Adam Ray [28th Appearance]

Hi, it's Rick Glassman from this podcast. We'll get right to the show, but first I wanted to let you know that I'm on my standup comedy tour, Ricky's on the loose and I'm in Dallas this weekend. And if you're in Washington, DC, Montreal, Quebec, Edinburgh or London in the UK, Portland or Eugene in Oregon, Philadelphia, PA or Houston, Texas. My tickets are for sale now at Rick Glassman.com. And if you want to be the first to be notified when I'm coming to your city because I'm adding dates as we speak, go to Rick Glassman.com/tour, sign it from an email list and I'll let you know. Hey girls, get started without me. I'll be right there. Hurry up Rick, seriously. What are you doing? Please, I'll be right there. Now enjoy the show, the show, the show, the show, show. I don't wanna say you know I like my girls a little bit older. I don't want to you. I just want to use your love tonight. I don't want to lose your love tonight. I think we're starting soon. Scoot, do, blebbedy blue, scoop, do. Oh yeah. See this P real quick is not cool. I'm like, yeah, that sounds real cool. Adam, you want us something to drink? Buddy, I got weed drinks. I got caffeine drinks. I got soda. I got tea. I got water. I got bubbly water. I'll enjoy your weed drink with you. Free plug to can social tonics. Do you want to do this? Yeah, it's a perbilical. Purple, alcohol. Yeah. The weed that Julio White has been for running. Yes. Purple, sweet. Yeah. Dude, best name in the biz. Unless I was getting into window panes, it called me the glass man, oracle. I've been smoked probably been a couple weeks now. Since I read that throat thing, remember? My epiglottitis, that's why we thank you for moving this. My air passage way, my comb was closing up. It's the fourth time I've had it. It's called epiglottitis. By the way, I'm doing this mustache as a one-time thing just because I was like, I'm doing the pod. Let me just show up with a new look. But this is definitely the look of a guy who involuntarily just goes, yeah, my epiglottitis is flaring up. Yeah. I just realized you guys have moustaches too. Very cool. Very cool. I like your mustache. I appreciate it, Derby. What's it name again? Yeah, my daughter's like, she's a freshman now. Jesus Christ. You got to fend off the guys. Why? Yeah, you know, they're coming at her with all sorts of, you know, jizz penis paraphernalia. What do you mean? Which quick shout out, jizz penis is, uh, wait, what do you mean, they're coming at her with new energy drink. I'm trying to pitch to 50 sit. Leave. Tell me if you can remember this. Head to factormeals.com/tyso50off. Factor single. Factor. Factor meals. Meals. Meals is plural. Head to factor meals. Slash. Dot-times. Slash. Tyso 50 off and use code. Tyso 50 off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th, 2026. See website for more details. Ricky's on the loose. You know, I'm doing a stand up tour in the UK and Europe, right guys? Yes. Yes. So first of all, I'll be in Montreal, July 22nd at the Just for Last Comedy Festival, but in August, I'm going to be at, oh, foods here. He is so busy. Leave. I'm at the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh, Scotland, followed by Amsterdam, then Dublin, then London for five shows. Amsterdam. Yeah. Oh, I want to go. Come on. Oh, I wish I could. Well, you can by going to rickglassman.com. In September, I'm going to in Portland, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon, and Philadelphia, PA, October. I'll be in Houston, Texas, into Coma, Washington, and November. I'll be in Salt Lake City. It looks like I might also be in London, Canada for a festival, but that's not up yet. I'm not sure in November. I'm adding more dates. Go to rickglassman.com or rickglassman.com/tour. Sign up for my email list to be notified if I'm coming within 50 miles of your city. And as I always say, go see Rick Glassman. Go see my Rick Glassman. Go see Rick Glassman. Okay. You ever going to shave your mustache? Um, yeah. So this is this, this is the, these weed drinks that apparently people know about their land. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're new to me. They just sent me some people sending stuff and I tried them like, ooh, I really like this. Well, blood orange, cardamom, ginger, lemon grass. They're really great if you put them in booze too and not that I promote drinking and smoking, but I'd promote drinking and drinking as I'm holding a joint that I will be smoking after I drink. Hey, do you drink your smoke or smoke your smoke? That's Ed Gisping on the ground threats. No, man, it's McCone talking about my threats, handle, man. Get with the program. Dude, I remember the first time I heard a dad say get with the program to me and I, I took it real offensively because I was like, oh, like I knew what he meant by that. Even though I was like, I don't know, 11, but it just, it was, it was a different way of saying like, you fucking idiot or you don't listen or, you know, like get with the program. Like, come on, man, get with the program. Might have been sports related. So who you voting for? There's a, what's his name? I'm forgetting his name. That's Brad in the, in the all over the place, but we're in Los Angeles and cop from the jungle. There's, there's mayors and governors and tigers. Oh, my. And I, there's this Brad Sherman, you know, Brad Sherman. No, I don't know much about much, but I do know that I'm rewatching. Oh, we can't have that. I'm so sorry. We have to call it. I can't happen. That's crazy. Where were you having that the whole time? For a second, I was going to come in as a character, even with the mustache. Wait, hey, just be yourself. I read the comments. Um, so I was going to chew gum and be like, like, you know, like a, I don't know, third-based coach or something. Yeah. Gum confidence. I understand. Oh, gum. All right. Can I put on the plate? I would love it. In fact, please, nowhere else. I would love it. Brad Sherman has been running ads on, I'm rewatching or I just rewatched all six seasons of Sex in the City. Great show. One day time my wife wants to watch it. I go, great. What else do you want to rewatch? Huh? He said, great. What else am I going to do? Not in, like, let's move on. Like what else? Like you, you're one for one with great ideas. Great. So it seemed like it could have gone like, oh, it's a great idea. What else? Yeah. You know, no, that's what Paul McCarty did to me at the improv when I met him and he said, let's get a drink. And I said, what are we having? And he goes, uh, or no, I said, what are we having? And he goes, mogulitas. And I was like, you could have said, let's piss on our own mouth. And I would have said, yes, I didn't, he didn't say that. We got margaritas and he goes, what are we choosing to? I mean, the piss thing happened. No, we get the margaritas over it. Tell me only the truth. So me, Ringo star and the director of two roles, one cup are all right. It's Paul McCarty at the improv. We get drinks. He goes, what are we choosing to? I go to be in best friends forever and he goes, what else? In the way that I, you thought I just meant. I always think he wants to choose something different. What else you got? Yes. He was next. He was nexting me. What does MTV's next? Paul McCartney, the improv and Adam with his wife watching HBO have in common. Sex in the city. Uh, wait, what else? Great rewatch though. I don't know why there's not a guy version of that show, but then I immediately call out to our friend. Yeah. Same network too. But what HBO isn't really television. What was their slogan? It's not TV. It's HBO. That sound like a swipe sound effect. It also sounded like the HBO static right before. When you hear, do you next, what song do you next hear? And I'm going to give the options. Or here. Or do you hear? Or do you hear? Sex in the city. This is so many little steel drums and instruments in the sex in the city. I probably if I were to hear any HBO song, it'd probably be. one of my favorite shows of all time, more so than Entourage, but the Entourage theme is wildly catchy. Don't know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, check this out. I was doing it earlier. "Jody's on a vacation for a away, and she's only getting better than I would say. You know I like my girls a little bit over there, I don't want to lose your love tonight." Oh, so HBO, YHBO Sex and the City, Y Sex and the City, something about Brad Sherman. He's running, there's all those three, by the way, everything, HBO, Amazon, there are commercials now. Oh, yeah. And I'm paying for it, like, what are you doing? Anyway, there are, sometimes it could be like, this episode is brought to you by whatever and there'll be no commercials, but it's like a two minute commercial. You get up, you get a snack, you go pee, check your phone. But then sometimes there's commercials throughout, there's no two minute up top and it's like three, twenty second commercials back to back to back. Yeah. Brad Sherman doing commercial commercial commercial and there might be more, but I could picture two commercials, but the gas station one, he plays those back to back. So it's high on Brad Sherman, you know, and then high, the same commercial and then it's a different Brad Sherman commercial. How many Brad Sherman's are there? I don't know, just the one that I could think of. Why is that what you're curious about? It's the same commercial. I'm not saying it's three Brad Sherman's doing three separate high on Brad Sherman commercials. How many Brad Sherman's would there have to be that three of them, all with that name, are putting out commercials on home box office. It's not TV. Do you think HBO will ever get back to the hey day of HBO follow up MTV, I know is no longer around. And those early days, I mean, TRL, that you'll never even see that again. You'll never even see. There won't be someone does you know, you're checking out Thursdays TRL. I stand corrected. No, you don't. I stand corrected. Incorrected. I sit corrected, Bing at a ding noise. Why you did the Bing? Bing and Ding at a picture of Chandler Bing as I ding my eye. Bing Ding and Ching. Ching is for money. If you put a chalk in front of the first. Hey, just touching now, you have to leave that in. Yeah, just with money. It's like barge you by what's the sponsor? Spotify. No, squares. No, print Shopify. Shopify. They do say that right to see you can be a good one. I'm going to be a dad. I do. I believed it for years. And do we have a date to the birth to December 24th as of now? Really? Oh, yes. You told me that day before Christmas, you know, somebody said to me, perfect for a Jew baby. I won't say who said that, my dad, but I will say that are you hinting that it's your dad or are you calling me your dad or are you saying that's his name? The first one. Do you want us to bleep that out? No. Leave it in. And all the viewers decide if he said it or not, but you just said he said it and we're leaving it in. Okay. I stayed corrected. Sure it is. Yeah. Yeah. This stuff's good. It is. The flavor of 11 of a lemon of a ginger lemon grass. Dude, reminds me of a Tina's from the Stranger Things. Sorry. Okay, I stepped on it. Go ahead. Get it out again. Well, because I accidentally said 11. Ginger lemon grass. Yeah. I think I'm in middle school. Oh, because he had blonde pubic hair, but red top head hair. Yep. How'd you know? Well, ginger lemon grass. It's a pretty self-explanatory. We're not calling them ginger ginger grass. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I am only able to drink from a can as if there's a straw in it and I discover that there's no straw, but I keep checking throughout the way. Oh, man. So you're your anti-straw these days? No. Holy shit. Yeah. That is what your baby will take every time he takes a dump if he's born one day late. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You get it? Yeah. I don't think we're going to raise them too religious though. I mean, I mean, I may not want to just what religion. Jeans. Okay. Jeans. True religion is the joke. Yeah. He can do a Hanukkah anchor. I think we're going to do both. So true religions. Yeah. You just said you're not going to raise them too religions. Oh, boy. That last moment was brought to you by Blood Orange. Blood Orange, you know, it's an interesting Tito, but without it to be right here. We're going to be a Thai slash Thai so we yeah, we, I don't know. You want to do you want to let the kid decide? My only thing everyone's always like healthy baby. I go, yeah. The man who goes, I hope it gets your nose. I go, I hope that whatever features it gets, it has, but also or it has it gets, but it's good as it gets. Jack Newton. But also it makes me want to be a better nose. Yep. And if the kid does come out, my only thing is if it comes out with both both what is good as it gets and something else. I really don't know if any guest is penis and vagina. Oh, you don't want to come out with both. Would be easier and pardon me because this might be like a taboo to thing to say and this is, I don't know the experience of the trans community and all the people that this more involves, but I, my guess is, my guess is if it was born with both and the child only wanted one, it's easier to stitch up the vagina hole than it is to chop off the penis and create a vagina hole. So maybe we also, so okay, that was advocate. We all should probably be wrong. We all should have been born with both and let us just both decide. I feel like I was born with both, not a literal vagina, but the emotional intelligence of a strong woman. Yeah. Of like a, like a JLo in a second actor of, you know, the movie second actor JLo was in. But the first act of that movie, but the second half, yeah, a vagina and a penis. This is what Spencer Proud was running on. He goes, I want people to have both. I want children. If I become mayor, I'm paraphrasing, but I've, he said, I, my house burned down. But if I become mayor, all babies will have penises and vaginas. This is why, how could he getting so much, you know, heat, you know, how could he, what could he do to influence the genetics of, I'm not running for fucking governor or mayor, but you're giving it a voice publicly is I'm just reporting the facts for horses, man. I'm asking you about what you're talking about with a penis and vagina genetics. So I think, obviously, it'd probably be easier if we all had both and then you just get to pick, right? That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is if you had to get rid of one and keep one and you were born with both logistically, what if you want to keep both, yeah, then why, I think most people would, I don't think people would be like, oh, shit, this is, this is me. And now somebody sit up my vagina like I'm bet middlers mouth and hocus, polcus. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, well, not her mouth, but what she does to her ex-boyfriend. We need to. Billy butcherson was one of her lover, but she found him sporting with this is DeSera. So she poisoned him and sowed his mouth shut with a dull needle. We need to find some project for you to be that kid that does, there's been that kid in Disney movie. Which kid, what are you talking about? The Disney kid, the Disney movie where the kid either hits the shot in a pickup game against the bullies or he's, you're with the friends in the treehouse and you found like the nudie magazine that the dad was hiding. I just thought of an idea. You know what I mean? Yes. And I'm thought of any, and I'm interrupting it. And I want it before I forget this. Yes, great. I'm really pitching, pitching this is a movie idea. I am actually the kids, but you me and Brent, we get shrunk from adults to kids. So you're just, you gotta let me get this. I, before I forget, but yes, all of this and I am a 14 year old fat kid that gets bullied and I want to play it. And I want to be in like, you know, Sherman Clump outfit. I'm sure you got somebody for that. Yeah. Okay. And I also, and you know what? But I'm white because of the times that I have to be now. Cut to me. I'm a fat white kid and I'm bullied all the time and I play basketball and then I do make a shot and I go, yes, yes, yes. And then I get, and then I get skinny and my hair gets into a long ponytail and then my pecs get big and then you just see like a big, veiny dick in my pants and then all the girls, all the teenage girls. Because I'm 14 and but the teenage girls, let's be real, even in Hollywood, they got to be played by at youngest 22. You know what? It's the other way around. They have like young girls playing older girls and they have older guys playing younger guys. It's fucked. You know, you watch a movie with, with some action hero star, let's take a Tom Cruise and [BLANK_AUDIO] opposite a woman who's supposed to be his love interest. She's never his age. Dakota Johnson. Other than Tom Cruise and Dakota Johnson who are the same age. Correct. Yeah, it's always somebody different. That's movies though. But in commercials, they always have a hot mom with, let's just say, call a spade a spade. Big spades. Yeah. And the dad that has like one eye probably has a vagina, which is fine and a penis, which is fine, but also his asshole is where his nipple is. And he coughs and poop comes out of the counter. And the wife's always like, you fucking leave, Roger. You don't do shit. And then the kids, and you have to, and then they dig bounty. Well, I can wipe up all this nipple shit in one thing versus two or whatever. And the mom is so fucking hot. I just want to put my face inside of her. I'd like to apologize for the past couple of minutes. I was getting a little bit aggressive. I was just remembering what it was like to be a fat kid through your eyes. It's very big of you. And through your eyes, I remember that you saw Mrs. Doubtfire for the first time a couple weeks after your parents actually got a divorce. Is that correct? This is correct. Now correct me if this is also the case. At the time, you didn't know what Mrs. Doubtfire was going to be about. So you assumed it was a regular Robin Williams vehicle. The trailer sets it up to be a Robin Williams slapstick knee, you know, oh boy, oh, burdo. It's Robin Williams classic, right? He hits Pierce Brosden with a Kiwi. It's a run by fruiting. That's in the trailer. He's walking across the sidewalk dressed as Doubtfire. He's kicking soccer balls, putting the makeup on that nothing seems like it's going to go wrong in this way. You're just like, oh, with no context. So you're like, Robin just decided to dress up like a woman for what reason. I don't even know what the reason is. I don't care what the reason is. This is a different time. Then come to find out the reason is is because he can't see his kids unless he does it. That's some heavy shit. How do you put that into a trailer? I don't know. Robin Williams also hadn't done a ton of dramas yet. He was coming off of, I think, Aladdin and something up flubber maybe? No, flubber was later. He was coming off. Everyone knows Robin and comedy. But now the opening scene is Sally Field being like, you get the fuck out of my house of pettings you and the fucking thing. And Robin's like, please, it's fine. I'll clean it up by 11 p.m. Please guys. What are you doing over here? Yeah, yeah. Put your hands up. Yeah, yeah. Join the rest. Yeah, yeah. For Robin the Pond City stage. Yeah. Do you remember that? No. Who's that? Was that dog brown? No. Did you ever see that like, you know, Wizard of Oz has the Wiz? Yes, I was in that. There was a version of that from Looney Tunes and a maniacs where no, no, no, it was like a different thing where Bugs Bunny would talk to like, it was, it was more black. It was blacker characters like the Wiz. And Bugs Bunny would say, what up, dog brown? That's where dog brown comes from from back to the future because originally black to the future. No way. I knew that it would be a black Looney Tunes in the future. No way. You never knew how to say banana. That's the only way you can remember. You know, like when people can't remember which way is right or left. So like, oh, my right hand, that's right. They can't just intuitively know they have to associate it. North East Southwest. I learned never eat sour watermelon. So I'll be like, that's how I was thinking about it. But I don't remember why I'm talking about this. What just happened? Mrs. Dalfire just just moments to the future. No, fuck banana now. Right. So the only way you could remember how to say banana is if it's in the, you know, song. So I'm like, just say banana, that's singing it. You have to be like, you know, you have to like, you know what I'm saying? What are the ones? Could there be like that for? I think those are it. That's it. Did you know that the alphabet song is the same song as the It's a Bitsy Spider? And it's the same song as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. It's not It's a Bitsy Spider. It's probably something else, but it is the other one. Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle and I'll sing alphabet or which one do you know the words better too? Probably the alphabet song. Because there are no words. Sure. I have the heavy lifting. Try it. I know my ABC, yeah, yeah, next time won't see with me. I want to welcome everybody to the Claremont Lounge. I was convinced it was a while, while West because of back to the future three. Now that is a movie. Jim West. That's Barato. Rough rider. I think Wilson is doing right now. Gotta be eating man. Spaghetti. Do you see the show he did on the Discovery Channel? We went like in a submarine under the water. Yeah, I forgot or it's called something below. Like Will Willy. Big Willy. Will below. Will below. Will below. The ocean. And it's just him fucking deep-throding a beluga whale. Oh my God. I have not seen it. That's crazy. Hey, I bet you he could do it. I don't make the ads. That's Nat Geo. I should ask him how to promote it actually. What is the Will Smith show where he's in the wilderness? Or we're talking about possibly getting that part too. Pull to pull, which is also what I call it when I have sex with a guy, but we don't do any penetration. Nope. You just touch tips, which comes on after pull to pull. Touch your tips. Followed by sword fight. Did you ever sword fight when you had sleepovers as a kid? Yes. Where are we? Are we like too much to older? Did you know what that was? Now for the women and you're probably hot. Women did it. It's though. Women did it. Not like guys. That's not possible. They don't have swords. They have my impression of Tim Allen walking on women's sword fighting. Ready? Let me try now. Set it up. No, no, I was just giving a direction to have him do the Tim Allen thing for me again. Oh, great. We're good. Okay, buddy. John Michael and I, we have a that's right. Hocus Pocus allegory. John Michael, could you say a video of you at the computer screen saying Hocus Pocus allegory and a little bit of silence beforehand. So when we cut to you, it's a it's a two shot and then I say finish each other and then and then you say it and then I say it. You get it. I wish there was a way to bottle up the feeling of when I come over here. That felt really nice to hear. Well, are you having a good time? I'm having such a good time, but I took an edible before you got here. I always have a good time when I come over here. It's my it's not just my happy place. It's it's it's my it's a it's just a like just like, you know, can can zone out, can zen in, you know, just keep what's happening in the in the forefront and the rear view, but also just like, you know, also I know the space. I know where the bathroom is. I know where the water is. You know, Alvin's right here. You know, I mean, I haven't even smoked yet. I think the anticipation of getting ready to lose my fucking mind is like exciting, you know, use I believe you and I appreciate it. And when shining a magnifying glass on it, what I realized was what you really like about being here. It's you have stuff in the forefront, you know, where the bathroom is. You're the water. It's like, it's like, I just love going to places that I've been to at least three times enough for the layers, but it's that you're a homing Cleveland has the same vibe. And even and I was that way the first time I went there, it was just like I just felt I just feel you feel comfy. Yeah. Thanks. Even on a blanket. Tidian. Even on a blanket. Is that the new in bed? No, no, what I'm saying is that like, even on a blanket, we let's try it. Ready? Man, I haven't fucking I haven't jerked off in eight months. Even on a blanket. And that is a blanket statement. Oh, he said it is. He said it is. Dude, have you ever had a girl come over your house when you were young and you were fucking around girls or come over your house? And like, you're like, I don't give them a bet, you know, because like she's wearing her outside clothes. So you have to say, I'm I need you to take your clothes off and I'm not asking you to naked. If you want to, I'm comfortable that if you are, but that's not what I'm asking. I would just ask you to change into something else. So it wouldn't get their outside clothes on your indoor bed. And then they go like this. Yeah, you can give me a t-shirt something big. And she takes off her shirt. Damn, just to cover her nipples, but she's not covering her nipples or nipples are here. Yeah, she did that on purpose. No, they just always mess up. Oh, I think it's the way I have the lightning. No, I think she knows what she's doing. Oh, well, they always do that. If she, if her nipples are here and she's like, can you see my boobs then? Yeah. All right. Well, maybe I just assumed it. No, I think that was her sending a signal. But then anyway, I'm taking her shirt off. So pretty good signal too. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. And when she said I want something big, I know she doesn't really mean a t-shirt. So I give her a big pair of sweatpants and then I go sleep, and then I go sleep on the couch. Yeah. Banana. Banana. Banana. I think that's how Gwen Stefani came over that song. Yeah, maybe like put with a stutter, right? Oh, yeah. There's a guy in my show. A.M. And they ate an A. That guy I went to Olsenhorn comedy club this weekend and we've been there and show King's club. Paul and Oregon. Yes, I'll be there again. You should me. You should me. You should me. You should me. Yes, but I'll be there in September. One of my favorite clubs. Go check them out. I like it there a lot. They do need to have drinks the bar open after the show. That's my one qualm. And I Joe knows this. Qualm. Isn't that one of the answers that Woody Harrelson's wife Gloria says and white man can't jump when she's on Jeopardy? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Fruits to start with a letter Q. She's got this. Let's hear Rosie Perez. No, but yeah, I know you have somebody who was on who's able to do it. So I'll listen to you do both sides. I want to hear you do Rose. I am Rose. Quiche. Quiche. I don't remember. If I heard it, I could do better. I don't remember anything. And I'll be Alex Trebek. Ready? That is correct. But there's a guy in the crowd. And I'm talking to this couple in the crowd and I go, who's your third wheel buddy? And I look over and the guy is just going like this with his mouth open. And I go, can he not talk or is he choking on laughter? And then I go, man, what's your name? And he goes, Sam. And I go, fuck. Come here. Give me a hug, man. I gave a hug right away and then I pushed him off the stage, but back off, no. And then I, and then I talked to him for a little bit and I go, man, I'm so sorry. I go, fuck. I go, I didn't know. I go, how do you identify a stutter from the back of the room? And then he goes tough and I go, fuck, I go, uh, or do you, can you smoke and drink and I go, fuck, I'm sorry. I shouldn't keep asking you questions because it's fine. No, I can't. I go, fuck. I go, dude, I appreciate you being here. I go, you have a girl with you because, no, I go, oh, and then I go, sorry. I keep asking you questions. I know I go, sorry. And I go, keep it going for Sam. Well, thanks for being a good sport, whatever people cheer and I pause and I go, one more question. And that's some like five more questions and he was a great sport and I gave him a hoodie. And um, that was really kind of you, huh? Treating the people with a stutter like the regular people and giving him a hoodie. Hey, stutter, no stutter. We all got to, but some have them on their nipples and they sell bounty paper towels. Do you know that some people who stutter can smoke and drink? So I don't understand why that was a question that you've been asking, smoking and drinking made it better. Like if it's, like, took it away, like diluted the, um, the, uh, the condition, a lot of people. It's not a condition. Oh, it depends where your condition, your condition is in who said that. What condition my condition is in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Condition. Condition. Oh, yeah. Mission, my, is this in, is in. Anyway, any more requests? This wedding band sucks. Where's your instruments? This is for therapy. Okay. Oh, what kind of fucking therapy I need at all. Well, this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp's 2026 State of Stigma report surveyed 2,000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. Uncle Bob and Manny, your number one and two on the list of 1000. Well, we got to get you involved. Yeah. I've been trying to get Uncle Bob into, have I not been trying to get you into therapy for a little bit? Okay. Yeah. You don't want that on there? I'm in therapy. What's wrong with that? Yeah. That's fine. There's no stigma to therapy. Well, 74% of people say society discourages people from doing so. That's something. I just had an idea. Nope. That was a text. I was in therapy for my Cleveland Brown. Client review to over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform having served over 6 million people globally. You could do it all from your home. If you don't like your therapist that they match you with, you could get a new therapist at no cost to you. Uncle Bob, can I keep in that I've been trying to get you into therapy or do you really want to take it out? No. Maybe this is a good place for you to start. Don't let the stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp now. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/tyso. That's better. H-E-L-P.com/tyso. This episode is brought by Factor Meals. In this episode is brought to you by Factor Meals. Factor Meals is something I found out a couple of years ago. I sent it to my mom and now she still does about four meals every week. She loves it. In fact, she says, "I feel like I'm eating at a restaurant." Their meals are fresh, never frozen, with over 100 rotating meals, including globally inspired meals like Mediterranean and Asian. There's always something new to look forward to. Try the newly launched Ready to Eat Salads. Rick, are there vibrant ingredients like elote corn and miso edamame? I'm glad you asked Uncle Bob. Yes. Plus 70 plus add-ons to round out your nutrition. From green juices to peanut butter, energy bites. Great. Your meals are ready in two minutes. Factor shops, preps, cooks, and delivers right to your door. So you have more time for everything you love this spring. Go to FactorMeals.com/tyso50off and use code tyso50off to get 50% off and three daily greens per box with new subscriptions only while supplies last until September 27th, 2026. September 27th, 2026. Until September 27th, 2026. This episode is sponsored by Revolve Man. You've probably heard of Revolve Women if you're a woman probably because it's a hot shopping network. I know, I mean, before Revolve Men even came to me, I didn't know that they did Men's Clothes. I knew of this app. I know people that use it. Oh, yeah. Wow. They do do Men's Clothes. Yeah. And I've been buying stuff on it. So when I first found out about it, I used it just to like to better understand how it works. But now, like, it's kind of a thing I go to. I like clothes. I got into clothes a couple of years ago. There's certain brands I like Revolve gets new stuff all the time. You could say it's constantly changing like and adding to their inventory free today shipping. I've been ordering stuff from them where like, Oh, I like this. I don't like this. Where the idea is almost like trying it on. So like, I don't feel bad if I'm ordering stuff just to try on. Hey, John Michael, who is the Revolve Man? Think of it as a place guys who care about how they look go to shop. It's pretty simple. So if you're looking for something to wear for a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, believe me, Revolve Man has it. Go to revolve.com/tyso to shop and use code. Tyso for 15% off your order free two day shipping, which is awesome. Easier returns. Awesome. You just try stuff on. It just makes everything easier. That's revolve.com/tyso and use code tyso for 15% off your entire order. And soon do not sleep on it. You know, it'd be really cool to do and I'm really pitching something here, drink a squeeze it. Of course, man, but that's not what I was going to say. Go on. We go on the road, but we do it in a very certain way. Well, let's just do this as an experiment, five, ten cities, okay? But here's what it is. I've been talking about this for years, but no, this is high art, dude, which is what I say every time I go into the air one. That's the guy who has the basket. Yeah. You know, I do now. Yeah. Well, he's a good guy. How about tuna salad Terry? You're right. Just move on. What did I say? Condition, my condition was in. Too late. Wedding singer. Wait. Thank you. We go on the road. We go five, ten cities. But we don't play comedy clubs. We are the MCs at random people's weddings. Oh, man. In. We have to let us fill this and she post this and we can blur anyone you want us to blur. Wow. But we are the MCs. Even Burr. And yeah, we could blur. Blur Burr. Oh, I thought you were saying, no, if Bill Burr was there, we could blur Burr. Yeah, if he doesn't want to be in an orphan, you don't want people to know that he was there. Fucking blur my fucking face. I don't fucking give a shit. But we would also, we would be the band. Yeah. We would be the band. Yeah. And we would do, we would do like, stick. Wait. So we're singing all the, we have, we have a prompter for all the words, all the wedding, you know. 'Cause it's a nuna, shut up and dance with like, you know, get us to that. Yeah. Yeah. But we have the words. And then we're also improvising songs. Yeah. Our next song goes out to Kimberly and Jason. Like Jason's not the groom, doesn't matter. This one's going out to the groom's dad's buddy. It could be fully interactive where they also have, like, people that know, no, no, people that don't, don't. One of the groom's men is like, you know. like Brent is one of the groomsmen. >> Oh wow. >> And like we're showing the party, also we're all loved up and we make a play out of it. >> I like this. >> What about a play during a wedding and the only people that know it are either people that recognize us or the people that hired us? >> So it's like NBC's real wedding crashers, but they know that we're there. >> That's a show. >> That was a show in NBC for like a year. See Burn, Ben Glee was on it. >> Cool. >> And were they doing wedding crashings? >> It was, it was the height of wedding crashers, the movie came out, I think it was shortly after and it was like punk meets wedding crashers, the movie got it and they crash weddings and tried to fuck with people shit. This is the opposite. This is where we're adding. They know we're going to be there. >> We're trying to make this a beautiful movie whether that means drama acting, comedy acting a little bit of both, you know, maybe, well, maybe there could be somebody who comes in that your wife who wasn't supposed to be there because she's been in a hole on sex. She's been in Afghanistan for two years and she surprises you there and the DJ, the hosts are in on it and say, we actually have a surprise. One of the, you know, the groom's best friends hasn't seen his wife in two years, but we actually have a surprise for you and it's a woman who comes in and she's been in wherever the people are now. >> This is actually brilliant. I think it's like a dinner theater you're hiring for your wedding. >> I got to talk to you about this more later on because I pitched something to Terran Killham and he's in and we're going to be going to Disney soon and we got to talk about this. >> Wow. >> But you being Terran doing anything I feel like is a no fucking brainer. >> Also, do you know about the Disneyland corn dogs? >> Is that a euphemism? >> No. >> The Main Street Corn Dogs are one of my favorite foods. >> Oh, I've had two last time I was there in a Disney pickle and a $40 bag of goofy M&Ms. Hey, spoiler alert, they're regular M&Ms just with goofy space on them. >> Yep. >> I mean, anything goofy about it. >> Well, the fact that you spent $40 on a bag of M&Ms is pretty, pretty goofy to me. >> Yeah. >> Favorite Disney character. Go. Don't think about it. >> Well, I remember what I said as a kid was Donald Duck, Daffy Duck, Donald Duck is Disney. Donald Duck was, Taz was my loony tunes, Donald Duck was my Disney. >> On this episode of Donald Duck in the Huey-Duey Lewis crew, the gang is trying to decide if the kids are ready to go back to school. >> Hey. Gates. >> It's my demon. Are you ready for school? >> Come on, Dad. Can't we start school tomorrow instead? >> No. >> Okay, what about you, like goofy, I just like he was the same way Fuzzy Bears, I think my favorite Muppet. Rolf, the dog I think was my favorite Muppet, like favorite, but Fuzzy was like, my mom got me a VHS of, hey, you're as funny as Fuzzy Bear. And it was an interactive VHS where he would like teach you to do jokes and it was interactive. And I watched it a thousand times. >> We all go back to all your stand-up and realize how influenced it is by Fuzzy Bear. Like there's so many things. >> What's great is that sometimes after you get a big pop anyway, anything you say whether it's Walker, Walker, Walker or anything, if the people are so invested in what just happened laughing wise, they don't even think twice about what you just added. They're just still laughing. >> Adam, you just define the catchphrase, that's the catchphrase for Fuzzy Bear. >> Catchphrases are so funny when it feels like the right time to use it. >> Yeah. >> Like that's what she said or that's what she said. >> Yeah. >> Boy are my arms tired? >> Yes. >> I want to swipe to a commercial for that Boy are My Arms Tired shirt if I make it, you have to make that shirt. >> It's made, dude. >> It's made, dude. >> Favorite. >> I just premiered the ad. >> Oh, great. >> Catchphrase of all times probably, man. >> I Chrome was pretty good. >> Do the Bartman's pretty good. >> Alrighty then was a pretty big one. >> Alrighty then is probably the best one. >> That's probably the most to me musical and the most visceral. When I hear it, when I say eat my shorts, I'm just going to go, eat my shorts, man. >> You know, like I can do it. Like eat my shorts, man. >> Yeah, it's like duck. >> Yeah, well too ripped off Donald by the way, which is why I like him so much. I also realizing Donald and Taz, the two characters that were hardest to understand. >> Yeah. >> Those were your favorites. So I could have conversations with them and them with me. >> Do you think they ever call them spasminian devil? >> Oh shit, you just had a moment, breathe, breathe, breathe. I bought mouth tape and I used it last night for the first time to try. >> And? >> Does the story get better? >> No. >> Sorry, I just heard a lot of mouth tape stories recently. >> It's quick. I could finish it in five seconds. >> Another great catchphrase. >> It keeps mouth. >> So you told the girls. >> I told the girls. >> Bring your mouth and go. >> I need my boobs. >> Don't look at my boobs. >> Yeah, wait. Yeah. When we're girls, don't look at my boobs. And her nipples are showing I know that I'm safe to go like this. Okay, I can't see anything. >> We'll probably cut that. >> All right. I remember the first nipples I saw that weren't mine. Wow. I remember the first nipples I saw that were big nipples. You know, as a adolescent, pre-publesson, you know, translucent boy, you go, man, what does that mean again? >> See through. >> Yeah. Cuz I was one of the big daddy glasses. You know, the big daddy glasses, he wears a glasses, so you can't see big daddy. >> Who's big daddy? >> You're a big daddy. Smooth. >> Yeah. >> So. >> It could be me and Tommel. >> I remember the first. I wish I remember her name. And I remember just being like, oh, there's other types of nipples. I thought everybody just had the same type of nipples. I don't know, you know, I don't, I mean, no one told, they don't tell you that. I mean, tell you that, you don't know that, I mean, tell you that. >> I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? >> So I remember seeing these and just being like, wow. Do that like Joey Lawrence. >> I remember seeing these and being like, whoa. >> Catchphrase. >> Now I'll do it like Joey from Friends, Joey Trippiani. >> Whoa, now I'll do it for like Joey Butterfuku, who got his dick cut off, I think, by learning about it, right? No. John Bobbitt got his dick cut off by like, by Lorraine Bobbitt. Who's Joey Butterfuku? >> He's not the guy that has a chili crunch? >> No. >> Joey Butterfuku, you know, I know it's not really the chili crunch guy, but- >> Who got his dick cut off by his girlfriend, the chili crunch. >> But the chili crunch is something like that. >> That's Lorraine Bobbitt. Who is Joey Butterfuku? >> I think Lorraine Bobbitt cut off his dick. >> Where Butterfuku is an American former auto body shop owner who became a tablet staple in the 902, the infamous Long Island Lolita scandal, his 17-year-old lover, Amy Fisher, shot his wife. This is, what are we doing here? >> Damn. >> No, if John Bobbitt exists, he's got to be attached or not to the Bobbitt story. >> Yeah, I think John Bobbitt is who got his winner cut off. >> Or that might be a buddy of mine that I went to high school with, that every birthday party threw high school, he always did the thing where you dunk your head in a bucket of water would try to get the apple out. >> The ice bucket challenge. >> Nope. >> Oh. >> Bobbing for apples. >> Oh, Bobbitt, yeah. So, John Bobbitt. That's a crazy guess that you just said. John Bobbitt, remember that game? Twisted Bobbitt. Yeah. >> There's a video of John Runnitsky playing this, and it's really funny. >> Oh, I saw that. >> Nice. >> Most things. It's not too funny to me when he say it. >> When he talks like he's not ready. >> Oh, wow. >> I don't, Ricky, Ricky, I don't remind you. >> I appreciate you saying that. I do. I just like, I know. I'm like, I want the road. I come in. You're one of the funniest guys in the world. >> I don't. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You know, he has one of those things where you age a certain way and he's actually 90. >> John? >> I'm sorry. No, I was joking. I'm sorry. I saw you, and I didn't want to lie to you. I was just joking. Yes, I was pretending that John was 90, but no, he's not. He's probably 35, 36. >> Dude, we don't have any friends that are 90, do we? I mean, on a scale of how much I love them, uh, one to ten, yeah. Can you mention being 90, dude? How machino 82? My grandma's 86. 96. Just got his wife pregnant again, but you know, just got, yeah. Shout out to your grandma. Shout out to machino too. 82. Dude, I could raising a kid. Yeah, that's a wild thing to do at 82. I'm about to do it 40 fucking four, but 82. I can't imagine raising a dad at 82, raising a kid, uh, Freudian slip, big daddy. But can you imagine being, now, what do you think is going to be more difficult? What do you think was tougher for a Puccino to have an orgasm at 82 or raise that kid at 82 without a doubt if raised the kid? You think that? Well, listen, he obviously enjoyed himself. How difficult could it have been? You don't know. They don't teach you. But I've never come, while that's not sure I was going to say I've never come while doing house chores. I guess I've never come while I was doing heavy lift. Nope, that's not true. I've come while I was doing heavy lifting. Oh, wait a minute. House chores, heavy lifting, making love. They're all the same thing. If you understand you're doing this for a better life, for a better life for you, for a better life for your partner, for your family, who are your family? Who are your family? Ah, people don't realize this, but would Al Pacino says who are now? He's only doing that because he can't hear what they're saying, but he doesn't want to break character. Horton, here's a who. I'd watch that. Here's my impression of Al Pacino having that orgasm at 82. Actually, here's my impression of him telling his friend about the orgasm he had. Ready? You're the friend. Okay. And yeah, I'm ready. It was crazy. I was as she was there. Lost it. Got a bag. Wow. That's what your son looked. I thought you were talking about what it sound like when you came. Let me finish. Is that what you said? Yeah. We were in the kitchen. So Black, I know. I've been over the coffee table both. Could be playing. I could be able to, you know, she put on some Lana Del Rey. I hate that music. I put on the soundtrack to the soundtrack. And when they got to, oh, yeah. I can't. Cool. Thanks for being my friend. You're welcome, man. It's your outfricked machino. I was just about to retire. I didn't realize you'd invite me in. When I see Al Pacino walking around on like TMZ videos and stuff, or just like people catching them on a cell phone, like, what is the Al Pacino dunking donuts commercial in the Adam Sandler movie where he jack and jill or whatever it is? Could you picture it? It's so funny. Yes. Okay. We'll put it up a little bit. It's so true. And it's dunk dunk dunk dunk, or something like that. I don't remember what it is. Dude, that movie. Yeah, Adam Sandler. I don't care what you say about that movie. Adam Sandler got Al Pacino to be into Adam Sandler. Also, how much did Dunkin Donuts pay for that? A lot of money. Dude, I heard Dunkin Donuts paid for 50% of the budget of the marketing budget for Jack and Jill. I'm not going to dispute that. Hey, hey, you know what I'm saying? Sometimes in movies, when guys and girls are having sex and they show you that it's really important to each other, they look at each other and they say, hi. Oh, I thought that drives me nuts. Sometimes when I'm making love to a woman and we're present and we're really looking at each other, I'll stop for a second and I'll go like this. Hi. How does that work? She normally comes. She goes, I'm coming. Don't look at my eyes. You can keep that all in but I hated the last 30 seconds. When I put my joint, I think it's time to smoke. Oh, um, you might want to check to your right. Now, I'm going to take it. I thought it was on the couch to your right. Man, I like these canjurings, by the way. I really do. It's a cool flavor. It gets me good. Hi, this is the first time I've done this. This is a five milligram with 10 milligrams CBD. The other ones are two and four or something. For whatever reason, when I drink one of those, a two milligram or I feel just chill. Oh, I feel real chill. Also drinking something like this because I pretty much only drink water unless I'm stoned and I'm going to the movies and then give me a fountain soda. Oh, if you're not getting a soda at the movies, you might be missing out and an delicious drink. But Jeff Foxworthy's got real clean. Is it wasn't he always clean? Is he a clean comic? No, he was like, if you brush your teeth with weight things, you might be a fucking weak. You can bleep it. You can say anything. Leave. Oh, John Michael, mark that for real. Please bleep that. Mark that for real. Fuck that. Don't fuck that. Fuck that. Stop dude. No, because people are going to think I said it. And then they're going to know we can bleep it. I don't. All right. Don't worry. Don't worry. I just can't put the key in the people's hands because I'll turn it the other way. You know, it's funny that you say that because it seems like your self-worth is attached to a lock as opposed to an identity. If somebody could unlock your truth, well, it's not because you gave them the key, it's because you refused to acknowledge it yourself. Whether it be novelist to find singularity in your own death processions, or is it wise to look around you and let them decide if you lay the options? Never more would it be more wise to find yourself in a situation where you don't speak truths, but you're quiet to it all. But the man that speaks too much protests and the woman who ignores no never minds cannot find and never will believe that she is the Lord, save y'all. Soccer style here. Graduate from Collier High, June 1906, says the New University Honors Graduate, class of 1980, holds two NCAA division one record, one for what's one season one for most. Before you even, as soon as you went, before you even breathe it, I knew what you were going to do. And I thought to myself, does he know it or is he going to go for it? And let me tell you something. Yes, you went for it and you stumbled a little bit, but you knew it. And that is a great thing to have in your tool belt. You know, American Idol judges say this all the time. Yeah, you forgot the words for a second, but I believed you. It's not about the words. It's about a performance. We trust you. We care. And I just saw that. And that means you memorized that. And you've probably done that at lots of different places. It's great. But I never heard you do it. And it was just there. Don't worry about it, Ventura. We'll find the dolphin. No, I feel better. Of course, that might not do any good because no one's looking for a dolphin. It's a porpoise. It's a or a we'll find the mammal. Wait, was it leave you? Uh, uh, uh, the common hot reporters or the common hot reporters or Tertiary Optron K. This has an abrupt nose point teeth and I triangular thoracic fin. Well, the bottom nose dolphin or there's Tertiary Optron K. This has an abrupt nose point teeth and a tri- Although that might not do any good because it's not a horse that's been taken. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The commoner. Oh, all right. We get the taste for all the other people who audition for it. Those are the people who audition for it back in the day. Stopping mid audition. Like, have you lost your place? Do you want to start again? Have you? Come on, repose, repose, repose, repose, repose. Do you want to try it to me? And then he even starts to question that and he goes, "Oh, all right. Oh, all right. I don't know." Do you want to take it against Matt? Yeah, can I just go? Can I actually just go? Oh, look, they're a little football. I love that movie. They just say we love it too. We are going to go in a different direction. We're going to go to, but oddly similar for considering that that didn't exist yet. Yeah, totally. Like this was the first time. That was the first of Jim Carrey doing that thing. Wow, yeah. What if Jim saw? What if that was? What it was? What if he saw like an audition tape and saw? He was just going to go, "Oh, ready then." And they saw so many people are doing it the same way. So he's like, just make a specific choice. He was actually making fun of what they were asking for. There's no way that could have heard pedactors fall on the way down with this door. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and their murder closed the door before he left. Yes, yes, yes. I have exercised the demon. This house is clear. And then he walks out and Courtney Cox here. And then Courtney Cox goes, and then tone Locke is in that too who plays juice, who plays juice in one of our favorite movies. Don't blank check. Don't. Yeah, that's right. You know, times have changed, but at the end of that movie, the 15-year-old, 14-year-old boy gets a kiss on the lips by the fucking gorgeous 27-year-old. Oh, maybe 34-year-old, dude. Also 15. That kid's like 10. Whatever it is. And I'm saying, and it's like at the time, whatever it gets, it's like, oh, she's just being giving him something because we are in that time. We're all, even the adults in Mr. McIntosh, the kids had. Yeah. So we're like, oh, that would be so cool. We're not thinking about it from having a kid or understanding this up. It's true. It's a double standard. It is. But when it's a little kid boy who's hooking up with the teacher, it's gross, and it's unacceptable, and it's different with if the roles are reversed. Case and point in point. And I'm just looking at the statistics, the acceptance of this in blank check. If Uncle Jesse made out with, you know, Mary Kate specifically, we would be like, what are they fucking blank checking us? No, it would be wrong. Well, that's uncle and niece. That would fine. Then cut it out. Dave Kool-Yay. So Kool-Yay and Stamos. No, Kool-Yay is not blood family, though. So yeah, so Kool-Yay and Michelle, Mary Kate. Well, that's blood, but the blank check kid and the detective weren't blood. But I'm saying Dave Kool-Yay's character and Ashley, Ashley Olson, Mary Kate, Michelle Tanner, those two characters are not blood related. Right. Dave Kool-Yay, Uncle Joey, is more like my mom's best friend. Yeah. So if Uncle Joey, you're saying that Uncle Joey making out with Michelle Tanner. Michelle Tanner is the same as blank check hot fucking cop. All right. All right. I'm saying. I'm saying blank check. 15 making out with a 34-year-old was awesome and hot as a kid, but so wrong. And also at the end of the movie, the kid goes, she goes, hey, pretty cool house you had back there. Water started out of the bedroom. Fucking awesome. And then he was like, yeah, it's not the only thing that's awesome. Show, boy. No, he goes, I got, I got a pizza machine in my fucking closet and a cake in the back fridge. She goes, you have a second fridge. She goes, oh yeah, two fridge life, Macintosh. And then she goes, well, you do later, he goes, I'll probably take it a nap because I'm 15. And she goes, hmm, maybe we could unlock your bike and go get some strawberries. And he goes, got him in the third fridge. She goes, you got a third fridge, you know what I mean? And then he goes, what are you doing tonight? She goes, I don't know, I'm 38. Maybe watching a movie and drinking a bottle of wine on the fucking sidewalk. And he goes, we want to stay over. She goes, no, but call me in 20 years, meaning when he's 35, he goes, how about 12? And she goes 13. And he goes, five. And she goes, deal, why don't you give me a call and say about 10 years? Five, seven, six, okay. Turn it down from fucking calling her in 35 to 17. When he's not or 20, when he's not even moved out yet, he's living in the castle eating red vines and twizzlers, sucking down popcorn, opalus and just, you know, fruity pebbles for dinner and frosted flakes for lunch, dude. And this bitch comes in being like, I don't got anything going on. You mind if I kick it with you? And he's like, yeah, again, I'm 15 in five years would be dope. And she goes, he's 11 in it. He's 11. There's no way. He's 11. I stand and sit for the character. Both actors. Wow. But, but it comes out a year later. So you got to add when we go back. Yeah. That's crazy. I would have thought when he was saying, I was like in 13. So maybe he was 15 in real life, but 11 in the movie. No, he's 11 and both. He turned 12 after the movie premiered. I just know this. I just go a bit of second. I go crazy. Oh my god. That's what I'm saying. But it's different than Uncle Joey. Yes. They're bad. But what I'm saying is for some reason, I'm saying the double standard. What are you saying? The double step, the double party in the living room. The double standard exists because for for some reason, when we're watching that movie, we're coming from the perspective of the 11 year old boy. Sally feeling. And that is somebody who's who's like, oh, yeah, he probably thinks it's cool. But he doesn't understand the trauma and the manipulation of they don't understand the trauma. But when, but the picture being a little boy, hooking up with girls, it's just different. Yeah, it is. It's different man. It is, man. But it's also the same. It's why we dads are talking to their sons about like, hey, uh, uh, and this was like, sorry, dad, I sorry, I got home a little late. Fucking got head for the first time. Oh, yeah. Hey, hey, that's fine. That's fine. If you want to get, hey, son, son, if you want to get head, that's fine. But we have a curfew in this goddamn house. I said home by 1045. It's 1048. Oh, wait. If you're going to get your dick sucked in my car, you better tell you better call me and tell me about it right after dad. I want to show you something. If it's on to Raj, the script, it's the script for the new on to Raj movie. I've already read it. And oh, yeah. Did you really? Although, turtles not in it. But when the mom is talking to when a, when a, when a dad and mom are talking to their 17 year old son breach and the 17 year old son's like, Hey, guys, I got to be honest with you, I feel like I need to go get an STD check. I ended up raw dog in this girl in her butt and her pussy. The mom and the dad are going to be like, you're the man, Tevin. But if it was a daughter, it's always Tevin, often, at least often, Tevin Campbell, Tevin Campbell, Revin Sample, that's a guy I went to school with before the bell, but say by the bell, go to hell. We ain't figuring out how to spell, not in this day and age without a deal. I got a Mac. I got a PC. I got an STD. I got HPV. Psych, you believe me. Maybe you take them viruses and download some, cyruses, Billy, Molly, Susan, the dad. Psych, she flipped over, watch getting even with dad, McCully, he ain't in it. Jonathan Taylor Thomas, he be with it. Ted Danson, Chevy Chase. I'm all over the place. This wrap is in your face. It's a disgrace to not figure out what the good place, Kristen Bell had to do with hell, saving it by the bell. Mario Lopez, data Tory, she wouldn't in it. Beldings brother, went down the river, a river wild. Got me child. Problem. One, two and three. He had bread hair, like the ginger centino with it with it with it with it with a B with a can is the drink. I drink when I think and when I smoke to think, I drink and I think, cha-ching, Spotify. Why don't you fucking dot the eye across the tee? Look at these nuts and titties. My eyes are here. My balls are there. My knees are in your underwear underwear. That's what she said. Care Bears there. Who shared double dog there? This is first date, you know. So anyway, I went to Princeton online. You tell me that you're thinking about getting a standup comedy and I say, can I hear a joke and you go and you do that just like on the first meeting. Anyway, I'm the guy. Yeah, like we're going to date for first date. Yeah, yeah. I would just first start talking and you told me you're a comedian. And I go, that's so interesting. That's also my love comedy. Can I hear one of your jokes? And you immediately offer up that three minute rap with that same safety and energy. Oh, that's so funny. You know, it's so funny. I think if you and I, like guy, I would like to see that in a movie. And that would make me laugh, I think. And I think it would make you laugh. I think if we came up with that and then we shot that scene with other actors, we'd then get in there. If we were co-directing it and we'd do it ourselves and then we go, fuck, why didn't we just do this? Because I'll be cool to direct it and hire fucking Taylor Lautner. But then we go in there, we do it. And then and then they're not laughing or we're doing it. And then they're not, I think we're too. And then we're they're not laughing as hard as we are watching it because we're like, it should be like this. It isn't as funny and they maybe they don't get it and we're like, should I hire Jerry Farah? I never thought of writing. We should write a movie though. For Jerry, what's his name again? Jerry Farah. No. The from the guy from the grown-ups movies. And he's also in the the Twilight series. Oh, yeah, yeah. What's his name? Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner. Yeah. It never thought about writing a movie for him until today. I think you do it. He was in grown-ups. I want to write a documentary, like not a mock documentary, a documentary. Oh, okay. But I'm going to write it. So they don't know it's a mock documentary. And it's about the real life of the first mascot that was the McDonald's chicken nugget. And I want him to play that doesn't he kind of look like it's like he can be chicken nugget. You don't say that's he just has the bill like less than a curse. He just has he says strong wide build and he looks a little bit like a McDonald's chicken nugget hot hot piping fresh hot McDonald's chicken nugget white meat. However, I don't know if it's like a dark courtroom drama of how they took advantage and how grimace became everything and then Ronald who by the way didn't even find it. You know, the guy who played Batman found it. So Mayor McChee's like, what's his story? He's just like, yeah, so I would love to have a world of love of VH ones where they know or a each who Hollywood story on the McDonald's characters. Yeah. Well, I'm saying I want to write this for Taylor Lotner. You know, what if you're interested? We could talk. Okay. And we're going to call it chicken mugget because when you got arrested, you got a mugshot instead of nugget. I love that. And it's called chicken mugget. I love that. All many a few months ago and they met at a McDonald's. He was working there. He was in the drive-thru and I guess that and then they said that's actually what happened. And I go, that's amazing. And I go, I go, did you, I go, what was your pick up line like, yeah, go ahead and put some, give me some fries and then also for like, let me, what did I say? I don't know. But she's. But then I go, be begging for a plus one, even though there's not enough space at this bachelor party. I'm like, guys, he's a professional comedian. I'm telling you. Make sure pay him to come to this. He's going to kill. And they're all like, oh, begrudgingly. And this is the first time you're telling a story. I was just doing a show. I actually guessed it. And I was right. And anyway, they were going in and I was like, what's your pick up line driving through and you'd be like, uh, you're some spicy, uh, fuck, what did I say? And I'm just like, Oh, I am so sorry. Please, please. Oh, no. And then I go, you have any kids and they go, yeah, and then he goes right here. I go, well, I go, yeah, I go, look at this little mugget that came out of your big pussy. And that got a big laugh. Is that your mom? I should meet you, Mrs. Layered. Wait. Layered from the story just now. It is hot. Yeah. You just, you just went, yeah, I wasn't sure if you're saying, like, I'm being sexy right now or temperature wise, you want me to put the load lower the AC? Yes. Absolutely. Lower the AC. Lower the heat mean, right? You're your first job working with fincher. You're hot or cold. Okay. Yeah, me too. When you first, you know, it's fantasy of working with fincher. And uh, you get, you become a, uh, you know, a camera operator on, on, on a, on a two camera shot, uh, within intimacy, intimacy coordinator. And they're having sex. So it's blah, blah, blah. And then he looks already for a second, you go, he calls, cut and it's, and it's because you want the AC on. So I don't know, it's just like the new joke I was working on. Do you guys invite him to the party with Adam Ray? Um, um, doing this, how much longer you want to go for? Party. Couple days. Great. What's that, Evan? June 19th. Yeah. It's the Adam Ray show on Netflix. Yeah. We interview all sorts of people. They Matthews, Michael Buble and Nikki Glazer, Rick and Brent in an episode live, March on Lynch, Jelly Roll, Mark Norman, Joel MacKale, the Impractual Joker, Sassan Manage, John Summit, the DJ, the Google dolls. Yeah. It's on Netflix right now. New episodes every Friday. Yeah. The Adam Ray show. Thanks, man. Yeah. It's, I don't know. It's a long time coming, but also no one's guaranteed shit. So it's been fucking around throwing darts against the wall. Yeah. And then people finally said, hey, you want to do some character stuff and do it on Netflix and I go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They go, what is that? Did you have a stroke? I go, no. the Netflix, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We can say anything at your wedding. Take the evil out the people that be acting right, because it don't matter if you're black or white, we all smoking crack to no. I can imagine if I were good at that though, you know, like, that would be such a funny thing to do. Oh, man, I know, but it's cool to not be good. It's cool to not be good. I don't know, man. No, people who could sing, but like, I know, I would love to sit around a piano and just like, I went to a few like real nice parties after college at like big houses where there's a piano and like Broadway people there. And then all of a sudden somebody just starts playing and they go, and then he goes, and all of a sudden everyone's fucked up, but then the person just sobers up at the piano, and they go, we've been feeling kind of saucy tonight. And everyone's like, we've been feeling kind of lumpy at all. Oh, you're, or you're so big. You're such, but you're such a big guy. It's over and over. He goes, he goes, we've been kind of saucy. And then he goes, and he goes, and we've been fighting that we live for a while. But in the end, everyone's like, they're not that different at all. And then one of the girls goes, my God, I missed that show. Remember, we did that show. We did that show. You're in that show. You really have hiccups. And you've been using them and you've used them in two degree characters. Just a hiccup makes things so funny because it's hard to fake a hiccup. I mean, not a, wow, that's about to turn into a pig. You're about to turn into a pig. Every time you start hearing you accidentally snort like a pig. That's not a big it. All right. Did I get the job? Oh, my gosh. Hey, Tom, can we sit at the top? Can we have him turn into a pig for real? I happen to be awesome. Tom at Myspace. Yeah, we started working together recently. He was in my top nine. Remember when people took you out of their top 40. I was like, dude, what a way to tell someone you're dead to them. I remember my buddy might have Barack Obama and the fucking Shamwile guy in his top 40. And I go, you don't even know who they are. Yeah. You ever notice that you've never seen Barack Obama and the Shamwile guy in the same place at the same time? Taking a selfie. No, sorry. My place is buying me some bongs and shit. Cool. This episode is sponsored by the letter B. Wow. Fuck. Are you in five? Ball boobin. Bye. Oh, shit. The letter B and Nana. Can I tell you about the Netflix show? I don't know. Rick and Brent Lamor did an episode. So it's a fix. June 19th is when it came out. Don't know when this comes out, but June 19th is when the show drops. So it just came out a couple of weeks ago. Fuck yeah. Guys, thanks for watching. So many eps up there. So many. Dude, from Rick Glassman, Brent Moore and Lamor Morris, today Matthews to Michael Buble and Nikki Glaser, Dana Carvey to Newkins on the block to the fucking to Marshawn Lynch, to Joel McCale, to Adam Devine. We got John Summit. Netflix, check it out the Adam Ray show. Some of the episodes are live. Some aren't, but the episode Rick and Brent and Lamor did is very special just by live. He means in front of a live audience. Not live on Netflix. They're all pre-recorded, but we did a, we're doing a few. Didn't want a Santino, we dressed up in full prosthetic. Mark McGrath played our neighbor. Kill and Ray played my wife. John Manskey played Andrew son. Some are in front of a live audience. I saw pictures of it. Yeah. It's really funny. It's wild. It's, yeah. Can we throw the pictures up here? Please. Yeah. Send them to me. But dude, that live show was so much fun. So much fun. So much fun. Laugh so much. So many great bits. And like, what's funny to me is that, you know, it's a live pod. It's a live conversation. Four people can feel crowded. Most of these shows happen with two people or even one person. Sometimes there's not even a show. And Rick. And, but this was great. And people [BLANK_AUDIO] We're going to bring Lamorin like 20 minutes and like two minutes and I was like, get out here. And we just had a great, we had a great time. Anyway, that that episode, I'm so many love moments. Yeah. So many laugh out loud moments. The wraps were killing me. And Rick and I walked away from that, getting emotional about how funny Brent was. Yeah, like the the Lamorin in that first half was, I mean, everyone was funny the whole time. But Lamorin in the first half, I was looking at him and I even said it and I, I don't know what you're cutting out, but I would love if you kept those moments in because I was being so sincere about being how cool it is being friends with funny people. You could ask them to do something. Like I asked you to just, you did a joke. I'm like, can I hear it this way? And you did it. And I'm like, being friends with funny people is fucking so cool. It's, yeah, it's, you get to hear any song you want, but it's not music, you know? And then then Brent, when we started getting musical and started doing the acting and like the drama and acting and stuff, he was so Brent, I think Brent is one of the funniest people have ever met. And some people, some of you know that. Some of you don't. And for those that don't, I like want to be like watch this. Like there's certain things that Brent does where I'm just like, I am in the audience 100% watching and laughing. And that, that show he was literally he was, he could have won a Tony award. Yeah, I think so. He was singing. He was dancing. He was acting. He was doing drama. Yeah, he, he, it's a MVP episode. He's so funny, so funny. Yeah, I can't wait for people to see this. I hope it makes him a megastar too. And also like, there's something about seeing, you know, because a lot of times when we're doing that stuff, that type of silly, it's not stand up. Yeah. You know, so it's here on the couch with us alone. To be on stage. He made it performative for the audience. And he like, yeah, I'm saying having an audience me being able to not just watch him, but watch the audience watching. Yes. Where I'm like, I'm on the couch laughing. Yeah. And present. Yeah. And there I'm not as present because I'm watching Brent. And I'm also like seeing people see him. And I'm like, right, dude. Yeah. You know, like, this is what I'm talking about. Totally. And it just felt so, I'm like, it was interesting. I, not, not this, I don't want this to sound like demeaning as if because sometimes when you say you're proud of somebody, it's usually an elder down to sit like, you're proud of your son, but I'm proud of my dad. I'm proud of, like, you get proud of people. I'm proud of people. I haven't met when you see them. Like, I've been listening to the music for so long. And now they're taking off. It's like, I feel as if the pride for you. Yeah. Sometimes I watch Brent in those situations. And like, in it, I felt so proud of him where I was like, do it. Do we go, go, you know, be the, yeah, exactly. He also just felt cool. Yeah. Yeah. He trusted his instincts. He made good of every opportunity. He didn't skip a beat. Every time he spoke, he's batting average was very high. And Lamor was putting him into an impossible situation of what to talk about by design. That's the game itself. So it's not like a possible situation to succeed in. It's, you can succeed in it, but obviously you're not going to do the impossible. And he got so close to that line of the impossible. Yeah. Where it was both funny and like, and he, there was no, he was there, dude. I watch, he was fucking there. And I'm, it felt like art. And I love, that's why I love improv so much. I miss it so much to be locked into scenes like that that you're joking around, but you're fucking serious, dude. That I miss it. Oh, let's fuck. Let's start the troop back. Let's do an improv tour. And we've only performed at weddings. Right. A two person improv troop, but we can bring at least two if people can. I would love to have more of our people. And it's called, okay. Can I get another suggestion for the name of our group? What else? Okay. Okay. I'm practicing for being on stage when somebody suggests something and I don't want to go along with it, but I. Yes. But isn't that what what Paul McCartney said to you? What else? You said McCullochulkin. I was thinking it. I always picture them the same thing because they're both rich. You rich to me. Dude, that should be that's the new change up. What's it called? What a freaky Friday. Paul McCartney and McCullochulkin. I would know who is who. You would want more for the voice. Of course, I watch it, but like Paul McCartney goes, no way. No, he goes. I mean my parents. Yeah. I made my family disappear. I made my family. Oh, right. I forgot. I was like, why I was at McCullochulkin. I'm like, what are you? I hear so much better voices that I must be missing something. And I'm saying, oh, right, he's doing Paul McCartney. As McCullochulkin from 30 years ago, I'll take two big loads of pieces and a joke that's on the ice cream. You got it. Credit card credit card. You got it. I like one of those rooms with a refrigerator with a key. Yes. Very good. Mr. McCartney. Credit card. Very good. Mr. McCartney. Is there a credit card, Mr. McCartney? That's when when Rob and Rob and Rob Schneider goes like this because he wanted a tip. And McCullochulkin takes gum out of his mouth and he gives it to him. So funny. And then Rob Schneider just goes, oh, he leaves. So funny. It's so funny. Donald Trump's and then he goes, little boy. Will you pair and shit? And he goes, in the room. In the room. Yes, yes. Well, you shouldn't be walking around without parents. It's a big hotel. It's a very big hotel. It's the biggest, not as big as Trump hotel, which is a bigger hotel. But you know, who stays here? Sleepy Joe. Sleepy Joe stays at the wall door first. Wait, what is it? Plaza hotel. Did you get the pizza with the ice cream someday? Oh, dude. Oh, next room and M's. Congratulations. You are a real fat piece of shit. My favorite thing to do with the hotel is to use the bathroom and take the toilet paper. That's like, it's like it's like for SNL edition, there's a new rule where they make you pull two rule, two characters. And you have to really quickly come up with a sketch with the two of them. And they should have improv exercises for their auditions. The two that you picked were, you picked one was Donald Trump. And the other one was a real curveball. It was Paul McCartney if he were McCulley Colton. Yeah. So not only do you have to have a Paul McCartney voice or McCulley Colton voice, but with a Paul McCartney, like you could hear it was back there. Yes. And Trump and the sketch is, all right, McCulley Colton. Why don't we just do McCulley Colton movie with the Trumps in? We can make Paul McCartney be. So right. So this is home alone. If Paul McCartney got the role instead of, instead of, yeah, I love off. And if Trump's a bit of her. Yeah. And, but you don't even have to jump to get that sketch, dude. That's the joke. That's the show. That's the game. And then you get to play it. And then people are watching, you know, when I was a kid, I used to watch the best of, of that, of, that's an L character. And they include their auditions. Yeah. But the Will Farrell one was always like, you see him being like, hey, get off the damn shed, you know, or whatever he's doing. And as a kid, you're not hearing many laughs. And you're thinking to yourself, it doesn't mean it's not funny, man. Yeah. And I think about that sometimes, like, I remember when I did just for laughs the first time. And people like his real tough crows and industry kind of like, dude, probably just like all the best of SNLs. Like you're not supposed to laugh. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And also for 20 years, I'm like, I remember like Ricky's not funny, dude. Nobody laughs. And it's like, why do you think they have to laugh? My job is in to make you laugh. My job is to hold up a reflective material so you could see yourself. And if I do it at the right angle, you'll be able to get a good, get a good view and finally be able to see into your own subconscious. I love that. And if it's funny, it's funny. What if that was all inside of a Panda Express Fortune cookie? I would love that. I used to go into Panda Express because every Sunday I would go over to a magic place because you had sanctioned magic to gathering tournaments. And you would play and those competitions and you saw like your national ranking move up and stuff. Yeah. And afterwards a couple of the guys and I would almost every time walk across the street to the Panda Express. And when you buy something, a Panda Express on the receipt, if you do this survey, you get a free entree with a combo. I love that. But I already ordered. So I would go in and I would ask people for their receipt. And it would usually be pretty easy. But I remember one time though, I was like, I don't know. And I was like, I'm able to look into garbage. I'm like, I'm going to go through the garbage for receipt and I looked at it and it was on the top. And yeah. And I took it off and I did the survey real quick. And I would get an extra entree. I mean, this is just not thinking faster, thinking smarter, or thinking, this is thinking the worst person to give that advice. Hey, it's not thinking smarter. It's thinking, thinking faster. Hey, hey, you could go out. Hey, you could be inside or you could go outside, playing the art for a bit, see what life's all about. Or you could go upstairs, take a big fad shit. Hey, I ain't here to tell you what to do or how to do it. But I am here to tell you to mow the lawn before TV night starts. And yeah, we're having a TV night. You still in the bachelor party. Maybe like, I do it. I don't know. And it's kind of funny. Anyway, you guys want to see an ASMR intern version? A fuck. I think I have to go and I don't want to say that, but I think I do. Yeah, I'll take my pregnant wife out. Oh, what? I just got a cold shiver. That was just real, real quick ending. Oh, sorry, just kind of heard a little bit. Live gets, live hurts everybody a little bit. When the moon feels tall, is that the face of you? The girl when you're not singing. Why do you make that face when you're not singing? When the stars come out of my eyes. So when he goes like, big blue bear will fight. When the car goes room, room, room, room, down the road. Why not at night? There's potatoes in this bag. Is this going to suck? Are you guys even listening? This guy fucking sucks. I'm just playing my two-year-old's harpsichord. Why? There's a dog upon my lap and a squirrel for a nap. There's a diet pepper trap. He is getting better. You can find me there in Jamaica. It's getting bad again. I thought I was like, oh, he warmed up and it's getting bad again. It's so good. Robert, do you guys know, Robert got played a piano? Oh, right. You are the person watching. I'm the girl that's not the piano player. I was like, why is the piano player doing that face? I'm the girl watching. No, I got it now. From their college, who used to do Broadway, lost out the piano at the party. And she doesn't care what it is. This episode sponsored by The Letter P. He played a bunch of Broadway hits and they sort of play as originals. And everyone was like, fuck this, but she was all about it. This phone, fucks. She was all about it. Did you? Did you guys see Robert by the piano? He wasn't all about it. Don't fucking look at me, Taran. She wishes he was all about it. I don't, I can do whatever I fucking want, Brython. He wasn't all about it still. Go away. Loser. Sounds like he is about it. Wow, he might be about it. From producer Kate Hudson. What's the guy who plays Lex Luthor and the new Batman? James Washington. And then Superman? I don't know. I don't know. About a boy. Hugh Grant. No. That's my Hugh Grant. Let me finish. Hey. Hey. Oh. Oh. Just British and baffled. Oh. Oh. Oh man. Presence. And I'm in love actually. I'm president. Well. Michigan hot. Michigan. Harden. The worst. That's the dollar's edition. Dude. This whole thing is the worst. That's an L edition. You be telling to be Jim Carrey and messing it up. No. Shit. Dude. I've never even tried a Hugh Grant. That's hard. That's hard dude. Oh. Whoops you Daisy. See. Michael. Michael. Game. They said that's something. Oh. Yeah. No. I just find voices. No. That's Michael. That's Michael. No. You say my cocaine. I'm Michael. Say my cocaine. My cocaine. My. I'm my cocaine. Yeah. I'm my cocaine. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Bane. Wait a minute. He's about to not be about it. But I think put it again. Wait, from that, John Michael, just after Rick Disguise, bane. It's from it's from it's from it's from Robin Hood men and tights, right? Or no, space balls. Space balls. Space balls. Hey, I bet. Hey, I bet. Hey, I bet. Hey, I bet. Hey, I bet. All right. Well, thanks for coming over. Rick, I fucking love you, dude. I got a bonus for five hours. Well, let's do it again on the road. I think we a lot of good came from this. The hang, the snuggles, Netflix. Check it out. The bathroom is and where the water is. Oh, and go see the jackass movie. My mom asked me when I told her not congrats, not, was it fun? Did anything go up your ass? I don't know, but I did voice a robot who gave the first ever prostate exam, robot prostate exam to Steve L and he goes, it's not gay cause it's a robot finger. All righty then. Okay. You know what? I'm glad you invited him. To Jurassic Park, Ben Venito. To Ben Venito too, Ben Venito too, Ben Venito too, Ben Venito too, I'll take the dinner too. Bad again. I'll take the breakfast in the morning when you leave. There's some chocolate on the door. There's a rabbit if you more, there's a spaghetti appetizer in the car. Well, do it the best you possibly can, the best you can for real. There's a pancake in the middle. Adam, sing the best you really can, sing the best you can. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. [BLANK_AUDIO]