Adam Ray & The Tumor Coyote

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Use it for a few minutes a day when you shower, everybody. And watch what happens in the bedroom, baby. Your partner's reaction, baby, Christless. - Right now, Bathmate Direct is giving our listeners up to 20% off when you use the code "belly" at bathmatedirect.com/belly. That's Bathmate Direct, B-A-T-H-M-A-T-E-D-I-R-E-C-T dot com/belly. Use code "belly" for up to 20% off. Hit "bathmatedirect.com/belly" use code "belly" and start delivering legendary performance in Luke. The link is in the episode description. - I'd rather die. (laughing) - You don't wanna die. - Just like you. - I attached to you in any sort of way. Imagine this, no sleep. - No, I do snore. - No, it's the poundings of the night. (laughing) (upbeat music) (singing in foreign language) - Dave. - Hey. - Dave, can you vouch for me, man? You sit-- - What's this guy's name? - He said I was chill. - Oh, this is a-- - I don't know. - I know, you don't know this. - You're not allowed through, you lying bastard. - Come on, man. - Hi, Dave. - I also know Alan. - No. - Hey. - Yeah? Are you a Jew? - Uh, don't show you my penis. - Cut that out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You gotta keep it in now. - You are a Jew. (laughing) - Turn it down, turn it down, turn it down. - Hey, it's me Alan. - Who are you? - It's me Alan. - Alan, thanks. - You knew who Alan is, he's a whisp. - Yeah, I know. - Have you seen whisp? - How do I went to high school? - Yeah. - Stop, bro. - Good to know, do the whisp noise. - Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh. - Yeah. I could do it too, 'cause he taught me the language. - Hey, looping. (laughing) - Burbly. Right, go ahead. - Oh, Alan. - What's going on with this improv? (laughing) I have no idea what's going on with this improv, Alan. - We're just fine. - Ronin. - Oh, anyway, good to see you. - Good to see you. - Adam, right. - Adam. - On tour. - On tour. - Yeah. - On tour all over the place. AdamRateCountry.com for tickets. I'll be in your hometown of San Diego soon. Don't go to that at the Balboa Theater. The galota could be about that. Going to Hawaii, your other hometown. I'm gonna be there. When? When am I going? - You're there at the same time. - Oh, the blue. - Whoa. - Whoa. - I'm playing the Washington State Fair. I'm playing. - Dueling comedy, Chicago. - Where is he? - You're there on September 12th. 11th, 12th. - Oh, bummer. - Oh, but I'm there a week. - I'm 11th. - He's there, he's hanging. - You're there a week after, even. - How do you pronounce it? - Yes, so when is he in town? - Honolulu. - You are the 18th to the 27th. - You leave the 17th. - Oh, I leave. I get to the 16th. - Oh. - Would be a night of fun. - No, I get to the 16th. - Yeah. - Because we're having a birthday dinner. - On what day? - I guess it's the 16th. - Oh. (cheering) - And I'll make reservations. - Oh, let's go. - Yeah. - You have to sit at a different table. - Fine, I just wanna be around. - What characters are gonna bring? That's the whole thing about Adam. You know what, everyone, listen up. You wanna go to dinner with Adam? He brings character. - Oh. - He brings lightsabers. I don't know if that bad of personality disorder. - That's kind of fun though. I mean, multiple person. - Yeah. - In fact, I can make a noise right now and you can turn into a character right now. - Great. Let's do it. - Oh, fun. - Wait. - Holy moly. - Hello guys. (laughing) - Barry here. - Yeah. Barry's here. - Barry cats, man. - Hey, man. (laughing) - Barry cats, man. I'm an old manager myself, man. - I'm an old man. - Barry cats, man. - Yeah. - I used to rap dang, dang, dang, dang. - That's the game. - The dang, the guy still rap Brad Williams, I think. - Really? - I'm not good, man. - I used to rap. - I'm Barry cats. - Brad is a small guy with a big-- - There I am, Barry cats, man. You know Barry cats? - I know Barry cats. - Who did he used to rap? - Brad Williams. - You could be out of character for this. - Oh, sorry. (laughing) - I was just asking a question. - Wait, do it again, man. - No. - Your character work is so bad. She can't even do NPC work. (laughing) - Wait, oh yeah, I'm really bad too. I can't do it actually. - Thank you. - Make another noise. - Okay. - Yeah, I want to try it this time. - Yeah, yeah. - You go into one. - Okay, okay. I'm scared. Okay, give it to me. - Okay. - I'm not doing it. - Oh, you're giving me-- - Bobby makes the noise. It's Bobby's game. - Oh, yeah. - What are you doing? - I was gonna give a noise. - That's your noise giver? - Okay, man. - Okay, I'm ready. - What you talking about? - Oh, no. - Nice. - Yeah, you got one. - See, we can tread water here. - Hey, it's me. - Yeah. - Okay, all right. - Hey, hold on. Let me try again. - Hey, man. - It's me, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me. - Hey, man, Taylor. - Well, who invited Zubin and Zubin to this party? - Man, I don't know, but if I had a Mountain Dew Code Red, I'd pour it in his shoes. - Oh, oh. - I did bring something for the party. - Oh. - Mountain Dew Code Red. - Yeah. - Let's get fucked up. - What else you got there? - Brown brick. - You need to get grounded. - He's just like a city guy. - You know, like I'm more-- - Chicago didn't do it for you. - It's more like Maxwell. - Yeah. - Second seat didn't do it for you. - I should start over. - Yeah. - Because it didn't work. - I didn't work. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Patch. - If I may. - Yeah. - No, it was really good. - Don't thank you. - Yeah. - It was really good. - No, it's really bad. I can't do characters at all. - What would you have brought to the party What did you think you had when you held that up instead of a gift? I was actually thinking Mountain Dew. I know we connected. Yeah, I know. Well, let's talk about anyway. Let's talk about something that's more important to our heart. Sure. Why? If I may, what is it? It's not. No. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E-N. S-E - That's right. - Yes, you had a heart of K on the show. - And Cheryl. - Wow, how was it? - And do we still, are we getting him? - Who? - Biden? - He's next. - Hunter. - We get Hunter Biden next. - Hunter is so hot to come and dress this show. - Oh, yes. - Oh, that's perfect. - I'm a spitball on here. Birthday dinner, maybe I get to the real table. (laughing) - Oh, you're never gonna get invited to the real table. - That's mine. - Oh, that was rude. - Because you were invited. - Am I pregnant, wife said it at the real table? - Yeah, you were invited to the real table 18 years ago. - That's true. - Bobby, you made me cry, too. - Yeah, and you abandoned me. - Oh, what happened? - But you're on Stardom. - Oh, not true. - And you're on capabilities. - Not true at all. - Not true at all. - You've become a very big star. Congratulations. - I wish I had to give him a round of applause. - Yes, huge star. Huge. - Huge star. - Yes, what? No, here we go. What do we do then? What do we do? - Where do you have my son on the podcast? - Where are we, too? - Who am I? - Don't do that when he's here. - Yeah, I'm doing that. - I've been working on it there. - All right, maybe I won't do Joe on the podcast. Maybe you can just do it. - You're so sick. - He said sons and sons. - You're gonna be a great old man, Bobby. - Do you ever think about that? - I'm losing my mind now, so I think so. - Yeah. - Yeah, but at least you're able to monetize it. - Yeah. - I don't know if you'll be able to monetize it. - It's funny. - It's funny. - I didn't, I've been laying around. - Yeah, good. - As of late. - Good. - Well, look, he got your special out of the way. - We'll see. - Not sure if it's going up. - We'll see. - It's going up. - It's going up. - We'll see. - We'll see, great. - Oh, but what I want to say is if I've been laying around as one does, and ruminating, pondering, pondering. - You pondering. - Do you ponder more, ruminate more? I've been pondering more than ruminating. - I like that. - Pondering's better. - God, I do like that. You know what, what? You're a pro ponderer. - What's your latest ponder? - Great question, kid. - No, what question is, why can't you take a compliment? - Great ponderer. - Yeah. You're one of the greatest. (laughs) - Like Descartes. - You're the Descartes. - Descartes, no. - It's emeer's favorite color. - I ponder, therefore I am. - That's funny joke. (laughs) You got it all. Character's funny joke. Can I tell you what I, can I? All right, you can be my therapist. (laughs) When I was driving up here, I saw a coyote. The story gets better. - Wait, wait. Can I guess? (sighs) Can I guess? - Was it had a tumor on the face? - Yes. - Oh, oh. - Yes. - That's my cousin, Dave. (laughs) - Yeah, and we're back. - And we're back to physical deformity. - Why? (laughs) I saw three different cars stop and we all stopped and kind of I made eye contact with a car Yeah, he's a neighborhood coyote with a tumor on his face. I didn't know it looked like he had been beaten by somebody that was like trying to Fend off. Well, I'll tell you this my friend. I felt really bad even though that if I if I'm not gonna eat somebody's dog If I may but not well, hopefully number four Bobby knows Come on. Is that not gonna get anything? I said a I like it. I said a I just got it So let me say something It's a billion degrees. It's a billion degrees. How long has this coyote been a pond? I'll tell you this friend about the coyote Dave Okay, okay, is it coyote Dave? That's the name of the day This is so mean. What's going? It's eyes pierced. You know, I spent a long time with you in Australia. Oh, that's what this is. That's exactly what it was That great wasn't a great all openers at this table, too. Let's go in Australia, too. No. No, he doesn't get the good ones You just do like Pachanga He's still hasn't had me back on. I'll tell you why From here. No, that's the I'll just Do it again take me away from here and it's not going well. Go ahead. Go ahead The other day not a day a couple months ago. I mentioned this on bad friends. I was turning the corner It was a dawn. You know what time we get a day of that is morning, right? No, don't say five Dude, you're so good at that five thirty. Not only do you ponder? You're good at time calculations And weather patterns. Thank you. So let me see what's going on. I'm getting ready for the story The story is this I saw Dave on the street My girlfriend was with me. Yeah, keep that in great Keep that in too and We saw Dave on the middle of the street. Yes, but there was something on his head No, why would there be a hat and a hat and I'm sorry to rhyme and yeah, yeah, so much discussed Don't it was like I get angry. I rhyme like what are those propeller hats? To distract from his tumor. What would you do? Yeah, I know that's right. You do you're right. Dave is a pioneer Yeah, I found him the upper mask. Maybe it was his doctor patch Adam Where there's helicopter hat you tumor coyote? I know you tumor dog great band name tumor dog Maybe a Hannibal Lecter. Oh, yeah, that's pretty mask. Yeah, something That's right. Anyway on the head was a um Tuma no, no, no tumor to it. On they stop that Tuma if you do honors for Center for Tuma again on this podcast. I'm out. You're out of here. I'm out of here. All right, Tuma Get to the Tuma I'll be back With the Tuma with the tumor worst doctor ever. Yeah, good movie. Good movie great movie kindergarten cop. Oh my god Well the best hello. So anyway, uh, can I finish the story? We always have a penis and there was a hummingbird On Dave's head Oh on the tumor on the tumor not on the tumor part on the top of his Tumorless head. Oh, this is free tumor and what I know the tumor was there. Got you. So what I realized is I'm in a NBC And I'm B.C. I mean, I'm in a simulation. Oh Because that why would that ever happen? Why would a hummingbird land? It feels like a weird tumor isn't just flying around it like hey check out this coyote. Yeah It was on there he is. Is that him? Yeah, it was on the top of that head By the way, it's gotten worse because the tumor that I just saw was in the middle of his face. Yeah It's not worse. So it's moving that it's literally the tumor was like in the middle Like he was crying from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Oh, it's a sad movie And that's not give him that that's a sad movie. Yeah, that what are the saddest movies? Sophie's choice Schindler's list and two girls won't come. Are you Jewish? Yeah? Oh, okay, and I don't know what me feel comfortable But anyway, um, your voice was so high when he's so high. No, I was scared. Oh Okay, I don't know what to do now. I don't know. I don't know if you're offended by any of what he said No, no, no dude. He's beyond brother. Yeah, this is you could say anything beyond like he's a step away from like, you know me walking in on him with my wife Like a step away from that. Oh, that's not close Yeah half a step half a step. Half a step. Yeah, we're that close. It's not even a step. It's like I just have to lean lean over Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I mean beautiful wife by that. Thank you so much. Yeah, it's one's pregnant Congratulations. You're never a baby girl. Oh, you're gonna be an uncle. Never gonna meet him Her whatever. I don't want her for now. Can I tell you why? Whatever she wants, um, it's 50 50 with me guys on kids Yeah, comedy kids. I've met 50 of them great band of them opening for tumor dogs comedy kids and um, I I've only had half of them. Well, you've met what like like owls. I met aster's babies I'll tell you the babies I've met. We're okay. Uh, cat When you know I don't have kids okay, right? owls Magicals. He's got teenagers though, right? Yeah, so those aren't really they're in the highest college wow Wait, what's your problem? That they're not funny. No, I love kids. Oh, I'm just telling you the the comedy friends that I have that have kids That you then do you like them all I I don't want to do that. Yeah, you know, I mean I don't want you to order. Yeah, but I nobody puts Bobby in a corner. I'll express it I'll give you one to ten Okay, I love that. I love that boy, but this this one an emotional roller coaster. You go. I don't want to do that You know, I'll rate them one to ten. Yeah, yeah, give us one Oh, what? Yeah, so the one to aster's babies. I Think genetically tens Oh, I'm magical. I'm magical skills good kids. I mean, they're just like soldier boys. Builders and girls I don't know what else I said. Have you met Bill Burst kids? I have and Beautiful. Yeah. Oh, yeah, beautiful kids sharp as as angry I don't know it's wrong with me, but I feel like there's lines and boundaries that I'm crossing over yeah, but that's that's what hard Cast me is that's what life is, you know the way my body is tilted now. It's a new direction Yeah, I haven't seen you kind of sit like yeah, this is a new way of sitting. It's very radio DJ host. Thank you, dude Well, you're you're not giving wild influence. I'm influenced by the greats If I may who's that Howard Stern. Yeah, these types of characters. You're at the same angle of a of a big Disjockey Yeah, dude, that's what they say. That's what they do say this right now say say Call uh call the phrase a page star 101.5. We got two tickets for John Mayor at the plate. That's a lot Say Bobby Lee at star 98.5. Bobby Lee star 98.5 Two tickets to give away to John Mayor at the plate and today I got two tickets a good way when we got mayor for the call right now the phrase It pays and the phrase the pain I'd listen to this And everyone loves a little early morning smashing pumpkin. Oh, okay. Yeah, ring ring. We got a caller. We got a caller Hello. Hi. Hello. It's Janice. My name is Rube Deschowitz. Hi, Rube. Yeah, Rube. How are you talking to Rube? I'm talking to Rube. I'm talking to Rube. I'm talking to Rube. Oh my god So I know I'm talking to Rube. It's Janice. Janice. Hi, Rube. Wait, wait, wait. Let's talk to my psychic there Don't me. Oh, it's on. Yeah, I don't With Rube. Oh, you know that classic radio show Rube and Don Rube Deschowitz. Yeah, early morning anyway. Someone say Don and that was smashing pumpkins. I'm so excited I've just called it in because I was hoping to get those smashing pumping tickets First of all, that's not the right band. She doesn't know the band. I should pump it. Yeah. Yeah. Also, we're not like, you know Public Radio. We can swear. Fuck you, bitch Being a real bitch today. You're a real bitch. All right. What's your name, caller? My name's Janifer. Janifer. Fuck you, bitch. I said it was Janice. She said Janice. I can't Yeah. Next caller. Next caller. Dong. Hi. Oh, is this Janice? It's Janice. Fuck. What's up? I was hoping you had those those tickets for OASI That's not it at all. We're giving away another male caller coming up Kalshi lets you trade yes or no contracts on outcomes of real world events Kalshi if you've heard of it and I love it unlike traditional sport book books Peter. Mm-hmm. You're trading against other people on Kalshi. Did you know that? I didn't you're not playing against the house. Oh, okay Playing against you and me Compadre all right makes market prices move based on trading activity giving a real time look At what traders collectively think will happen trade trade baby. That's right Beyond the NFL Kalshi has markets across sports politics culture entertainment and more Kalshi is CFTC regulated and federally approved Kalshi is available across the US including states such as California and Texas Let's go to the little graph of what I'm gonna vote on. Oh It says the Patriots but I'm gonna go with the Patriots even though it has this 38% because I like To make money here baby. I like the Patriots because of the colors Okay, that's a good pick. Yeah. Why are you going Seahawks Peter? I'm gonna go Seahawks because I'm a little more risk averse So I'm gonna look at the 62% and be like all right. Let's ride that. It's a good rugby. Oh, I love Tell me about your favorite team dude. Well, I love the Brisbane Bon Broncos. I was just there. Oh, Brisbane I'm more of a Melbourne storm guy. You don't know about the storm. Yeah I don't know much about it, but I know Melbourne is gay me one guy from the Melbourne storm. Um, total. Yeah, total. Yeah, total, total, total, Diego, total, total, total, Diego. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I love him. I've been following him since college. Follow our custom link in the description to check out Cal State. The link will apply code Tiger Belly to unlock your rewards. Listeners can trade $25 and receive $25 with our exclusive offer. $18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract training involves significant risk and is not appropriate for everyone. Please carefully consider if it is appropriate for you in light of your personal financial circumstances. Cal State parks are not available in all jurisdictions. See Cal State.com/regulatory for more information. Cal State. Cash app for your soul, soul, soul. Y'all, cash app can do way more than you think to make your money work for you. If you direct deposit at least $300 in paychecks each month and use the cash app card for purchases, you could earn interest on your savings. No, in fees, no minimum balance requirements. Also, you can hit your savings goals even faster by turning on roundups on your cash app card. With roundups, every purchase you make using it card is rounded up to the nearest dollar and that spare change is automatically put into your savings. Yeah, I think what's really cool about cash app too is the offer such a competitive interest rate. 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Not a bank banking service provided by cash as bank partners prepaid debit cards issued by son of bank member FDIC cash app visa debit flex cards issued by son bank member FDIC and the bank or bank NA pursuant to a license from visa USA Incorporated see terms and conditions for sudden prepaid cars sudden debit flex car and big car debit flex car cash app green feature is saving direct deposit roundups overdraft coverage and discounted by cash app block corporate brand visit cash app.app/legal/podcast for full disclosure. 5, 6, 7, hit it. Shopify. I like it. Shopify. I like it. You guys, we have an online story here at Tiger Belly and when you shopify only because we only use the past and here and we love designing things. What's your favorite Shopify feature? I have many. I like template designs. I like it. I also like the purple shop A button. Starting a business is a big deal. What surprised me the most is how simple or Shopify made it. All the tools you need to launch are already included and ready for day one. Well, they have a built-in AI assistant sidekick. It's really ready to help you build troubleshoot and keep you moving. Shopify powers millions of businesses worldwide from businesses like yours to people who are just getting started. There's nothing that they haven't seen and that's why they're the best business partner you could ever have. That's a big deal, guys. All you need is the idea. Shopify handles the rest. If you're serious about hearing your first, start your free trial at shopify.com/tigerbelly today. You heard that right. So your free trial today at shopify.com/tigerbelly that's shopify.com/tigerbelly. What is to you? We're going to give it away because another male call are coming on. And he's white. Yeah. Hello. I'm Rue. Have you found my rattlesnake? When are you going to play some bear naked ladies? Yes, the question. Dog has petrified, Lyme disease, coagulated in his butthole. What can we do about it? Well, first of all, you want to take don't take any title, but you might want to take a gusher and squeeze the gusher juice into your belly button. What is it? Dog, how much gusher juice do you have? That's some from the titty part. You don't need any blueberries. That's all I've been eating is blue bear. Well, you're going to die or get AIDS. I thought we could live with AIDS now. Go ahead and fight. He had it five times. He beat it five times. Congratulations. Six times the charm, my guess. Anyway, good, good call. Thank you. Bye, RS. Bye. Anyway, thanks for listening. Here's Nervana. Nervana. Nervana. Nervana. Nervana. Nervana. Nervana. Nervana. Nervana. Nervana. By the way, did you hear no one? No one. None of us clearly know any Nervana. We all went But I'm wearing a bang, what do you mean? - You AI Nervana. - You're just in the radio, head. ♪ Teenage waves ♪ ♪ Don't go, don't go, don't go ♪ ♪ Don't pretend, pretend, pretend, pretend, pretend, pretend, pretend, pretend, pretend ♪ Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go ♪ - I went with a Nirvana too. - I went with a Nirvana too. - I like singing. - Hey, Adam, oh, so. - Go ahead, oh, please. (laughing) - I was just gonna-- - Oh, a real question. - Yeah, yeah, I was gonna-- (laughing) - Oh, what is that supposed to mean? Nothing, nothing. What does that supposed to mean, Adam? - You know what, it means what it means, but it also means nothing. - No, it means obviously it means something 'cause you said it. - Yeah. - It was a joke because I'm always trying to be in the bitboat, you know? - Oh, you are the, you know what? - You're the Honda. - You're the Honda? - In the bitboat. - A Honda. - A boat? - Yeah, bitboat. I'm going bits or not. Quick, I'll come back to that question. - Pro call. - Quick, pro call. - Here's sometimes you can be in the bitboat and it gets you in the trouble. When we were on our pregnancy journey, I had to go get my swimmers tested, right? You gotta-- - Can you stop bringing that up? - Hi. (laughing) - It lost its power. - Great. But now there's a, but now-- (laughing) - I mean, why don't you congratulations, you need it. It lost its power. - It lost its power. - Very, very funny. - Very funny. - And the one gives a fuck about the journey. - I love this. I love this too. - I actually just care about the journey. - I will tell him about the journey, 'cause I don't want to-- - By the way, you sound like Bill Burr's kid. I don't give a fuck about your baby. (laughing) - That's what I'm saying. - So, fuck your swimmers and fuck your fucking shit. I don't fucking know. - All right, you're right. - So, I'm getting them tested. And I'm always trying to make jokes. And it's very nerve-wracking. You get in there, you gotta put yourself in a cup. There was a DVD player. But no DVDs, so high, I was like, am I supposed to use my imagination? And I put my head on and the guy goes, "Do you need anything?" I go, "Yeah, he did." And he goes, "Second drawer for all the movies." He goes, "There's like a thousand." I go, "That feels like too many." And then he goes, "And then I open it up, and I see there's every flavor there." He goes, "Black, white, wheelchair, Asian." And then I pop my head back out. - Wheelchair Asian. - Wheelchair Asian. - Let me finish. And I pop my head back out, and he goes, "Do you have everything you need?" Are the movies up to your liking? And to make a joke, 'cause I was nervous, I go, "You have Airbud 5." Now, that's a joke to me, clearly. And he looked at me and was like, "Uh, no." Like, "Oh, you get down." - Yeah. - Peace, yeah. - Can he slip it to you? - Yeah. - Settian? - Did he slip it to you? It's like right here. - Give me the move. - No, maybe. - Yes, I put on Airbud, and I ejaculate. Is that what you're looking for? - We don't, what kind of question is that? - Yeah, don't, I'm trying to pour my heart out. - Oh, sorry. - It's not real. And then you made a joke. - He would just respect me and my partner wife. Did she and my wife just pregnant? - Thank you so much. - Congratulations. - Congratulations. - You're good at motherly things. - Thank you. - You're not sure at all. - I appreciate that. - Is there, I've got two questions. Is there a part of being a parent that you are the most nervous for? - Oh, yeah, a parent, yeah. - What? But yeah, about being one. - Yes, I'd say bringing them into this crazy world. - Yeah. - Yeah, I don't know. I'm gonna wanna let them do whatever, discipline? - No, you're not. - How are you gonna discipline your daughter? - Great question. As long as she doesn't go on any reality dating shows, I think I'm fine. - Okay. - That's what it's gonna be. - What if she's like. - I hate that day. - Love Island. - Can I be on Kiltoni? - Yeah, yeah. - And I'm like, first of all, let's get rid of that Asian accent. And second one. (laughing) - Keep it for Kiltoni. - Keep it for Kiltoni. - You're a doctor. - Wow. - You're a doctor and me from Kodia. - Is that the story we're going with? - Oh. - Yeah, that's what I say to her. - You don't agree. - That's what I say to her. - In your improvs, you don't agree. - Ha, in your fantasies. - In your fantasies. - How did you see that? - Yeah. - In this improv, I saw that. - I saw that. - I saw that. - Yeah, yeah. - You got to go to the ground like that. - Oh, oh, oh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Get in love. - Over with Allen and his Mountain Dew Code Red. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Look what I brought. - Yeah, yeah. - A box of Mountain Dew Code Red. - Okay, yeah. - It was good space work. - Thank you. - It was. - Nobody was scared? - Scared, nervous, excited. Yeah, but more excited. I think just be silly, love them, lead with love. Do what, hug them up a bunch, play, play. I'm gonna do what I have a few. I won't put them on blast, but people in my life that I don't think have dadded as hard as they could have. So, you know, you try to recognize all those examples and then do-- - You know, my dad? (laughing) - We'll be right back. But I do want to, my dad do, I, yeah, I just, I want to be all about it, you know? I see people that go on the road all the time and I'm like, I don't think I want to do that. You know, I want to be around more. But also, you got to make money. - They say, though, and this is true. - The first couple of years, that's when you should travel, right? Is that what you're gonna say? - They say that a lot. - You don't see the comics that have kids. They tend to book more road. - They don't want to be there. - Hey, guess what? - That doesn't seem like Adam. - We could make a list if I have some friends, we have mutual friends where I'm like, do you know your kids, Nick? Like, what? Here's the thing, you're, yeah, make your money. But like, you don't have to be gone all the time. But again, to each his own, I don't think I, I don't think, to each his own. I don't think I will be like that. I'll definitely want to still, I love performing on the road. I love making money. But. - This is an interesting question. I've never brought this up before, if I may. It's interest, I said, please, please, please do it. No, no. - I can't fucking believe you right now. - I'm dying. - Peter, did you see that? - I know. - Oh my God, that's a new meme. - I hope that's a new meme. - That's so fun. - It's white behavior. - Wow. - They have to add in. - I round-eyed. - You round-eyed or bad. - I round-eyed up. - You would stop the spell that she was doing. - I said, no itch. - Yeah, I know. - Oh my God. - I always a witch. - No itch. - No itch. - Wait, okay, but ask the question. - Yeah, I'm not done. - I know, okay, okay. - You got me so perturbed. I don't even remember the great use of the word perturbed. - Perfect, you said that word. - I don't know what the question was. What was the topic? - You said you've never, you've never touched on this. - Oh, I never talked to, okay, I know what it is. All right, I've never touched about it. Is, no, I already said it, that comics tend to book themselves on the road a lot, they don't wanna be home. But here's another thing that I heard, which is something that I've been interested in, if I may. What's going on? (laughing) - It's writing down notes. - I feel like I'm gonna be fast enough. - No, no, Bobby, you're perfect. - I like that you're shaking your time right now. - Yeah, you're good. - Go for it. - Well, I'm gonna take a longer time. - I love that, I love that, yeah. - Please. - Let's go through actions of our own and through the mysteries of life. We've gone through it and continue to go through it. Yeah, and there's all these little tidbits, like when you see a monarch butterfly, flying top of a leaf. - I thought you were gonna do the tumor thing. (laughing) - This is what you're talking about, the bird and the next to the tumor? - I wasn't talking about that. - That's a hummingbird. - That was a hummingbird. - Yeah. - Not a monarch butterfly. - And that's a different group. - I think it's before groundlings, even go to memory school. - Memory school, and then just to recap, order of operations, memory school. - Memory school and groundlings, and then come back. - And then come back. - Yeah, yeah, because you're a hop. - One, two, three. (laughing) - You are, that we come together. - I love it, I love you. - I'm so happy to see you, every time I see you. - Me too. - How have you guys seen each other? - When I'm saying, let me finish. (laughing) - When I'm saying, it was that, tidbits. - When they can't home from the road, they say that they can't wait because they can't wait to drive home, that can't wait to enter the house, and have a bunch of kids run at chase after them, and be so joyful that they're home. And I probably will never know what that's like. - Can I ask you a professional question? - Yeah. - Are you gonna put my items back into the room where you found them? - 1,000%. - Because I don't like this. - Exactly where they were. - Okay. - The hat, can I ask you though, permission to speak freely? I usually don't. - No, you don't. - You've been speaking too freely. - Yeah. - Okay, okay. And guess what? The permission rescinded. - Okay. - No, go ahead. I'll give you the permission. Thank you. Permission re-granted. I used the bathroom where the cats live. Okay, there's a cat room. - Can we just stop what, you just sit there? (laughing) - I stopped by the bathroom where the cats live. - I know, it sounds like a Judy Bloom book. (laughing) - Are you there? - No, no, no, no. It's so, you're the man. - I have good news. - It is a show servicing poem. That's too long for a Judy Bloom title. - That's what I just said. - I know. - Exactly. - So, show servicing. - So, I peed where the cats live. (laughing) - That didn't go live there. - Well, that's what I have a fucking problem with you right now, guy. You make shit up, dude. My cats live in the whole entirety of the house. - Okay, so this room though, they particularly like to frequent, yeah? - Okay, I'll give you that. - Great. So, as I'm urinating, by the way. Love great bathroom, big enough for a person. I look up, and here's my impression of me in that bathroom, ready? - Yeah. - What do you think I saw? - Rooster. - What the fuck is that doing there? - Because I'm an animal person. I love animal farm, the cartoon. - I thought it was real. (laughing) I thought it was real. - Why would I have a rooster just sitting in my leg with my bathroom? - I don't know, man. That's how diabolical I am. You can't question me. - Because you think outside the box, you always-- - I always thought, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You go forward, Bobby, you go left, you know? - You know, Peter, let me ask you a question. I don't know if I've asked you this before. - Oh, Peter. - Peter. - All right, we're in a, we're in a cruise. - Oh. - Gay cruise? - See you in Adam. - Gay cruise? - It's not a gay cruise. - It's a Disney. - No, it's one of those, we're gonna go to Antarctica. - Oh, Norwegian. - I actually want to do that. - I know. - I would love to. - You're not, you're out. - Wait. - Why? - There's a way that Bobby says you're out. Like it's, it's-- - It's like American Idol just. - It's American Idol just, but it's almost like Shark Tank where they're like, I'm out. - I'm out. - But he's like, you're out. Which is like, go ahead. - It hurts. - It hurts, but it's all frame it. - Let me frame it, let me frame it. - It's a finitive though. - All right, I'm out. - Okay. - Whatever you say. - On the conversation. - Say I'm out of it. - What? - So don't say anything. - Okay. - Okay. - Is that better? - Okay. - Okay, so it's Antarctica. - Antarctica. - Glaciers. - Glacier. - Glacier, right. But halfway during. And also, here's the other mystery. - What? - The only ones on the cruise. - Oh, wow. - Just us three. - We woke up and there are no, everyone's gone. - Disease or no? - We don't know. - They've disappeared. - Let the movie unfold, man. - Oh, the movie unfold, man. - Okay. - The movie unfolded. - Is it like, yes. Is it like a syphilis outbreak or is it a new COVID? - Yeah, but so. - A ghost ship. - Since you and I can't do shit. We rely on him on navigation. - Oh, he's our captain. - Wow. - And we go Adam, is there any body mass? And he goes, I see an island. - Which is funny. - I don't know. - We go, uh oh. Here we go. I see an island, but I'm a blind ship guy. - Captain. - So I'm a captain. I go, I see the island. And you guys are so like perturbed because you're like. - No, keep it going, keep it going. - Okay, keep going. - Keep going. - You can choose your character, I guess. - But you said he's, I see an island. And so that's the big problem because he's blind. I don't want you to be blind. - My sight's back. - Oh, it's a miracle. - It's a miracle. - I do see an island. - Yeah. Into this region of the world, the saltwater petrified your eyes. - Oh. - And it goes through a process. - All right. - Okay, all right. - Eyes are all reborn. - Starring Denzel Washington. - Can I do my scenario, please? - Please. - All right, one piece. Now listen. - Thank you, thank you. - What is the question? - I'm gonna, we're on the island now. We're on the island. - Okay, yeah. - Right. So Peter, we're on there indefinitely forever. - Okay. - That sounds like fun. - It sounds like fun, now. - You're asking who am I gonna eating? - Who are you gonna hook up with? (laughing) - So you know, eating depending on where you were at. - Yeah. - From behind. - Pennywood first faces for you. - The way you and I could hook up were too close. - No. - We would laugh. - You think me and you should double team him? - Yikes. - Yeah, but you and I can't touch laugh. - Like I could see again. - Oh, I can't see again. (laughing) - Well, you know. - It's the plug. - It's not gay if you can't see it. (laughing) - God can't either. - You saw early when you were chasing after that seagull. We saw you. (laughing) - What do you mean? - Yeah, you're getting it. - Yeah. - Anyway, bend over. - No. (laughing) - That's how fast it happens on this island. - Yeah. - I'm this island. - Yeah. - I would double team with you. - We could cut that out. - Oh, what? - Oh, no, no, that's hate. - Is it an ice? - You're painting the picture and I think it's your film. - It's an icicle. (laughing) - What are you trying to say? - I'm out with you right now. - Is it an ice to go funny? - It's not an, we're not Eskimos. - Yeah. (laughing) - Inuits. - Inuits. - Yeah. - Ice Mexico. - What do you think about that, Inuits Eskimo? - Well, we can't say Eskimo. - Yeah, what do you think? - I think I'm a little too Janx to care. - Oh shit, I forgot how old you were. - Yeah, 44 this year. I'm only-- - 44, hell yeah. - Yeah, what about you? - I just turned 44. - In 1982? - Yeah. - Yeah. - For the class of 2000. - Yeah. - What am I? What's? - 44. - But I mean, but that's Janx. - I'm Janx. - I feel like earliest millennial slash Janx. I think because I was immigrant, I feel a little more Janx. - Yeah. - Here we go. Boomers 62 to 80. Janx, we just missed the cusp. We're millennials, baby. - Squarely millennials, but I act and behave Janx, I think. 'Cause Janx is more what? What do they do? - Cool. They're vapid. - No, yeah, yeah, yeah. - They're vapid. - I think they're after rocks. - Yeah, vans. - They're not drinking as much cocaine. - These are flips on the rails. - Boofins, the parkorans. - That's what we do. - That's what we do. - Bob and Bob. - What happened to the Martian Alex? They got weak. - The Martian Alex. - You can't, you can't. Martian had a fucking Karen Carpenter show. - Well. - Oh, what's her name? - Sabrina. - Sabrina Carpenter. - Karen Carpenter. (laughing) - Karen Carpenter. - Karen Carpenter. - Karen Carpenter. - What did she say? - Can you imagine a Martian, what's a Karen Carpenter show? - So, yes. - Get a car, Karen Carpenter show. - Yeah, I think it's slow, I think it's like. - I think physically and theoretically. - Theo Vonnelly. - Theo Vonnelly. - Theo Vonnelly is not gonna work. - Hey man, my principal was a fairy. (laughing) - White lady, so. - Sentent? - Okay, I'm going. - I'm full of circle. - Yeah. - Keep going. - Yeah, keep going. - Slow, slow motion. - Yeah, I see a skinhead. - Fuck you, you and our king. I'm going to Go and commit to the beat To the music on I thought you don't know the script. I thought we were fighting We know how to do Wow, oh good played Dave's back. Wait, that was so crazy. That was like cosmically us turning into one organism Like to gather the movie with Dave Rankham. No. Oh, I'd rather die You don't rather die just like you can be attached to you in any sort of way Imagine this no sleep. No, I do snore. No, it's the poundings of the night I'll dick. It's the poundings of the night that will keep me up the anyway to the bride and groom Thank you so much for speaking to my wedding, Bobby I've seen some crazy speeches. Yeah, yeah, I bet you give a good one. Have you? No, I don't think you I don't know if he would no What do you think what come? What community can give us best? Yeah, let's go to this. It hit me in a very emotional way. Yeah, hard and didn't not yeah, yeah, I'm hurt Okay, and I wouldn't like you to explain yourself. I think if I were to get if you're to do a speech up mind what a hmm It would be a miracle. You'd be amazing I think there'd be highs lots of me going He's probably be like love is like a tumor coyote Okay, right right through AI will write me a speech. Oh, oh, what kind of tone do you want comedic? In RFK's voice I'm trying I'm warming up. It was bro. That was Grover waking up from a nap There it is a little McNulty. Yeah, a little infant diesel Small box chicken box. This is the same box. Mary fuck kill you do it Tiger belly Hey, yeah, yeah, do it. Let's do an Asian R. Oh, how do we do that? Me you the funniest of the show That was it that was a moment of the thing that we're chasing after yeah, when she's a groundlings I was like bitch turn it on. Yeah Oh You guys him's offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with the ingredients that work Including choose oral medications serums and sprays prescription strength ingredients like finasteride and minuxedil can help prevent further Hair loss and regrow hair and as little as three to six months. That's right, baby You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself We have our juice right here. 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Get in All right, yeah, I'd share yeah That's That's sure finding out they're having Panda for dinner. Yeah, you know Peter and I'm so close to selling our sitcom I would watch the fuck out of you two on a right. Are you serious? Yeah, we sold it twice who sold it twice You know who they were I'm ready the world wasn't ready. Yeah, they're never gonna be right. It wasn't there We're never gonna call it again. No, yeah, you will. Yeah, it's that we gotta make it on our own. You sold it twice twice But what was the what was the plot oh the plot? Well, we were both gatekeepers It's back to that. Yeah, he was lube. Hey, I was little dong dong. Yeah. Yeah, don't don't know what the premise of the show was Korean Korea Peter and I are brothers. Okay, and we have a sister too And we grew up our family owned a Korean spa in Korea town. I'm so in. Yeah, the three cameras that come. Oh my god They're retiring so she knows the sister maybe yeah us three were the Different directions on how the spa's gonna go great. Yeah, but I want to keep it traditional. Yes Yeah, yeah, and I want to make it more Modern modern. Yep. Yeah, so there's that conflict and It's a nudity great question Only from the bottom of originally what I envisioned was Doing a scene with me and Peter and then having two old Korean men in the background naked exercising. Oh yeah, it's like that You and I are yeah, you and I are talking about something really serious. Yeah, yeah, that's you see a old Korean man walk by naked Yeah, anyway, never happened. Yeah, well, isn't happening now is the way to put you pitching anything to happen. Sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah, tell us Can we be on it in the early state of course? You're never gonna be on a Peter. Why he's all talk. No Well, I've got my number one age, but okay, they can't be more than you can't tap two age But you can say number one number one. Yeah, so if you aren't available number two, okay, I'm so avail Yeah, I love it. Yeah, there's Robert De Niro to your ring Wait, are you still gonna give me a bride and groom's speech? Yeah, I did you no waiting for you ready? Oh, yeah Wow because my eyes glasses are upstairs. Is there copyright free music? You can play behind it I guess no, there's no speed no speeches at music, right? Violin And you ready? Yeah, good evening everyone. I'm Adam's best friend Bobby Lee and I was gonna start the speech with a joke about A broken pencil, but never mind. It has no point I've seen Adam play a lot of roles. I watched him play Vince McMahon on young rock and I saw him stripped down In welcome in chippendales You wrote this IMDB Partners name what's his partner's name? We're talking to his partner Amanda Amanda I don't know how you got him to put on a taxi today, but on behalf on everyone eating dinner. Thank you All right, all right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. Pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. You see it now cat. I can see it Yes, let's go through all this crazy. Oh wow Look, it's honestly we have expected him to walk into the alter in his bald cap pointing at the priest and give his best Doctor Phil will be right back Adam's been so much time with Dr. Phil trying to fix everyone else's problems It's beautiful that he finally found someone willing to put up with his own problems Oh, but what you're what you're gonna get is this though. Yeah, that's the problem the un Unfiltered on his yeah, of me like let's have him on drunk. Let's say relapse. Oh, right the wedding look You know Adam you're a fucking fucking gay dude And I've always thought that I've seen these I don't know how you made it. I've seen these pieces. I don't know how you made it in the business Wolverine you piece of shit. Yeah, your family should be so And I'll see you guys there That's better right that's better. Yeah, it's more harry. Yeah, who would you not want to be at your wedding? Oh Jeffrey Epstein Nice good choice. That's a good one. Yeah, um who else? Those are pretty pretty strong. What I'm saying is you already had your wedding, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, wasn't invited But yeah, yeah, you know, we've already talked about this. Yeah, you were okay. Yeah Good you and Andrew were both invited and didn't go congratulations. Well, you really are bad friends Chappelle lacy's dick You think it's bulb is like that. I think so. What's influenced by white? What is that? I don't even know what that means I'm a little tired. Sorry. I'm jet lagged from the australia. I need to take you a little bit of about it Hmm because I bet they loved you guys, right? Yeah roses and thorns give us something Um, well one night I was practicing some characters. - I love it. - And I got really into, I smoked a little bit of weed. - Ooh, the Australia weed. - Australia weed. - Pretty good. - And I decided to do some scenes. - By yourself? - In my room. - And so my objective was to sell cookies to a panel of businessmen. - That's not true. - Japanese businessmen? - That's not true. - Yeah, I was. - No, I'm telling you the truth. - That's not the truth. - That was the truth. - That was the truth, okay. Anyway, I got the trip was fun. - We were in high school. - No, not high school. - Anyway, it's like, - Jennifer. - You don't know, fuck Jennifer. We're gonna send it. - They're arguing over the character you use. - Tonton? - Yeah, I wanna talk, oh, a tone tone. It was Carlos, one of the Japanese businessmen. Carlos is tone tone galore. And he's a TED talk speaker. - Awesome. - Game to this high school. - Oh my god. - He snapped. He took a magazine and beat the shit out of him. - I got a cat with the fucking magazine. - Jesus. - So that's what happened. To the point where she's getting beat so badly, that I couldn't stop breathing. I stopped breathing. - She was laughing so hard. - Oh my god. - He was beating the shit out of her with this fucking knife. - Yeah. - Comedy's doing it. - It was funny. - It's the other way around. - It's different. - It was good. - Do they love you? Big reception? - Booze. - No. - They're drunk. - Yeah, I've never played that again. - Really? - Yeah. - It's too drunk in chaotic. - No, it was great. - It was great. - Have you loved it? - Everything. Everything's great. Everything is wonderful. (laughing) - They are. - Anyway. - But the pancakes were good in Australia. I love the pancakes. - The food is good. Did Gary Owen tell you to go to that place in Melbourne? There's a pancake place? - No, I don't talk to Gary Owen about pancakes. (laughing) I've never talked about pancakes. Has Gary done this pod? - Yeah. - Yeah, we love Gary. - Crazy. - We love Gary here at this pod. And I have not talked about pancakes. - I have a question. Do you have any names for your kids? - Yes. - And your girl. - Can we pitch some? - Yes. - Oh, this is probably come up with a name on this pod. When I leave, we'll have a name in the pod. - Oh my god. - Do you have a letter in mine? - Yes. - What? - A, A? - A and N. - N. - Oh. - I got N. - Also. - I got N. - Well, no, not that. - Go do that. - Which one? - What? - So everybody, we'll go around and we'll take turns. - Okay. - How about just A, names? - Just any names. How about just any name? - Okay. I've got one. - Kat, go ahead, start us off. - I'm gonna go with Daffodil. - Not bad, not great. - You could be Daffy for sure. - Daffy. - Also not great. - Hey Daffy. - Ayrabella. - Warmer, because I think we want a name that doesn't feel connected to anything. Like, we can't be Bobby or Kat because we know those. - Adelaide. - Not bad. - Addy. - Not bad. - You got some Addy. - Addy. - Addy. Addy's fun. - Addy Rae. - Addy Rae sounds like a jazz singer. - Addy Rae. - Can I say something? - Addy Rae. - It's all about the name. - It is. - If you don't pick Addy, this person's gonna become a loser. - Oh. - You have to go with Addy, I think. - Addy Rae is with Addy. - Addy, Addy, Addy, Addy. - Ooh, if people go, Addy, Addy. - Addy, Addy. - Yeah, at the strip club. - Oh. - Yeah. - One more time for Addy Addy. - All nude. - Yeah, what song? (laughing) - Oh, yeah. - It's a probably right. - She's a Rae. - No, uh-oh. (laughing) - What is it? - I love it. - If she's in the Lion King character. - I knew, you're right though. If you know one of these characters, like people. - Yeah, like Simba. Simba's a great name, but we can't. - You can't use already taken. - What about that? - No. - No. - How about Nathalie? Is it Nathalie? - That stripper. - Nathalie. - That stripper or a place. - Nathalie. - Nathalie. - Nathalie. - Oh, so it's Nathalie, but not Nathalie. - Nathalie. - A-a-a-a-a-a-a-dolph. - A-dolph. - A-a-a-a-a-dolph. - That was my grandpa's name. - Yeah, yeah. - No, just three A's ahead of it. - A-a-a-a-dolph. - A-a-a-a-dolph. - A-dolph. - A-dolph. - A-dolph. - Not bad, actually. - Okay. - Adriana, Alilla. - And that's Asia. - Aria. - Aspen. - Aria's a casino. Aspen's a place. - A lot. - Win. - A lot. - You got to say like, "Water Freeman." - I would go Kira. - Kira's good. - A Kira's great. - Kira's never like it. - It's like a Mortal Kombat. - Oh, white kid. - It's a Japanese anime. - That's Japanese anime, that's right. - Yeah. - A Kira. - I think that's it. - A Kira Suzuki Rey. - A lot. - Oh. - That's-- - I mean, I'm just spitballing, but that's really good. - More of that spitballing. - I think she's playing the piano. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think she's gonna be Suzuki Train. - Suzuki Train. - That's what she will be. - Yay. - Wow, okay. - All right, we got it. Is it that or no? - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - Really? - Yeah. - That's fun. - What is it? - Well, you wouldn't really know what it is. Naomi. - Yeah. - That's a good one, N-word. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And Naomi. - Yeah. - You lied. - You know, there's so many. - Naomi. And we're gonna call her Omi, for sure. We can call her Omi a lot. - What was the inspiration? - She liked it. - Naomi Watts. - Campbell. - Yeah, we love the movie Godzilla. So. (laughing) And we said who did the best performance in the 2016 film, Godzilla? And we said at the same time Naomi Watts. So then we said, it's either Watts or Naomi. - Naomi Watts was not in the 2016's Godzilla. (laughing) - She was in King Kong. - Oh, you might need to change this name. - Is that racist? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Just think that Godzilla's King Kong. - Oh. - Ooh. - Babe. - Yeah. - Sorry, we're changing her name. - Or you can come back. - Do it Kira Suzuki. (laughing) Sorry, final answer. - I know. - Final answer, bitch. - I know what you could do. You could combine. - That's so mean. - You can combine King Kong and Godzilla. - I'm sorry, I love you. - At Asian and Black and put a golf club in his hand. - God's Kong. - He's a complicated Asian. - Tiger Woods. - Kingzilla. - Tiger Belly Woods. Has anyone ever just taken Tiger Belly? Has anyone ever just taken someone's full name and then added their last name? - Like what? - Like, could she be Bobby Lee Ray? (gasping) - That's a country singer. - Bobby Lee Ray. - Bobby Lee Ray. - Bobby Lee Ray. - Bobby Lee Ray. - Bobby Lee Ray. - Bobby Lee Ray. - We'll incorporate the last name into the first name. Like, for instance, I would have named my kid Ugg. - Boot. - Ugly. - Ugly boot. - Ooh, ugly boot. - Yeah, so what's Ray that we can use? - Ray Dar. - Ray of Sunshine. - Ray Dar's a, - Ray, Ray's your last name. - Yeah. - He can be the first name. - Ray, Ray Charles Ray. - How about Ray? - Son Ray. - Ray Donovan. - Ray J. - Ray J. - Ray J gets the machine. - No, like son Ray. - Oh, son Ray. Oh, like, oh. (laughing) - No, I like son Ray. - Ray Siss. - Ray Siss. - Yeah. - Ray Siss. - Oh, Sissed. - Yeah, Siss Ray. - Sissed. - They called me A-Ray, Gay Ray, Jello Jiggler, and Jello Jiggler. - Jiggler. - That was a real big kid. - What's that one? - When I was a fact kid, somebody called me Jello Jiggler. - You were a fact kid. - Oh yeah. - Oh, one of the worst on earth. - One of the worst. - No way. What do you mean, he was mean to the fact kid? - Well, the picture of me in Kendall Gill. The, I was a fact kid too. - How big? - I was born. - I think six grade, I was 185. - I was 170 and fourth grade. - Oh. - Oh. - And you're like, you're like, oh wow, you're wearing three shirts. - You're this lesbian right here? - Yeah. (laughing) - Whoa. - My name was Susan, thank you very much. - Okay. - What do you call that body though? - The Cathy Bates. - Homely. (laughing) - The Bates. (laughing) - I went to the hair salon, I go, give me the, give me the Laurie Metcalf. (laughing) - Oh, you get the Katie Lang. - Look at those lips, I didn't have to pay for candy. - Yeah, Rosie O'Donnell. - Did you get girls back then? - Girls, guys, gags, girls. - Everyone. - Look at that. - Great eyebrows, like through. - Oh, yeah. - You, you are cute. - You're cute. - Yeah, yeah. - Look at that kid. By the way, don't know where that was with that camera. - That kid so happy. - Look at that, January 6th. Is that January 6th? (laughing) - Oh my God, Bob, you did a great job. - You did a great job. - The joke of the episode. - Another one. - Unlippable. - Clippable, baby. - Well, yeah, I missed that vest. - And then you got ripped. - Whoa, those me and my brother Logan. - Whoa. - Whoa. - That's you, do you ride? - Yeah. - Whoa, that's real. - No, that's you. - What happened? - Or that's on the right. - Whoa. - Logan's on the left. And that was fake putting chest here on him. I think he was 11. - That's not what I was saying. - Whoa. - That was high school. I put down as you go. I quit football to play down as you go. - Wait, so you got, you stopped being fat quick. - No, you got girls there. - No, no, I was. - Yeah, you were a hot dog. - That was a better time. - You looked completely different. - Yeah, then I do now? - Yeah, no, from the fat one. - From the fatty fat, fat, fat, fat. - Your eyebrows grew in. - I grew out of it. Oh yeah. - Look at your face. - I was fat kid from fourth and fifth. And then most of six and then six. - For real. - And then my grandpa goes, you know, you can't wear sweatpants in your bum. - It's for, and I was like like mid-bite. This is me posing as, okay, what's going on here? I don't like it. So this is the jamboree for '89ers. My mom goes, first of all, the pants, wait too long. - Nobody molested you back then. There's no way anyone will molest that. - No, that's like the air coming out of that. That's Les Monelle, yeah. I must stop. Yeah. I mean, did you steal that from Liberace? That's the best pants. - That's a great-- - The only thing that fit is the glove, and it barely fits. - I should use stop using Liberace references. - No, no, no. You don't use enough. - I think they're all I think. - I think it's fine. - Try to include it three more times. - Maybe a new version of Liberace. - Who do you think told me to lean up against a tree like that? - Liberace. - Your mom? - Your mom. - My mom for sure. - She's direct art director. - Of course. - She's the two more times, two more miles. - She was like, lean up against a tree. Put your hand out. You're a star. You're a star. - Mom, I'm not playing. - Hit it up. - I'm playing. - I know I've been on the team. You bought this outfit at Goodwill. - No. - That's what it seems, that's so funny. - That's so funny. - That's so funny. - We gotta blow this up. We gotta blow this up. We gotta get you a trading card. Your favorite play is ice cream cake. - Roughly anything else. - It seemed like you were not abandoned here. - Oh my. - No, you had parents that loved you. - Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant to say. - I had, I had what, yeah, I mean, yeah. - I mean, I don't know about the pants, but I feel like they loved you. - Yeah, tell me about the pants. - Give me your mom dressed as a kid. - Your pants, in your opinion, about the pants. - We are a pant, I think that they are, I would wear them today. - They are you. - Cat. - I would. - Yeah, okay. - For a bit, or-- - For a bit. - And then you take 'em off and burn 'em, right? - Shhh. - No, I'd probably wear that whole outfit, probably without the matching glove, I think, is too much. - Well, it's a Seattle Mariners glove, but it does match the-- - Let's move on from this part, I'm part of it. - I would wear just a glove. - What's the next picture? - Oh. - No, we just had this one on there. - Where did you find all these pictures? And this was made a couple weeks ago. - Oh, wow. - Getting to do a spot in the OR. - Have you tried any? - Maybe a little bit. - Why don't you do Liberace? - Liberace is fun. - Really? - I'll tell you why, because he's whimsically gay. You know what I mean? He can buy a lot of things. He can have a lot of things that you can't get, like dragons breath and things like that. - Wow. - There's just certain things that he has and he can collect. - What does this sound like? - What does that look like? - He's just a magical, just think of a, make, Liberanti, a magical. - He's like past gay, I feel like, right? - Yeah, he's beyond gay. - He's proto gay, yeah, yeah. Like past, like old school gay or like he's beyond being gay. - He's his own version. - Well, he was the first one. He was the first gay. - Yeah, ever. - Yeah, he could have been. - Yeah. - Yeah. - If he'd turn old. - Michael Douglass played him, right, in that show. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And he was known for what? - He was known for what? - Being gay. - Being gay. - Magic, that's it, magic. - He did do magic. - All right, I think he was a sink. - What's gay magic? - Tell me about gay magic. - Well, when you get two tops and one bottom. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you see who comes first. - Oh, ta-da. - They called that the prestige. - Oh, prestige, I see. - Yeah. But anyway, what a, his, also where he lived, his houses are insane. - Oh my goodness. - Go to a Liberacci house. - Was it all like marble and gold? - Yeah. - Super swanky. - This is what he would do. - He looks different. - No, that's Sammy Davis, Jr. - Oh, that's over. But he would host a lot of shows like this. - It is weird to see. - It's a weird talent show. - The dancing is kind of awkward, right? - No, it's not. What are you talking about? - Nothing. - It's all people entertained back in the day. - Yeah, dancing. - Look at that. - We don't do that. - This is my dream. - Yeah, I know that is. - Oh my god, this marble tub. - Yeah. - And that's not water. I'll tell you that right now. (laughing) - What is it, Bobby? Stupid. - What is it, Bobby? If I'm gonna need my childhood. - I have no idea. - You better tell me what's in that tub. - Yeah. - Elephants involved. - Wow. - Oh, hello. - Hello. - Hello. - What would you, if you had all that money, would you, I mean, these are the types of entertainers that just, I mean, Michael Jackson's that too, right? You ever see him in Vegas, where he's walking around these-- - Buy him off. - Just buying everything. Like, what prompts you to want a golden goose bath? - Michael Jackson was like, out by this. I was like, you're buying the mall? - Yeah. - Yeah. - The whole town. - Yeah, the whole town. - I want the synabon, the wetzels. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let me ask you something, a fat fat. What do you call fat? - Fat burger. - Yeah. - Fat burger. - Yeah. - Tito, what's that Julius place? - I do, you know. - Orange, Julie. - Oh, hi, Michael. - Hey, I'm just part of the mall. - I wanna miss-- - Orange, Julia. - I wanna miss his-- - You love Orange, Julia. - Mrs. Filled's cookie. - Mrs. Filled, yeah. - And I'm-- - You know what else are you like? - Lady for dogs. - Hot dogs. - Hot dogs. - On a bun. - You like steak? - Hot dog steak. - You love that. - I like the feet of my head. - Yeah, this is suck on it, doesn't chew it. - I like the suck on my head. - He just sucks on the hot dogs. - And the breading? The breading will eventually disappear. - Disappeared. - Right, and you hopped off that thing. - Well, stop it, Jimmy. - Yeah, you're good. - Tito. - Tito, Tito. - Anyway, welcome to Gap Kids. - Thank you, we love this. We don't like the other gap. - Oh, sorry, got lost in our conversation. - Because we have friends that were-- we're buying birthday presents. - We're buying birthday presents for our friends. - All of a sudden. - And bubbles. - And bubbles, I'm lucky. - Oh, there's bubbles right there. There's bubbles. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - Sorry. - Bubbles is mad, they take away the pain to express. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, there's nothing to express. - Oh, I don't like magic wok. - Okay, we turn up two things to say. He chose to say that. - Yeah, you go ahead. - The magic wok. - Michael, Michael, go ahead, Michael, talk. - Hee hee. - Oh, Michael. (laughing) - The fact that he spoke one thing, that's the only thing I've ever seen. - I don't like magic walk. (laughing) - There he is. - Oh, that's it. - There you are. - So funny. - Anyone, you take, take, anyone, take, take, anyone, you take, take, and one, and one, and one, and one, and one, and one, and one, and one, and one. - What's that song? - Anyone, anyone, any, okay, any, okay, any, okay. - Any, okay, any, okay, any, okay, any, okay. - Yeah, anyway, look at that. - I'm a truth criminal. - Give me more of this. - Bubbles want some too. - Damn, dude. - By the way. - Bubbles is still alive. - Question. - Yeah. - If you had Michael Jackson money, what's the animal you're getting to be your bubbles? - Bubbles. - Yeah, like what, if you, you know, Michael wanted them on key for what? Friendship purposes? - Yeah. - And he was all. - Someone who wouldn't judge his actions in the bedroom. - Totally. - Anyway, check him out. So you promoted anything? (laughing) - Yeah, promoted the Adam Ratio on Netflix, new episodes every Friday. To me, my characters, past guests include, Dave Matthews, Michael Buble, Andrew Santino, my mom coming up the rock, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, hopefully Bobby Lee, Nikki Glazer, Melissa McCarthy, Mark Normand, Jelly Roll, The Goo Goo Dolls, and Practical Jokers, new episodes every Friday. The 30-minute episodes, and they're silly and fun. - Congratulations. - And I put a lot into it, and I'm very proud of it. - Congratulations. - Thank you. - Andrew Santino did a very fun episode live in the store, and if you're asking, oh, what's that? My dream guest. Conan O'Brien, Tom Hankson, Bobby Lee. - You're gonna get up. - You'll get the first two. - Anyway, and come see me on to AdamRateCommie.com and YouTube.com/AdamRateCommie for all the Dr. Phil. So there's a Dr. Phil documentary getting ready to come out on my YouTube. All and Dallas episode with Bobby Lee is one of the better episodes, very fun, and that'll be on my YouTube.com/AdamRateCommie. Come see me on the road, AdamRateCommie. (mumbles) - Thank you for having me. As plugs go, 10 out of 10. - That was great. - Yeah. - Perfect. - Oh, and come see my baby on the road. She'll be opening for me in 20 years. - Ooh. - Little Naomi. - For sure. - Any advice for? - Naomi. - Any advice for my future daughter? - Read. - Read. - Read. - Read. - What's happened? - She needs to read. - The YouTube comments. - And read. (laughs) - Of your dad. - Of my dad. - Peter, you wanna plug anything? - Sunday night, studio city. Please come out and see me at my show at night on Earth. Every Sunday, 7 p.m. - Love that. - Kat? - Oh, I'm gonna be in Texas with Ramsey at the pool. - Cut this out. (laughs) - I see you guys pitching it. - Okay, go ahead. - Head to where? - It's gonna be at the punchline in Houston. - Go check it out. - September 9th. - Great club, September 9th. - Shout out to Molly. - Molly. - It's almost sold out, right? - Uh-huh. - And September. - Four tickets. - Bobby. (laughs) - Well, only four tickets left? - Yes. - No, four sold. (laughs) - You guys help out, Houston. We're on you. - Come on out, September 9th. - September 9th. - This is how you get them out. You can't go, it's almost sold out. You have to say, we have to take it. - Yeah, we got nothing. - We have so many. - Four tickets. - Irving, we're doing Dallas, Irving, nine tickets. - Irving's got two tickets. - Two tickets. - Two tickets sold. - Two tickets sold. - So guys, get on them. Plenty of room. Great clubs, plenty of room. Go to Irving or Irvine. It doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter. - It doesn't matter. - Watch it in the show. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's a power combo. - Yes. - Anyway, how do you think today went? - Awesome. - I love it. - We guys are cool, weird. - Yeah, you guys have a great, the vibe in here is always great. And it's comfy. It's a safe space. - It's pure American, you know what I mean? - Entertainment. - Yeah. - Father, yeah. - Vodville. - Vodville. - Vodville. - Vodville. - It's very va. - You know what? And we love that. We appreciate it. - We do love that. - A little jet lag. Hopefully, I've fulfilled the host position. - You did great. - I think so. You crushed it. - You did. - I mean, guys, Bobby Lee. Give Adam a round of applause. - Yeah. - Guys, thank you. Come see me out the door. Adam Ray. (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language)