#661 Busker Keaton

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hitter in the face of the surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah this Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be chasing my radio is spitting at me I can get the beep hey folks we're here we're clear the sun is shining I just got back from the park so hold another world when you get out early and just hit that sun and the grass and do you take a shit in the woods and then you come back oh I love being out I like to wake up and go right out stare at the sun put my asshole in the sun they say that's the key by the way that's the thing the butthole in the sun yeah I think it's all the ocean the walking with your feet off grounding it's all nonsense you talk to like a scientist a doctor AI gay I they're all like no yes it's all this nonsense I mean I like walking barefoot I like the sun sure but they're like yeah you get the sun and you pussy that's good for you you get what is it equilibrium or circadian rhythm well that's the first thing is good that one I believe but this like standing in grass it gives you tears also I heard somebody say touch a tree every day so now I'm walking around like I mean I love touching a tree I just other well this micro biome you get in the woods it's good for your digestive stomach business I think so different micro biomes the woods affect my gut because there's all kinds of jizz floating around this leaf jizz and brass jizz and bird jizz got it got it okay that's it's it's got like how the the moon makes you your period kick up I don't know what the moon affects the period which affects the time heavy flow no you're confusing tide and tide stick from the blood the moon makes the waves bigger but it doesn't make blood waves I've to give it a goog there fatty that's where we get the werewolf the werewolf it comes from a PMS or is that right I don't know about that it's all moon it's all moon related I think the moon is something moon is big moon is good moon landing take your hands in one of the great bits of all time what is it Pete Keith moon Keith moon he's good Pete Towns in the mood yes yes John it whistle moon over my hand what do you got here Roger delta it's possible that the moon can appear to affect the scientific evidence is weak yeah I guess it's nonsense yeah bus the moon the moon is full whatever twice a month three times a month I mean it hits your period doesn't hit your period I just think it's crazy three moons in room all right well I think the sun would have a fuck up a period more you're all hot sure bothered hot and bothered now these these quees out there with their little tips you know get the circadian rhythm get some sun in your ass put a ice cube on your butthole and a box turtle on your taint whatever it is but it kills me as they go they they contradict they go you got to wake up at 4 a.m. and start working out read the paper and blow yourself but then they go sleep as your best superpower sleep is the ultimate so I'm like he want me to go to bed at five right wake up at 3 a.m. and take a cold shower and do my text well that's a Mark Walberg his thing yes I saw one video he's like he gets eight hours no matter what like what if you have to be up at 4 a.m. he's like well I go to bed at 6 p.m. or whatever the fuck it is yeah exactly you can't live like that he is a job he's an actor or whatever he is entertainer well Reagan the actor um but anyways I don't know yeah everyone's got these little advice things yeah I'm a tree turn the thing off but I'm living high on the hog over here I got rid of the social media I feel like a million I don't know what's going on you guys are talking about movies I never heard of oh yeah well you're hanging out with Spielberg I was with Steven Spielberg last night Cuba how about that same room is that something that's that side of life it's crazy life is long enough that you're watching jaws with a half a boner eating a tuna sandwich and then one day you're hanging out with the Jew I mean I didn't hang out with them but I see I went to the world for me actually the American premiere I think it played at cans whatever was there a red car pet yeah so let me get into this story let me just jump in here with two feet a couple heels in my ass so my manager you know I switched managers I'm with the big the big cats now he got that right I'm up there with the Hall of Famer and another guy and the Hall of Famer I've never spoken to in my life but the Becky yeah yeah I don't think he has my number or knows my name but I'm kidding of course I'm gonna get a call the day this comes out I'll get a call going hey what are you talking about the piece of shit you don't call me he's watching well I think so I'll send it to him I can't imagine he wakes up looks at the sun gets an ice cream in his ass and watches Tuesdays with stories that's good point that's got to be a great way to live though but so I got this hot manager I got the hot old guy and the hot young guy working for me and my career is just taking off you should see my bell fast numbers haha I love a hot young guy so hot young guy so go I get a email and you know you get all these emails about this thing or that thing a lot of you ignore it says say ignore can I film you fucking your wife can I film your sister's ass can I take Chuck's job that when I respond to sure sure so by the way Chuck sends me just laugh emoji smiley face thumbs up with a reddit thread that says Salah Q's his garbage he delivered it to my door he brought the link to me but he reads ready he's all over it's not like I've seen it and then he sends it to me I'm reading it and I'm like this poor guy he's got to be hanging from a tree yeah knowing Salah Q's you can throw a hot coffee in his face and he's like that was delicious that's true he's been tased he's been kicked out of places as wife hates him but he's he keeps coming back well Salah Q's the best thing ever happened to Chuck because I mean he's like he's like Spielberg why cuz he looks better in comparison oh yeah I see what you're saying the fans are there like they got tattoos a Chuck yeah alright like give Chuck the microphone put him on I went on and I was like don't knock Salah Q's right away cuz they were like bring Chuck back and I was like leave the little boy alone yeah Salah is a good man he's a good good egg sweet boy he's a bit scrambled of an egg but he's he's first class yeah he's over easy but he can take a hell of a still photo yeah my god it's good as a guy he took that one of us hugging where's that one oh yeah at the wedding yeah that was a great photo what you do it's in the wizard under the fucking pushes a pile in one of these frames here well that's hurtful that's Salah Q's his best work that's true well I don't care for it any who so they I get an email says world from national American premiere why don't just premiere at New York so give me the world premiere yeah correcting myself it's New York it's New York so he's a Jersey guy originally I believe Spielberg yeah I thought he's California maybe maybe right good to give that a guy I thought he grew up in Jersey and I had to get out that might be right a lot of these California guys starting to Jersey agreed there's well or he's coast even right I think we're Phillips what's his face shanling was he's coast and move with because I know he had a breathing disorder so he had to go to Arizona for the dry air yeah all that dry air remember this is pretty strange Steven Spielberg grew up in several places because his father worked in the computer industry and his family moved frequently he was born in 1946 Cincinnati whoa way off but born is not born is tough they might have been on a car ride they stopped in Cincinnati and then and then pop true it says Scottsdale Arizona is often considered the place where he really grew up okay no Jersey with the Shanley that's right had in township you think that's Jersey sounds about right township sounds like New Jersey they all know that is that is yeah a lot of townships down there okay we got a township like before a friendship beat township so anyways I get the email hey disclose your day from here and as well as one I'm just scramble like salacuse I got the the kin and the travel and the area and the movie and the dock and the thing and the other thing and the shows and the podcast your brains is everywhere and you're like whoa I'm not gonna go to that I forget to respond and then my manager's assistant's like hey my manager was like hey this is a timely do you want to go to this premiere or what timely and I'm kind of thinking this is probably like the premiere it just plays at a theater it's it's opening yeah and I go yeah sure I'd love to and then they send another email going you're welcome to walk the red carpet or watch the red carpet the red carpet is from 530 to 630 we got to put a suit on can't show up with fablet I actually wore fabletics that's how good fabletics it suck on that baby I wore pants like that probably those exact pants and then - That's a fresh shadow. - The plastic. - A buttony shirt, Sarah wore her made well dress from seven years ago in a pair of sandals. And we were the worst dressed people in the history of this thing. - It was bad. - Well, that could be, that could set you apart. It's like when Bjork showed up dressed as a goose. - Right, a silly goose, a salad goose. - Uh-huh. - Well, that's what it felt like. Maybe it would just cool. I mean, there's a couple other people dressed in a little goofy. So we're supposed to walk, we have the opportunity to walk the red carpet. - Fun. - And I told Sarah, I'm like, they're going to be interviewing us. We got to tell them we play the alien. Like let's just do a thing, it could be viral. It could be like a big thing where we're just going, yeah, yeah, I'm the alien, she's the lady alien. - That's fun. - And I'm one of the producers. My name's Joe List, I co-produced, I asked to be not, you know, I had this whole thing. Maybe this could be like a TJ Miller wreckie. I'll blow up. - Here, Andre, kind of on guard. - There you go, I'll be huge. I'll show my dick, I'll spread my ass cheeks, the ice cube will fall out, it'll be perfect. - I love it, sunning. - So then we got, you know, you got to get a babysitter. - Sure. - And originally I was like, maybe I'll just take Ron on, he loves Spielbergs, he loves Mo, but thank God. 'Cause he would have had like, beard, dandruff on his t-shirt, crack of his ass, hanging out, and he would have-- - And he would have heart palpitations when he hated the movie. - I mean, he's a screamer too, in a movie. He go, whoa, you know, those guys. - Throw up. - And between you being a lamppost in the couch, he's not afraid to look at his phone during a film. - Whoa, that's it, then you take away the credit card, after that. - Oh, no. - It stinks. - My parents cut up my credit cards. - Uh-huh. - I don't know what I had on, but I tried to dip the card. - Oh, folks. - Credit card, credit card, credit card. - That's it. - Whoo, baby. - Anyfarts, so we go, you got to get a babysitter. - You got to get what? - And it's 5'30" to 6'30" as the red carpet moves at 7'30" and it's cocktail hour. All the stuff, and I'm like, "This is once in a lifetime. Let's put our shit on." But these babysitters, Jerry, they're hard to come by. My niece is done with school, so she's home. My other niece, Sarah's niece, whatever, both our niece, whatever, she's working. She's like, "I get out at 8'30, I get to be there at 9." I'm like, "Yeah." And the movie's half over. - Well, he will be sleeping. - So, well, you can't just leave the guy. - Yeah, you got the video camera on him, I assume. - No, we want to be there 5'30." - Oh, for the red carpet. - I see. - So, we get this other, her niece recommends this other lady, but she's works till 5'30" up her waist. She's like, "I can be there at 6'05." And I'm like, "6'05" takes 40 minutes to get there. It's a Columbus Circle, so I'm like, "We're missing the red carpet." - You got to go, "Core, you got to, you got an invite." - Well, this is where my career, this is my chance, Jerry. I got, I could put on shiny shoes and a bit of socks and a dumb and dumb or suit and go and be on the carpet. - Come on. - He's a Gilbert, Emily Blunt, Colin Firth, that black guy that's in all the stuff. Domingo is in Domingo. - Oh, Subachu, OP and Anthony. I can't what's his name, I forget his name. You know what I'm talking about? - Yeah, Blood Diamond? - Yeah, maybe, is he in Blood Diamond? That was like 30 years ago. - They're all black and dark and foreign. - He's in Candy Man and he's in a bunch of other stuff. He was in another horror movie recently. I think it's Domingo, is this like a candy bear? - Domingo, Coleman Domingo. - Coleman Hughes. - Coleman Domingo. - Oh, that feels like a fake name. - Yeah. - Coleman Domingo. - Yeah. - Police doubt fire, right? - Exactly. - So anyways, it's one of those things where you're like, all right, so we're all dressed, babies hanging out. We're just waiting for the babysitter. You're like, 5, 30, 5, 40, 5, 50. And you have that feeling of you're like, I have to accept no red carpet. - Yeah. - It's not gonna make it. And that's what life is like as a parent, you're like, all right, well, that was gonna be exciting and fun and awesome. And we were gonna watch Emily Blunt and the thing and the business and Spielberg. - It's hard to accept. - There you go. - 'Cause you wanted it. - You're like, what can we do? What are you gonna do? - Well, you could take it out on the sitter. You could, when she shows up, you could elbow her and go, what the fuck happened? You killed me. - Well, she was, we could've set it up early, but I didn't know the red carpet invite until later. I just assumed everybody hates me and nobody's going to the movie. I didn't think I was gonna be able to walk the red carpet up, Joe list. - Right. - But we were honored guests. - So what happened? - So we ended up going there, it's like 6'40" by the time, so then she finally gets there. - Yeah. - And then, I just went on, I gotta tell this other story, I'm telling it out of order, but I just went on a two, five hour car ride. Just me and the boy, to my nephew's graduation, and I've been with them, we went to Ireland in England, so I've just been with the boy every second for like three weeks, and you know, we're very tight, very close, so she gets there, he just lost his mind. I mean, he was like, clicking to me, he's like, "Honey, I'm gonna leave you, I don't leave this thing." And it took 20 minutes to leave. - Oh, come down and see some lips returning purple, the quivers, and the shakes, and the crying, and you wanna just go, "Oh, fuck it, but you can't, you gotta hold the line." - You gotta hold the line. - I was gonna ask about that, the disciplining. - You gotta hold the line, so you're just like, it was just devastating. And of course, as soon as you get out, it just like stops crying. - Exactly. - 'Cause he accepts. - Yeah, it takes four seconds. - So then we go, well now, not only Mr. Red Carp, the movies at 7'30, we're leaving a house at like 6'40" - So it's like a 10 minute walk to the train, we walk to the train, and I'm just not thinking properly. I'm talking about the baby, I'm sad, I'm crying, he's crying, I'm all shook up. - Yeah. - So we walk to the cell, and now, you know, your subway is like mine. - Barclays, there's like 40 exits. - Yes, exactly. - There's just homeless and there's 50 trains. - Dude tunnel's down there, it's like an ant hill. Once you go under, it's just corridors and avenues as far as the I can quif. And sometimes you get off at us, ex, you've never got off at you're like, I don't even know where I am. - That's a 12 minute walk to your house. - Right. - So, and your train is a, is a, is a, is a waste. - Yeah, it's like a 12 minute walk, and finally we get there and I'm like, oh shit, this is the e-train. - Ah! - I needed, I wanted the one train to go to Columbus, so I'm like, fuck, so what the, then you have that's this thought. Let's just get on the train, we gotta set up north. - It'll go up. - So we jump on the e-train, it's delayed. - One of these fun to dance. - Yeah! - Finally it starts going, we got to West 4th, we gotta transfer. Then we go, we gotta get on the e-train. So we sit, wait for the e-train for 10 minutes, but it's the next game. So it's like because of an event at MSG and security and my sister's ass. - And Trump, it's fucking clogged up. So then we run up the stairs at West 4th, your old station. We run up the two flights of stairs, we're like, fuck it, or down. We go, we'll wait for the B or the D-train. - That goes to Columbus. So now we're on our third train, this takes forever. And now it's clicking, I'm like, so now we've missed the red carpet, and we're gonna be the guys that walk into a world, American premiere going. - Excuse me, sorry. - Oh, you're that guy with the Fab Linux on. - Yeah, so we're dressed like Dickheads, we're White Trash, and now we're late. Find the B-train comes, it's one of these that you're just shooting up. Everyone's in Nick's gear and shit. - Oh, yeah. - The crowd's fingers and their face painted. And we're just these assholes in free Fab Linux gear, going to. - Covered in jizz and oatmeal. - And Emily Blunt is wearing the dress. - Sure. - The devil's. Finally, we got there. I text that my contact, Laney. I go, "Hey, Laney, Laney!" It says, "If you don't have your tickets by 7-15, we're releasing them." It's like 7-11. - Oh, good store. - Just where I got my shirt, yeah. - Thank you, come again. - I go, "Hey, Laney, we're on our way. Don't leave. She goes, "Okay, I'll hold the tickets. I have the tickets." - Hold the line. - I go, "Great, fantastic. We get there." I mean, it's a premiere. - Oh, you got there, right? - This is at Lincoln Center. There's cops. There's crowd. You hear crowds cheering. - Whoa. - Limousines. - Whoa, what a city. - The works. And everyone's got bow ties. - Oh. - Show any shoes. Eight-inch heels I want in my ass. - Sure. - And here's some of the celebrities. Lauren Michaels. - Wow. - A level. - Paul Dano, Francis McDormand, Joel Cohen. - Oh, Patty Smith. - Damn, deep cut. - It's a fucking night. - Wow, burger patty. Let me just say this about New York. 'Cause LA, they do these premieres every 10 seconds. You know, that's the time it does over there. The man's Chinese theater and all that. But you got a park in Valle. And all this. And one good thing about New York, I need to take seven trains. And the next game is going on. But you can just zip right up. - Always zip, baby. - That is nice. - It was pretty cool. And who else? Oh, Candice Bergen was there. - Murphy Brown. - Also in Gandhi. - Was that right? - Pretty sure. - No kidding, that's crazy. - Give that a go. It's Candice Bergen in Gandhi. - Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars. - Hi there, folks. Tuesday's with stories. As you know, is one of the best podcasts out there. And we couldn't do it without our sponsors. This week's sponsor Ultra Pouches. You don't need caffeine to get some energy. Check out Ultra Pouches. Ultra Pouches are designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus. They're nicotine-free. - You got that right. - caffeine-free. They'll keep you going with a blend of beneficial, new tropics, new tropics. I'd never know how to say that. And vitamins. Ultra Pouches give you a little lift anytime anywhere. It's like a nicotine pouch without the side effects. You don't want to be all addicted to nicotine. Nicotine is well documented. How bad it is for you. Yeah. Yes, yes, you know, we got kids we're running around we got podcast movies I'm sure your roof and houses you're fixing a seas or exhausted. 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Wow It can even respond after hours, so nothing falls through the cracks replies happen faster and customers actually feel taken care of Communicate faster stay aligned and deliver results with quote try it today and see why quote is trusted by more than 90,000 businesses Money is on the line always say hello With quote try quote for free plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quote dot com slash Tuesdays That's q.u. Oh dot com slash Tuesdays quote dot com slash Tuesdays Quo no miss calls no missed customers Yeah So we get up there and now we're like running like we got to get these tickets So this guy goes what do you need? We'll call and I go yeah, we'll call and the guys like down there go down a block Doctor guy in red It's the self esteem thing where I'm like, I don't think that's our tickets, right? I think we're VIPs. Oh, we had red carpet invite. That's true So you go against your instinct because you're like why don't want to be the bag of shit that's like actually we're VIPs And he's like look at your outfit. Yes, right. Yeah, what is it? bird shit Possibly so I go down the block. I go like I was will call he goes. Yeah, follow this and I go great And we go and there's this big like you know the bank lines where it has like the windy. Yes. Yes. Yes Yes, hate the windy we get up there. I go. Hi last name list. What do you got? Candace Burger and appears in the 1982 film Gandhi. Thank you about that. I don't know where that guy is ET Remember your birth so phone homo There's your title so I go hey, my name's list sister and I got a toe here buddy step on it. Yeah, man List, uh, I don't think so. I'm looking at one I go Epstein I had a feeling I go I think I'm VIP and she's like Looks at my outfit and it's like Listen pal. This is a serious event here. We go Take the take it outside take the filter outside. I think you're looking for the M&M store down the block So I text Laney and I go hey, I'm here. They don't know my ticket. She's like what we're at your will call now I have your tickets you know VIP. I don't know where Laney's at so I go all right Well, I'm here and then she comes walking at beautiful lady couldn't be nicer any Laney presents the tickets in like this big black envelope Big block. Yeah, hands it to me. It's got a bow on it a pass a wristband. It's legit. The box is dressed better than you it was Oh Settle hold the work All right, they saw they sawing up the sidewalk. Why I have no idea why it's a nightmare It never ends with this area. Yeah I'll tell you a little some neighborhood gossip a minute, but keep going there red car. I can't wait Ryan Gosling You can hear it a little bit, but I think it's I'll take it out. You want to get a shot of them doing that just for the b-roll, but don't give way my address Yeah All right, forget it. I see sparks shooting wow Let's see the sparks. It looks like the John sparks, but it looks like when they did did Jim Carrey's toenails Oh, yeah, that's a classic I got a pickaxe over here. Ah love a pickaxe now Can you be in a construction union without a tattoo? Is that is that legal? Not at all. I don't think so. You got to hit your wife as well Pretty sure to get in. Oh, I got one of the Things there you go qualifications. I couldn't think of the word Anyway, so yes VIP we get there we get the tickets and now It's celebrity set Emily Blunt is there. She's she's right there. We're looking at her. I got a nice photo of that glowing Oh, she's glowing baby damn and then we're we're going to Sicario. One of my favorite pictures. Yeah, she's hot now So then they go legion and you got to get in there. You got to go in because we're a little late So like everyone file it because everyone's it's so social with the movie starting late because everyone's just lingering That's good for you. And this is what I said to my lovely wife Respectfully. I was like being here. You can see why Hollywood marriages don't last Ah Because you walk around New York. I live in the business park and whatever they call you Financial district. Yep. Yep. And these women look so hot. I'm like the hottest woman. You go to the village hot It's women beautiful, but then you go to a Hollywood party. Ah It's like 300% hotter is that right everybody and they're wearing fucking Short skirts nine inch heels boob stuck together. They all have like mate. You can't even believe it I believe it. There's 50 women at this party premiere that are hotter than any woman I've ever seen Yeah, and they're dolled up. They got the hair the makeup the heels. It's not just hot women. It's hot women at their Sunday best It's on it was it was unbelievable. Yes, and then you think of these actors that they're like You know you're married And then you're like I've been cast in a movie. I know I'm making out with this broad and you're gonna be spending four months of rehearsals with Charlize Theron You guys kiss you fuck Then you got a trapment. It's it is. Yeah, then you gotta do see Hey, we should work on that scene, you know my house at four in the morning after having 13 cocktails She's like yeah, that's a good idea. Then all of a sudden you're blowing each other and you have to for the job Create chemistry create It's like wait, we have to be together. We have to have chemistry. Yes So and then they're hot. They're new. They're smelly. They're nice. They're fresh very smelly Nice smelly smelly only means bad That's good. I can smell you ever be good. That is a very good. This is why you're on top. Thank you That's why you got Dave Becky not listening smelly He listens. I don't want to cause any problems. All right, we love you back But I can call yeah, no one's ever like yeah, she's a smelly. That's true bad. No, no She smells like Louis Vuitton. Yeah, it's same with a this guy. He drinks Right all drink right, you know That's supposed to sound as good as smelly, but it's a it's something I've had this with a million a dress shirt Gotta be confusing for a foreigner Dresher. Yeah, or how about a pretty ugly Ah, that guy's pretty ugly military intelligence You don't want to get on the plane You I'm getting in the plane. Okay, George. Um, any who I got a sneeze please My go away. I do Well, yeah, these these Hollywood and that's why these Harvey Weinstein They get in there because they're like he's like how am I gonna fuck an 11 right? I'll become a movie producer and get power and I have no real talent. I can't you know play baseball or paint But I can produce I can get a bunch of money together and give it to people. Yeah, that's a good point Well, anyway, that it was smoke show central We're walking in and Sarah goes there's this big dormant and I go wow Francis, but don't right. I mean right where you are Wow, and then next to her there's this big tall ugly fella. It's Joel Cohen. Whoa My favorite. I mean like just the greatest the greatest screenwriting director of all time. I mean are they outs? Yeah, they haven't been together in a while. Oh, that's a shame, but I mean this man is standing here you got You know Miller's crossing big Lebowski inside Lord Davis no country for old man Fargo Uh true grit raising Arizona Oh my god, simple. Come on. It's just unbelievable Unbelievable. Now what is with the brotherhood movie guys part of it? Safties safties they're they's going the dumb and dumb are guys Farrowly Peter and then you got the the wakowski. I know they transitioned, but they were brothers originally Just saying it's a lot of brother. It's just I guess that natural bond helps you create Filmed together. Yeah, I guess so you're in there. I mean, I probably start off. You're in the living room together. Exactly You got a camera. Yeah, you're you're starting young making up a scenario making up a story then then one Weave craps a camera and Bob's your uncle a lot of musicians too. Oh hailing Alex and Ed even hailing. Yeah The other one might have been a brother. Yeah Ray Davies and Dave Davies Dave Davies boy, they fucked up on that one Mitch Mitchell He's a parent Dave Davies and then the remote's what I was offers the remote's where I was a kid I thought they were brothers, but there's no brothers in there. You think because it's the last name. Yeah with an S on it. Yeah Also pretty good you're talking for Hollywood relationships Kurt Russell Goldie Hahn They went the dist They're still together still faithful still in love and Russell's son is in the movie. Why Russell? There you go. Why is that tough? Yeah, I suppose so why it? Why not? I don't know why it hurt so anyways We go down that you got our seats and we're right down in there and Paul Dano is sitting two seats behind us Dano and his his wife who's Ilya Kazan's granddaughter, which I didn't know heck. It's a real nepofest Yeah, so Dano's there. We see Lauren Michaels as we're walking in. He looks like hell. He's 81 Man, he's like a supervillain. It's crazy. Uh, that's what Mike Myers thought certainly. Oh jeez So Lord Michaels is there Paul Dano. I look patty Smith is there, which is like My my jaw's on the floor patty. I love patty Smith Maddie mayonnaise and who else a few other people there and then Steven Spielberg comes out gives a speech Which is just why cuz you're like 15 feet from Steven Spielberg. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean the amount of hours you've given this to you Unbelievable and think about it. Did you hear I know you're off the gram? But I saw a clip maybe you can find this there Chuchu where he Stepped in what he call it interjected. They did it Spielberg trivia night in London. He shows up Wow at a bar and a random bar just shows up and goes actually Jaws was in 1975 Homos Wow, and they went That's crazy and a guy stole his phone, but still pretty cool That is cool. I always want to be one of those guys. I wish I was a star wouldn't you love to drop me like you always He was Bill Murray. Oh, he showed up. He made eight tequila sodas kissed a lady and left. Oh any vet is always busking with guys outside Like the drums with someone and it happens all the time. Busker Keaton. Uh, I think Billy Joe I'm strong did that recently or something like that joined in a band or maybe it was growl There's another video of Chad Smith just watching a drummer like a street drummer the chance mist is sitting there like He's the Creed Creed, who's chess? Oh, red hot chili peppers. Oh, it's like worse girl. Oh Creed my god Chad Kroger Thank you. It's a different Chad That guy's from you know the Creed drummer's name Barely that's what a Murphy Browse and Gandhi. I'm all over the place. No, the creeds lead singer is Scott stop Right what's the other one? I creed nickel back. Oh nickel back Yeah The wife's home about Italy didn't make the world cup. Isn't that crazy? Huh? Interesting. It's like a wild Oh jeez. We got a we had digressing like a cum guzzler anyways the movie Well, I hated the movie I just It was so fun so exciting and so cool, but my god. It's alien. I don't care about aliens Give me a guy with a job in a car. I won't give anything away, but I mean the plot. Yeah, you know, it's not anything away. The plot is not aliens are coming to kill us, which I could get into yeah It's the CIA's been hiding that there's aliens. Okay, it's like an Edward Snowden's like I'm gonna release the alien files That's the whole plot and I'm like I don't care enough for two and a half hours If you release the alien file, I don't release the aliens. Yeah, yeah, the file now we're down to files come on And the alien is just like classic big head like Yeah, boo. And I just didn't care. It's silly and just goofy, but It was awesome and so fun and so cool. Well, I've been to a few premieres. I always say the worst part is the movie Right, you know, it's like when you say the show is in the way. You know when you go on the road You want to hang you want to have a diner you want to get a drink you want to see the city and then you're like ah Get two shows. Yeah, the show is fun. It's just the shower. Yes. Yeah, I gotta be somewhere at what time is it what time is it? Yeah, yeah, exactly, but yeah, I've been a Ronnie Chang weirdly and I was like I'm going to the sea ghost busters I got an extra ticket. Do you want to go? It's a red carpet. You got to put a suit on and I was like oh my god You know a young boy who loves movies just show up you talked everybody everybody's way more famous than you way cooler than you So then you feel weird and then you go. Oh, where's my seat and then the movie comes on you're like This sucks and I just I sneak out after like eight minutes and then you're uncomfortable in your clothes Yeah, it's just a chair and then at a premiere you feel extra like I can't move I can't cough I can't sit I can't piss I can't look at my phone. Yeah, and then the guy goes up and gives a little talk He's like it wasn't easy my wife left me I wrote this in my basement. I'm like Right, but well this one too. I find myself during the movie There's like a game with a dress slid up to here with a 12 inch heel. So I'm like that's the movie. I'm like doing this Yeah, just look at that that thigh Sure You know, I'm master. Anyways, great time. I'm out Jerry. Well, I gotta tell you I went and saw obsession We're on the movie train. I keep hearing about this first of all. I didn't realize You know me and the wife had the night off the babies asleep and we had a friend over and the friends like I don't mind If you guys want to go out, you never get to go out. I'm always on the road. Whatever she goes. I'll watch the movie Well, I'm always on the road or she's doing something so you never go together together. That makes more sense So they go baby sleepy. We want to go see a movie or something. I'm like. Oh, yeah, we should see a fucking movie What do you got? Oh, we got a session. We got back rooms both at the bam. Oh I never I didn't realize I have a movie theater two blocks away from my home. You got an arena and a movie theater You're like sitting high on the horse. I know and I never utilize either one. I got the nets in the uh the women What do you call that? Yeah, exactly. Who's worse the nets of the Liberty? Yeah, the net's I guess they're playing in a men's team. That's statistically. Yeah, they're better. But yeah, so I go fuck it and I realized my boy he grows up in this neighborhood. He can just go to the movies. Oh, yeah, I love that Yeah, I mean you lived out in the woods. You couldn't go walk to the theater. I couldn't walk to the theater. No No, but it was like a 12-minute guard plus bam. Oh, Jim's giving everything away But bam is this beautiful like theater with all these different um Movie screens in it. So we walk into back rooms or like this looks wrong. We sat down. You ever have that They don't do previews over there. So that movie says 930. It starts at 930 wow So I was like, yeah, we'll get there at 935. So we missed the first five minutes and we walk into back rooms Now I'm like this looks wrong. There's a back room. There's a black guy This is bad. So we got out and we went and found the right one But we missed the first five of obsession. Yeah, sadly. I couldn't do it It wasn't easy, but we pushed through and we figured it out, but man great great time great movie the jump scares I'm in the room with like these big black guys and they're all like Hey, you see popcorn flying up blood inward and Black guys in a scary movie is really It's it's like a European and a soccer match. They dominate any movie with black guys is a scary movie That's true. What about reality, but yeah um Yeah, it was a great time Plus we're in the dark you never know. Yeah, but yeah great time that you finish the movie and you just walk home and a block away It's very exciting. No, I've lived this is one of my points of pride one of the hard things about the idea of moving is for 20 years I've been with walking distance to a cinema I got one eight minute walk from my house right now and I in a story I was right across the street from the Astoria Seminole Kaufman. There you go Karen's a Karen cinema Kaufman who is that lady who banged a bunch of police Some cinema with an S She fucked some guy it was like a secret service guy or something. No, it was a real hornball Whatever she was a politician lady. I don't remember this Local now now cinema was the name with an S her name was cinema. Yeah last name. Oh cinema roll I have no idea. Normal first name. Julie cinema Something like that Julie Judy Barber. What year are we talking? It's like a year ago. Oh, I have no idea Nancy Kiersten Kiersten. Yeah, that didn't ring a dick. No She acknowledged in court filing she had a romantic relationship with a member of her security Oh, the transcripts came out. Oh, I want you to And spin me down and poop and pull my hair and we pop hit me with a hit me with your gun and fuck me with the night stick Wow, it got raw Chi But just fun hearing a how a washing DC Whatever she is delegate senator super delegate uh-huh and just be like put it in my ass with a and go around the corner Put it in my mouth and suck it So how about this one, let me throw this at you and we'll jump back to you. - Please. - Now you got a lot of stuff. Lady Nox on the door yesterday. I was like, oh, anytime someone knocks on your door, you're like, what's this about? - Yeah. - And I'm a door man. So it's just right there. And so I'm in the kitchen, like, hello, and I walk over Asian lady Big Hat, Big Asian outfit. - And I ain't got that. - I wish. She had a gong. I didn't have a doorbell, so she had a gong. I went out there, she goes, I'm in the neighborhood. And I'm like, oh, this is already bad. 'Cause everybody in the neighborhood is like, just well to do adult. We're the two idiot kids over here. Don't you feel like a child around adults? I feel like these people are all stockbrokers and politicians and Mamdani. And I'm a comedian retard. - No, every day I want to McDonald's delivered. I come down in socks and fabledics. - Hey. - And I'm a fuckin' new party teacher. - Right, right. It's just all these walls. - Hey, guys, and I'm like, sorry, I have bed head. - Yes. - I'm a boner. - Okay, we're in the same boat. I walk up with it. I'm with stupid and hat with the arrow through my head. And I'm like, hey, how are you there, bitch? And she goes, yeah, I just want to say, we live on the street. We want to thank you for putting these plants outside. - Oh, hey. - We all hated you. And it came off, she was trying to be nice, but it came off as a threat. A little bit, like, hey, you finally got your shit together. And I'm acknowledging it. So thank you, but took a while. And all this, and I was like, okay, yeah, she's like, but I got to say, it's pretty dried out. You got to water these more. And I was like, oh, I watered them yesterday. And she was like, you got to put way more water in this. And then she went on this rant about how people steal plants. If they're not well watered, and I'm like, - We steal plants like rescues? - No, like to put in their yard. - Right, so they rescue the plant, I mean. - I guess. - If it's dry, they steal it and put it in their house. - Yeah, I guess. - Is that what it is? - 'Cause they don't want to buy a plant. - Oh. - Or a fell. But so they, she's like, oh, they'll steal your plants. If you don't want them, 'cause they're easy to dig up. But I'm like, oh, okay. But in my head, I'm like, is there a horticulture cleaf out there going a botany bitch going, hey, this is pretty dry. We can get this up. - I see. - I thought it meant like, they thought you were a music, so they were rescuing the plant. - Oh. - Like if you saw someone with a skinny dog, you grabbed the dog at night and feed it. - Oh, they good to do that with a woman. Hey, he's mistreated you, I'll kidnap you. Something. But yeah, so I was like, okay, and you're like, thank you. But that's what comes, this way, it's good to rent. - Yeah. - You live in a home, people also live in a home, and they're like, hey, you gotta step it up. You're making the neighborhood look bad, and she goes, this was the final piece. You guys putting this in was the final piece. Now we got a great street. - That's great, you know, have her over. - That's a little sour. - She didn't seem fun. - No, no. - Didn't seem like a beer, chug, and broad, but just a little scary of like, it was kind of mob-like. She runs the neighborhood, watch her, whatever it is. - And now they, yeah, now you know that you're being watched. - Exactly. - That's a little nerve wreck. - It's a little nerve, and then just months and months we had no plants that looked like shit out there, so they were just plotting. I just pictured them in big meetings with the Elkhead on. Like January 6th going, these fucking neighbors, we're gonna, we're gonna mollet off cocktail them. They don't get a shrub in here. - Well, that is the nice thing about living in a building. Nobody knows what's going on in the closed door. - Exactly. That's what I think I was thinking. You got the baby in there. You got a door, man. That's pretty much a built-in babysitter. - Yeah. - I know that's crazy talk, but no one's gonna steal him. And if there's a house fire, that's the other worry. He'll hit the alarm. - Who will hit the alarm? - The Adore man. - Yeah, I suppose so. That's the fire starts in the house and seems so good. - He's dead, and if he's really upset, he's dead. - Yeah. - I like to be near him. - All right. - General, perhaps some kind of adult, pretty close to him. - What are how many people died in the Malibu? How many kids were sleeping? - Oh, I think they woke him up, probably. - I see. - I think we'd know if kids died, right? Some of them, oh Bill Simmons lost two houses. - Whoa. - You know you're doing well when you lose two houses. - And it's tough 'cause you can't complain about. It's a weird place to be. You lose two houses in a Malibu fire. You can't be like, "I lost both my mansions that cost 20 million each." - You got to talk to somebody that also has two houses. You certainly can't call your aunt Betty and be like, "No, no, no, you can't." - You've got problems. Check this out. - Right, he can't go to a league and his gang should be like, "Ah, my houses, last 16 bedrooms and five bathrooms." - Exactly. I heard a lot of dogs or animals get just brought up into flames. - That's okay. - They only live seven years anyways. - Good point. - All right, so I had to talk with the age of the lady, but keep going. - Well, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. - You're good. Check, you're making a face. Come on. - It's good. - Oh, baby, that's like the age back here. He's a younger generation. He's that in the face of good point. - Hey folks, this episode's brought to you by Blutchoo. Life is too short for bad sex, absolutely here here. If you've been struggling in the bedroom, try Blutchoo Gold. Blutchoo Gold is a four in one tablet. That's one of the things all in just one tablet. It's easy to use with a formula designed to boost blood flow and arousal. It's your recipe for peak performance, when it matters most. Guys, it's not just, I mean, I just said this, but it's not just for getting hard. - No. - It feels better. It feels better, mentally, it feels better physically. 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Visit Blutchoo.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blutchoo for sponsoring the podcast and our bedroom. - Whoa. - Hey folks. Tuesday's store is brought to you by Fab Lettix. We love Fab Lettix. The Fab too right here. I guarantee that's Fab. - Absolutely. - That's probably Fab. - This is all we wear on the flights. I gave my wife some. We love Fab. Your clothes don't need to make a statement. They need to be goddamn comfortable. Get comfy with Fab Lettix. Sign up as a new VIP Fab Lettix member and get 70 to 80% off everything. Geez Louise, what a steal. Stock up on the premium athletic and leisure wear you love at a fraction of the price. Those other brands charge. Here's the thing. Everybody's dressing down these days. I see every high school kid has a hoodie and sweatpants and slippers on. And that's fine. We all want to be comfortable. But now you can be comfortable and look presentable. 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You probably hate 'em 'cause they made it. - No, no, I'm friends with one of the guys that's in it. - What? - Yeah, really? - Oh yeah, and then yeah, John McColley's in it. - Well, we've played with them. - Well, okay, well, of course. - We need about these ticks. - You read about these ticks? - What ticks? - Not the Deer Ticks, real ticks. They drop in ticks everywhere. - Oh, I heard this ticks. Tick not high. - Yeah. - Just talk, Paddywack, give a talk about. - Exactly, tick, tick, boom. They just say they unloaded a bunch of ticks on people. - Who unloaded ticks? - Bill Gates. - Oh, come on. - That's the rumor. He's going to get back online. - No, you got to get offline. That's the most retired thing I ever heard, but I didn't know that ticks are bad. - Ticks are bad. - Ticks are bad this season. That's what our bar, we ticked Marty to get his hair cut. By the way, the hair doctor, whatever the fuck you call it. - Hair cut. - She was like, your hair is unbelievable. You should feel great. - Oh, wow. - He's 44 years old. Look at this hair. She was rubbing her hands in there. - Oh, that feels good. - Yeah, that was pretty cool. - Wait, his hair, your hair. - My hair. - I thought she was cutting his hair. - She was cutting his hair. But then we talked about my hair. This is his hair. He has my hair his hair is wavy and gay and she was like you got great air look at this hair Then she was like look at this. You can see he has this. She's touching both our heads at once It was like a threesome great. Oh, man snippet and rubbin. That's nice. So hopefully she hopefully he gets your hair DNA I hope so they say it comes with a mom, but her she's not balding either no no she looks great So anyways going to see deer tick and chuck hate some. I love him, but um, you know, like him We just had this conversation. He's joking. Yeah, they like him. Oh, you know okay. Oh, yeah They're good guy I gotta hit with a tick so then so I got all this exciting stuff happening last week I wanted to talk about this last week. I had a gay I got a text from old Mark Marin our old bill Oh, yeah, and he goes hey, I got a gig fundraiser scoopily boot bobby bob It's one of these places the so-ho sessions, which is like these really These really wealthy people go to this unmarked venue, and they have all these huge Musicians play their celebrity Steve Gutenberg was at the show. Oh, well, we're not doing too great celebrity wise, but all right That's something that's something but I think dear he knows deer tick Gutenberg come on three men and a baby. Yeah, yeah Police academy Diner all right. Yeah, Diner, but we have nothing in the list Decay, well, I think you were tired to raise his kids Like one of those guys. It's like I want to be with the boy. That's what I'm gonna say when I bought him out of show business. Yeah, so Anyways, I did the gig Margot bright. You know Margot price. Yes love price our New Year's Eve The diehards were remember Sarah and I went and saw her in Lily Hyatt New Year's Eve in Brooklyn years ago She's on the show Jerry. It's it's me and Marin and Margot price and Jordan Jensen price is right and then how about this guy? You know this guy But George Jensen was on yeah or or with you. She's on the show. Oh, wow. Yeah, this is the show is it's Mark Marin's doing comedy. He's got killer new stuff and music got it and he's playing with Margot price and Jimmy Vaveena. Oh, I thought you were attending. No, no, I'm on the show. Oh, this is incredible. Yeah, so the show that's the show And who's this guy? I'm changing it. Oh, I'm fucking spacing on his goddamn name this sucks I didn't know who he was and then he was great It's huge huge. Hold on. What's the venue? So host sessions. Oh, that's the name. I thought that was the name of the show Jesse Wells You know this guy. Yeah, he's a youngster. He's huge evidently online. I know I'm well He sounds like a Dylan. He's got an acoustic guitar in a in a harmonica in his big rock and roll hair and nice biceps I might add he comes up to me and I felt bad because I didn't know he was like it's an honor to meet you joe list I'm a huge fan Wow, and he's just hanging with Margot price. They're singing angel from Montgomery the John Prince song They're like rehearsing it in the other room. It's like two angels singing. Whoa, it's crazy I'm a huge Margot price fan and Jimmy Vito from Conan of course here 2000 is there he's sitting there I'm like this is fucking nuts Wow and Marin can really well this guy Oh, he can hit the chords. He's a legit guitar player. He can speak the show is amazing. How many seats? I can't wait is this undergrasm a coffee shop? It's like a living room. So it's in so hot literally an unmarked place where these really wealthy Who's got it? Who they come and you go to the address and you're walking and it's just literally in so Oh, it's just a man in a suit big giant bald guy who looks like he's been in three wars and shot two kids Yeah, he's got the little twerly bird and I'm like uh, is this uh, who are you? I'm Joe Joe list the the comedian Wow, the door open the elevator is operated by a guy He's got the old school and it says up down. He goes Takes me up the elevator. I'm like, where the fuck am I you come in and it's like all these black and white photos of the rolling Stowels have played in there. It's like a secret hideout place Speak easy. It's just like a speak easy Beautiful couches velvet drinks cocktails bar the whole thing we go up. It's Jimmy Vino's just hanging out shooting the shit Margot prices rehearsing back there We went up on the roof and took some cool ass photos. Wow and I met Margot Price. I'm like What's nice is I have the New Year's Eve gig so she knows I'm legit. Who are you ain't I was Spielberg price? I'm intimidated. It's unbelievable. I go hey, I saw you in New Year's Eve with Lily Hatch You go, oh my god, you were at that show and I said it was awesome. You covered Prince 1999 she's like, oh, I keep leave you were there. I saw you in SNL old school. That's how I found you She's like, I love that. I love finding artists that way and I said I also found Jenny Lewis that way She's how Jenny Lewis is a friend of mine. I'm just like like equals Jerry. Wow So I have this thought I'm like, okay, now I'm friends with Margot Price. She's gonna watch me She's gonna think I'm the best comedian in the world. We're gonna tour together. We're gonna be best buddies You got to bring the heat on the show. So I'm like I got to bring the heat So we go now see a time to start the show Jordan Jensen's on for it's mark is doing some stand-up He's gonna bring up Jordan than the band got it Jordan's late. Her door handle fell off. Whatever the fuck. I'm like, where are you? This is crazy. And she's like who Margot? Who Margot? What? Who's this lady? Right Who's that guy Jesse? What? Whatever? Yeah, and I go God. You don't know Margot Price your piece of shit educate yourself You're a fucking piece of shit. So we go down. She's first. She goes let's switch. I can't go first Whoa, you go first. You go first. You should go for that and I'm like get out of here I want I don't want that spot for you sweet spot. We're at a table Margot Price is sitting with us I keep on say junior wells. That's a Musician a blues guy horse and wills. What's this guy's name again? Jesse wills. Yeah, he's sitting there And now I feel awkward because he's a fan of mine. I can tell he's somebody, but I don't I'm not that familiar So I can handle that is awkward and you never want to lie because then you get caught in the lie Tell me about it So I go so I'm sitting there and I go all right. Jordan's first. She's gonna Take a little bit of a beating then there'll be some music and then I'll have the best spot Margot Price is gonna fall in love. Whoa mama. So Up goes Jordan and I go hey, I'll see. She's okay, you know Jordan Yeah, I mean she is a talent she killed fair and it's a riffie too It's all up down off the cuff but back in the material back into riffing crowd work So I'm sitting there watching. I love Jordan Margot Price is over here. So I'm kind of like half looking because I got a bit of a thing for her She's like my one of my favorite musicians. She's great and she's going Check your legs up junior Wells is playing the harmonic Push each other in the bushes. You doomed. So now I started getting this sweat of like Well, they're never gonna like me as much as they like her Is high five in there on each other's shoulders Jordan comes off, and I'm like well now I'm nervous. This is crazy. I'm trying to be like whoo the great job Oh, that's pretty good, but wait do you see this? So then Mark Maron plays some music yada yada yada Spanish Spanish. She comes off. He brings me up gives me the nicest intro. He's like this guy is my favorite blah blah blah So I'm like touched. I thought the guy hated me He gives that vibe. So I look at bargo pride. I'm like get ready for sure. I go up there. Good. The whole time I'm in my head of like Margot Price Watching me. Yes. Do comedy. Yes. Gutenberg's here. Marin's watching Jimmy Pevino's there and it's slow going at first. It's a little slow, and then I start getting them And then I start really getting them and then I start like Slay it now. I'm feeling I'm like Chris rock up there. Pow bang Boom. I'm gonna be on tour with price. I come off stage. Jordan's like that was awesome. You killed holy shit And I'm like where's where's Margot? She's she left the second you went on stage. She had to margo. She said Because I was like oh I'm nervous now. She said you got in her head. You made her nervous. She went up She said she had to get a cup of tea and I go What are you kidding? I go When I go when did she leave? She goes literally as you're walking on stage. She went up. Oh, that's bad So I go you're kidding me then She comes she reappears She was gone a hundred percent of my set And then as we're leaving. She's hugging Jordan. She's like it was so nice to me. I'm gonna do a deep dive on all your stuff She's like I love you. I'm a I'm a Jordan Jensen fan now. Meanwhile, I'm the guy who was at the show 10 years ago You should have gone first. I should have gone first What a cleaf she leaves so now they're best buddies. I'm in the elevator I'm like you don't even like I said then Jordan this con she tries to make up for it She goes oh by the way margo you missed his set. He didn't even better than me and margo goes no way So now she's trying to like make me feel better But now she's got margo price being like no way he's as good as you you got priced out back I'm like shut up stop it. Damn it and margo I was like oh you blew my mouth she tagged her on Instagram. I just saw the face. I can't forget Cut Jordan. I'm out. Jesus. Don't price story my career. I missed the red carpet. Spielberg hates me Margo price doesn't think I'm funny. Wow. What a weekend. But Vino was like oh, you're good. You're good And you're like get out of you kick him down a flat of stairs. I'll say this about Vino. He's like You were on our show. I remember you. How about that? I was like I was on the show 10 years ago. That's incredible He's like yeah, I remember I was like, I did a couple of times. He's like, I remember, you're funny. I'm Jimmy Vivino remembered me from 10 years ago. - Team Vivino over here. - He's 81 years old. - Wow. - He was just like, oh, Joe list, I know you. - Love it, what a guy. But Price walked out. - Yeah, Price Waterhouse Cooper. - So, Jensen wins again. - Yeah, but man, she is special. - That is a special talent. - He crushes good for her. Her price will be sizzling up the afternoon. That's exciting. - But hey, at least you got to go. You got to rub elbows with all these hot artists and Doc talked to Baron. - Yeah, met her, he was cool, and Jesse Wells is, then I did a deep dive on Wells. And he's awesome, and he's a fan, I mean, at least. So that's cool. - Ah, great. - He's good, you got to check him out. He's very popular. - All right, Wells Z. - Wells Z. - Okay, I had no idea. Good to meet you Wells. - Anyways. - But see, that's something about New York. They have these, you would walk by them all day long. These underground basements that are like, beautiful sex dungeons, or amphitheaters, or podcast studios, they're all below the earth. - And where are these guys someday? Sometimes, sometimes. - People will go, "Oh my gosh, oh, that's. " - Yeah. - This is all no idea you're sitting here. - I don't know, they don't care. - I don't know about that, but. - Well, they feel that way. Some people do. - Well, you ever did that Soho Chess gig? It's in a Chess lounge. - Oh. - I think you were supposed to do it. Back around? - Yeah. - Yeah, back around. - Yeah, Dan Davies. - Yes. - Is it Dan Davies? - That's one of those gigs you walk by. You're just like, "Oh, what's this glass door?" And then you do the gig there and you go, "Eh, they buzz you in, and you're walking there." And it's Mick Jagger playing chess with Jimi Hendrix photo, and then JFK is fucking Marilyn Row on a Chess set. And it's beautiful and ornate and stylish. And you go in the back room. There's a bar in the bartender's, the hottest woman you ever see, and all these rich people. And then you got a bomb in front of them. But you're like, "These are everywhere all over the city." And you just never know. You work right by 'em. - Yeah, that's why I told you, I asked Adam Glinn. You remember Adam Glinn? - Oh, yeah. - Comedian who worked for TMZ, and I was like, "How often are we walking by celebrities?" He's like, "Every single day." - Come on. 'Cause there's everybody, you don't know it and you don't look at everybody's face, you're busy, you're looking at your phone, whatever they have a hat on. So they're just walking about. - Sure. - You think of that when you're at the premiere, and I'm just, with the Nick's hat, he's walking home. - Yeah. - He's taking a train, he's on, you know, they're around. They're all living here. - That's true, and he's a normal looking guy. He's not like a hot dude. - No. - So no one double takes. They go, "Oh, who's that little string bean?" - Yeah. - I saw Seth Meyers once, so I was just on the train. I look over Seth Meyers. This is probably like 15 years ago. - Wow. - But I was like, "Wow, Seth Meyers of SNL is just riding the train with me." - It's pretty wild. - T-shirt and jeans. - Well, I've been on the train with Louis many times and Colin Quinn, many times, and. - Nobody knows. - Yeah. - They're just sitting there. - They both look like just sad old men. So no one's gonna go, say, "The guy from remote control." - Right. - Yeah. - One time I probably told this to, I was at a rest stop with Colin. The guy goes, "Oh my god, you're Colin Farrell." - Oh, man. That's good. - I'm something like that. - Yeah. - Well, I'm gonna go see obsession. I'm in Calgary next weekend. - Oh, there you go. - I'll do it up there. And no opener, 'cause the flight was $1800. - They got locals galore up there. - Yeah. - There's a lot of comics up there, so choose wisely. - Yeah. - But what else do you got? - Great town. Great town. Not much. Are we done? Oh, great. All right. See, I want to talk about obsession. We did that. I want to talk about the Asian lady. - Coil? - Boil. - Boil. - Boil. - I showed up sun, I did Milwaukee. - Milwaukee. - Great town. - I did a, what's that? - Wayne's world. - Oh, yeah, I couldn't remember that one. But yeah, Milwaukee, cute little town. Never been in the summer. I've always gone on its Siberian winters. And we were in Milwaukee together, weren't we? - Were we? - For Adam Ray. - Was that Milwaukee? - Oh, I did another one. - I did another one that you, wait, where did we do it together? - Yeah, where was that? We had the chicken farm. - Oh, Indianapolis. - Indianapolis. - That's right, that's right. So in Milwaukee, cute town. I got my opener sets up a secret show at the Laughing Tap. Great room. So we do two on Friday at the club, great club. And then you gotta go, it's one of these clubs that's way out 30 minutes outside the city. So then you gotta haul ass into the city. And how about this? I'm sitting, we did the show, great show, Laughing Tap, good room. Sitting at the show, at a bar, next to the show, two in the morning, half in the bag, Dragon of Cocktail. On the TV is America's Funny Zone videos. - You know some bars was play old shit. - Yeah. - To be kitschy and weird. America's Funny Zone videos now looks like the '50s. - Really? - It's Bob Sagitt, fully dressed. By the way, Bob Sagitt, filthy comedian on the cleanest show. - Yeah, two of the cleanest shows. - Yes, that would be like Tony Hinchcliff hosting the Tony's. - Oh, that's a weird example. - But you know what I mean? Like, you're Oscar, I didn't know it was in the Oscars. - Yeah, you put, but take it filthy comedian, that was so internet-backed. - Right, right. - So nobody was like, this guy, look at this joke he did in 1985. - That's a great point. - Thank you. - Yeah. - Maybe having Tony Hinchcliff on a family feud or something. - I always think that because I've said this for years, I think a fun gig would be like on a Disney Junior show where I'm like the principal guy. And I come in, I go, hey, Shelley put down the eggs. - That'd be great. - But now, I don't think I can do it 'cause they'd be like, who is this guy anyway? - Whoa. - Exactly. - And black people are scary and going, what long are you going to do? - Right, right. - Yeah. - You gotta get this guy off the show. - Completely. One lady on the set would go, hey, look at this. And it'd be us on our pod going like this together. - Right. - You know? And you'd be out, it's like Louis was in Pets too or whatever. - Sometimes I think about, if I could run for office, 'cause I feel like I could be a Democrat who says retard and we need you. - And it'd be nice. - Yeah, yeah. A little bit like, hey, I'm like a moderate left kind of Democrat. - Cool. - A normal saying, yeah. - I like the police, I'm pro, police, I'm pro union. I'm like, I like the military, I respect them. But I could say, we, you know, homos can get married and we're gonna text the rich, whatever. - There you go. - So I could be that guy, but as soon as I, especially for the Democratic Party, since I tried to run, they'd be like, look at us. And I'm like, hey, I'm out. - They'd fight a trans joke from 2009. - Yeah. - It does though. - 2009, I don't even heard of a trans person. - Yeah, I had, check my search history. But that was funny, there was a subway in Dublin's called Translink. And I was like, I've clicked on this a few times. - Hey, that's good. - That's good, it's not bad. - That's good. So yeah, I'm watching the show and I'm glossy-eyed, but it's so crazy, 'cause you got Bob full tie and he'll kneel down next to like a nine-year-old girl and be like, hey Sally, how'd you feel about the video? And he was like, oh, boy, it's the 50. She's wearing a full gown with white shoes and then her hair's done, she has a bow and her hair. And you're like, wow, this is a different time. These days are over, because you backed in, you went on TV, it was a big deal. - Well, I'm an old boomer now, but it's like my brain, wrapping my head around 1996, being 30 years ago, this is impossible to be. - That's crazy. - It is crazy. And then it's just America, America, this is you. - And then you, 'cause in the 90s, every movie was like, it's the 90s man, chill out. - Right. - Really, cut loose, it's the 90s, but the 90s looking back were, leave it to be ever still. We didn't realize it. - It's a, it's topsy-turvy world and I want to go back to the 90s. - Yeah, it was a good time. - Fun time. - I loved it. - You can send a video in over your dad getting kicked in the balls by a Shetland pony and wind 10 grand. - VHS. - Yeah. - It's crazy, but you don't carry like enough. I was sending out VHSs. - You sent many? - Oh, comedy. I thought you meant the America's funniest. - No, no, no, to like, you know, chuckle dicks. - Sure, sure. That's a big envelope, too. That's a heavy package. - Yeah, I get one right here. - Yeah, folks, well. - Where are you gonna be? Where'd you send a video to this week? - I have no idea. - Where am I gonna be? What day is it? - It's June 15th. - All right. - No, he's asked me. - June 22nd. - Yeah, June 22nd. - Go see Sarah, this Sunday at Hilarities, and Cleveland, I'm gonna try to do a guest spot. Portland, July, 2nd, 3rd. I got Tacoma. My favorite city, my home, away from home. I used to be there every three weeks, but then I had a child now I'm never there. - They're always in Tacoma. - July, I used to be, that's for sure. July, 3rd. No, end of July, I'm there. Let me pull up my dates 'cause I'm so bad about fucking promoting my dates, I'm a piece of shit. It doesn't deserve any happiness. - Here, here. - Hold on, hold on, hold on, I'm coming, don't worry. Philadelphia Helium, October 22nd. That's at the end of the year, sort of. Stepsides, blitters, October 1st through the 3rd. Tacoma, Washington, July 23rd, 24th, 25th. Portland, Oregon, back in the Pacific Northwest. August, 13, 14, and 15. I fucking love that room. St. Louis Funnyboat, one of the first rooms to ever headline me. August 20th, 21st, 22nd, Comedy Motherships, September 4th, 5th, and 6th. - He has. - For Future Home, Royal Oak, Michigan. Coming back there, September 10th through the 12th. So all kinds of fucking dates. And jump on the Patreon, we're doing crazy shit over there. It's a lot of fun, a lot of video stuff up. And that's it. - All right, I'll be in Detroit area, Royal Oak. Mark Ridley's comedy. castle. Then we got the nice July 4th. Then Cleveland, Ohio, Hello, arities love that club. Uh, can't wait to get out there. Emerald calm Emerald City Comedy Club Seattle. Never been there. I hear great things. Pretty pumped to do it. Side splitters in Tampa. And San Francisco Cobb's couple tickets left Houston improv and Zaney's Nashville Pittsburgh improv and Calgary left shop and Minneapolis and ACME. Lot of low tickets. So get on it. Folks, let's add some shows. Let's get cookie. We got a new hour. What do you got? Chuck, Chuck Barry. Check out my podcasts, fun, bearable, but more importantly, uh, if you want to get involved, we're doing a very special film project, uh, reach out to me at discount, Chuck on Twitter, Instagram. And just to fill you in a little bit because I saw some comments about this project. This is a project where we raised a lot of money and got the impractical jokers crew to come to Rhode Island for a week and shoot. So this is a very serious thing. And, uh, yeah. So reach out. If you want to get involved, we're still looking for some money for post work. Um, but yeah, looking for some some work and we appreciate the gaze that are already involved. You better believe it. Nobody better than the gaze. Thank you, folks. Get on the picture. I'm going to a bonus right now. [Music]