Alex Warren: The Grammys, Hype House & Homelessness

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy alex warren welcome to call her daddy thank you you have had i was gonna say you've had the craziest year but then i feel like it all started really in covid for you yeah your life has just been upwards since then it was hype house to now music and you've just blown up into this superstar and you have this fandom heck yeah you're like yes keep going keep going i sometimes get extra spread with my in and out too so you're so high maintenance thank you um does it feel real it does feel real now for a lot for this last year has felt like a dream and then i actually got a second to like look back at it and and it does feel like i guess it's a little shocking but i guess it feels real now you I don't want to be in suffering be like oh no no i get it it's like you can only you can only fathom as much as you can because you're also still living it and you're also still growing obviously as an artist and as a person but it is really cool to see your success um i also realize i'm welcoming you back to la yes because you used to live here then you moved to nashville what inspired that move i technically live outside i live in tennessee not in nashville okay the city i don't like major cities anymore you're done i just my wife want her dream was to have horses and that was one of the things where i i'm from san diego and i love surfing everything so i i have a place here that i surf and skateboard and get away after tours and stuff but um i wanted my wife to have that farm life that she wanted and it was also it's also nice because i live so far away that no one knows where i live okay but to go from a san diego surfing kid to being kind of in the middle of nowhere what has been like the biggest culture shock for you it's so funny there isn't really a culture shock san diego the only thing is you're not by a notion like san diego especially everyone's nice you walk around and everyone's greeting you when i lived here i went and introduced myself to the neighbors and they're like why the are you introducing yourself they're like get away from yeah like everyone's you know this it's like these houses are next to each other and i love i grew up in like the cul-de-sac vibe of everyone knew each other and said hi on walks and i try to wave at everyone when they're on walks and they just ignore me here that's actually such a good point i grew up on a cul-de-sac too and i thought that was the norm then you get to la and everyone's like don't bring me cookies don't welcome me oh my god like fuck you right my wife made my wife made uh sourdough for like everyone in our cul-de-sac and it was crazy where like we left it on our doorstep when people in la and we would go back the next day it was still there and here uh or in nashville they'll they'll give they'll take it and they'll receive that and then they'll make you another one it's really cool are you leaning in like are you wearing cowboy boots i've worn boots for a little bit on tour but that's more of like a i stole that from benson boone love that he i still don't look like him i'm still trying that part um but no i i right now i've just been uh i've just fully embraced that i'm i don't look like i belong there and it's been nice well i'm so happy for you guys and i'm so happy for you you have new music you have an arena tour coming up you were recently nominated for your first grammy thanks what has been the most exciting of all of those wow uh i think the grammys was the most exciting i the growing up i was such a i was not a good singer growing up and especially that i did choir and like i think it was called chorus and and the teacher was like you know you should probably try something else and i would always do talent shows and no one cared and i all the friends all of these kids would make fun of me and so i think the grammys being nominated for a grammy was like oh cool like i'm supposed to be doing this can you take me to the grammy i'm supposed to be doing this to that moment where you got the phone call and you found out though that you were nominated like where were you what were you wearing what you were you doing i totally did not like and i i mean this when i say this i did not think i was getting nominated i think especially i've had a lot of proof in this industry coming from social media so for that i was like oh like they're gonna they're gonna show me that i don't belong and i'm gonna get really sad um my friends they all flew out and surprised me at my house and were like we're gonna watch it together and i was like are you crazy this is the worst and so i left and then i came back right in time um thankfully and i sat down and they were all filming and when they said my name i was the second to last person and i just remember breaking down and crying there's a video of it and i just remember breaking down crying with my wife and it was uh it was really cool and then i went and ate sushi okay so you get to the grammys yeah who were you the most star struck by because you see it on tv growing up and then you get in those rooms and you're like oh it's real like everyone's just rubbing shoulders with everyone and i'm here yeah it's a little bit intimidating it is i i think there's these i don't know wow uh i was i met billy eilish which was really really cool she's so sweet um i think i go into every room thinking everyone hates me no i don't know i went into this room and i like i i'm i'm they were very sweet at chapel roan came up to me i had a malfunction during the show and she came up to me and she was she was like dude like if anyone understands it's the people in this room and you sounded amazing i totally will get into it yes i i was i was down and i think she could tell and she came up to my table and was the sweetest ever and i was like i love you you saying that you walk into a room and you think everyone hates you is that you think in this industry or in life in life i it's funny it's it's truly i i don't if i had a therapist they'd probably diagnose me with so many different things i i don't know i i was a heavily bullied kid like i got kicked out of parties all the time and parties yeah i would walk into a party because my friends would be invited and i would walk in and everyone would be like calling me a lot of words that you can't repeat today and i think it's just because i did social media and i sang like i was i would sing in bathrooms and in at my house and i would just post them on the internet and i wanted to do this so badly and i think you're really lame until you make it in this type of stuff and so like everyone would just i was not a cool kid and so as this stuff started happening you know ordinary i would look for the hate comments i'd go on twitter and i'd be like okay well everything's going really well in my life what could go wrong and i looked at my name on twitter and everyone's calling me these different things and i was like so it is true i'm still this you know and so i was like i don't know i don't yeah it was it was just now i carried on i think every celebrity has seen my tiktoks and thinks i'm just some cringy uh one hit wonder and yeah alex it's it's fine no but it is like i guess what is so crazy is how we all internalize obviously the focus on ourselves of what we and and to your credit like getting kicked out of parties like being the person that people were always like get him out of here we don't want him here that's gonna stick with you but then it also like you've evolved and you've grown as a person right and sometimes too we still have self-beliefs about ourselves that don't never existed right and a lot of people when you're walking into these rooms have no idea about your tiktoks but we're our own more sentinels and so you're walking into these rooms and you're like oh my god they must know when i was doing the renegade and it's like yeah one no one knew oh god i get no chills thinking about that do you still remember how to do the renegade i never learned it that was the thing i never i was a chubby little i don't even know what i was i was behind the camera all the time you know like that was like for me i would film my wife and i thought my i've still to this day think my wife's one of the funniest people ever and she's that was my content i was like well i want to show everyone who this woman is and it started doing really well and that's why when i started doing music i was terrified because i was like they didn't sign up for this they didn't sign up for me so all of a sudden i'm like hey i make music about my dead parents and people liked it and i was shocked and i was like wait people finally like me something has to be wrong and that's when i went to twitter i love how instead of like a lot of people in your position i feel like would be like oh my god people finally like me i'm gonna hold on to this for dear life this is the best feeling the world you're like what's wrong who's pranking me no i don't believe literally um can we go back to the grammys though because you obviously mentioned chapel's advice and obviously this was huge um people were so excited for you to perform at the grammys and then it broke our hearts when we saw you essentially have these technical difficulties during your performance now that you've had some time away from that moment which was such a huge moment for you in your career how did you feel about that night can you just kind of take me through it now that you've had some time away from that moment which was such a huge moment for you in your career how did you feel about that night can you just kind of take me through it i've never talked about it it it was horrifying um we had rehearsed it all week all week we rehearsed and it was perfect it went well and i to this day i don't know exactly what happened right when i so the way it works is the medley's happening so in my ears i can hear whoever was singing before me right something happened and everything cut out and they're like 30 seconds and i said i can't hear anything i can't hear myself and the guy's like it's live tv 25 seconds and i go oh my god i can't hear anything i go guys something's wrong something gets blasted into left ear and right ear i hear nothing and i go guys i can't hear and so they start someone was filming this backstage like there's definitely a video that exists they're messing with my pack messing with my ears they're like it's your ears it's yours it's your pack it's your pack 15 seconds 10 seconds and in my head i immediately go look up in the sky and I go this is meant to happen and I just go let's do it and so they can't fix it they blast it to see if anything is happening maybe it's just low I start singing and all I'm hearing is what's from the other room like a crowd mic is on or something and so once I start getting into the hallway there's this hallway and uh in the performance I get the left ear blasting again and so it's just the left ear right ear is gone and in the left ear it's uh for anyone who understands audio it's it's mono it's not stereo so it's blasting and it's not good quality there's no mix to it so all I'm hearing is my voice super loud I get down to the steps and then immediately I start hearing echoing on the right ear and so I take it out and then that made it worse stupidly and so once I get onto stage I hear a and my ear gets a click again and I put it right back in and it's fixed so I think it was an RF issue when we rehearsed it they weren't expecting 20,000 phones to be in and everyone was filming and so the RF cut it out and then once I got to the stage because there's two fins I would assume once we got to the stage I got it back when this is happening in that very moment because I didn't realize you had a little bit of panic behind the scenes that we didn't see when you're walking down those steps did you at all think like can we stop should I just stop this wow I I to be honest during that part I'm supposed to be engaging with the audience right away so when I'm walking down I'm supposed to be like hey guys I'm at the Grammys this is cool and instead you will see pure horror in my eyes I true truthfully was just trying to find the count and so I did not think should we stop or anything because I there was part of me was like okay I can't hear myself and then just stop but imagine what would have happened there because the time is slotted it's live so it went through my brain as I left the tunnel should I stop but then I thought then this would be the most awkward thing I could do and I was like I'm social moment in the world where it's just a camera on me standing there crying right you're like all right let's pause and then you're like i just wanted to get over it and once i got over it and once we were at the top come on i'm terrified of heights i'm horrified of heights and that entire time i wasn't thinking about i was in the air i was thinking please get me back on time oh wait why did you agree to do the heights i wanted it to be special okay now i'm realizing it was a bit mega church i don't know i love how you're like so you had this whole vision for this whole thing and then nothing went as planned no okay alex then i can't help but also think like you end the song what is your immediate dominant emotion in that moment once it finishes don't cry on live television so i waited until the camera went off of me because i knew that there's a moment where the camera's on me but i was like holding back tears because i looked to my left and right and everyone was like you did so good and everyone's screaming and i was like wow this is like really really emotional i get off stage and i just run up the stairs and there's a little room for change because keep in mind they're announcing the winner right after this so i have to get to my seat i have three minutes and they're like you have to get to your seat and i'm like do i have to go out there like i like there do i have to stay here and they're like just stay as long as you think you can and so they change me i rush down i'm wiping my eyes i sit down and immediately it goes into the the nomination for best new artist which i was up for and immediately i'm like i'm so destroyed i'm i'm there's no shot i'm winning this i just messed that up so bad and i'm sitting there and and olivia dean won and i was like oh my god like i mean i was really happy for she deserved it 100 but that was once that happened i was like damn i want to go home so did you have time to cry no no no no so i i guarantee there's videos the whole time the whole entire grammys my head was on my wife's shoulder the entire time i did not want to look up i did not want to talk to anybody and like there was just a few moments like again chapel 100 saw that i was like just distraught and she came up to me and it was sweet like i will never forget how sweet she was because of that and um yeah it was it was uh it was really bad what did your wife say to you when she she's the most supportive person in the world like literally i it sucks because i expect it so much that i'm kind of just like i hear just saying that like i was like my career's over i literally overreacted and i was like oh my god over and over and over again said my career is over when you were sitting in the seats with her muddling it out and i was not entertained the i would watch the grammys camera guys come up to me and then just move away because they didn't want to do it like it was it was i was not not doing well and then when you're sitting also in that seat i can't help but think you are someone who is obviously so heavily on social media your career started on social media what did you think that people were saying online about you before you got to check your phone i deleted everything that night i deleted twitter i was like there's no way i'm going to do that to myself right now i'm fully like that's off my phone um but i was like you know what like this should be i should show people what i went through what it was so i filmed the video and i wanted to be like oh this is exactly what i heard in my ear this is what it was like and i posted it and i threw my phone and i didn't look and the next day i checked it and ever it had 50 60 million views on the internet everyone was fully supporting you yeah how did you pull yourself out of you know first you're sitting there saying my career is completely over how did you pull yourself out of it levy called me and she she called me and she's like she gave me the the coolest pep talk in the world and i think that was like the right room to even do that because like if anyone gets its musicians levy had called me and was just like i'm so proud of you you don't realize how many people you just helped imagine every kid who goes to a a or does a a talent show or every kid who does a theater show or does a performance and someone this happens to them and they think wow this can happen at the grammys this can happen like you know i think it gives someone um some some motivation and know that it's okay and it's stuff that stuff happens and so she she gave me that pep talk i mean it's a great pep talk because it's also such an indicator of there are things that you cannot control in this world right you prepared for it you rehearsed it there were no problems in rehearsals you have a beautiful voice you were ready to go and then tech failed you and you're like oh i think it sucks because it wasn't my fault like i can live with the fact that like oh i messed up like i hate the fact that i i didn't you know what i'm saying but i also think for the circumstances that i it took me a lot of like looking at the scenario and watching the video of just like okay i did everything i probably you really did were there any other celebrities other than chapel that came up to you noah khan noah came up to me and he's noah and i have just been friends in passing like we always just run into each other and he lives in in tennessee and so like we just we literally will run into each other like at a supermarket or whatever and he comes up to me and he he's the sweetest sweetest boy i love him so so much he was really kind um billy billy was really really sweet and i'm obsessed with alex wolf and he was really sweet i feel like those are the perfect people that came up to you also why do i feel like noah khan i'd just be like can you just hug me like he's so cozy i got a hug and he was very cozy okay that beard is very nice perfect so perfectly groomed if you think about it love that so it made you feel better yeah an old i don't know if we should call her a friend or a colleague was also at the grammys with you miss addison ray i think it was so fun to see the internet just freaking out that the fact that these two people who started on tiktok were both at the grammys together i know that you facetimed her when you guys found out you both got the nominations what was that conversation like in kind of that full circle moment like i i was i'm an emotional wreck i guess like i i really am i facetimed everyone and addison was the first to pick up and she she was just like it was the same thing we were on cloud nine i i none of us i think were expecting it and so the fact that it happened was really really cool she of course was in some huge fur coat somewhere on and with snow behind her in the middle of of i think it was november i don't remember or september i was like what is happening and she's like it's fell i was like no i believe you i but it's crazy that like i it's we're both 19 years old when we met and we're filming these videos i think 18 even were you guys close back then i i wouldn't say so i would say like as close as you can you live with these people right and so but it was weird during hype house it was very much like a hierarchy and especially because i wasn't a good looking um fuck boy um who made thirst traps i was at the bottom of the pool and so not a lot of people even knew i was in the hype house and that was i was a good looking um fuck boy um who made thirst traps i was at the bottom of the pool fine with that i love that i wanted to be a musician when we created hype house i even said i don't want to be attached to this in any way i just want to make music and so that was how it was and then things obviously went went on but she she was always just we were always friends and then do you think you guys ended up getting closer as you guys almost left the hype house i think everyone got closer after why do you think it was so everyone told everyone that you were special everyone every day was like you're the next this you're so hot you're going to be this you're more famous than this person or you suck you're not this you're not that and like it was a very weird um place where like you know you had a video do really well that day and so you were awesome and then the next day or two days later maybe you're going through something we were 19 year old kids 20 year old kids like that's we were doing whatever and you know you have personal things my mom died and i was like this is happening here and i think it was just like a weird um thing where it's like okay well that person is gonna start you know you're gonna start doing this you're gonna start doing this you're gonna start doing this staying over there and we're not gonna invite that person out to dinner because of this and like this person's doing really well right now so and so after i think everyone just was like fuck i need a break right it's almost like you allowed all of the competitive dynamics to kind of dissipate and then you could just look at each other being like wow we have this shared experience and i now have such empathy for all of us right if there is someone who for some reason is watching this and does not know what the hype house is first of all does that make you happy or sad i think it makes me happy okay i think it makes me happy i think the beginning of hype house it would make me sad i think that it was it was clinged on to for so long that it was kind of like what the fuck is this turning into so can you explain to someone who is not familiar what the hype house was it was a group of night like 17 to 21 year olds where all of us and this concept was so foreign was just a bunch of kids started renting a mansion together and keep in mind none of us could afford shit so like these houses weren't furnished and that was like a lot of people were like oh my god what the fuck is this turning into so can you explain to the thing so like we would film in these empty mansions that were not furnished and imagine you and all your friends during your college years decided to go rent a frat house that was fully empty but really nice and your job was to film thirst traps and i don't even know you're like that was like you had to make up a job one day you woke up and you go what do i want my job to be today i'm gonna look at my camera and bite my lip and do this and that all of a sudden you could buy lamborghinis that was that was that we and you guys actually were the ones that were funding the house or were there like random agents and managers that were paying and then taking a percentage it depended on the month like it really did like it depended on the month of like what was innovative at that time because there was not a thing like that and so every single month we'd get like like someone would come down and say like hey by the way now you have to film 10 tiktoks per month if you want to live here and then the next month it was hey you got to film four tiktoks and shout out this energy drink and you can live here and it was like very much like oh cool you get to live in this house you get to live rent free and um and then all you have to do is make these videos it was a fucking the best gig ever can you describe your experience living in the hype house in three words jesus i don't want to like make it like it's it was great no it was great it was great um fun dramatic um this is the synopsis of my biography by the way um and rewarding i would not be here without i love how traumatic just sits like right it's right and then it's a very it's like if you put like you divided it traumatic yeah yeah and that's that what age do you think you guys would be down for a reunion because i feel like you guys like need a little distance wow i don't know if some members would ever be down i think depending on who you are like charlie like i don't think charlie should ever do that i think charlie was such she was so young and like especially was so protective of her and i it's really i don't know like that girl's been through a lot a lot everyone saw charlie and especially when she did really well and was just like oh let me go film with her and like i felt like there was such a transactional fucking weird thing and probably not yeah probably not the healthiest maybe one day maybe when you're like 60 we go to the zoo it's our favorite perfect okay we're gonna do quick rapid fire to close out hype house okay cool oh god okay you're like cool then you're like wait traumatic again no let's do it um okay what was the most reckless thing you ever did for a video oh um we were playing hide and go seek tag and i i i um i hid in a helicopter okay was it just casually sitting outside of the hype house yeah it was on the driveway this is like very indicative of the times the fact that there's just casually a helicopter sitting out in front of okay um what's the most embarrassing thing you ever posted on the internet oh my god i deleted a lot of them uh you did yeah couldn't you monetize that though i don't care i do not care i don't want my kids saying that um wait give me an example i just a lot of the oh we'll get there we'll get there we'll get there um um wait what is an example what's the most what embarrassing embarrassing video you posted on the internet uh there's a video that i uh a friend of mine or dixie dixie would dress um she would dress uh in and clothing and then i would i asked to borrow her clothing so i could dress like that and really i was like oh my god i'm so embarrassed i'm so embarrassed i'm so embarrassed i'm so embarrassed realizing that i did not look good in the thong so i deleted that i probably look great now but just back then i didn't you know yeah it's a bit scarring i i'm just trying i'm not actually i'm not trying to picture it i'm just trying to yeah okay i could sell that later that's good that's good it's in your drafts now it's somewhere that's okay my wife is it's her wallpaper but it's fine we love you who in the hype house at the time was the most annoying the most annoying is there like a shot that i could drink besides answer that question um the most annoying i want to be honest so i'm trying to think i think the most annoying person had to be vinny okay and it's because vinny's so good looking and didn't try does that make sense yeah he's just coming around no but the guy eats burgers like that's the thing like he eats the amount of money that man spent on taco bell alone and then he'd be like yeah i just have a six pack and so you're sitting there looking at these guys and you're like you're like do you know how badly i wish i could have done that are you joking are you kidding like i didn't want to put on the thong that's what i'm not kidding every day i would watch what these guys ate trying to replicate it thinking that like i swear i have like an underlying eating disorder after living with these guys all they ate was taco bell every goddamn meal was taco bell like i was dying i was keto i was ozempified i was on everything and i couldn't lose the weight and these guys were fucking stuffing taco bell and smoking weed 30 times a day it was crazy yeah that's really fucking annoying playing video games okay what is the craziest rumor that spread online during that time oh everything i would i remember like paparazzi that was real like i bet a lot of them called paparazzi but i would wake up half naked and remember like there was the hype house that was with all glass and i would look out the window and there's 400 kids waiting there trying to get pictures with whoever and paparazzi there and i i don't even remember the question i'm so traumatized by this no what was the craziest rumor that was like spread online at that time um you're like i'm waking up naked in a glass house sorry you're just unlocking memories people um i don't even know i think a lot like a lot of the time it was like people would like screenshot shit and like just make up things that like i was not like i was texting other girls or stuff like that and i was like i was like have you guys looked at me like i'm i'm questioning what my wife sees in me you think i'm gonna go find someone it was just like a weird thing where like i think everyone especially was just trying to like tear you down which i get it i looking back at it it was a weird fucking time it was so do you saddle ranch oh my god i was there the other day why i was there the grammy after party someone was i was across the street and i looked over and i was like wow that's fucking crazy oh my god you were at sunset tower yes what is that place what is that you've moved up you used to be at saddle ranch now you're at sunset i would watch all the cool kids go to sunset tower as i was answering you know paparazzi questions in front of saddle ranch and i'd be like i want to go there and it was like you couldn't go well now you're there alex i'm really not i'm like waiting outside you are you're not made for a grammy shut up um what is last one what is the most money you ever spent on a video oh if it wasn't my own money it was branded money it was like seventy five thousand dollars oh wow and keep in mind i was homeless so like that that is like wanting to keep that money was such a thing where i just didn't want to even post the video but it was like i had signed a deal saying i will spend the money that i was given for the video right or like you get credit for things i see and like what was the video i had it was like something in target or or not target it was a i had to buy like a bunch of inflatable stuff to do like a a thing to do like a surprise the whole house inside of it with like a water park and all these different things and this was the budget to spend on the video for the brand and i remember at that time i had not made any money yet and i when they sent me the the credit i wanted to keep that money so badly and i spent it all i didn't get i i literally i was betting on the monetization and that video got demonetized oh and you're like motherfucker do you know how many times i wish i saved that money but now you know and you learned your lesson i did but there was a lot of money floating around too much too much and especially like you have to think like a lot of us at that time like i was a 19 year old kid i was homeless at 18 like i was that was right after and i'd never seen that much money ever and it hit your bank account you have to spend it can we talk about that for a minute because i'm thinking about you talking about how you're living in this house that is this glass mansion and yes some people were saying you know it was a dream and you're saying it was a dream but it yeah it feels like it clearly had a little bit more weight to you because you were homeless before moving into the hype house right your mom had kicked you out can you for anyone who's not familiar can you just tell that story dad passed away when i was nine to cancer my mom spiraled ever since then i mean rightfully so single four kids right during the recession left with nothing and she just didn't want to live anymore and so she just drank and drank and drank just trying to kill herself and as time went on i realized it was a problem and i would um i have a story about it i have a story about it i have a story about it i was a kid i didn't know but i would just call her out and i would pour it out i thought my mom's supposed to be perfect what are you doing and i would just dump it out everywhere and i became enemy number one for my mom i was the reason why she was drinking all of a sudden it gave her a sense of oh i need to drink to deal with this and so um yeah as time went on i think once i turned 18 it was like that that day on my birthday she kicked me out and i couldn't take anything except for what i owned and at that time it was a camera and a computer and so i started sleeping on my friend's couches and um sleeping on uh in cars and that's when i started filming with the camera and editing with the computer and um that's when i started doing well do you have siblings i do yeah did they stay with your mom they did it my older sister was is a lot older so she was in college and didn't really understand the scope of things my older brother was uh in a marine so he was not home and then my youngest sister uh was too too young to understand i think she was just like i think everyone growing up thinks your parents are perfect and it hadn't hit her yet and uh once i left it started hitting her and she was like i need to get the f out of here and eventually my uncle uh took her out of it but um yeah it's it's always interesting i always get the questions like what did your siblings do why wouldn't they were never there i've had a lot of conversations with friends or people on my show where like they they're it's so weird when you talk to your siblings about trauma or even just childhood in general and you have such a different experience than siblings and i think sometimes it's hard for fat people to fathom that because you're like what do you mean you're in under the same roof but it's like you really can have such a different experience with a parent than your sibling and to eventually come to terms with that is weird like have you and your sister been able to talk about your child so interesting it's like you're i have a camera on me i literally talked to my sister about this like a week ago i yeah it's there's a lot of unresolved tension i think it's just like i don't know what she went through she was so much older than me she remembers my dad way more than i do and i don't know what my siblings went through all i know is they all somewhat got it like the moment i moved out i remember my mom had just been wailing on me just punching me on the ground and i had never hit back ever i just don't believe in that and so i'm sitting there taking these punches to the face and i remember my brother uh he just got home from the military walks out hears it and sees it and he just puts her in a chokehold and backs up and says you're not doing that anymore and i remember just then and there running out of the house my brother ran out with me and um i would i was sleeping at a friend's house and she had figured it out called the cops and said i hit her and so it's just this whole thing of like thankfully i had my brother to corroborate what actually happened or else i would have gotten picked up but like my mom was like that and that was like a really crazy thing very crazy because i also remember i read somewhere you had said that your mom was the greatest woman in the world when she wasn't drinking but the problem was she struggled with alcoholism every single day like how did you reconcile those two complete different versions of her because you had experienced her without it my mom would drink at 5 a.m and sleep all day so she would start drinking at like 3 or 4 a.m stay up all the way to take us to school and then she would sleep all day from there and consistently miss us from picking up you know at school but then would be alive and well at like 8 p.m so around that time i knew there was a window where like keep my mom drunk would like write suicide letters and then show me and go i just wrote this suicide letter and i'm telling everyone it was your fault and then literally that same day at 8 p.m it would be it would be i just want you know you're my favorite son and like she would be so kind and so genuine and like want to like cuddle and like watch a movie and like spend family time let's go out or on new year's eve let's bang the pots out back and like that was like all of a sudden like from if you knew a window right but then all of a sudden i think i turned 15 and that window just never existed anymore and it just became her have you been able to in processing like the loss of your mother and time away from it like tried to wrap your head around like where you think the like vitriol and hateful moments towards you came from in her god yes and i i figured this out i think i have it figured out my mom my mom was so i misunderstand my mom so much my mom was so in love with my dad so in love with my dad that she could not imagine a world where my mom was so in love with my dad that she could not imagine a world where my mom was so in love with my dad that she could not imagine a world where my mom was so in love living without him and so she didn't she just survived she didn't not like she died right when all of us left like my my little sister was the last to go and once he she knew she was taken care of she died and truly that entire time my mom i don't think my mom cared about having kids i think my mom cared about having kids with my dad and once that disappeared it was just okay i hate this i hate my life i hate my kids i hate the things i do i hate the things that i'm in and i don't think she meant it in that way but i truly just don't think that she wanted to live anymore and so she did what she had to do to survive and that was to drink her life away but i could never put myself in that position i could never say i could never be there and and try and imagine that just because like imagine imagining four having four kids your husband of your life and a recession hits he dies you're in over your head in medical debt you have no money to your name you're three hundred to four hundred thousand dollars you're in debt you have no money dollars in debt and now all of a sudden you've never had a job and all of a sudden you have to just live i couldn't it's also so hard too because when you then now are becoming an adult and you're married and um i know you earlier referenced like maybe one day having kids like all these things you become really like cognizant of of like what you would want to do differently um and you're kind of talking about how now you have perspective on your mother like before she passed were you able to reconcile at all with her no i and that's that's the the many regrets i have i remember i don't know what spawned this i was driving and i was driving and i literally was like my biggest fear is dying alone and i don't know why i started thinking about that and i was like wow dying alone i could not imagine and i started thinking about my mom and i said she has no one i mean like there's no one there to even help her take the trash out so i texted her and i just i was like hey just thinking about you wanted to send you this picture and you know whatever um and never delivered and it turns out that she was already pretty much dead and i was like like that's like we i remember going to going to um the hospital and she was they tell you she can hear you but she's yellow like i don't know if you've ever seen it but someone dying from liver failure is probably top five worst things to see and they're just they don't look like a human they look like a zombie they're yellow and purple and they've no hair and their hair's all white because it couldn't survive and so you're you're seeing this and there's something called the death breath that's the most horrifying thing in the world where it's like you think it's the last breath and it's like and then it keeps going and that was oh oh but that was that was something where i i think we all had a moment where we were like we forgive you and everyone left the room and i sat there and i'm just like i'm so sorry like i'm so sorry i let you i'll let you but i'm so sorry sorry that i i felt a sense of responsibility i felt like the thing is like say what you want that my mom did like i am a son i should have like whatever she did and it could be anything and i think like yeah some people could say like oh well you didn't deserve it doesn't matter i am her son i can't imagine what it's like dying alone not knowing anything and i remember the last text she ever sent me before and i stupidly didn't respond the last text she sent me was i have a problem i'm going to aa for something else and and she died she tried she either thought knew something was wrong and she tried to fix it and it was too late or she tried to fix it and she died trying oh my god i mean alex like even hearing you talk about this there's so many layers of you have guilt you wanted you obviously made an attempt to repair it with your mother you both which is so relatable kind of reached out to the other person and the other one would wasn't ready to accept it or willing to accept it at the time but you both had the same intention you both were genuinely you loved each other and you weren't able to show that whether it was because of the illness she was experiencing or the anger that you had for her and you're getting physically abused so it's like at some points of course you should remove yourself from a situation you shouldn't be there with open arms um but when she passed i can't help but also think like you were alone for a lot of your life right when she was alive she was like i can't help but you were surviving and it felt like you were alone because you didn't have a mother and you didn't have your father and then when she passed you were physically literally alone um how did both of those versions feel different i think when i when she was alive it fueled me of i'm going to prove this person wrong my entire life my mom told me that i wouldn't be a singer it just wasn't going to happen i suck i sound bad it's you need to go to college and get a degree because you need to do it this way it's never going to happen those people aren't like you um so when this happened i wanted to so badly be like i did it you i think now i did it and i miss you and i think that's that's the hard part is like i think i was insecure and i didn't understand it and now it's kind of like dude i wish i could like tell you you know like i this my friend just had a kid and she's learning how to ride a bike and there's this thing he was explaining to me the other day of like you know it's so cool it's like this person she started riding a bike bike and she looked back and she says look mom and dad i did it and the thing with the grammys and all these different things is it really i wanted to look back and say fuck yeah you know like my dad would do these talent shows and he was so and this is what makes me excited for kids i can't wait to be what my dad was for me he's a supportive person that no matter what like it was just you can do it like he was fighting cancer and waking up every morning just to give us these experiences just because he knew it was limited and and to be able to do that for my kids and be able to be supportive and show them that you can do anything and i think i'm a testament to that like this entire time and the things i've gone through to be able to play at the grammys and and be nominated for grammy with everything that i've gone through as i feel like is you can't you cannot prove to anyone that it's not possible if you look at that oh completely like i think the the amount that you survived survived through the pandemic and i think that's what i'm trying to do is i'm trying to survive through the pandemic and i think that's what i'm trying to do is i'm trying to your childhood and the adversity that you had to overcome you shouldn't have had to go through it but it only prepared you more for this chaotic fucking industry that you've now walked into um do you feel safe now whoa yeah i i yeah that's a loaded fucking question jesus i i am yeah my career is a perfect example i think where i am in my career right now right now i think a good amount of people have gotten to and i've also watched it just go down you know and i think that's part of me is like i'm such in a fight or flight moment that like i don't ever want i was homeless with my wife i know exactly what that's like and as much fun as i had with my wife i never want to do that again i want to have kids and i want to give them the life i never had you know like i want to be able to be there for my kid which means i want to keep doing this i want to keep touring i want to be able to provide for a child and be able to be present in their life which i feel like is a pretty big deal and i think that's what i'm trying to do privilege and a luxury that not a lot of people have i didn't have that um and so i i'm probably one of the most not in the moment person ever because of it i'm constantly thinking okay how do i do this how do i do that to make sure that i don't go back to this and every time a song might not do well or i suck at a performance i'm beating myself up about it because i'm so scared that um either my mom's opinion is right or that i will go back to where i was right you're like constantly in survival mode right right right you're constantly on the edge of like i could lose it all i mean the gram is a perfect example i sat there the entire time saying my career is over and do you think it's going to just take you continuing to live experiences like the grammys and then guess what you're sitting here today you've got a new song out like everything is okay i fucking hope so i'll let you know it could go all downhill for all i know i don't think i'll ever get out of this okay we're gonna work on it just a little bit next time i see you we're gonna be like okay hopefully maybe no i've done a lot like i i i have an amazing wife i have an amazing career i make music that i absolutely fucking love i do what i love like i i get to play arenas like that's fucking nuts um i have amazing friends like where i am today and also i'm healthy i love what i do i i work out i exercise i'm quite literally the happiest i've ever been and i'm able to say i'm happy with who i am today it took me so long to do that though okay let's talk about relationships you said in an inner perfect um you said in an interview that before you got married you were notoriously cheated on what was happening right because i have to be the problem that's exactly what i thought no no i i had a really good looking friend okay and he was my best friend and he's still really one of my close friends i talked to him all the time very good looking every time i dated a girl the test was to bring him around because he was notorious for stealing my girlfriends this is your best friend oh yeah we we weren't friends after this the last one but oh he was notorious for trying to get with my girlfriends or um he was very attractive and i there was something about it but he would just yeah it's and you stayed friends with him after i'm a very forgiving person alex it's just a thing i'm like wait so this happened multiple times i didn't realize until the last one okay yes yes i had a i had a i had an intuition um anyway i was driving with this girl she was texting him and they were sending like hearts and saying like a lot of shit and i was just like it's cool i'm keep i'm 17 18 so it's pretty it's pretty like i've been dating my wife since i was 18 so a lot of these are elementary relationships of course of course of like oh my god you cheated on me with bradley on the swing set um but no it was just four or five times i think that i was like this these people are texting other people or actually hooking up with other people while i'm with them and um i was just a hopeless romantic so every time i would get cheated on or broken up with i would go to a piano go why me why are you doing this to me like it was just it was bad and then you'd be like okay i'm over it and then you'd go to the next person and then it kept happening and eventually you found covert yeah okay can we go back to the next person and then you'd go to the next person and then you'd go to the next person the first time you saw your wife was someone else's snapchat story yes it's a modern day love story it is so romantic thank you um and you said that you immediately were interested when you saw her on this story what was it about her that caught your eye she was she wasn't wearing any makeup and she wasn't trying and she was what she was sleeping and keep in mind she still sleeps to this day i'll go surfing in the morning and she finds the comfiest rock to lay on and she'll fall asleep and i'll literally be up in the out in the break and i look in and she's like she's like i know she's sleeping like this like she'll just sleep wherever she's so good at falling to sleep places um but she was just like she looked just naturally beautiful without trying and if you look that beautiful without trying i bet you look beautiful all the time so who is filming your wife back then sleeping my friend she had moved to hawaii and became roommates with okay okay and so they were always like fucking with each other and they both had really box dyed blonde hair and so this woman who was tan as hell because she's from hawaii has this box dyed white hair and i was like this is the hottest woman i've ever seen in my entire life oh my god okay so how did you guys end up talking like how did you we were snap chatting back snap chatting back before they put me in contact she had a boyfriend at the time and i was like i don't fuck with that i don't do that shit and so whatever it was like a week or two and they ended up not working and she started talking to me and she's like oh like you know whatever she flies out to san diego with this friend because this friend's also from my hometown and she i she walks out of the uh she walks out of the the baggage claim and i just everyone looks like they're wearing the hawaiian shirt very like like very touristy and this girl wearing a bright yellow t-shirt tanner than shit with white hair comes running out and i go that's my wife and i literally i had waited so for four four to five months we were long distance without ever seeing each other and she comes out and i had never said i love you and she was texting me i love you or i love you and apparently love you and i love you are different but wait so the first time that you guys physically meet in person you're like oh my god i love you i love you i love you i love you she flies to san diego to meet you yes i see her and i'd been waiting to say i love you i run up to her like a movie i kiss her and i go i love you it's the first thing out of my mouth yeah and then she's a back duh okay and then i took her to in and out and then we had our first night together in a motel six that i borrowed 75 for my friend except at the time i'm homeless did she know you were homeless not yet okay that night she found out so you were explaining the motel six and we and i was like i i we were with a group of friends and then she's like well where are we staying tonight and that's when i said i i got us uh a place and we went to a motel six keep in mind this entire time i'm thinking that this woman is about to bail on me because this is not romantic this is fucking horrible um and i i looking back i'm a piece of shit for this um but we went and i was like this i'm sorry this is what it is and i explained it and she's like fuck it let's do it so her reaction was just like you know what here we go here we are fuck it let's do it was her exact words although you were so excited to say you loved her in the airport there must have been some terror terror terror i was horrified but i wanted if this was going to be the only six hours i ever get with this girl that i've literally fallen in love with i want to show her how much i love her so this entire time i we went to in and out she wanted to try for the first time and i knew this hack that you could get a burger and a water cup and then if you got fries but you added it a certain way it was four dollars and 38 cents things have changed obviously with inflation but um next time i'm going to show her how much i love her that was what it was and i knew i could afford it so i had a five dollar bill we shared a burger and um i my friend all our friends because i didn't have a car and we had stayed in a motel and then later the next day we sleep slept in that same car i um started in a long distance relationship as well and i think that there's something really it gets doesn't sound sexy and beautiful but there is something really amazing about it because it really forces you to just talk and talk and talk and facetime and you get to really know each other well like what do you think though in those four months without being physically together what was it that made you know that you were so in love with her and you were ready to tell her we would be on facetime without even talking like we would just not talk and i would fall asleep with my phone as if we were sleeping together and she would be falling asleep and so we literally i'd wake up some days we're still on facetime and it was like it was like it was i i was in fact it was 3 a.m obviously but like i i was just always like what the fuck like i i don't even live with this woman and i want to spend every waking moment with her i would facetime her with them with friends i was guy who people were like dude get the fuck off your phone and i couldn't not talk to her i was toxic probably but like like that's the thing right you you were really into it and you had but then you somehow managed to kind of keep it like i'm not telling her that i'm fully living out of my car right now i'm starting to realize i'm kind of a red flag no like this is like this is what she's down there isn't she so she can attest like you turn out okay i'm okay the marriage is going well right oh my god it's amazing okay so perfect i've never been better um you get married at 23 yes which for some people standards is pretty young yeah how did you know you were ready for that big step uh my dad before he passed one of the few things i remember is he said make sure you love the woman that you're marrying and he for some reason would always say five years was this thing he would always say five years and i was like i was like i the moment i met cover i knew that i wanted to marry her but i knew i was really immature and like you said i read through high powers through everything that a if i'm going to marry this person i can provide for this person if i'm going to marry this person that i and come on i didn't have that when we started living in a car i wanted it to be able to do that you know um i wanted to make sure that i was emotionally and mentally mature enough to be able to be a good husband and i wanted to make sure that especially after marriage comes kids i wanted to make sure i was ready to be a father and so like that was the biggest thing for me was like you know i i grew up really quickly and i i started to live out like my childhood days or like be a little bit immature when i was like 21 where i was just like figuring out what kind of man i wanted to be um and so i really wanted to make sure that i had that out of just like i i don't want to be married starting to have kids and fucking i mean we were always practically married but like just doing the whole thing i want to make sure i could give her a grand wedding and and be able to have her family come out and do everything and when the timing made sense it oh my gosh wow that's really it's beautiful to hear like how it started to then obviously the wedding and everything and where you guys are now she hated it she wanted to get married like two years and i was like trust me it'll all make sense but that's sweet that you weren't rushing and you were like slow playing it because you're like i need time right what do you think would you say is her best quality as a partner i a i would say that the her creativeness just in general i'm so infatuated but b she's such a provider like i i'll be like in a session and she'll bring everyone home-cooked meals or like every night when i do sessions like if everyone comes to my house for a studio because i have a studio at my house she'll be like okay here's for dinner for monday tuesday wednesday and she has these horses and she like grew like she has everything kind of planned out where you know oh like nothing's impossible to my wife and it's the coolest fucking thing in the world she built my half pipe so i grew up skateboarding and i was like wow i really want a half pipe and she's like oh buy it and so i bought it and it came in lumber obviously and she goes cool i'm gonna build it i said what she's like i'm gonna build it i don't know how but i really want to learn so she did that and then we had bought in our first home and she's like cool i want to build a rock wall and so she went and got brick and mortar and literally figured out and i come i have photos on my phone of her on a scaffolding with knee pads and goggles with a paint machine and she's learning how to paint walls and she built every single bedroom in my house with wood to make this cool like it she did she wanted to make the art so she made all the art she does my tattoo she learned how to do tattoos like all of this is her and so like nothing my wife is impossible at saying i can't do that wow that's really admirable dude it's the coolest shit i i quite literally trust my wife if she really wants to she can do anything that is a beautiful quality to have as a human being and really inspiring i can't also help but think about you know when you guys you meet and then the hype house era begins and you guys so much of your relationship started online and then has continued to be online like was there a time that the internet got in the way or caused problems in your relationship 100 like i think that was that was again where i was as like for me back when i was like 21 22 years old not 22 like 19 to 21 was the three years where i was just like like looking back at it i was just like oh i want to get the clip like i got so i got so infatuated with the fact that i need to make sure i'm never homeless again that i started to just be like we need to film this we need to film this we need to film that to where i was like i'm not even taking her out on dates because i'm like so focused on getting a video like we'd go out on a date and i'm like oh we should film this tick tock or whatever the hell i'm like so for me at least i was like okay i need to be i if i want to marry this woman and i need to get my act together and that was right when i started music and just like kind of becoming who i am today i think with ordinary i was so like this is the first thing that's ever gone really really well and i want to really lean into this and i was touring for the time and that was really difficult for us as a couple because it was like i've been with you for five or six years and you've never we've never spent a night apart ever since we started sleeping together like you know and so all of a sudden i have to say goodbye to you for eight months and so she's been going on tours and we've been finding a really great medium it's so fun having our tour she brings the dogs and we she cooks and it's it's the coolest thing in the world i just need to get better at what at dates like that's the one thing where i'm like come on alex i know i know let's let's pop it up let's think of a good idea let's think of a good idea let's think of a good date night but we every time we plan a date night we look at each other and we go should we just watch a movie okay that's fair like that's the thing what if next date night you even if she's out doing something you just make the house a date night see that's sick and i've thought of that like you can do that i know because i i'm the same way i'm like oh my god a date night is so much better when you're just at home and you're cozy i just don't want her to try like i don't want her to do anything but you need to try i know i know i know okay i know some flowers and candles every time i just write like a really like depressing love song about her and i'm like look and she's like fuck her take me out to eat asshole no you know what's so funny it's like cover has like the dream life where like a guy is writing you these like gorgeous songs but she's like i get that every day right let's go she's like it's fine you said that nine different fucking times can we go eat some fucking fettuccine alfredo okay take the girl to get some fettuccine alfredo when you do post it on your story so we all know i know and tag me um your vows yes have over 13 million likes and i think everyone cried watching them everyone was like so obsessed when you post them obviously um when you look back at that day like what was the most important thing that you really wanted to convey to cover in those vows i will never write anything as good as those and that was fully the night before i was so cocky going into it i was like i'm a songwriter i can easily write these vows 11 p.m it starts and there's the cursor that's blinking on on docs and it's literally to cover or i say cover and it's how it starts and i blink and it's 3 a.m nothing not a single fucking vow not a single word has been written because i couldn't fathom how am i supposed to sum up the fact that this woman changed my life into a page and say it in front of all of our friends um and family and so i i was freaking out my friend at the time he was still up working and he's like step away from the fucking and i just start talking and i just literally just start blubbering like everything that i feel about this woman and he's like write it down he's like write that down he's like write that down that's good write that down and i blink and it's just this this that's what the vows were was just me not thinking and talking about my wife and i just wanted it like it's hard to explain i say all these things on on here and i say oh my wife slept in a car with me and people probably if i was people i'd probably listen and be like all right dude shut the fuck up but truly like this woman dropped out of college to sleep in a car with some 18 year old dumbass who didn't tell her and was like i'm homeless and i want to be a singer and this girl goes that sounds like i want to do that like how do you sum that out of like oh this woman is an angel who saved my life no it was meant to be and so when i when i read it i couldn't i couldn't bear i knew it was right because every time i tried to read it i couldn't stop crying so after i wrote it i never read it again i wrote it down in a book and i wrote it down in a book and i wrote it down in a book and i wrote it down in a notebook which i ended up reading during the the ceremony and i never read it before i went on and i just said it in the vows you say she saw something in you that you didn't see in yourself what were you referring to my wife sees the good in so many people that it ends up hurting her and that is something with me that i i'm i'm like stop but at the same time i love you for it is she just sees so much good and in me at least i think that there's a lot of brokenness especially when i met her like my mom she was alive for my for cover and my mom was a horrible person to cover terrible enough to give anyone a reason to to leave that and she understood everything she understood she was she handled it with so much grace and so so much so much decorum that i was like wow how can you handle that and so it's just to me at least that that's the thing that i'm trying to do and that's the thing that i'm trying to do that was when i was thinking about when i was writing that i was like you put up with so much bullshit so much of my bullshit so much of my selfishness so much of you know to go through whatever that was the hype house and and how who i was during that to now a music career where i'm fully traveling all the time and singing and talking about us and all these things kind of laying it all out for people like that i can't yes it's great but all the same time there's so many cons to that you know you guys have that even you just saying that of like i was just thinking like one as hard as it i'm sure was that your mom treated cover that way there's also something so beautiful that she got to meet her so you are able to sit with her and when you talk about it she's like oh no i get it i was there i lived with you but then you're right like the trajectory of starting from this place of living in your car and she joined you to now this extraordinary life you're living and you've got a studio in your house and you're you know you've got this amazing wife and you're building these memories like feels like a movie yes but that also takes like a lot of communication through that growth to be able to make sure like are we good are we still on the same page are you a therapist no but i'm just thinking of like this is really nice i like that i i this couch is getting really comfy you're sinking in farther and farther and some well great refreshments i'm but you know what i mean like you got anything next week yeah we'll be back here same time next week but you know what i mean like the the growth has been amazing on paper but like that's a lot to handle as an individual and as a couple so like kudos to you guys that you guys have been able to stay so connected while the thing is growing so large dude it's been really cool like we literally go like can you believe like we were again we bought our first house not too long ago and i think we stood in front of it and i was holding her and i was like can you fucking believe this dude like it was such a we had this such a i wish i could relive that moment every time or at least show cover and alex five years ago six years ago or whatever it was like we obviously i was like how nuts is this like this is our fence like we were we were looking at the weird and inanimate things that no one thinks about like honey look this brick like we went around the house and i was like that brick right there that brick in between all the 500 other bricks that brick is ours you're grateful that's dude it's so cool and it's been so nice too because like cover and i especially during the whatever times like it's we were so easy we're so easy to please because we slept on floors and whatever the fuck and so it's so nice and it's really nice is when i start to get a little bougie or when she gets a little bougie i'm like cover and she's like you're so right you're so right i'm like i'm like that was kind of fucked it's like finding the balance of being like we deserve this and let's enjoy it it's the best because that's our arguments that's always our arguments i was like coverage because but we deserve it i go that's a little stupid or you have to have like a barometer it's like awesome are we pushing it to my wife and i only argue about one thing and it's fucking children name and and a rug and who's supposed to pay for the rug rugs are so sneaky expensive thousands of dollars i i what is that i i'm rugless right now because i i might the principle is i don't want to pay that much for a rug okay wait kid names so who has the crazier kid names like are you more chill with them or is she going more chill and you're going crazy i think it's like taming it a little bit like she's a little bit like oh well this is really cool and i'm like sweetheart but you don't want to be that like the couple that does that like there's originality but there's also like i really like that name and she's like if you tell anyone our fucking names that we've come up with i'm going to murder you and your children will be fatherless and i said look i don't want to do that to them it's it's been like keeping them but then you're also like i know but babe like no one's gonna name their kids these names she's gatekeeping that notes app it's got a lock on it and it's hidden and it's titled something fully fucking completely different she is so protective of her kid names i honestly respect i've seen a lot of women online be like i can now tell you all the extra kid names i have now that i've named my yeah and some of them are like sephora yeah like like like bicyclet like it's gonna so you're not naming your kid bicyclet no but maybe okay i i did that was right off the dome and i'm i'm i'm it sounds gorgeous bice is a really great nickname that i've been thinking what songs is your wife's current favorite my wife literally just plays a rotation of taylor swift like i i that your song oh at least in my wife sorry i've been so obsessed with talking about my wife what are your wife's favorite songs of yours although we love taylor oh my god i love taylor i love taylor i love taylor wait what's her favorite taylor album do you know this folklore oh for sure love i hope that's right but she always talks about folklore do you know what her favorite song is of taylor uh no but she's always singing long live every step that i take and then the lights shine just for me and you yeah okay and but i she your songs her favorite of my songs she is obsessed with one called um called only thing left which is a breakup song funny enough okay i wrote for a show i'm like out of all the love songs you love that one she loves like the ones you would never expect you have a new single out yeah fever dream tell me about the writing process the people i work with today are the people i've always worked with like i started with them and i stay with them you know and so everything that i write uh is with them and so this song especially you know all of us have are in really great relationships and we wanted to write about this feeling of falling in love for the first time and what that is and there's this euphoric feeling when you do like when you see that person for the first time and maybe you've seen that person every single day and then the one time you start to be like wait i'm seeing you differently today and if you get this weird like warm feeling and you kind of like you get your their number and then they give it to you and yeah we wanted to kind of put that in a song also i feel like i've seen a lot of people in interviews you've said like you wanted to get lightly away from some like being all sad music yes so this is fun it's fun as hell and like there's still like nine different other sad ones that you could listen to perfect right you're still gonna give us that yeah but you were giving us an uplifting one too i just think it's really obvious when you hear a song it's like okay alex is crying again about his dad let's fuck off okay the um cameos in the music video yes paris hilton crazy right can you explain how i'm so excited i know like how did you get the queen in passing when the grammys thing happened she had commented and we had you know talked and when i was thinking of this music video especially and we were writing it i wanted it to not make any fucking sense and when the whole entire music video is i'm chasing this girl that's supposedly my wife and once i finally reach her i get to her and it's paris fucking hilton and she slaps me awake and i'm homeless still homeless busking because i never met my wife so the whole music video is just random things were like what the hell is that and then you finally get to the person and it's a weird like whoa i was not expecting that and then you it's it's at the end and it's like this weird like shutter island vibe where you're kind of like wait what this was that the whole time how cool that you got paris hilton in a music video she's amazing by the way she's like her reputation reputation precedes her of like she's quite literally just such a sweet girl she's incredible and so intelligent she's so smart so so so so smart she is every she's everything and more when you meet her which is really cool um you've had a lot of cameos i have like how the hell did you get jennifer aniston to be in that skit she's the best i love her what like to this day i still text her and it's just she's amazing i had her boyfriend and her or really uh they like the music and i had edit sheer and had asked if he could connect me with jen and i was like jen who but sure and so i gave him my number and i got a facetime and it's courtney cox and jennifer aniston on the facetime and i was like holy fucking shit this is crazy this is great and so i played ordinary for them on facetime and um i'm still like to this day i still talk to both of them and they're just so amazing so supportive and um i had asked her if she would be in it and she literally i sent her the script because i wrote it so i wrote this script with my friend and i was like please so good judge this it please as you made she goes it's amazing i'll do it she didn't change a single thing she loved it and she acted in it and she showed up and i've worked with a lot of people and this girl i i admire her so much just for how she walked in and just nailed it and goes all right later it was the best surprise on the internet seeing a skit with jennifer aniston and you i was like what what is happening it did feel like a fever dream at that i was like this is not making sense so cool that's i also love how they just like casually facetimed you out of nowhere no i like i was like i was like what the fuck is happening and max greenfield from new girl was on the i texted him and i said would you be down to be in this and he said i'll be there at 3 p.m and just randomly came it was so cool you are you've got some good cameos i'm so happy about it like it's really good um so can we say like there's an album coming yeah yeah yeah 100 i'm not taylor swift no one gives a fuck no yes okay and how long have you been working on it uh a year i think or so like it's it's been in the making for the last few months but like the the songs and titles and stuff have been in the making for a bit um i heard that maybe you're gonna share something exclusive here on call our daddy yeah dude anything what do you want to hear where's my phone i don't know i you're gonna play a little something yes i would love to of a song so i can give you some backstory on this too this is a sad sad song okay my dad before he passed away wrote me a letter okay and i have yet to ever read it and so i'm reading it after this i'm driving down to his grave and i'm gonna read it to him and i had written a song about that of just like he loved writing letters and so i wrote him one and i want to read his letter and then i'm gonna read him i'm gonna cry i'm gonna read him mine and uh my wife who's the best person in the world she found his sports car that he bought before he had us and had to sell it for cancer treatments and he she found it and bought it and so i wrote a song kind of just like if he had missed anything to keep him up with it and so i don't we can send you the audio so it's better but i'll play you it how's that you can start it whenever intros are too long these days i'm already emotional i wrote a letter to you last night instead of talking to the dark so much i want to say ever since you've been away and i don't want to skip a part i went out and bought your old car that i wasn't old enough to drive i didn't have your help so i taught myself wish that i could take you for a ride i may assume you i'll play the whole song i don't this is sad it's sad but it's so beautiful like that you have this outlet in this career that you're able because so many people are going to also be able to connect with that so many people have lost loved ones or parents and not been able to have that final conversation they wish they could have had um you were nine when he passed so you have had a letter yeah since you were nine years old that you never opened i'm thinking about i really want to have kids and cobra and i are going to start trying and i i don't know i feel like there's a time and place i'm supposed to read it i don't know i feel like there's a time and place that i'm supposed to read it how did you throughout those years decide not to open it i don't even know i don't there was no plan it was just it was just for me i i don't think i've ever been ready i think like for everything i've gone through and how self-deprecating i am i do think i'm emotionally pretty mature and i think the one thing for me at least is um when i read it i want it to mean everything to me and i i just think like right now where i am and everything i'm i've accomplished i think i'm proud of who i am and i want to read that in that state yeah did he give you this letter or did someone give it to you that they found it that he wrote it to you the day he died it was 5 15 in the morning my mom comes in to wake me up says time say goodbye to your dad and i remember walking down the steps and he was dead and um yeah i just i was sitting there just literally hitting him and just telling him to wake up and um after that i prayed and i i um my mom handed all of us because my dad had written one for everyone i was just thinking the other day i was like i i have no idea how i was so scared to there was a award i was accepting and i was terrified to accept the award and the grammys i was scared for and i was thinking about and i was like my dad was fucking terrified had to be he was dying and he wrote these letters and he was strong enough and fearless enough to do that i was like if he can do that i can do fucking anything and so i just remember i read it when i was nine and i haven't read it since and i don't remember a single fucking thing are you going to play that song for him at the grave yeah i played it for him already i played it for him when i wrote it i went i went there after i wrote it and i did i hadn't been to his grave in so long and i went and i just i dropped to my knees and i broke down because all the graves were clean and everyone had flowers except for mine and i i had put i was so selfish i thought that i shouldn't go there if i wasn't ready needless to think that but i went and i had no one took care of it it was dirty it was whatever and so i spent the day and i cleaned it and i went and bought flowers and i put it in i sat there and i was like dad i'm nominated for a and i just i spoke to him as if nothing ever happened and um and i played him the song and now i feel like it's really nice that i get to go down there and say hi again and and i feel like that's like what i need at least is just be able to like be there and talk to him your dad oh my god he would be so proud of you hopefully fuck he would he hated tattoos though so i don't know he'll be focused on the music right um is there anything that you leading up to rereading this obviously i agree like i don't remember much at nine years old like is there anything you're looking are you looking for anything when you read this letter that he wrote you are you hoping for anything to be in that letter i think i'm no i i just want i think i spent my entire life pushing away the thought of my dad because it made it easier to digest you know the fact i didn't have one and now i'm so this last year and everything and my life changing overnight i feel as if i i feel closer to my dad and i feel closer to my mom i feel like i i just want my dad you know and i think that's the hardest part is like you know i i want to read this letter and feel closer to him i want the other day i read a bunch of letters that he had written his best friend and i just i realized i write like him and i talk like him without ever actually being around him so i just want to be able to read that letter and and feel like i have a dad again which is sad but also um hopefully healing i think it's so beautiful that you've been able to take this passion of yours and also pour so much of yourself into it and um again i know like you've joked being like oh my gosh i always write about like my parents or all my situation or whatever but like again like it is so relatable this is these are real life things that all of us go through and there is no solve for losing a parent there is no you know happily ever after when you're grieving something and it doesn't go away in a month or a year like it stays with you forever but i think it's really inspiring to watch how you've been able to weave your passion and your art in a way that helps you heal but also simultaneously is allowing other people to heal like for your fans who are watching this like is there anything you hope that they either take from that specific song or any of the songs that will come out on the album i write the yes i want everyone especially with grief no one talks about it or everyone just kind of views it as something like to like shove off you don't want to be that person in the room you don't and everyone always is like oh it gets better and all these things and i say this a lot of time it gets manageable it's never going to get better you will always have that piece of you missing and there's going to be things that you remind you of them and it happens to me all the time but you start to if you start to push it away and you don't talk about it you don't consume things about it you don't talk about people you start to push it away and you don't talk about it you start to forget the way that they smell the way that they look the way that they sound and for me if i'm gonna have kids i want them to know who their grandparents were and so when i write these songs it's like logs of kind of like this is something where at least for me when i went through losing someone i had no idea what that felt like i had this feeling of this emptiness but i couldn't explain that feeling i couldn't there was no outlet for me to listen to it or watch it and so when i make these songs i'm hoping people who've lost someone can listen that song and it allows them some sense of comfort it's almost like a blank it to hold but it doesn't necessarily make you warm it's beautiful it's it's um it's become bigger than you which is the goal i think whenever you're creating art right i love it when people play my song and they have no fucking idea it's me because that means it did something it went past whatever the fuck this is and it's also just been so fun to watch i think for so many people like your career and the trajectory and your story like we're all rooting for you and i think it's so fun even with the grammy moment it's like it was so in alex warren fashion right only that would happen to me i literally got off stage and i was like that only happened of course only of course because it's like you have been this like relatable tangible person since day one that you've been sharing your story on the internet and so of course like if something's gonna go wrong the best part is that like we all know you in a sense so it's not like you're this like untouchable character you're actually you're you and cheer for you even if you mess up or something doesn't go right um but i'm so happy that i got to talk to you today because i obviously know you've had massive success but there's again always a story underneath and um i really appreciate you opening up to me today because i think a lot of your fans and my fans are going to just be so excited to hear this conversation not even a psychology degree nothing that no that's impressive that's really impressive thank you so much for having me i fucking say i appreciate your time and congrats on all your success thank you thank you alex