America vs Europe

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Mystifying Mark immortalizes Iron Lung and gets derailed by Dutch Dungeons and Demons. Willful Wade slacks at a symphony, gets hassled in Hesse, and rails against red tape. Blitzbashing Bob gets a willies from Midas, vilifies Venetian medieval movement modes, and gets aggravated in Amsterdam. From magnificent merch to protein patriotism, yes, it's time for America vs. Europe. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Also, my mouth really hurts. I gotta go to the dentist on Monday. I got mouth pain. Oh, I have to go to the dentist on Monday. That's so funny. Twinsies. Whoa, guys, I haven't started the episode yet. Calm down. Oh, my bad, my bad. Welcome to Distractible. My name is Markiplier, here to host another banger of an episode. I've been waiting for this for a long time, and so have you. My phone is ringing. It's that call you've been waiting for. I guess if you've been waiting for it, it's just answered. I don't know. It'll stop eventually. Sam, zoom and enhance on that buzzing. All right, welcome to the show that just won't end, no matter how much we try to kill it. I'm your host, Markiplier, joined by my famous, famous co-host, popular across the world. We've got Bob. And we've got Wade. Ooh, yeah. Are we both famous? That'd be news to me. Combined, we are one famous together. Oh. Oh, we are and friends. Got it. If you get recognized in public, I think you can quantify yourself as famous. It does happen on rare occasion. What if it's like family? If it's family or someone you went to school with, are you still famous? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Mom, what are you doing here? Ah, I'm just too famous. Can't take me anywhere. And we're definitely going to be noticed in public because we're all wearing our new distractible shirts. All of us are wearing them. All of us. Wait, I didn't know this was the episode. Is this the episode? Oh, it's too late now. The bit's too late. I didn't know this was the episode. I got the shirt. Point to Bob for having the shirt. I'll be right back, guys. I'll be right back. I'm going to go. There's no makeup points. Just stay there. You can leave, but imagine the handshakes. Just imagine. I should go. I should go. I put this on just for you guys, but I'll change it. Okay. Okay. No handshakes. He didn't take his headphones off. You can see that he's squatting there with his headphones on. God, he's so bald. Yeah, yeah. Well, listen, we only have to tolerate him for a few more episodes and then he's gone. All right. I can't wait for Ethan to take his rightful spot. So, how many wins do you want? I'm not greedy. Can I have, like, three? What do you want? What do you want? How many wins do you want? What can I do for you? Honestly, I think the season ends when we say it ends. It kind of ends every time we do, like, a Constitution episode, so it just goes on until we say. Ah, man. We need another currency besides win. What about money? Cash money? Yeah, we could make this a little more interesting, you know. Sure. I feel like Wade and I are. We are at a substantial disadvantage, potentially, but as long as we're all. As long as we all have sort of a gentleman's agreement. I've been here the whole time dressed like this. Oh, look at you! Oh, your camera must have just focused. Look, I can see it now. There's one of us, another one of us, and the third one of us. Hey, can't tell who's who. One of them definitely doesn't look distinctly different for any specific head reasons. Oh, dark hair. Yeah, that's it. That's the thing. Yeah, that's good. Anyway. All right. Enough. We've got so much to talk about. There's been weeks since we last saw each other. All of us must have lived really exciting lives in the interim, and I can't wait to hear it. Who wants to go first? Me! I need to take initiative because I'm getting my rear kicked. Sunday marked the first time I ever got to go see the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. And I took my nephew for his birthday along with one of my other nephews and my niece and Molly, and we went down and we watched them perform songs from Star Wars. Oh. Different movies and shows. And it was really, really cool. And they did a really, really great job. And the guy who was. Was it John Morris Russell? No. I don't know who that is, but no. That'd be the conductor of the Cincinnati Pops. He does a lot of concerts. No, they had a guest in from Detroit who hosts every now and then here. But he did a really fantastic job. And it was just a really, really fun time. And they were very talented. And I don't know. I really enjoyed it. And I was like, I don't know if my nephew's really going to be into it since it's just the music. But they seemed to really love it. The place was completely filled. It was completely packed. So it was just a really cool experience. It was not an outside concert. It was way too cold. It was in music. It was in music hall, right? It was in music hall, yeah. It was my first time ever being inside music hall. Well, congratulations. Cincinnati has a lot of features that people don't realize. It has a ballet. It has a symphony orchestra. World-class symphony orchestra. Yeah, world-class. Three of the major sports. And now a soccer stadium somewhere. It's right by music hall, actually. It's like literally across the street from music hall, the backside. But yeah, Cincinnati FC. Really good MLS team. It's got one of those Destroy Your Life arenas that was famously Horseshoe. But now it's something else, I think. In Hollywood, Hard Rock? It's the one with all the memorabilia in it. There's a Porsche parked in there and some guitars and whatnot. How would you know? I bet. I've been in there. Yeah. How do you think I destroyed my life? It blew your share of the Spotify deal right in there. Oh, yeah. It's gone. I'm desperate. Help. I'll put 500 on Yago. Is that how it works? Yago? Dude, I love the Aladdin character's roulette wheel. You guys, I go there all the time. You've never been on Yago? That's why you always lose. Give me 50 on Street Rat, 50 on Magic Carpet, and 100 bucks for Robin Williams doesn't survive this one. Let's do it. Oof. Too soon. No, it's not. It's perfectly timed. He survives that movie. That's the joke. He survives. He just gets stabbed in the back real big by some large corporation. Imagine that. Do you guys know that drama? I do. A little bit of it. I mean, I heard about his. You're talking about outside the studios, though. That's like right working, right? Yeah. We don't have to go back. If you're interested out there, listeners, if you don't. You know why Robin Williams never appeared as the genie in any subsequent Aladdin properties? There's a whole story, and it's not a great story, but it's an interesting story to hear the details of. Came back for the Prince of Thieves. I liked that movie. It got under. I think that was underrated. I liked that one, too. I liked the turtle. Turtle comes out of nowhere. I fucking love the turtle. I used to love the Aladdin TV show, but it was a little strange that the voices. The Midas hand thing gave me. Night terrors. I. The concept of that was terrifying to me. The hand of Midas is mine! Let's all just do impressions of that guy until the end of the episode. Can I look up the actual sound of this guy? No, that's not how impressions work. I've not heard that voice since I was like. What year did that movie come out? It's probably been around then. I haven't heard that voice since the last time I watched that. VHS in the. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. In the video player in my parents' Osmobile minivan, whenever the shit that was. You had a VHS player in your minivan? Dude, we had a bougie minivan. You guys must have been rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from a place where a golf tournament is. It's exclusively rich. Riches. Everyone's rich around golf. Yeah, that's what golf is. Golf is just money laundering for wealthy people. If you play golf, do you just become rich? It worked for me. It's kind of one of those. It's kind of one of those squares, a rectangle, but you know, rectangle's not a square situation. But if you shrink it enough, it'll still fit in. Turn? Yes, yeah, absolutely. Or if you stretch the hole. Yeah. Anyway, Bob, did you actually. I don't think you did your small tuck yet. I don't know. It's. The only thing on my mind right now is that my foot is real fucked, and I hate it. Remember how I was walking every day? And that was. Oh, no. Oh, you're. Your streak, you're a failure. Long, long break in the streak here. My foot is in a bad way. It's not good. I gotta deduct a point. You don't have your streak. Look, I gotta be honest. Searing pain emanating from my lower extremity is hard to ignore. But, uh. Otherwise, James is pretty funny. Took him to King's. Took him to King's Island for the first time. He fucking loved it. Uh, he was also funny when we came over. Yeah, that was pretty funny. Yeah, my. We took my niece over to Bob and Mandy's to talk about college stuff, and James was just like the star. The star of the show. Knew who Molly was, pretended to know who Kaylee was, then, like, introduced himself to me resistantly, like, hi, we've never met. And I'm like, you know, we. Your niece, who is a complete stranger to him, and he runs up and jump hugs her, and like, oh my god, you're here, I love you. Like, you say hi to Wade? Mmm. We're not even exaggerating, it's actually how it went. It was pretty funny. He knows, he knows who his target audience is. Blonde, blonde hair, blue eyes, plays. He's, he's, he's, he's gonna be a problem. He's gonna be a. As a toddler, though, it's very funny. He jumped on my niece's lap, and she was just, like, in the middle of talking about, like, some college questions. She's like, do I continue, or do I address the child on me? And he's just like, look at this treat we got for Lexi, isn't this the coolest thing? She's like, what do I do? And I swear he glared at me. I don't think, I don't know if he actually did, but it felt like he did. It felt like he cursed you under his breath. All right, was that your ball talk? Pretty much, yeah. - Yeah. - All right, you're done now anyway, all right, cool. Side note about the VHS thing. I'm actually going to be getting back into some kind of making magnetic ribbon of some kind very soon because I need to archive Iron Lung and that's done on tape. Oh, who was it? Somebody wore like film strips as part of their dress to the Met Gala. Wasn't that a Sabrina Carpenter or film that was of the movie Sabrina or something like that? Mark's going to the Met Gala. He's going to dress like Sabrina Carpenter. It's that's a different thing. That's that's that's. I figured it out. Stay away point. I'll take it. Not magnetic tape. Do you? So what kind of crazy bullshit hoops do you need to jump through to archive a movie? I assume there's one provider who charges an exorbitant fee and there's like. No, actually. Don't just put it in a thermos and bury it on the moon. There's no there's a there's something called LTO tape, which I'll take guesses for what that means. Long time on there. The last T is silent. That's good. That's good. Wait, wait. Lovely try. Onesia. What the fuck? They were the first time to try preserving tape, but it didn't work. But now we all say lovely try. Onesia. When we try to preserve our tape. Long tape. Ooh. Do we get it? Who got it right? Neither of you. You idiots. It's lordly television oncology. Well, that just doesn't make any sense. I mean, whatever. Anyway, so it's archival tape and it's the device to do the recordings is expensive, but it's a one time cost. And then you can get these rolls of tape that are like, uh, I think 18 terabytes or something like that. And they cost way left less than an equivalent 18 terabyte hard drive would. And they last for 30 years. So you can archive a lot of data on tape and then store it for a very long time. And they say you should have, you know, I'll have always like my rate array of, of the stuff, but that way I can have another version of that media on a tape and that can be locked away for 30 years. And then I could pull it out. And redo it on a separate tape. And by then they'll have better tape and, you know, you could do it again. That's pretty cool. Not important. This is not what the episode's about. What if you broadcast it to the aliens? I was thinking anyway, not the segue. We're throwing down the gauntlet. All of us are cultured men, right? Yes. We've experienced a breadth of experiences. Yeah. We've all been to Europe. Obviously. All three of us have been to Europe. We've all of us have been to Europe, right? Twice. Together. We know the ins and outs of that. And we are qualified to speak on the good and bad of those countries. A hundred percent. Of course. Right. In that quote continent. Okay. How's it a continent if it's connected to another one? I don't even understand what a continent is. It's ridiculous. I know. I know. I know. Anyway, hold your superiority just yet because we need to throw down exactly how we are able in the United States of America are better and or worse than Europe. And we're going to be the decider. Yes. You heard me right. It's time for America versus Europe. What a title. What a title. What a title. I realize like when we do the titles 15 minutes into the episode, it's not a surprise for people. Yeah. Cause they read it when they click the, well, the title might be like European bathrooms alone, or, you know, like the title, it doesn't necessarily give away our classics. And we do that. We do that on occasion. We do do that. But also sometimes it's just straight up, not a surprise. I think you're right. I did just see one episode recently that we'd done that was titled like Bob's favorite things. Number two will shock you or something. And I was like, I have no idea what this is about. I think a lot of our titles would have get a garner that response from all three of us. If we looked back, I've had some bangers over the years, like hair, bread, tearless. I remember tearless. Ah, man. What a classic tearless. Tearless of our favorite tier list of all time is a great episode. Oh, what a good episode. But you know, we, we have to now, you heard me, but we have to America versus Europe. I want to start this off with a story. Cause, uh, I was just in Europe. Technically I was not in the European union. I want to point that out, which is something that I learned. You know what that spells? You. That was my realist fake laugh. You'll ever. Get. All right. So I have a, I have something to throw shade on because there is a story that came out of, uh, I was on my honeymoon, right? Uh, and so this is an Amy sanction story. We were in the Amsterdam airport, right? Have you guys been through the Amsterdam airport times? Yeah, we flew. Yeah. I think we had went directly there at the one time. Hell on earth. Basically, as I recall it. Sure. Basically just, just, it's like the Ohio highway system of airports in that it's always under construction and it's never done. Right. So that, that aside, it's not. We go through their immigration system, which they have this fast pass lane where you scan your passport and you go quickly. And that's just for show. It doesn't work. They don't actually. I don't give a shit about that. It just circles you back to the line again. You're like, Oh, how did I get up here? It really does. Actually, that's part of the story. So we go through his passport and slam our fingerprints down scans. Wow. That's great. We go through stand in line for 15 minutes for some strange reason. Because like there's 20 kiosks and four are lit and then one's on the fritz. It's like flipping red and green and people are walking out of it and back. Uh, so we're in that line red and green red light, green light on your airport. We got that one. So we get up there and, uh, I, I go through and it's like, I have my fingers pressed down the glass and you got to like press super hard because the first time it didn't read. And then it's like, I can feel the glass. The glass like cracking, but it got me. And I go through so strong. Amy goes up, puts her finger on the glass, flip, flip, flip, flip, red, go back. So she has to go back out all the way to the main line over there, which is bad. So I'm standing off in the side waiting for her. Cause they let me through. And then they were like, you can't stand there. And I'm like, so I take two steps to my left. There's no sign or line. I'm just like, is this good? He's like, yeah, there, I was too close to the other kiosks, you know, where they, you know, security guards go in, you're not blocking his key. I was not his problem. So she eventually pops out and we go to, you know, our gate, which is like in the dungeon. Cause we have like the main lovely area where all the shops, I love airport dungeons and, you know, gates are, and ours is the one where it's like, you go down the stairs and then turn a corner and everyone's crammed into five seats, you know? So we get up to there and Amy pulls out her passport to go scan it, uh, to get on the plane. She has a Canadian. Passport. She's not Canadian. I want everyone to be clear about that. She's not Canadian. We immediately are like, Whoa, hold on. Go to the gate agent. Uh, her passport had been swapped with someone else. Oh, she was in that line by herself. Obviously we're traveling just me and her. And so she was with this other group and the, the customs person calls up the whole group cause they're trying to speed things along. And they're like, you're all together. Right. And they're like, no, we're not together. Come up anyway. We're all family here. Come on up. And basically they, they pulls all these people up at a group and then laughing, making small talk and just swapped the passwords, like handed back the password to the wrong people and everyone's being rushed through. So they, neither of them saw. So long story short, we are able to go to Norway, but we, Amy can't leave Norway. So I have to take a separate journey back to Amsterdam after we have a bunch of fun and we go, I have to fly to Amsterdam. I gotta tell you. When I got back to there, I went to one lost and found. Cause you'd think that's where you'd go. And I was like, we'd been calling someone because they, they gave us a, a, a, like the information that we need to go there. She gave the authorization email going through. And it's like, I don't know what was wrong with this woman's day, but she hated me from the moment that I walked up to the lost and found. And the first thing I said was I've lost something. Oh, why the fuck are you here? What the fuck are you talking to me for? The lost and found. Fuck you. So I say like, I was just, you know, this is for items, not people. It was a passport. It was like, oh, you fucking idiot. You think I would have, you need to go through to the immigration office. So I go through, it's her again. She just changes the name tag. You get to the next office. She's like, you're in the right place. So I talked to the people there. I'm like, I heard that the immigration officer. Passports is here as like, oh yeah, you have to go through, do the immigration stuff, put your passport down, fingerprint scan, and then go around to your left, make two lefts and it's there. Oh, okay. So I go through and it's cause there's one going in this way and there's another checkpoint going out that way. So I go left, left, I'm there again. And so I go like, Hey, I was told there's an immigration office here where I can find a lost passport. And then she looks at me, goes like, you fucking, what the fuck are you doing here? Lost and found is over there. I go, wait, I'm pretty sure I was left to the left. You just go straight down this hallway and just keep walking for a long time and you'll find lost and found over there. And so I was like, okay, are you sure the passport loss is like, just keep walking, turn around. I don't want to see it. So I turn around, I start walking and there's a sign that says lost and found this way arrow going that way. So I'm like, okay, great. There's not a sign. for Lost and Found Again. ever there's no there's no sign i walked like half a kilometer because it's europe right and i'm walking around i'm looking around like i thought i was crazy so i go over to the the help desk of one of the airlines and it's like lost and found anywhere and they lost three of them and they're just like and they didn't respond to me literally it was just flip the sign to on break and they just walk away basically so i ask again i'm like i don't know what was wrong with like lost and found anywhere here and they kind of vaguely like shoo me away with a gesture that way anywhere else i keep walking that direction like it must be here and it's it is it's just way far down and then to the left there's like another kiosk and i don't know if it's the same lady from the other side but this one version of her was much nicer but she still said what are you doing here you shouldn't be we don't have passports here it's at the immigration office oh my god god can you please just have someone show me a map anything do you have anything like that so she calls down two people and these two guys also could not give a fuck about why i was there and not only that actively the entire walk back to the immigration office and she's like i don't know what's going on here i don't know what's and i shit you not this isn't gonna work you're not gonna get it you you they can't give it to you they're not gonna give it you'd have to call them and i'm like i i called them i assure you it's like no no you didn't no way the both of them are just like no this will never work it'll literally like two people on my shoulder just like doubt demons just like you you might as well give up stop here you're gonna die if you go to that office yeah they kept saying like i'm here for to pick up it's my wife i mean she authorizes like yeah whatever your girlfriends you know probably gonna leave you or some shit like that it's like your mistress shouldn't have left her passport at the mcdonald's i assume you stupid american anyway so i i get there and i'm at the same place where the woman just told me to turn around and walk that way and it's like i'm looking and it's like eu passports the other countries every other scuzz from whatever dirt hole you crawl from and then diplomats right that's all the signs say so they escort me to the diplomats line okay i wouldn't guess that yeah okay around the corner i go right which was not the person's instructions with two lefts if you remember right then left i forgot that key right there and then i get to the immigration office and i gotta tell you i hope amsterdam feels safe with these brave brave officers of immigration scrolling instagram in their cushy little office because i gotta tell you there was one guy that was very helpful and attentive to me there were six other guys that were didn't look up once there was one guy at the window with his back turned to the window and i was watching him scroll instagram i was watching him never turned around once and i'm talking he's talking didn't care what the camera's saying he was scrolling on instagram like look at these half naked people i'm looking at what my boss what i'm doing there was one guy the not even joking with his baton going are you sure you were in a real airport i don't know man amsterdam was fucking crazy man someone hands you amy's passport and then all the walls fall down like they're made of plywood just like and everyone's running away like he did it he fell for it what the fuck this guy comes back really helped the one guy was very helpful and i signed it he had a printout of the email that amy sent over saying i authorized the two guys are still there by the way the doubters are still there as he's handing you like oh you're never gonna grab that you can't reach that far i'm sure your arms are we're just gonna take it from you anyway once you get it yeah you're probably gonna leave it right where you left it last time don't stand near any canadians i get it and i signed it out and everything's good and i have to go to the guy because i had to give him my passport and i he turns to leave and i go please wait you have my and so he turns around and he gives me that and the two guys are still there and they're they're escorting me out of the diplomat line for some reason i don't know and they say which was not what i was expecting hey everyone makes mistakes man said that's what they said and that's the wisdom they left me with maybe it was in reference to their own doubtingness of your actions i don't think it was i don't know what it was meanwhile you broke the circle of racket where you're trying to take your passport so you'd fly back and have to send amy to get your passport they had a whole thing set up yep yep and i i go finally i rid myself of them they kind of dissipate into the ether they got for the water cycle they'll rain back down for the next person who needs their passport and so to cap it all off i'm like because i gotta fly back to norway to give amy her password so we can fly home uh and i i'm like i'm gonna fly back to norway to give amy her passport so we can fly home uh and i i'm gonna fly back to norway to give amy her passport so we can fly home uh and i i'm gonna fly back to norway to give amy her passport so we can fly back to norway to give amy her passport i i i get through the immigration line because like i said those other kiosks for show they weren't even for show today and i get up to the customs after all this and they they see that i have two passports and they go why do you have two passports we're gonna need to take that extra passport off your hands and leave one of those behind so it's not gonna look like you and i gotta admit this the story i said sounded ridiculous it's like oh my wife left well didn't leave it was handed the wrong one by one of the customs people and i'm here to get it and it's like where's your wife oh she's trapped she doesn't have this so she's right where she's been i guess yeah and i think i think the only saving grace is i think after a few moments of the conversation she recognized who i was i think she might have been someone that watched a video because i was about to go like i have to because that guy in the booth next to you gave me two he said everyone makes mistakes it was a mistake i'm picturing these two guys as like the twins and they're like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god from outlast just walk around naked like holding their machete waiting for you to slip up oh yeah anyway so that's my that's that's one of many stories from the trip uh i don't know what a beautiful honeymoon it was just a lovely time i hope amy enjoyed norway it just doesn't fill me with comfort that you're in the customs line and the officer is like oh you got you got an extra passport oh that's suspicious oh do you have anything in your bag markiplier go right ahead oh excuse me for taking up your time oh that doesn't i know maybe they were he sounds like carl weiser i don't think them knowing who you are being a fan changes their their legal up their duties as a you know what you're good you're a good guy everybody knows mark pliers good guy name name carries a lot of weight there was a guy right behind mark with the same story and they were like no sir you're not going through your wife can stay right where she belongs the two everybody makes mistakes and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh he just takes guys just like tackling he disapparates with them they scream they're pulled down through a fiery pit the fuck's going on in amsterdam god damn uh dude i don't know something crazy i didn't see any of amsterdam you guys did but uh i also didn't see any of amsterdam this time either because we're just in the airport so i'll never see that beautiful country didn't leave amy stranded in norway me like well i gotta walk around the centrum a little bit amsterdam and not like you know smoke smoke a joint you leave the airport they throw on a pair of sunglasses they give you a hat hand you a joint say enjoy your time yeah that's what i would do that's the amsterdam way you get inside they're like where's your passport are you high right now you've been doing drugs in our city oh you got me again oh no no we knew you'd come back this episode of distractible is brought to you by a real good ai i'm norm l baldman by that i mean i'm a normal bald guy here to tell you about my life i'm a normal bald guy i'm a normal bald guy tell you real good ai is real good a lot of ai junkie poopy real good lives up to its name yeah right you mean real good bad ai they're only making data centers and i should know i made a data center in my bathroom and that's the equivalent bad of all the bad that real good ai is doing well it's real good is building top of the line nuclear missiles nuclear silos and no no no it's it's really more like it's a staff of of phd researchers and they're doing like research to change the the methods that people are can use to implement ai so like you need less compute power and less overall data and and the outputs would be like interpretable it means you you'd understand where it got some piece of information or how it you know why it's giving you this fact or this image or it's it's good it's to do good real good huh how many hundreds of gallons of billions of gallons of billions of gallons of water are they turning directly into toxic sludge uh you know it's hard to quantify stuff like that but i feel pretty confident to say zero we have shown real good ai 100 photos of our viewers and listeners and it will pick one claim them guilty and we will be judged jury and executed we're going to be streaming it live is that right i fed 100 pictures of my penis into real good ai's chatbot it's going to pick one winner it's going to be tried judge jury and executioner and every generated picture of mark's penis it's gonna have a five rating on it to indicate that it's fully ai generated don't tease people man anyway no yeah we're doing we do research uh no no sludge water or nuclear bomb research and and things like the real rating system which is like you label content like you label your video or your streamer or an academic academic paper or anything with a specific descriptor of like oh how much ai is in this is it no ai is it a fully ai generated there's a it's a whole zero through five it's a whole thing it's good stuff real good that's what i've been saying i feel like he's not listening to me well i rate that five out of five that's good right that's real good are you saying i'm not real editors put an ai number of fingers on my hand oh some ai uses two knives one for peanut butter and one for jelly but real good ai knows that jelly uses a spoon exactly if you want to learn more about what real good ai actually does uh like the science and the and the ratings is the stuff we actually do real good ai.org uh there are a number of web pages there the info about the rating system info about our research projects ongoing programs info about how to get involved you could volunteer there's all kinds of stuff r-e-a-l-g-o-o-d-a-i.org r-e-a-l-g-o-o-d-a-i.org all right anyway so that's enough of my europe story i have more things to talk about but i want to open the floor now to you guys what makes europe great america bad i don't know how to do this it's a very loosey-goosey concept i got one look out italy we didn't go us three did not go as far as i recall did we go to italy we didn't do italy we didn't do italy no but i've been to italy and i was a youngin and i believe we were i was really lucky as a kid my parents enjoyed traveling and so we got to do some really crazy trips and one of the trips we did was i got to go to venice um and we were staying in a hotel in venice and i don't know if we had this experience on tour maybe a couple times but what the fuck is going on with elevators in europe what the hell who is letting these people decide what elevators should be like in europe because holy shit is even in super nice places they'll just have an elevator where it's like it fits one and a half people and it feels somehow like you're in a modern hotel but the elevator feels like it's from the 70s like it opens it opens like a door with like a turning and it's like and you get in and you're like close the door close the cage down i guess what the fuck and that we were staying in a hotel in venice and it was a really fucking tall like i was six stories or something right and we were on the top floor we had my my parents my brother myself and my grandparents were all there was like kind of a group and so we had multiple rooms all on the top floor of this place which is not like that's not like on the 50th floor where it's like well you're not going to climb this you could climb the stairs but it'd be nice to take an elevator up and down if you're going all the way up to the sixth floor that's a pretty tall walk it walk up but my brother and i were kids and so we would often just walk up because this hotel this hotel is like for a for a homunculus sized person from the medieval era that they have never updated for any reason it's powered by a little hamster on a wheel in the basement or something and uh it was just sketchy as shit and the last day we were there we were like we got to get our bags we're getting out of here like we got to get to the airport whatever uh and my brother was like oh i'm so tired like we've been hiking around it's been beautiful we're hanging around that i'm exhausted i'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the to the elevator and i'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the to the elevator i'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the to the elevator i'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the to the elevator i'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the to the elevator i'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the to the elevator to the elevator and just be lazy because he and i as the kids were like we'll just do the stairs you grandma grandpa grandma you do the elevator mom and dad just we'll do the stairs we're young and he's just like i'm just gonna do it and he like if you've seen me in person you know i'm a pretty big dude my brother is almost as big as i am he's basically as tall as i am not as out of shape and heavy as i am he's always been like kind of a leaner person but he's like pretty big dude but he gets in the elevator and he's got his suitcase and he like pushes the button and the movie is just like and then it just sort of goes like and it goes like halfway down between the floor we're on and the floor below and stops and i'm standing here looking at him and the elevator has glass windows in the door so i'm looking right at his face and he's just kind of like oh it's gonna no it's not gonna move it just stopped and he said he hung there for we for a minute we were both kind of like what would you call the cops or what do you do what do you do about this and uh then out of nowhere the door of the elevator opens so he's standing in an open elevator between two floors of the hotel like a fucking uh one of those movies does something final destination movie right where it's like you just know the moment he's like i'll just squeeze out then the elevator's like fuck you don't like i don't like that so he's just standing there and like we're you know five feet apart look he's just standing in this elevator kind of like wedged in with a suitcase like i'm really not sure and we eventually i run down to the lobby and get the hotel who up manager and i'm like yeah the elevator's stuck and the door's open my brother my brother's inside and he's like yeah it does that does that have you pushed the buttons like yeah do you fucking what do you mean you haven't pushed the buttons no he doesn't know how elevators work so he's just standing waiting to see what happens yeah he's like well usually if you push the button you know it'll keep going whatever i'm like okay well it's a good idea it's not will you come help he's like all right like he was hunting his brain he was like is there anything i have to be doing down here fuck i don't want to walk upstairs god and he didn't do anything he came up and looked and gave it the old or whatever the italian equivalent is of that buongiorno whatever the fuck they say and eventually he was right after like a solid 10 12 minutes of my brother just standing there barely fit in with him because this is like a for some reason a single person elevator just standing there and he's like every once in a while he's like button button take me back up any floor i don't even care eventually the thing is just like oh yeah i'm an elevator goes all the way down to the lobby what the fuck the fucking the hamster needed a break or something i don't understand uh so anyway but every elevator even the nicest elevators i've ever used in europe dimensions or like somehow there's a door and a door on two adjacent sides of it where you're like how the fuck does that even work why would you need to it's always awful i've been on american elevators where it's like i don't know if this has been inspected in the last year or two feels a little sketchy i never thought i was going to die and never ever been in an elevator that was smaller than like could hold a party of two comfortably who the fuck is designing all this shit for european elevators i know the buildings are old i know they exist there are better elevators they exist i don't understand what's going on it's italy specifically but everywhere you should feel bad the elevator was waiting to get them and it just got tired it was like all right fine you live this time buddy it's like trying to file its own cable and it gets too tired it's like ah fuck it i'll i'll get the next one i'll get the next one that's a shameful strike against europe uh america with our big huge elevators for our big huge people wins again it's just comfort it doesn't have to be there's a normal size americans they just enjoy a safe elevator look don't make it about how fat i am it's not about me i would never all right wade all right let me uh let me just direct your attention here for a moment oh fuck oh god oh man the listeners were having such a great time listeners you're done for i'll describe it the best i can but a visual does it does help you guys recognize this place right oh yeah yeah no you know what i'm thinking about it here here i'll give you i'll give you a clue i'll give you a clue here swastika road for rank for frankfurt uh germany georgia frankfurt george so the airport in frankfurt germany when we had to fly home from the tour we had a train over in frankfurt we went from frankfurt back home and there's this section of frankfurt's airport from memory i'm pretty sure it's pretty close to this where we came in from like this direction and there's a little shop here and the shop full of people hey people and then there's a whole bunch of people crowded here i mean like tons like trying to get into disney world numbers of people just standing around in here and you file into these like little lines and the line goes oh we we molly and i we finally shoved our way over to this wall got in went into line here everybody on these sides is just pushing in to get in front of you so you don't move unless you're real forceful about it oh wait no i see it yeah that's a problem so it really sucked trying to get to this point right here at the edge of these like entrance kiosks the very far left once you're past that it's like okay now we're in line line moving life's good thank god so we get through this takes forever we're in this line and then like right when we get to the front of the line a guy walks over is like hey you've been randomly selected for some screening and we're like okay so they pull us out they go through all of our luggage they look at everything like all right you look clean we're like great so they're like yep so now you got to go back out here and get in this line again oh no where you could maybe get randomly selected to be screened again what so this entire section existed just to shove us back out into general populace it's like so wait you just went through all of our stuff yes you took our fingerprints went through our luggage saw our identification you know we're clear we've got our tickets got our passports yep we can't just go through no no no you got to go back out into the line again and then we had to go through this hell a second time frankfurt germany listen i don't think we got to spend much time in frankfurt we were in berlin where we were in two cities in germany when we did the tour right berlin and what was the other one um go to the archive.org of your welcome tour.com cologne we were in cologne cologne cologne was it so i i didn't spend much time in you frankfurt gary german um but this is designed for the airport what were you thinking why is this the way it is why why is this the way the lines work where you go in these little kiosky things to go straight the wait in line if you're in the far side god help you if you ever need to get through because this family of 40 they're going through this one single line and every one of them's going through before they let you pass and then this line with three that think they maybe forgot something they're going to stand there and debate it while these other two lines push forward and when it's finally your turn they're going to go through your shit and for whatever reason send you as far back into hell as possible to go through it a second time and then you know it was like what a 12-hour flight or whatever back which is whatever the plane was fine but this whole concept of everyone pushing everywhere to get to this line just to get shoved back man i thought it was going to do me in i was mentally just defeated whenever this guy's like through that door there's like that seems the wrong direction why is there this long wall that leads us back toward the end of the crowd as you push to the door back into your room and you're like oh my god i'm going to die i'm going to die i'm going to suffer you just hear behind you everybody makes mistakes it's just like airport ghosts fucking germany and amsterdam are the same place yeah i just realized i have a story from the amsterdam airport that's pretty fucky too oh god it's it's not remotely what you guys had to deal with but so so one of the second time that we went to amsterdam to do shows because we were doing the makeup tour stuff from when marketing almost died uh mandy came and we were gonna fly from amsterdam up to london to see some friends and to see london we've never been there before together and um so we had a flight out of amsterdam after we did all the tour stuff and we got to the we got a text like the night before and this is partially on us because i think we flew like ryanair or one of the ones that's basically like frontier except somehow worse uh like european budget airline we got text the night before that was like your flight might be uh up to two hours early or some shit and we were like i remember that wasn't a whole bunch of people on that flight what do you mean might be and what do you and we were like okay well we'll just get to the we'll get up as early as we can we'll get to the airport like really fucking early we'll hang out and so we were like that's weird but fine we got to the airport super early and we but the security took for fucking ever and so we got through security and it was like well if the flight is that early we need to run to the gate right now we're barely gonna make it and then we're standing there we get another text message from the airline that's like ah your flight's just gonna be normal on time we're like oh god okay we're gonna get to the airport and we're gonna fuck well now we have a bunch of time to kill so let's i guess let's go get food or something right like let's chill out this has been stressful so far and we go and we sit down i think we might have got mcdonald's which is very american of us but because they have this special fry sauce in in the netherlands and we wanted to try the thing because it's like the different mcdonald's whatever and we're sitting there and we're eating and then no updates nothing's happening we're just like ah thank god of our on-time flight and then we get another text that's like oh you're flight is leaving 10 minutes ago i hope you were there we're like whoa whoa what the even fuck and like we look and we're just like just stand up chuck our shit in the trash run to the thing we get to the gate empty no humans there no you know when you get to a gate for a flight there's like people crowding around sitting in seats whatever empty except for the people except for the employees at the gate we run up and we're like there's the plane here and they're kind of like ah you missed it well wait is that our plane is that sitting right there is that people we could see walking down the jetway like they're just those are just the other we're on that same flight i think like oh yeah you go to london yeah yeah that's us ah you missed it and i'm like everybody makes mistakes whoa i literally got my phone i was like look this text message came at like 10 15 a.m that said our flight was going to leave at 10 a.m which is before the text and he was like ah that's messed up wow well i was like i was it was everything i could do not to just like become enraged at this and this dude had no reason to help us it's just like a gate agent at a you know whatever it's not his problem we're late kind of um but eventually i was like is there anything you can do what if i run down the jetway we cancel the flight so we we delay it so and i'll get arrested and we'll make the like whatever is there any it was like well i could ask the flight crew if they'll just like let you on i was like do that great and it was like it was a similar experience to you it's not like he hated us but it was every fucking thing he was like i could pick up the phone and push a button and be like but every eventually he did it and like we're standing there just like i was i was definitely dripping with sweat because we ran through the airport because we thought we had another like hour or something anyway finally he's like ah just go on and he didn't even open the door or or scan tickets or anything like literally he was like all right whatever you guys can go they said you could go but it was just fucking we walked in and go and clap and we get on the plane and i swear to god like we're getting on the plane the whole plane is all seated now and it's just us sweaty me taking up the entire interior interior space of the airplane just like excuse me excuse me get back get back to our seats like is that how you talk when you go on an airplane that's that's my airplane voice yeah we'll get back there sit down the moment we're just like we're in the we're in the plane to the place the captain gets on his like looks like we're not gonna have a runway uh we're probably gonna be sitting here at the gate for another 25 30 minutes uh we're on the plane we're on and i i i wish not for myself then but for my story now i wish that they had just been like ah we're gonna get you off the plane you don't need to wait on here for all that they didn't do that but like what's going on at the amsterdam airport like what the fuck is that i've never ever heard of a flight in america where they're like we're moving it forward an unreasonable amount of time have fun i i've never heard that before hope you don't have complicated travel plans to the airport oh that's that's terrible that's terrible not really as bad as what you had to do if i'm honest i just can't believe it all happened in amsterdam yeah and frankfurt one insert uh before wade goes did you know they don't believe in cream what kind of cream coffee cream yeah what yeah coffee cream yeah yeah porn cream porn cream so what you would just have coffee with sugar but nothing else no they have milk oh just put a sugar packet in your milk that's not that's not cream what the fuck are you doing wait a minute hold on if you put enough sugar it gets thick enough it's just not what cream is no no well you don't want to do salt oh you're right you know what he's on to something you don't want to do salt that's not cream either that's even less cream put some sugar in your milk get a spoon and then you're good to go cinnamon stick and then like blow on or something i don't know if i had if i had a knob to vote one way or the other i would definitely agree with way that sugar and milk is way more cream than salted milk anyway they like because i i kept asking for and this is me dumb american be like can i get americana with uh cream with cream and i kept saying that with confidence and you know i would get that look the european like look and i thought that was just them having a bad day but i realize now if they didn't know what i was talking about i was asking for some cream was it uh europe or australia where we ordered lemonade and they gave us spray and i was so confused oh that's a that's a uk thing in it sorry i have to sniff real loud i'm gonna i'm gonna go i got i'll be right back oh unrelated okay sinuses or drugs no no no i came back with a tiny sniffle oh okay just like guys i gotta snort real quick i don't want to do it on camera sorry i can't get through an episode without it no it's unfortunate uh a little fist bump just get punched myself in the face real quick okay oh just to see if you can take it in the middle of an episode what a hero i know right all right what do you got against europe or for it no no here we go this is another this is another against you know americans we we are pride ourselves right we're like the country of freedom america's freedom then everyone else is like you know we have freedom too and then you go over to europe and what do you find you go to like mcdonald's you order their chicken nuggets everyone's like oh you gotta have the chicken you gotta have the food over in europe you have the food over in australia less freedom more regulations is what i'm hearing if i wanted to open a franchise and make lots of money i gotta go through so much more fucking hassle in europe because i've got less freedom to fuck your customers over and i think that's bullshit um maybe i want to sell you some pink slime wrapped up in dough are you angry that you have a would have a difficult time opening a mcdonald's franchise somewhere in europe not specifically mcdonald's but you know a fast food chain that cuts corners overall they have you know more regulations maybe i want to crunch up deer hooves and antlers and call it chicken a little bit of flavor top but no it's got to be real chicken over there how many deer hooves you come across you did yeah see this is what you get for eating at long john silvers you come across like i got a business idea i got a supplier i got a supplier that fucking anchorman joke like uh you know anything tastes like chicken hey what do you think they do with uh roadkill you know service for that someone picks that up you could serve that in a restaurant okay but less regulations is what you're saying yeah i can't believe it i might be being a little bit facetious here but for customers probably great eating food over there but for the employers man i feel i feel for him all right okay i'm just gonna put your point as conservative talking points you know what platform i want to stand on first guest just judge kavanaugh i'm pretty sure his proper title is justice kavanaugh but whatever i was gonna say that but i didn't really want to give him that much it was too many syllables you i just picture him going i like beer i can't not picture that no no matter what kind of even if it's like oh and then justice kavanaugh had a line of questioning for the i like beer do you like beer what beer do you like i know i know he doesn't talk like uh uh the medical officer man uh oh rfk the rfk i know he doesn't talk like rfk but i imagine i like beer that's just all i picture in my head they're just all amalgamating all the people who you can't believe have the jobs they have vote for us 2028 we are one president three-headed president us three-headed i was about to say three-headed president yep that's good i'm in for that that sounds good my country vote for us baby we're all the same i'll give you points for that and right now your president will give you a cameo for just 15 what a deal i want to have some more europe slander before we get this over with oh i have another thing speaking of coughing who coughed that was wayne me i don't know why this is and it might not be all of europe but there was definitely an uptick of people that were coughing like a baby coughs or like a toddler coughs you know tongue out oh like they've never coughed before yeah yeah yeah exactly i i i don't know what it is if that was just where we were um but it was and predominantly in the amsterdam airport but you know that's a whole other thing but it's just just no cover none cover and i i'm pretty sure in america that we've been taught since kid cover cough into your elbow first cover and then started coughing into your elbow or into yourself when i sneeze i i look like i'm turning into a werewolf properly you turtle inside no yeah no i'm with you yeah no i i just like oh god i'm gonna sneeze and then i try to contain it all in here and i'm sure it looks like i'm pulling out my explosives but you know it's um trying to contain the explosion but yeah no no covering of anything yeah i'm always taken aback by that and i don't specifically have experience with that happening in europe but like when when an adult does that i i have a hard time not just reflexively being like what the fuck like fucking have you ever done that before did you forget what that's like god it's gross not see the particle simulation from the covid times of just talking to you remember that particle thing look sometimes your hands are full sometimes you literally have there's nothing you could do fucking aim down or away from other people like i've seen people where it's like they tried to cough at people and i just don't understand like yeah oh gross i gotta share an image with you do you guys know about this image right the the the particle spread image sharting out their mouth oh i thought the origin was the person on the right belly button it basically is it basically is it like coned out from there they pissed so hard that it just right through the table like a water jet water cutting machine this episode's all over the place and i love it all right i have more slander no i love it look this is this is a hot take in a way that's hard to explain but this this happened it's the time of year when this starts happening again sorry just the picture yeah it's a different picture you want to share with the class all right fine it's a different picture it's a different picture it's a different picture it's a different picture it's not gonna be worth it jesus christ so many i don't know if it's going at the guy or coming from this looks like that foam stuff you used to be able to buy it was kind of like floam this guy's floam man and he's just he doesn't use his hands though he just like it comes out of my forehead i can't control it that's how they teach you to vomit and you have hands at your side but have correct posture while losing all of your shit all right it's the time of year when this happens and it happens every year and it happens increasingly because it keeps the temperatures keep getting crazier and crazier if only there was some sort of explanation for all these weird weather events and record high temperatures year after year anyway it's the time of year when europeans and especially but not exclusively british people go online and are like oh fuck it's so hot i'm gonna fucking die oh my god it's 78 degrees fahrenheit fuck jeez god and then even worse they wouldn't say fahrenheit yeah well they say it's 17 and a half what i don't know it's what's it like 28 celsius what's hot i don't even know what yeah 25 and a half would be 78 degrees all right yeah so like it gets getting that time of year where and i'm not here to judge someone for what they think is hot as a person who who spent summers in michigan where summertime it was like high 70s maybe 80 and we were swimming in lakes that were like 60 degree water you're used to what you're used to it's how what's hot for me is not what's hot for you but i'm so fucking sick of people going online and be like oh it's so hot the americans don't understand let me say that we live so rent free in your head that when you start sweating your first instinct is americans wouldn't understand why i'm sweating right now i better tell the internet wait do we not sweat or is it cold here why why wouldn't we understand well i don't know man honestly and and some people just post and they're like that's hot and i hate it and that's it but some people literally will be like oh americans think they know what heat is they don't know that and then americans will be like well actually like like a quarter of america is like subtropical climate and then like the huge sloth of the western part of america is like a desert we know it gets really hot even in the not you know not interesting places it gets hot in ohio gets over 100 in ohio it's not and then the inevitably the british people are like you just don't understand the humidity you don't even have water in america you all just drink coke all the time it's so it's so humid and we don't have air conditioning and your our houses are built differently and you live in toothpicks covered in toilet paper so it's not hot for you like all this shit right all these arguments come out and the americans will just be like listen dude you fucking you made a video telling americans that we don't know what hot is and i'm telling you that it gets 30 degrees hotter where i live than it's ever been where you live and it's like it's 108 degrees with 100 humidity there's nothing that happens here that i don't understand about what's happening to you buy a fucking air conditioner like and it always becomes this thing where it this is the argument it goes it goes and eventually british people are just like see you can't fucking talk to americans you say one thing you say you say anything and they make it about them right they come in and then they make and they don't understand the reality and we don't even know what air conditioning is in europe but all this shit it's exhausting just save it just nobody fucking you know how it's a trope that old men talk about the weather and of that is oh it's gonna rain but oh we really need it and that's tired and nobody cares it's the exact same shit when you go on tiktok and talk about how it's 26 degrees celsius and 70 percent humidity and you've never been this hot in your life but no one fucking cares talk about something interesting talk about the new nail polish you bought or whatever the i don't care there's a reason nobody cares when old people talk about the weather it's the same reason nobody cares when you talk about the weather shut up and all the americans who engage with this obvious stuff also shut up i could i can say confidently i've never commented on a single one of these and and i used to like look like i'd watch the video and then go into the comments and be like yeah yeah humidity yeah but now if i see the video i just scroll and and i might even do the thing where it's like i'm not interested in this this is a stupid topic scroll whatever don't engage with it it's fucking awful there's tons of stuff that's funny on the internet look at the funny stuff god i don't care how hot it is in england a little anecdote about that before um one thing that the nordic countries don't fuck around with is saunas i went in uh one while we were up there in norway and uh i i step in and it's like you know that kind of sauna where you're just instant sweat and i'm like okay all right let's sing and there's a timer that's really really optimistic it has 15 minutes on it that's a satire real real optimism um and i i sit down there and amy's like oh my god i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited um and she's there too um and she's up on the higher seat uh which i didn't realize what the the temperature difference would be she's like can't take any more five minutes i'm like i'm still going strong and i'm like head down between my knees at the low step like i got this i can take it and i i look up at the thermometer there and i'm like it's only 80 degrees oh no that's my vision deep like wait a minute 80 degrees what's that oh that can't be wait boiling water whatever it's probably 800 degrees fahrenheit in here i step up because i'm like how hot could it be up higher where that thing is and i go up to the seat where amy was where i was looking at her like she tapped out early i'm so tough i take one step up and i think i died i was just like i thought i exploded in the heat like it's just like there was a gradient where sweat just like it like immense more as my head just lifted up like it felt just like my upper body melting so i left immediately after that yeah dude that that feeling is wild i've i didn't do i've never done a nordic one but i did that i told the russian bathhouse story a long time ago on this but when the one that one was like it was tears but there was also like the heat came out of the middle and it was wider so you could sit off to the side but it was like a fucking jet engine that feeling of when you hit the real hot part of a sauna is kind of terrifying it's horrifying i've never been into a sauna so i've never experienced that well because i'm imagining this is a smaller one too right all these nordic ones are very like uh it was a hotel one so it had you know it was decently like i don't know i've never been in a room like this but i've never been in a room this size like not as big as my room here but like maybe half this size anyway wait a last minute uh entry into the slander you save up your 1200 bucks you buy a plane ticket you leave cvg fly all the way to rome you go over to vatican city you've paid a lot of money to get there you got your hotel finally there he is the guy with the robes he's stepping out and dude i could have driven six hours to chicago to all of a sudden the pope i flew all the way out here to see the pope but he's just some dude from chicago this isn't nearly what i thought i was gonna pay for now they're plucking their popes from us who's the way in charge who's the one in charge who's picking these guys because like i need to talk to that person the college of cardinals uh if you i think they have maybe a fax machine you could reach out to or something all right well i didn't know our birds could go to college you know in the us of a they cannot makes a lot of sense that that birds will be picking the pope i think that they're making a lot of mistakes over there because one chicago is one three worst american cities not biased because i'm from cincinnati which you know was kind of over by chicago in the trade back in like the 17 1800s or whatever but like a little a little but it's not they've ruined everything by existing why are we going all the way to vatican city to see some dude from chicago he didn't have the right kind of pizza they could have at least picked a new yorker oh he speaks latin and also don't you dare badmouth chicago style pizza it's the worst kind that's just not even true not the kind i'd eat and i'm a guy that likes extra sauce well chicago is very saucy wait i'll i'll give you another bonus round here because i want to talk about it do you know that there's a constant argument that flares up on social media uh every few years that where europeans say americans don't have bread yes i hate that one as much as i hate the temperature one so it's awful i've heard the comment i've never looked into it i didn't know it was a constant issue it flared recently again for some reason where where it's like americans don't have bread hope they watch distractible i did a whole episode on bread i know we settled that their bread is actually really good i i tried to just sort them into bread but then again i was doing like this no carb thing so the bread i was eating was like this keto bread for a while and i thought that was good that's not bread well okay it's it's not it's not bad i do eat that stuff bad it's just not like mark you're giving them more ammo to use against us i know the argument is like america has bakeries also in our thing in our things you know in our food things the thing places yeah food it does say something that like the bait we're probably excited it's like we're going to a french bakery we're going to a korean bakery we're going to this definitely not american bakery this is so cool it is i will like yes we do have bakeries here but and then the grocery stores and yes people sometimes buy them but there is quite i think we are actually beaten in this regard because amy and i were on this like klm fall light which is like the the dutch thing the royal dutch airlines we have a dutch bros it's close our meal i should you know it was bread with bread a side of bread another bread and then they came around with a basket of bread and was like would you like some bread and so i i'm i'm thinking i never got that in america where i got the five can i get some extra plates my bread's touching my bread i man it was like it was some kind of muffin thing with a then a cinnamon roll thing with an actual piece of bread and then there was little bread bites things is there any protein in this meal what the god no we've got them crushed on protein america is destroying them with protein oh look um that's why 10 of them could fit on a one-person elevator no protein that must be the problem that makes it all make sense they they they their ass is kicked in the protein department but they got i will give them bread we give them the old fogo to pow would you like it rare or well done since we're talking about tick tock or whatever internet trends can i say a little bit about what you're talking about about tiktok or whatever internet trends can i say a little bit about what you're talking about trends can i say how funny it is when to watch videos of when europeans realize why americans think that nowhere in europe is far away from anywhere in europe that and especially this is another one sell our british people right where they'll be like oh i went on the i went on a road trip i drove two hours to the north of england well i had to stop a couple times and americans are like i drive two hours each way to work i commute 80 hours a week across texas and the europeans were always like ah you're idiot and then everyone who visits is like we flew to new york and i thought we'd just drive like drive to orlando drive to los angeles like we'd make like a trip of it and then we got there and it's it's so far like yeah dude are you guys familiar with maps or damn i i was i was in norway and i was like hey there's there's a city in eastern europe that i think we could add on to our trip i had a reason to go out there um and i looked it up i was like how far could it be oh man it's four countries away two hour flight i was like yeah oh man so we just added another country onto our trip so it's like from cincinnati to atlanta it's like an eight hour drive yeah yeah it was nice it was great so exactly that on so um yeah no it was not as not as big as one might think i saw a funny thing apparently england would only be the 10th most uh grossing economy if it was enlisted with all the american states which is pretty good like top top 10 but i think that's just our states that's just some of our states the whole shitload of states the 57th state england could be hey think about it think about it england you left the eu you could be part of the states right across the american ocean with the east american ocean or the west american ocean i don't know i'm not very good with compasses compass eye i'm very good with compass eye it's whatever one south of america land up there america or ant-america that didn't work all right we're calling it america has won the game or something like that i've i'm not that's i backtrack a little bit erase your memories for the past 13 seconds 14 fuck i'm gonna erase it for 20 feet america we got you beat wait hold on oh god another country you never know what they're talking about america this is the best this is the smartest country in the world everybody you beat this way that way we got you beating gross we got more nets we got more uh proffers and coffers all right one two three four i hope you get the 13. all right bob you got points for a shirt yeah you got a point for king's island james uh you got a point for going first you got i there was a point in there where i was telling the amsterdam story and you guys made me laugh really hard i gave you three points uh just it's just funny times three so i'm giving you three points for that uh elevators down i guess uh homunculus sized human uh flight was leaving 10 minutes ago uh temperature bitches and then europe small it gives you 11 points wade i've written down here me because i think you said it funny oh whatever you wanted to see you wanted to go first with the europe thing maybe you're small talk i don't know one of those oh it's small talk that's right yeah that's right and then you cincinnati symphony star wars 500 on iago was very funny i gave you two funny points while telling the story frankfurt gary uh just put sugar in your milk conservative talking points my country chicago pope and food to pow which puts you at 11 we are actually tied up which i didn't think that was a case oh it's time oh you haven't done a one-man show in a while right oh my god guys please no it's tied there's no way that it'll be we're not in charge of this there's no way look if if we get another one-man show maybe the next episode is just an emergency constitutional convention where we get rid of that completely and make up something way less yeah yeah yeah we'll do yeah anyway how many spins will they'll be i'm probably a good number better not be two oh three all right perfect immediate tie we'll put the new thing as last person in europe what if the host is the most recent person in europe does do we just not count it then or do we i'll get a point well if it's most recent that's between you two it would be then between you two who is the most recent i think you and mandy technically left amsterdam a little bit later than molly and i so you were there you were there longer than we were well because we stayed we stayed in london for like three or four more days after that well were you staying before or after london the uk left the u no they're still in europe but most of what i said was about england so i'm gonna say that that's part of europe obviously but number one i don't know frankfurt gary is in the eu or not it is most angry with uh wade you were pretty angry about frankfurt oh those lines sucked man i was gonna say i went on a little bit of a tirade but about the temperature yeah you did um you were you were going to be angry about the flight left 10 minutes ago but you did get on the plane yeah so i think wade you got the angry ones all right i feel like that's kind of fair yeah i'm primed to finally win for the first time in like two months spin number two front runner baby you can't take my crown wearing least clothes shorts underwear shirt socks shorts underwear oh wow it's another for wade oh my god you're just gonna give it away for free wait till you see what else i'll give away for free subscribe to mine i saw i saw an entry on the wheel that said screwed from the start and i i don't know what that one means it almost landed on it i don't remember what that means that's got to be a me point i would just claim it it's either its birth or the episode it's not untrue kind of all right and golf rules drop the most items did anybody i i have been repeatedly dropping this but i've been dropping it onto a bean bag that keeps it quiet so i i have an item wait wade walked out of frame took his headphones off and then dropped them on the desk mark you're supposed to be biased towards me what are we doing here man don't worry the handshakes will even it all out in time but right now congratulations the losing streak of all time yeah had a whopping i think eight losses before another win by weird technicalities one man shows all these things lots and lots of losing the biggest loser now a winner wade congratulations the last time i hosted an episode was march 17th i don't when that episode came out but that was the last time i physically recorded an episode that i hosted that wasn't a one-man show i've had family message me and ask when i'm gonna win again people come to the streams and they're like dude what's happening you lost it like you ever gonna win again i've been down and counted out but we are so back baby and i really hope we're not recording another episode today because i've got nothing in the bank but when i do just you betcha it's going off i think wade had written a loser's speech ahead of time and he had to quickly modify it all my family are so depressed about me and frankly i don't blame them i think well i was leaving the i thought i was leaving the whole podcast if i lost one more time but since i won i'm kind of like obligated to at least one more so i'll have to share that the next time all right bob loser speech look you may think i have things in this world but all i actually had was the losing streak from when i lost x number of coin tosses in a row i think it was 14 in a row 13 or 14 that was all i had in the world and you took it away from me for what because your family texted you because they were bored because they only want to hear you talk on our podcast whatever that was it man now what now what do i have left i don't know i guess we'll see see we'll see what bob shows up for the next recording session see how this turns out for everybody i guess we'll see my first win in two months you're like you piece of shit yeah you took it i can't believe you took that from me you absolute scoundrel don't worry bob i will do my utmost to make sure that you get to start a losing streak next i appreciate it appreciate that but it's a little bit too late you sort of ruined everything already i mean whatever let's see what happens yeah well whatever you can all cheer up your own miserable lives by going to distractible.shop and getting yourself one of these beautiful shirts support the podcast support your favorite losers that's us and support yourselves by having this shirt and getting it for your body this has been mark blair wade who people are confused why we go to the next episode of the lord minion 777 also known as minion 777 because lord minion was taken on twitch so my twitch streaming name is different than my youtube name you know you can email them about that i did and i think i have access to the lord minion i kind of like being minion more than lord minion but like what am i gonna do message youtube and be like give me minion yeah they could do that they probably could do that yeah what's the guy who owns youtube now shman smancy schmancy what i don't think it was dan clancy i don't know who's in charge of youtube anymore yeah yeah dan clancy dan clancy owns twitch and glom schmancy owns youtube i think you're right yep yeah yeah yeah you're right about that yeah bob at my skirm uh and you add yourself when you are being beautiful which is all the time i'm not talking to you wait podcast out