Adam Ray's Kelly Takes Over Whiskey Ginger!

Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series presented by FanDuel. Hey there, fans. I am not touring anymore this year. I am going to tour next year, and if you want me to come to your city, please comment down below on this video or wherever you are watching this from and say, hey, come to my city, please, because we're organizing a tour right now for next year to come to your towns. All right, enough rambling. Let's go to the episode. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean him once again today. It is Kevin. Kelly Moore. Hey, YouTube. Hey, well, it's more than just YouTube. We're everywhere. We're streaming on all platforms available for podcasts. Oh, my God. Hey, Pandora. Hey, Tubi. Hey, Craigslist. Do you guys still fuck Craigslist? We don't do Craigslist anymore. No, we stopped doing that a little while ago. Remember when Craigslist had a video platform? Do I? People don't remember this. It was like early days of C-List. Yeah, I was like, oh, Miss Connections. Ooh, let me buy a couch from a pervert. And then all of a sudden, it was like, you could upload your, like, I had a friend who was, like, doing open mics. Sure. And he used to open for Dane Cook. And do you know Vinny Fasline? Yeah. So he would upload his stand-up clips to Craigslist. Wow. Which at first I was like, fucking okay, amateur. And then he got, like, he got booked at, like, the Comedy Union and the Ha Ha. And then Flappers let him headline. And next thing you know, he was like, just, he's like, he's very funny. So, but Craigslist was like, for a long time, just like the place where you went to, like, get murdered. Not anymore. Not anymore. Not anymore. No, now that's just outside. That's just outside on the streets. Kelly, thank you for coming on the show. Give me a little cheers, Kelly. Would you like to have a sip of something? I would like to have more than, you sound like my college boyfriend. Where'd you go to college? So it's a long answer. Okay. Well, you can shorten it if you'd like. Northridge Community College. Oh, that seems pretty quick. I grew up in Lake Forest Park, Washington, but I was born in, I guess it's, I guess outside of Delaware. And then my dad moved us to Lake Forest Park, Washington when I was three. And then I went to, um, Evergreen Community College in Washington for like a year, transferred to Northridge, yada, yada, yada, over the pants handjobs. And then I quit because I was just like, college is so like, I don't know. I don't, do kids watch this? Adults, usually. Grown adults usually watch this show. Do you like it? What the fuck was that? Roofie Collada. No, first of all, that was just a little bit of George C. Stagg. It's a delicious bourbon. I, no, I, it's, okay, so. Well, what do you want? We have buzz balls in the fridge. You want one of those? Okay, take me to dinner first. Where'd you like to go? Oh my God. No one ever asks you that, do they? I don't want to like get emotional right now. Please. I've never. You've never been kissed? Well, I have, but usually. The guys just put it in first and then they kiss me. Oh my God, Kelly. But I've never been taken to dinner. I would love to take you to a dinner. I don't even believe you because I'm not triggered by it. Kelly, I will take you to, name a place that you'd like to go to dinner. Chick-fil-A. I'll take you to Chick-fil-A. What's your order? The spicy nuggets and the chicken, the regular chicken sandwich with double cheese. Yeah, that's a good order. I would love to take you. I'm sorry, I, so my cycle has been, wild this past year. Do you, are you not? They're, you're not in menopause? I'm 44. You're not in menopause? I'm 44. Oh. When's menopause? Um, it can start for anybody at any time. I just didn't know what, how, I didn't know your age, to be honest. You're much younger than I thought. What did you think? I thought in your mid-50s, early 60s. I'll take that. Cougars are coming back. Yeah. Was that a cougar? I think so. I haven't been to those in a while. Yeah, I don't know if they're there anymore. What is menopause? 45 to 55. No, it starts right around now. Okay, so I got the year of fucking, ooh, it's really, it's Kelly Summer. It's Kelly Summer. Which was my old name, and then I changed it, well, it's, Kelly Moore was my name. I changed it to Kelly Summer because I thought it was, when I first came to LA, can I story time? Please. When I first, I want to, nervous. When I first came to LA, I, I just, I didn't know really anybody. I met like, you know, again, like random comedians, like I was trying to do acting, but then it was like every story. You know, every Starbucks you go to, there's a guy that's like, I have a camera and a portfolio. Do you want to be in my, you know, it's just. The one on La Brea, I've been there. Yeah. Oh my God, yeah. That guy, yeah. And I took the photos because I'm like, you need to build something out of nothing. And I literally had a backpack and some lip gloss and some Stridex and like some Magnum condoms, and that was it. You're basically Dora. That's Dora. She was a slut, wasn't she? I don't know, but I mean. She was like, me to gusta. I don't speak Spanish. That's okay. But, so I was out here just doing my thing and I met a lot of athletes. So you were big in the athletic community. They loved you. Oh, you could say that. I mean, let's just say that I should have my own trading card from Topps because of the amount of bottoms I've been. Clip it. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to say who I've been with. You should. Okay. Well, let's just say they don't call him the big hurt for nothing. Frank Thomas. No. Fucking. Jim Thomas, the Wendy's guy, or what's his name? Dave Thomas? Yeah. You did him too. Before he died. God bless. Also, Dennis Haskins. Dennis Haskins. I'm going to ask you some rumors I've heard about you, Kelly. Okay. Look, we don't know each other that well. I met you through my very, very, very close friend, Adam Ray. You, of course, are on his show on Netflix. You do like a cameo. Is that? So he's doing this show called Adam Ray Show. Clever title. Should have called it Jew Bag or something. Oh my God. Take that out. No, no. Leave it in. Oh my God. Take that out. No, he's Jewish. It's okay. Fuck. It's okay. Okay. So I. Okay. It's okay. So he has a show on Netflix, the Adam Ray Show. It's him and his characters, and he's got multiple personality disorders, so he's always like, look at me. And you're like, be yourself. So, but I know you did it. You did an episode. I did an episode, yeah. Which was so funny, by the way. Thank you very much. You're so fucking funny. I'm married, Kelly, so back off a little bit. Okay, well, I'm bi. So. That's not. Okay. Well, like, how do you know I'm not? I'm into, like, your wife and not you, because I'm into girls, too. Are you really? Well, I said that before I really thought about it. It's got to be depending on what girl. Like, you want to know what kind of girls I'm into, and then I'll get back to the Netflix show? Got it. Name a type of girl you think I'm into. I think. I would think you're into somebody like Zendaya. Close. Black, yeah. But go bigger and taller. Venus or Serena Williams. Oh, God. Bigger. Bigger. Not Sidibe, which, by the way, sounds like its own, like. Department of Shape. A Sidibe. A Sidibe. You go to. You go to. What's the mattress store? Yeah, Sleep Mattress. Sleep Number? I don't know, whatever your sponsor is. Yeah. And you go, can I get a Sidibe? And they go, we have to take you to the other store. Who is that? That's the guy that works there. Yes. So. A kind of girl that you'd like, I would assume, would be someone bigger than that. Let me give you this. Female, black, rapper. Who do you think of? I think of Nicki Minaj. Bigger. Not, like, bigger star size. Like. Bigger, like. Bigger, like. You know, she's like. She could go with us to Chick-fil-A and probably slam a couple of spicy nuggets before we even order. Missy Elliott, pre-GLP-1. Nope. Glowzilla. I don't know who that is. That's somebody I made up, I think. Oh, my God. Sorry. It's that easy, right? Just say a rapper. Go fucking Tampon Jax. She's really good. She is good. Yeah, she's very good. And her debut album is coming out. Tampon Jax, go get it. Her debut album is called. It's called Squirts It Hurts. Oh, that's so funny. I was going to say, going with the flow. Going with the flow. Very good. You're funny. Thank you. So, you know, sometimes you meet somebody and you're just like, I feel like a chemistry. I did feel the same thing when you walked in. Queen Latifah. The queen. That's my, like. That's your crush. If I'm going to go gay, it's like. That's your Hollywood crush. I'm going to Burger King at Queen Latifah's house, and we're having a fucking. A whopper. Yeah. Well, I'm going to eat her pussy. But, so, did the Adam Ray show. I interviewed the New Kids on the Block in Vegas. I think that episode's out now. It's fucking. And you guys are huge. You're a huge fan. I'm a huge Blockhead. Like, if you can see the girls, like, they're covered in New Kids and some other stuff, because, you know, I. Joey was nasty, huh? Well, not the band, but, like, they have. There's always, like, husbands or stray guys that go to the shows, because it's a woman festival. Right. Their cruises, it's 3,500 horny, drunk, fucking chicks, and so I met a couple guys that were just like, I'm going to go to the New Kids on the Block show and find a fucking, find a fucking shit. I'm going to puke. Whoa. Yeah, so. So, you got what you needed. I got what I needed, yeah. You know that song? It gave you just what I needed. I got it. The cars. Little then some. Or, little more than I needed. But, so, anyway, did that, and then I interviewed John Stamos for his Netflix show, and I think that comes out soon. Wow. But it's, like, Netflix is cool. Like, it's always my go-to at night, like, Murder Docs, which, like, I'm now. I can't really. I can't watch Murder Docs in the night anymore. I have to watch them in the daytime. Do you live alone? See, this is what I'm talking about. I listen to this murder podcast, and they say, don't tell. If you're going to tell people that you listen to Murder. podcast don't tell them personal information about yourself i guess i told you i i'm 44 but yeah i know an awful lot about you in the short little time that we've been together i live actually i'm an open book you know what i want my memoir title to be called fuck it fuck it and then which means like this is like take it or leave it which could also be a title but like this is take it or leave it because like these things cost how much do you think these things cost oh i i don't uh comment about uh stuff like that i don't uh what is it 1993 just look at my tits and guess a price bob barker thanks carlos one dollar by the way he's hot don't hit on carlos he's not he's not that's another name of my book don't hit on carlos yeah and then everyone has to fucking read wait till chapter 30 to find out who the fuck i'm talking about you're an interesting carlos you're not an opening of the book chapter well he could be you could be thank you just focus on us you don't need to keep hitting on carlos carlos kelly this is good by the way it is very good yuck second yum third let's go right you have seen my i've seen your stuff yeah when i go to any sort of like i don't know karaoke bar or rave i've gotten into raves big time lately you're a big raver oh yeah do you use and abuse yeah what am i a fucking sober person well i didn't know are you into do you go to raves you do molly and stuff like that molly coke ecstasy shooters boomers cooters uppers downers here's the thing dr fauci's always like don't do drugs right is that what he says i don't i didn't read his book i didn't either but i saw him in a clip and he was like and i was like i'll do the drugs thank you dare officer right because they were always like trying to dare you basically that's what they were doing is that what the dare meant dare you to do drugs that's how i took it how'd you take it it was a drug abuse resistance education is what it was an acronym for so i took it pretty literal yeah yeah do you remember the first drug you did take me back to chitown chicago yeah awesome first drug i did marijuana awesome very fun it's still so fun and then right after that i did just i went right to heroin oh god i feel like get the other stuff out of the way i'm saving heroin for when i'm like 85 i'm just gonna go fucking buzz balls and shoot and heroin balls and yeah a big ball it's like balls well like think about it if i'm still fucking in my 80s i don't want to like i want to be on drugs when i have to look at some fucking veiny shaft i feel that like now you look at a cock and you're like ha you know but when you're 85 you're like what is it you don't care no you're like bring it on i've seen playgrounds that look worse than this okay that i mean yeah you know you strike me kelly as somebody who's very secure with themselves oh my god i that's welcome to your oprah and jennifer aniston always said 40s are the new 30s and at first i was like okay i mean why would i listen to you like you propelled dr oz and you aniston you you know have enabled a lot of people to do some wild shit you know really oh yeah oh there's like there's a whole underworld have you ever heard about the freeway that celebrities can use the freeway the underground tunnels that celebrities can use there's tunnels in new york i've heard about those oh no like will smith famously you and i think all the fresh prince cast use this underground tunnel carlos hit me the one the one under sunset boom the one under sunset you know where katsuya is yeah boom there's a tunnel there boom where does it go um that was so fucking rude but i blame your um what is it patchouli oil that's a little patchouli in there you know mark maron uses patchouli oil you can smell him when he's coming down the hallway the comedy walk the gates because he doesn't want you oh sorry mark i love you i met a bit um a compadre once did you ever hook up with mark somebody told me you hooked up with mark you did you did no so yeah let's just say i locked the gate and i met obama wow that's what he calls his penis that's what mark maron calls his penis obama yeah it's fucking wild i want to get inside your pussy is that that's kind of what you have to have an obama if you're from chicago i mean maybe i think so just because of the pride that we have for you know it's our city and our people you're like it's cool that you're like definitely like the chicago guy now like you're like the golf guy like i watch your golf show yeah and i know that like i know that like you're like in that world now which is so cool it used to be nate bergatzi and then he went to the white house and everybody was like uh-oh but now it's like but now it's like you've always been you're just more also like i've seen you with like travis kelsey which is so cute like all the guys like you're you're just like the fuck you're so fun i'm just trying to have fun you're trying to have fun and that's all that matters in life live it up suck it up spark one up burn one down you have a lot of fun oh my god you're one of these people that i know that you know adam has told me a lot about you about the stuff that you get into and i did hear that you also have a big big heart now your tits are huge but your heart is even bigger because what i've heard is great book title tits are huge hearts bigger i've heard like a real big heart i've heard like a reverse grinch you give the gifts out you don't you don't steal put out the gifts under the tree wink wink you're putting out a couple gifts right now and thank you for that call me mark let's unwrap them yeah i i i mean adam's a fun guy too like he you guys are one of this i've known him for a long time he's a really wonderful guy he's a very talented funny comedian but i will say they just get like they get in the way can i be honest i asked the doctor for bees he was like did you say g those are g's oh they might be fucking triple x's i mean the g forces out of those things got to be incredible like vin diesel's head they kind of do do you have you heard his rap song vin he raps diesel not baker yeah oh i had no idea yeah vin diesel raps it's not great but it's not bad here's the thing jamie foxx sings why can't vin diesel sing like when actors want to make the switch kevin bacon has a band david um dacovny has a band sutherland keever sutherland has a band who's got the most who's got the best band though i think the bacon brothers rick moranis shut the fuck up he has a great band he has a band he'd play in new york all the time what are they called what are they called honey i shrunk the band recess monkeys recess monkeys home run absolute home run yeah that's the berry bonds of bands because that's a home run bbb the berry bonds bands i've heard that you are someone who is really kind with animals you're a vegan or vegetarian i go back and forth so like i had some salmon today so that's a pescatarian oh can you still say that you can i think i'm sure carlos look that up that's not that's i don't think that's offensive at all i like like look i had a turkey burger yesterday i had salmon today i don't know if it's like my body changing on me but i i don't think i'll ever not eat meat it's like the same way i don't think i'll ever not drink i have friends that have gotten sober i don't want to say their names actually you know what fuck it where's my i'm calling you out cam where's mine right there so my show on the adam ray show on netflix streaming now is called kelly calls it and that's call it like so it's like my like hot take you know like call it so hey guys kelly's calling it oh shit is that kelly sounds like she's calling it again um hey sober friends you know who you are devin and rob so recently you guys got sober oh my god congrats on the lifestyle change not that's a good one i'm calling you out cam where's my show on the adam that's a fart bomb because you have blown up our friendship you now are so tuned into everything you read every blog you tweet every article and you don't have that little vice that little voice in your head to be like um maybe don't suck the energy out of breakfast with all your aggressive stances on trans athletes and maybe finish your fucking mimosa and tell everyone how you think norbit is one of the most underrated comedies of the 2000s and it really is but you know i'm saying it really is like it's like people that get sober and sorry you don't have self-discipline and can't do everything in moderation you don't have that voice to be like breathe breathe smoke that joint and instead of telling us how global warming and ai is going to kill us all tell us how you thought you once met kevin spacey at a burger king did you guilty really what was that conversation like oh so quick i go oh my god i go shut the fuck i'm so bad at colding it in i go shut the fuck up i'm sitting behind him and i go kevin fucking spacey's at bk and he turned around he was like oh that's what he did yeah he just kind of looked like it's me surprise like i'm at bk like where did you think i was going to be fucking kb toys was he working there at burger king no he was just snacking macking i don't know what he got either he was in and out i think he just got a drink which is so weird that's so suspect when guys just get a drink it's like burger king it's whopper or chicken fries or we're probably just the whopper you know what i'm not having that i tell people i'm not having but i'm having anyway what taco bell well you're having it because like it's the same way i treat like car crashes i go it's not gonna be my fucking sedan it's not gonna happen to me totally so when i eat a chalupa i go my my friend can i call her out call her out go kelly calls it out sharice hey bitch here's my impression of sharice don't eat the taco bell lettuce that's she's a wow she's a big girl yeah but she's always like don't eat the taco bell lettuce and i go okay i don't tell you how to fucking she's like a big two-hander when she like gives bjs and i'm always like it's no hands are bust for me so you tie your hand behind your back well i let the guy sure it's also like it's fun to feel like you're being arrested a little bit yeah like i'm not pro-ice but like you read your miranda rights while you're giving head that's kind of fun oh my god you have the right to remain silent anything you say i mean wouldn't that be kind of fun andrew no i'm not i'm not i'm just saying that's funny i'm trying to influence you no i well i just like i've never been to jail and it's like i don't think i don't think you want to go to jail have you been yeah i went to jail one time yeah for a drunken public for being um disorderly in public oh god intoxicated america loves to drink but we also love to think about the drunk people once they get drunk like what they're up to right and we're not good like cops the amount raise your hand if you've been at a house party and it's been shut down by popos i mean all of us keep that hand raised if you were if every time the popos walked in you had nothing to do with why it was being shut down and literally you're looking at the cops and you're like oh my god i'm not going to go to jail i'm not going to fucking really you're not even like i know that you work at the fucking westfield mall greg you know but you're i don't know if i didn't have to keep your hand for all that but i just hate buzz kills like buzz balls i'm open to but buzz kills i'm telling you like life is short like you could get hit by a fucking foster's freeze truck tomorrow you could are you okay yeah i just have like these caffeine headaches from time to time put your put it put a hand up real fast one ready oh that feels like i'm on judge judy you are what a fucking put a finger down if you've had a threesome huh put a finger down if you had a threesome oh put a finger down if you had a foursome oh put a finger down if you had a fivesome put a finger down if you've taken down an entire afl football team before because i've heard that you've done some damage overseas oh my god they call me well i don't want to say what they call me you can say it well it's like a german thing they call me well i heard you they call you jelly belly kelly yes yeah because you got a jiggler yeah because you're a little bit thicker than then you now you're in great shape but you're a little heavier yeah i like look do i eat pop tarts every day no but do i enjoy the occasional tub of cool whip yeah i'm american i'm sorry don't sell to the grocery store if you don't want me to fucking eat it that's true um you have any pets kelly i didn't know you were gonna ask that we can we can disregard that follow me on instagram i do follow you on instagram i i don't keep up with all the posts i foster a ferret and it recently died i apologize i'm sorry no no no ferrets have like a life expectancy of like six months is that true what was the ferret's name look that up what's that it's five to seven years five to seven years so yours died quite early yeah was there something that you did it wasn't something that i did not do so you're supposed to feed it every day yeah and i went away i got i met this guy he was like oh my god i have a place in cabo i'm a sucker for cabo like you want to get me to do anything invest in an app ask tell me you have a place in cabo and i'm like like carlos do you have a like do you have a place in cabo yeah right on the marina he does oh my god so like okay i'll see tell my family i'll see them for new years oh wow living with carlos now but so i just i went away for too long came back i asked my friend jed to watch it and he was like jed bush yeah and he was like ask jenna bush i've known most of bushes like my whole life yeah how are you so plugged into politics i don't know i went to one rnc and then and then i went to a couple kill tony's and then i went to i met chelsea clinton at a rave she's fucking a badass bitch i've heard so then i went to party with her and hillary who parties hard oh my god this is what is so crazy like you look at trump and again i don't like whatever like he's building a ballroom rfk is wrestling rattlesnakes when he should be worrying about our carbohydrate intake i don't like i don't follow politics it sounds like you do but but hillary was like fucking dfw like more than gw and i've partied with him but anyway my point is chelsea lived it up had a great time there's fun on both sides there are some guys in politics that like chris christie i'm like okay what is all about stephen miller like the guys that get caught with like child porn and other stuff it's like it's so easy like everyone was so sad when lindsey graham died and i was like yeah and like it did you know i was on my period so like i saw lindsey graham died and i was like oh my god i haven't had haven't had golden grams in forever so i drove to the grocery store i got a bunch of golden grams they had came out with a new flavor double chocolate chunk fudge so like i'm eating golden grams i'm thinking about lindsey graham and how did he die and then like lindsey graham like like cross-dressing came up and then christine ohm's husband's tits came up there's scandals every day there is like it's almost like do who even runs the country because every day there's a new like who's said it who did it what we're talking about there was a rumor that you went to one of those i fly those indoor skydiving machines with pete hegseth is there any validity to that there's a little bit i didn't want to go again i as a joke sometimes i meet a guy at a bar that i recognize i'll go 60 for an hj 80 to listen to your stories 120 to meet your family and i said there's a joke right like i'm clearly not a stripper like well yeah i guess the fishnets yeah the top is the top is a little bit provocative i mean i think the top is nordstrom rack but it is it's in their provocative section yeah provocative rack is that crazy nordstrom rack has a provocative section because usually they're supposed to be like discounted shorts and jeggings right but now they're like we gotta like it's like the it's like the guy it's like your dad's friend who's like 65 but he wears abercrombie that's what nordstrom rack is that's right we've got a provocative section too for all the sluzzies do you want to address at all i don't know if you want to but there was a you had a laser hair removal accident you want to talk about that i do so we all have friends who have gone to turkey right and and you know who they are by the way oh yeah like they do a good job yeah but it's obvious right whatever but also congrats but but i had like you know there's spots in my body that just grow more than others my knees my vagina my asshole which that is the part that you like you can wax that till the fucking cows come home they'll like you can wax it till the cows don't come home where are the cows who let the dogs out which one which one if you could answer if you would you figure out first i'd rather know where the cows have been all day i know where are you where are you guys trekking off to because the dogs have been outside looking for you now i let the dogs out to try to find the cows get them home we need milk i mean it's gotten out of control i'm trying really hard not to fucking laugh because that's really funny thank you because i've never heard somebody break down that with that amount of like factual information why the dogs like got let out well more than anything i really just answered why yeah the why the song is who no i answered why so you just completely matrix that shit i answered why and when i let them out this morning and where they're in my yard and where are the cows where are the cows this is really funny i don't know if it's like for your stand-up but it's funny it's not and i gotta tell you kelly i'd like you to address the laser hair removal accident because i do think that press and the people want to know because i think it was a big big deal i'm still in the middle of the lawsuit so i don't want to say too much it's like 650 000 lawsuit yeah that's crazy i and i i don't i don't have that much money so like the lawyer you don't have to that's not going to work you're whispering into the mic okay um i don't have that much money so like that's a lot of money it's so much money and like i got the same lawyer who did the elizabeth holmes uh trial who got her off right like literally like fingered her and then also like got her so she's like because they should have killed her she made a fucking little machine where she was like i can tell if you have cancer by a prick of your blood and silicon valley was like oh fuck yeah dude yeah that's what they yeah and they bought it thanos yeah thanos yeah or no that's marvel no but thanos it's the same shit i think so she named her fucking i think elizabeth i think her company's name was thanos yeah i think uh theranos is the real name that's right thanos either way chris hemsworth was not there not no but there was a chris hemsworth looking bailiff at the trial which is still ongoing it's like they closed it then they opened it it's like my legs but so okay so i went there i found it on this website laser hair removal turkey ten percent dot com like whatever i used you know rick glassman yeah so he's always he does ads in every pod he does yeah i literally saw him at the bus stop in santa monica and he was talking he was looking straight ahead and he was doing an ad for like helix and i was like oh i thought it was a bit but he literally is always doing he's doing ads yeah yeah i think it's because he got passed to the comedy store recently now he's like feeling himself so he's like how are you so in tune with the comedy store i i feel like you know a lot i know ryan mervis yeah yeah did you guys use a date well that's a loose term he's like white queen latifah he called you that he called me what a loose term no that's what trump calls his presidency - That's good, Kelly. bit Kelly that's good thank you Kelly I want to know a little bit more about you because I don't know enough so I said take the hair off my knees my pussy and my butthole mm-hmm not in that order you got to go butthole last no pussy knees butthole what smells worse your knees or your butthole what are you my dad well I could be he that was the last question yes asked me before he left he passed away before he walked out but before he died he goes what's most worth your pussy or your butthole and I go how about where's the fucking like money you're leaving me yeah so he didn't even give me a clarity of statement he just asked a question and then I was like can I use a lifeline and he's like phone a friend yeah and he died yeah but I mean butthole for sure but so too much hair yada yada yada and they specialized in hair removal like in like a one-stop shop like a lot of these procedures you have to go like multiple days I go can I just go all in one like you know knock it out yeah just like let me drive through and have you just fucking you know Ghostbuster proton back and that would they say when they're doing they go I ain't afraid of no ghosts as they're down there I feel like that's a so it's so funny because the guy did look like look there's an Egon the guy didn't really yeah and when they got it all off one of the guys goes I go slammers in the house in here we pull this episode of whiskey ginger is brought to you by FanDuel baseball fans baseball baby you think you know who's hitting a homer today do you huh maybe your tiny well FanDuel is giving you a free chance to call your shot with daily dingers huh join the action it's so easy just make your free pick on who's hitting a home run in their game and if you're right you'll get a profit boost to use your next bet for a chance at extra winnings you got nothing to lose and a lot to gain don't forget 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to know so say yes to unforgettable moments with liquid IVs new hydration multipliers sugar-free ring pop yum tear pour live more go to liquid IV comm and get 20% off your first purchase with code 20 26 WG at checkout that's 20% off of your first purchase with code 2 0 2 6 WG at liquid IV calm so they got a bottle of liquid IVs sugar-free ring pop you're going to have to buy a bottle of how much i've got inside of me let's see rave lafrenz jamal mashburn jim jackson steve nash's friend so is it carlos is an nba guy so i knew he'd like that so it's a lot of older players that you like to sleep with yeah i mean black don't crack but they're yeah like they're older black don't crack and asian oh i always want to find one for this right what is it though because they historically asian men are look younger i think than black man right i think asian men like you except they all look the same age yeah and white guys are pretty like you can tell yeah are you white what are you kelly well so 10 native american 15 catholic um i mean you know 47 you know maverick you uh half the team you know it's so funny and this is like maybe tmi hbo but like so steve nash's friend steve nash picked them up which was so i got to like wave from the window oh nice hi this is in phoenix or in dallas so getting banged by a maverick's friend and guess what movie was on in the background debbie does dallas no uh jodie foster mel gibson and um passion of the james garner no jodie foster mel gibson james garner shock a lot so i was getting fucked by a maverick while watching top gun maverick to take the first part off maverick yeah you've never seen that no i don't i don't watch movies oh my god cross have you seen maverick yeah it's from the 90s yeah okay yeah that was a little insulting you said as if like she's old or something yeah oh no i'm probably around your same age so oh hell yeah yeah where do you do you have like a local dive bar around here that you like to go to because like okay he's sober yeah but you can go is it but you can go and like hang right yeah i'm california sober so we can do drugs in the bathroom oh i love that yeah that's again like the california sober thing is so like it's like a loophole which i know a little bit about because i've got two of them you do you do yeah and and now are you still on the hunt for love kelly i i'm afraid of getting my heart broken if i'm being honest i don't like to hear that that makes me sad anytime i watch a rom-com even though they like end in a sweet way like there's always somebody getting hurt like something borrowed with jennifer goodwin and kate hudson like somebody gets hurt like even even porn's like you just feel bad because like someone's having to just film it and how sad is that you feel bad for the people that are shooting the pornography oh my god yeah right because you so all they're doing is standing there hard because there's no girl cinematographer is important right i don't know there probably is in this day and age i would imagine that they've they've you know but i i would argue that you're looking at it the wrong way kelly it's like you they're they get to uh they get to see how the sausage is made so to speak i know i mean i saw i had a friend go to usc and i got to like go down to the front row and they filmed two different adult films at pie cap and let's just say there was no cap on that fucking day of work i talked to one of the guys and he was like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know guys i go aren't you worried i go do you wear a condom and he goes why would i wear a fucking condom and i was like i don't know stds yeah and he goes carpe diem and i go not where you're supposed to use that but he is in the greek system so it does make sense it does yeah but they just let it they let it that guy like and i almost dated a guy who was doing softcore but like again like you don't want to you just he's seen too much if i do meet a guy and it hopefully won't be in la i'd like to go to scottsdale maybe meet a guy like a golf guy do you know any golf buddies sure i know some people out there in scottsdale i mean you you feel a little bit more miami perhaps oh shit enrique guaysas or macho hernandez they're all down there it's always like the spicy guys right what about your korean friend is he a single who your what's the potato guy bobby yeah he's not he's actually seeing somebody are you interested yeah i mean i've never that's the only one i haven't done wow we what is that what's from lady and the tramp the siamese uh cats we are siamese if you please meow i always think of bobby lee when i hear that song we are bobby lee if you please we are bobby lee if you don't please right oh so you have seen movies i've watched a few yeah i am a fan what's your favorite cartoon of all time uh steamboat willie the original mickey mouse cartoon so good that's one of my favorites it's a silent that's like a silent movie right it's a silent film so funny it's a great movie um i take you as somebody and and tell me that i'm incorrect because i don't want to like step i don't want to overstep or offend you you're perfect you honestly can't i have such thick skin literally and also like well that's a condition that you told me you had you have quite thick skin it's about four inches of skin it's extra it's like you know like a python will like shed i just keep it it's almost like extra fat for the winter so every time i eat a chicken pot pie i'm thinking okay probably not good but it's because there's like 90 grams of fat but it's a good fat it's got to be more than that it probably is murray calendars it's like 145 sometimes i read that on the back and i go what am i doing you can't read those you just got like the stofers you just got to eat them oh i love stofers me too what do you think that guy is right now bob stoffer yeah he died in a tragic plane crash jesus he was delivering pizzas to kids in in sub-saharan africa from a plane god so pizza plane crashed but the best part was the heat from the fire from the engines everyone got cooked pizza that day all the pizza yeah so it's kind of nice you know my favorite pizza commercial of all time is uh pizza pizza close second um uh tombstone oh what do you want on your tombstone yeah because it's the most gangster commercial of all time literally a guy is on his knees at a fucking like colonial times and a guy has a gun and he's holding it between his eyes and he goes last words motherfucker and he goes he goes what do you want in a tombstone bitch and the guy goes pepperoni and cheese and then they cut to a tombstone logo well and you're like wow that's basically insinuating if you're about to get your fucking brains blown out that you're thinking about their pizza well some people are when they're when they're about to die like what would your last meal be i mean when you're on your deathbed what's your last meal uh chicken caesar you're a big postmates girl oh my god i'll post me it's a fucking slurpee if it's 2 p.m wow oh yeah you know one time i post made a slurpee i was high as fucking balls this is a true story i was living on laurel avenue and i post made a slurpee this is a true story and you lived around there for a bit right i did i lived on laurel so i post made a slurpee and i was living there true story and the fucking guy pulled up and i was sitting on my couch by myself and you know yada yada yada like waiting for my slurpee developing a severe case of cotton mouth this is pre-two bubble pre-two buttholes and i'm sitting there and sometimes you just get a postmates driver that's like i don't want to fucking finish the job and you're it's almost like a guy who's has to be a hitman and he gets cold feet but this guy was just fucking lazy and i go and i see the car you know when you're high and the car is like going like this you're like it's like a video game you're like oh car's getting closer you know and i'm like and also he's on my street he's on laurel avenue and i'm sitting there and six minutes go by and i go yo where's my fucking slurpee true story and he texts back come and get it not joking and i fucking text back bring it to the here's the fucking code punch it in and bring it to the front door of laurel gardens right shout out shout out and he goes come and get it and i go bring it to the fucking door please capital p and i'm not fucking joking he sent me a picture of the slurpee knocked over on the curb no i swear to fucking god slurpee cap off slurpee like like so this is a slurpee gate yeah and i was like you know yeah i could get in the car or bird scooter to the 7-eleven but you know sometimes you get so baked you're like i can't fucking drive it's too far you don't want to drive i once got so high i watched a whole movie on mute and i thought i was going deaf so it's like i'm not someone to be trusted on edibles right have you ever done edibles and gone to a baseball game or seen a movie with friends oh yeah i went to game four five and six of the world series last year high as fuck on edibles oh my god have you ever seen do you like to go see movies on edibles no because i like to i like to just like i want to i want to remember it because i'm in these like i'm in these chat rooms uh chat rooms and these well they feel so much it feels kind of a little yeah um chat grooms chat rooms group texts group book clubs i'm in all the i'm in so many hangs where the move or you want to like add to it because we've all been in a book club where like you sit down and you're like nikki did you read the book and he's like yeah chapter five was awesome and you're like oh wow i guess i guess we have to kick you at a book club now because he's a liar yeah and he's just like he was one of those guys that like got sober and became a life coach oh wow it's like you were in rehab six months ago i don't think you're gonna help me do my taxes right slow down slow down yeah now when you say taxes you're someone i think would be really good with finances are you someone who has our finances clearly 85k well that's Your breasts were $85,000? I know. Now there's so many doctors that do it. Is that silicone or is it the other one? I mean, what does it look like? We'll move the mic away and let me see. Go ahead. I mean, they look real to me. Oh, they're as real as fucking Chinese chicken, the chickadee Chinese. Or what is that song? Bury Naked Ladies. Chickadee China, the Chinese chicken. It's as real as that. But I don't know. I'm not a big save my money girl. Right. You're a spend your money girl. Carlo's the same way. He's a spend your money girl. You like to what? You like to save, save, save? I put it away for a couple of rainy days. It doesn't rain often in LA, so I like to put it away. Yeah, but I've seen you're close to your body. You're out there on the golf course with TCX or whatever the fuck. Who's that? I don't even know. I don't know. TCX? What's the main company? Who? Does anyone? Wait, maybe don't say it, because do you have a sponsorship yet? I don't have a sponsorship. Oh, this is fucking wild. How have they not approached you? Wait, I talked to someone recently that told me you were going to do some, was it like a, maybe I can't even say, like a drink or something? Maybe. Is that a real thing? I might. For real? I might. I'm working on it. Yeah. I talked to, I'll tell you after who I talked to. So you're really plugged into my world. It seems as if you've kind of like- Well, you stay a day, what's the saying? You stay a day in LA, stay a year. Stay a year in anyone's house. It's like- That's a common phrase. It's everyone knows everyone. The world is so fucking small. Go to any Dave and Buster's, go to a Glory Hole, go to a KFC, you'll meet someone that knows your friend Dave. Can I name some people and you tell me if you know them and your relationship that you might have with them? Yeah, I love this game. Okay. Jay Leno. Yeah. I saw Jay Leno at the comedy store. Yeah, he's there a lot. He goes, apparently they said, apparently they came out with a new story, all you hear about? I love when he still does, you hear about this? Because Kevin's not there, but there's always a black guy at the comedy store, so he just basically looks at the black guy and goes, you're Kevin Eubanks. And so he goes, and I'm always like, that's racist. And he goes, but it is. So he'll go, yeah, about that, yeah, about that, Kevin. The black guy's always like, I'm fucking, my name's, you know, fucking- What is his name? Jason. Jason, yeah. So he goes, yeah, about that, yeah, about that. So apparently they came out with a new story that said, you know, marijuana smoke, you smoke marijuana. You smoke marijuana and apparently it can help you treat your- Your IBS, yeah, it can, marijuana, you smoke a little bit of marijuana, it can treat your IBS, yeah, yeah. Boy, it sounds like it's blowing smoke up your ass to me. Oh, that's good. And I was in the back fucking dying. And then Dean Del Rey came on and he was like, you never get on a fucking motorcycle and you're next to a guy? And he's like, get on the back. And you go, I'm not going nuts to butts to you. I love the comedy store. Oh my God. You go a lot? Oh my God. As much as I love it. As much as I can. I saw, again, Ryan Murph sticks me up. I saw Sebastian. He was like, went out to dinner at this restaurant. Maybe you've heard of it, Applebee's. We sit down. It's cold. I know. I don't even sit at the table because I know my wife is going to want to get up and go. And there's, I mean, there's- So many. There was a joke. Like, it was funny. Like, I'm not- I'm not doing it justice. You know, it's- What's your relationship with Adam Ray? I think I'm going to say with David Justice. I was going to say, check my fucking diaphragm. Great ball player. Yeah. Atlanta Braves. That Atlanta Braves team is my favorite. One of my favorite teams of all time. Sid Bream from McGiff. But what were you going to ask? My relationship with who? So good. Oh, Adam Ray. We're on the same era. It was also, you know. Oh, yeah. The Oakland A's. Ruben Sierra. Mark McGuire. Certain baseball names sometimes sound like sexual positions to me. Or sexual things you could like. I used to do this fun game. Gave me a Mark McGuire yesterday. Oh, fuck. This is why. This is why. You're always. You're DTC. Down to clown. I am down to clown. You're always in the bit boat. Like, you ever be at a party and you're like in the bit boat. You're just rolling. And your friend's like drowning. But they're trying to like. They're like trying to add. And you're like, just fucking sink. Just sink. Kate Winslet. Yeah. But, no. We used to do this game on road trips. Where we go name a baseball player. And then you have to. Somebody would name the player. And then the other person had to say. What that sexual position or thing was. That you paid a dwarf to do to you in Vegas. So, like. Marquis Grissom. What are you getting for a Marquis Grissom? What's a Grissom? Well, a Marquis Grissom. Remember? He was on the Expos. I know. Yeah. But what is a Marquis Grissom? Yeah. A Grissom feels like. When you overcook short ribs. And you slather the burns all over your body. And then you have someone lick them off. While they're on top of you. Awesome. That's a Marquis Grissom. Awesome. Give me one. Jose Okendo. Give me another one. Jose Okendo. One of the greatest utility players of all time. On the Chicago Cubs. He was. No, no, no. But he was. He was probably one. Look up Jose Okendo. Yeah. He's from Puerto Rico. One of the greatest. I don't need to bring race into this. But I was going to say. Yeah. You didn't need to say that. That's racist. You did not need to say where he's from. And honestly. Okendo. We could kind of decipher. Let me give you a name. Can you? Because it could have been something. I mean. Yeah. You're right. Okendo. Oh, wait. Sounds like. I'll give you another one. Okay. You ready? Like, you know, like the Mariners had a player named Henry Cotto or like Todd Zeal or like Gary Gaiety. Like, give me a Gary Gaiety. What are you doing? I mean, that's clearly just. He's fucking coming out of your jets. Double dickens. Yeah. But give me a name. I'll give you a good one. Let me think of really. Oh, this is fun. Tim Raines. Tim the Rock Raines. Oh, he was the Rock Raines, right? He was the Rock before DJ Johnson. That's exactly right. He stole that name. Tim the Rock Raines. By the way, what a funny accusation. Dwayne the Rock Johnson stole. Tim Raines is his new name. Rock Tim Raines' name. Funny. What's a Tim Raines? Because that sounds great. It sounds like a porn name. So Tim Raines is no relation to Dallas Raines, the fucking LA weatherman. True. Who I saw at Superman Rhino once and he had the whole private booth to himself. Yes, tonight it will rain here in the club. Clip it. Clip it. Andrew, that's so fucking funny. Thank you. Rain in the club. Fuck. All right. Okay. Tim Raines. That is where you, a guy. Takes the condom off. Uh-oh. And then throws it in the air. And it gets caught in the ceiling fan. But he already nutted in it. And so all the jizz just falls off. That's the Tim Raines. Have you had that happen, Kelly? And then he gets down and does the Tim Tebow. How about an Arenado? Have you ever had an Arenado? A Nolan Arenado? Oh my God. Yeah. At Jamba Juice. Oh, you've had one of those? They have a, well, if you go to the one in St. Louis, they have like, you know how the way like Miley Cyrus used to have her own milkshakes at Millions of Milkshakes on Santa Monica Boulevard? I remember. It was like, get the Miley. And like, yeah. And you know what's really fucked up? One time I go, they go, have you decided on a milkshake? And I go, give me the Miley Cyrus. And the girl goes, uh. And I was like, don't cancel me. But, um, what other baseball? Okay, let's just do one more and then we can stop. You want me to give you an obscure name? What do you want? I don't know. Do you like your name? Andrew Santino? Yeah. I think so. It flows. Do you like it? I love it. I like the, like, I like the names that like, short names scare me. Like. Adam Ray. Gah. Yeah. Like. I like that. Do you hate syllables? Well, he must. Well, I mean. How well do you know Adam, by the way? Decently. I wouldn't hook up with him because I'm just like. Well, he's married to a beautiful woman. He has a family. I would not try to fuck that up. His wife. His wife is fucking stunning. Like, I'm always like. No offense to you. I'm just saying, like, he would never go. You're not some. Even if he was single, I don't think he would date you. Yeah. No. Yeah. I don't think he would even hook up with you. I don't even think he'd entertain the idea of you flirting with him. I think back in the day he would have. No, I don't think so at all. I've known him for a long time. Okay. TMI. HBO. He's just always had a really, really good taste in women. And I always feel like he chooses women that are classy, intelligent, cool. Right. Okay. I feel like I'm getting Todd Zealed right now. Todd Zealed. Todd Zealed. Great one. Todd Zealed. That's where you just get fucking body shamed. Just body shamed. No, that's a body baniya. That's a baniya. That's a body baniya. Body baniya. You got bodied baniya. Body by baniya. He comes out in Body by Jake Sousam for $650,000 and I go, oh, that's the same that it cost me to remove my asshole. Which you need to get done. So please donate to Kelly Needs Money. I'll put the link in my LinkedIn, but you have to follow me on LinkedIn. I need to stop using LinkedIn. No, you gotta keep using it. Well, are you working right now? How are you making money? I was working at Fleming's. I got fired. I got like a real, I got lippy with the head chef. But I heard you were a bar back. You weren't even a bartender. You had lied to a friend of ours and said you were a bar back and we went there. You were bar backing. You said you were a bartender. Yeah. So you weren't a bartender. No. So that's probably why you got fired. Someone told me they went there, you gave them free drinks and you had said you're head bartender. Fleming's found out. They did. They did. Fleming's always finds out. They're like Pepperidge Farm. They're gonna find out. Is that their slogan? Yeah, we're gonna find out. Pepperidge Farm. We're the FBI of cookies. We've had a lot of laughs today. What fucking time is it, by the way? I called an Uber for 6.05. Oh, it's 6.20. Oh, that's gonna affect my rating. Well, someone tell Jacques Barre that I won't be outside yet. Oh, you have Jacques Barre. He's a good friend of the family. I love that. We know him. I love when I get an Uber driver that is like not from here. Like, I'm just so. I don't think any of them are. Because I've been to. I've been. Well, some are. There's a few like Ryan's and Kyler's. There's a few like Ryan's and Kyler's in L.A. that are always like, I'm working on a rap album. And you're like, drop me off. Yeah, I'll get out. I'll walk to the Pantages and see Beauty and the Beast tomorrow. oh Monday they're dark cool they are dark on Mondays yeah yeah well it's an all black cast you spent give me something on that well racist thank you thank you have we missed I think we're batting a thousand on this episode just under we're the Wade Boggs of comedy I just met his son what's a Nolan Ryan so good I need to sleep on this one oh it's I'll tell you what it is it's where the guy no it's where you fucking give me one second you got it it's where this is great it's where it's where he fucks you at like 99 miles an hour because that's like what's his like median MPH of like how fast he threw true and then after he comes he puts you in a headlock and punches you in the face like Robin Ventura one of the greatest moments I'm such a sucker for baseball fights almost became a Texas Ranger fan because of that I know I'm such a sucker for baseball fights because A it makes the game better so much it's almost like in basketball when Rock and Jock added the fucking four point hoop so cool baseball you're so fucking boring sometimes there's 3000 games speed it up let's have a fight let's have a fight but also now and baseball the fights are still like everybody just runs out of their house like they heard a car crash yeah they all just run into each other do you know what I'm saying just looking just looking around and then like the stars never want to get involved no like the 90s though it was like they didn't care if they got but also baseball respected the fight aspect to where they were like we're not going to suspend Nolan or fucking Ryan but nowadays like the fights the guys get into it's like well yeah kick that guy out of the fucking game like no one's buying a you know whatever card Daryl Strawberry that's the last one I'll do that is where the guy takes you to the farmer's market and gets you a strawberry and then fucking and then fucking makes you jerk him off in the bathroom at the goop that sounds like an unhealthy relationship it does it's well get on Tinder it's a dangerous place no thanks now you met your your ex-husband yeah was a prince in Dubai yeah wow and you lived there for how many years me and Lindsay Lohan are Eskimo sisters you are yeah do you ever hear about her with like the prince I think she's been with like prince of Wales prince of Egypt prince William prince Jafar or prince Ali fancy as he Ali Ababwa yeah that's his full legal name I believe but yeah he was and prince prince prince the singer prince prince the singer prince was he's the main prince for us I guess but like yeah I don't know I'm who doesn't wanna again I'm just like so like I in this life I don't wanna have one experience you wanna have it all yeah you seem like a girl you look like a girl that wants to have it all I'm the cold stone creamery of you're a buffet women that's disrespectful you're a walking buffet actually that's actually a big compliment yeah because you're like a piece of steak and you're Chinese food which Vegas buffet am I and this will tell me a lot about you cause I know you go to Vegas a lot you're the win you know why cause you're classy and you're beautiful this is for the win whoa FT Dove that's for the win buffet you know who you are I went to see my boy Adam Ray at the fucking encore theater sold it out he passed out at the fucking pool almost died Andrew was playing the next night I fucking went to that show a little bit better Adam fucking was like no no they were both great shows they were both well they're different yeah Adam's like look I got a dog and Andrew's like you know fucking Chicago's crazy right so it's like different it's different it's different stuff but the win buffet holds it down it's probably the best it's probably the best in Vegas also if you can get the free pass and go to the front of the line and just walk the fuck through oh you like that bumping them oh yeah bump them out of the way oh look I was okay not to brag growing up in Seattle I was the gig harger gig harbor gig harder sounds like my ex he told me to always he'd say gig harder he'd say like you're not putting yourself out there to get jobs work harder gig harder but gig harbor is in Washington and I won the bump tournament you know bump some people call it throw it in but bump where like you shoot and if they bounce off you can bump their ball yeah so what was the question? I truly forgot oh bump I like to bump people in line at the buffet yeah where it's like I'll go because sometimes the line gets jammed the fuck up and I'll go oh excuse me I think your daughter was looking for you I'm telling you in Vegas someone's daughter is always looking for them so you just lay and who wants to fucking be the who wants to be the fucking parent that goes yes news you lose tush I gotta get my pancakes you know every mom is gonna go Denise and fucking shit a brick and run around the fucking casino right so that's a tactic so then I go finders keepers and then I slide in and then next thing you know I'm fucking deep throating a fucking fried shrimp but I go I go right to the ice cream that's your that's your oh my god because all the Vegas fatties are always the toppings disappear quick and you don't want the toppings towards the end of the buffet no you want the top toppings you want the top toppings so nobody wants the bottom toppings when they put out the food and you can tell it's fresh the same way you can tell the scallops are are new scallops you think I want bottom of the barrel M&M's at the fucking Wynn Buffet what am I fucking Jeffrey Dahmer are you well if I fucking wait if I don't act like someone's kids are lost yeah you think I want the bottom of the barrel M&M's that's pretty good wait that also sounds like Joe Pera yeah you're good Jeffrey Dahmer imagine being his fucking neighbor and he just rolls through and you go hey ready you be Dahmer and I'll be the neighbor Jeffrey what do you got another raccoon in your backpack yeah it smells like dead dead people but it's just a bunch of animals in my apartment yeah let me ask you a quick question here why do you got so many dead animal carcasses in your garage your dad tells me you got a little bit of a animal problem but he looks like you're taking care of that killing all the animals slicing up their heads what do you do with the bodies sometimes I eat them if I'm hungry after work bleh bleh that's how it goes but I could never I could never eat a human no no you don't strike me as someone that would be a cannibal like there's that show Lost and I didn't finish it but they probably got to a point to where they went full fucking Armie Hammer they got found isn't that crazy that Armie Hammer did that eight people like the star of Facebook movie was like that's what's so crazy about the Hollywood business yeah it is literally you're like I went I saw the social network in theaters what a good movie movies I saw in theaters Mrs. Doubtfire the social network all dogs go to heaven also Oliver and Company why should I worry Billy Joel did the theme song I saw Lilo and Stitch in the theater thank god I fucking love Lilo and Stitch I'd fucking kill a fucking family to go see that in theaters again Hutch you mean Hitch mhm what's Hutch Turner and Hooch mhm what's Hutch I don't know Hutch Carlos the movie Hutch what's Hutch Hutch doesn't look like it's a movie it's not you know what you know it also doesn't sound like a movie but is the movie Wonder powder that one was bad powder I saw with Daniel Radcliffe yeah that was the guy that's all white and all his friends are like get him kill him oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Wonder is a fucked up movie because it's Owen Wilson and Julia Roberts. Shout out. Love you. You love Julia. I fucking love her. I'm like, I feel like we're sisters. She just like her laugh. She's got like this Hollywood like energy that's like you just want to be around it. You know, you really do. I fucking love her. I just like she makes me feel so good. Like it's and also this world is so fucking dark. It is. This is why I don't I don't kink shame. I don't if it's not hurting anyone and it's not hurting you. I'm all for it. You don't yuck anybody's yum. No, if you want to get a fucking glow in the dark butt plug and give it to me at a white elephant, Jeremy Renner, I'm not going to like. Did he do that? Put you on blast. Well, you just did, Kelly. All right. Edit out the last name. No, we're going to leave that in there. If that's something that Jeremy did. Bleep out the last name. He'll know who he is. He will. Do you think he listens to my show? Yeah. He's a big comedy fan. Is he? Oh, my God. Yeah. J. Ren. J. Ren. He's also a fucking badass. A snowplow tried to take him out and he fucking Jean-Claude Van Damme'd that thing. Did he really? You haven't. Motherfucker got run over by a snowplow or a snowplow. No, no. He had it right. And he. Boy, what's in that fucking whiskey tequila? I don't know. You want to sleep over? Take me to dinner first. All you got to do is get me some spice and I got that Jack Hamill. But no, I. Julia, I love her. I just. Yeah, I love her. She also. I love Julia Roberts. I love Jay Moore. I love Ron Funches. I have a short. I have a short list of people that I'd love to be stranded on a desert island with. You're there. I'm on the island. I'll tell you who's not there. Actually, no, I don't want to say. Go ahead. No, I don't want to say. You can. Could you bleep their name out? Sure. Could you. Yeah, I promise. For real? Yeah, of course. For real? Of course. Okay. For real? Yeah. Okay. Holy shit. kelly oh kelly i love you i love you kelly this has been so fucking fun it's been awesome kelly do you want to plug anything oh my god wow you want me to plug kelly you sound like the turkish doctor you felt bad by the way uh numero uno of what not to say to someone after you've given a second asshole do you can i plug anything right i'm like my twitter how about fucking stitch up the fucking stargate you just made um no i'd love to plug well i'm only on linkedin but i'm gonna get off and i'm not my socials i'm like in between socials because i'm like about to do some brand deals so i have to like make new handles so i guess i guess plug the netflix show that i the adam ray show that i did well plug that because if you guys haven't seen it that's pretty amazing netflix uh has a great show the adam ray show you to michael buble to nikki glazer to the rock coming up the impractical jokers to some menage adam's mom that fucking bad bitch did a fucking episode and puddin oh my god shout out queen but um yeah every friday there's seahawks marshawn lynch whatever every friday look and go check it out and um i think adam's on tour is who is me theater tour adam ray comedy.com for tickets i'm not gonna open some of the shows but like i'm gonna like be there i might do the merch he told me you were gonna be a part of the tour somehow i'm gonna be doing like there's he's got like a weird writer where he's like cashews and crestables and like back rubs that's not that crazy it's not that crazy no so um adam ray comedy.com orange county san diego hawaii philadelphia chicago he just had two dates two shows in chicago and it's all adam ray comedy.com his youtube he has like dr phil bullshit and stand-up bullshit. I don't know. I don't fucking. He's not paying me for this, so actually, fucking fuck you. Do it yourself, you fucking. No, go to AnnaRayComedy.com. We want to plug Adam because you're not really touring yourself, so I can't. Not yet. I might pull like a Steve-O or a Dax Shepard and like do stand-up at some point. Well, I hope you do. Yeah. We end the show the same way. You look into that camera and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode whenever you want, Kelly. Ooh. Okay. Okay, Joseph Rogan. So I met you at the mothership. You gave me your number and said if anytime I want to go to Kill Tony, let you know. And I just want to apologize for drunk texting you when I was outside the mothership and I wanted some gum and I texted you, do you have any gum? But autocorrect changed it to do you have any fun? And I know you don't do coke, so you thought I was a cokehead and you blocked me. So I just want to say sorry and your club rules. Or, fuck, can I do that again? Can I do that again? No, that wasn't a word or a phrase. Okay, so set me up again. Well, Kelly, we end the show the same way and we're also going to leave that part in. Into that camera, one word or one phrase. You want to try one more time, Kelly? Yeah. Kelly, we end the show the same way. You look into that camera and say one word or one phrase. Even if you think you can't, you can. 24-hour fitness. 24-hour fitness. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5.00 for the whiskey and $75.00 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. I like gingers.