#684 - Bad Haircut

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runs straight to second base and people are like okay then that's how it's gonna begin so and that's how we're gonna begin today guys uh without a beginning because that's where we are um it is the year 2026 uh i got a bad haircut not sure if anybody can even tell to be honest with you i'll show it to you you can see it it's just you know it looks southern amish is kind of i think it has kind of a southern amish energy which is you know yeah it's like oh you you know you churn your own butter and you you churn your own sister don't you just like you know i think it can be alarming to people it's alarming to me that was it and i think some people are like well dude your hair you know your hair generally looks like shit and that's fine you know but it's my it's like i don't know the guy cut it away that i didn't want it and so it just you know i'm okay if it looks like shit if it's the way i want it to look like if it's i if as long as it looks like shit it's the way i want it to look like shit you know i'd said and he was a nice guy right but i'd said like i'd want a half inch off and the first thing he does is just rip two inches off of everywhere and you're if you're a guy like me who you know does it isn't overall familiar with a lot of inches you notice when you suddenly lose two of them bitches dude and so i was just like i was in new york and i was like oh my god i'm going to be like oh my god i'm going to be like oh city and you know it's a time where i was like going to be out and about and walking around and like yeah i just got into like just haircut shame dude and frustration i felt like even the birds wouldn't look at me do you ever have like that where you're just like even the fucking birds won't even like even a stream like if you're walking through a park even the stream kind of flows the other way it just like that's the effect it had on me i just like i'm okay if i look like shit it just i want to look like the type of shit that i want to look like and it freaking pissed me off it freaking pissed me off dude and i don't get that angry much but it pissed me off and i just wanted to honestly dude i just wanted to pull my wiener off and fucking and just fucking just hum it into a into a crowd of people just fucking skip that bitch you know people skip it across the lake i just wanted to just skip that bitch right off the top of a crowd just bing bing bing bing just hit a fucking bunch of people even hit a fucking guy in a wheelchair whatever i don't give a shit that's how that's how i was feeling dude i don't care if it hits hits a fucking woman or a native american i don't care i don't care or just somebody with braids let's just say that then but i just i i don't know it just like i don't know now i'm so i but for like a week i was just dealing with like haircut shame you know and sometimes when i get angry i wish my because like all my like my angst it just somehow it ends there's this feeling and i want to detach this sounds crazy but i want to detach my wiener and just hum that bitch out into a chorus or a crowd of people just singing in the street and one of them just gets they get clipped right in the jaw with it and they're like what was that like that's a d sharp bitch okay get on tune cut because shit sometimes things suck and you just want to you just want to throw your way i don't know why my way i just want to throw my wiener at somebody yeah and i'm sorry if i and i'm sorry if that's offending some people i don't i don't care today dude i do not care today i do care but i'm saying i don't yeah i've just always wanted that i just always wanted my wiener to come off of me it just like i don't know sometimes it feels like that's where some of my madness lives so um but you'd only be able to detach it when you're angry right it would only that would be how because otherwise guys would kind of take advantage of the situation they'd be like some lazy guy would just be like you know he doesn't want to like get his dog a toy or something so he would just just keep throwing his wiener down the he just keeps throwing that bitch down the street or whatever and the dog would run and get it or whatever but then the dog would escape with it one day and that would be the tough part and then you have to like kind of wander around town you're like yeah have you seen have you seen like an australian shepherd with with a small wiener in its mouth um anyway yeah i'm just complaining about my haircut so and then dude i made the mistake i'll say this of complaining about my haircut to a bald friend has anybody done that's do not do that man i call my buddy shane he's like and i'm talking i'm just like dude i'm fucking pissed you know and the hair cutter he was nice but he just he did like i told him and then at the end he's like sorry kind of my ego got the best of me and i'm just like you're what do you i have to wander around now looking like this you know and it's getting better i agree but i i just looked like a cat i don't know i felt like a fucking cactus in a halfway house or something i just i don't know i just felt like i fucking just wanted to rub methadone into my scalp i just it didn't feel good but yeah i call my bald friend that's the worst idea and halfway through the conversation i realized fuck dude shane is bald and he's like oh man i hear you dude he's like i remember he's like i remember we had a science project due and i remember making this volcano and then i remember looking down at it and some of my hair had fallen out onto it and he's like and i was nine years old i'm like oh fuck this is this conversation is going to be longer than i expected he's like yeah i remember my grandmother had a hairless cat and uh and i was petting it and snuggling with it and then one time i looked down and it had hair on it and it was my hair and i was only 11. all right uh gotta go shane um so that so that conversation took a hit a real cul-de-sac you know because i just i don't know um it's just like i don't know and the guy didn't mean to do it and it's it is what it is there's much there's bigger things there's bigger fish to fry that's what they always say there's bigger fish to fry than that are there fucking bigger fish to fry than that so anybody who's ever had a bad haircut man that i just i feel you it hurts because then you'll be talking to somebody and you'll see you're looking them in the eyes and you see them glance one hand and you're like half of a degree up and you're just like oh they fucking know what's going on and you feel like because you look like a fucking child because a child is the one who usually just cuts their own hair and suddenly you're wandering around with just fucking with child hair and you run a business or whatever are you people trust you to make their smoothie or whatever it is or to babysit or to be a nanny or to bury their friends or whatever and they see your hair and they're like fuck man it just it's crazy an extra inch on the bangs and people lose all trust in you on a man on a male on an adult male and so sometimes i just want to fucking take my wiener off and fucking hum it right into the fucking galaxy and see if mother nature will catch it in her fucking mouth. Cause I'm, cause sometimes I'm pissed off. So, and I'm sorry for that. Uh, in other news, uh, me and two of my buddies, my buddy Bizzle and my buddy Zeta, we rented a camper and we just, we went up through Kentucky, um, Iowa, Illinois, Michigan, and did a run there, probably drove about 3000 miles. And the company that we rented from, uh, it's, it was called, right. And I don't know if it was the camper that we got. I mean, I guess it was, it was like every bump we hit in that thing, every little crack in the pavement, it was like, but dang, but dang, but dang, but dang. And you'd think the next bump, you're like, Oh, it's not going to make that sound again. You're like, but dang, but dang. And every bump we hit, dude, it turned into a nightmare. You would see like, like the whole thing. It was like a bunch of kids had put it together the night before. It was like a last minute school project that they put together with tape and hope and just gooning. Right. It was like a bunch of high school kids had just put this thing together with fucking goon lube. Right. It was just every turn we would do. It was like the fucking screen would fly across the room or the windowsill would just jump out of a cabinet and just try to take its own life. Like we lost probably 75 different bolts, uh, spoons, every bump you would hit or turn a spoon or just a flock of spoons would fucking fly through the air. I think they were heading to Florida or whatever. Cause it's getting colder. It was a fucking nightmare, dude. It was a nightmare. There was like an ambulance following us at one point for no reason. Nobody called it. They just knew they, they knew in their hearts that we were not doing good, but every bump we would hit a fucking, you'd hit it again. And the light fixture would fall out of the fucking, the oven would turn on and immediately go to 7,000 degrees and just start sucking off a shower head in there or whatever. Nothing made it just everything in there. We left one third of that thing. We left on I-65 or I-40 or I don't give a fuck. We left that bitch everywhere. There were animals migrating into it. There were animals moving in and out of it. Um, there was like some, something had been gestating in the back near the bed. There was AA meetings and there was like a halfway house group had moved in for a little while. Anyway, I'm just saying it was a, it was a nightmare, dude. But we huddled up in the front and we made it through every single moment. We had towels stuffed in every little crevice in that thing. Do we put it to, I mean, there wasn't all the blankets, any clothing we had brought, we had to use to stuff in a crack or in this and the door would just be just like the whole time you were driving. It had a door and then a screen door. And then the screen door had like a little thing inside of it, like another screen door. And it just, they all just, I don't know if the whole thing was just screaming for help. I don't even know. It was like, say if somebody took a auto zone, right. And turned it upside down and put it in the back of your fucking car and made you drive over 72,000 speed bumps for no reason at all. Anyway, with that said, it brought us closer together. I think, and, and, and physically it did because we had to all huddle in the front because we were just scared to once that silverware drawer opened, it was just fucking, you hit one curve and a damn knife would fly right by you or two spoons would fly by through the air and they would just be doing it doggy style or whatever. You're like, what the fuck? It was a lot. Um, praise God, praise be to God. And thank you God for being with us. Um, but with that said, man, we had a, we had a wonderful time. Uh, and we did get tetanus shots just to make sure everybody was okay. But damn. Yeah. If you don't know what it was like, go home to your house. Okay. Go home to your house. Right. And open up. Don't even open up the silverware drawer. Open the drawer next to the silverware drawer. The one that just has the tongs and the fuck and like the corn, like the corn cob holder and just like the hairspray. It's like that one that has tape and pictures of missing children. The one that has like the BTK starter kit in it. The one that has like all your grill, you go to go get that one that has batteries and fucking bad dreams in it. Go open that drawer at your house and then slam your head into it. 100 and 200 times and 50 times you little fucking piece of shit. And that is what it was like, but damn, but damn, bro, there's no way, bro. The calcium loss alone from our bones, from just dealing with that. Unbelievable. I'm sure I'll need cartilage work, but praise be to God that we made it through it. And we had a great time. We did get to go to the field of dreams baseball game. And that was versus Minnesota and the Phillies. And they gave me a hat. They gave me a twins hat. And so that was nice. And we went fishing with my buddies up there in Wyoming, Illinois, up there. That was great. We saw a car show up there as well. My mother's from up there and we stopped up there and went fishing. And I think we fished in like a data pond or whatever. And I caught a bunch of old data. I caught some emails. I caught a couple of emails from a data leak from when they had that, um, what was the one where they busted the guy, uh, the religious guy or whatever, 17 children or whatever looking for hole or whatever. What was that place called? You talking about Ashley Madison? Yes. So we caught a, yeah, we just went fishing. It was a, you know, it was a data leak pond. It was, you know, that's what that, you know, a lot of runoff from these data centers. That's what we'll be fishing. And eventually you'll just, you'll go fishing in a, in data runoff and you'll catch old episodes of shows or you'll catch up, you know, a data leak of, you know, and we caught some Ashley Madison emails. Um, my buddy caught like, uh, it was like a, it was about probably a, like a three gigabyte Excel sheet, a spreadsheet. He caught that. And, uh, and that might've been a pond record. I'm not sure, but, um, yeah. And I caught some other, we caught some shit. We threw back a couple old Seinfeld episodes that were on blu-ray, uh, just some Seinfeld downloads. Um, we'll be catching some old vine episodes, just basic data. It was just data shit, you know, uh, but he also caught a, um, I guess this, this, they had some MySpace pages and shit that we threw back. Um, but yeah, had a good time over there. And, um, yeah, then the Midwest do we went ATV and that was great. And, uh, and in the end we went ATV and over there in Michigan and dude, I hadn't been ATV and we got there and my buddy, he was like, uh, Hey man, I'm sorry. The track's all muddy. You know, it's been raining here and we was out rural. We was out rural out where, you know, God damn it. Where there's just way out, out past all the basketball hoops. You know, I'm talking about rural out in a place called Marcellus, Michigan, but there you got, I promise you weren't going to find a dude named Marcellus around there. Um, but we were out there, dude. And we went ATV and my buddy's like, man, sorry. It rained a lot, bro. We, it was so wet, dude. We just like, it was maybe one of the funnest things I'd ever done. Just hitting mud. And we had some mud. It had so much stink in it. It was just like God had been just, just, just doodooing in this mud. It just smelled like God had just been doodooing in this mud. And when those tires would go through, it just, just the fucking bowels of Christ would open up and just hit you right in the butt. Fucking snout honky. Anyway. Uh, but that was great. And then one of the neatest things I ever got to do, man, I want to say this. We got to go on a cruise down the Chicago river through the downtown. We went right through the downtown man. And we even, we stuck a cup out of the boat and even all hit a cup of water right there. This is like a commemorative moment. And, uh, but dude, going through, I'd never gone through a huge city, on a, on a, on a riverway, man, it was, it was one of the neatest things I've ever gotten to do. If you ever get to do it, that's something. my suggest um and then yeah we stopped at just random gas stations here and there and it was fun man honestly it was one of the best things that i got to do just you know just sheer joy because sometimes when things are ridiculous too but days but days uh it makes it more fun you know it makes it more fun and we just hit that corn man we went all through the corn areas bro everybody in that bitch they had steamed corn corn on the cob corn on your cousin they had all of that shit i was like you got you guys you got any spinach so like we got green corn so it was just like that homie um but yeah it was it was great and uh i had a great time with my friends well i'll put pictures on the youtube if you get to look at that so you can see some of it and yeah that's what's going on uh what else in other news uh mac lamore was let go from the ed sheeran tour i'm sure you guys heard about that um he had spoken out on stage about free palestine he'd spoken out about gaza and the genocide happening and he had played his song heinz hall and he'd had imagery on the screen of of the atrocities that have been occurring over there um the patriots owner robert craft who owns gillette stadium where the tour was eventually heading uh decided that he didn't want that sort of uh communication happening at his venue and uh mac lamore was removed from the tour as well uh ed sheeran's band dropped out it's been a big fallout um and i've been thinking about it kind of not even thinking just kind of feeling about it i guess because you know mac lamore lost his job because he spoke up right because he said something right i mean it feels like this is probably the biggest atrocity that uh that we've witnessed in our lifetime um on our phones right seeing the the killings and the people getting murdered and the children getting killed and the weaponry and we had a doctor on who was talking about children getting shot right down through their bodies from drones it's like the israeli government and i want to say the government not the people of israel i'm not talking about them i'm not talking about jewish people but the israeli government has turned gaza into like a video game basically for killing people you know it's like it's just it's it's this first person shooter they have all this technology and and and and more specifically the killing of children right i mean the killing of children and every time that it's like hamas is hiding that's hamas and it's like that's a four month old what how can he can't even walk he couldn't even walk into a hamas office and sign up you know they're like he's hiding or something what is he he's hiding behind what his own tears because his mother is missing like what are we even talking about sometimes like i think that's what like i don't know it's just like and and we scroll past it right we scroll past it on our phones i do it i do it too you know just because there's like a new trend on tiktok or as you know it's like there's a new sale on this new hat or it's like oh have you seen this thing this water filter gets um uh leprosy out of your shower head or whatever and you're like all right you know or there'll be a tiktok trend and you're like oh there's a new trend and it's like you know it's like boosting bitches where y'all at you know or i need a 10 piece lemon pepper gaza city what the fuck going bro you can't even get a 10 piece lemon pepper into gaza because they stop the fucking food shippings they won't let any calories in there while they hunt down children they killed every reporter who was trying to report on the war like what are we even talking about sometimes i don't know i don't fucking even know sometimes i'm like just what is going on you know and we see it on our phone it's like you just become immune to it it's like here's just another legless arab kid that some family is babysitting now in texas or and it's like a i think it's like a test you know it's a test to see like how much like uncomfort can we handle before we have before we say something right like how much how uncomfortable can it be and i'm not calling anybody out like everybody's busy people are just trying to survive right the cost of rent has tripled over the past 70 years or something i think we saw like not even that 50 years that it's like tripled and the minimum wage is not kept up with it it's like people are living in a spot where they're just trying to make ends meet i get it you know but it does feel like we're under this weird test of like how much pain can we witness i mean even miss rachel said something miss rachel dude big somebody said that big bird said something that he took his head off the other day and he's he's just like this has got to stop you know but i just like and i'm not judging anybody here i'm just fucking i i'm i'm just i can't help but be alive and like i'm not judging i'm in this fishbowl and at least like you just see the other fish around you are getting fucking murdered and their families are not only getting murdered but like the use of like fancy technology but then we we just get placated something happens in society and we just like you know the mcrib comes back and we're like oh they the mcrib is back you know where there's a new like you know you know or spider-man's gay now or something like oh man i can't barely digest my mcrib because spider-man's dealing with so much you know where there's another dunk contest or there's a there's a they found a possum that fucking gave birth to a salmon somewhere in zaire or something and there's a picture of that you know or someone saw a picture of like mary of nazareth in like a in a piece of texas somewhere and that takes over your feed and you're like god i want to eat that i want to eat that thing you know and it's like yeah i don't know it just like i just don't even know what's going on some days man and if you think i'm crazy or whatever that's fine like i'm back here's the crazy part i'm back on my meds i'm back on my meds and i and like and i'm not even fucking talking about anything i just like at a certain point you just you're just like what what is going on they're just killing kid every other day they blew this kid up like he was hiding or whatever like a kid was hiding dude there was a kid the other day he was hiding behind his hands he was playing hide and go seek he was hiding behind his hands counting to 10 and while the other kids ran to hide behind the bodies of their relatives thankfully there's enough bodies slain bodies of their relatives where they can stack them up now so they can play hide and go seek behind them and they have to play slowly and they can only play once every two weeks because they don't have enough calories in their body to play more than that but the kid is fucking hiding behind his hands counting to 10 and they're like he's hamas and they fucking kill him and people are like well and this is the this is the thing that i don't like and and people may have different views on that and that's okay i don't need to have your view i don't need you to have my view i don't i'm not a but you're right i'm not an analyst i don't know everything people you don't know everything you should stay you're right i don't but i am a human being and i just at a certain point you can't fucking you know you're asking me to watch every scary movie that ever existed in a row constantly every day and not raise my hand and be like hey who owns this fucking theater where they're playing this shit i don't know man i don't even know uh yeah and sorry to get upset or whatever i got a bad haircut and when you get a bad haircut everything else comes out you know and it's not i mean my cousin said it's getting better but um but um but but and and this is one thing right like i think something that maybe some people don't understand is that understand like these fancy people, these like, like, that a lot of people are living in fear, right? A lot of people are living in fear, right? Because there's a country that has murdered like 20,000 children, right? I'm guessing. I'm sorry if I'm off. I don't know the exact numbers. You're right. I'm sorry. I don't know the exact number of children that were slaughtered, right? But people are like, why do you care? I don't know. I don't know why. I think it just, it's not a choice I'm making. It's just, you feel like, I don't know. You know, I don't know. You can't help that you feel something, I guess. You know, because it feels scary, dude. That's the thing. I think some people, well, I don't know what some people think or do. I don't know. It feels scary to me because there's a country that's killing like 20,000 children, right? And we're watching it. And that's a lot. Right? That's a lot. And they've taken over. This same country has used a lot of like tech companies and scary technology in this war in Gaza, right? In this conflict in Gaza, they've used a lot of crazy technology. Some of those companies are now, in bed with American surveillance, right? As well as the government of the country that has, that's as well as the fact that the government of the country that's done this is, seems to own our country, right? So I'm just saying that seems scary that if they'll kill the people right next to them, what would they do to people here? You know what I'm saying? So it's not a crazy, like, maybe it is crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I am crazy to think that there's a country that's killing a bunch of children that I'm watching on my phone. And that country seems to kind of, I don't know, I don't know everything. You're right. Seems to own a lot of our country and a lot of our politics. Or have the control over them. And the same companies that are doing the technology that's part of the murdering in Gaza are some of the same companies that have contracts in our country, surveillance and technology contracts. And so if they would kill their people right next door to them, it's just, you get, it's scared. You know, because if they, if that government comes here, what will they do to us? You know? That's a thing that it's just like, it gets real scary. But the McRib is back. The McRib is back and Halloween's right around the corner. And there's a court case on TV where a woman killed some of her kids, was accused of killing some of her children. And people will like are obsessed with that. But meanwhile, and that's fine, right? And that's fine to people. But meanwhile, the other 20,000 something or whatever children, I don't know the exact number. You're right. My bad. The other countless thousands of children that are being killed on my phone. That, that is, that's, that you can't talk about that. So that, I don't know if you think, yes, it's, it all feels like a lot. I think that's what I'm saying, man. It all feels like a lot. It all feels like a lot, dude. And you know, that shit's hype, bro. I need a 10-piece lemon pepper, Gaza City. Let them get one 10-piece lemon pepper into the kid, cut. Let them get one 10-piece lemon pepper into the kids. They, the fucking kid. Is that too much to ask? To get a 10-piece lemon pepper into the children of Gaza? Come on, gang. Come on, gang. It's just all, it's all, it's a lot. It's confusing. I'm not saying, and I'm part, I'm part of, I scroll past stuff sometimes. It's too much. And I know it's a lot for everybody. I'm not saying anything to anybody. I'm not saying you need to do anything. I'm just like, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying because this is where I say shit sometimes. I think. And if it feels like I'm pointing fingers at you, yeah, I'm not trying to do anything like that. You know, I just like, I don't know. Sometimes I just have to talk about how I'm feeling. And sometimes there's just nobody really to fucking talk about it to. Or there is, but it's like, I don't know. You know, this is what we've always done here. So praise be, man. Yeah, and God, thank you. Just for letting me exist. I know that there's suffering. There's always been suffering, right? There's always been suffering. And thank you for giving me just a place to exist today. Yeah. Thank you for just giving me food, shelter. Yeah. It's just a lot, man. And it's painful sometimes, you know. And it's just like, I don't know. And sometimes I think it's just like how we, how we operate, like, or how I operate as a person. You know, it's like, I don't know. It would just seem like we're better than this. And I think it's okay to be scared. And I don't give a fuck. You know, I do. I do, but I just like, I don't know. I don't like the fucking McRib. I'll say this, man. It makes me think when I was a kid. And look, and I understand, like, I can say some stuff that people can't say because my job isn't at risk. I work for myself. I'm sure it probably is at risk somehow. I'm sure. But I don't know that, you know. And, but it just gets scary to think that we could get into a place where you're not allowed to go, like, like, like, would somebody be allowed to go to a Patriots game if they, um, support, uh, Palestine? Like, like, are they going to start, like, running an optical test on somebody to make sure that they, you know, like, yeah, I see you in an Amendola jersey, but do you, you know, do you support Palestine? You know? Are they just going to start saying Hamas is in the stands? Like, it's just, you know, it's kind of, it's crazy to think. It's just scary. I don't know. But, but, but that's, that's, that's the fear. That's what my fear is. It's like, well, if there's a country doing this, their government is doing this, and that country owns a lot of our country, or is obviously, like, who's next? And that, like, I'm not a smart guy. You know, I think I'm smart about a couple of things, but I'm not, I know I'm not, like, a big information guy. So I, I just, I don't know. I can't be the only one that's thinking about this or feeling, or like, or feeling about it, you know? I don't know. It's okay. It's okay. You know, it's scary. And so what? I'm scared. Or I'm fucking, you know, it's uncomfortable. You know? You know? Spin that shit. Spin that shit. But TikTok just serves you up another thing, you know? Another Down Syndrome guy with a hammer or whatever, or fucking, you know, the new iPhone 7000. It can tell if your brother's gay or whatever the second he, you know, looks at it or whatever. Or the McRib or the fucking McFish or the McFat or whatever. It's all back. You know? Here's another. Here's another dancing with the stars. We just found a chihuahua that can recite the Bhagavad Gita. It just, we, every, there's so much information. We can't even, I can't even feel anymore half the time. I try to have a feeling and it's just like, I need a Tempe Limba Peppa. You know, it's like, I fucking close my eyes to try to get an earnest, instinctual connection with God. Thank you. I got a pocket full of money who the fuck and it's just like it's a lot it's a lot so anyway and I know look I know I have food and a home and you know and I know suffering has always been a part of existence I know that so yeah sometimes it's just a lot it's a lot and I can't even imagine how much it is for other people because my basic needs are met anyway or not anyway but moving on what's going on personally let me check in today was like I woke up this morning I was just feeling overwhelmed I couldn't I was like I was just feeling overwhelmed I felt like everything needed to be perfect today I knew I was going to do a solo episode and sometimes that scares me I just knew everything needed to be because I get this feeling like okay this everything you know everything's got to be perfect I got to do everything perfect like I can't do this right and the second I like like at the same time as I got to do everything perfectly the other feeling that goes with that is that there's no way I can do all this and I will have both of those feelings at the exact same time and almost let them run a race next to each other and neither one of them is going to win but I'll have those same feelings at the same time so I had to go to an AA meeting thankfully I didn't have to but I went to an AA meeting and it was really great that just sets me into a place like when I go to meetings it sets me into a place it just like when a day feels impossible it takes that impossibility away it takes that impossibility away it takes that away it just gives me more hope and recently I've had a tough time keeping sober days together keeping like or just building up a decent amount of sober time I would continue to go to meetings I just it was hard for me to keep get like a lot of days I'd have like this much or this chunk or it's just like but I wasn't really I was like I'd fallen out of my program work I'd fallen out of my contact with God and I wasn't working with my sponsor and or a sponsor honestly I wasn't working with a sponsor and my program just fell off and I fell off and I'm grateful today I got 45 days right now 46 and I'm just grateful to have a piece of time together where I feel just like a lot more hopeful and I'm just grateful to have a piece of time together you know I'd always stayed going to meetings and I'd had bits of time and I was putting it together I just it was just like I don't know there's a lot of like little things stress being off my Medicaid just different things that may I think made things tough but in the end it's just I wasn't working a program and I wasn't working with a sponsor and I wasn't being honest with with my higher power and so today I'm just grateful that I have that in place right now and that I feel more hopeful and yeah just being able to be honest I had to be just brutally honest with my sponsor like even if I knew part of me in my head somewhere there was a little like just even a little buzzing of a mosquito in the distance of something that I was scared of or that I might do or that I think is wrong with me or something I just had to share it and that's been like a saving grace for me and I think I've always had a tough time being like really honest about some stuff and I think sometimes when I'm not really honest with somebody else it's hard for me to be really honest with myself too you know if I can be really honest with somebody that I trust then it I don't know it's just doing something different it's just doing something different for me today yeah and I want to learn more about like the fears of what some of that is and like but right now I'm not trying to stress myself out too much I didn't want to talk about some of it because I've had things in my life where I'll say like I'm doing this or I'm doing that and the second I tell somebody about it for some reason I stop doing it or it stops meaning something to me or something so yeah I'm just grateful to have this this time and I'm thankful that just that I can pray today and feel like I have some possibility and yeah so yeah one day at a time one day at a time let's keep it moving guys and yeah let's keep it moving alright and thank you guys for just giving me a place to work a place to live a place to go to a place to be alive at yeah and yeah just grateful today to be here today alright let's get in a couple of calls as always the hotline is 985-664-9503 and yeah thank you Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu is now streaming on Disney Plus what are you waiting for hop on the must-see galactic adventure comes home on Disney Plus this is the way our only chance is to work together I like this kid always wear your seatbelt Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu now streaming on Disney Plus read PG-13 alright let's take this call hey buddy boy it's Tony from Brooksville thank you for calling brother let's hear more my real question is a moral one when I was growing up my dad lost his house because he had a heart attack when I was in like second or third grade we lost a lot of our things when he he had that heart attack and I have nothing that is his but my old house my childhood home it has a stained glass Jesus up in the old workshop because he was a carpenter and I know it's there but someone recently bought the house and they only speak Spanish and I tried to ask if I could have to Jesus but now I'm wondering if it's morally okay to break onto the property and heal Jesus from the abandoned where it's like stopped or not any advice or words peace out brother I love you bro bro bro bro let me tell you this bro I'm not going to tell you this bro I'm not going to tell you this bro you're asking if it's okay to break into a Latino home y mexicano primero a primarily Mexican home and steal their Jesus out of there bro you could break into a Mexican home and steal a lot of shit bro they'll probably give it to you you feel me but bro you could you could break into you could you could sneak into a Mexican home and steal a lot of things bro but possibly el queso you know the chorizo you know it's greasy but you can get it you could probably steal a freaking kiss from their tia but the the thing you cannot break into a Mexican home and steal dude is their Jesus bro so with that said yeah I think it's a good idea I think oh you're going to have to have a good estrategio estrategio estrategio that's strategy in Spanish you're going to need one of those mi gente you're going to need that bro you're going to need because here's the thing a lot of Mexicanos they work a lot bro they're hard working right they're hard working or they're praying they're either working or praying or celebracion so there's very little time when they're sleeping and they're not in there so if you're going to sneak in there and steal a stained glass window that has Jesus which is basically which is kind of like an altar you're going to get in there and steal a Jesus from a Mexican family you got they're good bro they're going to be asleep for maybe 40 minutes you got 40 minutes bro to fucking get in and get out you feel me you feel me guy but I think you're you're out of your fucking mind but with that said yes put on your metaglasses stream it stream the abuso I hope they stuff you with candy bro and fucking but but with that said good luck dude I think you got this I think you got this dude I think you're going to be fine you have dude you have 40 minutes in and out bro you're like Nicolas Cage bro you're going to be like Nicolas Cage in the art whatever he steals the art or whatever, you got that, bro. get in there, fucking be quiet, papa, be quiet in there, because the guy, that guy, the sleeping guy, he's going to fucking wake up, because he got to be up for work in five minutes anyway, that fucking guy, bro, Mexican people are, they can rest for fucking nine minutes, I got a Mexican friend, dude, he sleeps for 11 minutes a day, that's it, he sleeps for 11 minutes a night, he fucking, and he fucking got to be at work, so bro, I'm just saying, I think it's a horrible idea, good luck, let us know how it goes, and we'll see you in Incarceracion, hasta. What else? Uh, we got a call that came in right here. Hi, Theo, my name's Jamie, first off, you're amazing, and I could go on and on, but I'm calling for some advice, I'm 40 years old, two children, and my oldest is about to start middle school, and I grew up poor, and I grew up in a run-down house, and I unfortunately didn't get out of that situation, I live in a run-down trailer. And she told me that she doesn't want to go on the school bus, because she doesn't want kids to make fun of her. What do I do for her to feel better about her life situation, because it is what it is, and we have love, and we have food on the table, and we have vehicles, but I can't give her more than what I can give her, and I want her to be confident, I just don't want her to introvert that pain like I did, and not be able to be proud of where she comes from. Whatever you can elaborate on, that'd be great, thanks, and you're amazing. Well, thanks for the nice words, and also, honestly, that's one of, I think this might be maybe one of my favorite calls that's ever come in, so thank you. Let me catch your first name again. Hi, Theo, my name's Jamie. Hey, Jamie, you're so, you're such a good thinker and speaker, I just wanted to say that to you. And I, I think it's awesome that you think about this, and that you care about it, right? And that you care about it on behalf of your daughter. That's really, it's awesome. It's awesome to hear. Yeah, I'm just going to share my own experience real quick. Yeah, I grew up in that, in that environment. I used to ride my bike to school, it was about five miles to school, which I'm not trying to make it sound crazy or anything, but I was probably 11, 12, 13, riding my bike to school, and sometimes I'd ride right alongside of the school bus that I was supposed to be on, but I didn't want to be seen getting off that bus. You know, that was the poor bus, or that was like, you know, they're just, I don't know. And it kind of, now I'm a little almost ashamed of that, because, you know, I love the place where I'm from. And, but I can relate of like, trying to manage how you see me. You know, I didn't want to be in some of the situation that we had. And I was always trying to manage how you see me, right? Like, I didn't make these choices. I didn't do these things, whatever has us here right now. But the thing that I, in hindsight, the thing that I feel like was missing for me would have just been a good conversation from my parents. And say, hey, this is what's going on right now with our family. And we, we love you. We care about you. The fact that some things we don't have right now is, has nothing to do with, that we aren't good people, that we don't love you. Let me think about this even more. If my mom would have just sat down with us, or my dad, and they didn't have time, maybe whatever, they did have time. But, if they would have said, look, we are, together, we are going to get to another place in life. Another, our family's going to evolve and get to another place, right? Like, maybe a little bit better financial place, or into a safer home, right? We're going to have to do that together. And there's going to be some painful parts. And maybe my mom could have shared with me, like, the painful parts for her. But, if they would have said, look, we are, together, we are going to get to another place. Maybe were, that when she, she couldn't give me everything she wanted to, or she didn't have time to spend with me in ways that were outside of just providing food and shelter, right? And that was just my scenario. But it could be, like, just that conversation. Like, hey, we're in this together, right? And I'm so proud of you, and I love you. And there's going to be a year or two, let's try and have a goal where it might be a little tough here, and some parts might be embarrassing. But just know the real truth about you is not these things. And, like, if somebody judges you or looks at you a certain way, or jokes about you, like, I think there wasn't any conversation inside of me that went against that. And so, so when people would say stuff, I just took it all on, like, oh, I'm worthless or whatever. But I think as long as you have that conversation with her, and you let her know, hey, we're doing this together, and I love you, and this is who we are in the world. We are fighters, and we will figure this out. And, and there's going to be some tough moments. This might be what they are. This is how we can get through them individually and together. And, uh, that no matter what, more than anything, that if somebody says something about you or looks at you a certain way, you can have a voice inside of yourself, and we can have a voice together as a family that speaks back against that. Um, yeah, so I think those are the things, uh, that I think would have, would have probably been nice to have and to hear. And just hearing how much in your own voice that you are, you're going to figure this out. And it's not even an affliction. It's like, um, I don't know. I'm just proud of you for, like, caring about it and calling. And, uh, yeah, it kind of takes me back. Maybe my mother had some of the same questions, and she just didn't have a place to think about it, or I don't know. But yeah, sometimes just, um, yeah, just that season, that, that season is temporary. And it's going to build you. It's going to build your kid. You know, and yeah, it's just tough for kids at that age. But also if, if, if, if, if any listeners have other thoughts and suggestions, I think I probably have more. I'm kind of tired from just like a long day of thinking today, um, or talking. Um, but if any listeners have other suggestions about that sort of thing, and one thing that was pretty tough, I'll say it is, bro. They wasn't fucking with anybody in our neighborhood. So people could kind of talk shit, but the kids in our neighborhood, bro, they came pretty gassed up about, you know what I'm saying? If people would really run their mouth. Now, the problem was people in our neighborhood were beefing with each other so much. So I think maybe another thing would be to help her relate, work on those relationships in the neighborhood. Even if they're relationships that you don't know, you'll have for your whole life. But, uh, so that she feels like she is part of a group, you know? Um, and yeah, and that it's okay to find that it's okay to find people of different cultures and different classes that you can still be in those circles, you know, that you're not exempt from some space just because of, uh, you can't afford a certain thing or just because your mom has to work on it. Um, and I think that's, I think that's a good thing. I think that's a good thing. I think you aren't exempt from some possibility in the world. You know, when I look back in my own neighborhood that I grew up in, man, it was not comfortable for any of those kids. Um, and mostly emotionally, really the food and the fucking clothing and being poor like that shit. Yeah, it hurts, but it's like, it's the emotional side that was missing. But some of the best business owners, hardest workers, and heroes of my heart and, and, and have come out of that space now. Um, so anyway, I'm not preaching at you. I can think I sound a little bit preachy, but I hadn't thought about this or I think about it sometimes, but no, but I hadn't talked about it. And, uh, yeah, I'm just so happy that you love your daughter so much that you care to think about that, you know? And I think letting her know that too, that fills in a filled in. So that stuff doesn't hurt as much. And yeah, I'd love some suggestions from other people. If they can hit the hotline, the next solo episode, we do I'll put those on to the end of the episode um or we'll make a little follow-up piece and put it out on YouTube it'll probably be like a month just letting you know uh but yeah I don't know it's just cool I think like I don't know it's so funny how like life brings you back into moments in my own way I almost channel this is like this is my mother and her voice and that she cared and that I didn't know it, you know, and that's kind of selfish. But I think like life is like that. Sometimes it's like if someone, or if a time from your life is gone and it's passed and it wasn't good, you can fill it in with a new time or a new moment, um, or a new person. Sometimes I'll be in an AA meeting and there'll be a man in there that will share something. And it's like something I needed my dad to always say, or I needed my brother to say, or just, or something I needed. And somebody else will fill in. And for a moment, they're your family. They're your, I don't know where the keys to each other's locks. That's what my friend James says. So anyway, blessings to you and to, uh, blessings to you, Jamie. Uh, I love you so much for just caring about your kid and sharing that with us today. And, um, yeah, it's a cool topic to think about. So sorry. I kind of rambled. I've had some coffee and, uh, yeah, and that's been it. And I haven't even, yeah. And I'm doing okay. So praise God. Um, maybe let's hit one more call here. This is the hotline. 9 8 5 6 6 4 9 5 0 3. Hey Theo, it's Rick. I'm from New Jersey. What's up, Rick? What's up, Rick? Uh, that's probably one of my, 11 or no, that's one of my favorite names, probably seven favorites onward. So I'm, uh, got 12 years sober. Um, apparently I'm just in a bit of a rut mentally. We just had a baby second boy, uh, about a month and a half ago. And, uh, you know, I've always been the type to reach out and help people and help others and, you know, take care of my kids. Myself last and just, uh, getting really overwhelmed right now. And, uh, it's, it's hard. It's really hard just thinking about, should I drink, pick up a drink and it's just not worth it. Just, uh, I don't want to lose everything. I'm trying to like reach out to people and, you know, offer help for some reason, like that I could give help somebody just feel like I feel like I'm trying to help somebody else, but I really need help myself. I really appreciate you having this line open. I've been watching you for a while, listening for a while and really, uh, appreciate the thing, things that you do for people and giving them advice. I really do appreciate you, man. A lot. I just need to talk and talk to somebody today. Hey, Rick, thanks for calling, man. Um, can we try to just call him Trevin? Do you have that set up? Hello? Hey, Rick. Hey, what's going on? What's up, man? It's Theo. Can you hear me? Yeah, I hear you, man. How you doing? I'm doing good, dude. I just was listening to some voicemails and I heard your call, dude. I just wanted to touch base and say, Hey. Dude, you have, this is great to hear from you. You have, you have no idea. Oh, thanks, dude. It's great to hear from you. What's going on? So, uh, yeah, I was in, uh, a bit of a rut in the past and I was really gone that felt like that deep decline. It's just things were, uh, all in on top of one another. It felt like it was just never ending. And I've been, I was sober for 12 years and it just felt like things have just, you know, started crumbling down and down. And then, you know, you get into that, that mental headspace of, uh, like I got diagnosed with cancer and, uh, and, uh, I used to be 500 pounds. So like all of these things are like, you know, it's, uh, it's, it's going to last months to be honest. Um, well, cancer will help with that weight loss, huh? Well, no, I used to be, I used to be 500 pounds. So like, so I used to be 500 pounds. I had gastric bypass surgery in 2010 and I lost like 280 pounds and, uh, I'm a UPS driver. So, uh, I've gotten diagnosed with cancer. You, years ago and, uh, you know, I got through that. And then, uh, we lost, we lost, uh, that's the baby, uh, six months ago. So it was, uh, it was kind of rough. Um, she was four months in and it was brutal. And then, uh, you know, things just kept coming back and then got diagnosed with cancer again. And I was just in a really rough mental space. Just felt like, you know, things were, you know, I was just in a really rough mental space. I was just in a really rough mental space. Yeah, just grateful today that I get to be sober and that I'm hopeful that I can just keep this going one day at a time. Talking to other alcoholics helps, man. I appreciate you, Rick. Dude, congratulations on the new baby. Thank you. We'll be cheering that on, man. We'll be cheering on. And the baby is going to be here in two months, you said? He'll be here in four months. Okay, the baby will be here in four months. Awesome, dude. Y'all got a name picked out yet or no? Yeah, we're going to do Adam. We're going to do Adam. Adam! Hell yeah. Adam, get down here! Sounds good to me. Get your ass down here! Yeah, dude. Adam! Oh, yeah, that works. That's not a hockey stick. Yeah, dude. All right, Rick, best of luck, dude. Be safe. Thanks for chatting today. I got to go get a massage, man, to be honest with you. Legit one. And I tell them, don't jerk me off. Right when I walk in there, I say, don't even jerk me off. Nobody's jerking me off but me. Yeah, you know what? Make sure you tell that guy, hey, don't flip me over. Oh, yeah. I don't even. Bro, yeah. Well, some of them are so strong. But, all right, bro. Love you, bro. Thank you. I love you, too. Congratulations. Thank you. Thanks for sharing that you were having a tough day. And, yeah, just appreciate you checking in. Hey, thank you for calling. You bet, Rick. Be good, man. Be good, Rick. I love you, man. Love you. Love you, love you, love you a lot, man. Hell, yeah. All right. Thanks, Rick. Love you, too, bro. All right. I'll talk to you soon. Peace, buddy. Rick. Dude, when I go to heaven, I hope they call me damn Rick, bro. That's, for some reason, that name just, I like it. I like it a lot. Anyway, thank you guys for being here today. Thank you for everybody that checked out Busboys on Hulu. We appreciate that. And, yeah, one day at a time, we'll keep things going. And just grateful to be alive today and have a chance today. And thankful for this podcast. And what else? Yeah, just be good to yourself. We're going to keep trying this thing, bro. We got this. Praise God. And, yeah, have a good one. Dang. Bye. Bye. Bye.