ADDRESSING THE VIDEO! -You Should Know Podcast-

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Chime is a fintech, not a bank, banking services, and chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required, terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details. Hey, everybody welcome back to the Usano podcast episode 187, round of applause, please. There we go, there we go, come on. Hey, everybody welcome back to the Usano podcast episode 187. If you're new here, if you haven't already, look below, you see a subscribe button. Press, you're on. If you're given more below than you see a comment section, if you're filled with your name, guess what, even more on going and filled that out, get your good, karma boy, are we on our run? Right now the subscribers are going through the roof, the YSK family is growing and we love it. To everybody that's been in the YSK family for some time, or if it's your first time here, welcome. Hit that subscribe button. Share this podcast with your friends. 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So you better hit that subscribe button and that bell button. Don't want to the rest of the episode. Yeah, these cameras out here snitch it, they would know what, blah, blah, hit on Monday at chopper. That's that red, blah, oh, I got this, blah, sorry, I love that boy too much. We got my bones, you're like, oh, yeah. I got this, blah, you didn't know I didn't know I pretended, yeah, he liked it though, yeah, he's like this. That's not good. Well, a little bit of shock factor first, and can I talk about your son? Let's talk about it. First of all, happy week to you, give me some, happy week to you, happy week, happy week, happy life, happy life, happy wife, take your pants off. Something was he said, hey, let me out of here. It's so long. Those lights are so bright. I look great. Oh, can I say one thing? Yeah, this is about your son. We went to a pumpkin patch with your son, because there's going to be a Patreon video that comes out on Halloween of me and Cam going one on one, pumpkin carving, and the judge is ultimately Malachite Jebadi, Rufus, and Furny, Kennedaya, Kenneday. He is. Yes, yes, yes. Great video. It's a great video, it's over on the Patreon for prime and royalty members, right? Yes, sir. Beautiful video. I am really happy about this video. Yes. Behind the scenes of this video, though, your son was there. He was. He was. Right. This is Malachite's first pumpkin patch. First ever. Beautiful time. Beautiful time. He was in these, what was that? Overalls? Yeah. Overalls. Flamboyant type of shoes. Hey. Hey. Whoa. They were flamboyant shoes. They were furry. I mean, they were. I'm a cute baby. My mom likes to dress me like I'm a grown man already. They were cute little like baby. They were like. They were like. I'm not saying they weren't cute. I thought they were adorable. Oh, then call them adorable. They're adorable. Flamboyant. They're adorable. They're adorable. They're adorable. They're adorable cute little shoes. They're clogs. Yeah. Oh, you know, you. You weren't. Hey. Okay. They went the rep. Pat. All right. Here we go. You need to do better at fathering your son. No. I think that's where we started this episode. Just blink at that. I do. How? Why? You know, I, you know, there's a bit of viral clip with me talking about Malachi going to the pool. All right. Yes. And I was talking about y'all. I don't like the way y'all dress him to the pool. Yeah. I don't like it. Very white. Yeah. You got to protect the skin. And I made fun of him saying he's an indoor baby. Right. Yes. And all the comments were like, well, one of the accounts that clipped it. They were saying, oh, painting. You shouldn't talk about it. I'm like, that's a baby. But I'm only grows up. Well, I don't care. But you hear that? And now he went to the pumpkin patch, a lot of hay, a lot of grass. Correct. Yes. I didn't know in Malachi's eight months of being on this earth, he's never touched grass. He's touched grass. He's not fully comfortable with it. That's, there's a big difference. How many times does he touch a grass? He's touched grass. He's definitely 100%. No exaggeration. Touch grass. At least double digits. Now, no, no shot. That's not a baby that's touched grass. Double digit amount of time. No. Now, listen to me. Like, you ever seen a dog? Like, ears, ears right now. Big ears. Just to prove that he's wrong. I put on those shoes and they try to walk around the house like that. That was Malachi as soon as he touched a grass. And I guarantee, after the 10th time, that dog's still not going to like it because they feel contained. They feel it. They feel un-human, un-dog, un-canine. So Malachi and the grass, this is my son, my backyard, my house. I know how many times he's done it. He has been, he has been taken and set on his tush in my backyard. Big tush. Big tush. Big old man. Big old man in booty. He's got that little crack. Crack on the baby. Long crack. It goes up to like the L3. Yeah. We should get that. Checked out. I imagine it means he has a lot of s---. He might be going to come eventually. Now, see? Now, this is where y'all need to go to hell because you sick goblins? Clean your mind. Correct. It's like almost like, oh. These cam ones out here snitch it. They with a rat pack. Baaah. Here we go. What I was saying, my son has 100% touch grass double digit times, more than 9, less than 100. But he doesn't like crawling in it yet due to multiple reasons here. Majority of his grass touching days came before his knees. It came before he crawled. He was a mobile. It was kind of just plop him and sit him. He looks cute. Son hits his face. Take a couple pictures. Take him inside to his stink. God bless. But now. Right. Now, this is probably one of the first times he has fully sat and touched in a grass with optimum mobility. OK. Doesn't like it. Doesn't like it. He didn't like it. He didn't cry loud. God. So I reprimanded him for that. And he sold a good part of what we had going, but don't worry. We fixed it. We fixed it. Yeah. My kid, he's not going to be nothing wrong with all the indoor babies. Your kid is a, your kid is a pre-Madonna like nebo baby. He is. Because whenever I brought it up to you as a brother, because I can say things to you that majority of people can't. I can be real with you. If you, if something's not right, I'll tell you. Correct. All right. So I'm like, hey, bro, fix my nephew. I don't like that. Like, as soon as you go home, blame out on some grass and make him nap there, right? And you go, I go, he's ever been outside. Cam goes, yeah, he's been outside in his stroller with the fan in it. OK. That's on walks when it's hot as hell in the sun's bright. Again, my son is a vampire, extremely pasty. Now let's go back to the statistics, right? Yeah. You said in his eight months of life, he's not good on grass, right? Eight months, pretty small sample size, right? Yeah. A year and maybe a couple months, he starts talking and maybe a year later, he can fully form sentences and he goes, Uncle P, why did you complain about me as an eight month phone grass when you, when you're 28 and you can't swim and you don't like water, 'cause I'm more black than you, Malcolm. And he goes, skin color doesn't matter when it comes to swimming in the water. Oh, let me tell you something. Oh, let me teach you. No, but I'm just saying, 'cause whenever I was eight months old, I was already, I was already doing outside activities. Oh, 'cause you can just, Bing, bam, boom, recall the memories. Oh, I remember when I was eight months old, oh, it was a great time. No, I don't remember it, but I have photos. I had a petting zoo and I was eight months old. I was at a petting zoo. Like I was eight months old. inside with the animals. - Okay, now this is getting fascinating. - 'Cause he literally, at that pumpkin patch, was in a petting tree with animals at eight months old. - I was in the chicken coop. You were holding him next to the pigly wiggly. - Okay, well they had their chickens hostage. They were in that little house. - They did have a little house in the chicken coop. - So I put him in the house. He was right next to that goat named Titan, or whatever's named. - Oh, Titan big goat, dude, that was a creepy goat. - Weird goat, weird goat. - I go without horns as a goat, I don't like it. I don't like a hornless goat. You just look like a coward and you're gonna slime me. - Yeah. - Oh, I don't like it. Goats are so unpredictable. - Do pumpkin patches give you racism vibes? Now let's just talk about things on where they're at. Slightly. - It's putting them where they're at. - It's just, it's something about it. - Majority of things, dude. - I really can't, okay, well. - Like Sonic, whenever they used to roll their blade up to you, I was like, that does not feel relevant now. That doesn't feel like of today. You understand what I'm saying? - That doesn't feel of today. - But, I also don't immediately go, that's not right. - That's a little hateful. No, I just think, I'm like, why the fuck do you roll the blade? We got little robots with faces driving meals to people and you're on roller skates. - Like, oh, and like cracker barrel? Everybody that works or goes to a cracker barrel, their favorite holidays for the July. Like a hundred percent. Like not Christmas, Halloween, things give it. Fourth of July is their bread and butter, which is fine. But you got to understand the connotation that comes with that. For their second favorite Columbus day. - Pierce, I do not call me on Columbus day. I'm not coming in, I'm not working. It is the day of arrest. - Is this the day that I were found in Fountain? That my (beep) and a lot for us boys. You're just not appreciating this shut up, Pierce. - You should know podcast. - Okay, how is your week, Baba? - Oh, I love you, Pierce. - Anything that went on that you wanna tell me about? - We'll tell the audience about. - Oh man, off rip, I got a story for you. - Say something. - Okay. - Why don't you say something? - Why don't you make me say something? - I'd make you stop saying something. - One-on-one fight without fists, who went? - You and me. - No fists. - Me. - No. - Paid. - Without fists? What does that mean, like we can't use our arms? - Yes. - Like they're tied behind our backs. - Like this? Oh me. - You think. - Cam, I art, you're not trained in any kicks and I have a battering ram as a skull. - First of all, it's the beginning of it. - I would head butt the fat of you. - No, no, no, your head is a registered weapon at the end of that. - Oh yeah. - I'd break the bridge of your nose to be shattered. - Okay, but first of all, eight minutes into the episode. - Yes. - Get early in the morning. Why are you thinking about imminent violence onto me? - No, it's kind of like a quick thought. Just passing through. I wanted to give it to you. - I feel like you have been more violent towards me recently. Like you've been wanting to, like when I walk past the city, you're like, that, like you'd buck at me now. - But 100% I would win. Because already when we wrestle, what do I do? - I would love to hear this answer. When we wrestle, what do you do? - I bite. - Okay, yeah, exactly. - So I'm already gonna bite. My arms are behind me. - There's a lot to bite. - A lot of meat to bite from. - I'm like, I'm gonna go this roll. No, this one. Ah, that one's here. Ah, that is f---. I get to the gut, someone's sore. You go, God, he just started taking bites. Okay, there's no arms. So you're going to charge me like this. - No, I'm gonna get in and go. - And I knocked your f--- with my head. - Yeah, crooked. - Your head is gonna be the biggest disadvantage. I mean, your head regardless, even in a normal fight. - You lose. Oh, yeah. Oh, someone would hate for me to head bottom. I mean, right there. - It's the worst. - Top of that little heart point right there. Just right to your f---. - I'm glad years of you denying how disgustingly violent in larger skull is. Are you finally come around? - No, that's not true. Now, if I was the average height of the average United States male with this noggin, I'd be in history books now. - Oh, yeah. - Because my body continued to bless me and grow in my favor. And the head remained the same ever since I was 13 years of age. - What body part? - Stop growing. - Stop growing. - No, we're just kidding. I go, I go sophomore in high school. It's a big subject. (laughing) Just kidding. - Wait, win does? Okay. - Okay. - No, we can get into that. - Anatomy with YSK. Anatomy with YSK. Here we go. - Okay. - Sell your Johnson. - Yes. - Win. - Yeah. - Win is it done? - You know what's crazy. - You can grow until we're like 25. - Yeah. - Apparently. - I don't think he grew in the 20s. But I don't know. - You want me to be honest with, yeah. - I don't think, I think I'm the only penis on earth that doesn't have a regulated size. - No. - Can I say this? - No, no, no. - Everyday I wake up. - No, no, no, no, no. It's so different. And then indifferent like parts of the day. Like it's just, there's no sense of consistency. If you like, somebody would ask, like come up to me with a million dollars. Be like, how big is it? I was like, what time is it? - Yeah, what day is it? - I don't know. - It's like Keno Dirtotin. You're hitting that mystery box. - Who's Keno Dirtotin? - You get an M60, you get an M16, you little oozzy. - In that one morning, you get that ray gun. And you go, where is she? You go, come here. It's the best day. You gotta see him today. You gotta talk to him. Keno Dirtotin is a map of zombie. - Oh, that's some nerd. - Yeah, enough of a, enough of genitalia. Sorry, thank you for that journey. I'm right there with you though. I'm never once like, oh, it's the same everyday. Some days the showers feel real cold. - Yeah. - And some days my body's just hanging low. - Do you understand this whole thing? I started with like, what happened in your week? And you brought it into fighting me and then talking about our anatomy. - So sorry, so my niece's birthday. Coralie, she had a birthday party this weekend, right? We go, beautiful, fun. Good old Daxon, okay? Daxon was a polite young gentleman. He waited for his sister and all of her friends to knock down that old Pinyata. - To those who don't know who's Daxon. - Daxon's my nephew. Coralie's brother, he's younger, he's like four. - Okay. - So you're four year old nephew. Four year old nephew waits for all the eight year olds, the big kids and they're done. They knock the Pinyata, they fight over the candy. He goes, now's my time to shine. - You love it. - Daddy, can I put the Pinyata back up and then break it? - Yeah, sure. Mark puts it back up, he goes, but I need people to watch me. People have to watch me do this. - Okay. - I agree with him. - And I go, oh, I'll bite, kid. - All right, come on. I walk over there and it was the exact, exact same thing that happened in that video on the golf course where the guy is walking up in the guy rear backs and hits his shin with the club. And he goes, made it tears, I literally walk up. He goes, oh, we can't pull it, make it go, I go, all right. So to do that, you gotta, he literally takes the bat and goes, right in my knee, and I literally went, motherfucker, oh, and I'm looking away from it. And he's still just swinging. And I take the thing and I kind of throw a torn. It's an empty Pinyata, it's just like a cardboard box. I throw a torn and he goes, he's trying to fight in and I am just in agony. - No, give him a real bat. It's like, it's plastic, but it's one of those thin plastic ones. So he gives you a little stain. - So he gives you a little stain. - Yeah, yeah. - It's a little stain. - I'm a little stain up, I'll have a bruise tomorrow. - Yeah. - That hurt. So then I am pissed. So he goes, here, you hit it and I go, all right. He gets out the way, I do not strike him with the bat. I take it one hand, I hit it clean in the middle of that Pinyata explodes. - I throw the bat down, I go, shia, and I walked off. It hurts so bad. - He's ordering that adult, right? - Oh yeah. - My mission is to mess with that boy. Every time he sees me, he just walks in and he goes, yeah, y'all been boxing for a minute. - Yeah, y'all been boxing for a minute. - It was hard not to laugh. - Yeah. - 'Cause it was that exact same scene from that video. - Yeah. - I was talking to him and he just. And I went, me, it hurt so bad, bro. - Oh, it was funny. You should know podcast. - So, you had like a wholesome family week and that's great, I don't have those. I don't have family here, but that's great. I had a retribution type of week, all right? (laughing) I like. I woke up the other day to, I kid you not 200,000 notifications. - Oh. - No joke, 200,000 notifications. - Oh. - And the internet finally knows I do not lie on this podcast. Can I say? I told y'all so. I told y'all so. So if you remember like three week, four weeks, five weeks back, I don't even remember when this was. - Yeah, probably. - Three, four. - I told the story about how I went to the mall and this girl came up to me. And she hit on me, like asking for directions to my heart. Fantastic, by the way, it's a great fire line. - Quote on Quote, oh that's fire. - That's fire. Yeah, I'm gonna break down this video because my perception of how things went is not how I looked in that video. - What the fuck, different, different, different man. - Oh my god. - How I wake up, my dad sent me this video, my mom sent me this video, all my friends sent me this video. I just liked and reposted it. - I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. - Why y'all reposting it, okay, so look. So look, so what? See, Robbie's trying to hit on her. So I told this story about this girl hitting on me at the mall. - Yes. - The story did pretty well on TikTok. Like everybody was like, oh this is another one of Peyton's stories. But there's always that part of the internet that's like, oh these guys are liars. They lie about all this. So there was still a majority of those comments under that story, regardless of the story it was. Yeah, all that right a couple days ago the girl who hit on me at the mall just decided to post the video right She didn't know who I was or what the podcast was or that I talked about it so all the comments were like oh Peyton it wasn't lying Peyton wasn't lying and they talked about this on YSK podcast and the girl that took the video was Responding to all these comments being like who the fuck is Peyton? Yeah, and what's the YSK podcast now the way I told the story I told the story how it went right pretty accurate. You could see like almost line for line almost And knowing me in my memory going line for line on something is not a part of my bag. No Seeing that video right three million four million views. No, I think that what is that five million views now? So it's a five six million. It's almost a million lights. Yeah, so it's like five million views in a day Seeing that video has made me realize I look different than I think I do when interacting with people I like that like that is a haunting thing to see It is Holy oh my god dude first of all let's start with the beginning of the video. Yeah me walking through the mall Who the fuck was gonna tell me I walk like that? I've been trying for years. No one said I've been trying for years. I've Stiff up the rock solid. I mean, it's like I'm still in the back brace for middle school. I've been trying dog I'm thinking that I'm looking I'm looking sexy when I'm walking, but reality I'm I'm looking weird right? I'm looking like I'm built together I look like I was put together glued together like they bought me at the Lego store and they put me together, right? And so in my mind Even when I told the story when she goes excuse me excuse me in my mind. I'm like this Yeah, you have even you have more like shrinkage I could have sworn in my mind. That's how I looked and that's how I look at it all times excuse me. I thought I went like this in The video I'm like this. Yeah There's no one told me so much of the bottom teeth show why there's so much Bottom teeth Show When I talk Yeah, how can I help you? This is dude. Oh my god. Don't know and Oh so good. This was four weeks ago before I started like my health journey, right? Well It was it was like four weeks ago. Yeah No one told me I was that thick like in that video it looked like I needed a Nike training bra on like my My yitties were out dog Like she could have played with me like this. She could have been like she could have said I'd direct just to your Like that's what she should have done is played with my My my b-cup she goes directions your heart. No, she goes without your I'm not going she could have been honest Oh, she could have she could have squeezed me Oh So I'm looking at this video like holy shit. I was big. I'm still big. I'm working on it, but I'm less than that now Um, so when and I'm thinking right whenever she's talking to me, right? I'm asking for a direction No, no, it wasn't a blow. I was trying to get this far away from this shoe talking I thought you just not wrong it into that couch As if you have it literally like gurgled your own saliva mix with the liquid and spit it everywhere You've done you've gurgled something mine and spit it everywhere That's too far and and honestly I get I get the discomfort and I'm sorry, all right But anyway, let's go back to this video because this video is Fire right now. We got to talk about it. It's 10 million views. Oh, it's right. So So So like in two days gonna have 30 million views, right? Like just 28 million views video. Yeah, that's about four million likes right now. Have you looked Anyway, so my I'm fat. I turn around different than I think I do, right? I think, right? I have this thing whenever especially like Women are talking to me and I wasn't like flirting with her obviously I told her that I mean, I mean a thing But I like to like you know show a sign of comfort to women, right? I looked them deeply in their eyes when they speak to me. Oh, like I just what I do. That's like a sign of respect to me And so in my mind I was doing that to her and I thought I look sexy like I'm hitting one of these like a soft glaze Yeah, I'm very calm, right? So she's talking to me asking for directions. I think I'm going like this Oh Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I look at the video. I'm like this Yeah, yeah Yeah, go ahead Who the fuck is I checking for? What? No one told me I look like this when I talk to people He said yeah, I'm actually in the I was I was looking for people on the roof is Yeah, I I'm feel like a Bulldog known so I'm a furry black bulldog. That's what I look like. I got an under bite It's a gut and I like what the man and I breathed with my mouth Oh my god I'm like English Bulldog. Oh my god. You're the track to make this bulldog Holy Oh my god, put it on the shirt. Oh my god. Put your face on a bulldog shirt James is going to make that driving now. Oh my god And into top and all off the internet has this beautiful thing where they like to take screenshots of me and you and put them in the comment Now all the screenshots are me standing like this No, I got no direction I gotta do it. What's your name you said I'm a relationship Oh, no, that's fire. No, that's fire Dude that Is I mean that is that's arguably like worst case scenario. Yeah, and it's it's it's good That your word is now more valid to the masses like you know this did happen. There's physical proof Yeah, but when you see a video of yourself dog. Oh, I mean it it who told me I why didn't you say I walk like that I've literally been telling you just like 2018 Like dude you need a homer like you're stiff dude. I've been literally in my mirror practicing my turnaround. Hey, so like I'm like I'm trying to tuck the chin And it's almost like it's almost like you you were like yearning for someone to talk to you because she said hey excuse me Yeah, like you mean it you said oh, yeah, what's up hell you yeah, hey, hey, hey Like dude and I'm not gonna I watch it like eight times me too. It's impossible not to so I am Horrible and this isn't goes to the next person. I'm just like yeah, we're starting. Yeah. Oh my god But you know it see Jay see Jay says about eight words a day He took his eight words to make fun of me. He was like he was like yeah bro. You're Lower half was stiff and it was all over He said he said he said it looks like your feet were planted in the ground with cement You're like rotating Like no, I don't really know me. I'm in a relationship about hold on a quick. Yeah, and why is so much why is so much of this out So much of this is out It's not out. I think okay. Do you do you bow your chest when you walk? No, I'm not intentionally. Okay Okay, that's fair and really not I just I know just move the micro quick and sit up dead straight just sit straight Like you know, oh sorry back not on it like like you're just sitting like right there Oh a lot of pronation Nair at your walk. How about I give you a sexy tune It's the arms it is they're back. You're like you're walking like a rob your arms are back dog Drop your arms complete. Yes. Now. Okay, but from that look drop your arms No, you're just bad, but I love you you're you're your hands are completely back. Okay look now we're back, right How am I So look the thing the biggest thing for you is so I was right your shoulders do pronate very very pronated go forward Yeah, that's from that's very very typical of people that game sit on a desk a lot. Yeah, you're like that. So so you in your instance You're thinking bring my whole arms back in reality. You just keep your arms low. Yeah, but just Should arms low bring your shoulders low. Okay, so go completely normal. Yeah, like no one's watching you just stand you're not impressing Okay, here's our set now just drag that's not even that bad. I think it might be when there's nothing in your hands I think when you're holding something I had I had my phone and a drink in my hand, but that's like hand head Like I don't know. Okay, let's try let's let's try Listen, okay, let's try my turn around hello, right? All right. You're trying to hit on me. CJ we blur my lower back back here. Here we go. It's about to be winner. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. Excuse me. Excuse me. What's up? Oh God. Was that good? Oh, that was way too theatrical. Did you almost fall? Here we go. Here we go. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. Sir, excuse me. Sir, excuse me. Yes, I'm not you. I'm not your mom. I'm not your mom. You dropped your little phone back there guy. Huh? What do you say? These kids want to take a picture with you? You're walking all crooked, huh? I'm not your mommy. Bite me. Loser. Okay. Okay. One serious one. Okay. One serious one. Don't be theatrical. I'm not being just turned around. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Here you go. Don't see Jay. Blur my back here. Here we go. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah. What's going on? Now the twerk. He was bad. He was bad. He was bad. He was a little bit spin. Yeah. Okay. That's my bad. One more. One more. One more. Here we go. Here we go. Excuse me. Yeah. What's up? You knocked over a drink. Oh my god. He can't help himself. Oh my god. He can't do it. Okay. All right. Whatever. I'm going back down. I'm going back down. Aluminum noise. He went long. Oh my god. Well, that's I'm just saying. Oh no. No. He's going to cry. He's going to get in his car. Oh my god. He's going to cry. Oh, you're going to cry. God. You're lower back. Yeah. No. Let me see. Real quick. I love lower back here. Wait. Will you braid my lower back here? You just went from rub to braid in two seconds. Can you braid? No. No. I mean, I've tried on lips hair, not on the fine little little pubicness. Yeah. I'm just saying, bro. It's just how do you get to lock up like that? I'm just saying, bro, like that video made me look at myself. It's so different. No, I that video is one of the greatest things ever. Yeah. It's so funny. But it also reminded me it's like it's like those moments. You said it perfectly. The overarching story 100% true. Yeah. It happened. Yeah. Now when you recall the in your mind. Yeah. Some dramatization came in. You remember things a little different. Yeah. Okay. But you got to understand I experienced it. Not through the lens of of whatever fault or hurt. They're being met a creep glasses. But whenever your mind is going through something, I was going through a panic attack. I was freaking out. I had you thought you had four arms. It's like like dog. I generally agree this with a lightsaber is going at me. But you should know podcast. dog. But that reminded me. It's like the same stare when I was younger. We were at this. It was like a social the job's socials. Dude, what? Oh, mom took me to the deaf social. No, that's not a joke. No, it's not. I'm not funny. The deaf social for the school of the deaf. The teacher deaf. Oh, no, why were you there? Why the hell? What age was this? Oh, I was probably about six. Why did your mother of all of all people on this beautiful earth dry? So I could do that. Shout out to our deaf. Oh, no. Wait, wait, there is the Houston show. Those were blind. But no, they weren't. I go, we used to talk about this day. Oh, my god, I didn't know it was going to be today. I'm so sorry. Oh, but if they're, if they're, if they're watching YouTube videos, yes, then they just saw that or they have the captions either or they have the captions. Oh, man, that's that now that you that's that's something. I'm a change topic real quick. And no, and anyway, but you, but they can't get mad at me. They cannot. That's a genuine mistake. genuine no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's like a bandaid over shot. Let's just calm down. Let's calm down. You put some hydrogen peroxide over a severed limb. The damage is done. Okay. Let's calm down. Sorry, sorry. But what I was saying, what I was saying, oh, oh, I the only now this might get, but the only no, no, no, can not just say I'm from from plan of the apes home. Yes, yeah, because apes communicating sign language, which is, it's impressive, right? That's for a different. Can I say something about that? Go for it. Right. Apes. Well, no. How about say, you as long as you let me talk. No, I'm saying, because I'm saying, I'm saying, as soon as I genuinely want to jump into a fun conversation with you, you're going to be careful racist white man, colonizer. Yeah, that's funny. Okay. Look, the people that train gorillas, right? You know, who's that white lady or she just passed away recently, right? The old white lady that like raised that gorilla to like talk. Oh, I think so. All that into the sign language. How do you get to that point? No, you know, seriously, what like thing about it? And you know, the best part? Yeah. These people are taking classes, right? Yeah, yeah. That are made by other humans. Yeah. With notes from humans. Yeah. Reading from a textbook of humans. Yeah. And then once you do all the human you are officially a zoologist of gorillas. Yeah. And I know that's obviously not how it works, but I'm right there with you. I'm like, at what point, like it's almost one of those things, you have to be in the field. They are like, I don't trust. If someone goes to SMU and studies apes for four years, yeah. It's like, I don't, I really don't care what you say about it. I know you're probably your stats are right. All the theories are right. But it's like, you don't live with them. Yeah. Now some of these people, they're really in, they're like, they're out there. They're in the field. They're in the cages. I'm not talking about the people that study the gorillas, like monkeys. I'm not talking about, I'm talking about the, the people like that get these chimps or like these gorillas as a baby and they teach them how to speak sign language and teach them human things. Like, if you've seen that one gorilla that she was literally just speaking to it and he was responding, but through sign language, like, but, but at a certain point, right? What? I don't know how true that is or is it, or did they just teach it? You're so skeptical. I am skeptical, skeptical. Very. But, right? How, like, I think, and I'm not trying to take away from her study because she seems like one of the nice white ladies, I'll make it nice milk rice, right? And she'll like, you know, rub you. Yeah. She was one of the good ones and rest in peace if she's still, if she's gone. But, I know that's clapping. It's clapping. But like, rest like we do that. Like, she was a good person. No one ever, all right, peace with a clap. Oh, rest in peace. You've never clapped at a funeral? You don't clap at a funeral. Okay. Yeah. If you had a good life, you deserve a standing ovation. Yeah, that's true. But this is getting cultural. No. Oh, oh, really? We sing hymns and cry. That's what we do. And then we eat some chicken salad and everyone drives home. Wait, y'all don't clap at funerals? No, at my at my coach in the sixth grade when he passed away in the entire student body, went to his funeral. Yeah. It wasn't more of a clap, but it was a celebration of life. Yes. Yeah. Right. I'd still didn't clap. Right? We didn't go. No, like, like, you ever had somebody go up there that doesn't take death well. And then they like, just make a bunch of jokes. And it's the funniest person in the world because everybody sat so you could always say anything we're gonna laugh. Yeah. You've never been like, yeah. No. Like so and so. Remember that, how they used to act when they got alcohol on them. Oh, you know what I mean? You've never clapped or like at the end of the funeral, right? End of the funeral shows over. It's not a show. It's not a. It's. This isn't a ticketed event. It's not a show. You don't think I'm. If you don't think if you paid money to go to somebody's funeral, they are car artists. If you pay, if you. Oh, let me get a general admission ticket to go view the dead. No, no, no, no. But let me tell you something. And I'm putting this on camera. Play this at my funeral. If Payton Harden got forbid dies young, right? I'm just saying. If it happens, let's get this on record. There's no free admission. Y'all are paying to get in there. No, no, it's going. It's going on my parents, right? Oh, you're talking about soon. No, no, I'm just saying if anything happens, right? Y'all are paying admission to get in my funeral, right? There's going to be no seating. It's standing in the room only because all the fans are allowed in. Like there's no, like, there's no special service for the fans of family. It's fans are all out. I would say hopefully the fans are like nice and let y'all get to the front. But at the end of the day, who cares? Right? Open bar. Open bar. We're lit. We're lit. Wait, everybody's lit. Open bar. Y'all walk into there. I'm not there. Right? Y'all walk in. Y'all walk into the funeral home. And normally like the body's there in the casket. I'm not There's nobody standing. There's a DJ. Everybody's like right open bar. People are getting drinks people. Cheers. Yeah. Right on the screen. You should know podcasts on a loop. Right. Just loop. Payton's greatest moments. Thin's dumbest moments Thin's dumbest moments, you're seeing their grip. And it's just like, no, no, animal. I don't think no fruit loops do that different flavor. Come on, come on, I don't believe it. I don't believe it, dinosaur. So that's on a loop, right? Everybody's, where's Peyton? Where's Peyton? Light's dropped. (gunshot) Light's dropped, it's dark. It's like the f***** undertaker's coming up. And the best part is everybody's just standing. There's not even seats for them to be in animals. Whoa, what the f*****? Right, drop a slap shot, rock. And then boom, smoke machine. And y'all know my dying wish is what? To get taxidermy. I'm getting wheeled out action position to the abyss by the weekend. While the weekend is descending, doing a half-time performance, we have able test space on the stage rocking the mic as Peyton is coming down the aisle of death like this. (laughs) It's in the front stage. You're like, yeah. And then you get up there. And then you hear, you hear a fake, fakely from the distance. Peers listener. And no! (laughs) There he goes. What? Welcome to the stage. A-go! B! (laughs) Oh! Oh my god, dude. Oh my god, dude. Oh my god, dude. And then he goes, "Dowless Jackson!" For the last time! And I'm getting wheeled out by my favorite bottle of girls. (laughs) Who's a collection of 15 of my favorite bottle of girls? (laughs) (laughs) (laughs) Oh my god, that would be dirt. That's what I want my funeral to be. What the f**k is the point of being sad? You know what I mean? Oh my god, dude. Yes. And then every week you can still do the podcast. (laughs) Oh no. I'm like, no, no. You're like, no. I'm like, my week was good, buddy. You're sitting like this. (laughs) And I go, yes, it's been real stuff. I just have a doubt you hear, man. What do you think? (laughs) You're s**t holding it. I go, you know, I did, to honor you, I actually tried. I actually tried new fruit loops. And, you know, I couldn't distinguish. They all want one flavor. And you're just holding it. Oh, that's morbid. You'll even change the logo to me. (laughs) Like my side of the logo is like this. Dude, that would be-- Oh, man. Oh, and I'm selling merch at my funeral. Oh, my God. Y'all are gonna get rich. My funeral. And I said, it's going to your parents. What did-- You get cuts? Well, no, look. For the people that can't make it, we're gonna live streaming on "Quala Royalty Patreon.com/usionalpodcast" "Quala Royalty Live Stream Only." "Quala Royalty Live Stream #184." (laughs) It's half my funeral. Robbie's trying to love me. (laughs) Oh, my God. We put a mic on you simply for celebratory measures. Right. Halfway through the service, bitch here. (laughs) Now see-- (laughs) Too far. I took it too far. We're surpassing our shots of-- Don Julio at your funeral. There's ghost machines and sparklers and bottle girls bringing the dead to the stage to perform with Abel. And I take it too far. We're selling merch and tickets. First off, where's this gonna be at? We're gonna have a big venue. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jerry's world. Oh, and I can't saw that. (laughs) We do-- Oh, some boots. (laughs) We do it too. We do it the-- Oh, my God. You back tonight. You back tonight. You back tonight. (laughs) Two sold out nights at House of Blues Dows. Pain's funeral. Part one, part two. Y'all changed my outfits up. (gasps) Okay, it's getting dark. It is. See, they didn't like any of that. It's so funny. Hi, I'm joking, guys. Let's all pray for me. Oh, perfect. My snack came. Oh. (laughs) This-- Thank you, Rod. (laughs) Oh, God. That's perfect timing, too. You getting snacks during the podcast? I got your one. I can't eat that. You have to, just for me. Just for what-- What is happening? There's just a-- Go for it. That was a great story. It took a lot out of me. (crunching) What is this? Is this-- Or do we have a taco bell sponsor I don't know about? No. It's just a taco, Root. I'm not eating this. What, you want me to take one bite with me? No. Okay, but they did-- they did something to it. They did something to it. Is this-- Is this Doritos logo? It's a special bite. Wait, wait, wait, wait for me in cheers. Just one-- What is happening? Just wait! We're just taking a taco. Is it my birthday? It's-- It's not your birthday, Bubba. That's February. No, just-- I'll explain. Did we hit like a million subscribers? I don't know about it. No, no, no. Is this celebratory? Just a taco. Cheers. I mean, what the f***? Oh, I mean, what the f***? We could have taken a lunch break. You want another one? Are you okay? I'm great. I mean, record time on that. I mean, absolute record taco time. I mean, I would put you against anybody to throw the taco like that. Like, you were the-- You were the Joey Chestnut of Taco Bell. I mean, like, genuinely, is your wife not feeding you at home? Like, what's-- We had chicken bar last night. So you're full. That was on a full belly. You're crying. No, don't look at my fingers. No, your fingers are didn't scare you. You have the fingers of like a four-year-old. No, yeah, it looks like I made homemade ravioli. Like, I mean, I just wanted to allow you to witness my Guinness World record attempt of the past as to eat a taco. I just wanted you to be here in case I broke the record. I tried. I tried. I think you need to go to vacation. You want to race? Not after-- I got another one. After seeing that? Oh, you know you're coming in second. Cam, I'm not even in a competition. Your mind can go further than you think. Cam, I can't do that. You sure? Yeah. Do you want me to? What's up to you? If you want to race? I got another taco in this bag. I'll do it. I don't really know if I can eat another one that quick. I don't really know if I can just-- Oh, one, two. I really don't want to. Like, honestly, honestly, that was disgusting to watch. No, I'm sorry about the visually. I didn't plan. I didn't really practice too much visually. If you can get this down, if you can get this down in sub four seconds, I'll give you $500 cash. Now, here's very important details and tell you all nothing in the mouth. That's not going to happen. You can't? That was close. No, all in my mouth and four, I can give you that. There is no way. There's no way. All right. How much? 10 seconds? Oh, no. With even like 20. I mean, it's to swap. I literally have-- I probably tear something up my throat. I mean, you ought-- like-- I mean, it's there, but-- I mean, you look-- Like, when you were eating that, I've seen my dog get after a piece of chicken. That was up there with it. I mean, you and I absolutely just left a mess on the ground, too. I'll get to that. I promise. You want to race? If you're challenging me. I'm challenging you. Oh, let's try. I mean, that was impressive, but daddy's got a big throat. Daddy does have a big throat. Oh, dude. I got my calories for the day. Oh, it's good. I'm not going to swallow it, but I'll solve-- I'll lick it a couple of times. That sounds like my ex. Come on. Hurry up. Let's go. You're only going to lick it? Yeah. No, I'll try. Here we go. Now, here we go. Are you going to give an honest effort? I'm going to give an honest effort. Hey, best of luck, mate. Two, one. Go. You under the real throat goat is? What's up with playing with me? Childs play out here. Childs play. I didn't want to feel left out. I got one just for fun. I mean, absolute childs play. I want to kill him, I know. Oh, I almost threw up just now. That hit a part of my throat that you-- I mean, hit into wearing roommates together. Like, that was-- That was back deep depths of my throat. Those were the back hallways here. - I think you had all of that in your mouth in about one and a half seconds. - Yeah, no, I mean, that's the most impressive thing you've ever seen. Stop playing with me. - Yeah. - Like genuinely stop playing with me. - That is very impressive. - Stop it. - And your fat tongue is finally being put to use? - Yeah. - Outside the bedroom. - That, that, my friend. Now, I will say, I went a tad bit slower on round two. - Yeah. - That wasn't-- - Yeah, no, there's no way you could compete with me. - That was insane. - Yeah. - I need a drink of water at this. My mouth is so soft and I need drink. - Me too. - But you should know podcast. - That was a wicked strange thing. - That was-- - They all brought it up. - Yeah, that was, I don't know why. I don't know which y'all planned on. That's, you could tell it's a K-Rob and Cam thing. Big backs unite. We're bringing food to tonight. We're bringing tacos. We're slamming it sub five seconds. - Like, that is not something I would bring up, you know what I mean? - But it's something you put down. - Oh, I'm not gonna, we're not gonna glaze over the fact that you made the podium. You took gold. - Oh, I'm top five all time. I'm top five all time. - You put that throat to work. - Oh, yeah. You think the messages from the men have been bad before. I'll show you my requested after today. I'm not gonna lie. My requested DMs, I'm never looking at my DM. I'm done kind of looking at the internet 'cause y'all are starting to scare me. Like, there's people saying like, like, we've known each other for five years or so. And I've never met, like-- - Yeah, I actually have no clue. - People are saying like, I love you. Thank you for doing this for me today. I've never seen you before. - I've done anything for you. - It's really starting to scare me. Like, so I'm staying out of my DMs. But can I say, my number one requested DMs is like, from men, and like, ladies, I get it. Men are like, horned up, like TCU horned from a horned frog. Hornito, I mean, the things that they have requested for me. - Oh my God. - If you, now, this is the thing, right? You a lot of y'all, a lot of y'all is, hmm, no. I would be honest. There's a lot of, there's a lot of men in my DMs that request things from me. - Oh yeah. - And they're saying they'll pay me. Y'all gotta be better than that 'cause I'll do it if you pay your front. If y'all send me the money, initially, I'll take it and I will give you your service. I will polish these feet up. - Is it bad? I don't think you would. - I think you would, I think you would take the money to delete the conversation. Peyton, dude, okay, if you want my feet, that's your fault. Like, sorry. Well, I will give you my feet, I will give you my feet. - Oh yeah. - Dude, some of these dudes are saying they'll give me top dollar for some feet. Someone offered to buy those teeth. Off of me and my father. - Yeah, that is, I mean, that is like, what are we doing? - People offered 10K for my draws. - Sorry, what? - Somebody offered me $10,000 for my draws. I will give you every pair of draws I've ever worn. - You never should've told me that. I'm literally going to sneak into your home. I'm gonna sneak into your house. - It'd take my draws. - And I'm not even taking the draws. I just need your phone. I'm taking the phone, accepting the deal, sending in my wiring information. He's like, why does he say camera kidney? But like, don't worry, hey, don't worry. - Says one thing about me. I have pride, but I'm not a fool. And then if you send me the money out front, you have my hands. My skims are yours. That's what I would, it's the easiest $10,000 I've ever made. - I'd go buy four more packs of underwear, wear all of them for 30 minutes and give you a double shipment. - Hey, you just got a bow go. - One got one free. - One better, I will fly to you and hand them to you. - These are my draws, sir. - Here, Paul. - Paul, here's your, and a lot of y'all can take your current draws off in front of Paul Hand of those. That's the last one. - No, no, that's too much, that's $20,000. - You go $10,000. - $20,000 will scratch it. You already purchased, you get a 50% off. 15k will come. - I'm not gonna lie, dude. Oh my god, oh my god, I like this. Oh my god, let's go down the list and stop. Tell me when there's something you wouldn't give up for $10,000. So every scenario, everything I'm about to say is in a DM, requested DM from a fan, they're offering you 10 bands for these items. - Okay, let's go. - Okay, you're underwear. - Easy, you have my underwear. $10,000 you have my underwear. - Okay. - Okay, $10,000 cash? - All your hats. - $10,000, yes, you can have 'em. - Okay. - You think I would say no to my husband, yes to my underwear? - Hey. - You should have started in a different order. Your hats are more sacred than your underwear. You're underwear f***ing stink. Oh, dude, yeah. Can I say that? - Oh, oh, oh, oh. - The store, oh, well, go ahead. Now, you gotta get me, they might get it with context. - Yeah. - Both pair of my shorts? - Ooh. - There you have. - Oh, my sexy time shorts. - Have not returned to me for obvious reasons. - Okay, so if y'all don't know, I think I've said this on Patreon, 'cause Patreon we'd say the real real, like the real naughty things over there. I steal cam shorts and I use them for sexy time. Like those are my dick appointment shorts. - Yes, two pair of my shorts that were daily rotations that are now DA exclusive shorts. - Yeah. - So, both of you know, if you see me in those shorts, I'm getting nasty. Either with myself or with my significant other. - Oh, my God. - There's a lot of me in those shorts. - There's a lot, there is, I mean, there's millions of little paid in art and jewelry. - Oh, but you can't have those shorts for 10,000. That's a $50,000 short. - Oh, so that's the line? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, okay. Anything weakened inside your house? - Yes. - Tor merch? - Yes. - Vinyl? - Yes. - Poster. - Cam, the only thing I'm saying if he's to 10,000 is my butt. - So, you can say all these material things? The only thing I'm iffy, I will give you a kiss for 2,000 miles, 'cause you're on the mouth. - Okay, a selfie in front of the mirror. - Mirror. - The selfie in front of the mirror lotioned up holding your nipples. - And see, now we're getting into his back. See how he starts, see how he loves this topic? - No, I don't. Back to back, we got cams to favorite things. Food and a lot of weird runs. It's cams favorite combo. And I mean, Malachi's gonna have a hard time in high school reviewing this tape. Like, it's gonna be bad, and I'm sorry. But, I've been, you know, now that 30 million people on the internet have heard me say I have a relationship, right, via that viral TikTok. So, you know, now that the United States. - Test 7.5 is when we're recording this, right? Okay. - Yeah, you like it. - Speaking of relationships, I saw this article headline, right? - Oh God. And now, this is what he reads. And since you're in a relationship, what was that sound? - That's crazy. - No, not it's crazy. It's not, that's crazy, that's crazy. - I thought that's the road you were, no. After this 99-year-old man found out his 96-year-old wife cheated on him over 60 years ago, he initiated a divorce immediately. That's insane work. Where do you stand on that? So, this man is 99 years old. His wife is 96 years old. He found out that 60 years ago, his wife cheated on him. He got a divorce immediately at 99 years old. He's trippin'. - What? - He's trippin'. - Really? - That's almost a century old. All he does, wake up, cup of folders. - Okay. - Maybe some solitaire, watch us some bulldozing videos, and he's back to bed. - So for his new nap. - So you play it on being with Liv till you're 99, right? - Yes. - God bless you. - First of all, I believe that's too long for a relationship. - That's me, that's just me. My parents have been together for 40 years. It's too long. - It's not too long. - You gotta go talk to other people. - No such thing as that much love. - That's dirty. - That's just you're being content at that point. - You put cow starts. - Look, okay. So you play it on being with Liv till you're 99. - Yes. I mean, if I get to 99. - Right. - But yeah. - So say you're 99 years old. Liv comes up to you one day. - Cameron. Cameron. - I know, what do you want, you have a, that's what I say. - It's like, you remember Peyton? - Now that's different. Now that's different. That is, that is in every way, shape and form different. - Now remember the Peyton Versus? Can we all tour? - Yeah, you remember all Boston. We went to that old Mexican restaurant? (clapping) Yeah, that was a no-de-night. (laughing) You're saying, you mean when I was playing cards with peers? So you're telling me, at 99 years old, if Liv came up to you and said, "Hey, I cheated on you with Peyton." On your world tour, back in 2025. You would stay with her? Now, that's different, but yeah, I would. 'Cause you've probably been dead for 30 years at that point. You've probably, you're probably three decades gone. Just in there, dusty as (beep) there's a maid that's like, oh my God, in your will, you set up a maid and her whole business to where it trickles down the line on a retainer and investments and you connect into their account. She's dusting you off weekly. She's dusting your tax to everybody off weekly. - Yeah, that's your job to pry. - That's your job to, you're my carekeeper. I would say with her. - That's insane. - I'm 99 years old. I'm not going to leave, you have my literal soulmate. - That's not your soulmate, if she was, if she was getting with somebody during your tour. I mean, that's true. - Exactly. - If I found out in person, yeah, you're both done. But. - And then I come over. (screams) - Oh no, I'd go to your grave and be like, you mother (beep) I'm like, what the hell? - I probably can't even move. - I'm not, there's no way that's insane. - I think he's the most noble guy, 'cause he is a man of principle, right? I don't care when you did it. If I found, okay. How long have you been with Liv? For eight years. You've been with your wife for almost 10 years, right? - Yes. - But a lot different than 60. - Let's say she comes up to you now. Hey, the first week we started dating, I cheated on you. Are you staying with her? You have a kid. The first week, [BLANK_AUDIO] within days into our relationship. - Yes. - But y'all said, we're exclusive, we're dating. I'd probably say with her. (screams) I'd probably say with her, that echoed those gorgeous. - No way, really. - That was seven, we were together for seven days. - Tamerin. - We were together for seven days. - But it's about the prince, okay, okay? Just to put you, what that means? Okay. The devil lies in the details, but look, but look, what that means that the goalposts can move because imagine, right, you're held, you're not 26, right? - 27. - Imagine when you're 85, and she says, I cheated on you when you were 27, that's right now. - Yeah. - So you would say what they're still? Be up and together for eight years. - Hey, she says, whenever we're only together for eight years and I cheated, you think in the year, - And live wouldn't do this, we're just using a hypothetical. - You think in the year 2080. - Yes. - I'm gonna be pressed enough to go, you lying. Wow. - And drive my, my dress. - Yes. - Just drive my robot. - Yes, I mean, Malek and I come pick me up to the robot lawyer and have him make me a robot pd. - Okay, so, so when's the time from cheating to figuring out that you need to leave? When is the cut off? - There's the cut. - That's a good question. - I don't know if there's a dead set cut off, but if we're in our 50s, we're in our 50s, and she's like, I used to cheat heavily. First off, that's first off, there's a, - No, getting told, getting told, I used to cheat on you heavily. - What do you have? - I've had that conversation. (screaming) - I've had that conversation, it's not funny, don't mind if I can do it. - She's like, wanna see the video? - Oh man, you went back. - Oh my god, oh my god. Get his, get his, oh my god, stop him. Stop his, grab his cat. - He's just slumbered. - Grab his, get twisted. - I'm sorry. - Yeah. - It's a slumber locker. It's right in the order. - I'm his soul. - You better turn that up when you said that. Turn it up and use subtitles. He said you got back with it. - Oh no, oh. - And she did it again. - Oh my god. - I've done it again. (clapping) - Oh no, oh, oh the chair, oh the chair, right on the head. The chair on the head. (screaming) - She went to see a brand. (screaming) - Oh my god, oh my god, you weak. (laughing) - Oh my god, that's a $5.00 I can't do it. (laughing) - I think I locked my mouth. - Oh my god. - Oh no, no, I'm not, this is okay. Dude, this sound, it's all about. (sniffing) - Oh, what a call back, oh my god. It's all about sounds for me, sounds are the key. - Dude, that hurt. - That hurt bad. - Oh my god, sounds make it break it. You literally said, it's like one of those snapples. - Oh, they're able to see it. I don't think they're able to. - Okay. - Oh, that's crazy. When is the cutoff? Just give me an answer we can move on. When is the cutoff, like from cheating to knowing, how many years have to go by? - I think I can give you the opposite answer. I think I would love being your girlfriend. - Oh my god. - No, I think I can tell you. - I'm telling you. - If this happens, first off, there is a difference between you had a thing, or it was like, hook up. One mistake. - Cheating is cheating. Cheating isn't a mistake. - No, no, not a mistake. I mean, I agree with you. - Don't win me like that, I agree with you guys, huh? But I'm saying, 60 years removed. If you told me you had a second life, and I didn't know. - Oh yeah, I had this guy, I dated him four years, back in our 30s. That hurts. - Oh, I went to one thing and this one guy, he rips me up, and while you're at home, we got dirty nasty and a porter potty. - Oh man, if you find out who you rank in, rank in, come here, give me a kiss. - Oh, he's good. - Ooh, he tastes good. - Stop. - I don't do that too. - No, I can't give you a cutoff. - No, you have to. - I give you the opposite. I give you the opposite. - Okay, it happens within a recency. Like honestly, now, like eight years, and I know you said on the first week, that's the only reason. If Liv said, in Arkansas, she cheated on me, I'm done. - No, you're not. - Yes, I believe that. - I don't believe that. - Yes, I am, that's three years. - That's three, four years. - Why do you think I was flying Arkansas, Karen? - You think I loved Russellville? - You can't keep doing that. And the guy didn't say his 96-year-old bones and brittle wife cheated with his best friend. - Yeah, I know, but I know you really are leaning on that. That's why that chair is in your bedroom. So I had to give you something I know you care about. - I don't think, I really don't think you're grasping how far out 60 years is. - I don't care. - Your parents, think about that. Your parents have been married for 40. - They've been married for 30 years. - Or together for 40. - Together for 40 years. - Add another, add another you. Add another, your lifetime. Now that's 65, 66 years. - I would need to know. - That is a long time. - If that man, if that man, my wife cheated on me with his still alive, she, we're done. If he's dead, fine. That's my thing. - I'm coming in the office. - You know what I mean? If he's alive, no, because he still has a chance to hit it. (laughs) (laughs) - It's just like, it's just like this. (laughs) - He's like, ah. (grunts) - Oh. (grunts) (grunts) - Oh. - He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, yeah, no. - He's horned, bud. - He's horned. - No, I think if it happens within 10 years with a, a, a realistic age. I just think if I'm 99, bro, I don't give a, I hope we have 20, great grandchildren running around. - What? - How many kids you playin' on having? - To what? Well, I mean, well, I don't know. Maybe, maybe three or four of them. - Do you think Malcolm knows me? - Yeah. - I think he gets confused sometimes. - I mean, he might get confused. - Yeah, it's me. - But I wear my sunglasses, he's like this, but I take him off, he's like. - Well that's sunglasses, 'cause he's like, why is he wearing sunglasses inside? Can you go? (laughs) - Say the line, nope. Okay. - Hold it. - That's a good type of guy to just bring out. - That is wicked. - Yeah, like I commend him at the same time he's trippin'. - He's a man of principle, because that's not okay. That makes me think our whole relationship was a lie. That's what makes me feel. I'm not saying it is, but it makes me feel a way. - I wouldn't feel like that. - I know, you're sittin' there. - No, I'm not sittin' there in the corner. - Let me watch! - No. - She likes it when you do that. - No, no. John Flipper. You gotta flip it. Flipper around, John. I mean, you're gonna do it. Please hit the right button! (laughs) Oh, man. - I meant to say this about 40 minutes ago. (laughs) - Yeah, we gotta medicate you. - Yeah, no, it's bad. - Your son has bad, too. - Oh, he, and he's like this. - Oh, yeah, he, I mean, it's beautiful watching him think, though, especially when he does his little eyebrows. He'll see something new. He goes. (laughs) - You're like, what's in it? - You gotta stop showin' 'em that show you. Don't say what show it is. Stop showin' 'em. That guy is going to jail. Whoever that guy is on that TV that I see every week at your house, he's going to jail. He gotta stop showin' my nephew, him. - I have the greatest thing ever to show you after this, by the way. - That hairline is not-- - Oh, God. - That's not of the Lord. - No, no. - That's not of the church. - That's not of a free man. (laughs) - That is not of a man that has morals. - Oh, my God, and the other character. The other one that does what? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What we've talked about this episode? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (whistles) - She's a little scary. - Yeah. - Keep it anyway. Here we go. With the video, the video with 80 million views that we were talking about. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So, with that video that you were talking about of you getting hit on, and how we were talking about, you remembered it different because of emotions and stuff. Dude, it made me think of it. Remember how I asked you about socials? But we went on something else. Remember how I said, did you ever have socials? In the fifth or sixth grade? - Oh, yes. - Yes, you remember that now. - I do remember that. - I was like, "Yes, she's a superpower." - So, well, I mean, if you harness it. - If you harness it. - But we had a social. It's like a dance, whatever the hell. There's literally the gyms open, you can play in the gym or you can dance. That's literally it. And we're at this social, sixth grade. And I end up talking to this group of girls. - Very new thing for me, sixth grade. - You don't believe it already. - No, no, no. No, no, you say that so much. You say that so much about your younger years, bro. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. - Oh, I'm not, you have to understand. I'm not spitting game. I'm literally probably like, no, no, no, you sacrifice. You sacrifice your two monsters. Then you bring out blue eyes. - Yeah. - Watch the painting versus camera roll throw on Patreon. Go buy it and look at the kid pictures of Cam and tell me that's the guy that was talking to women. - No, I'm not sitting there. Oh, Stacey, what you do? I'm just talking to girls. I'm having girlfriends, not to kissers and to date, but just literally friends that are females. - Yeah. - So, I'm talking to these girls. And it was a moment presented itself. - I can now be cooler by lying. Everyone cross that bridge. - Oh, yeah, I love that. So, I do it, right? - Sometimes. - Now, the context of the conversation was, did I go to this thing with my friend named Andreas? Okay? - Okay. - I literally, not only do I lie, I did not go. I go, hell yeah, I went, I start giving details, everything. Out of the corner of my eye, Andreas pops up and goes, he didn't go with me. Right in front of the girls. And so it made me think like you remembered your story one way and this is one of those moments I lied said oh, yeah, dude me and Andreas went to that it was so cool like this one thing popped out and like we were there We ate food afterwards Andreas himself. Yeah presents himself. Yeah high jacks my conversation with these lovely ladies. Yeah, and Lily goes dude He didn't go he's lying to you In that moment, I was baffled at the cock block by Andreas baffled at my lack of social awareness as if I was pierceless. Yeah, I had no clue who's summoning himself Yeah, he did in ruin to my night. I said and the worst part is I didn't die on the sword. I didn't dude You're pretty bad. You don't remember that either. Yeah, yeah, I lied And I just said to him like that. I'm like, yeah, I'm just kidding. I'm not about that. That's your fault It's bad. It's my fault like who who first of all how close for you and Andreas I mean I stayed the night Once one literally one time with the group of other people and his parents scarred me Why because we woke up they're making pancakes and they said do you want turtle in your pancake? And I went oh, that's funny. They're like no seriously We put turtle shell in our pancakes like we shave it down and put it in the pancakes. No, they don't no They don't but they're clearly like to them. They're all joking. Oh, haha That it was so convincing to me. I said I'm I want to go home call my mom I don't have a phone yet call my mother you eat turtles. Andreas. I'm getting out of your house like No, and I slept on the floor. I slept on the floor. This kid's room and that's the guy you wanted to fly with I wake up And I'm eating turtle. No, get me out of here Lisa. Where are you? Yeah? Yeah, it was bad But no as a kid you got to be smarter than that first of all you have to construct with the person like I was with you I didn't want barely didn't want me flying on his name. Yeah, I don't think I'm a trace ever like me Were you with a group of friends when you stayed over the house? No, just me and him. Oh just me and him weird. Oh, yeah No, why'd you go? You liked Andreas? You liked Andreas now you liked them We were cool, but like I think you liked Andreas. It was one of those friendships We were we were really cool as like kids like young and yeah, and then About this time like wait. It's not like something happened But it was like he was with the other group. I was with this group and he just went yeah cool kids camp kids Yeah, exactly 100% like fat kids that play you go Andreas and all the cool like slick. Yeah, yeah, and this is not a bit I'm not trying to make a bit right now If you saw me feeling around in my pocket there is like not a bit a hundred percent feeling around in my pocket and there is Genuinely Revlon color stray skin awakened 24 hour five and one concealer in my pocket right now And it is mine. I just want to put it. It is mine. Yeah. Yeah, I work in sealer sometimes Oh my god, I do makeup the fourth wall has been broken what that I wear makeup. Why do you wear it? Oh cover up pimples? There you go. There you go. I meant to bring it today, but I didn't I took wear it today But I just brought it here. I got this success you brought it. Yeah, no Oh, never mind. No, it's too expensive. It's too expensive. It's too expensive. It's too expensive. It's too expensive Say, say you love it. It's too expensive. You remember now say it. Yeah, say it. Go. Go. God. This is this is a rating episode This unbelievable. I started a taco. We made fun of the death. Oh, come on. Come on. I didn't make fun of Hopefully don't put that on me. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I love the death. Come on I love the death too. My grandma's death. Oh my god. I saw me all this weekend. I was she was great. She fell asleep middle of the party No, I'm not kidding as a kid right. Oh, here we go as a kid. I was exploratory I wanted to explore like I was trying to find myself figure out what I did and didn't like right Yeah, and my parents created a great environment for me to learn myself. Yeah, right and I remember I was a When I was starting my YouTube career in the sixth grade. All right. No, please stop. No, I don't. Please stop. It's always been a YouTube kid Like I've had a YouTube channel. So six years old. Yeah One of my YouTube channels was movie reviews. Mm-hmm. One of my YouTube channels was dying Nike Elite socks. Oh One of my YouTube channels dying. No dying Nike Elite socks the other one just make videos You just pop it. They're like 20 seconds. You just pop up go. We'll see all good This week video you're just like one of them was a skit channel and then and I'm being honest and like it No, no, no, no, no, we're are we friends? I love it. No, I will literally never come back on this podcast We're past friends. Another one was a makeup channel, but not not now Now I'm here, right? Mm-hmm, and and I never realized like I wasn't good at it Like I knew I wasn't good at it, but I don't think it was because I didn't know how to do the makeup because I watch tutorials It was because I use my mom's makeup and she's darker than me right and so the And so no No And I feel like I'm back in middle school yeah, and so But then I took no, no, no, no, no, no, but no, but it got too far because I took her close to and that's when it got too far No, that's when it got far. That's when it got too far She was like, you're reminding me of Ed Gain and I was like, okay, I'm not gonna wear your skin mom Yeah, I didn't know I never uploaded So they were just at my photo booth on my laptop Oh No, no, it's not that's that's no I took her clothes and she did and I never could fit into those boots I bet you I bet you don't got this and could Hey, can I say though till these days are 26 year old man the sun dress is the most comfortable garment ever Oh my god, it's a good god. Do you know and it helps with the pokey. Oh, it does help with the poke lives moon moves rock Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I just put my mom's heels on and then go sit past her the Ford Explorer just heard a pull in the garage Yes, so we've all worn our mom's clothes now. Nope. No, never did close never did close the heels are just kind of out my parents let me explore right and I saw it in my And the and the problem is never mind No, we're talking about on a patreon. That's not I'm not saying that for free. No It's really bothering me that I can't say it. Hey, we hit the time. Can we go? We good see Jay. We go on time. We can get out of here. All right. Can't get us out of here I can just imagine you with the darkest of blush on Dude just like I was like oh my god. Oh my god. You're so lucky We weren't kids like right now. Oh my god. If you had just immediate access to instant gratification of tic-toc in posting clips You'd be in a mirror with Troy Palomolo here. Yeah crooked teeth. Mm-hmm putting on like a dark skinned nice Makeups wearing your mother's garments, and you would post them. Yeah, talk about we'll see all again next week Tell us and I would about eight. I would have had a I'd had a line in Mac right now called the patent line and I'd be wearing a sundress Sundress some heels and then we would have promoted in all the death schools Ah Oh my god. Leave me alone in public. Stop the ending. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh All right. I'm trying. All right. We love. We absolutely love each and everybody. Thank you. Go back. I'm so You know what I see it's okay. It's 2025 and if y'all judge me, it's not okay to judge people It's not okay. I don't care if you don't like me. I'm I I think it's okay to accept it and it's okay for you to explore and find find out what you do and don't like. It's okay Get out. I'm trying to stop talking. No, don't clip it either. Now if you clip it, we're done. We love each and every single one you think you could You're a little patreon only podcast. Oh, back to 187 episode you show podcast. Oh Oh, that top that top link in the description as always is a patreon the quality club. Go please god. Go check that this week and watch No one's making eye contact with me anymore. No one's making eye contact with me anymore. I'm still you. Please go to the extended for this week. Not CJ. You live with me. Please watch 187 extended. We will be questioning him more about this. Here I'm giving a hug. I absolutely love each and every single one of you. Thank you for coming back. But now Pierce I hate this heart right now. Pierce like this. I knew I shouldn't like this. I don't know. I don't know. We we Love you. Don't forget to confuse the casuals. Get your good karma. I never wore her underwear. I never did. I know I know a lot of your thing. I never did that. I This week's secret code. PWM paid for his makeup. 90 more. Oh, I do still Yeah, no, but that's for no, that's not for it's a different one for it. We love you so Hey, that boys wear me. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Why not a tin coagre's don't make home to Christmas and I might not either We'll see you next time. That's too far. We'll come. See you. See you. No. Yeah. No, it's in his pocket. It's concealing Okay, guys, don't look at me. Wait guys. Come back. Don't look at me