All Friendship is Valid

(upbeat music) - I'm a wrecked. Why aren't you? If you guys want to know what era we're in with this pod, we're at the era of calling each other before 9 a.m. and saying, "I'm so excited to go film later." She said to me, she said, "What have you been up to?" I said, "We can't talk about it." I said, "Well, we're on the phone together, "but we have to do the pod. "We talk about the most out-of-pocket vial shit "because it's like stuff we would never really say." So it's like weird sex shit, weird personal grievances, weird like UFOs, yes, anything. And then we come here and we're like, "Gal, hey!" (laughing) - Straight away, J. - I can tell you something. - That's gonna start the day off. - Okay, really, right. - Okay. - But first let's get into a stim. - Okay. - Okay. - When I say, "Hey, you say, I almost said 9/11." (laughing) - That's perfect. - I know it's not. - You know what? - I don't want to say that we need to ever forget 9/11. - No. - But I'm saying people whose birthdays, people whose wedding anniversary is-- - Ginger Pearl. - It's okay to make a little bit of room for the joy. - Ginger and Pearl. - Ginger and Pearl. - Who got married? - Ginger and Pearl's birthdays are 9/11. - They both are? - Yes. And that's what I mean. If you have a birthday that day, do you feel corny boots? - No, you feel grateful to be alive. You say, 9/11, I have an emergency. - Oh. - I want to say. If you're born on Christmas, you crawl back in that pussy and you wait. - You do, you say, "Mother Mary." - Just wait. - Just wait. - Imagine all your siblings, you are getting birthday, you're getting Christmas presents, and then you get one extra present, and your mom maybe wraps it different. It's like, "This is for her, 'cause it's her birthday." It's not gonna be anything compared to Christmas. Your siblings are like, "Who cares? I got an erector set, fuck you." Like, they don't care. It's horrible to be born on Christmas. - What other ones would be horrible? - Valentine's Day. - Oh, Halloween could be fun. - Well, Halloween is a blast. - But the great thing about being born on Halloween is instead of having to throw a party, you will get to dress up and seal your friends. - Yeah, and you could dress up as yourself and say, "I'm a serial killer." - If you're born on Halloween or do you have the right to dress up at all? - Of course. - You're like, "This is for her, this is for her." - It's my day. - It's from June. You have more than one birth, right boy? - Right, you know. - Right. - Let's take a break. Is that too quick? Is that too quick? - It's too quick. It's almost a little. - I got to some stuff. - Whoa, whoa. - I know. - We wanted to do blue red glasses, but I can't see. Can we take these off? - Yeah. - Let's do one, two, three. - Wow. - What if I took it on just cross-eyed? - What if my eyes weren't even there? - What if I guys were there? - So blue eye counts. (laughing) - No, no, no, no. - I have to tell you a lot of shit. - I mean, too. - I'm right there with you. - I've been out of town. Can I tell you, you tried to call me almost every day on my vacation. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - I did call you every day. - I know. - And I accidentally turned, I was doing an ad with Nick last week, and he told me to do to turn my do not disturb on so we could screen record, never turn it back off. I had this long week of peace, inner peace, and I was like, (singing in foreign language) and then I was like, oh. - He said, you said, you're not disturbed. - Yeah, boom, shanty. - Oh. - But do not disturb. - Do not disturb. - When that hits. - When that do not disturb hits. - When that do not cause for days. - When that disturb drops, you call me three or four times a day, am you not answering? - It's always like remix. It's almost too sweet. - What? - There's an air pod. - Have you not been listening to me this whole time? - Who are you talking to? - Jane, Jane, Jane, cut that. - Tatiana, I gotta go. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, so did you want to take him off or? - Not quite yet, because I have to tell you something, and this is, I've never been more, I've never, now more than ever. I've never been more, Tudon tapped and turned on. - Right. - So I have. - You're on the opposite of do not disturb. - I do disturb. - I would say do do disturb. I'm on the do do disturb grip. I mean, I get old grip. First, gel manicure. - I know, did you get a new one? - Yeah, last night. - Oh wow, 'cause it starts to grow out. - Yeah, well, you can see my, when did you see my grippers in the next episode? When you catch the, catch the peepers on these grippers, I got on the toe side, it's gonna be hammer toe. - Hammer toe? - Hammer toe for this black gel on you. - Me too. - I don't see a Vietnamese woman named Nah. - Nah? - Yeah, yeah. Her name is Nah, it's like Nana, but Nah. It's like you wanna go yes or no, Nah. - I love a one syllable name. - Oh, it's not fuck around. - Let's not fuck around. - Your name is Stephanie. - Stephanie. - I just burned five calories saying your name. - What about Gretchen Falker Martin? - What about Bartholomew? - What about Managed Shabbat's Gooberman? - Right, Jessica. - Christopher Colombo. - Yeah, it's too much. - Oh, everybody's name. - Nah, yeah. - Anything one and Bob, Bob, Bob, or even Bob. - Bob. - So she taught me some, she taught me Vietnamese last night. Well, she was, I was fallen asleep at the nail shop 'cause it was 8.30 in mama. I woke up at five today. Oh, so she was like, she loves me because I listen and I love listening to her. 'Cause everybody's on their phone, you know what I mean? Everybody, and I get it. I get it, I get, I know everybody's on their phone. I'm not stupid. I get why everybody's on their phone. 'Cause everybody is bored and overstimulated. - Now how do I? It's a long, I would have a spawn environment. I would say you will get your phones back at the end of the day. You're allowed to have an Apple watch and maybe your headphones in, but you have to come up and tell me which channel to put on. We're not doing, say it again girl. Say it again girl. Say it again girl. - Also, I can't scroll when I have one hand appear and my other one is up my. So Courtney loves as if she spends more than 10 minutes. Well, Madonna said this. If you spend more than 10 minutes on Instagram, she's like, I'm depressed. If I'm on Instagram school, I'm more than 10 minutes I'm depressed. - Say it again girl. And now taught me how to say, don't mind, which means fuck. And so Vietnamese, like Chinese is a tonal language. - Let's hear. - And so when you, when an American person tries to mimic the tone of a foreign language, like an Asian language such as Chinese, like say Mandarin or Vietnamese, it sounds like we're trying to make fun of them because we have a deep racial history or bias of doing that accent, right? So, but I make her laugh when I try. So when, which is teaching me how to count from one to 10 in Vietnamese, I'm, she's laughing hysterically at me. Who are you to, I mean, in HBO's Watchmen, I'll say it. - Oh my God, oh my God, I've never heard of the show. - Angela and Lady True both speak Vietnamese is that the language? Is Angela from Vietnam? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And they speak Vietnamese in the show. And it, it's just a, it's a cool language. I like to listen to it. I will say that when I'm watching it, I maybe to myself try to copy what they just said 'cause it sounds something I would like to try to say. - Yeah. - Can't do it, hard to say. - So can I show you? - Yes. - Dong Ma. - Has she helped you with that? - Yeah. - I mean, I can't qualify that. - No, no, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm just asking you to try to mimic me. As a person with such a trained ear. - Right. - Dong Ma. - Dong Ma. Dong Ma. Dong Ma. Dong Ma. - Dong Ma. If anybody, please comment below. - It's just open to feedback. - Yeah, no, me too. So I went into, I'm worried that the only word you know is fuck. - Yeah. - What are you trying to go and view it on to do? - Fuck. - So, one last time. - Dong Ma. - Dong Ma. - Perfect. - Now we weren't speaking Vietnamese perfectly. We were mimicking each other perfectly. - Right, and this is a game of telephone. - Yes. - I'm like somebody who learned Spanish from a white Spanish teacher. - Yeah. - El Gringo, yes. - Yes, yes, yes. - Yes, yes. - Okay, let's find, let's find. - That's me. - Wah. Wah. Hui. Hui. Shua. Shua. Idea. Idea. Dong Kwa. - Dong Kwa. - Wah Hui Shua. Idea. Dong Kwa. - Do I say Wah? - Which means I'll take the girl toy, please. - Yeah. - McDonald's. - Last time, last time, last time I swear. - What is it? Wah Hui. - Wah Hui. Shua. - Shua. - Idea. - Idea. - Dong Kwa. - Dong Kwa. - Now I didn't do it correctly, but you mimicked me perfectly. - Wah, I'm incredible. - Yeah. I speak a little Mandarin. - I know we're going to get comments like this, because whenever we speak other languages, like the people who speak that language are like, this was so trippy. Because if they was just like 10 years in English, they're probably like, what the fuck is going on? The edible just hit. - Hello, hello. I just told Plastic Tierra that I said, this is how you say, I've just fucked a 29-year-old, and I said a 19-year-old, hello! Still legal, hashtag, legal, hashtag logo TV. - Well, in French, it's saying, I'm full and I'm pregnant so similar. - Just be plain, though. - Right, I think it's on scent. It isn't, just be plain, though, and baby. Can you look it up? - I just remember from school living being like, "Wait, wait, she feels French." - She has a beret on. I just remember in high school, the teacher being like, "Don't accidentally walk around saying you're pregnant." - Teenagers. - Well, it actually is this. - French is a tricky language because as the Vietnamese, French don't even have a handle on it. Have you seen them speak it? French people are sort of like, blah, blah, blah. - But oh my god, I got to speak perfect French with this woman named Sarah from Shart, and at this incredible restaurant. If you ever have the chance to go to Alacua and at Water Village, Claudio is the owner, me and Jennifer. - I have a reservation tonight. - No, I don't. - Me and Jennifer Nightingale went there. We scoped it out. And it was, girl, it was just kidding. - It was so crunk, it was so turnt, it was so lit. - Yeah, yeah, it was touchy. And then Sarah, she, I was like, excuse me, Sarah, is she, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, who cares, who cares. And she was like, ah, ton français, a très bon, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, Sarah, where are you from? And she's like, she's from the first place that I ever went to France, first place in my life. - Wow. - I was like, Sarah, you got that goal. - French pouce, pouce. - Life, life finds a way. - Yeah. - Concurrency in the universe. - Yeah. - Oh my, oh my, I have some things I want to show you. - God. - Do you know what I'm obsessed with? - Oh, what is it? - My Lord, a snap in turla. Have you ever seen this? This woman sees a snapping turtle and she calls it a snap in turla. Girl, this, I mean, I tell you, I tell you, you and your house alone screaming this, this is about to change you. Hold on. Oh, my Lord, a snapping turtle. Wait, I'm not wearing any underpants. Okay, this is your girl. Watch this. My Lord, a snapping turtle off. Love, love, the word turtle is out. It's turla, and she goes, "He's getting ready to snap, too." She's too calm for me. I think snapping turtles are dangerous. It doesn't want to hear it again, just one time. Wait, it's happening. Turla. Turla. We will be putting it in a mix. That's that Mia's present. That's not that you caught. Why are you trying to do that? Why are you doing that? You caught me. And that's not that her tea. No, it's not that him latte. No. It's not that they them frappuccino. It's really not. It's that Mia's present. It's really not. Oh. Sabrina. Sabrina. Who should? Play Dolly. Starting tomorrow. I'm not saying in movies. I'm saying give up the Sabrina thing. Yeah. You kind of like when Superheroes retire and they take a young ward. Yeah. Dolly. Like in Watchmen. Becooths the Wigs. Bequeaths. Bequeaths. Bequeaths. Bequeaths. Bequeaths. She becaons. She bequeaths. Bequeaths. She give to. She give to. And then we go, whatever happened to Sabrina, that's so weird. I thought it was her espresso. But she says, no, no, no. She walks in. Why you come in here looking like that? And we go, oh my god, Dolly. That's a good goal. Yes. It's Dolly. It's Dolly when Odomay Brown gets possessed by Sam. Sam Weat. Sam Weat. Dolly Parton of Sam Weat and Dolly Parton of Sam Weat and Sabrina is whoopie. You know, I think that's okay. I think it's okay. I think it's more than okay. I can I tell you at the time of filming this, you would have, and I appreciate everyone thinking of me. I appreciate everyone thinking of me. Do you know my phone yesterday? You know what I didn't see. You want to have a, well, do you not disturb? Maybe do you know why I didn't text you yesterday? Do you know, do you know, do you know, Brian Ferguson? Do you know me Brian McCook? I do. Do you know what I did not do? What now? Do you know what I did to do? I didn't. It's the only day you didn't call me. Yeah. You know why? Because I know just like when that Barbie thing happened. And the Barbie movie came out. I had to go off the grid. I know. So let me talk to my camera for a minute. And you know Verizon charged me 10 cents a text. Thanks a lot. I got this cricket flip phone the other day at Best Buy more on that later. Now, I'm going to talk right to the camera. It's like, so what, my responsibility, my duty as an adult human being who's embroiled in a very business way with this human being, is not only to know her predictor, anticipate her, but also to respect the present moment. So when I know that one of her heroes has tragically passed away at the right age of 80, what I do know is that because people magazine, a Laura magazine, Joey Nulfi on Entertainment Weekly, any Nulfi for Nandolama, Dalai Lama, Wippy Goldberg, any Tony Goldberg, as Susan Rosenstein, everybody is going, they pick up their phones, they unglue them from their faces and they go, hey, Siri, send a text, send a text to Trixi Mattel and let her know something that she already-- I'm okay, I'm okay to be thought of. I'm okay to be thought of. No, no, no, yeah. I think it and I don't do it. Because I had my own personal feelings about it. I have my own personal feelings about it. For me, when a celebrity that I don't know, but I love their work dies, I usually feel more of a reflecting on the greatness than sadness. Absolutely. And with Dalai, I mean, I put on a bunch of documentaries, put on a bunch of old videos of her and just, I watched her documentary, I watched a TV special about Dalai and then watched a bunch of videos. And I was like, look at all this. And I guess because I'm country, I'm like, it's not amazing. Came from nothing. Built all of this from our talent ability. For me, I wasn't like, people are like, how are you holding up? I was like, you think I ran into the street with a black veil and said, go on the 101 and say, hit me? Like, yeah. Like, I'm okay. I'm not her or her friends or family. Yeah. I'm okay. Well, it's funny. I had 80 years of Dalai. Not even. I had 36 years. Yeah. I had a full Dalai life. Are we lucky? Yeah. Aren't we lucky? Something happened to me. Although it's a bit of a remix because two days before yesterday, I had come, I was scrolling on Instagram for 2.5 seconds because I get it and I get out and then I go, why did I even do that? I use Patreon now. Hashtag Peaceler. Hashtag Non-Pleavers. Right. So, I, and I, and I, and I, and I, Sarah and Dippitously came across this really incredible clip of the introductory moment of darkness in the movie Legend where Tim Curry enters the frame with me, Sarah, and it's this crazy thing. And of course, what happens three days later, he dies right into Dalai. Also at 80. At 80, exactly. So, I don't know Tim Curry, okay, but I know Wadsworth, the Butler. I know Frank Inferner. I know Pennywise. I know Pennywise. I know the Congo. The crazy movie Congo. Congo. Girl. Crazy. Don't eat me. Sesame cake. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. He is. He is. It doesn't get much better than him. And again, I didn't put on my white wedding dress and go on the 405 and say, hit me. Right. I said, wow. Wow. Jennifer, Jennifer Nightingale texted me after a dolly past, I was like, you know, after dolly died, she didn't pass the fucking ACT squares. She did. Right before she died. That was her last goal. She passed her SAT square. Right. Yeah. So, she died. She died. And that Umiorla. Umiorla, however you say in Russian. She died. And then Tim Curry died. And then I thought to myself, 80 is incredible. 80 is amazing. We should be all. I am so lucky. I know, I know I'm being a little, a little glass half full, but it made me think, um, what potency? We all got, we all could start watching both of their catalogs now and we'd be still sitting here in a year. That potent mom and dad nut, we, we, I, but I think about Missy Elliott. I think about daft punk. I think about RuPaul. There are people that like, oh, the nut. No, we haven't even been able to like, even taste the flavor of the impact. And when people pass, I feel like sometimes that's a nice window to start as they die. Yeah. It's a nice moment to actually take in the, wow, look what they did. So for me, it's a moment to think of the scope. Yeah. I'm not crying. No, but I don't know. No, I've cried. I've already, so when, so I'm pre, I've already pre-grieved for Ala Pucaciova's death, who she will die at some point. So who you tell it? When you die, the pre-greeving I've done, I think I'm going to get cash back. So like, I'm going to get rolled over. Just for reference, people, I, four months ago, I'm not, not to belabor the point or like put the spotlight back on me. But I did almost die. Right. So I've already grieved myself a million times. Right. I spent 10 days grieving myself because it was worse than death. It was worse than death. Right. The death you just, you get to let go. I had to hold on, sucks, but anyways, nothing about me, more about Ala Pucaciova. So she's approaching 80. And so I have pre, I have pre-grieved as in celebrated her entire uva and it's so complex. Just like Dolly. Just like Dolly. I mean, the parallels are almost, I mean, the parallels are almost, they're not almost, they're bizarrely similar, okay? I mean, but in the Russian version of it, so it's darker, more complicated, less happy, more fraught with a controversy, she was kicked out of Russia. She looks now in Latvia with her, and I'm going to say this with a whisper, okay? And this is just between us, girls with her dog, no, with her. Let's just say her younger husband, who may or may not be a certain way. Okay. Yeah. Left-handed? Exactly. Right. Exactly. She has the right hand. He's got the left hand. What do you think it is that I'm not ambidextrous, but sexually, I could do anything with any limit any time. If I had twins in a study, and I was blindfolded, and they were blindfolded, and I was Epolyan jerking them both up with both hands, they would both be like, wow, I can't even tell, the Pepsi challenge, I can't tell what your dominant hand is, because even that left one, the weak one is so lit, and so slippery, and the grip is so gentle yet firm. How does she do it? Now we can take a break. Imagine the grip. Imagine the grip. Girl, okay. Imagine it. #LogoTV. Okay. So I have. I have. Okay. So I'm going to say, okay, we got it back to ski post, so I jerk off with both hands. Okay. Like, why are you saying it like you just didn't talk about it? I was doing a hypothetical with blindfolded twins, you're telling us what you did this morning. Well, I tried to do it yesterday, but I said, no. I said, oh no. What if I just fall over and I'm not wearing my chastity belt? You got one of your little yucky zone. Yeah. If I'm not wearing my chastity belt, someone might roll me over and fuck me. So anyways, I've been whacking it with the right hand. I just did a. I just did a piece of our video on this. I just approved it right outside. A jerk off part, J-O-I part one. Grab the. Join the Patreon. We're jerking off now. No, I gotta tell you, this is all PG. I send it to my. This is the PG Slur. No, it is the PG Slur. There's no profanity. And I do. I do. For the people who are of 18 years and older, I do stand up with my little white shorts on with no underpants and I got my whack, my dinging back and forth. You can't see any nudity, of course, and anything really PG or R rated is blurred out. Right. So what are they. There's no amount of zooming in that's going to catch that little dick. No, no, no, no. Get NASA down here. Yeah, NASA. NASA. NASA, can you get your microscope? We've got a tiny little pecker girl. I watched the craziest movie the other day. Wait. Oh, please. So when. When all the bookage of it dies, I will have already pre-greaved because I will have enjoyed her entire complex music catalog. It's not like. It's unlike Dolly. Dolly has that hit after hit after hit after hit after hit after hit after hit. Every one of Dolly's songs is. their gentle, beautiful, or just shades of amazing, at the very, very least, pleasant, right? Yeah. Allas is challenging, it's confusing. Some of it is badly produced. Some of it is a wink and a nudge. Some of it is so layered and so unpredictable and so complex, and then it's all done through these metamorphoses of losing weight, gaining weight, 50 years of smoking. So she started with a clear mezzo-soprano songbird voice. She won competitions, won competitions like, and then she has one of her most famous songs is the way that she does this crazy laugh, I mean, it's insane. It's insane. Can I play you a version of it after the next break? Sure. Just the laugh, just the laugh. Sure. She what it's called Arlequino, which is like Harlequin, and it's, you're like, what is this fucking song? And then it's crazy. So when she dies, I will, I will have already cried all my tears for her, and I'll be like, oh, that's it. Yeah. So back to me jerking off my left hand. Okay. I stroke it with the left hand, because when it's porn started, I was quick, clicking on the mouse with my right. Oh. So I was right here on the Bayes family computer in the family room when that, you've got mail. Right. That's when I was downstairs, and we had a, we had one of those tables with the glass squares into the computer with the computer was down in there on the, so I was up here like this. I was going like, whack it, whack it, click it, click it, click it, click it, wait for that JPEG to drop, wait for that little nasty to load, wait for the good old nasty to load. Right. And then I whacked it. And so now I've been coming, I've recently returned to me and be dexterous. I stroke it with both hands. I know, I know what you're saying. How do you stroke that Tyler penis with those huge, heavy, hard man mitts? It's a struggle. I think it's probably like, probably getting it, well, it's like, well, your hands are also so big. I think it's like an incredible Hulk situation. Do you remember that toy that kids had that was like, remember that toy that kids as it was a green foam fists to punch each other? I don't know about giving toys to kids about punching. What about giving toys to kids that are just about killing you? And also I'm not sure about, I'm not sure about Nerf guns. No. Do you, you want to lose your eye? I don't want to. It has a suction cup in the end. Oops. I shot you in the eyeball. Let me grab it. Blam. Yeah. Out. Out. Darryl Hannah and Kill Bill. Right. I just, is there any way as a, as a child to safely be shot out with a Nerf gun? It seems not call in because I want to know where we're on the drama hotline. And that's it. It's all perpetuated big, big Nerf, big Nerf in the big nerve of that of parents out there to do that to encourage their children. Can I, can I, can I play this really clip really quick? Sure. If people like that song, they love it, hunts me in my dreams. Do you like it? No. I love it. You do? Okay. I love it. Like they're all, you know what the all kinds of music, all music is valid. You know, you know that is a, not all drag. Don't get rid of it. Don't be ridiculous. So the thing about the music being valid is that it is because whether you like it or not, whether you like it or not, music is music. And when it comes to art or music, I've, I found that this is when the reviewing, critiquing or, or consuming music, art, literature, it's big whale. You know those giant whales that just open their gaping moths and just take everything in and filter all the crap. That's what you do. When you listen to a music, when you listen to a music, you watch a movie or whatever, you go and whatever stays stays and it's not the fault of, it's the fault of not remembering is in your senses, right? It's like we can talk about, we can evaluate or judge a movie on whether it's bad or not, but did you remember anything about it? That's the important part. So when, like my friend Gretchen, she reviews things, she doesn't take notes. But when you read her reviews, she remembers everything, movies good, bad grade, whatever. She opens her giant fucking wide ass mall and the movie comes in and she picks it to fucking pieces and lays it all out and that's real criticism. That's real criticism. Like you can do with a song or where you can do it with a piece of music or an arrangement or a DJ set, you can arrange it, you can have it and then you can, you can be on the dance floor as a dancer or in the DJ decks as a DJ and you can have it go through you and then be like, that was a mistake, that was off key. This was the drop, this was the build up. This doesn't work. You rearrange it, you rearrange it. And as she does it, and I do as a film critic as an art consumer, as a consumer of artwork, I say, interesting. I've got all the time in the world for bad art, all the time because you, all art music just requires time. That's it. There's nothing. It's just time. It's constraints. Have you seen that bad film? No, not yet. Have you listened to that song? But it's coming. And it's fierce. Like you sent me these two awesome tracks day. I cried. Oh, thank you. I've been really, really into music with no words. Yeah. I've been into music. I've never made music with no words. Now I'm like, who cares about words and singing? No. All about ambient soundscapes. Yeah. All about ambience. Yeah. You know, I cried because I was like, first of all, I cried because I was so touched that you would send those to me at that particular moment, it was a very serendipitous, as I was getting ready for my workout. And so I went, my little white nasties in and I go on my workout and I sweat to the oldies to those two tracks of course. And then I was like, this is the foundation of friendship. When you share things with each other, especially if they're, you just made something and you send it to me. I'm like, I have to try so hard not to cry. Oh. You know what it is? Come on from school. And I'm like, Mom, I made you the macaroni necklace. This is my macaroni necklace. And I'm like, but then I say, honey, that's not macaroni. Those are diamonds. What about the drag name macaroni necklace? Drug name? Drag name? Drag name? Oh, that would be a good street name for a drug. Oh, you know, it's Friday. It's my birthday. So we're going to get some macaroni necklaces. So we should go back to labor, ginger and pearls. We should go love it. To kids. To kids. I have some things I want to show you. Wait, what is this? James, what is that? Maybe I could tell you some things about what's going on with my life. If you'd be interested in hearing about some of that. But I got Ali Pooch Kachova. I feel like I've really got it now. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. I really want to kill you. I know. I want to just, I want to take your body and put it through a woodchipper. I want to take your body and I want to send it up into the air and have her, ha ha ha. And then I want you to send it through a woodchipper. Well, I'm, did you get drunk, sweetie? Did I get drunk? Did you get drunk? Did you get drunk? As we get down, I push the limits of the human body. Yeah, tell me. No sleep. No sleep. Why? There is no sleep. It's all about drinking and then sleeping. Jane. And then sleeping poorly. Jane, we have no sleep on here. Are you not sleeping? You sleep. But then you don't sleep good because you were drinking. Well. So then you wake up super early. You're hungover. And then it's like, you better wake up. Because now we're going on a doon tour. You better wake up. We're going to breakfast. Another club. You went on a doon tour. I went on a doon tour. Oh, this is a doon thing. Not the movie. Goddamn it. No, not the movie. Who cares about those sand dunes when doon threes just around the corner? It was pretty. It was a sunset doon tour to go stand on the beach and watch the sunset. That was pretty cool. But you know, it really is just sand. It's in the name. It's a tour of sand. Yeah. It was cool. It was cool to do once. Yeah. But I had fun. Woo. You know, cute. And then apparently in Promised Town, they have these cabins out there that have no running water, no electricity. And they raffle off a week at a time to go stay in them out. And they drop you off on a Saturday and come get you on a Saturday. And it's for people going on like a meditation or artistic departure from the world. I don't think they get bone surface out there. Rehab. Well, I don't think so. I don't think anybody goes to P town for rehab. Yeah. I don't think so either. I have to tell you that when I was in Promised Town, I experienced in something that immediately, sometimes things happen in the wild where I have to write it down because I say, if I forget this to look about on the pod, I'm going to freak out. Yeah. I went to a drag queen. It was called Tringo. It was trivia and bingo. Tringo. Tringo. Tringo. So there's trivia around of trivia and then around a bingo that around trivia. And you keep points that way, which is fun. As you know, bingo stresses me out. It's all listening. It's all listening. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, everyone at the table needs to shut up. I need to be staring with the dog or like, you know, and then, uh, girl, somebody, one of the questions, so crazy, one of the questions was, who was the first trans person to be nominated for an Emmy award? Do you know? Um, you got it. Okay. Give me a hint. But don't, I'll get there. Just give me a hint. You got it. The hint is the hint. I just told you what the description is. Thanks. It's Levering Cox. Yeah. Right? Somebody. And, you know, the, the host that you drag queen hosts are reading all the questions. Yes. Oh God. What did they say? No. Somebody wrote Bruce Jenner parentheses trans and the drag queen. Queen goes, I'm sorry, I just have to call this answer because it's not right. And also what? And they said, who wrote Bruce Jenner parentheses trans and nobody owned up to it? And I was like, if you think that's the answer, you don't know it. And you just don't write anything. If you don't even remember Caitlin, you just don't write it. Why write it? Who was the person who wrote it? Shaka Khan, who knows? Like I don't know, nobody would own up to it. But I was like in shock, I was like, there's no gun to your head saying you have to answer. At trivia, if you don't know, you just say nothing. Or on this is early. I mean, you could just sit there. You might write Caitlin Jenner, but I don't think she has an Emmy, but they didn't know that. I could see Bruce Jenner, Bruce Jenner. Bruce, I could see Bruce Jenner having an Emmy. I really could. I could see Caitlin. I thought it was like a funny extreme story. It was mid. Okay. Let's take a break. Let's take a real break. Is that okay? You want to pee quick? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're back. And when it's hot like this in LA. When it's hot like this in LA, my house thinks, oh, you little bald, hairless bitch, would you like to freeze? It pumps so fiercely and never turns off. And I wake up, I wake up screaming, I wake up cold. I get so cold. And then you turn it off and your house is like, did you want to cook to death? So your options are to be freezing. Air conditioning is about being freezing or turning off and roasting to death. What about wet and cold, girl? What about wet and cold? I be in the pool every day because I'm so hot. It's so hot. It's the heat. It's the heat. So I have to tell you what I went to in Provance Town. So I went to Sunday, Tammy Brown, cocktail, do you know cocktail? No. Clown wig. That's all you need to know. Clown wig, white eyeliner. Crazy. Love. And monomore, you know, monomore, crazy, love. It's what was called the Tammy Brown funky brunch. So I go and I'm just going to start this by saying it's mostly straight people there. Families, kids, Tammy's, Tammy's the normal one in the show. Girl, I cannot tell you. So then I get there and I go, that's weird, the menu is all, where's the brunch? I look at it. Is that thing where you look at something and you think it says one thing, but it doesn't? The Mandela effect? Yes. Okay. It's like that. That's the Barbara Streisand thing where people think she had a, I'll tell you if you want to know. Yeah. Oh, Streisand is don't look at my eyes. Yes. Yeah. Which I say every day to the gardener to every, don't look. Don't you dare. You know celebrities was like, don't look at my eyes. The gardener and stuff and like, don't look at the house. Do not look at the house. The person came to spray pesticides and they see our closure eyes the whole time. Don't look at the house. So it's the Tammy Brown. I go, where are the eggs? Where's the breakfast foods? I realize it's Tammy Brown's funky lunch. It's not a drag brunch. It's a drag lunch. And that should tell you everything you need to know. It was so fucking funny. I, I'm not kidding. I laughed beyond crying to the point where my, my body hurt. My core was worked out. It was like I had on one of those 90s electric belts that shocks your abs. I was in physical fucking pain because they would like finish a number and Tammy would go on the microphone and go, and we don't have eggs. We don't have pancakes. We don't have eggs. We don't have that. Somebody finished their number and she just goes, lean cuisine on a TV tray. I was levitating. It was the exorcism of Emily Rose. I was Eli that we Eli upside down, she posed flying around the room and then cocktail did this number. She did. I think it was it. It was like talking back to me now or something like that. It was something with like a big opening for the audience is all excited. And she has a fake, she has a microphone and then she starts singing and the mic is fake off. So she just lip syncs the whole time and doesn't realize the mic's not on. And then she has the DJ pretend to like change out the microphone. And so she does the whole number lip syncing that nobody in the audience can hear it because it's the karaoke track. So there's no singing. So there's no words. And the audience, the longer she does it, it gets funnier and funnier because she's, she's like, nice and endless pleasure or whatever. I could be remember this song wrong. But there's no vocal. And then there's a part where someone's singing along and she goes like this and Leland sings. And the mic was off. And then she act shocked. I was crying. I was crying. I love it. And then I was taking so many videos because these drag queens doing, let's say alternative drag while children and their Caucasian parents probably thought it was the Taylor Swift princess Ariel branch. And this Mona Moore walking around doing one more and other screaming like crazy. And I'm zooming in on her singing and then zooming in on people's kids like, I'm happy people want to go to the drag branch. And I think it's funny, like a heterosexual family, who by the way, I'm one hand we need people to patronize businesses in P town. On the other hand, there are so many straight people there now. There's so many straight people there now. My friend was like, the gays need to be weird again. You guys all need to put on like your pup hats, like your pup masks and like, like, they're getting too comfortable. I know. I'm walking out of bars, blackout drunk, I'm like whipping a drink at people. I don't, you know, showgirl, showgirl, showgirl, showgirl, showgirl. Who else did I see? I saw Bianca Del Rio at a town hall, the momentum, the speed, the alacrity, the momentum. Those jokes get better and better each year when I hear them, but they rock it right out of her mouth. You don't, you can't keep up with Bianca. You can't be up. I love hot topic current events. I love a story from 2015. Let's hear it, you know, but she really is so fucking funny. There was, there was a part where they have a Q&A and that's the part where Bianca really shines because that bitch can make anything I'm about to do. Somebody, somebody asked like, it's like, it's like Bianca, I need help with this, whatever she's answering Q&A. One of them was like, I just got four tattoos. I've been doing a lot of yoga and investing in myself and Bianca looks up and goes, are you okay? Like, this isn't even a question. So then later, later someone at the very end goes, oh, like, I'm trying to like get back in shape. What should I do? Listen, get four tattoos, start yoga. It was so funny. Also in P-Town all week, it wasn't hot, actually cold. What? Me riding in the petty cabs and drag. What? Are you serious? Yeah, it wasn't hot. You're kidding. Outdoor, two DJ gigs, outdoors, like 70 degrees, I loved it. In P-Town? In P-Town. Probably something. In Cape Cod. On the Cape. Oh, yes. With Josh? With John? That's crazy. Pretty fierce. A tiny brown funky lunch. It's so funny. And I'm thinking to myself, it's probably because the governor Bradford's like, we're not making breakfast for some cross-dressers. No. You get burgers for breakfast? No. Um, watched a little bit of Baywatch. Have you ever seen? I've ever seen Baywatch. I've never seen it. Oh my God. The way that I love Baywatch is, it's not even-- Pamela. It's all about Pamela's eye makeup for a-- she's supposed to be a lifeguard. She's got your makeup on. She was always the blueprint. I've watched that since the-- I watched it, when it started. I'd never even seen it. I looked up. I saw her and makeup and I said, what show is this? And then she had this one. And I was like, is this Baywatch? Yeah. But I didn't know that her look for Baywatching, which I think is lifeguarding. Yeah. Of course. Is Playmate. Girl. It's fierce girl. Yeah. And she's Canadian. No, she's not. Is she really? Mm-hmm. That's why she's awesome. Yeah. Nobody American could be that great. No. And she was the blueprint. She was the-- she was the blueprint for this particular type of bombshell. And she did a movie called Barb Wire. I've seen that. It's-- You used to play on the sci-fi channel all the time. Or no Spike TV or something. Yeah. It's so exquisite this movie. And she walks the razor's edge of camp, sex, drama, and action. And it's so kind. It's so calculated, and it was such a box office bomb. Why? I thought people love her. If it's her acting sexy, what's the issue? Exactly. So what I've learned about art criticism in movie watching is that a box office bomb means nothing. Means nothing. No. You know what else bombed? Everything. Titanic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Well, that's-- Yeah, it did. It did. It did. That's big Titanic. Of course, no one. The Titanic. 235,000 people died. 4 million people died. 4 million. 6 million people died. No one died of the Titanic. So barbed wire was-- Did you imagine? A lot. Yeah. You can imagine. I want Titanic, but it's a gay cruise. Well, I've been-- I've been-- I've been-- I know. I want-- I want a love story that captures emotion. No, I know. But I want like two bags with fanny packs being like, oh my god, the ship leaking. Maybe we're about to go do the Titanic too in our dreams. Jackie and Rosebud. Yeah, Jackie and Rosebud. Jack with Lean and Rosebud Dean and Rosebud. Can I tell you about something that I learned over this weekend? And it's going to gag you. Are you ready to fucking gag? So I'll decide what I gag. OK. You don't know about my gagging. OK. This is crazy. OK. Please tell me about Dr. Shannon Keratsick, nay, Shannon Grace McCullough. OK. Ready for this? Lightning. Shannon Grace McCullough is an academic and scientific researcher recognized for her work in biology and biochemistry. As an undergraduate, she conducted research on molecular biology and cancer genetics. In October 2013, she earned first place at Boston University's 16th Annual Europe, research symposium for her research poster, "Mechanism of CPG DNA, Methylation by DNMT1 in Cancer Cells." Okay, is this your sister? She completed senior honors thesis work focused on DNA methylation mechanisms and cancer cell genetics. And then, recognized with academic honors through Boston University's College of Arts and Science. That was before she was married. Is this part of something? Okay. Sometimes to keep the guest interested, we might want to logically link the stories and, you know, create a through line of some sort. People love us because we don't just yell things out of nowhere. Okay. She holds a doctor of veterinary medicine, a master of public health, and a PhD, and is a diplomat of the American College of Veterinary Pathologists. Trained in ecology, public health, molecular biology, and veterinary pathology. Focuses on the pathology of non-traditional animal species, including wildlife, aquatic species, and bats. She regularly co-authors peer-reviewed scientific literature in textbook chapters in these fields, and she just had two kids and a husband. What the fuck? You didn't know this stuff about that? No, I didn't. Of course. But that's on Google. That's crazy that your sister's so smart that you could even Google her. What do you call that? Your pedigree, your educational, her CV, research, her CV. I don't even know what some of that means. Well, I know. Her curriculum wheatye, which is like Latin for her CV, like the course of her life, curriculum wheatye, is so dense and so complicated and so crazy. And I called her the other day and I said, "Shan, I ate a bug." I said, "Shan, I ate a bug." And she's like, "What?" And she's like, "Bry." And she's like, "What kind of bug do you eat?" And I was like, "Shan, I don't remember." And she's like, "Was this real?" Yes. What did you fly in your mouth? You swallowed it? Yeah. That's why you can't go out there. Like Goldie Hahn was like, "I think I just ate a bug." I was like, she's like, "What kind of bug did you eat?" I was like, "Girl, I don't know. Shit." And she was like, "Did I have wings?" I was like, "Yes, definitely." And I was like, she's like, "Describe the bug." I was like, "I don't know, Shannon." And then we got on this whole, like, whatever roller coaster and I talked to my kids. Were you scared about, like, am I in danger? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she, like, she has devoted her entire life and to this to date. And she has devoted her entire life. She also has two crazy dogs, right? And to discovering, she worked on the Kastakero virus, the Marburg virus, the SARS COVID virus. This is all through the CDC, the Department of Public Health. She has a Master's in Ph.D. And wow, yeah. And she did her studies on non-human primates in Africa. She's been in the Galapagos. She works with stage bio, this company she evaluates. What, if there's a virus or a bacterium that infects and destroys tissue, non-human tissue, she evaluates it. And she's part of a huge team that predicts and they do testing for the tests. So if something's going to be tested on humans, that's like yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes. She's way, way before that. She's like done the tests for the tests for the test of the articles about to be tested. It's really fucking crazy, man. It's really fucking crazy. So she was all this wet market Wuhan stuff with the COVID of it all, all this propaganda. You know, she's like, no, no, no, I can tell you exactly what I know, what sort of is the global temperature to the best of her abilities. And at her fingertips, she's got access to information like that the Trump administration does not have, you know what I mean? Because she's like, yeah, no, you don't go to the Trump administration for information. You go to these people, it's a global network. So it's like my sister, my actual sister, the little girl who had a George Washington haircut when she was like three years old. Or did George Washington have a little girl's haircut? Thank you, did George, what came first? George Washington or Shannon Grace McCook? I think you're on her, we know the answer to that one. So it's crazy, and we've been reconnecting 'cause she's got two little kids, Ben and Owen. And Ben is still sucking from her nipples. How old? Nine. You know that the internet said that it's the internet. The internet said, the internet said, we talked about this. The internet says that the appropriate time for people to stop breastfeeding is two to nine. Yeah. Well, that's two to nine, two to nine. Yeah, baby. I gotta stop by school and feed my titty to my fourth grader. Ask blossom. Hello. It's crazy. I guess that's not crazy. No, it's not crazy. Non-human primates. I think experts say it's fine, it's fine. Non-human primates. It hurts no one. Crushed the economy. It doesn't grow the economy, unfortunately. Well, it does. It's not good for big, big breast milk. Yeah, big breast milk. Or big kids' lunches. No, no, no, but it's big for big breast milk. And she told me, I asked her, she was like, Shannon, what is, tell me, walk me through the day-to-day of breastfeeding. And you know what she said? It's excruciating. Yeah, it looks hard. Yeah, it looks unpleasant. She said it feels excruciating. So my sister has given birth vaginally to two non-human primates. Correctly twice, yeah. She's given birth to two human primates twice. Non-human primates. And she told me, I was like, Shannon, you got it. I was like, I'm not gonna get off the phone with you until you, I helped me identify this bug, not really. And then I was like, until you explained to me to the best of your ability as a woman who's working from home research and has juggling all these things, the kids, the dogs, everything. She said, bright, I can't tell you how difficult it is, how excruciating the horror in the pain. But then how also rewarding it is to have this human being that came out of my body. And I'm feeding it from my breast. But also at the same time, I love when people say also too, like also too, like you don't need to say it twice. But also it's the most excruciating pain, but it's also making this human being gonna grow up to be what everyone. And that's Benjamin. But it's fun. It's fierce. I mean, it's that finish and it puts you fierce. Big pussy on the deli counter. Big pickle, huge crunch. I mean, huge pickle, infinite crunch. Yeah. Like, I mean, it's like small pickle. Yeah, small pickle. Can I show you something that I brought from home? Please. This is a book that I was reading that I said, oh, I love this book. Oh, we should wrap it up. Do we already talk about this book? Oh, wait, what? No, Kati was over at my house and I was like, oh my God, I've been reading this book. It's so scary. The art is like a guy in a paper, a paper plate mask with a dog drawn on it with crayon. And I felt so stupid being like, this book is so scary. It is scary, but the cover doesn't give scary. I fucking love that. It's about some teenagers in Canada. Can I have it? No, I'm not done with it yet. Then fuck you. It's about some teenagers in Canada and they're in a small town in Nova Scotia, fictional. It's not real. And is that where Halifax is? Halifax is in Canada. I've been to Halifax. I've been in Nova Scotia. Okay. So it's these teenagers and they have a mystery club and in the mystery club, there are people disappearing in town. Nobody in town seems to realize and all the adults won't tell them, but they kind of feel like there's something going on. And there's a society people in yellow raincoats who wear these paper plate masks with animals drawn on them. Creepy. Well, I don't see men. I'm not sure where they're missing. I know, I've been missing men for quite a while. Yeah. I don't see gender. So I'm not sure if they're missing men or women. Ever since I shagged up with a woman, I'm missing men. Hello, love that. Every time you pointed me out, all I see is a penis. I feel a penis here. I feel a penis here. I feel a penis here. I have one more. Wait, between the two of us, they're four breasts. Do you know what that means? I do. I do. I do. I do. Kyle, Kyle, the mayor of Portland, McLaughlin. Yes. I forgot he was on that. Between the two of us, there are four breasts. Yeah. Do you know what that means, Heather? Let them speak. My favorite. Every time you point a finger, I feel a penis. Yeah. Every time you point a finger at me, I feel a penis. I feel a penis here. I feel a penis there. I feel my breast milk here. Right. And I don't want to plug the peaceler, but I will. We're starting season two of Drag Race on the peaceler. Yeah. You know what? Let's bring on those denim outfits. And I'm just going to say this. I'm going to talk right to my camera about the peaceler. I want you to know. And I want your sister to know. And your sister sister to know that I have a shoot Instagram. I've kicked. I've kicked X to the curb because I have foot. I have put my foot. I have foot mouth. I have put mouthies. I put my full pussy on that deli counter. Every time I walk in that peaceler and I say, you want to talk about parallel parking? Let's talk about parallel parking. So thank you so much to you, me, you, you, Jacob, Tracy, new name. I forget. Maddie. And of course, Nicholas and Pete Williams for making it a believable peaceler experience. That's amazing. I love it. That's a great feeling. I'll just say it. Love it. Bye. [MUSIC]