AE 1421 - The Biggest Lie We Were Told About Adulthood

[Music] What's the biggest thing you were completely wrong about when you imagined adulthood? [Laughter] The biggest thing? Probably that we would know what we're doing at this stage, like that we have somehow figured life out. Yeah, I think that's the biggest misconception about getting older. It is, yeah, it's funny, isn't it? The older you get, the more you look around and you go, "No one's got the foggy study. What's going on either?" Yeah, well at least like we get obviously mature and you get more confident within yourself and you get very good at certain areas like maybe really good at what you do or you know, you are not as insecure anymore. But that is always this feeling of, you know, we're just learning as we go rather than arriving somewhere where you just know things. If it makes sense, yeah. It does, it does. [Music] Get out, guys. Welcome to the Osie English podcast. Grab a cuppa, get comfy and let's have a yarn. Get out of your mob. Welcome back to the Osie English podcast. I'm your host Pete and my beautiful wife Kelly's here. How are you, Kel? Good, how are you? Good. Today we're going to be talking about adulthood and I guess childhood as well, being young and thinking about what life is like as an adult. Yeah. So what did teenage you think life would look like when you got older? This is one of those things that I always keep thinking about the older I get. Yeah, because why I always had in my mind that everyone had it together. Life was super easy. You get a job, you got plenty of money, you just do whatever you want. You don't have to worry about anyone telling you what you can't do, go to bed whenever you want. And then you get here and you're like, "I just want to be a kid again." Well, but that is also a reflection of the people you had around you. There will probably, you know, very successful, you know, like do very down to earth and doing, taking all the boxes. So that's your reference. Because for me it's like, I would think it was terrifying. What do you mean? You thought it was terrifying? I was just looked at people around me and I already could have already seen the one knew what they were doing. What age are we talking about? But also just like, you know, some sort of idea that the adults around me were not as stable as they should be. So that I think is just back to growing up in different sort of perspectives. So what did you think when you were a teenager and you were thinking about adulthood? What did you think adulthood was going to be like? Definitely easy, it is. But also, I just had this real feeling of, I'll know what to do. So I thought, you know, at this age I would be certain about things or, you know, if I had kids thinking back then, I just would know how to parent them. And then things would come naturally and you have, you know, you work somewhere fancy and have all these dreams. But then you get there, it's like, we do know, but also, we just like I said before, we're just learning, learning on the job kind of thing. I used to always think when I had fights with my parents or with adults, you know, and you would have that tension of, I don't know what it's like being a kid, but also they used to be kids and they should know what it's like, you know, even if they are 30, 40, 50, 60 years old, they were once kids. But at the same time, no one understands me because I'm, you know, you can use your issues or so unique to you. And now I'm in that age where I'm like, fuck, I can't remember what it's like being a kid. So quite often I find myself getting angry with our kids, you know, about being too loud, making too much noise, never sitting still, running around like crazy. And then I have to remember that that's exactly what I always like to kid. I do though get a feeling when I look at them, like not a memory, but they're feeling of, I sort of know where you're feeling. You know, when they just play and being loud, it is easy just to look at them and be like, even though we don't remember what it felt like, but you're like, these kids are so young, they sort of get a sense of they have no idea. So you see yourself being that age again kind of thing. I see that a lot with Noah because it's more similar to me. And I just, yeah, it takes me back to like, I know exactly why you are frustrated. But you know, I still have to parent you. Yeah, it's an interesting thing. I guess it's just, yeah, the distance between you now and when you were four or five, six, seven years old is so great that even though you passed through it. And just change so much like Noah, as we were when you were that age, you know, you're just evolving. What was I doing recently? I was sitting in the car and Noah was making all this like, which is literally, damn it, dude, where you just shut up. Like I wasn't saying that, but I was thinking the whole time like, can't you just sit still and be quiet? Can't just chill out. But then when I went home and I was, you know, got online and was like, you know what? I want to know why children do that. And I can't remember if it was chat GPT or Google or what it was, but it was effectively explaining that here's why children don't just sit still. Here's why they make so much noise. Their brains are still growing and learning and you know, they're learning to control their voice. They're learning to control their movements. They're playing. It's so like regulating. Yeah. Well, they're just getting used to it. Whereas for adults, we've done it for 30, 40, 50 years. And so you're not, they're playing with sounds and making noise and singing and experimenting with movement and noise. You know, whereas our kids will be just running around. And you just like, random songs and like, read them and just like little stories sometimes who walk past and they're like, "Mmm, I know." I had a break and I was playing a bit of Minecraft. My kids got me sucked into it. So I was just like, you know, I'm going to have 10 minutes of just playing. And then Noah walks into the room and I'm just like, "Oh shit, I'm playing." Not because I don't want him to be there, but as soon as he comes and he's like, "I want to play, I want to take over." I want to, and I'm like, "Just wanted 10 minutes to chill." And he's like, "Don't worry, Dad. I'm just going to watch quietly." And I was like, "Oh, okay, okay, buddy." And then straight away, "Don't do that, Dad." "Oh, watch out for that, Dad. Don't, oh, Dad, you did that." And I'm like, "You just play Noah." Like, "Oh, no, the poor thing, he wants to feel like he's part of it. He's helping you." I know, he's going to try to drive me nuts sometimes. Cause then what happened? He, I got eaten by a zombie or whatever it is in there. And he was just like, "That wouldn't happen to me." And I'm like, "I'm out." Oh, don't do that. I feel judged by my six year old son. He's so like, he wants to feel like he's helping you. Yeah. You know, that he contributed to you advancing in the game or whatever. I have no interest in Minecraft, but he still will be like, "Come to me every time." Like, so excited about this thing. That he built or whatever that he found out how to do. So you can imagine how I feel because I have no connection to this game. At least you know what I mean. When you were young, what age for old? Oh, that's a good question. What do you mean? Like, when I started feeling that I was getting older? Yeah, I don't know. When you were thinking about adults as a kid, whether you know, know as age or teenager, what was old? 30s. People in their 30s, because my mom was only 30 something. When I remember being like, you know, people were thinking, but 30 something was old. And people, yeah, like we say millennials changed the way old looks because, you know, someone for a 40 today. Yeah. Old at all. Like you just started. Less fun exposure for some screen. So I just think, yeah, that's probably 30 something. I would say all your soul. Yeah, I'm going to get you to let the cat out because we've got a cat in here in my office. And she's just going nuts running around like a psycho. She's getting frisky. She's once in a zippy shuttit completely. So she's got the door here. I'm just getting in her shot at. So yeah, for me, I don't know. I felt like I remember being it. It was funny. You would be like year seven at school and you would think the people in year 12, they're like adults. Oh, they're like 17, 18 years old and you're like, please be. I remember being like 13 or 14 at high school and just thinking, oh my god, that's like a lifetime away. Oh no, it just goes so fast. And then you get there and you're like, oh man. And it's so funny because I think that that feeling keeps happening throughout life. We just don't have the same sort of reaction, but it keeps happening where you get to a milestone, whatever. We regards to age and you're just like, oh, that wasn't exciting at all. You know, it's just like what would I let down because you don't arrive anyway. Yeah. just like become somewhat a different version of who you already were. - Yeah. - If it makes sense. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember watching the TV show Friends when I was young. It used to be on TV from the '90s until the early 2000s and Kale hates it, but my family loved it, so I was always watching it. And I did like it. But I remember there was a key moment when I was younger, and I think towards the end of the series, all the characters, I assume the actors as well, but the characters started turning 30. And I remember that being like, "Ooh, but there's like halfway through your life." Like, damn, you know, that's all-- - Half a-- - And now, I remember getting to 30 and thinking about that. - Really? - And being like, "Oh, damn, I'm over the hill." And also thinking like, "I thought they were so much older in my mind." - Yes. - And now I'm 30, and I'm like, "I feel like a fraud." - Yeah. - And I feel like, you know, I thought by 30 you had a house, you had kids, you had it all together, you had a proper job, and I was like finishing my PhD with no job, no kids, no girlfriend, and I was just like, "No savings." - Nothing. - Yeah. Did you think you'd be richer than you currently are? You are pretty rich. - I am. - Being my wife, you're loaded. - Absolutely. No, money. No, I don't know. I thought I would be working somewhere fancy was always a big thing. Like, when I say fancy, what I mean is like doing something important. - Respect it. - Respect it. Yeah. 'Cause I don't know, maybe the coach or whatever, there is a lot of identity tied to what you do for a living in Brazil. - In Brazil. - Yeah. So I thought I would be doing something, you know, very important. But not rich, no. I was very realistic in that aspect. Did you want to be rich? Was there something you were inspired to be? - A hundred percent. - Yeah. I don't think maybe preserving is much more modest. - No. - And so like that, I need that. - No, we do like money. - Well, it's the same for us. Everyone wants to be rich. You think in your mind, it makes life easier. I guess as I got older, maybe even like early 20s, I would think, "Oh, it'll just happen. I'll just get money." - Just offer tricks. - It just became so. Clear as I got older that these things are very hard and rarely happen. You know, you're not going to win the lottery. It's just a very real sense of how short life is, but also these are your odds, you know. It's very rare. They're a life-changing thing will have been like, you know, you're going to get. - Well, you do. - Millies of dollars. - You did kind of strike goal by marrying a fair income Aussie blood. - I don't think so. - You know. - Jesus. - What's from your life? - That's true. - Look at this. - So what made. What moment did you realize that everything wasn't as you thought at once was that nothing was going to be true? The curtain would pull back and you saw a reality? - I think that my parties have been really eye-opening in also having kids. But there was a real sort of reality drop. Can you say that check? - Reality check, yeah. - Yeah. Of like, "Oh, okay." So, you know, closer to my fort is now than I am to my 30s. - Tell me about it. It's around the corner. - And it's like, "Oh, okay, okay. It's not forever. I don't have a lot of time, you know?" Yeah, it's scary. Maybe that's what people say is a meat life crisis. - I think so. - Because. And I don't see like, crisis in a bad way. I also think it's like you just become so aware of how temporary things are. - One. - And that's the sort of momentum for you to, "Okay, now I'm going to take up exercising." It's a real. People say, "Oh, you're trying to deny or whatever." But I think it's more like, "We know. We've been through so many changes from young adults, adults in our middle age." They're just like, "That's it. There's no. We don't have a lot of infinite time, you know?" - It's true. I mean, being candid about it, you have to realize, you know, this is. I'm not going to have other relationships. I may not get rich. I may not travel the world. - Exactly. - And the midlife crisis thing comes from focusing too much on the things you are missing out on. It's having that the glasses half empty look instead of the glasses half full, as opposed to instead of thinking, "Well, I'm not going to have a relationship with other people, but I am having this strong relationship with a single person that's going to last a very long time. I am having children. I do have a solid career. Many people don't. It's also thinking the boxes you did check, you know, like, "Oh, yeah, I have kids, you know, I did that." - Married in Australian. - That's just off- - It just becomes this thing of really looking at it from a very realistic perspective of, "Maybe you do become a little bit sour as you get older in life of a dreamer, like as, you know, in your 20s you have all this." But it's just, it's a good thing in a sense, because you're like, "Okay, this is limited amount of time. I want to use it wisely." - I think though that happens as a parent, right? You just stop thinking about yourself first. - Oh, 100%. - I mean, it happens in a relationship too, but I mean, you stop thinking about, you know, like for me, with those English working on this business, it's sort of like I could spend, I could try and spend way more time growing it, making more money, getting more success, blah, blah, blah, but I'm like, I really enjoy spending as much of my spare time as I can with my kids and my family, you know, which isn't necessarily as much as it could be. But if, you know, there are plenty of other parents that I know that they're never there for drop offs at school or for pickups. They're never there at home with their kids all the time, and I work here, so I have to constantly be trying to make time. And I could lean more into work if I really wanted, but it's kind of like, "What do I actually get out of that?" No one's going to remember that you work harder, the kids will remember that you were there for them, and involved. - It's literally just looking at things from like, I have only this amount of time, and using it in a way that is like, "Okay, we do still have to make money, but also. - I want to enjoy it. - I want to enjoy it, because you know how fast it goes. - And that's why I buy so many guitars. - It's not really like, it's not dark in a sense, or you're just counting your days, whatever. But it's just a very interesting place to be at where you're not old, but you're not young anymore, but you have this in the middle sort of like, "Okay, I've come this far. Now I want this other half of my time here to be lived this way." - I think the first moment that I kind of realized that I was old was when I started getting sour looks from younger women when you would talk to them. - Oh! - It's like, "Why are you talking to me?" - Really? - Kind of looking at you. - Yeah, and it's not like I was approaching random women in the street. - No, I know it to me. - But I remember there was one young girl, she must have been like 21, 22 at daycare when our kids were there. I can't remember her name, but I would just, I like making a small talk. - Yes. - I've been there a few times when I thought, "I'm young, I'm hit, I'm cool, I'll just calm down." "What are you up to? What are you doing? I can't even remember what the conversations were about, but I got this vibe of, "Why are you talking to me old man?" And being like, "I think I was left afterwards." It's kind of like, "Oh, like." - Oh, humble. - I can't do immediately. - Yeah, when you're in the 20s and you're talking to, I don't know, all the teens. - There's a little spark, there's two of like, "Yeah, I'd know it to me, I know that feeling." - No one gives you a look, no one gives you a look. - No, no, you accepted. - But I got this vibe of like, "What is this old guy?" - You're not one of us anymore. - Yeah, and it's just like, "I'm off the team." "It was that moment, he realized." - He's pretty much no damage. - Man, I'm never gonna forget that. I was actually kind of curious. - I get a lot of that at work because we have, I work in the music school, so we have kids of all ages and we're trying to be as friendly as possible. And there are people that, you know, regulars obviously, have been that going there for years, that we chat to every week. So you sort of build this relationship with this person. And then some kids, they're like, they really would just like roll their eyes at us. When we try like, "Hi, how are you going? How was your weekend?" And it's like, "Oh, my goodness." - Typical greeting. - But then you get to see such a beautiful thing because I've been there for the last four years. I remember like, when this little kid started, let's just an example. And then seeing them four years later, just getting a little bit more, you know, getting older and just understanding that small talk is part of it. It's so cute. But yeah, the young generation gave a dirty look as a bit. - Yeah, I wasn't ready for that. I felt kind of, what was the other thing? I went to, I was at a burger joint once. And again, I just like being friendly to everyone. I don't care if you're a teenager behind the cash register at a burger place or whatever. And I was just, I can't remember what I said. It was something like, you know what? I was curious about anyone being named my name today. So this young girl, she was probably 18, 19. I was like, do you know anyone called Pete in your generation now? I don't see Pete as a kid. Thomas Jeffrey James. I don't see these old Christian names. - She goes. - And she goes, "My dad's called Pete." - She goes, "I don't know." - No, no, she said, "My dad's called Pete." And I was like, "God damn, I'm really feeling my age now. "There are those sort of two key moments." - I feel like, "Oh my God, so embarrassing." (laughing) Get out. - So what's something that no one warned you about getting older? - Oh my God. - Yeah, put you on the spot. - You're making really hard questions. - We probably already covered a few of these things. - I don't want to worry. - You know what, for me, I'll go first. The pressure of having a mortgage. - Yeah. - Good grief. Like, and-- - It just sucks everything out. Like, that's it. - Of your bank account. - And so-- - Especially once the interest rates rose. - Oh no, good grief. - Yeah, that was a brutal reality where you're like, "Oh, I have to now be more budget-minded "and plan ahead a little more "and not just be as frivolous with my money." - Yeah. - Yeah, so that was one thing I don't think anyone warned me about. And then I realized, I had more compassion for my parents looking back and I'm like, "Oh, they were struggling with all these things "in the background." But maybe they were good parents because I was always unaware of those things. They kind of just never made those my problem. - And they shouldn't be. No. - Oh, oh. - We got an interrupter. - Is it, who is it? - It's my daughter. - Oh, do do do. - Joey, did you hear us laughing about in the background? - What are you doing, Joey? - What is your daughter? - Well, I've got a feeling this episode is gonna have to be continued another time. - We can do a part two. - We can, we can. - I'll take that. - There you go, guys. This is what life is like being a parent. This is another thing no one warned you about. - It's not in the room. - You no longer have your freedom. You have to do whatever your kids want. - I have to take my friend, her brother. - Yeah, no, no, no, Joe Joe. It's high five. - Is that your brother? - Give me a whoosh. - Yes. - Let's go. - All right, guys, well, we will continue this to be continued, okay? Thanks for joining us and we'll see you next time. Say bye, Joey. - She's waving. See you guys.