251: Am I Overreacting?!

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I did one little episode in Minnesota to make sure you guys had something for New Year's, but other than that, we've been on hiatus. I can't believe I'm here with Golden Globes correspondent. Oh, shut up. That was so cool. It was so cool. For those that don't know, I hosted like a mini mic on a carpet for the Hollywood Reporter and like Spotify, their pre-Golden Globes party. It's crazy. It was insane. I've never been able to do stuff like that level of the party. Like obviously Spotify invites me to Rapt every year, but like this was so, it was just a different level. And so like seeing people like Nina Dobrev in person and I'm like, I'm like, Nina, will you give a hot take? And she's like, no, sorry. Like it's just a different level. And I'm like, she's, she's so much prettier in person. Like that's, I think that's the thing about a lot of these people. Like they don't look how they look on photos or on the screens. They look better. Yeah. And they already look good on screen. And they look good. And it's just like, you see them in person. You're like, oh no, like you are, you're an angel. Like what the hell? That's such a cool milestone. I literally, people were commenting and they're like, Morgan, you manifested this. Like you talked about wanting to do this and here you are. And I'm like, that's right. Okay. We need to be like writing down our milestones in 2026. I feel like because it's so easy to forget the cool things that happen and like the good moments. I know. We should do a little jar. Yeah. Like, okay. I did this right down, put it in the jar and at the end of the year. And have like 2026 on it and then like add to the jar. And then at the end of the year, like read them all back. I like that. Wait, also. That'd be really good. They did the first, for the first time, the Golden Globes had like a best podcast category. Yes. Which is super cool. Really cool. Amy Poehler won. I saw some hot takes about that. Yeah. I think a lot of people did. I personally, I love it. I, um, I went and saw her podcast live and she had Maya Rudolph. And like, I don't know if I've seen anyone interview in the way Amy does. Like she is so, so good. And like something I kind of picked up from her watching her is like, be okay, not getting an answer and letting the conversation just flow. Like, I feel like I learned some interview techniques watching her live show, but she's so, so good with everyone. Yeah. I mean, she's amazing. She's so funny. She's so witty. She's so smart. And like, I love her podcast. It's really good. It's really good. I do understand. I do understand some people being like. She's just started. Or it would have been nice if it went to like someone who kind of is a podcaster and like built the podcasting forum rather than like a famous person who then made a podcast. Yeah. Which like isn't on her. No. It's like, and I don't, I don't even listen to Call Her Daddy, but I, I could, I do think that that's a podcast that really like converted so many people to listening to podcasts. Yeah. For a lot of women, especially. So I, I can see why there's some discourse. All great options though. It's exciting that that's like becoming a thing. I know. It, it almost, um, like it validates podcasting as being this medium. And I could talk about this all day. I'm like, there's so much going on in like Hollywood and podcasting and how Hollywood since the writer's strike has like, it's kind of fizzling here. There's not a lot of jobs and people are struggling. And so they're now turning to these other medias. And so it's really cool. But one thing I did see about Amy winning is like Amy, this woman, you know, she's been podcasting for 10 months and beats out her ex-husband, a guy who's been podcasting for years. And I was just like, who's her ex-husband? Will Arnett. He has, um, the podcast smart list with Jason Bateman. Oh, that is a pretty big podcast. It's huge. I'm like, okay, Amy. Wow. My goal is to meet her this year. She walked right past me at the Spotify party. And I'm just like, wait, what? Oh, the one you went to last week? Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. I mean, this, it's going to keep happening. I know. It's going to keep happening. I know two people that I met and I didn't, I had not watched the show yet, but two people I met are, um, Robbie and Nadine from Heated Rivalry. Oh, I haven't seen that yet. I know that you just did. It's so much more than people are giving it credit for. Like, I want to go to bat and just like fight. You were sobbing. I was the first four I'm like, I thought this was supposed to be good. I'm fucking bawling. And I'm, I'm on my period right now. So like watching that, I'm like, I think if I watch it when I'm ovulating, maybe it'll be a different experience. But like, I was, I was so sad, you guys, but like everyone, like all the interviews I've seen, everyone's like, what about that steamy scene? And I'm like, no, this show is so much more than that. It has it all. It has it all. And like coming from Minnesota and being such a hockey girl, like I grew up on hockey. All of my best guy friends played hockey. That, that was my whole high school, college, my whole life. Yeah. It's who I dated. It's just like, it's, it's so interesting. And like homophobia is something that like the hockey culture and the hockey world needs to get better with. And like, there's been a lot of recent changes with like pride and taping their sticks with like rainbow tape and like trying to have LGBTQ plus nights. Yeah. But then on the other side, there's players that are like, I'm not wrapping my tape, my stick tape. And it's like, fuck you. And so I, I hope this show kind of changes that and like empowers some of the players to just like be themselves. And well, I've been seeing that so good. One of the actors was saying that some closeted professional hockey players had been DMing him being like, this was really helpful to me. And I think we have to remember that, like, even though we have progressed so much, there are still a lot of people who are in the closet because it, it, it would be dangerous for them to come out. And like, even professional athletes, like it's, there's a very scary environment to like, I don't know. I'm glad that they're doing it. It's cool. I think it's making some changes. I know. I hope it does. I think there's only been like one hockey player that's even like come out and like, he was kind of speaking on this and maybe, you know, if you want to look more into that, read that, but it is, it's just, it's really good. Great acting. I mean, Connor's Russian accent is insane. Does this take place in Russia? He's a Russian hockey player. It takes place in like Montreal and Boston, mostly. Big hockey area. Unreal. Unreal show though. I'm trying to get them on. So if you follow them on any socials, like start tagging them. Yes. Comment on all of their posts. You should be on two outtakes. Literally. That's what actually works. Like, I feel like I've reached out to like a lot of people that people have been like, get so-and-so on. And I'm like, you guys, I've been trying. Yeah. It's hard. We're still flying under the radar over here. We're on two outtakes a little bit, but hey. But she's at the Golden Globes. Maybe our year. But without further ado, let's get into today's stories. I have a theme. It's kind of a, am I overreacting theme? Just an assortment of chaos where people are kind of questioning, like, am I overlooking this or overthinking this? Or I don't know. Is it a big deal? Usually you're not overreacting. That's my hot take, but we'll find out. Let's find out. Let's dive in. Let's go. This is coming from our very own Two Hot Takes. takes subreddit, 19 hours old. It is titled, My Boyfriend Refuses to Stop Wearing His Dead Wife's Wedding Ring and Wants Me to Just Accept It. I've, 32 female, been dating Mark, 38 male, for about a year. Mark was married before. His wife died four years ago from cancer. It's obviously tragic, and I've tried to be understanding about him still grieving. Mark still wears his wedding ring from her, on his left ring finger, the wedding ring finger, while dating me. At first, I didn't say anything because we were casually dating, but now we're serious, talking about moving in together, and he still wears it every day. When we go out, people assume we're married, and he doesn't correct them. Last month, I gently brought it up and said I'm uncomfortable with him wearing another woman's wedding ring while in a relationship with me. He said the ring is, part, of who he is, and he's not taking it off. I said I understand that she was important, but wearing a wedding ring signals he's married to her, not available for a new relationship with me. He got upset and said I'm, jealous of a dead woman, and, trying to erase his past. I suggested maybe he could wear it on a different finger, or on a necklace, still keeping it, but not in the wedding ring spot. He said no, it has to stay where it is. Last week, someone congratulated us on our marriage because they saw his ring, and I had to awkwardly explain the situation. I don't want him to forget her, but I also don't want to feel like I'm the other woman in my own relationship. Am I asking for too much? I will say I read this late last night, and I feel like my opinion has changed slightly reading it again, so I'm really, I'm confused. This is hard, because I don't think either of them are wrong. No. I understand him wanting to do that. I also think she came up with a good compromise of him putting it on another finger, or around a necklace. I also think it actually is normal to be jealous of a dead woman. I think, how do you compete with that? I'll never compare, I'll never measure up. But I don't think he's doing something wrong either. It does suck that it keeps coming up in these like awkward moments and awkward conversations. A lot. Like it's coming up a lot. Yeah, because of course people see the ring and then it's like, oh, you're married. And then, you know, you have to do this thing every time. I've never been in a situation like that either of them are in enough to like really put myself, I feel like, in the headspace of the reality of it. And I kind of feel like I understand both of them. I agree. And like we've had a lot of these stories over the years where we have had people that are genuinely jealous of a ghost or threatened by a ghost. Yeah. So much so to where they'll destroy every picture, video, everything of that other person. Which is bad. That's bad. Especially because like there was one story where it was like, I think the daughter writing in being like my stepmom. My stepmom destroyed everything of my mom's. She threw it away, blah, blah, blah. Like that's really sad, especially when there's kids involved and like that's their mom. Yeah. With this one, I don't necessarily feel like she's jealous of a dead woman. It doesn't feel like she's trying to erase her like other stories have. It genuinely just is kind of like, hey, like I just want to make sure like you're open to us and this new relationship. And it does feel like you're closed off a little bit. Right. Holding on to the past and a past that like you can't have because she's gone. And then on the flip side, I'm like, hey, you might love him, but this is where he's at right now. Yeah. And he's just not ready. Yeah. Like grief is not a linear thing. Like he's just not ready. And so you might have to accept him where he is or realize like maybe this isn't the right person for you right now. It does come down to that sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes it comes down to like. This person's not wrong and this person's not wrong. It's really like, are you compatible and could you both be OK in finding a compromise here and working this out? Yeah. And sometimes the answer is no. And I think the answer is no. Like the compromise of maybe just like switch hands like it's still on. Yeah. Like your ring finger. But on the other hand, which is still meaningful, like in Europe, in some places that is their ring finger anyways. I feel like this would be a situation. Where she would have to decide, would I be comfortable if we get married if he's always wearing two wedding rings? I know. Like how would he even do that? Are we we we stack in? Yeah. Like he's granted men's bands are different. But like we we stack in. Yeah. Like what? I don't know. It is interesting. And like he almost needs to find someone else who's lost a partner who can fully understand how he feel or just like more conversations need to happen for them to like fully understand like the intricacies of their feelings. I mean, they also have only been dating for a year and I get like you're 32 he's 38 relationships when you're older and established do move a little faster but at the same time like I understand why he maybe isn't so willing to like take off this ring from his wife when you guys have only been together a year. Yeah. Did they say we've had conversations about it and he's confirmed that he'll never take it off even if. We get married even like if we progress. Let's see if we have any comments from O.P. The top comment on this one is quite simple. He is not ready. Next one down. He's not your boyfriend. He's her husband. And that does have quite a few upvotes. Someone does respond to it. This. I was widowed at 25 lost my partner and unborn child within 48 hours. It took me years. To stop telling people I was spoken for years for me to actually be ready to date and every time I tried it went up in flames. He's still her husband and that's OK. That's a normal part of grieving as a widow but it's not fair to her for him to be unable to admit it. Wow. I mean that insights really helpful from someone who's been in a similar situation and lost somebody and said like yeah this is a part I had to get through. But being in that. Faith does mean he's not ready to move on yet. I think that that's really helpful information and that's probably what the girl was picking up on. This is really really tough. I think it just comes down to compatibility and I don't think they have it. Or just like yeah the time in life like me. That's what I was thinking when I was hearing it too. It's like will he meet someone else who he loves so much that he does feel it's time to like put that. Ring on another finger or do something like that. And I feel like you kind of have to wonder that. And it's probably harder to be him and be like am I just feeling these things because this isn't my person or am I going to feel this way about everybody. Is it always never going to measure up to the one who passed away. Very complicated. No one's an asshole here. No. No. And I don't even think you're necessarily like overreacting. Oh right. It's from. Am I overreacting. Too hot take sub read it. One of our own. One of our own out there. I would probably take a step back. I definitely wouldn't move in. I definitely wouldn't progress forward more and like big ways of commitment. Yeah. If you care for him love him like keep on dating. But if you can't move past the ring issue then like I think you are just incompatible. Yeah. I'm really curious what everyone thinks too about the whole. Wrong time right person or right person wrong time. Yeah. And like so many people go back and forth on that and they're like you wouldn't get the right person at the wrong time like the universe wouldn't do that to you. I'm curious what everyone thinks about. I go back and forth on that as well because I'm like I feel like with you and Justin for example like it would have happened at any time in your life if you guys had met or do you not feel that way. Oh no we joke because he's like God I wish I would have met you in college because we were basically like going to the same bars like I went to the University of Minnesota he went to St. Thomas but the two colleges are so close and you kind of like commingle at all the bars but I've like told him I'm like if I would have met you in college it never would have worked ever. Okay so then that means there is such a thing as maybe right person wrong time. Yeah. Because I'm like I was. But also college is so young like I do feel like that's so different. I was just like in a different headspace I was dating hockey players and not for my own good and I just like wasn't I wasn't open I didn't even feel like I didn't know who I was and so like I think I'm more aligned with like the universe wouldn't give you the right person at the wrong time. I feel like everything happens it was a lesson you grew you love deeply whatever you want to take away from it but not the right person. Yeah but then I think the other thing can be true if. There's no like real reason it isn't the right time sometimes people make up reasons it isn't. the right time that's true but then there really are like yeah if I if I had met people at different times in my life I'm like there's no way I would have ended up with anybody at that time yeah but yeah no one's the asshole I do think both of them in situations like this benefit a lot from like finding groups of people who've been through the same thing or like going through the same thing because I think if you have no one else to talk to the advice is almost worthless and it feels like very isolating so I think reddit's a great thing for that also no comments from op no update yet I mean it is only what is it 19 hours old right now now so still very fresh but uh op if you're out there would like an update sending love to you you're not crazy no no but moving along to this next one buckle up buckle up I I feel like this one's going to be a little bit more of a there's going to be some hot takes that come out of this one I think okay this one is two days old it's coming from off my chest it's titled I told my sister's fiance about her secret Instagram where she ranks his family by who she hopes dies first I like choked it's that bad oh my god I know how the title sounds just let me explain so my sister 29 female she's a 29 year old and she's has a finsta whatever lots of people do I found it like a year ago because she accidentally logged into it on my iPad when she was over and I saw the notification it's private like 12 followers just her friends most of the posts are just shit talking her job random people Jake her fiance 31 male like she screenshots their arguments and her friends all reply king shit or whatever when she's being mean to him I thought it was a good idea to do that but I don't think it's a good idea it was weird but not my business but a few months ago she posted this like tier list question mark question mark ranking his entire family by the order she hopes they die his grandma was first she wrote a whole thing about how she quote gives off two more years max and I'm inheriting that ring his 14 year old sister was on there she said she's a 14 year old and I'm inheriting that ring she has school shooter energy oh I screenshotted it I don't know why I just did anyways last weekend we were at a barbecue and Jake is next to me talking about how much his grandma adores my sister and how she's so excited for October and I just I don't know man I showed him on my phone right there he didn't say anything he just walked to his car and left didn't even tell anyone he was going now everything is fine I don't know why I just did it I don't know why I just did it I don't know why I just did it I don't know why I just did it I don't know why I just did it I don't know why he's fucked wedding is paused whatever that means my sister called me sobbing and screaming at the same time saying that I ruined her life over a joke my mom keeps texting me about how I always do this which like what does that mean my dad just said that was a choice and walked away Jake won't respond to anyone his mom called my mom apparently I don't know I'm getting everything secondhand because my sister blocked my phone I don't know why I just did it I don't know why I just did it but also like was he just supposed to marry her not knowing she ranks his family by death order for fun her friends all knew 12 people knew and just let him propose to her I don't know maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut but also fuck that I have such conflicting I have such conflicting feelings about this first of all I'm gonna be so honest right now this is some shit I would have done I'm gonna be so honest right now I'm gonna be so honest right now I'm gonna be so honest right like what when I was like 20 when I was like 19 and had a finsta in college I was saying crazy shit on there it's almost like I I'm so sorry I'm sorry to say it a deathless though it's kind of funny what no bad I'm sorry I'm sorry I know I know it is bad like but like the issue is she's 29 and this is a secret from her fiancee so it's like why are you why are you still doing this and why is like the person that you should be closest to why is it a secret from him I'm gonna say it I understand having a finsta with like 12 people and putting some shit on there that you would never like it's almost like a joke of like oh this is where I get like crazy this is where I say things that like are pushing the boundaries but I don't know it's tough so that I'm sorry I think the sister kind of was an asshole for showing him that I think she should have talked to her about it and be like hey I don't think this is appropriate you're keeping this a secret from your fiancee like I understand you have like a sense of humor that I don't really get but I clearly don't understand yeah I don't know what do you what do you think I completely disagree I know yeah um but that's that's good though like we I love when we disagree on this show actually I I do think like you could have asked her like hey I saw this this is extremely fucked up like yeah what are you good yeah like you just labeled a 14 year old as school shooter energy like yeah that was that was bad you're giving psychopath hoping his grandma dies in two years so you can get the ring psychopath I don't think she really hopes the grandma dies in two years so she could get the ring I genuinely see I'm kind of getting the energy that she does interesting I'm getting someone who's like this mean girl the world revolves around her I think it's super unhealthy everything she's posting on there because there's one thing about a finsta and posting like a picture with you and like chopsticks in your mouth pretending you're a walrus yeah about to blurb yourself on meatballs I don't know there's something different about that versus like posting your arguments with your fiancee and this like mantra manifestation kill hit list like it's just like super deranged in my head so I do think like you could have approached the sister but I don't think asshole in any way like he did need to find out probably should have came from her but then again like would she have even told the truth I don't know yeah it is really bad the issue is that I know people with sense of with like who have this sense of humor and like have like meme accounts or like finstas or like things where like this for me is really bad I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know is a joke to them so I know there are people where it's like this really wouldn't come from any like I'm serious about this type of place but then at the same time it's taking me back to when I was 19 not now when I'm 29 so it's like to still be doing this and for him to have no idea that's really hard like I was probably posting similar stuff about like guys I was dating at the time but not like my fiancee like people who were like I don't know I don't know I don't know people like I posted like screenshots with their names cut out of like conversations I was having on my finstar like arguments and like making like snarky little comments about it yeah I think that and it's like to 12 people like that's basically a group chat but it's still not good I know that's tough and having the 14 year old sister on there is really tough too yeah no you're right yeah it's bad it's bad I don't know though I mean some people might not think it's that serious but I think we're good regardless he should know like totally I think like and I understand him wanting to break up with her because of it because yeah it is mean and it is like I'm supposed to be your partner yeah and I also think it's one of those things like you just need to know who you're marrying like I think a lot of people and I don't know why I've been seeing it so much lately people get married and then all of a sudden that switch flips and it's like would she let down this guard after they're married and then it's like it's too late yeah so I feel like he should know now yeah I think the only thing is that as the sister I feel like it was a big jump to like immediately showing him like while he like at a party while he was talking about it not having any conversations like but I also fully agree with you that this is like breakup worthy and if I saw something like that I would have been like I would have been like I would have been like I would have certainly break up with my partner for it my only thing was that I don't think she like meant it in I actually want these people like dead type of way I think she was kidding but it's also it's also like yeah you wouldn't want to marry someone who jokes about your family like that no no no top comment on this one you taught your sister a valuable lesson 29 this is incredibly immature and you saved that jake guy a lifetime of misery um next comment yeah sounds like mean girls shit burn book to burn list yeah exactly it does it sounds like a teenager to like maybe early college age type stuff to do it's honestly quite wild I can't believe like everyone in the family too being like that's a choice yeah that's that's a choice I know yeah I I've I also think what you said was really important of Like, he thinks-- could get married and he still wouldn't really know who she is like he might know that she has this type of sense of humor but he wouldn't think he's like making fun of her with it yeah make sorry making fun of him with it no i i agree it's and that's it just can't really come back from that no we don't have an update on this one um it is coming from a reddit account that is six years old has a verified email i will say the person is extremely active on reddit in like a bunch of subs like r slash ask marketing movie suggestions confessions blogging so like they're a very active reddit user but i mean six-year-old account which kind of makes me like if it's an older account i'm like it does feel more legit it's not someone that created a throwaway and it's farming this would be so specific to make up i feel it's very unique and i definitely like i can see this happening yeah a hundred percent and like hey you know not everyone gets along with their in-laws that's fine like whatever but you don't put it out there like this i know go to therapy let me ask you a hypothetical okay if it was in a group chat with her friends and she sent that text would it be different than posting it on her finsta at all probably i think the conversations maybe would be fine but then the the kill list is still where it gets tricky what's that conversation though like even with friends like god mikhail his grandma has the prettiest ring two years tops on that bitch that's what i'm saying i'm gonna get that ring i feel like yeah like posting their conversations and saying like something snarky about it in a group chat to friends like if you texted that it wouldn't be as like oh we can't come back from that yeah but the the kill list is tough like she went on canva and made a pyramid it's giving like dance moms like she made a fucking pyramid with this guy's family members and then was like i know you're at the bottom two years to live mid-tier school shooter and this is not even a funny fucking joke like like you are she's genuinely like she should be evaluated by a i would never want to date someone who would do this but i have had friends who would do this and they were very funny we have very different senses of humor i'm like i'm scared send help yeah but she's not gonna kill anybody if he if the grandma actually died she wouldn't be happy about i'm so sorry guys you're probably so mad at me right now this is someone this is someone that like i could see her putting lead in grandma's face grandma's like no no did you just see that woman i just saw like a video about her her husband had been poisoning with her with lead and she ended up like passing out and having to be put on a ventilator and then when they were like doing testing to figure out what was wrong her body was so lined with lead they were like how is she even alive no i did not hear about this people are sick sick yeah yeah and i think the joke is bad enough i'm just saying i i think it's a joke maybe that will be the poll yeah joke or no she's dead serious i'm gonna lose this poll hey you're maybe self-aware or maybe i'm in the clouds who knows i don't know so this is coming from r slash off my chest 10 days old now it is titled i female 22 just found out my no and we don't know what to do throw away because this is a massive secret and we are fully expecting it to blow up in our faces i never thought i would post here but the holidays uncovered something huge and my fiance and i genuinely have no idea what to do i grew up in a fairly large city in the south with just my mom my younger brother and me my dad died of cancer when i was four and my mom supported us by working as an accountant for a mid-sized company it was always just the big three as my mom would say i've never known anyone from her side of the family she has always been extremely private about her upbringing but as i got older i picked up bits and pieces whenever we saw family it was always my dad's side my parents met as adults but after my dad died my grandpa really stepped up in my life he took me to father-daughter dances came to baptisms and major milestones and was always present when i asked about my mom's side of the family i usually got short answers like quote they're bad people or we live far away for a reason as far as i know my mom left home when she was around 17 and never spoke to anyone from her family again my grandparents on my dad's side never met anyone from her side almost four years ago i got into a great university far from home my grandpa drove me down to campus and helped me move in during orientation i was a student at the university and i was a student at the university and i was a student i met tom not his real name we clicked instantly same humor same values and a connection i'd honestly never felt before we became best friends and very quickly and soon started dating tom is also from far away but our hometowns are extremely far from each other over the years i spent some holidays with his family and he spent some with mine my mom my brother and my grandpa who passed away around thanksgiving this year all adored him and i've always loved him and i've always loved him and were very vocal about wanting me to marry him his family accepted me just as warmly last year his parents even gave him a large gift to help pay for an engagement ring he proposed this past august right around the anniversary of when we met we are planning to get married in june shortly after we graduate one more piece of context before the actual problem tom and i became sexually active about a month ago we were both virgin and we were both married in june and we were both when we met and had decided we wanted to wait until marriage after he proposed we decided together that we were comfortable taking that step especially since i'm on birth control and we were already planning a wedding our parents assume we are waiting but no one has ever directly asked until now this has not been a point of stress for us here is where everything falls apart this past christmas i stayed with tom's family my mom and my paternal grandmother are in the middle of an argument and i did not want to be involved in it and my mom was completely fine with me going elsewhere while at tom's family gathering his mom's parents came over and we all had a big holiday meal we opened gifts and had a great time they even gave me several gifts with their last name on it at some point during the evening tom's grandmother made a comment to his mom who i'll call melissa she said quote melissa do you remember when you and rachel bought me that planter for christmas i leaned over and quietly asked tom who rachel was he looked confused and said it was his mom's twin sister who disappeared years ago he had never met her i immediately felt uneasy my mother's name is rachel although she has gone by her middle name my entire life i also knew she had siblings one sister and one brother tom had mentioned an uncle who passed away around 2010 at the time i convinced myself it was just a strange coincidence later that night people were moving around the house and tom and i ended up sitting alone together with some wine i whispered something like i didn't know your mom had a twin i think at that exact moment it hit both of us about a year ago while dating we had already realized our mothers shared the same birthday we thought it was funny and even mentioned it casually once to his mom we both started internally freaking out but kept it together for the rest of the visit the next day i flew home to see my mom before i got there tom and i came up with a plan i told my mom i'd been talking to my gynecologist about some issues with my period and that one of the intake questions asked whether there were twins in my family i said i didn't know and i figured i should ask for the first time in my life my mom admitted that she was a twin and i said i didn't know and i figured i should ask for the first time in my life my mom when i asked why she never told me she went on a long drunken rant about how her sister melissa was quote a literal demon my mom is unfortunately drunk most of the time she also mentioned cutting her family off completely when she was young what is wild is that my mom and tom's mom look absolutely nothing alike one is tall and brunette the other is short and blonde at that point everything clicked we confirmed last names which were the same i also learned my mom's maiden name for the first time in my life which i know is strange but she is intensely private tom and i are first cousins we have no idea what to do next our parents have never met but they are supposed to meet at our wedding in six months we've already built a future around each other tom has a great job lined up and i've been accepted early to see my mom and i've been accepted early to see my mom and i've been decision to my dream law school in the same city, our relationship is genuinely strong. We are best friends and deeply in love. Ending the relationship feels like throwing away the greatest joy either of us has ever had. Continuing it feels terrifying. There are obvious biological concerns if we ever want children. There is also the very real possibility of being disowned or pressured to split once the truth comes out. We are stuck and completely overwhelmed. What do we do? Oh my god. At first I was like how is it at all possible that this wouldn't have come out sooner meeting everyone's families? I so I thought about that. Justin's family and my family did not meet until our engagement. Yeah but twin sisters that's crazy. They're lucky that they were an identical twin sister. I mean I guess then they would have known sooner. They would have known yeah. But like genetically that would have been then their siblings. Then they're like half siblings. Yeah. No I this is hard. We had not this exact story but we had like a finding out I think they were more distantly related before and I just feel like you can't like you can't. See I'm okay with it. I know god. How did they ever get past this? I mean they weren't raised as family. I think it's very different if they're raised as family. We had a story ages and ages ago where this couple found out they were actually siblings and they had both been put in the foster care system. Had both like what her he had been adopted and she kind of aged out of the foster care. I forget the exact details but they had been dating for six years. Yeah. Done everything a couple does. Yeah. In six years. And they didn't want children anyways. And so I don't know if we ever got an official update but like my take was overall like you weren't raised as siblings. If you never would have found this out you would have been fine. It wouldn't have impacted your life. You don't want any children. You're good. Yeah. I just feel like the issue is I think it's more complicated if there was I think the one we read they already had kids together or something like they were already married. Yeah. They're not married yet and all of their family is going to find out. So like not only do they have to personally get over it in their head everyone else is going to know if they do ever have children even if they adopt they're going to find this out one day. It's like this lifelong like scarlet letter almost on like yeah. And then also I yeah I don't know I think you'd have to have a really like internal conversation with yourself of like will I ever fully get over this. Yeah. Because I wouldn't you know. I. It's like cheating. It's like if you if someone it's not like well kind of like when a partner cheats on the other one and they decide to get back together you have to be like will I conceivably ever really get past this. Yeah. And then it's like not fair to keep doing it if I feel like this will always be a thing. One thousand percent. Yeah. Can I develop amnesia and forget. Yeah. It happened or at least like enough to move forward and be intimate and this and that. It would be tough I think on the story where they found out they were siblings. She did mention she's like like touching each other now is kind of like gross. But I feel like oh God people are just screaming in their cars and houses at the gym. Siblings is a lot worse. Obviously then first cousin. We're getting a lot of mean girls references today. Like no. Where do you second. Yeah. And that's the thing like everyone's like oh we're someone recently was like we're third cousins and I'm like I don't even know what that means. No I don't really understand because we're like the second cousins once removed. What. No I've had I've had discussions with this with my mother about this and I don't really understand it how it works. I think well I would if you know I looked at a diagram of it. Yeah. But I don't know. I just don't think I don't get past this. I mean they certainly can never have biological children together. So that's a whole other thing of like can we get past that. Like I can't. It's how my kids was like one of their dreams. Am I OK with that. And then also like it's not only like you have to get past it but then all of like all the time you spend with your family you're probably constantly like in your head thinking they know that we're related like everyone knows we're like it just is such a barrier to put on like the freedom of how you live your life. And express things with your partner and like the family that you eventually build like oh my God imagine being like a child even even if you were adopted and mean and then later you're 18 years old or however old and you find out that your parents are related and then it's like now they have to probably try to keep that a secret from people they date so that people don't look at them differently. And it's like this huge family secret when you're not even married yet like you don't have kids together yet. I know. And times really have changed because I you always see this like Albert Einstein married his cousin and he was awful by the way Edgar Allan Poe. And by the way and by the way Einstein's wife did his math for him and he's talked about that. Isn't that crazy. Yeah. I mean that's so many men. I look at Scott Fitzgerald so many women took Zelda's writing and then put her in a institution. Yeah. Like don't even get me started. Crazy. But there was another person that like I think Edgar Allan Poe married his cousin. Oh yeah. They were doing that all the time when she was like child bride. It was really bad really really bad. And obviously times have changed somewhat more positively and in some areas and regards. So I'm like OK well there's a lot of billions of people out there. Maybe you move on. But at the same time I think even if these two moved on they would always wonder what if. And that would always be the one that got away. I think they'll be wondering either way. It's tough. It's tough. I'm not saying that they've done anything wrong. No. Obviously like they did not know. This sucks. This is like a horrible situation. Out of all the fucking people in the world. And they are from two very different hometowns. But your parents your mothers are twins and everyone is going to know the moment you have the wedding. You could just elope and not have a wedding. But also then like think about how like beautiful and perfect your wedding day is. Now imagine that day but you're stressed that everyone's going to find out the whole day that your siblings. Oh yeah. Well cousins. But I don't know. I know it is. Yeah. Like there's just so many things. There are so many things you're signing up for genetically and emotionally and signing then other people up for by doing this. And again it's not their fault. Like this. I just I I don't know. It's tough. It's. Yeah. We do have some comments from O.P. Yeah. So I have comments right now sorted by best on the post. The one at the very top says I'm sorry. That sounds incredibly painful. And also the plot of a movie. Yeah. O.P. responds. I certainly feel like I'm living in a horror movie. There's another comment here from someone. As I've said above the cousin thing is one thing. But your mother meeting her estranged twin at your wedding is going to cause absolute carnage. This must be aired before the wedding and you need to face the possibility of your mother making you choose. You say she's drunk most of the time. So I'm guessing she isn't the best mom. Else you wouldn't have added that information. Tom's mother also needs to know. Or there's another option. You tell your mother she demands you choose. You choose Tom disinviting your family to the wedding. You say nothing to Tom's mother. It is not recommended but this is all going to go disastrously wrong. I think if I could accept he was my first cousin I would just elope and keep the family separate as far as possible. So in one situation you're having a secret from your family the rest of your life. Yeah. And the other situation one of you is cutting off your family for the rest of your life. Like it's a no win. This is no there's no good situation or yeah you break up with currently the love of your life and it just fucking sucks. I know Opie responds to that and says I fear if we tell our mothers then our whole support system will fall out beneath us if we don't break up. It's almost like we have to be willing to break up if we tell them and neither of us want to break up at all. It's an impossible situation. I don't blame them. And if they do stay together it's not their fault that they're in this situation. It's just I want I want to know what they end up doing so badly. I know. So someone does say do one of those DNA tests and see how much DNA you share. My grandparents found out they were third cousins after they got married. Their parents knew as well. Not quite the same. But they made it work. Opie responds. This is good advice. But there's also some blissful ignorance here. Like at what percent do we draw the line doing it by 5 percent versus 6 percent versus. I mean we only have 23 percent. We're fine. That's so that's quite a lot. It's like it's like kind of like one of those things like what's the point in knowing that like we're first cousins. It is what it is like. Yeah. Yeah. The DNA percentage could vary. But like does it Does it make it any easier mentally to digest? I don't think so. So, we do get a bit of an update. No way. It's a little bit of an edit here. I didn't expect this to get so much attention. Are you kidding me? Look at this story. But I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. I also appreciate everyone who reached out kindly in my DMs. Sorry, I haven't responded yet. As you'll soon read, my life is a little upside down. I wrote the original post in the early afternoon. At the time, my mother was out buying my brother new clothes for his upcoming semester. I decided I would confront her after dinner. Tom and I agreed that I would tell my mom that night, and then we would figure out how to tell his parents. Dinner came and I wasn't eating. My brother kept asking why, so I eventually gave in and told my mom I had something important I needed to talk to her about privately. She seemed to recognize the seriousness of my tone and told my brother to go to the gas station to buy scratchers. When he got home, he said, I told her everything, starting with, I told her I'd been at Tom's house and learned that Tom's mom had an estranged twin and that I was confident it was her. I said the full legal names of Tom's mom and his maternal grandparents. I knew I was right by the shade of red my mother turned. She kept saying, I even showed her Tom's mom's Facebook. My mother has no social media and never has, as far as I know. At first, my mom went silent while I sobbed. Then she erupted. She told me I needed to leave Tom immediately and never speak to him again. I told her I wasn't going to do that. She started yelling about how Tom's family was spreading lies about her to me. They do not even know. She was being paranoid. I told her I didn't need to tell them anything, that she could keep this secret and simply never meet them. Since his family is paying for the entire wedding, I suggested she not attend so she would never have to interact with them. That suggestion was not taken well. Well, yeah. She called me every name in the book. Whore, liar, bitch, cunt, etc. She screamed at me until she was blue in the face and told me she would not allow me to return home. She told me she would not allow me to return to school for my final semester. Around this time, my brother came home. He is a pretty low-key guy and does not handle conflict well, so he went into the adjacent living room and scrolled on his phone. I told my mom I would marry Tom regardless and that if she chose to not be a part of my life, that was her decision. She called me ungrateful and continued screaming. Things escalated again when she demanded that I hand over my phone. Long story, I am actually on Tom's family's phone. She also demanded that I go to my room. I said no, that I am an adult, and she threw a three-quarters full bottle of botanist gin at me. It hit my arm and shattered on the floor. This is when my brother stepped in and pulled me out of the house. We could hear her breaking things and swearing as we stood outside. Since my flight is scheduled early in the morning, my brother drove me to his friend's apartment near the airport. He works at the airport and lives about 15 minutes away. I'd never met him. I'd never met this friend before. My mother texted me multiple times asking where I was and calling me awful names again, but nothing else happened. I'm writing this now from the airport, waiting to board my flight. I have a bruise on my arm, but it is not serious. Tom thinks I should have called the police, but I could just not do that to my mom. Even if that ends up being the last time I ever speak to her, my brother brought all of my belongings to me around 2 a.m. and then took me to a hotel connected to the airport. He is a saint. This is only half the update. After I left the house, during the drive to my brother's friend's place, I called Tom hysterically. He told me he thought he should tell his parents, and I agreed. After we hung up, around 10.30 p.m., Tom pulled his parents aside and told them everything. They had seen pictures of my mother on my Instagram before and had not recognized her, but once they looked again, they confirmed it was the Rachel that they knew. Melissa cried and cried. Tom said, His dad, I'll call him Richard, said the situation was very strange. They asked Tom a lot of probing questions, including whether we had been sexual and whether my mother knew. Tom told them everything. They were disappointed in him, but they did not dwell on that. After Tom explained what had happened with my mom earlier that night, Richard and Melissa completely changed their tone. They told him they still supported our marriage, but needed to make up for it. They told him they didn't want to take a game plan for how to handle this moving forward. They texted me, saying incredibly kind things, telling me nothing had changed, that I was still their daughter, and that they loved me. Melissa also shared why my mom became estranged from them. Now, this is only her side, and I may never hear my mom's, but apparently, when my mom was in high school, she started to unravel emotionally. She would yell at her mother constantly and accuse her of favoring Melissa. Their father was the coach, of the girls' basketball team, which Melissa played on, but my mom did not, and my mom felt rejected by both parents. During their senior year, my mom ran away with an older boy, not my dad. His family knew my grandparents well, so they assumed she was safe. But my mom told them she would never speak to them again, and she kept her word. The last they heard about her was three years later, when the boys' parents said that they had broken up and she moved to another city. This was the city where she later met my dad. They wrote letters, she never answered, and eventually respected her wish for no contact. All of this came secondhand from Tom, who heard it from his mom while I was coming down from hysteria in an airport hotel room at dawn. The details may be fuzzy, but that is what I know. How I'm doing, I'm heartbroken and scared. I've only seen my mother be violent once before, when she threw a brick at my brother for sneaking a girl in. I was on the phone with my mom, I was always the perfect child, and now I cannot imagine her ever speaking to me again. It feels like I chose the people she felt rejected by over her. My heart breaks for my mom, but I love Tom, and I do not believe it is fair to either of us to abandon this love. I am also scared of what she might do next. She went to my grandmother's house and my brother's girlfriend's house trying to find me. My brother refused to tell her where I was. She knows where my apartment on campus is. I have considered moving in with Tom for safety, but his parents asked us to stop being intimate until marriage, and I do not think they would approve of us living together. That said, they have both been incredibly kind. They paid for my hotel stay. Tom was nervous about me staying at my brother's friend's apartment. I was mostly afraid of the roaches. They are texting me as I write this, sending florist options and talking excitedly about our wedding. After all, I am okay, but I am terrified of the unknown. How is Tom doing? He is very anxious being away from me and incredibly grateful to my brother. He wants me to block my mom's number, but I am not ready. He encouraged me to make an appointment with my therapist, and we are hoping to attend a few sessions together. He has apologized endlessly and feels like he should have figured this out sooner, but it is not his fault. If we had known earlier, we might never have had the love we now share, and I believe that love is worth it. This morning, his father warned him not to share this secret with anyone. Tom is nervous about how our grandparents would react if they found out. If anything else happens, I will update again. We are still reading all of the comments. The encouragement, especially from those who urged us to tell our parents, gave us the strength to do the right thing. Even though I regret telling my mother, I think it was better than lying and creating a long-term deception. Thank you all for the support. Feel free to ask any questions. It genuinely helps us think through every angle. Wow. I mean, talk about originally an impossible situation, then another impossible situation on top of that with the parents, like. God, yeah, what do you do? The mother's reaction was abusive. That was awful. But then it's also the tragedy of, like, her life in general, of, like, already being the black sheep in the family, like, I know that the twin dynamic can either go, like, so well and they're best friends and, like, everything's amazing, or it's the opposite of, like, always comparing yourselves and sort of them, they're being, like, the golden one and then the one who kind of feels like they never measure up. And then she gets married and then he dies and then her daughter also chooses the other family over her and then, like, that family has the perfect reaction and they're so supportive and they're so wonderful while she's, like. You know, throwing things and it's just. It's very tragic all around. I know, and I think what's interesting here is that their tone shifted kind of the minute they found out the mom's reaction, which I get, like, that's horrible, that was abusive, we're gonna support you, but it almost feels. They're once again positing themselves as, like, the perfect family. Yeah. And the only problems that happen, between them was because she was such a mess. - She unraveled. emotionally yeah to me I'm like there's so much going on here that it's like it's hard to like pick out what you even focus on with this one yeah but that does kind of ring bells for me because I'm like why are you trying so hard like you just found out your first cousins and yet you're still sending her florist options yeah like why are you trying that hard moving on very quickly why are you being so supportive it it almost makes me feel like something else is up here and I do think there's a lot more to the mom's side like I genuinely don't think someone runs away at 17 from a loving home right like there probably was a lot to like you were the golden child she was the black sheep and she left and there's a comment here that OP responds to and someone is like odd man out here but your mom's past behaviors decisions and reactions are very reminiscent of SA from a family member and so like people are really diving into this just be like no guarantees like not saying that is what happened but like there's alarm bells on both sides I agree I think there's something about the almost like two perfect reaction I just something's perfect family and a lot of the time like victims are the ones who seem crazy and awful and unlikable because they're the ones whose lives were affected whereas like the perpetrator is usually fine like they're not facing the effects of abuse and so yeah victims aren't likable and and there are and that's why like the very charming like perpetrator always seems to like get away with it in situations and I'm not saying that that's what happened here obviously we're kind of like taking leaps to get here yeah but again like you said the immediate switch up of like oh she's reacting like that like if she had had the perfect reaction and been like oh I'm accepting like this is fine I'm going to support you no matter what would then they have done an opposite to that yeah I don't know yeah it's almost like one more win against her that now they get her daughter and that's like a boon I don't know if we're off base here it's just yeah I definitely like the reaction is insane it wasn't okay but I completely understand it at the same time like I'm putting myself in the position of like my family life and my home life was so bad everyone and everything I knew right to just move away and start a life on my own like yeah that is extremely hard and I would imagine things were horrible and it sounds like the other family they're very well off like she didn't gain anything by running away from them she could have had the financial support like she can't afford to pay for the wedding and then like hearing that from the daughter of like oh well then maybe you just shouldn't come you don't come to the wedding they'll be at the wedding with me like that's nightmare like that's crazy I am just a story perplexed I know and again like it's so much easier I think to have opinions on these first cousins getting married as people who aren't in the situation obviously like being actually in that situation is so much more difficult than it is to have an opinion on the internet or on a podcast so like I can't really like judge them that I know it's just like oh this is tough it is it is so so challenging and like Justin and I we've had a story where like he's been the one sitting across from me reading similar vibes and like I think we've even kind of talked about like what would we do today if we found out yeah we were related like what would we do yeah and for us like it wouldn't change anything like pursue other means of having kids yeah but like we're in so deep right now that like yeah it wouldn't change anything and that's kind of where they're at I don't know how to proceed forward with mom like I I think if she continues to be very aggressive and abusive like I do think you have to go low contact if not no contact but I would really try to have an honest conversation with her and be like can you please tell me your side like why did you leave what happened because I like I want to understand why your reaction was what it was like I didn't feel good about that like you threw a bottle at me that wasn't okay I just want to understand where you're coming from and try to like hear her out I mean yeah there's some dark shit here something's off something is off I don't know what it is but something just feels off and after that after that conversation and giving her her time I don't know what it is but something just feels off and time and obviously you're it's a phone call like which is also probably safer and easier for you but after that then you can proceed forward and I mean you're you're like op is like steadfast like I'm marrying Tom I love Tom our love is worth it and like that's how you feel today then you have to proceed forward and that is what it is a lot of people did comment make sure marriage to your first cousin is legal in the state you're in op did respond it is legal in the state you're in is legal in their state not the state Tom is from wow they never planned on living there anyways so no issue but like that is another consideration of like there are so many more levels to like can I just emotionally get past this yeah the one line that did kind of like throw me for a loop here is like quote Tom is nervous about how our grandparents would react if they found out and that's where you're like my grandma is his grandma but we're getting married like that was the only line that was like but they're also not a lot of it is like that for me I'm gonna be on like it's really tough like it's a tough one and then even on top of that I feel like she will be committing to not having a relationship with her mother I believe it once she marries Tom and is really integrated into his family like that's sort of it like they'll probably discourage her making up with her mother like Tom already wants her to block her mom like I just don't know like not not only is it weird for them that they're related but she's also leaving that part of her life behind I know and I think a lot of people too would be like well you know she did mention her mom is a functioning alcoholic and blah blah blah and it's like yeah I I think like parents can be super unhealthy but like it also can still be hard to cut them off like that's not an easy thing she's doing and OP does provide another comment here kind of because people were asking like what's your mom like not really a loss like they were kind of implying like you're maybe better off just marrying Tom and not talking to her and OP responded to someone is like thank you this comment's very kind my mother is a functional alcoholic who cuts people off very quickly she starts a lot of drama but she has always loved me and provided for me I was valedictorian of my high school class and I honestly could not have done it without my mother who did this for me and I think that's a really good comment and I think that's a really good comment and I think that's a really good comment and I think that's a really good to secure me the best tutors and resources that being said I fear her reaction will be harsh and as a single mother I don't know it's just hard because I can see how the mother ended up where she is today and it's like after so much tragedy and it's like at what point do we give up on people like that and just be like well you've become a part of the system of abuse too so this is so fucking hard where do you guys fall on this one are you team move forward get married just let everything land where it's gonna land or are you kind of in the boat of like yeah this is gonna be a big heartbreak but it's probably best if you just go your separate ways and move on I would put off the wedding I would move it later I think that's a good idea give it time to be like okay we think we feel this way but if a few months pass and we're starting to be like okay this actually is weird or like I am feeling things that you know it's it's so soon to know how you're actually gonna feel about it very true I would be like wait a year see how we feel over that year if we really do get past it and like the people that we love and our family around us like they also don't seem weird that's one thing but yeah that's a really good point and then I it begs the question of like are they getting married so young so shortly after college for religious reasons and like obviously they were waiting until marriage they've hooked up maybe once or twice like kind of by the sounds of this very religious conservative family like don't live together no sex have you been intimate so there's kind of that context playing there and the mom being like I'm gonna take your phone away I'm not gonna let you go back to school this was very there were like some comments where this really felt like young people yeah and OP even says like my mom is very conservative as well like Tom's family is very conservative so there are some comments from OP kind of alluding to that but I guess like that is interesting because it's like okay you've waited this long hold off sex for a few more months see if you guys can you know be okay with this but at the same time you do get married you do start having sex that's when you start having a problem of like this is when it gets hard for us is the intimacy side of it yeah because we know we're cousins now and Tom will need to get a vasectomy OP does say we are firm on like going the adoption yeah route like we're it's good that they've like tackled that conversation already a lot a lot of comments from a few guys i've really gotten into most of them but god i know what a doozy what a doozy i can't believe it i will say the comments on the best of redditor update were like talking about how the roaches were like their favorite part of it like i was mostly afraid of the roaches yeah and then they go i really for just a second thought oh that's nice that the roaches are so involved in the wedding planning and someone replies and goes haha ogtha has nice and thoughtful relatives and then someone goes ogtha mentioned who's ogtha i have no idea who ogtha is original no no so this is a apparently some reddit lore oh we might be taking a little bit of a detour here and learning about ogtha because i think you're gonna love it i think you're gonna love it is there any chance i could pee really fast oh we are totally taking a pee break because i'm gonna pee my pants so many drinks when we continue ogtha upon further review ogtha is definitely good but it is a little long oh it's a story it's another reddit post oh okay it's ogtha o-g-t-h-a ogtha ogtha i mean if you literally google ogtha the reddit post about it is coming up i can't believe this has never come up before yeah i'm i've never heard this story there's not really a pronunciation for it that i'm seeing so i have no freaking idea but because it is a bit longer i'm gonna read two more shortish ones and then we will circle back we're gonna get into that because i feel like it'd be by the looks of it a good one to kind of cap us off wow i'm excited based on the title i think you're gonna love it i think you're gonna love it okay i'm so so so excited for this next one i saw the trailer for this movie and i was immediately like yes i need to see it and i'm not even a horror like scary movie film girl like everyone knows that but this has rachel mcadams in it wait okay yeah i saw this trailer okay doesn't it look insane i was very confused at first because i thought it was going to be a horror movie but i'm not it was going to be like a classic workplace oh you know drama and then i was like oh it looks so so so good yeah i literally you guys go watch the trailer for this movie it's called send help and it is just so good and rachel mcadams looks amazing it looks like she's gonna get so into this role and like she's just such a good actress and i'm pretty sure like dylan o'brien is in it too oh yes yes i was confusing him in my head i thought it was one of the franco brothers but no i think it is dylan o'brien yeah dylan o'brien's in it um it's just it looks so so so good so this next story is actually brought to you by 20th century studios oh my god hey guys so it's from sam ramey director of the evil dead and drag me to hell comes the new film send help it's about linda little rachel mcadams and overworked and overworked employee who ends up stranded on a deserted island with her absolute nightmare of a boss so this next one we're getting into a work story i hear you guys you've wanted more work stories we're gonna see what a nightmare work situation looks like in the reddit world right now yay yeah okay so this one is coming from aitah it's two months old someone actually sent it to me on instagram which i really appreciate it i'm gonna send it to you guys i'm gonna send it to you guys because it's a good one it is titled someone at work stole my chair so i had them arrested oh i got a new job in sales working for a company that sells access control systems cctv systems etc the chair in my cubicle was uncomfortable as fuck so i day three brought in my own herman miller aaron chair on day four it was missing i looked around and another sales rep in it i asked for it back but he basically told me to fuck off i went and spoke to the owner of the company he told me that the chairs aren't reserved they are first come first serve i explained that i own the chair and it cost me eighteen hundred dollars oh my god he told me that i need to come in earlier if i want that chair i'm taking it home then the owner of the company is telling you also go fuck yourself the next day the same guy was sitting in it when i got to the office i told him to give it back or i was going to call the cops he refused so i called the cops it was quite the scene but in the end he admitted that he took my eighteen hundred dollar chair i was prepared i had the receipt which showed the serial number wow yes aaron chairs have serial numbers they asked me if i wanted to press charges my new boss said i didn't want to press charges i didn't want to press charges i would be terminated if i had him arrested so i said absolutely i want to press charges my new boss fired me on the spot oh so i carried my chair out with me as i was leaving and yes the cops arrested the dude who took my chair he admitted to it the dude who took my chair has been in the industry for about 15 years but he's going to lose his security license which means he's going to have to pay for it he's going to have to pay for it he's going to have to be able to work in the industry he's going to lose his job i don't give a shit he shouldn't have stolen my chair am i the asshole for making this dude lose his job they had me then they lost me you had me in the first half obviously this wasn't like these people sucked and initially calling the cops i was like you know what sure i'm on some petty shit today like well i don't know like you tried everything else i do feel like after he admitted to stealing the chair there maybe could have been some like middle step before pressing charges of like coming to some kind of agreement but i don't i don't know i think i think they maybe took it too far i probably would have just taken the chair home or gotten it engraved with my name or something or like taken it to hr or yeah i think i think they did overreact like oh this escalated quickly for fun i want to be like yeah haha like i'm on your side get crazy with it but in real life i do think i think that's a bit much also like i understand the chair sucked you wanted to bring your own chair in eighteen hundred dollar chair like if it wasn't that guy stealing it like who's to say that someone wouldn't have stolen it and taken it home and out of the building like it's a risk okay he shouldn't have taken your chair the boss not a good boss nightmare of a boss not having your back and going up to him being like hey john you know so and so brought that chair in take any other chair take any other chair guy bad boss but to call the cops have him arrested lose his security clearance i think you went too far now you've kind of i know come the nightmare power tripping i agree person i agree i was like at first with the title i was like okay this is definitely overreacting then they were telling the story i was like you know what i'm on their side then it got to the end and i was like nope i'm off again that's like it's too much too far much i feel like there has to be a better way of dealing with the assholes and like my petty response to that would honestly just be taking the chair back home it wouldn't be like okay i'm gonna lose my job you're gonna lose your job like you're also maybe gonna go to jail the police are involved like that's it's too much drama for a chair these people are assholes but at what point do you also drop lower than their level you know i know this is a i feel like this is gonna be another divisive divisive yeah one where people are like i don't know because the boss horrible but again like you kind of were so aggressive and like yeah i don't think we should be calling the police on people so willy-nilly this world that we're living in i don't know again there there must have been other ways of making your point honestly get a leash on it yeah like you do you remember in like a bike lock or something now them overreacting doesn't negate the other two being assholes no no like let's be clear about that like going to your boss and being like hey the chairs here are really uncomfortable i've got i've got back issues yeah i want to bring my own chair but i don't want any one else to steal it i spent a lot of money on this is there a way that we can make this work or you get more comfortable chairs for the office i know this person kind of is a diva though like needing an eighteen hundred dollar chair top comment says this this. Due to lower back issues, I always provided my own desk chair and made sure it was clearly marked that it was my personal property. I also used a bicycle cable to secure my chair to my desk at the end of the day. One coworker had his chair disappear, so he sent an email to the entire global company address book. It was hysterically funny to read the response emails. Wait, is this a thing? Like, please let us know if stealing chairs at the office and bringing your own chair and then that chair getting stolen. Let us know if that's a thing. I know about the food. I know that bringing your own food and putting that in the company fridge and that getting stolen is a big thing. That's huge. But let me know about the chairs. That's huge. Someone, I think it is because someone else responds. I worked in a call center years ago and had a coworker who crazy glued a big old sign with large letters. Blanks chair. Do not touch. It worked. No one touched her chair. Right, because then you're the asshole in a chair with a big ass sign on the back that says so-and-so's chair. Oh, I'd literally get one of those like license plates with my name on it and like zip tie it. Screw it in there. Screw it in there. Like, I would be aggressively making sure that people knew that this was my chair. And that would be petty, but it wouldn't be getting someone fired and calling the police on them. It feels like an overreaction to me. But again, like the boss kind of instigated it where it was like, if you have him arrested, you're going to have to do it. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't you're fired and then i feel like op has one of those personalities that's like very like you go low i go lower yeah yeah a little bit yeah a little bit uh clearly this is a story of a nightmare fuel but a deserted island has to be worse directed by sam ramey send help is the ultimate work trip from hell it's a real killer only in theaters and 3d january 30th oh wow i didn't realize it was coming out so soon shall we go yeah it's got to have the little footstools yeah a little recliner is it weird if i bring my own blankie no i always do and i wear fuzzy socks too okay i just need something to cover my eyes during the scary part i just want to see rachel mcadams okay moving on to this next one this episode is brought to you by revolve if you're looking at your closet right now thinking no none of this is working just go to revolve i love that they have the brands i actually want there's always something new and i can order a few options because the shipping is fast and the returns are easy go to revolve.com slash tht to shop my faves and use code tht for 15 off your first order offer available for a limited time so don't miss out this episode is brought to you by neutrophil i've been dealing with some crazy hair thinning lately and i was seeing a lot more scalp than i wanted to which is why i've been taking neutrophil neutrophil is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists and now the neutrophil women's formula has been upgraded to its most advanced version yet it's 100% vegan biotin free and comes in a smaller capsule size to make your daily routine easier whether you're just starting your hair health journey or you've been taking neutrophil for years this update means you can now get their most advanced support yet right now neutrophil is offered by revolve our listeners ten dollars off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit neutrophil.com and enter promo code hot takes that's neutrophil.com spelled n-u-t-r-a-f-o-l.com promo code hot takes do we want one more work one yeah keep on a little work train here i think we don't do that many work ones i know and people have been asking for them so i feel like this is a good one and the title really intrigued me i haven't read it i haven't read it i haven't read it at all but the title i was like i think it's gonna be good yeah so this is coming from our friend direct caterpillar 77 posting god every time he puts together a story it's magic i know again and then you see direct caterpillar 77 you're like okay bad like it's gonna be good so this one is titled my co-worker told everyone we're married we're not even dating oh no scary danger girl last year i left on a leave of absence for a few months to take care of my elderly parents then i returned to work apparently during that time one of my co-workers began telling people we were married not as in work wife as in legally married and everyone believed him honestly i had no idea he had any feelings for me and i don't think he knew i would be coming back i'm an introvert i keep my personal life private and don't talk much about myself but the fact is i have a husband not him who i've been married to for 10 years 10 years not wanting to cause him embarrassment i privately went to our boss explained the situation behind closed doors and asked for a department transfer even though he's never sexually harassed me or made a move on me i'm very uncomfortable being around him right now and don't want any contact with him my boss agreed said she would speak to him and though she didn't have the authority to move me to another department she would see to it that we wouldn't be put on a team together and kindly offered to adjust the schedule so he wouldn't be in the office at times when i was there i've tried to handle this whole mess as discreetly as i can but today i lost it he walked into the break room while i was in there and i basically yelled at him in front of everyone there saying i'm not his wife and to stop telling people we're married i know this was not the most mature way to handle the situation but i was at my wits end what do i do so this is originally getting posted on ask a manager okay and ask a manager is like that blog with allison she is like the all being managerial woman she knows all hr expert i don't think she overreacted at all he's publicly saying this to whoever like a creep she's trying to like privately handle it she's offering to change departments herself not even like he has to leave or he has to change departments like this very much is not an overreaction i would also snap and it causes confusion for your relationship it's also like it's potentially scary is it because he's obsessed with her is it coming from like that type of place is he just trying to seem cool like what you don't know and it's scary not knowing very and either way it's like why am i like what's your fixation with me why me yeah you don't know me why he's not even getting fired like i don't even think him getting fired for that would be an overreaction a lot of companies have like policies about working with your spouse or someone you're dating so what if this impacted op negatively at work because of that yeah like it's just it's not okay so allison actually asked our writer what did the co-worker do when he was getting yelled at and the writer responds i think he was in shock because he said nothing but immediately left the room however there was definitely a palpable tension between me and my colleagues who had witnessed the whole thing as i said before i didn't want to cause a scene or embarrass him publicly unfortunately i was in the moment and i let my emotions get the best of me i fear there can be no good resolution to the situation either i've just exposed him as or they think i'm the one line since he'd apparently been telling people we were married for quite some time oh that's scary since i can't transfer departments i'm entertaining the idea of putting in my two weeks but i'm still emotionally reeling from what happened and i don't want to do anything impulsive or make the situation worse yeah no the fact that he's been saying this for a long time at first when i heard this story i thought it was she left the company or something and then he thought he was in the clear to be like oh and by the way like you know my girlfriend goes to another school type thing but it sounds like he's been planting this seed for a long time and that's just like a very scary personality like to just confidently lie to people about being in a relationship with someone who works with them like say you're in a relationship with a completely made-up person that no one knows if you're gonna lie about dating someone i know i do feel like more conversations have to be had to like get to the bottom of why where this is coming from yeah because like what is the root of this like we've had people lie in the past that their sister was their girlfriend right i think i think that's what it was because their sister like everyone thought she was hot at work and so the op wanted to look cooler in front of everyone yeah weird weird like all weird yeah i don't know but like yeah what is the core reason here so there are comments on the ask a manager blog someone goes speechless jaw gaping next one me too i can't imagine what would possess someone co-worker to do such a thing even more so i can't imagine how co-worker thought this would pan out seriously how did he expect her to react op i'm angry for you by the way you did nothing wrong even the blow-up was in my opinion legitimately called for and op does respond yes in the comments i am op and thank you all for your reassuring and empathetic responses like to assume the best in people that maybe he just had a crush that spun out of control or as one of you had said perhaps he has low self-esteem and wanted to prove he was likable or normal. That's why I felt badly about handling it the way I did though I know he is the one at fault here. That said we are both in our 40s and so I feel someone that age theoretically should have outgrown that high school insecurities type behavior. I've been able to avoid him since the incident without feeling too much like I'm walking on eggshells and my boss with my permission also informed her boss and they've both been very supportive. Supportive but he's still in the same department as her. Yes. Right. And we get an update that comes eight months later. Wow. Wow. I didn't expect my question would even be published let alone receive so many supportive comments from the ask a manager community. I only wish my bosses and co-workers could have been that understanding. Oh god. About a month after the break room scene I still felt like I was walking on eggshells to avoid my husband and I noticed the attitudes from my manager and co-workers changing for the worse. I and I could have told you this might happen of immediately. She's like seen as the bitch in this situation. What? Yeah. Oh how? Yeah. How? I would have brought in a big ass fucking picture of me and my husband and put it on my desk. Multiple pictures. Yeah. I would have been like no this dude is crazy. How did this get flipped on her? Because that's how it works in this world. I ended up leaving for a similar job that pays better and is just a healthier environment. Overall I hate how we call everything and everyone toxic nowadays but that truly was a toxic environment in retrospect and the lack of support from management and HR was finally the big red flag that sent me packing. Some of the commenters mentioned stalking and safety because the man seemed a bit obsessed. While I've seen the guy a few times around town there hasn't been any interaction between us and I don't think he or any of my former co-workers know where I work now. Nobody's attempted to contact me and I can breathe easier. I wish everyone at my old job well. I hope they can learn from this situation and I thank everyone who commented for their encouragement. Yeah. What the heck? I it's I know a girl and like just to speak to this being a very plausible situation. I know a girl who was just last week on her close friends posting about how she'd found out that multiple guys in her area had been like lying to her. I don't know if she's lying to people that they'd slept together that they dated and just how like violating it feels to have people like talk about having an intimate relationship with you when you haven't as like a form of bragging and it's like the reality of it is so much more violating than it just sounds in a story like that. It's horrible especially when you like find out about the intimate details of what got said like this happened to me in high school and I didn't find out until I was in college. But this ex-boyfriend was spreading all these rumors it's just like it's it's it feels like worms crawling on your skin like it's just it's so icky to be like horrible used like that. It's horrible. I don't know as like a prop to somebody else's story and that honestly that's like the the best case scenario for him is that he was just doing that to brag and seem cooler because him being like obsessed with her in this scary stalker way is even worse. So there's really no situation here where he's just this like good faith like sweet guy who made a mistake. I mean he'd been spreading that for a long time and using her to like prop himself up in that story and then even when this all came out he didn't do the right thing and be like I'm so sorry that was weird of me I had a crush on you or whatever and I and I accidentally said it once and then the lie got out of hand like he should have come forward and apologized switched departments left the company whatever when that happened. But instead this like got turned on her for like embarrassing him and like well he's been doing that to her. I also just I still don't understand the lie. Why why not say oh we're dating. Yeah. Like why did you jump to marriage. And I do think it's kind of weird she's seen him around town a few times like unless it's a really small town. True. Yeah. That is still kind of weird to me. And again a bad boss. What is up with these bad bosses. And I already was like when when she said they were being supportive I was like how supportive are they really being if they're saying you could switch departments and like change your life because of this lie about you and like nothing's actually being done about him like how supportive are they really being. And like I am curious more so the H.R. perspective on this. Yeah. So Allison's response was don't quit your job. You were in the right. He was in the wrong. It's understandable that you lost it. Ideally of course you would never lose your cool at work or cause a scene. But he's the one who did something wrong here. He should be exposed as a liar. And what the hell is wrong with your co-worker doing something like this. Yeah. Why is he allowed to publicly say that about her but she can't publicly respond to it and be honest like he's allowed to publicly lie about her but she's not allowed to publicly be honest about him. The post goes on to say I think you'll feel much better if you go and talk to your co-workers. Say something like I want to apologize for losing my cool in the break room. When I returned from my leave of absence dealing with a family issue I found out that Derek has been telling people we are married. We've never had any involvement at all. So this was really bizarre. Feels violating. I'm at my wit's end. And then I'm curious what the response to the update was. Yeah. In my dream world they would have had like a face to face showdown where he would have said exactly why he did this. Yeah. But it sounds like it's not. It sounds like what they're saying is she confronted him and then we kind of don't really get the information of what happened after that before she left the job. Well and the thing is Allison usually like will point to H.R. rules or like oh that's a harassment that's a blah blah blah. You should go to H.R. but it doesn't even seem like anything was pointed out. There was no update response from Allison in regards to O.P.'s update. So it's kind of like there wasn't maybe even legally anything that could have been done. Yeah. So I think it's kind of like there wasn't anything that could have been done. It's like oh that's an office rumor. He's not sexually harassing you. It is what it is. Sorry. Yeah. Because it's such a like what falls under that category. This is such a unique situation. It's probably not written out in the rule book. So. That's so crazy. Ah bad boss. I just like shitty job. But honestly worked out for the better here. Like. Yeah. O.P. left a toxic work environment went to a similar job is getting paid. More. So unfortunate stress that they had to deal with not their fault but worked out for the better. Yeah. I mean that's a unique one. That's that's a different office rumor because he had to like at least be a little stressed that he'd be confronted with the truth of it if they're in the same department and like he's been spreading this for a long time. How did he feel so comfortable lying like that. Cockiness. Yeah. Audacity. Did he just think she was so nice that she wouldn't say anything like. Or he would just brush it off like you guys sorry about that. She really doesn't want anyone at work to know we're married. Sorry. Wow. She's just a little crazy today. That's diabolical. Sorry guys. I'd be like here's my lock screen photo of me with my real husband. Here are our wedding pictures. Dude that's I would have immediately brought in like pictures of me and my husband. I would have gone to Office Max. Just like around your desk. Blown him up. Yeah. I would have made a poster of it. Like our like I would have been like I think in my response sometimes I can be a little passive aggressive versus having hard conversations. And that is where I would have been a little aggressive. Passive aggressive. Passive aggressive. Yeah. Print out the pictures. Put them up everywhere. My husband. My husband. Not Jeff. My husband. Not that guy. Like I don't know. I mean that response would have probably worked for her though because then she wouldn't have seemed crazy to all these people. Not that she was crazy. That's just like unfortunately how people spin things sometimes. I wonder what the workplace like rumor mill said after. Yeah. I know because now he gets full kind of control of the narrative. The way it goes. But also what if he wanted to date. What if a new co-worker gets hired and what if he was interested in him. Yeah. Like you're screwed now. You're married. Why. Why would you do this. For 10 years too. Like it's not even like a secret that she's married or it's like a new thing that she's in a marriage. I am very curious about office rumors in general. No. Like if there are any other stories that people have about like a really weird rumor about them that was spread in the office or like one that's been going around or if like one of their co-workers confronted a different co-worker about something. Yeah. I would love to hear that. I've got I've got a theme coming up. I think like you guys still want a work theme. Right. I know someone said work. Someone messaged me and they're They're like, can you please-- - Not safe for work. that one so yeah work stories but not safe for work um and then someone was like can you do like a school teacher oh I like that too because I do like um like classroom classroom drama college like yeah so it would be even also less crazy if it was like two college students and the guy was spreading rumors in his lecture like oh yeah I'm dating her but that would still be crazy but like doing it in a professional like work environment about someone in your department no it's so weird audacity and it works for him so no wonder insane I do have one more work story that is going to go on the first bonus episode for January wow also has to do with a picture am I wrong for not removing a photo from my desk after my co-worker made it weird oh my god you can't leave us hanging the workplace tea is starting to pipe you I know it's good timing I know so if you have any personal work drama you want our takes on yeah go over to the two hot takes subreddit post it there and I will make sure we get a good work theme together for February it'll be good it'll be good this episode is brought to you by cash app I myself have fallen for a scam thought I was getting a really good deal on tickets and bam I sent the money and I didn't get my tickets there's so many things I can't do I can't do anything I can't do anything I can't do anything there's so many common scams these days and finding all the red flags can be hard that is where cash app comes in keeping your money safe from fraud deserves to be a priority and cash app treats it that way with security lock cash app requires a successful face id or biometric authentication to access your account it's like your money is protected by your own personal bodyguard even if your phone is lost or stolen plus if you're about to send money to someone new and cash app notices something looks a bit off or that you might be falling for a scam you can't it will send you a warning before the money is sent to confirm that everything looks right download cash app and spend with peace of mind today download cash app today and make your money work for you cash app is a financial services platform not a bank banking services provided by cash apps bank partners visit cash app.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures this episode is presented by state farm there's impressive like instantly winning over your boyfriend's parents and then there's impressive like being smart about saving money for your dream home or a sweet new ride and a great way to do that is to bundle home and auto with the state farm personal price plan bundling just another way to save with the personal price plan like a good neighbor state farm is there prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state coverage options are selected by the customer availability amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state but moving on to ogtha oh my god okay i'm so confused that like this hasn't even come up for you before no and i'm sure it has on like other reddit pods i mean the original post is from 2014 wow so it's a little vintage let's get in the headspace of 2014 um remember the story you were on it was the first episode i think you ever came on really bonded us as friends about the bug the bug guy yes that is immediately where i went with it we do appear to have another bug guy this is perfect i know i'm gobsmacked at the perfection of this whole situation i know if you guys don't know like this was one of my favorite stories this was what like four years ago at least at least four years ago at least i went on two takes for the first time we were at your dad's condo at the time on a on a couch i think chilling and there was this story about a guy who was method acting a beetle part in a play and we really tried to like find the i think someone eventually found the play and sent it yeah the play was uh metamorphosis right and um it was real just wait you guys we are coming a little bit full circle but time traveling so this is gonna be good wow every four or five years we need a bug we need a bug every four years yeah it's gotta happen so the post is titled today i fucked up by admitting to my girlfriend that i pretend she is a giant cockroach when we have sex wait this is a fetish this is like sorry okay ever since i was a teenager i have had very intense fantasies about having sex with a giant roach this is not that this is not that unusual by the way this is not that unusual i hate to break it no literally on my old podcast with matt we had a story about a guy who was role playing like you pretend to be an ant or no you pretend to be a big human that's about to smash me and i'm a little ant and your really big foot is about to step on me and i'm like ah i'm so small like don't step on me like this is a thing i've heard it before it started in ninth or tenth grade when we read the metamorphosis by franz kofka no as i started to think more and more about the roach creature that the character had become i started to imagine what it would be like if a woman turned into the roach instead i found this idea very arousing i would not be repulsed or frightened of her as the characters in the story are i would take care of her then my thoughts started to get sexual with the character right eventually i sort of dropped the bit about her having been a human woman first and i kind of imagined this fictionalized roach species they are giant roaches the size of a person and have complete intelligence i kind of over time conjured up an imaginary friend of sorts she was one of these roaches and her name was ogtha i would fantasize about her often whenever i masturbated i'd be imagining elaborate scenarios of me and ogtha making love it's not even a sexy name when i started to have actual sex i found i could not uh perform if i wasn't thinking of ogtha so basically now every time i have sex with a woman i am pretending that she is actually ogtha not just think about ogtha i concentrate intently to visualize that i actually am doing ogtha i don't want to think about the girl at all there is only ogtha wait like romantic of course this sex can never be as exciting as my fully imaginary sessions with ogtha there are things that her multiple appendages and antennae allow for that a human woman could never match so anyways i've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year three or four times i have tried to have sex with her and not pretend she is ogtha but i just can't do it and every other time he's imagined ogtha okay awesome so essentially every time we have sex i'm imagining she is ogtha i finally confided this to her the other day and i was blown away by her reaction i thought she might take it a bit badly at first but that she'd get used to it no i have never seen such a look of disgust before outraged is not an understatement she is not even returning my texts now shocking i'm afraid that she's actually going to break up with me and also that is going to tell people about ogtha i don't know how i will face anyone this is going to sound silly but i also feel guilty about feeling shame as if ogtha will be saddened by this and i'm not going to be sad about it i'm going to be sad about it i'm going to be sad about it saddened by this even though i know she is imaginary i just don't know what to do at this point can i tell you like once again i'm warring with myself about this story on one hand i think it's the romance of the century like i think that i think that like op and ogtha should have a movie like there should like he he cannot this is the most faithful a man has ever been to anybody in the history of the world can't imagine being with anybody other than ogtha like ogtha is all he all you dream about all you think about this is like this is like the greatest love there's ever been at the same time if i were the girlfriend in this situation imagine hearing that the fact that he's surprised like a little bit he's like yeah i feel like at first of course she'd be like a little upset but i imagine she'd get over it and then he's more worried about ogtha's feelings than her feelings this is this is almost like the ai girlfriend trend of everything like dating chat gpt or whatever is going on where it's like there's this idealized woman who doesn't talk back to you and only like ever does what you want and says what you want her to say except in this version it's is it a cockroach it's a cockroach cockroach and i can't believe i can't believe that this goes back he should date the actor who's method acting as the roach from metamorphosis yeah they could both find happiness with one another see i do think there's someone out there for him right i do think he needs to be a little bit more up front with his fetishes versus like i would be so disappointed distraught and grossed out if if my partner told me every time we have sex I envision you're a roach yeah it I mean a roach is especially bad but if they said that about anything and you're like I envision you as anything else no every time I have sex with you I envision you envision you in any other way I would be like that's hurtful yeah it's like really weird and hurtful and like oh you don't actually want me and he also said that you just want it never lives a plug and pretend as a roach yeah and he said it's never as good with her as it is when he can imagine by himself it's just you only have two hands though that's the thing like how are you imagining all of these well you've got a lot of fingers appendages and antenna antennae and maybe he brings in props maybe there's prop play I think he has to yeah that's true if I'm getting really serious I do think he needs to get help this is like a detrimental he's Pavlov'd a bit too hard and I think I don't know if we talked about this before with fetishes of like I I think it can become a problem and you need to talk about it with your partners very early if there's no other way for you to have sex like it's one thing to be like lightly interested in something and like oh yeah I like this or I like that but if you cannot have sex unless you imagine them as this roach ogtha you've got to go to reddit you've got to go to forums you've got to find someone out there who's also got that same fetish or you need to get help yeah because there's no other way forward I think a qualified therapist is a non-negotiable but yeah I would say like if you're gonna start dating again maybe go to bug groups and go to like sure like the zoo and observe the bugs and maybe you'll find your person someone else observing the bugs that's into the bugs and wants to be a bug and I don't know a bug's life could be for someone but it ain't for that girl I was gonna say a bug's life has gone triple platinum in his house ants the movie triple platinum in his house well I'll tell you what Michaela okay we get an update of course yeah of course because it wasn't enough that perfect story wasn't enough there's gotta be more an update comes six years later 2020 this was around the time that we read the play so first post was October 3rd 2014 second post is May 16th 2020 oh my god like five and a half years later oh five years ago I submitted the story of me telling my then girlfriend that when we made love I was envisioning her as a giant roach you might think of a scene in Blade Runner 2049 which my original today I fucked up predates by the way where the main character makes love to a prostitute but his hologram girlfriend kind of holograms over the body of the actual person oh yeah great he can pretend he's making love to his hologram that is what it was like with me and Ogtha but instead of a hologram it was just my imagination in the five years that have passed since this topic was posted I decided to stop fooling myself and I just committed to the love of Ogtha oh I know she is not real per se but in my head she is an actual personality and I'm in love with that personality I don't care if she is a roach or if she is imaginary the love is real call me deluded but it's harmless it makes me happy I have not had a real girlfriend again since that incident five years ago but occasionally I have had one night stands via online apps with the understanding of it being one night in advance and on these terms I always envision the woman is Ogtha my sensual roach queen now I mean no offense to the women of course and even a gentleman once or twice the many appendages of Ogtha make translation to human gender almost irrelevant I just envision they are Ogtha and no haha I've never confided to them about it I learned my lesson the thing about it though is that I became so in love with my Ogtha that I married her I even did a little ceremony in my living room I recited my own vows and she recited hers I even went on a honeymoon which technically you could say was a solo vacation to New Orleans for work but in my mind Ogtha was with me the entire time in my mind I think of her as my wife tears in my eyes beautiful now here is where I fucked up I got so used to thinking of her as my wife in my head that a few months ago at work I nonchalantly said my wife in some innocuous sentence I think it was something like oh yeah me and my wife love that show in regards to Chopped so now everyone was asking me about my wife because they'd never heard I was married or even dating anyone so then he just said it was his co-worker and then and then the it's all connected everything is connected everyone kept pestering me wanting to know about her wanting to see pictures I became full of panic I did the only thing I swore I would never do again I talked to other people about Ogtha in real life my guy my guy my guy my guy no even in this scenario you lie in this in this situation you lie dude I can't even read this I'm so uncomfortable what happens next cuz right now I'm on board with him I'm like okay we were at a team lunch and I just let it all spill out I told them about how I became enamored as a teenager with the Franz Kafka story how my fantasy evolved into an actual imaginary entity with a personality and how I slowly began to grow in love with her what started as a mere sexual attraction to giant roaches blossomed into a whirlwind romance and that she became the love of my life even though her existence was in my own mind at first they thought I was doing a creepy joke but I convinced them I was telling the truth well they were afraid and disgusted have been a pariah at work ever since everybody steers clear of me we used to have a good social life now people only speak to me for work-related reasons even working virtually now nobody sends me a slack message unless it is about work I even heard a rumor that people went to HR but they were of course told nothing could be done I have lost my good work friends because of this and it is indeed jeopardizing my career because my bosses think I am insane I've ruined my friendships and future career prospects due to my honesty I am thinking of starting to look for a new job although it is difficult in the current environment COVID oh yeah I can start fresh elsewhere though no matter what I will be staying with my wife Ogtha for me it is Ogtha forever I mean that's his girl and he's gonna stand beside her if you must know I do hope that even if I am an old man that one day the technology is invented to extract the Ogtha personality from my mind and implant it into a real external body either of a genetically engineered or a mechanical nature and me and Ogtha can experience genuine physical connection but if she must remain within me that is fine her love keeps me warm on the coldest of nights thank you like fuck like it's beautiful like like it's beautiful like I mean this is I'm uncomfortable I'm I am deep I understand where his co-workers were at hearing this visually described yeah I'm impressed with his imagination right and his ability to sustain the sustainability of it all what I will say is like if you're I feel he did the right thing I think maybe the better thing would have been therapy but this is the second best thing right because he can't keep lying to a girl he is dating and imagining Ogtha no his only option was to be single if you can't right move beyond well he's not single he's married so jot that down no and I want to just say that I like I like I have to believe and I'm so sorry but someone listening to this podcast has had a had a one night stand and been imagined as Ogtha just like numbers wise like someone listening right now I do believe either you or someone you know has had a one night stand with the guy who's picturing you as his beetle wife dude like I just don't understand like I would just like be so lonely and I get he's not lonely he has Ogtha he's married but like this guy feels like he's like taking some Bradley Cooper type magical brain pill that lets you open the other 90% of your brain and like he is going into another realm with his imagination and how vibrant Ogtha is or he's using less of his brain it's hard to know for sure I bet he is having a or it's just genuine mental illness oh what was I saying I bet he's having a field day with generative AI right now he like he is having a robot pretend to be Ogtha 100% I could see him coming back we're actually due for an update it's five years it's at that point we're due for an update technology has come a long way he probably doesn't have a physical Ogtha but I mean after 10 years but with the VR with the VR goggles yeah and what you can now generate true like there is vr porn right and it is like have you ever been in it vr porn yeah have i been in have you been in vr porn no i haven't been i don't even watch regular porn i've never been in vr porn it's very real i have vr i have a vr headset if you want to just just like to i to just look no you don't have to do anything but you can just look i didn't i didn't do anything i have my own feelings about that i don't look but it's real people and they record it within a vr camera and so it's like you that's between them that's between them i don't need to be there okay for research purposes i need someone else on this podcast to like just stick their head in it for one second i have i also have my own imagination and that that works for me i don't need to be in the room i don't need to be in the room with them i'm like what am i doing here like they're having their fun no it's just you are you are them like you are in the goggles you're them yeah yeah but i'm not though and i know that so it's like it's a little tough but okay so he could literally create right beetle porn i think so goggles i think so because i think we're at least at the point now but i also then wonder like okay and here imagine this scenario he creates a vr ogtha but she starts to like have some of her own thoughts and he falls out of love with her i think that would be the ideal situation because i almost think that is what happened i think there's so much of this is just the fact that he gets to project i mean there's the sexual component but then there's also this emotional component of like i get to create whoever i want this to be whatever i want her personality to be and if there were even a little bit of her thinking for herself it'd be over it'd be over i hope because i hope we get illusion it wouldn't it wouldn't fit his like fantasy delusion i would love a recent update from op we are now that five year mark it's kind of time right we do have one more post from op okay that came after the co-worker thing around that's around that same time or later yep a third post titled today i fucked up by telling my parents that i am married to an imaginary giant roach i mean it's about time you tell the parents right i love ogtha and she loves me some time ago i married her and she loved me now from a strictly legal sense no i am not married per se but me and ogtha we consider our relationship to be marriage i am devoted to her and her to me i revealed this to my co-workers and it did not go well but i thought my parents had a right to know last evening i revealed to them everything about ogtha and told them we were married i even allowed ogtha to speak through me to them so that she could finally meet my parents after only seeing them from afar parents would find it unusual at first but i thought they would come to understand and be happy for me he he keeps thinking that he keeps thinking that it'll go that way for him however i fear they think me deranged my mother actually cried and not tears of happiness as i expected they even encouraged me to seek counseling i explained to them what i am experiencing is real and encouraged them to read through the tulpa reddit it has created a very bad situation for me and now i fear my relationship with my parents is quite ruined they keep insisting i seek counseling and are threatening that if i don't they will no longer assist me with my student loans and will not welcome me at thanksgiving i feel they are overreacting but at the same time i wish i just kept my marriage a secret i do consider it now to be a fuck-up to have been truthful with my parents they are in some ways traditionalists and are simply not ready to understand how entities can change their lives and how they can change their lives and how they can change their can exist without physical form and share a mind it breaks my heart but i wish i had been deceitful with my family for the record i will never divorce ogtha and with our love i know i can survive anything but i wish i had never been truthful with my parents i mean he sounds delusional but you have to put yourself in the mind of someone who's been with ogtha for many years now like ultimately 10 years at a certain point you have to convince yourself it's not that crazy right like have to in your mind be like no this is semi-normal like other people surely if they if they love me they'd understand i genuinely think op is dealing with some mental health issues i would i would be so curious because like with that i was like well it seems like unless he tells people it's not really affecting his life like he went to school got a degree seems to have a job seems to like not have any other addictions that didn't last long right so then it's like why did you start telling everyone so then it's like i i wish i could hear from a third party because someone else might be like no he's a recluse and like he doesn't have a social life because of it and x what you know it's hard when you're hearing it from op's perspective you just envision op like talking to themselves but it's ogtha and it's just like yeah and ogtha speaking through him to his parents it's it's evolving as time goes on which is kind of scary like how much it's escalating to like oh you had a normal life and you got a girlfriend and then you just kind of envisioned having sex with ogtha as you were having sex with your girlfriend but now it's like no like you are one entity and she talks through you and that's where i'm like oh no no no this is this is beyond i almost any imagination this could happen to anybody in like a way that anyone could probably like fall into a cult like i i could see the progression of like fixating on something and then it's slowly like taking over more and more of your life maybe not oak that specifically happened to anybody but like a delusion it's like you have to catch it early enough to cut it off before it's all consuming like if he'd gone to therapy about the beetle thing when he was in in high school yes he probably could have cut this off and had like a normal relationship i agree but it's too late now he'll never forget he will never divorce ogtha we need to see this play we need to see metamorphosis i know i like need to like the power of it is almost terrifying i need to understand how it's captivating people so much like multiple people have been captivated by this this roach this beetle whatever it is wow um that was a detour i did not expect to take today so glad we did are we though yeah i don't know if i am to be honest i'm gonna have to think about that i'm like ultimately not that bothered by it i think if i were to get if i were to get realistic about it i'd be like okay he's there's something something really off there i need to like hear more stories about other weird fetishes like that ant one that you shared like yeah that intrigues me yeah joe sanagato like i think when he came on his initial episode way back when like he told me that he like talked to some lady that made like shit sushi like i need to like i can't get behind that i can't get behind that i need to like hear other weirder stories but i'm telling you this feel better the ant thing wasn't even us reading a random story it was a conversation matt had with somebody asking him to role play as the ant or they were the ant so it's slightly different because they were the ant in that scenario that's insane i've seen it a few times i've even had people in my dms be like sometimes i imagine i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god imagine that i'm really really tiny and i'm on the palm of your hand and then and then you slap me against a wall i've gotten that more than once not exactly that but like a tiny a tiny fetish please if you've experienced something goofy along these lines please put it in the comments you can go on youtube make a an anonymous account and just so tiny don't step on me just put it right there like i don't know you like to be tied up with dirty socks i don't i really care i just like i need that's probably not that bad i need something that's like on ogtha level that makes this feel better and i'm just genuinely curious what's out there now yeah i know there's like the leather pony fetish and people gallop around in a ball gag with a leather horse head on i think what sets ogtha apart is how like unique and one of one of a situation it is yeah because she is you know her own thing now i do wonder maybe someone out there read that story and now they also love ogtha i don't know she's very desirable she she knows how to hold down a man we're done we're done okay y'all love ya we're headed over to patreon i got jenna sitting behind the camera here ready to go thank you for joining us on another crazy episode of two hot takes i mean man it was banger after banger today um let me know what you want to see we've got some really good guests coming up soon i'm headed to new york i um just ran into joe at that pre-golden globes party said hi said come on the pod so fingers crossed y'all but um let me know who else you want to see if they're new york based and i'll see what i can do but on that note until next time bye bye you fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other a jacket meets a dress a hoodie slips beneath a blazer an old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at ross coca-cola for the big for the small the short and the tall peacemakers risk takers for the optimists pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new coca-cola for everyone pick up some coca-cola at a store near you