A Week of Bike Rides, Puppetry of the Penis, and a Happy Andy

Hey, it's Andy Cohen here with this week's chapter of Andy Cohen's Daddy Diaries podcast. The high highs and low lows of my life as a daddy to two kids and dozens of housewives. Joining me is always this my co-host, John Hill. Hey, John. Hi. Sweetie, what a week. I was grappling with the kids getting up early and another fit on a plane. John talked me through puppetry of the penis. I recap the gelical ball. Made a big snafu thanks to Apple contacts merge. We were blown off by some charity bitters. Went to the Odyssey premiere and Jordan at a front row seat to me and my love bird, boyfriend. Took Ben bike riding and realized I'm in the happiest moment of my life and suffered from some intense dreams and nightmares. This is Andy Cohen's Daddy Diaries podcast. Monday, July 13th, 2026. I'm just a day player here. Hi, everybody. I'm out at the beach. John is in P town. Good morning, John. Hey, good morning. You will be very happy to know. My phone is across the room. Love that. So just Daddy can take a note. Okay. Daddy can take a note. We have so much to talk about. First of all, what a beautiful morning is out there. John, I have to assume in P town, it also is gorgeous. It's unbelievable. Yes, it's a perfect day. My children came in my room at 6 a.m. I mean, we are the light just floods in this house at all hours of the early morning. They came in at 6 a.m. I figured that it was later and I looked at my watch. I go, y'all, no, go back to your room. They were like, okay, I go, I will be back in an hour to get you. They come back at 6 30. I go, I will be back in a half hour. Anyway, that was how my day started. They get up early every morning. I feel like it's a moment of you. It's been seven years of day. Oh my God. I can't believe they woke up in the morning. This is, it's living acceptance. This is the way it is. I know. You sound so shocked every, like I can't believe it. Well, you know what? I am shocked. I am. I don't, I mean, it's shocking. By the way, John, at hour and your, I would like it when you become, you know, in your early 50s, if you are suddenly have two littles at your feet in a bedroom, like pulling you out of bed, you will be shocked as well, although you already wake up very early. Yeah, I'll be up already. And I'll be grateful that we have another day to live in our program. Oh. Preparing ourselves for the day. Yes. Yes. I love the love island finale last night. Love one. So that was very exciting. Are you allowed to say can we spoil it? Well, do I know spoilers? If you haven't seen the love island finale, then turn the channel for one minute, but I'm going to say right now that Bryce and Trinity one love island. Did you watch? I was rooting for them. No, I don't watch love island. I am watching Big Brother this summer, which is huge. And Kara, did you watch? I watched one episode and it was the karaoke episode and I never turned. Oh, okay. Okay. I thought the karaoke episode was cute, but I had rooting interest in each of these people. And how so far is love island? I mean, how so far is Big Brother, Jordan? Not great. Oh, no, why? Well, they tried to do this weird thing. They brought Rachel Riley back again, who's like the OG, but then it was like a fake out. Then like a Velasa Raptor pushed her into a volcano. And then they were like, just kidding. She's not joining. And then they brought like a survivor person back. And it was. And she love that we love crazy eyes. So that's rough. I just I kind of hate watch the show at this point. I love it. Love it. Love it. But I feel like they're veering off course. And you need to go back to politics. Well, I am very excited to host the love island reunion, which will be taping at a future date and airing in late August. And very excited to co-host the reunion, of course, with Queen Arianna, who was nominated for an Emmy last week alongside Kristen Kish and Alan coming. Once again, Bravo and peacock dominating the reality space, very excited. I think each of them is so good at their jobs. Alan, Kristen and Arianna, they actually could forcibly just split the vote because they're all so good. I just I absolutely love them all on their respective shows. Now, did anyone watch the Argentina game on Saturday night at the world cup game? No, I miss that. It was so good. It was really exciting. It's very exciting. I love watching it. And then Argentina won. And you know, crossiella is Argentinian and gross. And it's like, she's so excited about this. And I'm so excited for her. And she gets really nervous. And she has to like take a beta blocker before the games. And she will not wear her jersey around New York City because she's scared of getting like beaten up. And I'm like, cross now what's going to beat up a lady in that's not true. Remember when all those ladies were getting punched in the face for no reason. Well, you know what? You're right. Because then I posted after the game. What an exciting game. And it was cool to me to see. This was in Kansas City, Missouri, the game. And it was a stadium. It was massive. It's where the chiefs play. And it was all it was mainly Argentinian fans. And it looked like Europe. It looked like you were watching a game in Argentina or in Europe. And I was like this so exciting. And the crowd was all Argentinian. I posted on threads. And people were like, you're going to want to delete this Argentinian is terrible and on and on and on. And they're racist. And I'm like, look, bitches. I just watched it with my friend who's Argentinian. So lay off me. I just enjoyed the sport. And of course, the England game, which they won in Miami, which looked so great. But all of the cutaways are of David back of them up. They're singing Wonderwall. And it looks so great. And posh is seated in our chair, giving a posh, you know, kind of. It could not be bothered. Could not be bothered expression. So it's kind of iconic, actually. So good. It's so funny. Anyway, so yada yada yada. I have had a very, I'm just catching up on my kind of body clock and everything because Thursday towards the end of the day, I had to fly to LA. I was booked on a four o'clock flight. And I took United out of Newark, which I never do. But Newark is closer to my universe. And boy did I regret it because Newark, we were delayed for three hours for no apparent reason. And did not, and we were on the runway. We were on the runway for hours waiting for takeoff. But with no power on, they just kept saying we're number eight for takeoff. But we weren't like, but what they didn't mention is, I guess maybe no planes were taking off. I don't know. But I was on with your friend, Shayna, steel, John. I know. After you and I texted, I went back because we had had one small interaction. And then I went back, John and Shayna were in hairspray together, which is where I know her and her husband is Taylor Swift's musical director. Yeah. He's her musical director for all her albums. And he musical directed the era's tour. Yes. So I talked to her and I talked to her daughter. And I was like, I said, I'm trying not to ask you about the wedding. She goes, you can ask me anything like. And then it turned out I didn't really have anything to ask her. But I was happy for her that she had so much fun. Oh no, I said, well, were you there to her daughter? And she said, no kids were invited. And I go, I like that. Like that's good. Maybe I like Taylor now. - Yeah. So anyway, it was, we were so delayed. Just before takeoff, I got an email from Jordan that annoyed me so much. And it wasn't her fault that it annoyed me, but it just annoyed me. And I sent her back a very flip. Response that was, I think 75% based on what was in the email, but also based on my anger at sitting there for three hours when we were about to fly. And so then I texted John Hill separately 'cause I was sitting there. And I said, could you look at this email and tell me if you agree with my response? Like, and then he left me a voice note. And of course the Wi-Fi was so bad on this flight. They kept having to shut it down, whatever. And so he left me a voice note. And the voice note was, I couldn't access it, but the first line was transcribed. I couldn't access it because the Wi-Fi was so bad. And the first line was transcribed. And it looked like what he was going to say was, you know, this email is a result of a lot of people putting in a lot of hard work. And you should really consider, you know, what this is coming from. And I thought it was going to be John kind of recalibrating me being like, you know, you're an asshole basically. And so, and I'm sitting there and I was like, oh God, you know, right. So I texted Jordan and I was like, listen, I'm really sorry for my flip reply. Like, you know, we'll talk about it on Monday. So then I, and I didn't even know if that text went out or not. And then we get in the air and then like three hours later, John's voice note comes through and I listen to it. And he's like, girl, this is garbage. You're right. And I was like, oh, good. Okay, very good. But I felt good. I didn't see how it's no. He didn't, but he agreed with me. But also I was happy that I had apologized to Jordan. But of course, Jordan responded was like, yeah, you ain't wrong. So I was like, oh, okay. Like Jordan, were you upset when you got my email? No, I boy did I laugh. I. Oh, good. Oh, okay. No, I thought it was. I, when they're not directed like at me, yes, it wasn't like very funny. Yes. Okay, right. Yeah. If you were specifically mad at me, I might have taken it. Yes. But I was. Yes, of course. Of course, of course. Yes. So we, we're three hours late. And by the way, I'm already supposed to have a late dinner with John Mayer when I land. And it was, it was teetering on being too late. And I texted him and I was like, look, I think that I can just make it to you by like 9/30. And he's like, okay, okay. I can see it happening. And then, and then we land and guess what? Sorry, the gate's not available at LAX. That's the worst because you've already made it all the way there. It is. And when I tell you, I'm like banging my computer down and I'm like having a little fit in my area. Oh, there's nothing that you, there's nothing that anyone on that plane in your vicinity. Oh, I know. So here's what I did. I took an edible and I was like, well, at least there's this. And I then we didn't get to the gate for like 45 minutes. And then John texted, he goes, I'm out. Like this is now, this is now, it's now like bedtime, sweetie. He didn't say that. But I was like, I got it. Anyway, I went to the hotel. I took a bath and went to bed. I was like, this is, this is now done. And I was shooting on, by the way, I watched Gen, I watched next Gen NYC. I watched eight episodes on the plane during my time in the air plus an episode of Orange County. I mean, I did get a lot of work done on Friday. I was picked up at 6.45 in the morning. I shot all day Friday reports from the Potomac finale were coming in that were hilarious. I was shooting on this set. It's complicated to describe like the geography and it doesn't matter. But suffice to say there was a restroom that had been cordoned off for me as, and it said AC private on it. I was like, oh my god, I can do every variety of bodily function in here and not worry about anyone. But anyway, I just peed in there all day. But two different occasions. I left the bathroom and was walking around the set for 10 minutes after with my zipper fully down. I am such a toddler. Like I don't understand. I don't know. So we finished at seven, went back to the airport. I was supposed to fly on American. It gets delayed for two hours. Now and I'm already taking the red eye. So this is already terrible. Now it's delayed until 11.30 at night, 11.45 at night. I get switched on to a jet blue mint. That gets canceled. I get switched on to a Delta one. And I went to the Delta one lounge at LAX and John Hill. When I tell you how gorgeous that Delta one lounge was. No shit. You were right. And shut off the camera and our listener who is the manager and he runs that Delta one lounge and anything. Oh, he gets a ping. If I go into the poor lounge, he gets a ping. Oh, fine. He says do you want to come into the Delta one, even if I'm not on Delta one? I went into the poor lounge first. And then this gal was like, no, baby, you're in the wrong lounge. And then you walk out to the same room. And she's like, I'm going to get you a ride to the other lounge. I said, honey, I have nothing but time to kill. I will walk to the other lounge because I'm not that far. They're connected. It's not that far. No, this was down the thing. But I was, I had so much time to kill. And I went, but that lounge is beautiful. I had to eat. Did you eat? Yes, I had sushi. And it was great. Next time get the steak free. Oh, I didn't have that much of an appetite. That was trying to be a little, you know, I was just, you know, I'm just, I'm just a whisper of a nibbler darling. Sure. Sure. Boy, there was chaos at Yankee Stadium last night at that JZ concert. I guess there was a security breach. So they closed all the gates, thousands of people with tickets weren't allowed in. And they had to wait a few hours. They didn't reopen the gates till like 10 or 11. I don't think the show started until midnight. And then it ended at like three in the morning at which point no one could get ubers and it was all cocked up how they were getting home. I mean, it just sounds like a disaster. The only thing that didn't sound like a disaster is the concert. Beyonce came out and sang drunk and love and I mean, if I'm hearing correctly, Rihanna got on stage, which would be quite incredible. Anyway, John, what's in the news? Let's see. Oh, Lindsay Graham died. Yes. Tireless, tireless advocate of fighting the gay community for his entire life. Yes. We're tirelessly to make sure that we had no rights or protections in every degree. A lot of people are posting celebratory tweets about this and stuff. And then a lot of people on the other side were saying that it's so inappropriate. And then in response to that, it's just every tweet that Donald Trump was posted about like, thank God so and so's dead. I love that they're dead. I know. That's part. starts done. It all starts with him. Yeah. I hated Lindsey Graham. Um, Mitch McConnell is also, I don't know, circling, I don't know, the birds are circling her. I don't know, she made a statement. She's alive and. I don't know, she's still alive. She had pneumonia. That's what it was, right? That's the. Yes. (upbeat music) Tuesday, July 14th, 2026. How you doing, girl? I went to see puppetry the penis last night. I saw that show. And was that good? It really was, yeah. Really? Yeah, it really was. Come on. Do they make stuff out of actual decks? Yes, two guys, they're making puppetry, little shapes out of their penises. They make it into a hamburger or a hot dog. They turn it into ET at one point. They've turned them into dolly-parton's boobs. And how long does this go on? In hour. And are the penises that are being used to make things out of big? One was really big and one was normal. And there was an audience volunteer who got up. And took his out? Yeah. Wow, that's funny. You know what? You're kind of selling it to me. It's a thing. Now I kind of want to see it. Yeah, puppetry of the past. And you got up and-- Oh, yeah, I got up. I made mine into Jessica Simpson. I did it everything. Yeah. Wow, girl. Yeah. So I'm going to move here in a little time. Speaking of shows, I never talked about being a judge on the Jellicle Ball. It was so fun. John, you were so right. And what a highly recommend the Jellicle Ball. If you are coming to New York City and want to see a great Broadway show, it is a reimagining of Cats. I was never a Cats fan. Me either. But boy was this great. And when I tell you, I did not understand a moment of this show. And even at the end, the staircase goes down. And someone is clearly maybe going up to heaven. I didn't even understand that. Well, sweetie, it doesn't make sense in their-- And when they're literal cats, it never makes sense. Right. Well, guess what? So you might as well have fun with it. It's great. Well, my point is, it didn't matter. It doesn't matter. To me, that's how much I enjoyed this show. It did not matter that I did not understand it. I mean, so had-- I really enjoyed ragtime. But it was very shocking to me that Jellicle Ball didn't win the best revival. I'm going to agree with you there. And Jellicle Ball also, Fadra and I judged it together. I wore my jacket, Nick and Anthony and Danny from Watch What Up and Slive, convinced me to wear my jacket that was part of the suit that I opened the bravos with, that shiny suit. That, by the way, Beyonce was wearing a version of onstage the other night at Yankee Stadium. So I'm just so entrenched. You are. You're a trailblazer. You're a Beyonce. I've been using Beyonce's hair care. I'm growing my hair out. And the only thing that is keeping me from committing S is the sacred hair lotion. And I can't recommend it enough. I love it. Wow. That's amazing. Keep us updated on that. I will. Anyway, it was the right move to wear that jacket. It really apparently looked so good on stage. And my man Sidney, who plays Rum Tum Tugger, we did share a little kiss on stage. And it was really fun and sweet. And the audience went crazy. And it was really great. It was really really great. Did you become erect? No, I did not. I did not. But I became impassioned with the spirit of performance. Yes. It was really fun. It was really fun. And I got to tell you, I'm having so much-- I am having the quality time I'm having with the kids right now that we're all getting to be together at the beach. It's so outstanding. Lucy is so into nightgowns, all of a sudden. Jordan, do you remember the moment when you, as a young lady, started to enjoy nightgowns? Because she's so cute in her little nightgowns. Yeah, I remember little nightgowns, little Disney nightgowns. But when I-- in the '90s, they were that awful fabric that was probably highly flammable. Her favorite nightgowns, this Hanukkah nightgowns, that is so cute. And so I'm taking her today on a daddy daughter date to pick out new nightgowns. And where do you shop for those? We're just going to go into town. I'm Andy Melville. I'm heading back after for the show tonight, because I'm live tonight on "What's What Up and Slive." And by the way, on Sunday morning, I think I've been talking about the fact that Ben has been absolutely averse to riding a bike. And I bought him a bike this year, and there's a mom down the street who's the mom of a friend of his who goes to camp with him. And this friend won't ride a bike either. And the mom texted me in March and said, there's this guy who says he can teach your kid how to ride a bike in one day. Do you want to do this with me? And I said, absolutely. I mean, we put this in the calendar in March. And I said, let me tell you this. I am not going to share this information with Ben until the day that this bike lesson happens. Because why would I? It would only be histrionics. And so the day came on Sunday. And he had this play date that he knew was happening. And then his bike arrived weeks ago. My boyfriend put the bike together because he and he and I'm not handy. And he's also a great guy. And I was like, oh my god, he was like, I would love to put this bike together. Like, I love you. I love you. Anyway, he put it together. Ben still. And we were like, I was like, look, here's a bike for you. He was like, I'm not riding it. I was like, OK, well, guess what? Me and Kevin are going to go for bike rides. And you can't come. And he was like, oh, so that kind of peaked is that kind of worked. But he still wasn't desperate to get on it. And so that morning, I was like, like 10 minutes for the play date, I said, oh, yeah, oh, by the way, I put your bike outside because I think you guys are going to learn how to ride bikes today. Well, it was 15 minutes of darkness and terror at my house. He was so mad. He went on the roof and was throwing rocks off the roof. I mean, it was bad. And I was like, and then he was in front of the house. And he was crying. And I was like, you know what? You're going. This is not you are going. And he did with his head down furious. And guess what? He learned how to ride a bike. Oh, nice. And he was so proud. Yes, it happened. And I have videos to prove it because they would not let me anywhere near it. The instructor was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. You will not. You are not to come. Anyway, he rode a bike. It was great. He is now saying he will never ride a bike again. But like now that he's slept on it, but that's not he's riding the bike when he gets home from camp today. And speaking of tough love, he lost a pair of brand new tennis shoes last week. What kind? And I am now Nike's, which are by the way, like $55. And I now am feeling like he lost them on purpose because he doesn't want to play soccer or something. Oh, no, he doesn't like playing tennis on Saturdays. So you know what I said to him this morning on the way to work? And Jordan, I need your approval for this. I said, guess what? I am now buying you a replacement pair of shoes. And you know what I'm using? Your lemonade stand money that you made the other day because he made $32 at lemonade. And so that money is going away. Do you? - Do you approve, Jordan? - Hard to approve. Definitely co-sign. - Good. - Yeah. - Good. Okay. That's where that's going. - Great. - Shouldn't that money have gone into like, I remember I won $50 when I did a walkathon and people pledged money. I was like eight. And that was my first-- - So that money had gone to the charity? - No, it went to a savings account for me. It was my first savings account. My mom was like, we put that in the bank. And that's okay. - Okay. - But yes, I didn't learn that. - Well, but it taught me about-- - He has special money in the city. He has $28 that is from Passover finding the Mothsa, his first toothy lost and $20 that Bruce gave him. - Well, yeah, how do you lose? - He loses. - Yeah, exactly. Thank you. He like lost them at camp. But I think it was purposeful and-- - What if he lose them though? - Then he will not lose them again. Now that his-- - Yeah, same. - Yeah, same. We had a funny thing happen. A couple of weeks ago, I had a dinner out. (laughs) I had a dinner out at the beach. It was my lover's birthday. And I had a dinner party early in the summer. It was before I guess I had gone wide about this, which is, I don't know, whatever. Anyway, so I got someone to come cook. I hired a chef, but I needed someone to wash the dishes. I needed a waiter and make the drinks and all that stuff. And so I texted a man who's a local, amazing guy who's like a handyman for SJP, and he does all sorts of stuff. We'll call him Jacques, okay? So I text Jacques and I say, "Do you know anyone local "who, do you know someone who could serve drinks "and bartend at a dinner I'm having?" And he says, "I'll do it. "I'll, I'll, I'm happy to do it." And I go, "No, this is like beneath you "because he's cooked for us before." Like he's not a bartender or a server. I said, "I would feel really funny with you doing this." He said, "No, don't think twice about it. "I'd love to, like this sounds fun." And I was like, "Okay." And so then kind of a few weeks later I go, "I feel funny about this." Are you sure that you wanna do this? I mean, I just don't, I don't, I feel funny about this. And he goes, "No, no, this is great. "I'm gonna do it, whatever." So then I text SJ and I said, listen, Jacques has agreed to like, bartend and do dishes at this thing. Like, what do you think about this? I think it's weird and she goes, "Huh, that doesn't sound right." She goes, "Let me, I'm gonna, I will very kind of, I'll, I'll speak to him in a very, you know, very nonchalant way about it and just kind of get into it." So she texted me back and said, "He doesn't know anything about this." Oh my God. Like, what, what, he doesn't, you didn't contact him about this. I'm like, what? So I look at my phone. Do you ever have anything where you have two people of the same names in your Apple contacts and they merge into one contact? Well, they say, so when you, yeah, like add to existing contacts or create new one and I never take the time to differentiate. So they go, "Well, but I have two different contacts." Shock and my shock is an old F buddy of mine in New York City. - Can I count to plenty? - No, not Lou Ann's shock. It's another shock who I have was a former lover of mine, who by the way has like a real job. Like he has a nine to five job in New York City. - Did he think this was role play? Did he think you really wanted to watch your dishes? Did I go, "Shock, I have been texting the wrong shock but now that you've said yes to this, I just have to ask like, do you have a place in the Hamptons?" He goes, "No, I go, where were you planning on staying?" He goes, "I don't know, I thought either I'd be crashing at your house." Or so I was like, "Shock thinks that I'm taking him on as like a waiter slash lover for the night." - Oh my God. - Shorten. - That is so funny. - I, can you show-- - That also sounds like a romcom, the wrong shock. - Oh my God, that is a romcom. - It's so true. So I had said, so S.J. She goes, "I go, you're not gonna believe what has happened." So then I said, "I was texting a lover named Jacques, a former lover." She goes, "Oh my God." So then the night the dinner party happened, she was at the dinner party. She goes, "I've been waiting for you to tell this story on the radio." And I think that I was not discussing it because out of respect to my current lover, I don't know, but I was like, this is not, anyway, then it happened across my mind this morning. I'm like, "I have to tell this story, it's too good." - What if you never figured it out and he showed up? - Yeah. - Well, he wouldn't have, 'cause he did best. - He expected my address if he showed up. And I was like, and he walked in, I would have been like, what? - He wasn't with an old- - He wasn't with an old- - Aeg. - And by the way, it was a birthday dinner for my boyfriend. That's what the dinner was for. He would have been like, oh, is this gonna be your first, like, the way? I don't know. - Oh my God. - That happy birthday. - Happy birthday. - Yeah, right. Now, let me ask you this. The gentleman who did, who was very endowed. Was he attractive in the face? - Yeah. - Wow. - And did it make you want, seeing all the things he could do with himself? Did that make you want to attract a damn? - Make shapes out of his nails? No. - Yeah. - The show, I think, is purposely, it's not that it's family-oriented, but they make it as least sexy as possible, so that it's not awkward. It's not like a bunch of people just, like, enjoying sexually the penis. They're looking at, like, it's a funny, it's the joky kind of, you know, a dad joke type of situation. Lots of puns. - Right, right. - It's a pun type. - Yeah. - Okay. - Now, let me ask you a question. But when something's flaccid, it makes it very clinical. I think it's not like you're-- - Yes, it's not as, yeah. - Well, of course. And I know I've asked this on the radio, probably even, like, two weeks ago. But just once again, if you heard that a gentleman was well endowed, would it make you more interested in that person? - Yes. - Yes, okay. Jordan, it looks like anything like that. If somebody having a nice, anything makes them more interestingly, oh, you gotta meet him, he has the most gorgeous hair. Oh my God. Like, you know, it's just another, you know, a little perk. - Yeah, wouldn't hurt. - Doesn't hurt. - Okay. - Well, maybe would. - Or it might hurt. - Yeah, really. (upbeat music) - Back with more from this week's Daddy Diaries, after this. (upbeat music) Wednesday, July 15th, 2026. Ooh. It is a hot box in New York City. Oh my God. And John Hill is lucky enough to be in P-town. Hey, John. - Good morning, Andy. - Oh. How was your show last night? - It was great. Thanks for asking. Is my mic a little hot? - It was a little hot. You're good. - Okay. - You're holding onto it. Like, you're gonna do a number. - Well, I guess I'm just in the habit. - Yeah. - Show was great. A lot of radio Andy people. - Oh good. - It was very good. - You could have one more show on Thursday. That's tomorrow night. - Take it to the mail-able. - Yeah, there are. - Well, I have to say we're supposed to have some charity winners in the studio today and they're not here. And I think they're not here because they figured out you're not gonna be here. - Well, it is the main reason you'd ever wanna go to. - Yeah. - Yes. - Well, I understand. - I just got an email from them. They're not gonna make it today. - What? - We're both severely jet lagged. - Where are they going? coming in from domestically, I think. - Well, with all due, that is humilistic. - Was it their big fans of mine? I got it. - They were also supposed to be here. They actually went last year and then couldn't come in the summer. - This is a make good. - This is like a reschedule. - And they're too jet-like. How much did they pay? Well, that's the thing. Maybe donating was the prize. You know, they didn't necessarily really want to come in the first place. - I feel like, I feel like - Projector and ruthless people. I'm being marked down. - To town. - I've been kidnapped by K-Mart, as Betmiddler said. I mean, this is humiliating and it reminds me of a story where Kristen Johnston was once at a charity event. The great actress and friend of ours probably told this before. And she got up, they were doing like a live auction. And she got up and was like, all right, who wants to have dinner with this lady? Auction, you know, bid now to have dinner with me. It's gonna be a great time. People were not, it was not. It didn't go well. So that's wow. They're like, yeah, we're not coming. - They were in no call no show. - Jet lag. - Yeah. - Colorado, we can't possibly, like, with all due, it's 10 in the morning on the East Coast, get it together. Also, I'm tired myself. I made it in. Wow. I mean, this is something. - I think it's okay. And listen to their listening. I'll be back next week. - Guess what? - You can reschedule. - I'm fine with it. I trust me. - Yeah. - It's less of a list, live for me. - And I don't have an awkward feet to sit there with two people who you don't know. - It's staring at me. - It happens all the time. But also, I don't look good today. And, you know, so fine. But, that gives me, I really do feel marked down or kind of throwing it like rubbish. Wow, I had such a lovely, more. I have to say, I had a really good morning. I was like, first I woke up at five, then I woke up at six. And I was like, oh no, girl, you don't have to be up until 8.30. Like, in joy, go back to bed. I was able to go back to bed, excuse me. And, but I woke up just feeling like I had been hit by a truck and I kind of looked like that too. And I sat on the terrace and I had my tea. And I took an outdoor shower and blasted Madonna. And I went to get my Starbucks and I got a text from my friend Amanda, Dr. Baton. And she's like, be very careful today. The air in New York City is filthy because of the fires in Canada and bring your inhaler to work and it's really bad. And I'm like, well, I've been sucking air in all morning on my terrace. And, but I didn't notice anything. Now, I get in the cab. It was one of those non air conditioned bands kind of, you know, at whatever they are. It was, it was a rough ride. And by the end, I was like, my asthma's bad. I'm, you know, I was just a wreck. And then I come in to find out, I've been rejected by these charity winners who don't care. They didn't even say, sorry, we're late. We're jet lagged. Can we come in for the last 10 minutes and get a pick? Like they don't even want the pick. - No, we had to reach out to be like, you come in? - Wow. Okay, very good. All right. I think I am also a little for clamp today because I, we went to the premiere of the Odyssey last night, which was an Odyssey. It's the movie of the summer. It's unbelievable. You have to see it to believe it. And, but it's three hours. It's two hours and 52 minutes. We were seated in row three. And we were, if I'm correct from what Anthony told me, we were in the, we were in the biggest screen in America at the Lincoln Square Theater. They have what is the biggest movie screen in the country. So it's like a, what is it? Three four stories high, the screen. And we were third row. So I mean, we really, I could smell Matt Damon's groin - Yeah. - You know, I mean, it was like, it was immersive. - Very immersive. It was like a 4D movie. - But by the way, it worked in the third row. I mean, it was like, it wasn't like, oh, I was craning my neck, whatever. It was thrilling. It was really thrilling. And, but we were there in the third row. And it was one of those movies where it just, it was epic. I don't know how to describe it. Like you kind of have to see it to believe it. But when it's over and I didn't go to the party, I think I was just kind of exhausted from the movie. Did you guys go to the party? - No. - Why wasn't invited to the party? - Oh, first and foremost. - But did Anthony go? - No. But you know what, we wouldn't have gone anyway. We were tired. - Oh, okay. - Because like what have given you guys my things? - No, that's very kind. But we would have passed it. - I was with you guys and Kevin. You met my guy for the first time. - Yes, I did. - What did you think? - You guys were actually really cute. I looked over at one point. I think you guys were like holding hands during the movie. - We held hands the entire movie. - It was really. - We held hands. That's why I was so surprised. John's opened his third Celsius of the day. That's why I was so surprised when we did get kind of outed as a couple. I was like, we always hold hands. Like we are new lovers. - Yeah, I was very like young and in love. - Yes, we're very intertwined. And I mean, I kept, I was asking him, it's so funny. Our dynamic really is though it's a age gap relationship and though I am the senior member, it is like he's the adult in the room with us. Like I'm turning to him. I'm like kind of needed help a few times. Like wait, now who is this now? What's happening? He's like these are the cyclops. Like he was explaining the movie to me a little bit. It was, I have to say, and it's like, it was like death of a salesman to me or when you go see something that's like an opus. And for me, for the first 20 minutes, I'm into it. That I'm like, okay, how long is it? And then for the last hour, I'm sitting there erect in my seat and I'm so into it. And then when it's over, you're like replaying the whole movie in your mind. Like you can't get enough of it and then you wanna see it again. - The last hour was so good. I wish John could have come with us. John, you're gonna love it. I can't wait for you to see it. And the coolest thing, and I can't wait to talk about this with Matt Damon and Ann Hathaway, is-- - Yes, I'm interviewing them on Thursday, by the way. And it will air soon after quickly. - But almost all the effects were practical effects. There was like very little CGI in that movie, which I think makes it even cooler to think about. - Wow, so how did they make those cyclops? - It was like a giant puppet. - Come on! - Yes! - Oh, I didn't know that. I was being flip. - Me too. - But the other thing about it is that it's like the Poseidon adventure or like the great disaster movies that they used to make in the '70s, where it was all big stars. Like all of a sudden, he's washed up on the beach and here's Charlize. And here's Batman and Spider-Man fighting Tom Holland and Robert Pattinson. Like, it's just all huge stars in every role, which is kind of fun. So that was fun. Star after star. We saw Gayle King on the way in. She met my guy. I'm trying to think, I mean, every star was there. I did not realize Ann Hathaway was pregnant. - Yeah. - That's exciting. - Yeah. - Almost asked a gal on set on the shoot I was on on Friday, who came up to me and was like, oh, we've worked together whatever. Almost asked her when she was due and she is absolutely not pregnant. So thank God I didn't do that. Now the low point of the movie was on the way out. Now this theater at Sony, I mean, it's the Sony at Sony. Lincoln Center. So it's like there's like 12 theaters and there's a huge complex. And we were the iMacs might be at the top. So there's a very long escalator down. There was a gal standing at the top of the escalator line, only allowing people to go on like in threes and then waiting like 10 steps to go down before she let anyone else go down. And I'm like and she was were you in the clog getting down the escalator? No, we ended up taking the stairs. Smart. Yeah. But then we got like cock blocked at some point where someone was like you can't come here. This is like cars. Cars only crazy. This lady and I go what are you doing? Like clearly someone had said to this poor girl like look just make sure everyone doesn't get on this escalator at once. I go what are you doing? Is it do you think it's going to break if we're all on it? She goes well I'm just you know saving people from tripping or hurting themselves. Well, there were like three escalators to go down. So I think the fear is there would be some type of bottleneck and then people are trapped on the escalator like going down and like tweeting, getting stuck in the escalator. This was not the way to do it. It was she misunderstood the she misunderstood the direction. I'm telling you. But anyway that had nothing to do with how brilliant the movie was and that day man was so great and you know I need to find out that Odyssey diet because he was shredded and lean. Well, he told us last time he was here that he went gluten free. Oh boy. So I think that's what he's drinking Rosé all night. Yeah. For sure he's not. I feel attacked. Well, no, just prior conversation with straight Dave about like drinking your calories. Like it's probably not like drinking like a lot of sugar. Right. Right. Right. Okay, let's hear do you don't start from the beginning because I know it's long but is there something that was controversial? Let's see probably towards the end where you know you hit the big note and that's where people go off script and like riff. Oh. All right, well we'll come back to this. Anyway, it was great. I went I skipped the party. I went home. I poured myself a large repressado tequila with a big cube and I put on the Madonna album from start to finish. Listen to it all the way through and went to bed and called it a night and I was like this is great. I feel like I mean just you feel like after you see a movie like that that it's you've really done something like you've really lived and also it's kind of like a flight to Denver in length. So you feel like wow, I went on a journey, you know, and I didn't have to leave Manhattan. Meredith M. emailed. She thinks John she thinks something's wrong with you today. Oh, think your energy is off. You know what? He's he's he's fine. He's fine. Well now what what would you have liked me to do when Andy and Jordan talked about going to see the movie of the summer last night like oh my god, that sounds so fun. What do you fucking want me to do? I am sitting here in Provincetown, a destination location. I'm enjoying hearing it. You know what Jordan, you shouldn't have sent me that email because then I read it and now I'm the bad guy. You know, I know you should have read it Jordan. If you want to do that, that's what you usually do when I tell you there's an email you go now what did they say Jordan? So I was here to read it, but I also knew that that's why John was quiet because we were chatting about a movie that he really wants to see. It is so annoying when someone isn't in it and they are chiming in and I think it is so desperate and thirsty and pick me to be like, oh my god, oh my god, I love Elliot Page. Oh my god. Tell me that anything that has worked out. Do you think Elliot Page looks ripped? What do you think his diet was? Like I'm not fucking in it right now. I am enjoying supporting and I'm channeling the energy if you could see it on the zoom. I'm listening active listening. Yes he is. Notting. Perceptive. Yes so Meredith Marx. Don't. Yeah, eat your caviar and like mind your own B. Meredith Marx had a caviar party in Southampton the other day and it is I may have said this the other day, but I didn't say what it was. I RSVPed like it was in the middle of the day in Southampton. Do you think it's Rood John that I put on the RSVP I can't schlep to Southampton in the middle of the day because it's like it's 50 minutes from me. No that's a long way. I mean so it would have been 10 hours back and forth. I did that with Brooklyn. I can't schlep 25 minutes. But do you think do you think that do you think that I like should have just specified that I can't come yeah. Should I just I think you fancy yourself a cutesy personality and you were trying to give a little quirky like he he this is why instead of just like a no I get it. Um wow. I think that I just was being flip. I don't think that I fancy myself a cutesy personality. Thank you. I just was being flip. That's the problem. I don't think I think flip is worse. I was being honest. No I was being I wasn't even being funny. I was being honest. I was like yo can't schlep to Southampton at well what it's missing is thanks for the end. There's no gratitude. I said no I said I would love to I said I'm so sad to miss it or I would love to yes that's fine. Ever since we started talking about Barry Manolo quote unquote performing his music my algorithm is just giving me I'm telling me too. There were David Lee Roth. Uh God he looks terrible. Axel Rose I'm now getting the guy from the template or the four seasons Ricky Frankie Valley. Uh Frankie Valley's bad Rod Stewart had to stop and get oxygen the other night. Oh God. We got to get these guys off. Oh it's so bad. I don't know if we need to get them off. Well no we need to maybe like tell them to just take a rest or just have them higher a hologram. I don't know why they who's you know what though I was looking at Barry Manolo and I was like this is what this person loves to do. Yeah and they're a picture going to see him. Yeah standing on the stage. It also I you know I'll be getting a face lift at when I'm 60 or something but like it looks like it hurts it looks like it's painful to move your mouth. Thursday July 16, 2026. I gotta spring in my step today. Hey babe. Hi good morning. John is in P town tonight is his last show in his province town. Run or you haven't fun there babe. I do love it here and I'm excited to go to LA on the 13th Chicago in the 16th. Uh come on out and see me please I really want to fill that Chicago show. Yeah. By the way, uh the other day Ben got off the bus from camp and I saw him hand the bus driver something and call him and he goes here Rich. This is for you. I could hear him and I was like what's that? So later I say to him what what what did you get for it? She goes I made him a card with heart man on it. He makes these little man made of hearts and I said well did someone tell you to do that and he said no but he worked so hard and I wanted to tell him that I appreciated him. Mike I love you. I'm like this is crazy. This is crazy. It's just getting better and better but I then said to him okay well we have to ride bikes and now it was me riding bikes with him you know teaching him how to ride and I do think when parents teach kids something there's extra frustration like my dad was ever like I want to teach you how to play catch or something that I didn't know how to do there's extra annoyance with when your parents are in the equation as opposed to like a coach or something like that so it was a very high high and low low bike ride experience but there were times that he was really getting going and then he stopped and he he said to me at one point he goes I felt the breeze in my face Daddy and I go and didn't that feel good he goes it felt great I was like yeah I go that's I said it feels like freedom it feels like freedom when you when you really can do that and it ended with him falling skinning his knee a garbage truck was there idling picking up trash at someone's house and he goes daddy I'm gonna take this bike and I'm gonna throw it in the garbage truck I go you're not you know why you're riding it again tomorrow and so we went to dinner that night and every night at dinner we do high low buffalo do you do that Jordan yeah we do not every night but yeah so the so his low for the day was that I did take his is lemonade stand money away from him for the shoes. And by the way, when I took that money away, he was absolutely shocked. And he goes, you know, there's some other dollar bills in here that I had before the lemonade stand. I go, yes. And I believe you had them because you removed them from my drawer. So I will be taking those two. I left him with one $2 bill from the tooth fairy. But it was, it was good. I do not think he'll be losing a pair of shoes again. I really don't. And by the way, I got $34 from him. And the shoes were on sale for $50. So he pretty much covered the price of the shoes. And I was, I felt very clean about it. So that was his low. And then his high was riding bikes with me. What do you know? I'm like, okay, great. But later that night, he comes in the room. I was making, I was making drawers for my boyfriend at the beach house. I was clearing out drawers for him. So he has his own spots, which, and then he said to me when I told him he was like very moved and then he goes, you know, I'm also happy co-mingling are close. And I said, that's great. I go, but don't you, wouldn't it make you feel great to have, um, to have your own drawer, to have your own space? So he, he agreed that, that feels nice to have your own place to hold, you know, hang your hat. Anyway, so you should see the look on Jordan's face. It's like she's nice. It's just so cute. I'm so happy for you. So I love it that you, we really are like newly in love people. I mean, didn't you get that vibe? It's very smitten kitten. It's very cute, excited to do new things together. Yeah, we are. Yeah. Andy and love is really cute. It's been, it's been a long time. It's been a long time. I cannot wait for John Hill in love. John Hill in love is wait until you see it. Wow. Well, let me say this. I was, I was the one he was shining his love light on and there was, there was, that was a bright light. When John Hill loves you, it's a bright light. And he is so good. And I learned this from you, John. And I've taken it into this relationship. But John is ultimately a very good and clear communicator of feelings and feelings. And like he, you're, you're, you're good at that. Once again, it was the young teaching the old because John was 10 years younger than me. And yet he was somehow, he was somehow a mix of very emotionally immature and very emotionally way more mature than I was. Would you think that that's a fair assessment, John? Yeah. I think at 25, that's right where I should have been. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have a doctor, Susbook called My Book About Me growing up by any chance? I don't remember. I remember the short term. I don't think so. No, John. It was like, had that one. Did you have it, Shakira? No. It was, it's this book. It's this hardcover book and it, you fill in like, my name is and I'm this old and I'm this tall and I have this, I think that's familiar. Stuff like that. So I found mine in St. Louis and I, it's at our beach house and Ben has one too. And mine, it's there, whatever. So I'm clearing room in my closet for my lover and Ben and it's way past his bedtime. I had put him to bed 90 minutes earlier. He comes in in his little Superman PJs with his long legs and he is really upset crying actually and he is holding my copy of the My Book About Me and he is upset and he goes, I've been crying, Daddy, and wait until you see what I saw and he's flipping through this book furiously and I'm thinking, what in the world is this? I'm crying in this book. Did I write like, I don't want to have boys or I hate Ben or like, what did I write in this book? It's said in there, it was a page about school. My favorite teacher is and it said, my favorite subject is and I wrote recess and art and it said, my least favorite subject is an I wrote math. Now Ben loves doing math problems before bed. Like it's his favorite thing and he loves math and I have been and I do math problems with them in bed. I'm like, what's 132 minus 30? What's 57 plus 4? Whatever it is and we do them and he lays there. He's really into it and it makes me so happy so into math because as you see, I wasn't. He was so upset and he thought it was like, I mean, obviously I had written this when I was his age. So I still don't totally understand why he would be so pissed to the point that he's crying. I guess he felt ashamed maybe or. Well, I think some like, I think your kids like want, they want you to like the stuff that they like. I think it's like they feel like personally offended if you don't love something the way that they love it. Yeah, you don't like something they love. Yeah, exactly. Yes. So. But it was wild and I really, I was like, wait, Ben, let's hold on. We got to talk about this and I said, I didn't like it because I was really bad at it. I said, I've never been good at it. He goes, but you're good when you do the problems with me and I go, I know, but in like two years, you're going to be better than me. That's where I ended my brilliance in math. He goes, well, what was your favorite subject? I go English. He goes, what's English? I said, reading and writing. I go and look now I've written five books. He goes, you wrote five books. I go, I did. He goes, show me. So we went in my bedroom and on my bookshelf, I have a few of them. I go, I wrote this. I wrote this. He goes, wow, I didn't know that. I said, so you know what I couldn't write? He goes, what? I go math books, but you could. I go, you're good at math. That's what you're good at. And he's like, well, Kevin loves math. I go, I know and look what he does. He's in finance. So maybe you'll be like that. He goes, well, did Kevin have this book when he was little? I go, I don't know. Anyway, so I go, if he did, he would have written math. Anyway, it was very, very cute. And just to say, when I put him back to bed that night, after taking him out on the bike and watching him give the card to the bus driver and having this dinner with them. And I just was like, I realized that this right now is the happiest I've ever been in my life. And I don't think it's going to get better. Like, this is my moment. So I better enjoy it because also like, there's nothing like new love, right? I mean, like, does love get better? Is it going to be better? Am I always going to be holding hands with them for a three hour movie now? You probably will. I'm going to be like, your breath stinks. I mean, one would help you still want to. Hold hands for three hours. Well, holding hands is different. I mean, you know, when you're 85, you might not want to like, you know, get all up in that. But you know, that's who you may be. Well, holding hands is eternal. Holding hands is something you always want to do. Holding hands is something the people do when they're, you know, very, very old. Right. Yes. Sometimes it's the last thing you do. I was just going to say. Oh my God. I'm affectionate. I think, what I think my love language must be physical touch. What's yours, John? Maybe my words of affirmation. What's yours? I like word I like touch. Yeah. So it's quality time. Acts of service. Gifts. Gifts. Physical touch and words of affirmation. What's yours, Shakira? Kindness, quality time and physical touch. That's what I like to receive. Quality time is one. Yes. Yeah. What church, Jordan? Yeah. I think, Acts of service is what I like to receive. I don't need you to tell me that you love me when you like, show me that you love me. No. And John. Quality time. Quality time and touch. Like Shakira. And also, I don't need to receive gifts. And I don't, and I like words, but I don't, I like to give gifts. I think you also like John. I think you like Acts of service in terms of like show it like look, I plan something. something for you? Is that the same as quality time? - But I think they're kind of similar, but I think like you don't have to do anything for me, but if you're giving your time to spend with me and you've planned something, then that's great. But I don't need to like, you don't need to like do my laundry or do anything like that, but like, my other ex was really into that and he would do things without announcing them and I wouldn't notice because I don't, I didn't really care about that and that was always kind of like, I hate you notice, did you notice that while you were out, I went to Home Depot and like, replaced all the plants in your apartment real last week. - Right, oh wow. - And you were like, no I didn't. - And it was kind of like, oh yeah, I guess like they do look really good. - Right, you know what I mean? Like, it was not on my radar. - I will say. - Once I started looking at that and knowing that about him, I was blown away 'cause my mind doesn't work like that. Like I want the accolades for doing something nice. - Right, I was stunned or I am stunned every time he does something around the house. I am just absolutely blown away. - It's so considerate. - It throws all the towels in the wash. I'm like, oh my God, thank you. I mean, because also I've been doing this alone for so long. By the way, don't forget, AC2 is coming to DC October 10th and Philly November 14th. And also my book tour, I need a repost about my book tour because I want you to know about it. I'm gonna be making appearances in New York and New Jersey and a few other places. So I want you to come check me out. I'm doing conversations with people and basically the ticket, you get a sign book with the ticket and then you get to come see the conversation. So that will be great. So John, you leave P-town, I guess, tomorrow. - Yep. - And then are you back in New York City for the weekend? - Yeah, yeah. - And where are you gonna watch the World Cup? Are you gonna watch the World Cup finals? (laughing) - What night is that? - It's Sunday during the day. I mean, it's, yeah. - I thought I had to say the soccer games. - I wanna get into it now that it's here. - Yes, I've got, I have got Molly Shannon and Tamara on, watch what happens live tonight and we're live. I think that's gonna be such a fun show. I love Molly Shannon so much. And I love it that she's watching OC and she is so, she is so earnest. You know what I mean? The way she talks about things is so earnest. I love it so much. And I have been having the craziest freaking dreams this week. I had a wild cherry otary Lord Michael's dream last night. Also Lisa Rina appeared in my dream last night in a very wild way. Like we were partying in the Hamptons. And then I had a dream two nights ago about being at a reunion. And it was a reunion show Nightmare where I was losing my temper and all this shit kept happening that I, that are, and then I'm not gonna go into but are very specific personal reunion pet peeves of mine. And I woke up twice in the night to pee and fell back into the reunion show Nightmare. Because by the way, reunion shows take so long to tape. It was like, I'm back in the dream and I'm like, I'm still here. This sucks. Anyway, I like going back into a dream. I like it when it's a good dream. Yeah. I like even a Nightmare. It's a free movie. It's like a free immersive experience. I'm like a bad dream. 'Cause then you get to wake up from it and be like, this, that was not real. I know, but I guess so. I've been, I have not been able to shake this reunion show thing. It's like, I've been-- I mean, subconscious is roaring its head. Thinking about it for a few days. I've been like, low key pissed. They were like, it was one o'clock and we had basically done nothing. And they're like, okay, well these, we have to take pictures of you and the wives with all these soccer jerseys. I'm like, this is not part of the show. It was like, anyway. That's all for this week's edition of Andy Cohen's Daddy Diaries podcast. To hear every minute of my Kiki with John, plus interviews, news, and more, you can listen to my serious XM channel, Radio Andy, anytime on the series XM app. We'll see you right back here with more Daddy Diaries next week. Radio Andy. Always unpredictable. A serious sex and podcast.