A Hamburglar Halloween w/ Ryan Sickler | Your Mom's House Ep. 834

Hey everyone, I'm filling my new stand-up special in Milwaukee at the Riverside Theater on November 14th and 15th. Tickets are available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show only. Get your tickets now at TomSgrid.com/tour. - Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. (upbeat music) Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, cigars international has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day induced stress. As the industry leader cigars international, enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free every day shipping, no codes, no minimums, you just buy the cigars and they show up, that's it. With cigars international's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to stock up and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more or visit cigars international.com/YMH. And the discount applies automatically some exclusions apply. - Ready in Chamesh. - I'm five. - Five. - Five. - All right, welcome to a very spooky episode of your mom's house. I forgot that today was a thing, but someone else didn't. (laughing) - What's your laughing at? You're very fat. - Okay, cool. - How dare you laugh at me in your obesity? - I don't mean to. - It's great to be. - I'm in character, just not that. - Right. - I really think you're fat. - Thank you. - Carlogue or girl. - I understand. So, sitting here with me is a legend in the world of fashion. - Thank you, talk for acknowledging my brilliance. - A kind of an asexual fashion god. - Thank you, I wouldn't say, I'm a homosexual, but yeah, I did not have relations. I was a rise I would have died of AIDS. - Right, cause of the gaze. - That's right. - Yeah. - I don't have AIDS, Tom. - You really, I mean, you went all out. This is, this is, you nailed it. - Thank you, I got the fingerless gloves, which were, surprisingly, you can find the song on KarlLoggerFell.com and he sells the tie. - I was gonna say, did you just get like a Mozart wig? - Yeah, this is from Amazon. - Yeah. - Yeah, the hairline's not perfect, but, you know, hey. - Yeah. - You got the tie from his sight? - Yeah, he sells them. Like, well, he's dead, but you can buy the oversized thing, and this is from his website. As are the sparkly gloves, and I know you're interested. Oh, there is the TV show I got inspired by him. - He also, he rarely smiled, right? Wasn't he always? - Yeah, he was, they called him Kaiser Karl, cause he was just very into work. And he lives in a very sterile environment. And he's just fully about fashion, and the importance of fashion, and that's it. And that is all. What happened to your time? You're very lazy. You did not have a costume. Why did you not? - I honestly totally forgot. - You forgot? - I forgot to. - The guessin' has to be guessin'. I don't even know how to say that, shading one. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He hated, I think he hated Jews, right? He was like anti-Semitic. - He was. - That's quite an accusation. - Anti-Far. - So someone to say go right, like you're not sure, you're just gonna label someone. - I think he was, they were saying crazy stuff. - So that we could apologize if it's not true. - To who he's dead. - Well, I'm just saying, you don't want someone's legacy to be that if it's not true. - They all know, he was very polar, Polaroiding. He was a very polarizing guy. - Okay. - He made a lot of really cool comments. - Hold on, let's, okay. He was condemned in making comments 2017 that were described as anti-Semitic and Islamophobic. It's good when you hit all the fucking marks. He was made during a televised rant against German chancellor Angela Merkel's immigration policy. Here's what he said, "One cannot, even if there are decades between them, kill millions of Jews so you can bring millions of their worst enemies in their place." Okay. He also recounted a fabricated story. I know someone in Germany who took a young Syrian, and after four days said, the greatest thing Germany invented was the Holocaust, Jesus. That's pretty aggro. - I didn't read that one before I bought the costume. Sorry guys. - His statements were immediately condemned by German media, French, anti-racism groups, and Jewish organizations. They took me claim-- - Talk, talk, please. - Okay. - What you cannot even say, what's in your heart anymore? You can't make a joke. - Well, yeah, or just-- - That's wrong with you. - You can't have opinions. - You can't just say, this is a free country. Anyway, what's up with your new collection? (laughing) - I've been drawing very ferociously. I've been selling these lipsticks. I've been selling them on my website, ChristinaP.com, all kinds of new colors and so forth. And I'm very inspired, there they are. I just did a new photo shoot with some very skinny, thin, beautiful models. - None of them are fat. - Nobody is fat. - Yes. - Bitch, you fat, deal with it. - I was deal with it. - There we go, that's what I'm up to. - Nice. - I haven't seen-- - It's gonna be fucking retarded as fuck to not lose weight. (laughing) - Yeah, that's true. - It's true. - Speaking of, oh, should we get into the update that I had for you? I don't want to get into it too early in the show. - Okay, well here, let's open the show. Let's open it. You ready? - I'm ready, man. - Let's fucking go, buddy. Let's go. - Happy Hologings. - Happy Hologings. - I'm Ryan and I've this thing to myself, damn. I have a high-sex drive like a bunny rabbit. Only problem is, I got no one to fuck. - Yeah. - This is a big guy. - Oh, it's Ryan. - Don't bring anyone loving to this. - No, Bob and the fuck-- - You should vac. - I know what you're saying, dude. - Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Sivura, Tom Sivura. - And Christina Pagetti. (upbeat music) ♪ Build the beat, build the beat ♪ ♪ Let it sing in your heart ♪ ♪ Make it yours ♪ ♪ You can make this song ♪ ♪ Hard to cut your soul ♪ (upbeat music) - Oh, I'm Ryan. - You could fuckin' try and eat fat, so. - Oh, I'm Ryan. - Oh, I'm Ryan. - You know what the problem is? He needs to channel this energy into work. - Yes. - Our bite. - Yes. - It makes you free. - That's true. (laughing) - Okay, so what's the word, Karl Lagerfeld? Are you excited for the Halloween walking around, getting candy, are you fan of that? - I don't eat much candy as well. I'm on a specific diet to fit into Dior's size six. I eat specific things, but not like you. I can tell you eat all the candies. - Oh, right. - I'm just gobbles 'em up. - Gobbles 'em up. - Gobbles 'em up. - Steal 'em from the children. - Mm-hmm. (laughing) - I. (laughing) - Full stupid. - So I took our kids to the dentist a little while ago and they're like, hey, you can bring back your Halloween candy and exchange it for toys. We have a program where you can exchange the candy for toys. I was like, what kind of fucking satanic, demonic, anti-Christian, anti-American communist shit is that? Can you even imagine? - Turn your candy in. Your Halloween candy. - Your hard earned candy, you went door to door for it. - Yeah, it's once a year, too. - It's not like you're doing it every week. - Yeah, I mean, how square of a parent do you have to be? - That would be a candy. - Not even not even on the holiday. - No, candy for you. - That sucks. - Yeah, that's a mega bummer. - We know people that would, I'd. - Yeah. - I know. - Yeah, we know them quite well. (laughing) - No fun. - Yeah, they're in the nerve fun zone. - No fun zone. - Got 13 more bites. (laughing) - That was, or like, yeah, it's vacation. - Not even more bites of healthy stuff. Nine? - I know counting the bites. - Jesus. - Yeah, I feel like if you make a big deal out of it, look, I have a relative who was denied all the sweets growing up and Zenfot happened. She grew up, and she got, you know. - What a fine, a big old bitch. - That's right, she turned into a horse. 'Cause the minute she could buy her own groceries, she was making all the wrong choices. - You can't restrict too much. - No, it's a holiday fucking animals. And then there are people, there are parents who don't do Santa Claus? - That's fucking so sad. That one's actually more sad. 'Cause you know that all the other kids are like, (gasping) (laughing) - The wonder that you see, the true wonder in innocence, So they're like a magic man is coming down and then there's a kid who's parents are like, "No, it's not happening, it's just not real." - It's not real guys, I don't wanna lie to my children. - It's not happening and there's nothing, no one's coming. - There's no magic in the world. - Don't put any cookies out, no one's gonna fuck read 'em. - Yeah, there's no magic, there's no joy, there's nothing special. And you know what they say, this parents, they go, yeah, but I don't wanna lie to my kids and they're gonna be disappointed. I'm like, if your kids haven't figured out that you lied to them about stuff by now, they're fucking stupid. - I can't lie to them about a cool surprise. Like you're not lying to them to hurt them. - I lie to where kids all the time and now they know it and they're like, "You're lying to me." I'm like, "No." - Yeah, of course. - And then I'm like, "I'm sorry, I told you lie to you just now." - But that's a good one. - Just lie to kids. - It's a good one, isn't it? - It's called fun lies, fun surprise lies. Like you like to surprise me and you always lie to me in your good actor and it's kind of scary 'cause I wonder what other things you're lying about. - Cool. - How many families you have in other towns? (laughing) - So, yeah. Do you know that we played this video, but also just to park at this, denying a child Christmas is the greatest crime of all? - I think so. - Even if you don't have to be Christian to do it, you realize this is a cultural holiday. It's not about, they'll tell you, "Oh, it's the birth." No one goes, "Come on." - No he is a shit about that. - No, it's about having, it's about blowing a kid's mind with fun. 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You get gelt. Yup, gelt. Yeah. Gelt. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not the Christmas rules. Christmas rules for a kid. Christmas rules. Everything. Yeah. Fucking, it's so good. Oh, yeah, that's-- I mean, look, I like getting a little gift today. Do you want to like the candle? Yes, you want? Yes, you want you want a coin? A man to purchase some gelt. You don't need it at all, not at once. She couldn't burn your mouth on this soup. Oh my God, I sat next to this Jew broad by the pool, and she was like, she's on the phone. She goes, I hear to give him $100,000. And I'm sitting there like, what the fuck, lady? We're just relaxing by the pool. She goes, can you believe it or I'd be homeless right now? I'd be homeless. I didn't know he made $14 million in 2018. Who knows what he did to make that? Is it even legal? And I was like, lady, we're fucking relaxing by the pool. Then you get in the pool. And the guys were going back and forth about millions being stored here. It was all money talk. It was so bizarre. It's almost like the stereotype was true, yeah? I know. [LAUGHTER] You know. Maybe it's coming out, because Carl's here. Maybe it is, I'm not sure. But I grew up in San Fernando Valley. Very Jay Heavy, meant to many bar mitzvahs, bot mitzvahs growing up. I'm a friend of the Jay's. I'm a friend of the Muslims. But man, that money chat, we were in Florida. We took a little holiday. Mommy needed to clear her head. And man, it really was. They were talking about money. Every fucking conversation. Yeah, what's up with that, Josh? Yeah, what is-- is that true? You guys just talk about money all day long? Yeah, I mean, I think about it all day long, too. Like, it's just kind of in you. It's just kind of in you. I've never seen somebody more afraid to gamble in my life. Really? It's not fun. It's not fun. I agree with you. It's stupid. Like, that's going to lose money. It is stupid, I agree. But that is a very-- you know, I'm not saying he's not smarter. Right, right. That's it. He's educated about it. It's an evolved kind of stance. Like, why would I play with this money? Yes. It hurts so much more for me to lose it than it does. Any joy from winning it. What's the biggest gamble you've ever taken in that world? I did like $200 on Crap's the other day. And like, Casino and I lost it. And it just sucks. Just ruined your life. Yeah, it was a bummer. What do you do when you lose the money? Just cry. Can I put on a hair shirt? Yeah. And he's got the right answer. You go to the ATM, right to the ATM. That's what you crashed into. I was under the law, and I tell you, oh, your fucking limit today is too much. No, no, no, no. Then you call the bank. You get more work. And then you win it back. There you go. And you always win it back. That's what people don't know. You always win it back. Absolutely. The gambler always wins. That's the expression. It's the minute that you quit, that you would have won. That's how you lose. That's how you never give up loser. That's what they tell you. They're always about to hit big. You know, they tell you, too, when you play Blackjack. When you reduce your bet, that's what they go. Oh, so you want Blackjack? Meaning, like, if you take your bet down, that's when you're going to hit it big. So you've got to keep pushing. Keep pushing. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that big. And you're like, "Bick, nah, please." "Bick, Bick, nah, Bick, nah." "Bick, nah, Bick, nah." "Bick, nah, Bick, nah." Is that in here? Do I have Bick, nah? "Bick, nah, please." I don't think I have it in here. "Rap, wrap, wrap." "Rap." "Rap." "So close." "Bick, nah." "Bick, nah." Yeah. Huh. Well, I didn't know that. I didn't know that they really didn't talk about money all the time. Yeah. I don't know. It's crazy, too. A lot of people talk about money, though. But it's cool. You know, it's cool. It's good. But I did, I did, there was a white guy who looked like just like a white guy, but he was talking with, like, a Latin accent. And to you, I was like, "What? What's going on?" And you go, "Bick, babe, it's Florida." "This is Florida." "This is Florida." "This is Florida." And I think what's special about Florida is that they have the best garbage white people. The garbiest, trashiest whites in America live in Florida. The garbiest whites. We're talking about non-J whites. Yes. You were just like Gentile trash humans. And they do congregate in the state of Florida. And there's theories that are so right. Yeah. Well, okay. Warm weather is always going to attract. I think. That's true. Like, "Well, where's it going to be easier to live?" Vegas attracts. Warm weather. Yeah. Arizona. Trashbacks. Trashbacks, garbage. Florida. Massive trashbacks. Massive trashbacks. Yeah. So you got warm weather. So they're like, all right, it'll be nice. Even if I can't have a nice place, it'll be nice outside. True. Right? No state income tax. Always draws in. Same with Arizona. Yeah, Texas. Nevada. Texas. Yeah. What was it? Montana. [BLANK_AUDIO] Tennessee, Maine. - But still, I feel like Florida has the garbageiest whites. - Right, so it's like, but I'm saying it's another thing. It's like it's warm out. - Yeah, check. - No state income tax. - Fireworks are easy. - Fireworks, easy to get guns. Stand your ground, which is a law that's basically like, that black guy is making me uncomfortable. Can I kill him? That's what stand your ground basically is. They're like, what happened? This black guy walked up and I was like, you're black, and so I shot him. And then they're like, oh, that makes sense. - Is that true? - I mean, I'm obviously exaggerating, but the stand your ground law, since it has been enacted and been a law there, there's a disproportionate amount of black people dying. And the defense is stand your ground. - Great, great. - It's like you can use deadly force if you feel like your life is in danger. And yeah, it's definitely-- - And you said that's here in Texas too? - Sting your grounds of Florida. I don't know if it's in Texas. It's definitely in Florida. - 'Cause I was at the sporting good store with Julian, looking for binoculars to look at UFOs. And we were looking at the guns because our kids love guns. And I was like, hey, can I just buy a gun? - Yeah, we don't have stand your ground by the way. That's not your-- - Oh, okay. I go to the guy, I'm like, can I just buy one of these? He's like, yeah, you gotta pass the background check. That'll take like a day or something like that. And then that's it, I just walk out and he's like, well, it would help to take a class or something just to know the laws. - Yeah. - That's not like-- - Suggest him. - Bro, when I first got here, it took a week, I went to a pawn shop, and I barely showed him my ID and I got a gun. I didn't, there was no day wait, it was just ID. I went to a gun store and I bought a gun where I was like, I was asking the same questions, like how long is this gonna take? And they're like, well, do you have your ID? And I'll go, yeah, and they go, okay, so let me go through here. And he goes, you know, technically, I can get back to you in like 24 hours. He's like, but hold on a second. He just like, he goes, you're approved, you can get it. He just came to me right there. - You're Tom Sikker. - He was like, I can make me laugh. - He's like, yeah. So there was no wait. - No wait. - He's like, yeah, it went through the system, you're fine. - Wild, and you can carry. You can just carry, right? - You can open carry without anything, or you can take a test online that takes about, I don't know, eight minutes, you can get a concealed carry permit, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - It's so crazy. - There's a lot of guns in this state, a lot. - A lot, but I will say, for some reason, I mean, you don't see people being shot dead all the time in the streets. I mean, no, not, I mean, it happens, but it's not like a regular daily thing here, no. - I think it works as a deterrent, yeah. 'Cause you know what? - We just broke through on something here. Everybody should have guns. We need a fire. - Everybody should have guns. Go buy yourself a gun. - Yeah. - Can you imagine listening to this in the UK, where they're like, it's not even possible. - There's a lot of people around the world. - It's crazy. - They have a hard time grasping on guns. - Oh yeah, Europe is like, why? Why do you need it? - I get it too. I get like the perspective on it. - Sure. - Being like, what the fuck? Everyone has guns. But then the only thing is like, you don't understand how ingrained that is in the society here. It's a tardy like really graphs that it's a big thing. People really are adamant that they want their guns. It's never gonna be like, oh, you're good. People sometimes go like, they're gonna take our guns like, no, they're not. That's what that's never gonna happen. - No, it's never gonna happen, not in America. - That would be the biggest blood bath ever. - Oh my God. I think it's not happening. - It's so, yeah, no, it's not gonna happen. It shouldn't happen, man. - All right, so this is what I wanna show you. A few weeks ago, I had shown you, I think, this guy. - The thing about fighting me is that, you're not gonna beat my ass. You're not gonna beat my ass. You're not gonna beat, I'm gonna beat Neil, 'cause you're gonna beat this putt. I'm gonna beat Neil, push the ass up. - Oh. - Okay. And I guess, I don't remember exactly. I guess I commented that I would beat the fuck out of this guy. - Oh wow. - I was like, I'll beat your fucking ass. - I wouldn't have done that. - I think that's what I said. - Yeah. - And anyways, I got back to him. I got back to him. - Damn. - Yeah. So, hold on to your seat, Carl. - Oh my God. - Mr. Sago, I apologize, but you are not allowed to beat my ass. As I said in that video, you would not be able to. So, please keep your comments to yourself and do not threaten me, who I will have to seek counsel. Thank you. - First of all, how the hell does he know that term? - I agree. - There's a guy that can barely put a sentence together. He knows to say counsel. - That's true. He doesn't know what that means. He thinks it's a milkshake. - He's been watching tons of law in order. He's like, I'm going to say, am I any think counsel? (laughing) All right, I'm not threatening you, dude. I thought you were threatening us with the first video. - Yes, right. - But I'm not threatening you. I'm going to don't seek counsel. I don't want to issue with you. - No, let's not get the-- - Certainly don't want to go to litigation. - No, let's not get the law. That's very costly, sir. - Yeah. - You want to hire an attorney? The good luck. - Good, fuck you. - That costs a goddamn fortune, man. Look, I'm an adult, and that means I deal with things, like life insurance. I know you don't want to deal with it, but you got it, especially if you have a family, because there's nothing that keeps my anxiety at bay when I'm on the road away from home, like knowing my family is protected. The excitement of buying a new house or having another kid comes with planning for the future, which is where ethos comes in. I cannot tell you how much better I feel having life insurance. It is essential to being an adult. An ethos is an online platform that makes getting life insurance fast and easy to protect your family's future in minutes, not months. Some policies are as low as $2 a day, built monthly, with up to $3 million in coverage. With no medical exam required, just a few questions online can get you same day coverage without ever leaving your house. Protect your family with life insurance from ethos. Get your free quote at ethos.com/yamh. That's ethos.com/yamh. Application times may vary, rates may vary. Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more or visit cigars international.com/YMH and the discount applies automatically some exclusions apply. - Do you remember-- - God day. - This, let's see, video-- - See, I'm looking at Peter Murphy behind you, he's enchanting me. - You remember this video from the very beginning, like when, well, a few years ago I think, but it really blew our minds. For reference, this is how hairy my butt is right now. All right, so step one is to squeeze the-- - He gave tutorials on like removing hair from your asshole, your balls and these all have 80 million views on YouTube. We were like, what the fuck is going on? And it just turned out that he fell into the category of education when he was clearly like, here's how to fuck more, it was all about fucking. - Well, that's dude, I guess. People are still discovering obviously this video all the time, you know? It's not like it's everyone's seen it, but this is-- - For reference, this is how hairy my butt is right now. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck? What? What? What? What? - Yeah, you should. - Yeah. - What? - Yeah. - Why did I pause it? It's stuck on my screen. I can't even look at my screen. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I'ma just say one thing. - Yeah. - Bro turned around again, he saw it again. - He did. - I'ma just say that. - Little suss, little suss, little suss, little suss. - Little suss. - Just say that. There you go. - You think he liked the hairy butt is what you're trying to say? - Well, the fucka paused it on the-- - Dang. - On the ass who paused it. He could've just closed it, right? I also think that he was in real shock. He was in real shock. He didn't know. - Good shock or bad shock? - Yeah, 'cause he did set up a top that likes to get his ass eatin' the algorithm. - Okay. - So it's a recent thing for discovery? - Yeah. - It really is. - Wonderful thing, like, I don't know. Like, it's something I feel like I've been missing out over a lot of years. - Yeah. - Big news club? - Yeah. - I'm missing out on that. - Deep? That's what you been missing out on? - Yeah, okay. - All right. Yeah. He said as he said life so much better now. He that's what he said life is better now. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, I'll smile and I Smiling and shit. It's so important if you don't want to admit it. That's fine But you do got to accept the fact that I'm gay or anything you do I fuck more but then you do I suck more dick than you do. I kiss more dudes than you do. Yeah, I dress better I wash my ass more than you do I owe up and bus it down more than you do they caught me down on highway 72 banging 70 dudes All right, you ain't pulling these kind of numbers. You ain't doing this. You can't power scale my gayness Power scale my gayness. That was pretty dope. Yeah, good for him. Yeah, that was awesome Dude, the gays are just fucking try to get my ass I agree with that whole message. He is correct. He's scared I don't know about the dressing part. Yeah, I was gonna say niggas wearing a t-shirt. Yeah, I thought it was like a church It's chicken shirt or something. Yeah, that's what it looks like like bro. You just got that for free. I agree Your fashion is a troll show. Yeah, you're gonna say that you got to, you know, step it up But he does have a clean face. He's not good. I think it's I think it's a bit as well. Yeah, you say it's a fun bit Yeah, I think it's a bit let me look at him. You want to see him again? That's delicious a little boy. Yeah, he's delectable. What is that Logan's barbeque probably Roadhouse But I would then again, why would you claim to be super gay? He's just having fun. He's just being silly and white people do Understood it since I was a kid man white niggas in fucking school. Always a ho ho. I'm fucking gay Oh slap my a man fucking retried to slap my ass The other day at a bar. I was strong like niggas never do that again. I was not playing. He tried to slap it. He did Oh, he did slap. He did. He was like go get him. I was in the motherfucking bathroom like dog Dog in the bathroom. Yeah, we homies, but if we weren't homies, that's hands. It's you cannot do that What if he'd what if he'd given you like a front tickle dog dog? Just what about these like I did that to a co-worker once really you see you see this is what this is what white people do is what white men do I don't know they do they're very homo I don't don't understand and they love jujitsu. They love wrestling each other on the floor It's the it's just the culture Annie. It's crazy man. Yeah, sometimes you go you wrestle you get like all your You know tension and rage out and then you give like the winners kiss, you know you go with that you like I beat you You know right at the end of jujitsu. They teach the kids will kiss just give each other a pecs on the gym. Yeah, it's cute. It's fun I mean I like to listen Annie I'm kind of with you here because I'm watching season two of interview with a vampire Which I love the show But once I see gay kissing stuff I get very like come on man, dude like I have to Wow you're getting like this. I mean look. I just don't I just don't need to fucking see it You know and I like them. I like the story Thank you sir Then I maybe I'm homophobic. Maybe you're homophobic. That's not something to be proud of Yeah It's not something to be proud of. But I don't dislike them. I just don't like watching them court or French or I don't like watching them French. Yeah, I don't like love. I don't like affection between people No, it's just like because I like them independently. So right now it's season two is with Armand and Louis and There he is from juby to the right one more to the right that guy And I like the guy who plays Armand and I like the guy that plays Louis and I like to imagine them as being Ready for me. Oh heterosexual And then they start Frenching each other and then I get upset because I'm like oh man like I The fantasy was that the vampires would come and make me into a vampire But they're not even interested in sexually. Yeah. Yeah Such a bummer. Do they ever do a thing where they bite the pussy lips? I mean, there's so much blood down there anyway. They never just go through the source Radite there's got to be a vampire out there, but exclusively does that. Yeah Right. Yeah, I mean, there's something you guys you just blood gushers. So we are blood I don't even think about that. I go for the neck. You got an open wound. Can I tell you something real talk? Yeah I get nervous when I'm on my period and we go on vacation Like what if I'm in the ocean and like the animals the animals sharks You mean sharks. Yeah, they can tell and they'll come and they can yeah, they can sense that from mile away That's what I'm saying like can you google that That if a woman's on her period even though she has a tampon in will she get eaten by a shark on vacation and it's specifically on vacation That does the shark recognize that she's having leisure time I'm trying to relax and have a marg That can't be that can't be it says no there's no scientific evidence to support the claim that sharks are attracted a period of blood as opposed to every other kind of blood Oh bullshit. Well, I mean they're saying it's just not there. They're attracted primarily to fish blood and other prey menstrual blood does not contain the same chemical signals that attract sharks. There you go. There's your answer. Oh, thank god dude It is safe to swim on vacation That's you're good to go now dog Like what what is the show, bro? What is the show and this is our folder called for any And it's gonna be a long time You can't you can't you can't you should be banned God, I'm reaching out to our YouTube content. We're like check this shit out Oh, but any I'm with you it makes me uncomfortable too But everything makes me uncomfortable on this show to be fair God damn it Most of the shit we watch is terrible. Yeah, to me Yeah, unless it's TikTok stuff and then I really like it then you like it But I don't like fucking horny guys licking the air and stuff. You don't like this guy here like women They make me explode My pants yes, there are only about 13 of you in the Pittsburgh area nice So most of you Have nothing to worry about a lot of your likes on your shirt is he doesn't blink. He's very still. He's laying down He's got you're not it No, I don't see I don't like it. You don't like him Babe he's some chicks. I don't like it. I'm gonna fucking pick. There's no way this works There's no fucking way there's a woman that's like yeah There is a woman there might be 13. There's not 13 in the Pittsburgh you don't think he you don't think he closes deals Never never not a deal close. No, I think you're not a deal. You know, I'm telling you. Here's the thing They don't look the way he thinks they do But he closes deals So he could be a Florida white garbage. Oh 100% yeah, and I know guys like this and the guys that like Talk like this and they and they put up numbers and shit It is astonishing What they will claim is attractive, but they do get it He gets it well because if he had like a small boat like a fishing boat Yeah, and then he's like come on come out on the boat. He's had he's worked a lot of angles in his life That's the big angle for him is come out on my boat. Yeah And then he just he gives her a six pack of Zimas or whatever Trash drinks Yeah, that's what Florida trash love that they love to be on a boat playing loud shitting music Well, that's another thing you you have the ocean. So if you're kind of a fuck up and you know You don't like things work on ground. You can just kind of go, you know, I'm meant to be You can kind of fuck up out there. Oh, yeah, you don't really fuck with anybody Get your dog and get your your hot stove and you know some fishing line a dog on your boat Yeah, of course so cool from them dogs love to be a lot of guys like that down there. Yeah You gotta have the full neck beard Bad blotchy skin And today live they live on the boat, right? Yeah, fuck that's it You know, I got to pay rent to nobody and they sometimes they come ashore and they interact with people and everything starts to go sideways Pretty quickly. So they go I'm going back on the boat They're just not good. No, it's crazy because I actually I know somebody whose brother is Exactly what you're saying. Yeah, he's not doing well is he piece of shit. Yeah, of course. He's such a piece of shit. It's come back Yeah, that's how it is man a bunch of fuck up I just I grew up there. I know I know this world. Yeah, amazing that you can tell that show bloodline really nails it If you've never seen bloodline, it's on Netflix. I think they got three seasons Dude they really nail the florida pieces of shit so well on the show Everything the looks the way that they interact. They're just they just nail it Well, what I've noticed is the shirtlessness. It's always cut off shorts. Yeah and flip flops And you can wear that anywhere in florida Bertrand Bertrand wears flip flops almost every day everywhere That's his florida upbringing. Yeah, there's a clip of him with Sebastian He wears Sebastian. He's like Sebastian's like I have makeup on and Bert's like what fucking told you guys This should wear makeup and then Sebastian explains he's like well, I mean, you know if you do Kimmel If you do come and right you're on television You they put some on you and he's like and then this is cameras and it's being broadcast and like he kind of explains the logic And then Berkos Yeah, like I told you I should do it. He's like you don't have to wear it. You're not wearing shoes The least of your concerns is what your face looks like Are you serious? Yeah, I told you I should have fucking makeup on you look amazing. Well, thank you Give me give me a take on the makeup like this seems to be the form of entertainment that a lot of people are watching right? Yeah, so when you go on Jimmy Kimmel or you go on a Conan O'Brien whatever the show is you already makeup. Yeah, okay So nothing really different here. We have cameras. This is being to be broadcast to the world, right? I feel like You know little little little powder little foundation a little foundation would have been smart I said should I get a fucking hair makeup? Everyone's like it's a podcast. I should have gotten here I should have got makeup. No, I shouldn't have gotten anything. You're you have no shoes on So why would we even start with maybe you just open the shower? I have makeup. Yeah, yeah, the red it's blotchy now Is he out in the sun? Yeah, he's in the sun. He goes outside a lot. Oh, I don't think he's a sun block guy Because it's true. Look how healthy Sebastian looks. Yeah, and then you cut to Bert. You think it's different lifestyles or no? It's like a sausage In a vegetable. Yeah, it's like a healthy green salad Somebody that's taking care and then there's a penny alavaca A meatball sub right there. Oh Jesus Christ. He looks like a meatball sub. Yeah Well, he's out there. He's doing it. He's on tour get tickets Last tour. All right, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back and we are back and our guest is one of our all-time Favorites you can see his new special live and alive. It's out now on his YouTube channel. It's Ryan Sick. Yeah, thank you guys. Yes. Listen, um, I want to first apologize that I was unable to get a costume I just had a brow lift and They hit me up and said hey, you got to get a costume and I was like I just had this brow lift. I don't have time I'm going to New York to the awesome banging these out. I don't have time to get a costume So I do apologize. Yeah, that you're the only one wearing a costume at the table Christina Well, you still look great. You're probably have to hope it turned out well. I hope it looks half as good as yours Thank you, but I saw you the last time when I was like that's something I definitely want to do right now I want to willfully put myself through that you got it. Listen if you if you're anybody you need to get plastic surgery That's right. So your inspiration on somebody was was just simply your brow lift. Yeah, just well your wife Yeah, I mean that was the inspiration. I was like Jesus Christ look what she's doing over there I was like yeah, what do you think of a car a lot of people like this? Well first when I came in I'm ignorant. I didn't even know who the fuck you were Why the fuck I'm wrong with you because you're a classless you don't like fashion and then they said I'm not pink who you were and and and I was like why do Assholes like this always are in Chihuahua is that asshole like there's always a charge of fashion Yeah, you know what I mean like you look like George Washington and Abling Do you have or or and Ray jar? Do you hold it one time rate a car allowed your fill quotes And he was a real peach of a personality. Oh, yeah, wait have him pull up and you can read yeah Yeah, cool. So I actually pretty great and I have a friend who was a runway model for him In the early 2000s. Did you ever meet him and he called her fat How much do you weigh like 120 pounds yeah, yeah, okay? Have a go she's a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice Okay, I know who he is now. I see the melted face. Yeah No one wants to see curvy women on the runway That's kind of true There are nearly 30% of young people who are too fat So let's take care of the zealions of the too fat before we talk about the percentage that's left He's I don't understand that yeah, I don't know what he's talking about but everybody in my family basically talks like Where's his sweat really cool? Yeah, your peons are like brutal like this. I mean at least my job is yes Some people say to me you're too skinny, but never a skinny person says that to me only people who could you lose a few pounds say that Someone who's in shape never says that to me. It's just fat. This is a great one Sweatpants are a sign of defeat you lost control of your life. So you bought some sweatpants. It's true That one's true I don't buy that's a bullshit right there. It's not defeat. It's it's comfort That's what but what happened? He say he's saying somebody who prioritizes comfort over appearance your life is a mess I mean you don't you can simply look at me and tell that that's not the case Look at me. Yeah, what do you think of this though the fingerless? Always been a fan of fingerless gloves though forever. I mean everybody had but what is what is the utility because he was he was an artist So he would draw all day, but the gloves this is counterproductive because when I go to the bathroom I can't wash my hands. Oh, and they're fishnet too. Didn't Madonna have those two. Yes, of course. No, Laga fell into the wind Well, but you know what I mean? I'm not sure what his sexual preference was. He was an asexual homosexual. Thank you for asking Okay, yeah, and I'm imagining we're keeping the palms nice and soft for the glove They're doing the magic and the palms are I love his running across, you know His body his disdain for the fat is really great. It's really great. It's my favorite. It's like so gross He can't even and like his version what he calls fat is not what we call Does he have a textbook like a blood pressure should be 120 over 80 does he have a height weight for a woman that's ideal like like publicly Has he said the perfect female specimen is this has he ever gone on record with a with a barometer? I mean look the guy did Chanel for you know 10 years or more and he he designed for many houses We're like the first women too look at the Chanel right now very diverse. I see Yeah, I'm sure he has a preference. He has to have because he's old school too this guy was like, you know From the 70s. Yeah, this is this is the beginning. I wish he would have had like a closeted like big like Shelby black wife, that'd be all I mean off to the side like you know how all the religious people are like Yeah, don't don't do this and then they're all the ones of course. Yeah, what if we just had some, you know, like he did like food So he that was his thing is that he was always eating sweets and he always had a weight problem So I think that's why he deflected it out Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a reason I didn't like yeah, yeah, yeah, this guy should look like the Chanel model I don't know I hate me so fuck you So you know what you're gonna hate yourself. Yeah, yeah, so then so he literally did want to be a Deor size Something like 38 or 40 so he did have them he had a chef put him on a special diet Just so he could fit into deor size 38 or something Lagerfeld was quite open about his disdain for women larger than a typical runway model size Which is considered zero to two There you go good God everything hired a two my mom shopped at 16 plus But a size four he would be like something to trim down maybe yeah A four would be like double what he prefers the Carl Lagerfeld diet, so he had like an actual yeah, yeah Yeah, so this is how he ate to get slimmed down. You know what I do very strict hamburgers Hamburger dot great. You look perfect. Yeah, I got this cool guy. This will mind me a hur Yeah, baby Oh, yeah, go back for more You think he has He's giving up who won it who won it? Who won it? Anybody in there some of the girls I saw them earlier getting kind of worked up over this who does want it? I got to know after all these years I got to know who wants you don't feel anything when you see that not a fuck like it's dry and it went inside God, I just don't get it, but you can't agree that there's someone on this rocking outer space of Quill That's for that guy. Yeah, but who is it? That's what I want to know too, but there's somebody there's somebody Yeah, he's not Lagerfeld approved. Mm-hmm. Definitely not I didn't go be a zero to two. Not on not there He he post videos himself doing this a lot food eating it in a sexual way. Please don't. I don't want to be sick It's his go-to kind and I love putting does anybody eat hamburgers like this? Tim Tim and Ryan mask you this - Yeah. - You guys are always, well specifically, specifically you, you're always asking me. Oh, that doesn't turn you on at all, his skills. So if you were to see a woman licking a pudding like that and saying this could be your butthole, would you be turned on regardless of? - It's interesting because if you would have said dick, I would have been like, nah, but you went butthole and now I'm thinking, (laughing) I could be around, I could be around. Look at his, look at his, look at his, look at his, look at his got right there. - Oh, there you go. No comments yet. - He's losing sprinkles. He's in a bubble. (laughing) - Outside, outside. - Outside of, off what? - He's probably got his luck. - Is he wearing an apron? - Yeah, who's wearing? - This guy's cutting billets. - Where's that the doughnut shot? (laughing) - You imagine you're an employer and you see that? - You're like, damn? - I feel like he's like, oh, damn! - What are you doing, man? - I'm on lunch, man. - Which is good, baby. - Yeah, we got it. - Yeah. - No, no, please not again. - Give me a dozen of glasses. - Let me get a dozen glasses, man. - This guy's whole thing is tongue-fucking-food on the internet. - He's got a following. - I mean, yeah, tell me. - Oh, my God. - Hunter 22. - I mean, that's solid for this content. - Other tons of posts like this? - Yeah, it looks like it. - Wow, it's all-- - They're always one note, ponies, these guys. - Yeah. - They've got one thing on their brain. - They've got a nail. - That's kind of cute. - Oh, wow. - He's still-- - Oh, man. - What is that, a peach or something? - No, it's an orange, but you know, you've ever seen your kids. - No, no, no, no. The dog has never done this. You good, Unc? Hell no. - People are like, what the fuck? - This half time at the soccer game, this guy is over there doing his videos off to the side and shit out in public. - I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, - All right, kids, let's go. - That's all it takes is consistency over time. - But there's another homeless guy. - Oh boy. - Sitting, there's a few. He keeps hitting up, right? Those are, oh there's a bunch. - Oh my god, they're all nodded off on Sentinel. - You guys turn off on my shit. - He's like, y'all, hey. - There's someone like finger in their own ass. Who's that? - Fuck me man. - What's that guy's doing? - He's reaching down grab with his ass. - He's just putting his doughnut back here. - What's that? - What is he? - That person is just out. - Look at this though, he's, he's, like sort of documenting these heroin, the plight of everything going on in the city and then all the sudden it switches to just tongue fucking food. Like one day he's like, you know, one of it is bullshit. - Where's the different? - Where's the switch? Where's the switch? - No. - This could be you. - Oh okay. (laughing) - I'm sitting in the wall. Look at that. Look at the lid on. You got the lid on. Look at that. - I got the lid on. - Oh. Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - Oh baby. - Oh. - Oh my god. Now I'm getting sick. I'm getting sick. - Oh my god. - Dude is too. - Jesus Christ brush your tongue. - Yes. I have that thought too. It's dirty. Bro. God damn dude. Oh you're nasty. - Oh. - Oh. - Stop. But you're right. He goes from like recording the plight of humanity to like, I'm going to lick you like a little while. You're like, this is terrible. This is this guy's bent in half dead of sleep here addicted to hair. Oh man. Next one's like. La la la la la la. It's for okay. So it's funny. His first one is somebody nodded out. - No you way. You worry about it. - Oh. Say it. - No. No. - No lights on that. - No comments. - Mary had a little lamb who snorted a lot of coke. - Okay. - Everywhere that Mary went. - He's got an apron on. - Okay. We should go. - Okay. So so far there's no food there. That's the second post. - Third. - Oh shit. - Oh shit. - There's that somewhere over there. - Wait but what's third? - I think it's a bomb. - Yep. He just went all the way to it. You know what? Fuck. - Oh. - Oh. - Oh. - Oh. - God. - God. - Okay. All right. - Got it. - Next. - Next. - Well it's just cool to see how artists evolve. Like what it is. - Yeah. - Artists like yourself. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Thank you. You've noticed my words. - This is another. - You want to, you want to even out with a lady. So here's a little. - Please, please. - To you fucking cannon Barbie eat my fucking shit as you die. To you fucking cannon Barbie eat my shit as you die. - There you go. - I like her eyes. Like shut up. - David Bowie. - David Bowie think that. - Is that slam poetry? What was it? - Yes, dummy. - I don't know. I feel like she's ramping up for a big night tonight. Here's another thing I'm realizing. I know from living in Los Angeles that they give the homeless phones. You know this? - I didn't know. - Oh yeah. All the homeless that used to live right out back in my old building. They all have cell phones. I'm like, what the fuck? They get a cell phone. - Why? Who are they calling? - Who provides the phone? The city? - Who provides? - The city. I guess. I really don't look into it. They're working phones and I don't know if it's so they can, you know, do their programs or whatever. You can look it up. These people need to stop getting the fucking phones. That's what they said. - Wow. - Really? That guy, does that guy, the guy before look like he's a normal fucking guy? - No. - That guy's not paying a bill. How is he paying a bill? - Yeah. - He's getting puttin' cups and fruit. That's all shit you can get free somewhere. - That's crazy. - There's nothing I saw him make. - Yeah. - No. - There's not even any hat. There's no, where's the McDonald's? - Where's the McDonald's? - Yep. - He don't have money. He's gettin' free shit. Here we go. Look. - Oh no. - Federal lifeline program, what's it say? - Provides free or discounted phone and internet service to eligible low income households, including those experiencing homelessness. - And that also. - Yeah. - The Federal Lifeline program. But why? That's why. - So they could do video. This is like this. I wanna make a video of me eating at Orange. This lady's scary. - Yeah, that voice too. - The eye of my T-shirt. - No, she's cool. Don't you guys talk shit about, she's a witch. - You know, I believe that. - You brought up steak. Have you seen this, like, you know, there's all these different phobias that there's one where, like, people have this fear of, like, how foods might feel or taste to them. - Yeah. - This guy is doin' shit like this. - I have an extreme fear of trying new foods. And today, I'm trying steak. - This guy's in his 30s. - I don't know why, but this. - He's never tried this. - Just freaks me out. My biggest concern is that. - You're a Philly's fan? - This is gonna be very chewy. I think I've said before that I don't do well with chewy. - It is chewy, you're right. - The smell is really strong. - Yeah. - Steak. - What a fuck of you, Billy. - You've never smelled a steak. You've been no cook out, motherfucker. - That appealing. I feel like that's a big piece, but. - But it doesn't look good, I will say, in all fairness. - Like, yeah, if you're gonna do a gagging. - He's getting all right. - For steak. - Steak, dude. - And so he's like, oh my, why is it angering me so much? - But it looks like it was boiled. It doesn't look good. - You're right. - You're right. - Yeah. - It's nasty. - It's bothering you because you're a father. - This is unexcited. - What? - This is unexcited. - I wanna punch this man. - Where's this man's father? (laughing) - It's fine, we're fine. - It's gonna be okay, bro. - It's fine, we're fine. - Yeah, very strong. - You're 100% right. - Well, well. - The homeless guy? - Let's see. - He had a dad. - It's you. - He devily had a dad. - He smelled steak. - He had a dad. - My bad, love me. (laughing) - He did it. - He likes it. - Okay. - You like it? - I did it. - I did it. - I did it. - I can't believe I swallowed that. - That's awesome. - Wow, that's a big victory. I swallowed it. I swallowed it. That's awesome. - What is he eating? - I don't know. (sighs) - I swallowed it. I did it. - Oh. - It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. - No, steak, bro. - Please put this in a gay porn. (laughing) - That was scary. - Please put this on a very gay porn. - That's exactly the time. - That was exactly the time. - You're right, though. - It does. It looks like one of those people that used to boil a steak back throwing the bottom of the oven and shit. - Yeah, that doesn't look like a good one. - This is avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. - I've dealt with this. - You have? - My daughter is a picky eater. And she's, she's not like, this is ridiculous. - Yeah. - She's not scared of food. But she's like, if she wants mac and cheese, it's gotta be Annie's white mac and cheese. She ain't fucking around, crap. So it's, I'll eat it, but it's, I want this particular- particular one, and it's a comfort thing. So I went to, we talked to a doctor about and stuff, and her brother was the same way. It's a very picky eater, but then he would eat like salmon and think, but it would just these things that he liked. - He's like an OCD. - Yeah, so we were like, what could we do? And they were like, this is the best part. They're like, nothing. They're gonna grow out of it. They said, they said, most times what happens, and this is the beauty of life still is like, your kids are gonna get to high school. They're gonna be hanging out with all their friends, and their friends are gonna look at them and be like, that's what the fuck you eat, and you start clowning them. Like, you don't eat hot dogs, you know what I mean? And they're gonna be, and then you're either gonna fucking start eating hot dogs. They're gonna be this fucking guy, okay. - So this guy just never has a high school experience. - So hopefully, his friends are a dad right here. This guy's raised probably by three women and a grandma. I'm saying over here, no one could cook. No one bullied this motherfucker, no brothers to fuck him up. Not even a sister to be like, listen, you pussy. I feel like you'd have been a great sister for this guy. You know, listen, you little fucking pussy. Eat the fucking steak tonight, okay? You'll like it, unreal. - I know, it's so good to bully, just a little. - You need it. - Like, there's this great. - Listen, also, it's not bullying. - It's not bullying, bullying is a relentless thing. - Tuffle love has been turned into bully. You need a little swift kick in the air. - 100%. - We all need it. There's not one of us to can look back on and go, I didn't need that. - Of course. Have you ever seen that video where it's a bunch of cholos and they're just giggling, laughing in their car as they drive past a bunch of nerds in their furry outfits? It's like the most simple, it was just like old school shit, like, blah, like they're not saying anything. They're just like cholos laughing at a fucking nerd. - At furries. - At furries, dude, and it was like, oh god. - You know the furries are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Whatever, man. - Fuck you guys. - Fuck coyote, you're running all the way. - But it's like, yeah, you should be a little ashamed. Like you should try to conceal your weirdness. A little, right? Don't go walk it in certain neighborhoods. - Also. - But you know what you know. - If you have this, it's also, it's okay. - Yeah. - Keep it off the fucking end. - Yeah. - What are you doing? - You have a mental illness on top of it. You know what I mean? You have a mental illness on top of it. Like, guy, I'm scared of potato chips, but I'm gonna sit down and eat these guys. - Oh god, what the fuck are you doing? Just eat 'em scared in your house. - Yeah. - I know. It's like the people who are having a nervous breakdown and then they stop and get a phone to cry in front of the phone and then post the video. - That's insane. - Like what? - The crying. - What are you guys? - Guys, and it's guys, like, I can't believe what's happening right now. Yeah. - They're here taking my child right now. My child's here taking up these food videos and they're taking my children. (laughing) Yeah, the most vulnerable man down to help the fucking kids. I've gone a lot. - I've gone a lot. - I can get some good engagement off of these tears. - Yeah, literally, can you, like, last time I cried, that's the last thing in my heart. Like, I should reach for my- - I cried. - Fall. - I mean, in the last six months, it's been every other day, probably. I ain't fucking streaming it. You know what I'm saying? I was having a little power cry and I'm done, you know what I mean? We keep that towards you. - Why aren't you using it for likes, you know? - Yeah. - I'll use it for eights, that's the real life. So, hey, first of all, congrats on the special. We haven't even said that. - Thank you guys. - Congratulations. - Thank you very much. - It's on your YouTube channel right now. - Just streaming right now. Go watch it now, live and alive on my YouTube. - Shot in the way? - Nope, self-produced again in shot at Comedy On State and Madison Madison. - Oh! - Which, you know, it's one of the great clubs in the country, Comedy On State. - Yes, the best. - So yeah, I did two shows there and it was awesome. I was worried because I had never been there. I didn't get there until November, the year before. And then I started talking to Jesse and all the guys working there. And they're like, you know, we're doing this. And I was like, I want to do it. I want to do it here then. And I was worried I wouldn't sell tickets. And the fans fucking came through, man. It was Tom Poppah next door, that night. They had Stavros, Trevor Wallace and Samarill coming in at the theater all in that same week. - Wow. - Comedy On State Madison was composting, still showed up showing out, sold out two shows. We shot it very different from my last special. And it's all about, you know, everything that happened and then the aftermath. And I thank you in there, by the way. I talked about our conversation in the hospital. - Oh, man. - I also told our meeting Brad Pitt story, my version of what happened. And I also want to thank you all jokes aside for real because listen, I'm going to get emotional. - Oh, no. - No, it's okay. - Can't believe I'm crying. Let me get my phone out. So I'm like, this is my stream. (laughing) I can't believe that camera's crying. - Guys, can you guys roll everything, roll it? - I'm crying at a hamburger costume? (laughing) - No. When I got out of the hospital, I'm on a walker. I can't do a lap around my pool. I can't do anything. I'm high on fucking drugs the whole time in there. And I'm Amazon and like a motherfucker. - Yeah. - I'm PayPal and people I didn't know. And they didn't send it back. I'm just sending money. I'm like, who? - Okay now. - And I get home and there's so much shit in my apartment. And I'm in the single dad place at the time. I don't have AC. I gotta go outside to do laundry and quarters. I'm a very clean person. I've always been a clean person. I like my place clean. I like it orderly. And I couldn't get up to help myself. And you sent me cleaning ladies. Who came over and cleaned my place. And we're so sweet. And thank you. I can't tell you how much. Like I'm just laying on a couch feeling like a fucking loser watching these people clean. I can't go out. Like I would have loved to have been like, I'll let you ladies clean and I'll go out and do some. I'm just laying there like, ah! They're just cleaning around me and shit. I'm like, oh God, this is terrible. So thank you. - I'm sad that I couldn't be there in person. But I'm glad we could help from Texas. And I'm so happy that you're back and that you're with us today. You've got a new special. You've resurrected yourself. The Phoenix is risen from the ashes. - I'll lift and everything. - Yeah. - You have everything. - Yeah, this is-- - You went through it, man. You really went through it. - We both did Christina. I did tell you I got in Miss line. - Hold on, man. I'm sorry. - Yeah, man. - The three of us, that's gonna hurt your team. - The three of us is, yeah, we did the three of us. - Yeah, you know, we went through it. You had your spinal issue, you had cancer, but my teeth were fucking, that's just sucked. - No. - Yeah, well listen, you guys have the best fans. They always treat me well. I want to say thank you to the mom. He's out there because I know you're gonna go watch. I know you're gonna fucking support, like you always do, but I want to thank them too. 'Cause I see sometimes you guys put poles up and you're like, who's your favorite guest and everything? And I fucking go look, 'cause I'm competitive. - Oh wow. - That's my motherfucker's throw Ryan Sikler up. Way more than I thought. Yeah, and I'm like, I'm damn, all right, all right. So thank you, thank you all. Check out the specials. - Thank you guys, watch a special live and alive on my YouTube stream and now. Honeydew way back, RyanSikler.com, Ryan Sikler on all your social media, rob a rob a rob a rob. - We do have the best fans though. We're so happy with you. - You do. There's nobody better than a mommy. They're always fucking cool. We went to, when we were in Florida, shout out to Harrison, our guy that hooked us up it in our hotel, like the coolest. - Yes. - Like we ended up hanging out with them. - Yeah, the truth. - 'Cause it's a mommy. That's how you know, right away, you're like, oh, you're fucking cool. 'Cause you like guys that lick putting cups and you like to laugh at people that have severe mental illnesses. - We walked about 10 and he's like, and this is, you know, a lot of you can get coffee's over here and it goes burnt pretty fat, huh? (laughing) How are you? He slipped in it like that? - Yeah. - I love it too, 'cause I'll go to like, I'll go to a club and then somebody I'll come up to me or I'll have my daughter out with me at the mall, somebody I come up like, "Oh, love you and why I'm H, man." That guy tongue fucking is putting cups up like, "Thanks guys, appreciate that mommy. - Thank you. (laughing) - Last time my daughter came with me to promote the last special. And you guys had her screaming calls for Dr. Drew. - Oh, we've seen you. (laughing) - She's like, "Dad, this same guy kept calling using different voices trying to trick us." I was like, "Jesus Christ." The Drew calls? That's what we're screaming. - She's hit. - Yeah. - I got some horrible hilarious to show you. You tell me what you think. Oh, shit. (screaming) - He's gonna be in the house, but I'm like, "Oh, it's three more weeks, oh, yeah." - Oh, that bag's gone. - That's a bag. - You can't spit it. - He had a clan outfit, we'll see. - Yeah, oh, he's a space man. - He's the grandmother. (laughing) - It kinda looks like it. - Fuck. - Or is he a beekeeper? - He broke two. - I think I saw a mask. - Two vertebrae in his back. - Fuck, broken. - Once you start breaking back bits too, it's not good. - Here's the other thing. - Don't break your back, shit. - No one loved that guy enough to say, "Okay, let's say you hit the ball perfectly." - Where are you going after that? Like, what's the plan then? Are you gonna try to just, you think you're just gonna casually jump off and walk out of that? Or are you gonna flip, like, there's no good end to that. - There's no pad for him to land on. Can we see it again, please? - Yeah, he didn't even touch the ball. - He didn't do it. - No, he fucking messed it up. - Just clear it. - Just clear it. - Okay, you ready? - This guy walking in the back, look. (screaming) - Two walks of race. - She's like, "I gotta get out of here, I gotta get out here." (screaming) I'm a space in Veda and this is where you lay that I swallowed it. It wasn't that bad. I swallowed it. After that sound of it, six out of ten. Okay, it's kind of lures if you do it like that. Here's the thing though. He's wearing like a kid's costume. Yeah, he was doing a bit. He was doing it as a bit. Yeah, because that man. Oh, good. Oh, man. That's it. Yeah, glad that's here. Yeah, just out of it. Just go it. Holy shit. That was gonna lower some weight anyway. Your outfit's terrible and your fat. Yeah, that's what he's telling me guy right here over top of a fat man. Oh, man. You fat. Carol Agraville comes out. You're out of it. You're out of it. You're out of it. It's terrible. You deserve everything you get. It's kind of making sense to be now knowing you all these years. This has sort of been your inner voice kind of. Of course. Really put that all together. Oh, my god. Listen, when I was recovering from my last, my top surgery, you know, my last procedure. Not the bralette. No, this is after my bralette. My tits redone, you know, from cancer. And then I got deep into him. And I was like, what is it about a German self-loathing? Calls everybody fat, workaholic, OCD, asexual, homosexual. He's just a freak show. And not at the time, I totally connect it. That's how you connect to a self-loathing. I don't know. He's really tickled me. He healed me. Blogger Fills healed me. I can't explain it. Why do you resonate? Why do you think I resonated with Blogger Fills? I don't know. Maybe because he was a freak and I felt like a freak having just had surgery, you know? Well, yeah. You're definitely not your normal self. I mean, if we're going to talk about it for real for a second, like parts of you that came into this world are no longer here. Yeah, I'm an amputee. You're a different, I've never even looked at it like that. That's what you are. Yeah. You're an amputee. Are ladies who go through a mastectomy, yeah? That's an amputee. You're literally an amputee. I mean, yeah, I never looked at it. Always don't amputee would be just, just lean, like, or a limb, yeah. No. Well, my thirties are limbs. Titties are, yeah, it's a part of your body that's no longer with you. I never thought of that either. I never even knew that. What did you get? Are you jealous now? I mean, it's just kind of like, you don't think it's hot. I mean, it's going, stuff going. Yeah, but then I had my stomach fat made into my tits. So I was, it's nice, nice. And hot again. Yeah. And I got to tell me that it's pretty cool. You look great. And I told you those mommy makeovers are killer. I told you, can I tell you, I used to be a, not against plastic surgery, but I wouldn't understand it. Now, I'm like, go get it fixed. Go fucking, go get surgery. Fix it. You don't like your fat stomach, make, make it nice. I wrote of men that are now doing it. I know, but not good. A lot of them are not good. Got to pay for the good stuff. Notable actors are getting it. And you're like, it's going to be a while before somebody finds the Demi Moore, Chris Jenner, plastic surgeon in the mail field. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, whoever's did Brad Pitt's face is good. You guys are friends with them. Just text. Love you. He looks great. He, but there's other actors. We don't have to name them. No, I don't look great. Yeah. No, and it's fucked because if you have so much money, you should just pay. I know. I used to write promos for Dr. 90210. I was telling you this back in the day. And I hated it. I would cover my eyes. And, and I'd be screaming with headphones on, just hit my desk going, no, no. And you watch Dr. 902 and I'm like, yeah, I hated it. Yeah. The nose jobs were the broot. I had no, I didn't know how violent they are when you're out the, the, the lipo. Oh my god. That's impressive. God. I had no idea. But and I saw, and most of those guys were working, they were trying to fix a botched job. So they're coming in and they're like, I'm going to do the best I can for you. It was a lot of what I was seeing. But the mommy makeovers, every one of them were so fucking well done. Even back then that I even told you when I was like, good for you because that's the one surgery I saw again and again where I was like, this consistently looks good. Yeah. I mean, again, my stomach is flat for the first time. And I have got boobs again because I put that fat into my chest. And then now I have to go back for a revision. And then I can probably lipo my thighs too. So yeah, that's why you that's why you fucking, that's why you resident. Because you're like, look man, I'm, I'm not the same person. And you can fuck yourself. It's two middle fingers from here on out. You're fat. Yeah. Fuck it. You're fat. You're, you're not fat anymore. You know, I like he's bounding down what's his fucking name. That's why I feel like, can you powers? Yeah. I don't give a shit. I'm so broken. Oh, God. No poor horse. Fuck the guy. This is back to back parallelization. That is fucking. That was a horse. Do you know what the aftermath says? What? They're stating that man is still alive. No, that's just alive. With the suckin' on a straw. Holy shit. What is a horse weight? What's an average horse weight? I don't know. Is it 2000 pounds? No. No. 10 tons. 10 tons. 10 tons. I told you 2000 pounds. What's the average weight of a throne at six thousand pounds? A thousand pounds. Half a ton. Okay. Yeah. Because they're evil. But, but all it's like that horse went up all the way back. God. Oh, man. I used to do that to my brother when he jumped on my back. Oh, man. That horse did that before. That horse. That horse wants to kill people. Horses are killers. That horse looked like it was gearing up. Like, let me get a good foot. And you know shit. The horse knew that the mud was slippery too. The horse knew. The horse knew and that's how I wanted to kill that man. That's a slippery mud here. Well, the horses are one more time. Wait, does it get, does that where it ends? Does he get up? No, it just ends. Oh, we don't see how push down in the mud he is. That guy's got to have, he's got to be everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. He's still alive, everybody. He's alive. How's he doing? I said he's alive. He's alive. Yeah. He's alive. Last day, he's alive. Still breathing above ground. That bullshit. Still above ground. Like, he's in there. But how is it? Yeah. We had to pull him out of the ground. He's above half a ton of whore. And it slams on it. It's like of, yeah. It's wrapped on him. Not just like, oh, a horse. He jumped up. He jumped up. So that's even like a W W for real. That that is 100% of wrestling. So all the bones are probably his ribs or shrap. How long he's probably collapsed. How the fuck are they called now? Yeah. Like your wig, a powder wig. Yeah. Well, fuck him. That is fucking stupid horse. All right. Let me help you out. Oh, is it solder? Oh, shit. That thing's going. Oh, Jesus. What's he doing? He's trying to hold a tree. Oh, shit. What the fuck? Did the chainsaw cut her? That's what it looks like. Yeah, because when it swung, it has a murder. Yeah, cut off. That's what I was worried about. That guy does not look like he'd have a chainsaw with an emergency car. I mean, this guy looked like I got a vest in the car. I can cut this. Holy shit. No one got hurt in this one. Oh, please. That's what it says. No injuries. No, like, Triss, I was waiting for that thing. I was really waiting for like everyone to die. I thought that's what we were going to see. That was like a fake out. I saw one the other day. I saw torture video the other day on Instagram. Bro, this is your husband sent this. Your husband sends me my fucking Twitter feed. My excuse me, Instagram feed is literally people getting murdered. Yeah, I don't day to day. Somebody walking up like this YN shoot now, this guy. Now I'm like, what the fuck? This old lady in the grocery store is shooting this guy with a fucking flare gun in the face. I'm like, Jesus, it's every day. Hey, what do you think my life is with this psychopath? I'm drifting off to sleep the other night. And I wake up a little bit to this part of the Edgine news story on Netflix where I'm sure it's a spoiler alert. Oh, you fucking sickos that are watching this show where he's wearing his mommy's lingerie and masturbating. And I'm like, this is what you're putting in your head before you go. Just as you drift. He's in the brown pants. He's like, I'm joking. He's laughing. Look at him. LOL. Yeah. There he is. It's so fucking dark. I can't. Why do you like this? I just can't get it, man. Yeah. And always before bed, right? And then and then during the day, he's sending you things with people being murdered. Oh, so it's it's 25. Carnival rides, murders. It's not just nighttime. Now that's this is now it's clicking for me. I'm worried. I'm going to I've seen some of this already, but I haven't these are all good. These are all good. Honestly, no offense. Tom would have never sent me this one right here. No, nothing happened. This is one he would never sent me. Now tell you it could be worse. He could send you worship. He does. No. He does. And he's talking about stuff that gets him fired up. So you have different categories. The whole different category. Do you remember the time I was featuring for you in Indianapolis? Do you remember this? I thought you were going to say India. I was like, you guys want to eat crackers? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. And we shared a condo together. And you're like, Hey, check this out. Well, and we sat down on a couch side by side and you put a laptop in front of me. And it starts with just a glass. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just watching like, what the fuck? And then this guy comes in. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? Yeah, what he sits on it. He's got to live with this guy. And then it breaks. Yeah. And he's pulling pieces. Audio is on. Yeah. He's pulling shards out casually. Yeah. And if you look, he's got scars everywhere. It's not his first rodeo. And I'm just screaming so much. Like if that That was me, I'm calling 911, not this guy. You hear the glass hit in the floor. And the whole time, what I don't know is he's recording a reaction video, and I didn't know that. That was, remember two girls, one cub, with the reaction videos got super popular. - He did it to me too, this is all eight. - And I'm screaming like, what the fuck? - I did that same video to my dad when I was that visiting them. - Yeah, that. - I have my dad watching, he's like, oh shit. (laughing) It's like, I don't know. - Oh no. - Damn, what the hell's wrong with this guy? (laughing) - And then I did it to, I did it to my sisters that they both flipped out. I don't think I did it to Charo. - You did it to Charo. - Did I do it to Charo? - You did it in Florida. - I remember we were Florida. - No. - That's not a good one for her at some point. - He shows me that when we were living in our like, shitty one bedroom apartment, we were newly wedged, and I was like, yeah, like, did I just marry the fucking craziest person? I'm tied to you for life now. - And then you go in and the juxtaposition is John Goeman's over the shitter. - Oh yeah. - This is why you guys are meant to be together right there. - That's why you're meant to be together. - Oh, thanks. - How about this one, I got one more for you. - Yeah, that's true. - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Oh my God. - Oh, that fell on her. - Just too fat, obviously. (laughing) - She's hurt. The girl under it got hurt. - She's gross. - Yeah, her neckless seat had a good seat. - That's probably-- - She hit hard as fuck with that. - The one underneath broke her leg. She broke her leg. - Oh. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But that's like 360 just dropping on you, bro. - Yeah, that's a lot of work. - That works again. - Yeah, let's get a sec. (laughing) - So she gets back in time. - Oh, there's the leg. - There's the leg. - Oh, I saw that though. - It was the angle. (laughing) - What was the prize for this game? This lady got fucked up so bad. - She also, clearly, you didn't get the chair. She straight up just fucking knocked somebody out of the chair. - I think if it was just these two ladies left, she ain't getting on that chair. Why are you fighting for it? You weren't fitting on it. If you go back and watch again, watch. She hits the blue lady first and that lady's like, "Ah, see if, go back to the beginning of it again." - Right here. - I think she tries to get on this chair. Watch the lady in the blue, looks like she gets squeezed. Oh, see, looks like she leaned in her-- - Oh! - God, that's great, you hear the scream there. That scream is her leg breaking, bro. - Yeah. - Pist. Are you, how fucking mad are you? - At your fat bitch fucking, do you know what I mean? - Oh yeah, if there's any time to channel that fucking inner voice. My God, could you imagine if she just switched that voice like you fat piece of shit? (laughing) - You fat piece of shit. - You fat piece of shit. - Bro, I don't think I could be friends with somebody that broke my leg like that. - I would have to be like, we're done. - We're done, homie. - You look like you fucked up my, you broke my leg. Like for a fucking musical chair? - You could be friends with somebody that was in regular shape that took any game like that. That aggressively that broke your fucking leg. Let alone 400 pounds coming down on that. - My little kids take this game this seriously. Like two, three adult women. - Does she get up after that? - I don't know. - No way. - This just, yeah. - This looks like a church hallway and shit too. - Oh my God. - These people are nervous. - You know, but these chicks should know not to play with her too. You don't play games like that with someone that big. Like no, no, no, you're the champ. That's what you tell her. This is a champ right here. We don't ever even play with her. - You know what the other problem is with these fingerless gloves? Is that your palms sweat? But the tips stay dry. I'm not sure if he liked that. - Maybe he liked that. - That might be the loot. - Yeah. - I mean, the fucking Miyagi. - Yeah, 'cause it's creating moisture in places I don't. I'm not used to it. - And obviously I'm so damn, I have a hot such drive like a bunny rabbit. Only problem is I got no one to fuck. (laughing) - That's the only problem. - That's it. - That's it. - That's the only problem. - Everything else is horrible. - Everything else is great, man. - Yeah, everything is cool except for that. - I'm Ryan and I want to be recognized by some of the hottest women here on Instagram. - Cool. - So spread the word. - You got it. - I'm trying to volume down on the TV if you're doing the videos. Yeah. Yeah, but Ryan's doing his thing, man. - He's doing all right. I mean, it's, listen. Last time I was here, he loved black chicks, right? - Oh, that's right. - And these are two back-to-back videos where he doesn't mention it, so has he moved on? I don't know. - Oh wow. - If you get burned enough, maybe sometimes you go, I have a new breakfast. - I don't know though. Hey, hot take, men generally like what they like. They don't deviate, do they? - I thought your, your, your boner is just programmed for what it likes. - True. - Can you switch what your boner wants? - I don't think you could switch what your boner wants, but I don't think everyone's boners the same forever. - Yeah, your boner. - Your boner can evolve. - What it needs to as if you're a teenager. - Well, I mean. - Oh, right. - Your boner better evolve. - But I'm saying like, can you go from liking black women your whole life and then one day you wake up and you're like, you know what? It's Asians. I'm actually into Asians. I mean, I guess you could. - But is that what it's not like that for me? - What if he starts getting some attention from a group then he goes, oh, maybe I am into it. Just 'cause he's getting the attention, you know? - Oh, so it's just whatever's available. - Yeah, I never understood any man that was like, I'm not really in the black girls or Asians or whatever. I'm like, look at yourself. - Yeah. - Why are you eliminating the pull for yourself? Like, I just need a blonde lady that's, you know, five, six, and-- - Size that all to two, totally. - Why are we doing that? - I don't know. - I think for me, it's, I don't know, personality is a huge thing, obviously. - Yeah. - That's the best part. And then, you know, I don't know, I've been with different ladies that-- - Different types. - Different ways and different types. - You don't have like one aesthetic type. I'm just saying personality is like one aesthetic type. - A look, no. - That your boner just goes, yep. - No. - That's my look. - No. - Like all Dominicans are my thing. - Yeah. - No. - What about you, boner killer? - No, I mean boners, you know, they're just like, different treats in the night, you know, you-- - Different treats in the night, huh? - You just pick up a treat and you're like, oh, I got a boner. Yeah. - You look, it's, we'll get your dick heart call. - Yeah. - What about you, Carl? - I like Dandies. He had a little dandy boyfriend, this cute little French kid. - You think you'd be into that? - No, you know, no, two-fei. - Yeah. - I like whatever Tom is. Like I like kind of comfy. - Can I bring this up? - Meat sticks. - You cut this out if you want to. You say that though, but prior to Tom, I believe you dated an Asian guy. Did you not? - For five years. - Oh, I see I didn't know it was that long. - Big guy. - So, but did you date Tom's type prior to the Asian guy? Like what was your high school type? - Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Were you got guys then, no? - Yes, got guys. - Was that it though? You know, like I gotta have a goth boyfriend or would you have gone with a jock, even though you were a dog. - Never. - I would never go with a jock. - Never. - So. - Hey bitch, nigga. - Yeah. - Tom. - My aesthetic type, here's what I like. Blue eyes, I always liked blue eyes. That was always what I was a sucker for. Dark hair. I don't like fucking blondes. Well, that's different, yeah. Aesthetically and then, but the personality, I'm like you where personality trumps all. So I don't, I didn't, it's not the package. It's, it's not the case. It's the whole thing for me. - Yeah, I'm way over being like, oh, that, that lady's hot. That lady's a fucking asshole. - Yeah. - What do you mean like? - How do you even give a shit? - Yeah, because I think it's a woman to your, your, your, your, your blessed to be selective, right? Especially if you're somewhat attractive woman, you've got your, you pick. And I knew the boys that were really, really like, traditionally good looking were players. Like the guys that had the game and everything, I just didn't trust them. - Personality does trump everything though. - For sure, 'cause every beauty fades. - I probably shouldn't say this. - Sure. - I'm being the hand burglar, but I do prefer cheeseburgers. If I'm being honest, I probably shouldn't say a real my whole brand, but robber robber. - Yeah. - Yeah. - No, that's my side. - So I have just arrived at Cafe Bitch Niggit. - Yay. - It is the real niece food, and I'm very excited for what's to come. - So when you first walk in, you know, it's actually very clean. Like it doesn't give, you know, Cafe Bitch Niggit. (laughs) Bitch Niggit menu. - It doesn't give. - Oh no, it's hot. - Hi. - Hi, how are you? - Can I ask you, how do you pronounce the name of the Cafe? - The Cafe Bitch Niggit. - Um, are these like the little pants? - Yes, I can give you that whole thing. This is our name, Cafe Bitch Niggit. There you go. Have you seen the college kid with the last name? - Oh yeah, Noah. - Yeah. - Have you seen that? - No. - Yeah. - That guy's gonna, he's gonna have. - He's watching dice. - What, tell me. - He has merch already. - He does. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - Well, what is it? - It's a, his last name is K-N-I-G-G-A. There he is, there he is. He's a white guy. He's a white guy. Apparently he balls out, too. - He's going back to his car. - He's these, yeah. There he is. - You think you changed the line? - You think you would. I'm sure you don't pronounce it like that. Like, you're supposed to say the K. - Yeah, that's how this is. - But this is one of the versions where the K is not silent. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? This is not night. - But he's definitely. - K-N-I-G-H-T. - I'm gonna take a wrap, I think a guess. And just say, he's in the South, which is why I know one. - Where is that? - Where's the school? - When happened in California. - You think so. Where is he from, what's a college? - Eastern Michigan. - See, there was a kind of a popular meme when he was getting recruited that people would say like you know, we need to beef up our defense and then they would tag him and they go, I think I know a nigga and then they would puff her up. (laughing) Is that right? - Yeah, I know what, I guess like it's kind of perfect. Yeah. - He's that Eastern Michigan. - Oh, he's a Spartan, he's a Spartan. - That's pretty wild, dude. - Yeah, bro, I don't know. - Yeah, he's from Lawrenceburg, Indiana. - Everybody knows him in college ball, man. Everybody knows him. - That's amazing. - It's pronounced, I don't even wanna say it. - Okay. - No, no, no, no. - I don't see that, I don't see that. - I think his family have clarified despite the penalty is not pronounced like that. It is hard K, Kanega. - No. - No. - This is a lie. - What fucking language is that? - Well, yeah, it's that so that you can get through life. - Yeah. - That's why they changed it. - Kanega. - His dad is going through this whole life. - Could you imagine meeting Tom and that's his last name? - No, one day, wouldn't date. - God, I fucking married this guy. - I wouldn't. - Yeah, who lies, you don't care, though. - I know. - Kanega, fuck yeah. Just call them no one, yeah. - No, yeah. - I know one, yeah. - No one, yeah. - No one, yeah. - Kanega. - What can I say? I understand Hitler. - Ooh. - But I think he did some wrong things. He is absolutely, but I can see him sitting in his bunker in the end. - He's like, what? - He's like, "Well, come a point at the end of this." - Oh, I really wanted to be a Jew, and then I found out that I was really a Nazi. - Nice. - It's large, volunteer. - Wow. Oh, I didn't realize. - What the hell was that? - I don't know what's the film. - Yeah, he's at the clan. - Ma'am Collier, yeah. - That's an old movie. - Yeah. - That's an old one. - Wow. - Can I say, I bet I understand Hitler. - She's like, she's like, please stop. - Yeah, she's like, "I'm in this movie. "I'm sitting right next to you." This is Mike Myers with Kanye. - And he's like, "George Bush, I promise." - There's a point at the end. - She's like, "Okay." - Nobody needs it. - What's that point? - You don't have to share your thoughts. - What's the point? - But this movie came out. - The point is I found out I'm a Nazi. - Oh, it's Kirsten Dunst. He was sitting next and had poor girl. She was like, "Could you shut the thought down?" And she's German too. - Yeah, his latest, now I say, "I'm a Nazi." And I understand Hitler. He also jokingly claimed he was writing a four or long hardcore porn film. It would be said to contain a lot of very, very unpleasant sex. The Nazi remarks were gestingly made in response to a question about his German roots. It would probably spell career suicide if uttered outside the rarefied atmosphere of the Cannes Film Festival. And indeed may yet. - Okay. - Just don't say it. - Also go fuck yourself with the rarefied. So the Cannes Film Festival's where we could say whatever the fuck we want. All of a sudden, not comedy clubs or internet or anywhere else just now. We gotta go there to fucking be racist and fucking garbage. - You know the French are now. They're also open about everything. The French, they let all the sex offenders go live there. - I don't know, how long are you in Austin for? I'm leaving tonight. Well, you still have time to go by the Dollar Tree if you want to check that out. There's a good one here. - There's a good one here, yeah, it's right here. - Oh, shit on the ground. - It's hard to find the baby shit. - You caught my track, I have a diabetes. I'm calling the police. - I'm calling the shit in the middle of the fucking town. - Shot on center. - He's the fuck out man, yeah, I'm scratching my face. - Where's the shit? - It's on the walkway there. - Oh. - Don't tell the police, don't tell the police. - Right in your full locker there. - I'm calling the police, I'm calling the police. - Yeah. Did she say I pushed the button and it made me shit. I have diabetes, I'm calling the police. - That's a hell of a run right there, dude. - I'm gonna put my girlfriend in that, man. - Bitch go inside and get some dollar toilet paper and wipe your fucking ass. - I worked for the government right there by subway. She said I worked for that. - Eh? - Yeah. - I'm new. - He's the people. - It made me shit. - Push the button, it made me, I don't, what's the logic there? - Which button makes her shit. - What's the shit button? - I don't know. - The door button. - I don't understand. - Shit, man, what's the smell, I'm like frickin' caca! - Smelling like frickin' caca! (laughing) - Have you ever really gotten close to one in public? - Yeah. - Dangerously close to a shit? - Oh my gosh. - Yeah, yeah. Sure. - Wait, shitting myself? - I mean like where you got to do like a lady like that. Close. - Yeah. - What do you mean? Where you took a shit and so on, right? - Like you're almost about to-- - Yeah. - Or you shit in public. Have you ever had-- - Oh, I mean, I've started. - I've started. - Yeah, oh yes. - On a plane, I started on a plane on, plane to Africa, 'cause I had tacos at the Atlantic airport. - How long was the flight? - Like 15 hours. - About 80 hours. - How early into it? (laughing) - It was right after the dinner service. And we were gonna take a nap. And now I just, yeah, I just started. And then I was like, fuck dude, now I went in the bathroom. But thankfully I had an extra pair of underwear and my carry on. 'Cause I was a seasoned traveler. And you never just check it all in. So I had an extra underwear and I was okay on the way to Africa. But don't eat tacos on an international flight. If I could suggest one thing to you today. - You went to the international terminal, pre about to board a 15 hour flight from Atlanta to Johannesburg. She's like, you wanna get tacos? I'm like, I'm pretty good right now. She was like, those tacos, and an hour later, she was like, I shit, I shit. (laughing) - I shit myself on the plane, yeah. But that's why you should always take an extra pair of Johannes and sweatpants on the plane. - You'd actually, that's a really good thing. - It's true, I'm quite like that. - Shout out to Jeff Tate. I travel with wet wipes all the time. - Oh, that's huge. - The first wet wipe person I really encountered in life was actually you. You were the one who taught me back in Sherman Oaks. I was like, you're like, oh yeah, you think you're clean. This is how you fucking know you're clean. And then I was just like, okay. But then every time I was on the road with Tate, if I was like, I got to the venue, I was like, I think I got a shit. He'd reach in his back, he'd go, here you go. And I go, what? He's like, don't you want wipes? And I was like, oh yeah. And then it finally took a few times before I started traveling with him. - Just to get out. - I dated a girl from Argentina years and years. - I remember that. - And she was the one that told me that. And she said the same thing to me. She goes, you think your ass is clean? Go in there and take one of these baby wipes. And I was like, oh my God. All these years, why are we using dry fucking pants? - It's disgusting. - People say it all the time. If you had shit on your arm, you wouldn't take a dry napkin and just do that. - No. - It'd be like, I'm busy. - I'm busy. - I'm good now. - No, my ass, it's a little bit, oh, good, good. So yeah, I'm baby wipes all the way, man. Hell yeah. - Well, we are our total washlet household exclusively. I like the spray in my ass. - I get that too, but I spray in a baby wipe. - What? - Oh, they sent to it too. - That's crazy. - 'Cause here is a deal, man. - You know, someone's face can be like, I used to work a job one time for writing job and we didn't have any, we had one toilet and it was a small thing and everyone knew who was going. And I was like, I can't sit here all day with shit, my ass. And we didn't have baby wipes. So I swear to God, I would use, I think you're to have used them to lice all wipes. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, I would take those with bleach on them and get back there and clean my ass. - Bleach, bleach. - You're not supposed to. - Just to feel. - You're definitely going to have it. - It tingles. - Yeah, it's a tingles. It tingles in a shit tingle. I'll tell you that. - Yeah, it's definitely. - Makes you feel alive. - She's good. - It's like smelling salt. You're like, it's like a little firecracker to the ass. - But don't the wipes clog your plumbing? - I have a trash can, they 100 to 100% clog. - Even the ones they say aren't-- - Dude, you put four? - No, no, no. Listen to what he just fucking said. - Well, you don't forget who you're talking to. - Bro, you take the shity wipe. - The shit wipe. - It gets wrapped in a bunch of good wipes. We're throwing, we're wasting wipes. - Yeah. - So that when it goes into can, it's not fresh shit right here. You're fucking full. - What kind of animal are you with? - Bro, is this like Mexico, you know, when you go to Mexico and like, don't flush the toilet paper down the fucking sewer. And then you got your shity-ass toilet paper next to you. - Yeah, but you have it in a can. - It's in a trash can with a lady that closes. - No, no, no, no. - No, that's what it is. - I'm not into this now. - Listen, you're trying to reason with an unreasonable person. - You're flushing them? - I would never flush it at my own plumbing. Hold on, but when I try-- - Not my own, but oh yeah, I'm throwing everything in a toilet. I'd flush your match packs. You know what I was like, I don't care, I'm just going, man, they got torqued on this one. Oh yeah, the toilet could never do this. Yeah, I'm talking about at your home all the way. - No, not at my home. - Right, so what do you do with them then? - I don't use the vet vipe in my own house. - Oh, you're saying the water is just-- - I have the washlet and then I take a dry-- - I see, oh, oh. - And then, but when we travel in the-- - What do you do with the dry? Just throw it in the hamper. - Nam, you put it in the toilet. - To dry, shitty, the dry, and you flush that down. - Oh, you just take a dry toilet paper, not a dry. - Yeah. - But after your ass has been sprayed down. - For a long time. - You're a full cycle. - You're not taking a dry washcloth or anything like that. (laughing) - Probably. (laughing) You wouldn't, you wouldn't. (laughing) - I'm like, you're sweating. Listen, I color coordinated this one more time. - I've traveled with-- - You've traveled with your washcloth? - No, this one I did. - You know what? - No. - Was a game changer for me? though. So I would like get on the pours for washcloth use. And then it became such a conversation that everyone was like, well, you know, try it, try it. Dude, on the road, every hotel that I am in now, I get into the shower with a washcloth. I use it for the pot. Daddy. So gross. Right. Because you could be exfoliating and it feels good and you feel clean. But the main thing is you take a white washcloth, you shove it up inside of your asshole, you scrub, and then you pull it out, and you see brown, and you watch the brown come off the washcloth, and then you do it again. And then you throw it on the ground, and somebody picks it up for you. Yeah. This is great right there. It's really great. And then you feel like you've ever looked at it. And here's the other thing about washcloths. This one, this is a nice one. Yeah. I don't like these. I like the cheaper, it's that are rougher. Yeah. It's a better, you get a better grip, you get a better wash out of their actually clean. Like, I'm talking about the ones that you can get on Amazon, like 30 them for $2. That's not these fucking displays and like a set. I've said it before. I'll say it again. You pours, we're onto something because I really learned, you know what else I got into now? I get the mitts, the exfoliating. Oh, those are nice. Those are nice. That's good. And I get out like a touch myself. Oh, yeah. Nice. Hey, may I suggest something to you, Tom? Yes. This is not a criticism, but I'm just saying that you can get your one cloth, you put it in your ass. The brown is there. Then you can get dispose of that dirty one and just grab a new fresh one because you're at the hotel. You don't need to rinse it out the brown and then go up again. No, no, no, no. Can you use as many as you want? No, no, no, no, no. The fun is to watch the color slowly fade. If you just watch it, you're like, oh, there's still going to be good in there. Fuck it. Little bit of brown and then it fades off and then you throw it on the ground. Now, some people need a reminder, if you do your ass first and then your eyes and that's probably a problem, you're just saying that it's a problem. Who's going to ass the eyes on their body? Somebody ass the eyes. We just, we just enlightened somebody. Yeah, somebody's like, uh, somebody out there with, oh, shit, I go ass the eye. I'm putting, I'm putting shit flakes in my eyes. Yeah. I've got pink eye all of the time. You know, I'm friends, my, when I'm, I'm friends with a gay guy and he just had sex with a man and a woman together and I go, like, yeah, like he buffucks a guy and he has bad sex with a girl. And I was like, bro, I hope you did the girl first and then the guy. And he's like, of course, I'm not an animal. You idiot. I was like, oh, okay. Okay. That's a real, that's a nice story. Thanks for sharing that part. That was kind of neat. That's cool. Thank you, Christina. That's cool. Now Ryan, my palms are sweaty. You, you like a good deal, right? You, you, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm one of the dollars really. But you can also for your car needs. I'm doing a $40 euro change in here. I don't get $40 euro change in here. Yep. It come with a filter. $40 euro change in here. Yes, you come with the filter stop going to them e-wraps. Oh, oh, I'm pretty eat it all us for a change There's no way he can charge that one There's no way Come to the black man. No, there's no way 40 dollars. There's no way hold on pause. Pause this for one second. There's a lot going on There's a lot going on there's a girl there's a what do you call the Arabs a Arabs a wrap? Yeah, well a rams a a wrap Yes, a rams, but he want. Okay, all right, let's here stop going to them e-wraps E-wraps in any I've never heard an e-wraps before that. I might use that. He okay I in his let's start in his defense. Yeah, I just had to take my car to like a jiffy Lou because the coolant was low So did you get an Earl change to I did but I asked how much an Earl change was they just said you only need coolant And I was like great just give me the antifreeze in my radiator and we'll fucking Well, what's an old Earl change these days, and they said it's like a hundred sixty dollars like it's a lot about jiffy Lou at a like jiffy Lou at back in the 90s. It was $40 so he's cut them at a quarter cost. Yeah, which is great now Not possible. I have learned through life you get what you pay for that's the thing now play this video real quick This guy's gonna work on our call Car excuse me play this video again. Don't listen to anything. He says listen to the pinging in knocks Listen to his call. This is a great observation. Let's know it's okay Come to the black man. You hear me? Yeah, I got the Earl change. That's a $40 Earl change Earl change Rattles it comes with a bit it's it comes pinging and popping And for synthetic. I got 540. I got 530 Come on, man. These people don't know how to drive wrong. Yeah, you're making fucking promo videos He's holding it too. It's not mounted Listen to that car. Yeah, it's your Earl change. What is that? Your shop? All right, don't pull up and walk in my bag. Yo, you gonna get bit bit by him. How do you get to Earl? How does Earl come from oil? Mm-hmm. E-A-R-L. Earl You want to get your Earl change? Who's calling? I don't buy $40 is what it costs a dispose of the oil Oh, you don't think he's going through the protocol you're supposed to go through. I'm I'm Just said don't come in my backyard. You get bit. Yeah, my money is he's dumping out of Earl right in that bag y'all Right in that bag. Yeah, that's no good cut my costs Yeah for who also how many followers does he have who is he pitching this to right now? Who is what is the audience for this? That's fucking amazing. I mean 40. It's a little Go he pull up his I see that it's in here. What's his IG look like the can oil is 40? Is it always prone filter - it comes with filter the filter's 29.99 He's got a connector something. He's got a stolen 114,000 holy shit. Well, there's a lot of Earl changes. Did he do one? Does that red car? Oh, look at the head look at the headlamp on his head on this Oh shit. Oh, he's selling them too Salon cars The phone on the nice car. He's guy puts the phone number right now. Yeah, but he's he has a service. What's the lamp on his head down here? He's a machine. He's a mechanic. I'm all the way under this car Checking the suspension Transmission transmission. Check that's the suspension on your car little control arms upper control arms I'm draining the Earl right now It's pretty working out. He said everything else suspension works. I let you boy. I'm gonna put it in there. The suspension That's what was fucking this level four, at least bring them all up the pre-do in the service circle There you go. This is also a guy price like I don't work on anything after 95. Yeah. Yeah. You're just too new Yeah, you too new man That's got 23 computers on it. Yeah, I can't fuck with that shit. I do Earl change I do Earl I rotate your tie. Oh my god. That's a me 14 Um, all right. Are you on tour? um I will be you will be yes. I'm not supposed to say it yet because they want to announce it. Okay. There will be dates for 2026 For sure. I already have cities locked up for sure. We'll announce it Ryan cycler.com is my website for all dates Ryan And the main thing though is check out the new special live and alive. It is on your YouTube channel You're one of my dearest friends one of my favorite people One of the funniest people I've ever met and do yourself a favor check it out go to his YouTube channel watch live and alive and go see Ryan on tour Thank you. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Get your Earl change (gentle music) (gentle music) - I like those fun legs, I like those fun legs, I like those fun legs. Wow.