#83: Ending Trauma • The Work of Byron Katie®

[MUSIC] Hello, Dears. I'm excited to let you know that after three years of the pandemic, the school for the work is back. Join us in Los Angeles, March 10 through the 19th of 2023. You'll spend nine days questioning the fear-based stories you've innocently clung to all your life. While immersed in inquiry, you'll be free to explore life from an entirely new perspective. Many participants consider these nine days to be the most important days of their lives. If this interests you, you can register at theschoolforthework.com. And now on to today's podcast. Hello, everyone. I'm so glad that you tuned in today. My guest is Chandler, and he is so upset with me. It's a worksheet actually on Katie, as he calls me, and he's very upset. To his mind, well, I'll just say what he said. He said, "I want Katie to admit that children can be harmed, that abuse is abuse, and that protecting children is important." And the way he hears the work is, I'm in some kind of denial of that, or in some way not really seeing or understanding that. I'm so glad you tuned in. This work is so precious today. I can't say enough about Chandler's courage. So welcome to the work. Take a deep breath. Open your beautiful minds and let's do the work. I see hands up. I see hands up. So let's see Chandler. Good morning, Katie. Good morning, Chandler. What's going on? Well, first thank you for the work. It's been so cool. I've been doing it a few weeks. And it's so much has made so much sense, but I'm filling a little stuck in this area. And my worksheet has actually led me back to you, or my projection of you, in my mind is who I'm frustrated with. With good reason. I feel like as somebody who experienced some trauma in childhood, learning to trust myself and my experience was so important to my healing and to being able to move forward and trust that what I experienced was real and that it was harmful. Yes. But now I'm bumping up against in the work. What feels like the idea you're sending, which is statements I've heard like, there is no verbal abuse or no one can harm me or we all have what we need in the moment. And that feels like it invalidates or flies in the face of childhood trauma. Money, God, you know, and I just, I just, it's so difficult to speak those absolute truths the way it's heard in duality. But it's like to honor that it's that third question. How do you react when you believe the thought that person said what they said or did what they did in the past? And then you see everything that to deny would be crazy because you tried it probably for years. That's not going to work. So how do you react? Do you see the fear, the tear, the remembering, the way you are in society and the way you experience life and then to question the question at the ego has a terrible time with it because it's a shift in identity, but Chandler, that doesn't mean it didn't happen. And that does not mean it does not hurt. And that does not mean for it to take away from that is not this work, but oh, the ego would like it to be. And just the fact that you've hung in for a few weeks and so much for your open mind. It feels like there must be something I'm just not quite wrestling to and I did make a worksheet for this if you'd like to go through it. I would if you would. Yes, I would. Okay. First do you want me to give the situation? Yes, please. Okay, so I'm on the couch meditating about the work and things I've learned from you or my projection of you. And I feel angry with Katie because the ideology feels damaging and invalidating things like we all have what we need in the moment feel like they fly in the face of child development. That's the first situation. Yeah. So it flies in the what of what the end one? Flies in the face of what I know of child development and you know if the impact of trauma. So the Steve got so much there on number one we need to isolate and and I call this I call these thoughts sometimes children and I don't it's like this and this and this and this on number one. So every child has the right to be set with. In the way. Patiently open mindedly like you're the parent and you are the ego. Maybe you've heard me say it's a terrified child. So BK's ideology seems damaging. We're invalidating. In validating. Okay, there's a one here. I'd like to BK's questions or words. Okay. BK's words. Fly in the face of what we know of what I know about my childhood trauma. You know what you know what I'd love to do Chandler and maybe it's way off track. But. Okay, I'm going to say the thought and then stay with what you offer here because that's important. But oh, what I love to take you through the experience of the trauma itself as it's happening in your remembrance. Yes, and that's a worksheet I haven't made yet. But I feel I feel ready to the hang up, you know, felt like yeah, not just my experience, but like sort of the implications for, you know, what does it mean for the world and for children everywhere if if nobody really gets hurt, right? If if well, it's such individual work. You know, it's like I was so I had so much that said trauma in me that this wasn't easy for me either to sit in these questions. But I had I got to see beyond trauma on that floor. I got to see the cause of the trauma. So BK's words fly in the face of what you know about your childhood trauma. Yes. Okay, so is it true that what I say lies in the face of what you know about the impact of childhood trauma. It feels like it does. So now now we're we're in conversation. So just, you know, this is an exercise and stillness. Yeah, so yes or no, and they're equal. The first question. So it's your work now. So slow it way down. My words fly in the face of what you know about your childhood trauma. Yes. And notice how you react and what happens as you show up for a few weeks and or you're reading some of my books. Notice how you react. What happens when you think the thought BK's words fly in the face of what you know about your childhood trauma. I get like a sick feeling in my stomach and I feel feel angry on my own behalf and on the behalf of any child who ever gets mistreated anywhere. I feel like I'm being asked to guess like myself. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm being asked to say, if you think about it hard enough, that really wasn't that big of a deal, was it? And what images do you see of past future when you're believing the thought, because words fly in the face of what you know about childhood trauma? I see images my own past first and so slow that down. You see images of trauma? My stepfather screaming at me, my mom standing, not intervening. I see myself alone after being after I feel like excuses were made about bad behavior. And then I see images of like lonely kids everywhere in foster care and in. Oh God. It's painful. Then you see images of the future. Yeah. I feel I see images of what happens if all if none of us feels a responsibility to prevent harm because there's no harm, then what happens to the kids, to those who need protecting. How do we take action to prevent something if we don't acknowledge it as harmful? If I don't acknowledge it as harmful, it's like this is your work, but you see the world not acknowledging it and you see all this suffering, I hear you. I see it in my mind, I too. I see those children and I see you. And I saw your past, we all did, everyone sitting in this saw your stepfather, saw your mother, saw your loneliness, saw you had no one there for you. There was no one in no way out. And in my image, I can see the parallels, you know, the children of the world become me. And you become my mother standing there, letting it happen because, oh well. Yeah. Okay, so see that sounds like hell to me. That sounds traumatizing to me. That's what trauma looks like, we are looking at trauma. And how trauma is, you're looking at the mechanics of how the ego offers up, you're looking at trauma, how it begins, what it's like to live through it. No, right here. Right now sitting where you are, who would you be without the thought? The case words fly in the face of what I know about my childhood trauma. I would be able to listen, receptive. I wouldn't feel afraid of, you know, this imaginary future. Now, open your eyes and continue with who would you be without the thought, which means without those images of past and future, not to try to kill them or abandon them or just who are you now compared to those images really. So open your eyes and look at the walls and in the door, if there's a door and give you now what that little guy in those images couldn't give him. Yeah, I'm safe. Yeah. I'll be that little guy alone, having been abused, no mother there to support him. It's, you know, it's, you're just alone. Be there now, let him open his eyes, look around the room. Other than what he was thinking and believing, don't deny what happened. It's that other than what you're thinking and believing in that situation, look around little guy, little precious, other than what you're thinking and believing about what just happened. Who would you be? Are you okay? Look around, feel the ground you're standing on or the thing you're sitting on. Are you okay? Other than what you're thinking and believing, this don't go into denial, real deal. Are you okay, honey? Yeah, I'm safe in my bed and if I'm not, ruminating on what's happened and how, you know, I'm, it's being excused and that one's there for me. Yeah, so, and how old are you in this situation approximately? 10. Okay, so little 10-year-old in bed, don't deny the past. Just without the past of what just happened or what has happened in the past, get anchored, get grounded. Are you okay? No one can give you this but the truth in that situation. It still happened and I'm still okay. Yeah. Without the past that is not now little 10-year-old in your bed, who are you? Without that. Just a boy in my bed. Without the fear, he's going to do it again. He's going to do the same thing. Same thing's going to happen in the future without, see, that's the ego's play, honey. Little 10-year-olds don't know the difference but you can go back to him and give him now what he couldn't give him then. And there's no pretending about it without. It's like is that your stepfather in your head, is you laying bed or is that imagination? Is that your mother and your stepfather doing it again in the future? Is that real or is that real in the moment or is that imagination? In that moment it's imagination. Yeah. So let him rest and notice. Notice how the ego is going to come in and just notice it's not real. It's ego, it's imagination. not, no one is hurting you. It's imagination. Stay anchored where you are in bed. 100% safe other than the way you're eagled. It's going to happen again. As future. Notice the difference. Be there for you. That word ego feels like we're blaming that little boy for making a story. It's not his fault. Exactly so. Exactly so. Little boy have you ever eaten an apple? Did you see the apple in your mind's eye? That's not an apple little boy. That is the power you're up against. Ego. Imagination that not now pass, that not now future. We're not saying he's flawed or it was a flaw to come to understand it this way. It's just what happened. Banana. Did you see a banana in your head? Stop that. Impossible. It's just not a banana. Just like that's not your stepfather as you lay in bed. That's trauma. And that's not your stepfather. I've heard ego distrafe ar. What was false evidence appearing real? You are witnessing trauma. Ego's play that is not your stepfather. That doesn't mean he didn't do it. Okay. Ego who's in denial? That's the life of a believer. You're in bed safe living in terror. Of the past and the future? Yes. Ego's play. Okay. He said what he did. Okay. Ego's play. BK's words fly in the face of what I know about my childhood trauma. Turn it around my words, my ego, my thinking, my words, the Ego's play that you were claiming as yours. You can't stop those thoughts anymore than you can stop the apple or banana. But you can't wake up to the difference between what is real and what is imagined. And that's facing it head on. It's the opposite of denial. Okay. So my words, my words, my face of what I know about my childhood trauma, my thinking. I think I said that. So stay in bed, little boy until you do. Don't move, anchor where you are. My thoughts and words are flying in the face of what I know about my childhood trauma. Example. Your stepfather is not traumatizing you. He's not the one they're doing that. That's exactly so. And I'm speaking out of experience the way you're able to. And notice you're not denying it happened, little boy. You're not just surviving the abuse. You're waking up to a whole other world. The absence of suffering. It's enough when it's happening to deal with. But you've been traumatized. Meaning, ego. I suffered because of the story I began to tell. And that doesn't mean I did it wrong or it's my fault, but it is mine. It was my thinking. Yeah, you can say it's yours, but. But you're the thinker. Is it true? Are you making yourself do it? No. Okay. And so banana. Stop that. You're guilty. You're guilty until you stop. Automobile. Stop that. You're dreaming again. Or are you being dreamed? You're not saying, I think I'll see the car now because she said automobile. I did it. You know, this is. Okay. I'm not saying reality, my heart. Okay. Because words fly in the face of what I know about my childhood trauma. Again, what you've been calling your words and thoughts. When I make it mine. I believe those are your words and your thoughts. Yeah. It's like you think you did it. Yeah. And I'll just throw another apple at you if you're not clear about you didn't. And when I believe that, I think you're telling me I did it and then I get mad. Just like with your stepfather. I didn't do it. It's just. It's happening. So this is, you know what, what this work is about is just waking up to reality. And you are, you're, you're getting the joke. Okay. That helps. Can we go to question two? Well, let's, let's hang in a minute. Okay. BK's words. Don't fly. In the face of what I know about my childhood trauma. They don't, if I'm not blaming myself. Yeah. Your words weren't flying. You know, they were flying, but those aren't you didn't do it. And words without images have no power. So you've got both going there. You've got the apple, the banana, and you know, it's images. That's your stepfather. Same. Feel that. The difference between feeling it and understanding it. What I'm seeing from here is that when you say I feel it, it's like you're recognizing. The difference between safety and trauma. Did your stepfather ever hit you? Yes. Okay. So when I said it has your stepfather ever hit you, didn't you see that in your mind's eye? Yes. Your stepfather hit you, stay in bed little 10-year-old. Your stepfather hit you. Is it true? Yes. Yes. And how do you react as you lay in bed when you think the thought, "My stepfather hit me"? I feel alone and uncarrot for. I'm protected. And the images in your head? All the things he did. So notice that. And notice the emotions you experience when you think the thought and those images show up. And notice how the images of the future show up, he's going to do it again and you see that too. But he did hit me. I'm not saying he didn't stay in bed. Okay, I'm in bed. Yeah, it's enough he hit you then in the past. You're in bed now. Get real. Is it true? Yeah, in the past. Is he hitting you now? How do you react when you think the thought he hit you? You see it. Hmm. I relive it. You relive it. You relive it. You relive it. Retraumatize. Yeah. Very good. But that's not enough for the ego. It wants to hit you. Look at the future. You see it in the past and look at the future. No one's going to protect me. My mom's not going to protect me. This will never end. You're describing trauma. All that. So when you talk about denial, you're witnessing the ultimate denial. You're saying that what is not happening is happening. But you're not doing it on purpose. You see it in your mind's eye, you believe it? It's happening to me. Yeah. So, because words fly in the face of what I know about childhood trauma, because words don't fly in the face of what I am now realizing, what I know about my childhood trauma in that bed at night. And how many years has it lived in your head? That is what I. And let's see if you agree. That is. Trauma. How many years did your grandmother, your stepfather hit you? How many times? Thousands? A hundred? Ten? So many more in my head. I can acknowledge it with. I think I can. I want to acknowledge it without reliving it. Good luck with that. I am. I see an image like everyone on this in our time together here. We all see your stepfather. Just like the banana in the apple. And we see you getting punched out, hit in our own way. We see worse than what happened. And we see less than what happened. We are sitting in this with you. But that's not your stepfather and that's not you. That's imagination. So that is waking up to reality. Okay. To know. To realize the difference is the end of trauma. And it's not that simple. It's worksheet after worksheet after worksheet. Because the ego has all those little nooks and crannies of past future. That's why I call it the work. Because the ego is. The ego says, "You know, I'm going to fill in a worksheet." Oh yeah, but I need to. I will do it later. Well, you know, I think I'll go on a run first. So, here we go. And it shows you on the run and how great that is. And then you see the worksheet. And you're. Yeah. Yeah. You know, the way your stepfather came at you. Look at how your ego came at you. It's looking for a life. It's looking for. Oh boy. It's looking for its safety. And that's not the same as my safety. Very good. It's looking for a home. And it found it in you. But not in your heart, in your terror. And what this work gives us. When we sit in it, is it gives the ego home in our heart. Yeah. It's allowing it to be what it is, because we can't stop at number one. But we can understand it. The way our stepfather could not understand you, you can. Understand it. Stepfather in your mind's eye, as opposed to your stepfather. Yeah. Your stepfather hit you, little 10-year-old, in bed. Is it true? Not right now. No. And little 10-year-old. Yeah, you see your responding honestly, as you witness the ego, as opposed to being asleep, that's not your father. And notice beautiful, beautiful, ancient, innocent 10-year-old. And when you react, when you think the thought, my stepfather hit me. I still like time. Yeah. So that would put you in the future. You're seeing it's going to happen again. It's never going to stop. And you see your mother allowing it, doing nothing. You're witnessing drama. Now, don't change those images in your head. Just notice who you are without the thought, my stepfather hit me. Without those images in your head, just notice, because they're not real. That's not your stepfather, that's not your mother, that's not real. It's not real. It happened, but it's not real. No. It happened, but it's not happening now. Something else is going on. And who are you? You do get real without denial. My stepfather didn't hit me. I'm okay. Yeah. He didn't hit me. That's not my stepfather, that's ego. So you see what's going on as you're not fighting it. You're waking up to it. And he didn't hit me in the bed. Turning that around is not he never hit me. Yeah. Those can be different, right? Well, you tell me, this is your work. You're taking on. You're in bed. Is that your stepfather? No. No. Are you okay, other than what you're thinking and believing? Yes. Is your stepfather anywhere in the room? No. No. You just in your head, and that is not even your stepfather, that is imagination. He goes play. And he becomes very difficult when at one time you became practiced at convincing yourself that things weren't real. Well, that's denial. You know, but that the abuse didn't. happens. So this feels like a it's an echo, it's different, but it it feels like I'm convincing myself something didn't. Honey, you're being disloyal to the ego and it's not it's not going to let you go. I don't know any power against that other than understanding. The difference between what hurts and what doesn't. Okay. So miss look at number two. I want 80 to admit that children can be harmed, that abuse is abuse. Protecting children is important and it's not a child's fault for believing what they're told or internalizing a harmful message. And what was it you wrote children can be harmed? Uh, each children can be harmed. Yeah. So be in bed just as you were. So not when I was feeling about you on the couch, but back in the past past. Yeah. Yeah. In that situation, your grandfather hit you, he abused you, and now you're in your bed room. He's not in the room, your mother's not in the room. I want BK to admit that children can be harmed. So little 10 year old, your grandfather hit you. Is it true? Children can be harmed. Is it true? Yes. And how do you react as you lay in bed in that room where you're safe other than what you're thinking and believing? How do you react? What happens when you think the thought children can be harmed? I feel afraid. And you don't just feel afraid, there's something, there's some images going on that. Yeah, same as before, it's happening again. Then the ego, if that's not enough, it offers up the future. Now look at what you're in bed with. Hell. And notice who you are without that. It's not denial. That's imagination. You can't take it out of your head and look at it. Just who are you without your ego calling the shots on life? Life in the moment. Who are you without the thought? And you know, it's like we become, it's really scary because you begin to be afraid of, you're becoming disloyal to the ego. So it has like being loyal to hell. That ego word is so loaded. False evidence appearing real. It's fear is the way to sum up ego. Fear is, you know, you want a little fear in terror, little tinier roll, get a future. You want a little shame and guilt, get a past. The ego offers both. It has to. It's jackmate. Because children can be harmed, boils down to he's going to hit me again. You know, that's the thing. And you lay there perfectly safe in reality, but you're being dreamed. Yeah. And that doesn't mean it's not going to happen again, but until then I'm in a terror of something imaginary. Very good. You can give you the break by waking up to reality that your stepfather hasn't been able to give you. And where have you experienced the most, the most fear and terror in your life? When you compare, yeah, your stepfather could not hold a candle to your ego at work in your sweetness to it. That's the truth. And that's not letting him off the hook. It's just the truth. Yeah. Okay. Did your grandfather hit you? Yes. How many times? More than a hundred, less than a hundred, more than 50, less than 50? What? A thousand? What? Are you looking for my real answer? Yeah. Oh, I'd say less than 50. Okay. And how many times has your ego offered that up as your stepfather and your attached to it? How many? A lot more than that. Countless. And that continues to happen. I don't know if he's dead or alive, but that happens long past his death as long as you are asleep. In other words, traumatized. He and I don't have much relationship, but I when I perceive my mom to be doing something that continues to stand by him, I traumatize myself again. I'm very good. There she is standing over there again. Yeah. And are you traumatizing yourself or is it just the ego's play and nothing to do but just understand the difference? Yeah. I'm not wrong when I do that either. I'm just. No, you're just becoming sane. Trauma is the opposite of sane. We do terrible things that can give us a guilty life when we are traumatized. It's retraumatized. Some of us who beat our children, some of us who have been beaten as children, continue it. We beat our children. We try not to do it and then we just become more violent. We just explode. We traumatize ourselves. And if we don't, what you're describing to us today is, boy, that little guy's been living in a torture chamber. And if we don't wake up to reality, and what a blessing to have you here today for all of us here. If we don't wake up to reality, and our last words are before death is, it's all his fault. Because he's still in us only. That's not him. It's the ego's play here in Earth School to wake us. Okay, sweetheart. Go to a place where he was hitting you. You see it? Is he hitting you with his hands? Is it fast? What? It's a belt in this one. A belt. Okay. Now, this really takes some just easy does it. Slow it all down. He's got the belt in his hand. He just hit you. And now his hand is raised. He's going to hit you again with that belt. You see that? His hands and the air, do you see his hand in the air? He's putting all the strength behind it and he's going to hit you. Okay, sweetie, you're very, very brave to sit in this. He's going to hit you. Is it true? Stay there. See his hand in the air. Is it true? Beautiful, beautiful young man. Can you really know? Can you absolutely know that it's true he's going to hit you? No. And notice how you react. Be there now. His hands in the air. See the expression on his face. He'll all smell it all of it. Notice how you react when you think the thought he's going to hit me. And his hands in the air. My whole body tenses up. Ready for this. Notice your whole body is ready for it. Tenses up. And notice the image in your head of the first hit. The one just behind the one coming. So notice you see the past. When he hit you. And you see the future. Before he even hits you again. Notice how you react when you think the thought he's going to hit me again. Before he even hits you. My back hurts already. You've already imagined it hitting you. Before he hits you. Now what is the most painful when he hits you again? Or when you imagine he's going to hit you? And then you see the pain. Really still this is you with you. You don't you know this is. How many you can do this work? It feels like the worst moment is 20 proves me right. When that when it comes and I knew it. But the agony is not in the sting of the belt. It's in the anticipation. Yeah. Yes. My stepfather hit me turned around. I hit me. Over and over and over and over and over and over again. I hit me every time he came at me whether he hit me or not. I was always ready. My stepfather hit me. Just try it on. What does that mean to you? It makes me bristle. I go to. His father's father's father who hit him. You know, like there was a lot more that hit me that day than this one man. Wow. I see one. Would you like to hear it? Yes. The belts and the air. You're anticipating the hit. His hands and the air. And you're doing all the hitting. Yeah. So in that situation, my grandfather didn't hit me. That was pure imagination. And there were so many more of those moments than the actual moments. He made contact. You know. Yeah. And then when he actually, when the belt actually hit you. And then when he hit me, he said, notice the fear may be greater. Your ego goes to the future. He's going to do it again. And you've done some good work. Whatever you've been doing as far as trauma work, you've done some good work. Whatever that is. I'm calling it not, but I see what we're doing. So let's go back to that hit. But you can anticipate it if you don't have the future of when he hits you prior to that. So that's running in your head. Then your imagination is going to hit you. That's terror. Again, that's terror. So now he hits you. Is that hit? Do you feel the hit? Is it the hit you're experiencing at all or is it the best future when the belt hits you? Remembering and anticipating. And the meaning I'm making. There's so much more afraid of what all this means than I am of this sting. Yeah. Did you actually feel it or was that so ego driven? I don't remember the belt. I remember feeling terror. The pain is over. The pain was over like that. But the terror is what I remember. So when when Katie says pain is either remembered anticipated. You're the litmus test. No one else in the world just you. This is not something someone can teach you. This is something to wake up to. And you have the gift of open-mindedness. And that's the gift of trauma. And there's no one in the world that has not it's not traumatized if they're. They think they're the dreamer. Or the dream. Can't have one without the other. Mm hmm. To admit protecting children is important. For people to admit for for Katie to admit protecting children is important. I want Katie to admit protect this is on your wants I want Katie to admit protecting children is important. Turned around. I don't want Katie to admit protecting children is important. Turned around again, I want me to. I want me to admit protecting children is important. Especially me. Yes. Me. Because when you can do that, you are a powerful teacher in the world. No longer guessing. Both feet firmly planted in reality. Come on. You know, just still back a minute. Both feet planted in reality. So be there in bed. Okay. But little ten year old, both feet planted in reality. Even though he's lying down in bed, both feet planted in reality. Is he okay? Yes. The sheets were flannel. I can feel them. Yeah. Perfectly safe. Other than what he's thinking and believing. Ground there, knowing the difference between fantasy and the real. The gift of life. And when you say, "Yeah," but there were people, there are children, you know, traumatized in the world. Just remember you. And that little ten year old, with that belt coming for you, that you'll be responsible for yourself. Yes, he hit you. Protecting children is important. Yes. Until they can wake up, they have the privilege of waking up to a real hell there, who was fear. To the point you didn't even feel the belt. Was a remember, remembered and anticipated. The hit. And to acknowledge that the fear is the source of the pain doesn't mean you made it up for its default. You tell me this is your work now. Yes, I feel that's true now. Don't feel it. Look at it. You can honestly say, "I feel it." I'm free of it now, but listen. Don't jump ahead. Just if I say, "I feel it." I want to be sure that it's so. And in you, I saw that it was. Yeah, that that dilemma has resolved it. That feels true now. It feels true because it is true. And as you can prove to yourself otherwise. It's always true unless I can prove otherwise. Yeah. And you've just proved an in front of a lot of witnesses here. Otherwise. And what is true? Yes, it is. It begins with you. When I've been with abused children, and what comes to my mind is working with, with hardcore murders and rapists, you know, men's prisons, all the men's prisons I've been in. Oh my God, it's just. There is innocent as you are. And when stepfather's beath them, they murder. Hoping that'll make the trauma stop. And nothing solved there. Let's do one more honey. Be there now. The belt is already hit you. Maybe three or four times. Or maybe once just wherever you are there. And his hands in the air with the belt, look at his face, look at. Is it true? Can you really know that it's true? And notice how you react, what happens when you think the thought? All that terror. Yeah. Now notice the cause of the terror. You see there's an image of the past where he just hit you. And a thousand times before that maybe. It's all there. And then you imagine he's going to hit you, and then that's not it. He's going to hit you and hit you and hit you. He's just not going to stop this time. Okay, what is the cause of your suffering? My thinking, my anticipation about the next hit, and what it all means. Now, who would you be? Who are you? Without that story, he's going to hit you before you hit you again. Who are you? Now, look into your stepfather's face. Really look. Without your story, get connected. Look at him. Look at him until you experience compassion. It feels like grief. For what you must be believing or thinking to do this. I'm so sorry. Or what a tragedy it is that you believe whatever that is. And keep looking at his face. You feel the connection. He's just as scared in there as I am, I think. I think you're right. And when he hits you, when it's over, there's a law in the world of the ego. His guilt will. To hit a child is a guilt-written experience. And just because he never showed me his guilt, what I know of human nature is that he had to. Guilt is the ego's playground. The ego just fights to be object-eye. All in the name of love. Earth School fighting our way between what you've shown us today. The difference between imagination and reality. And reality is always kinder than what we're thinking and believing about it. And test that log. I've tested it and for an earth time for a long time now. Yeah. And I'm open to heaven and hell. And I cannot find a hell that is not within me. And I see where that takes me. And the freedom, the freedom and the gift of this world. Once this world is understood. It's 100% beautiful. Once it's understood. But that is BK admitting. That is BK's words, "Fly in the face of what I know about my childhood, drama." Now they're worse. hope you do better with them than I've been able to do all of the traumatized children that should ever hear a word out of my mouth. So I leave that to you, my precious friend. Thank you. Okay, angels, our teacher today. Chandler. By the way, everyone, if you enjoyed this podcast, please give us a five-star rating and review on iTunes. It really matters and thank you for that. I love that you join me every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 9 to 10 a.m. Pacific time at homewithbk.com. Let's do the work.