amor: a maior experiência humana

[music] If I had a boat, it would have your name. If I had a boat, it would have your name. If I had a needle, it would have your name. My imaginary chain has your name. If I go crazy, I'll spend the afternoon repeating your name. If I die in the final breath, I'll blow your name. If I'm killed with my mouth full of blood, I'll scream. Your name. If I find myself bowing in the sea, in my pocket, there will be a ticket with your name. If I commit suicide by pulling the trigger, I'll think of your name. The first girl who kissed had your name. In the seventh series, I had two friends with your name. Before you, I had three girlfriends with your name. On the street, there are women who seem to have your name. In the locker room, there is a girl with your name. Sometimes, the clouds almost form your name. Looking at the stars, it is always possible to draw your name. The last verse of the famous poem of Eluar could very well be your name. Pauliné wrote the poem Alô, because in the madness of the war, I could not remember your name. I do not understand why Chico Buarque did not compose a song for your name. If one day I change my sex, I will adopt your name. My mother told me that if I had been born a girl, I would have your name. If I had a daughter, she would have your name. My email password has already been your name. My password is a variation of your name. I have the pity of your children, because in general they will say mother instead of your name. I have the pity of your parents, because in general they will say daughter instead of your name. I have a lot of pity on your ex-husband, because they associate the term "women" to your name. I have the envy of the officer of registration, who took your name for the first time. When I drink, I talk a lot about your name. When I am sober, I control myself not to talk about your name anymore. It is difficult to talk about you without mentioning your name. Once I dreamed that everything in the world had your name. Coelho had your name. Chikara had your name. Teleférico had your name. In the mastic index of my biography, there will be thousands of occurrences of your name. In the picture of a rope to where the "T" looks, if not for the infinite of your name. Some teachers of the USP would be less bitter if they had your name. I hate work, because it prevents me from concentrating on your name. "Kabala" is a beautiful word, but it does not reach the feet of your name. In the cable of my bengala, I will record your name. I can't be a nihilist while I exist your name. I can't be an anarchist if this implies the degradation of your name. I can't be a communist if I have to share your name. I can't be a fascist if I don't want to impose others on your name. I can't be a capitalist if I don't wish anything beyond your name. When I left my parents' house, I went after your name. I lived three years in a neighborhood that had your name. I hope never to stop loving you, so as not to forget your name. I hope you never leave me, so as not to be forced to forget your name. I hope I never hate you, so as not to have to hate your name. I hope you never hate me, so as not to be torn to listen to your name. The literature does not interest me as much as your name. When poetry is good, it's like your name. When poetry is bad, it's like your name. I'm tired of life, but this has nothing to do with your name. I'm writing the fifth and eighth verse about your name. Maybe I'm not a poet at your name. Because of the doubts, I will end this poem without explicitly saying your name. This is a poem by Fabricio Corsalletti, who talks about love. When I heard this poem many years ago, I realized that at some point I would use it for something. And some months ago, I started listening to it more and more. And I realized that I never recorded an episode here for the podcast to talk about love. I talk about love in every episode, practically. Because love is a fundamental issue in our lives. But I had never sat in the chair to talk about love. I had never sat in the chair to talk about love explicitly. To talk about my opinion, what I think, and tell you that love, loving, being loved, is the best feeling that can exist in life. That's why I decided to record this episode. And it's about this subject that I'm going to talk about today. Hi, I'm Tinoco, and before we go to the episode, I wanted to tell you something. You ask me a lot what I want to do in the episodes of The Sinfalutino, what I want to do. The problem is that being totally open to you, this kind of content doesn't give me anything. I don't have a financial return, and the work that it gives to record these episodes is huge. For a long time, I recorded for my only spontaneous desire to talk to you about these issues. But over time, some responsibilities were taking account of my life and it was difficult. I didn't have much time to sit and record an episode for you. That's why, if The Sinfalutino is an important podcast for your life, or if you want to support us in any way, please become a member of the channel. These episodes will only continue to come out if I have the support from you. So that I make sense and I can spend my time coming here and recording this episode. The link to become a member is in the description of the episode. And I hope you like it. [music] Anyway, when I started thinking about what I'm going to record in today's episode, I started to think about some issues. And for me, the main point, the starting point that made me think about all this, was precisely the idea of philosophy. The philosophy, the thought, the structure of thought is something very personal, something very internal. But loving is about the other, not necessarily about what I want, but about what the other can provide me. Loving someone is the most beautiful feeling that the human being can experience. Love, when understood in its fullness, it reveals itself not only as a feeling, but as an active attitude, something ethical, about the existence in front of the other. One of the most interesting books about this is from Eric Frone. He says about the art of loving, the title of the book. And he talks a little about the basis of love, about what is truly love and what is considered love. He says that love is not a passive emotion, but a deep engagement with the strengthening of the other, which means that this requires involvement, action, above all, presence. He says that love is the active concern with life and with the growth of what we love. That is, he puts love here, not as a passive position, as a feeling that is only absorbed by its physical existence. Love is a feeling that should be active, it is something that should be placed in the world, exposed to the world. And precisely because of this, more in front of the book, he identifies the four central elements of love. And he says that it is care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. Love here is an attitude that requires effort, discipline and maturity. For him, love is an art, and as any art, it requires knowledge and practice. So let's analyze the four central elements of love according to Frone. The first is care. Love is when you care genuinely with the well-being of the other. This means acting to promote the growth and happiness of the loved one. It is different from wanting to control or protect in a suffocating way. Love is about nourishing and cultivating, just like you do with a plant. And even following this analogy of the plant there is a very important dictation that you may have never heard of. But that when I heard it for the first time, it changed my life forever. It is a simple story, a simple analogy for you to understand. He says, "A certain time I loved so much a flower that instead of picking it up to smell its scent and appreciate its aroma, I just left it alone in peace." And when Frone says about care, for me it is just about that. Many times your care is seen as something maternal, that care of your mother who wants you to be well, that you are well. But many times care can be suffocating. That is why he puts care as central elements of love. Because you need to care not as a person who wants to control, but as a person who wants to see that grow. The second central element of love is responsibility. It is to be aware that the other depends on you in some way and assume that with maturity. Not in the sense that you can, but as an ethical commitment. If the person you love is suffering, you care and get involved with it. This responsibility is a fundamental question. It is what we call today "affective responsibility". It is to realize how much your attitudes matter to that person. And to love is also to make choices thinking about it. To make decisions thinking that what you do impacts the other. And this is a fundamental element that takes us directly to the third element, which is respect. Respect means you recognize the other as an independent being. That has its own desires, its own wills, and its own ways to shake. Love is not necessarily wanting to change or change the other. But yes, accepting and supporting this person in his condition of individuality and freedom. Finally, we arrived at the last element, which is knowledge. You cannot love someone truly if you do not know him for real. Front defends that love requires a deep understanding of the other. Going beyond appearances and understanding its fragilities, fears, desires and stories. This means that for him, loving is not just a feeling. But it is acting with commitment, maturity and presence. True love does not live out of impulse, the passengers. But of an active and ethical posture in front of the other. This idea is even more reinforced by the perspective of João Paulo II, the Pope. He says that due to the right of a person, it is treated as an object of love, not as an object of use. It is interesting to realize that João Paulo II, before being Pope, he was also a philosopher and theologian. And one of his greatest contributions to the world of thought and knowledge is the personalist philosophy, which puts the human being in the center with a unique and inviolable dignity. When he says that due to the right of a person to be treated as an object of love, not as an object of use, this phrase is put into a very common logic in the modern world. Using people as means to achieve things. That is, you use a person to have pleasure, you use a person to have status, you use a person to have security, João Paulo II says that this is unfair and dishumanizing, because each person has value in himself, and no one should be used. But yes, love. It is not at all that he complements this idea by saying that love consists in a commitment that limits freedom. It is a donation of oneself. And here is the most beautiful and challenging part of all this. João Paulo II recognizes that love implies a voluntary limit. When you love someone, you choose to open your hand to some freedoms in the name of a greater commitment. But this is not a prison, it is a choice. You could live alone, having a life totally devoted to yourself, but with love. You choose to live with and for the other, because you see value in it. The conclusion of this is that loving is being owed to someone in a free, conscious and committed way. This donation is not born from an external obligation, but from a mature freedom that understands that life has more meaning when you build something with another. And here we come to one of the most interesting points of philosophy, one of the points that have one of the most beautiful views of all time. I don't know if I've already explained to you what the prefix "per" means. It says about something made at its maximum limit, something hyper. It is when you deliver to the maximum level of that. I'll give you an example to understand. When you do something, that is done. When you do something in the best possible way, giving your best, that is done. When you are in search of something, trying to achieve some goal, you follow that. But when you want that more than everything in your life, you pursue that. And finally, João Paulo II says that loving is being owed. And that loving is the greatest act that you can have in life. So, if you owe the other, it is the greatest act that you can do. When you surrender to someone, when you give your heart to someone to love, and for you to be loved, you are being owed. You owe that. But when you give your heart to someone in the most pure way possible, when you love someone in the most plentiful way possible, you not only owe, you lose. [Music] And forgiving is not a simple act of love, something easy to do. There is sacrifice. It is what William Barkley says. He very well synthesizes this interdependence between love, sacrifice and responsibility. When he states that love always involves responsibility. And love always involves sacrifice. Authentic love does not run away from the price of delivery. Because in it, there is an ethical imperative, of care, that manifests itself when you assume the other as part of yourself. He understands that true love is not comfortable all the time. He demands responsibility and above all sacrifice. Who loves truth is committed and is willing to donate, even when it costs. Here, the idea of loving truth has a price. The price to get out of selfishness, of comfort zone, of indifference. But this price is not a punishment. It is the measure of the depth of love. For example, when you take care of someone sick, support someone who is in crisis, forgive, listen carefully. All this requires an effort and a delivery. But they are concrete expressions of love. Many people have difficulty understanding what he means with the ethical imperative of care. In this sense, for him, love is not just an emotion. It is precisely an ethical imperative, that is, a moral requirement. If I love, I must take care. Not for an external obligation, but because genuine love pulls this commitment from within to outside. The ethical imperative is something that does not depend on the will, the moment or the emotion. It is an internal moral requirement. Something that you recognize as right and unnecessary because it is fair, because it is human in the context of love. This means that if I love someone who is true, it is not optional to take care of the person. It is part of the love itself. Love here is not just a feeling, it is a responsibility. Many people think that love is just a beautiful and spontaneous feeling, but true love, as Frone, João Paulo II and Barclay say, requires attention and responsibility. The feeling can come and go, but the ethical commitment with care remains. You may be tired, frustrated or without will, but if you really love, you will still be there, taking care, listening and helping. This is not a forced obligation. It is a free commitment that is born with mature love. Care is the most concrete gesture of love. Not taking care is a way of denying love, even if the feeling is there. Taking care of this feeling can be seen in many ways. It is present in the suffering of the other. Taking care of this feeling can be seen in many ways. Taking care of this feeling can be seen in many ways. Taking care of this feeling can be seen in many ways. Taking care of this feeling can be seen in many ways. Taking care of this feeling can be seen in many ways. Taking care of this feeling can be seen in many ways. 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He, unlike the moralists or the traditional romantics, does not see love as a pure and static ideal, but as a pulsating mystery made of instincts, wills and contradictions. Nietzsche understands love not with something that dominates itself, but as something that experiences itself with intensity and lucidity. And it is precisely there that he lives in beauty, but also in his tragedy. Nietzsche says that the one who promises to love forever is promising something that is not in his power. In this sentence, Nietzsche is not despising love, but just pointing out the great illusion that involves him, that love can be fixed in time, controlled or sealed by promises. What Nietzsche tells us is that human things are mutable, like a river that never passes twice in the same place, as the Heraclitus would say. Love can be eternal in an instant, and yet it escapes us with time, because time transforms everything. What he understands is that love is with the sky at sunset. Beautiful, infinite to the eyes, but never the same as one day to another. To love, according to Nietzsche, is not to promise what cannot be guaranteed, but a rare thing that is felt in the present with all the intensity possible. Nietzsche touches on several crucial points about love. And obviously, when he says that he does not deny love, he even says that love makes you free, lucid and deep. What he wants to say about all this, is that love is above all feelings, and that it should make sense instead of being fully understood. You should deal with love, just as you deal with all the other feelings in your life. Nietzsche dismantles this romantic illusion not to kill love, but to reveal his true greatness. He reminds us that love is not a prison, there is no guarantee, it's just an experience and a construction with another. To love for Nietzsche is to embrace an instant with intensity, take care of the depth, and accept that time changes everything, until our heart, and yet to love. Despite that. And finally, we arrived at one of the most interesting points about love, the sacrificial part of it all. And one of the people who most talks about this is C.S. Lewis, where he points out hatred within love. This may even seem paradoxical, but in the sense that he says, he talks about a romantic love, uncontrolled, which can generate so much humor, manipulation, need for possession, and even resentment when it is not corresponded. And here, we arrived at the person who most talked about love, about love in history. And I could only be talking about Jesus Christ. The Gospel of John says that no one has more love than this, to give someone their own life. Here, John talks about how love reaches its spiritual and spiritual apse. He no longer seeks more pleasure, nor reciprocity as in a friendship. He is not even based on natural links like family affection. Adoration is pure love, free, which transcends me, and completely delivers itself to the other, even without gaining anything in exchange. It is this kind of love that expresses the sacrifice of Christ, but also in any gesture of radical deliverance, such as parents who sacrifice themselves for their children, or people who put their lives at risk for justice, for community, for someone they love. Here, love leaves only emotion or personal connection, becomes a conscious choice to be put in the service of the other, in a total matter, which reveals the most sublime side of the human being. Finally, we arrived in Bertrand, Russia, which says that, in all forms of caution, the caution of love is perhaps the most fatal for the true happiness. Russia was a British philosopher, he was known for his rigorous reason, but when he spoke of love, he recognized something crucial. Love demands vulnerability. Many people try to protect themselves from love, because they are afraid of getting hurt, for trauma, insecurity, pride, to think that the other does not deserve it. It is as if the song of Zebaqueiro said, "I am afraid of someone hurting me, I am afraid of giving myself up, I am afraid of falling in love, but this cauldron may be the biggest poison to love, because those who do not surrender do not love the truth, and those who do not love the truth do not live the fullness that love can offer. Russia reminds us that love is always a risk, the risk of being rejected, of losing, of changing, of suffering, but it is a fatal risk, full of meaning, beauty and power. Therefore, love is the most human of experiences, and at the same time the most transcendent it calls us to surrender, but there is no submission. Love exists in courage, but it does not guarantee the love with life to the fusion, without erasing what we are. Love is to take care, it is to see the other and say "I care", even when it is not easy, even when it hurts, it is to open space within yourself, so that the other lives, not as an invader, but as an hospit, is to accept that love passes, that feelings change, but that there is something eternal in each instant lived with truth. Love is to give up control, the empty promise, and to assume in the present, the living commitment to be with, and to be with. It is to raise not only in desire, but also in the presence, in affection, and in freedom shared. Love is to let yourself be affected, transform, grow. It is a risk, yes, but it is the strongest risk that exists, because in genuine love, we become greater than we are alone, and for a brief and luminous instant, we play what is most beautiful and dignified, in human condition. And I recorded this episode today, because I wanted to talk to you about this feeling that I have. Today, I am the happiest man in the world, to be with who I am. I have lived a love that I had never given a chance to this, and this has transformed me, has changed my mind, has made me a different person, a better person. And I know, I see the value, I see the value in being alone, I see the value in you not wanting to be in a relationship by the responsibility that this exists, but I never felt something like that. And I hope I will never let you feel it. For those of you who like this podcast, I hope I can continue doing it. And it was precisely because of the feeling of loving, that I had the desire to record this today, to talk to you about this feeling that I am feeling, and ask you, for you to give a chance, for love, and above all, for yourself. [BLANK_AUDIO]