A Ventriloquist Love Affair with Trixie and Katya

(upbeat music) - Welcome back. - Welcome. - Welcome back. - Okay. - Welcome, welcome. - It's a heroin tale that needs a button, because the last episode we only got you through the hospital. So how do we get out of the hospital? What's the rehabilitation? - What's the tea? - So we're talking about the tube, right? The tube comes out. Marit Weaver goes, disappears. It turns out the doctor was a woman. And then it's-- - And that would make me nervous. - Just saying. - And because you, well, okay, I won't get ahead of myself. But there is a button to the button. So don't let me forget about the button. There's a zipper at the end of the button. - Okay. - We button up and then we zip it. So I have a zipper for the buttons. Don't let me forget about the zipper. - Okay. - So then it's time for food. - Okay. - Can I get an cell up rate? - Can I get an O? Can I get an O? - And a D. - At this point you haven't eaten in how many days? - 10. - 10. - If we count, and now if we count-- - And for your big ass, that's a shock honey. - I didn't lost one pound. Okay. - If she didn't-- - Plenty of fat to be absorbed. - She didn't get her morning overnight oats. - She didn't get her late night fat. - What is it called a fat boy? - What's that? - My fat boy is extra large. I didn't get my daily pint of hogging does with heavy cream. - You didn't get your Taco Bell. - Baby. - I didn't get my fucking thin crust pepperoni CpK of an oven to fucking 450 and let her rip. - Hell yeah. - Unhinge the jaw and don't even chew. - Right. - Right. - I've been like, Dennis the minister throws a frisbee and I go, "Right, it's the only thing I know who eats." - Mama, miss Pac-Man over here. - Ain't no edible food left on it. - Of course. - Sometimes you're sure. - I might eat it. - Right. - You take off your limit, can I take your coat? - I eat it. - Right. - So first meal, this is the minute. So remember our Ray Fines and What's Your Face on your Taylor Joy in the menu? - Yeah. - Here we go. So the first meal, do they let you get anything? - So Mama, let me answer your question. - Jesus Christ. Can I talk to you? - I just feel, can I tell my truth? - Can I tell my truth? - I feel it for once. - You have a good story and you're treating it like, but when you interrupt me, I can't speak my truth. - I know, a crackhead was hospitalized and we're just being told to us like it's at Apollo 13. - Well, how am I supposed to react when you come in with that tight white blush with those hard-judding nipples? - I'm bricked. (laughing) - I'm bricked. - I can't focus, my eyes are crossing. - Yeah. - Where are you? - So what's the food? Paint the picture. - Baby, I need you to get into this. When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, you know that you're gonna be told. (laughing) - Okay. - Okay, first meal. - It is hot broth tomato. - I'm sorry, it is a tomato basil clear broth, extra basil. - No, okay, okay, okay, yeah. - It's a clear tomato broth. - So it's a clear broth that has a flavor of basil to me, to me no basil. - Okay. - Interesting. - And they told me they're like this big. We need you to sip a lady's sips. She doesn't slurp, and I need you to keep your jaw and have some tooth bitch. - And also I need you to take the wrapper off before you shove it down your fucking fat stomach bitch. - Right. - You know what I mean? I was like, I was ready to take the whole tray in my mouth. I was ready to be like, oh, I don't need, it was very, it was very in fabric. It was like in my mouth, in my mouth. - Right. - Yeah. - The reverberations of this tomato basil. - And then the one in the nose goes, and I also need you to stop chewing on my ankle. - Yeah. - And please stop chewing my cats. - Right. - So the tomato basil, I sip it down. It's, you know the sexual pee. Yeah, when you got a piece so bad, it almost feels like you're having an orgasm. It's like that. - You know, it's, I can't believe it. I, I mean, it's, it's like, I can't, going from the two of the first time in 10 days, she ate, she actually ate. She's eating, oh, she's eating, she ate. - Well, she's lurped, she's softened up. Jesus is a clear tomato broth, let it sop you up. She tore, she tore, she tore. - Well, she tore, she almost tore the incision. - She's chopped, but she can torn off it. She can, she's chopped, but she can slurp some zoom. She's chopped, but she can serve food. She is, she's a chopped, she is torn down in his craft work. But she can, she can, oh my God. So, and then it was, and you're living for it. - Oh, mama, no, I mean, ecstasy, right. My body can't comprehend, like as a tweaker, I'm like, there's no drug in the world. That's better than this. - No, you took one sip, you like that. Wendy Williams clipped, she's like, yeah, I'm like, I'm like, wait, James, James? - Yeah. - James, I was like, I was literally like, it was like looming to him, so I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, then the next course, orange flavored gelatin. It's almost a little too sweet. It was almost a little too sweet. - I love a hot, yellow hell yeah. - Oh, I was living, I was living, I was living. I was living, and then, - Della shot, just to just to wash it all down, as if it didn't need to be washed down, 'cause it was liquid, it was just a tablespoon of mustard. It was a, it was a shrink-wrapped cup, half cup of, cranberry juice. - That was probably good too. - I feel like Meg Ryan in the restaurant, I was like, with a cross from Billy Crystal, if they'd do it in the Oregon, I was like, (gasps) - Right. - And once the last sip of that cranberry, washed down, I was like, (gasps) - Squirting. I didn't have to worry about the shit on the bed, because that fucking, I had squirted. I might push you for 10 days, you don't look that thin. Maybe my pussy was so well, you had all those extra pounds on as you know, just kidding. But I was so wet, baby. - I just feel like, not eating in 10 days, how do you not die? - Well, let me tell you. (burps) - Oh, that's keeping you alive. - Yeah, 14 pounds of, so I didn't, I went from, they weighed me. I went from 280 down to like 265. So I went, I only lost maybe like five pounds. - Oh. - And four in two weeks. No, I don't even think maybe three. Something, anyways, - She ate, does that make sense? (laughs) - She drank her fluid, she drank her nutrition, does that make sense? - Yeah. - Then, this is the diabolical part. So my intestines have been immovable, inert, immobile, not processing any nutrition. So I'm like, wait a minute. So what's the step, what's my pageant step down process? Like, what's my next number? - Right. - You know, when you go, when you go, when you win miscontinental, you go back and you do a sashay shante, let's collect some money. - Oh, like your step down number, exactly. So that was my, that was my crowning meal. - Right. - And I got my step down. And I feel like I'm gonna be on a gradual nutritionist guided, very specific, like highly focused grouped, trajectory towards like a hot dog nachos, right? - And do they know you got to talk about today? - They don't. - Okay. - But anyways, Mary, I'm gonna just shorten this and I'm gonna cut to the third meal. A barbecue chicken sandwich. - This feels like it escalated quickly. - I thought she'd be another soft meal. - I was bragging in the exercises with my head turning around 360 degrees a minute. I was like, no. - Oh, no. I was like, I was like, ah. - Did it hurt? - I was like. - I almost, I was almost, I pushed the tray three inches away from me dramatically. - Well, what people need to know about you is that you love moderation and you love to do things that are good for you. And so the very suggestion that you would eat a barbecue chicken sandwich was sort of like, Lee Cronin's the good wife. - Lee Cronin's the good wife. - Yeah, I was, so there was one, so it went from that, then it went from a, then it went from a, I'm sorry. Went from a chicken broth. Might be that broth was good. - Oh yeah. - And then it was another orange jello 'cause why have one when we have two twice the price? - Right, so then it got a little crazy. Those then it was it, then it was a tomato soup and I was like, tomato soup. What do I know about tomatoes? - Highly acidic, right? - Gird inducing, gastrosophageal reflux disease. - They didn't have the con for old people, it's less. - My baby, this was thickest thieves. - Oh, thickest thieves. - Thickest thieves. Potcho. - But I guess you're in the hospital. - So what? - So what? - But I mean, so what? - If something goes wrong, hey, you're there. - Am I, am I, I know you'll say something. - Hello. - Am I a, am I a cedar's fan? - No. - No, I'm not. So like, then I see you. (laughing) Pull up with the IV tower. - Yeah. - It was the twin towers. - I had two IV towers during the operation. They made me leave 'cause I keep laughing. - You saw the twin towers. - They cut, they shot. - But you saw the twin towers. - It was worse than 9/11, 'cause these towers didn't go down. - Well, you didn't see how big you were. This, the scalpel was like a snow shovel. - They had to do that. - They had to do a snow shovel. - They've been very wagnard to me. They were like, they had one leg up on the dresser, the other on the wall. They said, whoa! Like, we put the ball in, we put the ball in. - We weren't built right in no way. - Yeah. - You know, they got doctored now from sex 600 pound life. You're not 700 pounds of water. You're 700 pounds of bullshit. So then cut to fucking Rachel Ray's 13 minute meals. - Y'all know. - I got, I got, I got, I got a like Costco bun untoasted, thank you very much. With a, with about three pounds of fucking barbecue chicken drenched in barbecue sauce. - What? - A splastic wrapped chocolate chip muffin. - Okay, this feels like yogurt, plain, full fat. - This feels like pan's labyrinth. - And then like 14 feet of uncooked Vienna blood sausage. And then I got some Australian guy saying, eat it up, you fatty. Come on. - Shoked it down, fatty. - No, of course not. - But the sausage didn't happen. But why are you allowed to eat it all the sudden? - Oh my hand trauma, generational trauma, intestinal trauma. A plat, I want to talk to you about the realities, the nutritional realities of plastic wrapped, preservative, laden, chocolate chip muffins. Nobody should be eating those. And I'm, you know I'm the last person to tell anybody but when it comes to like, I eat, I eat crap, but I don't, I actually draw the line at that. It's like, I don't shoot meth. - I free base. - I free base. - Yeah. - I don't, I don't eat chocolate chip muffins because not because they're bad for you but because it's like, it's like eating a brick. There's no nutrition. They're loaded with horrible fat calories. They're like legit like 1100 calories of crap, of no nutrition, no nutrition, look it up, look it up, do something else. - No, do something else. - It's your birthday. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like, I was, I was just like, okay, well, the good news is, obviously, I'm about to go home and I went home. - Thank God. - Yeah. - But in order to sell-- - Did you write a lipstick on the mirror like Drag Race? - I said leave. - Fuck you, but thank you Audrey. - Right. - Happy birthday. - It's not my birthday, it's mine. (laughing) - Show the car. - The wrapping is really like, I went to Beverly Hills for that baby, rodeo drive. (laughing) - I don't even, what are they? I like this gonna be something that's already belongs to me. Did you take this out of my bag? - You did, didn't you? - No, I didn't. If you don't like it, it's my size, so I'll take it back. But I thought it's really cute. - I'm gonna love it, but why were you thinking of me? - Well, I got two. - Oh, I love it. - Is that fun? - Oh yeah. - Is that gonna fun? - It's really cool. - Did you get one too? - I did. - See, accidentally got this for me. - Oh my god, if you're on purpose. - I was at the story, but get this, so get this. Me and Jennifer, beloved Jennifer. Well, look, that's not for your-- - Ooh, who made the, ooh. - Are those fun? - The TikTok shop. - Yeah. - You got me on it. - You got me on the TikTok shop. - Yeah, I'm gonna wear these to DJ and then when I mess up, I'm gonna blend the nails. - There you go. - I think there's a blood soaked tampon in there, but that's mine. - Oh. - I think that's it. I hope there's seats on in there. - Show these Africa's in here. - I stole it all. - Yeah, so thank you. - You're welcome. You're welcome. - Do you want you to hate that? Don't you fucking hate that? - You were saying you're welcome. - No, no, no, no. When you like say you, somebody, some fucking, some dumb fuck, oh, like, you know, when you're like 30 yards away from the target door, and somebody like keeps the door open, when they could just go in and you could just, you're not, you got your arms. You're not carrying large packages. - Right. - It's fully able-bodied, and you can open the door. No problem. They insist on like holding it open, and it's a little long, and then you say, you know, you appropriately say, oh, thank you, and they're like, you're welcome. - What's the problem here? - Bitch, you didn't do nothing good for me. - The worst is when they're holding the door, and you're too far away. - That's enough. - You have to do the pantomime scoot. - You can scoot fast, scoot. - Yeah, exactly. And then, of course, what you have to do, what you're required to say, even though it's not against. - Suck their, yeah. - Did you suck their cork? - You gotta fuck them. It's like, you didn't, my point is, that's not your good deed for the day you fucking bitch. - Well, you should be like, oh, thank God you held the door. I had no plan B. - Exactly, exactly. It's like, oh my God, I can't, you can't see. I'm blind. - My backup was to drive my car through the front of Target. - Yeah. My hands were about to get chopped off. Thank God, I avoided that. There was a ninja train. I mean, I didn't see whatever. What's the healing process now? - A lot of smoke. - Like, when do they just get it? - When do they, you'll be totally fine. - Well, that's a great question, 'cause that actually is the prognosis. Thank God. - And not thank the doctors. - Are you kidding, thank God. - God favors babies and drunks, and I think if he has a little bit of both. - Goo Goo Gaga, me one, drinky. (laughs) - No, yeah, no, so it's, I. - Can you say that if that happened to me, I would have been dead. That doesn't make sense. - I'm just saying you have an aura. The universe looks out for you in a way that I think, when something happens to you, I don't ever get seriously worried because I don't, I absolutely think you're gonna not live with me. - Well, you know, this is, that's really morbid. I also thank you. - Oh, you're welcome. Let's take a break. - Ow! (laughs) - Next time you go to the hospital, I'll be behind it, bitch. - So weird. - I'm like, hot ya, I hit her with my car. I'm like, as a Volvo stamp on the front of her fucking face. - Yeah, I hit on the back. - On the back. - And on all over your body with the tire marks as I drove in. - You know what I have? Soup cans behind my car instead of just married. It says, "Just kill it by best friend." And I've driven through Hollywood. - Does that make sense? That makes sense. (upbeat music) - Well, you were almost dying. I was in Brooklyn, struggling to say, can I tell you what happened? Something happened to me. - Girl. - We've been talking about you for fucking two days. - I know. - Boohoo. - I know. - Bring a book. - Boohoo. - Bring a book. - Bring a book. - You played on Coach Howler or a bonner, or Lil Affair? - Yes, I played Lightning in a bottle last weekend, which was so cool. - And you did. - My initial super disco. Something unprecedented happened that I wanted to share with you. - You shot in your diaper and it didn't leak out. - I first, to the point of absolute certainty that I was going to eat. - Yeah. - You know what my choreographer, Alex said, when people say I'm getting kind of scared, I'm going to mess up. What if I mess up? He said, "But what if you eat?" Before you go on stage, anybody. The other half of what if I mess up is, "But what if I eat?" - Not me at the hospital. - Well, what if I eat in 10 days? Does that make sense? - When I'm staring at that chocolate shit muffin. So wait, wait, so you ate, and how did it feel? - I ate it. - Give me like the, like I want to know like in the moment because when you're eating in the moment, and I know you, like when you're locked, Tundin tapped and turned on Abraham Hicks. - Yeah, you are. - When I'm sounding. - Basically, when I'm sounding. - No, shut up. It's in a flow state. - But tell me, walk me through the whole thing. - Okay, so. - Start to finish, start to finish. The show last summer. I started with like my little Pinterest boards, my mood boards, my vibes, and then you know over, over how about say holiday I started building the playlist, practicing what I'm gonna do. And I knew it had to be exactly an hour for this show. And work with the choreographer, the customer, Amy. And then by then, by the time I started hiring people, I had like a PDF that I could present to people as I hired them. Like here's the story of the show. Here's the tracks in the show that are gonna get numbers. Here's the run of the show. Here's the mood board. Here's like, I've just never, never been so prepared. - You were on the stage with Marty and Gay. You know Gay. - Gay. - And you had the, you had that. - And Martia Gay. - Yeah. - But you had the thing full, I mean, you were so at the end. You're like, you're on tonight. You had the ice with the nipples. - Wired. - Wired. - The nipples were wired. - You were erect. - Wired weren't they? - Why didn't they make my DJ platters? I just, I, I, DJ scribbled my own nipples. I got tattoos of records on my nipples. - She was. - Can I just, for cables. - Don't trick cables. Absolutely. - With little drawings. - Right. - And then you know what was crazy. I turned around and the audience was like, what is that? I had those cups on my back. - Cumping? - Yeah, cumping. - Sucked into hell. - Weltz. And I said, you wanna be on top? - No. - You're gonna be on the picture. - The pins with a little chicken nuggets that are on fire. (laughing) - She was, she was soon adapted to her. - It's all corrupt girl. - No, no, it's all corrupt girl. Get the moon tracker. Check the weather app. No, no, no, no, no, spare room. - No, no, no, show went perfect. All the rehearsals paid off. I rehearsed not only in the costumes. I rehearsed in body and costumes with the wig on. - Trans. - Trans. - Trans. - With lashes on. And we also, I worked at this production company called Beehive that I didn't even know, I don't wanna sound naive. I didn't know this even existed. That, first of all, I can, normally I DJ my shows with my computer because I run the visuals for the show from my computer at the same time. This production company took care of the visual package. So all I had to do is DJ. So I almost was like, what was that? Okay, James, the whole show I had a feeling of I left the oven on. I left my kids at the supermarket. Because I never had a show go so well that I almost was getting the creeps. I was, and maybe it's because I do a lot of therapy now, but I wasn't manifesting the panic that I always have. Instead, I was just doing my show borderline calmly, assuredly, confidently, and you had exhaustively rehearsed. Yes, and my goal, I don't know if this happens to you. - Never. - The first, and I felt upstage 'cause of your whole scenario. Like I'm trying to do my thing and you're like, move, yeah. - So what? - I'm the diaphragm stretcher of the candy. - They gave you another gash. You have another hole and no one can fuck it. Bring a book. - Yeah. - Has it asked? - Your axe wound, whore. But I just, I, I wouldn't say it was like the most, I wasn't perfect. I did get sick in the middle 'cause I've been having those bad arthritis spells. I got sick in the middle. Almost threw up during the show. - Okay, well you, okay. - But I stayed, but I went into it knowing I might get sick. - You could share yourself, but it wouldn't matter. - But I'm rehearsing off my muscle memory. I literally can be focusing on not puking and I'll be able to do the show. - Incredible. - It went perfect. The audience loved it. I was afraid the turnout. I was like, it's not a gay thing. It's a straight music. It's a festival. And I'm a gay act. What if no one comes? There was so many people there. Like tens of thousands. You couldn't even see the end of it. It was so crazy. And it just went so well that afterwards I just was in shock. In absolute shock. I was like, oh my God. Nothing bad happened. Not that I expect something bad to happen. But when you imagine your show to be a certain way and this was the first time it turned out exactly like I thought it would be. It felt, I don't know if this happens to you, but when I do the first show, I block out. And I can't even remember. This was the first time I've done a first show where I felt present and in control. - And also, I actually was looking around noticing, gratitude, smiling, almost like a feeling of, it's happening. I can't believe it. Normally leading up to stage, I'm freaking out. This show, I was just, it was like, my best friend was about to have her baby. I was like, I was like, excited. I was like, we're about to eat to be tapped in turned on and we did eat an afterward walk rough stage. And I felt bad because I thought I was going to throw up but the choreographer Alex did Alex did throw up and he has a six pack. So if he throws up, maybe I'm not so bad off. It was just so hot. It was like 90 degrees. My dancers are in these big pink monkey suits. Like it was crazy. But then Alec cried. We're all just like in shock. It just went well. I just wanted to share that went well. It's not as good as a hospital story. No, I'm just saying it's it's the ultimate. And not I've okay. Oh, also just I know I've stopped qualifying. I'm not doing not to be corny, but I don't mean to be earnest, but no, my therapist has to know. No, in my sponsors, I was like, we're not qualifying anything anymore. And this is something I wanted to talk to you asked your sponsor. Should I be qualifying? And they said, who is this? I haven't heard from you years. Mom. Yes. But you died three years ago. My sponsor is ritual symbiotic. So I have my own sponsor. My sponsor. My sponsor is my sponsor is Trimax. Of course. My sponsors retinal detachment. Okay. Okay. No, it's a capital T triumph. And I just want to offer sincere congratulations. Thank you. Because I don't I don't really ever get to do that. And I don't think I mean, obviously we're I'm going to get to if anybody wants to see it's at Lollapaloo's in Bona Rue and Oshia. I'm not doing that many this year. But you can't do so much. You can puke. Well, I'm working less now because I've been too sick. That's a mirror. Okay. That's a miracle. I guess that's not a medical or I know plain James out there and she was like tricks. You look so skinny. And I said, thank you. I've been very ill for months. Yeah. It's I have sepsis. Yeah. I'm passing on. Thank you. I also have a story that I wanted to tell you. And this was a story I was excited to tell you that wouldn't from when you went to the hospital. So fuck my story, right? Um, by the way, I just feel like your hospital bullshit is just one up to everything. Now every story is going to seem stupid. So whatever, whatever. Girl, check the moon track. Check the moon track. Look up in the sky, honey, because you're shit is gibbyous. So my interest is waning. Girl. Why is it rolls? So my old glass. So there's this artist. I'm sorry, but I'm sorry, screaming. A lot of screaming on this pod. Sorry. We got to keep the audio mix. The audio mixes working over time. There's this art time. Let me look at this up quick. Sorry. Okay. While you do that, I want to talk to you guys about Squarespace. Wait, what time is it? It's seven o'clock on the dot. I need a crack rock on the spot. Okay. Okay. So. James, this story is me supporting the arts. Okay. So I think it's the new something theater over in Hollywood, the new something theater, right by myself. Everything. Maybe it's not a week. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, like a new artist theater, new theater, act theater. One of those like not generic, but it's just like it. Yes, it was my experimental theater. So months ago, there's this ventriloquist I love. Okay. But pause period and then a moment. Let's just let's just like, let's just take that in. Girl, fuck, exploratory lap. Rotterby. There's just new ventriloquist. I'm going to say this. You need it. You need it. You just. Okay. You should find new. I couldn't tell. Well, I'm struggling and broken. She's trying to tip this guy. Get this out with no irony. And also saying my hospital stories pulling focus. This bitch has said, so there's this new ventriloquist that I love with a straight fucking face. You are insane. You should be in theater side right now. This is a wild. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. Sandy from Greece. Let's go. Well, I think we're to solace to tell a good story. I'm sorry. I poop. So there's this new ventriloquist that I love. She's not that makes sense. She's not new. But she's never come to town that I've been I've been into her. So I've been following this ventriloquist for this is even crazy. I don't know. I know. I know. Okay. So her name. She is an actress. She's a playwright. She's a man. She's like the mother I never had. She's an artist. She's a she's not manager. She does all kinds of things. She's a she's an artist. Yes. She's an actress. And she she writes. Well, we'll show this to slow because this is a lot. This is a lot to take in. You got to like. You got to page yourself. This is a lot of information. Oh, my blood pressure. So her name is Sophie Becker. Okay. Shout out to someone. She's so talented. Love. And I found her because on TikTok, there's a TikTok account called Ronnie the dummy. Okay. Ronnie is a influencer. Who I love? Incredible. And Ronnie is a young gentleman in the in the bottom left. Oh, her husband. Oh, he's in the show. Okay. I'm out here in the garden. Can you see me? She's like pretends to be an influencer. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. That's so helpful. Sorry. You don't have any. Thank you. And she refers to the ventriloquist as her assistant. So like the doll Ronnie is like an influencer. She's blonde. Her videos are like get ready with me for my date with my situation. Like I love this. Right. And so I wanted to see her for. Since I found her. Yeah. And I've never seen a ventriloquist act ever. I never have neither. So I just like, why I'm 87 years old. If not now, my friends are dropping dead. Yeah, the full moon because they won't pull the hardware out of their asses or whatever the fuck you're doing. Judo. Thank you. So secret judo classes. My friends look like Lane and beds with tubes up their nose. And I want to see the puppets. Right. Yeah. There's no thought to put on. There's no steam to suck up. Let's go. Yeah. Lee Conan presents Jim Henson's The Muppets. So I buy tickets to see Ronnie. This water saw Ronnie as show called Ronnie's big idea. Okay. And I go great. And that's months ago. Yeah. I buy the front two tickets in the front because I buy them so early. The theater's empty. Am I a Nikki fan? The front two seats in the front. I buy them. And I go, when we go to the summy grade. See me my boyfriend. I go, you know, I have to get up early tomorrow. I forget what night this is. It's months later. Okay. Oh, right. So you, it's months later. You're like, it's about 630. I go, you know, I think I'm going to take an edible because I got a bit super early tonight because I got to work tomorrow. And I've been feeling so sick. So about 40 minutes goes by after I take this, the most, the most. Hey, hateful, hateful, hateful, hateful, - A little bean-eating bitch. - Big old hateful club. - And my Google calendar goes, pip-pip-pip-pip-pip-pip-pip. Ronnie's big idea starts in 30 minutes at the theater and I go, oh God, blanket. I go blanket, get up. I said, he said, "What do we gotta do?" - We gotta load her for gonna make this. - You think get up and put your clothes on. We gotta go see Ronnie the dummy. He goes, "Okay." - He's like, "He ha." - So he's mad because he's already has pajamas set on. So he's like, you know, he's like, what do you call it? Like Christmas Carol, like Ebeneezer, like, he's also, he's already tacked up the seven scarves in the room. - Yeah, I didn't put all of them on. - He's a motorwaddy, he's tacking up the fabric. You know, so he flat ironed his bang and has put over a little thing on it. - We have enough time to get to the show. - Yeah. - But we can't drive because I was just self-roofed, right? So I'm waiting for the show to start and we sit down first and I wanna buy, I said, "I'm gonna get a piece of merchandise." And they go up and they have these Ronnie the dummy matches. They go, "How much are the matches?" And he goes, "They're a dollar." I said, "Oh my god, a good deal for matches." Hello, how cute. I said, "I'll take one." He's like, "You'd say gift shop at a small theater. "I'm not gonna make them whip out my card." I was like, "Oh good, I have cash." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I grab a cash. I go, "Do you have change for a hundred?" (tires screeching) - And that's when I realized I've gotten already like, like so high. And I'm like, "Didn't he look-- - He just didn't go to the shop. - No, and I go, "Okay." - So I go, "Well, I was gonna buy something." And I go, "Well, can I get one of those shirts?" - Yeah, tell you what, after the show, I'll come get that shirt. He goes, "Okay." So they said it aside for me. - You're not getting that shirt. - So I go, "Sit down." - The show starts. She comes out, "Soapy's great. "I don't want to give away her whole act." But it starts with this funny joke about like, "I just got to LA and I just got Oliver and ECC's of Botox." And she's doing an act where she's talking to the audience and nothing is moving. - That's incredible. - Immediately yes. And then the plot of the show lightly is about her discovering, like, ventriloquism and finding out like, "Her and this puppet are a perfect double act together." And basically, Ronnie wants to be famous and successful and literally goes on the tonight show. - Oh my God. - While the ventriloquist falls asleep on the couch, the doll goes on the TV show. The doll's like ambitious. - It was so funny. I've never seen ventriloquism before. Dancing, dancing around with the puppet, then both singing in different voices. And then later, other thing, there's a part where she pretends to be on the phone and does like a, she goes a little phone voice. I just had never seen ventriloquism. It was amazing. Not to mention, Likronin's the dummy. Her mouth could have been completely moving. And I was so gone. I was like, "Baby, that puppet's talking." I was like, "Oh, y'all need to see this." Everybody see the upperconsey. Yeah. - You're like, "Elbowing your neighbor like, "Are you watching this?" - It was completely sold out. People, not only is every seat taken, people sitting on the floor on the stage. Like, it was a sold out event. And I'm paralyzed. - You're like level five hurricane. - I'm paralyzed. - Yeah, yeah, literally. But I'm laughing. - You're like the dad from "Stranger With Candy." And I actually realize, sorry, if you're gonna be too high, ventriloquism. - Thank you. - It was amazing. It was like, It made me completely accepting and present. I was like, that's a real person. And that ventriloquist is actually fake. This doll is alive. Like I was the supportive, I was 100%. So then I see the show, it was just great. And then there's another puppet. It was just awesome anyway. It was just the story of getting entirely too high and then realizing like, no bitch, this is what you get too high for. - Yes, that's for liquids, say yes to life. - Say yes to life. Take that animal, fat edible up your ass and go watch Ronnie the dumb girl, boof it and bump it. - I just love it. - If anybody, I hope I can. - And she's still a ventriloquism on my life. - It was just great. - She's still doing shows. It keeps getting extended. It was very soulful. - So I could go see it. - Yeah, it was grand tonight. - I want to go see it. - I'm so happy for you. - The idea of ventriloquist, an actress playing it like reluctantly partnering with a ventriloquist doll for success was like, love it, love it. - Love it, love it. - It's not that it matters. The actress with the ventriloquist is gorgeous to look at, can sing, wrote the whole show herself, like loved it. It was very drag. Loved it. - Excuse your mouth. - Drag is ventriloquism. - But a dragon right in your own show? - Well, actually it is. (laughing) Anyway, it was just kind of a fun show. - Well, Kudos, I'm going to go check it out because I didn't get to, the big regrets of my life is that I got four tickets to see Kristen Shaw's show a Dynasty typewriter in. - Wait, I have another story. - Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me. Sunday, which was your birthday, I was gonna go to see you were doing Andrew Show, you were doing Apocalypse Dick. - The church theme, the show, you got me out. I bought tickets because Andrew said, hey, we're gonna have a surprise cake for Katia. Do you, if you're coming, how about we have you pull out the cake? And I said, sure, but I love to support the art so I buy tickets anyway. 'Cause I'm bringing a group of six. Andrew Apocalypse Dick, go see Apocalypse Dick at Plaza. - And go buy your jam tickets and don't buy your ass for a car. - And don't ask for comps by bottom, six of them. - And sweetie, baby, I'll let me tell you something about LeBray Avenue at that little stretch of Hollywood. Plenty of parking, so don't be a parking. - Plenty of parking, don't do it. - And if you don't have cash, J-Walk to the US big, get hit by a car. - Get hit by a car, because maybe a moment's worth it. - You will get hit and you know what, say yes to life. - Yep. - J-Walk and get hit by a car. You get insurance money and so you can pay for that cover price. Like a gospel church brunch theme. 'Cause normally, you know, it was a vase, Valentine's Day. - And so it's at night. - It's always at night. Day one, this was a day one, my favorite one. Andrew was incredible, sermon that was hilarious. And then, so we're waiting for the show to start and there's a baby's shoulder on our left. Now I've been at the show-- - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - There's a baby's shoulder. - Is there a baby inside it? - We're gonna get there. So, I'm laughing 'cause I'm like, I'm like, I've been to so many of these. The prop, these are prop queens. - Yes. - I've seen drag queens push shopping carts. I've seen drag queens, you know, the prop game is real. - Yes. - So I'm thinking, I bet this is some fucking idiot's baby number. - All right. - Google Gaga, here we go. - And then, I'm like, so I take a video of it. I'm like, oh my God, at the drag show, LOL. And it's the baby carriage. 'Cause I'm thinking there's gonna be some drag queen pushing this bucket. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then, I see some guy come in and sit next to the baby carriage with a reborn doll and is like cheating out and like burping it. And I'm like, this is why I come to apocalyptic because these fucking idiots commit to the bit on a level that is so serious. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - Like a rubber doll. - Oh, the baby. - It looks so real. And he's like, mm. And I'm like, I fucking love this shit. - He's got a JBL in the thing screaming. The baby screaming. - And normally, this is a sold out show. - Yeah. - This was a lighter one. And Andrew comes out and goes, "Peace be with you." Kind of a like congregation this morning. (laughing) It's like, what do you see, it's solved. But of course, like, that show, it's all about enthusiasm. - Oh, yeah, there was like 20 of us and we're. - So, and I'm ready for this stupid baby stunt to happen. I was like, I hate all these fucking faggots. A daytime drag show with a reborn doll. - It's fierce. And then Andrew goes, well, one of my friends is here and actually, wants to come up here as he's a dad. He wants to come up here and talk about being a father. And I'm like, I'm like, they're delivering this on a level that is so sincere that I'm like, I fucking hate these faggots. Gay people shouldn't be allowed to have anything. Like, make it front of church, make it front of dads. I hate this. So, and I'm looking at the reborn. I'm like laughing. And the dad goes up and is holding the baby and starts telling a story about being a constant on the street for being a gay dad and starts crying. And I'm like with the fake baby. - Yes, and I'm like this. I'm like, all of you guys are so awful. And that's when I realized it's a real baby and it, and he was, he was telling a truth. - Get out, get out, you get on it. - But I've been to this show where the prop game is so strong that I thought this was a bit. And the baby starts moving and the baby's so cute. And it is an earnest story about like the power of fatherhood and being a dad changed my life. And the audience is, some of people are crying, we're clapping. It, I realize everyone here thinks this is Valerie Cherish. I'm waiting for the bit. 'Cause I thought it was a rep, I thought it was a reborn doll. And I guess it was the two dads who are in this viral clip where this conservative like person on the street was saying fuck shit to them. I watched the clip later and people were like, oh my god, those are the WeHo dads from the clip. And I was like, yeah. So then I delete my Instagram post making fun of the baby carriage. Hello. - Apologize mom. - But it's because I've been in this show a lot of time. - I've been in this show enough times to be like, everything in here could be a bit. - Totally. - Someone in the audience could get up and get naked and be in the show. - I mean, they don't really have like, like, yeah. It has like people like screaming in off the street coming in stage and it's a bit. - It's pretending to be like from the street. - Crazy person. - So whatever. - I've never seen a baby carriage at a drag show. So I really thought it was a bit. - Well, so it's a bar. It's a bar. - The locals. - Well, it was a Sunday afternoon to be fair. It was after brunch, bottomless mimosas with my infant. - And there's plenty of extra help. We know the bartenders aren't busy making drinks. - Thank you. They're breastfeeding out. They're breastfeeding. I mean, they're not getting your drinks. - But that was actually, but I was sad you weren't there because it was a, it was my favorite one. - Of course. - It was the funniest. - Of course I miss out on, I miss out on the dummy. I miss out on Apocalypse Six Best Show. I miss out on Crystal Shaw's fucking legend of the Crystal Shell. I miss out on everything. I miss out on you struggling in Brooklyn. It ends me. I miss out on the sale of my own house. I miss out on my dad, dying. - No, the other best part of it was Andrew, you know, was in his drag and he's like, and he starts talking about faith healing. And he goes, you know, we have a friend who is not doing so well right now. And Mark Helgomerger. - No, I'm like, oh yeah. And we're all like, oh, cause, you know, everybody there pretty much knows you. We're like, oh yeah. And Andrew goes, one of my really good friends is not doing so well. He has arthritis. (laughing) - And I go, but I thought we were gonna be talking about the person near death. - The other Brian. - Andrew goes, so Brian, could you come up here? - Oh my God. - So I come up on stage and they wrap a sequined shawl fabric around me and start like shaking maracas over me and they do like a prayer healing. And the whole time I'm thinking, everybody in this room know a coach almost died. And I was like, I'm pulling, pulling the ship clips on your ears. They're doing like busted roots. - Like he's died, did that make sense? Like you're near death and they're like, tricks to get up here with your arthritis. - We need to frost your tips. - It was so fucking funny. - Oh, that's brilliant. - And you, so you were not, not only not missed, not thought of. - Not thought of. - No thoughts and prayers. - No, that's completely discarded, disregarded and thrown into the bin. - But were you gonna do, cause I thought maybe you were gonna do your to be about an amazing race. - Mary, I had the, I had, it was like, I've like, I'm gonna do like a Jesus number. Are you kidding me? I was like, I had the, I was tuned in tapped and turned on. I was ready. I was like, I was like, oh, I don't want to do that all tired. And I was like, tire number, mama. That's, that's when you ask, that's like, that's like saying, Prince don't play purple rain. - Yeah, that's what you mean. - No, it kind of is just like detox. Don't you dare do that mannequin number. - Of course you want to see the mannequin number. - Well, not to mention you could always take that monologue and put on a different song. - Which I, Mary, don't you think I had a cure? Don't you think I was up in Garage Band with my fountain in pecking for hours? - I actually was. - It was like how to use Garage Band. - Usually how to do, like how to use a magic mouse. - Yeah. - We'll first you turn it on. (laughing) Then you put the batteries in. So I, like, I had the whole thing. I had a, like, I had, I think I probably had like a seven to eight minute mix that I knew every, I mean, not, I had added all the, I had done a little lip synca. Like, I was like, I put in a little cereal mom, a little class here. - I did a little, the classics. - Mary, he drowned, does that make sense? Was in there. - Thank God. - It was still a great show. I just didn't miss you. It was great though. - There was even some, there was even a whisper of fucking, of, of, of, of fucking, God, it was, there were all this, anyways, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I know it's a bummer. It was a bummer. I'm, I'm bummed I missed it. - I actually lived. - Yeah, he lived. - No. - No one was worried about you. The length to which you will go to not have to do Andrew's show should be studied. - That part. Say it again, girl, say it again. Oh my God. Oh my God. - Take it a box, cut it to your stomach. - Right, girl. - The way they'll say, of course I'll do it. - Oh, with, with this week, literally like Harold and Mod, like with a new surround, like a fake new surround that covered in blood in the bathtub. Of course I'll do it, but you don't Andrew told me, Andrew told me that he'll ask you when you're in a good mood and then make the flyer before you can say no. So then the flyers out, I gotta talk about something. No, never mind. Hold on, let me check my scroll. I got something to tell you tell me what do you think about these people I went on the Tik Tok rabbit hole of people who Stay the night in the Walmart Like they make tiktok's of like we made a little fort on this shelf and we brought a TV and a little like We brought like a little grill and we're gonna make hot dogs and stay over in it in the Walmart like Um, I think that's a little bit like let's shit in the toilet in IKEA. I Kind of feel like I don't want to be grumpy, but I'm like go go home Let these well if you have a home workers if you have a home to go to get the fuck out of it Let's I live live in the store. We don't have to live. No, no If you this is just assuming of course that they have a home to go home to no, it's more like stunts like Groups of 20-year-old men being like we're gonna stay in them all as long as we can before we get killed The only the only stunt that I approve of is when that you told me about these youtubers storming into the Scientology place which brings me to a speedrun speedruns But do you remember just just mere feet away from the the celebrity center on Franklin? Do you remember when we had lunch and then we got ice cream tell the listeners what happened oh? My god This was so crazy so wait, wait, let me give a little background So I'm out of the hospital and I am at home with my parents. We're vibing now I've got I've got this is I've got this is my my parents are with me my mother and I are this the whole time I got a family three days clean cut open like a roast How dare you how dare you know this is two weeks clean? Okay, which guy excuse your mouth. I know we're splitting hairs, but two three days and two weeks is a very big difference Okay, okay, okay, but so there's no exercise I am we pusses weeping through this gauze pad nasty so nasty next time I see somebody who's sober for three days I'm gonna tell him that it's not impressive and it doesn't matter. How about that? Well, you would be no you you would be Someone's like I have three days. I'm gonna go well. It's not ten days shut up. No, no, no, no It's the opposite like why I have one day so fuck off the new the newcomers was important person in the room So if you come in with one day twenty four hours you can basically hip-check anybody into the van louis because you're beyond it Yeah, okay, so we go to get because well first Okay, so me and mr. Wonderful. Yeah, me and mr. Wonderful But me and blanket. I take the blanket off of mr. Wonderful. Because blanket tells me oh I'm gonna go for a walk tomorrow I said well katie told me that the doctor said she's encouraged to walk with her digestion Ambulation is encouraged. Yes, so tribulation. I think he calls you. Yeah, and says do you want to go for a walk tomorrow? And you said how about now? I said how about now? Maybe the no time like the present these these these these blisters aren't gonna Form themselves do not let me forget I'll just do it right now about the The the the fluid filled blisters this big on my heels as we speak with it with a half inch of pus or a fluid in them right now That's good so we go on um we're ripping it roaring right we go on oh my god Blanket and I have in the the time of our lives. I'm dangling. How's the bank? He's 10 miles with no headphones that so that's you're gonna say this to show that so you that's either that is two kinds of people a Complete psychopath serial killer or put a ring on it now. Yeah, mr. Fucking wonderful just you that's a keeper. Okay, so he is of course in the latter category You guys are making tiktok. Oh my god. I'm like I'm bust in my sutures internal and just bustin out all over I mean, we are having I we're talking about aliens. He's letting me know about everything. He's plugged him He's he's we're both tuned in tapped in turn nine and we're really having a great time the most wonderful guy in the world I love this man don't deserve and you're having less lust for life. Oh, we're smiling. You're between the two of us all our teeth Every time I smile every time I'm happy I break out a smile. Yeah, I'm allergic to happiness I break out and enjoy yep, so then I get a text saying hey, do you want to go to dinner with us? I and I'm expecting I'm expecting oh, I mean, I'm in For Wayne Indiana, you know, we're rebuilding a church or whatever. I can't I'm doing Winston-Salem pride Me and me and Kenya Michaels are doing I can't are doing a big I'm in the ground for rebuilding a gay bar in Romania Right, so yeah me and Vanderpump are building a castle We're deep poisoning her moat We're choking all of her. Yeah, we're writing her swans around the yard So she miraculously is that home and says yes, so I love tacos. Thank you. This place is love. I eat thank can Tina Which is a which is on in Franklin village frankly village the horniest food and the horniest the horniest the horniest little The horniest half a block of L.A. Great. It's the birds mama La Poo Bell were all the electrical to wear go-go boots. Thank you to see the new stand where I get all my four hundred dollar candles Yeah, dire straits. Yeah, dire straits swiping a card a card pretty woman declined and also the oaks gourmet on the corner have you been there not yet Which is country sandwiches watch out and spy the galsons, which is like do you I've been going down at galsons mama The galsons is fierce because the galsons is like I just need to pick up a few things and it's eight hundred dollars later You're like you were running out of galsons like D in sunny you hit your head because your cars declined and you're like did it not go through No, you know what it is. It's what could have been in to be ten dollars It's actually 20. Yeah, yeah, so so we so we have a lovely talk of gypsy rose blanchard was that air one today That's why my friend Joseph is so every time I'm like I'm like do you want to get ice cream is like no I'm I want to go to air one because gypsy because he says the people watching is unparalleled and you are just confirming that Yeah, gypsy's in all over right now and she whenever she comes to L.A. She does like she lives like Kardashian lifestyle She gets a $19 hilly paper. She is like a country bob or a wig on With the mama that's Miss Boyle it no, she has like a wig on and like like like like Grey's athletic wear like Kardashian cream athletic wear and she's just like getting my smooth She's living she's like I'm writing it. Travelers check for this smoothie at a hundred percent. Yeah, so we go Lovely talk. Oh, sure. We're talking about Scientology. We're really chopping it up tearing it up when I go eat there I pivot my chair to the Scientology building I try to look in the way you're like measure my feet and now there's a few celebrities that we see over there all the time So their names because they could have was killed. Do you want to see celebrities go to that celebrity center? Just wait you'll just see the yeah, just like and you got to do this You're going to do weapons style hands and then mouth wide open with the eyes. I'm blinking. Yep So then we start walking home and to walk from that to my house We have to walk by an ice cream place called Van Luen's and it's me and you need two stores down I'm a two doors down. I'm calmly walking. I thought, you know, that was fun. I Guess it's just like time to go because we've we've had dinner and I've we've settled the check Mr. Wonderful paid. Yeah, we have dinner once every three years. This has already been so I my queue is to skip out on the Bell. I go to the candle store. I buy about a hundred and forty five dollars worth of candles. Yeah, I come back Come back. We walked by Van Luen's you guys and I'm calmly walking She breaks conversation breaks focus B lines directly 45 degrees to the left body checks me and Says nothing in walks into Van Luen's to get herself ice so ex program bravo bravo bravo. I had lit up a cigarette. Oh, yeah X program bravo bravo bravo. She has a 20% burn cigarette and she body checks me She throws that fully lit cigarette on the ground and walks into the ice cream place And I'm standing there like I'm like Like you guys know that meme of Jason pushing that girl in the subway like it's that I'm like I go oh did you want to get ice cream? I want so they're getting up calmly like they're like you know pushing their chairs back in I'm running out of the candle store with a with a 40 pound candle like I just stole it and I might have I I With candle like swing in the back swing and almost hit in a car this time and I light up a cigarette. I take like maybe I have a drag maybe I have a drag and then I And I do a 90 degree hairpin turn. Yeah, I shove her to a concrete wall And then open a shove means you use her arms. It was a complete body it was a hockey. It was a heated rivalry hip no pads hip check She's smashing the concrete wall. I open the door And she's already gone. She doesn't say anything to us. She just goes in on her own. I slim it shut in Mr Yeah, and I go and I go and I go and I go I go I guess she's one size is like can I have the honey lavender? Can I taste the honey lavender? No, I know and then you ended up getting that weird earth they won. I loved it. It was blue. It was blue. It was right on the poster. Oh, no, it wasn't. Oh, it wasn't. It was non-dairy. I mean, that was crazy. Oh, my god. My mom. That's what I knew you were doing fine. My mom. You were gonna make a full recovery. You fucking kind Like and then I could not after after like just becoming a wait after the after IT is the first you know They gave me the thing to taste. I was like I Realized what I had just done because you were literally Bleeding So Mr. Wonderful is patching you up. He's got seat nose out of your stitches And you and you are literally in shock and I cannot stop laughing sutures and you're laughing not stop laughing And then why don't you take a picture cream? I just have to I just have to and I can't get it out because I'm laughing So hard. I'm almost pissing and I why don't you talk about who bought the ice cream? Mr. Wonderful. Yeah. Thank you And again before before I had to I got the cone. I just left there. You go of course Are you kidding took one lick of it through on the ground and the little new cigarette I wouldn't be surprised no I unhinged my jaw. I threw the thing down. It didn't hit the sides. No, you know, it's more efficient open the stitches Right in there. It's very soothing very you know that you see be right there I was over there because I go to that place like once a week if you ever want to do a Tracy Martell Sighting just go get a taco you'll probably see me and one time I saw Tracy next door eating Tracy, Tracy our producer. Amanda Bines. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also if you want to see a tweaker hip-check, Mr. Verkes Thank you watch my bald head get slammed into a wall But that place was so funny that place next door that's also there It's like it's like it's like a deli but they also have an outside area of the cafe thing or oh sorry I went there last week and I was sitting there and UCB is right there Yes, and there was a chalkboard that said sloppy seconds seven p.m. and I said, well, surely that's not Meatball and a big dipper. It absolutely was. They have a show there monthly and Meatball walks out with Darby Lynn. And I was like, no, with Alexis. And I was like, Oh, my God. It's you kind of long. And so it was like not only did I not go to your show, but I sat in the table next to it and watched everyone leave and then said, Oh, did you have a show? I didn't even know I've just been sitting here having a margarita. So I looked like some kind of pull focus hater. I love it. It's like, basically, it's like all these drag fans leaving. I'm sitting there with a margarita like, was there a show? Didn't even know about it. It's like, it's like Sharon Stone going to like some like up and coming bitches movie premiere, just like, like chewing up the scenery outside, waiting for the paparazzi. It's 100%. Oh, me. Oh, me. Sharon Stone. I just I was. Where am I? Yeah. I also, I want to say not that we have to apologize, but I was really disappointed. We didn't get, I got FOMO that we didn't get to do our Netflix is a joke show. Oh, and I saw our names on the advertisements all over town. Yeah. No, I did too. Yeah. I did too. And I did. I saw your names. I didn't, but that's crazy. That's crazy. No, that sucks. Oh, I have more story. Wait, wait, wait, I want to, I'm just on that note before I forget. I just quickly want to, I know I don't have to, but I do want to say like, I am, I am really, I don't know what the word is. I'm sorry that this happened because I, I also, sorry, shut the fuck up. I'm sorry that my breasts are so big years of psychological war. They're amid your working relationship with tricks. I feel like that's a stretch. No, no, no, but like you can stretch. Yeah, the two, the two Boston days. You can't even exercise anymore. Not for, for a short while, we have to talk about. We're just a Boston, Boston, Boston. So just Boston. Oh, the rescheduling two dates of Boston. They will be rescheduled. But the thing about Boston is that I feel particularly bad because the thing about Boston is that we were not going to Connecticut. We're not going to Maine. So people drive. I know, I know. And I was excited because I mean, when we played Wang, Wang's theater, it's has a new name now. It's like the Ernie Bach Jr. Whatever. Yeah. You were like, you were crying. I really, it was so, and so we were going to do two nights, which we still are. Yes. But I was excited. But you're going to get sick this time. And you're going to die. Yeah, because I'm going to kill you. No, it was sucked because also, I mean, I just, I love that. You're the Beyonce of Boston. I'm the way for you. Yeah. I'm the shell. The Michelle Wolf. Um, we, so that no, no, I'm all serious. Michelle Wolf of Boston. Yeah. The wolf of, um, the wolf of a fucking Wall Street in a, the wolf of whatever. So anyway, um, I know that sucks. And I'm sorry, because people do, they, like, they make hotel reservations. That's what I feel about. It's like when they take an auction. Some people have to take a three day work week, or they take their vacation week. I know. I know. I, I feel for that too. Whatever I've had to cancel, I feel bad about that. Some people, like, if they have a, a real job to even take off for a three day weekend is like a whole spiel. So I do find out. I know what are you going to do now? We get 13 seconds of attorney leaving this country. It's not my fault. I'm sorry. We're not, we don't live in Sweden. But you should use that maternity leave on our show. Thank you, babies are welcome. Thank you. Obviously. I mean, you just had a C section. Thank you to see, um, no, you go first. I hate when you do that. So there's no, no, there's a new comedian that I love that I have to, I have to shout out because this is the, this is the cool thing about drag race. And I love how famous you are. I love that for you. I love that for you. I celebrate you. I, like, I'm, while you're in Brooklyn trying to make your career megawatt and you're succeeding, I'm in the hospital going, you go, girl, you got this girl. I'll stay way down here. I'm the Ed McMahon. You're the Johnny Car said, I don't want to be famous. I don't need that. I, I'm, I'm happy. I'm me and I don't want that kind of thing. I can't deal with it. Obviously, you see what happens when you get a little money. But you don't have to worry about becoming me because you never could. I never will. And let's celebrate that. Let's celebrate the synergy of our inner and outer bodies. Aligning. Let the months you have left. Yeah. In the best way. Yes. And I'm going to, I'm going to buy this $1900 landcomb gel. And I'm going to smear it all over my face. Right. Um, so the, the, the, there's the greatest joy is like, is finding these incredible stars, comedians. I mean, you know, like, well, for example, so there's this Australian uh, comedian, Ursula. Um, what the fuck is her name? Ursula. Ursula, but she spells it. You are Z I L A. I believe. Ursula. Ursula. And I don't have my fucking phone. So will you please look it up, um, Tracy, um, it's, um, it's, that is her. Ursula Carson. Oh my god. Oh, Carlson. Ursula, Carlson. And she's got a show that's like, um, it's kind of like, uh, it's a, it's a sketch show. It's a sketch show. Oh my god. It's so fucking funny. She does this bit where like, she's in the hospital. And they're, um, she's like, she's, she's stealing your bit. She's stealing my, I was like, I'm watching her right out of the hospital. And, um, and she's like, the doctor's like, Oh my god, you never gonna believe this. But you have the world's smallest vagina. It's, I'd even say it's petite. And she's like, can I get a second opinion? She's like, yeah, sure. And then she gets a second. And she's like, that is by far the smallest pussy I've ever seen. We've got London on the phone. And then she's got a laptop with London. And the London was like, Jesus Christ. It's so freaking small. It's amazing. And, um, and then she's, they get a fisherman. And they're like, they're like, all timing fishermen. What do you think? It's like, it's so small. I'd kiss it. Not throw it back. And then they're like, well, does anybody measure it? And then they get a diamond guy. They got a jeweler with the, with the glasses. Like, it's like, it's like, it's a perfectly up to the IFT. And then they're like, great. Now let's check the highness. And she's like, no, no, no. And they're like, Oh my god. That's the biggest fucking asshole we've ever seen. And then they just faint. It's amazing. So funny. Kind of like you. That was inspired by you in the hospital. It was. Do they have a catheter in your winner? Is the pope? Does that hurt? I've never done that. Yes, they had a catheter that was attached to a bag that was orange red, as you know, right? And then, and then, well through the moon tracker. No, I just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's a fair question. And they're, they pulled it out while I was awake. And I was conscious and it felt horrible. It's a fierce girl. I know. I had to go to my baby. I had to go to the rheumatologist like two weeks ago. Did they put it? Where's my people? Because I've been doing poorly. So we're trying to figure out. I will tell you this about my illness. You don't realize you're in remission until you get out of remission. And you're like, wow, I felt so good for so long because I have been dying. It's been so bad. I'm not to be boo and I like, but do you have you charge your crystals? No, I've been doing it. My dude, the card of the day every day. Oh, good, good, good. It's usually Uno. Sometimes it's Mickey. I pull a card on a wallet. My card of the day. Oh, thank you. So my capital one card. My bills are card. By the way, I'm getting PS. I'm getting PS direct tomorrow. Don't come for me, baby, because I've been sick. I justified it because I've been sick. Let me tell you something. Let me let you win on a little secret. I've gone behind your back. And I told our manager. I'm going to do this in this voice because it's diabolical. I said, with all due respect to the canceled rescheduled part of my French dates, when I go back on that road, I want you to think of the following people, Queen Elizabeth, Elizabeth Taylor, Taylor Swift, anybody that owns a private jet, I'm going to go in such pampered, exuberantly extravagant style within reason. Basically, she's brought it like an organ transplant. I mean, yes, if you want to go PS, I love you. It's PS. I can't live without you. Not only am I on the plane. I'm in the cockpit. And the pilot is Jason Statham. Yeah. And he's fucking me. And he we're sucking each other off. Absolutely. Yeah. And then and then the stewardess who is also Tom Cruise. Charlie's Africa. Charlie's Africa. She's doing a play by play. Absolutely. And she's got Ursula Carlson on the line. And she's, she's narrating it. Yeah. She's saying, you bit of fucking, you bit of fucking mod. Yeah. You better get that you bit of dick him down, but dick him into the fucking Irlingus kind of lingus. Okay. Analingus. Love shadow to Irlingus. Love you guys. Anyway, well, I guess we have to wrap up, but welcome back. Oh, it's just, it's just changing. Shout out to the guests we had. We had, um, it was the call. We had Maria Bamford. Oh, Joe. I actually, that was the first moment I almost had FOMO. But I have, I've had the pleasure of speaking with her directly. Can I tell you what happens? Me though? Use the, the Tracy said, are you going to blame me for something? Are you going to get piss of aggressive with me? I can't. Tracy said, oh, she's sitting over there and Tracy goes, oh, Miss Pink, uh, apparently caught you sent a voice note. And I was like, Oh, Maria, caught you sent a voice note. So I'm thinking it's going to be high Maria. Love you. Really wish I could be there. Well, also, I'm, but it's not a voice note for her. It's just a voice in general. And it's crazy. But you know what, though, here's the thing. I love Maria. I mean, Maria is my favorite comedian. I would say always ever since, ever since my mind show Rogan yours is actually, this is actually Sam Kenneson, of course, Stacey Kenneson Rodney Dendron. No, so Maria Bamford, I'm actually like, I was a, I was in a way relieved because Maria Bamford is my friend Mallory, MagiVon or Mallory back in Boston. She, I'll never forget. She's like, you've got to watch this. I was like, I trust she's unimpeachable taste most of the time. So I'm like, okay, of course, I put it on and it's her standup special filmed at home with her parents. Yes. And it is so insane. I'm like, I had, it's like when Dorothy goes from Black and White to Technicolor, it's like it's such a paradigm shift. Yeah. I've never seen anything like that. This is ages ago. I think it's findable on YouTube now. That's special. It has to be. It has to be. It was a while at least rentable somewhere. It's great. It's very, you can view it somehow and it's just her parents in her living room. The conceit is so bonkers and she commits to it so much and it is, it's so funny. It's so, so funny. It's also her and then I went and down rabbit hole and then downloaded on one of the thoughts syndrome. I think where she has the long sleeves and my right lady's long sleeves, that's it's called a road show, I think. Road show. Yeah. So I, I'm like, it's hard for me to interview the people, it means like that because I have to fight so hard not to just regurgitate their own material at them or say, I can't, you know what I mean? I'm like, I, I just become a blubbering stan and that was probably me, but it's, it's unavoidable. It's just such a, I just, I love her and I just was like, I tried to be a good ear, but then again, does it make you a good interviewer if you actually know their material? Maybe that's good. No, I think it's great. And it's certainly flattering. I mean, when I, I know, I've been in like interviews where like, it's almost eerie when they like Sean Evans you from hot ones and they're like, why do you know my social security number? Do you know what I mean? Like they know everything. But also it's like, it is kind of fun when they're respectful and they're alert and present, but they don't know any, they don't, but they're a good interview and they don't. They haven't done exhaustive research because then it's like, you can still repeat stories like they're the first time and then it's, but you're having a conversation. They're actually listening to you. No, I get it. There is, there is a middle ground, but like I've often, I've often found that like comedians interviewing comedians is like, not funny. Sometimes. Well, that's all was when I had Robbie on who was awful. I'm just kidding. No. Robbie Hoppin was amazing. We had Marie with Robbie. The, the, the two girls are, you're not a comedian. You're a model. The two girls from, um, I am H.O. We're amazing. Yeah. I saw some clips of Jane. We were forced to punch you. Juneau was great. She's just also. So what a magic. I think we have Kelly again. Oh, god. Kelly Kepowski, right? Yeah. I wish. I wish Kelly from I know to I know we had everyone's been regard down here. My God. Um, yeah. No, it's a shout out to all of them. Shout out to all the guests. Yes. They all wish you were here. And I said she doesn't care about you. But you got it. Check out Ursula Carlson. Um, check it out. Everybody go see Ursula and everybody go see Ronnie. Yes. Ronnie because I'm going to probably go do that as well. Me. You better go, bitch. Try my brother from Stan with me. Oh, my God. Last thing. Final thought. Jennifer and I, Jennifer and I went to an Italian dinner. Guess what happened three days later? My brother and I not only replicated the entire meal in the kitchen of my kitchen, I'm going to dare say we fucking did it better and then we did it better the same fucking next day. I actually improved on the sauce that I did and don't I want any smart comments from you because I'm telling the truth and I can see the, I can see the, the, the, you think on line, you think I'm perpetuating a fraud? You think I'm vindictive? You think this is a machination? I've contorted. I got your number. Hussey. It happened. And I need you to see what I just have no prior, like expectation of what you're capable of sober. I do believe you know how to turn on your oven. I just don't think it happened. You think I put my head inside it is when I do it. But I want to say something. Well, thank you guys so much. And make sure you check if you are the rescheduled dates Boston. We are coming. And, and, and re download the moon tracker because there's an update. Thank you. [MUSIC]