#7 - Payton Bonang - Pretty Cool Stuff To Know

What is your purpose in life and what is your definition of success? Hi, and welcome back to Pretty Cool Stuff to Know. Today I'm here with another friend of mine, Peyton Bonet. The format of this podcast will be 30 minutes of serious questions, followed by 30 minutes of a bit more chill questions. Before we start this podcast, Peyton has told me he's comfortable with the questions I'm about to ask. So, Peyton, what is your purpose in life and what is your definition of success? Speaker 2 Happy questions, I'd say. My purpose in life is to help try and. Reconnects the broken bond between humans and living things because that's become a very weak relationship with climate change and the mistreatment of not just animals but also plants in general. What was the second one? Speaker 1 What is the definition of success? Speaker 2 Thank you, I'd say living. A happy life, but also one where you're contributing to the world in a positive way. That's nice. Speaker 1 All right, well, straight off the bat, what does the prime flag mean to you? What does the pride flag mean to you? I feel like it means both inclusion and exclusion at the same time. I mean, because lots of people think of the LGBTQ plus community. Having like plus in the title as oh all inclusive, but it really is quite split and it has lots of history of being so split. So I feel like it's very inclusive of the idea of this sexually diverse but in for gender diverse people like trans people, I feel like. We aren't welcome as much in that space by some people who are gay. They kind of, I don't know, I feel like they kind of have made that flag more of their own than for everyone's. Speaker 1 So from what you're telling me, you're telling me that within the LGBTQ plus community, it's sort of diverse. There's still a lot of like, people that don't look at each other with the same sort of attitude. Speaker 2 Yeah, because also with the whole gay rights movement and like the 70s, late 60s, it was trans women of color who were really at the forefront of the whole movement. And once, like, cisgender gay people got their rights, then they were kind of like, OK, we're all set, and lots of them turned their back. I mean, not all of them, of course, but lots of them turned their back. On the gender career community and that we still are seeing that existing today, like the aftermath of all that, I guess because it also comes in with how slowly society accepts people. Like first. OK, there's more acceptance of if you're gay, but you're a cisgender white male. And then it like slowly has become like more and more accepting of more diverse variations of that. And only just now, in these past few years, are we getting into some more acceptance of trans people. Speaker 1 I see. So you've talked. So you've told me about what the price flag mean in general, and he told me a little bit about the LGBTQ Plus community and its inner diversity. Can you tell me what the that flag means to you? Does that mean home? Does that mean secure place, like a comforting, comforting place? What does that mean to you? Speaker 2 I wouldn't say it's home for me. I think it's a good signal of if someone is someone who I can trust more. Like, you know, when people have like a pride flag in their bio or something for Instagram, then I'm like. Okay. I feel a little bit safer, but still I'm kind of cautious, I'd say. So I think it's kind of a mix of, I feel like it's kind of a house, it's not a home. It's a thing that has potential to become a home, but it's not there yet. Speaker 1 I see. That's very interesting. Earlier you told me about your purpose in life. You are an environmental leader. Do you think the benefits of urbanization outweigh the consequences? Is trying to reconnect a broken bond between human and environment and us an environmental leader on campus? Do you think the benefits of urbanization outweigh the consequences? Speaker 2 I mean, I don't think so, no. There's pros and cons to practically anything and everything, but I think that. There has been lots of cons to urbanization, not just in terms of to the environment, but also to humans and our like, to our psyche and our mental well-being. I think with all this urbanization and everything needing to be done so fast, it is so stressful and anxiety inducing and there's no real appreciation for. The work and putting time into something and that sort of purpose and there's less connection with land and other living things because of it. Speaker 1 So do you have a sort of a way to sort of connect a broken bond between human and environment? Like how do you propose that you can do that? Speaker 2 Well, I was. I read this book and this. I guess she's a scientist. She's a teacher. She was talking about how she finds herself trying to look at things and see where they come from. Like if you look, for example, is if, oh, if you look at a notebook with paper, you know, oh, that's from trees. But then when you get into all these other more modern things, it's more and more difficult to figure out where those things come from. So I guess in a way. Trying to see where these things you're using daily and are part of your daily life is coming from. I think that helps to build more of a relationship. Also, just like there's so many people who live in cities and who have never really seen nature, like you were saying how there, if there's like a squirrel where you're from, then people are like all around it filming because you never see squirrels. I think lots of people who are like where we are now, they just take for granted all the nature and stuff. So I think really just kind of pointing out, hey, this isn't everywhere, So while you're around it, you should actually appreciate it. And maybe that will help to change things in other places, like it will build a more cultural like movement I guess. Speaker 1 So just building on to the previous question, what do you think are the pros of urbanization? Pros of urbanization I mean, there are pros to things being done quickly because there's less waiting. There's, I mean. Those are basically the negatives as well, but they're pros to not needing to wait as long to get something you need. You're closer to, you're much closer to hospitals and stuff like that. And so it's I guess better for your physical health in some ways. Plus, I mean, if you're in a city, you often walk more because you're not like walking to. The building that's miles and miles away from you. So I guess that's good for exercise, but it still is just too much of A disconnect from nature in our actual world. Speaker 1 But you have to say the hospitals and schools and other facilities are often being built on the cost, on the cost of deforestation. And there are signs that are, there are, like very clear signs that an area is being urbanized, an area is being transformed from Mother Nature into a a new sort of area, like a like an urban type of area. And this leads. This leads me to my next question. What do you think are the cons of urbanization aside from, you know, deforestation? Cons of urbanization Yeah. Deforestation. Sorry. Speaker 2 Well, if you think about it from the whole hospital, like viewpoint of, oh, you're building a hospital, OK, people are closer to like getting medical care they may need for whatever illness. Though also that is taking away from nature and plants. I mean, in most cases though, nature is proven to be very healing for humans because, I mean, that's what we were. Brought up into before all of this urbanization. And so I think that urbanization, while it's trying to solve lots of problems, it isn't looking at solutions that are just more natural and like they it doesn't look as much at the mental health benefits of. Speaker 1 Nature and things actually going slower and even physical health benefits, like there are hospitals now implementing like little green rooms so that their patients can be surrounded by plants because some studies have shown that it helps them to heal faster, right. OK And moving away from the topic of urbanization, I want to talk a bit about your gender identity. This brings me to my next question. When was the first time you felt that your gender identity did not align with your belief? When was the first time you felt that your general identity did not align with your belief? Speaker 2 This is tricky because I think, I think this is common for lots of people, but just not having the vocabulary and understanding for that or any representation kind of makes it difficult to be like oh, this is when I was like Oh no, but I think that when I was. Younger I and in 4th grade I had a teacher who was transgender or is transgender. I believe he's still alive today. I mean, I hope he was young. So and I kind of like I looked at him and I kind of like sobbed myself in him in a way. And so I think that was kind of my first, in a sense, questioning of my identity. Speaker 1 OK, so you saw this role model, right, your 4th grade teacher, and he was a trans person as well. And how did he sort of inspire you? And what, what type of message did he send to you? By being there, By just simply being there? Speaker 2 Well, he was someone who I didn't have any. I didn't know any other transgender people at the time. At least not anyone who was like out or anything. And I think that just seeing someone who's trans and they're just like living a normal life. Like my mom's a fifth grade teacher, so I look up to her and like, oh, like when I was younger, I looked up to her. I really respect her job and everything. She just lives a normal life. She's caring for people doing all these things and it's like, hey, he's doing the same type of stuff. She is like, this is great. Like he's not actually, because it was also a very, I was fortunate to go to such a more liberal, I guess, school. And so it was really just seeing how he wasn't being ostracized. Speaker 1 I guess when we talked previously, you told me that we are the first generation that can have LGBT role models to look up to. Earlier you told me that we are the first generation that can have LGBT role models to look up to. Who is your role model, and why does he/she/ or they inspire you? Who's your role model other than your 4th grade teacher and how did he, she, or they inspire you? Speaker 2 I there's this YouTuber slash influencer slash singer-songwriter person. Slash musician all the slashes. His name's no offense or his real name's no offense. Adams. And I remember this was only a few years ago. I was just in bed like scrolling through Snapchat like. And then I saw how there's the little Snapchat reels or whatever, you know, that little thing. And so he had one of those. And I was just watching one of his videos. And then I just continued watching these videos and he shares like a lot about about being transgender because he's transgender and so that kind of. Also, he's only like 5 years older than me maybe. A little bit older, but so I I got to see and he was doing this since he was really little. He's been doing YouTube since he was like 13, I want to say like before it was really a thing. So I really just saw this person who is closer to my age and kind of came through all this discovery and stuff with him and not because he was like, there are all these people who are like, oh. Those types of Youtubers are trying to turn you into being transgender or whatever. No, not that. It was like he just simply talks about his experiences and I'm like, oh, I can relate to that and that. Yeah, that really helped me. And so I look up to him a lot also. He's really good music. Speaker 1 So that video, you saw, that video on Snapchat that you saw the real. Can you describe to us a little bit about what that Real was about and how that spoke to you? Speaker 2 He was doing well. Speaker 1 The first one that I saw that caught my eye, he was rating like rating like rating or. Rating Rating. Speaker 2 Yeah, sorry, I don't say my T as well. No, OK, I don't say my T as well. He was rating these different memes and tik toks on. Like life, being trans, like how it is to be trans. And I just found myself kind of relating in different ways to them. And so then I looked up his YouTube and I just like continued watching a bunch of videos and I also saw one of the next ones I saw was he did a voice change on testosterone update. And so it was like, I am no offense, here's my voice. One week on tea and then one month, two months, and it went all the way up to like 2 years and you could like see the change. I thought, oh wow, that's really cool. Like and I was kind of like, oh, I wish I had that. But then of course denial doesn't help with that. So it kind of got away from me a bit. Speaker 1 So so was no offense. So this person now identifies as a heap and he originally identifies as sheet, right? Yes, How? Tell me about how you view these like day one. Hi guys, my name is. No offense. Day 2. Hi guys, my name is. My name is No offense. How did you view this, this transition? Were you surprised to buy or were you like really happy when you saw him because you knew that something like this was was possible? Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess, like, I've been aware of the fact that there's medical trans, there's medical gender affirming care, like you can take testosterone, you can get top surgery, stuff like that. But I hadn't actually looked much into it. And so that kind of really showed me and like. Pointed out kind of address lots of insecurities that lots of transgender people who are FTM female to male like me have, like with voice, stuff like that. And so that was being addressed in that specific video and was like, oh wow, OK that's really cool. Speaker 1 I wish I had that, right. So. I think so. So you said you wish you had that. And I just want to go back to the question I asked earlier about when the first time you felt that your gender did not align with who you actually were. Was it during that class you had with the with that male teacher in 4th grade? Or was it even earlier when you felt like something like just your beliefs didn't align with your gender? When was that I? Speaker 2 I was always quite a. Like, like masculine quote, UN quote kid, I guess for being like, I wore clothes that were like I would have been like called like a tomboy essentially. And I also, when I was younger, when I was younger, I actually had a really deep voice. And so I feel like I was kind of off in my own little world because of that. And so I think I was. In some ways protected by that. But then as I got older and these, like by 4th grade, I actually started coming across this being an actual thing and like being transgender being an actual thing and you can actually, you know, exist. It's not, I mean it's illegal in lots of places, but Jesus, that needs to be stopped. Sorry. Yeah, I think that it really was a matter of I was in some ways protected from it since I could pass a bit for a guy like for when you're so young, you know, Right. Like I multiple times I'd be at the beach and someone would think I was another little boy and stuff, so. Speaker 1 How old were you? Like 6 right six. Speaker 2 Maybe 8. You know around there, right? Speaker 1 OK, Yeah, you mentioned this word tomboy. Are tomboys common? And what is a tomboy? I have a question about that. First, are tomboys common? And what is a tomboy? Speaker 2 Tomboy is basically. It's basically a term used for describing someone who is female but dresses like. A guy. I mean, it's essentially just pointing out how gender rise, gender dies, gender rise, gender rise, fashion isn't how. It's like, oh, these are guys clothes, these are girls clothes. But yeah, what was the What was the second one? Speaker 1 Are tomboys common? Speaker 2 Yeah, I think when you're little, it's more common. Especially, or at least for me. Yeah, like people I was around, there were a fair amount of people of little kids who would be classified as tomboys. Especially if you're someone who played with lots of other boys then. Speaker 1 You like, you can act and dress like the people you're around, right? OK, So you talked to us, you talked something about some girls wearing boys clothes. How do you view like the setup in in clothing stores? Because, you know, say you walk into Azara, Azara store and I think in a lot of stores there's like a male section, there's a female section for example, like the first floor will be male, the 2nd floor will be female. How do you view that sort of fed up? Do you agree with that or not? Speaker 2 I hate it with the burning passion. I hate it so much. I do not like shopping in person. I never have. And I think that like, I'm just not realizing, oh, I hated. I always hated going to get new clothes and stuff because I hated being in person and being in like the female section and all that. It's just it's so stupid. Speaker 1 Have you ever like been in like because tomboys, you said you you said you're you're somewhat like a tomboy when you're younger and have you ever tried to shop at like the male section of the store and then an employee tell you, excuse me, this is like the male section you need to go if you want to go to the female section, it's on the 2nd floor. Has that ever happened to you? Speaker 2 I mean not exactly in that way. View on shopping set up It's more than like. App checkout being like this is a guy's sweatshirt or whatever. It hasn't been like a You need to leave this section of the store. I didn't mean like no, no, I know. No, it hasn't been like a redirect. Speaker 1 You're in the wrong place, but it's just like a like a almost like a warning or something. Speaker 2 Yeah. Kind of like a oh, just so you know, this isn't from the final section. Yeah, Okay. And then I'll be like okay. Well, I'm giving you money, so I'm supporting your business. So just let me be. Thank you. Speaker 1 Well, I think that's a pretty nice response. And moving on to our last question, and you've already talked to Tony extensively about your coming out and self densifying stage, but I just want to ask, can you tell me more about your coming on self identifying stage and what do you think is the biggest challenge you faced and overcame? Tell me about your coming out and self-identifying stage, what do you think is the biggest challenge you faced and overcame? I think a big thing that stood in the way of me accepting that I'm transgender because I'm also really good with living in denial. Speaker 1 So that was helpful, you say, living in? Speaker 2 Denial. Denial. Yeah. Like I did that for a while with like my mental illnesses and struggling with those and it kind of just got to a point where I just needed to address it. Especially since I was on sophomore year, I was on medical leave and I had to go through like a five week program that was pretty extensive and. There was like lots of therapy, that type of stuff. And you're forced to look at yourself and like, where are these things coming from? Where are these problems coming from? Because they can't be all like internal. There are external factors that affect your mental health. And so I think that was where my transitioning I guess completely started or? Yeah, I guess that's where it like started if you're just, if you're not thinking about my whole life, but when things actually started to get going. And I think the hardest part though, besides the the denial is clothing. Because I just kept on telling myself, Oh well, I do like clothes that are like, more feminine. Or whatever, and I would like to wear those. Speaker 1 That's soft analogy. Speaker 2 Yes, because it was. It was kind of like I I knew that clothing shouldn't be so split like it is. And if I see someone, like a someone who I perceive as a guy walking down the street in like, a flowy skirt, I'm like, OK, sure, that's fine. Like, I don't really think much of it. But I guess for myself, I was like, no, that wouldn't be OK. Because then there's the possibility of someone misgendering me and thinking I'm a girl. And then that kind of evolved to me realizing, OK, but that's because I want to be perceived as a guy. Speaker 1 You said he talked a little bit about self denial and about your mental state of mind. Do you think coming out as trends and after the and after becoming trends, do you think that mental state of mind sort of has gotten better? Speaker 2 In a lot of ways, yeah. Speaker 1 So you don't have to live with that self announced anymore. Speaker 2 Yeah, Yeah. I think it's primarily gotten better. I mean, it's not like. All healed. OK, John. Wish it was that easy, but I think it's gotten a lot better. Yeah. Especially now that I know where things were coming from. And so I kind of know like how to address things and how to make myself feel better. Speaker 1 OK Well, I think with that we can end the series section. That was really good. Thank you. Thank. You So moving on to the chill session, I'm going to give you 10 words. I’m gonna give you ten words; this is nothing important, just a relaxing question, and I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear these words: iPhone, battle, break, norm, discuss, human, microphone, central, franchise, and home This is nothing important. It's just a relaxing question, and I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear these words. You ready? OK, iPhone. Stress battle. Speaker 2 What was that battle? Anger. Break. Speaker 1 Anger Norm. Frustrating disgust. Speaker 2 Germs. Speaker 1 No, it's not discussions. Discuss good human faults, faults, faults. Like FAULTS, faults, microphone. Singing central. Intelligence franchise. Big and home. Transitioning can involve a lot of new experiences. What is one thing you had to learn or adapt to that you now look back on with humor? Boston, MA, Yes, it was just relaxing. Question. OK, now to our first show section, question. Transitioning can involve a lot of new experiences. What is one thing you had to learn or adapt to that you now look back on with humor? Speaker 2 This is a really tough one. Speaker 1 Is it tough one? Speaker 2 No, there are there are ones, but this is going to take some explaining I think. So I bind. That's a common thing for bind. So it basically is a practice where you make your chest flat so you can pass better for being male and so lots of binders. Are looks similar to like tank tops, but it doesn't have like any stretch or anything like that. It's really stiff and it actually it's like really hard to breathe. It basically doesn't let your lungs expand much. Speaker 1 It's called binding. Speaker 2 Binding. Yes. Some people do it with like an ace bandage. There are plenty of stories of people like breaking their ribs because they were trying to bind, like so tightly. Speaker 1 And these people are part of the LGBT community. Yeah, cuz I've heard of this term. Like, I've never heard of binding, but I've heard of like woman in the old English communities. You know, when they're wearing dress, they would. Corset corset. That's, yeah, squeeze their waist very tight. And there have been stories about like women that cannot, that were, that cannot breach because of it, it had to faint out. And now we're a new generation and people are binding. Yeah. And some people are actually breaking their ribs. Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, it's a thing that happens. It can be very dangerous. So with the corset thing, it's very similar to that, but also the opposite. So with corsets it's meant to accentuate the like. Female features and all that stuff like tiny waist, big boobs, all that. But for this purpose, it's essentially the opposite, and so it helps to relieve some, like, discomfort with your own gender. Speaker 1 So would you say so? Would you say corset feminizes a woman while a binder masculines on a woman? Speaker 2 Yeah, essentially, I guess that's the best way to put it. Speaker 1 And the question is asking what is one thing you have to learn or adapt to that? And I look back to with humor and you say it's binding. Speaker 2 Yes, no. So this is the thing. So there are many different ways to bind and what I use now is. It's like a. Tape so it allows for you and it doesn't go like all the way around your chest and all the way around your back. So it actually allows you to breathe. You can work out in it, you can shower in it, you can sleep in it, All that stuff. It doesn't give you back problems or anything like that the compared to the old one though, that one like. I could barely breathe in it, especially like walk, just walking on this campus you already can get tired of like when did just from walking there. Speaker 1 But I just, I could barely walk around this campus because it was just, yeah, it's not good because it's a binding. Yeah. And me, do you used to bind or do you still bind? Speaker 2 I still do, yeah. Speaker 1 How about one thing that you used to do and then you look back on with humor? Speaker 2 But that I look back on it with humor because I'm like why didn't I use the tape and why did I use like the that form instead of the tape. Because, especially since my roommate had said how, had mentioned how there is tape instead. Because, yeah, because I was just like I would at the end of the day, I would just like. Could put onto the floor because my shoulders were like being pushed so far forward and I just couldn't It's terrible for your health imposture but so that was just. But I was like, no, no, this is fine. That will like I didn't even look into it. But then later on I ended up doing it. I'm like I should have done that much, much earlier. Right, Okay. Speaker 1 I don't know if that's the type of thing you were looking for, but no, I mean it's, it's very interesting. I've never heard of terminology before and I think, yeah, I think, well, I didn't know what I was. Looking for but I think that's perfect. Okay, What is your favorite movie? What is your favorite movie? Goodwill hunting. Speaker 1 It's a goodwill hunting. Have you seen that? Yeah. Is that the one where the? Is that? Is that the where he was a janitor or something? Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Speaker 1 Why that movie? Speaker 2 He's a genius. Speaker 1 I mean that. I asked. That's a perfect movie. And I think it's some some people's like favorite movies as well. But like, why that? Because there's so many modern movies and that movie was like. Speaker 2 Well, First off, I really love Robin Williams. I just he's he was such a great actor. And second of all, I just think it's very interesting how it's like. How it actually is really addressing how there are people. It just is really pointing out privileges that people have, but even how people who are perceived as like or people who are very privileged in some aspects as in having access to really great education food. Like all of the things they need to live. They like, was it Minnie Driver, the female lead? I think that was the name of the actor. Speaker 1 Someone's name is Minnie Driver. Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that was the actress. I think that's the actress's name. Look up Minnie Driver. Speaker 1 I mean, but see the haunting cast? Speaker 2 Yeah, but so the character, her her dad had died. Yeah. So the character's dad had had died. And so she was like taking. She was just like, I can't change that. So I'm doing what I can with my life to get the educations to get education and stuff that he wanted me to get. Meanwhile, goodwill hunting, He's gifted by having by being so smart. But he's not as privileged in the sense of having access to such an education and such wealth. So it's just interesting and showing how there is some privileges that you can actually see and some privileges that you can't see. Speaker 1 Do you think this is similar to what you were talking about earlier in the series section about humans relationship with the environment? Because it sounds a bit similar in some sort of way. Speaker 2 Yeah, I think so. I think, I think it really just goes to show how much people focus on just what they can see, like the effects of climate change. They've been working overtime and they continue to just work overtime. But, oh, OK, but. And it's not something where you see the next day, oh, all of the world is burning. I mean, now we're starting to see the world's burning, but it's taken time to get here. And so I think that's part of it with how people need to see it to actually believe it. Speaker 1 And they'll make all these sorts of judgments, right? OK, what do you do to relax? What do you do to relax? I crochet. Speaker 1 I really like to crochet crush A. Speaker 2 Crochet. Speaker 1 What is that? What's crochet mean? Speaker 2 You know, knitting. Speaker 1 Yeah, like. Speaker 2 It's similar to that, but it's with the hook. Speaker 1 It's something that can't be mimicked by machine, like sewing and knitting that can be mimicked by the machine but crocheting can't crochet. Yeah, I've heard research passes about I think something similar to knitting and how that can reduce your stress levels. Do you think crocheting does the same crochets? Speaker 2 Definitely yes. Speaker 1 And if I may, how long do you crochet a day or a week? Like an hour. Speaker 2 It depends on if it's summer or not. When I'm at school I don't have as much time to do it, but I'd say I'll like if I have time, I'll just go until my hand hurts too much to continue. So that can just be like. Four or five hours? Speaker 1 You really like crochet. Speaker 2 Yeah, I just it's something that just I lose all track of time and also I lose the sense of, oh, I haven't eaten or had water. So I guess it's it can become unhealthy in certain ways, but it just is such a like release from the world and just an escape. Speaker 1 So do you think you would like to make a career out of crochet because it cannot be replicated by machine so. Speaker 2 Yeah, I I do have an Etsy account. Speaker 1 An Etsy. Speaker 2 Yeah, an Etsy account that's kind of been on pause for like, over here, but I had it while I was on medical leave because that's when I learned to crochet. Well, first I learned to knit, then I learned to crochet. Because with crocheting you can do a lot more than you can with knitting, at least I think. And. Yeah, so I did make some money off of it. I crocheted some hats. Yeah, I crochet. Speaker 1 I'm currently crocheting my mom and I hat because her birthday is coming up, so that's been fun, right? If you could give your younger self a piece of advice on how to navigate across the world as a transgender individual, what would it be? If you could give yourself, your younger self a piece of advice on how to navigate across the world as a transgender individual, would it be? Speaker 2 Try your best to not care so much about what people think. Speaker 1 I know that's like the most basic thing, like no try to not care what people think, but that I mean no in my opinion. When you try to give someone an advice like something like that, don't care about what people think. It's so much better than, like to say like on August 26th you're going to take a mask exam and for question #4 choose D like something like that. You know, I think that's a that's a very good response. And why do you say that? Like, don't care about what other people think. Speaker 2 Because it just can get. It can get. I can get really in my head about it still. Now I can like if like I'll think, oh, is that person just being respectful and using my proper pronouns or like, do they actually see me as the guy? Like that sort of thing. That's just something that. Naturally comes up because I'm transgender and that's something that I can sometimes have ruin my day because I also have OCD. So it like can become obsessive, like and I just can't get rid of those thoughts, you know, It's not super easily and it can get in the way of me just actually living my life and so just trying to not let it get in the way of me living my life. Speaker 1 And have you learned how to control your own thoughts, such as when someone says makes a negative remark about you? Have you learned how to control your mind so that it doesn't think about that it doesn't bother you? Have you done that? Speaker 2 To a certain extent, yes, Eventually it can. Just after a week or weeks it can just get very tiring and I just need to go into a quick depression nap and then recover. Speaker 1 Is that a real thing? A depression? Speaker 2 No, no. It's just like, well, it's actually, yeah, it's a term, but it's just like napping because you're really sad, essentially. So just because you're like tired because of how sad you are. Speaker 1 Do you have a go to group? Like when you're feeling sad due to remarks that other people have made about you, made about your gender in specific, do you have a go to? Do you have a go to group of people that you can go to any time of day and they will support you no matter what? Speaker 2 Yeah, I do. I don't have many friends here who are transgender female to male like me so it's not the I have some non binary friends so there is lots of crossover there. But really the only people I know who are as similar as I am, they don't go to school here. So I have to like text or FaceTime. So it's not like a full on social interaction in person. So but those people have really helped me a lot and are actually really good at responding to text, which I'm not personally, I'm working on this. So, but yeah, I do have like friends in general who are great and who even though they're cisgender so they can't really relate, they listen and they try to understand and give advice as best they can. Speaker 1 And cisgender? What does that mean? Speaker 2 Cisgender. Oh, that's your gender identifies as the gender you were assigned at birth. Yeah. Speaker 1 And going off the earlier question about friends, how important are friends in your life? How important are friends? Are they the most important or? Yeah, they're very important to me, I think, especially since I'm someone who I'm more of an extroverted introvert. I'd say. So I is. Speaker 1 That a thing? Speaker 2 Yeah. So I. Speaker 1 Introvert. Speaker 2 Yeah, so I'm naturally more of an introvert. I don't get energy from socializing, really. It can drain me a lot. However, I push myself out and out of like my comfort zone and really try and socialize a lot. So they help me in the sense of they're there for me when I can and want to socialize. But they also are very respectful of the fact that I sometimes just can't hang out for three hours on the Saturday night because I'm just, I just need like alone time. Especially when you're in a boarding school, you're constantly surrounded by people you know? It's just right. Yeah. Speaker 1 Good. And this brings us to our last question. What is your favorite quote? Speaker 2 My favorite quote or just? Speaker 1 Any quote off the top of your head, because for the podcast I usually have like a person's favorite quote up at the top of a description, so I wanted to get yours. What is your favorite quote I don't have quotes memorized. Speaker 1 Wait, OK, make your own quotes. No, like make your own quote. Like it can literally be don't care about what other people think. Speaker 2 I really want to quote like a Phil Dunphy quote from Modern Family, but I feel like not enough people will understand that this is a lot of pressure. Speaker 1 This is supposed to be relaxing. Speaker 2 This Speaker 2 should Speaker 2 be Speaker 2 in Speaker 2 one Speaker 2 of Speaker 2 the Speaker 2 first Speaker 2 questions Speaker 2 like Speaker 2 the Speaker 2 first, Speaker 2 second. Speaker 1 Like, say wherever is on the top of your head. You know when it comes to like #1 rule of navigating to her life. Like, what is Payton's #1 rule of navigating to her life? Don't care about what other people think. Then boom. That's the. That's the quote. It can be as simple as that, or it can be one of the quotes from family Modern Family. Speaker 2 I'd say pay End Quote. Pay End Quote Okay. Crochet away your thoughts, Crochet. Speaker 1 Away your thoughts. Speaker 2 Yes, that's perfect. I can, OK. Speaker 1 That's literally perfect. Speaker 2 That's because that's what I do when I'm crocheting. I just crochet the thoughts away. Yeah, well. Speaker 1 Thank you for being on the podcast. I appreciate you so much. This is first podcast we're doing this year. Speaker 2 Woo, yeah, first me.