#659 - Ari Matti

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Just want to let you know that in case you're riding in the car with your kids or something like that. Hope everybody's having a great day. Enjoy the episode. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. Some people call him the Estonian assassin because he's from a country called Estonia. You may have seen him on Kill Tony. He's touring all over the country right now. I'm grateful to spend time with Mr. Ari Matty. You guys don't do headphones, do you? No, I don't care about it. Do you? No. I don't know. Joe does it. You did Rogan's. If it's like, if the other guy has it, then I got it. The headphones? Yeah. Yeah, if one guy's wearing it. It's just weird. Yeah, it's like being in a threesome and you're the guy that doesn't put on, and the other guy puts a condom on. It is true. You know what I'm saying? Like if at that point, you're like, oh, okay. Then yeah, you know. It's kind of like, I feel like that sort of energy, dude. Yeah. Ari Matty, good to see you, bro. Good to see you. Thank you, bro. Fuck yeah, let's get it, dude. Good to see you, my friend. Good to see you, man. Um, how was, uh, how was your weekend in Nashville? You were just performing here this week. What was it like? Did you get out to Broadway? What was some of your take of the place? I've been to Broadway, uh, the past times I've been to Nashville. It's, it's basically, we have, it's very similar to Austin, you know. But, uh, yeah, I did just St. East this time. It was awesome. I didn't really go to Broadway. I stayed, I stayed away from that. But you've seen it before, right? I mean, it's a spectacle for sure. It's, it's for sure a spectacle to watch people. Last time I was on Broadway, I stepped into a puddle that, you know, when you don't know the depth of a puddle. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's like almost up to my knee. I, like, fell into a, I fell into the sea. And then I had to continue my night with a wet foot. And when you're 34 years old and you get a little, like, air conditioning with a wet foot, I know I'm gonna get sick. Oh, yeah. And then I was, like, sick for two weeks. Oh, yeah. And that's some real, I mean, some, you'll see a puddle out there and you'll see a damn, somebody fishing in it, you know. When I was 19, I could jump into a fucking fountain and then get out and just party on, no issue. Now, if my toe is wet, it's gonna be a big, I could, I could die. I could get pneumonia and fucking die, dude. It is, bro. Shit, when you're, shit gets. Oh, it's crazy. Yeah. I literally, like, I had one of my first, one of these that I slipped and I fell. And I thought, it's over. Like, the pain that went through my lower back, my ass, I literally thought it's broken, like, call the hospital. When I was, when I was 17, I, not 17, I was, like, 15. Yeah. I had a, I had a skateboard and I held on to the back of a bus, you know, like, for a ride. Oh, yeah, like in Back to the Future type of thing. Yeah, like in Tony Hawk Pro Skater, you know. Yes. And then in typical bus driver form, he should, he sped up trying to lose me and kill me. And I went, like, like, face first into a pavement wall and nothing happened. You just stand up. Now, a badly timed sidewalk could kill me. Bro, I'm such a bitch, it's crazy. I literally got out of bed too fast, like, a year ago and my hip popped. Dude, I can still feel it. When it's cold, I still feel it. Yeah, brother, I feel you. And some of that stuff is just, and you don't know how to explain it to people and you don't, you don't want to explain it because it just weakens you. It weakens. If, if the part of you that breaks all the time hears you speak about it, you can. It's not good. It's not, because. And I never address it. No. Yeah, I've just been with a blown up hip. And in a cold morning, that hurts like a. Oh, brother, it's. The littlest things you don't even realize. It's like, when I was younger, I would just jump in the air. Now, now I have to go down a little, look up, and then jump. If you want me to jump on something, give me 15 minutes. I need rubber bands, I need exercises, I need to warm up. It's crazy, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I need to interview a flat earther. I need to have. And then, you know, when you watch, like, you know when you watch, like, a video. Have you seen these cranium videos now? No, what is it? It's like a thing where they're like. It's like a guy, he, like, goes into your mouth, and he, like, releases childhood drama, and then people cry on a table. And I'm like, am I. Do I need to get my cranium released? What is it called? Can you bring this up? I haven't seen it. Cranium release. Cranial. That's, like, all my feet right now. This is craniofacial. Facial release and craniosac. I saw one video. It was a black guy. They released his cranial. He became white. It's crazy. It's like everything in your life. It's like everything in your life can be released with a cranial. There's a lot of trauma, dude, in the culture. There's a lot of trauma in the culture. Bro, that's crazy. They release you when you're fucking a woman. Like, tits just pop out of you or something. Yeah, you get a bigger cock. You grow taller. It's funny when you find out stuff that it's like. I haven't seen this. Bring this up. I just want to. It's huge. And who's doing it? It's probably a. Is it a Middle Easterner trying to do it to somebody? See, yeah, yeah. Let's say. What the f***? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They put like a balloon up your nose and it comes out of your mouth. It's all crazy. And it's part of the Harlem Globetrotters. What is it? Oh, yeah. This is so funny. Bro, first of all, go back 10 seconds. Just seeing a Middle Eastern guy with a skull. Yeah. It's just. It's too much. I know, I know, I know, I know. What the f***? And now this lady's straight. She was a lesbian before and now she's straight. Everything in your life can be fixed by cranial. Oh, God. Yeah. It's always. It's always like this. It's kind of like a tightly. It's like a Persian in like fitted figs or whatever. And they're just explaining to you like how it will save you. And what do they do? They put it in? Is there another video? Yeah, I see this guy. He puts a f***ing thumb in his mouth and he sucks on it. Oh, well, then he. That's trauma. Then he needs the cranial. Look at this guy. Oh, I've seen this. Is this real? I know, I know. This is the thing. Cranial. For my cranial sacral and nervous system reset. You can reset it. This guy's just blowing up. Is he blowing? No, no. I think he's pushing like on the. Okay, I went too deep. Are you. You feel better? Oh, I feel like calling somebody a f***ing f***. But I think. But not me, though. Not me. But yeah, so I don't think this is good for me. There's always like new trends where you find out that this is what's wrong with your life, that you haven't had. Your cranial is all f***ed up. Yeah. Okay, here we got a guy. They got a honky laid out here. So, three different openings in each side of the nose. So, we're going to do left, lower. This is going to be a little cold. It's going to be a little weird. I feel a little weird at first. No, shit is a little weird. He literally blows it up. I know. He literally swells up your brain. This is crazy. I don't like any doctor that just has three diplomas and a word of mouth, you know? Okay. I'm going to blow it up a little bit. Yeah, dude. Yeah. A word of snout. This guy is f***ing. Are you ready to close your mouth? If you can't see at home, they've just put a balloon into this guy's head and then they. Yeah. Blew it up. Blew it up. Blew it up. Blew it up with air. He just blew up. Did you hear that? And now he's smiling. In reality, that was. Now he's straight. Now he's straight. There you go, dude. Well, they had that pray in the gay out of children. Remember, that was a big thing. Not for us, but big in America. In America. Pray the gay away. Pray the gay away. Yeah. And it's always the gayest guy telling you to pray. And it's funny that they send you to a camp filled with 40 dudes and deep in the woods with no contact to the outside world. Seems like a great place to be. They even tell you. Even God shut his eyes for this one. Don't worry. The next two weeks, we are free in the river, brother. Free at last, brother. Free at last. Well, gays, you know, I grew up around it. Have you ever seen a rest area in America? Like a pit. Like a rest stop? Yes. Yeah, that's where you suck, suck, suck, suck. It was a big thing. And they shut it down for a while. They started putting like glyphosate in the backyard there and stuff like that. They tried to shut it down. But. You don't stop gay people from fucking, dude. Well, look. I'm like, it'll kill weeds. But it's not, you know what I'm saying? It's not stopping. You know, it's not stopping some of these sexual trends. But they had a lot of gays in our area. They would meet up behind there. For sure. And they would. They had a river back there and they'd get out. They'd do drugs and get out in the river and hug and everything. Gay people love to fuck in a bush. Like it's. Why? I don't know. Yeah, it's like get a hotel. It's okay now. But it's like when I went to. I used to live in Vancouver. When I moved there, literally first night when I moved there, I went for a walk. Stanley Park. It's the local park next to the city. - Oh, I've been there, it's beautiful. - Oh, oh, oh. - Goes along the, right along the water. - It's literally like, you become a werewolf there. It's like so nice and quiet. First time I was there, I got a little high, I was deep in the woods thinking of my own things, and it's like so quiet and serene. And then I'm like, I'm like, I take my shirt off, it's like sunny, I get some sun on my, I get a little tan going, I do a little pushups, a little shadow boxing. I'm alone in the woods. - Okay, of course, this is natural, yeah. - It's natural, you do a little pushups. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like a deleted scene from the Bible, I feel like, but let's hear more, I wanna hear more about it. - Deleted scene from the Bible. - Bro, if you and me made deleted scenes from the Bible? - Now that's funny. Deleted scenes from the Bible is a funny concept, it's- - Anyway, I interrupted you. - I'm doing a little pushups, I'm getting a little glisten going. Then I see a guy like walking past, and it's. - When a guy's trying to fuck, it's a look they have. It's just the way they move. It's like, he's walking one way, but he's looking at me like this. He's got his sunglasses on, but he's peeking over the sunglasses, right? - Right. So everything he's doing, he's doing something separate. Like he's walking one way, but looking another way. He's got sunglasses on, but he's got them down and looking over. So he's. - He's establishing contact, first contact. - Yes, sir, yes, he is. - He keeps walking, I keep boxing. - Now you're boxing harder. - Yeah, I'm trying to be like, look at this shit. You don't want none of this. And then, five minutes go by, he comes out of another bush. Like I hear a crack, and I'm like, now he's closer. So now, I take my music out, 'cause I need all my senses. This is, this might be an ambush. There might be several of them. This is like a room of mirrors. Which is the real guy trying to fuck me, dude. - Oh, that's crazy. - Yeah, yeah, so I need all my senses. - That'd be a cool game show. - So I'm trying to get sober. I like throw some water on my face. I need to be sharp. I put my backpack on, I'm about to. I have to fuck my way out of this forest. - You fix your hip really quick, yeah. - Oh yeah, I start warming up. So then, he comes, "Hey, man." And I try to give him a, "Hey, man." But not a, "Hey, man." Not a friendly one. I give him a, "Hey, man." Like a little. - Right, like what are we doing here? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. "Hey, man." - "Hey, man." - He goes, "You want a beer?" I go, "Nah, I don't want a beer." Then I realize, "Oh, oh, he's out here." And then he disappears. I change location. Different guy, like another one. Backpack, he's looking like he's been in the woods for days looking for Dick. - Wow. - And he walks, and this new guy, he walks past. - Like, where's Dick, though? Yeah, kind of like where's Waldo, but a little different. Like, where's Dick, though? - And he walks past, same look. Just a full eye contact. And now I see there's a cock hanging from him. He's got it out, he's got it out. Maybe he heard. - Yeah, maybe, like, down at the base. - Like that was the messenger. We got one. - Yeah, yeah. - And it's kind of on me. I mean, I'm a little like a gay superhero. - I will say. - I know, it's kind of on me, by the way. - Yeah, you're like a piece of bait in the woods. You've set your shadowboxing, which shadowboxing is, but here's what it gives, I think. It gives this idea, oh, I wish somebody else were here with me. - Exactly, oh, the shadow. I need someone to be the shadow. - Right. So then the guy just paints himself black and it starts, that's like laying connected to your feet. - Then I see his cock. Now I'm kind of, and both, by the way, you know when I was offended? Both those guys looked like absolute ass. Like 50 years old. I'm a beautiful angel. I'm like 26 years old at my prime. - Yes. - I'm doing shadowboxing. Even if I fuck you, the others would never believe you. Like, dude, I would be like a myth that they talk about in the gay circle. - In the gay circle for years, there's this blue eyed. Yeah, if you stay in Stanley Park long enough, an angel will appear. So. - God dang, bro. - And I'm like, and it's funny. It's my first time being kind of like sexually assaulted, I would say. And it's funny, it kind of put things into perspective for me as well, how like, it's not. - Tell it. - It's not that I can't beat the fuck out of you. I'm not, I don't feel it. I don't feel it. I don't feel it at all. - And the guy banging the other guy's mouth, he like makes eye contact. - The chef, they call that guy. - Yes, the chef. - Okay. - And he's cooking up a meal. - Mom, mom! - Okay, it's just, okay, keep going. Sorry, some of the sounds are making some, I don't want the neighbors knocking. 'Cause you know, it's like, no, but go on. - And he makes eye contact with me. - Why do they keep doing that? - I know, it's crazy. He's like, you want some? Oh! So I turn around, I find a road, and then I see like another guy on the trail, and I'm already giving him a weird like, stay away from him. Then I realized, and then I saw his family. It's just a German guy looking for, and I wanted to tell him like, oh, I'm truly going nine, don't go there. And then I get out of the woods, and then I, then, of course, immediately I go on Reddit and Facebook groups. That's the suck and fuck stump. I was literally like, have you seen "The Grey" with Liam Neeson? Have you seen "The Grey"? - "The Grey"? Do you remember where he wife fights the wolves? - I haven't seen it. I've seen the advertisement for it, but I didn't fall for it yet, but I will soon. - It's like a movie where he fights wolves 'cause they keep attacking him, and then at the end of the movie you find out the whole time he's been trying to escape the wolves. See, this is me with the gay guy. Look, look, look, look. This is me with the gay man. - God. - Yeah, he's trying to escape the wolves, but then at the end of the movie, he goes to the nest of the wolves, which they're most protective. That's how I felt. Like I accidentally-- - Like you were in the swarm. It's almost like you had somehow found your way through the honeycomb to the queen bee. - Yeah, and then for a year, if I did stand-up, I always talked about that experience, and whenever I said, first time I came to Vancouver, I went to Stanley Park, and everyone already laughs 'cause they know it's a suck-and-fuck push. - And it's called Stanley Park? Well, it's crazy because they have one in Pittsburgh called Shenley Park. - And they fuck there, too. - And there used to be rumors of different quarterbacks for the Steelers going up there and doing male-on-male sexual, and then they had-- But bring up, yeah, can we get a Reddit or like a Google review? Let's go to Google review of Stanley Park and just go down that privately and see if you get any, if people are reporting, you know, kind of gay activities over there. - Reporting gay activities. - Well, it used to be, like to go-- And I'm sorry you went through that. And when I was a kid, across that river, so where the rest area was, across from that, they had a lot of men, like kind of straight men or people that worked in, like semi-straight, people that worked in mechanics, you know, mechanics assistant or construction or something. They would, they had one of those, like those slingshot things, the big ones, and they would shoot potatoes across, 'cause I grew up on the other side of the river across from the rest area. So we'd get out there when we were kids with binoculars and watch the guys do dope and then hug in the water. And hug in the water. Yeah, it really was like a deleted scene from the Bible. Dude, that's another one we have now. So it was like, but some of the adult men would fire a potato. If they got too close, they'd fire a tot over at them to get them to separate, you know? So it was like this crazy shit that went on. But I think it is interesting when you get around the woods and when you get back to nature, like how sexuality is really close right there. For sure, yeah. And it's also like, there's for sure the thrill of like, like I have a gay friend of mine. He's like older and he says, oh yeah, there's all kinds of underground suck and fuck clubs and they fuck in the bush. Oh my. It's because, you know, men want to be a little perverted, but we have to, when we bang women, we have to, we have to, they're angels, you know? So we have to like. That's a good point. But if there's two guys, we want to make it. Oh yeah, it's like I want to throw you halfway through a window. I want to fuck your mouth in a bush, you know? That's what I want to do. And guess what? He wants to do that too. Oh my God. Yeah. Here's a note. Somebody right here said, I masturbate in Stanley Park and I'm sorry. Anyone who stumbled into me doing that, but I don't do it in front of people. I am not a sex offender. So this is somebody just clear in the air. Do you see how rough that note looked? Holy shit, dude. Yeah. It says historically Stanley Park. Stanley Park has served as a gay cruising location with secluded trails near the Lost Lagoon and forest areas. You could have been in the Lost Lagoon, my brother. I know. I was very lost. But I could see this also. You were in the park for a couple of days and it could change your sexuality. Do you feel like something like that could happen? Like nature is just such a ground where something different can happen. The woods is always like a mysterious place. Mysterious place. Like even when you were a kid and you would go there, it was just like, you know what I'm saying? That's where like anything. There were monsters. There was porn hidden. Yeah, yeah. I smoked my first cigarette in the bush. It all happened in there. I had my first piece of alcohol in the bush. It's always like there's a tree house, first kisses. There's people living there. Some guy's just living there. This guy, yeah, living in the woods. Yeah, there's just a lot that happens there. And I think there always has been. It's a very mysterious place. And I think gay people used to not be able to just be gay. Exactly. So that's like, I guess it's like a throwback to them. Like when times were not simpler, but more exhilarating, I guess. Oh, for sure, dude. I think being gay now would seem very. I mean, it's boring now. I agree. My neighbor says he's gay. I'm like, yeah, I'm straight. I'm tall. Yeah. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, you're gay. Yeah, we're an 11, you know? I was like, I'm from like, oh my God. Like that friend I was talking about who I ask all these gay questions. I have like one gay confidant. Okay. I ask him all kinds of gay stuff. Here in the U.S.? No, he's Estonian. And he doesn't get offended. I can ask him whatever I want. Okay. And you're from Estonia. I want to ask you about that. I want to get into that, but before you go on, so. He's like in his 50s, you know? Okay. So he's an adult. He's a fully activated. So he grew up, like if you grew up gay in San Francisco, how hard is it to come out of the closet in San? Their parents are probably, you probably get a benefit, you know? You probably get a, yeah. You get a kickback. You get a support group. You have all these friends. Your parents are happy. Yeah. You get like a special metalog in or something. Yeah. You start standing. You end up, you get a Netflix deal within a year. Within a year. You get a podcast. That is true, dude. I know. You get a podcast given to you and suddenly you're on the charts no matter what. Yeah. It's like, who was the famous transition, the athlete who went, now it's a she. Pre Fontaine or whatever? No, no, no. It's the famous family. Caitlyn Jenner. Caitlyn Jenner. Yes, Caitlyn Jenner. So for her, multi-millionaire coming out of the closet immediately on Forbes or Times Magazine, Women of the Year. It's like a, for her, transitioning, I mean, transitioning for a millionaire in Hollywood, how hard can it be? Right. Now imagine being gay during like the Soviet Union. You have to suck cock in the shadows like a secret agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Now that's exhilarating. Double O slurping, dude. That's got to be crazy. Like gay in San Francisco is one thing. That's nothing. Now homosexual in the 80s Soviet Union, 1980s. Yeah. Now that's. He sucked dick risking his life. Now he loves cock. I don't know if he loves it, but he loves, he either loves cock or he likes mysteries that end in cock. I guess so. Dude, imagine that, bro. Like imagine first of all, you find out you're gay. Cause I don't even know how people find out. Like, I don't know if you get like a thing in the mail or whatever. Cause it's like some people I think would never even know. Like if you're like, maybe if you're uneducated, you think you just like watch it. And your buddies, you know, trying to peak it. I mean, I don't, I don't even know what some people think, but yes, dude, a long time ago. And you're like, oh my God. And you cannot let anybody know. Nobody. And then imagine. Imagine what? You've been, you've been like in the closet, closet, closet. This is in the closet. This is a bank vault. Yes. You're being very deep in the closet. You're in the hamper. And he told me, he told me, I was like, so when did you, and he's like, man, I always knew it, but I hid it so deep in me, you know? And he was like, drug. Drug addict, drinking. He was even like, um, he told me when he was younger, he was kind of violent against women. Because, you know, you hate yourself. And when you hate yourself, you hate the world around you, you know? He probably didn't even know it either. No, he said he knew, but, but, but he never explored it. And then he said he was like, maybe like 25 or something. I think it was something like that. He goes to a party in Finland. Finland is a ferry ride right across from Estonia. And it's. It's not the Soviet Union. So it's a bit more, you know, and also nobody knows you there. Oh, it's a bit more kind of like a nouveau riche or risque. And he was in a nightclub. And he took a ferry there. So even a ferry ride, that will stimulate. The ocean. Yeah. The ocean within. And you're, you're abroad. Nobody knows me here. And he said he was in like a bar and he said a guy looked at him in a way that no one has ever looked at him. And he knows. He knows that look. And they just suck and fuck for like three days in a hotel room. Oh my God. I thought the story was going to be a lot. I thought it was going to be a bigger moment between that part. They just went to the hotel and that's what's his first like experience. No. You know, and he talks to this guy and this guy's, yeah, it's fine. Like this is like, you're a person. It's fine. You're Finnish. Yeah. You're Finnish. Yeah. Finnish on me. Yeah. And then he went back to Estonia, had to hide it for a little while. So it's like those gay guys, when I look at like a 50 plus year old gay man, to be gay in the 80s, you had to fight for your right to suck dick. That's a gay man. Heroes. Yeah. That's a hero. That's, you know. That's the Navy. Yeah. That's literally, yeah, yeah. You grown up in the Marines. Yeah. And sorry, the Marines might take offense. I think the Navy will be okay if we say that. And no offense if anybody is being gay or not or in the Marines or whatever. But yeah, dude, I talk about that. Actually, I just taped a special the other day and I have a bit about that. I mean, everybody has a bit about a lot of these things. But yeah, dude. And with Caitlin too. You know, it's like, she's like an icon in America. We had a trans bass player in a band. It was all chicks in a band, famous Estonian band. And one guy, the bass player was a guy, but he always wore like skirts and shit. Okay. And then eventually he transitioned. So like women's paraphernalia or whatever, skirts, brassieres. Mm-hmm. Brassieres. And then he transitioned like early 2000s. And in Estonia at that time, we were all like, we don't even know what to go do - There's an Estonian doctor who usually does, gives you a little like paracetamol when you have a headache. - Yeah, like these are, yeah. People can't even do this in Estonia. - Exactly. - So to get a sex change. - And to tell a doctor, shove half of it off, the other half, you just like cut half of it out, shove the other half in, build me a pussy. Build me a Soviet pussy. And they were like, I remember he was even in the news. She was even in the, I mean, at that time, I mean. - Build me a Soviet pussy, dude. Bro, that's the name of the musical we're gonna write. Okay, that's the name of the musical. - And there was like a news article that she was in the grocery store in Estonia. - And so it originally was a man and then he transitioned. - Yeah. - Okay, then she was in the grocery store. - There was a news article. She was in the grocery store and some guys are drunk and they're yelling and shit, you know? - Oh, that's messed up. - And you know what she did? Took the heels off and went fucking factory settings and just started beating the, she went. Now that's someone who stands up for gay rights. - Yeah. - You know? - Yeah. - If you're a millionaire, you go to a private clinic, you know? - That's easy. - That's an easy, you're a hero. - Yeah, and those rich people, they'll even get like a, - A pretty pussy. - Yeah, or a weekend cock, you know, just give me something I can put on for the weekend. - Yeah. - You know, they'll get something with earrings on it. It's like, this is unreal. I'm talking about the fricking day-to-day blue collar. - Potato pussy. - The Glasgow, Scotland pussy. - Yeah, exactly. - Good day, sir. - Yeah, exactly. - Exactly. Now that's a hero. - Yeah, the vagina that even like, if you look at it, if you look at it two times, at least one of those times, it still kind of looks like a cock. - For sure. - Yeah. - Yeah, you just. - Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Like, it's just doing its best. - Yeah. - I want to let you know about Shopify. Hands down, it's the best place to start and to grow your business these days, that's it. If you're trying to get something going and you don't know if you can, you don't know if you have all the pieces, then you need to know. Shopify. It's the platform where you, you own everything. You own it. It's your store. It's your community. They just help. They did it for us. I didn't know if I could have a merch shop, and Shopify made it. Yes, I can. We can do this. We can adjust. We can scale. 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Legacy is a beautiful thing, but only if it survives. Dutton Ranch, starring Cole Hauser, Kelly Riley, Annette Bening, and Ed Harris, now streaming on Paramount+. Dude, so you're from Estonia. So let's bring up Estonia because to a lot of people, or I'm not sure if you're from Estonia, but you're from Estonia, it sounds like a fictional place. I remember when I was a kid, I heard the word Kalamazoo, right? And it sounds like a place Dr. Seuss would have made up or something. Is it a place? It's a place in Michigan, but I didn't know that. Kalamazoo. Kalamazoo, right? It sounds like. Yeah, that sounds like a candy. Yes. It sounds like a candy that pops in your mouth. Yes, the Kalamazoo. But then I was in an airport one time. I was probably 16 years old. I'm in the airport, and I saw Kalamazoo, and I was like, no way. It's a real place. Never had an idea. So Estonia seems like a place that almost seems like something out of, I guess it's. Game of Thrones or something. Yes. Do we get that a lot? But it gets confusing because I can't. If somebody said describe Estonia, I'd have no idea what it is. How to spend a weekend in Tallinn? Is that the capital? Yeah. Wow. It's like Kalamazoo is like my subway. You know the sandwich shop subway? Yes. We had one subway in Estonia. When I was like 16, I went there every day, and I thought, so cool of a family restaurant. Name it Subway. Because the sandwich looks like a Subway. I did my birthday there. And then I went for like a trip to Sweden, and I saw another Subway. It broke my fucking heart. I thought this was like a family restaurant. Yeah. Oh, dude, it's beautiful. I mean, just picturing somebody doing their birthday there. In a Subway, yeah. It's beautiful, dude. Yeah. And I'll say this, too. I dated a girl that worked at a Subway, and I remember I'd go in there, and she'd hug me with. She'd have those hand covers on, and she would hug me when she had them on. Did she smell after her shift? She smelled the Subway, but. Oh, beautiful. The Asiago, when they came out with that Asiago bread, people didn't know what to do. I used to bang a girl from McDonald's. She smelled. Okay, that's different. She quit McDonald's. Like, she had been quit. She hadn't been working there for six months. What, the sex was so good, she quit McDonald's, you're telling me? That's insane, bro. Are you kidding? What? And I would go to her place. Six months later, her apartment still smelled like the fries, you know? God, yeah. There's some. Bro, that was such a mystery, dude. Like, at certain ages, when you're still going over to strangers' homes for sex. Yeah. That's a crazy experience, especially if they live with a lot of other people, or you don't know who they live with, or there's an animal there. You have to, like, first defend yourself against the animal, or you have to, like, placate the animal. You have to get down close to it, lie in its ears, tell it lies. And so, you know what I'm saying? It's like you have to get past the wizard, you know? You always know if it's a whore if the dog is too friendly. Oh, yeah. You know, the dog is, like, giving you water like you're doing a podcast. Just you wait here, they'll let you know when she's ready. Yeah, dude. That's it, you know? It's a fucking whore. Yeah, the dog's, like, take a number out of one of those little machines. Yeah, yeah. If the dog attacks you, that's how you know. Yeah, that's a good sign, bro. That's how you know. You're right, dude. That's great. Dude, one time, I went into a. If he brings you the condom, you know, in his mouth, it's like, oh, fuck. And if he can take it off for you? That's insane, dude. And, bro, dude, one time, I went on this thing called Semester at Sea, so it's like a floating school that's on a campus. It's a floating college. Floating college. Yeah, bring it up. What? Semester at Sea. My friend got me on this. It was for, like, fancy people, right? Oh, my God. This is such a. If my daughter ever said, I'm going to a Semester at Sea, oh, my God. I mean, this is a suck and fuck boat. I mean, I think there was. My sweet baby. My sweet baby angel is stuck at sea. No, no, look. Even a helicopter can't access you. Holy fuck, this is worse than taken. No, brother, there's a lot of education going on. I'd rather send my daughter to France. Oh, yeah. This is worse than taken. Well, in France, they'll fuck her, but softly, you know. It's, like, very. They can't even really get the job done. But, no, we went on this, and I got a job. I worked in the bookstore, and my college, like, all my college stuff applied to it. So, in the end, it wasn't very expensive, and, like, I got, like, you know, different, like, little loans you can get. Like, they had these, like, Fannie Mae loans or something. Anyway, so I was able to go on this thing, but we went to. What was something we were just talking about? Remember it? We were talking about. Oh, going to a stranger's place to suck and fuck. You're on a boat. You're working. You met a girl, maybe. Yeah, I was on. Or met a guy. No. I never met a man. I'm never meeting a man. Yeah, I'm so straight. Well, I would meet a man for, like, dinner or something if it's a friend. Or, like. But I'm not. When the sun goes down, you gotta go. Well, I'm just, like. I think being gay probably 1,000 years ago, or even 100 years ago, probably seemed way more exciting. Like, even if you were just a brave-ass dude that loved, like, Carmen Sandiego or Encyclopedia Brown or any of those type of, you know, those books, like, those mystery books, you might be like, oh, I'll be gay just because it's fucking. You want to play hide-and-go-seek against the best. You ever did some, like, gay shit when you were young, but you didn't know it's gay? It's just, like, boys exploring themselves or something? Did you do anything like that? I wouldn't say I did anything like that. I did something where me and my cousin, we would go to an abandoned. You know, like, a construction site when it's abandoned? It has that. What's the place where they. Like, the container where the construction guys, they do coffee, they take a nap? Oh, yes. You know the container? Yes. It's, like, a little, like. It's, like, a little trailer. A trailer, yeah, yeah. And it was, like, an abandoned. Abandoned trailer. And me and my cousin would go there, and we would, like, give each other massages, and the prize was, like, candy, a piece of candy. Like, one minute was one piece of candy, and we would give each other, like, these bad massages. And it was, like. And then one time, I remember, we put our dicks into, like, a bottle. We, like, shared a bottle. How big of a bottle are we saying? Now, I wish I could say Nesty with a big one. It was a little. It was, you know. Oh, wow. Yeah. So we were, like, exploring. But how did you put them both together? Both into the top of the bottle? No, not the same thing. It's, like, we. Oh, separate bottles. No, same bottle, but we shared it. Oh, one person, then the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, very interesting. And then one time, we were giving each other these back massages. I had my shirt off. I was on the floor, and my friend was giving me this back massage. Okay. And then we're going to fuck the bottle, you know? It's, like, a regular Tuesday. And, like, a guy. Oh, yeah. First of all, this is also the Estonian Olympics. Like, a security. And then a security guy or a construction worker, somebody walked in. You know what he did? He just ran out. Because I get it from his perspective. He can't go to his boss and be like, I saw these two boys. It was me and two boys in a trailer. Right, he's getting fired. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, he just ran off. Well, now that you shared it, I'll say something. So, yeah, there was, like, a thing where, like, I mean, I remember a couple things, I guess. Because I never had a father, so I guess, like. Right, nobody ever taught me about sex or anything. Exactly. My stepdad tried to talk to me about sex. He was literally showing me videos on, like, a laptop. It was, like, an airplane. It was, like, an erotic movie where you don't see penetration, but you see it from the shadow. I was 17 years old. I was like, you think that's cool? Let me. I showed him. I'll say, yeah, yeah. Have you seen Mr. Horse? And my stepdad was like, yo, this is out there? I was like, yeah. Here's. Dude. So, yeah, my sex talk was so late. So, it was just me and the fucking trailer at nine years old trying to figure out what are all these emotions. Oh, dude, I remember one time, yeah, like, my buddy and I, he was over at my birthday party or whatever. And he was like, you had your birthday party, and then, like, two friends got to stay overnight, right? So, there was the. Everybody came to the party, and you had to pretend like everybody was leaving, but then two friends got to stay overnight for your birthday. And one friend was, like, a little bit older, and he was kind of thick, this little kind of thick kid. And he was like, all right, let's all take our shirts off, and then let's, like. And then he said, like, you could read each other's ribs. Like, you know, your ribs, like, they had, like. It was almost like hieroglyphics. Like, you rub your hand along the other person's. The other person's ribs, you could get, like, a message out of it. Does it make. Almost like a. You know those bumps that they do for people that are. fucked up yeah uh braille braille braille so he said your body holds braille in it and if you put your hands like along somebody's ribs you can you'll get a message right and so we're real hard braille for you right now you can read this when you're blind deaf and mute dude i got a good braille for you down here dude so we had it bro so we had us like there was like three of us under this like blanket or something and we're all just sitting there we didn't have our shirts on and we're just like all trying to yeah trying to read each other's ribs dude you know and then like whoever seemed like the kind of gayest kid would like get a message or something or it was just like but this one kid was kind of facilitating it and he'd probably seen something erotic or he'd had like exactly different thoughts or something because your because your synapses are firing of pleasure and reproductive and testosterone but you it's a lot of information but you can't translate it right like i remember when i was like like i was like i was like seven years or something old it was a christmas party oh do tell it was a christmas party fair fair play lad and my and was it snowing out lots of snow oh so we need to be here tucked in yes sir and i remember there was this yes we do and there was this cousin she was like in her 30s maybe ginormous titties oh i didn't know that titties are the secret to life but i didn't know that titties are the secret to life but i didn't know that titties are the secret you know that something is there you know it's like there's sexuality is already it's you just don't know what to do with the information something about these titties are making me feel in a way and i don't know you don't it's not it's like innocent it's not like i have an ipad to google right it's just this mystery feeling and i would sit in her lap and i would put my head like my back of my neck between my cousin's titties and i would like squeeze him and i would feel oh just feel the pressure of two tits against the back of my neck and i would feel like your head it just feels amazing that's good and all my cousins are laughing because they know girls know so it's funny to them right they see this kid just i know there's a little parrot there's a little horn dog right it's just a horn dog you're just this it's almost like a an electrical wire on the street that's just rattling and i noticed the more i bring her this she was drinking this red liquid it was wine and the more i would bring the wine the more titty access i could get oh do tell because she got a little crazier and crazier and they started laughing more and i kept going to the kitchen a little bill little bill cosby jr i was putting the juice and i kept bringing her more wine my dear and you know what's crazy she gets so fucked up she like takes a nap on the couch okay and i do you want to stop this story here no no no it's good and i really want to squeeze the titties but in my seven-year-old brain something said no right something said no right the titties are closed and i felt bad about it like that i even thought of it so i went in my room and i felt bad that's how i know i can never rape even as a seven-year-old boy there's something in your body that goes this now that she's sleeping this is weird right right if two people are playing the game exactly then we can have the game yeah yeah wow dude yeah let me think oh then it takes so many you know and after that it takes so many years for even to find out about sex pussy and all that and then i'm like oh my god i'm gonna have to go to the yeah but it's funny when you're a little pervert boy and you just all these emotions and all these oh you don't know what to do with them oh yeah well we had this one fellow boss named roy i think his name was or he said it was and he would like he used a hair dryer or whatever so he was kind of he was leaning towards being gay and because children didn't use hair dryers we just didn't know even know about it and he knew about it he would always have his with him if you were even just hanging out with him in a room he'd fucking plug it in my mom would say he's like a kid who sunny day yeah but one time he did get i remember he got uh he's like dude if you take a piece like a piece of tape right and you put one piece on the end the top of your wiener like tape it to the top of your wiener and you put the other piece of the tape on the top of his wiener and i remember him like getting us to do stuff like that and stuff or like play navy or whatever like just different shit that was just in hindsight in hindsight because then you're just standing there and now there's like this little bridge you don't realize it's a bridge it's a bridge you don't realize that though it's a bridge right because you think oh it's just some tape on my wiener some tape on their wiener it's like a ouija board like it we're opening up the spirits yes a portal yeah that's a portal so i think there's stuff like that when kids are young and they don't know um one time i found my buddy's kids i just walked i was like i'd live with this family they're they're pretty much like me and they're like they're like they're like they're like family to me i'd walked in and two of the young kids are in the bed naked together yeah i think it's just kids like they don't know what to do my friend scott would come over and we would like go on a date with our pillows like in the room or whatever and uh just like shit like that my mom like had boyfriends i i do think that uh being open to your children about sexuality i don't i think at these times especially with the internet all this keeping it innocent is actually worse and keep it you know some sometimes kids get really traumatized if if the parents make it really traumatic because if you do something like explore your body or some some of this weird shit and you know your dad walks in and starts yelling and beating the shit out of everybody that's actually really bad it's like it's hard to raise like okay like i i have a friend he's uh he's got a beautiful daughter and uh and i had to babysit for this little girl um she was like maybe six or seven first time in been together with a with a small girl and i got so nervous immediately you know because it's like it's not even my daughter it's my friend's daughter they go to they went to the city to do something and i've already hung out with her so right but when you're the oh dude i first time i had to watch my niece i was like what the heck i never thought about that it's actually i can't leave you alone because i'll be downstairs watching tv and you're up there fucking jumping off a and now i gotta explain to my friend you know so so i'm nervous you know so she and then the mother starts telling me all these things she can't do no peanuts she literally she's gonna explode into a dead and then i gotta think about wait what has peanuts in them does sneakers but oh sneakers but oh i got sneakers but i gotta now i'm starting to right now you're hiding stuff or covering things up taping down a snickers yeah yeah then i'm like oh where's a loose knife i start right baby proofing the place basically you know and you happen to bring four loose knives which exactly yeah no i guess i gotta hide the knives i guess we're not doing throwing knives so then she goes no peanuts oh and then she goes no watching uh what's that series that girls love the grassy the grassy the grassy high to grow yeah that show is now on it's you know it's on in estonia well that time it was oh wow and girl you bring up the grassy dude is this the original it's the original wow bro i forgot about this and people and little girls love this shit but it's got a lot of like sexual stuff in it it's a certain age where you're ready for this show got it she was not ready so the mom tells you know the grassy you know you can watch frozen you know and then she goes no no no candy because her sugar because it's like late at night and when we're picking her up we need to put her to bed if you give her sugar now it's all you're fucking right all these rules and then they go oh and watch out that she likes to climb stuff they noticed that in my uh in my apartment i had a i had a uh the the staircase that goes up like this you know it's not circular like a winding staircase winding staircase and it's got the railing like in castlevania or transylvania yeah yeah exactly i'm a vampire and and uh they go oh don't let her ride the railing it's like you know don't don't don't don't let her climb it you know they already see the danger you know so they're giving me this power don't do no jelly beans no fucking da grassy no uh peanuts no and oh fuck jesus this is way more than i expected and they leave takes the fun out of it too i know part of the fun of watching someone's kid is seeing what happens if you don't know what it's going on and then me and this me and this angel we're like hanging out on the couch i mean we're watching frozen she's already seen it i've seen it and then like i already know i want to be the cool right uncle jelly bean city i get the jelly bean i fuck it right or you smoke on the porch that'll watch you through the glass that kind of shit yeah yeah i get jelly beans up in this bitch up with the grassy on she's jumping up and down we're watching the grass she's running around having fun let's go and i'm like and i and i tell her i make her pinky swear don't tell nothing oh you don't say nothing and she's like okay and we run around jelly bean city the grass is on full blast we're listening to fucking what's that glorilla young boy yeah listen to crazy shit and we're having a night maybe when you got it i don't yeah yeah and then she goes let's ride on the railing and i'm like fuck your parents we're taking a ride yeah so i go first i come down fast she's like oh my god it's my turn my turn i'm like okay she gets up there and i'm at the bottom and because it's i'm trying to see where she can fall off yeah that's called risk management risk management we got jelly beans we got the grassy we're riding rails oh yeah and she comes down slow butt first she looks back at me and the face she has she makes like a i realize i can see it i don't know don't think so i think so you think so so it catches a little horn dog and she wants to go again she keeps getting slower and slower and you're putting her back up there you got i mean what are you doing she wants to go again well you're the fucking manager of the place yeah but it's hard to be like no you know oh yeah you're right so she goes maybe two or three more rides right oh my god bro you gotta chill dude i mean like you're saying i'm i'm not sure if this is what it's about but i do know children are little horn dogs you know well i think there's a lot of bring it bring this up actually what and what like when does hormones start to affect the way that children act and oh dude i remember when i was a kid now and yeah sorry if i made you feel i shouldn't have been making you feel no no i'm trying to make you feel weird i think i just got scared i didn't know you know there's more to the story oh there is so should we have more We ride we she rides she rides we fun we fun we fun jelly bean jelly bean city the grassy the grassy the grassy so then the parents get back this bitch blows it immediately she goes we had jelly beans i wrote the line we watched the grassy it was so much fun and they're you know my friend and then uh oh my friend stays over we have a little beer we haven't seen each other in a long time and the mom takes the kid home and it's this awkward moment between me and my friend he goes because they have a they have that staircase too and he looks at me he goes that staircase didn't she i go yeah he goes yeah that's a mom conversation but see then we talked about it you also as a parent you have to be cool about this yeah you know like you can't you don't have a little girl like that you can't be like never never touch the flower then it's gonna be then she's gonna be banging prisoners when she's 20 years old because she's like oh daddy said no flower touching well i'm opening up a florist down there by the correctional center it's a florist center it's a forest down here now god so with kids you know it's always there's a tender point but that's that's totally a mom to daughter conversation of course but it is interesting how you learn about sex right and what happens to you this says puberty actually starts between age 8 and 13 and girls and 9 and 14 and boys if it starts before age 8 and girls before age 9 and boys doctors often consider it early and worth checking out but is it puberty that's starting or is it um because it is i remember probably i maybe i was about 7 or 8 and uh and i remember like just pressing things against my crotch like even if i just was like pressing things against my crotch felt good so i'd find like even if you were just walking by something and like you ever see a tree that has like one of those kind of butt like a little butt sticking out i've dated a few yeah so you've been to that forest before is what you're telling us but what i'm saying is this yeah i remember as a kid like sometimes my dad and i would go walk to church and i would just walk like we'd we'd walk by this one tree and i remember um i remember him telling me at at some point at one age or something i just would walk over and just press my crotch against it like all i did as a kid was lay on the floor flat and just shove my little willy into the floor just to make it stimulate then i had a pink panther remember detective being panther oh yeah i had that as a toy like a soft toy and i would just like this pink panther so much that even under my like under my like foreskin i had pink hair so i would the shit out this oh god yeah we would solve some crimes and then you know what the award is you solved another crime panther oh doubt and that exact toy see it's got a little pussy it's got everything it doesn't have a pussy already that's just its body yeah but your imagination can add what it doesn't no you cannot and i would i don't fuck it so much i still have it in my podcast studio in estonia it's like a story that i told in my old podcast in estonia and between the crotch all the hairs are like gone now because i just because i just and she was a little whore wasn't it's a man she was a little whore wasn't she i would come home from school i put metallic on and just rail my pink panther every case got solved that night what if you listen to that song alison chains down and uh there's a male well you know it's thank you would you let's say it won't say that one you know who else for the people in the back the say it you got to hear yourself say it gender is a spectrum yeah but let's let's see what it says here perplexity help us out can you use perplexity let's get this real quick see see see see see see generally portrayed let's can you would you mind reading it for us all right it's non-gendered the cartoon pink panther is generally portrayed as male how did they put male as bold just to fuck with me like hey bro they did yeah it was bang bang this toy it was like you know or were you banging them or do you think you were just rubbing but right but between the legs so i already knew enough i already knew enough that's where i gotta put it you know yeah i had fun with this dirty slut dude that's not a dirty slut now she was my little slut it was that was pink panther that's heathcliff or that's these are good people these are snoopy these are good people and then i and then i i'd even fuck this whore when i even got like a little girl not like a girlfriend you know like a little girl and i'm like i'm gonna fuck this whore yeah you get get like a kiss so i had like breakup sex like once every two weeks i still fucked the shit out of my fucking pink panther and then went back to my little girlfriend next door yeah you're running shit i'll run that she's a little slut dude dear god yeah no i just didn't know that kind of stuff's going on in the third world or whatever yeah yeah yeah we take for granted here that that animals and like different things like um like mattel or these different mattel animals from like the 80s and 90s if you can tell this was the company that made a lot of these stuffed animals and i think we take it we take for granted here in the in the united states that these animals get treated well right they get you know people i treat her real well like popples like you ever see popples never okay but okay well inspector i had a potato okay yeah some people we had a long winter communism and a potato we didn't have what i'm saying but i think we take for granted in america that stuffed animals here get like they'll tuck them into bed and they'll like treat them well or get them a little glass of water this bitch well at all yeah this bitch got ran through dude he was a man he was a male cat no no no dude he was a male cat with pink skin he was obviously going through a lot and then um and then what like maybe like 10 years ago when i when me and my girlfriend were chilling at my place we did a little role play and she dressed as the because she know the story from my old podcast so oh for your birthday or something she did it yeah she dressed as the pink panther oh that's pretty i was the detective closer detective closer i can't remember his name and i was like you're sucking my cock oh it's great to see you having good time in our country fan duel is now available everywhere in the u.s so you can get in on the sports action no matter where you are including these places make this your most rewarding season ever with fan duel age and location restrictions apply product availability varies by market see fanduel.com for eligibility gambling problem 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sponsored by better help better help baby life god life's a journey it's a dang oregon trail isn't it one day you got somebody's cough and somebody's got a uh hematoma or whatever somebody lost you know uh lost all their money or something threw it in a wishing well somebody's kids left them or something you know somebody life some days feel good some days feel overwhelming some days feel good some days you're standing in your yard and a balloon floats over to you and that's good you know some days you're sitting in your car at night hiding from your family you're sitting in your car at night and somebody come over and give you a little cut of casserole for no reason that's god Look, I'm talking about BetterHelp, guys. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. And let me tell you, that is not the truth. Mental Health Awareness Month, it's on and popping. It's a good opportunity to check in with yourself, see where you're at. Be honest, too. How am I doing? BetterHelp, they're here, they can help. BetterHelp online therapists work according to a strict code of conduct, and they're fully licensed in the US. They do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. That's what they do. What I'm saying is, you don't have to be on this journey alone. Nope. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash Theo. That's BetterHelp.com slash Theo. Take me into Estonia a little bit, though. Like, just, like, well, let's talk about this, because we're talking about sex and being young. And so you're saying that, like, what is the conversation really? Like, what is the real conversation you would have with a kid? Like, how do you really do that with a kid? Do you think, because obviously you and I grew up in a way where, like, we were figuring that ourselves. Like, for me, I realize now, like, I don't like talking about a lot of sexual stuff with my friends, even, because to me, like, sex was always, like, a secret thing. Like a private thing. Yes, and it was secret. I had to sneak and find the magazines, and I had to do it in secret. So, like, so my whole life, I've always felt like, like, it's not, like, but it's, like, a secretive thing. And it's, like, very, like, it's super secretive. And do you think that's good or no? I don't think that it's good. I don't think it's good either. Like, my household, I had a single mother. We had a stepdad at one point. But my mom had a lot of boyfriends. She would be, you know, in Estonia, we have sauna culture, so everyone's naked. Everyone's naked. Wait, you have what culture? Sauna culture. Sauna. Sauna. Okay, saunas, yeah. Like, even as a little kid, like, even as a little kid, I would sit, you know a sauna, it's got the, you know, the steps? Yes. It's hotter up there. So kids would always be sitting in front of the feet of the adults. Got it. And even my mom's girlfriends would come over, and I would be in the sauna with the ladies. I would sit in front, and p***y is, like, so far from my face. Right. Like, as a kid, I would look back, I'd laugh at it, they would laugh at it. Very close, a casual distance. Yes, and it's, like, and it's, so being naked and sexuality, in my family, at least, this is not the case for all Estonian families, but we also don't have, you know, any Christian guilt or none of that. You know, it's, like, a communistic thing, which has Christian values to some extent, some homophobia and some chauvinism, all that, you know, that comes with it. Yeah. But sexually wise, sin is not, like, included in it, you know? So there's no guilt, really, feeling sexual things. And in my house, yeah, my mom would have boyfriends, I would hear them have sex, and my mom would be, like, mommy needs her own little time, so you go hang out with the sister. I know that that means, like, I didn't know what sex was, but I knew it. It's, like, that little grown-up thing. Right. So you knew there was something grown-up going on. Yeah. So it did feel adult, but it didn't feel wrong. And then, you know, I would have, like, even when I was, like, 14, 15, I started having little girlfriends over. My mom would, like, literally, dude, when I was, like, 15, my mom, this girl was, like, very shy, and we were watching Ice Age in my room, and then my mom would bring us cinnamon rolls, and then when she didn't look, my mom would give me, like, two condoms, just in case. We didn't even fuck. I was, like, fully virgin. But she wanted you to just feel okay about it. She wanted me to feel okay, and I think that was very healthy. Like, looking at other people my age who I've met, and I talk about their childhood, about their sexuality. For sure. It seems like, exactly like you said, it's a thing in the shadows. And I think when you're a young, like, especially a young boy, I think it's really bad to hide those things and make you feel bad about having certain emotions that you can't really hide. You can't really control. It's just hormones. That's a good point. Yeah, that's the thing, is that you can't control it. So it's like, then it makes you feel ashamed of part of you that you have scientifically, there is no way you can control. And then what happens? Then you're 40, and you're in a dungeon with, oh, with, like, a drill in your ass. Well, that's crazy. Because I got to let go, because mommy said I'm a bad boy. That's what happens. Is it really? I mean, I guess. I don't know, dude. I was a good boy, and I'm not going to have a bad boy. I'm going to have a drill up my ass. I'm going to treat a girl nice, and then we're going to have sex. Yeah. Like two adults. Yeah, I think this is very, this is definitely a good time to learn about some of this, because, yeah. And now with porn, I mean, wow. Well, let me think about some of this. Let me think for a second. Dude, because I like talking about this stuff, because it's also important. Like, a lot of people don't have some of these conversations, right, and they don't think about it. And parents don't know, because, like, I think it's interesting, your mother would make you this cinnamon roll, so here's something, it's like, you know, you're a good boy, you get the dessert, and, you know, I care about you. There's something, a mother making a treat, giving you an offering, but also here is something I want to let you know that I understand what's going on here, and that if there's something that I want you to be safe, no matter what. So then it's like, that's what a mother always wants for her child, is the child to always to be safe. But I think, like, the presentation to that is pretty interesting. What do you think, like, what do you really think? Because, you know, there are some Native American tribes where an uncle or, even a father or brother will teach this younger sibling about masturbation. Will literally go out with him into the woods and teach him how to jerk off. It's like my stepdad, I was already 17, and he's like, he's like saying, like, when it gets hard, you know, you can watch videos and play around with it, that's okay. I'm like, okay, dude, stick a finger up your ass, I'll show you what's a good time. It's already too late, you know. I got two toothbrushes hitting up my ass, brother, you know what I'm saying? We're partying, dude. Click this remote and see how I feel. I got a thing up my ass that makes me go, oh, yazoo! Yeah, dude, click this remote and I'll run a fucking 5-2-40, brother. Click this remote. Bro, that would be a great game show. You have seven people somewhere, right? In, like, a quiet area, right? And one of them, and you have to be, like, 40 feet away, one of them has some sort of remote-activated sexual apparatus. Hidden in their butt. The holy hole. Yeah. The butt or whatever, the 11th fingerprint, some people call it, right? So, but you don't know who it is, and you only get to press it three times and you have to look. The offshore account, as we call it. Yeah, the offshore account. Like, when you're a Christian, you can't fuck the holy hole, but you can do the offshore account. Yeah, yeah. The IRS don't know about this one, do they? Yeah, we're talking about where, let's just say where people do Malaysian banking. Right? That's what we'll call it. So, uh. So, anyway, um, but that's the game show. You have seven people, and you just get to look on their faces or whatever, or you can ask them a question, and while they're answering, you could buzz. But if you don't have the right person at the right time, then you're gonna get the wrong person answering. It's like when you see a lot of people in a pool, and you see that one guy pissing, it's so clear, you know, this one guy pissing. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Is that okay to pee in a pool in your country? Is that normal here? Or is it very similar? Every time I'm in water, I pee. It feels so good. Yeah. It feels holy. Yeah. Um, yeah, I think getting that out early, it must be tough for a parent, then. Here's why I think it's tough, I bet. And I don't know. I'm not a parent. But I bet it is you just don't want to see your kid grow up that fast. 100. Nobody likes to see that. And it's probably such a special age where your kid isn't like, and it is, it's a special age for young people too. It's like, dude, that's like the best years probably where your, like, your dad has like a new best friend. You guys do cool stuff together. You're like, he's your hero. And then somebody shows him some cooter or something. Or draws a picture of some pussy on a piece of, you know, on the inside of a big oyster shell or something. And shows it to the boy. And then everything changes. Everything changes. Everything becomes about that. Yes. Yeah, but So it must be tough for a dad. It must be tough. Maybe, I'm just thinking of why. And then looking at my friend with his daughter, you know, it's, that's even tougher. Because I think. Oh, it's your angel. It's your angel. Because I think with boys, it's more expected. Like, even with my mother, me being sexual, very accepted. My sister was a bit older, and she was very protective of her. You know, mothers always love their sons. Dads always love their daughter. It's like a thing. You know, they always say, it's like a thing. Mothers always are very tough on their daughters. Because they're a, they're a woman. And they know how tough it is to be a woman. And you gotta toughen these bitches up for the real world. Oh, you gotta. Nobody touches your fucking flower. Yeah. You know. But as a boy. You gotta fortify these bitches. But as a boy, fertilize the ground. You know. Right. Have fun. So it's like, so that's another thing with like, girls. Because I remember that. I literally remember even my, like me being a little kid, and like, having girlfriends, and my mom would be like, that's cool. You know, my boy is cool. Yeah. My boy's having a little girlfriend. He's the hot guy at school. He's the funny guy. That's cool. But if my sister would date, that's like a, oof, like a girl. Right. Yeah, it's a totally different energy. Yeah. It's a totally different energy man. Yeah, I remember they had a gal who would like, kind of rub Kleenexes on her like, in her underpants or whatever, and then throw them off the balcony and let us grab them and catch them and stuff. Really? Almost like catching the bouquet at a wedding or something. Wow. The Kleenex with the juices? It wasn't juices, but it was like, it had enough of an ambiance where you want, like, I remember putting on cleats one time to catch it, you know? Really? So, yeah, or like, you know, like, activated sneakers kind of. I don't know if you guys have cleats in your country or not. One time I had a, we do have cleats. One time I, uh, when I was a little boy, There was a girl that stayed over. She was like my mother's friend, old classmate's daughter maybe. She was like maybe 19. I was like 11 or 12 or something like that. She stayed over one night. And the next day I'm alone at home. And you know when you're alone as a boy at home, that's when the devil comes to visit, you know? Your crotch suddenly like shows up on the wall like a genie coming out of a lamp. Like what are we going to do today, my boy? Everything in my house needs to get fucked. Yeah. What'd you say? Like I tried my cock everywhere. The couches, the pillows. So then I go up there. Oh my God. And this 19-year-old, I think it's like the pheromones and her cologne were on the bed. She had cologne on? She sounds. 19. I mean, I think so. I think it was cologne. Not cologne. What's. Perfume. Oh, female. I didn't know it's. Perfume, sorry. Yeah, I didn't know it's. Okay. Yeah, a smell. A really nice, pleasant smell. Oh yeah, oh God. I go into the bed. I put the covers on. I take the pillow she slept on. I'm like forcing it on my face. I'm like jacking off. Dude, I remember this is. I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. This was supposed to be an interview about being from Estonia. But here we go, dude. But dude, I remember I would hide in my buddy's. At their house, I would hide. Like his mother was like this, she was like just like a good. Or she just like, I don't know, but she was attractive to him. It was like, you know, there's that energy where you're attracted to your buddy, one of your buddy's moms or something. You keep going over to his house and you don't even like. You'll sleep. I don't even like the game you're playing. Yeah, dude, yeah. And I would. Instead of sleeping in the room with him, we would build like a foursome. I would go sleep like in the hall by her, like by their door and shit. Like just weird shit. Weird shit. But still legal stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember I'd get in the clothes hamper and just like she had like one of her bras was in there. Oh. It was still warm, but I thought it was. It was. And I would just smell it, like put it close to my fucking. Like I just wanted to push it all the way into my nose forever. That's what I did with the pillow. I just wanted to fucking shove it down my DNA. Yeah. Yeah, I know, yeah. I wrote a love letter to my friend's mother, by the way. No way, bro. Yes. You need to be. I got out of hand. You got it, yeah. It got really bad. And somebody should be watching you. Yes. Still to this day. That's a lot, dude. Did you give it to her? Yes. No. And she never addressed it. Because it's so weird. But it wasn't anything insidious. That's called unrequited love. Bring up unrequited love. It wasn't anything insidious. I've read about this before. Hold on. I want to say. What is unrequited? That's what I'm saying. I want to help you get to the. Not to the solution, like I have no. Unrequited love is one-sided romantic attraction where feelings are not reciprocated, often causing profound emotional distress, including loneliness, low self-esteem, and anxiety. It commonly stems from idealized fantasies, unrequited love, overturned crushes, or unbalanced relationships with roughly 98% of people experiencing it. Wow. Exactly. You're not alone. I'm not alone, dude. Well, how often does unrequited love lead to crime? Can you look that up? And then what were you going to say? That's what I was also thinking. Unrequited love is a very common. Stalking, violence, and murder. Awesome. There you go. Yep. There you go. Right there. The actions can be severe, including stalking, violence, and murder. But I was a little boy, so she was stronger than me. But also three options. It's not like it's just like. Include murder. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Because stalking, it's wrong. But it's. Well, even the mother I wrote that letter to, when I was going home from school, I would take a longer route just to go by her house and maybe catch a titty. I never did. But I gave the universe a chance to give me a sign. Just to see something? Because that's. That's also like. I mean, we had porn, but this was. You gotta, like, download a fucking image, and it was hard. It wasn't, like, right there. You had to pray for it. Yeah, so to see a titty, I need an intervention by God. Right. Yeah. Oh, man. Then I found a magazine. You ever find, like, a magazine in the woods? You know, the classic, when there's porn in the woods or something? Yes. It was during winter. Who hid it there, do you think? They always hide. I don't get it at all. Because somebody hide porn in every woods. I think. Everywhere. It could have been Israel, I think. If somebody hid it in. Every woods? It's Israel. It's like the pagers. It's the pagers that. You corrupt young men. You corrupt the future army who are about to fight by showing them a huge horse cock going into a pregnant lady. Because they all jerk off, and then the army's weaker. It's not a bad strategy. Well, you know, that's what happened with Ukraine and Russia, because Russia deployed a lot of North Korean soldiers, and now they're first time having internet access. You know, they're, like, not fighting. All they're doing is drinking and jacking off. Nuh-uh. Yeah, because it's like, imagine, you're seeing porn for the first time. I can jack off by myself. Wow. And. Let's bring that up. What are you saying? Koreans are jacking off? Yeah, North Koreans, because they had no internet. Now they're deployed. It's like a huge thing. I mean, it's Pandora's box. And then I found this magazine, and one time I found. It was during wintertime. It was under ice, because it was so frozen. It's almost like ice fishing. You ever been ice fishing? Yeah. And then I had to get a pic, and to, like. It took me hours. Hours with my hands freezing to access these titties. Oh, it's like the new Frankenstein with Jacob Elordi. Have you seen the beginning of that? Exactly. So, clunk, clunk, I get a big block of ice under the magazine. Now, I put it in towels near my. What's that on the wall? Radiator. Radiator. Near the radiator. It took me, like, days for it to dry off. Water was everywhere. And then it dried off, and I had to peel. I got only one page open, because it was all fucked up. But it took me, like. I was like a detective. It took me, like, days to see. And it was all fucked up. Except these two big, round titties. So, I cut the titties out and kept them in my fucking Batman wallet for years. And I would show other guys at school. I'd be like, check out this. And I'd show these two ominous titties. I love that. Yeah. Like, wolf's eyes. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And the first porn video I ever saw, it was gay porn. I just didn't know. Wow. It was, like, so low pixels. I just saw cock going into an orifice. And then, like, it took me, like, minutes to realize there's another cock hanging. Here at the orifice. It broke my heart. And the guy who was banging, doing that porn, he's an Estonian guy. I met him, like, 20 years later. No way. Did you tell him it hurt your feelings? Yeah, I told. I really, I said, I thought you were banging a chick. Oh. And he goes, this is my friend, Marcus. Oh. I was like, fuck. They're friends, huh? Yeah. Yeah, you wonder if people are friends in some of those videos sometimes. See, the whole fucking. North Korean soldiers hooked on porn after getting internet access for first time while helping Russia fight Ukraine. North Korean military men who joined the war front in Ukraine on behalf of Russia have unfettered. Why would. First of all, look this up separately. Keep me on this page. Unfettered. Why would. Why would North Korean men be supporting the Russian side in this war? I just. Communism. Because they're also communistic, you know. Oh, so they're supporting. And they have common interests. Got it. Everyone's against North Korea except. So Russia's seeking for partners, you know. Got it. North Korean military men who joined the war front in Ukraine on behalf of Russia have unfettered internet access for the first time. And may be using it to watch tons of pornography. That's the kind of. This is why I don't trust the media. And may be using it, might be, to watch tons of pornography. Like. Yeah. Play. Give me one side of the net, right? Yeah. According to a report that a Pentagon official was unable to confirm. So, yeah, okay. So I'm not saying that it's not true, but this. I know. Just the way they shape. If you look at the way they shape articles and stuff. Oh, yeah. According to a report that a Pentagon official was unable to confirm, warriors from the Hermit Kingdom engaged in a battle in Ukraine for the first time Monday, but they purportedly started fighting different demons before stepping foot onto any field, according to a report. Does it say what their favorite searches were? I do love. There's a joke up there. They go, hardened soldiers indeed. A usually reliable source tells me the North Korean soldiers who have deployed to Russia have never had unfettered access to the internet before. As a result, they're gorging on pornography. I mean, someone's telling you to hold the front line, but you're seeing. everything you've ever dreamed of for the first time. I'm staying at the base, brother. I mean, we can give up a little land. Yeah, yeah. We can give up a little land. If we give up a couple hundred more acres, you know? So, just so I can get through a couple more of these categories that I'm really curious about. Dude, uh. When I did the youth exchange program in Romania when I was a kid. Hold on, hold on a second. I just don't know how many stories I could tell. I could take. Where somebody ends up jacking off all over at the end of it. Just you wait. I'm not judging you. I just have to fucking brace myself for just a second, dude. Let me touch my fucking neck for a second. Release the cranium. Hell no. Imagine you start doing that on a plane, dude. I gotta. Hold on a second. I gotta release my cranium. You put a fucking balloon up your nose, dude. People are getting weird out there, dude. You know when someone's like stretching at the airport? It's like too much. You know when they're on the ground and they're doing their little thing? Oh, yeah. Just take your bad hip. Just be a man. I'm uncomfortable. Dude, I want to do squats too, but I'm not gonna. Just get your fucking bad ankle to Minneapolis, brother. Dude, but here's a dream I had. Is one day, if I had a long enough layover, I wanted to go for a jog like in the Atlanta airport or the Madrid airport, I think is really, really big. Uh-huh. And you want to go jog? Because you could jog because in the Madrid airport, it's like. Giant. You could do like a two mile run in it. Like, so I just wanted to go for like a run run like say if you had a long enough layover you're trying to kill time but you also want to get some exercise because you can crew like if you're running late for your plane you're well you're welcome to do that all day for sure so i'm like if you just had your headphones on and you just popped shadow boxing yeah just popped on some shorts why not go for a run yeah that's always been a dream of mine ever since i was young to run in an airport to run but to go for a run in an airport i think it's to do something someplace that seems obtuse you know um but let's i just want to make sure that we get to the end of this thought of like so did we did we cover fully so as a mother i think or as any parent it's just to create a comfortable way to have that conversation and keep it ongoing so that it can be there's room for it to breathe like yeah i think if it's taboo or if you don't talk about it at all then it feels like um something's wrong or scary or then you just learn this is another thing i just realized your friends tell you and it's always some evil older brother that's like calling you a f***er and just are doing this in front of you like this and you know um it's like too much it's gross and that kid probably learned from some dark dark way right yeah so i think like um like yeah but then here's what happens is you learn from a kid you learn from some like and then and then you you become like oh i need to do certain things or i need to operate certain ways or make sure that i'm like trying to like engage with sex or something so that other people my peers will think it's cool right well the only reason i wanted to lose my virginity was because all my friends had lost their virginity yeah it's not even remember remember how much you wanted to have sex like in your dna you feel it but then when the opportunity how scared you are that i was literally i was so terrified it's crazy and also my girlfriend when we decided to do it i had already lied that i've done it so i had to pretend like i've been here before and what'd you do to pretend just stand up straighter or whatever well i didn't even know you know like she has angles to even get my cock into her sweet little angel hole it took me several tries i had to try several times and of course yeah it's like trying keys on a door you're like oh that one's not it or that one yeah that one goes to that other place they never explained that in porn you know they don't you know you don't know that yeah and it took so long yeah i had to like and i came within like maybe it was like two seconds or something and then you just gotta lie that you know like yeah i didn't know that i had to like and i came within like maybe i told her like ah it's my like third time so you know i'm still pretty new oh dude i lost my virginity behind a bowling alley in our town really at the refurbishing now so i'm glad that they're doing that um wait but in what room the toilet no no behind it outside yeah in the woods what yeah yeah no it was it was sex but it was yeah i lost my virginity behind his bowling alley bring it up over there tiffany lane's over there uh oh you've talked about this thea dusted dusted his little wand and got his weasel grease for the first time here that means these lanes are well on and the ambience are well done pretty cool huh oh here it is right there i hate to see that it's closed good place if you came early like theo i know his girl didn't like that he came so early but that just makes him an alpha let's go thank you thank you nicholas f um wow it's all theo places it's all theo dude i had no idea dude you took this business down probably now there's all these little kids trying to get their dick wet and they're not even interested in the lanes this alley owner must be so his mind must be like the fuck's been happening in the last four years why is everybody behind the building nobody wants to use the lanes anymore places full of rich history theo van became a man behind this alley shout out to the patrons for giving him the strength to do so amen to that i'm here because of the ovan who lost something precious at this bowling alley so long ago any good place for theo is good enough for me oh that's nice of you thank you my uh man wheezy again theo it's all theo it's literally all i didn't know sorry yeah but anyway thank you guys so much for watching i hope you enjoyed this video i hope you enjoyed it and i'll see you in the next video bye bye you should go to the reopen go to the ribbon cut you should go to reopening i dude are we even gonna mess this place up by even talking about this on here no they're totally fucked now but it closed there when did it close oh but they're renting two million renovation getting a new bowling alley you know what i should have reopened it yeah it's the spot dang yeah but still i hope that people practice uh you know i'm saying bumper bowling if they do around there um just safe activity but what would you if you're a dad what do you think you say to your son like really like what do you really say to your son if you think you like and when do you think you would do it like i'm trying to think if i'd had a dad around that was going to communicate like that what would i have what would i have liked to like it's probably like around 11 or 12 yeah you see well you see it way before that probably you know they're a little willy like did you show your little cock everywhere when you were a kid no did you show it i showed it to everybody i had to really it felt so good and people would laugh and feel good like my mom would have her girlfriends over they would drink wine and i would do this thing where i would slide like you know they're like in on the couches in the living room and i would slide on my socks and i had little ladies like gray sweatpants with a little hole in front i put my little willy oh wow i played the guitar like this and then run back in my room i mean dying laughing they were like right then i did it so much that eventually my mom was like you know that's not right you're like you're 30 now you gotta yeah you're still sliding out there so i would do stuff like that like i would love that that's like funny oh yeah i think it's definitely funny this uh perplexity says the best approach to make it ongoing calm conversation not one big talk yeah yeah that's i guess that's true oh dude i remember i've talked about this before but my uncle was like my uncle was like my uncle was like my uncle or i don't know if he was our uncle but he was like a guy that somebody was making love to that had a car right and so he would bring us to the wine stop the wine store and he left me in there one time he was going to do something some wander around in there and some lady walks up she's like have you seen my kitty and i didn't know what she was talking about and i was probably i think i was maybe 12 and she opens her jacket she was naked no yeah wait why would she be an angel like that i don't know why but i didn't know what was going on i just remember being like very fully naked bush and fully naked i don't know if it was bush or whatever i mean everything was zen i remember that dude but it was just kind of crazy you know must be for real now i can feel it was nice dude but i just it was like a i remember that that happened but i think my uncle had said something after that he maybe he asked me a couple questions about it but i think it's just like did he make her do it maybe no he did not oh that would have been crazy no he didn't have any game like that i had my girlfriend show her tits to her like a young kid one time oh wow just because to blow his mind yeah that's kind of yeah up but it's cool big ass titties and this this kid was like those yams huh yeah dude i'll tell you this one time at um at ymca summer camp shout out ymca best summer camps in the world i'll say that facts they had we would go to this park called fountain blow state park and it was in louisiana bring it up over there fountain blow let me guess the reviews are all feel no nobody knows about this dude nobody knows about this but it was like raining one day and we sat there and they had this guy named eddie and he was pretty cool and uh just look at the pictures of yep that's it it's very pretty it's very pretty very beautiful place but um like everybody's bored because it was raining and so you got to walk up and look down like his girlfriend's shirt one time one time that's all you need and i just remember i walked up and looked and then i was like oh i didn't get to see it i said that like i just made it up or whatever let me go one more time they disrespected that you know but i don't know if it was so powerful that i actually couldn't see it like you're blank right like it just you staring into something you know just like yeah um i do want to learn a little bit about uh what brought you here from estonia to the usa like why did you come well stand up of course okay so you were doing stand up there i was doing it in estonia australia uh estonia in the capital talon i did in australia melbourne i did in bangkok for a year i was the feature on the road in asia with a lot of guys i met r shafir that way i met sam talent in estonia because he came through i did it in canada he came to estonia yeah i invited him yeah i put some gigs up for him it was awesome so were you running your own show there yeah yeah we have uh we have like our own comedy club okay me and my friends like eight of us basically own and you it's a little bit different than what you're doing right now yeah yeah we have uh we have like our own comedy club okay me and my friends like eight of us basically own and you it's a little bit different than what you're doing right now yeah we have uh we have like our own comedy club okay me and my friends like eight of us basically own yeah yeah we have uh we have like our own comedy club okay me and my friends like eight of us basically own and it's still active yeah yeah absolutely summer tour they're all killing it how big is talon um 600 000 i think that's big yeah it's pretty big how big is estonia 1.4 but you know when you say 1.4 population what is it really like actually online voting people who know what's happening in the world maybe 60 000. 60 000. you know it's like when you say what's how much is in america it's like a big number right right yeah but how much of those people are actually consumers and and they go to shows they go to like like online people i see what you're saying right like america i think the population now what is the population now i bet it's about 350 million that's crazy wow the us population is approximately 342 to 349 million um but yeah what percent are like out of those 350 million i reckon actual people it's maybe three million right right a lot of bots a lot of a lot of bots a lot of npcs i think that could be right you uh the people there do the is comedy different there would they get our comedy what what is humor like there well you see that's why stand up had such an explosion as well is that the soviet union collapsed in 1991 that's when estonia became a country again we were a country in the 40s before soviet union rocked around and we were soviet union basically all the time you know estonians get really offended when you call us russian you know because we're like estonian but it's a very they them behavior you know it's like you were mike last week you know it's like most of our history we've been russia so i don't get offended when people say that but it's a thing we have so there's a lot of pride in estonia right now being a language everything you know it's a beautiful place it is you would because you seem like a guy um america is very loud it's loud it's a lot the highways are loud there's a lot of pollution it's loud it's a lot i agree that's why you guys are also like culturally like the leaders because there's a lot of tension and a lot of push and pull a lot of push and pull creates beautiful art a lot of tension creates beautiful art so that's why you guys do that but estonia very serene calm sauna the sea the ocean quiet space space we love space we love quiet it's not a lot of people so when the soviet union collapses we'd like rap music culture movies stand-up comedy the more you know to control what communism does really well when it works is to control people you control their subconscious their mind so that's why there was all this you can't speak bad about the government there's all this censorship right you can't say bad words no sexual stuff you have to keep people subconscious subdued to control them just like they're doing now in north korea that's what you have to do well just like even that's happening now here i think in america is like you know they're like the way that they sedate us with certain like um things you can and can't say online that sort of thing no that's what you do but the more tension creates the bigger the release when you get to say it like that's how stand-up started in america so much tension with the government racial tensions everything and then a guy named lenny bruce starts riffing with a cigarette in his mouth and starts saying crazy shit and people go into this room like holy fuck this is where you can talk off the record this is how i talk with my friends when the government isn't listening you know that's why communism is so important and i think it's a very important thing to do and i think that's why communism so that's that's how it you know like that's how whispering started even exactly and um literature back in uh back in the day why russian literature is so beautiful it's because it's out of all this poverty and you have to speak through the flowers that means i can't say fuck the government but i can say it in a different way that's why you know so parameters like having parameters also create beautiful art and then when the soviet union collapsed all the floodgates are open we get south park chappelle show knight rider macgyver gray's anatomy yeah felicity friends yeah it's all like coming into our consciousness yeah and then me and another friend sander and another group of guys uh the comedy estonia guys used to be on our organization back in the days we were the first generation of comedians so now we're the first adults uh talking about stuff that american entertainment talks about and we're the first generation of comedians that talks about potty mouth stuff so they didn't have it before not at all so you didn't when you were a kid they didn't have like an estonian comedian we had comedic influences but it's all controlled by the it's all mainstream it's all that good evening ladies and gentlemen nobody like big bird or something yeah yeah like tonight show johnny carl like stuff like that it's not so then when we started we were like first ones at the well you know the first ones at the well of course it was a big explosion open mics would have hundreds of people in estonia yeah open mics literally people squeezing in just to see this new art form so it was a beautiful explosion it's like fucking the beatles shit you know yeah so it was amazing for us you know dude that's so cool and so incredible the first hours of material let's be honest they're not the most original just because we're as i said we're the first ones at the well i just got the first cup of water yeah i never made an airplane joke i'm gonna do a fucking 12 minute closer that would be so hacky here but it's the first time anyone's talked about this wow dude that's so wild yeah yeah there is something that's so thankful about like let me say something that's why i think we're in a spot now where comedians sometimes are the people that are the only ones and the few podcasters that are saying something that's like not the mainstream narrative well exactly and that's how that's how podcasts basically took over the media it's just because that the more you subdue the subconsciousness the bigger the release what's that movie this movie's great if you've ever seen it it was the movie titanic huh titanic titanic so good huh they had it in your country late but i had it god i think we're getting uh i think we're getting avatar next year so i'm very excited about that dude yeah i remember being in vietnam and they had just gotten uh stand by me when i was over there wow and they were fucking crazy you know all these vietnamese people dressing up like the characters from stand by me and singing that song when the night it come the land is gone we all dressed up as blade when we got played remember blade oh dude everybody had sunglasses and a leather suit if you go to a nightclub it was the the bouncer was blade the guy was blade it was blade id'ing blade it was everyone was fucking yeah dude leather sales i reckon the leather industry in italy was like man what's happening in estonia blade was you this was me this was this was all of estonia for like three years and do they have a lot of black people in estonia three good yeah and how's that been i feel like if we interviewed them what would they say do you think it's been good yeah okay dude so it's been hit or miss it's been hit or miss for sure but i would say europeans eastern europeans northern europeans you know um it's not see racism is embedded in you having a preconceived notion about a certain group of people and it and i would say living in america it probably gets validated in an echo chamber if you grow up in a white neighborhood and there's and it's a racist neighborhood you're going to have this notion and you know and then you're going to grow up and understand okay that was just my childhood in estonia if you don't really have black people around the racism is kind of it's it's firing into darkness yeah i know exactly what you're saying yeah well i'll be in canada and i'll see like uh black people in some canadian places and it doesn't feel like there's any of the tension and weird shit no that there is in america and i'm not saying that they're there it feel it's so fucking different you're like oh this is how things are supposed to be and they also keep like repeating this same narrative in america like it's getting beat it's gotten like it's like we should be able to i think at some point start to move past some of this stuff it's like what are we still doing i know yeah exactly you know what i'm saying if i'm still chewing a piece of gum from fucking 150 years ago yeah and and after and there's a taste in my mouth after a while it's because at a certain point you gotta you know somebody let that gum go yeah just get you know yeah take part of it out of your mouth you know or give it a little bit of a rest sometimes yeah but there's some people that just want to chew like some of the same gum and maybe that's messed up for me to say i don't know i don't know i don't say but i just it blew my mind when i was in canada and i was like oh there's not this racial tension here at all yeah and absolutely there's people who are you know it's it's racism due to ignorance is one thing you know yeah and totally i'm not saying that doesn't exist but and and it's like you know estonians we drop n-bombs but it doesn't have the history you have here you know like we have we we don't even say black people we just drop the word but but you guys have you know you guys you like right here we don't have the word you have right we say like negro which you guys say too and it's not a good word you know right well especially being from the south some of it's like yeah it's all like i agree there's such a history with it like certain terms here that you don't want like it's not cool exactly so but there's none of that weight attached to that word so if a white guy will be drunk and yell it at a black guy it's just because he's a fucking boon brain but there's no deep conceived fucking hatred behind it right but if a white guy gets drunk and yells at a black guy that's fucking kind of racist no it's racist the action is racist for sure but what i'm trying to say is he makes it out of ignorance it's not there's no like right you know and it's and it's like but yeah i think our media over time kind of perpetuates it or wants to keep that flame burning because it also keeps a lot of fucking anger in certain communities unity has zero dollars in it division is the bank amen there's no reason to for people to get along there's no money in us having an open conversation and being happy with our lives there's no money think about that i fucking hate your ass and i need to be better than you and you want to be better than me that creates revenue yeah yeah there's no revenue in peace man yeah oh it's interesting it says it's a lot i'd love to talk more um we both have to go to the airport we have to go to the airport so people know that um are you are you excited to travel like to see places like estonia or no dude yes what would you think about that oh i would love to go there man like i i love to travel so much and then i like i mean i hate to say this but it's like you know i got into podcasting and then it's a lot it's a lot and also like work started going really good and then like that's a lot and so it's all been like gifts but um yeah in the next like year or two i would i wouldn't mind maybe falling in love or something going traveling or just going and traveling it'd be nice to have like somebody to do like you know you get those things that you do with my mom wanted to go to Italy um I think I might try to take her there so I have to bring it up to her and see if she wants to go do that but dude yeah I want to go see some more places I've been fortunate to see some places um but I would love to get to go see some more like that semester at sea trip was like the first time I ever like got like I remember we pulled like we docked in like South Africa wow and dude it would be crazy bro like because you were just I didn't know anybody on this ship I remember and everybody's families were there like waving and had poster board and shit I'm like and I and I just started waving like stranger's grandmother's shit because I like I don't know if I told my family that I was going so I'm just fucking this ship is leaving port and it's just like and I'm just like where are we going and we said I don't know if I told my family that I was going so I'm just fucking this ship is leaving like 14 days and then we get to Japan right so we're from Vancouver to Japan and um and that was crazy and even when I got into Vancouver I'd never been there I went hitchhiking to go up to Whistler some dude picked me up this dude his name was Mike Michael something he was the caretaker for Christopher Reeves who was Superman yeah after Chris Reeves got hurt he was his caretaker so I got to ride and listen to all these crazy stories about what it was like like taking care of Superman and then I got to go to South Africa and I got to go to South Africa and I got off and I was like oh my god like like there's like other people are like living in different places like it just it's hard to conceptualize things until you go places for sure and I would say as much as I've met Americans throughout my life and now living here I would say there's something about Americans that it gets put into a lot of uh your heads that everywhere else is really dangerous and not good like it's like you're not safe there and I don't know if it's like capitalism and consumerism trying to put this thing like stay put stay here take a loan you know this is a man like like of course America number one we love it patriotism is beautiful absolutely but you know the rest of the world ain't that bad no and it's getting better all the time now I mean I think America with especially with the leadership we have now um with the way that we're like supporting like crimes around the world with a lot that's been revealed like I love this country I respect the people that have stood up and fought for it absolutely especially with our jobs like freedom of speech if there if people didn't die for that job yeah we don't have a job here absolutely you know we don't even have a job market and then there's other bigger entities now that are trying to like curtail that and like these big you know like tech companies are trying to limit what you can say like um I think America's in a really really interesting spot where we need patriots like more than ever and I don't know how we become those and I don't know also how we fight against the evil that's going on and the algorithm listens more than the people yeah you know say that again the algorithm algorithm listens more than the people so what you hear is often wise dictated the algorithm makes a decision what you're consuming and that's wild that's exactly the opposite of the internet what it was created for because any opinion uh any opinion that the algorithm wants you to have it will it will make you have it you know it's and here's the theory it's very scary it's not a human like I totally get it we say an offensive word here and another person who's maybe a revenue stream or a company that sponsors your podcast maybe they don't like the word that we use the slur and that's a human making that decision that's a board meeting it's not my personal preference of a decision but at least you can validate it to me to a person uh uh algorithm deciding like between you and a consumer there's an algorithm and that decides if that content gets to the consumer that's not free speech yeah that's that's an orchestrated version of free speech and that can even be more dangerous than just saying you can't say it you know yeah I mean and it's fascinating and a lot of people we don't even realize it's going on and we don't realize that have you ever looked at another person's feed how different is it how is that possible you know are we both living in this country having the same issues you know how are me and you living in the same country paying for the same thing taxes for the same government and you get a totally different news feed because the algorithm knows you know yeah this is what he needs this is what he doesn't need isn't it creepy that you know when you scroll you know that I I spoke to a guy who's a programmer he's from Sweden and he told me they developed this back in the day he used to work for Spotify he's a big programmer guy he sells these patents and he said he said that one of the biggest things they've done is you know when you're scrolling if you like a post that's one thing but you know what's more valuable for the algorithm when you scroll past you stop you don't like it and you keep scrolling that's more points for the algorithm because he the algorithm understands oh this is something you don't want to show other people you like but you love this shit don't you so it knows you better than you dude and it's like that's it's like temptation it's like and we don't realize when those things come on that you have to fight against that man like if you really want to have discernment like there's never a better time when we realize people are fighting for your attention right because what you absorb valuable and then you believe you're gonna that's what's going to influence your children and it's like we're at a crucial time attention is money and time and there's one thing you can't get back is time and if you can control what people spend their time on aka their attention you control a whole narrative of history now you know I mean it's it's a it's basically it's a communism it is for sure I mean it is yeah absolutely you're controlling me you know you're making me feel emotions about a certain topic that wasn't even entering my brain it was a beautiful day and a nice flower and now I see this thing on my feet and now I'm upset about something that has nothing to do with me yeah and now that I'm upset I'll resort to things that these are things that sneak into people's lives when for me these sorry I don't want to preach these are things that sneak into my life when I'm angry I'll eat something I don't want to eat because I'm just frustrated I'll act like I'll like maybe try and hit up some girl that I'm not really interested in bullshit masturbate dude dude watching porno um just different things once you're agitated they got you because then you're then you're gonna go buy some other addictive thing yeah and it's a it's just like oh yeah everything negative has money in it you know no one's no one no one's making money when they're contempt yeah you know and it's like and and we don't and but America is of course a beautiful and it was of course and it was and it was founded on the fact of free speech and alternative thinking that's why stand up is thriving and the reason I moved here is because I want to practice I want to see how far the rabbit hole of my own mind on stage goes and the only place to do that as basically is America because the level of comedians is so high here because you have generations of free speech and it's beautiful and it's important to continue doing that and dude and I'll say this man you've done so you like like yeah I got to watch you I mean I love seeing your clips your shit is so funny you're so funny too thank you bro for just all the entertainment I appreciate it um and everywhere is beautiful in the in the world you know like even did my friend you know what I stuck out recently I met an old Iranian wrestler back in the day I used to work in a nightclub in Melbourne he was a bouncer Iranian they love wrestling they're so homophobic but their history is the iron chic wasn't he Iranian oh yeah they love and I mean right yeah they love wrestling this guy just randomly reached out to me on message he was like hey I heard you on a podcast glad to see you're doing so well you always used to be funny I'm happy you found your lane and he's in Iran he's in Iran so I go uh yeah thanks man you good and he sends me a picture he's getting a operal spritz with bitches on the beach and he's like no I'm not where the war is at and it those things always show me you know everywhere in the world there's a guy chilling somewhere having a little cocktail or a fresh squeeze orange juice staring at ass and trying to be happy in his own life and whatever they tell of course there's war and atrocities absolutely that's happening that's confirmed but don't forget a lot of people are happy everywhere in the world yeah don't forget to be alive I mean yeah it's easy to get stuck into the things that are negative it's easy to get stuck because I'm like are you good dong and he's like oh what are you you saying I'm chilling I got my parents I got these bitches and you're showing me beautiful ladies on the beach yeah I just dropped my parents off somewhere at a museum I'm great yeah yeah I'm leaving them there for four hours they think I'm coming to get them in three there's a great falafel truck here it's a beautiful day what are you crying about about i'm great man what was that last thing we were going through there was one kind of closing piece i wanted to have about it wait can i take a picture with my camera of you for sure it's just it's gonna be a funny picture i just like this camera damn and you know okay sorry about that it's an old camera and you know theo you're so funny and it looks new that camera no it's old as fuck and you know you're so funny that it's it's crazy that um you know i saw you as a kid on real world you know that really road rules road rules they had in your country mtv wasn't it mtv right yeah yeah and i remember when i met you i was like man i know this guy has theo on the comedian but how the fuck it took me weeks to figure it out and i used to watch all that shit did you funny yeah wow it's funny that they had it over there yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's interesting dude and it's great that you have this incredible podcast i mean you've had the president on and it's great you're uh you're like um just expanding the common mainstream media by just being a dude who talks to people it's great you know well thanks man i appreciate that i've had the president on i've had ari maddy on too and it's an honor it's an honor and um the first estonian that i know so really cool and yeah i would love to be welcome in your country someday i mean i know i am welcome there but i would love to go there sometime and visit in your home country and um yeah dude we got to get to catch up a little bit more and uh yeah thank you for your time congrats on your success you have dates coming up i know it says comedy on state it's yeah it's ari matti.com that's all my dates i keep adding them all the time i'm on tour please come see me let's have some fun i love you guys so much matt have you been to la jolla comedy store never that was my favorite i'm shooting a special there you are let's go i'll never uh but i heard it was so beautiful it's just perfect it's like there's no bullshit in there they got louis running on the piano over there if he's in there let him cook in the beginning let him cook he keeps just the energy in there and they don't play rap music to me and they play piano right which i like because it sets the tone that what you're gonna see here sure it might be messed up but it's art right it's art whereas if you're just like bumping some little way in or something which is still great it just gives a different energy right yeah so i love that they do that there and uh yeah it's just like it's a pure thing there's not like they got popcorn and stuff they're not selling people fucking uh creme brulees or whatever a little fucking lego uh lego ramen and california people i have i you know who i'm talking about i'm talking about california people i'm talking about california i really love i love floridians and i love california people california people they know exactly what i mean i don't mean la yeah i mean california san diego so much orange county all that shit they're fun people they're the best dude that's probably oh there's no better place to like to be on stage oh and the ocean's right there bro i'm a big ocean guy and that's what i really it hurts me in austin to live i love austin but i'm a big ocean guy you know what if they could fucking get a little bit of the ocean somehow rogan's got money i don't know ask him get us an ocean rogan yeah i bet he could do something yeah yeah he could text somebody you gotta text somebody elon could get a straight of something to pull in there every time the security line is too long at the airport i always text you i go where's the airport yeah this is a mothership airport dude he could freaking buy spirit airlines somebody said he might do it oh yeah just for comics uh ari maddy thanks so much brother thank you now i'm just floating on the breeze and i'm i'm falling like these leaves i must be cornerstone oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take you fan duel is now available everywhere in the u.s so you can get in on the sports action no matter where you are including these places make this your most rewarding season ever with fan duel age and location restrictions apply product availability varies by market see fanduel.com for eligibility gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER