126: Adult Field Trips with Justin Stagner | Soder Podcast | EP 124

golden retriever of comedy tours it marches on april 4th i'm going to be in long island new york where i'm going to be at the paramount theater we added a late show tickets are available dan soda.com then going to north carolina charlotte i'm going to see you april 10th durham april 11th dan soda.com for all tickets i'll see you guys all soon and by the way all tickets uh all shows are up right now we even added omaha nebraska because i need to run the hour a couple more times funny bone dan soda.com oh and new jersey we added a show in new jersey in june and jpack dancer.com enjoy this episode i hope you're doing all right i hope your weekend was good thanks for watching turn the volume down so your boss doesn't hear you my stupid baritone voice coming through interrupting interrupting a guest and you're like what are you supposed to be doing your work don't listen to my podcast take a one here at lunch but going to alabama and then going to the science center of part of the united states it's not like you can make the joke of like the science center of alabama which i think i was making that joke which i was like i thought was just a off the highway but it's like actually where nasa is and like rockets and shit yeah dude it was huntsville's what's up that's the only place in alabama all all of us took field trips huntsville that was it that was the field trip the fucking field trip that and we have a battleship from world war ii where we were at so those are two they let you slide down the cannons and shit that's awesome yeah that's fucking awesome justin stagner i my fans give me shit for not introing people off the top oh yeah follow him on instagram he makes fucking hilarious videos i love him and i you know we were talking and i was like come on the podcast but uh uh back to a cannon slide yeah was that the finale of the field trip yeah dude it's so crazy because nothing in there is updated they left everything how it is but then they've got vending machines in it really like what kind of like coke snack machines like frito-lay snack machines the works inside of a world war ii where nothing's been touched except for that it should be and this is just me curating for field trips should be snacks from the world war ii era in the vending machine yeah oh that would be great you know what i mean that would be great like like a pepsi can you open with a can opener yeah yeah you get lead poisoning from eating some of the snacks they shoot them out of the cannons are you watching the unathletic kids just miss it's so crazy because they slide you down it you go in first grade that's when you go all right in first grade and at no i guess you're young enough they were like they slide you down and everybody's just thinking like we killed people with these and you just you know yeah dude there's a guy that grew up without a dad because of that cannon exactly and now it's just parked out there and you can just slide there's a german guy taking his family after he moves here he's like i just feel like this isn't the right place i just this caused our family a lot of grief um colorado growing up in colorado field trips are all uh either nature or settling like nature like hikes like cave of the winds oh there's an episode of cool though it you know but it's wasted on children that's true that's true field trips are wasted on children parents get to go and the parents are most of the time being like what the fuck but now that i'm an adult and my friends have kids and i know what parents truly are which are people now i know those parents are like probably got into a fight of who's gonna go with them exactly because they're not enjoying the museum they're not enjoying the battleship they're watching kids so they can't go like oh fuck this kid like read a plaque they can't read one i'm the asshole dad so i'm sitting there at the world war ii thing and i was getting to the vending machines i'm like when the fuck they invent these you did the um you did the the line from cable guy when matthew broderick is at medieval times oh yeah can i get a fork there were no utensils at medieval times hence there are new utensils at medieval times but they had pepsi yeah exactly dude i had a lot of tables i quote that to janine garland too much like the cable guy the pepsi line oh yeah to the point where it's like man i think i'm that guy with her no dude it's it's one of those things where like i i hate you started out fun and then eventually you're like oh fuck i think i've crossed the line but i think the internet has blurred that for a lot of people so they like especially being friends with someone as big as like shane or nate or burt people feel like they can just yell shit out like they're on this shorthand with you and you see some crazy shit yeah i don't really have that i have like a very low but guys at the top because you want to yell exactly yeah you've been waiting your entire life to see tom hanks and scream wilson down the street exactly yeah do you have people yell shit at you from your videos of course southern grandpa it's it's dude it's usually that people have their thing and i guess that's the cool thing is like finding out what their thing is yeah so like people yell a southern grandpa thing or they'll come up like square up with me or a lot of people like like the bushy stuff like they love the whistling ass dude with with you can do it so good oh i've got so my herbert is like off the charts the whistle thing is like i used to do it on the bonfire and it would take me a while to get there because you really have to like it's a learning skill my son already can do it at seven i was like you're gonna be amazing that's crazy that's you're a baseball dad with comics no here's you go whistle talk practice in the garage yeah and he said there's it's a certain song that he can sing and get it going you gotta do that rep it that's the uh when did you show him the many adventures of winnie the pooh because that's oh yeah the gopher the gopher yeah forget his name but the people ever since i started doing the bushiest thing like people tag you know they comment like you sound like the winnie the pooh gopher jimmy yeah jim cummings is the guy that does i think he does the voice he does the voice for poo but i think he does the voice and he does he does a run of voices that you're like oh yeah it's like that guy for the looney tunes that did all of them yeah mel black mel blanc yeah yeah they um but jim cummings did like darkwing duck and all these yeah there was a video we made fun of him on the bonfire so i think he hates me because he was going through some shit we made fun of it and i did a character of you ever feel like i mean when you're sitting here and you bring something up and then you make fun of it like back in the day it was just you and your friends on the couch bullshit and now you're like oh 10 million people could see this tomorrow i'm gonna tell you right now i'm gonna tell you right now i'm gonna tell you right now yes no one has he has to deal with that the most because what he deals with is me at like eight in the morning going shit i talk shit about someone on that podcast i can't go out and i'm like yo mike i made fun of someone can you take that because like uh the fun part of doing this show is it's just straight up where i play video games all the time so it really is my couch people think this is a set and you're like no i'm excited to take the lights down and play playstation yeah exactly run my couch and i'm like yeah i'm excited to take the lights down and play playstation yeah exactly run my dynasty on college football damn right but you you get too comfortable and then it's like you do you start talking shit and then you go yeah and then you cut it off and you're like fuck that was a little much but that is like one of the things that i've always liked about comedy is it is ball busty but then you forget that this it's um it's entertainment so you have artists so there's also sensitivity yeah where you go they're not taking it like back of the bus ball busting like a lot of my friends do and a lot of comics i'm friends with there are people who are like that really upset me i'm sure dude because like i love it it's it's a way our minds work though because i'll see somebody get arrested and i'm like oh this is fucking hilarious let me write this real quick and then you post a video about it and you start seeing the comments you're like i fucked up i think a lot of it is we've lost the ability just to we need to bring back my bad it's true like my bad like i'm talking about all levels of society people need to start being better at going like my bad yeah because in real life when someone says my bad it de-escalates immediately you're calm yeah you're like oh dude i thought damn was getting fucking wild but he was like my bad yeah it's just my bad it is my bad it's just a two word it's like it's just like you popping your seat out of the jet before it crashes oh dude you fuck my bad yeah you ever said something and the last word you're like my bad like it's not even you don't have time to think about it i was walking i was going to the cellar last night and i was walking down to the subway and there was a group of like teenagers and you know how old are you 35 so i'm 42 so we're in the same we're old we're old right yeah we're old for sure now we're not like real old but teenagers look at us and they go dudes and jeans exactly they know this is like the rock they know i'm dressed up like a fucking like a fucking heroin addict going to court yeah that's his best sweatshirt yeah but i also get that old man feeling when like teenagers are all the time in groups i don't even realize when it happened and you what year did that i don't know did i remember one time my brother called me he's way younger than me because it's like a my dad and my stepmom yeah so he's way younger so your first marriage kid right exactly me and my brother are locked in first marriage kids and then i got a brother sister from the and it did it's the tribunal of the elders i tell this joke on stage because i don't know when it happened my brother called me one day and it was like noon and i was like uh what are you doing he said i just woke up but you're sleeping your fucking life away son i was like what the fuck I remember I used to get so mad at my mom. I was like, what do you care if I get up? I have nothing to do today. Yeah, or when I would go home for Thanksgiving and just get blackout the night before Thanksgiving and then wake up and everyone. And you're back at 17. Yeah, and everybody would hit you with the like, oh, I thought you were going to sleep all day. And you're like, well, I was drinking until 5 in the morning. Right. Technically, I pulled it overnight. I should have just powered through. Yeah, but I wonder what age it is that you're like, God, these kids. I don't know, but it just happens. Yeah, and I'm walking behind a group of like seven teenagers and they're laughing and they're having fun, but they're like kind of slow. And I'm like getting old white guy mad. I'm like, you know, the sidewalk is the right size for walking. And they're starting to sound like Louis Black. There's a thing with the sidewalk. You're walking. But I am walking down the sidewalk and they break apart to get like a street meter or something like that. They're like getting food and they go to the park and one of the kids goes, oh, my bad to me like that. You want my fault like that, that they were walking. And I went, thanks. I was out of it. This kid's got self-awareness. Shook his hand. You're going to be something someday. Damn right. That's self-awareness is really going to take you to the top. Dude, but I hate when you're talking to one of them and they say something and you're like, God damn, dude. Like I remember I was talking to a guy last night. I did a set at the stand and he's way younger. He's asking me how to get into comedy. And I was like, I don't know. Just do it. You know, and I said something. I was like, you need to just like find if you're, if you want to get on the road, find another comic that thinks you're good. Take him with him. He's a dead ass, man. I was like, oh yeah. Oh, you know, it's weird. It's weird to be on the other side. Cause to this day, I vividly remember where I was. Not for nine 11, not for Columbine. But when my mom said, oh, that's the bomb. I remember my mom said it sincerely. That was mine. Nine 11, where I was like in my head at that moment, just in faded video, the two buildings are collapsing. That plume of fucking shit's hitting my kitchen. My mom goes, oh, that's the bomb. And I went like, what the fuck lady? What the fuck are you doing? She's trying, man. What are you doing? That's like, she brandished a firearm. That's actually a great video that you should make. But it was just like, she pulled. And then I, so it's weird to be on the other side when someone's like, Oh, it'd be like, if you said dead ass right now, if I was like, but they say it to me and I go, like, I, you even know, you go, I couldn't say that. I can never go like dead ass. No, I'm dead ass. Cause that was a real, that was a New York thing. That's like a super New York thing. Oh, it started up here. Yeah. Dead ass is absolutely New York. Well, it's, you know, Alabama is like 10 years late for everything. We kept the mullet too long and all that. You guys are like in the nineties when Russia was getting our rock from the eighties. Right. That's exactly right. So now like our classic rock stations playing shit 10 years too late. Alabama though, is one of those places where it's such a, uh, like different cities, different energy kind of thing. When you do standup, did you start in mobile? Yeah, I had to, uh, I was doing the videos and they took off and I've been writing standup for like 10 years. Just never had the balls to do it type of thing. And, uh, somebody tagged a local guy and he was like, I actually run some mics in town. If you want to ever come try, had you ever done standup before? No, but I tell people it's like I worked at a steel mill and I'm telling jokes to a room full of strangers, that type of thing. You just cracked the code. Yeah. I mean, it's anybody that's had a real job and like worked with their hands and done like real, you know, those are some of the funniest people in the world. That's what I mean. You know, none of these, none of these nerds are going to know real ball break. It really was like saying that's such a thing. It's weird because it's like, remember when MMA found out that if you had a wrestling background, you were just going to be better. Exactly. Like they were like, that's a perfect analogy. They're like, oh, you're just going to, you're going to control the match. You're going to have the wind. Your, your wind's going to be up. That's what it's like with people that worked blue collar jobs. When I find out someone worked a blue collar job and they do stand up, I go, you're fine. Yeah. You're going to be all right. That makes sense. It's just reps at this point. It is. It's like a lot of standup. It's like a lot of standup is reps. And you, I remember older comics telling me that. And when I moved here in my twenties being like, and then you see it pay off and you're like, it was reps. Dude, it's, it's literally like, and it's, you know, working a blue collar job. As soon as you show them, you could do impressions or like have a joke or something. You're like a dog with a trick. I'm going to just go get everybody else. The only blue collar work I ever did was a summer. I worked at cannery in Alaska. I remember, I remember seeing this on a pod and the bit that murdered with you saying that was me doing an impression of the, of the processing boss. Oh, that's you're fucking right to the top with that. If you can make, if you can do the boss perfect, then I would put him in situations that would make these guys laugh. Exactly. I think one of the bits I did, his name was now people try to argue with me with us online. His name was Aladin. That's how they pronounced it. Yeah. Filipino Aladin. But then they told me it was Aladdin and he was fucking with me. But I'm telling you right now, his cousin would call him Aladin. Right. But I do this thing called Aladin in the podcast. Like he was like a fifties band and he was like, it's not good. It's not good. It's not good. That card is no good. These guys would be like, Justin, I would be killing. Oh, cool. Yeah. That was the moment where I was like, Oh, I think I'm going to do standup when I get back to Arizona. That really was the moment. Did those guys out there ever tell you just from like my experience, those guys out there, did you miss your fucking calling? You should not be here with that type of thing. They would say two things to me. They would either go, you should do standup or they would go. Oh man, I like working with you. It's fun as hell. That's the same thing. Yeah. I told you the same thing. And you go like, we're not getting good work done here. No, not at all. Like running behind. I'm here for the comedic relief. That's it. But I always felt like, um, you should find the thing in your life that you like doing that gets you in trouble at other jobs. Uh, that's like a job that you're bad at. Whatever you do to kill time, push your life in that direction. Yeah, exactly. Just go like, for me, it was always, cause like I said, the Alaska thing was, but I was a waiter. That was the thing I did. I was always a waiter, always working at restaurants. And my favorite thing were smoke breaks or being at the hutch, making people laugh. And I was like, that's just my energy. And then podcasting is the smoke break. Yeah. Well, dude, even when I was bartending and waited tables, same exact thing. Like that's the favorite part of that is making all your coworkers laugh. I would go to sometimes and be like, I'm be Irish all night. Yeah. You can go to all your tables, Irish and be like, fuck. Yeah. And I'd go there and people would pick up on it and I'd be like, well, I've, I've been in the States a little while. It's not, you know, I get a little Southern rubbing off there. That's so funny. You falling back into a Southern accent. Someone's like, I'm drunk, man. This guy, I can't find. I remember one time my friends came in and I didn't have their table and I'm over there. I'm like, can I get you anything to drink? Some sweet tea or some Coke? And I just remember looking at my friends were just going like, what the fuck is he doing? Changing your voice or fucking with tables. I got to a point where, you know, this, I worked at a restaurant in Midtown and the cafe was like, cool. This is, this is 07. The cafe was like, cool. People would come in on Thursday nights and they would want to be cool. They want to drink Patron and they want to be on third Avenue and 50 50th and third and being like, you make good money, you know, cause the bills were high, but they were dicks. And I started doing bits to make me and my friends laugh. And I, depending on who the manager was, I would get away with it. But in the summer we'd have to put napkins cause we had metal water pitchers. Yeah. So we'd have to put napkins over the water so it wouldn't melt the ice in the picture. Right. So you'd have these pictures on the hutches with napkins over them and then water pictures. And I would do shit to make the other waiters laugh. Like I would, I would wait till a guy would pull and then I'd pull the napkin off. Like it was a trick. Like I was a magician and I was revealing the picture of water. So they would walk by and I'd go like, and I go like that, but they'd be walking by me and another waiter would be, I'd be doing it. I'd be doing it for the other waiter. Of course. I'd be doing it for that guy. But he'd come by and I'd go like that. And he'd be like, or I would, if I knew a waiter, cause the tables were pretty close. I would water tables, but I would do it like, uh, I was a rock star. So I'd go table 340. It's been a while since I've seen you. I'd like pour the water. And it would do most, uh, it was in 07, 08 after the housing market collapsed. Yeah. So most of the time. All euros. That cafe was Spaniards, Italians. Yeah. So I could say shit that they wouldn't even. Yeah. They go home. Right. You can say whatever you want. But the other way, you know, like. They're dying. Your buddies are dying. My friend Sarah's like laughing at her table, giving the specials. And I'm going like 342. It looks like you need water, no gas. I mean, it is like being a, then that's why when I see comics, I'm like, I'm like, I don't want to complain about the road or complain about anything. I go, dude, I should be, I should be at a restaurant right now. Yeah, it's true. I should be going through the specials appreciate. Yeah. I shouldn't be able to set my own schedule. Dude. I remember whenever I was in, uh, I was, I grew up a wrestling kid just like you did. Yeah. Dude. Check it out. People send me action figures about it. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, dude. And I'm like, yeah, don't stop. Yeah. Don't stop now. I used to give, I used to give people sweet chin music in the restaurant, like my managers and shit. And dude, this one day, you remember? like at the end of the day when they just pour buckets of water on the floor to mop it yeah dude i gave him some switching music and soaked his white shirt like it was all on my foot when i do the full kick up oh yeah and slap my leg it sounds like it yeah it's the leg slap for all you wrestling fans turn heel yeah so that's what i do that's what i do on the road ask sagalow we were in cleveland my phone's in my pocket so i can't do it but we were in cleveland and the way the green room is at hilarities is you come out the back and it's like two hallways like this so people would come around the hallway if they go to the bar and it'd be like jimmy graham would be i'm seeing and you come around i go like oh my god dad soda just turned heel or like and i do the kick you know dude we went to raw and i showed katie that she didn't know that's how they did it oh yeah and i said that to her and she went i wish she wouldn't have told me that dude i got a buddy like my best friend got really into it like hardcore holly and a few of those other guys are from mobile and they started like a little wrestling school down there and he went to it like when we were in high school so he learned all these bullshit tricks to tell me about i love that yeah so i got to know dude i would do this to all the little like 90 pound girls and all the dudes would be laughing they'd be like what the fuck is your problem i was like that was that close to your chin dude my buddy uh one of my closest friends vic he was like my old roommate big mexican dude huge wrestling fan he got me back in when i was out from 18 to 23 he was like my guy that brought me in back into wrestling but we were at our friend greg's house and this is in tucson and we're just chilling there and vic could do the open palm thing oh wow and he just he just chopped greg out of nowhere and greg was like what the fuck caused a real problem we were talking about that a couple months ago and i saw both of them in tucson and it was like hilarious because he just went like he did the andre the giant like a bear paw yeah and getting a chop like that so you're back into it now i mean i've been back into it since i was 23 so i've been like it's been 20 years i've been back in oh yeah since since 06 though so i recently i got invited to go to like summer slam like two years ago so when it was in cleveland yeah yeah and uh i was watching it and it's so crazy because like when i was a kid and i realized it wasn't real i was like oh god damn it my whole childhood's a lie like everything i would say usually like the probably 10 right in there 10 11 range yeah somewhere in there and then great yeah yeah and then i came back to watch this and the funniest part about it to me was like now you're appreciating the athleticism the movements right all of it that's what you're watching i can't move but it's so funny to watch another guy who's 40 something years old and he's like turn around ralph and you're like dude give me a fucking break but that is and every wrestling fan will tell you is that there's an unspoken agreement when you walk into that arena that we're all gonna treat this like it's real and i think that's why it's such a great environment for kids oh it's a great great because they go in and they go like they see adults pretending without telling each other or making each other feel bad for it because i think that's what non-wrestling fans don't understand is we know it's fake right don't don't piss on us i will like we're just trying to have fun i will say people in alabama didn't like my grandpa was shaved his head because the stone cold steve alston like badass i mean he would literally be watching raw with us and be like that like if somebody talked shit to stone cold steve alston my grandpa would be like he couldn't whoop a picture stone cold steve alston that's a cool ass sentence he couldn't whoop a picture of stone cold steve alston it's a badass sentence but you know why is because we're a different generation now now we're the adults that understand what marketing and work is oh yeah i think like i think your grandpa my parents generation was the last generation to go like you know what i'm saying like i think your grandpa was you know rick flair is incredibly wealthy yeah maybe so yeah sure but i think he also probably owes a lot of money to the tech you know like the real thing of it like they would go like it you know what i think it all comes down to that story of iron chic and hacksaw jim duggan getting caught smoking weed together in a car yeah and they were doing like a big feud and they said like that was the thing that killed like wrestling being real to adults well that and uh the curtain call right dx yep exactly exactly but like you could have told my grandpa that and he would have been like i don't fucking know i'm pretty damn you know what i mean like yeah because everybody in alabama thought everybody on tv was a millionaire like if you're on tv you're fucking you're rich you've made it i don't think they're wrong i think at a certain point like up until like the 60 when there was like four channels before oh yeah maybe that if you're on tv you're like that guy's probably got money and you're like but you know what's interesting about that is we get older and we look back to like how the because like you're just making videos you're just making videos you're just making videos you're just you're just going like oh that's funny i'm gonna do that and then making it and having it up within how long is it like a week to make a video sometimes uh it depends so like if if it's just like a regular skit i can get it done pretty quick so the whole thing editing it all might take me an hour see that used to be like you had to go to a television station yeah exactly get out of a set you had to go get well who's gonna build the set exactly how are we gonna film this somebody's gonna get audio and this is all money this is all money and then you realize all those people on tv as i was talking about this recently an episode they have like contracts with studios so it's like that big house they live in that's the studio's house yeah that's not their house they're getting paid a salary from the studio and you're like oh it's way different now so wrestling wrestling back in the day they were like junkyard dog beat up anybody and you go yeah probably in the south but if he went to like minnesota i bet they'd make him lose to like whoever their whoever their champ was yeah or he goes to north carolina he's probably gonna lose the flair of course and they had to like protect that and then now you're kind of like now we're all gonna choose to pretend take it yeah well they should i mean that's what keeps it alive it's the best it's the best i got into an argument with a nine-year-old that i didn't know at summer slam 2016 i probably know what you're gonna say go ahead it's what were you arguing about it was cena versus aj styles yeah and cena's music hit and that's when the crowd because now they act like everybody loved them sure but but in 2016 the chant was john cena sucks john cena sucks and then the counter chant that happens in wrestling where they go john cena and so there you go john cena sucks john and me and this kid were doing it back and forth because he turned around and saw me and he was like i've had multiple sporting events where i've talked to children so he was like he was like john cena and then i was like john cena sucks he's doing like that older you turn heel yeah yeah and then a john cena won the match and the kid looked back and i went like and he was like you saw this kid have this moment where he's like yeah he told all his friends that he was like yeah dude this guy was cheering for aj styles but you you know what i mean oh yeah it's perfect that's the fun part of wrestling it is it's just going like nah man you got one dude what i get into arguments with kids with about wrestling is like they don't understand and they try to tell like there's no i can say it all day long there's no way to convince them of the pandemonium that would happen when the glass would break and stone cold steve alston would come out and i will see i was like if he had an instagram then he'd have a billion followers i will see your glass breaking stone cold which is true it's the number one pop moment in the world but being eight years older than you you don't know what it was like when hogan's theme see but i won't argue that i will agree with you and i mean after everything would have also had a billion followers on instagram hulk hogan shit hitting that oh yeah i can only imagine as a child it made me understand pentecostal churches because it would lift me the spirit would lift me hulk hogan on saturday night main event and some shits going down especially the mega powers listen when you're a kid you love hulk hogan yeah you grow up to love macho man randy savage because you realize savage was the one that was selling it that was doing the entering work right he was the reason that mega powers thing was perfect yeah hogan just had to be the all-out good guy right exactly all the time oh brother i'm just trying to help you macho man was jealous you got jealousy in those eyes but it was like shit that as an adult you understand way more true you go dude if my buddy was hanging out with my girl and touching her small back i go what are you doing exactly i'm a macho fan yeah but as a kid was a good guy and you just leave him alone turns out he wasn't everybody like he's just a good guy and all he does is care about there's all these stories turns out it's let's just not bring him up to johnny jones you're talking about your black friends yeah i don't really know bring him up around uh but it is like you see that you go oh that's storytelling for adults i always liked cartoons that when you watch them they were like the simpsons yeah the simpsons you could get as a kid but you also realize it's making your sense of humor better because the jokes are for adults exactly storylines like the mega powers colliding is like oh you get that as an adult you're like i've been jealous right well dude it's a bunch all that shit that you watch as a kid like i i watch stuff way above my age grade like when i was growing up like does that happen anymore that's what i was gonna say i think that really sharpens all your comment because you even the jokes you don't understand you're like my dad laughed at that what the fuck that was the biggest thing for right and you're just sitting there like so that's funny i gotta figure out what the fuck that means i remember watching my dad laugh to rodney dangerfield yeah and i didn't understand the jokes but i understood that he was funny and watching how hard he made my dad laugh it was that um hbo special where he had the young comics up we'd watch that all the time where he has like young bill hicks young kinnison sign it's like you can watch him there was a series they did on hbo with dangerfield hosting yeah at dangerfields in new york and it's like it's just him at the club and he's like just killing and i watch my dad be like yo he's laughing dude that's how i felt when we watch martin like we used to watch martin with my uh dad and them they'd be rolling off the couch laughing i was like this is the funniest fucking dude alive martin funny wise gets overlooked so much oh my god it's hilarious and you go back and watch it's still funny yeah they play it it's that and golden girls are the two most rewatchable shows martin really his favorite show is golden girls we go to bed do it every night yeah it's on hallmark every night puts it on her phone to go to sleep too that's really we do the same thing yeah and then every night with without fail katie will go god the fits she's like she's every time because whenever they're in nightwear they're always like they got like three layers on the line yeah dude they look good all of them have different but good looking outfits because the golden girls was the thing i would watch with my grandma that we both could appreciate right exactly because it was just so funny it was the joke writing on that dude the bloopers that i watched that you can watch now they're telling each other dirty jokes i've seen that one i've seen that one hilarious betty white telling that joke to blanche i call her blanche no disrespect i usually call them all by their names by their show names i mean like dorothy's on one today but i don't know if if they do that anymore i think that's a disservice to children is make them i agree my dad used to let me watch mel brooks movies because he was like you probably won't get the jokes now but when you get older yeah like young frankenstein i didn't get i didn't get the jokes i didn't get the jokes i didn't get the jokes three-fourths is a joke when i first started watching no even shows that were kind of like in the middle like watching ace ventura pet detective or like when nature calls i mean that blew up i was 11 years old when that came out in movie theater and i'm gonna tell you that phenomenon two things that get the that weren't the internet wasn't around to watch people overkill or three was rick i'm rick james bitch because as a huge chappelle fan uh the first time i heard someone scream rich i'm rick james bitch i'm rick james bitch i'm rick james bitch we're at a bowling alley just drinking beers bowling and i heard it and i was like the idiots found out about dave chapelle yeah he was our best kept secret yeah it felt like a band uh ace ventura coming out in sixth grade and kids talk trying to talk like ace ventura yeah it was a it was an epidemic i bet it was at middle schools yeah kids going like oh see i called the second one first great it holds up it was amazing uh and then the one that really really really shook the world was beavis and butthead yeah and when i was in sixth grade it came out have you ever heard uh uh is it mike judge yeah have you ever heard him talking about the old voicemail he got of how he got the voice for butthead i can't remember but it's got a voicemail from this guy no i think he's talking about how he got the voice for boom hour and it's this guy no it isn't beavis and but he's calling how he don't like he doesn't like beavis and butthead he's complaining about it but it gives him the voice for boom hour oh because he goes really yeah so he calls and he's like every time that dang old porky's butthole comes on man i just can't stand he thought beavis and butthead was called porky's butthole for whatever reason so then he saved that voicemail and turned that into boom hour's voice on king of the hill yeah i think mike judge is a guy that um i put him at my if you could have dinner with five people oh yeah it'd be matt trey mike judge would be three of them oh yeah well that's you you've knocked it out of the park already matt and trey and mike judge those are some of my favorite ever that that's what's great about instagram yeah you get the reels of trey doing the voiceover because you the first time i saw them do that was the documentary six days to air and they're doing the human centipede episode which is probably the most famous one yeah and it shows them writing it and like trey i've watched that documentary so many times but trey like hates it yeah or he doesn't think it's that good he doesn't hate he's like doesn't think that's good but it shows him doing the voiceover where he's doing the japanese business man he's like he's like oh kyle do you want me to eat vanilla paste or cardfish and then it's it's matt laughing going as kenny and he goes cardfish yeah that makes me laugh oh dude that one in the one where it's him and bill hater and he's talking he's also doing another japanese voice he's like apparently china and japan are separated by huge body water yeah uh that was always i remember the um family guy was like a weird thing because family guy when it came out it was on then got canceled yeah and then it got brought back on they're like i made a lot of money it was the first internet hit that brought it back because uh kazam kazah or kazam what was it it was kazah kazah yeah kazah and like those downloads you could download wire and all that shit download full family guy yeah we used to smoke schwag my freshman year of college shout out to the errands we would go over to their they had like uh off campus dorm where you could like we could smoke weed we wouldn't get in trouble sure and we'd go over there and they would he would bring it up on his computer and he'd be like you want to watch this cartoon family guy and you're like dude this is the best right and then the first time i saw seth mcfarland in the voiceover booth i noticed he did his peter out the side of his mouth like the right he actually kind of looked like peter when he was doing it jeez i don't know lois yeah and it's like over here and you're like oh the way moves his mouth i think that shit your voice is like doing accents and shit you watch and you go oh that's how they do right i love hearing people explain how they do it like uh frank caliendo that was just gonna bring him up he's the best of i mean caliendo i brought up jay farrell on the bobby moyan i missed not saying frank caliendo caliendo is and he explains how he does it you'll be hearing him talk about going deeper in his throat and shit like that i was like ah damn i've never thought of it like that always just sit down and keep trying yeah he's cool as hell too oh is he caliendo's the man i can imagine dude i was doing a show at the tempe improv and he came by that's awesome i love that place fun room yeah he came by and did a guest set and i was like i was like i used to listen to your opiate anthony john madden clip oh my god so good when he used to call in his madden to o and a and he would also do i mean he was he's just the best he did uh he does one of my favorite things where he does a video of voices doing star wars and he does like michael keaton is yo that's great and it's perfect yeah and you're like i bet it is how did you get there but he does like the sniffle he goes dude do you ever have voices where you you can say a few certain words right and you're like i just cannot fucking nail this that's me with an australian accent i can do like raw and stuff like but when i go to talk and i'm like dude what is going on i i've you know uh i think i've made a career out of being a fraud because i think i only can do like four or five sentences in each that's me yeah when you go to talk unless it's like a forrest gump or something yeah or sling blades yeah macho man paradise pd just let me cut promos in the voice booth yeah so that was the one where i could stay in it but every other thing i've tried yeah your macho is the best i've ever heard that was that thanks man i don't know that was the best i've ever truly boredom my brother look my brother's not like big into like watching stand-up like the way i am yeah but i told him i was doing your pod and he's like uh he's like dude get him to do macho man he's like hey does he do anything else you do stand-up i was like yeah but i'm fine with that i like uh wrestling fans when i go to raw and shit i bet they'll be like macho man you're like yeah and it's been cool like um i got put in that a and e biography because i'm such a big macho man fan yeah and um the guy that made it made like the you he made he's awesome um billy corgan he's like an awesome director and he's like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know but he he edited the documentary in a way where it looked like i took the death of macho man very lightly because if you watch the documentary it's a very serious part of the documentary where they're like we lost him he died or whatever and then it cuts to me and i'm like dude what a badass way to go out he had a heart attack and drove his jeep into a tree what a bad motherfucker took two things to kill him took a car accident and he died and i'm like dude what a badass way to go out they had a heart attack to kill him yeah you couldn't just kill him with one tree dude that documentary came out and i had real heat with wrestling fans like death threats people people up in my shit people threatening that docks me and i'm like dude i don't know and then the coolest thing happened which is the wrestling world responded with people like eric bischoff was on his podcast being like hey a lot of you guys are mad at this guy leave him alone he said the coolest thing in the world he goes i knew macho man in real life and i worked with him for years he would have loved that that guy that's the coolest yeah that that guy put him over that's what he said he goes he put him over he made him look tougher he goes macho would have let his he was like randy would have led his documentary with that because it put it put him and i was like coolest compliment ever i was in a hotel across the street from the columbus funny bone and someone texted me that and i listened to that episode and i was like PNWO, motherfucker. Damn right you are. that got me to join the nwo dude the most hype i probably ever got was when stone cold liked one of my videos dude coolest fucking thing ever happened to me i'll tell you right now he's the man when we did uh dan saint germain and i wrote a cartoon that we sold the peacock with steve so we would get on zooms with him and the first time he pops up in a zoom it's like um it's the same way i felt the first time i saw jerry seinfeld in person where it's like i've watched you for so long yeah and you've been such i've watched you and i was sick i've watched you and i was happy i've watched you and i was sad i've watched you to all these different things you've been a part of my life the way old like stone cold matches are like the way that i watch seinfeld yeah you just put it on and you lay back i'll watch an old stone cold documentary in a heartbeat love it yeah so the first time i see seinfeld i was like holy shit yeah he was like he was like walking down the street up into the comedy club and i was like oh my god the fucking seinfeld was the first time that stone cold popped up in the zoom it was during the pandemic and i was like yo dude i'd have been transported back to being eight years old it's the funniest thing my mom said we were on a notes call with him where he was like telling us what he liked and didn't like when we were writing the show yeah and it was christmas and i was at my mom's house and it was like two days before christmas and i'm on the phone with steve and dan and steve like i know him fucking stone cold and saint germain and he's giving us notes and i get off the phone and my mom's like i swear to god you were 12 years old again she was like watching buzz around the house on the phone because i was just like yes sir oh absolutely yeah because he's like no argument here one of the things is he was like y'all got me driving a jeep nah i'll drive a dodge i'm gonna drive a dodge big dodge truck and i go okay i want kawasaki side by side on the back of it yeah like stuff like that we're like okay and you go like when you go oh yeah like under his breath it was very cool it was he was really and then like that's like the shitty part about like uh the entertainment industry is like i got to talk to him for a little bit and then the project yeah as it dwindled away you're like he caught he butt dialed me once because i'm in his phone yeah and he's in my phone is steve austin that's exactly what he'd be in my phone as how embarrassingly fast i called him back katie tried to stop me i go oh stone cold hey you were breaking up i couldn't hear you sit next to me and i go stone cold missed call from stone cold and she goes it might be she couldn't even finish butt dial and i was like hello i hope he picks up this is what the voicemail you're like fuck you don't even tell her it's don't go i'm steve hold on hold on it's the rattlesnake's calling me she goes lewis j gomez and you go no that's the puerto rican rattlesnake yeah but i mean when you started make what made you start making videos sketches were you just like watching them online and you're like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i got an idea for one so i put up a video of my wife making fun of her one time because every now and then she'll say something like really country out of nowhere yeah those videos are great yeah she sounds like uh everything she said has been deep fried first and so i put it up and it got like 10 000 views which when you have nothing is like crazy yeah you feel naked my mama star and uh i was like well dude fucking old southern men are way funnier so i just started doing like jokes that my grandpa would say and then once those took off i was like i'm gonna start doing skits and i just started writing skits yeah yeah you know what it is man is it it really is a thing where a lot of i think you can sit and complain about like there's no industry there's no gatekeepers or whatever but what it does do is it gives creative people an immediate like platform yeah i'm in mobile alabama yeah yeah that's what i'm saying by the way you know so funny is i feel like i have to say mobile i have to say because when i go mobile yeah my colorado accent going like mobile mobile mobile mobile i feel like i'm like you know when my mom orders wine sometimes she'll do if she'll be like can i get this sauvignon blanc oh yeah you're like don't do that i can't even try i feel like that's how i do when you say mobile i go mobile what am i doing no that's right i go you're saying it 100 correct i know but then i go i feel like you know you know the funniest the funniest part about that is you know it was mobile and the people down there is like we live in mobile and that just stuck new yorkers do it with houston street and they go it's houston you go don't do this to me yeah no don't do this i've grown up my whole life calling it houston texas it's so hard that is the nobody says mobile that's not from mobile yeah that's why i feel like it's like almost i feel like a poser i'm like mobile i tell people mobile is the only part of alabama that looks like that because it's on the bay okay a little you know alabama's got a little like nutsack down there yeah that's like the only part of alabama that looks like that because it's on the bay alabama florida line yeah exactly so like we're the only part of alabama it's got a beach in the bay and all this shit so we look nothing like the rest of alabama and it really is you guys are more like a florida look down right yeah yeah we went down there for burt's tour we did the show down in like at florida alabama oh yeah like at the florida we went to florida bama we went to the bar marcus king did a show he went up and did it but i was like this does feel just like florida yeah it's the same it's like that part of alabama feels the same as the as florida what is the cutoff alabama auburn is auburn is that geographical or is that just choice all over the place like my mom and brother auburn fans the whole rest of the family bama fans what is that because i i don't think people realize that that is a i could talk about colorado colorado state all i want but you bring up like i went to arizona we hate asu sure the state isn't really divided by it it's more like that's that's uh it's not it's not like a yeah the are like an absolute and i'm sure like the little circle around them is but the rest of the state is just like pick one is that how you figure out you go like they'll go like war eagle and they'll figure out who is oh yeah well a roll tide you'll either if you give a roll tide in a room it'll be like you'll see the faces and there's one guy just being like you're like ah there he is that does have to that's the auburn fan if you're an auburn fan that does have to suck that your rival has the better catchphrase or the more known catchphrase and it's also it really does suck also that like we've completely fucking dominated like yeah i mean saving yeah and even but like people think that and there are there's a shitload of bandwagon feds down there it's like dude i was there for all the mike schula years it was awful shout out mike schula yeah i do i do love mike schula but he's weird i hung in there back then i like hating alabama when you're good yeah i don't like watching you suck because then you go nobody does it's it's just poking you with a stick we're blaming it on everything go get up get up it's like when the cowboy it's like when the cowboy suck i know i want to hate you also cowboys fan oh really oh god but when you guys are good you're so i had my emin smith jersey on when i was a kid i was fucking i'll tell you right now loved it 1994 i had real heat for you as a 49ers fan i was like yeah fuck the cowboys and then i hated the packers it's weird how you go through like yeah sports will teach you how to hate people it will pretty pretty easily it's crazy it's like that it's but it's like that fucking i think it's a different t-shirt yeah it's crazy but we do feel that way it unites sometimes hating against the same team the way eagles fans and 49ers fans can go fuck the cowboys and everyone's like yeah fuck the cow i have a joke about a high five is the only thing you can do to a stranger at that velocity see somebody in the same t-shirt just hit him as hard as you fucking can smack my hand just as hard as i'm gonna smack yours yeah it's like you can only do that without you can't return somebody's keys like that that they drop one time but it is you know that is interesting about sports hate because like i'm a san francisco giants fan and the dodgers are just on a generational tear with that i'm a braves fan so we hate the dog and we used to hate you in the early 90s the phillies we hated you in the early 90s because the nl west of course nl west was fucked up it was braves giants dodgers padres rocky why were you guys in there the braves were in the west for too long and then you guys shifted i forget when you guys shifted but growing up the braves you guys had everybody yeah dude i mean maddox when i was a kid we it was like cowboys braves because you know alabama doesn't have any pro teams so you pick the nearest ones we got the braves so then bulls fan obviously dude you are you are the sports fan that i hated the most that was bulls cowboys yeah braves or a later version of it was yankees braves are the only ones that make sense because they're close to us cowboys i would give you in the early 90s the way that i give 49ers to people in the late 80s we were such a good team that people in the late 80s were like i'm a niners fan they're on all the time everybody left the cowboys as soon as the saints won a super bowl there's fucking black and gold everywhere in mobile so that's what it is yeah i'm wondering what the because because about you should be saints fans down there that's where that's what you should be and nobody was because the cowboy the cowboys were doing so well in the 90s and i was born in 90. so cowboys were everywhere there as soon as the saints win they're like black and gold everywhere they're making they're making t-shirts that say roll that no you can't do that yeah it's kind of like a florida lee that turns into an alabama don't guy fieri oh yeah they did don't double don't put awesome sauce on something roll that t-shirts everywhere i was like where did this come from you know when i lived in tucson what was interesting was watching people do anything but be cardinals fans because the cardinals have always stunk yeah so they would go like well we're close enough to denver that we could be the pro and you're like you're 16 hours away from denver come on or there you go or cowboys and you're like you're fucking 20 hours that's even worse but they would just do anything but be cardinals fans which i was always like imagine being a cardinals fan you're like no one wants to hang out with us yeah exactly that's gotta suck it's got to yeah that's why as a 49ers fan it was good for us to lose for so from like oh two to oh to 2010 because you really saw who was a niners fan and who wasn't well that's anything it's you just watch people do it with like when i remember when when steph curry got popular everybody's like dude we're fucking huge i was like golden state fans that's what you are you've been you've been a golden state fan can i tell you as someone that in 19 i think 1993 my dad and my grandma all all bay area all huge warriors giants 49ers i'm giants 49ers and i was like you know what i'm gonna be a nuggets fan and i remember my dad's family being like what and i was like yeah i'm a i'm a denver nuggets fan and they were like okay and then watching the warriors go ion go on that run yeah having my fucking elderly grandmother go like did you see the dubs win and you go that's crazy that's like and then because the nuggets were the nuggets just didn't and then when we won the championship she was so old that she's like i don't care and you're like no i need this yeah i invested in this for so long but it is it's like that is a big payoff though oh my god that championship in 2023 i was like dude what the fuck i never thought the nuggets were going to win a world well no i mean that's how i've felt ever since 1998 yeah like with the bulls like i'm just sitting there like what's this it'll never fucking happen again when you win them when you're a kid 49ers haven't won one since 94 dude just imagine like when i was a kid braves like we were braves fans first everybody's a michael jordan fan in the 90s yeah that is true we were diehard we're still diehard braves fans so imagine how i felt when we won in 21 i was like on cloud nine i remember being at steel mill and them being on night shift watching the world series and then be like hey we got to go up top and i was like not fucking now not fucking now it's not ending and then you guys gave everybody to the dodgers you let the dodgers sign well that's the braves main thing they try to have like farm club they don't want to pay anybody so as soon as they're amazing they just let them go they're like we want more money and they're like good la will give it to you only team worse than you guys are doing that's fucking boston red sox who i live with and i gotta watch that yeah give away generational talent and dude i just read today where the guy that's supposed to be our dh jerickson pro far this is his second year in a row he's gonna be out the whole season for beads oh yeah 166 right yeah i was like two years in a row 166 games for steroids can you see him being like they'll never catch me this time you're talking to a giants fan i don't bring up balco to me i'll slap you in the mouth i don't know what you're talking about i really do the thing where uh i do one of the things that i hate the most when someone's wrong but they will refuse to admit it that's how i am about barry bonds where they go steroids never got caught never got caught oh so you're on the side of arguing like that it just didn't happen at all yeah i know but i'm just saying like that's shrunk back to a normal size but he's still the greatest dude he would if you would have died that era of baseball man like just i remember do you remember the mcguire sosa run like i remember being like it was yesterday pandemonium you're buying pepsi seeing which one you get and shit i remember being uh to this day i was jealous of mcdaniel having the ken griffey juniors ken griffey jr liked my reel the other day and i almost fainted i told my wife i was like this is the coolest fucking thing that has ever happened to me that is the fucking coolest he has the sweetest like he followed me and i was like this is this is my whole childhood you understand my wife's like you know women they're like what the who well i'm lucky i live with her because she's such a sports fan that she that's perfect she called baseball for apple plus and she was calling a game fuck i forget who it was former player he was like subbing in because hunter pence was out for the game yeah because that's who she worked with and he came in and he was a former met but she said something about ken griffey jr and on air he goes you want to facetime jr and she goes what they're calling a game and he's bloop bloop bloop bloop and then ken griffey jr picks up the facetime yeah it was subjunior oh my god dude see my wife knows crazy my wife knows football like she's a she's had videos i've had videos where i just recorded her during a football game and they go viral yeah and everybody thinks she's faking it i was like i fucking wish i wish obviously a bama fan yes so it's like she actually graduated from there so oh that yeah yeah it's actually her alumni one of the only times i've ever seen nate bargetti's wife angry and he's nodding right now laura bargetti who's the best yeah laura is if you want to know why nate's so funny it's because laura's equally as she's hilarious is top tier top tier joe list nate bargetti and i were watching the texas alabama national championship oh yeah in 2010 mccoy got hurt yeah colt mccoy got hurt drinking beers at nate's apartment in queens and fucking middle village we're drinking beers you guys are crushing texas colt mccoy is injured yeah joe list half jokingly goes all right come on texas do something make this a game the stare that laura gave joe i was like dude there is no bluffing about this you're genuinely in trouble and joe used to get very anxious when you drink and he was like is she fucking mad at me i was like very i was like she's not even a little mad she's very and he was like i'm really sorry i think that moment to this day might have damaged their friendship because he was like that's how much she loves bama dude that's my fucking wife like she used to and i used to tell her all the time we'd be somewhere watching a game would start getting close and she'd be like let's fucking go i can't watch this and i'll be like we're not going anywhere or she'd be at home and she'd turn the tv off if we started losing i'd be like go in the bedroom yeah i want to see this i uh she's watched me be too much of a sport you know it's happened to both of us but she watched me be too much of a 49er fan uh at a seahawks game in seattle with the niners and i don't know i think i might have told the story before but there was remember i was telling you about the cena aj thing so this family's in front of us and they're super nice or whatever and the kids in a russell wilson jersey this is the last year russell wilson was a quarterback for the seahawks jimmy garoppolo was the quarterback for the niners and they're beating us and the kids like turn around talking shit i'm like okay all right and then he keeps going and he's like and then we start losing and i'm like not right now and the kids like yeah turn around this is embarrassing but the kid was like hi he's like going around and i and i just matter of factly went well hey enjoy enjoy russ because this is his last season with your team he's hitting the free agent market next year and katie went damn like in a way that i was like shit it's on my bad because you watched it the kid went like what russell wilson would never leave the seahawks and that was the year he went to the broncos yeah and i was like hey katie was like remember when you couldn't handle your cool because a fucking eight-year-old got in your head and remember that you just think about that kid when they announced it oh he went that fucking man yeah how the fuck did he know that future terrorist and you're probably asking all his friends like russell would never leave right guys right guys guys but it was already maybe i don't know man but i really did feel like i don't know if you've ever like have you ever wrestled with a kid and accidentally hurt him oh yeah that's what it felt like dude i remember my friend's kids where i throw them and they go like hit the couch i remember one time we were in montana it was one of the first years we ever went there and my uncles like my little kids were like oh my god cousin he's probably six and i pick up this thing of snow that's like this big and i throw it at him and it didn't break oh oh dude and i go lift it i go lift it up all yeah the inside of it was ice and i was wondering why it was so heavy when i threw it i lifted up off of him and there's like blood on him under it and i was like oh god damn it and it's one of those things where you're just like all right i can think of a lie hit me back quit crying that's what you gotta do oh dude the reaction is always the funniest thing yeah one of my best friends we both played football he was he was necessary i was unnecessary i was like a backup linebacker special teams he was like the captain starting and we were playing some dumb game in the street like teenagers do sure and i tripped him and he got injured and then i faked my injury too like oh no i'm injured i'm injured too so no one's mad at me right but that's how when you like do that you go oh no oh my wrist the kid's bleeding and you're like no i'm finding something else but you don't want yours to be eyes you're like this is a regular snowball hit me with this but yeah i'll pretend it fucking hurt accidentally hurting a child i went like oh dude my bad little buddy yeah so for the rest of the game i was like yeah you guys are winning yeah he's like shut up dude you ruined russell wilson for me if she had to been there you'd have just kept bragging him dude i would have fought his dad yeah his dad would have been like i gotta do something about this i go all i'm saying is marshawn lynch was better with the pills yeah dude that is uh sports will really make you an asshole i know i've i've dude i tell you i've started caring a little less and less though i don't know what it is getting older and maybe but then but then i see people way older than me that care still just as much i think my our passion down there is college football and i think nil coming along has been god damn it why because now everyone can get paid well yeah exactly exactly you guys were paying him for a while did you hear coach oza uh quote no codes ogeron for lsu who's the best they asked him they're like what do you think about the nil and everybody getting paid or whatever he said i'll tell you man and you know he's talking like he's like he said instead of bringing the money in the back door now we just bring it to front yeah same fucking thing it's the same thing it's also funny because now it's like uh you're seeing schools get good that you're like oh they're rich alumni we're like i'll just give money that's exactly what happens go get a corner dude it's you would think texas would dominate everything with all this old money like you think that they would just be like they're they're too busy buying data centers and ruining everything we gotta get back to corruption to college football exactly keep it out of regular people's lives yeah just have exactly i want sam altman investing in like stanford our teams to be good yeah you go they got a corner that was a four one he's invented in a lab it's crazy just austin stagner's hilarious follow him on instagram watch his videos his stand-up if he's coming to your city it was awesome meeting you dude oh dude thank you so glad you came by i'm such a fan so this has been awesome yeah dude thanks for hanging yeah awesome i'm gonna go get mad about sports watch the baseball classic you