1. A crime of pattern

Before we begin, I just want to warn you that this episode contains discussion about stalking and sexual assault, which some of you might find upsetting. Please listen with caution. I was scared to put my child in a bin because I knew we would be watching Nate's point and I didn't know what he was doing. On some as night, she fell asleep and she woke up and this man was stood at the foot of her bed. And there's no doubt in the mind that given an opportunity this man will kill you. There was nothing that I could do. Stalker, when you hear that word, what image comes to your mind? Is it a hooded figure walking down the street? Someone hunched over their computer screen. Can you see them? Do they look familiar? My name is Rechera Sharma and I'm a journalist based in the UK. For the past few years, I've written about the rise of stalking from the worst cyber stalker in UK history, Matthew Hardy, to stalkers taking advantage of Covid lockdowns to terrorise their victims. I've always gravitated toward stories that hold a pomerote to the darkest parts of our society. But this feels different. Four years ago, a close friend of mine became a victim of stalking after an ex-partner refused to accept their breakup. He extended the grip on her life, incessantly messaging people she knew without her knowledge and threatening to turn up at her house. It very nearly ruined her life. Over the years, I've come to realise just how prevalent stalking has become alongside the rise of the internet. And with that, just how ill-equipped we are to stop it. I've spoken to influencers and only fans creators who were shamed for having large online platforms when they spoke out about their stalkers. Throughout this time, I've been plagued with the same unanswered questions. What drives people to do these things? And can they ever change? In this podcast series, I'm embarking on a journey to peel the mask from the boogeyman. I'll speak to experts who come across stalkers daily, from prosecution baristas to forensic psychologists, and to a survivor who's come out the other side. So what is the anatomy of a stalker? When I think of stalking, I imagine someone obsessed. Someone that can't help but compulsively check up on their victim, wants to hurt their victim, consume them. But what does the public think of stalkers? So I'm about to head out and ask people some questions about stalking. I'm not really sure what I'm going to get, but I'm interested to hear what everyone thinks. The first question that I'm going to ask is the image of a stalker if anyone has a particular idea or stereotype or cliche of what a stalker looks like. Stalker? Yeah. Oh, very nice. Shady person, literally a little silhouette behind me, I don't know. There's always a guy that comes to that. Yeah, to be far, that's the same in me. I would think instinctively of a man, I would think of a guy who is very obsessive, usually directing the obsession. At a woman, I would think of a stalker as someone like anti-social, maybe a loner, someone who can't deal with rejection, maybe. It's not clear, white middle aged man. You know the first person who said that, actually, yeah. Is there any reason why that comes up to you there? That's how it's shown on the media. I definitely think of a parody version of a stalker. It's definitely a man. He's maybe wearing a trench coat. He's walking around with a big newspaper and some fake glasses on. He's weirdly not as sinister as I know in my head what a stalker can be. So I see it's almost the same thing as seeing like thinking of a robber wearing a black and white stripy t-shirt. Like, I'm seeing the kind of cartoonish version of a stalker rather than like the actual sinister thing. One in five women and one in 12 men will be stalked during their lifetime. For something so common, it feels like there is so much misunderstanding around what stalking actually is. Most of the people I've spoken with on the street admit they have a stereotype of a stalker and maybe I do too. So what's the reality? Stalking involves a targeted pattern of behaviour in which the perpetrator intrudes on the victim's life where they're not wanted and have no right to be, causing distress and/or fear. Dr Rachel Wheatley is a forensic psychologist working in independent practice and the practitioner programme director at the University of Derby. So to break that down it's very targeted, it's very fixated on a particular person. It's a pattern so it's two or more contacts, two or more acts of behaviour. There's a context to this, there is a repeated element to it. It's very obsessive so it takes up a lot of that person's thinking time as well as their emotions as well as some of the acts and behaviours that they carry out in terms of driving to a location, going to buy a gift, writing out a lengthy email, sending lots of texts, sending lots of voicemail messages, etc. Also there's the element of it being unwanted so intruding on the victim's life, it's very one way where they're not wanted and have absolutely no right to be and that also causes them distress or fear. Stalking isn't a mental illness. A lot of times I think the stereotypes, particularly in the research that I've undertaken myself with people convicted of stalking and also in my client work is that people that have engaged in those behaviours really do distance themselves from the stereotype. And the stereotype being this is that people think that if you stalk somebody there is something wrong with you. 100% there is something about your mental wellbeing, social skills or your weird or some kind of lurking stranger that's hidden away from everybody. Obviously occasions where people will stalk and a lot of those things are at play. So for example people will stalk and they might use following behaviours. People might have mental health and wellbeing issues but stalking is a pattern of behaviours. It's a course of conduct and people that commit stalking offences are so varied in terms of their motivations, things that are underpinning and contributing to why they are stalking so that might be lack of social skills, it might be their rejection sensitivity, it might be a whole host of different things and so it's very difficult to define a person that stalks as one particular thing. What do you mean by problem behaviour? So what we're doing actually is saying that by saying stalking is a problem behaviour, we're saying it's not a mental illness, it's usually a pattern of behaviours that occur after a situation or event and because of personal thoughts and feelings that bring about some kind of difficulty that that person has in managing that particular situation. So it might be because of their loneliness, it might be because they long for a relationship with a particular someone and have been ruminating or obsessing, got this restricted interest around this particular person, it might be because they feel they have a grievance against a particular person, it might be against the next partner. So again when we think about the variety of people that the person stalking is targeted against, we really do see that stalking is perpetrated against a whole host and range of people, it can be a complete stranger although around 8% potentially more of times the victim will know who the person is that stalking them, they might not know them very well but they might know of them. So as I dig deeper in my research I keep coming across stalker typologies. Developed by forensic psychologist Paul Mullin is essentially a method of breaking up stalkers into different types according to their motivations. So I think they're really useful categorisations to help us as practitioners to really find some quick ways in or at least be mindful of all the different things here that might be at play that we might need to. think about in terms of risk management, treatment, intervention or even just understanding why is that person doing what they're doing at this point in their lives. So the rejected stalking arises in the context of the breakdown of a close relationship, usually former sexual intimate partners, could be family members, close friends, etc. But it's normally the ex intimate partner. The initial motivation for the stalking is either attempting to reconcile the relationship or to exact some kind of revenge for that perceived or actual rejection. And actually what we see in practice is a bit of an oscillation between the two. You'll see people really trying to claw back that relationship and then the next minute being very sort of angered and threatening. And again, you know, you can you can hear through behaviors and you know, messages you can sort of see the whole sort of thinking patterns and the emotion behind the stalking that's occurring. The intimacy seeker is really the category of people that stalk which arises out of a context of loneliness and you know a lack of a real close confidant and somebody you know it's like a real aloneness you know in that yearning for some kind of real connection to somebody. The victims are usually strangers or acquaintances and you know the desire really is for a relationship. Oftentimes the behaviors fueled by some kind of serious mental illness, for example, delusional beliefs about the victims that they're already in a relationship or have had a close relationship or a relationship is about to ensue. Oh my god, yes, hi. I'm Chad Michael Busto, you know who I am. I need to see you at some point. What you're hearing in this clip is the actress Drew Barrymore being rushed off stage after an alleged stalker approached her as an event in 2023. I don't have the authority to state which typology of stalking this incident falls under. But when Dr. Rachel talks about delusional beliefs, I can't help but think of the stereotypical celebrity stalker. The quote unquote "crazed fan" whose obsession becomes completely fantastical. Court ordered Busto to stay away from Barrymore. I'm actually hoping that we can maybe repair a relationship if that needs it but yeah for the duration of the case I'm going to have to have a stay away order. You know there's some real quite strong delusional beliefs behind somebody that's stalking of that category. So already you can see between the two typologies that I've talked about, although stalking behaviors it's a course of conduct not defined by any particular act. The contacts, the unwanted contacts might be very similar but with the intimacy seeker what's driving it is you know this this thought process that's not based in reality at all. But the overall goal is I don't want to be lonely, I want to be connected to someone I want a relationship on, a healthy relationship we're meant to be together. Not based in reality. This image of stalking is a first thing that came to my boyfriend's head when I asked him about the subject. What do you think of a stalker? What kind of image comes up for you when I say that word? The crazy man who have stalked famous women celebrities. I feel like every woman has a some kind of stalker famous woman. These labels were manufactured in 1999 so you know they are very useful. I sometimes feel very uncomfortable using these particular terminologies but you know they are there to describe a particular big category of people and what seemed to be the key issue. So let's bear that in mind but just want to acknowledge you know that we generally don't go around you know talking to people and calling them an incompetent suitor for example. But the incompetent suitor generally stalks again in the context of loneliness or even lust and targets their attention to stranger acquaintances. Their initial motivation is not really to establish a loving relationship some much but really to sort of get a date or you know a short term sexual relationship you know or to strike up some kind of close friendship. I would think of a stalker as someone like anti-social maybe a loner someone who kind of can't deal with rejection maybe. They were usually stalked for quite brief periods of time and I say usually because again there's always these caveats, there's always human beings are very diverse which is great. So when we try to categorize there's always going to be you know people that don't fit the typologies and it's not that the people are wrong or the typologies are wrong you know it's we've got to just keep that open mind all the time. So they were usually stalked for brief periods sometimes they have an insensitivity I guess to sort of social cues or norms they might have cognitive limitations or social skills intellectual disability you know all sorts of things that would make them come across quite forthright you know quite crumzy or you know quite insensitive to other people's perspectives on the situation and whether they want a date or not. The actor Hugh Jackman was approached by a female stalker in 2013. Thurston followed crying and screaming she loved him and wants to marry him. Then she pulled out an electric razor filled with hair eventually throwing it at Jackman. He's a woman who obviously needs help so I just hope she gets to help she needs. The resentful stalker typology is we're stalking arises when they feel as though that they've been mistreated or they've you know they've been victimized in some way there's been an injustice or a humiliation. Victims again usually strangers or acquaintances who are seen to have mistreated that person. It can arise out of some kind of serious mental illness again so that person might be quite paranoid at times and users stalking is way of getting back at the victim so the person that they perceive has been targeting them. The initial motivation is really about revenge or to sort of even the score or to give themselves a voice because of this real oppression that they've been suffering so it's a fight back and people that I've worked with from this particular category. Oftentimes you see lots of bullying in their own history where they've been a victim of abuse and bullying at school and so oftentimes I've seen when there are people that I've worked with that these beliefs haven't just come out of nowhere. They've got some kind of memory pattern matching from their past. Their brain's probably doing the thing that it should be doing you know is is being kind of hypersensitive for these tricky psychological moments that cause a real harm and distress. Had a tree stalker typology arises in the context of deviant sexual practices so a deviant sexual needs like an itch that needs to be scratched. It can kind of snowball really quickly or it can be a bit of a slow burn in terms of developing a sexual interest towards somebody usually a female stranger by a male. It can involve quite a bit of voyeurism, monitoring, surveilling, watching, planning and attack you know really get into know the intricate details and routine of somebody and get ingratification and sort of sexual gratification out of you know information being power in an knowledge is power and planning that attack so and then you know if an attack does occur on the back of that it can usually be you know rape attempt to murder or sexual a sexual murder. It may not come as a surprise that a crime like stalking has a high reoffending rate. The Susie Lamplow Trust estimates that 55% of convicted stalkers go on to reoffend. What is it about stalking that might explain its high reoffending rate? Does it say something about the crime or the profile of people doing it? You can't really have one without the other if that makes sense so there is no one profile of people that stalk obviously we've talked about the different typologies and hopefully that gave you a bit of an overview of the sort of variants in terms of risks motivations and potentially their own particular needs and well-being needs. Stalking is a crime of pattern so you know there's a course of conduct so by that's very nature there's a repetitiveness about it. The high reoffending rates that you refer to may well be the fact that somebody stalking behavior has already begun its course obviously the longer that it continues for it becomes to take over that person's life, it becomes an investment, harder to move back from as well and harder to move out of that train of thought. So I know particularly in terms of the research that I did with people convicted of stalking and people that I work with generally, who have stalked people, often talk about this fact that once you get sort of caught up in this bubble, you know, the stalking and the motivation and the target and everything becomes their main focus. Everything else, like the whole balance that we might feel that we have in our own lives kind of just forced the wayside. So it kind of takes over this real snowball effect around stalking and that pattern and people getting really caught up in that. Hence why early interventions may hold the key to nipping things in the bud early on, you know, that circuit breaker idea. But yeah, absolutely people did talk about the fact that once they were in it, it was hard for them to see objectively what was going on and the impact of everything and the consequences for themselves and other people, you know, and recognising it was doing them more harm than good even though at the time they were telling themselves, you know, or acting out on urges, thoughts and feelings. They could see in hindsight that actually it took over their whole life and didn't actually get them anywhere. So I think again, you know, when you think about stalking might be to address somebody's needs, wants and desires around connectedness to people, wanting a relationship, wanting to support their own sense of self-worth, you know, that sort of sense of validation from having somebody that's close to you and in your lives might have something to do with it as well. I do always try, try, try really hard to avoid that word stalker. I always try to separate stalking or the person that has been stalking or the person stalking, again, putting the person first and the behaviour second, but actually stalker is very different. Stalker doesn't talk to behaviours. Stalker is a label of a person and actually when you speak to most people you say, well, define what a stalker is then. You know, people will either say one of two things usually in my experiences. Oh, you know, somebody that's like watching you and, you know, somebody that's like a complete weirdo that they're, you know, doing this and the other and following you and, you know, say some really horrible things about people when you make that word stalker. Or people use it in very like so-called funny, humorous ways and, you know, Valentine's cards. We have from your favourite stalker, you know, people wouldn't say, you know, send a Valentine's card going, oh wow, you're so sexy, love you so much from your favourite rapist, you know, it's crazy. Actually, when you think about how we use that term, you know, all the time, people say, oh, I've been stalking you on Facebook. No, you haven't. You've just been looking at where they've been on holiday last because it's, you know, it's interesting, you know, whatever. So in society, there's this real dichotomy of how we perceive what a stalker is. And so already when you look at the typologies and the situations and the characteristics that I've talked of, there's such diversity, such diversity. So yeah, I don't like the label stalker. I'm not afraid of ever calling out stalking. So call it stalking is one of my taglines. It's, you know, it is what it is, course of conduct to a more and more wanted context that could cause fear or distress. And anyway, I digress. I think we can all relate to those feelings of despair and loneliness when a relationship ends. Rejection isn't something we enjoy. To not even have had a relationship in the first place must be even harder. But rejection and breakups are experiences that we all go through. I've gone through it. I'm sure you have too. And whilst my friend tried to move on, her ex did not want to accept the ending of their relationship. So what makes someone flip the switch and descend into stalking? I know it may seem impossible, but I need to speak to someone who's actually done this. To hear from them why things got as bad as they did. I need to meet a stalker for myself. Thanks for listening to Anatomy Verstalker. If you have been affected by any of the issues in this episode, resources are available on the advice and support page at crimeininvestigation.co.uk/advice. Next time, I begin my hunt for a stalker and speak to somebody who's stalker rang them 600 times in two hours. That place officers partner drove to my house at night after her shift to warm me that this man will kill me. Anatomy Verstalker is a crimeininvestigation original podcast from Q Podcasts. It's hosted by me, Rechera Sharma, produced by Kim Montgomery and Graham Woodcock, with music and sound design by Tom Hughes and Graham Woodcock. Nile Kaleenny Taylor is our executive producer and the commissioning editors for crimeininvestigation are Sam Pearson and Diana Carter. In a Brave New series Unbreakable, I'm sitting face to face with survivors of violent and abusive crime. My name's Nina Olk, I'm a life coach and survivor myself of an extremely abusive childhood. Unbreakable will tell the stories of people who've endured everything from trafficking within gangs through domestic violence to female genital mutilation, to understand not just the pain of their experience but also their incredible journeys to escape. It's emotional, frank and often harrowing testimony but offers unparalleled insight into the pathways that can lead into the darkest of circumstance. But it shed light too, on the tools needed for the victims to fight back and escape the cycle of violence. Stream now on crime and investigation.