#761 - KIM CONGDON + ADAM RAY

Hey, this is RedBan and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Killtony and every episode of Killtony can be found at Desquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHanscliff.com for everything the golden pony, TonyHanscliff. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Desquad Merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Killtony. Do what I can do. Is this thing even on a price in a wrap-out, walks into a bar? I didn't really mean everything I said that night. This is going to be insane. This is going to be awesome. Killtony, Saturday, and Billie Teade, tickets on sale now. Hey, this is RedBan, come you live from the Smart Financial Center here at Houston, Texas for a brand new episode of Killtony, get up for TonyHanscliff. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Oh my God, how about one more time for the best damn band in all of Sugarland? The great Michael Gonzalez, Roe, Vallejo, Carlos, Sosa. Fucking. Roe, Vallejo, Fernando, Castillo, Carlos, Sosa, John, B's, and that right there is the great de-mandness to everybody. Matt Mewling on the electric. We got everything in place. This is very, very exciting. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. I got to ask, Houston, Texas, are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? What a pleasure it is to be on the road in my favorite state in the United States of America. Holy shit, what a beautiful day, 80 degrees and sunny. You can't beat it. Tonight's guest, two of my favorite human beings in the world, two of the greatest Killtony guests of all time, very hard, very hard to book the show on a Saturday night when everybody that touches the show is a sell-out theater act, but I did the Lord's work for you as I present to you multiple time over, without a doubt, arguably statistically, the greatest guest in Killtony history and the first ever regular in Killtony history. Tonight's guest, ladies and gentlemen, are Adam Ray and Kim Connist. Oh, yeah, why in the bunch, do you name it, the man who gets bullied by Dr. Phil Cheremy? Oh, what's her name? So many characters I forget sometimes, wow, and the great Kim Conn didn't everybody. She is currently being stalked by many men. I have a gun, she's got a gun, she's got a new dow, everything's happening, and ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Killtony, Hall of Famer, multiple time guest of the year, Adam Ray is here. Great to be here. Thanks for having me. Houston, let's go. Houston, let's go, Houston, home of Kamehlajuan and fucking, I don't know, fat, fat sex, I don't know. A lot of them. Yeah. I looked up fun facts on the airplane about Houston and I said, you guys eat out more than any other city in the world, so, yeah, this guy, that's not what I was talking about, I'm like fast food, but for sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, right here, later, hopefully in the Uber. Hell yeah. There's a lot of blacks in Houston and what I heard, they don't eat out at all. Oh, I don't, that's not what I was talking about, but yeah, sure, yeah, it should probably are. LTMBO is here. How many LTMBO fans do we have out there? LTMBO. Gosh darn it. The home of the Colorado, you guys have ever been to the Colorado before? It's a fun place. All right, you guys know how this show works, everybody, if I pull your name out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then and also they bring out the angry, is there a gay part of Houston? Oh, they all said it once. What is it? Montrose. Oh yeah. You got to wrap it up then and she bring out the angry Montrose bear. Oh, yeah, that's a big gay bear, little Southern twang on it, too. Hell yeah. Grrrr. Grrrr. Oh my goodness, the first name has been pulled and this is a very special show because since we have been in Texas for over five years now, we have accumulated many great golden ticket winners from the city of Houston, Texas. And tonight while we go rang the LARP first bucket pool, starting off the show with a brand new minute for us is one of our elite golden ticket winners from Houston, Texas. He got his golden ticket, I believe when he was 21 years old since then, he has worked as Bucky himself at a Bucky's. Make some noise. Starting tonight's show, Houston's own Enrique Chico. Houston, Texas, how the fuck we feeling tonight? Yeah. This is looking like a racist Lakewood church, bro. The fuck? I heard that ISIS killing white people now, man. What's up with that? My girl friend when I met her, she was way out of my league, so I found out everything I could about her, man. I found out that she was really into animal rescue, so 2019, fuck it, bra rescue, 34 cats, bro, fucking. Sometimes you have to save the kiddie to eat the kiddie, and that's what I was doing. You can say I wasn't heat, too, man, anyways. I have an Australian cattle dog, a blue healer at home. I like to use that dog for small talk with older white guys, I like a tractor supplier. I tell them I have a blue healer, and they're like, "Oh, my granddaddy had a blue healer." That's a very intelligent dog, that's a very hard-working dog. We have a beautiful moment, and suddenly they remember that their granddaddy wouldn't like him talking to me, and that's the end of the conversation. Thank you. In Rika Chakol. Tony Hinchcliffe. Hi, buddy. How are you, my friend? How does it feel? This is the biggest crowd you've ever performed in front of in Houston, Texas. It is, bro, and let's look in pretty fucking beautiful. Southwest, alien Texas, in the house! Southwest! Wow. What's the Southwest of Houston like, exactly? Southwest, Houston. This is a beautiful place where everybody says the end word, no matter what ethnicity you are. Oh, perfect. That's why whenever I moved to Austin, I started doing comedy, I had to train myself. Every time I wanted to say the end word, I would snap a rubber band, you know, on my leg or something. But, yeah, that's my fucking, that's my hood, man. That's why I grew up. And yeah. I love it. I don't know all the different areas that well. I know I was able to convince Red Band to do this show because I said it's in Sugarland, and he's like, "Oh, where did it go?" That's close to Candyland. I'm not fucking mad at that, bro. My fat ass. We're going to turn Sugarland into caramel, bro. What's up? Oh, my goodness. Enrique, why are you so fat? Tell us what you need. - Exactly. - Well, you know, a lot of straight guys see pussy Tony. That's what I do, you know. (laughing) - That's not what's making you fat. (laughing) - What are you putting on? Are you putting a whipped cream on it or something or cream cheese or cottage cheese? What are you-- - Not, you know, protein powder. Duck eggs, chicken eggs, bro. We cook everything with lard, dude. This is a fucking normal thing. - Dude, I eat chocolate candy eggs, the fucking catberry eggs, dude. I got a fucking eggs and ham, dude. But, you know, a place that you need to visit, though, Tony, is best in that, bro. You got to go to best in that. - What people, don't y'all fucking agree? - What is that? - Best in that is the best neighborhood in Houston, Texas. - Why, you'll have to explain. - And if you're stuck in traffic and best in that, you might as well get your dick sucked, you know? (laughing) - It's a-- - You know what the problem is? - You guys have to go, yeah. But I'm gonna go to Southwest. I'm gonna go between best in it and Southwest Houston, so that I could say the end word while getting my dick sucked. - That is the American dream. - That's like a beautiful plan, Tony. - I love it, Enrique. - Such a fun set, ice-white people, Lulu Lemon. - I love it, so-- - That ice shit got me terrified, Tony. - Yeah. - Really? - Yeah, it really does, dude. 'Cause I have something called the DACA status, which means that I'm a celebrity immigrant, you know? There's only 2,500 of us, man. - I don't think you should be saying this. - Fuck it. (laughing) - You know, I'm prepared for the consequences, man. That's why I'm trying to camouflage myself. I don't even drink modellos anymore in public, Tony. (laughing) I'm drinking bush light, bro, like some of these river oats, white guys, bro, what the fuck? - Hell yeah. I love it. Are there any other white things that you're doing to try to hide out? - You know, I'm reciting the Ten of Medments, Tony. - The Ten of Medments. - Sizzly. - Wait, wait. - You listen. - One of those is the right to eat. (laughing) It's one of them to dress like you work at the off-guard. (laughing) - I look like Lizzo's waiter, bro. - What the fuck was I thinking, bro? - You look like you squeal when someone hugs you. (laughing) - You are absolutely adorable, Enrique, and you have the show started for us tonight with nothing but laughter and likability, which are from Houston, Texas. - Thank you, Houston! - And we got it started. - I'm fucking like you. (upbeat music) ♪ Ooh, baby, baby, baby ♪ - And now we go to the fuck at everybody. There are a lot of Houston local comedians that have been dying for us to make the two or three-hour trip up here, and now it begins. They get 60 seconds, and then I conduct an interview with them and they think it can happen. Sometimes people get a little bit shy in front of such a big group of people. So I'm gonna try my hardest to find out crazy shit about your first bucket pool, doing an uninterrupted set, goes by the name of Max Whistinger. Everybody, here comes Max Whistinger to get the bucket started tonight. (audience cheering) - So I was making out with my girlfriend last week. - Yeah. - Things were heating up. She started taking her clothes off. - Yeah. - She was like, "Max, you look like a kid in a candy store." I said, "Babe, it's not you. "I look like a kid in any store." (audience laughing) Yeah. Just kidding. I don't have a girlfriend. (audience laughing) Yeah. I can't keep a girlfriend, all right? 'Cause they don't feel safe with me. Because I'm gluten free. I mean, I can't even fight off a little Debbie. (audience laughing) It sucks, right? Like someone brings donuts to work. I can't have any. Apple fritter, straight to the shitter. (audience laughing) Being gluten free is so depressing. The only time I even think about using a toaster is when I'm taking a bath. (audience laughing) Guys, come on. My therapist said I need an outlet. (audience laughing) Thank you. Max, listen to it. Welcome, Max. Chokes about being useful. How old are you, Max? I'm 27. Oh my god, 27. I don't even have chest hair yet. It's okay. Me neither, I'm 41. (audience laughing) Max, how long have you been doing stand-up? Ah, so two, one and a half years, but my first time was on this show like three, four years ago. Yeah, at Bolken. Oh, okay. You made the drive down to Austin. You live in Houston? I'm in Houston now. Yes. What do you do for work? I'm a product developer for supplements. Wow, what kind of supplements? The ones that make you healthier that RFK junior likes, yeah. Well, it doesn't look like you're taking any of them so far. (audience laughing) It looks like you're taking the drugs that make you age backwards. (audience laughing) It's a new bunch of buttons compound. You need to eat more fruit by the foot. (audience laughing) It's a cage snack, that's what I mean by that. You look five. Yeah, I think they accidentally gave you estrogen. Right. Yeah. People call me RFK, gay junior. Yeah. Aww. Which parent? (audience laughing) What's the best supplement? I don't know, to ask you. What's the-- You don't have to ask them anything. Remember? Don't even take it away. Thank you. (audience laughing) One of the funniest running jokes in the history of the show. (audience laughing) Look back. You can make a 45 minute long compilation of me looking at Adam going, (audience laughing) Well, he asks the people questions. That's why I wear costumes so he doesn't hurt his back. (audience laughing) Max, tell us what's been going on in life since the last time you were on the show. Well, girls have been hitting on me lately. Ooh. With their cars. Yeah. You know, I think girls are so dangerous when they drive because they're too busy trying to look hot. Right? Like, I saw this one chick go in a hundred on the freeway, putting on mascara, swerving all over the road. (audience laughing) I mean, hey, at least you died a bad bitch. (audience laughing) I see what you've got. There you snuck in a little joke. Comics on least. Yeah, exactly. Well, Tony, funny. You should ask. (audience laughing) He's women. Be driving crazy. Dude, you're perfect for cruises. Yeah. Yeah. Do you do that when you hang out with your friends that how you pitch beds? They're just like, dude, travelers, not today. You're like, yeah. And then you just turn and face a different wall and go, let me tell you about the 405. (audience laughing) Everyone's like, dude, over here. (audience laughing) You got jokes, I like it. What, have you been on dates? Do you have a girlfriend? Oh, no, not right now. No, don't. When's the last time you hooked up with a chick? What's that like? Oh, what playground did you go to exactly? (audience laughing) I think it was. No, I can't say that one. Yeah, you can. Wow. Yeah, man. You almost gave the actual location of a playground. No, I was like, the children's museum, but. That's what. (audience laughing) That's right, I didn't say it. Children's museum. Okay, so seriously, last time you were with a woman, or boy, or whatever you're into. (audience laughing) It was last year, yeah, in the last year. So what happened then? What was that? Was that just a random hookup? Is this a little booty call? (audience laughing) It says, for some reason that's funny when you ask, like a youthful 27-year-old. Now, this is my ex-girlfriend, yeah. Yeah. And Florida, yeah. Oh, you. I was living in Florida for two years. Yeah. What made you move to Florida? My job. Yeah. I was living in a retirement community. Yeah. The weather was great. It was in the 70s, just like the people. Yeah. I saw that one coming. Are we on a hidden camera show right now? The way you're launching into Bits is amazing. Impractical, no-jokers. (audience laughing) I was like, I can't just get freaking roasted the whole time. I got a good, yeah. I like it. You're on the, on the aggression. You're doing perfect, Max. Max, what's your ethnicity? What is a whistinger? I'm about to go into another bit. Well, if you say that beforehand, it's very hard to do. Okay, okay. I'm half Mexican, and I'm half German. Uh-huh. Go ahead. Mexican half likes to cook spicy. Your other half likes to cook Jews. No. (audience laughing) Hey. Did I accidentally write a better joke than you had? Yeah. It's okay. This brown goes to Tony. (laughing) What was yours? I like to, my German half, okay, so my Mexican half likes to cook spicy. Yeah. My German half likes to turn that bathroom into a gas chamber. Yeah, you should take my, my, my, my. Yeah. Do it my way. What the fuck was that? That was the most unholy cost noise I've ever heard. (audience laughing) That's the sound of what happens when your blood stops flowing. (audience laughing) You did. (laughing) All right, here you go, Max. There you go, buddy. Bingbong. (audience cheering) Good job, dude. Max, whistinger. Has begun the bucket portion of the show. (audience applauding) They're gonna keep it moving along. There he goes. There goes Max, everybody. Luckily too far away for Adam's favorite handshakes over your old handshakes. Oh my God. (audience cheering) Jesus Christ almighty. The thoughts that go through my head when Heidi's on stage, it's unbelievable. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's hotter. The old Houston butter cakes. Have a hamper. everybody it's real it's real all right your next bucket pool goes by the name of Jake McFarland let's see what happens here we're gonna meet Jake make put your hands together for Jake everybody Jake McFarland I just want to start this by saying I'm five years sober and clean from white pussy yeah wasn't a hard choice white pussy tastes like Nichols yeah that's true yeah it's February baby yeah not a lot of black people in here that's crazy yeah it's February and as a black man I I'm just gonna tell you as a black man I'm doing my part yeah I'm out there doing it yeah I've been eating black pussy yeah and I was actually recently eating some black pussy just a couple days ago and I was down there in them thick thighs you know how it is and I was down there doing my thing you know hey but I was running out of air quick all right I come up for air I go she grabbed me by the back of the head and goes no reparations bitch I was like oh yeah yeah all right he's gone his full length of time high-call and how are you when you're eating post are you just making noises inside of a pussy grab that mic I'm making a lot of noise yeah I thought it was her gun she was holding it to my head that's true yeah are you really eating black pussy every chance I get I mean I'm telling you when I get done with this I'm sure there's gonna be a line of them so you know I I'm looking forward to that I have a question yeah go ahead if white pussy tastes like Nichols what is that black pussy tastes like like cocoa butter and original wings follow a question I got a break from comedy yeah I think I recognize and a very good right at that to you what about Asian or Jewish pussy I think if you like Asian women you're secretly gay and I don't know let's play a game I'll pull up a bunch of trannies from Asia and then just regular Asian women and we'll find out who's hot and who's not all right let's do it come on I'm just saying I think we know what's gonna happen your boyfriend's gonna look gay okay so stand on that red circle for me there is this where the animal is the anvil from Looney Toes all right you're cool let me ask you something Jake where are you meeting these black women who's pussy you're anywhere I can but like give us an example of where it's actually I am man I do a lot of so like I'm a black comedian okay why do you keep saying I am I'm a black comedian I I was banned from all white comedy rooms until like six months ago why he's a ginger I am a ginger man you really want to know now we're all right Jake I'm asked any dude yes I really want to know we're on a live show I don't know if you know that there's seven thousand people out there Jake I do really want to know the answer to the question that the host of the show just asked to stand in the middle of the red circle Jake I'll keep it real I'll stay right here I got the middle of the red circle middle there you go just stay there okay that's the target okay black people love to run yeah I don't know I'm not I'm not that black I honestly I I pulled it on a guy okay tell us more about that yeah okay so I was at a comedy show it was a black comedy show y'all don't have those in Austin but in Houston it's when you go to a place and everyone's black you know what I mean just yep sure we all lived in it we all did comedy in LA for a couple decades you know right okay okay so you do okay right okay yes and I was about to leave but one of my buddies who had went on the show he actually didn't get on the show he got snuffed by another comedian he started crying he got a little drunk threw a fit walked out and I was like well fuck him right but then I thought you know what I better smooth it over with the the host so I walk up to the host but I left my keys and my trucks we're out in the parking lot this time by the way I want to prep this prep assist by saying I was at Carrington's if you know what Carrington's is that's the Jesus fuck it that's the fucking hood come on get to the point of the story Jake anyway my bad my bad I'm wasting time wasting time with the story and with a wrap a different kind yeah okay so get to the fucking story Jake do you really want to know do you really want me to be on this about the what happened all right here we go come on so I was I was out in the parking lot talking with the comedian and the host and another comedian started talking shit and I told him that he's being disrespectful and he said what are you gonna do about it and I said take them glasses off and he walked around his car and I said are we fighting or what and he said no I'm just gonna shoot your ass I'm just gonna kill your ass the who this streets it was a black guy it was a black guy right which is crazy because when I pulled a gun on him and told him to take his hands out of the trunk after he popped the trunk to grab a gun he closed the trunk damn they don't like it when black people get like gun guns pulled onto my guess your story takes forever this is like how hard it is for a woman to come thank you ladies wow the moral the story is the moral the story is there's a moral all right go ahead I put my gun back in the trunk after the car after he closed the trunk and he said he's calling the police so I was like okay well fucking Jesus I thought I was black but you know apparently he's not this thing where you keep calling yourself black I'm ginger what are you talking about I'm light-skinned why do you keep saying I got a I could call man I could call my black friends right now do you say the word no no I don't know what do you do for work I'm a handy man you're a handy man yeah what exactly do you specialize in woodwork and stuff like that ah well maybe you are black because they would work if they could work yeah it doesn't make sense but my my black friends call me Jigaboo Jake actually all right okay well since you're so black guess what you're leaving with a little black joke book Jake McFarland everybody oh can't catch not all right here to clean the slate oh my goodness gracious that's right since it's a road show the great Valerie Vaughan is here everybody put your hands together for Valerie she attends and works with us on every single non-Austin and sometimes in Austin but always on the road show we have another Houston Golden Ticket winner ladies and gentlemen can you believe it make some noise for him here with a brand new minute it's Colin sledge everybody you know a brand new minute for Houston oh Colin sledge okay thank you you know so God gave us two years and one mouth because they're supposed to listen twice as much as we talk but he also gave us 10 fingers so we're supposed to be finger-blastin like all the time I always tell girls you should you should never fake an orgasm with me you know so I don't care I found out women are supposed to pee after sex to prevent a UTI every time but I was so just to be safe you should pee during sex cement to that hell yeah my parents are here by the way can I can I do one more joke okay my girlfriend says I don't make enough eye contact during sex and it's not even true I make a lot of eye contact during sex it's just with myself in the mirror not like a narcissistic way I just like to pretend I'm getting cucked by my evil twin wow Colin sledge in front of the hometown crowd that is what every comedian hopes to do amazing Colin. Fucking hilarious as always. Thank you. What do you think your parents think about that set? They've seen it before, probably. No, not. I love it. I love it. Tell us what part of Houston are you from? From Northwest Houston by the Heights. Northwest Houston. Say the n-word there, you might get in trouble. Yes, different than Southwest. I feel like I would get in trouble anywhere if I said it. No, yeah. You definitely would. White people would beat you up if you said it. Colin, tell us about your experiences here in Houston, Texas. What else might people know you from? Did you ever have jobs here? I used to work at the Galleria. What did you do at the Galleria? I worked at Express. Express Galleria. Go ahead, right down whatever you're trying to do. He's got nothing. And then it worked at Willowbrook. Oh, where? Willowbrook. It's like it's like further northwest. It's kind of ghetto. Was that the Express at Willowbrook? Yeah, they moved me over there. Oh, they didn't like that. I never express employee. Yeah. Worked for Lex Waxner, who was on the Epstein Files. Oh, yes, yes. I never met him personally, but he did exploit my labor. I can't believe he didn't show up to one of his many locations in Willowbrook. Yeah, Willowbrook. There would be like stabbings every week at Willowbrook. And we would be like the only store that didn't even close. Right. Because white people need their skinny jeans. Exactly, Willowbrook. I love it. I love it, Colin. What else is going on in life? I went shooting with Hans Kim and Dusty and Sportsman's Linus and stuff. How was that? It was fun. Everyone was very nice, especially when I had a gun. I never shot a fully automatic weapon before, and they just gave me like an energy drink. And they were like, "You're a friend, right?" In Texas, I love it. I think they're hooking Kim up with a gun, maybe at some point. And I have one already. Yes. She already has one. There's any stalkers out there watching or listening to the show. I'm also a victim of that, because it used to be if you search Creepy Kill Tony guy, I would come up. To be honest, I'm on edge right now, and when he came out, I was like, "Whoa!" But you look like a nice stalker. Like you just stroke someone's cheek or something. Yeah. I would roof you a girl, but I would just hold her hand the whole time. So sweet. Yeah, you look like when you eat black push, you blow on it instead of going rat-tat-tat-tat. It's too hot for him. Yeah. Too hot. Yeah. Cool it down. Jesus. So this hot pussy. And his mouth like an airplane. Have you ever been with a black woman called? No. Oh, jeez. Brick her out. Brick her out. She calm, though. Everybody. Oh, we had one ready. Wow. Why do you think you've never been with a black woman? All the time here in Houston, a large populace of those people. I wasn't always good looking. I used to be, yeah. Oh, my God. Men are so confident. I mean, when he first got on the show, his hair looked different. Ever since he's been dating his girl, look at this hair he has right now. Yeah. She started taking care of me. I'm like a straight cat. That makes sense. How else is your girlfriend changed you? Is there anything else you've been trimming your pubes and whatnot? No. She prefers that I don't do that. Is there any other changes that she's made to you, though? You know, people used to say girls like a neat place, you know, got to be very clean. And since I've had a girl, my place has never been messier in my entire life. So, yeah. They leave their stuff. Yeah. So I used to be very organized and now I'm not so much. Right. But it's worth it. Yeah, I think so. On a balance. You get to dumb loads. Well, misectomy hasn't happened yet, but it's on the way. The what? The misectomy. Oh, yeah. I'm working on it. So I tried to, you know, I talked to the doctor and he didn't want to do it on me because I didn't have kids. But I don't want to have kids just to get a second. And so I said, I'll go visit my niece in Honduras, my brother had a baby. And then I'll come back. If I still want to be a second, maybe you'll give it to me. And he said, yes. And then I did that. And then I came back and I called him and he retired. So I'm sort of back to square one. It's some of the works. Call me insane, but I feel like you don't have to go to Honduras to get a bisectomy. Like, you could just find a different doctor. You could do it in red beans, VR world. I'll do it for you. I love it. Do you do drugs? I just take weed gummies. You look like you sell mushrooms to scooby in the gang. That is true. That's my girlfriend's influence on me. Yeah. Calling you were absolutely hilarious tonight. And you know what happens? Home town crowd and front of your parents. You did it. We're getting back to the bucket. One more time for college. Let's let everybody. And back to what we go, ladies and gentlemen. Your next comedian is Brandon Brown. We're going to meet Brandon Brown all together now. We're here together for Brandon. Everybody. These people wait their whole lives. Holy shit. We're doing it. I'm a big ass fan. You too, Adam Ray. Me and my wife were such big fans of Killtony that we role play Killtony in the bedroom, right? So sometimes, like, I'll be hitting it from the back. I'm like, oh yeah. We're really doing it, baby. We're really doing it. And then sometimes, I like to pretend I'm one of the black guys that get on Killtony. I'm like, oh yeah. But my favorite people who come on Killtony are the Asians, right? So sometimes, I'll be back. They're going, oh yeah. We really going it, baby. All right. Oh, man. But it goes both ways, right? So sometimes, because she's like, I want to be Tony. I'm like, all right. You can be Tony. So I'll be eating her pussy, right? And then she'll go, we've done this a thousand times. You still can't hit the fucking buttons, right? Like, what the fuck? I've known you for 10 fucking years. And you still can't get it fucking right? Everybody, I'm Brandon Brown. And that's my time. We really doing it, baby. Look at this guy. Are you pointing at your girl out there? Yes, we're she out. Hey, we paid big money. We're right in the front row. I love it. I love it. How do you get big money? What do you do for work, Brandon Brown? I'm an insurance broker. I love it. Amazing. How long have you been doing that for? I've done it for about four years now. You are one of the buffest insurance brokers I've ever seen before. It's incredible. Thank you. Do you repo insurance? What's going on? No, I say you're going to get some protection for your fucking family or what? Yes. Sometimes it works. You look like Rogan if he stopped doing the podcast. That's a compliment. I appreciate you. It is, man. The tired Rogan you do. You really do. How long did you practice that set a lot? I came up with that at 3.43 this morning. No one's going to dispute that. I was so excited. I was actually, so what's funny is, I knew you were going to be here. We have a little connection you and I. Oh, go ahead. Now you have a stalker. Me and the wife have been to a couple of your shows. When you were doing Dr. Phil, we'd come see you at Dr. Phil. We love you and Dr. Phil. I appreciate it. I sent you a Facebook message late one night. High as fuck. I try to respond to everybody. Did I get back to you? Yeah, because me and my girl were like, I was like, I wonder if we can get married on Dr. Phil. And you and I went back and forth in a shit ton of messages. And then my Facebook got hacked. And I could never get a hold of you again. And like, we were like, you're just like, I'm more named like, yeah, let's do this shit. Yeah, look it up, Brandon Brown in your phone. I'll take your word for a player. But don't tell me how to live my life. After you dry hump the fucking stage. No, that's enough. Stop it. You're going to have nightmares. Wait, so you guys got married. Yes, we did. Where'd you get married at? We did a courthouse. Oh, okay. Absolutely. And how many times have you beaten your wife since you got married? You know, it depends when the trend starts to kick in. I don't really remember. What does she do for a living? She is a nurse. No, we do not. Are you finishing inside of her? Oh, every time. I got a bad back. So I got a weak ass bull game. When I did this, like, there's a reason why God didn't make me black. How many times do you make her meow in bed? Oh, I'm very good at that. Very slow. Do you have any special moves in the bedroom in real life? I usually on bottom because of your bad back. No. You know, Man, she's going to kick my ass over I'm saying this the good parts. These are the good parts So I got very Extremely lucky and I got hurt in Afghanistan. I took an armored plate to the left side of the dick bag So like my dick gets hard and like I can go forever because I've limited feeling right? Oh, yeah I'd normally just go till she gets tired and I'm like Sometimes I hear with that. Yeah, but that's only when I'm Tony. It's incredible. Do you finish? Do you come? Yeah I still come. How do you come if you don't have feeling? Yeah, it's only on like the left side like my dick has feeling But like I have like half the feeling that I had before so like I go three times long. The question was what's your favorite TV show? Yeah, I don't know how we got on this tangy. Dr. Phil live. I love it. So Afghanistan That was a you what was it you rolled rolled over a We got hit by an ID. Yeah, oh my Okay, can you take us through that? What was that like is it traumatizing for you or it not for me A lot of people have different Experiences in a military. I was I was very lucky We were more on the attack side of things. Yeah, so like we went out every day We're part of an EOD group and like it was just like who's gonna get blown up today. We laugh about it It's not so nobody died like it was just fun. It was just work. I miss it. We loved you. We love you for your service That's goddamn right greatest country on planet Earth Amazing any other crazy stories from from being on the other side of the planet. Oh, yes So my favorite is right this made me think of you too I did this at about 402 after I came up my bit So I sent her like what the fuck am I gonna tell you know Tony? Well, now I was like mr. Hinchcliffe Dr. Cone like that one guy. I'm like so like I've been playing around I'm just gonna sip Tony the question was what's your favorite food? Yeah, I'm getting around to it right? So we would deal with a lot of people who blew theirself up being on an EOD team and I had the magic ability I would always find the dick Like we'd be walking around looking for body parts and shit. I have that ability too It's okay for you to find dick. It's weird when I find it. Yeah Okay, very very antsy on the side. Well, I thought you'd like that, you know That's probably something I don't come. So give us an example of you know when people get blown up Yes, I find a lot of dicks. Do you do what I do when you find it and immediately just oh? Yeah, I picked it up with two sticks and I chased people around with it. Yeah, I love that you touch them your game I love that Amazing Brandon Brown will so much fun. Congratulations. You got to do it Right in the heart of the show Here's a big joke book, man. You fucking did it dude Another drop you the Houston droppers are in the jet here Houston can't catch a fucking cold It's amazing Okay, your next bucket pull live in Houston, Texas goes by the name of McKenzie Jewel everybody. Here we go McKenzie Jewel Oh I'm getting autistic so technically I'm a double minority But because I'm white it just levels out You know, I mean I'm bisexual that kind of sucks, you know, I mean because I feel like bisexual is gayer than being gay You know because when you're by that means that you like dick and pussy, right? So if you choose some dick over pussy That's gay That's really gay But I'm autistic and bitches love the tism dick I'd be stimming in they shit, you know, I'm like damn bitch. This is a I'm in hole. I'm like so when you store your lurch files do you drop box or wonder I have you You know, I'm really bad at Netflix and chilling because I always just want to pay attention to the movie, you know I'm like babe stop sucking my dick. This is the scene where Michael Keaton becomes the founder You Amazing set McKenzie Jewel with a breakout performance Welcome McKenzie you're hilarious. How long have you been doing stand up? I'm coming up on my third year April. Fuck yeah, all of it here in Houston. Yes, sir I love it. What part of town do you live in? I'm over in West Chase right now, but I was on the show before and I mentioned I grew up in the Falfell Acres homes Okay, okay, you're like of Mike Jones sucked on bones. Yeah Amazing that's one of my favorite. You know, there's a lot of gay autistic comedians But you came out with energy actouts you kept everybody's attention Thank you guns ablaze and absolutely incredible question for you. Are you the new blippy? Who's blippy? That's what I asked myself just to put about a one Gen Z But I don't you know, I'm reformed from TikTok. You know, it's not autistic. I can't hold on. Are you McKenzie? I am 23 23 years old. What are the kids up to nowadays? I mean other than fucking anything that moves all All the ones I know just just hang out and are sad and open mics and shit. Yeah What's the most what do you think is the most artistic thing about you? What's like your specialty? Everybody has a thing some are good at chess some are good at numbers this that The next honestly, I feel like I got fucked on the autism thing I feel like I'm just like depressed lazy autistic like What are the superpowers you were hoping to obtain? I don't know Being able to just have like one of those cool library brains that just knows a bunch of shit You know, I fried my brains on my brain on drugs, but I'm better now kind of drugs. I was hella into coke really Yeah, I don't know. I did DMT on stage one time. That's cute But the coke I can't imagine I've never seen like a nerdy coke head before just yeah, you know I and I was and I wasn't cool. What were you doing? You would get drunk with your pals or whatever? Yeah, just doing open mics for three people and shit, you know wow McKenzie, I swear to God when he came out. I thought you were a woman. Yeah I'm not gonna lie. I'm still not sure. Can I? I actually I lived as a woman for a year. Can tell Let's go to a clip. Yeah, it's not a joke. Yeah, no, I believe it Yeah, she actually made a couple Netflix special. That's Hannah Gads be everybody live Incredible So tell us about living as a woman for your by the way I feel like this is every 23 year old in the country right now. We're all gonna die Oh, they make chickens and shit got the fucking estrogen, you know, you got the estrogen from it throwing the McChicken's What do you mean? I don't know Okay, RFK joining us the McChicken report. Yeah, but no, I I just I had pink hair. I worked at a comic book store I was the happiest I ever was actually when you were a woman Tell us what you were doing to be a woman though You were putting on a dress were you yeah, a hot topic clearance sales You were working at hot topic. No, no, but I would buy from hot topic a lot. What would you what would you buy exactly? Skirts and shit and cute little frog shirts and shit Did you go buy McKenzie? Yeah, yeah, it's a cool thing gender-neutral name, you know Can we see your tits now that you're not a girl? No red band red band. You can't do that because that's harassment when you ask Somebody that's sharing things with us to show us their tits whether it's a bully or a girl That's disrespectful and it's unacceptable in today's normal society. Can't can we see your taste? Yeah Whoa look at those Still a man everybody he kept he kept the dude tits No double scars for this guy Well pulled you out of it You know, I started taking Edibles and I just was on an edible and I had this ego death that was insane And I was like wow, I'm kind of ugly as a woman That's amazing. I wish we could send that exact clip to every fucking half gay kid around the world right now Yeah, no, it's good. It's good. We keep an open mind but at the same time. It's just contaminating everybody Tell us how do you think you were led down that path? You have liberal parents oh? I mean, they kind of let me run for yeah, yeah, you know, I was homeschooled I never got I never went to high school, but I have a diploma that says certified Improv bad ass. So that's something your parents made that for you. No, I Did two years improv for it, you know, wow. That's the gays thing about you. Yeah Amazing so what's your preference at the end of the day? You think you're 50 50 dudes and girls like what kind of are you 75 25? Honestly, my pets pets. What do you mean with pets? You're an animals not into like sexually no You're giving off ferret vibes. Yeah. I'm a mere cat. I'm a mere cat. AI told me I'm a mere cat. Oh my god, he now identifies as a mere cat. Yeah. OK, let's go back to the question. Where we at? 50/50? 50/50? Honestly, my track record is mostly women, but I have probably fooled around with two guys, and I've had one boyfriend. Ooh. First of all, let's get credit to the allowed, what the fuck, from the Houston man? Rob sounded like he drives a truck for a flipping. Let's put a spotlight on Harry homophobe up there in the-- He made it through balcony. He made it all the way through until Mackenzie goes, I had one boyfriend, and he's like, what the fuck? Fair enough, I've been in my neighborhood. I mean, you can buck him in all, but Jesus Christ, saying you're in a buck in relationships days? You keep that tizum dick and that female haircut out of my cul-de-sac. That's my burger king. What the fuck? I'm gonna have to drive to Southwest Houston, just scream the N word in a field after this. So tell us-- We're a woman in the gayest thing you said is that you had a boyfriend. Yeah. Tell us about this boyfriend. He actually came on the show one time. His name is Jackson Nami. Nobody cares about that. Tell us about your boyfriend. That was him. It was fine. It was OK. I have a girlfriend now. I like it better. Tell us why you like it better. Well, something softer about women. It almost seems like that's what your biology wants, isn't it? Yeah, right. Wow. Wow, turns out we're all natural human animals. My goodness, gracious. You almost said the first dick you ever, and then I cut you off. Let's go back to that. The first dick I ever sucked was black. Ooh. Wasn't that a cute blue book? The first dick. Sorry. It was that ginger guy. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC PLAYING] Yeah. Tell us about this black dick you sucked. How exactly does that happen? And were you just bullied and he forced it into your face? Great guy, don't he? You know, I thought because he had like magic the gathering cards, the dick would be like, kind of like-- You were playing magic with a black guy? No. Is it magic, Johnson? I just thought because he had-- I just thought because he had the cards, he would be like, it wouldn't be that, but it was big. And I didn't do it good, probably. When you say you didn't do it good, probably, what exactly do you mean, sir, hold your-- what the fuck? [LAUGHTER] [INAUDIBLE] [INAUDIBLE] I'm going to go get another drain before this-- I'm going to answer that question. [LAUGHTER] Give me a mic's heart lemonade. I don't care if he's hard. I ain't gay. [LAUGHTER] Can't even twist a tweet. Tweet's twink's-- What? Twisted T's are called tweez, maybe twink, joke, whatever. OK, stick with me over here. OK, OK. When you say you probably didn't do a good job, what exactly do you mean? I just feel like I remember half-assing it. Yeah, like it was toothy, like, probably. Ooh. Ratatuthy over here. Amazing. Toothy, probably, means 100%. [LAUGHTER] If you think your teeth might be hitting it, oh. Toothy was the name of the black guy. [LAUGHTER] Toothy Jenkins, White Receiver, University, Alabama. Number 34, Toothy Jenkins. White Receiver. [LAUGHTER] Amazing. Amazing stuff. McKenzie, you are doing such a fucking good job. Great answers, great interview. Great set, Red Band. McKenzie, if you're ever in Austin, I'll have you on the secret show. Hell yeah, dude. Boom, you're booked on a Thursday in Austin. The gay guy caught it. The first local Tecatcha jokebook tonight was a bisexual 23-year-old, let the record show. That guy will catch any type of-- any type of-- Thank you so much. Have a one more time for Heidi and Val, everybody. Are they not? Every time shit gets a little too gay up here, we bring them up here to remind us all what we're into. Right after you're done picturing a boy, giving a Toothy blowjob to a fat black cock. Heidi and Val are here to remind us all that we're straight. Here we are, two bucket pools. And now I present to you yet another boy born and raised on the outskirts of Houston, Texas. You know him very well. Well, never officially being a golden ticket winner or a regular, he became famous for being funny offstage, and then starting comedy on Killtony, and then growing nonstop. And now he's to the point where he's headlining all over the country. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Houston's own, Uncle Laser. [MUSIC] The city of syrup's growths to Texas, how we feeling tonight? [APPLAUSE] Goddamn, just in time for rodeo season. Favorite time of the year. Best say hello to Goddamn rodeos and big fat black women. And Goddamn, jeans and jean shorts, just throwing ass to our Lord and Savior, George straight. [APPLAUSE] You ain't lived, you see somebody pop their pussy to Amarillo by morning, I tell you what. And you got them cataphora tortas, the big ass category for tortas walk around him, airbrush shirts. Says, all right, Pima Gale, barbecue stains on it. Looking like a fair dog looking for a goddamn slice of brisket. [LAUGHTER] I pissed drunk out there last night and I shacked up with this creature, you know. I said, where are you from, baby, she's in. I'm from the body, Louisiana body. I said, fucking buffalo body, that's where you from, you're from, fucking. But there I am in the back of the Ford Focus, okay? Gut in that pig and fucking lot's see, all right? And she goes, baby, you're going to make this pussy fart. [LAUGHTER] I said, do what? He said, you're going to make this pussy fart. I said, keep your fucking boys down, keep your boys down. I said, what are you asking me? She goes, you're going to make this pussy a sh*t? I text my mom, I said, hey, I met the Houston Liveshark Soul Road, I need you to come get me real quick. You're going to have to come get me. Hey, security man, you ever made a pussy fart? Strong and silent type, I like that. saxophone, you ever made that pussy fart? What does that sound like? [BEEPING] [LAUGHTER] Now that ain't it. That ain't it. Did you need to see a doctor if that ain't it? Michael Gonzalez, you ever made a pussy fart? What does that sound like, boy? [BEEPING] Michael Gonzalez, ladies and gentlemen. Michael Gonzalez, you'll be great. Uncle Laser. I don't even know where to begin with that manic wild set, but it's just very, very awesome, great stuff. Tell the people watching the podcast around the world, what you're talking about about the Houston rodeo, which is an annual super weekend. It just so happens to be right now. Right now. You know, they got Indians, Mexicans, blacks, white, pretending like country dressing up, pretending to know what they're doing during the rodeo. It's fun, man. You get pissed, drunk, and astradome. You can buy an art. That's great, man. Like the little elementary kids draw art shit. You can bid on it. How bought a horse there last year? Wow, you got the place running wild right now. What the fuck, guys, enjoying himself right now? [LAUGHTER] Oh, yeah. Wow, so you're hooking up with a big girl. And she said, can you make this pussy fought? Fought. She's Louisiana. It's occasion. But like-- They speak their own language. So like, that means fucker so hard that a bunch of air gets in there. Yeah, so it's like the proper knowing pleasure is queeth. Right. And fellas, if you ain't ever had a happy tree wise inside it, it's going to startle you at first. It feels like when you put two magnets together and you push your way. And I told her, what the fuck was that? And she goes, that's my pussy leaving you a review. [LAUGHTER] I said, bitch, I hope you fucking crashed into Brasius River when you go home. Wow. Absolutely incredible. It is unsettling when a woman does that. Yeah, it is. I had a girl go, you did this to me, but yeah, well-- but listen, this is one rule of thumb. If it smells, she actually farted. You hear me? Yeah, I did give away every time. Yeah. No doubt about it. I'm interested to hear what the other horn players might think a pussy fart sounds like. We only got the saxophone. What else do we have anything from you guys? Is there another pussy fart noise that you guys can muster up? [SCREAMING] OK. You know I need that sweet, sweet trombone down there. That's what I like, we found a winner. That smell is going to hit about five seconds after that one. That's the old, regular old fart. Fart! Amazing. So this beautiful beast from Louisiana that you made love to, how does an event like that end for you? Just, you get her a new bird, like what, this took place in a car. In her Ford Focus, those are in Ford Focus. Oh yeah. Did the, you know, the primary vehicle of most Louisiana people. Ballin' on a budget. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So you're in the backseat of the Ford Focus? We had laid the front seats down, and I mean, it was getting hot and heavy, it was just heavy, you know? Yeah. At one point, I tried to lift her up, obviously my fucking leg was going numb, I put my hand up on it, went on like, "Totanic," you know, was ending that back at the scene. So, yeah, I miss home, you know, and that's Houston for you. That's it, man. I actually lost my virginity about six minutes down the road in a little trailer, like a colonial down here. Wow. And Richner Rosenberg a little, yeah. Tell us about that. Tell us how, what was your age and which relative was it? I was. Buddy. I was, I was 12 and holy shit. The Mexican girl was 14, the black dude was 16. Wait. Hold on a second. There was guest stars in this. Was Mackenzie Jewel sucking his cock while this was happening? Well, yeah. Was the black guy getting a toothy blowjob in the corner? No. Make that pussy five. Come on, ladies and gentlemen. So, like I stole my mama's Jeep, I stole my mama's Jeep drain gear key and we drove down there. We, we got in the window and he's like, I'm going to let you go first, ladies and gentlemen. And I got in there and I'm just fooling about just happy to be having no idea what I'm doing. About 15 minutes go by and I feel a tap on my shoulder and I'm turning around this big beautiful black man, just neck it, but just a foot of dick on him, you know. Look like when you take the fucking city pictures of your kids, how do you walled it and unravels? And he's like, let me show you how it's done and they start fucking it. I'm just sitting there like, you know, I know what to do. And he, you know, trailer houses, you know, they're kind of flimsy, you know, and he's fucking up against the wall and they fell through that little plywood wall shit into her, her theater's room. Oh, my God. And then she starts hollering the language I don't understand and then fucking, we jump out of the window and I get so nervous. I actually just rolled my mama's Jeep off in the ditch and cop came and shit and my mama took me home. They took the black knee of Jill Turner. He was actually 47. Oh, everybody, I made that part up, God damn it, I made that part up. There are no real black pedophiles, a little fun fact, you'll never see a black pedophile and also a fun fact, black people do not sneeze. You guys know this, if it's a real thing, John D's, can you confirm this, have you ever sneezed before? I just did. I've actually never seen him really sneeze. Yeah, he's joking, but have you ever really sneezed? Yes. Shut the fuck up. I know black people can't have dowsons from either. That feels like a bad thing. That's a fact. They don't even get sickle sale, but you can't get to retardation stuff. That's a fact, God damn it. Anyway, I missed home. The only kind of down is black people get her first downs on the football field. Am I correct, everybody? Am I correct? Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. That's a real act. She works out every week. Here's Kyle Clinton, everybody. Woo! My big brother recently told me he got a vasectomy. He's got a vasectomy. And then he asked me if I was going to get a vasectomy. I was like, I think I got to begin some pussy first. Being from Eastern Kentucky, sometimes people ask me if I banked my cousin. I'm like, no. She was homecoming queen. She was way out of my league. Plus, I had a big brother, like six cousins. My family had some real stiff competition. Growing up in Kentucky, sometimes people think I was brought up baptists. But I was actually raised Methodists. Then in my 20s, I became a crystal Methodist. Thank you, everybody. I'm Kyle Clinton. Kyle, Motherfucking Clinton has done it again. Always funny. Love your delivery. Love everything about you. How you feeling, Kyle? I feel fantastic. Sugar Land. Sugar Land. Have you been here before to Sugar Land? I have. I saw Chris Rock in here. I saw Jay Leno in here. At this venue. At this venue. Smart financial center. Yeah. I love it. Amazing. Is this Houston where you're from? Yeah. I grew up in Eastern Kentucky. But I live here now. I live. What made you choose Houston? Work. Perfect. But now fun? Yeah. Well, I was managing shopping centers. And right now, I'm substitute teaching. Okay. What shopping centers were you managing at the time? Perhaps Woodlands or something? Well, somebody who was called. Most of them were in small towns. I worked for a guy whose family owned a chain of department stores in this area and throughout Texas. Claire's. Weeners. What's weeners? Weeners. I know some people out there are familiar. Stop saying that. You're making me hard. What is that place? So everybody got their school clothes growing up, apparently. Really? Yeah. You guys got your school clothes at a place called Weeners? Woo! Right now, that guy up there is like, "What the fuck?" Right aid wasn't open. Wow. I just thought they started selling kids Weeners recently. Society. Media. Propaganda. It's a whole thing. Kyle, I loved your bisectomy joke. Did you really do Crystal Math? Yes, I've 13 years not doing it. But yes. How did you end up starting? Explain to me, I've always been curious. How does one start doing Crystal Math? Being very distracted. Is where it might start? Okay, can you give me an example of what you mean? Well, thinking about other things. Having to cram for a test. And then taking Adderall. And then advancing whenever I did not have Adderall. Right. Because Crystal Math can fill in for Adderall. For those of you that are running a little low on Adderall. Really? Just remember. Just substitute. Yeah. Isn't that Crystal Math? You see shit? Right, this snake. And shit like that. If you take enough Adderall, you'll see shit. But tell us about it. Okay. Yeah. Shit, I know. I mean, so I had some, I had neighbors who could get it. That would be an option for me whenever I was out of Adderall. You know, a good neighbor. Help a guy in need. So some neighbors give you baking soda. These neighbors like, "What's on Christmas?" Yeah. Deep fart. Yeah. And I don't know. It works. It's the wildest thing you've ever done on Crystal Math. Oh, that's a very good question, Tony. That's an excellent question. Look through your P poll a lot outside. Yes. Let your students dress you with their hammy downs from weeners. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Searching through the carpet naked, looking for more, maybe. Ooh. Why? Three a.m. Why naked? Because porn's on. Oh, okay. What kind of porn you watch on Crystal Math? Anything crazy? What's the wildest porn you've ever watched? That's a great question. Penguin porn. Um, straight porn. Ooh. Interracial porn. Ooh. Right. Getting warmer. Now say the truth. Yeah. Clowns and midgets. You know, I hate to say this. This might not hit unless you're up close. You do look like the clown from it on his day off. I'll take it. Thank you. Perfect. Perfect. I get told I look like a lot of people. Some of you said I look like Charlie Kirk this week. Ooh. Not great. You didn't not great. Not great, yeah. Not great. I got Mr. Bean. Yep. I was like, wow, middle schooler and I was Mr. Bean. That's, I was impressed. Yeah. What do you substitute teaching exactly? Everything. All grades. You the guy that doesn't sound like a video? Sometimes. We watched a video. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes you try to go with the current program I try yeah, you were throwing some Interracial porn just to see what they No, never just make it small talk. I was called mr. Edstein this week. It was also not great not great Yeah, but I was surprised. I knew who that is Wouldn't you have to do to get that moniker walk around? Just be me Do they bully you? Yes, they bully me every the middle schoolers just I was called a pussy-ass bitch Oh, there we go Okay, the guy that called you the kid that called you that what did he look like? What race was he he was black? Yeah Do you fire back? I did not oh you had a word you could have used I Did depending on what part of Houston you were in. Yeah So when they call you so what were you? Why did that kid call you a pussy-ass bitch? Did he deserve context of that situation? He said I disrespected him after I told him that I said I said this is an a B conversation you can see your way that way Yeah, he's like He's like I'm gonna stay and it And I was like hey come over here and tell the coach what you said Like try to rat him out. Are you tattled? You fucking pussy? I really aren't you really aren't pussy-ass bitch. Yeah, I am right Wow, you're like say it to his face Because I'm too big of a pussy to say it. That's right. No cap You are patient, but I would like to see you or hear about you snapping on to the kids because I feel like there's for every patient sweet, you know Affable dude is a is a streak of rage. I'm certainly feels like it's building up within you You seem like the kind of guy. You might be the first ever teacher that is the school shooter It's only a matter of time. No, it would be a first for those of you keeping track. No teachers almost 85% trans people nowadays are the shooters So it could be the odds are higher that it would be Mackenzie Jewel then Kyle Clinton. Now I have an intercom. I have to get louder than them. I have to get my voice above there so they can hear me But I can't yeah, they do anything like shut up pussy The kid that called you mr. Epstein was it did it make the class laugh because your real name is mr. Clinton I'm starting to make that connection in my head right now. Is that what it was mr. Clinton? Wow, look at that those kids are smart That doesn't even present them and those kids were born Okay, you had a great set Kyle. We absolutely love you. Here's a big joke book. Boom We're having fun here tonight you guys having fun out there How about the upper balcony are you guys having fun? Lala whoa like goodness gracious All right onward we go ladies and gentlemen make some noise to your next bucket hole It is Nanzio Gianni, everybody. Nanzio Little pop a local pop for Nanzio How we do it that I use it Awesome My name's Nanzio Gianni. I'm actually coming from Miami for my birthday So I don't know if we got any folks from Miami or the Miami I know the strippers are amazing. I love them - I'm fairly young. I moved to Miami when I was 16 Dating was actually really hard 16 and to 18 early 20s because Miami's not a place for somebody young like me But I guess I got a taste and some strippers in hoes. So I think I could do all right I'm put a rig in an Italian my ethnicity is kind of hard to pick when I come to Texas I'm either Mexican or colored so Guys, I'm really nervous guys is my first time fuck I'm gonna cut you off there Nanzio Gianni, this is the first time Kyltoni has had its own half-time show everybody I'm excited to have an illiterate Puerto Rican up here responsible for entertaining us. Absolutely amazing, Nanzio You're funny. Yeah, yeah, it's good bad funny Okay, Nanzio Did you prepare for this at all? You know, I did about a year ago. I wrote a minute We were supposed to come for my birthday But I didn't review so you didn't review Charlie easy. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's all right. That set was garbage. It was it was certainly garbage Okay, uh Nanzio. Let's at least try to salvage this in the interview portion. How old are you I'll be 22 next week Okay, what do you do for work? I'm a mortgage broker a mortgage broker, Jesus. God. Is that what you wanted to do? No, but I do want to do it now I kind of find myself into it and I I do really like it because I genuinely do have the opportunity to help people So you're into it. Yeah, yeah, amazing. We're doing the into it dome in Los Angeles It's a lot 16,000 seat venue in LA in May at the Netflix is a joke fest You said into it. It made me think of the wild success that I got by not being a mortgage broker and chasing my dreams Amazing, so you seem like a decent looking guy, right? What's your love life like? A little difficult, you know, I'm really busy with work a lot of the time, but Oh guys, come on you guys think I'm not laying some posts. Give me a break Look, I'll tell you honestly my amy's a tough place to to genuinely find somebody It's literally like it's always hot like it's like everyone's like humid and they're pulling out their pussy All the time. It's just women. Oh, no, I love it. It's great for me to have a good time, but in terms of but you're trying to settle down Oh, I would appreciate a girl to like kick it with you know what I mean, but you can't find one my amy's tough Okay, you just keep saying my amy's tough. Well, especially for me guys I moved to Miami when I was 16, so where did you move to Miami from? I'm trying to save you here if you just focus on me pretend like it's just me and you in the room But don't be gay about it. All right Okay, so where are you trying to find good women at in Miami? Where are you going to try to find them or what are you doing? Are you on the apps? No, I don't like the apps. No Usually usually a strip clubs just focus over here Focus over here. Oh, you're trying to find a good girl at a strip club. Well, you know, sometimes you can find a good one Have you ever found a good one at a strip club? Yeah, yeah, yeah My my mom actually works in a lot of the major clubs in your mom Major strip clubs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is your mom do at the strip clubs? Well, she does not strip. I want to make that clear She's a VIP The crowd was hoping for that to be your one redeeming friend Everybody wanted her to be a like a 35 year old stripper that shoots ping pong balls out of her Fuck it. Fuck yeah I just made the what the fuck I come in his pants All right, there's got to be a saving grace here nuns. Yo, Gianni. I'm trying to save you here Give us one fun fact about you or your entire life that will win over the entire crowd here in Houston, Texas There has to be something that you've done some accomplishment Something he's looking to his family like this is the price is right. He's looking for advice in section 101 here I grew up in a funeral home. Oh, you grew up in a funeral home Okay, how did you grow up in a funeral home tell us about that? It was my great-grandfather's funeral home And then it became my mother she handled it for the most part Your mom was working at a funeral home and strip club. Yeah, yeah, yeah, did you have a dad in your life? You know, I did it was a kind of difficult, but yeah, I did have a dad What do you mean it was difficult? I was split between two households. So Yeah Let's check in with Hall of Famer Adam right here. I'm gonna see what's going on in your head Yeah, this is not great. What's happening? But you know, you're staying in the pocket. I got to give you some credit You're you're not like you know crying or turning and running out through the curtains So it is tough to be up here what the people booing don't realize it is tough to walk out here and even fucking fries So yeah But this has been pretty bad, but But you got a you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take Can we can we ask Harry homophobe what he thinks up there in the third balcony? Hey the the the what the fuck guy What do you think about Nanzio Gianni only only that guy and everyone else be quiet everyone else be quiet and here we go Yeah, a bunch of people tried we knew that was gonna happen turns out a lot of guys have an opinion about you Let's check him with Kim Kong didn't hear well I just I just really noticed something and maybe I could give a little piece of advice your half Italian half Puerto Rican What you're like the end? Energy you're giving is like co-head frat bro. Like I think you need to lean into more who you are. Like what's the most Italian and Puerto Rican thing about you? - What is the most attempt? Well, let's start with Puerto Rican here. What's the most Puerto Rican thing about you? - Um, I, you don't recycle. - You don't work on a joke for a year. - I like the dance. - Okay, you know what, Michael and Michael in the horns give us a little Puerto Rican something here. - Not that much. - Come on, one, two, three, four. Oh, there it is. Hey, that's what they're good at, everybody. - Hey, hey, hey. - There you go, that's good. That's good, all right, stop. That's enough, it's unbearable. - Oh shit, there's ice. - Okay, I'm getting you out of here. Nanzio Gianni, here's a little joke book. Oh, right off the chest, oh. - I mean, if you're gonna boo, you might as well boo. There you go, get it out of your sister's. The good news is this is working out. The flow of this show is working out perfectly because coming off of, oh my God, that very bond. - Like I said, every time someone struggles, there's always something there to clean up the mess. And this is working out great after every golden, tick a winner or regular, whatever we've had so far, someone does good and then someone does bad. And then I always have something to clean up the mess. This is another one of those situations. Ladies and gentlemen, this next comedian won a golden ticket live in an arena on Netflix on New Year's Eve. She is with us here tonight, an absolute sensation. Mix the noise for one of the newest stars of Kiltoni. This is the Houston debut of young everyone. You know her, you're a little Chinese devil. - What's up, Houston? (audience cheering) - And we just finished the black history month. Fuck black history month. (audience laughing) Fuck Asian here this month too. Why did it make our cannon the racial? Seems like everywhere I go, they wanna ask for my race. You apply for a school, what's your race? You apply for jobs, what's your race? See where I grew up, they don't ask that question. (audience laughing) Because we're better at keeping our bloodline pure. (audience laughing) (audience cheering) So many different races to pick from under that question to Hispanic, not Hispanic, like white, Pacific, Islander. In Asian countries, we'll just put people into two categories. Asian or intruders. (audience cheering) Thank you. - Boom, another exact minute from young. Very funny, great stuff. It is true, you guys keep your bloodline pure. - Very. - Remind us, how long have you been in America? - Since 2012. - '14. - Is there anything that surprised you about all the white people that you saw all of a sudden? - I think white people are very good at being functional and drug addict. (audience laughing) - Yeah, that is it, that is. - I snorted cocaine for 10 years and helping people with the healthcare. (audience laughing) - That is amazing. - That was pretty good. (audience laughing) - It's like RFK Jr., and you're like P.F. Chang's Jr. (audience laughing) - I think I met you at the Rubin Tug about six days ago. - I love it. - Too soon. - I love you, Adam. Can I please get on Dr. Phil Live? - There you go. - Sure. (audience laughing) - It wants to be on Dr. Phil Live. - Oh yeah. - Dr. Phil. - I like the Phil. - Yeah, yeah. - Young, see, you're introduction to all different types of cultures was here in America, because in China, there really is basically just Chinese people. After meeting black people, what do you think is the blackest thing about you? - I've done a lot of black things. - I was trying to save up for a dog challenger. (audience laughing) - Oh my God. - Black as hell. - That is tonight's Doritos, joke of the name. - No, I was actually, I afforded half a black baby. I was pretty bad. - You did? - Yeah, yeah, rest in peace, LaQuinsha. - Oh, God, damn it. - If I kept her, she'll look like King Condon. (audience laughing) - That is true, that is amazing. Oh, goodness. - No, no, I'm just kidding. I never had abortion. My mom did, my mom had three abortions before me. - Wow. - Let's go to a clip. (audience laughing) - I don't have it, we don't have it. - Why did your mom have three abortions before you? - Uh, she just hated my dad. - Were they boys? - No, all. - That's the opposite in China, right, Ben? - Yeah. - They abort the girls. - Oh. - Yeah, not anymore. - Not anymore. - Now they need girls, then now they have too many boys. - Right, yeah, it backfriod. (audience laughing) - Stuff, I love it. - Now, one thing that we've learned about you young, 'cause you've had a lot of appearances since you became a Golden Ticket winner on New Year's Eve, is that you're a very sneaky roaster. - Yeah. - You make fun of people. Has anyone ever roasted you? - I mean, I get attacked online on the time. People, you know, trying to say shit online on the time. But I don't take it personally. But one time, you know, in this country, like it's hard to survive. And one day my mom called me and she's like, you know, it's hard. Why are you here? Like, you're struggling. And she said, nobody's gonna help you. Nobody's, you'll never find anyone that will truly love you in this country. And that kinda hurt. - I'll help you. Oh, look, you got Red Band here. - Red Band has been stalking me online. (audience laughs) He follows all my social media. Like, I see him popping on my TikTok, suggest the account. - Yeah, well, your name is his type of girl. (laughs) - Holy fans. - Yeah. - You went from breadline to the breadline. - Yeah, I'm a concern. - I think Red Band's, like, his face is getting dark. I was concerned that his wife has been slowly poisoning him because. - Could be. - A lot of late night home cooked barada cheese. - Gets me a lot of pills. - No, she's gonna play the sound effect at his funeral. Ch-ching. (laughs) - Mommy. - Ch-ching, probably you can say that. - I got in trouble for saying that once. - Yep. - No, I can't say it. Let me say it. - Hell yeah. - Just like how you point the cam. (laughs) - Young, you are hilarious. Adam, is this your first time seeing you? - First time hilarious. Met you at the mothership a few times, but very funny, see you live. Good job. - This is your first time in Houston. I happen to know for a fact, you had your first time ever at a buckies on the way here. - Oh, yeah. - What did you think about buckies? - Well, everything's bigger and better in Texas. - Really smart. (audience cheers) - I love Texas. - Brandering. - What? Okay, Puerto Rican, together, we cause most traffic in America. (laughs) Could do something. - Red light, yellow light. That's what I call you, too. (laughs) (audience laughs) Young, you are a gem. You're so different than everybody else. - I just see a little superstar every time I see you. How about one more time for Young, everybody? (audience cheers) - Let's keep it moving along. We have our first one word name of the night. Now, these always historic, it historically. If you end up looking at the statistics of the last 13 years of Killtony, you will find that the one word names are always, always a little something. They're either brilliant, insane, anything can happen. Make some noise, but what I believe is the Killtony debut of Smithy, everybody. S-M-I-F-F-Y, Smithy. Oh, hell yeah. Here we go. - Sup, Niggas? (audience laughs) You guys are easy. Y'all ever tried to be friends with a gay person? I have, 'cause I'm progressive, but you got to watch out for 'em. 'Cause I'm Niggas, they will try to fuck you. Like, I went out with Buddy, and we went shot for shot. We was having a great fucking time, but he waited until I got good and drunk, and he started trying to challenge me to, like, weird games. He was like, yo, I bet you, I could beat you in a dick-sucking competition. (audience laughs) And, that shit really blew me, 'cause I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna lose to a (beep) like, wait, listen, I'm not gay. I'm just competitive, isn't it? Times are changing, times are changing. We got old nigga why he ends now. Like, I don't know if y'all ever thought about this, but whatever I have in the old black people, they used to be in the church, they used to give great advice. A old nigga at my job last week came up to me, he was like, where the hell is that? (audience laughing) Nigga, your kids are the holes. What are you talking about? (audience laughing) - Oh, yeah, that was my time. - Smithy. Fuck yeah, Smithy, welcome, welcome. What's up, Tom? - How you doing, buddy? How long you been doing stand up? - About a year. - I love it, all here in Houston. - No, I started in Savannah, Georgia. - Okay, is that where you're born and bred? - No, I'm from Connecticut. - Okay, wow, the rare, very rare, Connecticut black. (audience laughing) - What made you move to Savannah? - I don't know, I just got, I was living in Missouri, I was in the military. So after living in Missouri being around like white country people, I was like, I want to be surrounded by black country people, so what branch in the military did you swing from? - Oh, wait, you bitch, you bitch, you bitch, you bitch. - Got you. - I got you. No, but seriously, what did you do in the military? Black ops? - Oh, yeah. (audience laughing) - Black cock down. (audience laughing) - All right, this guy's good. - Yeah, got me. - And I was an army, hmm, yeah. - Okay, what did you do in the army? - The real man, you said what? - What did you do in the army? - I was in mechanic. - Nice. (laughing) - Okay. - Awesome, did you serve overseas at all? - Just to read. - Oh wow. - Like a little bit and like, wait. - What was, what was Korea like? And did you get to have any fun out there? Just to go out? - Not at all, really, honestly, it was like the most depressing time of my life. - Tell us about that, why? - So I had an ex at the time and we had broke up. So I was just in Korea, just heartbroken, just eating chicken, getting explosive diarrhea. It was really a, it was a, it was a, it was a trying time. Like, I got to buy like a bunch, they have like all the clothes there. So it was like, I got to get like a bunch of drip. - It was cool. - Okay, Korean drip. - Yeah. (laughing) - Amazing. Okay, Smithy, now, do you live here in Houston now? - Yes, sir. - What made you move to Houston? - Uh, honestly, your show. I just didn't have any money to move to Austin. (laughing) - I see you move. - I, this is it. - Three hours away? It takes money, Tony. - Do you sign up for Killtony sometimes? - Uh, actually, I've only, this is my second time. - You signed up once in Austin, didn't get up. - Funny, funny enough. It's like, I didn't go to Austin. I went to LA to like the forum show. - Interesting. - Yeah, but I didn't. - You pick LA. - I don't know. (laughing) - I just, I just tried it. - I was like, I don't know, sometimes I like trying my luck. I was like, this might work out. - It worked out tonight. - Yeah, yeah. - Amazing. So you live here in Houston now. - Uh, I'm a truck driver. - A truck driver. - Oh my goodness. - I'm bringing a sexy bag. - I love it. - I love it. - When, when people drive by you and go like this, do you honk the horn? - No, okay. - Okay, red band, we know you have a soundboard. Thank you. Only little kids. - Right. - I'm going as man as, get the fuck. - Really? - 'Cause I do it. I do it all the time. - Me too. - Like this? - Oh, you son of a bitch. No, you son of a bitch. I swear to God, you do that one more time. I'm gonna give you the toothiest blowjob you've ever gotten in your life. I'm telling the tooth, tooth or false. Don't die at me with a good time. - Okay. - What you rely on. You rely on Missy. All right. - Okay, so, why haven't you made the drive to, if you moved to Houston for Killtony, why haven't you made the drive to Austin to sign up? 'Cause it's like, I be working man, it's like, it's hard. It's like, I'll be tired. And I got insomnia. So I'm like, always tired. I'm worried, people think I'm wearing these guys 'cause I'm lit. I'm just tired. - Okay, that's the same reason why D Madness wears his. Not a lot of people know that. Not blind, he's just tired sometimes. - How do you stay awake if you're driving the truck for so long? - Caffeine. - Yeah. - I'm wired. - What do you exactly, do you have a special regimen that you go through? What? - I'll just usually, to be honest, it's probably not healthy. It's like, just like, thermogenics and, like, Celsius? - Okay. - Thermogenics, Celsius. Those are your cousins' names? - Yeah. (audience laughs) You know what's funny? I actually been trying to, like, I don't know how to pronounce your name. Is it Kim Condom or is Kim, how do I say it? - It doesn't matter. - Okay. - Sorry. (laughs) - Smithy, do you have a girlfriend now? - No. - No. - What's your dating life like? - Uh, to be honest, I'm pigeon-toed. So it's like, I don't get a lot of girls 'cause of that. Like, when I walk, it's like, let me see. Put the mic in the mic, stand, and then walk past Michael's drums. Walk that way. Sweet ass. (audience laughs) - That's not bad at all. - All right, walk back towards me. Damn. - I know, I can't. Yeah. (laughs) (audience laughs) Fun fact, he did shit his pants halfway on that walk. (laughs) You're pigeon-assed as well. Anyway, you think that's what's stopping you from having a girlfriend? - Uh, probably. - Wow, no, it's not. (laughs) - It's amazing. When's the last, like, date you went on or something? - Uh, I don't even know how long have you lived in Houston? - Probably like two years. - Two years. - He costs like 50 bucks to just go outside, so I was like, I just play video games. - Don't you make money driving trucks? - Yeah, but it's like, I gotta save it. For what? For my dog. You have a dog? - Yeah. (audience cheers) - For your dogs, drinking, what are you buying for your dog that I need so much money? - He's spoiled, man. He's got it. - Yeah, what are you getting? - I'm an animal black guy, so it's like, I don't dress like a black guy, but. - Oh, I remember, he's saving first. - And then for us, he's saving up for a dog's challenger. (audience laughs) - What do you spend your money on? Give us some fun things that you, a belt? - Yeah, okay. - Well, you stole that, but what do you spend your money on? (audience laughs) What kind of dog do you have? - Uh, he's a hound slash boxer mix? - Okay. - Yeah, jumpy little fucker. - Yeah. - Why not a pipole? - Well, that is a racist question, Red Band. And when you say things like that, it makes people of color not want to sign up for the show. Why not a pipole? - They have like pet laws, like, so they have an aggressive breeds policy, so if you're saying like apartment complexes, you can't, like, yeah, you can't have certain dogs. - Right. - So instead you got a boxer hound. - Wait, you said what? - Nothing. (laughs) - Smithy, give us one more fun fact about your life before I get you out of here. - Um, I just found out a couple weeks, I'm a dance and ass nigga. I was like, I was like-- - Me too. (laughs) - I could tell. (laughs) - So we could spot our own. - When you say you're a dance and ass friend of ours, (laughs) - What exactly do you mean? - It's like, I was walking in like a H.E.B. a couple of days ago, and like-- - Make some noise for H.E.B. ladies and gentlemen. I mean, it can't go, and I will not let it be mentioned without giving it its own special time on this show. It is just an unbelievable anomaly. We were talking about it literally on the way here, on the bus here, because we stopped at Bucky's, which is a national treasure. And the conversation just comes up every goddamn time. Texas has the best gas stations. We have the best grocery stores. We have just the light. Winter lasted. Two weekends this fucking year, it is unbelievable. - Tell us about this trip to H.E.B. (laughs) - Now I just had my headphones in, it was like, I was playing like a grindin' by the Neptune's, and I just freaking, in pop-lock, so crazy, I was literally playing that on the drums earlier, asking my dear black friend John D's, if he knows that song, and it's the only song that we talked about before the show, was Grindin' by The Clips, am I correct? He can confirm. And then what happened when you were playing Grindin', you were dancing in the H.E.B. And then what? Someone entered you into a dancing competition. You found out you were dancing. - No, it's like sometimes you just come to realizations. It's like, you know, like the first time you probably figured out you was gay. - Yes, absolutely. I was in an H.E.B. I had my headphones on, I fell onto a bread stick, and why don't we see a little bit of dancing from you? And then we're gonna have the great Hall of Famer, Adam Ray, who happens to also be a dance and ass, motherfucker. - We're gonna have a little dance competition here. I'm gonna throw Adam on the spot, the legend, Adam Ray. Let's let him go first, let's see what happens here. Make some noise for Smithy, everybody. This is our cover of The Clips. Grindin'. Oh shit, whoa, oh shit. Go pageantow, go pageantow. It's your birthday. Oh shit. Whoa, whoa, oh. Oh my goodness, there he goes. There it is, breaking into the jewelry store. That's what we call that, dance, oh. - Wow, that's literally what I was gonna do. - Now, ladies and gentlemen, a man who's never taken a loss in the history of the show, doing his dance and ass. Oh my god. Oh, the people over the windows, see all that. Oh, I don't know how to swim. Oh, my goodness, it's, whoa, oh, he transferred it. Whoa, oh, he's got his heart. Oh, he took a bite of his heart. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You gonna jump? How about a hand for Adam Ray, ladies and gentlemen? Okay, I panic. I thought, what would the fucking closet of gay guy do? What the fuck? You were getting smithy with it. Smithy, you are so fun, amazing stuff here is a big joke book from Bones Eye that just so happens to be plated in gold because I know your people like things like that. Smithy, ladies and gentlemen, of course, take note. A black man has never dropped a joke book in the history of the show. 13 years running, they don't know how to not catch things, including HIV. Now, your next bucket pool would jump, that's looser, but it makes some noise for Chris Martinez everybody. Your first, but appears to be Houston True Latino of the night. There he is. Hell yeah, sorry if you're spilling that drink on you by the way. That was rude of me. Appreciate you guys up there. Yeah. I'm not retarded, but I spent $15 for rocks, anybody have that problem? I don't know. I'm starting to think that Cam Patterson sold out, you know. He jumped off the kill Tony show in straight to SNL, and all of a sudden he's selling rocks for $15. It's like they were promised to him 3,000 years ago, isn't it, remember, right? All right, all right, enough about the Jews, let's talk about Corpus, Christie, Texas, where I'm from, Donald Trump was just there yesterday, everybody give a hand for Donald Trump. The greatest president to ever live, you see this beautiful bridge, I built that bridge. My administration, we built it in 2017, Sleepy Joe Biden, Sleepy Joe Biden, he cut the port, he cut the funding, and then we brought it back in 2020. You can move all you want, but he's the greatest president, am I right, Tony, am I right? Let's not get too political though. Okay, you went over his time there, Chris, I'm going to stop you. He's the only president right now, there's only one. So you spent the first 10 seconds apologizing to a group of people that you spilled a drink on that no one would have ever known about, and then you took shots at one of the most beloved humans in the history of the show, a person that these people all watched, do a new minute and an interview every single week. You don't like him? Is that the implication? No, I love, I bought his rocks for 15 bucks, you know, you got to love him. Is that true? I'm confused. No, it's like an online store or something. No, it was actually at the Austin show, the Austin, the New Year's Eve show. Okay. Yeah, $15. They told me they might be signed, so I fell for it, I guess. Dumbass. Yeah. I don't understand. But all right. So you made a deal about that. No one knew what you were talking about. Yeah. And then you went on to do a bad impression of the current president in which you just said things that he's actually said before, there was no comedy added to it or anything like that. Yeah. Did you ever done stand-up comedy before? Twice. At the little pizza shop in Corpus Christi. Okay. We know about that little pizza shop. Brick. City or something? What's it called? Skeet street. Skeet street. That's right. Okay. Chris, before I get you out of here, because you did nothing here tonight. How you're the only true Mexican that's been pulled and you did less work than anybody. Shout out. Shout out to you. Okay. All right. I fucking love you, Adam Ray. You're the best. Okay. Well, I love you too, player. I thought we, I thought we deported all you guys. What's going on? And that's your Topo Chico joke with a night. All right. No one knows how to bring the room to a halt like you do. It's incredible. Chris, before I get you out of here, give me one redeeming quality about you that'll make all these people fall in love with you because right now you've wasted three minutes of it. I'm just going to lean into the. Hey, I'm a door-to-door solar rep. I knock on your door for solar. Yeah. There's no sense. Okay. We're going to keep it moving along. Here's a little jokebook. There you go. Chris Martina's everybody. He caught it. Got to give him that. Got it. There you go. There he goes. A strange eye contact and pointed at him. I don't think I found a fan of my dance moves. Is that you? I knew you could move like that. That made me miss my mom. I don't know. That was sad. Sometimes I just keep it moving along. Sometimes I think there might be an interview. Trust your instincts, don't. Sometimes I just keep it flying. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Clay McClaren, everybody. Clay McClaren. Here we go. Hey everyone, how's it going tonight? Well, I'm probably going to stop harder than that other guy, but I'm going to do my best. So I had my first sexual interaction with a female to male transgender person. What sucked is that her clip was bigger than my day. Also I went and met some dude named, I don't know like Dr. Phil or something a while back. I gave him a hand job at bookies. Also I work at a comedy club and I give many hand jobs there. The best part is that I get to eat all the come. That was the punch line that you held your hand up and like made us all wait for. Just hand jobs, hand jobs, jerked out this guy, jerked out that guy. Thank you. Good night. You work at a comedy club? What do you do at the comedy club? I'm an event staffing. It's supposed to be the worst comedy club ever. Where is this comedy club at? It's in Houston. What's it called? Punch line Houston. Wow. And you do event staffing. Yes, sir. Okay. You're adorable. I think you're funnier than what you did on stage tonight. So let's talk about it. I just want real answers. Are you okay, Clay? Yeah, of course. How are you? I am 30. 30. When you wake up in the morning, truly, without trying to be funny, take us through your routine. What's the very first thing you do? Do you lay in bed for a little bit? Do you get out of bed immediately? What do you do? Take a drink of alcohol. I couldn't hear you because of the loud sound effect that happened because my partner here is just so good at his job. Go ahead. Thank you, Redbam. Go ahead. What's the first thing you do? Take a drink. You take a drink? Alcohol. Yeah. You drink alcohol while still in bed? Yeah. Even though I just got out of rehab a while back. Okay. Perfect. I'll go off the wagon. Okay. Oh, my. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. So. Re one rehab for alcohol. What's that? Do you even rehab for alcohol only? Yeah. Okay. That was a lie. Yeah. Yeah. I had to hesitate. Let's talk about this drinking problem here. You're 30? Yes. And so what took us through a day of how much you drank? Before I went to rehab, it was at least half a gallon a day. Half a gallon of vodka? Yes. Wow. Amazing. How did it get to that point? When did you start drinking? 21 or before? Before. Okay. How young were you? 19, maybe 20. And were you drinking by yourself back then? No. You were drinking with friends? Yes. And then when did you start drinking by yourself in the morning like that? Around 25. 25. What happened at 25 that made you start doing a little bit of heartbreak or something? Yeah. I had some tumultuous relationships. Okay. All right. When you say tumultuous, what exactly do you mean? Yeah. I was supposed to get married and then I didn't. Yeah. Thank you. Why didn't you? She walked out on you. She left you up. No, I left her. What made you leave her? Hold on, everybody. Shut up with your fucking angry booze. Shut up. This is why the Astros can't win a world series. You f**k. Stop your booing. You f**king Houston. We laugh about you all the time and meanwhile, you're only two and a half hours away from us and we think you're sad. Shut up. The rocket suck. The Astros suck. Yeah. Yeah. For the heel turn hinge clip. F**k you. I'm interested in this guy's story. For the record, Hakeem is my favorite player of all time. He's a man. Yeah. Yeah. I'm kidding. I like you guys. But go ahead. Oh, no. She wanted kids. Yeah. in the world without being able to take care of it. - Right, man, what did she do for work? - She didn't do jackalot about nothing. - She didn't work at all. - No, fuck no. - Meanwhile, she wanted a kid, and you're doing a bent staffing at a comedy club that barely has any events. - Yes, sir. - Right, so that's rough. - Can I ask the cum punch line? When you said, we were all like, it was, you know, you had, you came out with good energy, right? You came out, people were cheering, they were rooting for you, they wanted you to succeed. And then you built up, and you had this formula of like, I did this, and I jerk off the thing, but the best part about it is, and then you said, I eat the cum, and that felt like more like a confession than a punch line. So did you have other alternative punch lines like that you were deciding between, or did you just think that just off the top of my head? - Yeah, you didn't come, you just were like, they'll love that. - Yeah, I eat cum regularly. Say it again. - When you say you eat cum regularly, what exactly do you mean? - Yeah, I mean, it's not like a recreational thing, but answer the question, what do you mean when you say you eat cum? It's a very simple question. You said it, I'm asking you what you mean. - Sometimes it shoots on my face. - Hold on, sir, I got this. What the fuck? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying? See, you're gay sometimes, yeah. - Okay, are you, you consider yourself by? - No. - You're just gay? - No, straight. - You're straight, but guys should come on your face sometimes. - Fuck yeah. - Okay, I'm gonna get you out of here. This is, hey, de-madness, did it? - Okay, very good, there you go, buddy. There you go, see you up, another drop. - What is this, what is this? The Astros and the World Series? What are all these drops happening here? It's a nice, look at that. Please fucking, this guy, I love it. Your middle finger does nothing. You guys all have tiny middle fingers in this shit whole city. Look at all the tiny Houston middle fingers. You know that's a thing in the water here. Make sure middle fingers go small. It's a Houston thing. Look at how tiny they are. They all look like little pinkies. Oh, fuck you, fuck you, I'm from Houston. - Yep, from Ohio, very good. The home of world leaders and whatnot. - Yes, like, all right. We still haven't, how's my favorite the upper deck doing up there? - Oh yeah. That's where the real winners are tonight. I'm telling you, I'm in love with the upper deck. There's a lot of sore losers with extra money down here. I'm just spoiled kids that inherited it from their oil mining fathers. The real workers are up there. How about one more time for the upper deck? - Oh yeah. (crowd cheering) - You hear that? - Look at the chaos down there. Look at this guy. - These people fucking get it. - All right, your next bucket pool ladies and gentlemen goes by the name of Jasmine Flowers, everyone. Jasmine Flowers. (upbeat music) - Hello. I noticed patterns for a living and I noticed something, the amish. They used to be elusive, but now they're everywhere. TLC, HBO, I mean, have cable. I see them every day. I'm starting to think that maybe there's a scam going on here. I'm not sure. I'm at that age now where everything I think is a scam, but you know, they pretend they can't have cell phones. But then, but then that's scamming 101. Oh, my camera doesn't work. But anyway, so I feel like they had a meeting some time. They had, they said, it was no electricity, candles, let's build barns, turn butter and confuse the hell out of the society. That's what it's like basically. And I know one person at meeting said, this could have been an email. But anyway, I'm just saying, check the barns for Wi-Fi. This is really changed. Anyway. All right, Jasmine, that's overtime right there. I love it. Jasmine, welcome. Keep that microphone. I'm going to do an interview here, because I love Medea does Killtony. This is incredible. How long have you been trying to stand up? About 90 seconds? 90 seconds. Perfect. What made you want to start here tonight? Saturday didn't have everything else to do. They said, let me drive out there and see what's happening. I love it. But you watch the show sometimes. You know what it is. Yes, yes. So you tried it. You said that these Amish people are, they're coming out of nowhere. There's a lot of them now. Yeah. That used to be elusive. You never knew an Amish person. I didn't know about Amish people. But now they're everywhere, I know everything. And they're supposed to be kind of against technology. But I just thought to myself. Yeah. Jasmine, what do you do for work? I'm an accountant. You're an accountant? Yeah. Oh my goodness gracious. What type of accounting are you doing? Corporate accounting? Wow. [LAUGHTER] It's fun, really. I love it. And you live here in Houston, Texas. I do. I do live in Houston. I love it. What part of Houston do you live in? I live in the Westbury area in your Mayerland. There's people on that right there. In the city, Houston proper. What are some of your favorite things to do here in Houston? You ever go to the turkey hut? I've never been to the turkey hut. But I've had turkey legs at the Renaissance festival. I like that. Ooh, the Renaissance festival. I didn't know black people went to Renaissance festivals. Me and my friends are couple of us. You guys probably really stand out at the Renaissance festival. No, we don't. Plus. [LAUGHTER] Red band. OK. Jasmine, you have a family? Yes, I do. I have two kids. I love it. How old are they? 23 and 21. OK, you did it. It's the finish. Heck yeah. What are they up to? Boys or girls? I have a son that's a Texas tech. This is his last year, mechanical engineering. Nice. I have a daughter that lives in Milwaukee. She's a dog groomer. Oh, nice. Yeah, heck yeah. I love it. And Jasmine, what do you do for fun? What do you have any hobbies or anything like that? I walk a dog. I like to garden. Hang out with my friends. Yeah, I like to garden. We're going fishing next month. OK. All right. He's an interesting Jasmine. So the kids are all grown up. You still have a man? No. OK. I don't have a man. When's the last time you were with a man? I've been divorced for probably about 10 years. But do you go on dates or anything? Have you been getting the old-- No, not really. Maybe I'm just enjoying doing stuff. Kim wants to know when your last kiss was. My last kiss? Maybe two years, three years? Really? It's been that long. Oh, God. She's such a beautiful lady. I'm enjoying it. I'm happy. I mean, she's such a beautiful lady. Is there a guy out there that wants to give Jasmine a big smooch, be part of Piltoni history? You got to make it a good one if I bring you up here. Who do you think it is? Who's really going to go for it? Blue shirt, right there, you think? I'm using water. You need water, have anybody's water you want. You got it. All right, who's going to do this? So you're going to do it with pick one, Jasmine. I'll let you pick. In the words of Uncle Laser, who's going to make that pussy five? Oh, my God. This guy. OK, with the white beard. Let's get to January 7th over here. Jeff, did you have a preference? You have to be over 50. Yeah, the guy with the beard can do it. How about the guy with the cowboy hat? Cowboy hat. Got the purpose. The guy with the beard, no. That guy with the white beard's going to do it, ladies and gentlemen. You're about to watch history. Here we go. They're here in Houston, Texas. We'll have a powerful black woman kiss a man that looks like he fought for the South in the Civil War. Watch your steps, sir. Please don't trip over courts. Ladies and gentlemen, what an amazing day. Wait, wait, wait. Wow. Incredible. Wow. Thank you, thank you. Look at that. Not the first time this guy's freed the slaves. Look at this fucking guy. Holy shit. This is what comes out of the game when you roll double sixes in Jumanji. Watch your stuff. Jasmine, how did that feel? You squirt? I forgot. I forgot already. I can't remember. I love it. She's mesmerized. All right, Jasmine. Thank you so much. There she goes. Jasmine flowers everybody. She's a sweetheart. Guys are out here booing during sets. These guys are relentless here in Houston. All right. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian is one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. An absolute force of nature that you know, that you love, one of the greatest interviewees in the history of the show. Sign it if you know the words, because I present to you the one and only. This is Hans Camp. [CHEERING] (upbeat music) - Hey, what's up, Houston? Oh yeah, don't worry, I speak English. (audience laughing) This isn't the Super Bowl halftime show. (audience laughing) If I wanted to hear a bunch of Spanish, I'd go to a kitchen at Chili's. (audience laughing) Stop trying to make me learn things. This is America. What's the point of having all these bombs if I have to learn? I do think it's fucked up that a lot of Mexicans are getting deported. I think if you're trying to reduce crime, deporting Mexicans is the least efficient way to do that. I've never been walking down a dark alley and heard the voice behind me be like, "Give me your money." (audience laughing) It's usually some form of ebonyx. (audience laughing) The language of robberies. (audience laughing) Yeah, I recently saw a black eye gardening. I was like, "Dude, you don't have to do that anymore." (audience laughing) You can do larceny and retail theft as well now. (audience laughing) I am working out right now. You know, I don't have to be stronger than a black guy. I just have to last long enough to the cops get there. (audience laughing) All right, well, that's my time. Thank you guys so much. Hans Kim has done it again. (audience laughing) Wow, how about the reception from that crowd just upon arrival? I know, thank you. (audience cheering) Amazing. Thank you. Hanziboy Kim, live in Houston, Texas. How does Houston make you feel? How do you feel about all this? Oh, it's great. It's a big Texas city. A lot of anger can be unleashed upon me. So I, yes, trying to say on the good side of Houston, lots of different types of Republicans and Democrats here that to piss off is just a lot of people here. A lot of different kinds of people. Yeah, lots of love. Lots of love. Absolutely. Have you been to Houston before? Yes, I actually double teamed a female here. (audience cheering) Let's go to a clip. No, still don't have it, still don't have it. My goodness. This was a-- Fan? Yeah, she was pretty enthusiastic. Who did you double team her with? A wonderful, awesome comic that I don't think I should name. Right, but a buddy. Yeah, okay. Not like, you know, Brian Redban or something. Right. It definitely wasn't Brian Red. You'd have to be able to get hard to have sex with a woman. Just kidding. This reminds me, Pluchu, the official sponsor of Killtony. Wow, tell us what it was like double teaming. Which hole did you pick? Well, I actually, she was bonded with me, which is pretty cool. So I actually had sex with her before my friend got there. So I already came inside of her vagina. And then, thank you for that. I was about to ask, where? Let me ask you, did she tell you she was on the pill or something? Like, what made you come inside of her? Did you just do that? I just felt very open to the idea of that. I'm just not going to hold up on court by the way. It was a long time ago. But yeah, it was all legal. Jesus. She-- yeah, so I already came. And then my friend came. And she's like, I always wanted to do this thing. A roast pig or a stuck pig. I talked about this before. But then I actually took the mouth area and he took the vagina. And I really wasn't as hard as I could have been. And failed. Yeah, she wasn't really a roast pig. We're like, now let me ask you this. Shushka Bob. Let me ask you this. Shushka Bob. Wow. Corn dog. OK. We got it. We got it. Yeah, we-- you don't need to keep naming it. Yeah. So your soft penis was in her mouth. And your buddy was fucking the whole that you had already nutted inside of. Did you tell your friend that you came inside of her? Oh, I don't think I did. So there's a chance that your buddy is going to find out from watching the show that the time that he hooked up with the chick with you. He was fucking your come. Yeah. I lubed him up. I love that he still looks at you. Hans has just enough autism to think of it like you helped him out a little bit. Amazing. If she gets pregnant, who's going to claim the baby? I mean, he was white and I'm Asian. So his smart, then it's mine. That's a good point. Tushae. Let's see how he does on the SATs before. How did afterwork-- like right after you guys came to just keep hanging out or-- Yeah, we crashed. She took the couch. It took the bed a little bit. And then we left, we drove back to Austin. You said you crashed. Does that mean that you drove immediately out? It's a cool way to say that. I keep imagining Hans trying to do an Eiffel Tower, but his dick is soft for her face keeps falling. Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't get hard again. Oh, this is my Hans impression. Oh, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so soft. Oh, I'm so soft. Is there anything that you try to think of or do when you're trying to get hard? Yes. OK, go ahead. Always the most honest answers. If you look at the history of this show, no one has better answers to my questions than Hans gets. Totally. Always, before I'm even done answering the-- Yes, Tony. Yes, actually, I don't. Honest Hans. Should be the name of your question. Honest Hans. Yes. I think a lot of tickling stuff helped me a lot. That's what I'm trying to do. What is it about tickling a girl that makes you hard? Great question, Tony. When she squirms? Yeah, the part where she's like, no, no, please don't. Yeah, that's most of my relationships with women. So it seems accurate. It seems the period accurate. Let me ask you this. I asked you what it takes what you think about to make you hard. Here's a question I've never asked you before. Is there something that you think of when you're about to come too fast? And you think of that to try to stop yourself from being so overly excited. Hans Kim. I usually try to think of the woman that I'm making love with and what she would want. And I'm like, she would want me to come now. We'll be right back. [LAUGHTER] I feel like taking a break. Wait, Hans, do you win the guy, Chichet, during the-- all right, I don't know what I'm trying to ask. But you guys-- I mean, there's 30 talk, right? But if he starts the talk, you go, oh, sorry. Yeah, you go ahead. Or like, I think that was a moment where we did that exact thing. I forget why. But I think we made it like, hey, you can take the bottom. I'll take the top. And then it was just like, yeah, she was making noises. She did it with me, which was kind of concerning. Oh, no. Where her noise is better with you than with-- like, did you get-- do you take a personal? Yes. He was getting better noises. [LAUGHTER] Wow. Amazing. Were you guys talking or looking at each other? No, he wasn't trying to look at my-- He was like, can you sign me up for the mic later? I was looking at his dick. You were? Yes. How was he not looking at you if you were looking at him? He was just, like, head down, task at hand. He was a very-- Yeah. And your dick was like boba tea over there in the mouth. Yeah, it was like boba tea. It's chewy, tapioca. Oh, god. Oh, my god. OK, was he a white guy or a black guy? White man. OK, right. By the way, I don't think any girl has ever been like, yeah, Hans, give me that chewy dick. [LAUGHTER] Wow. My goodness, Hans, you are amazing. Anything else you want to tell the beautiful people of Houston, Texas? I bought a van for $13,000. That doesn't work. I wasted $13,000. I love your city. I think-- What do you mean you bought a van? I bought a Sprinter van, thinking I could make it a van life van, even though I already have a van. I just bought a stupid van for no reason. And-- What made you do that? I was looking at my old van, I'm like, this van sucks. Let me, and then, you know, one of my friends was like, you should just get a new van, so I just got a new van, but it was a shitty, shittier version of the van. - What if this is what he and me and the other guy were talking about when they were double teaming the girl? I bought a second van, did I tell ya? Oh, sorry. - Take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it. (laughing) - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. - Wow, so one could call you Fon's Kim. (laughing) - Yeah, the van's logo is my logo. - All right. Ladies and gentlemen, that was Hanz Kim. That was Hanz Kim, that was Hanz Kim. That was Hanz Kim. - All right, ladies and gentlemen, it's been an hell of a show. This is your final bucket pool of the night. How about one more time for Heidi and Bal, everybody, you can check out their podcast. Love on the line at HeidiRachina.com. Follow the band on social media, follow Adam Ray. He's on the U.S. Me tour, going to Vegas, and the win, and everywhere else. Adam Ray, comedy.com, KimKongden.com and follow her at KimKongden, C-O-N-G-D-O-N. All right, your final bucket pool tonight goes by the name of Devon Callahan, everybody. One last Houston bucket pool. (upbeat music) - All right, how you guys doing? Yeah, yeah, I'm Devon Callahan. Callahan, like Dirty Harry. Yeah, I see your face confused. I remember Dirty Harry, he wasn't this dirty. What the fuck is wrong with you? So, yeah, so, I figured out, not to bring it down, and I talk about death, I figured out the afterlife. I got it. It's two types of ghosts. One ghost, four-body guy standing under a light. Hey, it's my grandfather probably smoking a cigarette, head to toe, it's a ghost. Second ghost, you just get like a little heartened thing, and it's just like no legs and nothing, just feet up, like feet gone, knees up, and then just running around like, whoa, whoa. That second type, those are the motherfuckers, they died of diabetes. Yes. So, it turns out in the afterlife, you don't get your feedback. It's like a punishment. Yes, it's crazy. It's crazy. Um, I need some friends. I need some new friends. I'll chill in with my homies, and we were on a road trip, and I was like, hey, man, I'm getting kind of tired. Let's pull into somewhere. And I saw a hotel, L-A-Q-U-I-N-T-A, and I told my homies, hey, let's stay at Lakinta. Right, and they started laughing. They were like, ah, this is so crazy. It's Lakinta, foe. It's Lakinta. OK. Was that the end of the joke? No. OK, finish it. And so, I was telling them no, Lakinta is the chick that works at the front desk, but the establishment is Lakinta, right? Like, wait. Absolutely. Devon Callahan, making his kill-to-me debut, right? Yes. You live here in Houston? Uh, Port Arthur and Beaumont. I'll stay in Port Arthur. Yeah, baby. Look at that. All right. Can you say the end word there? Yeah, but no, no, I don't want to though. We're nice. We're nice people. You don't have to. Yeah. You don't have to say it. OK, Devon, what do you do for work? I play piano. I play keys. You're a professional piano player? Yeah, really? Yeah. Like 20, 20 years. 20 years? Yeah, I'm all right. Am I? Am I? Really? Yeah. That's amazing. I don't think we've ever had an actual piano player on this show before. [CHEERING] You guys want to hear him play some piano? Fuck yeah. John Dees, the band leader, normally doesn't share his piano with anybody. He's a tough cookie. He's old school. A lot of musicians don't like sharing their instruments. And I know how it is, bro. And he knows how it is. But now that he's said, oh, see, all he had to say was, I know how it is. I get it. And then, look, he broke John Dees's little heart. Here he is. Look at this. Look at this. Couple cousins. Just given handshake. Oh, yeah. Don't play anything copyrighted. It's got to just be kind of like your own original jam. John Dees. This is my uncle. Oh, shit. Uncle Devon and the motherfucking Izzy Howzy. Won't say the N-word, because that's not nice. See, that's how I think they should all be. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is what Hans was listening to during his double team. Keep going. Keep going. I'm going to sing a little song. When I'm in Houston. My favorite kind of pub is gastro. I cheat like I'm an astro. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep playing. Keep fucking playing, dumbass. Keep playing. Oh, I put my finger in an electrical sock. Keep playing fucking music. In electrical socket, more shocking than a wind from the Houston Rockets. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There's traffic all over the shithole town, and there's no real life entertainment to be found. Because all the artists move to Austin, or even Boston, or anywhere to get lost in, because art doesn't exist in Houston. But you can wash it down with some aquafina. There's some left from Hurricane Katrina. Stupid. Stupid. Have a one more time for Devin Callahan on the keys. I'm just goofing around me and Adam used to play with the great Jeff Scott at the comedy store. We were the only two guys that used to rip with them rest in peace. We lost him during the pandemic, because he got COVID and it's at the same time. All right. Devin, anything else crazy we should know about you before you go? What's the biggest white lady you ever impregnated? I hadn't had a chance yet, so we can say it. I don't know if you saw Jasmine flowers earlier, but there's a black woman that makes no sense whatsoever when she talks that really needs to be dicked down. Oh, I met her. I saw her. Yeah. Nah, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. Welcome to another episode of Nah with Devin Callahan. They're a white lady that wants to be impregnated right now. Yeah. Of course that is. I just hit his wife, of course. Devin, thank you so much. There he goes. Devin Callahan. Open the port of Rico. You're the port of Rico, God. Thank you. Thank you so much. There he goes. Devin Callahan. He just realized who I was. Everybody. Hey, wait. You're the port of Rico, guy. There's a joke books. See you later. Like I said, Saturday nights are hard on this show. We have created so many superstars that a lot of them were booked tonight, and their own sold out shows around the world. However, I was able to secure the man who I think is one of the fastest young rising comedians in the world. You see him every week writing and performing a brand new minute. At one point, he was recognized as the dark storm of Atlanta, Georgia. And now he is the dark storm of Austin, Texas. I present to you the future this is Patrick Flynn. Oh my God. Oh my God. And we in the South. It's feels like the South. I love Houston. It's like a big ass Atlanta. My favorite Houston rapper, Pim C. Pim C1 says something that meant everything to me. He said, "Nigga ain't so much shrimp. I got iodine pulls." Now Pim C is known to live his wife and I'm going to tell y'all that ain't shit that nigga research that happened to him. That nigga woke up in a high sped ol' and a doctor was like your blood levels with iodine. You're about to die, Pim C. He said, "Is somebody trying to poison me?" He said, "I don't think that. Let me think." Mr. Pim C. You see, do you ever eat a ball or a mountain shrimp? (audience laughing) He's like, "Hey, yeah." He said, "How much shrimp do you eat?" He was like, "I don't know about this much." "Tis much money's how much shrimp you eat." (audience laughing) I've been chasing a iodine poison in my whole goddamn life. (audience cheering) Thank y'all so much, you said, "I like y'all." (audience cheering) Hell yeah, buddy. How's it going, Daddrich? Man, no niggas mad at me for getting drunk in New York story wars. (audience laughing) Which is crazy, 'cause what else was it? It was 17 degrees, nigga, I got a drink at least to be warm. Yeah. It costs $100, like to breathe in New York, nigga, I got a drink, I got to take a $130 Uber to get from New Jersey all the way to Brooklyn. "Niggas, I'm gon' drink." (audience cheering) I had seven long islands, nigga, I was in Long Island. We called out a bad gene. Preach. (audience cheering) Keep going, keep going for the love of God, keep going. All right, there's nothing but stairs in New York. Negative shit, I got lost as a motherfucker on the train. "Niggas, I'm gon' drink." (audience cheering) I'm a country boy, it was too cold for me to be up there. I don't know that shit. I thought I was in a New York state of mind. I thought a New York was supposed to be harmful and a nigga drink hard, I'll get upset. I thought we was having a party. If you came for why I came, you'd be a pair of skins. Fucked up, too. (audience cheering) (audience cheering) Fuck yeah. Come on now. (laughing) Come on, believable, dead drink. Have you been around Houston a lot? Not, this is my first time in music. (audience cheering) I love ya. I love ya. Hell yeah. Houston loves you as well, dead drink. This is amazing. Would you like to tell the people what you got today? On the way here? Yeah, I just got this new bookies gold chain 'cause that nigga Matt Wright was talking about ya. I gotta mess my teeth. Nah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. These changes, these other changes, fake as fuck though. They're like $30 on Amazon, but they are gold colored. You know, I have so much bucky stuff. It is incredible. I have blankets, I have mugs, I have magnets, I have so much bucky's merch that it's incredible, and every time I stop it one, I obtain more. However, I never even knew there was a case with gold necklaces in it. They walked me to it when I got in. (laughing) I put on my jury just to go to the bucky's, you know what I'm saying? I don't even know how you found that. It called out to me, Tony. (laughing) I went to go buy some bucky slides at first, and then as soon as I touched the slides, it said you gotta match it with a chain. Yep, yep, absolutely. Dejric Flynn, what's been going on in life, buddy? Other than that. That New York Bullshit. It's no big deal. You gotta remember only 1.2% of the Keltoni fan base watches that show. Yeah, but that was nice to me when I was in Brooklyn. You do drink hard though, right? Like you are a big drinker. Yeah, yeah. I'm from the south, yeah. We make moonshine. Yep. Yo, make hunch punch out here. Woo, man, that cold again, yeah. I thought we was in the side. I said, do we get our drink or do we get our paycheck? Yeah, I'm out of your business when I put it in my body. What's in my cup is in my cup. If I want to drink a liquor casserole, because it makes me feel good, that's what I call Long Island's a liquor casserole. I'm getting word. Your preaching is going so hard in the paint that Jasmine Flowers just had her diabetes cure. Now, I've been cut back sometimes, because that wasn't really me on the show because I didn't even have my grill because when I went to go check in my New York hotel, the hold on the car was more than I had on my debit card. So I just left my grills with them niggas. You fucking kidding me. It's just a real story. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't want to wear grills on Star Wars, so that really wasn't even me for real. That was just Dietrich Flynn. That wasn't a dark storm. But, you know, you ask for the storm. I bring the storm. You know, I got to be a tornado sometimes. Tony, let me out the leash. You're the one putting yourself in chains, buddy. Yeah, that's makes sense. Hilarious. On the last day of Black History Month. We'll be right, Black. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. I love it, Dietrich. Is there anything else crazy we should know about before we put a ribbon on this damn thing? Bang. Huh? Why you come to Houston? Because I fucking love this place, and I heard great things in rap songs. Why would I not want to come to Houston? If Q Tony's in Houston, I'm in there. If Q Tony's in Dallas, I'm in there. If Q Tony's in Austin, I'm in there. And if Q Tony goes back to New York, then I'm in there. We're not talking about love and shit. We in the set. Dietrich went to the dark storm of Austin. For tonight, it's the dark storm of Houston. A little fun fact, everybody. And tickets are not on sale yet, but we are coming to on October 17th. Save the date. We are doing a Q Tony in Sugarland here at the Smart Financial Center, October 17th. So you could put that in your little calendar. We're coming back. Whole different show, whole different fucking, everything. What else? Do you guys have a great night tonight? We did too. I know some people tonight are going to be partying out at the Colorado, which is owned by some friends of the Killtony family. So there's a little heads up there. And we love you guys. Band play a little music. One more time for Adam Ray, everybody. AdamRaycomedy.com. Kim Congdon.com. Make some fucking noise for Kim Congdon, everybody. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight, everyone. Whoa, that's a good one. Ooh, look at that, a little Miami vice. They're skinny. I love it. A couple more time for Golden Tick of Winneries and Regulars and Reeky Chakone, Colin Sledge, Uncle Laser, Young Ponds, Kim, and Patrick Flynn. We love you guys. Red man. Guys, I love you Houston. Houston Map Stop. Sure logs. Laporte, Texas. I love you so much, guys. We love you. God bless Houston, Texas. And God bless the United States of America. We love you. Thank you. Good night, everybody. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪