his job's like that. - Well, Matt called him 30 minutes after he was supposed to be areas like, "I'm in Scottsdale." - Were you at? - Scottsdale. - Okay. - Mike goes, "Oh, what's up?" (laughs) - Like, Kill was confused by his asking where he was. (laughs) - No problem. Blake is there. Blake is actually pretty, Mr. Reliah will honestly. - That's good. - Yeah, if I told him to be there, he'll be there. - He will be there. - Perfect. - He will be there. - I was like, "Hey, I said, "Hey, will you please help your sister tomorrow?" - That was nice. - That's sweet. I'm glad. - I was killed both through. - Yeah. - About me helped a lot afterwards. It was a great time. - It was so great. We have a week and full of shenanigans, too. - So, it was my like, quintantendially, guys. - There are so many shenanigans coming up. We're throwing a party for Val, all American Val. - All American Val. - All American Val. - All American Val. - What do you say? - I have to say, I'm so sorry if I, for the confusion that happened on my Instagram story. This is only for a few people, but I re-shared a story from the gym and it was like Abby and Val are crushing it. - No. - It's not our Val. Like this Val is another Val. - Oh, there's another Val. - And awesome. I got so many messages. They're like, "The Val." And they're like, "The legend." And like, sending all these things and I was like, "Oh, I love this Val, too." - Yes. - But it's not. - Different Val. - Not the Val that we've been referring to. I was like, "I wonder if she's gotten any weird." - Not the other Val. - But like unexpected messages. - Yeah, yeah. - She, I don't even think she knows anything. - She's like, "What are we talking about? Podcasts?" - She's like, "Who? Who's Abby?" - I know, that's great. - Yeah. - Wow, that's crazy. - Wow, that's crazy. That's crazy. - Um, I do have a quick while. That's crazy. Have you heard of the Coco Dona 250? Have you heard of it? Say that one more time. - Yeah. - Coco Dona 250. Have you heard of it, Hannah? - Yeah. - Easy native? - It's a foot race. Well, wait a minute, let me refresh this. It's a marathon. 250 miles. And they run all through, you're right. It's nine marathons. And they run through Arizona, like up in Watson Lake and Prescott. They go to Sedona and they're running up and down mountains. - In the summer? - They just did it. This past, no, I mean, that's when it popped up. It's probably in the spring. But they have to pack for weather. Like, and they're literally running to the top of mountains. They only take naps. They don't sleep for five days to finish this. The girl, a girl won. And she broke the course record out of all these like many women. She broke the course record and it was female, which was really cool. She did it in 56 hours. She didn't sleep for 56 hours. - I think you were going to tell me Abby, guess how long a really fast person would take to do 250 miles. I would really know either. - No idea. - No, 56 hours. - But I keep getting every year, apparently. - Every year I've gotten this guy's vlog on TikTok of it. And he's an older gentleman. And he's really like high energy. And he'll be like, oh, it's going to get weird tonight. The hallucinations are starting. And he's literally hallucinating while he runs. And his hallucination was like being chased by a bunch of rolling police. Like, just really crazy stuff. Because he's so tired. - So tired. - They don't sleep. And they're running. He fell asleep on the phone running. Yeah. Pretty crazy stuff. Coco Dono 250. - They have a different, they run in a different speed. - Very different mammal. - They totally different. - Completely different mammal. - But I think this guy's sixth one. - How much do you think it is to register for that one? - I bet it's a lot. - Why? - It shouldn't be. - I'm going to get $1,300. - The cheapest is $19,95. - The cheapest? - What are the tiers? - So that's until August 31st. - Oh, okay. - And then if you sign up by the end of February, it's $2,045. And then at the end of April, it is $2,090. - No, I believe it's expensive because probably not that many people do it. And that's $250 miles that they have to make a course. And then they have aid stations with food for all of them. - Okay. - And then they probably have first aid. And so there's a lot that probably goes into it. They have some sleep stations. They had, he got a massage at one point. So there are different things that they offer along the course. But you would have to pay me a lot more than $2,000. You'd have to pay me $2,000,000 to do that. - $2,000? I'd probably do it. I would surely try. - There was a lot of give it a shot. - Blake started running. I don't know if I told you guys that. He started on Monday. He's going to do a marathon at the end of the year. - He should just sign him up for the go-go doughnut. $250. - No, he said he's going to do a marathon at December 12th. And I said, what if I'm going to be able to do one? - Wow, a full? - Yeah. Doesn't want to do a half. - What if I'm in labor? - Makes him run faster. - Well, he should do it. That's a great goal. He said all of us who keep doubting that he can do a full marathon. - He's a bad runner. - He's a bad runner. - Oh shoot. - He said that out. - He said that out. - Like, I remember my dad and him running. I don't think he could do a 5K. - He did one today. - Okay. - 10 and a half mile pace. - Well, that's more. - He's in to do it. - So he's doing it because he hates running. - Yeah. - But hey, he's gone up and worked out every single day this morning. - That's amazing. - As in running, we're lifting weights. - That's great. - There's something in postpartum. And I know he's a male, but postbaby, where you just, you're like, I'm ready to do hard things. - 'Cause I did a Spartan, I think about this. Three months after having doggy. - Yeah. - That was a C section. - Yeah, you asked me if I wanted to do it. I said, I am not there yet. - I feel fine. - I feel fine to do it. - And I actually was just thinking about that because our friends had a three month old. And I was like, wow, wow. I'm crazy. - Well, no. 'Cause I just remember you can feel really good at that point. - Yeah, you can. It's just so different. - Yeah. - You can. It's just, you feel still like weak in some areas. - Would you do one? Would you do one? - A full? - No, Spartan. - Yeah, I would do one. - We should do one next spring. - Spartan looks good. - I think hierarchy is, I was asked to do a hierarchy. And I was like, yes. 'Cause I love it. Like, I'm like, that feels fun. 'Cause it's partners. - Yeah. - But I feel like Spartans have to be more fun. You just do so many cool things. - Yeah. - It's like, it's so fun. It's more, 'cause the hierarchy is just like running and junk. - Lunge is, when I saw lunges, I was like, that doesn't look fun fun at all. - No, and it's inside. - Like, there's rope climbs. - Yeah. - There's like, jabberty. - You're mud. - You want your mud. - Yeah. - Like, it is really intense. I would totally do that. - Okay. - Let's do it. - Okay, let's do it. - There's one in November, probably. - I can't even do that one. - I can't do that one. - We can do it. - I'll come true, you guys on. - We should do an only year event at this point. - Can I do it? Will they allow me to run? - I can't do the obstacle. - Could you come with us? - Yeah, of course with us. - You just do the penalty for every obstacle. - Wow. - That is fun. - I couldn't do it three of them last time. - The monkey bars are really, really hard. - I think they could change that. - No, it's the, they're, my hands literally, they're thick monkey bars. - It's thick monkey bars. - That's one of the things. It's a ring. - The ring monkey bars and then regular monkey bars. - They were a lot easier when you were a kid. - Trust. - Yeah, I believe that. I believe that. - I really do really good at those. - What kind of mentioned it? Do I need to do a hard things postpartum? We mentioned a couple times. Depression. Hard stuff. Sorry, I can't be serious. Postpartum. That's what we're talking about today. - Yeah. - I think this has been a highly requested episode. - Okay. - We're talking about our experiences postpartum. We both had, I've had two. I've had three. You're gonna have your fourth. - Mm-hmm. - Addy, you've had one. You're gonna have your second. So just postpartum in general, just how hard it is. Things that were hard, things that we thought were easy. Overall, our experience. - Yeah. What would you say just to start off the conversation is harder for you guys, like physical struggles after postpartum or mental struggles? - I've had both. CJ was physical. I thought emotionally, I felt fine. Vivian, I thought emotionally it was harder for me. - Really? Okay, Addy, how are you? - Mine was physical the first time. It's all I've only done one. Mostly because I swear I broke my tailbone and I had a million hemorrhoids. So I couldn't move or sit comfortably. But I had to walk me up the stairs when we got home. People are dancing at the hospital? Not me. - Okay, but you also live on the third floor. - That's a lot of stairs. - I know, but I couldn't walk up the stairs straight. I had to turn sideways. - That's a different Addy. - I had a little bit, I had a little bit tailbone issues. So mine was physical. (laughs) - Why did I do so? Let's shout out. That's unusual. I feel like the tailbone. Yeah, I don't know the head that happens to you too. No, I, I have the weirdest tailbone ever, but it's never bothered me. Okay, postpartum. Mine is always mental. Yeah, always. I feel like I felt really physically good every time, which is yeah, I think I don't know. I don't really know why. I don't, I got lucky. No, I think every person's so different. You're very strong physically, like, very strong. You were strong going into both pregnancies. I wasn't very strong going into C2's pregnancy. I think that made a big difference. I mean, I just ran and then during that pregnancy, I worked out a little bit, but it was light. I just, I wasn't in, I was at burn. Like, I remember every time like wanting to do more than they were clearing me to do. So then when people are like, I'm clear, but there's no way I can do that. I just, I'm not thinking, I'm, I totally believe them, but I'm just like that was at my experience. Yeah. And so yeah, I think that just goes to say that postpartum can look so many different ways. And even going into this like next season, about to be postpartum again, I think more than ever, I'm like, it, it's going to be what it's going to be. Like, I, I can go in with like expectations, but I just know that whenever I do that, I just end up getting humbled really quick. So I'm like, we'll just see what happens. I went in so cocky to Vivians, I was like, it's gonna be easy. I already know that I'd do the baby stuff, not a big deal. And then I thought I was emotionally rocked a little bit. Yeah. And with CJ, I think, you know, I had a pretty hard labor with him. And so that really threw me for a loop physically. I mean, I can slightly recap it, but went in and do this for three days, pushed, got to the push stage, pushed for three and a half hours, went in for an urgency section. I don't think there's an emergency. I think it was just urgent. I didn't have an infection. I did, I got an infection. His heart started to drop, but they gave me like 30 minutes while they like prepped everything. It wasn't like they took me out. I remember feeling surprised by that. I was like, get a rent. Yeah, I thought so. Because the medicine was, you know, I'm going to go into it, but it was painful. And then I went in, hemorrhaged. I lost half of my blood volume. They should have gave me a blood transfusion to this day. My sister's like, I can't believe they didn't. And then she goes in the NICU. So it was just a really, really, really hard recovery. And I remember feeling, and a lot of pain for a while. And just like my energy was so low, I had no strength in my body for a couple weeks, I felt like. So that was really hard physically. And I think the challenges after a C-section, like, you know, you're, it's hard to sit up in bed at night and we didn't have a good bed. And I didn't lead our setup wasn't the best. And I just wasn't prepared in our home, even to accommodate some of those things I needed. Like probably need to sleep in a recliner. And, you know, some stuff. But I just more physically be like, whoa, I got rocked. But I think that's what made the switch in my brain. And now I feel really like obsessive about never feeling weak again like that. Like it kind of triggered something in me. A fear response. Yeah. I better get it freaking together because I never want to feel like that again. Right. We actually met with Adela last week. And me and Matt met with Adela in our house. And she, well, this is funny. She started off by saying like, Hey, when it comes to birth, which obviously like, I feel like your birth experience really shapes your postpartum experience. Totally agree. Or it can. Sometimes not always the case, but a lot of times it does. And she's like, I want you to start, Matt, like if you were to think of one word, like when you think about birth, like what, what would you say? And he was like, trauma. And I was like, oh, she's like, that is the answer I almost always get from the husband. She's like, no, I mean, what would you say? And she didn't, she wasn't like trying to be like, she wasn't setting me up for any certain answer. But I was like, game day. And she was like, see, this is more typical of what I treat, because we do have that like hormone boost. And like all those things that the dads don't give. But they're like, they see it all. They remember it all. Yeah. Where we have like that type of amnesia or whatever you want to call it. But um, so that kind of just like said, like in my thought, like, wow, it's it's such postpartum is such a team experience. I feel like if you like have, if you're going through it with a spouse or a partner, like that just shapes everything too. But um, it was funny because also during that, she asked me, she was like, what questions do you have for me? And I was like, sitting there thinking I was like, I feel like having like done this before, I was like, okay, I feel like I've collected every birth experience. I have a induction, vaginal delivery. And then a scheduled C section, I was like, I don't have a like a thought frame reference for emergency C section, which I feel like duels aren't really like necessarily, that's like their worst case scenario, I would say. Yeah, it's like their last. And I was like, can you kind of just walk me through what to expect if this ends in an emergency C section, because I like for in my head, I actually realized I was like, I, if I were to put percentages, I think zero percent. And that's not realistic. And so like, please give me a frame for like what this could look like. And she what kind of walked me through that. But um, yeah, I think a lot of my confidence going into postpartum is related to my confidence going into birth, which is not necessarily founded. This is shaky territory starting this on. So I'm like, oh boy. I just texted Blake to ask him the same question, because I'm curious what he would say. Like, it's one word to describe. He said, quick. Oh, and then he said scary for labor. I said, from our birth experience, from my birth experience. Oh, she's also speaking of Blake, that, that he made part of our birth plan for math to catch the baby. And so I asked Blake, Blake, he's husband and my brother. I was like, Blake, would you ever catch the baby like during a delivery? And he's like, he, first off the bat. He was like, yeah, he was, um, I actually think I'm more of a by the shoulder guy. That's what I said. Did you like look at all? Like, surely he was a little bad, but like, no. He did. I don't believe it. That's open. I had the mirror and kill was like, wow. That's very serious, too. I think kill, watch the C section too. Like, my watch, my watch the whole thing. All of it. I'm glad they're not. I wanted him to though. And I don't really know why, but I did. I was like, I'm not, I don't want to see it. I need you to see it. Yeah. I definitely was going to panic if I saw that. By insights. I actually kind of saw it in the white in the reflection to throw me up, throw up. I think they give you some medication to give you no anxiety or something. I asked for that. It didn't work. I said, I think I might have a panic attack. It's just like, I can't give you anything until they cut you open. I was like, oh, so then maybe I didn't have any. Or they can't give you anything until after the baby's out. So maybe I didn't have anything. I was like, well, I need it before that. I just closed my eyes. Thank you to Merit Beauty for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. If there's one brand that I scream from the rooftops over and over and over again, that I just love. It is Merit Beauty. I wear so many of their products. Let's be honest. If a routine takes longer than five minutes, it's probably just not happening. And that's why Merit Beauty believes great makeup should be effortless. They're clean, thoughtfully curated essentials help you get a fresh polished look in minutes with products you can swipe on, blend with your fingers and move on with your day. I love their flush bomb and the color archival. It's really natural. I like a berry tone. I feel like their makeup just makes me feel put together. 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That's m-e-r-i-t-beauty.com to get your free signature makeup bag with your first order, meributie.com. There's no way Blake would look at a C-section. Not a chance. No, I wouldn't want to. Yeah. I was just oddly calm. So what did she say about the emergency? Did she give you good expectations? She's like well honestly it'll happen really really quick. Yeah. Like she's like you'll just and then it'll be similar to your schedules. I mean I know what a C-section is. She's like but you'll know really quickly if you're gonna have to switch gears into that. So it's basically like you'll just switch gears from your vaginal delivery frame of reference to your C-section. A hard transition. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like all right well I'll just I know myself I'll just process that all about four weeks later. Did you feel like a difference between your postpartums? They were pretty similar. Similar. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like for me always day two is when crap hits a fan. It's interesting with your second you can pick up patterns which is helpful for your subsequent. Yeah. I think that is good for it. You're gonna go for more than two. Yeah. Then you can know what's a pattern and what was just a fluke for me. Like day two is really bad. I feel like a cage animal both time. Okay so with my first I was getting out of the hospital that day. My second since I had a C-section I was still in the hospital and I was losing my mind. I'm not even kidding you guys. Just like tears every second like my eyes were swollen shut from [BLANK_AUDIO] crying so hard. I felt like just I felt crazy and I just remember this is so sweet and sad. My parents came in. They're like so excited. They thought I would be like so happy and like they're like and you can just see their face and as soon as they open the door they're like and they don't even look out our baby at all. I'm crying. My dad sat on the bed. He didn't say anything. He started rubbing my back. That's really sweet. And I was just like what's wrong with me like I just didn't know what was wrong because I was like all I want is to be a mom and all like I'd not even in pain like I was just like which I was kind of in pain. But I wasn't even thinking about that. And then I was just like a mess. I don't know how to describe it other than I literally just felt like a rabid animal. And I felt like that both times. So I'm like what do we do? Well here's what we do. I actually talked to the duo about it. That's good. And she's like it's going to be so much better. She's like you just need to do a Policenta encapsulation. How fast is the turnaround on that? I don't know. Hopefully very soon. It takes many hours for three hydrated. Wait a minute you want to see something. Three hours? To dehydrate it. I think. I don't. I was presented. Three hours. Okay. I would have thought it'd been like three days you know. I guess we're not leaving it on the air. She does it in her kitchen. I was presented with Vivian the option from a company to do it. And I didn't do it because the you know the Policenta has a lot of hormone estrogen in it. Is that right? Would you don't have to make milk? Oh she's ready. That's her kitchen. And that's the one's Policenta. Wow. I mean it couldn't be me but I'm glad there are people out there that do that. She said my husband does want her to find another place. She's really true. Oh my gosh. That's such a happy picture. She loves it. She loves it. I know. That's like what you want. You want people that are so passionate about their job. I remember reading about it. Like it takes the estrogen and it's from your milk but you're such an oversupplier that's probably not going to be an issue. What it takes. Oh it's she said it helps her milk supply. Really? Well there's just I think conflicting stuff on that. Well I don't know if any of I actually I think it's all go ahead and say that I don't know if any of this is evidence-based. Right. But but try and see if it works. She was like I really think she's like what's your postpartum like I'm like so messy. So messy mentally. I was like physically I feel pretty fine. Mentally it's so messy and she's like you will you need to eat your Policenta. Wow I mean she has probably a lot of research. I mean she's probably done a lot. Yeah she's she really believes in this and so yeah basically I was presented with this with both births before like and I was like with my first two kids I was like no I don't I actually we had someone take a photo of our Policenta and I was actually offended. I was like don't take a picture of that organ. I literally was going through our birth powder. I was like why would you slip that in there? But it's so like I was actually offended and look at my progression. Now I'm eating it. I love my Policenta. But we love you. When I saw a professional photo of my Policenta I was really like oh and now I'm like our friend fixed my relationship. Our friend Jordyn she was like when it came out they were like this is the healthiest placenta I've ever seen she's like yep 150 grams of protein a day like she was like you know Jordyn she's she knew why. Yeah she was like she worked for that. Yes she was like I'm taking care of our placenta. I'm really trying to comment on my placenta. They're probably like this girl's eating crap but so funny. So yeah. Well they're gonna say they're gonna we have to bring her own cooler for it. They're disposable with ice. I think the hospital probably will provide ice. I wouldn't assume that. They have a million ice makers on the floor and people take their placenta home all the time. Oh okay. You should clarify. She's like that'll be the problem. That will be the center for why I can't do it. No ice. You got to put that puppy on it. Here's that is gonna be the problem. Is that you're relying on this on this to help with your range of postpartum and then it's like the Policenta it melts. It melts. It melts. It melts. It makes it worse. That will be the thing that sets me off. It's match responsibility to get it in the cooler I believe. And then our doula will take it from there. Take it from the hospital and then she can probably help him. That's true. But I remember with Ogi they were like do you want to have your placenta? I was like what would I do with it? And she's like she didn't say eat it. She said people make art with it. I think they do do that. I was like I laughed and then I was like beautiful. I'm sure I mean I can imagine that it would be. It just sounds so funny. Are? Yeah. That'll be my fourth birth. That'll be my fourth kid. I'm like we're going to go to buy it to eating it to literally make it hard. You put it in a shadow. Like a little like that's not what my photo looked like. Oh, I get it now. That's close into art. So it kind of looks like a jellyfish or check out that in my house after my fourth kid. If you see a little tree or jellyfish look at this. That's the progression right there. I mean yeah honestly this point's like we'll never say no to nothing. I can't have a hard fist on nothing. I keep changing my hands open wherever my feet leave me Lord. Take me where I must go. Basically she's going to dehydrate it and put into pills and then I'll take those pills. Well I'm excited here. If it's a good improvement. I had a lot of anxiety after Vivian that I wasn't expecting. So this is helpful for you. I'll never say never. Never say never. I mean here's everything. I can do a pill. Yeah, you don't have to think about it. I can do a pill. Just follow that sucker. Let it do what you need to do. Yeah. So you're already taking so many things. So I was part of my life. I just throw that one in there. Throw that one in the bottom. I still saw her placenta. So much. So perfect. I'd be broke and go. I think something I'm curious to talk about is the different stages throughout postpartum. Like four months I had a dip and then six months I felt amazing. And now nine months stopping nursing I have a dip again. Like the waves of postpartum. I think we originally think about postpartum which is those first six weeks. But that whole year to 18 months after birth. So do you remember and you're either of your experiences like a certain month milestone point where like oh that was really hard or is hard every time or I didn't expect that month to be hard versus others. I forget. I literally forget. I feel like I feel like actually I will say I feel like four months with both both times with both kids is really hard. I had a hard four months too. I wonder what that is. I feel like I hit a high honestly at six weeks. I remember feeling really good at six weeks. And then I was like we're done. And then I think at four months I was like oh yeah I felt knocked on my butt again. But then I don't remember anything beyond that. So what did you think? I thought four months was really hard. Because again you kind of get up like a false confidence before you're like yeah feeling good again and feeling like myself like we're getting a handle on things. And then at four months I remember with Vivian feeling really like I remember recognizing that I felt anxious. So it took me four months to realize that's what I was feeling inside. But then I remember thinking like I'm far enough away from birth where I'm assuming I should be better. But then I'm feeling really anxious and like I'm struggling a lot. And I think I was then also hard on myself because I was mad at myself for still struggling too. Like I didn't know if that felt like it. How do you want to say? I'm wondering too because all of us had babies July, August, September. So that means four months does go around the holiday season which and into new years. Which I feel like new years always is a fresh year. It's time to start fresh and you're like I don't feel like makes me sad. I don't feel fresh. I don't feel ready to start like I don't want to do this right now. Like I don't feel like I'm ready for that. My format I feel like I'm trying to think. I think I knew sleep training was on the horizon. I was like off when we get to five months and then for some reason four months was so hard because maybe I knew that was like on the horizon for us. Our story was going to look like with her sleep. And I think that was the hardest. I felt so exhausted. I felt so exhausted. It hit at that four months before then I was like this is fine. I'm just in the routine. In that four months I was like oh shoot. I can't sleep all time more. I cannot do anymore. So when I started like I was like like wake up and give her a bottle like I need one more like hours of sleep together. Like I can't I can't break it up. So maybe it's not hormones. Maybe it's sleep. I think that's gonna sleep at me. I think I was really scared about the sleep deprivation before I ever at because I was like I just am such a rock sleeper. Like I don't know how if I wake up to pee in the middle of the night my next day was ruined before kids you know. Like I was like I have to get I would just sleep all the time. And I think that is maybe like a positive if you're worried about that. Oh my gosh those first three months you don't even think about it. Like you're tired obviously but there is something inside of you just like oh yeah I can do it. Yeah. And it's just a shift for sure. Which I think that's like your biological. It's totally biological. But yeah around four months which both my babies started sleeping through the night at four months. But it probably is just like a yeah the sleep catches up to you. I feel like I hit a really big win, though, at six months, both times. - I did too. - Like, six months, I was kinda like, e-ha. - Yeah, yeah. - That's when I got really hit with, like, let's make another baby. - Yeah, okay, I didn't get here with that, but I did get the e-ha. The brain fog lifted, especially this time around, I noticed it. I think because of the podcast, I'm like, I'm trying to form sentences and thoughts a lot. And that was the first, you know, what, three months of this podcast, I was like, I remember crying to kill, I was like, I don't think I'm making a single thought. Like, I don't think anything I'm saying makes sense. I don't have anything to add. I just felt so insecure. And like, my brain was not working. And then at six months, I was like, hello, I can think, I feel amazing. - Six months is a win. - Yeah. - Did you feel like that too, Adi? - Yeah, I felt like six months is a win. Like, Brielle was fully sleeping through the night, every single night. So I'm sleeping better. She's in a more of a routine now with naps. It's not just like, we'll see what happens today. We're starting to introduce more food. Like, it's just, I think it was good for me too. I had six months. And then I had a baby when she turned seven months. Or it got pregnant when she turned seven months. - So you had the urge, you're like. - I did have the urge. - It's real. - I feel like the first six months, I'm so terrified. I'm like, I just got, I'm just done being pregnant. Like, I'm free. But then, not that I had six months, it wasn't that I felt, oh, I want to have a baby. I just felt, okay, if I get pregnant now, I wouldn't be, that's horrified. But I didn't have the urge to like have a baby. But you guys were like, no, put a baby in me. - It was interesting too, because I was like that. I was like, now you need to be pregnant now again. And then once I got pregnant, I was like, oh, here we go again. (laughing) - That's like logical side of it wasn't working. It was just that I need to be pregnant again. - Totally. - And then we're gonna have another baby and do it all again. - Yeah, it's always worth it. - Yeah. - I will say, back to her referencing my rage against my dog I talked about last time. I feel like my thoughts are just not logical when I'm postpartum, especially those first six months. Like, I'm just not rationally thinking. - Was your anxiety more so related to the baby? - No. - Oh. - No, I didn't have any anxiety about Vivian. - Oh, okay. - I felt fine. I was very confident in what I was doing with her. That's what I felt like. I think, I mean, we took on the podcast. That was new. And it was quarter four of our work. So it's super busy work-wise. I just didn't feel like I had a handle on anything. I didn't have a grip on taking care of my children. I didn't have a grip on work. I, and Caleb was working a ton. I just felt like I had no problem. - You were a lot on her lambators of how to handle my life at all. I felt very confident with taking care of Vivian. Did not feel confident with taking care of CJ, which made me feel sad. Yeah, I think Caleb, my mom was there for eight weeks, but yeah. - Your anxiety and rage was geared towards Lewis. - It did come out on the dog, yeah. - Mm-hmm. - I'm sorry, to my neighbors, probably heard VL. I think I'll be able to love people on the internet. I'm not gonna like hearing that, but it's just, yeah, sad. - Poor guy. - Yeah, he's a trooper. - He's a trooper. - Yeah. - He probably didn't even notice. He's such a happy dog. - Yeah. - He's like, "Huh?" (laughs) He's like, "I just ate her whole sandwich off the counter." I'm gonna have them look good. - Oh, I see that would be really sad. Losing your food. Oh, that was something I didn't expect. I didn't expect to be more hungry, post-partum and breastfeeding than I was when I was pregnant. I did not expect that. Which I feel like the distinction for me is like, pregnancy hunger was like, I need food right now, but then I'd eat and then I'd be like, satiated pretty quickly. Like I was surprised by like the, now and the third trimester. Second trimester, I could really eat so much. But then with breastfeeding, I literally remember like my plate would be like, bowl of like, dance food. - Yeah. - Dance, yeah. - And I would eat it all and I'd be like, "More." - Like I was so hungry. The hunger in thirst when your early breastfeeding is-- - Ooh, the thirst. - I didn't feel it as much like, you know, after six, four and six months. - Yeah. - Those first months of breastfeeding are literally like, so totally. - Yeah, it's hilarious. - It was like I couldn't fill my stomach. - Never, it's never full, never. - But when you look up like, how many extra calories do you actually do need? - Okay, the doctor, I asked the doctor that and I was like, like a thousand. She was like, no, 300. I was like, who wants to fight? - No, I saw like, 350 to 500 is what I saw. - Okay. - It probably just depends. - I like wanting to fight my doctor. I was like, don't say that. When I'm literally eating six hell things of dinner. - And that's the thing I didn't want snacks. I wanted meals, pregnancy, I wanted snacks. But it was just a totally different. It's hard to explain. You can't know until you know. But like, it's just a totally different type of hunger and I've seen people talk about them before and I was like, I relate to that literally so much. - So much. - An animal. - Did you guys get the sundown scaries? - I get that every time. - I got the sun up scaries. - Oh, I felt anxious every morning. But I felt great after like nap time. - Nope. - Soon as the sun started to set, I was really like, the mornings felt like really, I just thought I couldn't handle the mornings. - My sundown scaries were actually in pregnancy. - Really? - Third trimester, going to sleep. - Going to sleep to try sleep. - Yeah. - I definitely, every time I was like. - That's why I still take a happy unison because I get that. Because I just get so uncomfortable in the night and then I wake up and then I can't go back to sleep 'cause he's going crazy. - Last night, I had a Braxton cake. - What? (laughs) - I don't think that's what that boy is. - I had it, I had it. - It was, I woke it up. It said that could be what it was. I mean, you can say that. - At 15? - 15 weeks. - That's crazy. - I still feel out of my sleep and then I felt my stomach was really hard. And that's why I was like, that is what, it says it's kids more normal in the, not more normal, but with consecutive pregnancies 'cause your body just like, knows what that is. - It's hard to get out of it. - No, it's fine. Don't tell me that's not what it is 'cause then I'll get free. - No, okay. - No, it woke me up out of my sleep. - Wow, that's a bit pressure. - That's a bit pressure. - Really crazy. - And then I felt my belly. Sorry, that just made me think of that. I don't know. - That is crazy. - It's not that scary, it's sleeping. - Sorry. - I don't get it. - I feel like I just remembered, both times like a specific night where I remember just like recognizing as what, that is what it was. And it was usually like seven days after birth when I would start to notice that like cycle of like, I would remember just like, nursing alone in my room at that point. And so I went with Augie. I was like, I need everyone in my bedroom at that time. You guys, I have a video, it's really sweet. You guys, I need so much help postpartum. I just have to say this because I am a basket case and other people handle it so well. And I am amazed by them. And I don't want them to struggle like this. But like for me, I was like, no, I need everyone to help me 'cause I'm just like, feel so frazzled. But there's a video of me sitting in the chair and nursing in our bedroom, like Matt and I's room. And then both my parents and Matt's parents are sitting on the bed and on the ground watching Shark Tank Rhythmia. - Oh, that's really sweet. - And I was like, wow, we have so much, like so much like sweet people surrounding us. 'Cause for me, I was like, me and Matt together, like we got the baby. Like we can do this even with two. But I was like mentally like I wanted, like I just needed a little bit, like I had a lot more support than just Matt and I. Especially with one of us, like at all times, honestly both of us needing to take care of the kids. It was nice to have like the parents like taking care of me. And just that video of them watching Shark Tank with me at like six p.m. in our room was so sweet. And like I just, those moments, like I really remember because it's just a feeling that I didn't, I've never had until then, like except for, I remembered when I was going through it. I remember one other time that I felt like this and it was literally when I was in the fifth grade. I had a summer where I struggled with insomnia. Did you know this? No, I never heard this. So I had insomnia like pretty bad. Like, I mean for months. I would say like I think it was probably at least two months. And I like, we went to the doctor. Everyone was trying to evaluate like why I literally would not sleep. Like and I wanted to sleep so bad. But I would stay up all night for, I mean, like this was over the summer thank goodness, but like months. And so we went to the doctor and they're like trying to find any reason they're like, oh it's 'cause your grandparents are moving or it's because you're going to a new school. Like, and I was like, nothing they were saying, like my mom would like ask me, like she genuinely wanted to figure out if I was struggling with anxiety or something. And I remember just being like, I don't think I have a thought like that in my head. I couldn't, I didn't know what was going on. But then my mom, she, 'cause the doctors wanted to give me like a bunch of sleep medication. My mom was like, well, let's just pause on that. And then she gave me a pill and she was like, this is a sleeping medication. Tonight you will fall asleep right away because she's like, this is really strong stuff. It was a frickin' tic-tac. - Wow, that's amazing. - But guess what, that night fell right to sleep. - Really? - I swallowed tic-tacs. - Tic-tacs, cold, for, I don't even know how long. - How smart. - So did it almost because you couldn't sleep. - She knew what meant tall, you couldn't sleep because you were, you just told yourself you would be able to sleep. - So yeah, so then what would happen? I think it had like maybe one night of really bad sleep, which anyone can have. But then the next night when the sun started to set, I started to get really, really anxious that the same thing was gonna happen. For like, I mean, that's the thing about anxiety. It's not necessarily logical. - No, it's not. - And so I was like, I didn't need to feel that way. I was-- a kid in summertime. Like what do you have to get up for? What do you need a great night's rest for? Like anything like that. I just remember feeling that way. And so like I remember feeling that way every single night. Like my stomach would hurt. I didn't want to eat dinner. Like I didn't want to even like, I would just be so worried about what was gonna happen that night. And it was just some feeling that I just couldn't, I'd never had before. And then I remember after having my first, I was like this is the same way I felt. Like just so anxious about nighttime and like going to bed. And that like even, it would connect with dinner. And then I also at that point would remember feeling really down too. Like both of those things would happen at the same time. - Yeah. - And so I feel like that was like my experience with baby blues. I feel like by six weeks both times it was pretty much over with. - Yeah. - But it is one of those things where I'm like, I don't want, I obviously don't want to feel that way. And I don't, and my brain, I'm like, it's all gonna be okay. Even if I have a sleepless night, like we've navigated that before. Like it's just illogical and it just hits you. And yeah, kind of like have you heard people, they have like that let down anxiety. - They feel depressed or sad right when they're let down happens. - Yeah, when they're breastfeeding. - I never felt that, but I believe that I fully, I feel like it happened. - I feel, I just remember feeling so out of control. Like I was like, I don't want to feel that way. - Yeah, for sure. - Did you guys feel like it was easier to ask for help the second time with your second kid more than your first or did it change the order for me? - Because I was like, I've done this before. And like I should, I don't know why. I put different expectations on myself with the second, having gone through it before. - Thank you to Magic Spoon for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. - Magic Spoon just figured out how to turn treats into something you can actually feel good about eating. If you love sweet snacks but hate the sugar crash, this is about to be your new obsession. - We seriously have had Magic Spoon treat stalked in our pantry for months now. - And like, you can't let them run out. - Oh, good. - Such a treat. The marshmallow flavor, they have a chocolate one, they have a blueberry one, and they have a peanut butter one. - Their Magic Spoon treats are crispy, airy, and they're protein packed. They have 12 grams of protein, seven grams of fiber, zero grams of added sugar, two to three grams of net carbs, and certified gluten free. And they genuinely feel like a treat, not just a sad health bar. If you already know Magic Spoon for their cereal, it's still iconic, the fruity cereal. - Oh, I can tell you all my favorites. We honestly love the marshmallow one, the salmon one, the peanut butter one, the chocolate one, love the fruity one, because their high protein zero sugar cereal brings all the childhood nostalgia, but none of the sugar bombs. - Magic Spoon is easy to find, just look for Magic Spoon at grocery retailers nationwide, and if you haven't tried them yet, check out Magic Spoon Treats, a high protein low sugar take on the cereal bars that you grew up with. You can get five dollars off your next order at magicspoon.com/abbey. That's magicspoon.com/abbey for five dollars off. - What about you, Abby? - I thought I was more able. I don't think I had an issue accepting help either times. I think I knew how to better place my help, where I needed it, like I needed help around the house, which is like my life things felt overwhelming. And so I knew like, hey, can you please do the laundry to like my mom or Teresa when they would stay. Like I felt like more confident asking for the things I needed help in, instead of just like letting the dig go on and just hoping that people would help with them. So I think I probably felt a little better about that. - I definitely didn't want to ask for help the first time around, like my mom was there. And I was like, she would spend the night a couple nights in case we needed her in the middle of the night. And I'm like, I have to know how to do this myself. And so I would never ask for help, 'cause I'm like, I need to figure out how to be a mom by myself, 'cause you're not gonna be here forever. Like to help me. And this time around, I'm like, I know how to do it. So you can help me. Like I don't need, I don't have that same anxiety around needing to be able to do it on my own. - You know you'll be capable. - Yes. - Totally. - No matter who's there, what it's going on. Like I'll figure it out. - For sure. - Well that's the thing. I remember feeling really nervous. My mom was there for eight weeks. And people could've asked me, "What do you need?" And I was like, you just need your mom there for you forever. - But my mom finally left. I had to figure it out. And it was really good to do that. Like it helped my confidence a lot. And you figure out, like you're like, oh, I can't do it. I can figure it out and make it work. But yeah. I told my mom she left at the worst time because she stayed for six weeks and then I was going back to work and I'm like mom. - Now what do I do? - You leave me when I have to start work? - Yeah, I've got me to late. - Come for two weeks, come on, come on, come on. She's staying for a long, longer than that. - You guys made a good point. I feel like I should have, both times, really should have done a better job of asking for help with life things and not. - I don't need help with the baby things. - Yeah, I just, I don't know why I felt so bad asking. Actually, yeah, I just felt bad asking for help with the laundry and stuff. - I don't want to. - Me too, I didn't. - See, the thing is that my mom would, see I wouldn't ask anyone else. My mom would do it, but I would not ask you to fold my laundry or anything. - I would ask, I would ask you guys to fold my laundry. - I would do it. - I would ask you to unload the dishwasher. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think you loaded my dishwasher one time when you were over it. Like I'm like, that's nice. But I don't know my laundry. I'm like, you don't know what you're doing. - You always need to send me a list of chores. - What come over and do 'em? Because I think that's really the thing. And like with my mom and Teresa, I knew they wanted to help. But I think sometimes too, when like your parent is coming in or your in-laws are coming in, like they're also in a new environment. They're in your home. Like they don't know always what your routines and systems are. And so when I felt like I was like, oh, John, can you do this? Teresa, can you do this? Mom, can you do this? Dad, can you do this? I think it gave them an ease. Because then they were like, I know where she needs to help. And they confidently handled that. So I don't know. I feel like that came with the second, not with the first. - I feel like that Segway is really nicely into talking about like boundaries with family after having a baby. Because Addy showed us this TikTok and it kind of sparked a thought, how should we show that? Or we can just talk about it. - We can just talk about it. - There was a TikTok that went viral. You wanna describe it? - Yeah, it was a group chat. So there's this new, there's this thing on TikTok where you're like showing your group chat and it's like this like a yelling version by reading the texts. - That's AI? - Yeah. - Certainly. - I put that on someone being like, no! - No, it's AI. - That's not a person out there for sure. - They really committed this. - And so I was just reading through these texts of this couple that just had a baby and it seemed like in the group chat, it is the husband and the wife, the mom of each of them, and then their best friend is in this group chat. And they had just, they, the husband said a text and said, hey, we're home from the hospital but we're not ready for visitors. We'll let you know when we are. Both mom, they're like, okay, we're on our way over. We have dinner, we're ready to see you guys when you're ready. And they're like, no, please no visitors right now. And they're like, we're coming, let us in. They get there. They're like, why is my door code not working? Let me in, let me in. - We changed it. - I can hear my grandbaby crying. Let me in, I can get them to sleep. Like, and they're like, no, we're trying to get them to sleep and let me help. Put them to sleep. And they're like, no! Go away! And then the friends like advocating for them in the chat but it was an interesting conversation around boundaries with family members and friends starting this season. - Do you first of all think that video is real? I don't know. Do you think someone would actually do that? - Yeah, I'm a little, I'm for sure, I think that was real. I bet people would do that. So I don't know, I feel like I have mixed feelings on that. Like, for me, personally, they certainly cross the line with the parents saying, hey, we don't want visitors right now. And then to physically show up. - That's so wrong. - That's so wrong, that's so wrong. - That's not okay. And it's not even like, they weren't like, we don't want to see you for weeks. They're like, they said not right now. - Yeah. - Which I'm like, that is so valid. - That's fair. - But like, Adi, you've said it so well before. Like, when you have a baby, this obviously comes with so much nuance because it depends on what your family looks like. Like, if your family is people that would take advantage of this or they're super barring or super inappropriate with like, the things that they would say or insensitive, then that definitely changes things. But I'm talking about like, within our family, like a healthy family dynamic, you know, with every day, you know, typical challenges, of course. But that baby that you had is not just your daughter. That baby is also a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter. Like, all these other things. And so, I do think when a baby's introduced, like, it is something for the whole family. - Yeah, let the grandma say it. - Let the grandma say it. - And, I don't know. I think that that's, it's a touchy area. And I think each family has to navigate that. And I think what could be really hard, I'm so thankful that this isn't the situation we are in. But if you have to have different boundaries with different sides of the family. - That would be hard. - That would be really hard. - That would be hard, yeah. - And so, we're coming, we're talking from like a very, we have a great tissue scenario here. But I think I do talk to a lot of friends and they're like, oh no, no, I don't want anyone around. And they're like, they have great families. And it's just like, oh, but like, let people love your baby and like, help your baby. And let them come celebrate your baby for a night. And then let them leave, you know? - Yeah, it doesn't have to be forever. It doesn't have to be long. - No, but I think, yeah, it's, sometimes I think, especially on the internet, I feel like there's this narrative of like this hyper, no one comes near my baby. Don't touch my baby. Don't kiss my baby. Don't hold my baby. - It's an amazing thing too. - It totally is. And I'm like, I think it's actually, that's just harder on the mom. - Yeah. - And the dad, like that's just way more pressure. Like if you can have people come in your home and help you and just be excited for you and like, also get you out of the tunnel vision of like, the pain that you're maybe feeling and the hard things you're feeling and let them come in and talk to you and make you feel like a normal person and hold your baby or not, that's a great thing. So, I don't know. Sometimes I see things online and I'm like, That's just such an unhealthy mindset. I dropped off a meal last week for someone that had a baby and when I went in they had friends over there too and they had a little kid like that they brought that wasn't their kid so it was like their friends and their daughter came that was young and I was like this is really sweet like they weren't there to like even to really I as far as I know do anything except for to keep them company and I think that is really important aspect especially for someone like me that struggles the most with mental health after like pregnant or after like having a baby and so that is a shame but maybe they wanted other people over instead of the moms? yeah I mean I get these moms didn't seem like the worst to literally so I'm not saying these people were wrong but I just think in general I feel like the conversation online right is really like big wall nobody come in yeah and I just think that's like don't fall don't if you have good you know good systems around you don't feel like you have to put a wall up yeah I say invite your people in yeah and um obviously people want things that are different like if you see a lot of people say like I want to hold the baby and I want everyone to do everything else or sometimes maybe some are like I just want a minute like to not hold the baby and do something that feels normal like I can see both sides you just don't need to compare your experience postpartum to other people's boundaries like if what you have to create that yourself and like I'm saying this is someone that has created more strict boundaries with our third but that was simply because of myself like whenever we would have people overnight after having babies I was putting on myself I need to take care of everyone like I need to make sure that the house is clean for them and that there's some food for them and it's like no one's putting that on me yeah but for me I don't know that I could switch that off easily so we just said no overnight guess for a month yeah and um that is like me putting out more about it we'll see them during the day we'll see like and they're I'm sure they're welcome to come to the hospital too that was great I mean even just with us we had a guest room but I think my mom well I'm or in love to stay with us it was great it was like two weeks two or three weeks after but my mom stayed in a she had an apartment but she stayed in the hotel to the other times and it's good to I think have that family time alone too so it's good to like have more of us here in the day but it's good to also have like a break from your help at times yeah because you feel like you're taking care of a baby and then yeah I need to take care like I don't know it was it was just like I thought something I was putting on myself but um definitely want to see everyone during the day for sure and yeah well we'll hang out during the night that's perfect for sure yeah I um my friend Morgan did this when she was postpartum and I thought this was a brilliant idea because they had family come and stay with them she just set up a she's like I want my family there but I don't want to be around them like I know for myself I just I'll need space I'm an introvert I'll want to go collect by myself I want a nurse in private like I won't want to be around them so she set up like a little in her bedroom she's set up a TV they move to TV in there a whole like many friend situation food carts so that when she needed to get away with the baby and and if she just wanted to take the baby away she could and just go be alone yeah I'm doing that yeah and it's great I did that was all you two that's a great idea really nice especially because I feel like even if you've breastfed before like you're you and that baby are starting that journey from square one essentially even though you've done it before you're still working out how that works as a team and for me I'm like I need to be naked for at least oh at least six weeks oh I was naked for so long I was naked for so long then I was like oh wait I can like keep wrong yeah no I'm breastfeeding you got the baby here in the hawk on the other no I'm naked I'm curious about that too is I felt like there were times where I would go do that I'd go back to my room to like breastfeed or like friends were over different things and then they would end up leaving while I'm back breastfeeding because they're like well maybe we can just be done for the night and I'm like I just needed I just had to go do this I didn't want you to leave yet maybe just sit don't leave until I come back the expectations clear or the other way around of being like I'm gonna go nurse like I'm ready for them to leave like oh yeah and like like your husband yeah if there's like different scenarios like that too and I think we talked about it too before with like if you're going to like drop off food or something for them it's the expectation is always to drop it off unless they yeah I think I might have messed that up last I totally messed that up oh when I when I brought I think yeah oh they know me oh and you stay just like that no they stay for like five minutes and then I myself being like get out of here well I just want I feel like to not be hurt if they're like I just not right now because a lot of the times I was breastfeeding when people drop off meals and I'm like I don't want you to come in right now I'm sorry oh yeah I just can't I can't do it I would just actually be like hey can you just leave it like yeah that's what I mean that's what I did after miscarriage I said leave it at the front door yeah but then if I wanted people to bring it in then I just you can set up on the meal train yeah by the way if you guys have never used meal train like it is amazing website that you can like have everyone that in your life friends family that wants to help like basically serve you through giving you a meal postpartum that's the best or after after a loss did they not have an no it's just no it needs to be an advantage a good point um just anytime I mean I think this would be great if you're going through any type of grief or also just like you like maybe you had a surgery or you had a baby there's so many different reasons yeah and um it's great you everyone will just sign up there and say like what they're bringing or what night they're taking over for dinner and it's great you can put on there went when to drop it off and also like all the instructions dietary restrictions how many people that they would like to serve like things like that it's awesome it's amazing we've used it at 50 billion times if someone has a baby you're going there anything a gazillion times a gazillion times and it's great um yeah but yeah on there you can say leave it at the door if you're like I it can almost assume that I'm not going to want to see them then you can just say leave it at the door yeah six o'clock but then maybe you could say that or there if you know who's coming you can just say hey actually bring it on come on inside we're having a good night well yeah if you have time feel free to stay for 30 minutes yeah I run clothes right now so yeah you can just come on in but I would tell me about that I'm like oh yeah it's a good like if you want to stay for 15 minutes 20 minutes I always kind of put a cap on it that's right for sure I know what things it's rude everyone does assuming that it's like a tradition time I had a really good friend that um I was dropping the food off for and I don't know why I just dropped it off and I left and she goes I want to just see you I was like I'm sorry I just I was just expectations weren't clear about a coffee next year I was like I will come back and say I told him I was like I would have brought him out to see you if you were in a rush or I would say that's that's the gift if like we have on here like what are things that you can do to support your friends or family postpartum I think just asking clarifying questions like do you want me to stay do you like do you want me to leave a meal um when you're over like oh are you like people hold the baby or not like just asking not assuming I think just those things are really caring and um also kind of it gives them way it kind of helps them ease because can't be awkward because you're like okay like maybe they don't want me to hold the baby or maybe like I don't know yeah it's like are you guys letting people hold the baby if not it's no big deal yeah just ask you know it's like I think it's just kind yeah and it's not weird it's never rude and never being offended by it food is the best food seriously and I also think like there's a time period to ask like if it's like the day before it's like I have no idea how I'm going to feel the next day right like every minute by minute is different I would say like three hours before yeah three to even one hour just right before you're like hey I'm about to head out gauging how things how the night is going to drop it off I would just always say like I was planning on dropping it off but if like yeah I have a couple minutes you know what I mean yeah um other things to bring a postpartum mom I honestly think that it's great to always just shoot a text and just be like hey what do you need right now actually you know that is something that I feel confused by people don't like it when you say what do you need what do you need why sometimes I feel that actually like it's like a decision prowess just like coming inside okay like if you go over to someone's house like to drop food off are you going to see the baby you see a need you need the need rather than be like do you want me to do your dishes right now you just do it yeah yeah because sometimes yeah it's like the overwhelming of the questions or making them feel put out to like give you to help you help them sometimes feels a little overwhelming I felt that at times actually like I'm more so thinking like oh I'm going to the grocery store like what do you need oh that's not I feel like you should ask what they need because maybe they want they need something specific for me I was like I need more nipple shields yeah I think it's more to also like the generic question like whatever you need just let me know it's like that's actually not helpful like we're not going to reach out I do feel like when you're saying that one of like do you need anything I feel I've always put in I'm running by the store like just anyway even if you're not because it does make me feel like if you weren't going to go to the store I don't want to keep I don't make an extra trip I feel no don't make an extra trip for me but I was going to run by the store do you need anything maybe for me that way yeah yeah that makes sense but then I'm like with a task what are tasks that were like helpful for you guys when people did post-party dishes laundry yeah and honestly I didn't expect my friends to do those things just like my family and people that were like close you know helping I thought it was really helpful when you brought break you brought like protein bites, like little quick snack things were really helpful. Snacks were desserts when you bring in a dinner and bring in a dessert. Definitely bring a dessert. And like, I didn't do this for my recent friend that had a baby. I was mad, I just ran out of time. But like the lactation balls, little quick things for breakfast is really helpful. I always think quick things for breakfast is good. So helpful. Also not bringing like a dish for them to clean. Like a top word that they can use or disposable. Don't bring like something they have to return back to because that's really overwhelming. Which obviously sometimes it just happens. Let your lights, I feel like it's something that I would sometimes bring. And then yeah, while you're there, if you see like a bunch of bottles in the sink or dishes in the sink, just like put them in the dishwasher and unload their dishwasher form, just things that are like really easy that maybe are like on their feet tasks. It might be weird to like grab their vacuum and cleaner. But I mean, take a trash out. If you're definitely take the trash. I feel like if there's not a lot of people that are staying for a meal, 'cause those are mostly family members, like you guys would bring dinner and then you'd, it's with us, like you need dinner with us and then you'd help clean and stuff like that. - Yeah. - If you're sharing a meal. - I take my friend's son to the park when she's supposed to part him. - I think that would be really nice for me to post part him is like a friend coming over and then just like you're taking Brioff a little bit or just like playing with her, like giving Brioff some one-on-one attention. - That is. - I would really love. - Yeah, something that I started doing. If they have other kids in the house, which most of our friends are now on like, baby two, three, I would bring stuff for the older kids because I remember that feeling of like when you, I think I brought C.J. Magnetyle. - That was really good, yeah. - Because I remember that feeling of just like, gosh, like everything I'm giving is just one kid right now just 'cause their needs are so great and that'll balance out so soon, but like in that beginning, that guilt can really, that guilt can really get you. - Yeah, he did, I texted you crying. I was so sad and he did have the hand-footed mouth and you brought him magnetized. - He's so sweet. - We never talked about the post part him sweats. - Oh my gosh, I forgot about that. - That's one of those things that you can only know until you go through it 'cause I'm not, okay, don't get me wrong, I will sweat during a workout but I wouldn't say I'm like the sweatiest person in the world. But the sweat that came out of me in the night after having, - You ring it off your chest. - Like I was like soaking. I remember being cold because I would get up to nurse and I'm wet and so then I was like, I'm freezing cold. - It cold, so off guard, yeah. - The first night you're like, - Uh-huh, what is that? - What is that? - Why is my hair wet? - It took like a week for them to get in there. - Yeah, my hair was wet. - Soaked wet, 'cause you don't feel it when you're sleeping, you don't feel hot or anything like that and then you just wake up in your wet. - I remember having a puddle in my neck. - Here's like right here. - It was a puddle and I was like, oh my gosh. - So many showers. - I took three showers a day post part him. - Because you got the sweat. - You got the blood, you got the blood. - You got the tears, don't forget the tears. - No forget the tears, put the milk. - The milk I remember being like, I need to get this off me, it will spoil. And then you get out of the shower and the milk's just coming out of you. Just dripping onto the floor. - I cannot believe that's about to happen again. That is so crazy. - But you just get the, I mean honestly, but I'm in it. I'm like, this isn't as bad as I thought, I remember. And then you get out of it and you're like, - That was crazy. (laughing) - No, I remember actually like talking about like having a badge over in a C-section over. I remember after having a C-section, I was really scared to shower. Because of like the mat, massive incision and like the tape and stuff. And I remember after showering, I was like so intentionally avoiding the mirror because I was like, I can't see that. I'm not afraid of my body, but I can't see that wound. And then I did and it was like black. - Yeah it is. - Because they used glue that is like, and they put staples in mine. - Mine didn't, I just got stitches. - I had like 11 staples in my belly. - Right. Mine is like divots all around. - They just gonna flip it on here. - What went on here? (laughing) Kale was like, it's probably just scored to you. I'm like, I have no idea. - Wait like still? - Yeah like I have two like dimples on each side. - Oh. - It's like sucked back. I just remember if you had a C-section, this was crazy and eventually does come back. But for like at least eight months, Kale would pinch my skin under my belly button. Zero sensation. Like we would play a game, I would close my eyes and I'd be like, okay let me guess when you're touching me. I would never know. Do you remember that numbness? - Not at all. - 'Cause they cut all the nerves. - For how long? - At least eight months, I felt like completely. - Eight months. I think it was completely numb. - I was completely numb and tingly. - Under your belly button? - It was from my belly button to the scar. - No, mine was like just on it, it was numb. - That was freaky. - It was so freaky. - It came back though. It just took a long time. - That's freaky. No, I think with the C-section, the things that, the thing that shocked me the most postpartum versus vaginal delivery was the way that my organs just fell into that cavity whenever I would get out of bed. 'Cause you don't have the ab muscles or the. - I don't know why I didn't experience it after the first delivery. Second one, when that whole whereog used to reside would literally just, I remember turning up my bed and be like, I didn't get any out of bed. It was like, I actually didn't feel that with CJ. I thought that was Vivian and I remember it 'cause I was like, whoa, I'm gonna throw up. That was a crazy feeling. It's like you're going down an elevator, but it's just your insides, your insides. - I'm wearing the belly button. - I feel like it suppresses some of that. - That's a good idea. - You never had a belly band. I should do that this time. - I know, that's a good idea. - 'Cause I usually, I thought I was like for like looks, like I didn't realize it, it's like, no, because you really-- - Oh, it's a waist trainer getting smashed up in. That's why I was like, I don't need to wear that. And I was like, oh no, it's because my organs feel like they're just floating in my body. - Yeah, I'm actually just flapping around everywhere. - Also, I didn't expect the driving to be painful in the car after C-section. - Oh, the bumps. - The bumps. - I remember driving the pediatrician. - I cried. - Isn't that so crazy here to take the baby and newborn baby next day? I had to take the baby when I got to the hospital. - That was pissed. - That's cruel. - And all the bumps and-- - So many speed bumps. - Did you guys talk about your C-section? - I'm talking about my tailbone. I'm sitting on a donut in the car. It's not cool then. - No one tells you about that. Have your support person drive slow? - That's all I got for putting the part of it. - Wait, I have one more. - Oh, we got a thing for a C-section, for sure, where for me, the ice packs helped so much. - Yeah, they did. - I didn't even think about it. Like that helped more than pain reliever pills. Like having ice, the freedom of someone was really good. - Shh. (laughs) - Find a different brand. - But I think-- - Are we still canceled? You think so? - Yeah, okay. - I don't know. - Perfect. - If you find another one, let me know. But I'll probably whip it out again if I haven't merged C-section. (laughs) - We'll tell? - No one. (laughs) - No, that thing was great 'cause you just strapped it on and then you can change out the ice pack. I slept with it on, and if I woke up in the night, I would change the ice pack out and get a fresh one. - So nice. - Anyway, so nice. - We're transitioning to Patreon. We have a few fun things to talk about over there. We talk about our husband's views of postpartum and then misconceptions about postpartum. So if you wanna hear that, join our Patreon. It's $5 a month, it's so fun. We have our book club over there, our full-fledged book club with a riveting comment section and our always hungry segment where you guys are dropping some bomb recipes. I love the camaraderie there. And what else do we have over there? Episode chats, it's a lot of fun stuff. We do a lot of polls and questions. So definitely make sure to check out our Patreon. - Mm-hmm. Thank you to Chili Pad for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. - Ladies, let me tell you about something that's gonna change your life. - Seriously. - Every person that uses a chili pad - Their life is tireless. - It's become their entire personality. But it makes sense when you try it. When you sleep hot, you sleep sweaty. And maybe you're just living in Arizona, you can't turn your AC that low. We sleep at at 73. Okay. That chili pad is putting me to sleep. It's saying a sleep. Guys, you guys, I know there's health benefits to it too, but just comfort wise and sleep quality wise, it really changes the game and sleep is so important. And that is why I am probably the most annoying advocate, but I just genuinely so believe in it. The Chili Pad 2.0 by SleetMe is the most advanced version yet of the bed cooling system built specifically for people who are tired of waking up hot and sweaty. - Me, that's me. - That's Abigail. (laughing) - So the Chili Pad 2.0 actively cools or warms actually if you didn't know that. Your bed using water. It's a thermostat for your bed and water is the key here. Typical fans just move hot air around, but the Chili Pad actually uses chilled water to cool the bed by actively pulling heat away from your body and it works with your existing mattress so you don't need to buy a new bed. I don't know how they did it. I don't know how they invented it, but can we just say thank you, Chili Pad for doing it. - Thank you for figuring it out. - Thank you for ensuring you guys. And I just, I want everyone in my life to have one seriously and that includes you. - So if you want to visit www.sleep.me/alwayshere to get up to $255 off your Chili Pad 2.0 use code always here. This special offer is available for the always here listeners and only for a limited time. Go get it. Order it today with free shipping and try it out for 30 days. You can return it for free if you don't like it with your sleep trial, which just eases your mind. - Yeah. Visit www.sleepsleep.me/always here and never wake up hot and tired again. Let's do voice mails. We love hearing from you guys. This is our Ask Abby segment. Roll the voice off. - Roll the voice off. Oh, and the voice mails. Ask, ask, ask, Abby. - Hi Abby, Abby, Abby. I was just wondering, what is a bad habit that you have that you wish you could break? Mine would be biting my nails. Thanks y'all. - That's a fun question. Obviously, late, but I'm gonna think of something a little bit more unique. I feel like you guys can tell me better my bad habits and can you think of one for me? I interrupt people. - Oh, that's a good one. - It's always afterwards that I realize, like when I'm at home, I'm like, it's pretty sure I did that. - You know something I think I'm bad at is asking people questions about themselves. Sometimes I don't know if that's a habit, but speaking about like conversations, like I think back and I'm like, they asked me about myself and I didn't ask a single question about them. - I feel like some conversations are that way. It's all focused on one person. It ends up being that way and that's like, okay, and then sometimes it's all the other way. Sometimes they're a conversation. - So I've been trying to make an effort more to think about like questions that other people, which is so unlike you because I feel like I don't really overthink interactions that much. But now that was something I was like, I don't know if that's a habit, but that was something I was like noticing. I was like, good boy, asking about me and I was asking about them in return. - I feel like you're really good at follow up questions though. - That's nice. - Like we were like, I don't know. You just try and get all the info. A lot of times I'm like, you told me something, I'm like, I'm like, there is a, there's definitely a follow up question to that. - I've never been in a conversation when you thought she didn't care to hear about what I had to say. - Okay, thank you. - Yeah, no, I've never thought that. But it's good, I mean, I think about that too sometimes, especially when I think it is that people's like, sometimes it's easier for people to ask the questions than not talk about themselves. And so when I'm in a conversation where someone's asking me a lot of questions, I have to remind myself, oh, and what do you think about that? - Yeah, let's switch to this pace. - Or I thought about habit. I never take out the trash. I never will do that. Then my head, I'm like, I can do a lot of things, but I can't do that. I'll just, I'll literally squish that stuff down or even, I'll put it in a grocery sack next to trash. (laughing) I'm like, I'm not taking that out. - My bad habit, I wait, I'm kind of in charge of picking up Lewis Poop. I wait until it's like, how did you get that one? That was Matt's duty. I don't know, I just started to get it down. (laughing) 'Cause I'll usually do it before people come over or something. My bad habit is just wait until the last minute to do it. And it gets, yeah, it's like full sacks. His, you know, his, they're heavy. He's a massive dog, so just imagine the mom's out there. - Oh, that is pretty good, it's a bad habit. - My bad habit is not replying to text messages unless they're work or like. - That's a good one. Not even family, but I'm like, I don't know, I don't really respond to my family. - I mean, bad habit, not responding in group text. (laughing) I never respond. I'm not, usually I don't even read it. - Group text? - Gotta work on that. - I know. - Which ones do you specifically think of? - Big or happy family? - Oh yeah, I don't respond often. Usually I read it way later and then it feels weird to respond like so much later. - I never respond to my family group chat. I send stuff a lot, I never respond. - Yeah, I feel like I just read text so much later a lot of times and I'm just like, the conversation's over. - I don't respond to my-- - I'm talking about information. - Oh. (laughing) - Sorry. (laughing) - Couldn't be me. - Was there information I missed recently? - Uh, yeah. - What was it? - Just, I not recently, recently, but like vacation stuff with Tahoe. - Oh, yeah, I was responding. (laughing) - Okay. - It's not intentional. (laughing) It's not intentional. I'm just like, oh. - It's harmless, really. - I think it's because I get overwhelmed with decisions. (laughing) - Hi, Addy, Abby, and Abby. I'm Hannah in our Charlotte and we're sisters in high school and best friends, so we were just wondering, what's one of your favorite memories with your siblings as kids? - We love your podcast so much and look forward to it every Friday. - Bye. - I would have cried. - That was so great. - That was so great. - You really? - Oh. - And we didn't have family dinner, so I didn't tell you guys the name. - Brindly. - No, but I don't mind that name. - Brooklyn. - Nope. - Is it a be name? - Yep. - Brooklyn was a good guest because I know that they like the name Brooks. What if it's Brooks? - I know. - I wish it could be Brooks or Brooklyn. Blake won't let it be. - Oh. - Okay. - Brittany. - We gotta stop. - No. - Okay. - Brindly? - Nope. - Kids of favorite memories. (laughing) - I love that. I feel like they plan that out. - That was really cute. - That was so sweet. - Thank you for that. - Favorite memory is a kid. Oh, there's so many good ones. - With your siblings. - Honestly, I just loved going to Disney. Even just the drive to Disney was so memorable. Blake and I would sleep in the same bed before a trip because we were so excited. Like we both couldn't fall asleep, so we would just sleep together. And then our dad would come in 'cause he was also so excited and couldn't sleep at like four in the morning. We'd start the road trip. And Blake and I had a whole like all of our movies. We knew the order we watched movies. And like we just had so much fun. Like with like just road tripping to Disney. And then at Disney, we had so much fun. Like that's why I love it so much. Honestly, it's literally not Disney. It's just the nostalgia behind like such good family memories they are growing up. And all surrounding it. Like it all felt so eventful. Like we would always just talk about like the silly things too. Like in the car, like I was so hot in Florida that our crowns melted. And like we just remember like all these - Coopie things. - Coopie things. So it was everything about it was so memorable. Totally, yeah. I have great memories like that too. Just like the little things. I think if I were the first things that came to mind, I had an individual one for each of my sisters. My older sister, she was five years older than me. And I remember she was trying to sneak me in too. I was in sixth grade. And she was working and sneaking me in to her school's seventh and eighth grade mixer. Nope, 'cause she was like putting it on. So she was gonna sneak me in even though it was underage. And I come downstairs dressed for this boy girl mixer in baggy basketball shorts and a big old t-shirt. And she was like, turn your butt around right now. And we're gonna go get ready. And she straightened my hair and picked out a cute outfit for me and pulled a little makeup on me. And she did, it was the first time my hair had ever been flat-ironed. And she clamped my ear and pulled it with the flat-iron, scarred me. So just like cute older sister. It just felt like a movie. Really fun. And then Sophie and I, my younger sister, she's three and a half years younger. We were like, oh my gosh, we just did the craziest, stupidest stuff as a kid. We used to just make up the goof, we would play Kim Possible in my parents' living room. And I would always be she-go, and she'd be Kim Possible. And then we would like flip-flop back and forth. She'd go, I just like silly things like that. I just remember just playing and we have so many stories about writing her butt. I mean, just everything. That's cute. Yeah, I was really close. Both my sisters love 'em. - Two, sure. My name is like, we had an above-ground pool. I think my parents got a new one every single summer. - Oh my gosh. - So, that was commitment. Yeah, you know, I surely, maybe they reused it, but I don't know. But swimming in the pool with them is really fun. And we had a trampoline. We played lots of games on our trampoline. I'm not doing that. And we'd play Princess. We have a really long staircase in our house. So we would walk down like Princess is down the staircase. - Oh my gosh. - So, I remember that. And then I remember like every Friday night we would do, we would get red box movies and my dad would pick it out. And it was always some talking animal movie that we would watch to just animate a character. - That's cute. - That just unlocked a memory. I used to give, when I got my first digital camera, I used to give Sophie my younger sister the craziest, like the craziest makeup put her in these insane outfits. And then we would just make her go to the photoshoots or around the house in public. And then I get the pictures printed. - Printed. (laughing) - She's like, I need these. - Yeah. - Okay. - Okay. - Last one. - Hi, it's Lily. I love your guys' podcast. I was just wondering what you do to keep your trip busy when you're taking a shower. - Oh. - Because it's hard to take a shower when your kids are always barging in. And I just need some fun tips for that. - I didn't think so reckless today. I don't know if I should say that I did this on the podcast. - I don't wanna do it. - I don't wanna do that. - We can take a movie. - We'll evaluate. - I had a shower like after the gym to come before I came here. And so I turned to the house alarm on to like no outside doors could go open. And I gave it a bottle and I left her in the living room 'cause I know it's like pretty baby proof. And I just left CJ in her out there and went and showered. Is that pretty reckless? - No. - What else do I do? - I don't know, I just left the baby out there with the two-year-old in charge, like is that bad? (laughing) - I was like, he bought it in the shower. I was like, where are we going? (laughing) - I don't know if that's like something I would. I've only done that one time. That was the first time I'd done it. - Usually I put baby in. - What else do you do? - When baby was a baby I'd put her in the bathroom out. I put her in her crib. I put CJ in his crib for a long time until he could climb out. I put her in her like standing toys. But CJ now he's old enough for I can kind of leave Malo. Usually he sits on my bed wide shower. - Yeah, well I just like hangs out. - I just turned on a show today, so I could shower. - Why do I think that? - I just turned on Daniel Tiger. - Yeah, that's a good one. - So I could shower. And let me tell you, they don't move. - No, they don't. (laughing) - Maybe not move when they're asleep. - I do that on the weekends, yeah. - They're good, and I shower when she naps. - When they were babies I would just put them in a balancer outside the shower. I mean that was always so stressful if they started crying, I remember that. - Yeah, I did do that. I like had it open just a little bit so she could see me. - Yeah. - Sometimes I probably, if she was awake and I needed to shower, probably just put her in the bathroom to crawl around. - Yeah. - I did that too, and I remember just my, everything coming out of my, out of my closet. - You can't open the door. - She can't open the door. She can't do that yet, so. - Yeah, you just do what you can. - It's really scary. - You just try to contain them as much as you can. - That is literally one of the hardest parts that you don't think about. That and going to the public restroom when you have a baby or two. - Yeah, I was thinking about this, I just don't. I just don't go to the bathroom. - Well, I just tried to hold it. - I won't, but CJ, I was pregnant. He was old enough to where he would stand there and not touch things. But with a baby, it's very hard. - It's six years. - I don't go. I feel like I had to go sometimes. - I would be restrapped to him. - Keep him in the dinner. - Yeah, just trying to get my-- - I would keep him in the dinner. - Yeah, you're like, make sure all my straps are lifted. - Oh my gosh. When she would come in the bathroom now, like she'll crawl in the bathroom while I'm trying to go to the bathroom and crawl up on my legs and I'm like, this isn't sanitary at all. - Oh, isn't it just good to rest? - I hear. (laughing) - I don't like it. - I don't like it. - They don't look continuous. - That's it for voicemails for today. - That's a good question. - If you want to call in and also leave a voicemail, we'd love to hear from you. Our number is 6024569690. It'll also be in the description. - Fun. - Last thing we got is always hungry. - I have a second to love the recipe. - Okay, let's hear it. - It's so easy to. Everything is pre-made. And this, which is really against what I stand for really. But-- - You don't break a rule. - Ice cream cake, cookie, ice cream cake. That we made was absolutely delicious. It's like, I would say it tastes just like the DQ ice cream cake. - Really? - But every element of it is pre-made and it's so easy. Like all of our friends really, this is so good. So I'll link it, the recipe, it's super simple. But you will basically just, it's a cookie base with ice cream. And you could swap out like the flavor of cookie dough and the type of ice cream you use. But we use Ben and Jerry's milk and cookies ice cream. And then chocolate chip nestly cookies in the bottom. And then hot fudge, cool whip, which it was unexpected. But when it cool up is frozen, it is a great texture. - Yeah, it is. - Many chocolate chips and then chips of hoi cookies on top. But you could swap all those ingredients out. But if you, you need to prep it and it has to sit in the freezer for a really long time. Once it solidifies altogether, it is so good. Now I just wanna try a bunch of combinations. Like a mint chocolate one would be so good with Oreos. Like those mint Oreo things. - Or-- - Would it do a similite in-- - In a springform pan. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, but you could also just use-- - Sit in the air. (laughing) - I'm sorry. - Is it just dripping? - No, no, no, springform pan. Or like even just, you could probably just use a cake pan. - And just flip it out. - No, I wouldn't be able to flip it out. - It is, it is-- - You can cut a slice. - That's my criticism. It is literally like breaking concrete. - I'll try to get it out of there. - It's worth every minute of effort. - That ice cream sandwich we had in-- - So how do I think about a slice? - That's not from the baked bear. - Ooh, that was way better than it should have been. - That hurt my stomach so bad. - Oh, I felt fantastic. - No bathroom to be found. - My recipe is maple glazed salmon bites. I've always made salmon the same way, just like really erby and very good. But I kind of want to mix it up. And so last time I made samples and I used this recipe, it was a very simple, just literally mixed up in a bowl poured over any bacon. And yeah, it was delicious. - I love a sweet little flavor, put over rice and I made some lemon roasted brussel sprouts with it. It's really good. - Yum. - Yeah. - What are we doing right here? - If you're still listening, you guys, this is a big day for me actually. And why I'm holding off to the very end 'cause I'm so nervous. But if you're still here, then maybe you like us enough. (laughing) - But it's safe to say I have launched my first ever product and it is a mascara, Bisswell Beauty and a special shout out to Addy for being literally logistics coordinator extraordinaire. I mean, there's been, it's like crazy to think they let anyone do these types of things. I'm like, we are just out here just mom and pop in this, really, like trying to pull this together. Now granted, we have a team and help, but when it really comes down to the stunts of it all, it's like, wow, this is on us. And so that's why it's kind of scary, too. But it's out there. I personally really believe in this product. I really, really do. And I have used it myself for a very long time now. Lots of testing and logistics went into this and it's here now, which is crazy. Get it while you can. And yeah, we'll just see what comes of this. - I cannot wait. - I got mascara for all y'all, so. - Oh, I'm so proud of you, Ab. - Thank you. It's really crazy. I'm really proud of you. This has been years in the making. Years of dreaming, testing, innovating. - Yeah. Road bump. - In the brand. - So many bumps. - So many bumps. - So many bumps. - For both you, Matt, Addy. Like you guys have been working your tails off and I'm just proud of you. - Thank you. - And I can't wait. - The launch date's gonna be amazing. I know it's gonna be so amazing, so. We can't wait to celebrate you. - Yes, thank you. - Yes. - It's here, so we'll put a link to it. And I'm really excited to hear you guys speak back. - And. - This is our beauty. - It's really wild. I'm sick to my stomach. - Thanks guys. I really appreciate it in advance. Like thank you to anyone that is able to even just follow the page or purchase one for yourself even. It really means a lot. - Well, there's nothing that you do half a. - Really. - Thank you. - And I feel like even just when it comes to your job, you never take sponsorships or anything that you don't fully believe in. And I just know that this product is something that you're like, if you're putting your name on it, you fully believe in this. - I do. - And so. - I can't wait to celebrate when to. - Try it. - I know. It's real. - Yeah. - It's here. - You can buy it. - Woohoo. - Crazy. - So crazy. - I think that's all we got. - Review. - Oh, we're perfect. Let me read it. I was looking at a list of things. This is really sweet. Jaden E left a five-star review and said, "Best podcast. "I look forward to listening every single week. "I'm a long-time listener of unplanned Matt and Abby's YouTube. "And this is also amazing. "You all are so entertaining, encouraging, "and of course hilarious. "Best to listen to while cooking, cleaning, "or even just rotting in bed. "I love you guys. "Thank you so much. "Thank you, Jaden." - Means a lot reading your guys' reviews and seeing them. I was actually looking, Spotify is almost over 3,000 reviews. - Wow. - And I think Apple maybe just hit 1,000, which is insane. So thank you guys for taking the time to hit the five stars, to write an encouragement to us. It just, I mean, it means so much. And it's helpful for other people too, obviously, that we're trying to find the show. So we are so grateful. - Yes, seriously. Thank you so much. All right, on that note. Remember, we're always here. (upbeat music)