#674 Hoopy Goo

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hitter in the face of the surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfed up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah this Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy here we are folks we're back we're gay and tell you it's fall in New York and it's it's autumn fall what do you have your mind it's 85 degrees I'm dying what pull up the weather up think it's 6.71 it's hot right now it's hot right I haven't left well right now it's 76 okay 78 at 11 a.m. which is 45 minutes from now and then 2 p.m. 84 3 p.m. 85 it's hot well we're up early it's the crack edges the birds are chirping the cows are singing it's whoa that's one of those bicycle was a little wet in Marcellus there but I just came from Austin so it's it's a cool breeze out because Austin it's 175 degrees which I like because I'm running I'm pouring oh you get it out the evening love that feeling if you go for a run and you're just fucking well yes yes you look good you got the patch here the patch here the patch here the patch here patch Adams get you here and right here hey I remember that yeah that was a risk that was a local commercial what's that from a one sticks us oh I confuse that that was out at the same time as there was a Papa Geno's commercial which is a local Boston pizza joint Chuck knows it and that they said four bucks whoopie do who's like a big Italian guy what I forget what you got for four by I don't know if it was a pizza or a cheese sticks or some bullshit but whoopie do was out at the same time as it gets you here it gets you here whoopie do is a lot of fun whoopie do is fun that sounds like a dumb guy that guys a bit of a whoopie do well I think it was like playing up the Boston Guinea hey fucking whoopie do got it got it bucks and now imagine anything being for sale for four bucks I think about that all that you know when these old restaurants put the old menu from the 50s oh don't tease me with that what do you do it it's like showing a young girl naked not to mention it's a segregated don't tease me with that oh those were the days two things I would love segregation and cheap burger oh boy M.A.G.A nice M.A.G. oh mega oh I got you yeah we're kidding of course but no Sanford's is like Sanford's son it used to be a diner in a story it's like the famous place in or a place on Broadway over there in the story and everyone just called a diner and finally I had to be like this is not a diner this is a fucking fine restaurant yes but they had the thing where it was like milk a quarter a buck cheeseburger 30 cents it's a finer I hate these diners now that are called a diner but they're all she she they kind of it's I would say it identifies as a diner you know from from across the like hey that's a hot horror and then you get closer you see a big ball bag why wonder if you're thinking of the same one I'm thinking of the one on the west side it's got the Empire diner Empire diner you know that place the train car yes so cool look again it used to be a diner now it's a 68 bucks for a milkshake Sarah and I went there one time I was like this is a classic New York diner look at this place we got a pop in and you go in there there's four items it's like yes leg of lamb yes you know shoe of a horse or head of a fish yeah I have newt yeah it was it was a $300 Isaac Newton English yeah yeah it's a nightmare over there and there's a couple left they're dying off like Native Americans you see when you go but they're they're going fast well Neptune is gone which was like the diner the Queen's dinner and I lived over there with soda me soda and Dan Hershawne would be there every fucking night I remember that we were went once with me you and Janus and you got cod yeah you were you were trying to be healthy for 10 minutes oh yeah I was like get the cod and it came out I think smelled worse than Chuck's dead cod what's the deal with your dad see around Cape Cod oh yeah he's nuts he's like he's gonna be around forever he's fucking divorced no no my family's all good oh I didn't know that you never reference your dad yeah yeah he's like 71 and he's like doing Jack knives he swims from like May through November he's nuts swimming in May well soon in May so I know I should get pregnant hey nothing magic getting impregnated by a 70 year old man that's crazy you can do it machino jager deniro the seeds stay fresh it's crazy now with the pills forget about it oh yeah it's the last one in there well you're lady got bring me what 71 she was a 40 45 wow that's a miracle of modern science you got damn right it is well it's just insane that you can just do it you can get the rods and the cones and put them in the the test tube and light a button burner and boom there you go and now they know if he's down see they can tell you early they go absolutely this thing is half baked I wouldn't let it out of the oven yeah absolutely now what's interesting is if you use the semen of an 80 year old does can the baby come out with arthritis and dementia I don't think so I think it's I think it's good to go I mean Theo Vaughn's dad was like 95 checks disagreeing but you know it but it's the seed is the seed isn't it seed to seed but you get the genetics but you don't just get old man it doesn't come out with wrinkly balls right oh well I did but seed oils I'm telling you the old man is the man balls are fine the lady eggs are the problem right you don't want an old egg yeah yeah you know the old adage overy over easy good get get that going I ain't the old man's is is still fresh yeah you're not gonna get like I guess you don't have no teeth and all that stuff but it's true you start out as an old man can you shitting yourself diaper no teeth you can't walk you don't know anyone is you can't get hard yeah oh true you can't you can't blow a load what do you want me to look up here how old is a kid how old is the dad before the kids special needs how old is a dad before a kid is special needs put that in there let's see how good AI no I think that if you're if if the you're not inherent in you're just inheriting the basic genes not getting the old man stuff I think you know yeah no you're fine yeah yeah you can see you're not like a imponent and forgetful but I guess your baby is I don't know we're off on a wacky topic well what you're nine he's gonna die so there is that right yeah that's the problem yeah they have no memory of their father whatsoever yeah yeah I'm watching Scarface by the way I'm watching the movie I've watched this in high school I'm loving it I'm halfway through it's long it's a long bad I think Michelle Fyfer is so like flat literally no no like the snow dimensioned her she's just like barely saying anything she's like I know she had a couple in the in the beginning when they first dance on the dance floor and she's like easy Jose right off the banana boat you don't think about who I fuck where I fuck or what yeah she doesn't do it she's dancing wacky I know it's for an hour and it's crazy because the whole time it's just the guy from big is like a crazy Jewish mobster oh yeah that's the wacky that the wacky is part of the whole thing Lopez I'm just picturing Josh baskins boss that's crazy it's also cuz there's only one Cuban in the whole movie the best the best friend no no no Cuban actually yeah like the Odyssey there's no Greeks the buddy is the the only Cuban guy and everyone else is just regular old dudes Steve Bauer that's his name yeah yeah he's a handsome devil oh you got that straight it's so funny too he he's just walking sitting in his car and girls walk by bikinis and he's like yeah yeah he's touching all over I'm like wow that's a different time and then you got Angel Salazar in there which is also fun yeah who is the angel who's that guy angel got chopped up by the chainsaw no no he's the one that survives that he's got the machine gun and the little hat oh that's him yeah yeah that's angel I didn't know that it was later dancing in the S&M gear in front of Seinfeld in comedian exactly what a career only guy in Scarface and comedian wow what was it boobity boo what's the uh boobity boo what's the thing huh dipty do hoopy do hoopy do hoopy do very you can find that old forget the balls dad thing find the Papa Geno's 1991 commercial I hope you do never seen this no it's local yeah good and then I got a I got a I got a local commercial from Louisiana that you got to find after hoopy do there's a so it says after 40 for men the likelihood goes up for this special needs oh and then after 50 it goes up more for men yeah but yeah both of them are like moderately you know what I mean I think that giz gets a little funky yeah I wonder if the female youth balances it out like if you got an Al Pacino bangin and a 24-year-old skank if it kind of helps it yeah interesting she's so young yeah also I wonder if the seamen starts tasting like stale oh you swallow a 58 year old man's calm if it's if it's making a retarded kid I wonder if it tastes like special needs yeah it's turned yeah it's curdled this is a Spaces in it and yeah, you're like oh God do you take his dick like a milk garden? Oh No, that's over. I wonder how often it happens that somebody whether it be a gay man or a curious man or myself or a woman The first time they blow someone they're like oh god You know cuz the gizz yeah, yeah, it gets in there. They just come Because I've never had that happen you never tasted it no But but tasting it is different than having a Taste and you're dabbing your pinky like a like an eff like a cop a DEA. Oh, yeah, that's that's pure Yeah, but I don't think that's different than a 17-year-old boy just blasting a gram or a kilo in your mouth. That's true. Yeah, and I don't care how Experiencies porn stars are you watch a a Spluge compilation. They all try to hang but they can't they all are going give it to me big pop-up Scooby-Doo or whatever dooby-Doo Dooby-Doooby goo all over my face. They all go here. We go They all spaz every time they can never keep it straight four ounces hoopy-goo hoopy-goo Can you pop the puppets you know soupy-dood you remember the hoopy-dood? I don't remember but I got it. I appreciate you. You found it already. Yeah, let me see it Can we put this in or they can plug it in? They can they can do anything if we bang enough Pieces Do you make a big mistake? I mean Papa Geno's trademark is that a cross. What would you put on them? Bob a cute chick. She's seven. She's way over the line. Yeah, that's great. He's a good job. They must cost just 999 an additional lunch. It's is there only four bucks. He's four bucks Hey, I'll take a chicken and fat but meat combo This is right out of my thing. He should leave four bucks hoopy-dood Imagine getting a large cheese piece of the four bucks a pizza in New York City literally is twenty five dollars Hopey-dood that's a good price. That's crazy, which I want to get into the pricing here I got my Texas shirt. It's official one year This is the final year of me in the city. This is a huge development huge shift cosmic Tectonic plates moving. I mean we might we might break the lease. That's how crazy it is. I went to four Horse shit fill it out via comics. They have mansions castles. They got fireballs. I didn't even know they didn't stand up these guys It's like the gold rush down there. They're all living high on the hog. It's insane. By the way, I'm kidding Of course about the comedians. I love Sean Gardini. You know Gardini sure the guard dog He's sitting backstage in the green room. He's got his sick about his big Handle bar mustache real grouchy all up there. Oh, he's a sweet sweet boy and funny as the day is long He does my YouTube and he what do you mean he does all my YouTube jizz is that right that pay that kid everyone? I'm paying for that yard. Well, he goes I got to get home Well, first of all, he's like I got to get home He's like a sad puppy got the energy of an old bassitound, but he's a great guy He's one of those guys you see and you feel better about your life. Yeah, yeah, cuz he's so little and weird But he's just a sweet boy. I always love seeing him But he's talking. He's like I got to go home and feed my dog and let him run around the yard I'm like yard wow. I had five roommates up until three weeks ago. I know this guy's got a dog in a yard He's like throwing frisbee's in his back yard. He's barefoot with slippers What did he say and and then I went to Tim butterley's out now he lives in maybe I shouldn't say where he lives But he lives in a town outside of Texas like 28 minutes from the city. That's no good 28 minutes is nothing every day 28 half hour How long is taking you get to the comedy seller from here? 26 minutes On a subway train. This is a car. That's true. It's a car zip 28 minutes is nothing He's got four bedrooms and a podcast studio in his home and a backyard. It's like pleasant fill over there It looked like an Edward Scissorhands. He's got big bushes and guns and wow I mean, he's got a super slide a super slides me a fucking what are you call that a slipping slide? He's got a px 5 and s m 40. He's got machine guns and TV's. What about a UB 40? He's got an island kitchen Island. I don't know the stream. It's unbelievable. Wow Mama Sita 25 minutes. It takes me 45 days to get to you know, stand up New York. Well, that's a it's a hike But you're on the island, Jerry. You you made it. I made it, but I want to go Down there. Yeah, well, I guess you go on I guess it's a fish And then the ladies on board with this he pays three thousand dollars less a month I live in a two-bedroom apartment. That's a one-bedroom. They converted to my son's bedrooms the size of my asshole That's a tiny dick. I got you know, the living where the TV is it's on your nose is touching the TV Not been there and I pay three thousand dollars more and that doesn't count my five hundred and fifty-dollar parking spot Which is a deal. I know. That's what's crazy. I know. I pay five hundred bucks a month My car to sit a half mile from my house and people in the neighborhood are going. Can you get me in there? Yeah Will you work for them? Does your dad run it? That's great because parking is too grand too grand I know we were at your house once hanging out. Stavros and Peyton running game. We all believe I mean they took up too much square footage too fat guys can't be in your apartment It's unbelievable and then yesterday we fly home I took two flights from Austin because I didn't want to go to JFK because JFK such a fucking nightmare. Oh get to LaGuardia We get in. Wait, wait. You did a connection. I flew to Cincinnati just so I could get to LaGuardia Wow, I'll do that which is a fuck up because I got there at Google Maps. It was like 14 minutes longer from JFK But it also takes 16 minutes to get a lift at JFK you got that right fatty when you get in the car at at LaGuardia airport Pop it in the driver puts the stuff in 54 minutes. It's just bright red the whole Google map trail Nightmare, so you're like we'll be home in an hour. It's a hundred and eight dollar lift ride Austin you can lift 12 minutes from the club in 12 minutes to the airport. I know it's fucking nuts those ubers down there You're like 11 dollars and eight cents. Yes. What is this the 40s? So then we get in the cab about how about this yesterday? We get in the car. We're taking a lift It's like 6 p.m. We're just sitting in traffic. The kid's been sitting on my balls the entire two flights Now he's in the car. He's sitting on my lap. So I might I just have a huge outbreak the itchy is dick you can imagine Well, dick to her pee kid ratio is tough. It's brutal So then we're in the car the whole time and then you know, it's like that is that's a car. That's a truck That's a screen. That's a boo boo boo. I'm getting that too. We get out. We're about to go through the little tunnel there to come around Battery Park City the driver does this thing. I hate I hate People just embrace that it's 2026. We have satellite dishes and superheroes Starlink and AI just trust Google Maps. Oh, this isn't the 40s. Oh boy. This isn't Kramer with his firefighter Routes up here. I'm already gone. So we get there. It's been an hour and the clock's ticking up because of traffic I'm trying to get home to watch the end of the tennis match. It says nine minutes See some brake lights traffic is always traffic nine minutes is good. We're in the single ditch nine minutes. He does this move Pose off. I'm like George Costanza. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, what are you doing? Pose off tries some special route because he's like, uh, though the tunnel the uh the tunnel from the thing in the bridge Yeah, they always did the English is bad so you can't argue back So he tries to pull off immediately pulls off rerouting 28 minutes. Oh, I can't handle the 28 I go brother We just went from eight to 28. He said no, no, no, you gotta go to the traffic over there. I go all right You try to trust and you're just sitting there and there's been a kid on my dick for six hours straight Yeah, you got the hamburger meat going and you got all the luggage and the business and the business And we immediately just go we're stuck. We're behind literally eight city buses in a row Now we're in the financial district. Everyone's get not a work. Oh, I can see a traffic light about a quarter mile up We sit and I'm not joking three full light cycles. That's the worst green yellow red green yellow red. We didn't move One single inch. Yeah, I go all right brother. We gotta we gotta jump out. We're gonna walk 19 minute walk I know we're gonna have to just walk and he's like I'm so sorry. I'm like I gotta add. Why did you get off the highway? He's like ah my friend the the traffic from the thing and I'm like This is great like Just just say I fucked up. I'm a fucking I fucked up. I'm an idiot. He tried to be here We tried to be Batman, but it wasn't in the cars I thought I was smarter than the satellites and the dishes and the enterprise and the fucking Millennium Falcon. I hear you fatty, but I will say in rare, you know, one out of a hundred times I've taken a wrong turn on accident You know when you know when the exits are on the on the GPS. It's a little confusing sometimes So it's got like an arrow going this way and an arrow going that way and it says exit here But that actually means one past this one whatever so I got off too early and I was like oh no Got off too early and it rerouted and you go here we go Loading loading and it shaved like four minutes. So that's happened I'm not trying to poo poo your your your story here, but no, I just think you know you have apps that are like Here's the way. This is the fastest way and this idea that like There's a reason they're not telling us to go this way. I know and they know the future They know where all the traffic is right and it's just completely gridlock So we get out and then you have this moment where we've been in a taxi for one full hour Yeah, and now we were in Texas for six days. So it's like I got a suitcase a diaper bag his backpack My backpack her backpack first suitcase the stroller and him So now it's like the sun is setting at 6.30 p.m. I just gave this guy a hundred and twelve dollars Now we have a 20-minute walk through the financial district, which like there's no What do you call like the ramp on to the sidewalk? It's like you got a brute lift up because it's the oldest streets in the city, right and cars hawk and blare I'm like if anybody living in Kansas or Missouri or Indiana saw this they'd be like It's like we're in prison. I know I have a fucking basket on my head with the fruit and shoes And I got a pair of boots wrapped around me and I'm like we got a 20-minute walk after an hour taxi ride I know at least you got a good kid who can just roll with it He's not like oh he was loving it. I mean he's not in the time of his life. He's like this is great He's in the stroller bouncing around. He like at the time of his life But you're like this is inhumane. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's literally stupid and I'm a successful person Yeah, lugging 80 pounds of luggage through city streets just to get home because it's totally gridlocked It doesn't make any sense the city and fucks you right in the ass right when the plane that There's tires at the runway your day's ruined. Yes, and Kim cotton is living in a penthouse and a fucking and a door-man building We don't have like this castles. I know castles Jared a ranch. You can have a ranch. You can have your own horses I went to McCusker's house forget I'm just talking about Gardini and butterly I went on the Philadelphia comics tour apparently we went over to McCuskers He's got just the most beautiful house I've ever seen not an in humble not like some crazy palace. Yeah But just a beautiful beautiful home beautiful children. Yeah, and he's like I've never been happier in my life This is unbelievable same with butterly. He's like we're trying to get a place in Philly We couldn't afford this we couldn't afford that he's like my kids have never had their own bedroom. Right. It's crazy Well, everyone focuses on Austin with the scene and the politics and the Tony's and all that But it's really a beautiful town and a beautiful place to live They're all just hanging out and they're hanging out. They live in good. They go to bars every night. I went to derosis Netflix celebration. He got on Netflix. So we went out and it's just Bar hopped like I haven't done this in 10 years in New York Well, you got like and then all those feeling guys are such great guy great eggs salt of the earth Nate Marshall Tim butterly Matt McCusker Sean Gardini Shane when he's there of course then you got Deroza Metzger. Yeah, and Cogniz great I want to look at this guy. I gotta give a shout out Alex Allinger. You ever worked with this guy? No, I'll and you never heard of him. It's from Raleigh. This kid's aces. He was like a nervous Nellie first like this my first weekend Emcee and I'm like, oh geez. They scraped the bottom of the barrel for this thing. He's in the amateur hour. You pop out of the balcony This is like one of the funny skies of scene in five years, which is another thing that happens two years in a row I'm gonna ask everyone's like the car. You're gonna get worse at comedy those all those comics down there. That's seen Yeah, two years in a row of work with Peyton Ruddy and Alex Allinger these like two of my favorite comics I've seen in years. Ruddy just in an SNL audition. I know it's cruising and you're like People act like they just know all that guy sucks and this guy sucks. I'm like you but the guys you don't know are fucking killers They're great. Oh, I know. Well, I mean I work with a guy this guy Corbin Lee master He's a killer joke right I bring him all over the road. He lives in Austin. Nobody even talks about him I didn't even know he lived there. I worked with him in What's that town that's gone at blue room? Oh, blue room springfield springfield. Yeah, I work with him there I think the club is good puts now they had a good run. They went a little longer than they should have USB that owner was a real Cooke. Yeah. Yeah, I remember everyone kind of wanted he was out of town when I was there Which is one of those ones like I never met the guy but from the stories. You're like, oh great You got off easy. He was one of these guys like let me get you a steak. Let me buy you a steak and you're like, okay Okay, okay, I'm working the club. I guess I'll have a steak with this guy Mistake, it was a mistake you go to a strip club and you get a big piece of shit looks like a firestone tire And you're like, all right, what's up with this and he's like funny, right? Stake in a strip club. Shitty steak fat jicks funny And you're like funny you wasted my my friday I only get one day or two days in this town And now I'm eating a steak in the dark and it tastes like shit and it's it's like a good year Yeah, what a good steak and hot women I know, but he's like, it's funny, right? They're ugly the steak sucks strip club That's crazy noon you go. 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That's good wipes dot com slash Tuesday's snag a free pack of good wipes good wipes because your butt deserves better Cuz he's my butt lure. Thank you Well, you should move to Austin come to Austin Austin's where it's at chuck you want to go to Austin. Yeah, you stay here actually, but yeah Well, you forget like I've gone to Florida before and you're in Tampa and you're like this city's great I love Tampa. Yeah, I love Florida. I love you get the beach right there You can just get in your car and go places no one's jerking off in your car. You can listen whatever music you want It's not like the subway and you forget like oh, we don't have to live like this. No, it's crazy It's fucking crazy and you can float down a river It takes literally 15 minutes to get anywhere in the city. I know and you save fucking four thousand dollars a month There's no income tax which is crazy They give you a free gun when you land you got that run a gun a boot in a hat and Also, and then he gets there. Who's the fucking greatest love the ega best dude in the world and then mother ship It's just fucking awesome. I get the oh everyone's oh Rogan does this and that and stuff and Tony and yes Trump is a big retard But the club great club. I'm smoking cigars back there. Yeah, I can't sit at the commie sound. I just rip a cigar No, you can be chewed out and you can put on the TV whenever you want. I'm watching women's tent Which by the way I'm watching the women's tent as I'm like if Rogan comes in He's gonna karate shot me in the head and break the TV over my fucking over his knee because it's women I'm watching women's tennis it at the mother ship everything in there says like death to Believe that it's like Destroy your inner country. Yeah, it's just get your shit together. Yeah, get it together bitch Well, that was a great moment because Alex who's a who's a gem of a of a man and a comic a Alex Allinger Check him out follow him. Was that German Colin juror maybe maybe Dutch. I don't know But he's like I said I get nervous. Yeah, he's like I don't know this room. There's something about this club that just puts you on edge I'm like well, there's a 12 foot poster of Hunter has Thompson pointing a gun directly at you and next to that says get it together bitch and see why and there's just demons and snakes right all over the wall and there's weed and paraphernalia on the floor and then there's a downstairs as a UFC fighter with a machine gun yeah everyone's got cauliflower ear the guns in their hands it literally says get your ass together you cut fat piece of shit yeah yeah and you know you just need a smash burger and the tattoo or the waitresses covered in tattoos yeah by the way cauliflower ears the only vegetable you'll see in Austin by the way you stay there three days it's just chilly case so and and pussy well that's the that's the tricky thing about moving there is like I don't know how you don't gain four hundred pounds all the case so every day and I didn't walk a step oh yeah I'm just in the car you're gonna be paid and ready at about a year I went I'd love to be a successful as him I got pretty good well he's got a lot of followers I guess I see but he's gonna be dead by Christmas but he got that right I got you know I get about seventeen thousand steps a day in New York without yeah same same just living life and there I was getting like three thousand steps a day oh yeah I'm gonna blow up like a fucking balloon well let me just shout out that shot let me just blow New York for a minute sure sure sure so I got the hair jizz going I got the fake it's coming back to the big hair dentures or whatever you want to call him coming back in feeling like a human again I'm 16 days in okay kind of feels like a flew by but when you were living it it was a slow tick up to hell sure so I'm in town I had to cancel a weekend I'm sorry Pittsburgh but I go hey I'm in town I'm gonna just soak up the boy love the boy the boys cute so I go let me go to some parks there's a park in Dumbo I forget the name of it Chuck if you want to help me out it's on the water Dumbo pier six oh yeah yeah I don't believe there's a water park then there's a sand park next to it then there's a pizza place I got a couple margaritas a pizza we ate pizza then we played in the water park then we went in the sand park then we went back in the water park on blue he's doing that thing you don't want a kid is so happy he's just going oh yeah he has like a mental breakdown but in a good way good break yeah he like spazzes and he's just brain is firing he's just having so much fun playing with toys playing in the water other kids are screaming he's like sure he's like Charlie sheen he just has like a bath salt moment and he's just having so much fun he's all covered in water and chis and sand and then we have a pizza the sun is setting we go to the playground I mean it's just this beautiful park basketball courts are full everybody's barbecuing you go to the carousel we hit the van Lee one you get the the ice cream oh yeah and you go I get it I get why people like the city it's beautiful and everybody around is tourists right people are coming here sure that's how cool this area is I got to lift the weightian queen I got to come guzzling Japanese over here I got a burka bitch all these different groups are like we got to fly there and go to the carousel sure and the boats are going by and he's going boat boat his new thing is plain he spots a plane like a terrorist I'm so glad he wasn't around during 9/11 that would have been adorable yeah that's crazy what they can see and proceed from 75,000 miles away yeah then the lady has a subscription or whatever to Dumbo House oh wow which is like the soho house put in Brooklyn she's got every house this lady she's a big house bitch she's a brick house and she's a brick house so my dear letting it all hang out so we go to the Dumbo House they have a pool so now I got the kid in the pool and now he's drinking a smoothie by the pool and he's cutting a rug and you're laying on the the beach chair and the sun there's hot hores everywhere and bikinis and you're like this is pretty good it's pretty good the Brooklyn bridge up my ass over here it's it's not too shabby it's pretty good I mean hey I've lived here for 20 years sure but I just got to wrap the city for a second but at the end of that now you got to put him in the stroller and pack him in and walk a half a mile to the subway then you got to get two people to carry him down the stairs and then you got to wait for the train and it's hot and sticky and gay and it's weekend service to it takes 25 minutes and then you got to carry him back up the stairs and boobly boob skip what he bought yeah that's the part that's so frustrating and I don't I can't imagine what a prescription to Dumbo House costs I don't eat it she bought that before me and I'm glad I'm not paid for it and then you got a hot dog and that's eight bucks and then you get a fucking a couple water and that's eight bucks and you're like fucking Christ on the cross I gouge the dick and I went to Mr. Softy with the boy I go we're gonna hit the ice cream truck which is the best thing that's ever happened to him and I go hey hey let me just get a cup what's the the cone you can chew you know what I'm talking about that cone he could bite off is it like a wafer or sugar cone not not a cone cone it's it's not a cone shape but it's a it's a handle but it's it's doable it's like the McDonald's thing oh what's the McDonald's cone isn't it I think it's called a cone but the guy kept being like cone cone like like a waffle cone like an actual cone shape this doesn't have a shape of a cone oh yeah but it is a whole the cone I think that's just another kind of cone I think it's a cone too so I kept going cone and he was he's holding up the big ol fat waffle and I was like I don't want the waffle I just want the standard McDonald's cone and he was like no no cone and I was like I don't want that cone I want the regular cone the handle whatever you call it yeah it's like the torch at the Olympics yeah yeah and he's like no no no I haven't seen a cone cone triangular cones since 75 that guy I want that guy he didn't have those isn't that a typical cone that's a typical cone yeah this guy was talking about like I was a cone head he was like I don't know that I don't want the waffle I hate the wall the waffles too much I just want that interesting and you can eat it after and the kid likes it he goes we don't have that and then I realized I was like fuck it give me the waffle cone after 20 minutes of deliberating we had a line down the block the co the waffle cone is $5 and the ice cream is $5 so he handed me this and I go how much I'm thinking $253 maybe five he goes $10 I go $10 for for a couple ice cream and he goes $10 and he's gouged him because we're in Dumbo everything's gouged it's all gouged now I mean a hot dog is fucking eight and a half bucks now it's it's it's nuts it's nuts that should be a dollar 12 it's it's it's just acid and by the way you're talking about women Austin has the hottest women Austin is unbelievable I had one the first morning we were there I go out by the way I think that cleaned up downtown too it was the least amount of home yeah I mean there's plenty of homeless people but like it was a third of three years ago or even last February but you I walked out at one point it was like a joke I went to get Starbucks I leave that they put you in a fucking massive apartment on the 20th floor it's beautiful it's like so beautiful bananas best comedy condo best green room easily aside from Madison Madison still has mother ship beat I would say there's other mother there's other green rooms that beat the mother I gotta hear it all right uh how about Utah it's all like city that's a big green room I mean it's roomy then you got a side room with snacks I guess it's pretty small what Utah so when we talking that big room in the back with all the couches there's a couple couches it's a TV yeah what's the club what's it called again wise guys wise guys I don't think it's huge you're thinking of it they have a little room but then is that big oh the big area yeah yeah but it's just a couch in a TV yeah mother ship first of all you can smoke I mean you can as a cigar guy is unbelievable and you have a fridge full of water drink they have it's a full bar I don't drink but there is a full bar like high-end definitely hit that bar high-end whiskey vodka to kill everything there's two TVs so you can watch the show or you can just turn the TV you can hook up to Bluetooth and play your own music which is amazing oh be do that's pretty great there's no interruptions nobody's coming in no you got that right there's a fucking guard outside which is huge long couch beautiful table that to me the smoking is the big thing but and you get that balcony right there you get the bathroom right there and if Rogan's not there Rogan's there he's blaring some Gary Clark dickless or AI or AI and it's like I can't even talk in there but he's like he's vibing out with his diet coke and his in yeah so you're like okay I guess this is your time yeah but when he's gone the cats will play which is not so funny because it's like the whole thing is just lined up with Stevie Ray Vaughan photos and Sam Kinesen and all this stuff and he's like check out this AI music I'm like oh my god I don't know about this AI music this he played like he plays it for everybody really you gotta hear this ain't I never played it on the regs or whatever the future is called uh what the fuck with Mark Maren no no it's uh we don't do really music we'll play like stay away to have it in jug beer oh there's like a you can watch like a compilation of him playing for like 90 people Peyton was the first one to tell me he was like in the radio he's like check out this music yeah well here there's like different programs like Suno and you could put in like make a song about Mark being gay and it'll write a whole song and you could put whatever genre you want but he's got like people doing 50 cent as like a soul singer it's like all up in the club and he's like you gotta hear this this is amazing I'm such a Rita I hear AI and I picture a robot going playing a guitar like at a Chuckie cheese no it's changed okay it's changed it's uh that's animatronic yeah yeah but uh any parts I love all the art in there is crazy Chris Rogers does all the fucking paintings and the - It's a long way to the-- - The top is beautiful and the fucking Sam, have you seen the Sam Kinnison made out of bottle caps? - No. - It's new, it's fucking insane. - Wow, okay. - They have a huge 10, I took a photos of it. - Please. - It's Sam Kinnison, some artists made it out of all these different bottle caps. - I do love how not everybody's allowed in there, not to be exclusive, but like one time a reporter came back there and Rogan's like, whoa, get the fuck out of here, he kicked the guy out, like Jazzy Jeff, it was incredible. And he was like, yeah, you don't want, I feel like that's a new epidemic where I'm in the green room with a guy, and I'm like, can I say, can I be normal around this guy, or do I have to censor? Let's none of that there. - Look at this, we'll plug this in. - Whoa. - I mean, look at that, and it's bottle caps, and then look when you get close, I mean, this is, this isn't a close, that can be thousands. - Is a different bottle cap, he had to research the colored bottle caps and find them. - Easy. - Look at that. - Wow, that is unbelievable. Now, was that a gift, was that a, did he purchase that? - I don't know, I think somebody probably made it. - I mean, that's fucking incredible. - Incredible. - Which by the way, did you hear the story? Tarantino was on, not stirred, oh, on Rogan. - That's hilarious. - Oh, yeah, he was on Rogan, and he's talking about being at the comedy store in 1982, and went to the store, he's sitting there, they're watching the show, it's fun and funny, and he sees all the regulars, and then at the end of the show, this is like, this story gave me goosebumps. It's 1982, and some guy in the back just goes, it's like, one o'clock in the morning, some guy goes, bring out the beast. And then another guy, there's like, give 'em the beast. - Oh shit. - And someone's like, it's time for the beast. And then they're like, there's 82. - Oh, okay. - And so someone goes, someone goes, all right ladies and gentlemen, it's time, here he comes. Sam Kinnison, it's like, no one's ever heard of this man, except the people that are going to the store. Tarantino's like, 18 years old or whatever the fuck. - Is he a pumped? - Or he didn't know. - He just didn't know what was going on. I think he was 19, he's like a boy, and he's like, he's looking around, 'cause everyone's like, bring out the beast. Give 'em the beast. He's like, what the fuck's happening? And he comes out, Kinnison, an unknown guy, and he's like, oh my God! And then the place goes nuts and crazy and whatever. And he's like, he didn't see him again, until television three years later when he blows up. - Whoa, it's always funny those comics who act like they're hot shit before they broke. - Right. - You know those guys who were like on stage, like, come on, I need more, I'm the shit. You're lucky I'm here, and I'm like, no one knows who you are. - Right, but they usually do blow up. - It's just crazy that there was this buzz of this thing. - Yeah. - I'd never even been into, we've talked with this. I never got into Kinnison, 'cause I was later, and he was just screaming. I didn't really get it. - Same, same. - Maybe I'll, maybe if I listen now, I'd be more, I'm just such a joke guy. He was always just like-- - That's what I feel. - Hunched over, he'd be like, (screaming) - Yeah, that's like a kid. - Why is this guy screaming at me? - His letterman is very good, 'cause he goes into the audience. He breaks the mold as the thing with Kinnison. Chris Rock said he's the first comic to not be doing Cosby. You know, we're all just standing there in a sweater and a blazer talking to a microphone, but he changed the whole thing. - I guess. - I mean, Carlin with the ponytail and the beer. - I agree. - Or Steve Martin with an arrow to his head. - Yeah, yeah. - Other people's jam, but he kind of just flipped the whole thing on its anal. - Yeah, I remember in that boring suspect, that CD. - Yes. - He said, "Kinnison, funniest white guy of all time." - Right, which I completely disagree with. - Yeah, I think it's just generational, but the story of just this unknown guy and it's like a bruss in the room being like, "Here he comes and being like a teenage queen to be like, what's happening right now?" - I love it. - But it's about to happen and then this crazy guy starts coming and screaming at everybody. - Yeah, well, comedy's to have some bite to go. They got all moral. - Yeah, you feel like comedy got a moral sex? You know, it's just, hey, that's a little off-putting. It used to be more a little rock and rolly. - I think it was a roll. - It was Led Zepple hitting you with a fish and throwing a TV out the window. - I mean, Shane Gillis just did a football stadium. That's pretty rock and roll. - No, no, the doing the stadiums is, but there's like, hey, but has he donated to that St. Jude's, you know, this is like a weird, this is like a weird, hey, you gotta be good too. You gotta be a sweet boy also. I'm like, I don't know, Doug, give me Kiddison with two hookers on James. - Yeah, yeah, well, you still got Stan Hope, you know, he's doing drugs and running around. - Yeah, but he's old guard. - Yes, that's all I'm saying. - Yeah, yeah. I hear you. - All right. - But that beast, by the way, I'll stop blowing Austin and the mother shit. - Dang. - Oh, that's right, I didn't tell the story. I was leaving the high rise and I walk on like, I'm gonna go grab a coffee and a yoga class had just let out. I was like the gods were trying to lure me in. I walk out of this building. I'm not joking. There's 22 of the hottest women I've ever seen. Yoga pants, bikini tops. They're on bikes, they're on each other's shoulders. They're doing hopscotch and they're just spreading out everywhere. I was like, ah, ah, ah, and I haven't seen that in the city since '85. - No, you don't get that anymore. Soho, you ever go down to Soho on a Friday night? You're like, oh, I gotta gig downtown. You go through Soho and you're like, oh my god, it's like a fucking Gucci ad. It's just runway models all day. And you're like, this is why I moved here. - Right. - But it's few and far between. - Yeah. I mean, Austin, they're all, and it's so hot. They're all in boots and booty shorts and yoga pants. - It's one of the perks of a warm city is you can't really get fat or your life is over. - Yeah. - So you go to Phoenix, it's a bunch of smoke shows. And you're like, oh yeah, it's 9,000 degrees here. If you put on three pounds, you're gonna blow up. - Yeah. - You're gonna combust. - Well, we're going up here. I'm already gone. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna join those Philly boys and have the time of my life down there. - So funny that they grew up in Philly, which is like a major city. And now they're gonna Austin to make it. Now they have these big houses and they get up everywhere. They have some respect and some career. It's, you think it'd be the other way. I grew up in Texas. So I moved to the big city. - Right. - To make it as a comedian. Now it's flipped. Now they're going down to make it. - Yeah. - Austin's, you know, it's become a thing. And like I said, there's like 10 clubs down there. - Yeah, yeah. - People think of the mothership, but you got the Creek, Rosco, Sunset, Velvita, Black Rabbit, East Austin. - I heard that a cap city is great. I've never done the new one. - Well, I did it right before mothership. And it was awesome. It was one of the best weekends of my life. But I think it's some contentia. But it's far. It's like a half hour north. - Oh geez. - I think it's a little tense between the two clubs. - I don't think Rogan's worried. - No, no. I think it's like this. Like if you work the mothership cap city's a little bit like, "Hey, what the fuck?" - Yeah. - They got two rooms there, two by the way. - Oh, really? - Yeah, they get the little room up there. - And you got the Paramount Theater, which is one of the great theaters. - Right next to the State Theater, which is like a small thing. - Oh, that's a good room too. I gotta get back to that Paramount. - That's fun. - That's a great room. I think Rogan's going to buy it. - Oh, wow. - That's the word on the cleaf. That would be cool. - Yeah, well, I gotta tell you this. You ever seen this movie? Send 'em a Paradiso? - I don't think so, if I did, I don't remember. - Dude, you gotta put this movie right up here. You're a big movie quave, big buff. - Sure. - Run on the whole thing. You gotta see this film. - Tell me about it. - Well, it's a classic Italian film and I watched it. It's from 1988, but I watch it as a kid with my dad. And the whole movie's about being a kid and growing up and then becoming a man and coming of age and coming on your back and all this. And now I'm a dad. So it's one of these that hits you different. So I watch it with the wife who's pregnant. I go, she goes, "Let's watch your movie tonight. "I've been in town all week. "We're spending a lot of quality time. "I cancel shows, my hair's fucked." So I go, "Let's watch a nice movie. "I had a couple beers, put the movie on. "She's pregnant, falls asleep at about eight minutes." - Yeah, I hate the fall asleep. - It's a nice two and a half hour movie. I think it in my top five of all time. - Wow. - Waiting for you to watch it and hate it. But give it a whirl. - I'll give it a whirl. - Be an online. But I put it on and I watch it with my dad as a kid. Now I'm a dad. I put this movie on, I got the lady sleeping right here, snoring on my dick. I cried like a fat bitch at a hooters. - Wow. - I keep fixing your cry. - I mean, it was like, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh." - Come on, come on. - Come on, come on. - Hoopies, too. - Oh, believe this for a second. I've never seen you cry. - Hoopie, booboo, 'cause I was crying. - Wow. - I mean, so what happened was, I hadn't seen it so long, so I took a photo of the screen of the main guy, texted to my dad. - Wow. - So now things are flowing. - Wow, beautiful. - Guess what I'm watching? And he goes, "Cinema Paradiso." And I went, "You got damn right." And then, since I sent him a photo, I was in the photo app, and I just happened to swipe left. There's a photo of my kid, and it just hit me. - Wow. - So you got the dad text, you swipe one over, and it's my kid at a pool like-- - Wow. - And I fucking just went full, Lindsey Clancy and wept openly. - Wow, good for you. Have a nice cry. I love a good cry. - Oh, it felt weird, it felt good. You got the wife here. You got your own house, you don't live in Austin. Things are good. - Now you think about waking her up and say, "Look, I'm human." - No, I was glad. I don't want to ruin my tough guy, Rep. - I see. - So I was so glad that she was out that I told her later. She was like, "Oh, I missed it. You had an emotion, you're a fucking robot." And I went, "Beep, boop, boop, boop." And we went to bed. - Wow. That's beautiful. The power of cinema. It's a hell of a flick. You got to watch. It's got all this these through-line capitalism and Coming of age and growing up in nostalgia. It's a lot of layers. I'll get right in there. I've been watching this Bullshit Netflix talk about John Paul Miller. You know this guy's a rapie guy That's all the same. It's like these rapie religious guys and the lady shoots herself in the forehead Is it a cult of of kinds? No, he's some, you know, christianny guy who's a manipulating rapie asshole. One of those Netflix it's crazy what Netflix has done to these dot. They're just so cooking cut. They're all exactly the same I know exactly the same and people love them. They they wait. They they go remind me right right The wife's like that. She watches all this. I watch them all too there But then it's just so crazy because it's like it opens with the crime They show the thing. They hook you then they have the fucking what's a drone shot? The guy's pulling up putting the microphone on the person. It's stretched out to three episodes. It could be 40 minutes But you're like, I love a cry. I love any timeline Give me a timeline 8.45 a.m He wakes up. He kisses wife for the dick He goes to 7.11 and and you give me surveillance footage. I'm love surveillance Give me a guy walk it through who doesn't know he's about to die or he's about to kill his mother or whatever it is Surveillance is the best. Yeah, it's fun. Even I didn't follow the Nancy Clancy thing I keep calling her Nancy Clancy because it's just stuck. I said it once and now it's just stuck in my head That's a good rhyme, but hope you do they I show it Butterly we were on his pocket. We were watching like surveillance of the family and you see the kids alive and it's Chilling Well, there's these flock cock dick cameras everywhere. You can see everything you see the killer go from the house to the car to the grocery store to work to the strip club To get a steak and then back you see every second. I know it's weird now because now we've had this for so long now you watch a murder doc It's like all on video like it used to be it's like grainy footage and see a thing now It's like 100% of everything is on there and this is before we have the robot overlords. I know I know the drones are coming now Have you seen this if you can pull this out of my back to like you Jamie jamo But now they got drones following the smash and grab people These people break into a Louis Vuitton or whatever they steal every merchandise in the city and they all run now They got drones over them so they're like ah shit now you get the facial wreck you get Robocop you get the car you get the license plate and they're like Oh, they got the jewels dropping, you know and the hair weaves going and It's a it's a different time fatty. You can't you can't be smashing and grabbing yeah jewels for her And I mean it's Robocop. It's AI. It's what's that other movie minority report. Oh, they were minority report Yeah, and they were they were reported, but yeah, they got them. They got them the drones They they these guys had it they had a good for too long, but the technology's caught up. Yeah, it's gonna be funky funky Yeah, I told you I got popped up by the self-checkout What do you mean? Well, I'm a sticky finger Charlie at the self-checkout. I can steal like I put two carrots in my ass I got a bag of lemons up my shirt, but I was at the self-checkout. You know, you're doing the I even do it like a fake boop. Yeah, right. I got the boop down and I'm swiping a big rack of ribs I'm swiping all kinds of stuff big loaf of bread and It's doing that Ma-ma-ma-ma and you go ah fucking machine must be faulty these things, you know You can't get a decent machine these days and the guy comes up and he goes He's got the lanyard He has to do the scan and it he scanned it and he goes wait a minute and he checks the camera He goes you didn't ring up the the raspberries and I go ah I didn't know I bought raspberries And I go I must have missed it. He's like yeah, yeah, you also didn't ring up the salmon and I go oh jeez I must have missed the the blower there and he's a little yeah, he's like okay Well, but keep my eye on you so I got popped there's a guy as an Asian guy in a room somewhere in Detroit watching us The eye and the sky is watching us all small eye well This is the thing that I fucking hate about the technology, but the time we're living in you go to CVS now There's not even an option to go to the register I know you just got to go to the automated bullshit and I've never gotten through on where it didn't say Wait for the employee every time I don't use a bag. I don't want a fucking bag I'll just carry the diapers and the flip flops and the sunblock and the GI Joe out myself Yep, but if you don't bag I've literally every single time and I snap I'm like what's the point of having the automated harsh? Of course if fucking I can't get through the transaction. Yes, and let me steal one thing if you're not gonna check me out And you're not gonna be an employee I get one item. Absolutely. That's my rule. Yeah, take it. That's a good subway take Oh Hey, can I use that? Yeah, it's yours. Well, I've always wondered what the hell am I gonna say on there? Because it shows a little cleafy. Why don't you get on there? I don't know. I don't want to sit on a subway Well, I told you I went last in that show ended. I was like eight people I went last I was in fucking Cody Island. I was like I don't know where I am exactly. Yeah, it's horrible drop you off in the queen somewhere I got nothing but subway takes. Yeah, but it's got to be the right tick to really Hile, uh-huh. What you got another one? I just have one the other day. I can't remember what it was though now I got to think of it. I think the Monogamous that what do you call that the What do you call him homogenous when it's normal? Well, yeah, this is all Not ominous normal when it's a not not controversial, but just kind of Anonymous synonymous mainstream Anonymous synonymous Regular collect usual standard standard. Yeah, that works. I guess usual. I don't know, but Like Marcello had all sauces should be on the side. Oh, yeah, I like that. That's not Controversial no group was involved no offensive whatever those are the best ones when it's just eight every day Anonymous. I don't know. What do I think it here? What do you think and you got it? I mean, I'm not in terms of controversial it'd be like benign You don't know me. Yeah, but I'm not bad, huh benign but eight and seven Okay, there be how many? Yeah, I don't know this is just how something that's like every day Anocuous Fatty how the hell do you pull that? That was lunch good to have you back anocuous. I would have never got that Yeah, that's a hell of a word. I didn't know I even knew that word existed. Yeah, yeah, anocuous is the way to go Well, I haven't my other one is the first 10 minutes of every movie or fucking awesome. I like that every movie you put on the credits And it's just boots walking up a hallway. It's like click-clack and it's like produced by Well, it's all great. This is all up. Yeah, going baby. It's all positive from here every movie. I'm seven minutes in Amai. It's the best thing I ever saw. Yeah, that is a good one. This is fucking fantastic although two girls one cup falls over Quick so, but yeah, that's one of my takes. I had another take. I can't remember. Yeah, I can't remember all I think is this takes I know I had something about muslims, but that's not gonna fly. Yeah. No, juice will fly. You can do that You won't touch the carpet. I suppose so Something great to eat it was it was a Muslim guy and I ran on a carpet shooting a machine gun at a B-52 bomber American plane and he's like man when my mom sees this she's gonna not know it's AI Or something like that like she's gonna be like whoa, have you seen this? All right, the parents don't understand the AI stuff Yeah, they're all blown away. By the way speaking of Islam. I got home last night September I live downtown. They got the big blue Bat signal lights up. Oh, we're on trade center. Oh, fun. Look at these photos. Yeah, I love this will blow your mind This is what a country we're living in. I know I'm just showing 9/11 or something, isn't it? Yeah, look at this. God bless America That's a tractor beam. Oh, look at that. Wow. I mean, that's just dynamite. It looks like he's gonna suck up a guy It's the bad signal. I got to send you these photos plug that right in. I mean, I got emotional. I started crying I got from a light look at that. That's a hell of a dilded. I mean come on It's a letter. Yeah, look at this one. Oh look at that. I'm never moving the red, white and blue stars and Scratch forever a couple us America blue lives matter deep in the heart of Texas. Forget about it You don't get to get that Noston. I'll tell you that now. Is that shooting at the moon? What is it doing shoot the moon? What's the end game on that? That just looks beautiful. Look at it end game is I fucking love America. I sign up for the army You shit me. Yeah. Who right? That's been lotten. Yes, you thought you won put that in your hope, but he do hope be though 55 hundred a month. Hope be though. Now let me tell one more This one is special. All right, so and I texted you boys. So there's no surprises here But we might have to put the video on the patreon So we're in the comedy condo Which is the Thompson Hotel the Sienna building. Maybe I shouldn't tell people someone's gonna get assassinated Premo digs unbelievable. We're sitting there Yeah, by the way, Ron White popped in the green room. He's like mind if I smell he's like you Joe That's like we've met three hundred and fifty times. He does that. Yeah, some Joe. Yeah, he killed me Matt one He's got flowing here. That's pretty close. I'll take it flowing beautiful hair He's got a Gucci man purse and I'll smoke with you and I was like great. Meanwhile, he's just looking at his phone Whatever. Yeah, yeah, but pretty cool like if you would have told 1998 Joe lists. Hey, you're gonna be smoking with Ron White and in about ten decades. Yeah That's pretty good, but I was fine. We had a good time. We kicked around some old stories and The nice thing about a guy that can't remember anything. You can tell him the same stories He's like that's gold. I'm like it was gold when I told you in Vegas. It was gold when I told you in LA Yeah, yeah, you get a rewind, but anyway, and I offered him a spot, which he was grateful for Didn't take it. No, thank Christ. Probably for the best. I don't want him on Color company tour. You got to do it. I mean you got to say hey You so I'm in the scene of 20th 20th floor and it's beautiful. It's a corner room I mean you got a view of the football stadium and then just the Empty nothingness that is Texas. Oh, yeah, and you can see the club Monday that was there Monday I could see the whole line for Killtony up the block around the corner remember the Alamo packed in and I didn't do Killtony because I wanted to watch tennis. This is what my career is where it's at Oh like I gotta watch that's crazy. Well, I've done it for time. It's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of stress By the way the comics the bucket people blow up The no one's blowing up from panel. Who's the guy that has blown up from doing panel? I think you get a lot of hits off panel. You get some followers. I think it's a bigger than any of the pot You're gonna do it bigger than butterleast bud. It's bigger, but I don't know how much people are like Well, that guy said seven funny things. Oh, I don't know. We don't do we don't do it. And it's withdrawn signals But you're already doing well if you're on the panel sure You're like only people that are already kicking ass around the panel whereas the comics no one ever heard of them I think it's a showcase themselves doing stand-up. They blow up obvious sure But if you've never done panel and you do panel, I think you get a bump Yeah, so I'm saying the fifth time. Okay. I'll watch some tennis I don't think it hurts. It's a long night. It's a lot of stress Then you gotta be like you're watching an open-micro shake like a limb and then you're gonna be like well you suck ass and they're like Oh, geez. You're my favorite comic and you're like, I'm sorry. I'm trying to get laughs Jerrible like look at this fat pig. Yeah, she's like well. I'm trying to lose weight and you're like, yeah, yeah Yeah, that's the hard thing about kill Tony and I love the show and I'm grateful for it and Tony's a fucking killer obviously, but It's hard because like if I just watched a young comic do one minute of stand-up. Yeah, I'd be like, hey great job Fantastic you're doing it. Hey, keep that head down and just listen to your sets and be nice keep right and keep getting up on stage That's if it's private, but if there's a hundred and fifty million people watching I'm like you're a fucking cock deep I know swallow and fat pieces. You know yourself. She quit tonight. How long you been doing it? Five five. Oh five years. What a fucking loser. Yeah, they sit there to the role of Dexter like all right fat lady fat lady does coming Ma'am Kinnison. Hey, ma'am Kinnison. Whoa. She's gonna go home and split her wrist meanwhile. I feel good about a pun Yes, I had one when there was a lady who like worked her day job was like a tire salesman and she was like Six pounds overweight and I had this joke. I was like oh, so you always carry a tire on your waist. Oh I couldn't say it so I just held it in but I'm like I could get three followers. By the way, it's an Oreo truck outside the window. It's perfect. I think Rupert's driving He couldn't drive that it'd be in the back in 10 minutes. True. That's true of devouring. I like the image of them opening the doors There's one Oreo left. He's like I just got done. What's the Wicked Witch's favorite cookie, Oreo? Okay, I don't remember that one. That's something with whoopee do. Well, that's the song they say. I made it up. Oh, oh, oh, okay I didn't lie and say I heard it. So anyways What am I talking about? Oh, but I had this joke locked and loaded, but I'm like what am I gonna do? Just call a slightly Tinsy-Bitsy overweight young comic who's funny fat. Yeah for 11 likes and you didn't do it. No Every reddit is like this guy's got nothing. He sucks. He can't think of anything And I'm like I thought of something, but it was just horribly mean. Yeah, yeah, we're out of time. Okay. Well We're in that where I'm in this. Yeah, I hit me fatty 20th floor. It's Saturday night And now the Weston is directly across the way the Weston's got 20 floors So I'm just directly across is all these hotel rooms. So of course, what do you do if you're across from a hotel room? You jerk off and look at the other windows you stare at the windows and you hope someone's fucking in the bed as you do and the whole week I'm down. I'm like that. I'm trying I'm playing with the gig because he's playing. He loves looking out the window So we're looking out the window and I'm going now. Let me see here. Oh, there's a foot. There's a leg There's a hoof. There's a dog Saturday night around 617 p.m. It's like a timeline. It's like a Netflix dog. I Look over there. I see now the sun is shining and so there's the depth of field and the light and the shadows is a little tricky But I see two little dainty feet on the bed laying face down just two feet, you know Yeah, and then a guy comes in and then there's another body moving over there and I'm like Think there's something about to happen here. Yeah, yeah, and I watched the guy he kind of disappeared because the the the light He kind of disappears and I just see a pair of little pink panties get pulled off Oh Off the feet just click and he does a little swinging I'm like, oh boy. It's happening. Here we go And now my son is staring at the window and I'm playing monster trucks with them I got dig a tron and and mayhem and he's got earth shaker and grave digger So we're kind of doing this thing and I'm like I'm like Kramer. I'm like, uh-huh digger, please. Yeah, yeah And then I watch this guy pull his panties off. He does the switch a room swinging He's got the most definitive tan line pale ass dark legs and It's happening wow 20th floor directly across the way window shades opening panties come off Nice and delicate. He pulls her ass up and I learned a thing or two my wife like Jimmy Holmes or whatever that guy He went slow and you just see the bottom feet. You can't really see your body. You just see her feet first It's doggy style. I go Sarah come here check this out. She's like what the dog whistle And I think she was into it too. She was like whoa She's kind of pretending to be like oh, wow. That's crazy Yeah, and I'm like is this nuts and Marty's like what's nuts? Where's nuts, no like that's nuts. No nuts. So I'm trying to point his head and look look at the gray. It's like Fucking shinders less. I'm like look at the snow look at the snow Yeah, and I keep looking over. I got my forehead on the thing my glasses are dinkin off the window and He went he had her foot up here her foot over there. I'm writing stuff on my hands. Wow It was the sexiest thing I've ever seen great man ass That's the main thing you can see and he's just plowing her nice and slow the legs up legs Every different way leg one leg on a shoulder one leg by the hip that he switches Chuck's heart is a rock toss him a pillow sure and It was just beautiful and then they move it goes on for like 22 minutes. Hey, that guy's a Hall of Famers I took some video we got we put it on the patreon Yeah, I think we can as long as YouTube doesn't block it. Well, there's no genitalia There's tits. There's a lot of cities, but eventually they go reverse cowgirl and its stats getting like it's like whoa Just full Reverse cowgirl tits floppin I start text I texted everybody. I've ever met link around on Karen you guys Thank you, you know cream or the butler Derek Erica everybody everybody got a piece There's nothing better than spot in the window fucking a hotel that feels like Christmas morning for an adult and it was a three-sum Reverse cowgirl backwards anal and then I thought maybe they're coming to the show because it was like 680 640 whatever And 680 K 4k Yeah, and they wrapped up in the room was just empty like 710 So on stage I was like by any chance was anyone just having a threesome nobody spoke up Yeah, but I mean it was something else two women one guy in first cow girl from behind doggy style Panty pole and it was heavy duty. I mean these people were working and it was 25 minutes and I had to just keep playing with the kid and be like wow Whoa, watch out the wires get crossed. I mean it was Unbelievable unbelievable luck what a find what I saw BJ once in a hotel window but nothing like this I mean that lady was bopping and grinding and humping and dumping and grooving and there was a second lady And then they kind of decked each other. Yeah, I don't know if you can say that Sure It was really something to see and it's a great moment for us who were looking at the video and you're like wait a minute Are those six feet on? Yeah, I think there's three people here. Yeah, great people in the threesome It was not so it was fun texting you guys so join the patreon and watch these people fuck please It was really something else and if this doesn't get people in the patreon forget about it A whole video will do play my play. Yeah, send it to a friend spread the word spread the legs because it was such a good romp You want to just go? Okay, I went to think for for a 16th floor. Okay, looks like they're on the east wing All right, you want to just go in the lobby and wait and just be All right guys can we and then we thought about giving them a show a little bit. It's good for the goose is good for the gander But that would be like well last three minutes and whatever will shy sure sure and you don't want to get to get a look at the mug I think I could get into the swinging sex it let us come over there we'll fuck next to you you watch us we watch you we'll kiss you I'll kiss you dick whatever it is everywhere I go you meet these these couples and they're like hey you guys go to the sex club huh because all these couples are bored they're all trying to branch out and adventure so that's a very popular thing you you do one little Google search you'll be you'll be bumping and driving well the upside down pineapple that goes a lady right there would like to lift her all right well we got to wrap it up this has been fun I'm moving to Texas up here I'm already gone there you go folks deep in the heart of Texas big bright lights big city Texas toast when does this come out Texas tea 21 long horn all right well sidesplitters of course on the 20 first to the third I don't know I don't even know how to find my dates it's a great town great club I suck yeah side split as October 1st through the third and then fill it Elfia all my boys there all my my new buddies my future family they're all from Philly I'll be there October 22nd through the 24th at Helium and then of course oh this Thursday I add the show in Toronto that thing that one's almost sold out Toronto everyone's always talking come to Toronto doing two shows in a small theater there so fill that up and then yeah side splitters and I forget where I'll say I don't know go to punch up dot com slash Joe lists sign up my email list my email list is going up and up that's the best thing you can do sign up for the email list I'll email you when I'm coming to town so you never miss it yeah you go get on punch up folks we're all there we're all cooking I'm in Denver we had a show come on out then the movie shoots gonna throw some shit off maybe Portland maybe Madison Wisconsin San Jose improv God help me those tickets are not moving we're at the mothership in November at Lanark City drop a canna then win Creek Casino and Bethlehem PA fantasy Springs and Palazzo the fantasy Springs in Indio California how about that and then Comedy Zone in Charlotte and the cedar showroom in Matt Mashant Tucket basically Foxwoods right that's not I think so yeah then Verona New York at the turning stone resort Casino gets a bodega cat get on the Patreon quick it up my hair's almost done I'll see you soon what do you got chuckles check out my podcast fun bearable but more importantly we are doing a very special film project and we did get fully funded thanks to Chris one of the two's gaze he's the one that got us over the I'm actually give you I can use some money I'll tell you afterwards oh this guy seems like a high roller wow he was just Christopher he was give me two and a half mill yeah I'll get back to you I promise and yeah but we are you know we're gonna do festivals and I just found out we're gonna do a little bit of a reshoot small thing so if you still want to get on board and be behind the scenes on this thing and become a part of it as a as a as a backer I'm already bored hit me up on Instagram or Twitter at discount shock yeah all right there you go folks we've got a feature on we got three some on there it's crazy I know we're filming strangers and putting their sex content I think you do it in the window that's come on you want to be on the internet yeah my wife tries to get in the window I don't like it oh really I like it with the public she's got a banger call me yeah it's not not for me to panga to panga to panga panga canian yeah to bang you so yeah come on out check out the patreon I mean look we this is this is the biggest behind oh whoo that was close this is the biggest muskweef TV of all time because this lady queefs so you're gonna see it right in the window so get on there see and help weep it up and send us your free videos if you got a watch too please subscribe to the music time you're watching the music time.