America vs Europe

Good evening, gentle listeners, or watchers, and welcome to Distractable! This episode, mystifying Mark immortalises iron lung and gets derailed by Dutch dungeons and demons, willful ways, slacks at a symphony, gets hassled in his, and rails against red tape. But its bashing bob gets a willy's from Midas, really fires Venetian medieval movement modes, and gets aggravated in Amsterdam, from magnificent merch to protein patriotism. Hehehe! It's time for America vs Europe. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Also my mouth really hurts. I could go to the dentist on Monday, I got mouth pain. Oh, I have to go to the dentist on Monday. That's so funny. Twinsies! Whoa, whoa guys! I haven't started the episode yet. Come down! Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. Welcome to Distractable! My name is Markiplier here to host another banger of an episode. I've been waiting for this for a long time, and so have you! My phone is ringing. It's not calling you've been waiting for. I guess if you've been waiting for you to answer it, I don't know. It'll stop eventually. Damn, zoom in and handle that buzzing. You're a welcome to the show that just won't end no matter how much we try to kill it. I'm your host Markiplier joined by my famous, famous co-host, popular across the world. We've got, Bob! And we've got Wade! Yeah! Are we both famous? That'll be news to me. Combined, we are one famous together. Oh, oh, we are and friends. Got it. If you get recognized in public, I think you can quantify yourself as famous. Does happen on rare occasion. What if it's like family or someone you went to school with? Are you still famous? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Mom? What are you doing here? Ah, I'm just too famous. Get, take me anywhere. And we're definitely gonna be noticed in public because we're all wearing our new Distractable Shirts! All of us are wearing them! Oh, all of us! Wait, I didn't know this was the episode. Is this the episode? Ah, it's too late now. The bits are here. I thought this was the episode! It's the episode. I'm not sure I didn't know this was the episode. I'll be right back, guys. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go. There's no makeup points to stay there. You can leave, but imagine the handshakes. Just imagine. I should go. I should go. I put this on just for you guys, but I'll change it. Okay. Okay. No handshakes. He didn't take his headphones out. You could see that he's squatting there with his headphones on. God, he's so bald. Yeah, yeah. Well, listen, we only have to tolerate him for a few more episodes and then he's gone, right? I can't wait for Ethan to take his rightful spot. So, how many wins do you want? I'm not agree. Can I have like three? What do you want? What do you want? How many wins do you want? What can I do for you? Honestly, I think the season ends when we say it. It kind of ends every time we do like a constitution episode. So, it just goes fine until we say. Man, we need another currency besides win. What about money? Cash money? Yeah, we could make this a little more interesting, you know. Sure. I feel like Wade and I are a substantial disadvantage, potentially, but as long as we're all. So, as we all have sort of a gentleman's agreement. I've been here the whole time, just like this. Oh, look at you. Oh, your camera must have just focused. Look, I could see it now. There's one of us, another one of us, and the third one of us. Hey, can't tell who's who. One of them definitely doesn't look distinctly different for any specific head reasons. Oh, dark hair. Yeah, that's it. That's a thing. That's good. Yeah, that's good. Anyway, all right, enough. We've got so much to talk about. There's been weeks since we last saw each other. All of us must've lived really exciting lives in the interim, and I can't wait to hear it. Who wants to go first? Me. I need to take initiative because I'm getting my rear kicked. Sunday marks the first time I ever got to go see the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. And I took my nephew for his birthday along with one of my other nephews in my niece and Molly, and we went down and we watched them perform songs from Star Wars. Well, different movies and shows. And it was really, really cool. And they did a really, really great job. And the guy who was was a John Morris Russell. No, I don't know who that is, but no, I'd be the conductor of the Cincinnati Pops. He's he does a lot of. No, they had a guest in from Detroit, who was he hopes every now and then here, but he did a really fantastic job. And it was just a really, really fun time. And they were very talented and I don't know. I really enjoyed it. I was like, I don't know if my nephew is really going to be into it since it's just the music, but they seem to really love it. The place was completely filled. It was completely packed. So it was just a really cool experience. It was it it was not an outside cast this way to call. It was in musical, right? It was in musical. Yeah. It's my first time ever being inside musical. Well, congratulations. Cincinnati has a lot of features that people don't realize. It has a ballet. It has an aura of symphony orchestra and world class symphony orchestra and world class. Three of the major sports and now soccer stadium somewhere. Since it's right by musical actually. It's like literally across the street from musical the backside. But yeah, since that EFC really good MLS team. It's got one of those destroy your life arenas that was famously horseshoe. But now it's something else, I think. It's a Hollywood hard rock. It's well the one with all the memorabilia in it. There's a portion parked in there and some guitars and whatnot. How would you know? I bet I've been in there. Yeah, how do you think I destroyed my life? Hey, Blue, you're sure of the Spotify deal right in there. Oh, yeah, it's gone. I'm desperate. Help. I'll put 500 on Yago. That's how it works. Yago? Dude, I love the Aladdin characters. You guys I got there all the time. You'd never been on Yago. That's why y'all lose. Give me 50 on street rat. 50 on magic carpet and 100 bucks Rob and William doesn't survive this one. Let's do it. Too soon. No, it's not perfectly timed. He survives that movie. That's the joke. He survives. He just gets stabbed in the back real big by some large corporation. Imagine that. Do you guys know that trauma? I do. A little bit of it. I mean, I heard about like his, you're about outside the studio stuff like right working right? Yeah, we don't have to go back. If you're interested out there, listeners, if you don't, you know why Rob Williams never appeared as a genie in any subsequent Aladdin properties. There's a whole story and it's not a great story, but it's an interesting story to hear the details. I came back for the Prince of Teeth. I like that movie. It got under. I think I was underrated. I like Don't. I like the turtle. Turtle comes out of nowhere. I fucking love the turtle. I used to love the Aladdin TV show, but it was a little strange that like the voices. The Midas hand thing gave me night terrors. I, the concept of that was terrifying to me. I heard the Midas is mine. Yeah. Let's all just do impressions of that guy until the end of the episode. I look up the actual sound of this guy. No, that's not how impressions work. I've not heard that voice since I was like, what year did that movie come out? It's probably been around then. I haven't heard that voice since the last time I watched that VHS in the video player in my parents Osmobile minivan, whenever the shit that was. You had a VHS player in your minivan? Dude, we had a bougie minivan. You guys must have been rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from a place where golf term it is. It's exclusively rich. Riches. Everyone's rich around golf. Yeah, it's what golf is. Golf is just under money laundering for wealthy people. If you play golf, do you just become rich? It worked for me. It's kind of one of those squares of rectangle, but you know, rectangles on a square situation. But if you shrink it enough, it'll still fit in. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Or if you stretch the hole. Yeah. Anyway, Bob, did you actually, I don't think you did your small tuck yet. I don't know. It's the only thing on my mind right now is that my foot is real fucked and I hate it. Remember how I was walking every day? And that was going. Oh, no. Oh, your streak, your failure. Long break in the streak here. My foot is in a bad way. It's not good. I got to deduct a point. You don't have your streak. Look, I got to be honest, searing pain, emanating from my lower extremity is hard to ignore. But otherwise James is pretty funny, took him to King's, took him to King's Island for the first time. He fucking loved it. He was also funny when we came over. Yeah, that was pretty funny. Yeah, we took my niece over to Bob and Mandy's talking about college stuff. And James was just like the star of the show. knew who Molly was, pretend to know who Kayleigh was, then like introduced himself to me, resistently like, hi, we've never met. I'm like, you know, your niece, who is a complete stranger to him. And he runs up and jump hugs her to like, oh my god, you're here. I love you. Like say, I'd wait. We're not exaggerating. It's actually how it went. It's pretty funny. He knows, he knows who his target audience is blonde, blonde hair blue eyes plays. He's, he's, he's, he's going to be a problem. He's going to be a toddler though. It's very funny. He jumped on my niece's lap and she was just like in the middle of talking about like some college questions. She like, do I continue or do I address the child on me? And he's just like, look at this treat we got for Lexi. Isn't this the coolest thing? She's like, what do I do? I swear he glared at me. I don't think I don't know if he actually did, but it felt like he did. It felt like he cursed you under his breath. All right. Was that you, Paul Dark? Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. All right. You're done now anyway. All right. Cool. I know it about the VHS thing. I'm actually going to be getting back into some kind of making magnetic ribbon of some kind very soon because I need to archive iron lung. And that's done on tape. Oh, who was it? Somebody wore like a film strips as part of their dress to the Met Gala. - Wasn't that a Sabrina Carpenter or film that was of the movie Sabrina or something like that? - Mark's going to the Met Gala. And he's gonna dress like Sabrina Carpenter? - That's a different thing. - That's, that's, that's, that's. - I figured it out. - Stay at my point. I'll take it. - Non-magnetic tape. - Do you, so what kind of crazy bullshit hoops do you need to jump through to archive a movie? I assume there's one provider who charges an exorbitant fee and there's like. - No, actually. - They'll just put in a thermos and bury it on the moon. - There's, no, there's something called LTO tape which I'll take guesses for what that means. - Long time on there. The last T is silent. (laughing) - That's good, that's good, wait, wait. - Lovely try, Onicia. - What the fuck? - They were the first time to try preserving tape but it didn't work. But now we all say, lovely try, Onicia. Will we try to preserve our tape? - Long tape. Ooh. Do we get it? Who got it right? - Neither of you, you idiots. It's Lordly Television Oncology. - Well, that just doesn't make any sense. - I mean, whatever. Anyway, so it's archival tape and it's, the device to do the recordings is expensive but it's a one time cost and then you can get these rolls of tape that are like, I think 18 terabytes or something like that. And they cost way less than an equivalent 18 terabyte hard drive would and they last for 30 years. So you can archive a lot of data on tape and then store it for a very long time and they say you should have, you know, I'll have always like my rate array of the stuff but that way I can have another version of that media on a tape and that can be locked away for 30 years and then I can pull it out and redo it on a separate tape and by then they'll have better tape and you know, you can do it again. - That's pretty cool. - Not important, this is not what the episode's about. - Where's your broadcasted to the aliens? - That's thinking, anyway, not the segway. We're throwing down the gauntlet. All of us are cultured men, right? - Yes. - We've experienced a breadth of experiences. - Yeah. - We've all been to Europe. - Obviously. - All three of us have been to Europe, right? - Twice. - Together. - We know the ins and outs of that and we are qualified to speak on the good and bad of those countries. - 100%. - Of course, right? - In that quote continent, okay. - I was at a continent if it's connected to another one. (laughs) - That was a pretty bad time. - And you understand what a continent is? This is ridiculous. - I know, I know, I know. Anyway, pull your superiority just yet because we need to throw down exactly how we, in the United States of America, are better and/or worse than Europe. And we're gonna be the decider. Yes, you heard me right. It's time for America versus Europe. (blows raspberry) What a title. - What a title. - What a title. - What a title. I realize like when we do the titles, 15 minutes into the episode, it's not a surprise for people. - Yeah, 'cause they read it when they click the-- - Wow, the title might be like, European bathrooms all, or the title. It doesn't necessarily give away. - One of our classics. - And we do that. We do that. On occasion, we do do that. But also sometimes it's just straight up not a surprise. I think you're right. - I did just see what episode the reason that we'd done that was titled like Bob's favorite things, number two, will shock you or something. And I was like, I have no idea what this was about. (laughs) - I think a lot of our titles would have to get a garner that responds from all three of us if we looked back. - I've had some bangers over the years like hair, red, fearless. I remember tierless. Ah, man, what a classic tierless. Fearless of our favorite tierless of all time was a great episode. - Oh, what a good episode. But, you know, we have to now, you are a big bad, but we have to all America versus Europe. - I wanna start this off with the story 'cause I was just in Europe, technically. I was not in the European Union. I want to point that out, which is something that I learned. - You know, that spells you. (laughs) - That was my realest fake laugh you'll ever get. - All right, so I have something to throw shade on because there is a story that came out of I was on my honeymoon, right? So this is an Amy Sanction story. We were in the Amsterdam airport, right? Have you guys been through the Amsterdam airport? - Times, yeah. - We flew, yeah, I think we went directly there at the one time. - Hell on Earth. - Basically, as I recall it. - Sure. - Basically, just it's like the Ohio highway system of airports in that it's always under construction and it's never done, right? So that aside, it's not the biggest problem. We go through their immigration system, which they have this fast pass lane where you scan your passport and you go quickly. And that's just for show, it doesn't work. They don't actually. - I don't give a shit about that. - It just circles you back to the line again. You're like, oh, how did it appear? - It really does, actually, that's part of the story. So we go through this passport and slam our fingerprints down, - Wow, that scans a little while. That's great. We go through standing line for 15 minutes for some strange reason because like there's 20 kiosks and four are lit, I don't know why. And then one's on the fritz. It's like flipping red and green. - Oh man. - Oh man. - And people are walking out of it and back. So we're in that line. - What's that? - Red and green. - You have a red light green light on your airport? - We got that one. We get up there and I go through and it's like, I have my fingers pressed down the glass and you gotta press super hard 'cause the first time it didn't read and then it's like, I can feel the glass cracking but it got me and I go through. - So strong. - Amy goes up, push her finger on the glass, flip, flip, flip, flip, red, go back. So she has to go back out all the way to the main line over there, which is bad. So I'm standing off in the side waiting for her 'cause they let me through and then they were like, you can't stand there and I'm like, so I take two steps to my left. There's no signer lines. Like it's just good. He was like, yeah, there. It was too close to the other kiosks. So we're the security guards going, you know, I'm blocking his kiosk and I his problem. So she eventually pops out and we go to our gate which is like in the dungeon 'cause we have like the main lovely area where all the shops and I love airport dungeons and gates are and ours is the one where it's like you go down the stairs and then turn a corner and everyone's crammed into five seats, you know. So we get up to there and Amy pulls out a passport to go scan it, to get on the plane. She has a Canadian passport. She's not Canadian. I want everyone to be clear about that. She's not Canadian. We immediately are like, whoa, hold on. Go to the gate agent. Her passport had been swapped with someone else. Oh, she was in that line by herself. Obviously we're traveling just me and her. And so she was with this other group and the customs person calls up the whole group 'cause they're trying to speed things along and they're like, you're all together, right? And they're like, no, we're not together. Come up anyway, we're all family here, come on up. And basically they pulls all these people up at a group and then laugh and make a small talk and just swapped the passwords. Like handed back to a password to the wrong people and everyone's being restrued. So neither of them saw. So long story short, we are able to go to Norway but Amy can't leave Norway. So I have to take a separate journey back to Amsterdam after we have a bunch of fun and we go, I have to fly to Amsterdam and I gotta tell you, when I got back to there, I went to one lost and found 'cause you'd think that's where you'd go and your eyes were like, we'd been calling someone because they gave us like the information that we need to go there to give the authorization to email going through and it's like, I don't know what was wrong with this woman's day but she hated me from the moment that I walked up to the lost and found and the first thing I said was, I've lost something, why the fuck are you here? What the fuck are you talking about? Me for the lost and found, fuck you. So I say like, this is for items, not people. As a passport is like, oh, you fucking idiot. You think I would have, you'd need to go through to the immigration office and go through. So I'd go through, it's her again. She just changes the name tag. (both laughing) - You get to the next office and she's like, (both laughing) You're in the right place, it's me. - So I talk to people there of like, I heard that the immigration office of passports is here and it's like, oh yeah, you have to go through, do the immigration stuff, put your passport down and fingerprint scan and then go around until you're left, make two lefts and it's there. - Oh, okay. - So I go through and it's, 'cause there's one going in this way and there's another checkpoint going out that way. So I go, and left left, I'm there again. And so I go like, hey, I was told there's immigration office here, where I can find a lost passport. And then she looks at me, goes like, "Take your fucking, what the fuck are you doing here?" Lost and found is over there. (both laughing) I go, please, I'm pretty sure you guys left and left. See, you just go straight down this hallway and just keep walking for a long time and you'll find lost and found over there. And so I was like, okay, are you sure? Is the passport lost? He's like, just keep walking, turn around. I don't wanna see it. (both laughing) It turned out nice turn of walking. And there's a sign that says lost and found this way, arrow going that way. And so I'm like, okay, great. (imitating rock music) There's not a sign for lost and found again. There's no sign. I walk like half a kilometer because it's Europe, right? And I'm walking around. I'm looking around up like I thought I was crazy. So I go over to the the help desk of one of the airlines and it's like lost and found anywhere. And they lost three of them and they're just like and they didn't respond to me. They literally just flip the sign to on break and they just walk away. Basically. So I ask again. I'm like, I don't know what was wrong. It was like lost and found anywhere here. And they kind of jugged vaguely like, shoot me away with the gesture that way. Anywhere else keep walking that directly. It must be here. And it's it is. It's just way far down and then to the left. There's like another kiosk. And I don't know if it's the same lady from the other side. But this one version of her was much nicer. But she still said, are you doing here? You shouldn't be. We don't have passports here. It's at the immigration office. Oh my God. God. Can you please just have someone show me a map? Anything? Do you have anything like that? So she calls down two people. And these two guys also could not give a fuck about why I was there. And not only that actively the entire walk back to the immigration office said, and I shit you not. This isn't going to work. You're not going to get it. You they can't give it to you. They're not going to give it. You would have to call them. And I'm like, I called them. I sure you was like, no, no, you didn't. No way. The past of them are just like, no, this will never work. It'll literally like two people on my shoulder, just like doubt demons just like you might as well. Stop here. You're going to die. If you go to that office. Yeah, they kept saying like, I'm here for it to pick up. It's my wife. I mean, she authorizes like, yeah, whatever your girlfriends, you know, probably going to leave you or some shit like that. You're a mystery. Shouldn't have left her passport to McDonald's. I assume. Yes, David American. Anyway, so I get there. And I'm at the same place where the woman just told me to turn around and walk that way. And it's like, I'm looking at it. It's like EU past ports, the other countries. Every other scuzz from whatever dirt hole you crawl from and then diplomats, right. That's all the science say. So they escort me to the diplomats line. I wouldn't forget that. Yeah. Okay. I ran the corner. I go right, which was not the person's instructions of two left. So if you remember, right then left. There's forgot that key right there. And then I get to the immigration office. I got to tell you, I hope Amsterdam feels safe with these brave, brave officers of immigration, scroll and Instagram. In their cushy little office because I got to tell you there was one guy that was very helpful and attentive to me. There were six other guys that were didn't look up once there was one guy at the window with his back turn to the window. And I was watching him scroll Instagram. I was watching. He never turned around once. I'm talking. He started didn't get what the camera saying. He was scrolling on Instagram. Look at these half naked people. I'm looking at all my boss. See what I'm doing. There's one guy in the corner. I'm not even joking with this baton. Go in. Are you sure you were in a real airport? I don't know, man. If they were fucking crazy, man. Someone handed you Amy's passport. And then all the walls fall down like they're made of plywood. Just like. And everyone's running away. Like this guy comes back really. The one guy was very helpful. And I signed it. He had the printout of the email that Amy sent over saying I thought the two guys are still there. By the way, the doubters are still there. As he's heading, you're like, oh, you're never going to grab that. You can't reach that far. I'm sure your arms are. We're going to take it from you anyway. Once you get it. Yeah, you're probably going to leave it right where you left it last time. Don't stand near any Canadians. I get it. And I signed it out and everything's good. And I have to go to the guy because I had to give him my passport. And he turns to leave it. I go, please wait. You have my passport. And so he turns around and he gives me that. And the two guys are still there and they're they're escorting me out of the diplomat line for some reason. I don't know. And they say, which was not what I was expecting. Hey, everyone makes mistakes, man. That's what they said. And that's the wisdom they left me with. Maybe it was in reference to their own doubtingness of your actions. I don't think it was. I don't know what it was. Meanwhile, you broke the circle of racquet where they were trying to take your passport. So you'd fly back at the Sademi to get your passport. They had a whole thing set up. Yep. Yep. And I go finally I read myself of them. They kind of dissipate into either. They got for the water cycle. They'll rain back down for the next person. He's their passport and so to cap it all off. I'm like, because I got to fly back to Norway to give Amy her password. So we can fly home. And I get through the immigration line because like I said, those are the kiosks for show. They weren't even for show today. And I get up to the customs after all this. And they they see that I have two passports and they go, why do you have two passports? We're going to need to take that extra passport off your hands and leave one of those behind. So I think it looked like you and I got admit the story. I said sounded ridiculous. I was like, oh, my wife left. Well, didn't leave it. It was handed the wrong one by one of the customs people. And I'm here to get it. And it's like, where's your wife? Oh, she's trapped. She doesn't have this. So she's right. Where's she from? I guess. And I think I think the only saving graces I think after a few moments of the conversation she recognized who I was. I think she might have been someone that watched a video because I was about to go like, I have to because that guy in the booth next to you gave me to. He said everyone makes mistakes as a mistake. I'm actually these two guys. It's like the twins from out last. There's walk around naked building. Hold their machete waiting for you to slip up. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so that's my that's that's one of many stories from the trip. I don't know what a beautiful honeymoon. I hope you enjoyed Norway. It just doesn't fill me with comfort that you're in the customs line. And the officer is like, oh, you got, you got an extra passport. Oh, it's suspicious. Anything in your bag? Markiplier. Go right ahead. Sure. Oh, excuse me for taking up your time. Oh, that doesn't. I know. Maybe they were something carol easier than I don't think them knowing who you are being a fan changes. They're are they're legal off their duties as a, you know what? You're good. You're a good guy. Everybody knows Markiplier's good guy. They name cares a lot of weight. There was a guy right behind Mark with the same story and they were like, no, sir, you're not going through. Your wife is there right where she belongs. The two everybody makes mistakes guys just like. He just separates with them. They scream. They're pulled down through a fiery pit. The fuck's going on in Amsterdam. God damn dude. I don't know. So crazy. I didn't see any of Amsterdam. You guys did. But I also didn't see any of Amsterdam this time. I just reached in the airport. So I'll never see that beautiful country. Didn't leave Amy stranded and know I'm like, well, I got a walker on the centrum a little bit. I can't come to answer them and not like. Yeah. So I could join. You leave the airport. They throw on a pair of sunglasses. They give you a hat. Hand you a joint. Say, enjoy your time. Yeah. That's what I was doing. That's the answer to them way. You get inside. They're like, where's your passport? Are you high right now? Even don't drop to North City? Oh, you got me dead. Oh, no, no, no. We knew you'd come back. This episode of Distractable is brought to you by real good AI. I'm Norm L. Baldwin. By that, I mean, I'm a normal bald guy. Here to tell you, real good AI is real good. A lot of AI, junky poopy. Real good. Let's up to its name. Yeah, right. You mean real good bad AI. They're only making data centers. And I should know, I made a data center in my bathroom. And that's the equivalent bad of all the bad that real good AI is doing. Well, it's real good is building top of the line, nuclear missiles, nuclear silos, and no, no, no, it's really more like it's a staff of of PhD researchers. And they're doing like research to change the methods that people can use to implement AI. So like you need less compute power and less overall data and the outpost would be like interpretable. It means you, you don't understand where it got some piece of information or how it, you know, why it's giving you this factor, this image or it's good. It's to do good real good. Huh? How many hundreds of gallons of millions of gallons of billions of gallons of water are they turning directly into toxic sludge? Oh, you know, it's hard to quantify stuff like that, but I feel pretty confident to say zero. We've shown real good AI 100 photos of our viewers and listeners. And it will pick one, claim them guilty. And we'll be judge jury and executed. We're going to be streaming it live. Is that right? I fed 100 pictures of my penis into real good AI's chatbot. And it's going to pick one winner. It's going to be tried. And don't you read execution and every generated picture of Mark's penis is going to have a five rating on it to indicate that it's fully AI generated. Don't tease people, man. Anyway, no, yeah, we're doing, we do research. No, no sludge water or nuclear bomb research and, and things like the real rating system, which is like, you label content like you label your video or your streamer or an academic, academic paper or anything with a specific descriptor of like, oh, how much AI is in this? Is it no AI? Is it fully AI generated? There's like, it's a whole zero through five. It's a whole thing. It's good stuff. Real good. Oh, it's what I've been saying. I feel like he's not listening to me. Well, I rate that five out of five. That's good, right? That's real good. Are you saying I'm not real editors put an AI number of fingers on my head? Some AI uses two knives, one for peanut butter and one for jelly, but real good AI knows that jelly uses a spoon. Exactly. If you want to learn more about what real good AI actually does, like the science and the, and the rating system, the stuff we actually do, realgoodai.org. There are a number of web pages there. The info about the rating system, info about our research projects, ongoing programs, info about how to get involved. You could volunteer. There's all kinds of stuff. R-E-A-L-G-O-O-D-A-I.org. Realgoodai.org. All right. Anyway, so that's enough of my Europe story. I have more things to talk about. I want to open the floor now to you guys. What makes Europe great America bad? I don't know how to do this. It's a very Lucy Goosey concept. I got one. Look out Italy. We didn't go us three, did not go as far as I recall. Did we go to Italy? We didn't do Italy. We didn't do Italy, no. But I've been to Italy, and I was a young and I believe we were, I was really lucky as a kid. My parents enjoyed traveling, and so we got to do some really crazy trips. One of the trips we did was I got to go to Venice, and we were staying in a hotel in Venice. I don't know if we had this experience on tour, maybe a couple times, but what the fuck is going on with elevators in Europe? What the hell? Who is letting these people decide what elevators should be like in Europe? Because holy shit is even in super nice places, they'll just have an elevator where it's like, it fits one and a half people, and it feels somehow like you're in a modern hotel, but the elevator feels like it's from the 70s, like it opens, it opens like a door with like a turning and it's like, and you get in and you're like, close the door, close the cage down, I guess. What the fuck? And that we were staying in a hotel in Venice, and it was a really fucking tall, like I was just six stories or something, right? And we were on the top floor. We had my parents, my brother and myself and my grandparents were all there. It was like kind of a group. And so we had multiple rooms all on the top floor of this place, which is not like, that's not like on the 50th floor where it's like, we're not going to climb this, you could climb the stairs, but it'd be nice to take an elevator up and down if you're going all the way up to the sixth floor. That's a pretty tall walk it, walk up, but my brother and I were kids, and so we would often just walk up because this hotel had one of those elevators that was like for a for a homunculus sized person from the medieval era that they have never updated for any reason. It's powered by a little hamster on a wheel in the basement or something, and it was just sketchy as shit. And the last day we were there, we were like, we got to get our bags, we're getting out of here, like we got to get to the airport, whatever. And my brother was like, oh, I was so tired, like we've been hiking around, it's been beautiful, we're hiking around this and it's exhausting. I'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the elevator and just be lazy because he and I as the kids were like, we'll just do the stairs, you grandpa, grandpa, grandma, you do the elevator, mom and dad, we'll do the stairs, we're young, and he's just like, I'm just going to do it. And he like, if you've seen me in person, you know, I'm a pretty big dude. My brother is almost as big as I am. He's basically as tall as I am, not as out of shape and heavy as I am. He's always been like kind of a leaner person, but he's like pretty big dude, but he gets in the elevator and he's got his suitcase and he like pushes the button and the elevator is like in a movie is just like, and then it just sort of goes like, and it goes like halfway down between the floor we're on and the floor below and stops. And I'm standing here looking at him and the elevator has glass windows in the door. So I'm looking right at his face and he's just kind of like, oh, it's going to, no, it's not going to move. It just stopped. And he hung there for a minute, we were both kind of like, what do we call the cops? Or what do you do? What do you do about this? And then out of nowhere, the door of the elevator opens. So he's standing in an open elevator between two floors of the hotel, like a fucking one of those movies does something final destination movie, right? Where it's like, oh yeah, you just know the moment he's like, I'll just squeeze out then the elevator's like, fuck me. Go your arm off. So he's just standing there and like, we're five feet apart. Look, he's just standing in this elevator kind of like wedged in with this suitcase. Like, I'm really not sure. And we eventually, I run down to the lobby and get the hotel who upmanager and I'm like, yeah, the elevator's stuck in the doors open. My brother, my brother's inside and he's like, yeah, it does that. Does that? Have you pushed the buttons? Like, yeah, he fucking put him in. He ever pushed the buttons. No, he doesn't know how elevators work. So he's just standing waiting to see what happens. Yeah, he's like, well, usually if you push the button, you know, they'll keep going whatever. I'm like, okay, well, it's not. Will you come help? He's like, all right. Like, he was hunting his brain. He was like, is there anything I have to be doing down here? Fuck, I don't want to walk up stairs. God. And he didn't do anything. He came up and looked and gave it the old or whatever the Italian equivalent is of that bon giorno, whatever the fuck they say. And eventually he was right after like a solid 10, 12 minutes of my brother just standing there again with a suitcase that barely fit in with him. Cause this is like us for some reason, a single person elevator just standing there. And he's like, every once in a while, he's like button, button, take me back up any floor. I don't even care. Eventually, the thing is just like, oh, yeah, I'm an elevator. It goes all the way down to the fucking hamster needed a break or something. I don't understand. So anyway, but every elevator, even the nicest elevators I've ever used in Europe, they're always like weird dimensions or like somehow there's a door and a door on two adjacent sides of it where you're like, how the fuck does that even work? Why would you need to do? It's always awful. I've been on American elevators where it's like, I don't know if this has been inspected in the last year or two feels a little sketchy and never thought I was going to die and never, ever been an elevator that was smaller than like could hold a party of two comfortably. Who the fuck is designing all this shit for European elevators? I know, the buildings are old. I know what they exist. There are better elevators. They exist. I don't understand what's gone. It's Italy specifically, but everywhere. She feel bad. The elevator was waiting to get them and it just got tired. I was like, all right, fine. You live this time, buddy. It's like trying to file its own cable and it gets too tired. It's like, I'll get the next one. The next one. That's a shameful strike against Europe. America with our big, huge elevators for our big, huge people wins again. Just comfort. It doesn't have to be. There's a normal size of Americans. They just enjoy a safe elevator. Look, don't make it about how fat I am. It's not about me. Oh, it would never. All right, wait. All right, let me just direct your attention here for a moment. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. The listeners were having such a great time. Well, listeners, you're done for it. I'll describe it the best I can, but a visual does help. You guys recognize this place, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you know what? I'm thinking about it. Here, here. I'll give you, I'll give you a clue. I'll give you a clue here. It's swastika road full rank for Frankfurt. Uh, Germany, Georgia, Frankfurt, Jerry. Oh, my god. George, Frankfurt, Jimmy, hey, George, Germany, Frankfurt, Gary, Gary, yeah. So the airport in Frankfurt, Germany, when we had to fly home from the tour, we had a layover in Frankfurt. We went from Frankfurt back home. And there's this section of Frankfurt Airport from memory. I'm pretty sure it's pretty close to this where we came in from like this direction. And there's a little shop here in the shop full of people. Yeah, people. And then there's a whole bunch of people crowded here. I mean, like, tons, like try to get into Disney World numbers of people just standing around in here. And you file into these like little lines. And the line goes, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Molly and I were, we finally shoved our way over to this wall, got in, went into line here. Everybody on these sides is just pushing in to get in front of you. So you don't move unless you're real forceful about it. Oh, wait. No, I see it. Yeah. That's a problem. So it really sucks trying to get to this point right here at the edge of these like entrance kiosk. The very far left. Once you pass that, it's like, okay, now we're in line, line moving, life's good. Thank God. So we get through this takes forever. We're in this line. And then like, why don't we get to the front of the line? A guy walks over is like, hey, you've been randomly selected for some screening. And we're like, okay, so they pull us out. They go through all of our luggage. They look at everything like all right you look clean. We're like great. So they're like yep So now you got to go back out here and get in this line again Where you could maybe get randomly selected to be screened again once so this entire section existed just to shove us back out in a General populace It's like so wait you just went through all of our stuff. Yes. You took our fingerprints went through our luggage Saw our identification. You know we're clear. We got our tickets got our passports. Yep. We can't just go through No, no, no, you got to go back out into the line again, and then we had to go through this hell a second time Frankfurt Germany list. I don't think we got to spend much time in Frankfurt. We were in Berlin Where we were in two cities in Germany when we did the tour right Berlin and what was the other one? Go to the archive.org of your welcome tour.com Cologne. We were in Cologne. Cologne. Cologne. Was it so I didn't spend much time in you Frankfurt air Gary German But this design for the airport. What were you thinking? Why is this the way it is? Why is this the way the lines work? Where you go in these little kiosky things to go straight the wait and line if you're in the far side God help you if you ever need to get through because this family of 40 they're going through this one single line And every one of them's going through before they let you pass and then this line with three that think they made me Forgot something they're gonna stand there and debate it while these other two lines push forward and when it's finally your turn They're gonna go through your shit and for whatever reason send you as far back into hell as possible to go through at a second time And then you know, we was like what a 12-hour flight or whatever back which is whatever the plane was fine But this whole concept of everyone pushing everywhere to get to this line Just to get shoved back man. I thought it was gonna do me in I was mentally just defeated whenever this guy's like through that door there It's like that seems the wrong direction. Why is there this long wall that leads us back toward the end of the crowd as you Push to the door back into your realm of suffering. You just hear about behind you everybody makes mistakes The airport goes fucking Germany and Amsterdam are the same place. Yeah, I just realized I have a story from the Amsterdam airport That's pretty fucking - oh god. It's it's not remotely what you guys had to deal with But so so one of the second time that we went to Amsterdam to do shows because we were doing the makeup tour stuff from when marketing them almost almost died. Maybe came and we were gonna fly from Amsterdam up to London to see some friends and to see London We never been there before together and So we had a flight out of Amsterdam after we did all the tour stuff and we got to the we got a text like the night before And this is partially on us because I think we flew like a Ryanair or one of the ones that's basically like frontier except somehow worse Like European budget air lot We got text the night before there was like your flight might be up to two hours early or some shame We were like I remember that wasn't a whole bunch of people on that flight What do you mean might be and what do you and we were like okay? Well, we'll just get to the well get up as early as we can get to the airport like really fucking early We'll hang out and so we were like that's weird, but fine We got to the airport super early and we but the security took for fucking ever and so we got through security And it was like well if the flight is that early we need to run to the gate right now We're barely gonna make it and then we're standing there We get another text message from the airline that's like ah your flight's just gonna be normal on time I'm like oh god, okay Fuck well now we have a bunch of time to kill so let's I guess let's go get food or something, right? Let's chill out. This has been stressful so far and we go and we sit down I think we might have got McDonald's which is very American to us But because they have this special fry sauce and another than other lens and we want to try the thing because it's like the Differming down or whatever and we're sitting there and we're eating and then no updates Nothing's happening. We're just like, huh. Thank God of our on time flight and then we get another text That's like oh your flight is leaving 10 minutes ago. I hope you were there And like we look at we're just like just stand up chuck our shit in the trash Run to the thing. We get to the gate empty. No humans there. No, you know I know when you get to a gate for a flight there's like people crowding around In seats, whatever empty except for the people except for the employees at the gate We run up and we're like just a plane here, duh, and they're kind of like ah you missed it Well, wait is that our plane? Is that sitting right there? Is that people we could see walking down the jetway? Like they're just those are just the other we're on that same flight I think like oh, yeah, you're on a London. Yeah, yeah, that's us. Oh you missed it And I'm like everybody makes mistakes. Whoa. I literally got my phone I was like look this text message came at like 10 15 a.m. That said our flight was going to leave at 10 a.m Which is before the text and he was like, oh, that's messed up. Wow Well It was everything I could do not to just like become enraged to this and this dude had no reason to help us It's just like a gate agent at a flow. You know, whatever. It's not his problem. We're late kind of But eventually I was like is there anything you can do? What if I run down the jetway we cancel the flight So we we delay it so and I'll get arrested and we'll make that like whatever is there any it was like, well I could ask the flight crew if they'll just like let you on I was like do that great And it was like it was the similar experience to you. It's not like he hated us But it was every fucking thing he was like I could pick up the phone and push But every eventually he did it and like we're standing there just like I was I was definitely dripping with sweat because we ran Through the airport because we thought we had another like hour or something anyway Finally, he's like just go on and he didn't even open the door or or scan tickets or anything like literally He was like all right, whatever you guys can go he said you could go But it was just fucking we walked in and go and clap and we get on the plane and I swear to God like we're getting on the plane The whole plane is all seated now and it's just us sweaty me taking up the entire interiors interior space of the airplane Just like give me, excuse me get back to our seats like Is that how you talk when you go on an airplane? That's that's my airplane voice Yeah, we'll get back there sit down the moment. We're just like we're in the we're in the plane to the place the captain gets on his like We're on the plane we're on and I I wish not for myself then but for my story now I wish that they had just been like we're gonna get you off the plane get on you to wait on here for all that They didn't do that but like what's going on at the Amsterdam airport like what the fuck is that? I've never ever heard of a flight in America where they're like we're moving it forward in unreasonable amount of time have fun I've never heard that before hope you don't have complicated travel plans to the airport Oh, that's terrible. That's terrible. Not really as bad as what you had to do if I'm honest I just can't believe it all happened in Amsterdam. Yeah, I had Frankfurt, one insert before Wade goes Did you know they don't believe in cream? What kind of cream? Coffee cream? Yeah, what? Yeah, coffee cream. Yeah, yeah porn cream? So what you would just have coffee with sugar, but nothing else? No, they have milk. Oh Just put a sugar packet in your milk. That's not a cream. That's not a cream. Wait a minute hold on if you put no sugar it gets thick enough. It's just not what cream is. No, no Well, you don't want to do salt. Yeah, you're right. You know what? He's onto something. You don't want to do salt. That's not cream either. That's even less cream. Put some sugar in your milk and a cinnamon stick and then like blow on or something. I don't know. If I had, if I had a knob Due to vote one way or the other, I would definitely agree with Wade that sugar and milk is way more cream than salt and milk. Anyway, they like because I kept asking for, and this is me dumb American. Be like, could I get a Americana with the cream? With cream? I kept saying that with confidence and you know, I would get that look the European like Look and I thought that was just them having a bad day, but I realized now if they didn't know what to say I was asking for cream. Was it Europe or Australia where we ordered lemonade and they gave us Sprite and I was so confused. Oh, that's a UK thing in it. Sorry, I have to sniff real out. I'm gonna go. I got a beer back. Oh, unrelated. Okay. Ah, sinusis or drugs. No, no, no. I came back with a tiny sniffle. Okay, just like guys got a Sort real quick. I don't want to do it on camera. Sorry, I can't get through an episode. No, it's unfortunate. Let's do a little fist bump. Just get a bunch of myself in the face real quick. Oh, just to see if we can take it in the middle of an episode. What a hero. I know, right? All right, Wade, what do you got against Europe? Or for it? No, no, here we go. This is another, this is another against. You know, Americans, we are pride ourselves, right? We're like, we're country of freedom. America's freedom. Then everyone else is like, you know, we have freedom too. Then you go over to Europe and what do you find? You go to like McDonald's. You order their chicken nuggets. Everyone's like, oh, you gotta have the chicken. You gotta have the food over in Europe. You have the food over in Australia. Less freedom. More regulations is what I'm hearing. If I want to open a franchise and make lots of money, I gotta go through so much more fucking hassle in Europe because they got less freedom to Fuck your customers over. And I think that's bullshit. Um, maybe I want to sell you some pink slime wrapped up in dough. Are you angry that you have a would have a difficult time opening a McDonald's franchise somewhere in Europe? Not specifically McDonald's, but, you know, a fast food chain that cuts corners. Overall, they have, you know, more regulations. And I want to crunch up deer hooves and antlers and call it chicken a little bit of flavor. I'm top, but no, it's gonna be real chicken over there. How many deer hooves you kill across? You did. - Yeah, see, this is what you get for eating at Long John Silver's. - You kill across, like, I got a business idea. - I got business idea. - I got a supplier, I got a supplier. - That fucking Acre Man joke. Like, anything tastes like chicken. - Hey, what do you think they do with a road kill? - Service for that? Does someone pick that up? - He could serve that in a restaurant. - Okay, but less regulations is what you're saying. - Yeah, I can't believe it. I might be being a little bit facetious here, but for customers, probably great eating food over there, but for the employer's man, I feel, I feel for him. - All right, okay, I'm just gonna put your point as conservative talking points. (laughing) - You know what platform I wanna stand on? First guest, just Judge Kavanaugh. (laughing) - I'm pretty sure his proper title is Justice Kavanaugh, but whatever. - I was gonna say that, but I didn't wanna give him that much. It was too many syllables. - Not just picture, I'm going, I like beer. (laughing) - I can't do the picture of that, no matter what kind of, even if it's like, oh, and then Justice Kavanaugh had a line of questioning for the next slide. I'm like, "Bare, do you like beer? What beer do you like?" - I know he doesn't talk like the medical officer, man. - Oh, RFK, the-- - RFK, I know he doesn't talk like RFK, but I imagine. - I like beer. - This is all I picture, my head. It's just all amalgamating. All the people who you can't believe have the jobs they have. - Vote for us, 2028, we are one president. - Three-headed president? Us, three-headed president? - I was about to say three-headed president. And the imp, that's good. - I'm in for that, that sounds good. (laughing) - My, country. (laughing) - Go somewhere else. - Vote for us, baby. (laughing) - We're on the same page. (groaning) - I give you points for that, man, that's right. - And right now, your president will give you a cameo for just $15. (laughing) (laughing) - What a deal. - I want to have some more Europe slander before we get this over with. Oh, I have another thing, speaking of coughing, who coughed? - That was Wade. - Me? - I don't know why this is, and it might not be all of your, but there was definitely an uptick of people that were coughing like a baby coughs, or like a toddler coughs. You know, tongue out. (laughing) Like they've never coughed before, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Exactly. I don't know what it is if that was just where we were, but it was, and predominantly in the Amsterdam airport, but you know, that's a whole other thing. But it's just no cover, none cover. And I'm pretty sure in America that we've been taught since kid coughing to your elbow, first cover, and then started coughing into your elbow, when I sneeze, I look like I'm turning into a werewolf properly. - You turtle inside? No, yeah, no, I'm with you. - Yeah, no, I just like, oh God, I'm gonna sneeze. And then I try to contain it all in here, and I'm sure it looks like I'm pulling out my explosives, but you know, it's trying to contain the explosion. But yeah, no, no covering of anything. - Yeah, I'm always taking it back by that, and I don't specifically have experience with that happening in Europe, but like when an adult does that, I have a hard time not just reflexively being like, the fuck, like, fucking, have you ever done that before? Did you forget what that's like? God, it's gross. - And I see the particle simulation from the COVID times of just talking to someone you remember that particle thing. - Look, sometimes your hands are full. Sometimes you literally have, there's nothing you could do. Fucking aim down, or away from other people. Like, I've seen people where it's like, they tried to cough at people, and I just don't understand. Like, gross. - I got to share an image with you. You guys know about this image, right? The particle spread image. (laughing) This one is slowly sharding out their mouth to the cross of table. - Oh, I thought it was the origin was the person who writes the belly button. - It basically is. It basically is, it like coned out from there. - They pissed so hard that it just comes right through the table. Like a water jet, water cutting machine. - This episode's all over the place. And I love it, all right. - I have more slander. - No, I love it. - Look, this is a hot take in a way that's hard to explain, but this happens, it's the time of year when this starts happening again. - Sorry, I've loved it so much. - Just the picture, yeah. - It's a different picture. - Do you want to share it in the class? - Sorry, boy. - It's not going to be worth it. (laughing) - What the fuck? (laughing) - Jesus Christ. - So many, I don't know if it's going at the guy or coming from this. Looks like that foam stuff you're supposed to buy, it was kind of like. - Floom. - Floom. - Floom, yeah. - Floom. - This guy's flown man and he's just. - He doesn't use his hands though, he just like. (laughing) - He comes out of my forehead, I can't control it. - It's like I teach you to vomit in Europe, hands at your side. (laughing) - I have correct posture while losing all of your shit. - All right, it's the time of year when this happens and it happens every year. And it happens increasingly because it keeps, the temperatures keep getting crazier and crazier. If only there was some sort of explanation for all these weird weather events and record high temperatures year after year. Anyway, it's the time of year when Europeans and especially but not exclusively British people go online and are like. - Oh fuck, it's so hot. I'm gonna fucking die. Oh my God, it's 78 degrees Fahrenheit. - Fuck, geez, God. And then. - Even worse, they wouldn't say Fahrenheit. - Yeah, well, they say it's 17 and a half, what, no, it's like 28 Celsius, what's hot? I don't even know. 25 and a half would be 78 degrees. - All right, yeah. So like it gets getting to that time of year where, and I'm not here to judge someone for what they think is hot. As a person who, who spent summers in Michigan where summer time it was like high 70s, maybe 80 and we were swimming in lakes that were like 60 degree water. You're used to what you're used to. It's how much hot for me is not what's hot for you. But I'm so fucking sick of people going online and they're like, oh, it's so hot. The Americans don't understand. - I would say that we live so rent-free in your head that when you start sweating, your first instinct is, Americans wouldn't understand why I'm sweating right now. I better tell the internet. - Wait, do we not sweat or is it cold here? Why would we understand? - Well, I don't know, man, honestly. And some people just post and they're like, oh, it's hot and I hate it and that's it. But some people literally will be like, oh, Americans think they know what heat is. They don't know that. And then Americans will be like, well, actually like, like a quarter of America is like subtropical climate and then like a huge sloth of the Western part of America is like a desert. We know it gets really hot even in the not, you know, non-interesting places. It gets hot in Ohio. It gets over 100 in Ohio, it's not. And then inevitably the British people are like, you just don't understand the humidity. You don't even have water in America. You all just drink cocoa all the time. It's so humid and we don't have air conditioning. But I mean, your houses are built differently and you live in toothpicks covered in toilet paper. So it's not hot for you like all this shit, right? All these arguments come out and the Americans will just be like, listen, dude, you fucking, you made a video telling Americans that we don't know what hot is. And I'm telling you that it gets 30 degrees hotter where I live than it's ever been where you live. And it's like it's 108 degrees with 100% humidity. There's nothing that happens here that I don't understand about what's happening to you. Buy a fucking air conditioner, like and it always becomes this thing where it, this is the argument it goes it goes and eventually British people are just like, see, you can't fucking talk to Americans. You say one thing, you say anything and they make it about them, right? They come in and then they make and they don't understand the reality. Then we don't even know what air conditioning is in Europe. But all this shit, it's exhausting. Just save it. Just nobody fucking, you know how it's a trope that old men talk about the weather and that's a joke. And the point of that is you'd be like, oh, it's gonna rain, but oh, we really need it. And that's tired and nobody cares. It's the exact same shit when you go on TikTok and talk about how it's 26 degrees Celsius and 70% humidity and you've never been this hot in your life. But no one fucking cares. Talk about something interesting. Talking about the new nail polish you bought or whatever I don't care. There's a reason nobody cares when old people talk about the weather. It's the same reason nobody cares when you talk about the weather. It's shot up and all the Americans who engage with this obvious rage bait also shut up. I can say confidently, I've never commented on a single one of these. And I used to like look like I'd watch the video and then go into the comments and be like, yeah, yeah, humidity, yeah, but now if I see the video, I just scroll and I might even do the thing where it's like, I'm not interested in this. This is a stupid topic, scroll, whatever. Don't engage with it. It's fucking awful. There's a tons of stuff that's funny on the internet. Look at the funny stuff. God, I don't care how hot it is in England. - A little anecdote about that before when you wait. One thing that the Nordic countries don't fuck around with his sonas. I went in one while we were up there in Norway and I step in and it's like you know, that kind of sauna, where you're just instant swept. And I'm like, okay, all right, let's sing. And there's a timer that's a really, really optimistic. It has 15 minutes on it. (laughing) It's just a entire real optimism. And I sit down there and Amy's there too. And she's up on the higher seat, which I didn't realize what the temperature difference would be. She's like, whoa, can't take it more or five minutes. I'm like, I'm still going strong. And I'm like, head down between my knees at the low step like I got this. I can take it. And I look up at the thermometer there and I'm like it's only 80 degrees. Oh no, I was my vision deep. Wait a minute. 80 degrees. What's that? I can't wait boiling water. 800 degrees Fahrenheit here. I step up because I'm like, how hot could it be a pyre where that thing is? And I go up to the seat where Amy was. Look at her. I take one step up and I think I died. I just like, I thought I exploded. It's just like, there was a gradient where sweat just like, like immense more as my head just lifted up. Just like my upper body melty. So I left immediately after that. Do that. That feeling is wild. I didn't do. I've never done a Nordic one, but I did that. I told the Russian bathhouse story long time ago on this, but then the one that one was like, it was tears, but there was also like the heat came out of the middle and it was wider. So you could sit off to the side, but it was like a fucking jet engine. That feeling of when you hit the real hot part of a sauna is kind of terrifying. It's horrifying. I've never been into a sauna. So this I've never experienced it. Well, because I'm imagining this is a smaller one too, right? All these Nordic ones are very like, uh, it was a hotel one. So it had, you know, it was decently sized, like not as big as my room here, but like, maybe half this size. Anyway, wait, and it last minute entry into the slander. You save up your 1200 bucks, you buy a plane ticket, you leave CVG, fly all the way to Rome, you go over to Vatican City. You've paid a lot of money to get there. You got your hotel. Finally, there he is, the guy with the robes, he's stepping out and I could have driven six hours to Chicago to see a Chicago guy. And now the Chicago dude is just all of a sudden. The Pope. I flew all the way out here to see the Pope, but he's just some dude from Chicago. This isn't nearly what I thought I was going to pay for. Now they're plucking their popes from us. Who's the way in charge? Who's the one in charge who's picking these guys? Cause like, I need to talk to that person. Maybe the college of Cardinals, uh, few, I think they may be a fax machine. You could reach out to or something. All right. Well, I didn't know our birds could go to college. You know, in the US of A, they cannot make a lot of sense that that birds be picking the Pope. I think that they're making a lot of mistakes over there. Cause one, Chicago is one of the three worst American cities, not biased. Cause I'm from Cincinnati, which you know, is kind of fucked over by Chicago and the trade back in like the 17, 1800s or whatever, but a little, a little, but they ruined everything by existing. Why are we going all the way to Vatican City to see some dude from Chicago? You didn't have the right kind of pizza. They could have at least picked a New Yorker. Oh, speaks Latin. And also, don't you dare badmouth Chicago style pizza? It's the worst kind. It's just not even true. Not the kind I eat. And I'm a guy that likes extra sauce. Well, Chicago is very saucy. Wait, I'll, I'll give you another bonus round here because I want to talk about it. Do you know that there's a constant argument that flares up on social media every few years that where Europeans say Americans don't have bread? Yes. I hate that one as much as I hate the temperature one. It's awful. I've heard the comment. I've never looked into it. I didn't know it was the constant issue. He flared recently again for some reason where where it's like Americans don't have bread. Well, they watched Distractable. I did a whole fucking episode on bread. I know. I know. We settled that bread is actually really good. I tried to just sort them into bread. But then again, I was doing like this no-carb thing. So the bread I was eating was like this keto bread for a while. And I thought that was good. That's not bread. Well, okay. It's not it's not bad. I do eat that stuff. It's not bad. It's just not like Mark. You're giving them more ammo to use against us. I know the argument is like America has bakeries also. In our thing, in our things, you know, in our food things, the thing places. Yeah. Food it does say something that like the bacon, we're all excited to go to a bakery. It's like, we're going to a French bakery. We're going to a Korean bakery. We're going to this definitely not American bakery. This is so cool. It is. I will like, yes, we do have bakeries here. But and then the grocery stores and yes, people sometimes buy that. But there is quite a lot. I think we are actually beaten in this regard, because Amy and I, we were on this like KLM full light, which is like the Dutch thing, the Royal Dutch Airlines. We have a Dutch bros. It's close. Armeel, I should you know, it was bread with bread, a side of bread, another bread. And then they came around with a basket of bread. I'm like, would you like some bread? And so I'm I'm thinking I'd never got that in America where I got the five. Can I get some extra plates? My bread's touching my bread. Man, it was like, it was some kind of muffin thing with a, then a cinnamon roll thing with then an actual piece of bread. And then there was a little bread, bites things. Is there any protein in this meal? What the fuck is that? No. God, no, we got them crushed on protein. America is destroying them with protein. Look, that's why 10 of them can fit on a one person elevator. No protein. That must be the problem. That makes it all makes sense. They, they, they, their asses kicked in the protein department, but they got, I will give them bread. We give them the old fogo to pow. Would you like a rare or well done? So we're talking about TikTok or whatever internet trends. Can I say how funny it is when to watch videos of when Europeans realize why Americans think that nowhere in Europe is far away from anywhere in Europe that, and especially this is another one sell average people, right? They'll be like, Oh, I went on the fucking, I went on a road trip. I drove two hours to the north of England. Well, I had to stop a couple of times. And Americans are like, I drive two hours each way to the fucking work. I commute 80 hours a week across Texas. And the Europeans were always like, ah, you read it. And then everyone who visits is like, we flew to New York and I thought we just drive, like drive to Orlando, drive to Los Angeles. Like we'd make like a trip of it. And then we fucking got there. And it's, it's so far. Like, yeah, dude, you guys are familiar with maps are damn. I was, I was in Norway. And I was like, Hey, there's, there's a city in Eastern Europe that I think we could add on to our trip. I had a reason to go out there. Um, and I looked it up. I was like, How far could it be? Oh, man, it's four countries away. Mm hmm. Two hour flight. Oh, fuck, yeah. Oh, man. So we just added another country onto our trip, who it's like from Cincinnati to Atlanta. It's like an eight hour drive. Yeah. Yeah, it was nice. It was great. So it sucked that on. So, uh, yeah, no, it is not as, not as big as one might think. I saw a fight thing. Apparently, England would only be the 10th most, uh, grossing economy if it was enlisted with all the American states, which is pretty good. Like top, top 10, but I think that's just our states. That's just some of our states, the whole shitload of states. The 57th state, England could be, Hey, think about it. Think about it. England, you left the EU. You could be part of the states right across the American ocean. Would they use the American ocean or the West American ocean? Oh, I don't know. I'm not very good at compasses. Compass. I'm not very good at compass. It's whatever one south of America land up there. America, or Ant-America. Uh, I didn't work. All right. We're calling it. America has won the game or something like that. I'm not, that's, I backtrack a little bit and erase your memories for the past 13 seconds. 14 fuck. I'm in a race for 20 feet. America, we got you beat. Wait. Oh, God. No, no, no, no, no, no, we're talking about Americans. This is the best in the smarterest country in the world. We got you beat this way, that way. We got you beaten gross. We got more nets. We got more proffers and coffers. All right, one, two, three, four. I hope you get the first team. All right. Bob, you got points for shirt. Yeah. You got point for Kings Island, James. Uh, you got a point for going first. You got, I, there was a point in there where I was telling the answer to him story and you guys made it be laugh really hard. I gave you three points. Uh, it just, it's just funny times three. So I'm giving you three points for that. Uh, elevators down, I guess, uh, homunculus sized human flight was leaving 10 minutes ago, uh, temperature bitches and then Europe small gives you 11 points. Wait. I've written down here me because I think you said it funny. Oh, whatever you wanted to see, I wanted to go first with the Europe thing. Maybe you're small talking on one of the small talk. That's right. Yeah. That's right. And then you sent out a symphony Star Wars 500 on a Yago was very funny. I give you two funny points while I'm telling the story. Frank Fert Gary, uh, just put sugar in your milk, conservative talking points, my country, Chicago, Pope and food to pow, which puts you at 11. We are actually tied up, which I didn't think there was a gaze. Oh, it's time. Oh, you even thought one man showed a while, right? I'm like, uh, guys, please, no way that it'll be. We're not charged with this. There's no way. Look, if we get another one man show, maybe the next episode is just an emergency constitutional convention where we get rid of that completely and make up something way less. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do. Yeah. I don't know how many spins were there. They'll be. I'm probably a good number. They're not big two. Oh, three. All right. In the idiot tie, we'll put the new thing as last person in Europe. What if the host is the most recent person in Europe? Did we just not count it then? Or do we? Oh, I'll get a point. Well, if it's most recent, it's between you two. It would be then between you two who is the most recent. I think you and Mandy technically left Amsterdam a little bit later than Molly and I say you were there. You were there longer than we were. Well, because we stayed in London for like three or four more days after that. Well, were you staying before or after London, the UK left the you? Yeah, I'm still in Europe. But most of what I said was about England. So I'm going to say that that's part of Europe, obviously. Been number one. I don't know. Frankfurt, Gary is in the, you were no, it is. Most angry with, uh, Wade, you were pretty angry about Frankfurt. Well, those lines sucked. Man, I was going to say I went on a little bit of a tie raid, but about the temperature, yeah, you did, um, you were, you were going to be angry by the flight left 10 minutes ago, but you did get on the plane. Yeah. So I think Wade, you got the angry ones. All right. I feel like that's kind of fair, yeah. I'm primed to finally win for the first time in like two months. Spin number two, rot, runner, baby. You can't take my crown. During least clothes, shorts underwear shirt socks shorts underwear, undershirt shirt. Oh, wow, it's another for Wade. Oh my God. You're just going to give it away for free. Wait, tell you what else I'll give away for free. Subscribe to mine. I saw, I saw an entry on the wheel. This is screwed from the start, and I, I don't know what that one means. It almost landed on it. I don't remember what that means. That's got to be a me point. I've just claimed it. So there it's birth of the episode. It's not untrue, kind of. Right. And golf rules, Trump knows I did anybody. I have been repeatedly dropping this, but I've been dropping it onto a bean bag that keeps it quiet. So I have an item wait, Wade walked out of frame, took his headphones off and then dropped them on the desk. Mark, you're supposed to be biased towards me. What are we doing here? I don't worry. The handshakes will leave it all out in time. But right now, congratulations, the losing streak of all time. Yeah. Had a whopping, I think eight losses. Before another win by weird technicalities. One man shows all these things, lots and lots of losing. The biggest loser will now winner. Wade, congratulations. The last time I hosted an episode was March 17th. I don't know when that episode came out, but that was the last time I physically recorded an episode that I hosted that wasn't a one man show. I've had family message me and ask when I'm going to win again. People come to the streams and they're like, dude, what's happening? You lost it. Like, you ever going to win again? I've been down and counted out, but we are so back, baby. And I really hope we're not recording another episode today because I've got nothing in the bank. But when I do, just you betcha, it's going off. But when you hear my lines, I think Wade had written a loser's speech ahead of time and he had to quickly modify it. He won her speech. All my family are so depressed about me and frankly, I don't blame them. I think I was leaving the, I just thought I was leaving the whole podcast if I lost one more time because it's like, well, I'm kind of like obligated to at least one more. So I'll share that the next time. All right, Bob, loser's speech. Look, you may think I have things in this world, but all I actually had was the losing streak from when I lost X number of coin tosses in a row. I think it was 14 in a row. That was all I had in the world and he took it away from me for what? Because your family texted you because they were bored because they only want to hear you talk on our podcast, whatever. That was it, man. Now I don't know what do I have left. I guess we'll see. See, we'll see what Bob shows up for the next recording session. See how this turns out for everybody. I guess we'll see. When I first went into most, you're like, you piece of shit. Yeah, you took, I can't believe you took that for me. You absolute scoundrel. Don't worry, Bob, I will do my utmost to make sure that you get to start a losing streak next. I appreciate that, but it's a little bit too late. You saw a room and everything already. I mean, whatever happens to happen. Oh, well, whatever you can all cheer up your own miserable lives by going to distractable.shop and getting yourself one of these beautiful shirts, support the podcast, support your favorite losers. That's us and support yourselves by having this shirt and getting it for your body. This has been Markiplier Wade, who people are confused why we go Lord Minion 777, also known as Minion 777 because Lord Minion was taken on Twitch. So my Twitch streaming name is different than my YouTube name. You know, you can email him about that. I did. And I think I have access to Lord Minion. I don't want it. I kind of like being minion more than Lord Minion, but like, what am I going to do? Message YouTube and be like, give me minion. Yeah, they could do that. They probably could do that. Yeah. What's the guy who owns YouTube now, Shman, Shmancy? Shmancy? What? I don't think it was Dan Clancy. I don't know who's in charge of YouTube anymore. Yeah, yeah. Dan Clancy, Dan Clancy owns Twitch and glom Shmancy owns YouTube. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right about that. Yeah, Bob at MySkirm, uh, and you at yourself when you are being beautiful, which is all the time, and I'm not talking to you with podcast out. [MUSIC]