A Commercial Actor Helps Andy

Welcome to my gorgeous side! Podcast hosted by me, Rolly Bush, and featuring the star of the show, the eponomus. The eponomus? The word I'm looking for, titular, eponomus also correct. I don't know. Is eponomus also correct? I'm leading to or being the person or thing to whom or which something is named. Oh hell yeah, bitch, it's eponomus. That's eponomus, the gorgeous side of question! And with us, as always, is Ryerson's favorite podcasting program student. In a year, I can't really remember, but I think 7 of 20. 20 year program, it's Everardo Ramirez! Shout out to all my Ryerson heads out there, what's up? Ryerson heads. It sounds like it's a fan club and not a group of people who've paid for a degree. They're all brothers out there Ryerson heads. Oh, we're boiling water in the background, this is nice. This is a little sneak peek behind the scenes, poke your head behind the curtain, and see how we run Oz! Oz! Your little fan favorite, favorite, uh, you know what? Just listen to this, I'm pouring some tea right now. Oh, Andy's really giving you the live 3D, 4D experience. Actually three, we got our sight over giving you sound. You can touch us, you can touch the screen, and you can also taste. Smell? And smell. Really, this is 1D, what am I doing? There was an ad on my Facebook recently for a special speaker that would shoot air at you while you were playing first person video games to give you warm or cold air as you're playing Counter-Strike so you could get more of an experience. That's like, yeah, those like Ry, that's what I used to get you to do. What? I would play my early vids when I would play Quing-Quang on Atari. Quing-Quang? The guy who knows is too long, and it scoops up all his treats. That's Kubert. No, no, this was a knockoff. Quing-Quang? Also for Atari, Atari itself produced two games simultaneously. It was pitting creators against each other. There was Kubert, which really took off, and Quing-Quang, the boy who knows is too long. Because Quing-Quang was like a fully alien creature, right? Yeah. No, Quing-Quang was just the boy who's a boy. So like a Pinocchio type thing? No, like a normal boy. But his nose was too big. But you know how Pinocchio had a real pep in his step, and he was always like, I'll do it. Well, this boy was, he was devastated 24/7. Something had happened to him. His nose was too long. And the only thing is you have to navigate people who point that out. Doctors who want to give him a quick nose job, which he can't afford. And then he has to scoop up things with his mighty, slightly prehensile nose. So what, so the game was like a RPG kind of thing? No, no, it was sort of just like a side scroller or whatever the fuck you'd call that. I don't know. You don't. But I would get you, I would position you near my chair. And I would shackle you to the chair and force you to breathe on me every time Quing-Quang emitted a long sigh. I remember that actually now. That's bringing back a lot of horrible memories. Yeah, that was my early 4A into 4D. Have you ever done that? Like the Indiana Jones ride at Universal Studios or wherever, where you enter a certain level and then it's just like, it's like whole bugs are getting on you. But really it's just a little air shooting at a little. Oh, I hate that. Star Wars Rogue One, like in a theater like that. In that 4D box or something. I saw a clash of the titans. Air would shoot up my neck every time a gun went off, which was most of the movie. Yeah, that's what a gun feels like. Just a cool breeze. Just a shot of air. They had chairs that moved when the camera moved. I got dizzy. I had to take my glasses off and just close my eyes for 20 minutes in the middle. It just felt like someone was kicking my seat. It felt like some asshole was shaking my shoulders while I was trying to watch this fantastic clash of the titans movie. But I am glad I paid $50 for that though. That was cool. You paid $50. That was close to 40. You guys are really just telling two stories, just sort of sharing the time here. This is kind of weird and nice. Not a lot of listening going on, but I appreciate it. I think we're on the same page. Yeah, you're thematically in the zone. I'm listening. He said I paid 50. I said you paid $50. That's true. That was some good listening. I was listening to that. He said I paid 50. I was listening to that. He stopped talking and then I continued my story. I went to clash of the titans with you, Andy. You remember? I remember we had an early foray into d-box technology. And my favorite thing was that if a god punched the earth and created an earthquake, that would shake your chair. But then if someone slammed a door, that would shake your chair. And then if another person clapped really loud, that would shake your chair. Well, that's all they really had. I mean, I don't want forces of magnitude. There are a couple of settings on that shake, though. Yeah. You can turn it down. Oh, really? Yeah. We eventually turned it down to zero. I turned mine down to a one and just let it shake me. And I truly closed my eyes and tried to sleep because Andy had just done a very bad sketch show for suits. Yeah, just Andy. Just Andy did a very bad sketch show. And I was in the audience watching and I felt so bad. I got a contact high from his embarrassment that even though we had pre-booked tickets for Clash of the Titans, and we went to it and we sat through it, I just couldn't focus. Yeah. I felt too bad. So I just numbed myself, turned down, rocked my baby. It was great. It was wonderful. Wow. Wow. You know what today is? It's the first day of Christmas in a sense because Santa Claus Parade on Bloor. I've never been -- I've never seen the Santa Claus Parade. I haven't seen this one either. I used to take you to the Krampus Parade. Remember when you were a little kid? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's why I never saw the Santa Claus Parade because you took me to the fucking Krampus Parade. Yeah, I took you way north of Bloor to the Krampus Parade. Yeah. Yeah. We're the Devil Krampus. Yeah, the Polish District. It was awful. Yeah, the Polish District. Yeah, I forgot. It was over on Ronson's Vale. There are three of the Polish bakeries where you -- if you walk in and you're not Polish, they'll sell you what you want, but they'll fucking let you know you're not welcome. In a little Poland, Ronson's Vale. Krampus Parade was a lot of fun. Do you ever go to that, Av? I've never been allowed to go to the Krampus Day Parade. Oh, it's so fun. There's Krampus himself up there with his animatronic slaves. And you submit a list of all of your child's flaws, and he reads them out and laughs to have all the gathered crowd. Krampus is good. Y'all see that movie, Krampus? I did, actually. I saw Krampus. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. I can't believe that. I was trying to scar you as a child. No, no, no. I know. And I watched it later on, not when I was a kid. And it did bring back a lot of memories. But, yeah, that was not a very good movie. Was it a bad movie? Yeah, it was like trying to be too. It was trying to be. Oh, it was one of those, like, Sharknado things? Ish. Yeah. Well, not even. It was -- I think it was just turned into a little bit of Sam Raimi type thing. Sam Raimi can do Sam Raimi. The camp. Yeah. A bit too camp. A little campy. Yeah. Camp. But, like, Sam Raimi can do camp. Like, fucking, he's so good at it. He did it. He does it. Sam Raimi's the king of it. Army of Darkness? Army of Darkness is incredible. Name a better movie where a guy becomes so many versions of himself, but small. And there's a war. It's done at Gulliver's Travels and Army of Darkness. And I dare you to pick Gully. I dare you to pick Gully. Gully. Gully Travs. Oh, okay. I thought there was another movie called Gully. Yeah. They're remaking Gulliver's Travel called Gully with Kevin Hart. They're making him big, 'cause that's his fantasy. What the hell? He's going to be Gulliver. A little journey that was. And then all the other people are small. Oh, fuck it. Kevin Hart gets big. Everyone else gets small. Doesn't that just be an attack of the 50-foot Kevin Hart or something? It's sort of just what Gulliver's Travels is. He doesn't get shrunk down. He shows up and he's big. So you mean, I just want to say this movie is everyone in the world shrinks down. Like, they all get small and he stays the same size. Basically, he goes to an island and the rock plays a very small person, which is funny, 'cause rock is usually bigger than Kevin Hart. Rock. Let's go rock. And so this movie kind of like plays, it kind of knows what it's doing. It plays on that. This movie you're inventing. It knows what it's doing. Okay. And also this movie is taking donations. Any producers out there want to submit to a Kickstarter. Your movie that you're currently crowdfunding this movie. Hoping to raise enough to hire both Kevin Hart and the rock. It only needs a couple million. No, he wants to hire rock, which is important. Rock Johnson. Toronto's finest Dwayne The Rock Johnson impersonator for the Toronto Wrestling League. Now located at the Great Hall on King. Oh, what a treat. We're all getting along so well. Which, hey, oh, I just got it. This is a total sidebar. Remember? Remember? In the animated Gulliver's Travels where he first like has dinner with like the tiny King and his tiny people. It's like the clip that gets used a bit and he dances with them by using his fingers. Like he makes his fingers into like a dancing thing. And then he dances with like, like one of the King's guys. You remember this? And then, anyway, that's not the weird part. That's just sort of a nice moment. But then this was in an age when every fucking animator was just so horny of the taco. Like Betty Boop, you know that shit. Every animator was like, let me fuck it. I threw it. Let me have it. Let me have it. So this Gulliver's Travels, his fingers are just doing a nice dance with like some other like tiny guys. And then some lady, some tiny lady fucking falls in love with his fingers. And his fingers are like doing this like salsa, like sexy dance. I don't know. It's too much. It's fingers. That's full person. These animators. You know, what was that animator's name? Fleischer. Is that who it was? I drew everyone with the massive pupils and they're always going kakong kakong kakong. They're all trying to fuck. And then you can always see him in the background of every drawing going like. Oh, man, we're all getting along so well, which is a goddamn shame. So it's probably a good time to remind you that Andy is a newfound men's rights activist. That is not true. And now that I've poisoned the well just a little bit. What? We're talking about movies. We're talking about acting and that no better segue. Could have been cleaner, but I had to drop that a little bit of poison. No better time and no better way to introduce our guest, someone who I hope can help Andy on his journey towards acting success. Might have some tips. Might have a bit more. It's Nikki Rocks, a commercial actor. Hey guys, it's so good to be here. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here, Nikki. Of course. Oh, go ahead. I just want to say I'm happy again. I'm really positive. Sorry, I cut you off when you wanted to repeat yourself so shortly after the first time. So Nikki, you described yourself to me as a commercial actor and I realized I don't quite know what that means. So I act in, you know, you watch a commercial on TV. I'm usually the guy, you know, on TV. Oh, you literally act in commercials. Correct. Yeah, exactly. Those 30 second spots in between TV shows. You do look familiar, but I can't place. What commercials would I play? I played a guy in a big diaper for Canadian Tire. I was, like, mad that, you know, I didn't have any money. You were mad he didn't have any money? I started crying and then the guy comes in, he's like, you know, if you're, you can get 50% off if you bring in this coupon. And then I was satisfied. Okay. Like a baby man. I was a baby man in that. And then I played a guy in a diaper in McDonald's commercial. What were you upset about? That one I was upset because the coffee was too warm. Too warm? You wanted a cold coffee. I wanted a little bit colder. Yeah, I think I remember that commercial. Yeah. You were in the big diaper. Yeah, exactly. How did McDonald's make you feel better by the end of this commercial? A guy came up, rubbed my back, told me I was a good boy, told me I was smart. Oh, so this is sort of like a smiles a free campaign? Yeah, exactly. So, like, whatever your problem will literally attend to you emotionally at McDonald's. Yeah, it's true. Wow. Yeah, so that was a big one for me, obviously. I'm almost remiss to ask, I'd be remiss not to ask, but is there a third example that is different but same? You might be surprised. I was a voiceover actor too in some commercials, and I do in the voiceover booth wear a diaper. You know, my style, get that signature voice in there. And that was for Swiss chalet, which is, I don't know, if you guys have international listeners. But that's like a barbecue place. Barbecue chicken. That's the rotisserie chicken. If you get there, barbecue. Yeah, you walk in and you see someone with a sloppy apron tossing cornbread on your plate at Swiss chalet. It's more just like, as I know, and I don't really go to Swiss chalet at the end, he loves it. Oh, I love it. It's like, I know of it as like chickens rotating in a, in a, in a... In a rack. Yeah, just a rack of chickens rotating and they just slop it on your plate. It's all a bit red and orange. Yeah, they just, they just, whatever you want, they'll give it to you. They just slop it. They slop it. I don't think they're slopping at Swiss chalet. Don't they serve it? Well, they serve it, but it's a chalet. Yeah. Not really. That's the craziest thing about Swiss chalet is that while you're eating, so many people are skiing around you. Yeah, right on. Yeah, young and done dice. Yeah. Downtown Toronto. Every restaurant is, it's on an Elb. Yeah. One of Toronto's five finest Elbs. Swiss chalet is nice. What was that commercial? What were you advertising on behalf of them on that day? So that one, I was actually really happy. I was saying how much I liked, because they were starting this new barbecue chicken ad campaign, which is why I thought it was barbecue. I see. And so my experience with Swiss chalet is mostly barbecue. And yeah, we were advertising the new chicken, tastes different, tastes better. Tastes different. That was the tagline. Tastes different, tastes better. Yeah, you know how everything that tastes the same is compared to chicken. Well, in this instance, even chicken tastes different from chicken. Yeah. What was the difference? Smokier? Yeah, a little bit smokier. It tasted like more salty. Now with more salt. Yeah. More salt. Is the Swiss chalet just salt and gravy? Isn't that what people love about it? Don't they go gaga for gravy? Well, yeah, it's the Swiss chalet sauce. They sell it at the grocery store too. You can make your own Swiss chalet sauce. That shit always disgusts me. It feels like there's a compartment of shame that like you go to McDonald's to get Big Macs and eat the Big Macs sauce, and that's where it lives and that's where it dies. And then having bottles of Big Macs sauce at a grocery store is just inviting horror into thine own home. It's just depressing if you're going to get that. It's pushing yourself down the wrong path. It would be like inviting like a blackjack dealer into your bedroom after flying home from Vegas. That's where that should have ended. Walk away. I've made it. You've made what? The Swiss chalet sauce. Have you? Yeah. How'd you do it? Well, it comes in powder and then you mix it with some hot water and you stir it on the stove. Usually, you're alone. You pour it on the chicken. It's great. Pour it in a mug and you cry into it. Oh my god. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. Is there nothing wrong with it? Nothing. Nothing? Absolutely nothing. Nothing. As a spokesman for Swiss chalet, I actually endorse it. Well, a spokesperson here. You're actually a spokesperson for them moving away from that. It sounds like. It's different. It's a different, but it's a different sauce. The powder, you know, it's still a powdered thing. Yeah. It sounds like your powder is a little powder called salt. I'll never tell. You already said it. You said it was salt. I'll never reconfirm. Wow. So, okay. So you are a, I'm going to say at least borderline successful commercial actor in as much as we've seen you. You've had multiple gigs. Yeah, exactly. So my son, Andy, I mean, Andy, what the hell's happening in your acting career these days? Are you acting? What the hell? Not, not, well, I'm not acting right now because I'm, I'm sort of focusing on just bettering myself and, and whatnot. Bettering yourself. Well, in what way are you? I'm reading a lot. I'm like looking a lot at a lot of like YouTube videos. How to act better. How to be an actor. I'm going to be taking some lessons just to sort of refresh myself. I mean, the big problem with me that I always had was actually like the auditions. I really hated that. I couldn't tell. Yeah, it was very difficult for me to get through that. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, do you have any suggestions on how to deal with those auditions? Because I always get so nervous. What happens when you get nervous? Well, my throat closes up and I just, I can't close this up. Yeah. Is that because every time I pack you an audition lunch, I include one B to which you're deathly allergic. Is it because of the B I pack for you? Yeah, it could be the one B you put in my fucking lunch. I'm trying to keep you on your toes. It's like method. It's the method. If you're afraid of the B, you're going to bring that fear into the way you perform your fear of not having an inflatable pool during pool season in your neighborhood for John's pools. Yeah, that's, it's kind of the same method that, you know, a lot of actors use. They bring in stuff from their real life, bring it into the audition and, you know, just be confident, be positive, walk in there with a smile and just be like, my name is Andy and I'm here to impress you. That's what you say. Wow. I, I can see that somehow working for you and in no way working for Andy. You just described a psychotic performance. I, yeah, I don't think that that's really my, that would work for me. I think people would, would be off, would be put off. But if I, if I came in when your deals more like sweat, apologize, sweat, struggle, beg for a second chance, thank them for their time. I mean, basically, yeah. Okay. Well, have you gone out for any commercial auditions recently or any auditions in general? I, I did audition. I auditioned for a, I remember I auditioned for a, it was a soda commercial and I had to act opposite a fireman for some reason, but there was no fireman. So there was, there was just a tennis ball and I had to talk at the tennis ball. Right. But it was very difficult. You kept addressing him as tennis ball. Yeah. What do I do with this fire? Wait, were they going to CGI the fireman? No, it wasn't the actual commercial. It was just an audition. And they just, they were just like, this is where the fireman will be. Talk to the fireman. It was actually in the real commercial. They ended up using a real fireman and then CGI and just some tennis balls. They decided halfway through to make it a commercial for tennis. Wilson balls in fear and a fire, but, and you want a game. There's no ball like Wilson balls. Well, what do you think of that? What Andy just described, have you ever had to perform across from not a human? Yeah. How did you handle it? Well, so I go in there again with a positive mindset. I go in big smile on my face and I'm just ready for whatever they throw at me. Including a tennis ball. Including a tennis ball. And you know, sometimes they'll throw a little piece of paper at me from doing badly. The director will scrunch it up, be mad. But you're ready. But I'm ready. And you can deal with that? I go, thank you very much. I understand what I did wrong. Let me do it again. And then I started to do it in a more, again, more positive way. You just got to be more positive. More positive. More positive. Yeah. Bigger smile. Do you wear the diaper in the audition? You just diaper all the time. You come in with that diaper confidence? I go in with that diaper confidence and I know that if I make a mess, it's all taken care of. So that's why I'm really not thinking I'm only focused on the lines. Have you done anything without a diaper? Like any commercials without diapers? Then I used to go in without a diaper and, you know, obviously, then I would shit yourself. Exactly. Oh, yeah. I can see how that would work. And that would, yeah. You're basically saying I should wear a diaper. I would lose confidence almost immediately. Yeah, that would do it. Yeah. So the diaper is really a symptom of the fact that you shit yourself whenever you perform. Yeah. Well, it's because I get a bit nervous. So the nerves. So this is a coping mechanism. Now, can I say there are sleek adult diapers that fit under pants. You can still be clothed. Are you serious? Yeah. Actually, I'm surprised you've never done a commercial for one or seen a commercial for one. Yeah, like depends. You've never heard of depends? You've never heard of depends? Depends diapers. No, I've heard of pampers. So these are not for babies. Wait, how are you fitting into non-adult diapers? You are a tall man. Yeah, I'm tall, but I'm slender. So it's mostly, you know, it doesn't matter if you're like a tall baby. It just sort of matters how wide your hips are. No, it's a combination of things. If you're a 6'3" baby, you don't fit into extra large pampers even. It's not the early hips. Well, okay, that's fair. I do use a belt, like a standard belt. Oh, to make it tighter? Did you take a bunch of them and put them together? Is that how it works? It's sort of ripped at the top. It's like I really just put them on and then it's ripped at the top. And I use a belt to tighten it. If it's so tight that you're wedging yourself into it, can I just promise you that any time you're shitting, it's noticeable. Like if these are fitting like tight underwear, the difference in shape once you fill it with shit would be noticeable to one and all. Well, okay, fair point, fair point. I would say that that's also even more impressive that you noticeably shit yourself and you still get the role, like they can tell. He must be the best actor in the world. We should himself, but let's give him that role. Yeah, I think it does come. It's a little bit different than anybody else who goes in there. I haven't seen anybody else with a diaper yet. That's your thing. So it's kind of yeah, my signature, you know how like that Verizon guy had those like black rimmed glasses. Okay. And yeah, so it's kind of my version of that. What's his name? Can you hear me now? Right. And now he's with Sprint. Who was the guy we were all going gaga for? Because he was sloppy like a couple of years ago. What? No, not Expedia. Travago. Oh, Travago. Yeah. Everyone was like, he looks unprepared. Let's make him a star. Yeah. Everyone was so mad that he didn't wear a belt. Yeah. See? That's why that's part of the reason I started wearing him. He's immensely popular though, apparently, like with like some demo. I saw a sponsored ad for his country album that's coming out. No, for real. I swear to God. I forgot his name, but. You dreamt this. No, I swear to God that he has an album coming out. God, Andy just spilled everywhere. He couldn't believe it. I was trying to do it quietly so he could tell the story. Couldn't believe that it's news about Travago country. Yeah, look it up. Travago guy, singer, songwriter, album. I forgot to shave a bit and now I'm famous. And I didn't wear a belt and now I'm famous. Think about how hard you try in your life. I didn't try that hard. I mean, he really, that's the dream for all us commercial actors. And also shows that commercial actors are more than commercial actors. We also sing country sometimes. Yeah, truly diverse souls. Do you have a side gig? No, but I am looking into maybe getting into commercial writing and directing. Kind of now that I've seen how it's done behind the lens. So you love commercial. You don't want to move on to something else. You just want to stay in the commercial lane. It's quick. It's easy. Pays pretty good. Yeah, I think I want to stay there. Well, commercials are almost better than movies now. They're quality. Truly, I am not going to honor this opinion from either of you. You ever seen a guy co-commercial? Those things are amazing. Yeah, as a big fan of a coy Australian, barely Australian lizard. Saying something about your tire inflation. That is not Australian. These things look like short hair. I think it's white-ish. He's not Australian. Is he British? Yeah, I think so. Like a cockney accent. Yeah, you know what they say? Brits. Barely Australian. Not quite. Didn't get all the way there. Trying. Still trying. I didn't know that. He's cockney. Yeah, he's definitely not Australian, man. That's why it's always said in your hair. I know Australian accents, and that is not Australian. You know what the hell was that? What do you mean? I just know Australian accents. I know Australian accents. Taps the tip of his nose twice. I just like... Likes at me. Puts on a fedora and leaves. I'm a big fan of Crocodile Dundee. Are you? Yes. Why? Crocodile Dundee 1 and 2. I've seen that scene from Crocodile Dundee 2. With the knife. No, that's not 2, 1. 1 is the knife. Yeah. Well, that's the scene you're talking about. I was talking about something else. What scene are you talking about? No, let's talk about the knife scene. Your favorite scene in film. I... Where we learned that that is not a knife, however, this is a knife. It's an awesome moment. Yeah, you love that moment? Yeah. The guy is like... I don't know. He's like 45. He looks like leather. He looks like he should not be a movie star, really. Yeah. And then he just pulls it. He's such charm. He pulls out this big knife. Yeah, the big machete. Yeah, the big machete. Yeah. And then he's... Well, it was kind of machete. It's just a big knife. Yeah. And then he scares the... I guess they were muggers? Yeah, they scared the muggers. Yeah, the ethnic thugs. Well, yeah, that wasn't going to say that. It's scared away by this overweight white man from down under. Yeah. What a triumphant moment. It was a different time. Truly it was. Because do you remember the scene in Crocodile Dundee 2? No. When you just out a transgender person and then the whole bar cheers and then he gets drinks. Oh my God. Am I defending Crocodile Dundee 2? I am not. Alright. No. Don't remember Crocodile Dundee 2. Don't remember it. Somehow Andy's favorite movie in order, Crocodile Dundee 2. No. Then Crocodile Dundee 1. Do not remember that scene. Then the crying game. No. Then Ace Ventura, just the end part. I don't remember Crocodile Dundee 2. Take it back that it's not a movie that I enjoy. That's the only part I've seen. I'm sure the rest of it is charming as hell. I'm sure it's an even older Australian man, sauntering around his native land, really giving it to people with slightly different opinions than him. Crocodile Dundee 2 did have its problems because Crocodile Dundee 1 was great because it was a fish out of water kind of story. And then Crocodile Dundee 2 was saddened. It was like, yeah, fish back in water. In water. Yeah, it was not as. Nothing better. Yeah. It was like a fish swimming the way it was meant to. Going about its day to day. And still we're supposed to believe it's a bit different. How did we get onto the Dundee's? Australia. Oh yeah, you know Australian accents. Do your Australian accent. Oh, I can't do one. Yeah. It's very hard. I can do Irish or Scottish. But I can't do. All right. Let's hear those. I can do Irish. You just have to say, you have to say five words. Five is on the right side of time. Five is on the right side of time. And then you do that. That's soothing. That's not bad. How was that if I had to go in for an Irish accent? Yeah, I think if that was your one line in the commercial, I think you'd nailed it. Yeah, in case you were doing a commercial for five being on the right side of time. You would absolutely smoke it. And it also had to be done in an Irish accent. Yeah. I guess that would be part of it. So there's a lot. You could do like an Ireland, come to Ireland commercial if for some reason they didn't want to hire an actual Irish person. They're in short supply nowadays. Have you ever done a tourism ad, Nikki Rocks? No, I would love to though. I love touring being a tourist. Oh, you tour about? I tour about. Where, so what's a good place that you've been? Oh, I went down under. Oh, God. Drag us back to that. Back at two Australia. Well, yeah, I just didn't want to, you know, I didn't want to, you know, interrupt your conversation or anything. But yeah, I've been to Australia, like, you know, six for, I stayed there for six years just as a tourist. You moved to Australia. Yeah, I was backpacking for six years in one country. I don't think that counts as backpacking. That's like homelessness. That's homelessness. You got, you were a homeless man in Australia. I rented a house. Okay. And I stayed there for six years. I worked as an accountant. I just got to experience the country. But you owned a backpack. Well, no, I didn't own a backpack. In what way were you backpacking? That's just sort of, that's just sort of slang for moving somewhere. That's Australian slang for moving somewhere. Yeah. You're a backpacker. So Australia, I don't know anything about it. I know they got fosters. They got big old bugs and snakes to worry about craters. Kangaroos. Kangaroos. They call them roos. You ever seen it? I thought they called them kangas. No, that's those hats. They call them kangas. Kangles. But they call them kangas there. Everything's slightly different. And shorter. They do a lot of nicknames. Oh, yeah. They call them sunnies. Sunglasses are sunnies. There you go. So what's some fun slang that you learned when you were down under? That's a fun topic. I would say that the Ruvner's Inn, that's a good one. What's that mean? That means what's on TV? What? Interesting. What the hell are you talking about? That was longer. You said everything got shorter. That was much longer and clearly British, but also gibberish. Okay, I'm going to quiz you. I'm going to give you a couple of Australian slangs. And you can tell me-- And you can tell me-- Virardo's shy and he's getting into the game. Sorry, man. My sons are competing. You can tell me what it is. Okay, yeah. This will be good. All right. What's Brecky? Brecky. People call it breakfast here. Oh, very good. Very good. Oh, it doesn't even say it's breakfast. He's identifying with the Australian. What's a cobbler? A cobbler. That's like a cobbler, like a shoe cobbler. Yeah, they just pronounce it as a cobbler. They dropped the L. That's very big in Australia. They dropped the L and made it a second B. It says it's a very good friend here, but maybe you're right. I know. I think I am right. What site is this? This is nomadsworld.com. Oh, yeah, I don't know if I trust either of these sources. The site or this-- I mean, if it was an Australian-- While you're slyer sitting across from-- If it was an Australian website, it'd be nomadsworld.com.au. No, I don't think it would be .com.au. I think-- Wouldn't it just be .au? Go to australia.com.au and hopefully-- In Canada, it's .ca. It's not .com.ca. Okay, go to a different site. No, yeah. Just go to as many sites as you can to make this correct. And these internet must be broken. Maybe I just misspelled Australia. Hold on. That could be it. Okay, let's do more slang. Let's do more slang. I want to do one more slang. Yeah, yeah. Give him one more slang, Andy. Give me some slang. That's also Australian. No, it's not. Yeah, a guy I know talk like that in Australia. Oh, you just knew like-- All right. It was just the Mexican mouse from Disney cartoons or whatever. Okay, what is a mausie? A mausie-- Oh, I mean, a mausie-- That's a fun teenager slang for a mausoleum. Yeah. Where you're going to visit your dead family member. Let's head down to the mausie and see how old Grimps is hanging out. Minen. Minen. Put some sunnies on Minen. Okay. Rotting corpse. The mausie is a mosquito. Oh. Mosquito. Yeah, yeah. Now, this one you'll get. Maccas. Maccas, that is. McDonald's. Oh, that's all the Paul McCartney's in Australia. That's what they call it. If you see a group of Paul McCartney's, those are the Maccas. Here they come, forming five versions of wings. Is that McDonald's? Yes. Is it really? Yeah. How you knew that? And, you know, they don't have Burger King down there. They call it, or they do have Burger King, but it's called-- Burger Royale with burgers. It's called like Sugar-- It's not called-- Yeah, it's called-- They just stole it from-- Wait, Burger Jacks. No, Hungry Jacks. Hungry Jacks. That's what it's called. Hungry Jacks. Instead of Burger King. But they have the monarchy. I know, because there was a Burger King before the American one that existed there. So they didn't want to-- and that guy didn't want to sell the rights or something. Oh, shit. So Burger King became Hungry Jacks. That's true. So they just started a new restaurant for-- Yeah. Do they have like Whoppers at Hungry Jacks? Do they call it a Whopper? I think they do call it a Whopper, to be honest. But also a Royale with cheese. Okay, so let's refocus this here. Okay. Because it's not every day we get someone who's successful in the acting world to hear, to give my gorgeous boy tips on how to get ahead. Now Andy clearly, as he mentioned, he's been pulling away from the game. Yeah. He's in his head. He's nervous. You talked about having a thing. You got your diaper. Yeah. You got this sleek diaper that you fill with shit 100% of the time when you're auditioning or performing. Does Andy need a thing? Is that what he needs? Yeah, a signature. That could be a thing. Maybe you wear-- you put like a feather behind your ear. How does that sound to you? Wow. What does that do? I'm just curious why a feather-- Sets you apart, gives you maybe a mental edge. Maybe you're like, I have this-- as long as I have this feather, I'm okay. Are you talking about like a Steven Tyler sort of thing? Yeah. Oh, I thought you was-- I was picturing like a dandy or something like that. Like a giant feather with a cap or something like that. Oh, you want it in your cap like Yankee doodle dandy. Yeah. Not like that, no. No, okay. No, just woven into your hair like old Steven Tyler. Yeah, maybe you actually dress more like Steven Tyler. So you want me to dress up like Steven Tyler. We want you to dress up like an aunt from the '60s who's also sort of a cursed gypsy from a Stephen King novel. And bring in a microphone with a bunch of handkerchiefs attached to it. Exactly, yeah. So then that'll really-- you know, if they're looking for a Steven Tyler type, I think that will set you apart. Yeah, Andy, I think you should just totally redo your vibe as Steven Tyler-esque. Okay. Are you prepared for that? No, I'm not going to do that. Are you prepared to look like an elderly woman who's also a horse for a bit? Oh, God. I'm not going to do that, and that's insulting to Steven Tyler. He's a great musician. Oh, is he? Yes! We've got a Steven Tyler fan on our hands. Steven Tyler is really good! Steven Tyler! What are your favorite-- I only like the new stuff. Yeah, the new stuff. I like the middle new stuff. I like "Eat the Rich." That was good. "Amazing" is a great song. "Eat the Rich." Yeah, I'll never forget Andy's-- the poster Andy had covering his entire wall of the cow with the pierced udder. A little earring in its udder, and Andy would look up-- he was on his ceiling at night, and Andy would look up on it and pray for it to fall on him. "Udder first." So he could suck the teat of his favorite band's cow. And they last it forever! I once walked in on you, sleeping, and you were muttering the words, "I hope one day I get to suck the teat of my favorite band's cow." That's a real long thing to say while I'm sleeping. I couldn't believe it. I was like, "This guy's awake for sure." There's no way! You want it to be heard. Do you remember when I had to come pick you up at that farmer's farm one time? All those boys were cow-tipping, but then the farmer caught you because they all tipped and ran, and then the farmer caught you slowly piercing that cow's udder with the machine you stole from Claire's. Honestly, I thought you were going to say I was sucking on it, so that's actually better. Yeah, and then you were like, "I'm going to pierce." And then when the farmer caught you, you were like, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm just going to pierce this, then I'm going to have a quick suck. That'll be out of here!" And he was like, "No way!" Or whatever, I don't know. Second hand. Who told you that? I called it together through accounts from you and the farmer and five of the boys that had watched you from afar in horror. Tell Me Dream On isn't a good song. Dream On is pretty fun. Dream On is good, 1973. Dream On. Dream On! Dream On! Yeah, and he loves Dream On. They just reinvented themselves so many times. Oh yeah, nothing better. Did they reinvent themselves? They did! I mean, Dream On! Listen to Dream On! They're having albums that were the same, but a little worse each time. Yeah, it's funny that in each phase of their reinvention, they were just like, "Here's our literally our new sound. It's the sound of the song Crying." And now, eight other songs are going to sound like this song, until we learn a different song. But Crying is different than Dream On, for sure. Crying is different than Dream On, sure, but it's the same as like Amazing and Crazy and whatever the other fucking songs were on that album. The music videos for which were exclusively his own daughter looking hot. That's not true, Alicia Silverstone was in that album. That's right, his daughter and his daughter's friend. That's what made her famous, Alicia Silverstone. The song, Crazy, I think it was. What point are you making here? Just saying, Alicia Silverstone wouldn't have a career without Eric Smith, and we all love Alicia Silverstone, obviously. Yeah, you do speak for all of us there. That girl, I think. What's that? She played that girl? I don't think she was inspired to me. Yeah, you're thinking of Mr. Graham. Yeah, that's not Alicia Silverstone. She was in Clueless, man. She did kind of like an Alicia Silverstone tribute. That girl, what? What? An Alicia Silverstone tribute. Heather Graham did in The Spies. Her performance is very Silverstone-esque. No, it's not. I think I read that in The Trades. I hate you more and more. What are we talking about? You're a fan of the new Aerosmith. What's the new stuff? I couldn't tell you the names of the songs, but it's probably something like Missing You or Won't Go Back Again or something. Andy's favorite song of all time is Walk This Way with Run DMC and Aerosmith. Again, they were on a downturn. No one cared about Aerosmith. Aerosmith brought them back. They reinvented themselves. That video's amazing, remember? Other people reinvented them. They reinvented themselves. They reached out to Run DMC and were like, "Please help us." No, they didn't. Although I would have loved that narrative. Rev Run. There'd be no Linkin Park or Limp Biscuit. That is true. There you go. Infamous collaborations. Infamous. You know Linkin Park and Jay-Z. That's true. Finally, something we can agree on. Without Run DMC and Aerosmith coming together, there would truly be no Linkin Park and Jay-Z. Combining for what was that song? Num/Encore. Oh, what a nightmare that was. Even at the time, right away, everyone knew this was bad. At the time, I begged my parents to buy me that CD. They were like, "This is the coolest thing ever. I need it." What? How you were not that young? That wasn't that long ago. I was about 16. No, you weren't. I was 23. 24. 24. And it was well on cash. I begged my mom to take me to HMV. That was the peak embarrassing moment for Jay-Z. That was right around the time when he came out with Death of Auto-Tune. Remember that? Or that song? All these ravers were doing auto-tune and everyone seemed fine with it, except for old people who were like, "This isn't music." And then Jay-Z just made that. He sided with the old people. It was very funny. Do you remember the chorus? This is Death of Auto-Tune. Moment of silence. No, no, no, no. Oh, it was shit. Andy, you like that song? I don't know it. It was shit. I sort of revealed my hand. I played my hand too much there. I'm older than all that. I used to write jingles for commercials. The best one was the one that I wrote for... Fuck, what was that? It was the Benz bread out in Halifax. Benz bread. Nova Scotia. I like the Nova Scotia Benz bread. Very popular. A lot of people know it because you can smell it. And if you buy it, you almost instantly regret it. It molds so fast. It molds so fast that it melts in your mouth instantly. It's not really... It melts the way you're like, "Does bread do this?" I don't think it's bread. Kind of like cotton candy. It's like cotton candy. With no taste at all. It's really interesting because it's the kind of bread where... Halifax is the only city where you see people racing to the grocery store. Because you know if you're a bit late, other people will get all the other breads. And you'll be stuck with Benz. And that was the message behind this commercial. It was, "So you want to eat some toast or whatever. Sandwiches are nice. You're going to need some bread for that. And Benz is bread." Just reminding people that Benz is technically bread. Is that what the apostrophe in Benz bread is for? Yeah, Benz is. The apostrophe is for Benz is. And then in brackets, bread. That was a campaign when people were starting to legitimately say much as we've just said, "I think Benz isn't bread." And they were like, "We have to reverse the discussion." There were some conversations about how coy they wanted to be about it. And they were like, "No, a straight shot is the smoothest, the cleanest." Let's just say straight up, "Yes, Benz bread is bread." Then of course I did commercials for... Casino Taxi too. Halifax's favorite taxi service. These are mostly Halifax commercials. This is why we're living on Halifax. You did a lot of local commercials. Yeah, I was a local guy and I was non-union. And I was vocally anti-union and I was a scab. So I got hired for a lot of shady gigs that paid me way too little with no residuals and no benefits. And I thanked them for every penny. And I literally licked their boots to get every gig that I got. The shit off the boots of the shadiest upstart boutique companies in Halifax. And then I stood right there with them hand in hand as they petitioned very willing governments year after year to keep the unions out of our lives. Keep people's hands out of my pockets and keep my hands wrapped around the ankles of the rich people whose boots I'm literally licking. So anyway, I did the Casino Taxi ads. And the union got paid 40 bucks. They played for 12 years. I mean, that's a pretty bad deal. It was good and I thanked them for it. I used that 12 bucks to buy myself a fucking bootlicking course on Masterclass Online. Online? Yeah. This is early days of Masterclass. Oh yeah. And early days of Online. This was DOS. Yeah, it was DOS. You actually had to type in all of the IP and all that stuff. Yeah, and then someone who promised me they were Aaron Sorkin. It was all text, I guess. This was early days Sorkin too. It was early days, everything. So anyway, I made these Casino Taxi ads and they were a treat. It was at the time, because their name was a bit confusing, it was Casino Taxi. They were trying to clarify all that. We're not a Casino or a Taxi. We're not a Casino or a Taxi. So it was, you know, it was a straight shot. And then we did subsequent ones where it was a, come on down. We'll give you a ride. You don't need to run. You don't need to hide. We're not criminals. We're not out for blood. We want to give you a ride for a very fair rate. Tip our drivers or they'll kill you. No, they won't. That was nice. And then a bit of a joke. It's a little cheeky, yeah. And that was at the time when the Casino Taxi logo mascot was a guy holding a knife, but just like making him an expression like just kidding. I would never use this. But he's holding it up like he's going to stab you. Yeah. And if you look at the background in the very soft focus, there's a cake that I guess he's going to actually use it on. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's super hard to see. And right behind that, there's a body. Yeah. And you're not sure if they're sleeping. Yeah. Or if they're dead. Yeah. Casino Taxi at the time was other Taxi companies aren't this confusing. Casino. And it was always like, they had it rigged up. It was so funny. They had it like things rigged up in the trunks of each taxi. So as it drove, you would hear banging and muffled cries. It's kind of like the 4D experience. It was a true 4D experience. Riding in a taxi. Yeah. Do you remember that there's a cab driver in Halifax who would make people try on gloves for them? What? What? The reality of Halifax is that cab situation is really, is fucked up. Sometimes he would take you where you needed to go, but you would have to try on these leather gloves. What the hell? Is he framing people? Yeah. By them? Or to just get your fingerprints inside of them? No. He's for sure licking the insides of those gloves and jerking off into the other glove. He would get guys to wear them, right? It was just like, hey, just, just, can you just put these gloves on for me? And he was like, I guess. Beautiful gloves. That's straight up Kronenberg shit. Like it's not sex, but it's sex. Yeah. That's fucked. Yeah, it's fucked. I've never experienced it myself, but I've just, I've just read on forums. Halifax has some weird stuff. There was a sleep watcher. There was a guy who just went around and like, just would watch women sleep. Jesus Christ. He's never heard of sleep watchers, but they are famous criminals. For like years, women would, yeah, like college age women who, he would just, they would wake up and there'd be this. In their house. In their room. There was, there was one in the room. Sometimes they would, he would be outside and just kind of staring. And they never caught him. They never really caught him. No. Yeah. And I haven't slept watched since. That's right. It's me, the sleep watcher, AKA glove man. I'm both. I'm both. We saw two crimes today. That's great. Yeah. And of course I did an ad for Halifax crime stoppers when they were trying to catch glove man and sleep watcher. And at the time there's a big outcry. Crime stoppers is first of all a serious organization. Please don't besmirch the seriousness of this with a jingle. And if you're going to do that, please don't make it coy or funny in any way. I don't know why this was the conversation. I was like, yeah, we don't know why we're getting this. Someone at the top wants this, but please do it justice and take it seriously. These are crimes. These are real people. There are real victims here. Please give us something serious. So I did what I could and I created the jingle. Crime stoppers in Halifax. We need your help and we need it quick. You gotta help us. You gotta help us. There's a sleep watcher on the loose and a glove guy who will give you a ride for a very fair price. Just put on the glove. Put on the glove. Just put on the glove. And the ride is free for you, young man or girl. Okay. It sounds like you're promoting the glove watcher. We gotta catch a sleep watcher to watch a guy. But the glove guy is just going to give you a ride. That was the first piece of criticism I received. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. The message board is to lit up. They signed, the company signed off on it because they wanted the guy, whoever was at the top, who it was later revealed was prime suspect to be glove man sleep watcher. He wanted it. But yeah, that was the biggest piece of criticism was, yeah, this sort of is an ad for us, but then it's very clearly an ad for glove guy at the end. But I did what I could, you know? Sometimes you gotta follow your muse. And in that moment, my muse said, you know, try it out in earnest and then do a quick 180. Call it a day. I guess glove guy is not that bad, really. I feel like, I don't know. I'm trying to, I'm trying to suss out the line of consent. How drunk are the people he's bigging up? How much is he informing them about the sexual nature of what he's doing with this damn glove? I'm going to assume there's some details left unspoken. Yeah. Can imagine he's like, just put your hand in here because I love it. Yeah. Yeah. And then his eyes are popping out of his head. He's going, good, good, good, good, good, yeah, yeah, good, good, good, good. That's nice. Well, rest in peace, glove man. We love you. And we assume you're dead. Probably dead. Oh, man. Well, you know what? We got to zip forward here because we're chewing up time and we still haven't gotten to our favorite section of the show, consistently underwhelming an anti-climax made flesh. Please give it up for Everardo's games or whatever he decided to do this week. Yeah, so I can already see the tweets coming in. The fans are probably going to be a little upset. I don't have a game per se this week, but I've something fun. Don't go figure. Okay. Like we mentioned, I am in Ryerson podcast program and part of the program I have to make my own podcast. And so I figured while I'm already here at the studio, we'll just bang out an episode right now. Oh my God. What? This is my new podcast. It's called the greatest number in the world. And we'll just hold for the theme song. What's the theme song going to be? We'll just kind of play something. I don't know. Maybe we could get the rights to like a Rolling Stones song or something. Yeah, maybe. Maybe we could get the rights to Dream On. Dream On, yeah. Maybe. Anyway, so this is a new podcast that I'm starting where I call the greatest number in the world, which of course is 4206969. Okay. And we'll just, I- No area code. Okay. Any area code, really. Every episode we try a different area code. Okay. And this is a number that I've always wanted to have for myself. So I'm just going to see who answers and maybe if they'll somehow switch numbers with me, maybe we'll have to call Rollers. You're going to call someone right now and ask them if you- Everardo, the most socially uncomfortable man I've ever met, is going to do a prank phone call now. And how are you going to- Do you even think about how I'm going to record this? Oh, that's not a prank. It's a serious question. It's a serious idea if we'll be able to record this. Finally earning the nickname of the boring jerky boy. Everardo. Go ahead, Ed. I don't think you're going to get through without an area code, but give it a shot. Well, we'll just try Toronto area code 416 right now. Okay. Let's see what happens. I guess I'll just throw this on. Give it a shot. Throw it on speaker. See how this goes. Is anyone else nervous? No. No, we're not. Sweating buckets. Four. One. Six. Four. Two. Zero. Six. Nine. Six. Nine. Please leave your message after the tone. After leaving a message, you can hang up or press pound for more options. Hey there. This is Everardo Ramirez calling on behalf of podcast. And I'm just wondering if you would like to change numbers with me. I love your cell phone or landline number, whatever number this is. And maybe we can work out some deal where you kind of take my number. I'll take your number. Maybe we just switch phones easy as that. You got to leave your number. So call me back at 416-315-8310 and love to work out a deal with you. Christ. Oh my God. That person just thinks they got a phone call from the Zodiac killer. Well, I did mention I was from a podcast. Yeah, from a podcast. A podcast, yeah. So I hope that affords me the prestige of being among literally everyone on earth at this point. And I did give my true number and true last name. As if we forced you to do this on the spot and it wasn't something you'd planned out. Yeah. Did you try a 647 area code? See if that's... Oh, don't break the 647. No, we're going to do another one. We're not going to hold it for... I just want to see if there's... All right. Let's do one more here and then we'll come back next week, maybe find some new area codes. Yeah, maybe that's going to be the thing we keep doing. Try your call again. Looks like it's available. We're learning some very obvious easy things here. You can just get that number. So we could just get that number. I should have tried that first. Yeah, you probably should have tried that. I guess. Go get the number. Let us know next week if you got the number. Should I try a different area code? No, we're good. The number... You have accomplished your goal. The number is available. Get the number. But I think there was such a big build up to him, like always wanting this number. And now that it's so easily available, I feel like it's a bit disappointing. Yeah. You've solved your Act 3 moment in Act 1 and you don't know what to do with the rest of your life. We could just go through Act 2 again. You could do the gym carry. You could pull the gym carry where you want to be a world famous, the top comedian. You accomplish that by 27 and then you just slowly deteriorate over the next 70 years of your life until you're painting bullshit and calling it... you're calling it protest. That'll be nice. Well, honestly, I thought this would last about 20 minutes. Well, fortunately we've chewed up time to this point, so that was a merciful tag. A little denouement of sorts in no way the climax. To get this back to film language, which I'm sure you understand acting Nick. Yeah, I've done... I call them little films. Yeah. Commercials. 30 seconds. Little films. It's been so nice to have you and to impart small wisdom to Andy. I think what we left with was Andy's going to tie feathers into his hair. Yeah, that's it. And smile when you walk in. And smile. Be confident. Feathers in the hair. Kind of like a boho look. That could work. Boho. I don't know what that means, but yeah, I'll look it up. Bohemian. Oh, boo. Oh, all right. There it is, but I know what Bohemian means. Do you know what ho-bo means? That's Australian slang. Boho. Boho is Australian slang. Well, yet another little tidbit on our way out. Shouting facts as he walks through the door. That's the Nicky Rocks promise. Truly everything he said he was on this podcast with no exaggeration or fibbing. Nicky, thank you so much for doing this. Thank you so much for having me. Is there, you know, in our very awkward wedged in shoutouts moment, would you like to shout out any local comedians who you think are worth checking out and may have recently performed a set on Conan O'Brien that can be checked out online? Yeah, give it a huge shout out to Nick Nemeroff. If you want to check him out at Nick Nemeroff. That's nice. Go on YouTube, type Nick Nemeroff. You find Conan. You find his Conan set great set. Thanks, man. Great set. I mean, thanks, he says. Yeah. Big, exaggerated, Max Fleischer style wink. Inspiring boners around the world. If nothing else, remember the ultimate message. Just because you draw it doesn't mean you can fuck it. The powers that be will keep you at bay. Cool world. This is not. All right. I just want to say, keep your ears out for my new podcast. Greatest number in the world. Oh, God. That is behind the paywall on Stitcher Premium. It is a paywall. Yeah, episodes are only 15 seconds long and there's only two of them and you heard them both, but they will be behind the paywall. That was two episodes we just heard. Each call is an episode. Each call is its own episode and it is efficient and I mean, it's great. Well, that's how people want people to do. Do people listen to like full, I've never listened to it. I really have never listened to a podcast. Oh, this is how they go, man. Yeah. This is really it. You start out with best intentions, quickly lose your way and then tag it with a shout out. Wow. What a fun time. My gorgeous boy Andy Everardo and our lovely guest, Nicky Rocks, commercial actor. Check them out. It will be impossible to miss in any variety of commercials unrelated to diapers. Watch for the guy standing in the center of the frame shitting himself and being comforting. Thank you. I've been Roly Bush and this is the podcast farewell.