121: A Very Chungus Christmas

This episode of The Broski Report is brought to you by Etsy. Shop my collection of favorite holiday gifts that will make everyone on your list feel seen. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is The Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. I will record the podcast. No. Consider yourself recording. Hey guys, I've had 2.125 Red Bulls going back to Honolulu just to get that that Maui Maui, that Maui Maui, that Maui Maui. It turns out that Maui Maui, that yeast infection. Hey guys, welcome back to The Broski Report, starring me your host, Mrs. Yeast. How the fuck? Yeast infection is so fucking gross, bitch. That is so, that's like, nasty. Like, how are you 28 with a yeast infection? Like, fucking figure it out. Taylor was here over the weekend. Bestie Tato, if you must know. Tato was here over the weekend, and I was like, I have yeast infection, and she was like, ew bitch, and I started doing this. Like, kneading on her, like kneading dough, like cats do. She was like, are you baking bread? Ew! Ew! You have to laugh through the pain. You have to laugh through the itchiness, and strangely colored urine, okay? Are you baking bread? Yeah, that's the funniest thing I've ever fucking heard, okay? Whatever. So, I think about the Instagram meme a lot of girls that pee, girls that piss, okay? And how it's like, you know, a girl's girl, a bro girl. Like, a bro girl is somehow worse than a pick me. If you're a bro girl, like, that's such a stupid name. You're a bruh 67 Chopped Unc girl. And you know what? Yeah, you're literally a chunk girl, Chopped Unc. It's giving chunk. But there's this TikTok. I am giggly today, y'all. There's this TikTok of this girl. I follow. I can't remember her name. She said, talking with straight men is so fucking boring. Like, y'all don't laugh. But like, y'all sense of humor are so, you know, it's like their walls are so high up that she was saying something. And she said something like, it's giving tea, it's giving body, or like, it's giving cut. And then the straight guy said, chill, or like, no, what did he say? No, she said, she said, this straight guy was like, hey, yo, she said, it never gave a yo. It never gave a yo. It's true. It's true. Like fucking get with the program. Okay, guys, going back to Maui Maui just to get that yeast infection. Here is what I am talking about today. The truth and the light is my new favorite Red Bull flavor is the Fuji Apple and Ginger. Okay, I read that on the outside. I said, what the fuck is this ginger? I don't want ginger beer at 6 a.m. in the morning. I thought that's what it was going to give. It never gave a yo. Fuji Apple and Ginger, I'm really, really, really rocking with that. Blueberry to me is still number one. Blueberry. No one is eclipsing you. Blueberry Red Bull. I love you. Blueberry Red Bull. Fuji Apple comes pretty close. Okay, that's very, very delicious to me. Now this morning, I've already pounded a Fuji Apple and then also a strawberry and apricot. I drank that shit so fast. I don't even remember what it tastes like. Now I'm working on a tropical, guys, I got about five hours sleep last night, barely. Okay, because I do this fun thing where I wake up every two hours to pee. I don't, don't. Here come the doctors in the comments. Yes, I have insomnia. Yes, I've tried all the bullshit. Yes, I've tried melatonin. Yes, I know these. You take too much melatonin. You can keep you up. I fucking know. I know all of it. Nothing short of a fucking narcotic can put me out. I'm serious. I've tried edibles to try and put me to bed. That shit makes me really sleepy. I fall asleep and then I wake up and I feel like someone hit me over the head with a mallet. I feel like someone dropped a piano on my fucking head and then I get up and I'm like a slinky in my teeth or piano keys like waking up after having taken an edible to go to sleep. I feel like that fucking bonk meme with the mallet and like all my teeth spread out like this. And I'm like, there's birds flying around me. Bro, taking an edible to go to bed, you have to be like like, hey, it's not that serious. You know what I mean? But sometimes it is like, bitch, I just want to go to bed. And you know what recently I've been super into is here in Los Angeles, America. They sell THC drinks. And you want to know the first time I had one of these was actually in Maine. I went on a girl's trip to Maine. Y'all remember, I spoke about that a few weeks ago, life changing, because I knew you, be, uh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, because when we were in Maine, we went to they sell weed there. I didn't know y'all had weed up in Maine. I guess I just thought it was a bunch of like moose up in Maine. Because that's basically Canada, right? It's like Canada, Newfoundland. Everyone's walking around in snowshoes, like eating raw lobster. That's what I thought. I went up there. You guys are so normal. And by the way, swallow. And by the way, if there's mucus in your throat, just go ahead and swallow for me. Thank you. Yeah, people in Maine are chill as fuck. There's just, I love a small town. We were in Georgetown, Maine, just a small slow town, right? It was given radiator springs of the Northeast, Northeast radiator springs. We went into this one weed store and I found this drink. God, I wish I remember the brand, because hey, send me a good gillian of them, please. Cinnamon, Apple. It was cinnamon, cider, apple, THC drink. It was basically like a cider soda. It did not taste like weed at all, bitch. I drank the whole thing and I was, you're like a cartoon character. Drunk. It was so stupid. I genuinely was like, have you ever rid of the parts of the Caribbean ride, Disney? Or you're literally on a boat and you're going through this little pirate town and everyone, all the like maidies and shit and all the winches with their boobs up to their neck are all like, everyone's like, you know the animatronics are doing this and they're on the like barrels of whiskey and beer and everyone's just drunk. It's debauchery. That's how I felt off the cinnamon, Apple drink. I was, looks, may stars me. The little tubby chunk. The little tubby choppedunk one from Peter Pan. Okay. Here's what we're going to talk about today. Actually, I wasn't talking about that weed drink. It was so good and I'm like, oh, this was insane. To go to bed. The drink, and this is what the guy at the weed store told me. And by the way, my rash is coming back. I feel it. Peri-oral dermatitis, if you bitches must fucking know. The guy at the weed store said, these drinks absorb faster. This is like tweaker shit. The drinks absorb faster because they go into your bloodstream instead of your stomach lining. Hey, I didn't need to know that. Hey, just sell me the like candy drink and don't, please don't tell me that because then because now I'm high in nervous. It's in my fucking blood. There's Apple. There's Apple red 40 in my blood. That's why my blood is red to red 40. Why? Okay, I was going to Google something but I'm actually proud of myself because I think I know the answer. Why are my veins blue if my blood is red? And it's because it hasn't been exposed to oxygen. Right? Let's double check. Why blue vein and red blood? If blood is red, why do veins look bluish? Due to an optical illusion from how light interacts with your skin. Fuck off AI overview, we're going to live science.com. It's a common misconception. that oxygen-poor blood is blue. It's commonly said that oxygen-rich blood is red, while oxygen-poor blood is blue, but is that true? In a word, no. Blood is always red. Eh. Every molecule of hemoglobin, a protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen, contains four atoms of iron, which reflect red light, and so give our blood the red color. The shade of red changes depending on the level of oxygen in the blood. Okay. The shade of red, when the hemoglobin picks up oxygen in the lungs, the blood is a bright cherry red as it heads into the arteries, and out to the tissues around your body. But on the return trip to the lungs, after the blood cells have delivered the oxygen to tissues throughout the body, the deoxygenated blood flowing through veins is a much darker red. What then why is it blue in my skin? Finger tips up your pink because the vessels are so much closer to the surface. Then a vein. But there's also veins in my hand. Oh my God, I have to tell you all. I saw a psychic, another one, a palm reader. Did I tell you this? She looked at my lifeline and she said, "I'm gonna have a long life with a bunch of different, like, career, whatever." And she, and I don't know if this bitch was just spinning me. Okay, I don't know if she was wanting to me up, babe. She might have been wanting to me up. Might, might me look like a fucking mug. She pointed to my palm and she said, "Look how long this is." And there's three different branches off of it. And I was like, "What the hell does that mean?" And she was like, "You're gonna have a long life and a long career." And there's, and you're only on this one. You're only on this first branch. And I said, "How do you know that?" But then in the moment, because I had two margaritas, I was like, "Holy shit, she's right. Holy shit." First branch. And then she said, "This is my, I don't remember." And she said, "This is my, I don't know." That was the only one that I remember. Because I was like, "What the bruh?" Being a bruh girl is worse than being a pick me. And I hate to say that. Because what do you mean, bruh girl? I'd like to read the definition of what a bruh girl is. Bruh girl, meaning. Bruh girl, urban dictionary. Girls who don't like those cheesy messages. Like, "Good morning, beautiful," or, "I hope you have an amazing day, princess." "They prefer to be sarcastic and joke around." They would rather a guy say, "What up, stupid?" "Hey, what?" "He called me baby girl. You." Okay, get the bruh girl mug. "I'm okay." "Bruh girl, that one girl who just says bruh in response to almost anything." She's typically part of the boys. She prefers insult/saltiness over cheesy shit most of the time. She's typically are quote, "Really fucking done with your bullshit." It's closely related and probably friends with a bruh girl. National bruh girl day is June 16th. Wow. Bruh girl, that archetypal girl who, other than always saying bruh, is often very blunt and unpolished in her communication style, favoring real talk over girl talk. They generally do not care much about feelings and would rather point out the cold truth and to gloss it up with positivity. Very rebellious. Cusses naturally like a sailor. Does not care about social etiquette at all. If in a relationship bruh girls will give off the impression it's a love hate one. Bitch, bruh girl, sunshine, gloomy sunshine, what's that called? Come on, where are the Wattpad AO3 girls? What's that called? Grumpy sunshine trope. Isn't that it? Where one of them's like, and the other one's like, it's like the little, the little like, shine star sound effects. You guys don't get me. But maybe you do. With regards to Myers-Briggs personality times bruh girls are mostly, most likely either an ISTP, ESTP, or in some cases INFP. I'm an ENFJ. So I'm free. I'm free and clear. Hey, what's up with that girl who always exchanges insults with her peers and has some sort of bone to pick? Oh, that's just a bruh girl. Being salty and sarcastic is her thing. Bruh. Bruh. Okay. Why are veins blue? Why are veins blue? The darker deoxygenated blood appears blueish or green. Ew, so that's just really dark blood? That's going to make me freak out. Whoa. Deoxygenated blood, deoxygenated blood is actually dark red, but the optical effect makes it seem blue, especially with lighter skin tones or shallower veins. Shallow veins. Deoxygenated blood. All right, let's talk about Christmas. Guys, two favorite Christmas songs ever. I think I say this every year. My number one ever favorite Christmas song ever of all time, 100% is only comes time of year and be loving. That's my favorite Christmas song ever, okay? Paul McCharmley. Paul McCharmley. By the way, very excited to see Paul Muscle as Paul McCartney. I'm very excited to see, because I know that bitch is a beetle maniac. He's a beetle head. I'm very excited to see what he brings to the table. Because I'm a connoisseur of beetle media. The movie yesterday, nowhere boy, obviously. I've seen all the actual Beetles movies. Hard days night, my copy of Hard days night, the movie. I wore that bitch into the fucking ground. It's literally like shards of a DVD at this point. I replay, replay, replay, replay. When I was in high school, I would literally, my routine was come home from school every day and put it on. It was like a comfort watch before I knew what a comfort watch was. To the point where I memorized it. That whole scene where they're all in the train car with Paul's grandfather. That's my grandfather. Well, everyone's entitled too, aren't they? That's my other one. That was so funny to me. I think that that, honestly, if you're looking for a kind of cross-section of or a sample of like British humor. Granted, this was in the '60s. That to me is so indicative of the British sense of humor. Everything said very seriously and very dry, but they're joking. Like they're piss takers. They love to take the pits. If I love to cite a fucking pit stunk by Amy. So that to me was my first exposure. Also, I think growing up, I was so addicted to the '60s. Like I love the '50s and '60s. I used to dress like this in high school. Put up a picture. I would wear this bullshit to school. Because I hear something. I never gave a fuck. I never gave a fuck. I would wear a bold red lip a Pamela Anderson Bridget-Bardot updo and a fucking Polkadot Haltredress to school 6.30 a.m. in the morning. I'm full-glammed. I don't give a fuck. Oh my god. I used to love Clarks. The shoe brand. Clarks made such comfortable Oxfords. Oxfords will brogues. They made Oxfords and I was addicted to Oxfords. Before I realized, oh, this is like, you look like a 65-year-old male professor. I'd give a fuck. I loved Oxfords. That was the time. Like I would do skinny jeans with the button up. Like very Eleanor, Eleanor Calder. Very Louis Tomlinson's ex-girlfriend, right? I was addicted to her style. But then I put my own spin on it. Because at this time, I loved the Beatles. I love Marilyn Monroe. I loved Elvis. I loved the Beach Boys. Bitch, I was addicted to the Beach Boys. I loved the Mamas and Papas. And then it started to kind of morph into this. I had a real appreciation for the late 60s and then the 70s. I kind of skipped the 80s a little bit. Actually, no, that's a lie. I skipped the 90s. I don't really. Okay, I was born in 1997. I don't. The 90s never spoke to me from an aesthetic perspective. Like the grunge. And some of you might be thinking, okay, well, a year and a half ago or maybe two years ago when I was going really through my sleep token phase. I'm choosing not to acknowledge that. I'm choosing not to acknowledge that I was grunge for about 30 minutes. I really loved the 60s. Okay, like early 60s fashion. I think it's so flattering. I was addicted to it. I would dress up at school. My favorite pair of shoes were these ankle booties that were oxfords with a heel. Like a chunky heel. And I wore them bitches into the ground. I'd wear a pencil skirt and I'd wear suspenders. And I'd wear those oxfords. Girl, you couldn't tell me shit. I never gave a fuck. I've always been doing me. I have been doing me since I was born, bitch. You can't tell me anything. If I like it, I'm going to wear it. So, hard days night for me was an exploration of, because you know, they're talking colloquially and also in reference to things that were relevant at the time so when they say things like Betty Grable or when they talk about That bird on the tally she's dead gritty like things like that. I was like I Would absorb all of those words and those phrases and sayings and the people and those became my like contemporary Perspective into culture. It was crazy for like a year maybe two years in high school and late middle school Like I only gave a fuck about people from the sixties and then like Justin Bieber and also wonder at dog on direction So that to me was a very special time and I don't think the Beatles have stuck with me for a long long long long long time Because then you start to get into you know, you leave the boy band nature of it like hard days night and even help I loved the movie help. I loved help but to me hard day's night was like the movie because that felt more like day in my life That is what it is like help was a more Scripted plot of a movie versus hard day's night. You're just following the Beatles around while they do whatever Then you have like yellow submarine Then you have magical mystery tour those are a bit more. I do love yellow submarine I was addicted to it for a long time. I had all the merchandise. I had the socks with the yellow submarine. I still want a tattoo And I need to figure out what it is, but you know the famous drawing the animation of them the four of them in the port holes on the submarine And it's their little caricatures. I want that right here, and I've wanted it right here for a long time But I'm like a color tattoo Right there where I'm always leaning against shit and like I feel like healing that would be such a bitch I need to really think about what I want the Beatles tattoo to be. That's why I haven't gotten it for a long time But thank fuck I got this huge ass rolling stones lips that I Way too big whatever can't take it back. It's on me forever Beatles I'm excited to see what they do with the Beatles movie because obviously when you're touching IP and musical like royalty like that You got to do it right, and I hope that it wasn't just this like here's four relevant white guys. Let's make a Beatles movie like I hope that it's really done well because my ass will be sat in that fucking chair at the local AMC I'm very excited for that. Anyway, why did I start talking about the Beatles? Oh Pull McChamley Paul mescal Maybe I just maybe I was just talking about Paul mescal. I'll do that sometimes Oh, my favorite Christmas song. My other favorite Christmas song is war is over by John Lennon. I don't think it's any Surprise or shock there that my two favorite Christmas songs are by two separate Beatles I do love rockin' around the Christmas tree by Brenda Lee as well I do love that one anytime that one comes on. I'm like Like that's just a happy one versus some of the other Christmas songs can be like oh my fucking god We got it. We got it. I Like that one and I love any Elvis Christmas. I do I do listen to Elvis Christmas and I do love Frank Sinatra Christmas and Dean Martin Christmas And of course like Michael Buble. Yeah, I Guess love like he's kind of a he's always going to be on that damn playlist but for me I Like the more I guess stylistic or or just can't be I was talking about this with my friend the other day where I was like my ideal Christmas is this like super colorful super warm Everything's like almost maximalist. It's like the plaid with the checkered like everything's the tartan I like multi-colored lights. I like Things with Santa print like wrapping paper with Santa printed on it I like Snoopy wrapping paper. I like just they're really kitschy on the nose Hallmark not even hallmark like what would you call that? I just love shit. That's like a Little cartoonish, but also deeply Like almost Norman Rockwell Santa Coca-Cola painting 1950s 60s Christmas almost like that's with a mixture of like late 90s early 2000s just warm Suburban Christmas like those two blended together. Oh wow and while I do have a deep appreciation for like a Ralph Lauren Christmas Okay, yeah, I like every one of those fucking TikToks that come across my feed because that takes such an eye and such a like Yeah, girl, that's a design choice versus for me. I'm like I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be multi-colored like anyway I think that they're all flooring Christmas one day. I'll get there one day, okay? I the way I do my Christmas tree mismatched ornaments everywhere every ornament ornaments and fridge magnets or two Souvenirs that I try to get from every place that I go every place that I visit because for me a Christmas tree is a fun opportunity to showcase all the things you've done in your life and I only Do that because that's how my parents did it like it's so fun every year hanging like here's our parents first anniversary Ornament here's like when jet was born. Oh remember he was fucking 10 pounds big ass fat ass baby Like hang that on the tree. You know, it's a little baby picture of him like it's fun to fight over who gets to hang which ornament every year So I really enjoy that and creating that tradition Recreating that tradition for myself in my own home is really fun and also Like for example on this main trip. I just went on with my girls We each got the same matching felt lobster Christmas ornament and we all put our initials on everyone And then I put like 2025 main on the bottom. It's just like that where I'm like, oh yeah, that was awesome I want it to be a kind of living scrapbook. I just think that's so Any any opportunity to do that in my life to constantly be remembering and reflecting on how Fun and like how blessed I am is I would much rather have that like it be Absolutely chock full of memories versus, you know, some aesthetic Christmas. I don't know is that corny I love it. I love I love the Multi-colored lights and I do gold garland all around the tree and like a spiral upward and Then usually I have a Christmas topper this year. It's glip from smiling friends with the Santa hat on with an Irish passport I'll put a picture up here That's what's on the top of my Christmas tree right now is actually going to be clip and Stanley got that for me. Thank you Stanley So yeah, that's my Christmas. I also have a really skinny Christmas tree just because it's a hand me down It my nanogram ball gave it to me like seven years ago, and it's just the one it works I'm a fake Christmas tree type of bitch. I don't give a fuck. Okay, yay smells good when you get a real tree But then what about the bugs and what about you have to do the water and then when it starts to mow I don't want to do that I don't want to do that. I want to be able to put it in a box and put it away and reuse the same one over and over and over and over okay now Here's my here's my fantasy, okay one year and this is like my absolute ultimate dream life fantasy I am not there and I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I have always wanted Because my Nana does this in each room have a different Christmas tree. They can be small or Different decorations that are all themed differently Okay, now let me walk you through what I mean. I would never do this in my main living room like in my living room on my tree But every time I see like cotton candy wonderland sugar plumb fairy Christmas I'm like wow, but that's kind of not my vibe like I I lean into that sometimes and then I lean out of it and then I'll lean into like my dark spooky Gothic and then I lean out of it, you know, it's like these different I guess different facets of me and what I like like design aesthetic choices That's what I would want to do and so I have this vision one year of having a tree in one room specifically where all the decorations are pink and white like pink and white and Chimie and sparkly and glittery and there's candy canes and peppermints everywhere and it's like nutcracker themed Oh my god and the tree would be white and I would have pink garland on it and everything would be like point shoes And it would be like all the characters from the nutcracker and I would have Barbie stuff and it would be like fake snow everywhere And there would oh, I just it's just a fantasy of mine. I'll do it one day But I should like buying all that shit. I'll I'd be buying it be like This isn't me I'm a poser. This isn't me Who am I trying to be and then every year I see videos of like pink one and I'm like fuck I'll do it one you're I'll do it one year another version of my Christmas is bitch. I saw this on tiktok. It is a What did she call it? Dark you all dark you all Everything was like no Sforatu themed bitch I think she had a dark. It was a normal dark green evergreen tree But the garland was like black sparkly and she put the tinsel on it, you know like the Yeah, tinsel and actually I have an Irish friend and we were talking recently and I was like, "Yeah, you put Tinsel on the tree." And he was like, "What the fuck is Tinsel?" And I was like, "What do you call Tinsel?" And I was like, "It's the little shit that you sprinkle onto the tree to make it look like, I don't know, it freshly snowed or freshly rained or whatever." And he was like, "We call Tinsel what you call Garland." And I was like, "Ah, that's stupid as fuck." Anyway, I'm talking about the shit you sprinkle, and it's shiny, and it's like the little strands, and you put it all over the tree, and it looks like, yeah. That's what I would do, but it's black and silver. Everything's black and silver themed, and like dark emerald. Oh my god, the way that she decorated it was all like bats and spiders, and it was, what else did she have on there? Those candles that look like they're bleeding, and there were skulls and there were. It was so interesting, and I was like, "Oh, I love this. I love this. I love it." And also one year, I really want to learn how to like make a fire. I want to learn how to make a fire, a Christmas fire, or get one of those fake fireplaces. Yeah, I'm into that. 'Cause you know I love my ambient videos. I'll put my ambient videos up on the TV, the like cozy 1940s vintage Christmas oldies playing from a different room, 12-hour loop. And it's always got like, what's your name? Claire from The Aristocats. Is it Claire? Who's the main cat from Aristocats? Everybody wants to. Duchess. Duchess? Thomas O'Malley. Oh, Marie. Marie is who I'm thinking of. God, Duchess is the fucking T. Look at her. That's queen. Everybody wants to be a cat. Girl, fuck you. No, who's where it's at? Yeah. Okay, my Christmas themes. Pink Wonderland, Sugar Plum Fairy. Dark Yule. Obviously the warm colorful one. Ralph Lauren Christmas, maybe. I also love red and white. Like shit, that's all candy cane themed. I think that's really stunning and gorgeous. I like this as well. This sort of like woodland creature. Like very snowstorm, like cutesy wooden. It's kind of farmhouse. Farmhouse Christmas is cute. It just needs to be done right, okay? And I'm not going to elaborate. I'm not going to elaborate. Don't make me. You want to know what else I've been into recently? Those completions of the character actor at Universal Studios who plays The Grinch. Hey, if you play The Grinch at Universal Studios, hit me up. If you are one of the guys that plays The Grinch at Universal Studios and you can banter an improv with people all fucking day and it's hilarious, please hit me up. I want you. I want you and I need you. So just let me know. My DMs are open, man. Just. Just let me know. Okay. I literally watched those videos. Hey, is there, is this a judgment free zone? I watched those videos and I'm like, who is that? Why am I? Why he kind of me to The Grinch? Why? Because yeah! The way he goes. They're taking a picture together. She's like, it's my birthday. He goes, yay! He goes, uh, do I have to smile for the picture? And she goes, if you don't mind and he goes. [screaming] For a picture, it's so funny. It's so funny. It makes me laugh every day when I see it. There's another one. There's another one where he's fucking. Back to the, like, The Grinch holding room. Back to the fucking green room. Like, he just got done meeting people. They're walking him back behind the stage or behind the scenes. And someone, like, who's behind a rope, goes, hi, Grinch. And he goes. [coughs] [coughs] [coughs] [coughs] That is so dumb! Oh, I couldn't think of that on my funniest day. Hi, Grinch. [coughs] Coffee on them is so -- And it wasn't within cough range, okay? It was for the -- it was for the bit. Oh, my God. That shit makes me laugh. Also, the dude who plays one of the character actor, I guess, cast members. At Disney, who does the Crush voice? Y'all seeing this? I think it's in Florida where it's like -- I don't know how they do it. Fucking Imagineers, Disney Magic. It's Crush, the sea turtle from Finding Nemo. And it's this live -- You know, one of those, like, rotoscope things, like Xbox Live, Xbox 360, things where someone's behind there, like, I guess, doing the motions. So as he's talking, it looks like his fins are, you know, totally dead. Like, whatever. And then he takes questions from the kids. And the kids will ask, you're like, "What do you eat?" Or, "How do you pee pee?" And then he'll have the most insane, quick, witty on-the-nose responses, totally in character. That shit is a magic to me, dude. Like I fully -- I watched these videos, and I feel like I'm one of the kids that's Chris Cross applesauce on the floor, like, holy shit, it's really him. But then at the back of my mind, I'm like, he's sexy. Not Crush, the guy who's voicing him. Like, I'm imagining bro behind the scenes, like, with a little microphone on it, and just, like, being witty and funny. There is nothing that gets my juices flowing harder than that, dude. A man being witty. Oh, oh, oh, wow, wow, wow. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, I watched those Grinch compilations for literally, like, 30 minutes. I'll be like, "I've been on Grinch Talk for 100 hours." Let's talk about my Christmas list. This is what I am asking for. What? What, I'm asking pie for Christmas. This is what I want from dear old St. Nick this year, okay? I don't know if Santa Claus will be allowed into the United States this year. Unfortunately, do do this current administration. I don't know what the immigration policy is right now, but I know that, you know, things are kind of tense. Santa, you might want to try again next year. I just -- I really -- it's not -- hey man, not now. All right. Just ship it. Just mail it. You're fucking Santa. Just do the expedited overnight shipping. I thought you had fucking money. I literally thought you had money. Just do the expedited shipping, bro. It's $34.99. It's overnight. Just do it. I didn't know you had a fucking budget. What the hell? Here's what I want this year. I want a mocha pot. Okay. I had one, and I just -- I guess I used it and abused it. All right. I'll be the first one to say that. The dishwasher and their little rubber component shrunk, and then my coffee exploded everywhere, and I got a third degree burn. Okay. I had to throw it away. I -- I fucked that bitch up. My mocha pot -- I'm sorry to the mocha pot, God, and I'm sorry to every Italian on Planet Earth. I don't know what I did. I fucked that bitch up. I want a new mocha pot, and I promised to treat it better, and I also promised not to put it through the dishwasher. And I also promised, I guess, not to wash it. Did people not wash the mocha pot? I don't know. I don't know about the mocha pot community. I don't know what. And maybe I need to go on Reddit. I need to see what the bitches are talking about on Reddit, because I -- I missed the mark. So I want a mocha pot, and I want to understand how to do coffee and espresso on a more mature scale. Okay. I locked in a while back where I was like, "Okay, flat white is my new thing." I enjoy a flat white, because it's like a cappuccino but a little better, because it's less milk more coffee. But it's basically the same fucking thing. It's just espresso and milk. Then I was like, "Okay, fuck the bullshit. I'm just doing espresso." And then that grossed me out, because I -- as an American, I don't enjoy espresso the way it's supposed to be enjoyed. Okay. I pound it, and I say, "That tasted like shit, and then I go on with my day." Right? Like, it's a quick fix. It doesn't make you pee as bad as, like, chugging a full, venti-americano. But still, it's like, "Oh, this tastes like ass." Because in espresso, I meant to be enjoyed sitting down out of a ceramic mug, hot, with maybe a little, a little thing of brown sugar. All right, just lightly put melted in there, sip on it while you're laughing with friends. That's how you're supposed to draw -- maybe a little, one of those little biscotties? Oh, wow! I will say, one of the best espresso I've ever had was in Paris. I don't know where. It was one of those little dinky cafes, and we were just sitting there, and I was with Stanley and Tato, and it was during the Olympics, and we were just one of these little cafes, and we had a damn blast at this restaurant. We were sitting there, we were just hanging out, we had no rush all the time in the world, and this, I just said, "Keep 'em coming." I probably had six espresso's. That shit was delicious! Okay, when I'm like, here in the States, I'm like, "Yeah, a double espresso from some takeout place." I'm like, "This is cigarette, I should I get literally taste like I licked the bottom of the oven." It's just bad, it's just burnt. and it's cold and it's black and I'm just like I don't respect how you made this and and fuck you for making me drink it and then I order it yeah okay then I pay for it yeah whatever they just disrespect the art of the espresso and I'm sick I'm tired of it okay mocha pot that's my number one number two I would like the gift of patience for 2026 I would like to be gifted patients specifically when it comes to trying something new I am a victim of gifted and talented syndrome okay a G&T kid I was told that I was special and then I turned you know 13 and it's like oh you're not special and that really fucks with you as a child when you pride yourself on learning and education and like being smart and then when you don't nail something on the first try you feel like failure and then you give up and at the same time I have this unending like bottomless well of ambition of all the things that I want to try and I want to do but I get this paralysis of like well if I start and I'm bad at it then I'm going to be so embarrassed like genuinely only for myself like it's not even about showing it to other people or like having other people see me fail at it it's truly just me holding myself to a standard that is wholly unattainable and unreasonable and with anything worth having or any skill worth learning you have to start an apprentice and you know get to intermediate and then you'll get to master eventually queen I just bypass that hey if I'm not a master if I'm not intrinsically good at this skill fuck it I'm never picking this up again okay and it's hard to find the desire to keep doing it so for 2026 I'm asking for the gift of patience I want to try crochet okay I recently just started an knitting project very excited about that I want a big fluffy white scarf that's what I want because I knitted my first scarf and I gave it to a friend and it looks like shit sorry but it was my first attempt and my friend is so gracious she was like girl thank you anyway I will wear it it was made with love and I said thank you anyway I'm starting a new one and it's this big because that one was like 15 stitches this one I'm doing now is 40 so it's super wide and I make it super ass long and I just want to wrap my whole body in it like a mummy and I did it with blanket material girl that's some other fucking tea get into that it's that soft blanket oh and I've already kind of fucked it up like I've dropped some stitches and I'm just I don't give a fuck I'm learning I'm trying to be gentle with myself okay the gift of patience crochet feels so hard anytime I see someone crochet with that little fucking hook I'm like what are you actually doing knitting at least it's just like put it in here wrap it around take it out put it here wrap around take it out crochet oh my god you're gonna hurt yourself put it down if they start going real fast like that I don't know but I do want to learn how to crochet the I got one of those woobles sets you know about woobles it's these pre-packaged little animals you can make with the stuffing that you can put into it oh I'm excited I got the woobles penguin very cute I'm gonna do that holiday break okay next on the list is a gall bladder you know just because mine was kind of defective not sure what that was about but life without a gall bladder not that bad okay you just have to kind of keep the dude wipes on hand having no gall bladder turns you into a big shitter capital S I'm a big shitter with my big flat ass I constantly am like is this meal gonna ruin my day it really sucks if you think about it like that like you can't just eat like a normal person it's that and also being lactose intolerant and also with the no gall bladder you have to have a low fat diet well that's what everything is fucking fat in it we live in the United States impossible so that's that's on the list as well as you know kind of a functional working gall bladder but the thing is that's not to be like you can't do a gall bladder transplant your body's fine without a gall bladder and honestly I think it's for the best because while I would love a functioning organ and I am missing an organ it really teaches you to eat better you got to take better care of yourself you want to know something else I've started stretching in the morning because my lower back 28 my lower back locks up so bad that I cannot bend over or I have to like bend my whole front over if I need to pick something up or like bend my knees and lower myself to the ground what the fuck that 100% is just lack of of of of motion I'm lacking motion twin I don't got that motion twin it really is like I need to go on walks I need to move my body I sit all fucking day I sit on planes I sit on cars I sit here I sit at my desk I sit in bed I sit what it's like I don't move and I've been traveling so much I haven't been able to do the bar method recently which makes me feel like shit because I enjoy the bar method and it makes me feel proud of myself and I can't do it I it makes me feel bad that I neglect my body anyone relate could anyone relate that Maui moving on next for Christmas I want a real minion like a real minion I feel like they'd come up to about my hip they're probably about like what two and a half feet I want a real minion to help me with like lab experiments he wouldn't live here like I wouldn't make him lodge with me or whatever and I do think the minions are he him I want a real minion to just kind of help me out with my experiments and like like a lab tech almost speaking of which next up on my list is a lab I would like a lab for Christmas I feel like an office just isn't cutting it anymore I watched Frankenstein and I really like to set up like what he had going on in there the big hole in the floor I don't need all that but like all the equipment the big open space like you know some nice art on the wall I think that that would provide me a piece of mind that you know just having the minion wouldn't be enough like obviously I need a space to work with the minion in and it wouldn't be like this sort of indentured servitude thing that grew has gone on with the minions on honestly the minions for him is kind of like Stockholm syndrome like bitch those are on bloompas like bitch you have them they're captive and they love you you made them love you like I'm not doing all that like hey man you're free to have a social life outside of this like you just work for me I'm going to pay you a livable wage like you qualify for health care under my company like all that but it's basically like I just need a little extra help around the house and I feel like they've got really tiny hands that can fit into shit and you know if we do need to conduct experiments like hey Kevin get up on that table you know and he'd be like and I'd be like yes can you say anything else the minions are kind of like Frankenstein a bit Frankenstein's creature Victor Victor Victor Victor that's gonna be the minion to be up to me hello miniboss miniboss miniboss miniboss why do the minions speak Spanish they speak minion ease which is like Spanish mixed with a little bit of English with a little bit of anyway yeah my lab I feel like the experiments I'd be conducting would be akin to it would be more like literary focused it would be a lot of books in there I would have some tables actually you know what it wouldn't be Victor's new lab in that abandoned castle it would be his old one with all the tables it's like a long wide room where Elizabeth comes to visit him it would be a long wide room much tables much shit much of whatever like I just want a creative space that is filled with bullshit I love that there's I've always wanted that since I was a kid like being very genuine shit with like books everywhere and sculptures and art and like places to write in natural sunlight and beautiful chandeliers and like just Tiffany lamps and all that some nice Persian rugs everything's dark mahogany and beautifully sculpted like God just a 19th century or like early 20th century library that's what I want for Christmas maybe I'll get it one day I came kind of close with my Victorian set here on the on the podcast okay I came pretty damn close here's what I want next a new breastplate one that matches my skin tone a little bit better this one I've got on right now it's it's a bit it's yellowed with age it's a bit yellowed so that was a suggestion from Tato a new breastplate yeah one that you know comes up a little bit higher on the neck because you can see the line like I want like a RuPaul breastplate that should is undetectable unclocable okay let's move on from my list I want to talk about some essential viewing for Christmas this is the Christmas episode so everyone locked the fucking my favorite Christmas movie of all time, just friends. Just friends. That movie is a family classic. Me and my family watch it every single year and come to find out so to drew in her family. But that's my sister. I was like, just friends of yours. You know, it's like Ryan Reynolds and whatever, like because he's so witty, it's ridiculous. Like, I don't know what he's doing in his personal life, but his movies make me laugh. And we were talking about it. And I was like, it really is such a great Christmas movie. And it's, I believe, their love story. And it's so funny. And me and my siblings quoted all the time in the vein of a funny Christmas movie, duh, it's the Grinch, duh, it's Jim Carrey's Grinch. I want to be one of those people that's like, the Grinch is so over. Like capitalism loves the Grinch. Like consumerism knows no bounds. The Grinch meal at McDonald's I did. Why are you putting pickles on your fucking Grinch fries? You big fat pig. Like I get it. I get it. However, consider this. Have you watched the movie? Have you watched it? The scene anytime, talk about a bitch with a lab. The Grinch has a fucking lab. I need a whole like the Grinch lives in. And he has a minion max max. There is something about living in solitary with all of your things around you. And it's like the ramblings and the musings of a mad genius. Like I just need a physical space that embodies that spirit. And I think I'll be happy. This set comes pretty damn close. Okay. However, I do love the Grinch. I watch it every year. It makes me laugh. I feel bad for him. And here's the core message of the Grinch is he needs attention. He needs to feel loved. And I think I could I could save him. I could have saved baby Grinch. And you know, things happen for a reason. And he turned out the way he did for you know, whatever purpose. But at the end of the day, I think the who's are in the wrong. The who's are fucked up. And maybe the Grinch is in the right. Okay. And he coughed to guys. Universal Studios. Hi, Grinch. That's hilarious. Okay. One more. This is just classic. Okay. I'm a fan of a funny Christmas movie. I don't want to I don't want a Christmas vacation. My family loves Christmas vacation as well. I've seen that fucking movie so many times. I'm like, can we watch anything else? Can we watch anything else? Elf. Elf is another one where I'm like, okay, I've seen this movie so many damn times, but there are. I do think that the humor and the Grinch, I enjoy more than the humor in Elf, but Elf still is obviously hilarious and will feral. Obviously one of the greats to ever live. One of the greatest to ever do it. And I'm really a fan of I'm a fan of the movie as a whole. However, my knees buckle a bit at how overquoted Elf has become. You know, in capitalism gets its hand on these fucking movies. That's why I like just friends. It's a funny wholesome Christmas movie that feels not outdated and it hasn't been clipped to death, you know. Okay. Those are my favorites. And I want to give you my song of the week as we wrap up here. My spot if I wrap came out and there was a song that I listened to. I think it was like 60 times and it's five more by K1. Bitch, how many times have I said that song on this podcast? I love K1. I love K1. Five more. No Cinderella. Eyes wide open. Back of the club. Talk you through it. What's my favorite off of the album? That's why I ain't been around. It really is a no skip album, which is gag for your first release. It is gag. Stand on it is great. Fucking is great. All the girls do it were to be over. Boy, be over. It's so good. I love this damn album. I love K1. Go give K1. It's not Christmas music, but fucking girl. Horny ass music. I will tell you that horny ass music. I'm into it. I like it. I am about to start reading Motherfucking, um, Jekyll and Hyde, like I said last week. I'm pre-recording these episodes. I'm traveling for. Okay, so I will come back in the new year with my book Club Reviews and hopefully my scarf progress. Guys, if you want broski report merge, go to broski.shop. It's there for you. Okay, I think it's a bit too late. If you want the holiday moomoo's by Christmas, but they're still up. Feel free to go grab them. We have the normal moomoo's, like I'm wearing here today. Very stunning and gorgeous and the pockets are just so nice and big. We've also got broski report merge always up there. Go grab it if you would like to. You know, I love y'all too death. I hope you'll have a very Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. We are very inclusive here at broski nation. I love you all too death. Please be good. Be nice to each other. And remember, it's not about the money you spend on a gift. It is about the thought put into it. Amen. Amen. I love y'all be good. Bye. Thank you to Etsy for supporting the broski report. Shop my collection of original gifts at Etsy.com/broskireport.