A Meditation on Fruit Cups and Resplendence with Trixie and Katya

[MUSIC] >> Every day when I drive here, I want to jerk the wheel. Fly off, come in, go pass, and my last move to be, fuck. Katya, and fuck that podcast. >> You are so full of shit. This is your only drop of joy in your baron deserted life. >> Girl, you're a life of no joy, no excitement, no pleasure. >> This is the only life you get. >> This is the only little drop of pleasure you'll ever receive. >> Did you see Billy Porter? They asked her about Nicki Minaj, and she just goes, fuck her. >> And it was the most like, yeah. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Not fuck her, but with that whole, he was like whispering. He was like, fuck her. And the reporter is like, it's crazy. And you know who else? >> Fuck. >> Pam Bondi. >> Fuck Pam Bondi. >> You want me to jerk the wheel? >> Pam Bondi, fuck, I wake up every day. >> My eyes open, I look at my life, and I go, fuck Pam Bondi. >> You know what I had to do? >> Fuck her. >> You know what I had to do this morning? I had to Google, what is an attorney general? Because I was like, surely it's not Pam Bondi. >> It is. >> It is Pam Bondi. >> The Department of Justice, the people interested in justice. >> The attorney for the government for the United States. >> Yeah. >> Pamela, Joanne, Elizabeth Bondi. >> Yeah. >> Go. >> Fuck. >> Fuck her. >> Fuck her. >> Fucking hate her. >> She is. >> Fucking hate her. What a fucking criminal. What a violent criminal. >> I don't remember that bitch. >> I don't want to like get into it, but I'm thinking about this a lot. People I'm related to, friends, colleagues, fans, all of you who have been complicit or voted for this shit. I will never forget about it until the day I die. You will never be off the hook. It is not a footnote about you. It is a huge flashing sign over your face for the rest of your life. And even when she dies, I will be resurrected from the grave posthumously and I won't still not forget about it. Pamela, Joanne. >> Fuck her. >> Fuck her. >> Fuck her. >> She's sad. >> She's our guest today. >> Yeah. I don't know. >> Yeah. >> Pam, she's in the parking lot right now. >> She's just judging her hair and getting a fishing of the dildo out of her pussy. >> You know what? I bet she gets transported. It's a hearse. And they carry out a casket. It's like, Pam and Trueblood, which is like, see, oh, but see Pam and Trueblood would be so fierce on the stand like that. >> Yeah. It's too fierce. >> Yeah. >> Maybe I wear too much pink. Maybe I love the president. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> She is, Pam Bonnie's evil. >> Pam Bonnie's evil. >> The essence of evil. >> We just had Anna Camp on my channel. You know, Anna Camp. She was like, pitch perfect, trueblood. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Reverend Newland's wife and Trueblood. >> Yes, yes. >> And she would play her. She would play a great Pam Bonnie. >> She's so amazing. She's an industry screen movie. I'm so excited to see. She plays Sydney's neighbor. That's all she will tell me. >> Okay. >> So how's filming? I was like trying to get any information and she was like, no. >> Yeah. >> But I had to rewatch some Trueblood clips because I remember her being on it, of course. >> Reverend Newland's. >> But it's been so long since I've seen it. And I forgot about the hot tense lesbian scenes when you have Pam and Pam has her as prisoner. And she's all like bound out in a very sexual way. >> Also, did she fuck Jason Stackhouse? >> Yeah, she fucks. >> Yeah. >> I think Jason Stackhouse fucks everybody in that show. Besides, besides, you know, the sister. >> He won't fuck me. >> Thank you. >> What's his name? Isn't it Quinn or something? Ryan Quentin. >> Ryan Quentin. >> Ryan Quentin. >> KWA NTEN. >> Who would play her? >> Ryan Quentin. >> Ryan Philippi. >> What do you think his favorite RuPaul song is? >> A Cover Girl. >> Right. >> Yeah. >> She doesn't, does she own, oh no, no, it's Supermodel. She doesn't own the rights too. >> Let's get back to Pam Bondi. RuPaul not owning Supermodel. Meanwhile, me putting out a cover of it last year. >> I know you can't. Yeah. >> Yeah, right exactly. I've never listened. I will never stop celebrating the music of RuPaul and you all can shoot me in the face. >> Okay. Well, while you're shooting her in the face, I once shut up about Pam Bondi. >> And while you're talking about Pam Bondi, I'm in Brooklyn trying to survive in this economy. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Still in diapers. >> Everybody's on C-R-A-C-K-Girl. >> Everybody is on so much crack. I'm telling you. >> Is there a question of whether you're on crack? It's how much crack you're smoking. How are you smoking currently? Did you just smoke? Are you going to smoke? Do you have more? Will you be heating it up now? >> Yeah. >> And I would like to share. >> Right. Is it a double-ended bomb? And can we put both ends of the glass up our pisses? And then we felt the crack clouds while on the stand in front of the grand jury. >> Girl. >> Because my name is Pam Bondi. >> Pam Bondi. It's crazy. Imagine wanting to be in a position of public service, but then hate serving the public. >> Yeah. >> I swear to God, I get better fucking, the people at the store staples are doing more for America. >> Are you kidding me? >> The department of justice. >> The woman who was doing a tight five-wish, she's bragging my groceries, was doing more for her, myself, and for everybody, every American citizen, that Pam Bondi has, or ever will. >> Yeah. >> I hate her with such a fiery passion and fuck icicles. >> Fuck these people. >> Well, it's, you know, it's a thing of like in 20 years, God willing, if this plan is still here. >> It won't be. >> It won't be. I know, I know. It'll be in diapers and Brooklyn, struggling. But like, it's just very simple with the masks. >> Oh. >> It's very, very simple. >> All of you make fun of me for loving Watchmen. >> What have we been having recently? >> No one's making fun of you for loving Watchmen by the way. >> First of all, nobody ever did. >> Oh, because it's literally a critically acclaimed 10 out of 10. >> All of you hate me. >> Nobody. >> You support me. And while you're making fun of me for liking Watchmen, I've been living in Brooklyn, struggling to survive in this economy as a working mother, like next hearing, you're going to hear Ms. Bonnie say, while all you're doing fraud, while all you're perpetrating crimes, I'm in Brooklyn being a single mother trying to survive in this economy. Not to mention, we have mask, vigilantes, abducting Ms. Guthrie's mother. >> Yeah. >> Horrible. >> Horrible. >> Yeah. >> People aren't police, people aren't in the army wearing police army outfits with masks on. But when COVID was here, the masks were too uncomfortable. >> Too uncomfortable. Oh, you could start. >> These people are on the planes. >> On the planes, they could not imagine going two seconds on a plane with the mask. Everybody's wearing it below their nose, look at these eyes agents. They are firmly in fix to their faces, covering every like possible inch of their like identifiable face. >> Oh, yeah. It's fierce. But I'm going to get shit from wearing a wig. >> From who? >> Nobody. >> Right. >> Pam Bondy. >> Right. >> In the future. >> We're not going to be in the future. Did you? >> Yeah. >> I mean, the lovely series Fallout is just showing us more and ever changes. >> Yeah. >> Like humans can't help. >> I know. >> But you're shitty. >> I know. And I'm like, the thing, when I watch, I try to, I watch democracy now every morning because I can't, I don't know how to get news from any other outlet. It's visual that will send me through a tailspin. I mean, this sends me through a tailspin, but it's just like, it's like the most, from what I can gather on like, it's just the news without all the graphics and the crap, the crap. But Mary, when I see the little Benjamin Netanyahu devil at the table, I'm like, you don't see that Hitler. >> Yeah. >> You don't see that Hitler? >> They love it. >> Hitler's right at the table at your table. >> They love it. >> They love it. whole fucking population of Gaza, and then they just can't wait to build like luxury high rises. - Luxury hotels. - They can't wait to build, um, have their little, uh, Riviera on the, um, the strip, the little Christian fuck face. - Oh, queen. - Queen. - Queen. - That queen. - Queen. I just, it's like, my blood pressure, my blood pressure. - My blood pressure. My blood, I just, sometimes I laugh. Like, today I was working at my computer in the morning, because the type of panic disorder I have, I wake up early and awake, already heart racing, right? So I'm working in the morning, trying to work on my art, do my little art, and I just start laughing, because I'm just like, what is this? - Yeah. - What is this? What is this? - It's, it's, it's the, it's like the rap. - It's a rap. - It's a rap. - It's a rap. It's a rap. I have a lot to say to you, girl. - I have a lot to say to you too. I wrote in cursive agency right there. - I watched, I have so much to pivot to. First of all, I have to talk about how I got here this morning. - Did Pam Bondy drive you? - No, Pam Bondy, she wouldn't. She flew me. The top 20 Pam Bondies will get flew down. - Pam Bondy, rot in hell, go to hell, eat shit and die. - Yeah, figuratively, of course. I would never hurt another human being. - I want her plan to go down, and I want to know about it, and I want to be like, Dolores Clayborn with like, the boxes you watch the eclipse. Like, I will be outside waiting to watch it. Like, wow. - I will be take, I will have the, I want that eclipse to burn my retinas, because you're hurting people. You're doing harm. You're using the authoritarian muscle to push harm on individuals. - And you have, and these people have no moral compass as like, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe JD Vance's politics were complete 180 many years ago. - Oh, yeah. - And now that like anybody, if anybody's like, can, can sense like the spotlight of power or the warmth of it, they get in there, and they just flip. - Girl. - And they just flip. - Who looks like an actual piece of shit? - Like a huge, like a huge, come to life. - Like a huge, come to life, turd. - Yeah, cool turd, cool turd. - We had a, Trixie Cosmetics photo shoot the other day. You didn't congratulate me. But we had a photo shoot the other day. - Keep crying, jobless. We had a photo shoot the other day. And outside that we did it on location, tell me why Directly outside this location, there's my models, they're all have makeup on, they look amazing. I'm there, I'm also trying. Right, outside, I'm talking directly outside the door of where we shot, a huge human turd. Like I'm talking a foot long. I'm talking, this, like, you invited me though, but it was like a Pringles can. I'll think around it was. And Brandon was like, when you walk in, watch out for the human shit and I was like, "Haha, we're downtown, ha, ha." And I was like, "Oh, downtown, yeah, yeah." This is like a preserved, fibrous brick. Well, it's good to know that. Cross-dresser, terror, human shit, no, no, no, no, we went a little girl. That's the only, you know what I should actually, I should email Amy Goodman at Democracy Now and see if they can do like yesterday's news with Luscious Massacres commentary over it. You know, 'cause like, I feel like the only way that I could watch the footage from these hearings of the Epstein Files with Pambon is if there has some commentary in real time over it. Oh, yeah, I think Luscious's news would be called like gentle creatures, the gentle dolls. Yeah, and died her. And died her. And died her. It's criminal. It's girl, it's fear. It's hard, it's really bad. It's really, really bad. And I guess it's, is it, I guess it was like, thinking the other day, it's maybe naive and kind of clueless or whatever to just assume that things will get better, that history doesn't have to repeat itself. That it's like the cycle of war will continue just with a different shade or a different flavor or a different color. Right. I think liberals should keep doing this thing where we hold other liberals to impossible period Olympic standards. I think that's worked out really well and we should continue to do so. Well, I don't see any liberals around. I don't know about you. Libertarian. Oh my God, speaking of, I did a quick Google search on the politics of one Gary Busy. Oh God, why? Well, because I really wanted to make fun of them and I was like, I think he's kind of crazy. He's probably a libertarian. Well, he is a self-proclaimed libertarian. But I brought a clip that I have to show you because it disturbed me. And now I have a friend who lives right next to him. So I don't want to say what it is. I sent it to her and was like, ain't this your neighbor? So, but I want you to know that kind of gave you a little bit. Of course, I need you to hear this. When I pull up my pookie. Oh, wait, hold on. That's a jump scare. You did not, you did not. Where's the audio? Hey, it's Gary Busy. And I have got a great Christmas present for you. Listen to this. That's what a goose sounds like. But they're flat. They'll let you know they're up there. [SCREAMING] Like-- You get a bunch of geese together. [SCREAMING] They're hawking in the air. [SCREAMING] So that will get-- we got to do a TikTok. Girl, what the sigma? Six, seven. Well, I got to tell you something about six, seven. This is just because I have little family members who, you know, the nine-year-old boys love six, seven, right? They love-- And what is the significance of that? Don't tell me nothing. Don't tell me that Gen Alpha is interested in nothing. No, that's meaningless nothing. So, but I was on a queerity. A queerity had an article asked Jake, and this guy said, I'm 67, and I would like to try intimate contact with a man for the first time. But where do I go? And I just commented six, seven. Because he is 67. And I was afraid I was going to get banned again, like when I call those whales back. [SCREAMING] If anybody wants to know if I run my own social media, watch how often I get banned. One time I was-- I was working at TwitchCon. TwitchCon a couple months ago. TwitchCon. And I'm getting in drag, and they go, "Trixie, we're so happy to have you here. It's going to be really great show." It's just awesome. I know you love video games, you love Twitch. Are you banned from Twitch? I said, I don't think so. And I was. You were. I was. I'm a Twitch partner. And I was there. I was like, what did I do? What did I do? And I'm not getting banned. Oh my god. Nobody-- You're banned at TwitchCon. No, I'm not banned anymore. OK, OK, OK. I got a Twitch. Luckily when you're at Twitch, I'm like, surely someone in this convention-- Yeah. Where's bot Twitch? Unbanned. Yeah, where's bot Twitch? But it was because I didn't-- there's a toggle for when you're DJing on Twitch, a toggle, like a switch. When you're DJing on Twitch, you have to turn that on so you're not doing musical copyright infringement. Gotcha. But what about my dongle? What is a dongle? No, I said it. No, I know you said a toggle, but it brought to my dongle, which is I don't know what that is. It's like a keychain, is it? Right? I don't think so. I think it's like a thing that it switches the connector for your phone or something. A dongle. Oh, yes, a dongle. I hate that name. Like the, when you have a computer that doesn't have a USB and put anymore. Yeah, like a headphone to it, something jack. I hate that name. Who came up with that, Panwandy? Probably. Dingledongle girl on the way here. We read, so TwitchCon was a success, even though you were a fan. OK, sorry. I was just saying, I get banned from stuff. So that 67-year-old man saying, how do I connect? I'm interested in connectedness at 6.7. What about 34 plus 30? What's that one that equals 69? What is that? Do you know what I'm talking about 34 plus 35? Equal 69. 69 is doing blow jobs to each other or whatever. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know what 69 is. Right. Yeah, it's an Ariana Grande sun, which is like a young person code thing, which seems to me so-- I don't like it. Is it because I'm old and like Gary Busy? They're not having sex anyway. My pelvic floor therapist, I was talking about how people don't have sex. What's that, Mom? What? I'm pelvic floor therapist. So relatable. While you were-- while you were in preschool, I was in Brooklyn going to pelvic floor therapy. I'm in Brooklyn trying to survive in this economy. Sorry for trying to heal my body. No, no, no. I'm happy for you. I'm so happy. My systemic illness. I'm happy that you're-- no. 6.7. 6.7. Your sister's one who recommended I go to a pelvic floor therapist. My sister's a veterinarian. And you're a dog. She makes a lot of sense. She needs to get down here and so you're pussy out. Because we don't want you to have babies. Spade, ennudered, spade. I like it. I want it. My hair. I bought it. OK. I'm the way here. Oh, I'm the way here. So I drive a mobile. And it's actually my beautiful boyfriend's car. Yes. So I drive his car. Oh, the boyfriend is public. We got we did on this pod. Oh, Queen. Queen. We did. Did we show? Yes. Did we show? No, we didn't say his name. Did we do his measurements? When we go down the-- OK. We'll do the measurements later. Well, I'll just show a clip. What if-- You guys-- No, it's-- It's horrible slapping Chris Rock. That's the clip. No, it's you doing 34 plus 35. You fucking whore. I watched that slap clip last night. But just to remember it-- Yeah. What do you make of it? What's your analysis? It's just so violent. It's crazy. It's a very hard slap. And, you know, yeah, it's a hard slap that I don't think it's like, sure, you were offended that he made a joke about your wife's alopecia. It glares celebrities can do whatever. Yeah. If anybody else had slapped him in that room, people would have rushed the stage and done something. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway. OK. Well, my friends love the evolve. Some of my friends love the evolve. Now, it counts down the number of gas you have left. It counts down from 400 whatever miles to what I didn't know is, after 40, it stops counting. It doesn't count down to zero one. Do you get a blinking light that says you fucking bitch? Well, the last few times I've driven it, it goes, the car's like, do you want to go find a gas station? And I say, no, because I have like 50 miles left. So-- Wrong queen. I've been on 40 miles for like days. Oh my god. Because I thought it was going to go down to 30 and 20, whatever. And everywhere I go in LA is five miles. Like I'm not going along trips without gas. Yeah, that's true. So I call them and I go, it says I have 40 miles still, but it hasn't been changing for days. He goes, oh, you need to get gas in it like right now. And I really thought I was going to run out on the freeway, just now on the way here. On the freeway? I thought I was going to run out and I'm like, I'm like praying. I don't even believe in God, A. Yeah. I don't know prayers. So I'm just singing songs and sister act. Like I will follow him, Jesus, I'm like, I love him, I love him, I love him. Because I really think I'm going to roll off the freeway with no gas. You'll go from 75 miles per hour to just like a screech to zero. Right. And everybody's going to. And I guess I have triple A, but I know how I would handle it. I will put on tight skirt and stand off the shoulder of the road. With your leg, like open the hood, you lean down, you put one leg up. Right. And then somebody starts and says, miss. Miss. Don't worry. Did you need help with your car? Yeah. Because I'm laying on the hood. The hood is open and I'm laying on it and my pussy lips are split out with your French tip acrylics. Yeah. Pussy lips, split out, split out, split, and I go, no, I, I got gas. So then I'm fast. I'm just going. Just going. So thank God. I thought I was going to run out on the way here. I really did. Well, you didn't. And that's all that matters. It's kind of an on event. The story. I think it, I think it underscores the most important topic that we've been talking about, which is Pam Bondy. And knowing, knowing what your vehicle is doing, knowing what it says, what it means. So your vehicle literally says to you, Mary, we need gas and you say not today, baby. On the screen, it goes, did you want to stop for gas and I was like, don't tell me what to do. Okay. Like, who do you, who do you think you are? Well, I'm on the freeway. You're in Brooklyn struggling to me. Who is that woman? and why does she have no lips? - Who? - The woman who's saying all that stuff. - Oh, that's Alex McCord, from Real Housewives of New York. - Okay. Do you think that we could do a TikTok? - Of what? - Of Will Kathleen. - No, no, sorry. - Will. (laughing) - Well, that's a given. I'm a little offended because that is, I saw myself too deeply in real and that. - Watched her really shit movie the other day. - Which shit movie did you watch? 'Cause I also watched a shit movie. - Girl. - Oh God, here we go. - I also watched a great movie at the theater. - You got, when you lot people pick movies, you need to, you need to Wikipedia the movie first. - Yeah, yeah. - You need to see what they're asking you to do. - Yeah, no shit. - The credible shrinking woman. In the woman is, - The woman is, - It's Lily Tomlin. - Lily Tomlin. - And, - You hated it. - Her husband is a perfume inventor. - Okay. - And accidentally sprays her with a chemical. - So she start shrinking. - Okay. - She start shrinking. - Okay. - And I guess the metaphor is probably that she's like, 'cause it's a lot of commercials. She's in the grocery store. I think it's about America exposing itself to chemicals and overconsumption, I think. - That's true. - But it wasn't that funny. - Okay. - And, wasn't that great? - Okay. - I guess the practical effects of her being tiny was cool. I was like, wow, all these real sets of her giant bed. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But I was like, what a shit film. - What a shit film. - Well, it, that reminds me of like what, you know, it does, when you value your time, which I do. I think you should do as much research as you can without spoiling something, you know, if you can manage it. But if I had done my due diligence on Thanksgiving a couple of years ago, we would never have watched Amelia Perez. - Right. - And I still, I really can't, I know I've talked about ad nauseam and I will continue to do so. - Until I die. - Until I die. - Yeah, movie. - But I wish you could have been there because it was such a unique experience. We were all watching it and we, for none of, for many of us, turning off a movie is not an option. - I agree. Like I don't ever turn off a movie in the middle. - I have kind of flip. I've kind of, now it's like, if this sucks, I just walk away, but we were all locked in and it really traumatized us. It really took us to the cleaners. - Yeah, it really, it really ruined Thanksgiving. Well, then I switched over to, 'cause I was like, all right, that's enough of you picking movies. - Yeah. - Like, who's you, you? - Boyfriend. - So I turned on 90 day for you on a trail, season 10. - But see, that's a series. That's a whole different animal. - Okay, but one is shitty and one is great. - No, no, no, no, no, no, it's like, okay, I can't. - So why are you talking to me? - All my love to lesbian icon, Lily Tomlin. - Nah. - Vuck that movie. - Okay, no, that's fine. - And when I send Pemba, it's Pemba, I need a jail. There's gonna be a clicker with just Amelia Perez. - Yeah. - And the shrinking woman. - And the incredible shrinking woman. - And also, maybe like a, what's a horrible series? What's a horrible series? - AJ and the queen. - AJ and I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. - Wait, stop that train. - Oh, I do wanna see that. - We've never, it's a drag. - We were glaringly absent from the casting call. - It's a dragoon movie. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never heard about it, never heard of people about it, and certainly wasn't approached to be in it. - As were you not? - I'm a supportive, and I be on that RuPaul shit. - I don't know. - So like, I'm gonna watch it. - You're glued, you got that glass pipe in both ends. - I love it. - No, I'm gonna watch it too. I'm gonna support my sister's. - But I never even heard of people about it, did you? - I don't think so, but then again, I don't know. - I don't know. - Yeah, Tricks and Motel is so rich. - Oh god. - Tricks and Motel is so rich. How rich is she? - How do you feel about that? Do you feel exposed? Do you feel like you have a target on your back? Do you feel like you're getting a kidnapped and held for ransom? - I don't, can you grab my computer? - I don't know. I can't make sense of that moment. - I know, I know what it was. She was deflecting. She took the ball, and she threw it. She took the hot potato, and she threw it in your lap, and you're like, (grunts) because I think that she was about to get investigated by Pam Bondy. - Also, you make dollar for dollar what I make from. - No, you're living. - Why am I rich? - No, no, no. - It's like the woman version, it's like every woman makes, you know, 0.63 of a man's dollar, that's me. You know, they pay me significantly less than Netflix. And on the card. - They do not. - Let's say, she writes my checks. They pay me like maybe 0.63% of what you make. - You are such a fucking liar. You're such a fucking, and you're kind of ugly. - You cry. - Like, I'm so sick. - And you're old. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. - And while you don't, I will be so happy. - You're researching. I wanna tell you about this thing that happened to me. - What? Why, why, why? I'll stop to tell you. - What? - I'll hire a writer for the queries to partner with to write my little banter, you know, 'cause I get to host the queries. The only fun award show that exists. It's the most fun. - Is it really? - It's the best. - Wow. - It's so fun. It's because it's all fun gay creative people. - And like fun gay creative. - Yeah, it'll be like Amy, that trans woman from Jeopardy. Frankie Grande. - Matt Rogers. - Yeah, all in one room. We love that. But they sent me the first pass of my monologue that we kind of, we were on a phone call and I was rattling off the jokes I wanted to do and they wrote it out. They said, "Let me know what you think of it." I said, "First of all, bitch, I would check the spelling on Trixie Mattel." The name spelled wrong and those. I said, "You better work." - Trixie Mattel is so rich. - It's too funny. - That's crazy. - Oh, it made me laugh. You know, how did they spell this? - People must spell Mattel a lot of times. - Are I C-K-S-Y? Oh, this isn't coming out, so this is just for your ears on the pod. - Oh, this is the Rebex. - Trixie Mattel? - It picks out. - Do we show this on the pod already? No. - She's gonna tell me so rich now. She is so rich and she's gonna tell me so rich now. - She is so rich and she's gonna tell me so rich now. - Rihanna. - Mr. Worldwide. - She's gonna be specials in albums and albums. - Albums and albums. - Ornament. - I have to just say, I just had to listen. I'm sorry. I have had it with pedophilia. - Girl. - I'm not, I'm not like, I, oh my god. - There's something, okay, maybe because I am so tiny, teeny poor have no life chances. I don't understand. It's like, I'm trying to like do the logical thing. It's like, okay, so when you ascend to the levels of power and you acquire so much wealth and resources that you're always looking for like, you're looking to like the next most, I don't know, you know what I mean? - But why not go to space with Gale? - Oh no, no, why not do like, why not do like, I a waskar or something or do like, crazy drugs or things. - Oh, you know what people should do? - Don't do pedophilia. Go get one of those eye color change surgeries. - Don't you think like? - Yes, yeah. - Girl, those clips, like I can't take it. - Go to your eyes opening, blood shot red. - And with, with those color contacts that you and I used to wear in the late 2000s. - The eye color and it's like, so I went with winter emerald. - And it's just. - Zombie. - Zombie. - Green. - With a, like a harsh border, like a black border. - And they look in the mirror and they go, wow. - Is it permanent? (laughing) - Wow, and they're always like, it's so subtle. And I'm like, do you know what it's, you know what it wreaks if I did this, I did a whole deep dive on yoga abusers 'cause every yoga guru who's lived to tell the tale has turned out to be a abuser big surprise. - What? - Yeah. But there was one guy who I think it was John of God. I think that was his name, it was like a Brazilian guru. Like not a yoga guy, but anyways, he was on Oprah and that catapulted him to fame. And he would do these miracle surgeries on people that were hoaxes. And so it would be just like, like bait and switch, slide of hand things where he'd like, have like, pig's blood and you like, take and tumors out, but he wasn't really doing anything. And I imagine those surgeons are doing this whole crazy surgery but they're literally going downtown, crossing, buying those 35 dollar contacts. - I'm just taking them in there. - And they're just taking them in there. - It's, it's really, it's so bad. - It's so bad. - I got into the surgeons, Instagrams. And the comments on everyone are like, you are ruining lives. - Yeah, yeah, you should be in jail. - But people continue to get them. - It's so, it's diabolical, diabolical. They look crazier than you and I did in drag. - It's completely crazy. - Because they're just like Jennifer Smith and like, you know, Bob Nelson with these insane blue or green 28 days later. - Or purple? - Purple. - What? - Crazy, crazy. I hope they not only have open casket funerals. That's open eye, open casket funerals. And you go view the body and they're in there looking like they got two cat's eye marbles in their eyes. Like it's crazy. - Speaking of open casket, I rewatched Drag Me To Hell the other day. - Eats. - Eats. - When she, when she like, I was begging to go, she goes to the house and of course the Mrs. Gannish has passed on and it's as an open casket funeral. And she trips and the casket falls on her, the body rolls out and then just vomits into her face. - Vomits into her face, I feel bad for her in that movie because it's a great setup. It's a really great setup because you're like, okay, so she's, it's like, it's a perfect real world scenario. - She denied the loan. based on the bank's recommendation. - So she goes to hell? - Well, well, I know, it's tough because she's qualified to get this promotion. But because of sexism and corporate bureaucracy, whatever, she's like, she kinda is at a disadvantage. She is at a disadvantage. So she chooses the course of action that will further her career at the recommendation of her boss, who then approves what she did, but she gets cursed to hell by the gypsy lady. - Queen. (laughing) - Girl, girl. Like, girl, can I tell you? Queen, I get it. Like, I, I, I, I one time went to a Verizon premium retailer, which is-- - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - Which is not Verizon. It's a Verizon premium retailer. What does that even mean? Do you know this? - It's an offshoot of the real Verizon. - Okay, Verizon. - And they installed my screen protector on my phone. And I watched them get fingerprints on the real screen, and there was a bubble. And I swear to God, I should have dragged them to hell for that. Don't you think? Getting the professional installation of the Shatterproof Glass with a bubble in it? Get your mind. - You don't go, you don't do that. It's like when I got a, I got a non-Apple part installed at one of those, one of those, you know, shady little outlets on, on Melrose. And then every time you open your phone, it says there is something in this phone that should not be here. - Oh, terrible. - Girl, I, this computer, did you see sent help? - No. - I highly recommend you to go to the movies. - I know, I know, I know, I know, but this is, I'm $375 to go to the movies. - What if Pam, she's watching movies? - She's watching porn. Like she usually does when we were doing our pod. Our producers are lesbian, producer, by the way, is watching lesbian porn. This computer is like, five years old. And I'm building my show for, tour this year for all the music festivals. And I am too stupid to learn how to transfer all of this to new computer. And but desperately afraid that my computer will die on the tour. - What about a cloud? - Blowing clouds? What about the eye cloud? - I don't want to be ignorant, but if I buy a new computer, can they just magically copy this computer into a new computer? - Of course. - They can. - Without me having to install everything. - What do you think of? - My DJ library, everything. My music library. - Have you ever had a phone? Have you ever gotten a new phone? - Yeah. - No, never. - You're still using the corded one that connects to your wall. - Yeah, you know all this. - You know what I think about it. Every time I get gas, people who drive away with the thing and the thing. How do you do that? - Easy. - The same way that you pull up to the gas station on the wrong side and then you get back in your car and you drive around, you still do it again. How about that? I did it twice. - Fears. - Packed gas station by the way, only one spot. Only one spot open, so I go to that one and I'm like, oh, it's the wrong side. - Girl. - Then people disperse, I drive around wrong side again. - Should I just go, I also have this question. How do they get gas in the way, Moes? - Who's they? - The ghosts who drive them? - Like, I don't know, they're electric. What's crazy is, there was two of them around me the other day. There was one in front of me and one behind me and I was driving and I weirdly wished one would crash into me so I could be on the news and be like, crazy, you know? Ah, like that would be awesome, but I also was like, I trust them driving more than a gay person. - I know. - Or more than a texture, and I think it's a ghost. - The seven, yeah. - I think it's a ghost. I think people die and then instead of purgatory, they're driving way more. I don't think it's robotics. - I think you're absolutely right. I think that's the most logical question. - Are they completely automated or is somebody driving it remotely? - No, somebody's not driving it remotely, that's crazy. 'Cause they'd be texting too. Well, remember, you know, those little robots, this is like so crazy. I don't know if people have them in their cities but we certainly do have them in Los Angeles, these delivery robots? - Oh yeah. - That make me violent. - No girl. - No, they make me laugh. The names are too funny. - Annabelle. - No. (laughing) - Brandine. - Brandine. - You would think they'd be like beep-boop. - Yeah, yeah, or C-3PO. - C-3PO. - Yeah, C-3PO. - Brenda. - Yeah, Kelly. - Your food is here. - Kelly is stalled on La Braia. She keeps circling the drain. - Oh, and you know the, people will figure out how to crack these open and suck the innards out like a shell. - But what innards do they want? - Maybe there's McDonald's in there. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - It's delivered food. - So, okay, all the technology, all the technological advancements in the world, and this is one of them, certainly a pretty impressive one. But as far as I'm aware, there's somebody actually remotely, you know, - No, it's not. Is somebody driving it? - Yes. - What? - Yes, in like, Delhi or some, or like some-- - At the Delhi? - No, no, in Delhi, India. - Oh, so these little things, I still have to flush my turds, but Annabelle is remotely bringing somebody's like chicken catchatory to their loft downtown. Like, fuck you, fuck you, that's crazy. That's crazy, I hate it. Anyways, we can I tell you about this dream I had? - Yeah. - Okay, I know it's so, who cares? But I had, you know, all the like the tropes of a nightmare, your power list, your unprepared, you're making a presentation, you don't know what it is. You're on stage, you make it a school. You didn't have your homework, didn't do the, whatever. I had the opposite thing. Literally, every nightmare trope was turned around and like, I was over-prepared. I didn't, I was on stage and I didn't, my body realized I was doing a show. I didn't, I didn't remember the routine, but I just didn't magically. On a day, Armas was there with me. We were doing tango, salsa, and like dancing together, eating canned fruit. And then at one point, I had so much physical strength and flexibility, I was doing this whole routine on a rope where I would like, I would have my legs split out, 180. And I was just using my arms to like climb up the rope and then I would, at the top, I would let it go and like fly down to the end and right before an inch before the ground, I would catch it and then stay in a split. It was incredible. I woke up, I, it was like the best dream I had in a nightmare. No, no, no, no, it's the opposite of a nightmare. It's the best dream I've ever had. So, but then I woke up, unlike, you know, when you wake up from a nightmare, you're like, "Oh, thank God that didn't happen." It was the opposite. I woke up to a nightmare. I was like, I don't have any of that strength. I don't have any of that flexibility. On a day, Armas is not in my life. And there's no canned fruit in my pantry. Yeah, it was really sad. I have some gratitude. You do. My studio, my drag studio. They resealed, no, it doesn't have molding. They resealed the roof of the building. No longer, the building does not leak when it rains. I have one, one place to go. We're rain will not get in the city. We have a dry spot in the city. I'm at the point in LA where when it rains, I have anxiety. Oh, well, it rained. It rained, but it didn't just rain the other day. It was a torrential down. It's a waterboarding. Yeah. It was actually, it was, I had PTSD because I was like under normal circumstances with my Swiss cheese roofed house burlap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cheesecloth. Cheesecloth. I'm like, well, it's a wrap, not Mary, we were dry that night. Love it. We were dry. Thank God. Yeah. Thank God. I have to tell you, did you see this clip of a, did you see a black phone? We talked about black phone too. No, but I watched, I watched clips online about the, on the, the ice, which I found riveting. Was he ghost? Yeah. Yeah. He, it was super Catholic. It was weird. Oh. Who's the guy who plays him? It's Ethan Hawk. It's Ethan Hawk. Ethan Hawk. Yeah. I was talking to, um, Sydney suite, simply sweet, simply sweet. And she was like, I just, I was half drawn, she was like, what did she say? She was like, I don't know. He was like, do you do a lot of stage work? Or she was like, I was the third or the half-starch product. She kind of talks like that, you know? Dude, that's a good budget. Yeah. Oh, I know. It's a past stuff from Donor Rush. That is it, I think. Um, but she was like, I have starch product. And he was like, and he was like, well, you know what that is? What? It's an experience. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's her. And she was just like, damn, simply sweeping. I just always thought if you're an on-camera person, I didn't think on-camera people would get stage fright. Of course they do. Everybody gets stage fright. Barbara Streisand used to get it so much that she had to take pills. Barbara Streisand. I feel like I have less anxiety on stage than I do in the rest of the day. Well, did you watch that tree didn't watch that clip with the new editor and chief of Ogan Anna Winter? No. And they asked her, do you get nervous? She's like, I don't get nervous. That's great. I think it's a lie, but I think it's a good lie. I really admire those people. Yeah. Really admire those people. Well, in regard to stage fright and nervousness, one of my teachers in school said the best preparation against stage fright is preparation. Yeah. Honestly. Like, why are you going to get nervous if you know what you're doing? Yeah. Yeah. Um, sometimes I get nervous. I know what it is, the excitement of, I'm about to enjoy this, that upper feeling, combines with a little bit of nerves and it feels like a lot of nerves. But always in retrospect, I'm like, half of that is good excitement. Yeah, yeah. You're just all bad. Because it's a, it's a high octane experience you're about to have. Right. Also, do you get gons? Do you get tired when you get? That happens to me a lot. Like, if I'm nervous? Yeah. Oh, yeah. If I'm nervous before I start yawning. And it's a thing. Yep. It's a thing. I have this thing right. I have like panic all day. And then at a certain point, my system gives out and I get really tired. - Just shut down. - I get really tired all of a sudden. - I mean, if you're operating at like a 12, if you're humming, if you have a background on how many 12 of your body is gonna just shut down. - Yeah, if we could be vulnerable for a second, I have been having to pursue perhaps medicine help 'cause the panic has been so consistent. - Fuck really. - So consistent, so bad, so regular. First thing in the morning, often on all day. - Back in like, into anxiety, man. - To the point where I feel like I'm watching my life from like not my own body, like it's like crazy. So I have to experiment with some medicine. I've talked to two doctors who were too busy to see me. - Love it. - So I've got passed on to a third. And luckily, in about six to eight weeks, I can get an appointment, but you know it's nothing compared to the dermatologist. - Yeah, if you make an appointment and your child would be able to see them, literally, generational drama. - Literally. - Did you finish fallout? - Oh yeah, I finished it ages ago. - Oh, the last episode was like two weeks ago. - Oh, there's a new season. - Yes, season two. - Oh, I didn't know. - I just don't know anybody in it. - I do. - I don't know the makeup artist or any of them. - Personally, we're friends. - Well, we're over there being friends with them. I'm in Brooklyn trying to survive this economy. I just want to say, at a time where the human experience scares me, the world scares me, humans and their nature and their violent nature scares me. This show giving us this not too distant or not too unbelievable impression of the destruction to come and how the fallout of that would be. Is ripe and I hate like right on time, but like now more than ever, but it just is very beautiful show to watch. And I've been playing those games for 15 years. Those fallout games, so I know the world very well. And I had no expectation that I would love the show as much as I do. - Walton Goggins. - Walton, he eats. - Yeah, yeah. - He eats. - Walton knows having ass. He also ate and righteous gemstones on his character Uncle Baby Billy. - Uncle Baby Billy. - Love it. - A woman who played SEMA on the show and just like that eats and fallout season one, she surely does. She plays the character who then it turns out, it has another motive. She turns out to be a villain, fierce. - Is it Barb? - It's the woman she's looks like South Asian. She's a, I can't remember what her character's name is in fallout, but she's a leader. - Oh, I know you're talking about gorgeous and incredible. - Yeah. - Really, really, really turned the party in this series unlike in just like that, which nobody could turn the party 'cause there was no party to be turned. - There was no party to be turned. - Yeah, they participated in that debacle. - Yeah. - Where she turned it in this show, I feel like. - I feel like with bad movies and bad experiences, I feel like that sex in the city, like nobody's fun anymore. I'm like, that's not good anymore. - New York is dead. - Right. - And she just falls and dies. - Right. - Love that shit. - There is an actress in fallout that I have been thinking about pretty much every hour, her name is Francis Turner, and she plays Walton Goggins' wife, who works at Vault Tech. - Yeah, I definitely would know her face. - She works at Vault Tech. - Vault Tech. - Perhaps the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. - Pull her up, please. - Just beautiful. And the hair and the makeup they do on her in the show is so bewitching and her performance is so beautiful and good that I like look forward to every scene she could be in. - What's his name, Oh God, Kamal Glocklin. - Eat, eat, eat, eat. - I met him. Brittany was throwing an event for her pod. There she is. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - She's all the clothes. - The teeth, the lashes, the hair, the skin, the-- - She does something else. - She was also in the boys, ah. - She was in the boys. - Who did she play in the boys? - I forget. But I believe it's in this season, so I don't want to spoil, but maybe it's in the first season. The reveal that-- - Valtek is evil. - Well, Valtek is evil, 'cause corporations are evil. But the reveal that she is kind of one of the hands that pushes forward the bomb's dropping. Because she's like, I know humans are gonna do it. So we might as well do it. And that way we can control what happens after. - Oh my God. - She's a mom. She a momager. She has a daughter. And so she's like, well, if I can control when these bombs fall and secure that my daughter can be safe and involved when it happens, she basically is instrumental in the bombing. Because she wants to make sure that if the bombs are good. I don't know, I just broke my heart. That's just her character in the whole. So I just can't wait to see what happens. - Yeah, no, same. - Don't make me wait. Don't skimp on the quality of the show. - But could you make it in like a week or two? - Could you have it ready tomorrow morning? - Yeah, could you just hurry up and make it? And the makeup. The makeup artistry on the ghoul, this missing nose with the skit like television, having great hair and makeup. - Well, movies look like shit. What is that? - Well, you're not going to the movies, Mary. How do you know? - Manager, momager, lover of Christ, lover of life. (laughing) - Can you believe that? - Yes, I can. And I will do that on my TikTok once I learn how. - Yeah. - And I want us to do a TikTok together. Do you know that's the Catherine Tate one from 75,000 years ago? - Well, Catherine, no, Will Rosemary. Well, Kathleen, you know, he's a gay mom now. You know that one? - No, but I'll learn it for you. - Okay, it's great. - We'll have a good time. - I used to do drag. I used to memorize spoken word lip syncs. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm going to, I'm going to like a latch on of that Gary Busy one, put it in every mix I do from now on. - Tonight at Apocalypse Day. (laughing) Okay, bye. - Why don't you plug the show that's tonight? - Yes, also. - Also, the abrupt, the abrupt, yeah, we're having issues. - By the time this air today. - By the time this airs, you will have about two weeks left to buy some tickets to the show that's happening on February 12th, about 2026. It's a called Apocalypse Day, which is such a great show name. - It's great. - End of the world, fallout. - Yeah. Doing a riveting number by Selena Gomez. Not her voice, but a cover of her in Russian. Can't wait to do it. Don't know the words, hopefully we'll buy tonight. Thank you. - Oh my God, okay, bye. One last thing, we're about to end the show now, so get ready, here we go, three, two, one. Goodbye. - Bye. - 'Cause it's too abrupt from when we end. I've been listening to the pod. - I know, we kinda do just end. - It's like somebody's, it's like my teacher ganging the cord out of the wall. - Can I ask up the group and the audience here? I like would pod sometimes at the end we'll share a lovely comment from a fan. - Great, that's how you know we do that. - Maybe we'll do a ding sound, so you know, you have like 10 minutes to exit the building before it blows up. - Well, it'll be behind the paywall. (laughing) - Well, yeah, all the content leading up to it will be trash, if you want the goodbye section, it'll be in the paywall. People will pay, just to hear the good vibes. - It's so good, it's so good. - I'm so unforgettable. So do the ding and then, and then were you gonna share something a comment? - Oh, you know what, I do have a good comment. - Okay, go ahead. - You know, this is more organic. I got this text today. I don't wanna embarrass her. I won't say her name, but she's a, - But she has a comment. And she said, - A belated congrats on 250 episodes. As a podcaster myself, I don't respect the medium. And as a comedian, I never even laugh. (laughing) - But I listen to your pod religiously and it makes me laugh consistently. - That is, that is, that is, - On ironically- - As a podcaster, I don't respect the medium. - I agree. (laughing) - And as a comedian, I never love, love, love. - That's actually, that's really touching praise. Thank you. - Oh, and next week, I wanna tell you all about the plastic and Nymphia show I saw last night. - Oh, I didn't go. - Yeah, you did. - I heard that you requested tickets in the show. - No, no, no, no, no. I was offered tickets. I accepted them and then sent my regrets in. - Oh, thank you very much. - Thank you very much. - Okay, bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)