126: Adult Field Trips with Justin Stagner | Soder Podcast | EP 124

Golden retriever of comedy tours, it marches on April 4th. I'm going to be in Long Island, New York where I'm going to be at the Paramount Theatre. We added a late show tickets are available, dancota.com, then going to North Carolina, Charlotte. I'm going to see you April 10th, Durham, April 11th, dancota.com, for all tickets. I'll see you guys all soon. And by the way, all tickets, all shows are up right now. We even added Omaha, Nebraska, because I need to run the hour a couple more times. Funny bone, dancota.com, oh, and New Jersey, we added a show New Jersey in June, and J pack. Dancota.com, enjoy this episode. I hope you're doing all right. I hope your weekend was good. Thanks for watching. Turn the volume down so your boss doesn't hear you. My stupid baritone voice coming through or interrupting, interrupting a guest or a thought you're like, what are you supposed to be doing your work? Now listen to my podcast. Take a one here at lunch. But go in Alabama, and then going to the science center of part of the United States. It's not like you can make the joke of like the science center of Alabama, which I think I was making that joke, which I thought was just a burger king off the highway. But it's like actually where NASA is in like rockets and ship. Yeah, it was Huntsville's what's up. That's all of us took field trips. Huntsville. That was it. That was the fucking filter. That we have a battleship from World War II, where we were at. So those are two. They let you slide down the cannons and shit. That's awesome. That's fucking awesome. Justin Stagner. My fans give me shit for not in trolling people off the top. Follow him on Instagram. He makes fucking hilarious videos. I love him. And I was like, dude, you know, we were talking and I was like, come on the podcast. Put a back to a cannon slide. Yeah, was that the finale of the field trip? Yeah, dude. It's so crazy because nothing in there is updated. They left everything how it is. But then they've got vending machines in it. Really? Like what kind of like like like coke snap machine like Frito lay snack machines to hold the works inside of a war war to where nothing's been touched except for that. It should be. And this is just me curating for field trips. Yeah, it should be snacks from the World War II era in the vending machine. Yeah. Oh, that would be great. You know what I mean? It would be great. Like like a Pepsi can you open with an opener? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You get lead poisoning from eating some of the snacks. They shoot them out of the cannons. So crazy watching the on athletic kids just miss it. It's so crazy because they slide you down it. You go in first grade. That's when you go in first grade. And no, but I guess you're young enough. They're like they slide you down and everybody's just thinking like we killed people with these. You know, yeah, dude. There's a guy that grew up without a dad because of that cannon. Exactly. You know, it's just marked out there as you can just slide. The German guy taking his family after he moves, he's like, I just feel like this isn't the right place. I just discussed our family a lot of grief. Colorado grown up in Colorado field trips are all either nature or settling like nature like hikes like cave of the winds. That is cool though. You know, but it's wasted on children. That's true. That's true. Field trips are wasted on children. But the parents get to go and the parents are most of the time being like, what the fuck? But now that I'm an adult and my friends have kids and I know what parents truly are, which are people. Now I know those parents are like probably gotten to a fight of who's going to go with them. Exactly. Because they're not enjoying the museum. They're not enjoying the battleship. They're watching kids. So they can't go like, oh fuck, just get like read a plaque. They can't read one part. I'm the asshole dad. So I'm sitting there at the war. It's a thing and I was get to the vending machines. I'm like, what the fuck they invent these? You did the line from cable guy when Matthew Broderick is at medieval times. Can I get a fork? There were no utensils at medieval times. Hence there are new utensils at medieval times. They had Pepsi. Yeah, exactly. Dude, I had a lot of tables. I quote that to Jeanine Garofalo too much like the cable guy, the Pepsi line to the point where it's like, man, I think I'm that guy with her. Dude, it's one of those things where like, I hate you started out fun and then eventually you're like, oh fuck, I think I'm fucked. But I think the internet has blurred that for a lot of people. Especially being friends with someone as big as Shane or Nate or Bert. People feel like they can just yell shit out like they're on this shorthand with you and you see some crazy shit. Yeah, I don't really have that. I have a very low, but guys at the top because you want to know exactly. Yeah, you have your entire life to see Tom Hanks and scream Wilson down the street. Yeah, do you have people yell shit at you from your videos? Of course. Southern grandpa. It's it's dude. It's usually that people have their thing. And now I guess that's the cool things like finding out what their thing is. Yeah. So like people yell at Southern grandpa thing or they'll come up like square up with me. Or a lot of people like like the busher stuff like they love the whistle and ask you with which wish you can do it so good. Oh, I've got that to do it. So my Herbert is like off the charts. Yeah, the whistle thing is like, I used to do it on the bonfire and it would take me a while to get there because you really have to like. Yeah, it's a learning skill. My son already can do it at seven. I was like, you're going to be amazing. That's crazy. That's your baseball dad. Yeah. So here's you go whistle talk practice in the garage. Yeah. And he said there's it's a certain song that he can sing and get it going. Oh, you got to do that. Rep it. That's the one. Did you show him the many adventures of Winnie the Pooh because that's the go for the go for the go for. Yeah, that's a good name. But the people ever since I started doing the busher thing like people tag. You know, they comment like you sound like the Winnie the Pooh go for Jimmy Jim Cummings is the guy that does. I think he does the voice. He does the voice for poo, but I think he does the voice. And he does he does a run of voices that you're like. Oh, yes, like that guy for the Winnie tunes that did all of them. Yeah, Mel Blanc, Mel Blanc. Yeah, they, but Jim Cummings did like darkwing duck in all these. Yeah, there was a video. We made fun of them on the bonfire. So I think he hates me. Because he was going through some shit. We made fun of it and I did a character of dog. You ever feel like, I mean, when you're sitting here and you bring something up and then you make fun of it. Like back in the day, it was just you and your friends on the couch bullshit. And then now you're like, oh, 10 million people could see this tomorrow. I'm going to tell you right now. Yes. Yes. No one has. He has to deal with that the most because what he deals with is me like eight in the morning gone. Shit, I talked shit about someone on that podcast. That can't go out. And then I'm like, yo, Mike, I made fun of someone. Can you take that? Because like the fun part of doing this show is it's just straight up where I play video games all the time. Yeah. So it really is my couch. People think this is a set. No, I'm excited to take the lights down and play. Yeah, exactly. Run my dynasty on college football. Damn right. But you, you get too comfortable. And then it's like, you do. You start talking shit. And then you go, yeah. And then you cut it off and you're like, fuck, that was a little much. But that is like one of the things that I've always liked about comedy is it is ball busty. But then you forget that this it's it's entertainment. So you have artists. So there's also sensitivity. Yeah. Where you go, they're not taking it like back of the bus ball busting. Like a lot of my friends do it a lot of comics. I'm friends with. There are people who are like, really upset me. I'm sure, dude. Cause like, I love it. It's it's a way our minds worked. Because I'll see somebody get arrested. And I'm like, oh, this is fucking hilarious. Write this. Then you post a video about it. And you start seeing the comments. You're like, I fucked up. I think a lot of it is we've lost the ability just to go. We need to bring back my bad. That's true. Like my bad. Like I'm talking about all levels of all levels of society. People need to start being better at going like, yeah, because we're in real life when someone says my bad. Deescalates a meal your calm. Yeah, you're like, I thought damn was getting fucking wild. But he was like my bad. Yeah, it's just my bad. It is my bad. It's just a two word. It's like it's just like you popping your seat out of the jet before it crashed. Yeah, you ever said something and the last word you're like, my bad. Like it's not even you don't even have time to think about it. I was walking, I was going to the seller last night and I was walking down to the subway and there was a group of like teenagers. And you know, how old do you? 35. So I'm 42. So we're in the same world. We're all right. Yeah, we're old for sure. We're not like real old. But teenagers look at us and they go dudes and jeans. Exactly. They know this is like the rock. They know I'm dressed up like a fucking like a fucking heroin addict going to court. Because it's best sweatshirt. Yeah. But I also get that old man feeling when like teenagers are all the time in groups. I don't even realize what had happened. And what year did I don't know? Did I remember one time my brother called me? He's way younger than me because it's like my dad and my stepmom. So he's way younger. So your first marriage kid. Right. Exactly. Me and my brother are locked in first marriage kids. Now I got a brother sister from the and it did. You're the tribunal of the elders. I tell this jerk on stage because I don't know when it happened. My brother called me one day and it was like noon. And I was like, uh, what do you do? And he said, I just woke up, but you're sleeping your fucking life away son. I was like, what the fuck? - I remember you used to get so mad at my mom, I was like, "What do you care if I get up? I have nothing to do today." - Yeah, or when I would go home for Thanksgiving and just get black out the night before Thanksgiving and then wake up and everyone-- - And you're back at 17. - Yeah, and everybody would hit you with a like, "Oh, thought you were going to sleep all day." And you're like, "Well, I was drinking till five in the morning." - Right. - Technically, I pulled it over to-- - I should've just powered through. - Yeah, but the, I wonder what agent is that you're like, "Dude, these kids." - I don't know, but it just happens. - Yeah, and I'm walking behind a group of like 17-agers and they're laughing and they're having fun, but they're like kind of slow. And I'm like, "Get an old white guy mad." I'm like, "You know, the sidewalk is the right sides for walking in the left." Sort of sound like Lewis Black. There's a thing with this sidewalk. - You're walking, but I am walking down the sidewalk and they break apart to get like a street meter or whatever, like getting food, and they go to the park and one of the kids goes, "Oh, my bad, to me." Like that. You want my fault, like that? That they were walking and I went, "Thanks." (laughing) I was out of it. - This kid's got self-awareness. - Let's shook his hand. You're gonna be something someday, you know, man. - Yeah, he's damn right. - That self-awareness is really gonna take you to the top. - Dude, but I hate when you're talking to one of them and they say something and you're like, "God damn dude." Like I was talking to a guy last night. I did a set at the stand. And he's way younger. He's asking me how to get into comedy. And I was like, "I don't fucking do it." - Yeah, follow me. - And I said something. And I was like, "You need to just like find it." If you want to get on the road, find another comic that thinks you're good at taking with him. He's like, "Dad, ask, man." And I was like, "Oh, yeah." - Oh, fuck, man. - You know, it's weird to be on the other side. 'Cause to this day, I vividly remember where I was. Not for 9/11, not for Columbine. But when my mom said, "Oh, that's the bomb." - Oh, yeah. - I remember my mom said it sincerely. That was my 9/11, where I was like, in my hand at that moment, just in faded video, the two buildings were glassed, that plume of fucking shits in my kitchen. My mom goes, "Oh, that's the bomb." And I went like, "What the fuck, Lee?" - Yeah. - What the fuck are you doing? - She's trying, man. - And doing, that's like she brandished a firearm. - That's actually a great video that she should make. - Yeah, no, but it was just like, she pull it and then it's weird to be on the other side when someone's like, "Oh." - To be like, if you said dead ass right now. - If I was like, but they say to me and I go, "Oh, you even know, I couldn't say that." I could never go like, "Dead ass, no, I'm dead ass." 'Cause that was a real, that was a New York thing. That's like a super New York thing. - No, it started up here. - Yeah, dead ass is absolutely New York. - Well, you know, Alabama's like 10 years late for everything, and we kept the mullet too long and all that. - You guys were like in the 90s when Russia was getting our rock from the 80s. - Right, that's exactly right. So now like our classic rock stations play in shit and you're too late. - Alabama though, is one of those places where it's such a like different cities, different energy kind of thing. When you do stand up, did you start in mobile? - Yeah, I had to. I was doing the videos and they took off and I've been writing stand up for like 10 years, just never had the balls to do it, type of thing. And somebody tagged a local guy and he was like, "I actually run some mics in town if you wanna ever come try." - Had you ever done stand up before? - No, but I tell people, it's like, I worked at a still mill and I'm telling jokes to a room full of strangers, that type of thing. - You just cracked the code. - Yeah, I mean. - It's anybody that's had a real job and like worked with their hands and done like real. - 'Cause you know, those are some of the funniest people in the world. - That's what I mean. You know, none of these nerds are gonna end up doing it. - Yeah, they don't know real ballbreakers. - It really was, like, that's such a thing. It's weird because it's like, remember when MMA found out that if you had a wrestling background, you were just gonna be better. - Exactly. - That's like, that's a perfect analogy. - They're like, oh, you're just gonna, you're gonna control the match. You're gonna have the wind. Your wind's gonna be up. That's what it's like with people that worked blue collar jobs. When I find out someone worked a blue collar job and they do stand up, I don't know. - You're fine. - Yeah, you're gonna be alright. - That makes sense. - It's just reps at this point. - It is. - It's like, a lot of stand up is reps. And you, I remember older comics telling me that and when I moved here in my 20s being like, and then you see it pay off and you're like, it was reps. - Dude, it's literally like, and it's, you know, working a blue collar job. As soon as you show them you could do impressions or like have a joke or something, you're like a dog with a trick. - Then just go get everybody else. - The only blue collar work I ever did was the summer I worked at Canary in Alaska. - I remember seeing this on a pod. - And the bit that murdered with you saying that was me doing an impression of the processing boss. - Oh, that's, you're fucking right to the top with that. If you can do the boss perfect. - Then I would put him in situations that would make these guys laugh. - Right, exactly. - I think one of the bits I did, his name was, now people try to argue with us online. His name was Aladine. That's how they pronounced it. It's Filipino Aladine, but then they told me it was Aladdin and he was fucking with me. But I'm telling you right now, his cousin would call him Aladine. - Right. - But I'd do this thing called Aladine in the processors. Like he was like a 50s band. And he was like, "Ashtonal good, ashtonal good, ashtonal good." "Ashtonal good, that car, ashtonal good." And these guys would be like, Justin, I would be killing. - Oh, cool, yeah. - And that was the moment where I was like, "Oh, I think I'm gonna do stand-up when I get back to Arizona." That really was the moment. - Did those guys out there ever tell you just from like my experience, those guys out there were like, "Did you miss your fucking call?" And you should not be here with me. - Yeah, they're like your type of thing. - They would say two things to me. They would either go, "You should just stand up or they would go, man, I like working with you." - Right. - That's the same thing. - Yeah. - They'd tell you the same thing. - And you go like, "We're not getting good work done here." - No, not at all. - We're like running behind. - I'm here for the committee release. But I always felt like you should find the thing in your life that you like doing that gets you in trouble with other jobs. - Oh, that's good. - Like a job that you're bad at, whatever you do to kill time, push your life in that direction. - Yeah, exactly. - Just got like, for me it was always, 'cause like I said, the Alaska thing was, but I was a waiter, that was the thing I did. I was always a waiter, always working at restaurants. And my favorite thing were smoke breaks or being at the hutch making people laugh. And I was like, "That's just my energy." And then podcasting. - That stand up. - Yeah, and podcasting is the smoke break. - Yeah. - But dude, even when I was bartended in weighted tables, same exact thing. Like that's the favorite part of that is making all your coworkers laugh. I would go to the sometimes and be like, "I'm gonna be Irish all night." Like, "You're gonna go to all your tables Irish?" I'd be like, "Fuck yeah." And I'd go there and people'd pick up on it and I'd be like, "Well, I've been in the States a little while. It's not, you know, getting a little Southern rubbing off there." - That's so funny, you try it. You falling back into a Southern accent. And then someone's like, "I'm drunk, man, this guy." - I can't find it. - I remember one time my friends gave me and I didn't have their table. And I'm over there and I'm like, "Can I get you anything to drink? Some sweet tea or some Coke?" And I just remember looking at my friends or just going like, "What the fuck is he doing?" - Changing your voice or fucking with tables. I got to a point where, you know, I worked at a restaurant in Midtown and the cafe was like cool. This is '07. The cafe was like, cool people would come in on Thursday nights and they would want to be cool and they'd want to drink Patrone and they'd want to be on 3rd Avenue and 50th and 3rd and being like, "You make good money." 'Cause the bills were high, but they were dicks. And I started doing bits to make me and my friends laugh. And depending on who the manager was, I would get away with it. But in the summer, we'd have to put napkins. 'Cause we had metal water pictures. So we'd have to put napkins over the water. So it wouldn't melt the ice in the picture, right? So we'd have these pictures on the hutches with napkins over 'em and then water pictures. And I would do shit to make the others waiters laugh, like I would wait till a guy would pull and then I'd pull the napkin off like it was a trick. Like I was a magician and I was revealing the picture of water so they would like buy and I'd go like, and I'd go like that. But they'd be walking by me and another waiter would be, I'd be doing it for the other waiter. - Of course. - I'd be doing it for that guy. But he'd come by and I'd go like that and he'd be like, or I would, if I knew a waiter, 'cause the tables were pretty close, I would water tables, but I would do it like, I was a rock star, so I'd go, - Table 340, it's been a while since I've seen you. - Yeah, I like pouring the water. And it was in '07 and '08 after the housing market collapsed. - Yeah. - So most of the time, all Euros. That cafe was Spaniards, Italians. - Yeah. - So I could say shit that they wouldn't even, - Yeah. - They'd go, "Huh?" - Right. - But they'd say whatever you want. - But the other way, you know, like-- - They're done, your buddies are done. - My friend Sarah's laughing at her table, giving the specials and I'm going like, - 342, it looks like you need water, no gas. - And they'd be like, "What?" I mean, it is like being, and then that's why when I see comics complain about the road or complain about anything, I go, "Toot, I should be, I should be at a restaurant right now." - Yeah, it's true. - I should be going through the specials, appreciate. - Yeah. - I shouldn't be able to just set my own schedule. - Dude, I remember whenever I was in, I grew up a wrestling kid just like you did. - Yeah, dude, check it out. People sent me action figures about it. - Oh, that's awesome. - Yeah, dude, and I'm like, "Dude, don't stop." - So I said, "Don't stop now." I used to give people switch in music in the restaurant, like my managers and shit. And dude, this one day, [BLANK_AUDIO] Like at the end of the day when they just poured buckets of water on the floor to mop it. Yeah, dude I gave him some sweetja music and soaked his watch like it was all on my foot when I get it You do the full kick-up. Oh, yeah, and slap my lip. It sounds like it. Yeah, it's the leg slap for all you wrestling fans turn heel So that's what I do. That's what I do on the road Asagolo we were in Cleveland my phones in my pocket so I can't do it But we're in Cleveland and the way the green room is at hilarities is you come out the back And it's like two hallways like this, so people would come around the hallway Oh, if they'd go to the bar and it'd be like Jimmy Graham would be I'm seeing and you come around I got like oh my god, that's so to just turn to you And I do the kick you know we went to Ron. I showed Katie that she didn't know that's how they did it Oh, yeah, and I said that to her and she went I wish you wouldn't have told me that dude I got a buddy like my best friend got really into it like hardcore holly and a few of those other guys are from Mobile and they started like a little wrestling school down there and he went to it like when we were in high school So he learned all these bullshit drinks to tell me about. I love that. Yeah, so I got to know I do I would do this to all the little like 90 pound girls and all the dudes would be laughing They go what the fuck is your problem? I was like that was that close to your chin dude my buddy One of my closest friends Vic. He was like my old roommate big Mexican dude huge wrestling fan He got me back in when I he was out from 18 to 23 He was like my guy that brought me in back in a wrestling But we were at our friend Greg's house and this is in Tucson and we're just chilling there and Vic could do the open palm They oh, wow, and he just he just chopped Greg out of nowhere and Greg was like what the fuck We were talking about that a couple months ago, and I saw both of them in Tucson and it was like hilarious because he just went like He did the Andre the giant. Oh, yeah, like a ball like a bear ball Yeah, get the chop like that so you're back into it now. I mean, I've been back into it since I was 23 So then like it's been 20 years of been back in. Oh, yeah since since oh six though So I recently I got invited to go to like summer slam like two years ago. So when it was in Cleveland Yeah, yeah, and I was watching it and it's so crazy because like when I was a kid and I realized it wasn't real I was like oh god damn it my whole childhood's a lie Holy I would say usually like the probably 10 right in there 10 11 range. Yeah, somewhere in there And then it's great. Yeah, yeah, and then I came back to watch this and the funniest part about it to me was like now You're appreciating the athleticism the movements right all of it. That's what you're watching. I can't move But it's so funny to watch another guy who's 40 something years old and he's like turn around Give me a fucking break, but that is in every wrestling fan It'll tell you is that there's an unspoken agreement when you walk into that arena that we're all gonna treat this like it's real Yeah, that's why it's such a great environment for kids. Oh, it's a great great. They go in and they go like they see adults Pretending without telling each other or making each other feel bad for it because I think that's what non wrestling fans don't Understand is we know it's fake right don't don't piss on us. I will We're just gonna have fun. I will say people in Alabama didn't like my grandpa was shaved his head because it's Don't cold Steve Austin like I mean he would literally be watching raw with us and be like that if somebody talks shit to Stone Cold Steve Austin my grandpa would be like he couldn't whip a picture Stone Cold Steve Austin But you know why is because we're a different generation now now Worthy adults that understand what marketing and work is oh yeah, I think like I think your grandpa my parents Generation was the last generation to go like you know Rick flair is incredibly wealthy Sure, but I think he also probably owes a lot of money to the tag You know the real thing of it like they would go like it you know I think it all comes down to that story of iron chic and hacksaw Jim Duggan getting caught smoking weed together in a car Yeah, and they were doing like a big feud and they said like that was the thing that killed Like wrestling being real to adults. Well that and Curtain call right current. Yeah, exactly exactly, but like you could have told my grandpa that and he would have been like I don't fucking know how pretty damn you know Everybody now of Emma thought everybody on TV was a millionaire like if you're on TV you're fucking you're rich You made it. I don't think they're wrong. I think at a certain point Like up until like to 60 when there was like four channels before maybe that's you're like that That's probably got money and you're like, but you know what's interesting about that is we get older and we look back to like how the Because like you just making videos you just going like oh, that's funny I'm gonna do that and then making it and having it up within how long is it like a week? Did I make a video sometimes it depends so like if I if it's just like a regular skid I can get it done pretty quick so the whole thing editing and all might take me an hour That's see that used to be like you had to go to a Yeah, exactly. You had a set you had to go get well who's gonna be able to set exactly are you gonna film this? Somebody's gonna get audio and this is all money This is all money and then you realize all those people on TV as I was talking about this recently in episode They have like contracts with studios. So it's like that big house. They live in as the studios house Yeah, that's not their house. They're good. They need a salary from the studio and you're like Oh, it's way different now. So wrestling wrestling back in the day. They're like junkyard dog beat up anybody and you go It probably in the south, but if he went to like Minnesota I bet they'd make them lose to like whoever their to whoever their champ was. Yeah, of course the North Carolina He's probably gonna lose the flair of course, and they had to like protect that and then now you're kind of like Now we're all gonna choose to pretend Take it. Yeah, well, they should. I mean, that's what keeps it alive. It's the best It's the best. I got new an argument with a nine-year-old that I didn't know at Summer Slam 2016 I probably know what you're gonna say. Go ahead. It's what we argued about it was Cena versus AJ styles. Yeah and Cena's music hit and that's when the crowd because now they act like everybody loved them sure but in 2016 the chance was John Cena sucks John Cena sucks and then the Counter-chant that happens in wrestling where they go John Cena and so there you go John Cena sucks John's and me and this kid were Doing it back and forth because he turned around and saw me and he was like I've had multiple sporting events for talk shit to children So he was like he was like John Cena and then I was like John Cena sucks He's doing like that old. He turned heel. Yeah, and then a John Cena won the match in the kid look back and I went like and he was like You saw this kid have this moment where he's like yeah, he told all his friends that he was like yeah, dude This guy was cheering for AJ styles, but you know, yeah, it's perfect. That's the fun part of wrestling It is it's just going like nah, man you got one Dude, what I get into arguments with kids with about wrestling is like They don't understand and they try to tell like there's no I can say it all day long There's no way to convince them of the pandemonium that would happen when the glass would break And stone cold Steve Austin would come out and I will see if he had an Instagram then he'd have a billion followers I will see your glass breaking stone cold, which is true. Yeah, I'm a one pop moment in the world, but Being eight years older than you You don't know it was like when Hogan's thing see but I won't argue that I will agree with you I mean after everything what I've also had a billion followers on Instagram Hulk Hogan shit hitting that Oh, yeah, I can only imagine as a child. It made me understand Pentecostal churches It would lift me to spirit would lift me Hulk Hogan on Saturday night main event and some shit's going down, especially the mega powers Listen, when you're a kid you love Hulk Hogan. Yeah, you grow up to love Macho Manor Andy Savage Because you realize Savage was the one that was selling it that was doing the entering work Right he was the reason that mega power thing was perfect. Yeah, Hogan just had to be the all-out good guy right exactly all the time Oh brother, I'm just trying to help you. Macho Man was jealous. You got jealousy in those eyes But it was like shit that isn't an adult You understand way more true. You go dude if my buddy was hanging out in that girl and touching her small back. I go What are you doing exactly? I'm a macho fan. Yeah, but as a kid Hulk Hogan's a good guy. You just leave him alone Let's just not bring them up to Johnny Jones But it is like you see that and you go oh that story telling for adults I always liked cartoons that when you watch them they were like the Simpsons Yeah, the Simpsons you could get into as a kid But you also realize it's making your sense of humor better because the jokes are for adults exactly story lines like the mega powers Colliding is like oh you get that as an adult. You're like I'm in jealous. Right. We'll do this a bunch They all that shit that you watch as a kid like I Watch stuff way above my age grade like when I was growing up like is that happened anymore? I that's what I was gonna say and I think that really sharpens all your con because you even the jokes you don't understand You like my dad laughed at that what the fuck that was the biggest thing for right and you're just sitting there like so That's funny. I got to figure out what the fuck that means. I remember watching my dad laugh to Rodney Dangerfield Yeah, and I didn't under understand the jokes, but I understood that he was funny and watching how hard he made my dad laugh. It was that HBO special where he had the young comics up. We would watch that all the time where he has like young Bill Hicks, young Kinesen, it's like, you can watch him. There was a series they did on HBO with Dangerfield hosting at Dangerfields in New York. And it's like, it's just him at the club and he's like, just killing and I watch my dad to be like, yo, he's laughing. Dude, that's how I felt when we watched Martin, like when you saw Martin with my dad, maybe rolling off the couch laughing. I was like, this is the funny. He's fucking did a laugh. Martin, funny wise, gets overlooked so much. Oh my God. It's hilarious. And you go back and watch it. It's still funny. Yeah. They play it. It's that golden girls are the two most rewatchable shows. Martin Roy. My wife's favorite show is Golden Girls. We go to bed to it every night. Yeah. It's on hallmark every night. She puts it on her phone to go to sleep too. Yeah. That's really, we do the same thing. And every night without fail, Katie will go, God, the fits. She's like, she's every time, because whenever they're a nightwear, they're always like, they got like three letters on it. Yeah, dude. They look good. Yeah. All of them have different but good looking outfits because the golden girls was the thing I would watch with my grandma that we both could appreciate. Right. Exactly. Because it was just so funny. It was. It really was. I see that. I see that one. That's hilarious. Betty White telling that joke to Blanche. I call her Blanche. I don't see. I usually call them all by their names. By their show names. I mean, like Dorothy's on one today. But I don't know if they do that anymore. I think that's a disservice to children is make him. I agree. My dad used to let me watch Mel Brooks movies because he was like, you probably won't get the jokes now. You get older. Yeah. Like young Frankenstein. I didn't get three forces to joke when I first started watching it. No, even shows that were kind of like in the middle like watching Ace Fincher, a pet detective or like when Nature calls. I mean, that blew up. I was 11 years old when that came out and movie theater and I would tell you that phenomenon. Two things that weren't the internet wasn't around to watch people overkill. R3 was Rick, I'm Rick James bitch because as it as a huge ship hell fan. The first time I heard someone scream Rick, I'm Rick James bitch, we're at a bowling alley. Stringing beers, bowling and I heard it and I was like, it eats, it eats, found out about Dave Chapelle. Yeah. He was out about him. He was our best kept secret. Yeah. It felt like a band Ace Ventura coming out in sixth grade and kids talk, trying to talk like Ace Ventura. Yeah. It was an epidemic. I bet it was. At middle schools. Yeah. Kids going like, oh, I called the second one first. Great. It holds up. It was amazing. And then the one that really, really, really shook the world was Beavis and Butthead. Yeah. And when I was in sixth grade, it came out. See, did you ever heard, is it Mike Judge? Yeah. Did you ever heard him talking about the old voicemail he got, of how he got the voice for. Butthead? I can't remember. It was a voicemail from this guy. No, I think he's talking about how he got the voice for Boom Hour. And it's this guy. No. It is a Beavis and Butthead. He's calling how he don't like. He doesn't like Beavis and Butthead. Yeah. He's complaining about it. But it gives him the voice for Boom Hour. Oh, because that was his really? Yeah. So he calls, and he's like, every time I thank old Porky's butthole comes on, man, I just can't stand it. He thought Beavis and Butthead was called Porky's butthole for whatever reason. So then he saved that voicemail and turned that into Boom Hours voice on King of the Hill. Yeah. I put him at my, if you could have dinner with five people, it'd be Matt Trey. Mike Judge would be three of them. Oh, yeah. Well, that's you. You've knocked it out of the park already. Matt and Trey. And Mike Judge. Those are some of my favorite bloopers ever. That's what's great about Instagram. Yeah. So you get the reels of Trey doing the voiceover because you've, the first time I saw them do that was the documentary six days to air. And they're doing the human Sennepad episode, probably the most famous one. Yeah. And it shows them writing it in like Trey, I've watched that documentary so many times, but Trey like hates it. Yeah. Or he doesn't think it's that good. He doesn't hate it. He's like, doesn't think that's good. But it shows him doing the voiceover where he's doing the Japanese business man. He's like, he's like, Oh, Kyle, do you want me to eat Vanilla paste? Oh, Kodufish. And then it's, it's Matt laughing going, we're doing it as Kenny and he goes, Kodufish. Yeah. That makes me laugh. Oh, dude. That one and the one where it's him and Bill Hader and he's talking, he's also doing another Japanese voice. He's like, apparently China and Japan are separated by a huge body water. Oh, really? And then they put it to it. Yeah. Uh, that was always, I remember the, um, family guy was like a weird thing because family guy, when it came out, it was on, then got canceled. Yeah. And then it got brought back on. But it made a lot of money. It was the first internet hit that brought it back because, uh, Kazaa or Kazam, what was it? It was Kazaa. Kazaa and like those downloads, you could download more and all that shit. Download full family guy. Yeah. We used to smoke shwag my freshman year college, shout out to the errands. You'd go over to there, they had like, uh, off campus dorm where you could like, we could smoke weed when you get in trouble. Sure. And we'd go over there and they would, he would bring it up on his computer and he'd be like, you want to watch this cartoon family guy and you're like, dude, this is the best. Right. And then the first time I saw Seth McFarlane in the voiceover booth, I noticed he did his Peter out of the side of his mouth like the way he goes. Right. He actually kind of looked like Peter when he was doing it. Jesus. I don't know. Lois. Yeah. Like that shit. You're a voice is like, doing accents and shit, you watching you go, oh, that's how they do. Right. Right. I love hearing people explain how they do it. Like Frank Caliendo. That was just going to bring him up. He's the best of, I mean, Caliendo, I brought up Jay Farrell and the Bobby Moyan. I missed not saying Frank Caliendo. Oh, did he? Caliendo is. And he explains how he does it. You'll be hearing him talk about going deeper in his throat and shit like that. I was like, Hey, damn. I've never thought of it like that. I always just sit down and keep trying. Yeah. He's cool as hell too. Is he? Caliendo is the man. I was doing a show at the Tempe improv and he came by and he says, awesome. I love that place. Fun room. Yeah. He came by and did a guest set. And I was like, I was like, I used to listen to your opian Anthony John Madden clip. Oh, my God. It's so good. When he used to call in his madden to ONA, he'd also do, I mean, he was, he's just the best. He did a, he does one of my favorite things where he does a video of voices doing Star Wars. He does like Michael Keaton is Yoda. That's great. And it's perfect. Yeah. And you're like, I bet it is. How did you get there? I love it. But he does like the sniffle. He goes, dude, do you ever have voices where you, you can say a few certain words right and you're like, I just cannot fucking nail this. That's me with an all-striving accent. I can do like raw and stuff like, but when I go to talking, I'm like, dude, what is going on? I, I've, you know, I, I think I've made a career out of being a fraud because I think I only can do like four or five sentences in each, that's me. Yeah. When you go to talk, unless it's like a forest gun or something or sling blaze. Yeah. Macho man, Paradise PD just let me cut promos in the voice booth. Yeah. So that was the one where I could stay in it. But every other thing I've tried, yeah, your macho is the best I've ever heard. That was that. Thanks, man. I don't know. That was the best I've ever heard. Truly bored of sitting there. My brother, look, my brother's not like big into like watching stand up like the way I am. I told him I was doing your part and he's like, uh, he's like, dude, get him to do a macho man. He's like, hey, does he do anything else? He just stand up. I was like, yeah. Yeah. But I'm fine with that. I like wrestling fans when I go to a bra on shit. I bet. I'll be like, macho man. And you're like, yeah. And it's been cool like, um, I got put in that A and E biography because I'm such a big macho man fan. Yeah. And, um, the guy that made it made like the you, he made, he's awesome. Billy Corgan. He's like awesome director. And, but he, he edited the documentary in a way where it looked like I took the death of macho man very lightly because if you watch the documentary, it's a very serious part of the documentary where they're like, we lost him, he died or whatever. And then it cuts to me and I'm like, dude, what a bad ass way to go out. He had a heart attack and drove his Jeep into a tree. What a bad motherfucker took two things to kill him, took a car accident and a heart attack to kill him. Yeah. You couldn't just kill him with one thing. And a tree. Dude, that documentary came out and I had real heat with wrestling fans like death threats. People, people up in my shit, people threatening that docks me and I'm like, dude, I don't know. And then the coolest thing happened, which is the wrestling world responded with people like Eric Bischoff was on his podcast being like, hey, a lot of you guys are mad at this guy. Leave him alone. He said the coolest thing in the world. He goes, I knew macho man in real life and I worked with him for years. He would have loved that that guy. That's the coolest. Yeah. That guy put him over. That's what he said. He goes, he put him over. He made him look tougher. He goes, macho would have let, he was like, Randy would have let his documentary with that because it put a put a put a put a bullet and I was like, cool is compliment ever. I was in a hotel across the street from the Columbus funny bone and someone texted me that and I listened to that episode and I was like, I'm in the NWO motherfucker. Damn right. - Dude, that got me to join the NWO, dude. - The most hype I've probably ever got was when Stone Cold liked one of my videos. Coolest fucking thing ever happened to me. - I'll tell you right now, he's the man. When we did Dan St. Germain and I wrote a cartoon that we sold the peacock with Steve, so we would get on Zooms with him. And the first time he pops up in a Zoom, it's like, it's the same way I felt the first time I saw Jerry Seinfeld in person. Where it's like, I've watched you for so long, and you've been such, I've watched you and I was sick. I've watched you and I was happy. I've watched you and I was sad. I've watched you to all these different things. You've been a part of my life. The way old like Stone Cold matches are like the way that I watch Seinfeld. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's put it on and you lay back. - Yeah, I watch an old Stone Cold documentary in a heartbeat. - Love it. - Yeah. - So the first time I see Seinfeld, I was like, holy shit. - Yeah. - He was like walking down the street up into the comedy club and I was like, oh my god, that was fucking Seinfeld. Was the first time that Stone Cold popped up in the zoom. It was during the pandemic and I was like, yo. - Did I have been transported back to being eight years old? - So the funniest thing my mom said, we were on a notes call with him. Where he was like telling us what he liked and didn't like, we were writing the show. And it was Christmas and I was at my mom's house. And it was like two days before Christmas and I'm on the phone with Steve and Dan and Steve, like I know, fucking Stone Cold and St. Germain. And he's giving us notes. And I get off the phone and my mom's like, I swear to God, you were 12 years old again. She was like watching you, buzz around the house, on the phone, 'cause I was just like, yes sir. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, 'cause he's like-- - No argument here. - One of the things is he was like, y'all got me driving a Jeep. Not, I'll drive a Dodge. I'm gonna drive a Dodge, big Dodge truck. And I go, okay. - And with Kawasaki's side by side on the back of him. - Yeah, like stuff like that, we're like, okay, and he go like, when you go, yeah, like under his breath, he went, (laughs) it was very cool. He was really, and then like, that's like the shitty part about like the entertainment industry is like, I got to talk to him for a little bit and then the project. - Yeah. - As it dwindled away, you're like, he but diled me once, 'cause I'm in his phone. - Yeah. - And he's in my phone is Steve Austin. - That's exactly what he'd be in my phone as. - How embarrassingly fast I called him back. (laughs) - Katie tried to stop me. I go, oh, Stone Cold. - How you were breaking up, I couldn't hear you. - She was sitting next to me and I go, Stone Cold, Ms. Cole from Stone Cold. And she goes, it might be, she couldn't even finish butt dial and I was like, hello? - Yeah, this is it, there you go. - Come on back. - I'll be back. It is with the voicemail and you're like, fuck. - You don't even tell her, it's Stone Cold? - Steve, hold on, hold on. - Hold on, it's the Ralph Snake. - Steve's, yeah, the Ralph Snake's calling me. She was Lewis, Jay Gomez, and you go, no, that's the Puerto Rican Ralph Snake. - Yeah, but I mean, when you started make, what made you start making video sketches? Were you just like watching them online and you're like, I got an idea for one. - So I'll put up a video my wife making fun of her one time because every now and then she'll say something like really country, I don't know where. - Yeah, those videos are great. - Yeah, she sounds like everything she said has been deep fried first. And so I put it up and it got like 10,000 views, which when you have nothing is like crazy. - Yeah. - You feel naked. - My mom is a star and I was like, well dude, fucking old Southern men are way funnier. - So I just started doing like jokes that my grandpa would say. And then once those took off, I was like, I'm gonna start doing skits. And I just started writing skits. - Yeah, yeah. - You know what it is, man? It really is a thing where a lot of, I think you can sit and complain about like, there's no industry, there's no gatekeepers or whatever, but what it does do is it gives creative people an immediate like, platform. - Yeah. - And it's like, I think it makes you feel Alabama. - Yeah, yeah. - That's what I'm saying. By the way, you know what's so funny is, I feel like I have to say mobile. I have to sit 'cause when I go mobile. - Yeah. - My Colorado accent go like mobile, mobile, mobile, mobile. I feel like I'm like, you know what my mom orders wine. Sometimes she'll do a, she'll be like, I get this something you don't belong. - Oh yeah. - You like, don't do that. - I can't even try. - I feel like that's how I do when you say mobile. I go, "Mobile, what am I doing?" - No, that's right. - You're saying it 100% correct. - I know, but then I go, I feel like. - And you know, you know. - The funniest part about that is, you know it was mobile. And the people down there is like, "We live in Maubeel," and they're just stuck. - New Yorkers do it with Houston Street, and they go, "It's Houston." You go, "Don't do this to me." - Yeah, no, don't do this. I've grown up my whole life calling it Houston, Texas. - It's so hard. Nobody says mobile that's not from a mobile. - Yeah, that's why I feel like it's like almost, I feel like a poser. I'm like, "Mobile." - But do you not tell people mobile is the only part of Alabama that looks like that? 'Cause it's on the bay. - Okay. - The little, you know, Alabama's got a little like nut sack down there? - Yeah. - That's like Alabama Florida line. - Yeah, exactly. So like, we're the only part of Alabama that's got a beach in the bay and all this shit. So we look nothing like the rest of Alabama. - And it really is, you guys are more like a Florida look down. - Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. - When we went down there for Burt's Tour, we did the show down in like, at Florida, Alabama. - Oh, yeah, like at the Florida, Alabama. - We went to Florida, Alabama. We went to the bar, Mark is doing did a show. - It's awesome. - Yeah, but I was like, this does feel just like Florida. - Yeah, it's the same. - It's like a beach. - That part of Alabama feels the same as Florida. - What is the cut off for Alabama Auburn? Is Auburn, is that geographical or is it just choice? - Yeah, all over the place. Like my mom and brother Auburn fans, the whole rest of the family, Alabama fans. - What is that? 'Cause I don't think people realize that that is a, I could talk about Colorado, Colorado state all I want. But you bring up, like I went to Arizona. We hate ASU. - Sure. - The state isn't really divided by it. It's more like. - That's it, it's not like a, yeah, the schools are like an absolute, and I'm sure like a little circle around them is, but the rest of the state is just like, pick one. - Is that how you figure out? You go like, they'll go like, or you go, they'll figure out who is. - Oh yeah, well, a roll tide, you'll, either if you give a roll tide in a room, it'll be like, you'll see the faces. And then there's one guy just being like, you're like, ah, there he is. - It does have to, that's Auburn fan. - If you're an Auburn fan, that does have to suck that your rival has the better catchphrase. - Yeah. - Or the more known catchphrase. - And it's also, it really does suck also that like we've completely fucking dominated. Like, yeah, I mean, saving. - Yeah, it even, like people think that in there are, there's a shitload of bandwagon feds down there. It's like, dude, I was there for all the Mike Chula years. It was awful. - Shout out Mike Chula. - Yeah, I do, I do look Mike Chula. - It is weird. - How long in there back then? - I like hating Alabama when you're good. - Yeah. - I don't like watching you suck, 'cause then you go-- - Nobody does. - It's just poking you with a stick, you go-- - We're blaming it on everything. - Get up. - Yeah. - Get up. It's like the, when the cowboy, it's like when the cowboy's suck. - I know. - I want to hate you. - I'll say Cowboys fan. - Oh really? - Oh God. - But when you guys are good, you're show. - I had my him and Smith Jersey on when I was a kid, I was fucking-- - I'll tell you right now. - 1994, I had real heat for you. - Yeah, I had that. - I was a 49ers fan. - I thought that, yeah. I thought that Cowboys, and then I hated the Packers. It's weird how you go through, like-- - Yeah. - Sports will teach you how to hate people. - It will. - Pretty easily, just like-- - It's crazy. It's like that, but it's like that fucking, I think it's a billbar bit where he's like, just got put on a different t-shirt. - Yeah. - It's crazy, but we do feel that way. - It unites. Sometimes hating against the same team. The way Eagles fans and 49ers fans can go fuck the Cowboys. - Yeah. - It's like, yeah, fuck the Cowboys. - And I have a joke about a high five, is the only thing you can do to a stranger at that velocity. - Yeah. - You can see somebody in the same t-shirt, just hit him as hard as you fucking can. - Smack my hand just as hard as I'm a smack yours. - Yeah. It's like, you can only do that without, you can't return somebody's keys like that that they dropped. - Yeah. - One time, but it is. You know, that is interesting about sports hate, because like, I'm a San Francisco Giants fan, and the Dodgers, you're just on a generational tear with that dog. - I'm a greatest fan, so we hate the Dodgers. - And we used to hate you in the 90s. - We also hate the Phillies. - We hated you in the early 90s. 'Cause the NL West-- - Yeah, of course. - The NL West was fucked up. It was Braves, Giants, Dodgers, Padres, Rocky. Why were you guys in there? The Braves were in the NL West for too long. And then you guys shifted. I forget when you guys shifted. But growing up, the Braves, you guys had everybody. - Yeah, do you know what it means? - Maddox. - When I was a kid, it was like Cowboys Braves, 'cause you know, Alabama doesn't have any pro teams. So you pick the nearest ones, we got the Braves. So then Bulls fans, obviously. - Did you are the sports fan that I hated the most? That was Bulls, Cowboys, Braves, or a later version of it was Yankees Bulls. - Braves are the only ones that makes sense, 'cause they're close to us. - Cowboys, I would give you in the early 90s, the way that I give 49ers to people in the late 80s. We were such a good team that people in the late 80s were like, I'm a Niners fan, they're on all. - Oh, everybody left the Cowboys. - Well, as soon as the Saints won a Super Bowl, they're fucking black and gold everywhere in my bill. - So that's what it is, I'm wondering what the, 'cause you should be Saints fans down there. That's what you should be, and nobody was, 'cause the Cowboys were doing so well in the 90s, and I was born in 90, so Cowboys were everywhere there. As soon as the Saints win, they're like black and gold everywhere. They're making T-shirts that say, "Roll that." - No, you can't do that. - Yeah, it's got like a floor to leave that turns into an Alabama A. - Don't die for your hearing, this thing about that. - Yeah, they did, they did. - Don't put an awesome sauce on something. - Oh, dude, fucking roll that T-shirts everywhere, I was like, where did this come from? - You know, when I lived in Tucson, what was interesting was watching people do anything, but be Cardinals fans, 'cause the Cardinals have always stunk. - Yeah. - So they would go like, well, we're close enough to Denver that we could be the brand, and you're like, you're 16 hours away from Denver. - Come on. - Or they go, "Or Cowboys," and you're like, you're fucking 20 hours away from the house. - But they would just do anything, but be calm. Cardinals fans, which I was always like, "Oh, imagine being a Cardinals fan." You're like, "You're one one staying out with us." - Yeah, exactly. - That's got a suck. - It's got to. - Yeah, that's why as a 49ers fan, it was good for us to lose from like '02 to 2010. 'Cause you really saw who was a 9ers fan, and who was it? - Yeah, well that's anything. It's, you just watch people do it. I remember when, when Steph Curry got popular, everybody's like, "Dude, we're fucking huge." I was like, "Golden State fans, that's what you are." You've been a golden state fan. - Can I tell you, as someone that in '19, I think '93, my dad and my grandma, all Bay Area, all huge Warriors, Giants 49ers. I'm Giants 49ers, and I was like, "You know what? I'm gonna be a Nuggets fan." And I remember my dad's family being like, "What?" And I was like, "Yeah, I'm a Denver Nuggets fan." And they were like, "Okay." And then watching the Warriors go on that run, having my fucking elderly grandmother go like, "Did you see the dubs win?" And you go, "I see you see the dubs win to me." - Just crazy. - That's crazy. That's like, and then, 'cause the Nuggets were, the Nuggets just didn't, and then when we won the championship, she was so old that she's like, "Oh, okay." And you're like, "Oh, I need this." I invested in this for so long, but it is, it's like, "That is a big payoff though." - Oh my God, that champion chip in 2023, I was like, "Dude, what the fuck?" I never thought the Nuggets were gonna win a World Championship. - Well, no, I mean, that's how I've felt ever since 1998. - Yeah. - Like, with the bulls. Like, I'm just sitting there like, "What's this, it'll never fucking happen again." - When you win 'em when you're a kid, 49ers haven't won once since '94. - Yeah, dude, just imagine, like, when I was a kid, Braves, like, we were Braves fans first. Everybody's a Michael Jordan fan in the 90s. - Yeah, that is true. - Yeah, we were doing hard. We're still die hard Braves fans. So imagine how I felt when we won in '21, I was like, "Oh, Cloud 9." I remember being at Stilmill and then being on Night Shift, watching the World Series, and then be like, "Hey, we gotta go up top." And I was like, "Not fucking now." - Not now. - "Not fucking now." - Well, it's not like Denning. - And then you guys gave everybody to the Dodgers. You let the Dodgers sign. - Well, that's the Braves main thing. They try to have, like, farm club. They don't want to pay anybody. So as soon as they're amazing, they just let them go. They're like, "We want more money and they're like, good." - Only two. - And they'll give it to you. - Only two and worse than you guys are doing. That's fucking Boston Red Sox. So I live with it, and now I gotta watch that. - Yeah. - "Give away generational talents." - And I just read today where the guy that's supposed to be our D.A. during some pro-fart, this is his second year in a row. He's gonna be out the whole season for beats. - Oh, yeah, 166, right? - Yeah. - Yeah. - What was that? - Two years in a row? - 166 games for steroids. - Can you see him being like, they'll never catch me this time. - You're talking to a Giants fan. Bring up Balco to me, I'll slap you in the mouth. I don't know what you're talking about. I really do the thing where I do one of the things that I hate the most when someone's wrong, but they will refuse to admit it. That's how I am about Barry Bonds. Where they go steroids, they have never got caught. Never got caught. - Oh, so you're on the side of arguing like that it just didn't happen at all. - Yeah, and I'm just saying like that's it. - Shrunk about to a normal size. - But he's still the greatest. - Dude, he would, if you would have died in 1998. - That era of baseball, man. Like, just, I remember, do you remember the McGuire Sosa run? Like, I remember being there-- - Like years yesterday. - Pandemonium. You're riding Pepsi C in which one you get in shit? - I remember being, to this day, I was jealous of McDaniel having the Ken Griffey juniors. - Ken Griffey junior liked my real though the day, and I almost fainted. I told my wife, I was like, this is the coolest fucking thing that has ever happened to me. - That is the fucking coolest. He has the sweetest swing. - Like, he followed me, and I was like, this is my whole childhood. You understand, my wife's like, you know women, they're like, what the, who? - Well, I'm lucky I live with her, 'cause she's such a sports fan that she-- - That's perfect. - She called baseball for Apple Plus for a year, and she was calling a game. Fuck, I forget who it was. Former player, he was like subbing in, 'cause Hunter Pence was out for the game, 'cause that's who she worked with, and he came in and he was a former met, but she said something about Ken Griffey junior. And on air, he goes, you want a FaceTime junior? And she goes, what? They're calling a game, and he's bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. And then Ken Griffey junior picks up the FaceTime. - Yeah. - She's my wife, no, she's crazy. - My wife knows football, like, she said videos, I've had videos where I just recorded her during a football game and it go viral, and everybody thinks she's faking it. I was like, I fucking wish, I wish. - Obviously, a Bama fan. - Yes, so it's like-- - She actually graduated from there, so-- - Oh, that, yeah. - Yeah, she, it's actually her alumni. - One of the only times I've ever seen Nate Bargates, he's wife angry, and he's nodding right now. Laura Bargates, he, who's the best? Laura is, if you want to know why Nate Bargates, Laura is, if you want to know why Nate's so funny, it's 'cause Laura's equally as, she's hilarious. Her ball busting is top tier, top tier. Joe List, Nate Bargates, and I were watching the Texas Alabama national championship in 2010. - Oh, yeah. - In 2010. - Colt McCoy got her drinking beers at Nate's apartment in Queens, in fucking Middle Village, where drinking beers, you guys are crushing Texas. Colt McCoy is injured. - Yeah. - Joe List half jokingly goes, "Ah, right, come on, Texas, do something, make this a game." The stare that Laura gave Joe, I was like, "Dude, there is no bluffing about this. You're genuinely in trouble." And Joe used to get very anxious when he would drink, and he was like, "Is she fucking mad at me?" I was like, "Fairy." I was like, "She's not even a little mad at me." - There he is. - And he was like, "I'm really sorry." I think that moment to this day might have damaged their friendship. 'Cause she was like, "That's how much she loves Bama." - No, that's my fucking wife. She used to, and I used to tell her all the time, we'd be somewhere watching a game, and it would start getting close. And she'd be like, "Well, let's fucking go. I can't watch this." And I'd be like, "We're not going anywhere." Or she'd be at home, and she'd turn the TV off, and we started losing, and I'd be like, "Go in the bedroom." I want to see this. - She's watched me be too much of a sport. You know, it's happened to both of us, but she watched me be too much of a 49er fan at a Seahawks game in Seattle. With the Niners, and I don't know. I think I might have told the story before, but there was, you remember how I was telling you about the scene? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So this family's in front of us, and they're super nice or whatever, and the kids in a Russell Wilson jersey, this is the last year Russell Wilson was a quarterback for the Seahawks. Jimmy Garoppolo was the quarterback for the Niners, and they're beating us, and the kids like, turn around and talk to shit, and I'm like, "Okay." - All right, A, Z, I'm just like, and then he keeps going, and he's like, "And then we start losing," and I'm like, "Not right now." And the kids like, "Yeah, turn around." This is embarrassing, you admit. But the kid was like, "Hey, you're going to, and I just, "matter a faculty went, "Well, hey, enjoy, enjoy Russ, "because this is his last season with your team." He's hit in the free agent market next year, and Katie went, "Damn." Like, you know what, I was like, "Shit, I'm on my bed, "because you watched it." The kid went like, "What?" Russell also would never leave the Seahawks, and that was the year he went to the Bronx. - Yeah. - And I was like, "Hey, Katie, it was like, "Never when you couldn't handle your cool, "'cause that fucking eight-year-old got in your head." - And remember that, you just think about that kid when they announced it. - Oh, he went, "That fucking man." - Yeah, how the fuck did he know? - That future terrorist? - And you've probably asked it all this way, and it's like, "Russle would never leave, right?" - Guys, guys, guys, but he was already, maybe I don't know, man, but it really did feel like, I don't know if you've ever like, have you ever wrestled with a kid and accidentally hurt him? - Oh, yeah. - That's what it felt like. - Dude, I remember when my friends, kids, where I throw him, and they go like, "Hit the couch." - I remember one time, we were in Montana, I was one of the first years we ever went there, and my uncle's, like, my little cousin, he's probably six. And I pick up this thing of snow that's like this big, and I throw it at him, and it didn't break. - Oh. - Oh, dude. - And I go lift it, I go lift it up all, yeah. A dance side of it was ice, and I was wondering why I was so heavy when I threw it. I lifted up all of them, and there's like blood, and only mundered, and I was like, "Oh, god, damn it." And it's one of those things where you're just like, "All right, I can think of a lot. "Hit me back, quit crying, hit me down to death." - Oh, dude, when you hurt someone unintentionally, the reaction is always the funniest thing. (laughing) One of my best friends, we both played football, he was necessary, I was unnecessary, I was like a backup linebacker, special teams. He was like the captain, starting, and we were playing some dumb game in the street, like teenagers do. - Sure. - And I tripped him, and he got injured, and then I faked my injury, too. Like, "Oh, no, I'm injured too." - I'm injured too. - So no one's mad at me, right? (laughing) But that's how, when you like, do that, you go, "Oh no, oh, my wrist, your kid's bleeding." - Yeah. - No, I'm injured. - You're fine in something else, but you don't want yours to be ice. You're like, "You're just a regular snowball, "written me with this." - But yeah. - I'll pretend it fucking hurt. - Accidentally hurting a child. - I was like, "Oh, dude, my bad little buddy." - Yeah. - So for the rest of the game, I was like, "Yeah, you guys are weird." - Yeah. - He's like, "Shut up, dude, you ruined Russell Wilson for me." - If she had to have been there, you'd just kept ragging him. - Dude, I wouldn't have fought his dad. - Yeah. - He's dad would have been like, "I gotta do something about this." I go, "Oh, I'm saying this, "Marshall Lynch was better with the pills." (laughing) - Kid's like, "I'm not gonna eat you out." - Yeah, dude, that is sports will really make you an asshole. - I know, I've, dude, I'll tell you, I've started caring a little less and less, though. I don't know what it is. - She's getting older. - Hey, maybe. But then I see people wail to the meat that care still just as much. - I don't know. - My, our passion down there is college football. And I think, and I, and I all coming along has been like, - I got damn it. - Watch, now everyone can get paid. - Well, yeah, exactly. - You're by the fuckers. - Exactly. - You guys were paying them for a while. - Did you hear, Coach? quote no codes are on for LSU who's the best they asked him they're like what do you think about then I on everybody getting paid or whatever he said I'll tell you man and you know he's talking he said instead of bringing the money into back door now we just bring it in front yeah same fucking the same thing it's also funny because now it's like you're seeing schools get good that you're like oh they're rich alumni were like I'll just give money because that's exactly what happened go get a corner it's you would think Texas would dominate everything with all this all money like you think that they would be like they're too busy buying data centers yeah we gotta get back to corruption to college football exactly keep it out of regular people's lives yeah just have exactly I want Sam ultman investing in like Stanford our teams to be good yeah you go think you guys do it they got a corner that runs a four one he's invented in a lot it's crazy Justin staggers hilarious follow him on Instagram watch his videos his standup if he's coming to your city it was awesome meeting you dude oh dude thank you so glad you came by huh I'm such a fans and this has been awesome yeah do you thanks for hanging yeah awesome I'm gonna go get mad about sports watch the baseball classic [Music]