Alabama Meth Squirrel

(upbeat music) - Hey, I'm Tara Sarabhan and you're listening to World's Dumbest Criminals. If you're keen to hear about the most ridiculous, bizarre and downright stupid criminals and crime stories in the world ever, you've come to the right place. In today's episode, you'll be hearing about an Alabama man wanted on drug and gun charges who authorities said kept a trained attack squirrel that he fed meth to in order to keep it aggressive. Although he did keep a squirrel as a pet, he denied feeding at drugs or training it to attack and said the squirrel was just an asshole. Alrighty, let's get cracking. As pretty much everyone who listens to this show is an animal lover, I'm going to start off by saying that there's no evidence the squirrel was ever fed meth. He was actually assessed to be in very good health, so it's unlikely he was given any drugs. The squirrel's name is D's Nuts, by the way. I'm not sure whether I should refer to him by his full name when I mention him or just call him D's or Mr Nuts. Possibly docternuts if he's been hitting the books in the past several years. On June 17th, 2019, narcotics investigators raided a house in Athens, Alabama, after receiving a tip that the property was being used as a stash house by 35-year-old Mickey Pulk. Mickey had previously spent nearly 10 years in jail for a wide variety of offenses, including drug and stolen goods charges and was wanted on multiple felony warrants. Not only did they help full tips to tell the police that Mickey was dealing drugs out of the property, but they also warned them to be careful when they raided the place as he kept a meth-fueled attack squirrel to defend his drug stash. I don't know if they don't extra padding war goggles or percured tiny tazers to deal with the possible meth-squirrel attack, but narcotics investigators executed a search warrant on the property and arrested a 37-year-old man named Ronnie Reynolds. They charged him with possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and loitering at a no-un-drug house. The limestone county sheriff's office released a statement that said the search yielded meth, drug paraphernalia, body armor, and a squirrel in a cage. So I guess these nuts mustn't have been drugged up enough to burst free of his cage in a meth-fueled rage and eat the officer's faces. They wore all that extra body armor and goggles for nothing. And what are they meant to do with the tiny tazers? It seems counterproductive to feed a squirrel meth, train him to attack people to protect your stash and then keep him locked in a cage. There would be no point in doing that, which is one of the reasons why I think the meth-squirrel story is a load of bullshit. But it is against the law in Alabama for residents to keep squirrels as pets. Insert the expected lame joke here about how it's legal to do blah, blah, some hillbilly-insert stereotype thing, but it's not legal to have a pet squirrel. Get major lulls, be heralded as a comedic genius. After the authorities examined these nuts, they released him into the woods as he seemed healthy and well-fed. As to the tip that Mickey had been feeding the squirrel meth, there was no safe way to test him for it, so that remains a mystery or more likely a legend. What the authorities didn't find in the search was Mickey. He was in the wind and went on the lamb as a wanted man. News of the Alabama meth-squirrel went viral. The Alabama man meme started coming out thick and fast, and Mickey and D's nuts became such an internet sensation that Florida man was jealous. Although Mickey was now wanted on multiple charges, he decided it was best that he post a video on Facebook defending himself against the meth-squirrel allegations. In the video, Mickey is lying on a bed on his side, gently stroking D's nuts. He knows that's not a euphemism. He claims the police officer settled him with the bogus meth-squirrel charge for ridiculous reasons that we'll get into later. He says he went back to the property after the police raid, whistled for the squirrel, and D's nuts jumped down from a tree onto his shoulder. Or at least he says it's D's nuts, but I suppose it could be a different squirrel. It's not like Dog the Nuts has a bunch of neck tattoos and a face tattoo that we could compare it to like Mickey does. He also said that the drugs found at the premises weren't his, and most importantly, he's scoffed at the notion that he fed meth to D's nuts or trained him to become an attack squirrel. Mickey absolutely insists that the squirrel isn't on meth, that he knows of. Though apparently he does attack people, but it's not because he's on meth, it's just because he's an asshole. Let's have a listen. They said there was a trained attack squirrel in the residence. There was on meth. They can't give squirrels meth, it would kill them. I'm pretty sure I'll never try it, but. Tammy King executed a search warrant. At a residence, I used to live it. I'm not on the lease, I don't live there, and I wasn't present during the search. They found someone else in the home, not me. Now they were charged with possession of drugs, that's all. You know, when a police officer just decides that they're gonna say whatever, people tend to kinda go with it. After he let this trained attack squirrel go in the public, well, he's just really, he's just a baby. He's only 10 and a half months old. He is an asshole, he's a mean motherfucker, no doubt. But he's not a trained attack squirrel, and he's not on meth, I'm pretty sure, but I'm not fine with not, he's on meth anyway. I don't think he likes that shit. When I pulled up, he'd never been outside before, so he was in the top of a tree just screaming. When I pulled up and whizzled, he jumped his little ass right on my shoulder, and came right along with me. So let's grill a safe, y'all. The public isn't at large. I mean, the public isn't in danger, and he kinda way from the methed out squirrel in the neighborhood. Anything like that, you know. Just another fucking, he's a, like I said, he's an asshole, no doubt. He's bit a few people, but really, I think the fact that a matter is, you can't go in a home and charge someone with possession. I'm not even there. I wasn't in the home, you searched. And that made you mad, so you, coming all this shit. That's a joke, man. And you're no better than any criminal that you were paid to try to take off the street when you break the law yourself, and you know you're wrong. But, you know, for all those people that animal lovers out there, you know, hey, he's alive and well, it's a fucking, he's healthy. He's still an asshole too. Come here, come here, over. Wait a minute, look at the camera. Look at the camera, I'll leave it alone. Look at the camera. Look, what is that? Come here. Don't squeak at me. Look, look, look, look at the body. Yeah, he's good to go. Look at him, I'm a fucker. Yeah, that's what's so on. All right, buddy, you have a good day and fuck the rest of y'all, now I'm out. Do you think it's too late for me to change my episode sign off to that? Y'all have a good day and fuck the rest of y'all, I'm out. The cops confirmed that it was Mickey in the livestream video, but were not convinced that the squirrel was the same one that they'd released into the woods after the raid. A spokesperson for the limestone county sheriff's office told the Associated Press, "We don't know, he might even have two squirrels." Yeah, that's true. Maybe he has a whole army of attack squirrels. Mickey shared that D's Nuts origin story on his Facebook page, which is aptly titled "D's Nuts, the Alabama Meth Squirrel." He said it'd been bottle-feeding the squirrel since it was our old and raising it like it was his own child. Mickey had owned weird pets before, including a raccoon and a tarantula, but he said he hadn't set out to adopt a squirrel. Yeah, it kind of feel like a raccoon is a gateway critter that leads to squirrel adoption. Or is it the other way around? While Mickey was working for a company cutting trees about a year earlier, a little baby squirrel fell off a branch. Realizing it couldn't survive in the wild on its own, Mickey took it home back to his house to smoke meth with him. No, he didn't. He set him up with a little heat pad to sleep on and went out to get some baby formula. During the first six weeks, Mickey said that he woke up every two hours to feed him formula and make sure that his little heating pad was working. For some ungodly reason, Mickey started him off on solids with a diet of caramel M&Ms and potato chips. I've been wondering why he would feed a little critter that crap. But after seeing interviews with Mickey, I reckon that's probably what his own diet consisted of and he was just sharing. Keen to clear his name and post it. possibly because he was enjoying the attention. Mickey called into local country radio station Kax 96.1 while still on the lamb. He doubled down on his claim that a limestone county sheriff's officer had made out the story about the meth squirrel. He assured listeners that D's nuts was just fine saying he's in his hammock right now, munching on a piece of celery. A couple of days later, Mickey told the post newspaper that he planned to turn himself in once he had his legal representation sorted out. He also said that he was far enough away that it would cost them some gas to come get him and that he dropped the squirrel off with a licensed person who deals with squirrels and whatnot in Tennessee. The Alabama man on the run with his meth-duper-tack squirrel stories continued to be featured heavily in the press, for some reason, and it seemed many locals of Atlanta, Alabama, were on edge waiting for Mickey to be arrested. One neighbor told WayTV31 that he thought Mickey was sick and should be locked in a cage himself. He also added, "I think the guy is illiterate." Which is a bit harsh and not really relevant, but yeah, maybe. Another neighbor said, "Man, what an idiot! I wouldn't want to be around a squirrel that wasn't on meth. Much less a squirrel on meth. A squirrel is dangerous. On meth? Huh! I wouldn't want a part of that. Can you imagine what that sucker would look like? Crazy! Get it, eat you up!" That guy actually sounded like he was on meth. And then we have this residence view of the issue. He needs to be caught. If he's gonna do squirrels, who else is he gonna do? Who knows? He might get a kid out here and try to example a kid on this. And it's crazy, so he needs to be caught. Okay, sure lady. Nobody wants kids examined on meth now, do they? Whatever that means. On June 29th, after 12 days on the Lamb, Mickey was finally arrested. And it went down in true Mickey fashion. Narcotics investigators were conducting surveillance that America's best value in in Kill and Alabama. They were sitting in their vehicles, staking out the crappy hotel, drinking bad coffee and trying to build a case on some drug dealers when they spotted a familiar face. It was Wanted Man Mickey, come to get himself some sweet, delicious meth. The cops arrested him after he tried to flee the scene on a stolen motorbike and rammed into an investigator's vehicle. Classic Mickey! He was booked into the Lordedale County Jail on charges of attempting to elude, criminal mischief, receiving stolen property and fell in in possession of a pistol after it was discovered that he had a 45-calibre handgun in his pants. He was also charged with a legal possession of wildlife. Mickey's trial was due to start in January 2022, but it got delayed as he was charged with even more crimes. On December 23rd, 2021, Mickey was arrested in limestone county jail. Damn, being arrested in jail, that would just be adding insult to injury. He was charged with unlawful possession with intent to distribute, trafficking meth and fetamine, possession of a controlled substance and chemical endangerment of a child. I laughed off the notion of the witness lady who said he might example a kid on this, but it turns out she wasn't so far off. Mental endangerment is the crime of exposing a child to a controlled substance or an environment in which it is produced. Then the trial got pushed back again when his lawyer failed to show up for court. I wonder if he was representing himself. The case is still yet to go to trial. But being locked up in the Poke has not stopped Mickey talking about the case. A few months ago he did an interview for the YouTube channel, Grow With Me, Sawyer P. In it, he says that he got slapped with the bogus extra meth squirrel charges because he was hooking up with a woman who a drug task force officer was cheating on his wife with. Well, of course. Let's have a listen. "Police is mad at me because I put the wood on this girl and I suppose we were selling drugs and he was the drug task force officer to time and it just wasn't really as planned to do at the time. It kind of caused a little bit of an issue." So basically you were dealing with a girl. You were dealing with a girl that a drug task force officer had a relationship with a married drug task. So he was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force officer to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force to time and she was dealing with a woman who was a drug task force These are short cases that sound more like jokes than something that actually happens In the dead of night on September 5, 2020, a residence of Happy Valley in Adelaide, South Australia was rudely awoken by a loud explosion. Realising it sounded close by, he jumped out of bed, looked out the window, and saw flames emanating from near where his car was parked out the front. Luckily he had a fire extinguisher which he used to put out the fire before it did any substantial damage to the car or property. Then he called the police. When the cops rocked up to investigate, they found the remnants of two Molotov cocktails. The cops asked the guy who lived there if he knew of anyone who had it in for him. He were acting his brain trying to figure out who would want to target him in a fire bombing attack Then he was a clean cut dude, a Laura-biting citizen with no known enemies, so he was stumped. The poor guy had to continue on with his life, always looking over his shoulder, not trusting anyone and being on guard all the time. You can imagine how relieved he was when the police tracked down the mastermind behind the attack. A 34-year-old guy named Bin Chenzo. He was a cocaine addict who supported his habit by storing his dealers drugs at his place in return for Coco cash. But the resident who got fire bombed had never heard of him. And it turned out that Bin Chenzo had never heard of the resident either. See, Bin Chenzo, who the media reported as being an aspiring builder, believed that someone owed him money for drugs and wouldn't pay up. So he hired someone to fire bomb their car, but he sent them to the wrong address. Fire bombing the wrong house is the type of behaviour I'd expect from an aspiring rapper, not an aspiring builder. Is it really that hard to get into the building industry that there are a bunch of aspiring builders out there? Do they work in creative industries to get by? Like, yes, I'm a very successful poet, but I just do that to pay the bills while I wait for my big break in the building industry. At the moment, I only get the chance to build on weekends and in my spare time, but I hope to go pro one day. Vincent, who had only recently completed an 18-month stint in the Pokey for Drug Trafficking, was charged with attempted arson. He pleaded guilty, showed remorse, started participating in the building industry. and drug-counseling and told the court that he hoped to become a good role model for his son. Judge Joanne Tracey had some choice words for him during sentencing. She stated, "You believed mistakenly that the Debta lived at a particular address and you arranged for another individual to drive past and fireball many vehicle that was in the driveway. It was the case that the actual Debta lived at another address nearby. It was only by good fortune that no harm was suffered by anyone living at the premises or anyone nearby or to any property." Judge Tracey sentenced him to six years and one month in jail, with a non-parole period of 33 months. Back on July 5, 2008, her chef named Saran went out on the piss with some friends in the coastal city of Napier, New Zealand. When the group were in the parking lot about to drive home, Saran felt the call of nature and wanted to answer it against a friend's car. For some reason he told the friend that he wanted to urinate on their car, but they wouldn't let him. Buzzkill. So he had to find something else to weigh on. It seems he felt that every drop of his urine was sacred and needed to be channeled into baptising objects. Saran set his sights on a parking meter on the second floor, which earned him the nickname "The Pidler on the Roof." The police who witnessed this majestic moment set in a statement, he pees up in the air in a big arc so it goes in the coin slot and out the hole where people collect their tickets. I guess all his experience peeing on things had given him very precise aim. He was offered diversion by police, but had to pay $200 to the city council for damages to the ticket machine. Outside the courtrooms, Saran told the media that he had only urinated on the parking meter once, despite a council's spokesperson saying that it had happened four or five times in the past year. He also claimed that he was so drunk he couldn't stand up properly and had not been deliberately aiming his stream at the machine. If he really managed to get a complicated shot like that without even trying, he really needs to go professional with this wing-caper. A lot of people can't even get it in a bowl that's right in front of them. A petty criminal named Chad Mitchell committed three slapstick robberies at three different premises in the summer of 2015 and had the much coveted honour of Ireland's dumbest criminal bestowed on him. I wonder if he went on his little crime spree in summer because it was nice weather. Maybe he lives with his mum or his nanoron, she was all "go outside and get some sun, Chad. You won't have many an opportunity after this week." On June 4, Chad said his sticky-fingered sights on the happy-day store in Letter Kenny. Perhaps a disguise said sticky fingers and their sticky fingerprints, he put a pair of socks on his hands. He also covered his face before pushing his way past staff to the counter. He used his sock-covered sticky fingers to take 300 euros from the cash register before scampering off and fleeing by taxi. Three days later on June 7, he burst into a cafe in a can-donor, heaked up a butter knife and threatened the staff. He stole 200 euros from the till and threw a chair at the window of the shop so he could make a quick getaway by jumping through it. Unvenotes to our clever meat Chad, they were double glazed windows. Only the internal glass in the window had shattered, but the external glass held strong. When Chad tried to jump through the window, he bounced off the external glass back onto the floor. How embarrassing, I bet everyone laughed. Chad got back up to his feet and walked out of the shop with as much dignity as he could muster, which wasn't much. Ten days later, he bounced back from his humiliating cafe robbery and was ready to add another crime to his criminal resume. At 9.30am, he threatened a receptionist with a knife while robbing a real estate agent's premises in Leta Kenny. He threatened to stab the terrified woman unless she handed over the cash box and her mobile phone. So I'm guessing it wasn't a butter knife this time. Detectives eventually tracked Chad down at his grandmother's house on July 15. Nana told the cops that he wasn't at home, but when they searched the house, they found him hiding in a cupboard. Chad was sentenced to 20 months in prison. This brings me to the end of the episode. Thanks for listening. Make sure you subscribe if you want to stay up to date with all future episodes. And if you dug what you heard, please leave a review. Thanks so much to Paa156 from Canada and Circuit 619, JC Binkley and B-line friend CJ all from the USA for doing just that. If you'd like to support this independent podcast, head on over to patreon.com/worldsdummerscriminals. Thank you to Wayne Richie and Jessica for coming on board as patrons recently. I really appreciate your support. All levels get access to monthly bonus episodes and add free episodes and higher levels also receive a sober squirrel who just happens to be an asshole. Thanks also to Regina on Instagram for suggesting the meth squirrel case. If you're up for more dumb criminals action in your life, you could follow me on Twitter at WD Criminal'sPod and Instagram @worldsdummerscriminalspodcast. Or you could join our World Dumbest Criminal'sPodcast Facebook group. And thank you to the Learned Lorraine Leadwell for running the group with me. Just a quick note on scheduling. I haven't deliberately changed the episode release days. I'm just struggling with some chronic health issues at the moment and sort of working on the podcast around that and my day job. But I hope to get back to the regular every second Monday release day soon. Till next time, look after yourself, stay out of trouble, and whatever you do. So to commit a crime that makes you end up on this podcast. You have a good day and fuck the rest of y'all. Now mout.