Am I The Scrooge? | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is "Holidays." - Yeah! (laughing) - Nah. - I believe it is November 29th that this is being posted, which means it's kind of the right in the middle of the holiday season. It Christmas time, the holiday season is beginning for many things, giving just happened, Halloween. It just happened like a couple weeks ago. - We're taking away our pumpkin pancake batter, and we're replacing it with-- - You got it? - Candy cane. - Yeah. - Not Meg, Pump Peppermint. Pumpkins are allowed in December. - They are, but we're shifting a little bit to a more peppermint. - Yeah, we're going peppermint. - You're going peppermint? - We're shifting slowly to the north pole. - I think it's going eggnog. Oh hell yeah, I can get on that train. - Yeah. - Like pumpkin is still a part of Christmas, but I think as we leave Thanksgiving and enter into December, we're slowly doing more peppermint. - Yeah, okay, okay, I can't get-- - Definitely. - I respect that for you guys. I can't always get on the peppermint everything. I'm not fair, like-- - I don't think that is fair. Thank you, you have to hear her out. - Hear who out? - Peppermint. - Come on out, come on out, peppermint. By the way, I'm joined by Chance and Angela. - Yes! - Thank you both for being here. - Thanks for having us. - Yeah. And I was saying, before we started this, that this is the time of year that I'm most in the like, the spirit. Like I am in the holiday zone. - Like fresh from Thanksgiving. - End of November, like first couple of weeks of December. By the time Christmas hits, I'm usually a little like kind of like done. Like I'm kind of like burned out. - Oh god, no, I'm making sure it's a steady flow. - Yeah, oh, you keep the pace. - And I'm a hard like December first starts, now we go. - I'm like, as soon as I'm digested all the food from Thanksgiving, it's Christmas time, okay. Yeah, growing up, it was like Thanksgiving's over, now it's Christmas. - Yeah. - But you're December first. So you have a weird five day period where you don't think of anything. - Yeah, I respect like putting up a treat. - It's a treat. - I'm so happy. - A treat, I have a date. - That's when I sleep. - I sleep. - That's the only time of the year you sleep. - Okay, we got all sorts of holiday stories in here, some from Halloween, probably some from Christmas time. I don't know. - All over the place. But let's begin. This one, first one comes from December 20th, 2019. Am I the asshole for buying my wife Arumba for Christmas? - That's a great gift. - I actually think that's a pretty good gift. Now. - Is this saying, hey, lady, clean up. - Or it's saying, hey, you don't have to do that anymore. - Let's hear. - Depends on the context, but Arumba, I like, I'm thinking for myself, Arumba, dope. - Absolutely, I'm like, oh yeah, give me a Arumba. Well, let's see. This happened last year, but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then, and I just discovered this subreddit, I decided to check what you guys think. Me and my wife have two children, a 15 year old girl, and 11 year old boy. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom since the birth of our second child. I, a 46 year old man, work full-time and earn a six figure salary. My job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot, and mostly sleep in hotels. I only get to come home to my family on every second weekend on average. Despite working a lot, I am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life. Last year, I decided to buy my wife, Arumba, for Christmas. My wife tends to be the one who vacuums the house, so I presume that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore. As she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present. She argued that this should not be a present directed at her, but at the whole family, as it is the entire family's responsibility to clean up the house. Since I work and I'm the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay-at-home mother, I think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. The gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden. I personally would have loved to have received a Christmas gift that it would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working. As cheesy as it sounds, I think that time is one of the most precious gifts, and that Rumba would have definitely bought some time for her, time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming. Unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying. So, am I the asshole in this situation? Edit, I should also add that I would have never gifted my wife a vacuum cleaner or anything along these lines. I saw the Rumba as a robot that would fully take over this task, which is why I thought it was a good idea. Edit number two, I asked her numerous times for Christmas last year, what she would have liked to receive, and she repeatedly told me that she does not want anything. I was left to guess and chose the most practical gift that I was certain she would be able to make use of. Okay, Jane, your thoughts? Yeah, I don't know. Yo, what do you think? Okay. We're not doing this. No, I swear to God, I swear to God, I swear to God. Okay. No, I swear to God. This is another one of those stories where I don't like a lot of how it's written. Yes, to me, I'm just like, unless she had asked for a Rumba, and you're not seeing your wife much at all, it's like cool, you got her a gift that's solely just focused on like, oh, well, you're a stay-at-home mother. Here's something to help you out with that stuff. I'm like, I don't know. I think it sounds like there's a big separation between the two of them. He starts it off by talking about how we argue all the time, and she brings it up with her crying, and I'm just like, it sounds like you guys need to actually connect on an emotional level and be like people to each other, not just roles in your family. Yeah, I think the idea of a gift, if she didn't specify or mention wanting that, it doesn't really bring out a closeness or an intimacy. You know what I mean? I feel like especially between two partners, your gift is something like, oh, I know you didn't think of this, so I thought, or I thought you would never buy this for yourself, so this. Right. I think something that helps you with day to day that you didn't express wanting, but you were just like, this will help you. Doesn't like bring you closer together. Like a gift is like, hey, I thought of you when I saw this. Yeah. And that's a sweet thing, but this isn't. And they've been married a long time because they have a son or a daughter who's 15, so they've clearly been married a long time. It just sounds like, and I mean, I'm not a couple's therapist. I'm not like in any way qualified, and nor have I experienced being married that long, or having kids like that. But it just feels like they've lost track of what's important to each other. Yeah. But it just, I don't know. This reads as just kind of like, hey man, you need to talk to your wife. Is my take away. Or just like, hey man, throw in a bracelet. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I kind of, it makes me want to ask more questions for this guy. That's my big take away. Yeah. I think so. Like, hey, what else do you guys do? Like, you're never there. So when you are there, do you guys ever like, hang out? Right. Yeah. Like, my dad got my mom like, a new set of pots for Christmas recently. But it, like, it was very much like, well, you cook for me, so you can. Okay, but I got you a cup of where. See, but you knew I needed it. Right. But it's not me. But it's also a matter of what, like, knowing each other. Exactly. And spending time together. Exactly. I don't think they do. I don't know if there's such a thing as like, hey man. And it was nice to put where, by the way. It was really good to put. Yeah. There's such a thing to me as like, a bad gift objectively of like, that is a bad gift. It's like, anything can be a good gift for the right person. If the person wants that and that's, you're on the same page and you understand them. But that's kind of what a gift is, right? It's like showing someone like, I understand you and I see you. Yeah. And she didn't feel seen. It feels like they're not on the same page at all. Yeah, I agree. I'm forgiving him for the rumor. And that she didn't say what she wanted and not everyone is good at giving gifts. So it's just like, okay, I don't, this is not my, this is not my love language. I don't do this well and I know that about myself. And he says that. What I can't forgive him for is that he says time is his love language and he's not giving that to her. He's actively saying how he doesn't spend time with his family and his wife even though he treasures it so deeply. How deeply do you treasure it? It sounds like the price of your salary is how much you treasure at that time. Yeah, I don't think he says that time is his love language. He says, I think that time is one of the most precious gifts and that, and that rumbo would have definitely bought some of some time for her. Like she wouldn't have to do as much around the house because the rumbo would be doing it. But he's recognizing that time is important and he's not there. And he's not giving it to her. Give her that time, give her a vacate, so I got you, I got this cruise that we get to spend quality time together. Yeah. I see it as like there's other issues going on here. I don't like his reaction to it and the way he's explaining it to us. Yeah. And then just bringing up like, yeah she brings it up whenever we argue and it's accompanied by her crying. I'm like, is that supposed to make me feel bad for you? Because it doesn't. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Definitely. You guys have, you guys have rumbo's? If you want you to ask him about the rumbo's name, his rumbo is like, I had a rumbo for a bit. I had like a cheaper rumbo because rumbo's are expensive. But I got a one on sale that was really good and it worked fine for a while but to be honest, I fucking love vacuuming. Oh. Me too. I love vacuum. I love mopping too. - I like cleaning. - I just don't do it enough. - Oh, yeah. - He wants you to ask him what is Roomba's name. - What's your Roomba's name? - Safira. - Safira. - Yeah, named after the dragon from "Aragon." - Oh, I was gonna say 'cause it's like a circle. - Ah, no. - Okay. - Are sapphires circles? - No, I meant like the, it's like a circle, so spear. - Spirca. - No, or sapphire. - Sapphire, guys. - Sapphire, guys. - Whoa, that was awesome, you guys. It's like a note. - I think, also, I agree that a Roomba is not necessarily a bad gift. I think the problem is that since they're in the same household, it can be seen as like, well, this is a gift for kind of all of us, right? - Yeah. - It's like, this is for our whole house. - Yeah, yeah. - As opposed to like, this is just for you. And it also does feel like, he doesn't really talk about his wife as a person in this. He talks about his wife as the stay-at-home mother. - Yeah. - This is like, her responsibility is like, yeah, but what about Christmas, man? Like, this is supposed to be about you guys giving gifts to each other as human beings. He does say, since I work and I'm the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay-at-home mother, I think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house. It's like, cool, so is that what this gift is like about? Or is this about like, giving her something she wants? And he's like, oh, but it's about the time she'll get. I don't know, the verdict is asshole and I can see, I can see that. - Yeah. - And I think a lot of that is how he wrote this. And it shows, it indicates how he views his wife. - Yeah. - It's transactional. - Yeah, and I'm like, dude, if a year after Christmas, you're writing a post online talking about why, like, what's the deal with this situation? I'm like, man, you need to do some introspection and then also talk to your wife. - Yeah. - We've got some comments here. You're the asshole. That's a gift for the household and not her. It shows you primarily regard her as a housekeeper and not a partner. What interests does she have that are not about serving you in the family? - Yeah. - Someone said, you're the asshole OP. Had you realized it offended her and apologized instead of defending it, I feel like it would have been more of a no one's the asshole. Regardless of whether you personally would have enjoyed the gift or not, she didn't like it and told you it offended her. I see how it comes off to her that you think of her as the housekeeper and not your wife. However, you could have redeemed yourself and apologized. You didn't. - Yeah, there was no apology. - Yeah, you didn't, which further implied the original thought of her being just a housekeeper. Someone said, you're the asshole. This is a rookie mistake. Husband thinks, wife will appreciate a machine to make her work easier. My husband sees me primarily as a housekeeper and not as a romantic partner. If you want to relieve her of this one burden, that's a nice thought, but don't make it a Christmas gift. Make it a contribution to the welfare of the household. That's what your wife meant when she said this should not be a present directed at her, but at the whole family. I agree. - Yeah. - I agree. It almost feels like a gift that's like, hey, reminder of what you've all you got to do. - No. - You know? You know? - Yeah. - Remember though, you got to clean as opposed to like, hey, like I, you know. And it's, it just kind of, I know he's not there, but it's, it's like I said, it's indications of being like, hey, I've listened to you and I know what you like. I know what you enjoy in life. - You know what I mean? It's Merry Christmas. I put a bow on your to-do list. - Yeah. Yeah. That's actually, you know what, Angela, you cooked. - Thanks. - You cooked. - I thought I did. - You cooked there. Yeah. And look, some people love practical gifts. Like, I do enjoy a practical gift, but like, if that's an aspect of who your wife is. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Cool, but it doesn't seem like that's the case. - Yeah. - Some people like gifts that they asked for and some people like surprises, but this isn't either of those. - Yeah. - This is just something that really isn't magical or nice. - It's like a cool, it's like you go into like a cool tech magazine and you're just like, "Oh, this one." - Mm-hmm. - No. - Yeah. - Fuck. - All right. Well, let's move on to our next story. This is a confession. It comes from "True Off My Chest." This was posted "Christmas Day of 2023." Guy, I'm seeing legitimately think Santa Claus is real. - How old? - Okay. Let's find out. - How old? - How old do you think? Let's guess at an age. - 23. - 23. - I was gonna guess 23. - Okay. - Well, let's make it interesting. 27. And I believe Santa is a real person in some capacity and thinks he delivers presence to his family personally. I'm probably going to leave tomorrow because it's been awful so far and I just want out. I'll call him Adam. Adam, who is a 25-year-old man, is from a pretty rural area up in the mountains, keeping it vague on purpose, and his family are what I'd consider religious extremists. He told me this before, I, 23-year-old woman, came to see them for Christmas, that they were very religious as her mind, so I thought it would be similar. I'm not seeing my own family as I just have my abusive mom left and we are no contact. - Oh. - Okay. I've only been seeing him a couple months, and his beliefs have only come up minimally, and Santa Claus was not part of that, LOL. - Well, yeah. - I don't even think we've mentioned it at all, despite walking around Walmart with Christmas decorations, slash holiday stuff on shelves, and him saying he wishes there was more Christian decor. Adam and his family call Santa, St. Nick, to start off with. He has a large family, and we had a lot of regular Christmas Eve activities all day, including cooking breakfast and dinner with his family, sitting around and playing with the children, going to a church event around lunchtime. When we went to church, his mom would shake her head disapprovingly, at some references toward Santa Claus the pastor made, and would whisper to his younger brother and her nephew next to her. I didn't hear what she said. When we made dinner, she told me to fix a plate for St. Nick, and I laughed and said, "Cookies aren't enough, and Adam shot me a horrified look." I felt the gaze of his mother, and she gave me this sort of fake smile and said, "No, hun, that's not a filling meal." So I loaded up about as much as I gave Adam and the men in his family and put it on a plate. His mom put tin foil over it and put it in the fridge in the garage. At some point, about two-thirds of his family left. The children went to bed after about an hour of it being dark. Adam's mom told them to go settle into bed so St. Nick can have his dinner and start to deliver presents. This gave me the implication that he would start his night here. Rather than just stop by and have cookies and leave, I'm not sure. His mom read a couple passages out of the Bible about family, as we sat around their wood-burning stove, and we discussed my family situation a bit. Adam's dad then told Adam and I, as well, as his little sister, to go to the guest house to sleep. It was about 9 p.m. I changed in the bathroom and said goodnight to them, and was about to walk out the door with Adam when his mom snapped her fingers and said, "Hon, you're forgetting the most important part of Christmas?" Adam looked pale for a sec before kind of nervously laughing and stepped back to the door holding my hand. We went out into the garage where he grabbed the plate. I said something like, "She's really serious about Santa getting his food, huh?" Trying to lighten the mood. He squeezed my hand really hard and said, "Yes, I'd say it's serious." We went back into, we went back into microwave the meal and we awkwardly stood there in front of the microwave watching the plate turn around. I felt his parents gaze on the back of my head. I said something again. I can't even remember what, kind of light-hearted about Santa having a full stomach if he eats like this at every house. She's killing it. She's killing it. He's really doing well. Adam gripped my hand harder than he did before and the first sign of affection he had given me in front of his parents all night and said, "His name is St. Nicholas and he only eats his dinner here. Don't be disrespectful in our home." It sounds calm all typed out like that, but the way he said it gave me chills. His parents didn't say anything and I felt like I was going to cry, huh? I left to walk in the backyard to the guest house and his sister was waiting in this mostly empty living room area. She said she started the wood burning stove and she showed me where to sleep, a twin bed next to her and said, "Adam would be in the next room over with his younger brother." What? I just laid down. The brother, he's going over there. She's sleeping next to the sister. Yeah. I just laid down and I heard Adam come in maybe half an hour later and go straight to bed. I've just been laying here unable to get sleep because I'm so anxious LOL and I already hear movement in the main house at this point and I don't know what to think. I thought after everyone had left, mostly small children, the St. Nick talk would end. I think his family or at least him and everyone younger legitimately believe this is a real person. His parents are really strict and live relatively off-grid and isolated. I barely have service here so I'll see if this posts because I can't even text my friend's SOS right now. I feel like I'm in a horror movie where they believe Santa is like a distant uncle or something. Does anyone know of any traditions like this? They killed a pig sometime in the last week as well as a couple chickens and the whole family is coming back tomorrow and maybe it'll be less weird with more people being here. A few of his cousins gave me a more modern vibe rather than the rest of his nuclear family but I don't know. I might just head back and stay at my apartment a couple hours away alone. I don't think I can continue seeing him. It's just been so weird. This? Okay, I have theories. This is some demon shit. This is some ritualistic. They are haunted by something. I don't know what kind of spirit it is pretending to be Santa. I was going to say, reading through this story, I'm like, she's like, yeah, they believe I'm like, I'm like, no, I think something's coming. No, there is. Definitely. This family. Something is going to eat that plate. I need to know what? It's probably gonna eat the pig, too, that they slaughtered that weed. Maybe they'll take some pigs and chickens. - I'm, that's like some ritual shit. - It's like a Christmas get out. - Oh, yes. - Without all the other stuff. - Yeah. - No, this is like, there's a few movies I'm thinking of, but it's like, no, crampus, it's like the ritual. It's like, a demon is gonna show up. It's like, we have to feed it. Everybody be cool. - But what, guys, the demon also brings gifts? - Go, just go to your room. - Just go to your room. - And none of that, yeah, read the plate out. - His name is Satanic. - Name a Satanic plate out. - And you need to give him a fun meal. - The whole wood keeps burning the entire night. You'll be fine. - I think this is my new favorite story. - Yeah, I love that. - I need to know the end. - I am terrified, by the way. Comments, sounds like you stumbled onto a Santa worshiping cult. Very strange, bizarre. Someone said, reading this at 7 a.m., waiting for my kids to wake up on Christmas morning, and I don't mean to make light of a very awkward situation, but I am laughing so hard. Someone said, if this is real, I think you should get out now. I honestly probably would have just left in the middle of the night. I'd walk if I had to. - Now, see, that's how you get killed. That right there is how you get killed. You sleep the night and they have done this a million times. You say that like you leave, then you're the pig. If you leave, you're the pig. - Yeah. - You must go. - No, you must go. - You know all this. - You know all this. - They've got this mastered down since he was a child. They've got the ritual down. - You know, just stay there for the ritual. - Fuck with the ritual. Just stay there for the ritual. You know how this works in a horror movie? She gets in the middle of the night, gets in her car, drives all the way to her apartment, hours. Gets home, gets to her apartment, goes, oh my God. I just need to grab like a drink or something. She opens up her fridge and the tin foil dinner that they prepared is in her fridge. - And the family's dead, the next day. - And the family's dead. - And you're the pig. - And it is Christmas morning. (laughing) - And you got a Roomba. (laughing) - This is some fucking wild shit, guys. - This is wild. - This is some, this is like, I like Santa. - I was on edge. - This is not Santa. - This is not Santa. - The Damian on my shoulder is like, it's probably fake. But I'm enjoying. - Although. - No. (laughing) - Yeah. - Something's not right. - This is also the thing. There are families with some weird traditions out there. And there's also colts. - Yeah. - They do exist. - Yes. - Families with weird traditions, and colts, small, thin lines. - Thin lines. - Thin lines. - Um, update. - Yeah! (cheering) - Oh, oh, oh. (laughing) - It is Santa. (laughing) - I swear to God if they wake up and there's fucking, I don't know, hot wheels and barbies, and they just move on and they open gifts. - No. - It's just normal Christmas. - No. - That's the worst case scenario. - I lose my fucking mind. - I don't lose my mind. I need to see a demon now. - Yeah. - I wanna be like, is there blood on the gifts? - The update. I'm still alive, not dead. (cheering) Holidays ended horribly and my relationship is over. - Yeah, let's hear it. - Probably for the best now that I've had time away from him, talk to my friends, red comments, et cetera. I essentially ruined Christmas. St. Nick literally left the food untouched because there was a non-believer in the house and Adam's mom made a point of it being because I was there and I was essentially barred from seeing him and called a degenerate in front of his whole family. - A degenerate? - A degenerate? - A degenerate? - A degenerate. I think this is it. I can't imagine typing out another few paragraphs of the worst Christmas I've ever had, completely alone with crazy religious nuts and in my feels only for it to be called a horror movie in the making. Like, yeah, I know. My life right now just sucks. I wish there was more to say or it was more dramatic for everyone wanting that. But I just don't have it in me. I wish I had a real family and relationships that don't suck. I wish I had answers for you of why his family is so crazy around the holidays and aren't normal people that let their son date girls outside their borderline, omish lifestyle. I don't know the end. - No! - We need to know what you know, there was no, she didn't say anything about the, 'cause she woke up and the mom said he didn't eat the meal, St. Nick didn't come because-- - So who ate the meal last year? - No, no, no, no, no. - Who ate the meal last year? - No, the mom is saying, like St. Nick didn't eat it because-- - Didn't come because-- - You're not unbelievable. - Who eats the meal? - Probably the mom. - Who eats it? - Probably the mom. - Someone's eating the meal, Shane. - I think this is a Friday the 13th situation. The mom is really the killer. Did I spoil Friday the 13th to you? - I've never seen it. - Sorry. Halloween's already passed. - Why is it always the woman? Okay. - That's only the OG. Then Jason Vore, he's comes back and starts killing people. - Okay, this, I need to-- - I need to-- - I need people to talk. - We need people to know. - She needs to just drop their names. - This just sounds okay, this to me rides on super controlling, religious, ridiculous family who found an opportunity to just make, to control him their son and make him break up with, like, just a shame and be awful. - But to not have the ability to think critically like that, I guess a lot of people-- - Well, I mean, a lot of people like that. - There's a lot. - Your circumstances, sometimes you don't have control over that and your mindset is so limited and you didn't choose that. It just happened because of the way you're raised. - Yeah. - Sorry. - This is extreme. - Got real? - Well, that happened. - I love that they found, they have their own religion. They made their own religion. - I was going to say, like, them talking about the Bible and stuff, I was like, this is simple, biblical. And if anything, the Christians were like, do not worship anything that isn't Jesus. - Yeah, no, Santa Claus is very much like-- Would Santa Claus not be sacrilegious in a weird way? Like-- - I mean, like-- - I mean, a lot of Christians are like-- - Yeah, a lot of Christians are like-- - Yeah. - 'Cause it is all based in American-- or just based in Catholicism. - Sumerism. - It's consumerism. - And that's all it is. - What's Christian Christmas decorations? Like, is that just crosses? - Well, a nativity scene is probably the religious-- - Oh, okay. - Camel's-- - Yeah, well, men-- - It's like Jesus' focus. - Jesus' focus. - It was always funny, like, as a kid, like-- We were a very, like, Santa Claus, like-- Whoa, like Holly Jolly Christmas house. - You weren't, you were Jolly Ford-- - But you'd go to some friends' houses and it's like, oh, this is religious Christmas house. - Yeah, we had a mix of both. We'd have, like, rude off-sitting next to like a nativity scene. - We're like TJ Maxx, Christmas, hell, yeah. - That's it. - Yeah. Well, damn. Not much to say, I'm excited. - I just need-- - I need more information. - When I was a kid, for some class, it was either, like, Sunday school or in something. We made our own nativity scenes. - Oh. - And my mom still has mine to this day. It's the most cursed thing I've ever seen. - Oh, we have to see a picture of that. - It's like, Jesus is an egg. - What do you mean Jesus is an egg? - I, like, rolled up a piece of clay and he's an egg. - Yeah. - Okay, the wise men-- - Jesus is an egg. - And the-- - Jesus is an egg. - Jesus is an egg and God's a bird. (laughing) - I'm gonna bring it in 'cause it's weird looking. It looks like a mateese. - Oh, what? Well, that sounds amazing. - Yeah. - Yeah, that sounds professional. - Anyway, I'm trying-- - Did you guys ever get coal? Did you? - Yeah. - No, but my little brother did. - Really? - Yeah. - Devastating. - Wait, and he got zero gifts. - He got a couple gifts, but, like, I got way more and he had to pull up a whole lot of a soul. I've never heard of that action. I've never heard of parents-- - You fucked up bad. - It was fully committed to it. - It was a bad year for him. - What are you fucking do? - It was just bad at school. He was getting bad grades. It was like a lot of things. - Aw, yeah. - Did he fire up the grill? (laughing) - No, that was my stepdad's job. He's not allowed to touch the grill. (laughing) - Wow. I've never heard of anyone actually getting coal. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Especially mixed with other presents. - Yeah, maybe like some stuff. - That kind of makes it worse. - He was really rough. Thinking about it now, my brother-- - I know, my ex is coal for Christmas. We had broken up and we still got Christmas presents. - You got coal? - I got them straight up coal. - And it's real. - Yeah. I got them, like I had written, I got nice, really nice note. (laughing) I got them coal. (laughing) - I just remembered. (laughing) - I don't think I've ever told you to. (laughing) - He still fucked up. - It's so fucked up. - Also, last year I got, yeah. Last year I got my ex to Christmas present, we had already broken up by that time too. - I remember this. - And then I, we came over to talk and I like, had the Christmas present there and I was gonna give it to him and after we talked, I was like, "Well, I'm gonna go and a walk, do you wanna come with me?" He was like, "Yeah." We walked all the foods that I returned to his kids. (laughing) - He has no idea. (laughing) He walked with me to return his own gift. (laughing) I've never told anyone that either. (laughing) - No, no, no. (laughing) (laughing) - I've never told anybody that either. - I think I'm about to told you that. Did I tell you that? - You told me you returned the gift. - Yeah. - Oh my god. I don't know. - Look what the word died of pain. - Oh my god. - You just keep holding, I'm talking to you. - You should. - Yeah. - My little brother got called. - Well, that's a Christmas present. I think my mom taught me that skill. It's like I got that power from my mom. I was like, "Oh, you could actually give people a cold for Christmas." Like if they're like bad, if they're bad too, get 'em cold. - It's a way to raise kids and make sure they have good report cards. - I love that. - You can't do it to an adult. - And yet I did, and it felt great. - I love that you were like, "Amazing." - I'm like, "I'm freed, I am freed." - I love that you were like, "One Christmas I got my ex cold." Oh, but let me one up that. (laughing) - And last Christmas, I made him come return it. (laughing) - Oh my god. - Yeah, what are you gonna do with that stuff? - What are you gonna do with this, Christmas? - God, they're so gonna clip that, and he's so gonna see that clip. - Oh, that's awesome, that's awesome. - Paul, let's move on to our next story. Okay. Oh. Our next story is a Halloween story. And this is very like, but this is also a very like fall festive story here. All right, am I the asshole October 29th of 2020? - Okay. - Would I be the asshole if I put a birthday hat on my neighbor's pumpkin? - Okay. - Well, that is a joke. - Because it's been out for a year. - I share a porch. I share a porch with one neighbor who is notorious for not cleaning up after herself or her kids. For example, one time there was a broken longboard sitting right in front of their door that they would step over every day to get into their unit. For seven months, they just ignored it. Until one day, I asked the oldest kid who's 15, a 15 year old boy to please clean it up. He's a good kid and instantly threw it away. I told him thank you and that was that. Now, I know I could have cleaned it up myself, but I don't want to assume that they didn't want it. I don't know, maybe it had sentimental value. Plus, I constantly clean up the shared porch, throwing away trash, picking up cigarette butts, sweeping, clearing cobwebs. I have known her to sweep the porch all of one time in the six years she has lived there. Last year, October, 2019, I bought several small sugar pumpkins and placed them on my porch next to my jack-o-lanterns. After Halloween, I threw all of them away in an unused wooded area next to my apartment complex so they could decompose. The next day, I found one of these sugar pumpkins back on the porch outside of her door. I know that it was one I had bought because of the particular markings on it. Okay, weird, but whatever. I'm glad someone is enjoying it. I figured she would throw it away after Thanksgiving. Then after Christmas, then after New Year's. Well, it's now been a year, and the pumpkin is still there. It is nasty. It looks like it has practically melted into the porch. - Oh. - She has put Halloween decorations all around it and still hasn't cleaned it up. I think it's gross, but left it there on principle because I'm tired of cleaning up after a grown woman. We work opposite shifts now, so I never see her. I also don't have her phone number because she is constantly changing it. I was thinking of leaving her a note, asking her to please clean it up, but I'm worried it will somehow come across as rude. So I think I might have a little fun with it. I'm considering putting one of those little pointy birthday hats on it and a sign saying happy first birthday over it. Personally, I think it would be hilarious and get the point across, but my husband thinks we should just suck it up and clean it up. Again, I don't want to do so out of principle. So reddit, would I be the asshole if I celebrated the pumpkin's first birthday? Okay, we have a photo of, I guess, the pumpkin? Yes! Oh my God, I bet it's fucking disgusting. It's basically gone. That is disgusting. That is so gross. Oh, that ruined the yard. I'd stand the concrete problem. I hate to say it, like, I would be someone who would end up cleaning up because I'm like, well, that's a health hazard for all of us. I'm like, that's what's coming out of that now. And why is it not, hey, the pumpkin's rotting and it smells a little weird, can you clean that up? Also. I mean, that's what, it's like, hopefully, they would listen and do that. What's worse than a pumpkin rotting in front of your door is a pumpkin rotting in front of your door holding a sign with a hat on. Yeah. I mean, like, if you put that, that's not going away either. No. And that's going to be there for a long time. I can't believe they had a broken longboard right in front of their door and they would just step over it for seven months. That feels like a curse. It does feel like a curse. And it also just feels like, really? Like, it took one second when he pointed it out to the kid that he was like, oh, yeah, I'll just sort of way. It's like, nowhere along the line for seven months. That was an inconvenience. And I'm like a literal true Libra where I'm like, it needs, if I clean it up, it's not fair. Like, I get it. It's not fair. It's not fair, but you have to keep. But I'm like, you have to take a batter's into your own hands. You have no personal relationship to this person besides just living next to them. You can't tell them that they need to be better. It's not-- I'm straight up. I'm the type of person that I'm going to like text him. Hey, do you mind if I throw this away for you or like, I will go ahead and do it? And you'll always be doing that. Yeah. That's the point. Because yeah, realistically, it should be like, hey, you need to do that. But some people just friggin' don't, man. And especially if those messages just disappear to those types of people, they never really learned the last thing. Yeah, but I tell them, I'm like, hey, I cleaned up your long board or like, I'm thinking, I'm like, I cleaned out the fridge or like, I did the dishes or whatever. Like, I'm just going to do it and tell you, hey, I did this. But you're going to hope that you saying that will somehow make that change. I hope they never do that. And it doesn't because clearly they're not bothered by now. Like, that's the problem, right? It's like, it's one thing if someone is also bothered by mess, but then they're like, but you need to clean it up. Yeah. But they clearly, I don't know what's going on where there's something to be so disgusting right in their area and they're just like, whatever. Yeah. I'm just like, are you not bothered by this? Like, so Opie got rid of these pumpkins. And his neighbor got one of those pumpkins put on the porch and then let it rot there forever. So that's his pumpkin? It's, you know what, it is technically his, well, it's, yes, I mean, obviously, he threw it out and then they got it. Yeah, but that's his pumpkin. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, it's, it doesn't, it's not even really a pumpkin anymore. No, it's a mess of bold and disgusting. It makes me weirded out that they went into the trash and repurposed something. I think it was in the woods. It was in the woods, which is still-- I know, but they don't clean, it feels like just not a, like a-- Well, so you went into the woods to get it out. They went and got it after Halloween. I don't know. Maybe I'm still in the other story, but I do feel like this is also a curse. And that, that's not good. And they're doing something funky in that of mine. I like that. I think, unfortunately, I would not want to see the inside of their house. Oh, yeah, now. The verdict is not the asshole. He's not the asshole for, he could put a hat in a sign. I don't think he is going to die. He could go way further, and I'd be like, you're not the asshole. You could leave a sign on their door. You could knock and confront them and be like, this front porch is disgusting. I understand we share this porch. And, like, technically, this is your home sort of, like, but come on. This is a shared space. This is a health hazard for all of us. Comments, not the asshole. And you can always claim ignorance if she tries to start crap. I'm assuming you live in town. So while you would be the most obvious/likely culprit, the hat could have been placed there by any neighbor, male carrier, delivery driver, et cetera, because I'm sure you're not the only one who has taken notice. So it's not the asshole. I'm willing to bet she wouldn't even notice if you put a hat on it. Give it a day or two with a hat for a good chuckle. Someone said, you would be the asshole. I realize you're frustrated, but you're substituting passive-aggressive bullshit for just having it out with your gross neighbor. Why are you cleaning their half of the porch anyway? Put a mental line between their half and your half and be done with it. You're going to create problems for yourself if you do the birthday hat routine anyway. So why not just do the adult thing and talk to the person directly? Either way, it will be a shit show. So just get it over with instead of being childish. I don't know. I agree with, like, go talk to them. Like, but I also think I agree with the other comment. I don't think they're going to even notice. Yeah, I think he could start dumping his trash on their porch. And I think they'd be like, oh, I didn't notice. Yeah, literally, I think if they put a whole birthday, I don't know, a bunch of birthday stuff. Update. He put the birthday stuff on it. And now, with different angles, you can really see how gross that pump is. Oh, it's caddy, it's fucked, though. That's pretty caddy. That is just-- look at-- wait, can we see it again? The pumpkin's disgusting, though. Is that just green goop? You know what this is? No, no, shame. This is me after a shoe block when it's someone's birthday. That is-- this is wrong. That is not-- Happy birthday. That's resident evil. That is resident evil. That is resident evil right there. Looks like goose bumps, slime. But also just-- I don't know. The Happy Birthday thing is-- It is now seeing it in person, I'm like-- It's pretty. He has a balloon. He didn't say he was going to have a balloon. And then he says things through your balloon, and then a sign and all this stuff. It's also really funny. It's funny, but it's also just like, Jesus, dude, I don't know. I like it. It's funny, it's smart, it's like witty. Yeah, it's good, it's slow. Is there another update? No, what is it? That was it. I don't know what they bought. They just did it. They're probably not going to notice. And they had a longboard in front of their door that they stepped over for seven months. They probably didn't even remember that it was-- They're pumpkin. They probably have no idea. Literally, they're probably like, who put a birthday hat on the pumpkin outside? Our next story comes from Relationship Advice. This was posted January 11th, 2025. So earlier this year-- So we could put a birthday hat on it. Let's see. That was awesome. This is a 26-year-old woman. She writes, my boyfriend, who's 30, got me Pokemon for Christmas, and I can't let it go. Do I call it quits or work it out? Pokemon, what? She just said Pokemon. Real Pokemon. He bought her Pokemon. She got her Pokemon. We'll see what he got her exactly. For context, my boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Since I've known him, he has always loved Pokemon. Personally, I have no interest. But as his partner, I encourage his hobbies and support him. This past Christmas, we had a few brief conversations about Christmas budgets and have mentioned to each other things we have been working on. wanting. I knew Pokemon packs were on the top of his list, so I made sure to get him some. I mentioned wanting a few beauty products and a specific hoodie. Well, Christmas comes around and I opened my gifts to my surprise the first one was a pack of Pokemon cards. What? Okay, whatever. The next one was a booster box of Pokemon cards. I stopped and asked him if he's joking because this must be a joke, right? Well, he smirks and tells me to keep going. I opened my next gift. It was another booster box of Pokemon cards. He was full of excitement while I opened my gifts. That's it. Those were my three gifts. What? I am not and never have been interested in Pokemon. After this, I told him I needed a moment to myself. I went to our bedroom and took a moment to gather my thoughts and lower my temper. When I came back to the living room, there he was on the floor. Both booster packs and the pack of cards he got me were opened and sprawled across the floor. I was in shock. Not only did he get me gifts that I didn't want, but he actually got them for himself and tried to play it off. I have been trying to move past this as I did not want to seem ungrateful, but I just can't believe he would do something like this. Every time I've tried to bring it up, he has told me how expensive those booster boxes were and how I made him feel bad for not appreciating my gifts. Am I being ungrateful or is he just a jerk? Oh, give. What is this? That's unreal. What is this? So he didn't get her gifts. He got himself something and just just said it. So what is this? So what's going on? We're breaking up or what? This is rough. I just feel like somehow a lot of people miss the meaning of giving gifts and what that is. It's an expression of love. He sounds like a baby. Yeah, he sounds like a child. Yeah. But they've been together for three years and he's been alive for four, so what's the. But it's like, you think she'd be like, "Oh, there's stuff in the past that he's done that's similar to this." But it's like, "No, this is. " Do you believe in the three-year itch? The three-year itch. What is that? Actually, I don't know if that's the exact title. I thought it was three months. I've heard the three-year itch. What's the three-year itch? Or just like, it gets. It's when shit gets real. Oh, see, I've always viewed that as six months. Really? Six months? Six months is where it's like, "Oh, like, this relationship is going great." My thought is always like, "Don't make any big commitments, six months with it and six months." But then I would say like, I do think like, once you get like, I don't know, it varies per person. Three years is, I feel like a mark where it's like, once you get past that, it's like, "Okay, if you move past that and you're doing good." Three Christmas is together. It's easy enough to start to see yourself, like, just natural. Like, I feel like people get very comfortable and sometimes effort is lost. True. It's true. No, but I think like, with three years, it's like, in my past relationship that it was ended shortly after three years. And it was like, "Oh, we had just stopped, like, putting an effort." Yeah. And I feel like this is a gift that's like, there's no effort there. It's just like, "What?" Yeah, he was completely thinking about himself, completely self-centered. Like, he deserves jail time. Like, barely kidding. No way. This is the thing. This is one of those stories where it's like, this can't be real. It's like, this stuff does really happen. There are people who are like this, but when they do stuff this unbelievable, you're like, "What?" Like, I don't know. You don't even know how to react. She's sitting here like weeks after going, "What, what?" Like, he's moved past this. He's acting like this was fine. I wouldn't be able to move past that. You'd expect it's like, "You're playing a prank on me." There's a lot of layers to this. It's like, there could be the argument of like, "Oh, he wants her to get into his interests." Like, cool. Like, that's not a Christmas gift, and she's not into it. You've dated her for three years. She's not into Pokemon. He opened her gifts, which means they were gifts to himself. That's my big takeaway. Comments, "So you're telling me he's known and dated you for at least three years and has never paid attention long enough to get you gifts you may actually like, and you're questioning if you want to do this for the rest of your life or not?" Someone said, "No, this is crazy. Even if you wanted this, he then opened your gift." That part is unforgivable, too. Lastly, someone said, "That's literally insane, and the best possible explanation is that he's wildly, emotionally unintelligent." So, if that's what you like, I guess, stay with him. ETA, I just registered that this is a 30-year-old man, sis-y. Yeah. That's not going to change. Yeah. Yeah, this is just unfortunate for everyone involved. It's like, unbelievable to me. It's truly unbelievable. Like, I understand sometimes being like, "Oh, I got us a trip, and then I get to benefit all for this, too." But this is just him. She has expressed no interest in this. It's like, "I would rather get a Roomba." I would rather get a Roomba. I'd rather get like, I don't know, a teeth whitening coupon. Yeah. But it's loud in the face. I'm making this about me and my interests. Yeah. No, teeth whitening coupon would be very hurtful. Oh, probably pretty hurtful. And I brought it up because my mom did kind of get that to me. I've gotten that, too. Yeah. And you know what, that's fine. You know what that's fine? It's actually good. Mom's do that. Mom's do that. Mom's are like, "I got you these socks because I hate your fucking socks." Right? Like, that's a thing. We see that your socks coordinate with the sweater. That's pretty cool. Our next story is an MI The Ashole from November 26, 2024. So we've got a Thanksgiving one from next year. Oh, last year from next year. It's a Christmas. It's Thanksgiving. Am I The Ashole for sitting on my husband's lap during Thanksgiving dinner because all chairs at the table were taken? What a power play. That is so funny. Well, there's no more chairs. Where am I supposed to sit? Where's the girls at the table? I guess I'll just. I a 28 year old woman had been with my husband, Sean, who's 33, for two years, married for five months. Most of his family are decent people, but his mom can be a little bit of a passive aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. I feel like some edits were made in that writing. I feel like she wrote something down. She's like, "Just be a little passive aggressive. Be chill. Be chill." Sean sees it as her, still not getting used to me being around. But I don't know because she treats his ex, Jalissa, well. Mother-in-law says that Jalissa has been around the family for ages, and her past with Sean never affected her relationship with her. Fine. I never minded her attending every holiday and being around until yesterday. We had Thanksgiving dinner at my mother-in-law's house. Sean went there before me, and when I arrived, it was already dinner time. Everyone was seated, and I saw that all the chairs were taken. I asked Mother-in-law why she didn't save me a seat, and she said, "Sorry." And that one of her granddaughters decided to show up at the last minute, and the chair was taken. I looked at her, then at Jalissa, who was sitting next to Sean, and tried to point out how I was more deserving of her chair since I'm the daughter-in-law. I know I shouldn't have said it. I know. I know. Mother-in-law flat-out said that Jalissa is as much family as me, and that it was rude to imply otherwise. Jalissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me. I was so upset I wanted to leave, but decided to just sit on my husband's lap and act as casual as possible. I sat on his lap, asking if he was okay with it. Don't worry, I'm petite. He's strong-built, and started eating so casually while smiling and complementing the food and mentioning to Sean how warm and comfortable his lap was. Yes! The table went awkwardly silent. Brother-in-law would try to break the silence and change the subject, but it somehow goes back to being awkward. Mother-in-law and Jalissa were barely eating and were staring at each other, then at me wise-wide open. Minutes later, Jalissa excused herself to the bathroom and so did mother-in-law. It was still awkward, but I did my best to focus on dinner. Sean was eating as well. Later, there was just so much tension, and mother-in-law was barely able to speak after Jalissa left. She left early, like right after dinner. Sean and I went home, and mother-in-law tried calling, but then called Sean and texted me, saying that what I did was inappropriate, and that I ruined Thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward. She said it wasn't her fault. Chairs were taken, and I could have dragged a chair from the kitchen, but acted childishly and made Jalissa and family uncomfortable with how inappropriate I was. At it, I need to mention that even if I took a chair from the kitchen, there was not enough space at the dinner table to fit the chair. Everyone was sitting next to each other. Wow. God, I'd kill to be there. I would kill. Yeah. To be there. Just sitting on there being like your lap is so warm. Sorry, I feel like I'm seated so high because your bowl just so huge. Well, look at that, a natural boost. Wow. The husband doesn't. Okay, okay, all right. Oh, okay. So good. Get it, get it, get it. Slowed out. I'm not. I'm certified. I don't have the DMV license. I guess there's no chair for me. I'll sit on my boyfriend's bowl. Oh, my son's new girlfriend Betty Boop is here. - Oh, okay, so let's talk about Sean for a minute. - Okay. - So, Jelissa Sean's ex. - Yeah, who, who like, he's, like, the family is allowing his ex to come to Thanksgiving dinner. He's tolerating that, like. - That's number one. - It's like, dude, who's allowing this? - Right. - Why is this happening? - Like, she's a part of the family, okay. - Yeah. - She have another family that should, no. Okay, well, it feels inappropriate. - It's like, but she's my ex. Like, she's not, I guess you brought her into the family. But then, it's also not sticking up for the wife in a way. It's like, where's my wife's seat? She needs a seat. - I know. - Where's, it's his mother. It's his mother's house, so they're married. - They're married? - They're married, so it's like, hey, you're the ex. And you are the ex, like, they're married. He's like, okay, there's no, maybe he knows there's no fighting with her. I like that he's like, yes, in my lap, babe. And then I like that they're both eating, and there's no conflict with why, it feels like they're on a team. - Can I, the thing that's coming to mind, and I needed to do visual, could you send me a lap? - Yeah. - I don't know how, and this is great, right? How is he eating, right? So you eat? - So she said, she did say. - So is it like a- - It's gonna be like, you're seated across. I think it's a little bit more of, she's kinda seated on one leg. And like. - And there are other legs on his bulge. - Well, well. (laughing) - Like, she's saying, I'm seeing it, how are you? - This is so dramatic to be like- - It is, it is dramatic. But she's saying it's the only option. She's also saying she's petite, and he's like a strong-built, like, bigger guy. So maybe like, she really just comfortably sits on one of his legs. And like- - What is she fucking talking about? - Because it is awkward. (laughing) - It is awkward. - You're sure you're petite, but like, what the fuck? - Yeah. - I'm a polypocket. - I'm petite, I'm two feet tall. (laughing) - She's just like- - Hey, look, another opportunity. I make a borrower joke, like, every other episode. - It's every fucking day. - Oh, hey, oh, it's always there. This is just like, it's like, man, why is this situation happening? This is not, like, I wanna call this story fake, but this is not the first time, this is one of numerous times I've heard. And for people in real life of, like, exes being part of the family. - Yeah. - I'm like, how does this happen? - Yeah. - But it happens a lot. - I mean, it does. It really does. - It makes sense to me, in my experience, when there's kids involved, because it's like- - Yeah. - Oh, we're not gonna separate the parents from the kids. - Yeah, I get that. I get that. - But there's no kids involved. - No kids. This is an ex-girlfriend, as far as we know. And now he's married. It's like, at some point, you gotta be like, "Hey, like, I'm sorry, you guys broke up." - Yeah. - It's a control thing, too. Our families need to be boundaries and not controlling each other's lives when it comes into dating is such a thing we see all the time on. - It's pretty awful. But there are so many stories of families who are like, "No, we're gonna make you marry this person." - Was she late? I will say, it's a interesting thing that they started, that she was late to think, that they didn't go together. - Yes. - She and her husband didn't go to Thanksgiving, but we don't know the situation. - Okay, you never know. - But she showed up and they had already started dinner. So already, I feel like the family's just not respecting her. Like, we're gonna start without you. - I wouldn't even sit unless all parties are there. - Yeah, it's almost things, man, where it's like, "Hey, my wife is part of the family now." - Yes. - If you're not respecting her, you disrespecting her is disrespecting me. And if you're gonna disrespect us on that level, like, I will not come to Thanksgiving. Like, you tolerate it. You're saying, "Oh, you're kind of giving it the okay." Like, I can see a reality where there was a set time. I'm not hearing any of that from this story, but I can see, but I'm also not hearing, like I'm not hearing it. So it might have been omitted, just on person telling this point of view. I think OP gives a little bit more details in the comments. So let's see, the verdict, not the asshole comments, not the asshole, but the whole ordeal could have been avoided had your husband done what he should have done. And given you his seat while he went to fetch another one, in fact, he should have already had an empty seat beside him waiting for you. I can't imagine putting my wife in such an awkward situation. 72,000 upvotes. Yeah, that sums it up so well. - So that comment had 72,000 upvotes and the story itself had 10,000 upvotes. - It's like when Chance writes something really funny on my Instagram posts. - Ah. - You can do a lot of likes on his channel. - Yeah. - Someone commented on that saying, "Why is the husband okay with his ex being treated better?" Someone said, "Not the asshole. I feel like I missed something." Does he have children with his ex who she brought to Thanksgiving dinner? Minus that, I have no clue what she was there for. OP says no. They were friends and both families were close, then they started dating, then broke up, but still maintained a decent relationship. However, mother-in-law is somehow acting like they're still together, but she denied all that saying that she just treats her as a daughter and also told me I have zero say in how she treats others, which is fine by me really, but when I'm being treated as less than, I find issues with her treatment. On another note, my husband says he can't figure out this problem between me and his mom. He thinks that we're both wrong. - No, what? - Oh, fuck. Both of you ladies are wrong. You're both crazy. So emotional. - Someone said under that, "Sounds like your husband is a selfish guy." He didn't find it odd that you had to sit on his lap at Thanksgiving. He didn't find it odd that his ex was sitting happily and his wife wasn't. He doesn't seem to respect you much, to be honest. Lastly, someone said not the asshole. Mother-in-law suggests after the fact that OP could have dragged a chair from the kitchen, it was mother-in-law's job as host to do that herself. Failure to do so was an obvious attempt to make OP ill at ease. OP responded delightfully. It was mother-in-law's fault that it turned out the way it did. - Oh my God, you know what this is giving? Boy mom's episode of Bit City. - Yeah, yeah. - Like, exactly. - This is Amanda's Karen. - Yeah. - No, like straight up. - Yeah. That's crazy. - You guys don't know, maybe I'm a people pleaser, but like if I invite someone over and there's not a chair for them, I'm not standing for it. Like I don't want to make that person feel that uncomfortable. I don't even want them to sit on my lap. I'm like, let's leave. - Yeah, I've never, I've just simply never been around people like that. - Yeah. - Right, like, 'cause like if I don't like someone, if I'm with people, I'm like, we don't like this person, we're not inviting them. - Yeah. - 'Cause like, I'm not gonna invite someone to a dinner and then on purpose, make it awkward for them. I'm like, I don't want to sit there with that. Like, that sucks. - I'm so like problem solver oriented in those situations where I'll be like, oh, you can have my chair and I'll find like something, like I will love it. - Yeah, yeah. - And it doesn't matter who it is, if I'm sensing, it's that awkward. I'm like, oh, I really don't need this that bad. If it will be less awkward now. - Right. Definitely. - You could also, there's another power move instead of sitting on his lap, it's just standing. I'll stand. Hold dinner and she's like, I'll walk with it. - Pass the cranberry. - Yeah, like literally. - Oh, like circling the table. - Yeah, it's just like walking around, like it's a cocktail hour. - Oh my God. - I kind of love that. - Walking around like a TV leg. - She's like walking around like it's the beginning of traders. - Yeah, and she's like, so what's this picture? - Joining us in this, joining different numbers isn't the difference. - It's just like, grabbing people's wine, just be like, that's good. - That's nice. - Is this, what is this? How nice. - Our last story, it is a today I fucked up. This is another October one, October 27th, 2024. - Okay. - Today I fucked up, passing gas on the dance floor. Okay. - Not really Halloween. - It happened. - Well, Halloween has a lot of dancing. - Lot of dancing. - I think, okay, so what? You farted during the monster match. - I feel like. (laughing) - So what? I think it's so what? - That was a little farted during the monster match. - I'm part of the actual monster match, right? I'm a female in my mid 30s. Last night, I went out for a Halloween dance party. I worked really hard on my costume. I was the perfect combination of warm and slutty, and I was excited to strut my stuff. - Warm. - And slutty. - Probably wherever they're at. They're probably like, in a colder climate. - Oh, got it, got it, got it, got it. - Warm. - And I meant like, hi, like. - I was just like, huh? - Yeah. - The way that this bar is set up is that there is a main level upstairs, and then you can walk downstairs to go to the dance area. It's a pretty small place, so it gets crowded. I had taken some mushrooms earlier in the evening, and I was feeling good. At some point in the night, I had to cut the cheese. I thought it would be a small one. I thought I could just crop dust it, but it was the most silent, deadly toxic foul stink bomb of my life. - I'm so sorry, can we hold, let's crop dust? - Crop dusting is when you kind of like move, move through a space, so you like kind of like, like, you're gonna fart, but you're gonna keep on the move, so that, so you can get this associated with it. - So when the smell happens, it's like, oh, well, I'm past them. - What's cool? - Do you know what actual crop dusting is? It's like when the plane flies over and drops, like, pesticides or shit. - And it keeps going. - Yeah, so it like, it drops stuff onto a field. So you're crop dusting. - And you're learning what crop dusting is. - You've never been crop dusting before? - No. - You've crop dusted. - Oh, everyone's crop dusted. - Shut the fuck up. (laughing) - This mother fucker the other day on a livestream and goes, she's obsessed with Olaf. (laughing) - I'm so sick of it. (laughing) I was like, that's more damaging than Tomator. (laughing) - He's accusing you of liking Olaf and I'm making fun of you for liking Tomator. - He's like, God, she's obsessed with that guy. (laughing) - She is the plush he's never been. - Shut the fuck up, come on down. -Oh, you're kind of the Olaf of Smosh. [ Laughter ] -Thanks, dude. Thanks, dude. Oh, God. Sorry. That was a three-hit combo. -Do you mind if I sit on Bailey's lap? I don't feel comfortable here. -Just don't prop dust on your way over there. She's -- [ Laughter ] -The place is a water zone! [ Laughter ] -Sorry. -Just drive a truck through this place. -All right. I will say, man, like, like, it's one of the best parts of Disneyland, right? It's like, you're walking around all day, you're eating gross foods, and it's like, hey, if you got a fart, like, you wait 'til you're in the crowd, and it's just like -- It's like -- -And that's one of the best parts of Disneyland. -It kind of is. -It's like so much food. -It's so much food. -It's so much food. -It is magical. -That's the best part of Disneyland. -You walk in past the line for Star Tours, and it's like, "Sorry, guys." [ Laughter ] -Have you been doing a mile? -I'm getting a little bit of a tour of myself. -I want to get a season pass there, so I got a fart. Like, what are you talking about? [ Laughter ] -God, I love Disneyland. I can fart wherever I want! -When you're in line for Indiana Jones, there's that rope pull, and you're like, like, "Get a time at Perfectly Saving." [ Laughter ] -What? [ Laughter ] -You guys wouldn't get it. -No, I wouldn't, because I don't fart. I sealed my butt hole shut. [ Laughter ] -And I'm a girl. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -Okay, okay. -All right, all right. At some point of the night, I had to cut the cheese. I thought I could just crop dust it. But it was the most silent, deadly, toxic, fowl stink bomb of my life. The smell from my ass destroyed the dance floor. People cleared out. It was so bad people thought that someone had an accident on the floor. Like, they turned up the lights a little bit to see and make sure that they're wasn't a health hazard. Even the DJ made a comment. -No way. -I went upstairs because I couldn't stand the smell of my own ass. I was up there for about 30 minutes, and when I came back down, I could still smell my ass. Whoa! It's all anybody could talk about. They talked to someone had an accident. I had to play dumb. I was so embarrassed. All right. This reminds me of one of our live shows, unfortunately. It wasn't Tommy. I'm thinking of the Tommy Vidcon. There was a live show. There was a live show we had. It was a Christmas live show. Before we went on, we were in like our waiting room rehearsal area and someone farted and it was so bad that everybody cleared out. So no, I thought it was Tommy. It was not Tommy. I thought it was Ian. It was not Ian. It was Jeremy Elder. Jeremy Elder. Jeremy Elder, business casual podcast. Go check it out. Go check it out. If we're going to do them three. If we're going to do them dirty like that, you've got to go check out his podcast. That's hilarious. This reminds me of that time that I ripped ass. The check out his podcast. Angela was on an episode. I was on an episode. I'm on an episode. I'm on an episode. Anyways. It's horrendous. It's happened a few times in my life. I'm in a group setting and someone farted. It's unfortunately horrible. Everyone's like, "We got to go." In those situations, nobody admits to it. Everyone cleared the room. There have been a couple times in my life where it happens. Then probably back in elementary school and stuff. That happens. It's just like. The DJ, turning the lights on. The DJ commenting on it and the lights being turned up. Someone passed out or just. Also, the fact that she came back 30 minutes later and it was still bad, it's like, "Hey, maybe something did happen." Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Something's wrong and it isn't St. Nick. Nice call back. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. We just. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Hey. They're gonna cut off. Keep going. Keep going. Our audio listeners are like, "What the fuck is happening?" Guys, I told you it's Friday evening. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Keep going. Just keep going. Oh my god. What is it? What is it? Oh my god. Someone fart. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going. We have to go to Splash Mountain. Just keep going. We got it. We went to Splash Mountain. We got it. All right. They rebuilt it. It's not Splash Mountain anymore. We just keep going. Just keep going. It's like some fucking thing. Moana thing. I don't know why you adventure. Yeah. But it's still called Splash Mountain. No, don't. They changed the name? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Who is that lady? Remember that's the right. It was like, who is that lady? Who is that lady? Mama. Mama what? Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. I love her. I love her. Why was so funny, but you can call her? It was like Mama Yeh. It's not her name. I don't know what it means. That's my choir teacher. No, it's my African dance teacher. I know. She reminds me of it. They look just alike. They do. And the vibes are like right there. Come on. We had Mama Yeh Yeh. Anyway, look. It's Mama Yeh Yeh. On the right. I'm going to go. Who? I thought I could remember it. Who's that? Comments. Years ago, I was in a big record store with no one else there, but the staff. I let a silent, but deadly go while I was browsing. It was so bad that I had to move over a couple of aisles. A minute later, two teenage girls came into the store and walked right into my cloud and immediately started gagging and golfing. It was hard not to laugh. Oh well. No. Okay. Can I confess something too? No. I didn't. I have this curse, though, where I'm out in public. I'm at a grocery store. I'm like somewhere. I'm like, okay. I'm just going to fart a little bit. I'm just going to fart really quick. That's when suddenly someone just walks my way. No. Someone happens to. I want to check out this aisle, too. And I'm like, "Duh." Yeah. Someone told me teens don't find farts funny anymore. I heard that, too. Or was that you that come up? God. No, I didn't say that, but I heard that. Tech is ruining everything! It's cute. It's cute. It's cute. It's cute. It's cute. It's cute. It's cute. It's how you look off to nothing. It's cute. Nobody's sending it. Nobody's sending it. Nobody's sending it. They're going to cut that all out. Come on. It's cute. I shared this once before on Reddit. Many years ago, I was at work after a night of drinking. My stomach was seriously rebelling. I waited until the lady's room was empty. Ran in, unloaded the most horrific load. Ran out. Load. Baby. Ten minutes later, a coworker innocently asked if I'd been in the lady's room this morning, to which I innocently replied, "No." She started ranting so loudly that the entire office got involved discussing it. She said if someone had to do something that disgusting, they should have gone home to go. It was the talk of the office for weeks. Oh, my gosh. Someone else said, "What's a little embarrassment when you can give so many redditors a good laugh?" Yeah. And that's what we're all here for, guys. And that's what we're here for. Thank you for clearing the dance floor. Yeah. She did kill the dance floor. Yeah. I told you that story. I think I said it at a live show when my brother had farted in the car. And my dad was so pissed off that he farted in the car and he kicked him out of me and walked home. That's awesome. I love that your brother ran and jumped and farted in one of your hands facing him. What? Like in my friend. I was like, "My baby's here. I don't remember. She was sitting next." And he was like, "Fart coming. Jump." The second he landed up. Boom. Down. That's amazing. You're incredible. Your brother's the Tony Hawk of farting, dude. Like he's the ghost. No, but how funny is it that we were like literally, we were like five houses down. My brother farted and my dad was like, "Juh!" And pulls over and goes, "Gah!" And my brother was like, "Pillow houses are there. It goes, "Walk home!" That's awesome. And then we were playing a little hand in the rearview mirror and you're seeing me. Oh my god. Dude. Oh. What a holiday. Damn, I can't believe your brother's butt says it. Okay. Well, happy holidays. Happy holidays. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy fall. Happy Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa. Hope you guys enjoyed that. Hope you're having a good holiday season. Hope Halloween was cool. Hope Thanksgiving was cool. And you don't want to go sit on your husband's bulge? No. No. Get your pancakes out. Just keep the battle of the bulge. Anyway. Thank you guys for watching. Let us know what are the things. themes and subredents you'd like to see. And we'll see you next Saturday. Bye!